Where Are We on Kidnapping? With Sean Hayes

thinked it out loud today. I was like, thank you for existing. It's just so warm and cozy. Oh yeah, nice and cozy. That's right. I got a coat. I got a new coat. In New York. Joe bought me a new coat and winter coat because we were there and we were not prepared. Joe goes shopping in every city we go to. He just he starts It's like basically he starts out with nothing and then just acquires clothing while we're there. So every day is a shopping bananza.

I love that he loves the shopping, you don't I know. I'm like, we can't go to product I go I cannot go to product again. I just can't deal with it. He's like, come on, I mean every couple has that issue, right right exactly. It's like totally the reverse. I love it. It's like I'm the male and he's the female. But he's fine with that and I actually it works and you wind up with having the things you need and maybe some product. Yeah, it's some extra things that I need. Yeah, well,

other people starving in the world. We have as much ship as we need. Well, Chelsea, I have an update from one of our previous colors. This is from E. She is the gal that we talked to whose boyfriend was occasionally drinking and he would say nasty things to her. Remember this is why I don't want to be with you. Yeah, so she says, Oh my gosh, I just heard my email response in the episode. Thanks so much for the

helpful advice. I wanted to update all of you and tell you that I gave him one more chance and he sucked up. So I broke up with him. And guess what. Yeah, since then, my career has skyrocketed, and so many other things in my life are coming together now. It's crazy what happens when you respect yourself enough to know when someone isn't giving you what you deserve. Chelsea, I bought tickets to your Vancouver tour and I'm so excited to see you live. I love you and thank

you again. E. Oh my god, how fucking awesome is that? It's just delightful. I love taking their power, you know what I mean? Like I love saying you don't fucking settle. Do not settle for ship. We don't have to settle. When you settle, then you're not creating a higher standard for yourself. And we always want the best of what we deserve, and we deserve the best. Every single one of us deserves the best. So good for you, E.

I love it. And it sounds like she just like unblocked some energy, like something that was not so great in her life, and all of a sudden, this flood of wonderful things came to her. Yeah, right, exactly. And we should never be caretakers in our lives, you know what I mean. Not for romantic partners, unless you know, something terrible happens, and that's a different set of circumstances. But when somebody has a drinking problem that they can't control,

that is not your problem right exactly. And you know, I mean we talked a little bit about this on the episode, but it is a little bit of that in vino veritas, Like if somebody is saying something to you when they're in an altered state that like it might be what they really feel, that they really they're really not into it. And guess what, you don't have to be into them either. What is it? What is the phrase you used in vito vitiation veritas, in vino veritas,

which is in wine? There is truth or something to that? How you say what you really mean when you're you know, half in the bag. Okay, I got it, and so she is doing great. Um, I was excited to tell you about that. Well. I love updates. Please if you've called in before, please I we love to hear updates, especially positive ones, and even if they're not great, then I would like to hear that feedback too. Also, when you want to write into the show, it's Dear Chelsea

project at Gmail. So make sure you are writing into the show because we get all kinds submission. So I don't think that your problem isn't worthy of being talked about or it's not appropriate, like we'll find a way to talk about it based on who our guests are, and we kind of curate the shows for you know, the topics for the guests we have on, so you never know when your topic will be relevant exactly. So we have a really exciting guest today. Yeah. He yes,

he has a couple of podcasts actually currently going. Everybody knows him from Willing Grace and he is on the smash success podcast called SmartLess with Jason and Will Arnett. Jason's last name is our net Too because he and Will are married, and he also has his own podcast called Hypochondria Actor Hypochondria Actor hypochondract Or. He'll tell us when you get Hypochondriactor Hypochondriactor, which I've been a guest on smart List and I will be a guest on

Hypochondriactor as well. So please give your attention to one of my funniest friends, Sean Hayes. So I saw your friend dead missing at my show at the Beacond. She came to my show at the Beacond. I love her. Yeah, she was cute. She's cute. Can we touch? Of course. I want you to slide in here, come as close as you want. I just want to be able to feel this little baby right there. Attention today. Why are

you so tired? Honey? Mr Muscles feel nice? Thanks? I got up like, yeah, I got up at five today. I don't know, so did I I drank too much this weekend? I think me too. And I got up at five. I got up at five and today, yeah, this morning I got up at five and I said to Joe Koy. He goes, are you getting up? And I go, yeah, I think I'm going to get up, and he goes, I'll get up with you. And I go, all right, I'm going to get on the peloton. He's like,

I'll get on the treadmill. Then we did that. I go, I'm going to my trainers at seven five and he goes, I'll do that with you too, and I go, this is fucking awesome. I go, you just do whatever I do. I love it for two years and then you're like, we need to get my boyfriend and you just start dating. That's when I'll started dating women, because that's going to happen at some point. You mean it hasn't well, I mean, you know, just for a night or two, nothing serious.

Are you enjoying your podcasts that you're doing SmartLess. You sound like you Yeah. Yeah, Oh my god, I laugh so hard. It's so fucking funny this one. Yeah, this is well news flash, you're funny. Hey, how about how about thirty minutes we talk, thirty minutes we nap, and then we wrap it up. Yeah, don't worry, it's going to be like that. We go an hour and that's our limit, so don't worry about going over. You know what's so funny is podcasts that go for two hours,

like taxes. Yeah, Dox thought he was going to be here for two hours too. I had to cut him off. I was like, nobody, nobody, nobody's going for that long, by the way, for me to for me to catch for me to catch up with a podcast in my car, I have like a twenty minute I don't have time to listen to a two hour fucking interview. When people like did you listen to so and so on Stern,

I'm like, or Mick Jagger was just on Stern. I tried, well, that was because he's also you know, like, well he's experiencing dementia or something, because he couldn't get his thoughts like yeah, I think he's all he's like eighty, but I was like, I cannot listen to this for two hours. It's too fuacking long. Yeah. Well, and you know I don't have Rolling Stones on my playlist. Okay, so any you have add but mostly did you hear the new one? It's fantastic. My friend today goes by the name of

Sean Hayes. He he he is an actor extraordinaire. He is a flaming homosexual. Are we allowed to say that anymore? I doubt it? But he's also well, he's so talented, so fucking talented. Remember, well, we've talked about this so many times, so maybe we don't need to revisit it, but remember how talented you were on the set of Will and Grace and how what a basket case I was. The only part I don't like about rehashing this with you is you pretend that I wasn't. No, I'm agreeing

with you. You're a basket case. Okay, thank you. But but what I'm saying is it's hard to come in any set that's been like around that long, because you're you're coming into the quote unquote house or the home of these people who have relationships ready, so you're trying to figure out your place in a week. But that's not what That's not what that was about. But I was going through something and that was the difference through. Yeah I'm through okay, Yeah, yeah through it. If that

was still going on, I'd probably be fucking dead. How are you? I'm great? Yeah? Many of these do you do a day? This is my second one today, but yeah I usually do too. Maybe three a day? Is that hard for you to keep it up? Two is not hard? Three gets a little bit tricky. And then what do you do? Kind of check out? Well somebody talking? Yeah, no, I'm not like that. Usually I can pretty much focus, but yeah, that couldn't happen on the third hour. I'm much better at focusing now than I used to be.

Like when I did my talk show, if somebody was fucking boring, I would literally just be thinking about lunch. Really yeah, like what did you? How did you? Wasn't it scary to kind of like have your mind wander and how would get because I and my mind wandering was better for the show than me listening to their dribble. It's so funny. So many talk shows have I and you think I've only had two. Oh, I feel like

you've had more. I've had two, but they've I've done them both for Chelsea Lately, Chelsea and everything else was documentaries and then after Late like other shows, nothing talk show. Well, you're so good at it. Why did you never want to do like a daytime or a nighttime I know Chelsea Lately was a nighttime thing and Chelsea and Chelsea was streaming, but didn't you want to do something mainstreaming? All right? I don't want to be told what to do by a bunch of old white guys, all right.

I'd like to tell them like, this is how it's going to be in blah blah blah. And by the way, Sean, this is not an interview show where you interview me. This is an interne show where we talk about your sex life. For the first thirty minutes, that's about You don't need that long. I want to tell well, I know that. Yeah, he's not lying everybody. His lover partner, lifesaver, actually husband, husband extraordinaire. His name is Scottie, and he's

exactly how you'd picture him, adorable. And Sean is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle when it comes when it comes to domesticity, I mean you are worse than I because I've been there. Well, you didn't learn it from me, because we just met as adult, so I don't know where the funk you learned it. But you come from a big family with a lot of kids where you had to fucking or in your

keep in a different way. I don't understand why you can't do anything, but I remember reading I remember you telling me and also reading about you saying I don't know how to turn the TV on. I don't know how any text things work. I got this house thing like, I don't know if a door bricks, I don't know how.

Then you know knob works. And I'm exactly the same way if I get a Google doc, if I see something in an email and it says google doc, I shut my computer down because I'm so scared that I will get in I will get in there and I will delete another person's work or something untoward will happen, and I just I'm like, fuck. If I get a drop box and just give my phone to my assistant, and I'm like, what is this? I know I can't but it's such an indicator of our age now that

I want to fight against it. You know, only when you got your internet, like your first like I was living in l A. I think I was at first Internet. Yeah, like email address and all that. Well that by the way, I have the same email address I did when I was nineteen years old. No, yeah, I still pay month. You and me are the last two people that say, well, agree,

we're so lazy. It's so lazy. First of all, I would love to cut off all the people that have that address, you know what I mean, Like there's so much motivation to change, and it feels like that's the easiest one to hack. What are they going to hack for me? I'm already like like drop boxes and Gmail. Well yes, but there's match nothing interesting attachment. Anytimever seen attachment, I just delete that. You know. It's like a contract is super important country, like I never got it. How's

it going? How it's like these questions are amazing. It's going great. Yeah, yeah, Sean is a fucking asshole, by the way, So just prepare yourself for that ship. I don't know. How's it going. It's going great, busier than ever. You know, you figured it, you know, during during the during the my god, I almost said something horrible during We've lost them, It's over, It's over. During the pandemic, for some people, it was like a holidays. That's why

I probably thought of that during the pandemic. During the pandemic, you know, like everybody we pivoted because that's a real popular word. You were you triggered by the Holocaust? No, I was. I wasn't triggered by the panic, as you know. I do smart List with Jason Bateman and we'll learn that and we're literally just like, hey, let's do a podcast literally just to hang out because nobody could go anywhere. So we set it up on zoom and we just did it for like we're gonna let's just do like

five of these and be done. And here we are, Oh my god, really super fun. And then I do Hypochondriactor, which you're gonna come on because I'm an actor who's hypochondract is you know, And um, I can show this on the thing, right, So I got my Now I got a foot boot because he has his toe hurts, so he's wearing a foot boots. Yeah. It's pretty dramatic and it falls right in line with being a hypocontract,

hypochontract actor, hypochontrac actor, hypochondria actor, hypochondria actor. Right, Okay, I didn't really, I didn't realize you and Will and Jason were such good friends for a long, long, long, long time. Yet those guys are so funny. Oh my god, they make me laugh so hard. Yeah. Yeah, So that's how I've been That's what I've been doing. I'm also doing a play called Goodnight Oscar, where I play Oscar Event,

who is George Gershwin's best friend. And the story is very kind of Saliary Mozart, a very contentious, you know, love hate relationship between Oscar and Georgie's music and h but it also takes the whole play takes place backstage of The Tonight Show when Jack Parr hosted, and Oscar Event is very famous for talking about mental health publicly before anybody else did in the fifties, and it was super shocking to hear it back then, and he ended

up in mental institutions and he was addicted to prescription drugs. He used to say things like he's super super, super witty and funny. Anyway, so I'm doing that and where where can we see that play that's at the Goodman Theater in Chicago. That's your hometown, hometown. We open there and then I think we're going to Broadway after that. Oh how exciting and smart Liss is on the road because I was just in Boston performing at the Fillmore

and I saw that Smartness was at the way. I think, right, you guys, I don't even I mean I have to. I don't memorize the two Are you going or did you go already? No? No, it's it's the first two weeks of February. Oh how exciting is that to do that? And then I do the first two weeks on tour of Smartness in February. Then I go do the play for probably six months, and then I have this other big project that if it goes, I'll go right into that. Okay,

And is that a transition that is? Um? Yeah? And so for the smart List podcast, you guys are gonna what are you gonna do? Bring guests on for the show. So we're gonna do it just like the podcast, which I don't know if people know the conceit of our show of our smart List, it's called is one of us brings on the guests that the other two don't know about, and it's a surprise to the other two,

so they interview them without being prepared or anything. That just asked questions in real time like we're doing right now, and so we'll do this to our just exactly the same. So, which is gonna be really fun to try to keep it hidden. Yeah, how many backstage like and and you're huge big names. How fun is that? How cool? Yeah? I had a great time being on the podcast. Thank you for asking, Thank you for coming on. You're so funny. Oh my god, that story about that car ride, that

the road trip with the guy in the hotel and cocaine. Yeah, that cocaine story was a good wit. I want to ask you something that because you you seem to have like unbelievably boundless energy. You are always and I'm not just saying this, it's really inspiring to me and I'm sure other people that want to do this, But you just seem to be always on the road, always creating something, always writing a book, always just in it and creating and creating and creating. Why where do you get that from?

Don't you ever get exhausted and you want to quit? Like what's the deal. I think that's a question for the end of the show, when you're supposed to ask me a question. You just got here so a way to try and get the funk out of here as soon as you sat down. This is just like hanging out with you in real life. And to tell the story about bringing you to Chicago with me, that was so fun. That was so fun, But you were such

a pain in the ass about it. Because remember I was doing my book tour for Life Will be the Death of Me and you and Scottie were coming. You were nice enough to say, yes, you were going to interview me somewhere in Chicago. I said, do I have to read the book? You're like, I'm not talking. Yes, I said, yeah, you got to read the fucking book, you asshole, Like, I mean, how hard is it to read a book? But apparently in this town it is

fucking hard the whole thing. Yes, Because then you realize we had so many commonalities and similarities in our upbringing and just like kind of Mayhem, and you come from a large family that's dysfunctional as well. I mean, I don't know many families that aren't were dysfunctional. At this point, and then we had a couple of drinks before we went on stage. Yeah yeah, which was the theme of that tour. Everyone who I brought on that tour needed

to drink before they got on stage. So by the time we got on stage with half the people, like Leah REMANI did my l a one and she had Fireball for the very first time in her life. She had four shots of fireballs Fireball exactly. I didn't I didn't know this until then either. And now I know it's the thing or something. It's well, you don't even have to light because it feels like it's it tastes like it's a lit already. Now I know it from

skiing because my friend from skiing like fireball. So it's a great like warming drink, like if you need to warm up in your yeah, something like that. And they say it actually has like a little bit of anti freeze in it, like not feel anti freeze, but it's banned in Europe. It's like hot cinnamon is very bad for you. Okay, Well, I don't mind drinking a little bit of anti freeze. I mean there are worse things that I put in this body. Yeah, did you get

COVID by the way, oh quit high five? Did you know? I did it right? But wait, we were talking about the tour drinking and we came out. Oh yeah, Sorry, I've got a bit discursive today because I'm so excited to see you, seeing you, and so long I know, to be here and on you and you and inside of me. Yes, it's such a dream come true. I remember the remember the time we ever, ever, ever met. It was out of charity backstage, and you remember there were a lot of balls. It was. I think it

was an Alzheimer's benefit. Okay, and you go and this one goes never met, and she's sitting in the like you're sitting backstage up against the wall with your legs crossed, kind of slouched over with a drink in your hand, kind of like just like a real judge. Look. And I walked past you go, hey, Jack's will here, And I was like, I don't that doesn't sound like me at all. I think when I met you told me that you weren't out of the closet. I did. I

think you did. I think you were joking and I and that made me laugh, Like I said something about you being gay, and you said, I'm not out of the closet and I started laughing hysterically. I was like, whether you are or not? You are? No, I was, well, ever since yeah, ever since you started well expressing yourself, really chatting, how was I would imagine that you enjoyed COVID with Scottie because you're antisocial. No, I'm not. I I mean, yeah, you are. No, not really, I mean

are you? Are you sometimes? Yeah? No? No, I am antisocial because of COVID question. Let me tell you something. I learned a lot from Maria Striver, who's you know, you have to go over there by the way Sunday night dinner. No, we have to go hang out together. Make sure it happens. I swear, Okay, let's do it together. Because she keeps asking me to come over with Joe Koy and I'm like, oh, I'm never Yeah, let's do it.

Let's put it in the calendar. But no, but for real, She's like, you know how when a massive advocate she is for the Alzheimer's movement and educating people, especially women, about the risks and how women they don't know why women are more susceptible to get Alzheimer's than men, Like I think it's three to one or something like that.

I don't quote me on that, but one of the things that she always talks about that's really stuck in my head because my mom passed away of Alzheimer's is and I'm kind of a woman, is to force yourself to be to be and remain social. Right, So when you say I'm kind of anti social, don't go out. I sure, of course I'd rather sit at home on pajamas and watch a movie. But I also find the challenge of meeting new people really fun and getting to

know them. And I think that's why I enjoyed podcasting and interviewing and stuff like that, because I like people. I really do like people. I like learning about them, and I remain curious, which I think is really really important. But anyway, it's one of the biggest things to combat Alzheimer's is to force yourself to remain social, especially the older you get. That's good. That's good to know, Yeah, for sure, because nobody wants to so you have to.

It's like going to the gym for your brain. Yeah, the mental gym. We like that. That's that's good. At Nay, I'll remember that the next time I'm about to cancel a dinner. Yeah real, well right now. The thing is, I'm on tour, so I'm so fucking depleted and exhausted. So when I come home doing this, like last night, I had dinner with my three girlfriends set and then I was out with Joe and we were having a snack and I was like, I just don't think I can make this dinner. I just don't think I can go.

And because it's going to be all about me because I had no one seen me in long time. And then that pressure. I don't like that pressure where it's like, oh my god, how tell me? How about it? Tell me how? Well? Yeah, and then they want to see Joe and me together because my friends are really excited I want to meet Yeah, yeah, I know. I want you to meet Joe too. We'll do that at Maria. A little photoshop but that's just yeah, I don't know. I know, well, when you see him in person, hell,

look the same. He still looks photoshops. So we've got that to go on. And I was very honest with my friends. I said, you guys, you know what, I'm

just I don't have the bandwidth. I'm really stretched too thin I'm really sorry because I you know, I want to show up and see my friends obviously, But when I have such I have two days home of a turnaround, and I squeeze everything into those two days, and I'm just like yeah, and then I'm like, I have to be refreshed when I perform, I had to be well rested.

All that kind of like when when God forbid you know something awful, like somebody is sick in your family, or you have a sick friend, or you have or

God forbid somebody passes away that you love. It's you're now at the age where I don't really tell people because then as much as they care, and we're blessed that they care, it becomes a second and a third job to answer those texts and those emails and take care of them for trying to take care of you, right, So, and it sounds kind of ungrateful or but it's not.

It's just you're exhausted and you're depleted right from dealing with whatever situation, like like all the updates I had to give my mom's friends, my friends, my family everything. When I took care of my mom, I was like, well, plus, I gotta take care of my mom. So now I'm doing and then I gotta work. So it's just endless. So now if something like my my one of my brothers passed away from COVID and December lest Yeah, and I didn't really tell a lot of people, of course telling,

but everybody knows by now. Of course it was almost a year ago and it was really sad. But yeah, that's the thing anyway, that's relating, relating that kind of stuff to overworking yourself. I hear you, I hear. I'm sorry to hear about your brother. That's terrible. How did you guys find COVID together? I mean, you guys spend it an We looked, we shopped, shopped all day night online, we found finally found it. What did you find covid? He said, how did you find covid? Oh? So stupid?

What a stupid, stupid response. I don't know if you know what this podcast is, but people basically call in for advice and they want real advice. Okay, so how did I find? Like? What did I? No, no, no, no, you don't have to answer that question. You already blew it. You already blew it. And by the way, I think your brother passing away takes the cake on that subject matter.

So let's not even a crazy story about that. So my sister, So my brother passes away, the memorials like three months after that, and my sister did this great thing where I grew up in this house in the suburbs of Chicago and the address was eight four six, and so she made hats and t shirts to give out to family and friends that set our address on it,

which I thought was really touching. And so I have the hat on right now, and I was going around like I'd go to the gas station and the grocery store, whatever errands I was doing, I would always have this hat on in memoriam of my brother, and people would kind of like give me a heads up and a nod and like way to go. And I was like, I don't understand what's happening. And it happened all the time. It was at the gym, and people like way to go,

and I was like, what is that. So I was watching a news conference about one of the many, many, many African American kids shot by a police officer wrongly, all those kinds of things, and I'm watching this one of those stories, and on the press conference. All these guys had a hat on. That's at and I was like, what, And it's the amount of time that George Floyd was being held down, which is tragic. And then I was like,

oh and put I put two and two together. So they were all kind of thinking it was one thing and it was another. But I was like, hey, it's got two great causes in one. Yeah. Yeah, and then you didn't have to lift a finger or go to anymore. Just there you go. There you go, problem solved problems. I can get that whole story if you want. No, I like that story. It's cute, it's sweet. Okay. Yeah. So we basically give advice. People call in and surprisingly

either pretty sincere and earnest. There's not a lot of fucking assholes. So you have to dig deep into your reservoir of knowledge. I know you've been to therapy and you know, well you should be and after that and we have, especially after this abusive hour, and so you have to do you know, we want to give them sincere life advice and how to how to get to the next positive place. So I just want you to

be prepared. You need to be as involved as possible and Hopefully thematically we will be able to have matched some of your interests or lifestyle choices to our callers. Yeah, because it's a choice. Yeah. And Catherine, our lovely producer, will introduce us to each and every right, and some people will be live and we'll see that, and some people just write it fun you get to see their lovely faces. But before we go to some callers, should

we take a quick break? Sure, let's take a quick Excuse me, Sean, We're going to take a quick break now, excellent, we look like such a happy couple. Ad breaks should always be for selfies. I think it, I got it. It's erect. Now baby shark is up. So our first email comes from Michelle and this is a little bit of relationship and marriage advice. Dear Chelsea, I'm hoping you can give some advice for my husband and I. We

seem to have the same repeating argument. For context, We've been married for three years, have two young daughters, and we still really like each other. The problem is I will regularly load both girls into my car to take them to school or wherever, and my gaslight is on. I instantly become furious and rage call him because I've run out of gas before in his car, luckily not with the girls, but I still held up traffic and had to sit on the side of the road looking

like a dumb blonde. I know he innocently forgets, but it still makes me feel like he doesn't care about me or my time. He cannot understand why I'm upset, and we'll just tell me it's not that big of a deal and I can just go get gas, which, yes, obviously that's all true, but it's frustrating that it keeps happening. I've also tried to explain to him how it's ungentlemanly and dangerous for me to have no gas with the

baby in the car. I hate arguing over stupid things, but I also hate that he doesn't take the effort to remedy the one recurring issue we have. What do we do? Michelle and George and Denver? Okay, Michelle and George and Denver. Do you want to go first? Do you want me to go first? Go ahead and take the lead. So I think that marriage and relationships about compromise.

Scotty and I always say that you need to fall in respect with somebody, not in love, because if you fall in respect with somebody, the leve will happen after because everyone like I want to be in love. No you don't. You want to be in respect. If you really want a relationship, you want to be in respect with the person. So that's the first thing. If you respect each other and you like each other, sit down

and make a compromise. It's not that hard. Hey, If the thing is below this level of the gas, you know whatever, go fill it up, your fucking idiot. And then so I'll be and you know what, I'll do the same for you when I don't have the kids in the car. Exactly. This isn't a difficult I mean the prob the fact that being difficult, this is as hard as it. Guess if the fact that your husband is being resistant to like understanding why it's a ungentlemanly

that is ungentlemanly, but be unsafe for your children. You don't want to be in a position where you're ever going to run out of gas. I think a practical way of addressing the matter, as annoying as it may be, is offering to do the same for him. Yes, And and you got to come up with rules. You have got to come up with rules. So the rule is the second it goes below half, who's ever driving when

it goes below half? Fill it up? And you can't be a dick about it and be like, whoa, it wasn't the h above the half when I yeah, And it is about respect, and so you should drive that point home, you know a little bit, and say that it doesn't feel good that you're telling him that you need something that you feel unsafe and that he doesn't have the time to deal with that or he can't see it. It's like just you saying that doesn't make you feel comfortable or safe should be enough. So I

could totally understand your frustration. And if there's something that you can do for him that's a compromise other than the gas, Like I mean, if the gas isn't an issue for him, then maybe he doesn't care if there's a full tank or not. But if there's something else you can do, you know, always offering up your partner, it is a good way to compromise, to say, like,

you're not the unreasonable one. I'm also willing to do this, but fall in respect to each other is a really beautiful thing that you should take to that conversation as well. It's so annoying to have disagreements like that with your husband, to have your husband be like, no, I don't see the problem with coming home with an empty gas Why not that's an issue? I mean, that wouldn't Scotty and I would nip that in the butt. Yeah, but they

already have children and they're married. Have fucking annoying to have to be like, now I have to explain to you that you I don't I would prefer that you didn't cheat on me. What right, because it's like that common sense. Yeah, And I love the idea of setting up rules. You're setting up systems for yourself. I think the one thing that stands out to me too is he can't understand why she's upset, but she's also rage

calling him. So take a time, sit down when you're not upset about it, and be like, you know what, from a logical perspective, let's just do this. This is the new system. When it gets to a quarter tank or a half tank or whatever your rule is, and you always have gasol the tank. Yeah, it's not what you say, it's how you say it. You can't be like, can you fucking put when I come, nobody's gonna listen

to that. I'm going to use the best example I have in my most recent situation with my relationship is I never have my ringer on on my phone never ever, ever, because I just would prefer not to get phone calls. You know, but you never saying oh yeah, right, so I never get text alerts. I mean, I look at my phone frequently, so it's not it's not an issue, but like, I miss calls all the time, and I

like it that way. But my boyfriend really likes to FaceTime and likes to connect several times a day, which is not something that I'm used to, but it's something that I'm totally happy to do for him because I love him and he's so sweet and that I'm yeah, I'll do it. But when I when I have it off and I miss it like a FaceTime, he gets really annoyed. He's like, did you not what? What did you not see it? I'm like, well, I don't have my ringer on, so I didn't see it. You're working? Yeah, well,

I mean, am I ever really working? I mean, I wouldn't have my ringer on right now because I'm just waiting for something to interrupt this. I only put it on when I am marking so I could have interruption. But you know, now with him, I do put my ringer on because it's just easier for him. He wants my ringer on, and it's not like a controlling thing. He just likes to be able to connect when he wants to connect and I and I'm like, yeah, no problem,

it's no fucking problem. It's not my inclination. But of course, if it means something to someone else, just fucking do it. Yeah, you have to meet them where they are, yeah, or meet them across the street and then go get a drink off. Yeah. I used to hate FaceTime. I used

to think it was like an assault, right. Well yeah, if you got like a blind FaceTime without any warning, it would be like, what, like I don't from Well yeah, but I'm also like half the time I'm in bed not feeling like I want to be seen by strangers, Like it's always friends, Well it's yeah, I mean, well our net will always face, will always love that. Yes, if I literally just woke up, I'll answer like, hey man,

what's going on? He's like busy day whatever. Okay, we solve that my mom will spring a FaceTime on me, and then she'll turn the phone to whoever she's with and be like, say, Hi, that's so annoying. Yeah, that's that's you know what. Yeah, that happens all the time. Joe will be like, look how beautiful my girlfriend is to a group of people, and then I have to like, look at these people, say you are beautiful. Yeah, I'm like, oh God, that's so painful. So our next color is

Josh and he is here with us, he says. Dear Chelsea, I'm afraid a very close friendship of twenty eight years may have ended. And forty six and my friend when we were seniors in high school. I'm godfather to her three boys, ages teen, thirteen, and nine. I'm their uncle, gay uncle l O L. Held each of her boys in my arms when they were babies and have babysat them countless times. I love them dearly. They're the closest I will ever come to having kids of my own.

About five months ago, my friend cut off communication with me. She felt two other friends of mine and I were judging her parenting. She felt betrayed because you raised reasonable concerns about very stressful home life dynamics. I understand the friendship may never recover, but I'm heartbroken that I'm forbidden to contact my godsons. I feel like this is what divorce feels like, and my partner has run off with the kids. Thanks. That's josh Hi, Josh Hi, josh h

h Chelsea, Hi, how are you? Are you at a standing desk? I'm at a standing desk. Yes, I like it, I would say, I would. Can we drive right in? Yeah, drive right in. I'll ask questions. I think I totally

know what you mean. I have got kids too, and their parents were very, very were like family, and I'm always careful to say things like I know I'm not the parent, but have you thought about or you know, and give them that respect of knowing you know there's a line and stop me if I'm going to cross it. Always giving them the control of that they deserve because they're the parents, and after that disclaimer, then diving in with whatever my thoughts are so that they so it

disarms them. Almost. I think though, that that's already happened, right, it's already too late. Yeah, we have I feel like it's myself and two other very close friends. We've been friends for decades. I think we have really walked the line really well with her and telling her about our concerns, and you know, it's more of like when she tells us that we're you know, you're not parents, you don't understand. It's like kind of sticking the knife and twisting it

like it feels more like that. But Sean, I I agree with what you said. That's a really good point. And I would say, like, maybe there's a way to say what I just said, or you're in version if you believe in what I just said. I always start if somebody said I'm feeling somebody's not receiving yes, I always say, are you open to talking about this issue right or are you open to hearing something from me

right now? Because if they say no, great, let me know when you are, because then again giving them the control to let you then say how you feel that way, it's not your's, there's no fault to be had. So yeah, that's true, that's great advice. But so what happened, Like

did you collectively tell her? Because people don't like that either, right, Right, So we're all kind of a very close knit group of friends, and there's there's three of us in this group, and we we each went to her with our concern. I had a friend who reached out to her via email saying, you know, I have to set some boundaries. Here's what I'm seeing. I can't be witnessed to this behavior.

There's a lot of yelling, there's throwing them objects. And then another friend of mine who's a single mom, coming from her perspective of you know that she had been through that she had had people come to her and say, look, this is getting out of control. So she had came it from from a standpoint of I've been in your position. To my friend and my other friend who's the godmother, she works with family dynamics. She she doesn't for a living and so she knows a lot about kids and

family dynamics. And I was the one who actually just told her in person. I said, hey, these are concerns that that we are very We love you, this is coming from a place of love. And she just shut down. I mean it was just a complete shutdown. How long ago did this happen? So this happened in February of this year. Wow, And it's been kind of rocky since then, or just silent since it's been pretty much silent, I

have had a little bit of communication. Of the three of us, I've had probably the most communication, which is not much at all. But I was able to talk with two of the boys and and they both said, Josh, I miss you. I miss you. It just it brought me to tears. And I just like, it's like, how do I you know, like these kids I want to see see her kids, and they want to see me. So I feel like the kids are really they're not

They're being punished and they shouldn't be right. Was there is there any kind of way to say to ask her if she'll take your call as long as the ringers turned on that uh that necessary? Is there any way sorry that I'm sorry that we're bringing our personal stuff into this anytime. Is there any way to say to her, to ask her the question again, to give her control to say? Is there any way to rectify the situation? Is there anything I can do or say?

Would you want to meet? Would you be open to meeting to maybe discussing and I can hear how I can do better and uh and learn from you, and then hopefully you'll be open to that, you know, because who could who could deny that? Right? I think that's a really good point. I think, And one of the things we haven't explore a lot of is what saying what can we can we talk about this in person?

I mean, this is you know, we're talking decades of friendship and you know, lots of experiences and knowing the three boys since they were babies, and it's like, we can't let something like this just go and maybe you know email and this sort of it's juvenile behavior. And but but again, aside from that, like maybe we just need can we sit down and can we talk? Yeah? And I think maybe not as a group, you know what I mean, because she obviously feels ganged up on

and got and shut down because of that reason. So I think like instead of doing it as a group, think or it's a different group thing than you and I Josh are used to. Yeah, got it, John, I think I'm down, but like, you know, really talking about you know, the kids like I missed the kids, you know, and making that it like why do we have to punish the kids? I understand that your feelings got hurt,

and you're right, I'm not a parent. Obviously that approach didn't work with her, you know, and this is important to me. And there's no how old are the kids now? The kids are and fifteen? Yeah? And is she married? Yeah? So how has your communication been with her? Like? What is the short small? Like what have you communicated with her since? So she had sent us three of us an email saying, look, I don't want you to reach out. I don't need your advice. I don't want your advice.

And I actually about a month later, said hey, can can we talk? And we did talk on the phone. It didn't go that well in the sense that I didn't feel like there was any movement forward. And then she actually reached out and wanted to meet with another friend of mine two other friends separate from the group, But she ignored me the whole time. And I tried, I really tried to make conversation to ask her how how things were going, and it just didn't go anywhere.

It sounds like she's pretty emotionally shut down, yes, and she's probably having a really, really challenging time raising three boys. It sounds like because she doesn't know how to handle it right and doesn't want any advice, which means she knows she's doing something wrong or she feels like she's doing something wrong, right, I think that's accurate. Yeah, I think you have to like look at the situation as if like there's there's nothing you're going to be able

to do to help her parenting. You can only influence those children by your own actions and your own relationships with them. So your main goal here just has to be to revitalize that relationship, not try to, you know, get her to admit that she's got any problems with her parenting. That's futile. You know, she's not going to realize that through anything from you saying anything to her. Obviously, she's going to have to come to grips with that at some other point in her life, if at all.

So the only way to to to try, I think you should move forward and trying to salvage your relationship. Have filed trying trying to file for for soul custody children. I haven't thought about that. Well, that's why you called in. Hello, You're welcome. Problem solved. So we're here, and we are here every day between eleven and one eleven. Actually we're here every day between eleven and eleven fifteen. We only work in fifteen minute increments, so you've got to call in.

It works if you work it, and you know, I think that maybe you've got to try a different approach, right, Like that didn't work, So now you have to try a different approach. And if enough time has elapsed, which it does sound like it since it was in February, that's several months for you to just write her a heartfelt email or call her and just go listen, I am really really missing you, and I'm really missing the boys. You know I'm missing you. Let's just forget about that conversation.

You think she wants to reconcile as well? I I think so. I think deep down she really does. I've seen it in sort of some of the actions, but hasn't gotten to the point where we've really been able to move on. But Chelsea, I think that could work in terms of doing it in that way. Yeah, Like she just is somebody that's not going to admit that there's an issue. Right. It sounds like she's stuck, so that what you have to do is pretend that you were wrong to even bring it up and say I'm

sorry that I even brought that up. I overstepped I can understand how you'd be so upset with me. But the truth of the matter is I miss you, I miss the boys. And just remember you're saying this to make sure that you have that connective tissue to still

explore your relationship with the boys. Don't say explore. That sounds strange, but I mean, you know what I'm saying, like to continue, Yeah, to sustain it and and and make her believe you know, and it is about her too, because you have had decades of decades long friendship that is important to you, as you've already stated. So yeah, I think you just have to be like a bigger person and just pretend you fucked up and put it all on yourself, and don't make it about you and

your other friends. This is just about you. You're gonna go clean up your side of the street to reclaim this relationship and they can do whatever they want. That makes sense. That makes sense. And what's her husband? What's his situation? Is he? Like? Are you friends with him? Yeah? Yeah, I am friends with him, And we've all known each other about the scene amount of time and she married him after college and we graduated. Very nice guy, good dad.

We just don't know what's going on, So I haven't really taken that angle to reach out to him. But don't don't do that, because here's the thing you're already like. She has a problem with you guys having spoken behind her back. That's going to be you know, the crux of her issue is that you guys are talking about how bad of a parent she is together as a group. That's what she's got in her mind because she's heard

it from three of you. So you've got to divorce yourself from talking about her behind her back to anyone anymore. You know, that's just going to make it worse. So just you know, redirect now, and just you have a whole new approach, and just make it about your friendship.

You love her, you miss her, and it's not your job to tell her how to parent anymore, you know, And and for the sake of your relationship with the children and for your relationship with her, And I guarantee you she's going to be able to hear that what you said before a lot more clearly once you, guys have stabilized your own relations and ship, you know, and she's reminded of the goodness that you bring. And you know, you just have to leave your judgment at the door.

It's it's not they're not your children, right, right? That makes sense. Do you think of all of the what we've all been through and the great times we've had to let something like this derail is yeah? Right? I think even if you, you know, if you've had so much history, find a great picture, find something you know, and just send that to her and say. This popped up in my memories today and it just made me remember, like, oh my god, I can't believe that we haven't spent

this time together. I miss your boys so much. I'm so sorry I overstepped, Like, can we just forget about that? Where's everybody in kidnapping? I mean, are you open to a kidnapping? Josh? I thought about it, and I would like to hear more about this potential number. We have a kidnapping hotline that you can call and we can arrange for three children to be kidnapped. It's usually it's yeah, I know, I know. I knew Sean was going to be terrible at giving advice, and that's why I invited

him here today. But Josh, I think you've got some good advice. But will you please let follow up with us and let us know how she reacted. Absolutely, I would love to You're a good You're a good guy, you care that much and to love that much. I that's really really great. I appreciate saying that. And this has helped a lot because I had thought about some of what you brought up before and and it's nice to get new perspective. And yes, I would love to

follow up and let you know how. And I would also, you know, just moving forward in success that this relationship does get back, like get out of the habit of commiserating with your other friends about her parenting style. Just that kind of breeds a whole bunch of other negativity. It's a situation you have very little control over. All you can control is your interactions with her and your interactions with her children. And you know, lead by that example. Well, yeah,

I'm ready to try it and see what happens. Yeah, I would love to know what happens. Yeah, so interesting. I'll give you Shawn's personal phone or I'm actually gonna now said at the end of this podcast, so you can feel free to text him at any time or FaceTime. I'm actually he just loves he loves to answer FaceTime, Sean, I'd be great helpful, Yeah, for sure, for sure, and then we'll develop a relationship absolutely. Thank you, Josh, thank you, Josh,

thank you, Thank you so much. Sean and Catherine, thank you. Okay, take care, bye God Sean. At first so suing for soul custody and then a kidnapping as your backup. I'm just trying to come up with ideas well. I mean, listen, listen, we're spcalling. Yeah, yeah, but yeah, we're spit falling with the more ideas, the merrier. The season is upon us merriment. The season of merriment is upon us and giving and taking, yes and receiving, topping and bottoming. Yeah, it's the most

wonderful time of the year. He has a good voice. Can you hear him? Yeah, he can really carry a tune. That was vibrato. That was a little vibrato, do it. No, I can't sing at all, tenor baritone. I'm a little right in between. Yeah, I love it. Cool kidding, Yeah, yeah, we know. Please don't you please continue? Yeah. I just hope forges that like she hears this, and here's how

much he cares about her. Yeah, that's the ither thing I know, I know what it's like to have I don't know it's because I'm not a parent, but I can imagine what it's like to have somebody. You know, when you are a parent to children, that's your best number one job in the whole world, right, And and for somebody, anybody, anybody, family, friends, whatever, to come in and kind of how it's received, it is probably tell

you how to parent. But they're probably just making suggestions here, they're dictating how you should Maybe parent is a very it's like that's the line. You know, that's because no one job as parents if you don't know what's right invest And a lot of times if people had a better approach about the advice they want to give to you as a parent, the softer, the yeah, I was saying, are you open to Yeah, within all of your horrible advice, there's always one colonel and asking someone are you open

to hearing this is a great opener. Yeah. Well, our next caller is Alex, and he is calling from the UK long distance. Wow, fancy can afford that? Alex says, Dear Chelsea, I'm currently in a copyrighting job that's closer to my dream job than anything else. I've done before, and I'm happy in a relationship with my boyfriend of two years. But for the past couple of months, I've been feeling pretty unsatisfied with life and had no motivation

to do anything at all. It's led me to struggling to do work whilst in the office, and how having to do it at home in the evenings to catch up. I'm constantly distracting myself from doing anything productive because i can't focus at all. It's so annoying. It kind of feels like I'm writing a to do list every day and then turning it upside down and doing the least important things first. I'm hoping you'll have some advice that can help me focus on what's important in order to

be able to enjoy my free time. Alex, Hi, Alex, Alex Hi, Chelsea, how are you? Oh? I'm good. This is Sean. Hi. So nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too. It's such a pleasure. I love your glasses. Oh, thank you very much to make the effort. Sean has never met an English person before, so he's very excited.

I'm reading the subtitles as you talk, so wait. So the main issue is prioritizing your kind of life, right, so you have more free time for yourself and you're not and what you're feeling overworked or not so much overworked. I'm just I've always been a procrastinator, but over the last few months it's got a lot a lot worse.

And it kind of just feels like, like I said, I've got a list of all the stuff I need to do, and I'm kind of scared about doing the most important stuff, so I do the basic things instead. And so, what what about that that scares you? What about the things? What goes in your mind when that that makes you scared? I guess it's not knowing what I'm doing, And I guess I'm like scared of failure or something like that. And this is a new feeling. Yeah, so it's happened a couple of times before, but it's

a lot stronger at the moment. I've done jobs before that I've not really cared about, and I've always wanted to get into writing, and now I'm in it, I feel like I just need to try and put my best foot forward all the time. So yeah, I don't know, I just feel a bit frozen sometimes when I'm trying to do work. Yeah, I used to. I know how you feel, because you do. You feel stuck right a

little bit and uninspired and uninspired. Yeah, and yeah, it's it's the hardest thing to It's that the hardest thing. But it's it's difficult to come out of it. But I used to when I was younger, and I'm just gonna have diarrhea of the mouth until one of you interrupts me. When I was younger, I used to write goal lists, which is the same thing as to do. And I would random, complete stream of conscious randomly write stuff down so you could have to do with anything

with money, relationships, connections, a diet, exercise, anything. I would just number one, I got to eat better, to really focus on my sleep because sleep is everything. Three call my mom more often. Four save you know, a hundred thousand dollars one day, whatever it is, right, And I would just write them down because then I put them away. I don't know if you do that or not, but let me tell you something. I'm a massive, massive advocate for doing that, because I'm telling you right now, Alex,

they fucking come true. I swear to God, I swear to God if you start and everybody's like, wow, I don't want to do that. Why it takes five minutes to just sit with yourself and just write down everything you've ever wanted to focus on and do. It could be a short term go a long term goal, lifetime goals.

I and then I had on my lifetime goals I had beyond David Letterman, Oh my gosh, have a billboard on SUNSI board host Saturday Night Live, all this stuff, and they all fucking came true because I wrote them down and I would I would recirculate them every six months, and I would open the drawer and go, oh my gosh, and I would cross off the ones that did happen, and whatever didn't happen, I would just carry over the

next six months. And what this does it is subconsciously makes you do one thing, one thing towards those goals, whether it's one phone call, one email, one text. So let's say one of your goals is I want to one of your longtime girls don't want to publish a book? Right, I don't know if that's what it is, or is its script or I don't know. So that stays on there until you do it, until you do it, always write that down, because you'll write it down going gosh,

I should write at least just one page. Maybe I'll just write one page and that's it. Don't put any more pressure in yourself. Just write one or even one paragraph, yeah, and put it away. I think a lot about procrastination is a lot of it is about feels overwhelming. Right. Some of these larger tasks that you're talking about, are they things that are doable within that day? Are they broader dreams like career dreams? The stuff I'm really stuck on at the moment is specific things that could be

done in that day. But I do also have sort of wider goals, So I think part of the issue could be as well that the job I'm in right now is an exact thing that I want to do like forever. I've got a lot of steps forward that I want to take. Because as soon as you start accomplishing even the tiniest goals, it builds your confidence to then accomplish the next thing. And I know that step is that first step is a really really hard and nobody can make you do it other than you, but

you just it's all about baby steps. And also that first step is something that makes every other step much easier. You're looking at that first step is like every step is going to be that big leap, and it's not. Because once you take the initiative for the things that matter to you and are important in your life, it doesn't matter if your job isn't the perfect job for you right now. If you have a list of things

to do, don't tackle the small, meaningless things first. Take a big thing every morning as a way to change your behavior. You know what I mean, You're going to change your life. You have a huge opportunity right here to change the trajectory of your life. Instead of just sitting in a stand zone being like I don't know, I don't feel inspired, I don't love this, I don't

love that. You know, you have the power to change what you're gonna do, and you can do this by just taking more of an initiative and just reorganizing your day and starting out with the bigger tasks. Because the same chip in your head that makes you eat when you're hungry is the same chip you need to activate for whatever it is you want. Because when you're like when you're gone all day and you're kind of fucking starving you You will do you will do anything to

get food inside of your stomach. Right and that same thing as whatever is small or big, you have to activate whatever that is in the same way. I think, yes, I agree with you, and I think you you know you're in charge again of your activation and right your I can see it in your face, your uninspired, your board, You're in a state of a we You can change that. You have the power to change that. So that's exciting, Like you can set, Okay, tomorrow, this is what I'm

gonna do. You can get off this call and write a list what Sean just said, write a list of the things of your broad goals, and you can write a list of your shorter goals or the things that are like the practical things that you actually have to get done for your workload. You're gonna start to feel better about yourself immediately. You're gonna start to feel more inspired. It does work, It does absolutely, Catherine. We've talked about

this a lot on the podcast. Yeah. Absolutely. And I think too, as a person who is also prone to procrastination, specifically due to having some a d h D and some other stuff like that. One of the most freeing pieces of advice that I ever got was to again, those lists are so important. Even if there's three things you know you need to get done that day, you

know doing those things. But what I would do is I would spend the whole day beating myself up about how I wasn't getting the big thing done and it was hanging over my head and you know, just ruining my day. And the best piece of advice I got was you're not going to do it until the last minute, and you're also going to do your best work at the last minute. And so for some people's brains, like we need that pressure to sort of get us to

take the take the movement and actually do it. So, you know what, if you find that you want to be working on your writing or whatever in the morning, so that you can give yourself that pressure, even though it may mean that you need to do some work in the evening, maybe restructuring your day depending on your job is something that you can do so that you still are having downtime, you still are having creative time.

And maybe that creative time is first thing in the morning for you, or maybe it's going to branch with your boyfriend or whatever it is. How's your sleep, Alex. It's not ideal, it's it could be worse, for sure. The last week or so, I've really made a conscious effort to if I'm not feeling inspired, just putting a top down and thinking I need to go to bed now,

because otherwise it will just roll over to tomorrow. But I do have a bad habit of sort of feeling like I need to do a task in that day and then not only let myself go to bed until I've done it, and then obviously if that drags on. I think the day I sent that at the submission in, I'd been up until four am, and then I had to get up at eight am. Yeah, thats ruined the next day. And you're way past the point of diminishing returns at that point, like you're not your brain's not there,

You're exhausted. I think also for you, if you're saying you have a lack of focus, that the thing that helps me the most focused, focus the most is meditation. So that has helped me focus and stay like in a conversation, paying attention for long extended periods of time.

So I think it can only enhance you to like You're just going to create a couple of new habits immediately and start download Headspace, download that meditation app, Calm, Headspace, find a voice that doesn't annoy you, basically over a British and their Yeah, I've ever hear they're British Headspaces British So you might like that guy, or you might like the American woman from Calm, but one of those and just commit to five minutes in the morning, because

that just is saying to you, like, Hey, I'm this is my effort to get myself on track every single morning, to get myself focused, to give myself this amount of time. Who cares if you're doing it right or not. It's not about that. It's about setting yourself up for success for that day. And there's nothing that has helped my focus more than meditation. So you are going to get returns on that. You just have to be consistent with some new patterns of behavior. And I think I guarantee

you you'll turn around soon. I agree. And that's what this phone call I think is all about. Is this so cheese is the first day of the rest of your life, right, But but it's the first day of the rest of your new behavior. Because when I said how are you sleeping and you said four in the morning, that's that's not good sleeping. So yes, what Chelsea said. But I promise Alex, listen to me loud and clear. I promise you. I promise you. If you start writing

this stuff down, it will all come true. And one of them should be sleep better. I need I need better sleep hygiene. Right, sleep hygiene right, which means you go to bed at the same time every night. I know it's hard. You know it's hard, well for you. Sleep hygiene, I think means a couple of things. Yeah. Yeah, she's saying I need to take a shower, but right it is late. Yeah, um, yeah, I mean that's that's great advice. I'll take both bits of advice and board.

I thought about meditation for a long time and I've tried headspace. You've been procrastinating about meditation as well. Yeah absolutely, that was like number twenty on my list you've been meditating and whether you should meditate? Yeah absolutely, But yeah no, I will put that right to the top of the list,

and I'll make your list as all. And don't use your job as an excuse like to not get things done, like you just give yourself a period of time where you're going to be creative and sometimes it will happen and sometimes it won't. But if you get into these new habits, everything's going to flow more easily for you. Like things are going to be easier. It's not going

to be such a like you're thinking. You know, it feels like a huntain top at this moment, but as soon as you start taking these little steps, you're it's not going to be a mountaintop. It's just going to be like a treadmill and you're gonna like it. Cool. Sounds good, all right, Alex, thanks for calling in. Thanks Alex, thank you so much. Take care of good luck in England. Alex is a huge fan of mine. I thought that he seemed to really be taken by you. I don't

know what you're talking about. I don't know why you would react that way. That's so typical of you to make this all about you. That's so typical of you to make this all about you when we have somebody in need across it's called fucking Chelsea. Whatever the fun this podcast, it's Chelsea Late Later, Dear Chelsea. It's called Dear chel Oh my god, the aids, Oh my god, did you owned her? I scratched it was just the top of his penis hit me in the elbow, and

now I'm bleeding. You're not the first who put a razor blade on the top of your penis. I just scratched. No, I had. I had like a bite and I scratched it too hard. Oh god, lost so much blood. I can barely see over. This will roll over right and nicely to a hypochondriactor for you. It will let me

just touch that is I had. I had once had this showrunner that walked into the office and she had gotten you know, blood, her blood work done that morning, and she walked in into the writer's room and just was like this walked by like with that little cotton ball, like she had been, you know, to Vietnam. We were all just saying, Okay, we get it. You went to the fucking doctor. You're fucking idiot about the faint. Yeah,

oh gosh, I'm always right. Sarah. Silverman just told me that you have to get your shingles inoculation when you get see, I had no idea you don't want to get I think I've had home. You don't get a double. You get a shingle. Oh okay, ironically you need a double of the shingle. Oh you do? Yeah, you get one now and then you get one like and two to six months double shot. Yeah you do. You don't

want to get shined. I don't remember being invited to a fifties birthday party for you because with the pandemic. Oh are you going to have one? I think you should have one. It's kind of past now. No, I don't think that Scotty this massive trip for his fiftieth birthday. We couldn't go come to a safari. We're going on safari in August. Here's the last place I want to ever go in my Africa. So no safari and get

like some disease. Oh no, you get innoculated. You get all your shots before you go so you don't have to worry about it, and then you just take toxic cycling every day, which I always have. I'd rather turn on National Geographic. Okay, anyway, we are going to take a quick break so you can hear and add and then we'll be right back. Do we have anything else today, Katherine? Or are we wrapping things? We do? Um? We have one more, one more little email if you're up for it. Yes, sure,

I'm exhausted giving all this advice. You're giving good advice, so i'd like how you jumping in and that's good. It's very proactive. And this one actually comes with a cute picture. So Chelsea, Ana, you've got one in there. This is from Jenna. Dear Chelsea, I feel as if I'm at a crossroads with my career. I'm currently director at a nonprofit animal rescue in Jackson, Wyoming. I'm twenty nine and have worked in this field for almost five

years now. I always thought I would only consider working in the nonprofit sector, especially in the philanthropic community I live in. But I've come to the realization that it will be hard to set myself up financially and pursue the passion behind it. I love my job, but I fear I've reached the ceiling in this job and I don't want to pigeonhole myself in the nonprofit world. I've been looking at other options so I can be comfortable. Do I continue working with my heart on my sleeve

and trust that I'll be okay? Or do I jump ship and start over in a different field that will have more financial security. XO XO to you your team and Burton Bernice, Jenna and her dog's Gunther and Pepper also say Hi, I mean we both love doggies. Yeah, I know, But it seems like Jenna has already kind of she's seems like she's already pivoting, do you know what I mean? Like she's already in her mind making

this decision and wants confirmation to do it. And I would say, twenty nine years old, that is a great time to make a new decision and change career. Just because she's asking what means she's already kind yeah for sure, you know, like the writings on the wall, So I think she just you want your thinking about your future. That's smart. You're twenty nine years old. You have all the time in the world to change careers and try a couple different things, even if one doesn't work out.

So I would definitely say, yeah, take a leap of face. And is there like a way to just kind of like go pursue what you want to do and make some money since you need to pay bills and stuff, which I agree with your advice, but can you just go on like a Saturday, like the first Saturday of every month, and go volunteer or something just to fulfill that need. There's a balance, right, We always try to

create fine balance in our life. So just because you want something else, that's mean you have to be done with that. And I love these two pictures of the dogs that you sent of Gunther and Pepper. Are they are adorable? Yeah? I want to get another dog. I mean, how are they? Well, they think that my housekeeper is their birth mother and that I'm some slut that comes through the house every three weeks. So I'm sucking over them.

But they have been cuter, but they're older. And I think Joe and I are going to get a rescue dog together. That's nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you get on their chow. I love chow mixes, so yeah, I really love chow. I'd like to get a full blown chow, but those are hard to get and you can't, you know, buy a dog when you're a celebrity. Capito will burn your house down, and a flow a full blown chow sounds like a sex act. Well it will be once

I get a hold of it. And on that note, I want to thank my friend Shawn Hayes for being with me on my podcast today. Always a fucking delightful pleasure to see you always before we go, Sean, I think you had a piece of advice that you wanted to ask Chelsea. Oh yeah, oh the one you tried to blow the earlier this I have a I wrote

down like six, Okay, why don't you pick one? Pick one? So, like, as I was saying at the beginning, you travel so much on tour and you're always, always, always, always going. And whenever I travel, I always eat like ship because I'm at home where my I know where to get the good food. I know how to make myself right with you, know, So you just you're in your zone, right. But it's second I get on a plane and go somewhere, I'm just like, funk it. I'll just have a burger

or whatever. So how do you maintain healthy eating when you're traveling. It's so hard. I'm so with you. It is so hard. Yeah, it's really hard, and I'm not great at it. I do lean on a nutritionist because nutritionists are used to dealing with people when they're on the road. So like I have all these prepackaged like epics bars, which are really lean, and I have my housekeeper.

She packs me all these like little snack packs, so that I usually try to have only one off meal because it does like lead to a terrible like once you go off, then you go off again, and then you go off again, and then you have sour cream and onion potato chips, and then you're like, I need a Snickers bar, and then I need a diet coke and it's a fucking vicious cycle. So it's really good to get into the habit of prepackaged food that is like healthy, like you can get grass fag or it's

going to last you're on tour. No, it is because you come home. I come home every week and then you know, I recon so I always have it on me. I have a little snack pack, has an Epics bar, which is like these grass fed, really lean meat protein bar, and then those my protein bars, the chocolate bars that I like, and then I have like dried fruit and

all this stuff that's boring. But I also have these Kiani which is great, like collagen protein packs, so that if I'm really hungry and there's not healthy food and I can't get egg whites or chicken caesar salad or something that's or salmon. I'll have like these little you know what are they called. It's like those little packets that you kind of suck. No, it's not heroin, it's like little uh you just suck a gel pack. Yeah,

like all pack. Yeah. Protein. Yeah, it's filled with like a little bit things like five grams of collagen protein to tie me over until I can get something else healthy because you are going through cities where it is it's almost impossible to get decent food. I just found out the nick the title of your next show, Hot Parenting Tips Healthy Chelsea, Healthy Chelsea. Well that just sounds really fucking boring. Um, but yeah, listen, I eat like shipped too. But you know, the one thing I do

every single day no matter what is work out. So that keeps up your that keeps your energy high. But you can find a gym. You're never going to stay in a hotel that doesn't have a gym. Every every hotel has a gym. Yeah you know so, but I know it's it's me some weights, like some free weights, yeah, and some bands. You can pack all that ship. Yeah, she won't have a problem with that. I don't see why she would problem solved again. Okay, thanks for thanks

for tuning in today, you guys. We'll catch up with you next week. Bye bye, Sean. With regard to my stand up, you guys, I have added or thirty cities, I'm not sure, but cities. We've added Des Moines. We've added your request people, people who requested Louisville, Kentucky. Guess fucking what I'm coming. We've added Montclair, New Jersey. We've added a whole slew of cities. So if you have not gotten your tickets yet, do it Chelsea handler dot com.

We just announced thirty more cities, twenty seven or thirty Niagara Falls. I'm talking to you too, so stuck on that. I'll see everybody on tour loving it. Vaccinated in horny