Time to Give Your Family the Boot

really want to be out. People are horny. I always loved summer, but now I just like when summer wraps up because that means ski season is on the approach. Well, you know what the problem with summer now is is that it's too hot everywhere because the planet is melting and I can't even imagine what it's like for people who don't have air conditioning. My friends went through that heat wave in Vancouver and they were like dying and it was like, I mean, they would Marco Polo me

and they would look like they were passing away. I'm like, are you guys serious about this heat? But I didn't take into consideration and what that must be like without a c well, their bodies aren't acclimated to that sort of temperature increase. No, no, no, So yeah, it's only going to get worse and worse. But I did read something interesting about heat domes. So heat domes are part of what makes you know, it's just like a heat wave, what creates a heat wave. But yet that's exacerbated by

global warming and climate change. So while we have these weather patterns, you know, it's not like global warming. It's a it's a product of all of it, right, and it's or no, maybe I said that wrong. I say so many things wrong. I don't even know what's up anymore, sideways upside down from behind. Sorry anyway, you know what I'm saying. It's hot, you know, and I think we can all agree it's too hot. It's not pleasant at all. You know, it's just no one's going to take it seriously,

these older politicians, because they love the heat. I mean, they want to sweat through every layer of clothing they wear. But it's like mosquitoes are everywhere now. So you go over to someone's house in the valley and you can't you come back and you're eating alive. It's just like, why are there There were never mosquitoes in California, not that I picked up on. That was an East coast thing because of the humidity, and now it's a West coast thing. And I'm not into it. And I don't

know anybody who is into fucking mosquitoes. And if you do know, somebody tell them, I said, to funk off, or tell them to call in because they need help. I just I just have a problem. You know. I don't mind bugs so much. Everyone's either scared of spiders or they're scared of snakes, right, like bugs or snakes. Obviously, I'm scared of snakes. I've talked about this publicly privately

to anyone who will listen. I once saw a snake on safari and my said, I slapped my sister across the face when I saw it because I was so scared. And our safari guide was like, you're in Africa, what did you think was going to happen? And I said, I I didn't think I was going to see a snake outside my room. That's what I didn't think. So I hit my sister across the face because that's the

reaction I have when I see a snake. I have to hit somebody, and I hit her and then I went to kick her and she blocked me, but then held onto me tight because she knew that I was having a childlike reaction to snakes, which I always do, And it was almost like she stopped me from having a seizure. Even though I don't have epilepsy, I would like my body would involuntarily react without me. So that's

what happened in Africa. And I was trying to hook up with our safari guide, so that put the ki bush on that as soon as he saw me so scared of snakes, he lost all respect for me. I saw a snake on my hike the other day where Freeman trail, and I shoot it off the trail. I've a rattlesnake. No, it was not a rattlesnake, but I've tried to have more respect for animals when I'm in

their space. So it was slithering across the little track and then stopped, and so I took a sick and I just tried to get it to go down the hill because I'm I feel like you know, I mean, I mean your home I'm on your territory, and normally I would be repulsed or terrified, but I just tried to remember, you know, he doesn't want any trouble. I don't want any trouble. So it's just that's what I have to remember when I see a snake. He doesn't

want any trouble. My problem is that I believe they want trouble and that they will chase me, and that I My friend was telling me the other day to come to Bowen Island because her parents are there, and then she proceeded to tell me two stories about snakes that she found. She found one in the water. I was like, that's it. One swimming in the water. Why are they in the water? Water moccasins. That's why we

won't get in a lake anymore. I'm reading this book called Atomic Habits, I think it's by his names by James Clear and this is more about like achieving your goals by changing your identity. And one of the things he says is like we are in charge of the perception we make for ourselves. So instead of the example that he uses in the book is if you were a smoker and someone offered you a cigarette while you

were trying to quit. Instead of saying, oh, I'm trying to quit, you would reply with, oh, I don't smoke, and so in that way, I think you just need to retrain your brain to say I'm not afraid of these snakes. Like the more you tell your self, the more it becomes part of your identity, so that repetition of habit. So maybe you just need to start saying how much you love snakes every day. Okay, I mean, I guess I could try that, but okay, yeah, I mean I hear what you're saying about being in their

land or on their you know, on their turf. I get that that's true. Same goes for sharks. Then you know you're in their water. And that's why I don't get in the water. I'm just never gonna stop swimming in the ocean. I can't stop, won't stop. I love the ocean and I love swimming, and I love sitting with my nieces in the water, you know, on Nantucket or Martha's Vineyard. This year we went to Nantucket, but we usually we go to Martha's Vineyard. But I have

to say I would give them both rave reviews. And I kind of like Nantucket a lot, which is kind of weird because I'm such a vineyard her But I don't know. Eventually I'm going to want to shack up there one of those places with my family. Yeah, as my sister and I transition into late life lesbians, we could probably move. We probably want to be bi coastal. I mean, all lesbians should be by coastal, right, I think.

So it's the only way. Do you want to give a quick one off advice because we have a submission. I love a one off Sure, Okay, this submission says, Dear Chelsea, I have a crush on a colleague at work, and I'm trying to figure out how to take the friendship further while remaining respectful and appropriate. Any advice would be great, Leah, what do you think? Okay? So, okay,

let's answer it first. As a woman, I would definitely Since men can't approach you in the workplace and you have a crush on him, it's important that you let him know because he can't take that chance right now. So what's a cute way to do that? Do you think either a note or a text or something cute? But I think it's up to you to kind of just say, like, what's the most respectful way to say it? Like I have to ask a question, how do they communicate?

What's their communication form? I think a safe bet is always to do a small work gathering, so a happy hour where it's not a ton of people, it's not everyone in the office, but maybe like five or six people. So that way, there's not as much pressure in the initial interaction outside of work if you've not hung out outside of work yet, because then you can kind of use that as you're jumping off point to do something just you too, you know, like, oh, how great happy

are it was? You had so much fun? Maybe you guys would want to get dinner together sometime. So I think that's a non invasive way maybe to approach that. So that's a good first step. I don't know what your work situation is like, but yeah, that's a good thing to do because then you can kind of make some inroads at that event where you can kind of flirt a little or whatever, get the vibe going. And then after that, I think a little note is cute.

Who does that anymore? You know, it's cute to write a little note, leave it on his desk, just something that's a little flirty, like, hey, I had a great time with you the other night. I would love to go out with you alone, Like this is after that little, you know, group activity, I would love to go out with you. I would love to do it again. If you're interested, let me know, Like that's kind of harmless

if not, no worries. I think it's nice for women to reach out to men, especially during this time right now. What do you think agree? I don't know what, what more sound advice you could get. I think that women coming into like their voice and their power in those situations and saying this is what I'm interested in, and that is that is hot for a woman to do, To be the one to kind of take that step

and put herself out there in that way. There's no greater feeling after you make a move like that to wait. I love it. I mean, yeah, sometimes you don't get the answer you want, but it's so exciting to take a leap like that, Like I love reaching out to someone who doesn't know that I'm interested in, just like kind of putting it out there. I love it. And I've been rejected doing that and I'm still fine with it.

So what if it were a man. For we're a man who had a crush on a colleague and I was trying to figure out how to take the friendship further well remaining respectful, I think I would say to write a note. Also, I would probably give the same advice, but I would really emphasize his propriety and his approach and make sure that it doesn't feel intimidating in a pro appriate. You don't have to say that to women, but that would be what would differ from my advice

to a man. Yeah, as a man, you need to be respectful of her space and that it is a workplace for her, and you don't want to have any woman on the defense at work if you're interest in her is not not wanted or not reciprocated. Rather so I think, And if you're a gay man, I would my advice would be whip out your but chucky and just let it rip. Chuck. Yeah, that's what I haven't heard. Oh really, but chucky, that's our that's our family word for penis, but chucky, kaslopis and Pikachu. Oh and then

boom c is a fart. We don't say fart or and we don't say. We say take a should you be. If somebody has to go number two, we call it a should be. So we have a lot of code words in our family, but we all understand what they mean, and so do all our friends. Leah, hope that solved your problem. Yeah, Leah, good luck with that problem solved. If you guys end up together, I could call us, Okay, we're gonna take a minute and we're gonna have some

time for some ads and we'll be right back. Bert can't see the steps for some reason from the bed, like even though he walks down them every morning, sometimes he doesn't remember where they are, which is in line with his brain chemistry, because every time I come home it feels like I have to reintroduce myself too. So when he comes on the bed, if he doesn't see the steps in the morning, I've well twice now he's

fallen off the bed. I'm surprised he survived, and it also explains why he's very slow, because he has obviously several head injuries or concussions over the last few months. But when he does fall off the bed, it is a an alarming sound, but not alarming enough for me to get up because I know that his fur is patting him, and as a parent, that's really all I

can hope for or ask for. Actually, I did start carrying a cabbage patch kid around the house and was breastfeeding it to convince Bert and Bernice that I actually am maternal and I am a mother because my Bell keeps. My Bell's my housekeeper, and she keeps telling me the reason why the dogs love her so much is because she is a mother, and they know that I'm barren. So I tried to counter that with my cabbage patch kid that I found, and well, I'm not producing milk.

But Bert as also not really paying attention because as soon as my Bell leaves the house, he goes to sleep for the night because it's like it's sucking over his his day is over, so he goes to sleep. So anything I do, that's my window to be with them. And they both don't want to be with me because they're pissed that my Bell left, and so in that time, whatever I do is useless because their eyes are closed anyway, because they're so miserable because they hate me so much.

I'm glad those two can't talk. You know, they wouldn't have anything nice to say. No, definitely, not not to me, that's for sure. I mean Bernice came up the other morning, climbed up someone was there was a workman in the house. She climbed up the little doggy steps. I'm in my bed on my computer in my bathroom in the morning. She climbs up the doggy steps, walks right over to me.

I go, and I put my hand out to Petter, and she runs in the opposite direction and runs off the bed like I'm a rapist, like I've beaten her, and runs off the bed, runs down the stairs. What what the fund is that? Why? Team? But why is she coming up to taunt me like that? Is she playing with me? Their emotions? I don't know. I mean these two dogs, honestly, the next two dogs I get, I might not get chows. I need some a little bit. I mean I know I will, because they're just fucking cute.

And I love having a furry snuff leophagus in my bed every night, whether he wants to be there or not. He doesn't even know what's happening, because you know, I carry him, I carry him downstairs after he passes out on the floor. He's like a furry slinky. His dead weight and his dead skin. You know, I have to put him over my shoulder, and then I bring him upstairs and I threw him on the bed and he just never wakes up. Nothing, nothing will wake him up

once she's gone, unless he is off the bed. Bert's been letting me pet him, and that's been very exciting. I know. Well, his body is such a wonderland that if you you know, just even touching his fur is soothing. It's like almost self soothing. When I touched his body, it feels like your fingers can get lost in his like head and neck meat. Yeah, and under army we've got two big flaps, right, and the hair is so soft. I know, I love it. He's really like a teddy bear. Okay,

so you want to go into callers right away. Let's just get into him, all right, Let's just get into it then. All right. Well Katie out of Corona, California. She's thirty one, right, Dear Chelsea, my husband just want to say something about your voice. It's you know, it's

very soothing. It's almost like a laxative. I used to have this thing where my mom would call me when I was like, moved to California, and as soon as I heard her voice, I had to go to the bathroom because she was so relaxing that it helps, like just relax me. And my sister said the same thing. She goes, Oh my god, that's so funny. When I was at college and I talked to mom on the phone, I had to go to the bathroom too, like it

just lets everything flow. Okay, I'm going to take that as a compliment, so I would say that your voice also has that effect on me, because not yet, but I think one day I will. I can't wait for that day. She writes, Dear Chelsea, my husband and I recently had our first child, the first grandchild on both sides of the family. We spent the last four years living in Europe and just moved back to California, closer to our families who are Trump supporters. We are not.

My husband and I are currently struggling with certain family members who continuously make racist and insensitive comments. For example, one family member in particular hates the Black Lives Matter movement and all the blacks on TV now and how he's boycotting the NFL. Another family member will make rude comments about illegals and all the Mexicans taking over. Needless to say, my husband and I are tired of this type of behavior and do not want them speaking this

way in front of our daughter. They already think I'm a liberal snowflake who's too sensitive, so I feel like no matter how I address these issues, they're going to blow me off. It's such a terrible position to be in. But it should also be noted that in her written submission, she did put quotes around things like blacks and illegals because she was directly quoting family members. Okay, Katie, what's going on? What's what's the situation? But now that you're home,

Hi Katie, Hi, thank you for having me on. Sorry about your parents they suck and grandparents aying you want to say they're good people, right, because they would never speak this way in public or around these groups of people. So it's where's the disconnect of why would you speak that way in front of my husband and I who don't share these same views and don't speak that way,

especially now that we have a child. I don't want them speaking that way in front of her ever, And I feel like we're not the only people going through this right, Like, everyone has a family member who will make an insensitive comment, and we need to move away from Oh, Grandpa's just being grandpa or Mom's just always been that way, And it's how do you set those boundaries with your family members and your parents who didn't

raise you to be this way. You know, we're taught to be considerate of other be polite, respect authority, and I don't know where that disconnect is now with our parents generation in particular. So I think it's just really hard because you love them and you want them to have a relationship with your child, but it's also this is not okay, and I don't want this to hurt our relationship, but this can't continue. So what what kind of conversations have you had thus far? Have you told them?

Like how hateful that is, so like what they're talking about, how hateful that is to have around your daughter to talk about blacks on television and he doesn't like the Black Lives Matter movement, Like that's hate driven. Yeah, And I think with my husband side of the family, I don't feel as comfortable as with my own family. So I just say, yeah, things are changing, you know, and kind of leave it at that, and if my husband's not there, I don't know what more I could really say.

I guess having a bigger backbone and being like, hey, that really makes me uncomfortable. It is insensitive and not even sorry it makes you uncomfortable. It's that's just how things are now. But with my side of the family, I'll say, you know, like, I don't like that? Can we please? Like? That is really mean and it's kind of out of nowhere. They have no reason to feel this way about these groups of people. See this is bad for me because I have no tolerance for that,

And I would argue, who cares? Then you to keep your daughter away from them, then they shouldn't be around that kind of hate. But I know people care about seeing their families and they want their families to be involved with their children at least that's what I hear, So I get that angle of it. I can't tell you how many questions we get like this. People are always writing in about cutting out friends and family out of their lives because of racism or bigotry, all of it.

And but everybody's not a lost cause. Like if you can really demonstrate the hate and the harm that black families have grown up with and and all BIPOC people and all marginalized group have grown up with and the hatred and bigotry against them, and how damaging that is. You know, like facts are facts. I mean, look at how many black people were shot the week Derek Chauvin

was convicted. You know, look at what had happened. I mean, it's undeniable that there is the system working against black people in this country, and that they're part of it. We're all part of it, but they're actively perpetuating it. Yeah, and to be irritated with it for no reason because it's not actually affecting their day to day life, to me is mind boggling. And I want our daughter to grow up. I'm hoping that our kids generation doesn't see any of these conflicts or oh, how can we help

these people? Or yeah, that's really rough that they've gone through this for so long, or seeing a homeless person. Instead of being like, oh, they made bad life decisions, it's how can we help, Like let's move away from being negative or seeing things as a negative way and turning around is how can we help How can we make a difference to Yeah, how can we enforce change, and how can we go with change and be supportive? Like, what is your family's excuse for saying I hate all

these black people on TV? I mean, what do you say when they say something like that, Yeah, I mean that recently just happened. When you said we have like post your questions, I was like, we literally just had that awkward situation in our home and all I said was, well, change is happening because it caught me so off guard because there is no reason. We also grew up in Orange County. We live in southern California, So let's talk about white privilege already like this, The diverseness is not

in our community. It's not, and it makes us uncomfortable when we're faced with it because that's not something that we've dealt with. Because those people are actively being supported in our own community. I think it would behoove you to have a really like heart to heart conversation with them without trying not to get emotional and just being very pragmatic and practical about it and saying this is what I will accept around my child. I will not

instill hate into my child. I will not instill bigotry into my child. It's not enough to not be racist. I'm anti racist, you know, you want to be actively anti racist, which means having very little tolerance for people who behave that way unless they're willing to work on it, you know, and they obviously don't seem like they are. So my advice to you is not coming from a mother,

it's coming from a person. I would literally threatened them seeing their grandchild unless they actually started having healthy conversations about what is happening, you know, That's what I would do. And that's not the right decision because I'm probably a lot of parents would argue because they don't want to take their kids away from their grand parents. But think about what your parents are offering to them, you know, is that relationship important to you because it's important to you,

or is it important to your grandchild? Well, and I don't want it to get to the point where I'm not comfortable leaving my child alone with them because I'm afraid of what they're going to say when we're not around either, right. I think it's the presentation, right, because they think you're a liberal, a snowflake, and that you're super sensitive and you care too much about everybody and blah,

blah blah. That's not a bad thing. It's only seems like a snowflake thing when people are emotional about it, right when they're when there's emotion in the conversation. So if you could leave the emotion aside and talk about the practicality of like the world that your daughter is going to grow up in versus the world your parents grew up in, and how she needs tools to live in that world and to respec act everybody in that world. They taught you to grow up respecting people, right, Like

that's something you can bring up. Am I supposed to teach her not to respect black people and brown people or immigrants, Like there's no Christianity in that, and there's no democracy in that. That's just not human like good natured nous. It's just not so any discriminatory behavior, and even saying it is not acceptable in your presence, even saying it, because you know, I I won't allow myself to be around anybody who speaks in that way about women or about marginalized groups. I will not be in

that situation and not say something. And that is my commitment to being anti racist, not just being against racism. So you literally just took every thought out of my head and presented it, because there is no excuse anymore for this sort of conversation to be going on unless the conversation is how to progress or thoughts and feelings

that you've had and you want them challenged. Like obviously your family is very set in their ways on both sides, so it's hard because you don't really have a safe haven when you're with your extended family. You never know

who you're going to get it from. But positioning it as a decision you're making on behalf of your daughter will force them to rethink how they're going to communicate because if that relationships mean anything to them, if that relationship means anything to them, they will have to adjust. And I come from the Midwest, so I'm in the same position as you are, where it's a very specific mindset and thought process in regards to anyone unlike you.

Any difference in someone is something that's not okay and that's not embraced. So I feel for you. I mean, these conversations are really fucking annoying to be having with the current landscape, Like you need to get on board, but you have to have it. You need how you need to go into these things very direct and transparent with how you're feeling and what you're thinking. That it's not okay, and you should show them my documentary on

and called Hello Privileges Meet Chelsea. There's a four women from Orange County who sound exactly like your parents, who were arguing with me about why they think, you know, it's inappropriate for black people to have any sort of advantage at this point, like affirmative actions wrong. We shouldn't be giving black people any sort of upper hand. And it's like, that's actually exactly what we have to do because we've had the upper hand for so many, so

many years. It doesn't matter that we weren't here during that time, or that our ancestors were here during that time. We're still benefiting from the system that is subjugating people of color. We are still benefiting from it. So of course there's something for us to do. And your work is with your family and your in laws. What's your husband's stance on like the status of your relationship, Like have you thought about withholding your grandchild from them? I mean,

I really hope it doesn't come to that. But we literally just moved back from being gone for four years too, And I guess it just caught us off guard that it had gotten so heightened because these weren't actually conversations that were being had when we lived here before. And so in my point of view two and my when I brought that up to my husband, that just made

me uncomfortable with that comment. I was like, if we were black, or we adopted a black child, or if our daughter had a disability, wouldn't we want them represented on TV being stood up for by big groups that could actually make a change Like that would be really important to us and our families argumentatively if our daughter was in that situation. But because we're removed from it for some reason, they think it's okay to make those comments.

And I think we're just caught off guard that there's that big disconnective. We did grow up in church. How is that loving people? How is that being kind or even just a good citizen where you're living? It's not right right there. I mean, church is a great place to start, because these people can hang their hat on religion and Christianity and then discriminate against people that is not godly. That is not what that religion is about.

I've looked into it. So I think you really have to have like a real come to Jesus with them and be like, these are the rules. Are are you going to be able to follow them? If not, I'm so sorry, but I can't have my child around you, Like I really, I I tough love in this situation, I think is I would say to do that. They're still having a hard time grasping the concept because this

is also something that I've seen with white people. There's like a missing cog somewhere that they can't quite grasp why you have to be anti racist that it's not just about keeping the comments yourself. It's about acting on behalf of other people and like being vocal when you see racism, and you need to remind them that there's a very famous person in history who had the sort of viewpoint and mindset about people with a difference, and that was fucking Hitler. No one wants to be compared

to Hitler. So the next time you hear your dad or father in law saying something, to be like, oh you know what, that sounds exactly like Hitler with the Jews, Like is that how you want to come across? Is that how you want to be represented with that sort of mind conditioning. No, no one wants that sort of association,

so that will really make them think. I mean also the idea that you know, like it's just in dispute putable to go over the statistics of how many black men have been shot in the back of the head or in the back running away from cops who ended up having no weapons on them, Like I'm sure your parents would be like, well, they should have just complied, or even if you don't comply, a officer's job is not to escalate the situation. It's to de escalate the situation.

So there's more proof in the putting of the statistics of what's happening disproportionately to black men being murdered by police officers. That is the root of racism. And how could any man or woman not have a problem with kids being killed by police officers? How could you know? Husband's an athlete, he runs, so when that black woman last year got shot running in his own neighborhood, literally brought two s my eyes because looked at my husband.

I'm like, you can go running any goddamn time and I never have to worry about you. Like, how is that fair that citizens in their own neighborhood are not safe just because of the color of their skin like that. It's one how is this still an issue? And it shouldn't be. And I don't want that to be an issue for our daughter ever. No, no, no, no, And it won't because your daughter is going going to grow up in a completely different world. And I think people,

you know, older people are just so stuck. They just don't see the whole picture and they can't. People don't like change, and Katie, that's that's the world that you create and maintain for her. So again, as harsh as it may seem like, you have to do what's right for your family, and if that means withholding those interactions to make sure she is growing up in that space where there's inclusion, like, that's what you have to do.

It's not a position anyone wants to be in, but it's your responsibility as a parent to guide her and keep her safe and surrounded and with people who have an outlook more aligned with the world that she will be living in. Yeah, you should also if I don't know if your parents would read a book about this, but probably not. But yeah, okay, so you can recommend it, well,

you should Recast by Isabel Wilkerson. That's a great book for anyone to read because it really gives you a perspective, like a thirty thousand foot perspective from so many examples of racism, how it lives on in this country and what black people go through in an original way. And it also actually compares, you know, what they did in

the American South. It shows that the Nazis and Hitler studied American South and what Jim Crow did during that time and all the laws that they did to separate and segregate black people from white people with swimming pools and eating and busses, and that the Nazi studied that because they thought, oh America's got it. How do we discriminate against Jews in this way? So they studied the American South. So Nazis studied America and people don't know that.

I didn't know that until I read that book to get a blueprint of how to discriminate. So we are the kings of it, you know, we did it in

the grossest way possible. So I think that, Yeah, you really have to get your thoughts together in a letter or a conversation I know, I can tell that you're sweet and nice and emotional, So you might want to write a letter because as sometimes I feel like when I make an argument, I just want to leave the emotion out of it, you know, put your facts down or what you're going after, Because are you willing to actually take your daughter away from them and their relationships

with her? If if those type of conversations continue to happen, Absolutely, because it just it's so uncomfortable and I never want a my daughter speak that way. I would be horrified, and I don't think that's fair to her to be put in that situation either, because it is negligent today to not try to change your point of view or at least just don't speak that way. Like if I can't change their mind, I can't change their mind. But the boundary is don't speak that way in front of

me or my daughter. Yeah, yeah, that's a good place to start. And then once you have that agreement, you know, I'm sure, I mean they're obviously gonna say yes, they're not gonna be like, oh, we can't not be racist around your daughter. But once you have that agreement, it allows you a new platform to kind of grow from right.

So then you have a new understanding and that's your baseline, and then you can work towards little small things, you know, acts of kindness on your your behavior can demonstrate your anti racism without imploring their anti racism, right Like, you can't make them be anti racist, but you can show them what you're doing to be anti racist, so that

they're seeing that demonstration over and over again. And that is a way to get through to people, not necessarily by trying to convince them, but just showing how you're going to operate in your life from now on. Sure, so I think that would be a good fresh start. You have the conversation, do it with your husband, write a letter to from both of you or an email, whatever you're into, and and have it be from both

of you. You have to be a unified front for sure, and you can either have the conversation or write it and and just say these are the rules. Let me know if you guys want to move forward. We love you, we would love for you to have a part in our daughter's life. And we've been gone for four years. We'd hate to miss another four. But we're not We're not going to be accepting of this behavior. Yeah, that's

accepting of this behavior is a good way to that. Okay, and keep us most did okay, let us know how it goes. Okay, thanks for calling, Katie. I feel for you. I know what. Yeah, I am so glad. I don't have any something fucking Trump supporters in my family. I mean at this point, uh, don't even get me started. Conversation just fucking annoyed the ship out of me. Not because of her, it's just like, I just don't understand how this is still and why do you? You know,

the question debate, why are you what's your problem with it? Like? What is the resistance to Black Lives Matter? How is it hurting you? Like? What is it you? Well, because the right perpetuates all of these conspiracy theories and all of these lies about oh that leads to looting, and then everybody's you know, it's it doesn't lead to looting. That's like, that's not a big part of the Black

Lives Matter movement. Those are extremists that are on the left or who knows where they are, but those are extremists. That's a small percentage of people, so that you use whatever excuse they want. They can say, well, why don't black black people are getting shock because they don't comply with the police. Punishment for not complying with the police isn't getting at Nobody deserves to get murdered. So like, look at fucking Kyle Rittenhouse, that little white asshole that

went up and and he was a white guy. Nobody shot his ass. They calmly took him into custody. I mean, after he killed people. I don't know how you how you argue the facts and the evidence in these scenarios where black people are disproportionately executed. Because Republicans don't like the word disproportionately, they think that doesn't make you know,

they'll argue anything they say it's not true. They have no facts to back up their data, and the facts that they do get are usually fake because the right has all these like fake news things going on all the time. When they call us fake news, talk about projecting anyway, my blood pressure is going up less anyone else who's dealing with us. Just to wrap that part up, anyone else who's dealing with us or has to have

those conversations I've had them. If you have a racist family member, your only choice is to stand your ground and make that decision that you will not engage. That's it. It's hard, but you need to do it well, not in age or stand your ground, because standing your ground, I think does mean engaging to a degree like saying this is no longer acceptable to me, like you, this is not an acceptable dialogue that we're going to have. You can present Hey, you can make this change and

we will continue. And if you don't, you have to exit those relationships that you're not going to provide you anything beneficial. Like that sort of mindset is not okay. Yeah, well, I think a lot of people really struggle with exiting from their familial relationships. I'm for it, and see I don't have that issue, that's why, right, right, nor do I so. But the thing, I mean, she did say she was gone for four years, so in the four

years when Trump was president. It's like these people were indoctrinated by the right wing media and these conspiracy theories. I mean, seriously, what is your problem with Black Lives Matter people defending themselves peacefully is that they're convinced it's not peaceful, that everything is an architect of the left, and you know, and over liberal people and we're allowing

black people to loot like they form this narrative. But if they have been convinced of this ideology, then they can be convinced of a different like if they were gone for four years and they learned this exactly. So if you're swayed like that, then you can be unswayed. I would argue, I just never give up everyone when it comes to this topic. I don't give up on people. I will send you books, I will get no response.

If you said something that I don't like, that sexist or racist, I will follow up and make sure that your views are changing, and if they're not, I won't give up until you are extremely patient. I have no patience or tolerance for it, Like I just can't have the conversation, but you do, and you will continue to have that as long as you see some sort of growth or challenge to their Well. It's like what even white guys who think they're progressive aren't. They think they are,

but they're still sexist and they're still racist. And it's true because it's not even it's not even your fault. You've internalized it. You it's been passed down. Yes it's and it's it's been taught and you know, and we've been learning this our whole lives. So it's not your fault, but it is your fault if you don't do anything to correct it and to dismantle it. And I've noticed that too. My friend who was like, oh, it's reverse discrimination with women, now, it's like, what, Like, that's not

the way you can think about that. We've been discriminated again since the beginning of time. So there's going to be a little leg room where we're going to get some advantages. I don't know how straight women are dealing with straight men. I don't know either. I mean, I'm gonna, yeah, we've already gone over this, but obviously I'm gonna have to start sucking women. You know, I'm in full support

of that. It really does turn me on when I see you get so worked up over political issues and racism that like you will not back down like you and you are so impassioned by it when you're talking, it's like, oh, like I could listen to you speak on the subject, and then I think you could listen to me speak about a lot of things. I could you could read me the phone books so romantic our next mission comes from Marissa. She's from Connecticut. She's thirty.

She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm currently in a gray area with a recovering alcoholic. Last October, he got his second to you hy and has been clean, sponsored and in therapy since. I'm skepticals to remain with this person for fear that he may potentially relapse or, like other addicts, find a different addiction. We were together for ten years, and the d u I pushed me off the edge. He seemed determined to stay away from alcohol, and I

do still love this person. Should I walk away completely? Mersa? Marissa, what's going on? How are you? I'm well, thank you? How are you? I'm good. I like your lavender walls. Cute, thank you. This is my office in my house. Nice cute. Thank you. So you've been with your guy for ten years? Yeah, I mean, if you're counting right now, it's more like

ten and a half. Well, nobody's counting a half a year or so, don't worry at So, yeah, we had just celebrated our ten year anniversary last September, and a week after that the d o I happened. So that's we've been in a kind of gray area ever since? So has it been? Was that his first dui or a second dui? That's that was the second dui? And when was the first one? That was earlier in the relationship. It was either the first or second year we were dating. Okay,

so at least he went like nine years between the two. Right, ideally he would never get another d u I again. But right, yeah, what are the conditions of his drinking? Like, is this like he's out for a night with his buddies and then just happens to getty dui? Or does he have a problem He has a problem. Of course, you could make the point that any time there are consequences, that means the person has a problem. But you know what I mean, Yeah, I mean since the night of

the second du i, he has not drunk. He recognizes that he does have a problem, he has taken steps to not drink, and he has a sponsor. He's in therapy. So far, so good. I mean, but our relationship prior to that, like a year prior, it was not well because he was just he had always drank, but it just got to the point where it was sloppy, slurring, falling down the stairs, just every night, and it was just embarrassing, like in front of his parents, two friends, families.

It was just a lot to deal with. And how long has he been sober? Now? About six or seven months now because it was last October, right, So I have your feelings for him changed? I mean they had, they had changed a little bit even prior to the d O. I just because like with the alcohol and everything, I had kind of been like done. I would say, I'm not really done at this point. If he could stay clean, if he could stay sober, then I feel

like this relationship can be successful. But I'm still skeptical because I mean, he's an addict, so I don't know. Addics relapse. Addics do relapse, but addics also get clean and stay clean, and sometimes it takes a couple chances, you know, And if you are willing to see it through. Do you have children? I do not. Oh well there you go a total bonus around, so you don't have to deal with that and those decisions related to your children.

I mean that already is like a victory lapse. So pat yourself on the back for not having any children. I am so that you don't have to tell them their dad got to d u I when they're older. But I think you should give him another chance. I think you your heart is in it, right, You're just you're obviously it's not a beautiful turn on to see somebody wasted, slurring, falling down the steps. But real love is kind of looking. That's not who he really is, right,

that's not who he is when he's wasted. Who he really is is a different person. And it sounds like he's taking all the steps that he could possibly take to get there, right right, Like I'm just worried, Like if he gets a third du I, like, that's it, he loses his license forever. I know. But you can't think about if he gets a third d u I. You have to think about supporting his sobriety and being there for him and him taking the steps on his own.

You can't think about what if that's not going to be. That's not helpful in moving forward, that's helpful and staying stuck. So you have to think positively and move forward positively, like this is it, he's well, and you take it one day at a time. He's going to meetings is the term, I know, sweetheart, to a meetings. I gotta do you. I once too, I had to go to a meetings for that, but you know what, I didn't get a fucking second, do you. I got one when I was twenty one, and then I never got one

again and now I have a driver. So um. So yeah, I think you should stick it out. It sounds like you love him and you want to stick it out, and you're just kind of letting that narrative of what if control your attitude about the situation when you should flip that and you and look at all the work he's done in six months, and as long as he's staying serious about being sober, then you should be serious about staying with him, right. Yeah, I'm glad to hear

you say that. And I knew that you yourself had just the one d U I. So I was curious as to what your opinion with me. Well, like, I think everybody can funk up, right, they make mistakes, but yeah, making them multiple times is not hot, So you kind of can just you have people who change. Yeah, it's hot. One can change. Yeah, And listen, you know he's only

in six months of sobriety. If he can do this for another two years, can you imagine where he's going to be in his life, and how much more secure and self assured he's going to be an intern, how secure you're going to be with the relationship once he's proven more time to be sober. So yeah, I mean there's a lot of addicts out there, so you know, don't hold that against him as long as he's trying. Yeah,

he is. And you said that he's going to a A and I know that they offer Alanan, which is for those affected by alcoholics, and I've been to a few of those meetings and it was actually really insightful and helpful because it's such a process and for me my mentality, which it seems like you're kind of spice, see, and so in that moment you may be like this

is it like the next one? We're done? And it is a process, So he may fall off the wagon again, and it's about how he's correcting those things, Like we can't hold him to never making another mistake, but how he's going to keep correcting those mistakes and hopefully you know, they say the first year is the hardest and that's the largest margin of error, and then after that hopefully less and less and less and him having a drink and not getting drunk. That's not something that you want.

But sometimes people can catch themselves in their addiction like, oh, ship, I really should not have done that. It broke their sobriety. But they know like I need to stay on track, I need to get back to a meeting, I need to do these things. So you being there to support

him could really make a world of difference. And how he continues, you know, on his sobriety right, and this time it is a little bit different because after the first d u I, he's still drank afterwards, and now he has stopped, and he never once said after the first d u I, I'm done, I have a problem, I'm going to stop, And now he has so well it's almost like we need to kind of forget the first d Y because he was twenty years old like that,

you know, everyone fucks up at that age. Now at thirty, hopefully he's thinking like this is not how I want to enter my third decade, like as a sucking drunk getting a d u I, Like, I'm not in a frat anymore, Like I need to get it together. Does he know does he sense your ambivalence a little bit? He does, and he did prior to the d U I too because his parents actually saw him on a sloppy day. His mom pulled me aside and asked me if he gets this way often? And I was like,

I'm glad you saw this. Yes he does. So I mean, I don't know. I think he has a great support system. I'm with him. His parents. They saw him at his worst and they support him as well, and they want him to get better. I want him to get better. So can I ask? Was this a decision that he made himself after the d U Y or was it an ultimatum from those around him? Did he know that

he wanted to be sober? He did. Yeah, he made the decision himself, and I think he realized how much of a funk up it was because I had told him that night. I was like, I'll be I'll support you, but I don't want to be with you right now, like i'll be your friends. And we haven't really had too much of a together discussion since then, but we do still live together. It's it's kind of like business

as usual around here. Well, I think you should also start talking to him a little bit more like about your relationship and about the status of your relationship and say, like, I really do. You have to let go of the past a little bit, you know what I mean, and live in the present moment and forget about his first UI. Just focus on what's happening now, which is his sobriety right, and you want to be there to support him, and you want to reassure him that, like, you love this

part of him. You love that he's trying to stay sober. You love that he's making the effort, that he's got a sponsor, and these are all the reasons why you're still here and that you do want to make this work. Don't be afraid to communicate. People need it. People need to be loved and hear that they're loved, especially when

they're going through this. You know, he's probably so scared of losing you well and embracing the change in the future with him rather than holding onto the past where he always feels, Oh, I have to I have to take accountability for it. But that doesn't allow for much growth when you're constantly looking back at the stakes that you've made. I think it's kind of about setting the intention for the future and what that life could look like. Together while he's sober, and that's going to be much

more of a reason for him to continue to stay sober. Chelsea, when you had your d U I, did you have a huge support system like your friends and family? Were they supportive? Yeah? I mean no one took it that seriously because I was so young and I was just a party animal, right Like, so everyone's like, oh, I can't believe it took this long for her to get a d U. I like, obviously that was going to happen.

And my d U I story was a hot mess because my mom had given me my sister's I D to get a fake I D when I moved to California, and my sister and my mom were both Mormon, right they both My mom was Morman and then she converted my sister. And so when I moved to California, I was nineteen and I asked my mom for Shoshanna's i D and my mom gave it to me and to go so that I could party. My mom's like that and this is Chelsea, she needs to party, like go here,

like anything to get me out of New Jersey. They're like, you can have whatever you want anyway. When I got pulled over. I gave them my sister's I D so it was it turned into this entire like it turned into me impersonating somebody else. So it took like a d Y and made it ten times worse than a d Y because I was, you know, drunk, and I called the copy racist, mean while we were both white, but he was probably racist anyway because anyway, So, yeah,

they were supportive. I had to go to d Y class for many, many weeks, but my family was very supportive. My mom was actually really upset with my sister for getting so upset, and when she found out I was impersonating her, she filed charges, like with the FBI or something, and and so my family actually got mad at my sister. But that's also justin that's just our dysfunctional family and and the fact that I was so manipulative. But you know, I never I don't do that. You know, I'm not

like that. And I learned my lesson, and you know, it was a young time to learn my lesson, but I did. And I was like, it's not really about you driving drunk. It's about your putting other people, innocent people's lives a danger by It's not about are you okay? Are you okay to drive? It's like are other people okay on the road? You know? And what if something else happens? What if somebody has an accident and you don't have your wits about you and then you make

the accident. You know, you compound that ten times. Meanwhile, I drive with you, so I know you're drunk driving is probably not really terrified, right me. Sober driving is pretty aggressive. So drunk driving is out of my repertoire now. But I did learn my lesson, and I do believe people change. I know that I've changed myself, and so yeah, so I think we're good. I think you're gonna be okay, Merissa, and I think your relationship is going to be okay.

I believe in him. Okay, thank you so much, Chelsea. And don't forget to communicate. Talk to him about it, right, don't make it his own thing or his own burden. Be there with him, not like his only support. You don't want to be his strongest ballast. I mean you can be, but you want to just make sure he knows, like, yeah, you're in this, because your tentativeness can also trigger his behavior. Right.

So you just want to be open about what you're feeling and what you're thinking, even if it's sometimes unpleasant to say. Just be like, I'm here, I want this to work. YadA, YadA, YadA. Okay, okay. I appreciate your opinion. Thank you so much. You're so welcome, Marissa, have a great day. Thank you you as well. Bye. That sounded That sounded like he's got very sound advice. It sounds like he's going to get a ship together. I believe

people get their ship together. Hopefully some people do. You know, we'll hear about it. I'm sure. Our next mission comes from Marie from Ohio. She's twenty one. She's a baby. Oh that's cute, She writes. Dear Chelsea, me and my boyfriend have been together for five years and are looking to get engaged soon. I'm twenty one and he's twenty and we are entirely ready to start our lives together, and this past year has tested us. We moved in together despite his entire family and vising us not to

because of their religion. I thought it would be a good trial run to see if we work together. It was one of the most eye opening experiences and He truly is my best friend. His family is not too keen on us looking to get engaged, but we are

ready to start this next chapter of our lives. His aunt sent us a Christmas card saying something along the lines of, I hope one day you're kind enough to explain your thought process on why you thought it was a good idea to move in together without being married. What a bit. Not only am I terrified to have this conversation, but I'm terrified to tell them that him and I have actually sinned together. I am assuming that means head sex. How do I work my way around

this without coming off like a bit? I love their nephew, son, cousin, and religion obviously doesn't stand in my way. But I don't want to offend anyone and then become that family member that everyone doesn't want at the Christmas party. Help me. I love everything you do and I'm proud of you. Hi. Hi, How good? How are you? I'm good? Okay, So you moved in with your boyfriend. You guys have been together since you were sixteen? Mm hmm. Did you see how

quickly I did that? Yeah, it's very quick, rain man, And you've been with no one else since you were sixteen. Yeah, okay, and you really love him and you want to marry him. Yes, he's my best friend. He's everything that I've looked for in my life. And I'm sorry, someone's calling. Oh that's Joe KOI how annoying. Hold on, sorry about that. You're okay? I love him? Oh you do. Yes, I'm Filipino too. Oh. Actually, then he got him on the phone. Hey, Joe. Yeah,

but I'm talking to somebody who's Filipino. And I said, oh, Joe Cooi's calling and she said, can you see him? Oh? No, here he is, say hi, Hi Hi. She said she was Filipino. And I was like, oh, that's Joe Koy so annoying. I wish you would stop calling me. And then she's like, oh, I love Joe Cord and I was like, oh, well, then I'll answer. He's so cute. He's my favorite. Yeah, we're doing the podcast. I have to call. I have to Joe. Are you getting into drag?

Kill you? All right, we'll call you back. We'll call you back, Okay, bye. He gets upset if I don't say I love you. At the end of the phone call. I'm like, I'm not your girlfriend. But I have to say it otherwise he'll call back. So okay, back to you, Marie. Let's talk about this. First of all, you love him, you're gonna be with him. I think you're way too young to be with someone to get married. But listen,

I get it. If you love somebody and your heart is set on it, then there's nothing you can do to change that person's mind. And I would like to support that. So that's the thing. I've never like wanted marriage in my life, Like, I just don't. I don't think you need labels or anything. But with his family like pushing marriage before anything, Like I can't even go on their family vacations without being married. I can't stay the night of his like his family's house without being married.

Stuff like that. So that's why I'm like, Okay, so marriages next for us, even though, like I don't like labels, I think marriage is just a construct. Honestly. Yeah, Well I wouldn't get married for his family, right, I mean, that's not the reason to get married, because his family is a bunch of right wing, radical religious assholes. You know. That's that's where it gets to me every time the religion tied to the Republicanism. It's like, really, that's that's anyway.

So Brandon, what do you think? Because I can already feel my vagina clenching up from talking about this. I just I love that you love him so much, but this, I've all sisters younger than me. There's so much life ahead of you, and when you're with someone from that young age, it is very easy to have tunnel vision on that person. And I am never someone who would want to enter someone with the idea that divorce is always an option. Enter someone and she's not just something

we bring that into it. She can't even enter each other when they're at the family's house. There's a workaround because they've sent together. Isn't that right? Yes, just never in the presence of anyone else. So I would encourage you if I were giving this advice to my sister is to stay with him, you know, be happy for in that relationship. You guys are both so babies, and it doesn't seem like that because you're like, no, but

we've been neither for five years. There's you have so much life ahead of you that you're going to change and evolve, and hopefully you can do that together, But getting married to solve an issue with his family is not the solution. It's possible like resentment building later, because that's almost like indoctrinating you. Right, you're adhering to their rules for their system of rules, and you have your

own set of rules. You're an individual. You seem like a smart, like sharp young lady, and based on what you said, the label does not make the relationship. And so you can't let someone force you into a situation where you feel like you have to do something. If your relationship is happy and healthy as it is right now as a couple, you guys should be able to find a way to keep that momentum going without the influence of outside sources making you feel like you need

to operate in a certain way. Look at Goldie Han and Kurt Russell. Yeah, look at them together for so long and they're still boyfriend and girlfriend. I see them a lot, and they are they are, Yeah, they love each other and they have a hot, fiery relationship and yeah they've never been married. That's probably why they're still together. Definitely.

So I would never want someone to feel like they're forcing you into situation or that's a situation you have to accept like I just look at you, and I just see like my little sister, and it's just not it's not okay to force women into this sort of position where even though you love him and I'm sure we'd be happy to be married, it's not really a choice you would make based on what you said on your own intention. Yeah. Yeah, And I guess you know it's up to him to figure out how he wants

to deal with his family and family vacations. But you know I would. I like tough love. That's why I like just going. Sorry, neither of us are coming then, you know, like we're fucking adults. Were twenty one years old at this point, you can't. I mean, they probably are still thinking of you since you've been together for five years as little kids too. They're not seeing your evolution or maturity necessarily because they're so stuck in their

own ideas of you. And so there's a way to respectfully communicate these things, that that you are adults, and that you are finding a way to make your relationship work for you too, and that you don't have to answer to his aunt or his uncle or his parents anymore. If you guys are financially independent from them and able to maintain your life together. That's all that matters. You don't like, they can either get on board or not. And hopefully they want to see you happy and we'll

get on board. But if not, you guys also have to be okay with that. Yeah, that you're a unit and now you guys are your own family essentially. Yeah, you could be like it's a package deal. You either get both of us or you get none of us. What does he What does he think about this? What does he think about his family? So he just went home. We live like an hour and a half away from home,

so we don't get to see everyone. That often sounds like that's a good plan, yes, And that's why things have been like kind of spiraling, because I feel like they think everything is happening so fast, but like in reality, we've just been like living our own lives apart from them. And then that's when we get the Christmas card from his aunt. But he is in the same boat I am. He's just like I hate that my family things like this.

I wish they didn't think like this. I wish they took me more seriously because I think everything that we do or say is just like, oh, you're a little young. You're a little young. You don't know much yet, you know what I mean, Like kind of pushing that faith back onto him, even though from a young age she's

shown that there's definitely a divide there. Well, but I think I feel like you're saying two different things though, Like you're saying you're too like if you take the marriage off the table, right, take that out, there's no reason you need to get married, especially if it's for his family. And you're twenty one, so like, you know, even I understand you love him and everything, but why not wait another five years till you're twenty five? Then

you'll know for fucking sure. Right, there's so many things that haven't happened to you yet. And I know you're not interested in hearing that because you're in love, and I get that, But there are just so many things that happened to our brain as we evolve as human beings. As girls and boys, we developed differently. Our brains developed differently.

Our brains aren't even fully formed until we're like twenty six years old for boys and some girls, Like there's some things that aren't connected, you know, until we're in our twenties, so it's important to give yourself the time to not put yourself into situation like that, I believe, and especially not for his family. So I think there's a nice conversation you guys can have with them if you can agree to say, like this, this is the deal.

We've been together a long time. If you guys can't like understand that we're together, like, you know, maybe if you take out the marriage thing or explain to them, like the only reason we would get married is so that we can sleep together at our when we're on vacation. Is that what you guys want us to do? You know? Yeah, that's true. It's just it's hard too because they think we have a lot of faith in our lives. We just have never had that conversation with them yet that

we are not following their footsteps. We are not going to church every Sunday, we are not praying before bed. So I think that's another situation that makes us very uncomfortable. Then you need to have that conversation. Though, you know, those uncomfortable conversations are important to have. It doesn't have to be cantankerous either. You know, you don't have to be yelling and screaming. You just have to say listen, like, the world is changing, you know. Religion isn't what it

used to be. It's certainly not for us. We're not doing these things, so us having to subscribe to your idea of what we should be is completely an unfair way for us to live. Write that down. That was love, but that yeah, well an audio recording, so I can just listen back to it. Okay, well, listen to this and then write it down. Yeah, so I think that's what you should say. That's good. Actually, yeah, that was very helpful. Thank you. Alright, Marie, so let us know

what happens. Okay, I totally you've spoken to them at some point, I will. Okay, thank you, Okay. I really like Marie. I just don't think she's got the age to get married. No, but she's gonna get married, so there's nothing you can do about it. But yeah, I mean twenty one getting married at twenty one? Do you when you look at your life and if you're not in your own life, it just seems idiotic. It is like the first part of your life. There are like

fifty parts of life. Well maybe I guess let's say twenties, one part, forties, another part, sixties a third part. But when people are in love, they want to be together. They don't see the macro, they see the micro. Yeah, I appreciate that. I appreciate that for her, that she's found someone she wants to do with. I just think of my sisters during that age, and it's just there's so much development that happens personally between twenty one and thirty. Yeah,

that's true. I mean, that's that's it's hard. I have a niece that lives with her boyfriend and she's going to get married, probably before any of us are ready. But you know, we just have to suck it up and let people live their own lives. Although you know, if you're calling in to get advice, then we're going to hopefully help you live a different life or or take a step of bravery. But that whole situation is just you know, she's got to deal with multiple components,

religion being the most annoying one. All right, well we have more to cover, but let's take a quick break. We're just breaking up families left and right. It's like, if you want to break up with somebody, please write in or call us because we can help you do it. We can help you set boundaries. Break up, you need to lose a family member, partner, you want to break up with your spouse, a friend, a family member. No, no,

breakup is awful. Limits, it's our real house. I air on the side of really just telling everyone to go funk themselves. You're a little bit more diplomatic, although with your mother you're very harsh. I mean, I but I get it, I get it. I respect. Did you watch The Gypsy Rose Hulu with Patricia Arquette. Yeah, yeah, again, that is very reminiscent of my mom, who like made us believe things were going on that we're not going on, that there were dynamics being built. I mean, she's just

sucking nuts. I love her, I do. And that's the moral of the story is you can love someone from afar and want the best for them and not interact with them. A religion is just so annoying when people are so religious that they try that they expect other people to follow that religion. It's just like that's the opposite of what religion is is like loving all human beings, no matter what they believe in or what they think

as long as they're kind and not discriminatory. Understand, I don't just filtered through and like people just pick what they want from it. Whatever is convenient to their narrative is what they'll choose. When I was in high school and the pastor who I went to church every Sunday, and I remember there never being any like scripture present or any sermon about adultery because he was constantly cheating on his wife. So it's like that type of ship.

It's like, oh my god, it's just so annoying. And my time there's any sort of sanctimony or righteousness, self righteousness, it's always right, like it's always because it's like they're not practicing what they're preaching at all. And no, I just have so the straw that broke my back with religion, and I grew up going on mission trips, and I think that there is something like I like the idea of going to church for the fundamentals, treat your neighbor

how you would want to be treated. And again that's like what people do not practice unless it's convenient to them. But when we moved here, I made leave. I go to a church is called mosaic and it's in like the center of kind of like Hollywood, and it's very like the young group. It's quote unquote like cool and leave. I did not grow up in church. So he did not want to go, and made him go, made him do the donation, the whole bit, and he was like

fucking annoyed. He got home because he's like, Okay, the music was fine, Like if this is something you're really serious about, like I will go with you on Sundays. That's nice. Yeah, it was great. I would never do that for a partner. He So then he started researching it. The pastor who does the sermons for a very diverse congregation, so like a lot of LGBT people, a lot of

people of color, there were some as people. There was listed on like Joel Olstein's Top Southern Baptists Preachers and had a sermon where he basically said that God's gift was aids to eliminate gay people. And I'm like, how can you be the pastor of a congregation and be, you know, very persistent about making a donation with gay people in the audience and then simultaneously be going and doing these sermons basically saying like we should all be

wiped out. I mean, it's just it's so convoluted. Religion is very opportunistic, I know, I know it very it's it's it's upsetting too because it's the root of all it's the root of all war and discrimination. You know, religion persecution. It's just religious persecution, all of it. You know, it's very hard. All you want is to be loving and accept people and have compassion, and that can't Christianity cannot involve you saying you don't like the Black Lives

Matter movement. You can't be a Christian and say that you have a problem with that. How is that Christian people defending themselves peacefully, protesting, peacefully saying we want to be treated equally. We don't feel like we're being treated equally. When somebody says they don't feel like they're being treated equally, it's not your decision to tell them, yes, you are. Well.

People just love to take up an opposition as well as what I found, when there's a cause going on, if it isn't inclusive to them in the way that it's not about them, they'll take an opposition. So because it's Black Lives Matter, they're just like, well, I'm white. I'm not including this. Well you fucking could be. You could be out there marching with your black and brown counterparts and showing support. But because it's not about you, you take the opposition, you take whatever stance is not

what to me. I guess the black lives matter because of where we are is the popular movement is like people should be involved in being inclusive, but it's not everywhere in America. I have a thing with men. Sometimes I think men are hopeless because of the behavior they've necessar for the last five thousand years. But I have a thing with women, Like I don't get how a woman could not a mother, someone who's a parent and a mother, ever be okay with anyone else's child being

shot in a school or being shot by police. You know, I don't understand how mothers can't get behind that, like, oh my god, your child was stolen from you. People are so self involved they don't see their children in those other kids. They don't see that. They think that's separate, right, that's not their kids, Like, that's that's a non issue for them because it's not going to happen in they're all white school, Like that's they don't associate that with

their lives. That is the other. That's not my problem when I say school shootings, I just bring that up because it's a Republican thing. I don't mean that's the same you know, it's not the same thing as Black Lives Matter, But it's two Republican things, you know, not having a problem with Black lives matter and thinking that it's okay for mass shootings to happen in schools all the time, it's okay to live in a country where it's essentially a war zone. That's Republican. And why we

don't have kids. That's why we're not Republicans. I'm I'm getting tired to I'm really going to need a margarita. We're getting one, So don't worry about that, sweetheart. I just don't want that girl to get married. Well I don't want her to get married either, but you know, like that's very difficult because I don't want a twenty one year old girl to get married, Like, you don't even know what's going to happen in ten years, Like what you're going to be into. You don't realize how

young you're twenty one. I thought I fucking knew every I'm like, I am an adult. There is nothing anyone can tell me. And now I look back at that, I was like, I was so naive to what life really looks like. I still feel like a baby sometimes I'm thirty one. Well, twenty one, I was king. I I once keyed my ex boyfriend's car because he broke up, and then I got drunk, went over to his house and opened the door. I had a key to his house, and there was a woman in his bed, and then

I ran out and I keyed his car. That's what I was doing when I was twenty one. You know, I haven't keyed somebody's car in a really long a month. I should keep my Bill's car, so you just have to buy our a new one, so it'll really just be another expense. Well, we covered racism, we covered religion, We covered yeah, yeah, wow. Heavy topics. Much heavier than I anticipated. This podcast is a little bit heavier than I had anticipated it would be. Luckily, there are personal

stories to weave through to keep it light. But I mean, I wasn't expecting this level of seriousness. But I welcome it, and I welcome a challenge, and I want to help people and I love everybody who's written in and I really want to support you. So we're just gonna keep it moving and keep it rolling and just accept whatever comes our way. Also, I am on tour. My tickets are officially on sale. We've added a couple of extra shows. We're going to be announcing dates as we go. You

can buy tickets a ticket master for my shows. I'll be playing my next big show, I'm at the Santa Barbara Bowl August one, so you can come see me there. And then I have all the other cities that I have already released and tickets are available and I can't fucking wait. It's called vaccinated and a horny, So make sure that you bring your vaccinations and your horny nows and then keep them to yourself. Please, do you or someone you know need advice on any subject, literally anything.

You can send your submission to Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com Aslama lacam baby