Taking Your Own Advice with Shelly Tygielski

like a tea amount of caffeine. But it tastes like Chai tasting. Drinking chis Chis with oat milk. That's what Joe gets me when he goes to Coffee Bean. That's his favorite place. But what the funk is chis Chi tea? I don't. I think it's a tea. And I think you can get a latta version, like if you go to a Starbucks or something or go to a coffee shop. But yeah, I think it's a tea. Is it sugar? It has a lot of ad sugar and a little bit you could say easy sugar, but I think it'd

be too spicy without sugar. I have an iced chie with oat milk. I like that and I guzzle it. I love it. Oh my god, it's so delicious. And then I was like, what am I drinking? I don't even know what's in this. I like a hot a soy chai latte because I think that as a little extra natural sweetness from the soy milk. That's why I like the problem with hot drinks with me. As soon as I have a sip of anything hot, I start to perspire underneath my arms and a couple of other places.

I have a very special friend today. Okay, So on this podcast we talk about the Pandemic of Love a lot that my friend Shelley to Gelski started founded and executes on the regular. And I know that because I have people hit me up on Instagram for money all the time, and I finally have somewhere to send them besides giving them my own money. There's actually a resource

for people. And what's even well, not more exciting, but equally as exciting as Pandemic of of is that she has a new book that comes out on October and it's called Sit Down to Rise Up, which is a book I've mentioned earlier, but I really can't say enough amazing things about it, and I have to encourage all of our listeners to go get a copy of this book to make you a better member of your community, to make you feel like a contributor and somebody who

is there not just for yourself, but for your neighbors and for the people that are really in need. Because there are times in our lives where we need help, and there are times in our lives where we can give help. So it is good for everybody to be a community member and a team builder, if you will. I don't know what that means, but I've heard it's a corporate term and I like it anyway. Please welcome

Shelley Sigelski. Hi Shelly, Hi, Hi Shelly. And I became friends at the Wisdom two point oh conference with Dan, my psychiatrist. She knows Dan, I do, and I'm at her backstage and she was wearing one of her ridiculously colorful, bright outfits, and I just, in a sea of psycho iatris, neurophysicists, neuroscientists, blah blah blah blah blah, spiritualist, I just looked at her outfit and I'll never forget. I think you had

rainbow sneakers in a whole rainbow out. Yeah. And we met backstage and she was normal, and I was like, you know, I felt, well, you are. You're a normal person for the most part, but not a regular person. You're a normal person. And we went out that night for drinks. I was with my sissy Samoe, and my sister and my older sister because it was in San Francisco, and we went out for drinks that night and we

just all hit it off. And now she's really good friends with my sister Simone I am, and they spend so much time to get Yeah, that's your sister too. Yeah. My sister's like, I'll take Shelley, thank you, love her. I know she's good. She's good. So let's talk about the book first, because this is your first book. It

is my first book. It's nerve racking, is it. It's frightening and it's exciting at the same time, for sure, because you're putting so much of yourself out there and you're really nervous about what the reception is going to be. But the book is really about connecting the inner work with the outer world. It's frustrating for me as somebody who's in this industrial wellness complex that is constantly trying to sell you things. You know, more, more beauty products,

more chai latte, is more of everything. And it's frustrating for me because I see so many people who spend so much time just working on themselves constantly, and I'm like, in pursuit of what just so that you could be better or because you actually want to show up differently

in the world. And so the whole premise of the book is really to knock people off their asses a little bit and encourage them to not just sit down in meditation and do the inner work, but to rise up and actually make it effective for everybody, the fact that you're a better person because a better version of the world starts with the best version of ourselves, right, And you don't even necessarily need to meditate to rise up.

You don't need to sit down to rise up. But it is a great tool to help you once you can apply that to yourself. It's easier to apply it to the old. But you know, one you can do one. You can rise up and you don't have to meditate. If anyone is here, like fuck, I can't do it. I can't rise up because I can't meditate. Everyone can meditate, Chelsea. You know that. I know that everyone can meditate. I

know that. Well, actually that's not true. Well everyone can, but a lot of people get really really they lose

interests really quickly. That's true. But I think it's also because we set these like lofty goals for ourselves and we think like, oh, I need to sit down for twenty minutes and burn incense and chant and have a mantra, and that you can actually just meditate in increments of like ninety seconds a day, and that's been proven to be really effective, So you can incrementally just reset multiple times throughout the day and still show up differently. Yeah. I was on a tour bus recently with Joe Coy.

You know Joe. Obviously we've spent some time with him. You saw him this morning at my house. When because Shelley supped at my house last night and Joe also slept at my house last night without not together, we didn't sleep. Actually, well maybe we did. I just want to clarify that. And I was on his tour bus traveling and I didn't have any alone time, because when I'm with Joe, I'm with Joe all the time, and I didn't have any alone time to meditate, and I

did that. I just was like I was with seven men on a bus, oh my god, driving through the middle of the night to our hotel that we would arrive at five in the morning, living a life that I don't want to live. I mean that I didn't want to live, but I will because I like to be with him, and I would do that. I did those like little bursts like ninety seconds just breathing, like just sitting alone and taking three or four really deep inhales and really slow egg shales and just calming yourself

and calming your brain. And that does really work too. I feel like, because I like to be such a good student because I never went to college. So I feel like if I don't meditate twenty minutes every single day that I'm and if I missed two days in raw, I'm like, it's ober, I'm gonna get arrested, you know. Like it's a nice little kind of thing to do. And I know eckart tole I talks about that too, that it's not about necessarily sitting and meditating for a

certain period of time. It's about taking those breaks throughout the day. So that's always good advice. So the book talks about how to kind of do all of that. And in the book you talk about how you started a meditation group in Florida where you lived with twelve friends on the beach in Hollywood, Florida. I had twelve girlfriends that we're all going through very different times of their lives, like one just had cancer, another one was

going through divorce, another was an empty nester. Everybody was going through some sort of like a cluster fuck moment in their lives. And I was that annoying friend who would always tell people like you should meditate. And finally one of my friends called me out and she said, well, then teach us how to meditate, Like stop telling us

what to do and actually just teach us. So I said, yeah, great, let's all just meet on the beach on the Sunday morning, And we did in November of and within six months we had a thousand people show up to meditate together just through word of mouth, which was incredible, and so

the community, which stopped meeting obviously due to COVID. The last time I actually was on that beach, was on March of eventually had fifteen thousand people that were part of that group, which is really phenomenal in a testament to how you can just you know, snowball things by just continuously showing up. Oh that's amazing. Fifteen thousand people, that's so crazy. And you came from corporate America. Yeah, she was running a Fortune five hundred company. Was something

along those lines. I like to throw around corporate terms. Sure, yeah, sure she was. But you were running a company, Yes, I was. I was running a company with employees and fourteen markets across the country, and I was as miserable as it could be. Like I finally reached my goal. I was like, yes, I finally made it. I wanted to be a CEO, was very living a very gold centered life. And I was thirty six years old and I remember working late one night. Everybody was gone from

the office. Was me and like the person like cleaning the floor, and I just looked around and I started to cry. I just wept, and I was like, I'm so miserable. Is this really as good as my life's going to get? Now? Like I finally reached my goal? Right? This my whole life had been finding for this, and I realized that night like that something really big and

drastic had to happen. And when I got home that night, after sitting in traffic because is always under construction, I'm sure that will resonate with anyone on that I got home and my son, who at the time was I think like fourteen years old, looked at me and he said, you know, mom, you know what the happiest day of my life is going to be. And I said what? And he said the day you quit your damn job. And I was like, whoa, you should start taking your

own advice lady. You know, yeah, that's that. But that woke you up? Right? Did it? Totally? Did it threw me out of the nest? So out of the mouth of babes? Isn't that what parents say? Out of the mouths of babes? Yes, exactly, And then something else I don't know the rest of the saying. And that's because I'm barren. Okay, So today since I do have have somebody who actually has a lot of experience. Oh and I also went to a retreat, let's just quickly recap that.

So I was on Martha's Viniard. A few summers ago, Kelly strong armed me into coming to a retreat in Barry, Pennsylvania, Barry Massachusetts, Barry Massachuse, sorry, my bad, that's right, Barry, Massachusetts, And like an idiot, I said, sure, sure. It was a gun violence survival retreat. So basically a lot of people from Parkland and a lot of people from Differentsburg, Chicago, outside Chicago were there, and so I was like, really, is this appropriate a for me to even be there?

But it was because you know, once you get there, everyone was staying on what is that place called, It's called the Forest Refuge. It's a Buddhist meditation center that's part of I m S, which is Insite Meditation Society that was founded by Sharon Salzburg and Jack Cornfeld, right, okay, and those two are very big in the meditation mindfulness game. And I stayed at a hotel because obviously that was breakfast and Bradley called a hotel, right, right, I stayed

at what was available closest to the spot. After the first couple of days, so there was like you know, breakout sessions, you have kind of like group sessions. You get put with a group and then lunch comes and everyone prepares the lunch together. Yeah, they're different. You have you have a Yogi job, and I obviously, you know, can't prepare anything you cut carrot video, because I mean I can cut a carrot. But once I got wind of like that would be the male situation, I had

to start to think outside the box. And so one day I was like, I was like, I can eat soup and like vegetarian food, but at some point I'm going to need something a little bit spicier or with a little bit more, you know, action. So I finally found a pizza place, and I remember going on like day three, I went and I was like, I'm fucking done with this food. I am going off on some pizza. And I went to this pizza place and I ordered

garlic knots an entire pizza. And I sat down at the table and as soon as I and I had all the food spread out in front of me, and I was like, I am going off. I've eat nothing like cabbage and soup and what it was very bish. Yeah, something I didn't know that I didn't need. And then two other people from the retreat walked at the same time, and I just looked like I looked like Harvey Weinstein at a dinner table, like it was so disgusting what

I was preparing to just shove down my throat. And as I looked up, I'm like, oh, no, I'm not. And then I'm like, wait, they're fucking here too. It's a small town. Oh my god. And then the last night, I remember there was that cute black guy there that I was like, how they came for him? I can't remember it. It was the last night we all had drinks and then we invited them over and they came over, and I was like, oh God, if I hook up

at this retreat, it will all be worth it. I mean it was worth it anyway obviously, but that would have just been even better. But I'm glad I didn't hook up with him anyway, because then I saw that picture of him on the beach. Anyway, So we're going to take some callers, and I see we actually, Catherine, who do we have? First? We actually have Alex who we talked to last season and you sent him to see Shelley at Pandemic of Love. So he is going to join us and tell us a little bit about

his experience. Hi Alex. Hi, Alex could just cry, I swear, how wonderful. Oh my gosh, Shelley, it's so good to see you. Oh my god, Hi, Chelsea, are so cute, stopping, they are so cute to Oh my god, look how happy you are. I remember last time we spoke, you were so remember, oh my god, so Alex. For our listeners, let me just recap. So the last time Alex called in, you were really stressed out about your rent, about seeing your father, who had just recently been diagnosed right with

some cancer. Yeah he was radiation yet, yes, and you had no You were a hot mess because you were dealing with so much stress, and it was in the middle of COVID and you didn't think you could afford your rent. You didn't you didn't know if you're gonna get kicked out, and you you couldn't afford to go to your father. And I said to get in touch with pandemic of love, and within I don't know, seventy two hours, you had a plane ticket back to see your dad.

I mean, talk about miracle working, Shelley. That is a miracle. I mean, it's just a conduit, really right, It's just so it's it is beautiful. It's it's I just in retrospect, I feel like at the time, I was like flailing and like I felt like I was drowning and there was like nothing to grab onto because it was like, my dad's sick, my job has been negatively impacted by the pandemic, my housing situation is kind of messed up, and it just felt like there was no kind of

safe ground. And yeah, it was wild how quickly Shelley was just like, what do you need? I'm here for you. It's really the last thing you think about when you're in the midst of all that was asked somebody for help.

It was just the last thing that came to mind, because I I think that what's fundamental about your organization, Shelley, is that there's a realization that the last eighteen months are bizarre and not normal, and what we're going through is not horrible, and we can't have prepared for this even if we wanted to so right, and we all

need each other. I think oftentimes we're so in this state of freeze, right, fight flight or freeze, and so a lot of us just freeze when we're like flailing as you described it, and we we don't know what to do, so we don't do anything. Yeah, you know,

and asking for help is like very intimidating. What's also special about your kind of care is that I intentionally, I don't know if you felt this at all, but I like, after maybe the first week or so, kind of took a step back from sending you updates because you're so upfront with all of the people you're helping who are in such enormous need, and it's really difficult to feel worthy of help, you know, amongst all those people.

And I kind of took a step back and just thought, you know, you helped me like cover when I read checks. You helped me cover a wildly late electric and gas bill. And then I was just like, you know what, I don't think I need any more. And then about a month later you d M to me and you're like, so that trip to se your dad, I was like, what, Like, how is I thought that like it was a wrap

on this, Like just you entered my heart. You you care, you love like relentlessly, and I think that is such like a special guest, especially like as somebody's a teacher to to love still relentlessly for so many people, is like, that is so true. I wake up and there's text from her going, you are special, you are loved. You need to hear this today, And I'm like, what, I mean, where does that capacity come from? I would say it comes from twenty years of meta practice, loving kinds practice,

but really just expanding your heart out. I think the more we we love on people, the more that it just bounces back and comes back to us, you know, and it's contagious, like I've become I feel like a better teacher. Are small interactions with each other, it's really really special. I decried about I'm gonna cry, Alex, well now everyone I know and are you crying a little bit? Can you cry? Can you start crying too? So tell us? How's your dad doing? By the way, yeah, how was

your trip? You know how those trips to see your parents I think get more special as you enture your like mid twenties. We smoked the blunt together and we went and visit We went visited my mom's grave stone, which we haven't probably haven't done such well. And I hadn't been home in over two years. So just being home, I think after being in the city and experiencing that really intense drop of the pandemic was it was nice. It's a really good breath of fresh air, so it

was amazing. His doctor apparently thinks that he will be find the next two years at least. So definitely about the fresh air because I was looking pretty bleak for a minute. Oh that's great, that's great news. That's amazing. Oh I'm so happy. I'm so happy too. And that's the other thing is I told us to Shelley already, but like I didn't realize how valuable that trip was because I hadn't seen I got in two years and

I might only have two arms left with him. So it's truly a priceless gift that you gave me, Shelley, Thank you well. It came through Chelsea and it was through her community. So let's remember that it takes a community. That's the whole premise of this, right, It's not one person. It's like we're all. If you are brave enough to ask for help, which you were and you are, then it allows for that floodgate of love to come in. And I'm so happy that we were able to surround

you with that love. That's amazing. You're worth it. Yeah, and it's great to hear that. You're also like reciprocating that out to other people, you know, because when you are loved, you love right, and when I feel it, I want to give it. So it's always important to remember to instead of withholding or retreating, to always move towards someone and towards another person. Yeah, loneliness to sort of selfish in a way. It's like in receiving love,

you're actually able to become a vessel for that. It's almost like if you nor that care, it's kind of a lost possibility. And how's your teaching going? By the way, I love it. I love it. You have to come to my show at the Beacon, so both of you that you're both coming on you will both be there that same week. Yeah, you'll get us both in the same week. O fun. I love it, Alex. I love these updates. That's so fucking awesome. I can't wait to meet you and hug you in person. Me too, Thank

you so much, you too, thank you? Okay, bye? I love you, love you, love you. Yeah, he deserves our love, right, everyone does. Amazing, Joe says, I love you to everyone, And I'm just going to start saying it too. Yes, he should, because everybody loves you. Everybody tells you they love you. Well, I know, I know. I sometimes I don't say I love you too people because I find it to be insincere. But you know what, it's just good to say I love you, I think so too,

or even love you. You don't have to like make it romantic. Okay, Katherine, So what else do we have today? Well, today we're talking about bettering yourself and I feel like we just did talking to Alex. We're talking about self love, continuing education, healing from a bad relationship, all kinds of ways people are betting themselves. Okay, let's do it. That sounds like a great place to take a quick break, and we'll be back with some collars. Sounds good. Okay,

we're back and Katherine's taking off her blazer. She's really listening up. My pants are still off, and Shelley's wearing a a jumpsuit. Actually, I have that exact jumpsuit and I literally wore it just for you because you're the jumpsuit queen, and I was like, what should I wear? I'm gonna wear a jumpsuit. I just had to pack for my tour, and I was like, I thought I was going away for four days, and then I found out I was going away for three weeks. It's like,

all fun, how many jumpsuits is that? You? Like? You need TED? You need TED outfits. I'm like, I'm gonna need another influx of jumpsuits. But anyway, never mind that part of the conversation. It doesn't really make any sense to anybody who can't visualize what I'm talking about. Okay, So who's next? So our first question today comes from Alyssa.

She says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Alyssa, and I'm calling in from Denver, Colorado, and I am seeking your advice on how to cultivate the best relationship with yourself. I just got out of a long term relationship that ended during the pandemic. I thought it was going to end in marriage, turns out it just ended. I'm really actually feeling empowered by the decisions I've made that feel true to myself, and at the same time, I feel

nervous about how to move forward. So I thought I would call in and just ask for what advice you might give to someone who is newly single and interested in renewing that relationship with themselves. Oh that's always good. Nice, Yeah, because when you go inward, that's when you start to get good stuff going right. When you're ready to take a look at yourself and create a deeper relationship with yourself is when then you really start to glow. Yeah.

I think it was Walt Whitman who wrote Alone and the Soul Emerges. So if you're willing to go in and go deep, when you get quiet, things can get really really loud, and that's pretty amazing. Yeah. It's also good like that for decision making when you get really quiet.

That's something I've learned through meditation. When you can't decide on something or you're having trouble making a decision, to just go and sit alone in silence, and the answer does come to you, comes to you in your gut and you know like, oh that okay, this is what's This is the real me, not your ego. That's yeah, it's like your real me, your soul who you are, telling you what to do right, And we usually do

exactly the opposite. We usually ask for advice from like everybody who shouldn't even be giving us advice, Just like clutter this base with like all this noise, that's my signature dish or it was to go around and just gets and then I'm looking just for somebody to agree with me, you know, And once I get something agree with me, I'm like, Okay, that's the right decision, right, which you would have gotten to anyway had you gone to your loan space. So Alyssa, I think you're totally

on the right track. First of all, you should commend yourself for even having the the awareness, the self awareness to know that you need to hit pause for a moment to sort of recalibrate and get in touch with yourself, because most people can just jump from one relationship to the next, or you know, they try to fill that void, if you will, that exists with something else, with a vice or with another boyfriend, or with activities or business. So congratulations on that you're on your way. I would

say that I'm a very big fan of two things. First, journaling. I write in journals every day. I have for the last I don't know, God, since I was like in fifth grade or something and somebody bought me a diary, like a pink diary with like a unicorn on it.

But I actually think that writing things down helps you sort your thoughts out, and if you are intimidated by blank page, there's so many different options for journals that already have prompts that are listed that can really help you get your juices flowing and help you think through a lot of kind of like bigger questions that maybe when you're so busy in a relationship, because you give so much of yourself when you're in a dedicated relationship,

it can help you actually sort of bring the focus and the center back to yourself and really ask questions like, well, what do I want with my life? You know, what do I want to do? What do how do I want to show up? And and what do I really want for my next relationship? And it can help you just sort of exfoliate all of that through through writing

very gently. The other thing I would say is that you know, you should really consider and think about how you want to invest in yourself right now that you have all this free time and you're not in a relationship.

What are some of the things that maybe you did not allow yourself to do, you know, whether it's taking a class or learning a language, or traveling or really anything that you could possibly think of that you may have given up on or not even embarked on because you were in a relationship and a relationship is compromised. We always have to do that, but some relationships are worth doing that for because you can grow together with

the person. But I would say, just pick one thing, pick one thing that you are willing to explore that you've always wanted to explore, and gift yourself with that, and you'll see how amazing things can unfold. And who knows, maybe you'll meet your next partner when you're embarking on that journey. Yeah, I think that's great advice. I like what you said because I would ever suggest journaling because I don't do it, and I just I won't do it.

But I like that because I think a lot of people benefit from it and it's really help to put your thoughts down on paper. My thoughts are always coming out of my mouth, so it's like I don't have to worry about it. Also, you know, meditation, which I suggest to everyone, is a really good way to get to know yourself because you start to understand how your brain works and what and the distractions that your mind

kind of has a pattern with. So the thing that we talked about a lot on this podcast is when you're not feeling like you're doing it well or you're doing it right. But that's what meditation is. It's getting focus again. It's losing focus and then reclaiming the focus, and it's setting yourself up to understand that your only job is to sit there with your breath and focus and as soon as your mind drifts, to take it back to the focus. But understanding that your mind is

going to continuously drift. That is part of meditation and it helps so much. I just read this other book about meditation and it was I won't mention the name because we're only talking about sit down to rise up from for the rest of our lives, and which is a book that everyone needs to buy. And the two biggest benefits, they said, we're impulsivity and focus. So now when I can have a crazy, crazy day with eight five things scheduled, but I can be focused at every

single thing that I'm at. And that is a result of meditation. Because before I had severe a d h D or a d D I don't know, it was never diagnosed. I don't need anybody to diagnose it because I can diagnose myself and I know a college, yeah, and I needed and a doctor that doesn't have a degree, a degree less doctor. And my reactions, you know, reactions to things. Now I can go, oh, look, look how how fast your chest is beating because of something that

just happened. Now I noticed my body before my brain does something with it. You know, I go, oh, oh, that's you having a reaction to something, and you know what, You're not going to do it this time. And my focus is so much better than it was. So that's also a great way to get to know yourself and to get to know your thought patterns and to rehabituate

yourself with different thought patterns. And yeah, again, also the fact that you're even asking the question means that you've taken the first step into discovering yourself and getting to know yourself better. And I love what you said about maybe not having that had the time in a relationship to explore certain things, but then being able to do that, you know, taking the time now to go, you know,

do whatever it is that you find interesting. And meeting somebody like that is a strong possibility because when you say to the world or the universe or whatever you think when your energy is like, hey, I'm getting healthy as healthy as I can be, all you're going to attract is other healthy people. That's right. Yeah, you're definitely putting that energy out there. So it's a major domino effect.

It's just like you know, if you sit, if you complain about something, then that becomes your narrative, and if you are happy about something, then that becomes your narrative. So it's like, what do you want to spend your time doing? Being happy or complaining? What you focus on expands. There you go, Katherine, there you go. Yeah, Catherine is also a psychiatric unicorn. I do my best a degreeless doctor. We're all degree with doctors here. Do you have a degree,

We don't want to talk to you. If you have a degree, we are not interested in communicating. My degree is in playwriting, so that's perfect. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Well then maybe you'd be interested in start journal and starting to journal with Catherine if you haven't already, since you're already good at writing. Okay, anyway, well that was good, right, Yeah. I think Alissa, you've got some tools in your toolbox, and just keep adding more tools in your toolbox. That's

the point. Yeah, and I'm glad that your relations You know, every time a relationship ends, it is a beginning of something new and begainning of a new phase of your relationship. So when anything ends in my life now I have that attitude like, Okay, that wasn't meant to be for much longer, or that's over. But look how exciting the next thing is. Because anytime something ends, something exciting begins.

That's just the way the world works. And you know, you can speak from a personal space because you had spent the last few years not in a relationship, right several years, and you really did a lot of deep dive like work on yourself, went to therapy, tried new things, said yes to a lot of things, and you were able to create new connections and really discover a better version of yourself. Yeah, and you know what, a lot

of my relationships didn't survive my therapy. Not a lot, but a couple of important relationships in my life didn't survive therapy. And that was also a good thing for me. It was a good thing to get rid of that kind of unhealthy attachments or negativity. And even though it felt it was like, oh, you get healthy and you realize you want to be around healthy people, and you want to have healthy relationships that have boundaries and that are adult like instead of, you know, living out your

childhood as an adult. Amen, Sister Hustle Ama lic Um Well. Our next question comes from Clayton. He is in Chicago. He says, Dear Chelsea. Back in twenty nineteen, I started at a company where I knew the CEO, and taking this position allowed me to go back to school in the evenings. The CEO has been super supportive. I told her I would need to go down to four days a week at work, working longer hours during those four days.

She agreed, and all is good. Several people left the company in the past two years, and many of those responsibilities got added to my role, the most recent being an extremely time consuming data entry position that layers on top of my current full time responsibilities. When discussing my concerns about workload with HR, I asked if there would be a monetary supplement for taking on these additional responsibilities.

The HR person promptly replied no, there will not, and went on to say that they didn't think I was contributing enough to the company to justify my current salary. I was taken aback as I take pride in my work ethic and the quality of work I put out. I'm typically a happy person, but I can't get the negative thoughts of work out of my mind. How do I flush this negativity out of my system and get back to the self. I enjoy being Clayton and he's with us. Hi, Clayton, Hey, how are you? We're good?

How are you? I'm doing great? Well, that's really frustrating, I can see. I can imagine how frustrating that must be to take on extra work and then be told you're not doing enough, which is complete and utter horseship. Yeah, I have. I have some probing questions though, to just learn a little bit more. So you're still in school? Yes, yes, I have two years last got you? So you're you're still working four days a week and I'll put that in quotations because I'm sure it's not actually four days

a week. It's just for Monday through Thursday, let's say. But you're working weekends probably and over time. Are you still friends with the CEO of the company? I am, yeah, we have a really nice report. Okay, And have you had this conversation with the CEO, or do you feel like it's something that you don't want to go to or risk the report of the relationship with the CEO. Yeah, I haven't gone to her yet. May mean because when I was talking to the HR person she prefaced it

as we think instead of I think. So the confusing thing for me is, really, if this was an issue, I'm surprised that she didn't say anything to me. Right. In other words, if you weren't contributing enough before, your supervisor should have at least mentioned that to you and said, Clayton, we don't think you're doing enough, rather than just saddling you with additional workload and then saying, well, you're not doing enough. So here we're saddling you with more work

for no additional pay. So I get. I get how you're feeling, and you know, it's a tricky situation because I understand that you probably don't want to jeopardize your relationship with the CEO, that you have a nice rapport. But I also think that you do need some clarity, and I think that you deserve some clarity. You know, if I was in your position, and I had spent twenty years in the corporate world, so I can speak

from from a place of personal experience. In situations where I had a rapport with the CEO or reported directly to that individual, I would carefully and I'll say carefully because I don't think you should come at it like, oh, I'm your friends, so let's have a friendly discussion, but in a careful and respectful way. I would maybe try to be a little bit vulnerable, and I would word something very carefully, like really kind of rehearse it ahead

of time. Right. There's there's a really great book called Difficult Conversations that you should get. It's great because it actually creates this model for you that is like pretend your person a and pretend your person being. You can actually have somebody else train with you. You could already

prepare what you want to say. You can go through the process before you actually show up to have the conversation with the CEO, so that you don't feel nervous or stick to your stomach or however you physiale logically feel before you have to do something that is really nerve racking, and you can be prepared when you go in to just have a really respectful conversation and at the at the worst case scenario, Right, the worst case scenario is that you don't get a raise, but you

get clarity, right, And you can preface everything by saying I love working here, and I appreciate the support that you all have given me, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, all the things that you want to say. But I would say that you should just prepare yourself for a conversation, ask for a private meeting with the CEO, and very respectfully

just air your grievances to just get clarity. Maybe you won't walk out with more money, but you sure as hell at least we'll walk out with some clarity around the fact that you are appreciated at the company and that you are doing enough, and that you are enough so that you don't have to feel resentful and find that that's doing over time. Yeah, and just because the HR person said as we, I mean, that's what they say. They say we for a reason, right, How what is

your relationship like with the CEO? Like, what kind of report do you have? I used to work for her husband. They both have startup companies, and I jumped over to hers so I could go back to school. And what is the size of the company. It's a small company. There's like less than forty people, So then it does sound totally appropriate to talk to her. I agree, I think so. I think if you hold it back, you're just going to be brewing and stewing with Yeah. Yeah,

I can see it in your face. So for if not for any other reason than to alleviate the bad feeling that you have about the information that she gave you, which is insensitive and ikey all around. Yeah, agree, Yeah,

but don't let her, you know, dictate your mood. You talking to the CEO is taking it into your own hands, since you have your own personal relationship with her, and that's saying, Okay, this is not okay with me, and I need a better answer for this, and I need to, you know, have a better piece of mind about it, which is also taking charge of the situation, which is exactly what you should be doing to have a better piece of mind exactly. Let us know how that conversation goes, Clayton,

and have it sooner than later. Are you prepared to do that? Definitely? Yeah? Great, Well that's great, Thank you so much. Yeah, I hope everything works out, But keep us posted. I want to hear back. Thanks Clayton, good luck, Okay, bye, that was good. I'm glad you were here for that corporate ship because I wouldn't know what My sister Simone,

who Shelley spreads with, she fucking works in corporate America. Yes, she died biotech firm and San Francisco, And when she talks about work, I want to stab myself in the throat. It's so fucking boring. It is so boring, and she has to manage people, and then she's got a supervisor and all of that. I'm not moving part. What the fuck? And She's like, Chelsea, it's not like I want to be doing all of this. Everybody has to do this.

It's a part of my responsibility. It's not like I'm doing it for fun, Like I have this role in a company. I'm like why why? But yeah, Corporate America makes my stomach. It's just like everybody. I have no respect for authority figures either, you know, me telling me what to do. The other day, I was driving, I was in Spain. We were driving down the street to my house and the police. You're not allowed to drive on the street unless you have a house on the street.

And because it's kind of like an esplanade, and the Spanish police were like, hey, hey, no cars, no cars. I'm like, I lived down there, and they're like, no, it doesn't matter. Where's your and my friends in the car, And I go, yeah, it doesn't matter. I live right there. I can drive right here. You're not telling me what to do. And I just kept driving and my friend goes, you have the pass right here, like on your dashboard, just stop it and I'll show it to them. And

I was like, funk those guys. So I have no regard for any authority figure telling me what to do. I just don't like it, especially when it's a man. Didn't you have, like ever have like a real job before you? Like, well, I dried into comedy, like oh no, no, I mean I tried to be attempt I would get fired. I could not transfer a phone call. I waited tables. That was all I could do. But I got fired from that too, because I would tell people off all the time. I would just go off on people i

didn't look me in the eyes. I'd like, you don't even deserve to eat here if you can't look at your server in the eyes. I would go off on people because people are so fucking rude when they eat at restaurants. You know they have no no table manners

and no bedside manner. But no, I can't. My sister Smone said to me once she goes when I was upset, you know, in my twenties, when things weren't going the way I wanted to or as quickly as I wanted to, remember her going, you will succeed at this because you cannot do anything else. I can hear her say. She's like, you don't worry. You're never gonna have a real job because you wouldn't be able to keep it. So anyway, those were the words of encouragement from my big sister.

What's next, Catherine. Okay, So our next caller, Amber says, Dear Chelsea, I just got out of a three year real relationship. In most aspects, I've never been more confident in my life. I just got a great new job, I've been in therapy for a year, and I'm finally financially secure. But inside I feel deep sexual shame. For the last nine months of this relationship, there was no sex, no physical connection, nothing more than what felt like friendship

over time. When I would make a move, my boyfriend would make me feel like I was being inappropriate or pushy. It's now been a year since I've had sex, and not only am I incredibly frustrated, but I've become very insecure about the length of time, and that makes me even more frustrated. Now I'm so fragile with being rejected sexually that I can't even imagine being able to cuttle

up next to someone again. I went back onto a dating app to see if I felt a connection, and I did, but when they wanted to meet and probably have sex, I freaked out and deleted my profile. Clearly I'm not ready, But how do I manage to get back in the dating pool after this negative experience? Amber? Oh? Hi amber II. Yeah, it's great to meet you. Oh, thank you. It's great to meet you too. This is Shelly. Hi, Hi, Shelly.

Nice to meet you. She's our special guest today. She's a very good friend of mine who gives very sagacious advice. So you're in for a real treat. First of all, I just want to say to you that I have gone multiple times for years without sex. I don't know what the longest was, but definitely more than a year, So that is not uncommon. So there's no reason to

beat yourself up about that. You know that happens all the time to people, And there's no reason just to have sex just so you cannot go a year without it. That's lamer than going a year. And yeah, it sounds like your last boyfriend just kind of did a number

on you that you're still recovering from. Right, Absolutely definitely feels like I'm just still recovering from that, I think, So yeah, I definitely just I'm not ready to go there yet, but I know when I am ready, I still feel that a little bit scared, a little nervous, and I just hate the idea of being ridge I did again, so right, Right, But you're not alone in that.

You know, so many people experience that, that fear of rejection and that fear of being intimate again, the fear of like I mean, I used to be so uncomfortable going on dates with people that I would have to have like two cocktails before I could even show up because I'm like, what do I do? How do I act?

What do I say? You know, I put a giving off this energy that I was just like so guarded and so like get away from me, you know, and knowing that you're not ready a is incredible because that's knowing yourself and fear of rejection is a very common feeling and that's something that you can easily work through and it takes a little bit of time, but you know, you can get there. And you're totally hot, You're totally young. I mean, you got all this stuff going for you.

You're gonna find somebody, you know. Not a lot of people spend their lives being single forever. Being single is a period of time that you have to really really take advantage of. You know, I have been single for years and I'm recently in a new relationship and I'm so glad that I spent that much time alone because now he'll he'll never leave me alone, Like I will not be alone again. So I put all the time and effort into myself for this purpose, and you know,

that's the way it works. Shelly, what do you Let's talk to her a little bit. What do you well? I I actually I have a question regarding like intimacy. Do you have other types of intimate relationships in your life? Meaning do you have friends or family members that you're really like loving on that you can like hug and be intimate with in a physical way that isn't inappropriate of course, Right. I'm really close with my family, I

have a really great group of friends. I have a dog that I rescued ago, Right, So I do feel like I have so many other great things going in my life, and it just felt like this one piece kept overshadowing everything else amazing that is happening in life right now, and getting my dream job and finally being financially secure and figuring out my mental health, and so I just kept feeling like, why do I go back

to this specific piece? Right, So, I do feel so grateful that I do have that really great connection with friends and family, and and yeah, I think we live in this like culture now that and I've been married now for fifteen years, so I don't necessarily fully understand this culture of you know, dating apps, because it just

there were no apps when when I got married. But I think that there's so much pressure to sort of create that one on one connection really quickly and for it to like work out or for it to become intimate really quickly as well. And I kind of feel like my best advice would be especially because you have a great group. It sounds like you've a great network and a community of friends and family and people who

love and care about you. And especially now that we're in a phase where you can at least go outside and like, you know, not have to be stuck in a house for eighteen months. You can actually go to the old fashioned way of trying to meet somebody in a natural set sting, right, And that maybe takes the pressure off because things can happen and naturally unfold slowly and carefully, as opposed to it going from zero to sixte and like a matter of a minute, right. And

I agree with Chelsea. I think that, you know, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves and we're like, oh, I need to just have an intimate relationship or go have sex because I haven't had sex in a year. And really it's not about that. I think it sounds like, especially from what you're saying, like it's really more about intimacy and not just having that like one night stand, you know, and just like Okay, I did it, I got over it, because I actually think that that could

also cause a lot of issues. You know, you can then start self analyzing yourself if it didn't go the way you wanted it to go. So I would just say focus on your friends, focus on the intimate relationships you do have, and put yourself out there in in new ways that you haven't done before, right Like, say, yes, go out to the events and to the things that are of course being safe in the world that we live in today, but go out and just try new things and and do new things with all the people

that you love. And when you radiate in that environment of the people that you feel safe and comfortable with, you'll start to attract other people into that space as well. That's great advice. Yeah, yeah, And you have to think of abundance, right, Like what you said is all abundance. You have a rescue dog, you have a close relationship with your family, you have friends. Those are all wonderful

things that you have an abundance. And if you focus on that, that attracts more and more abundance instead of focusing on what you don't have in this moment. You know, you want to focus on when you do have the opportunity to be with somebody that you've done the work, the inner work, and that you've done the self esteem work, and that your ex boyfriend doesn't define you. He doesn't define how you think about yourself. You decide what you are, who you are, and how you're going to be in

this world. And you're lovely and anyone would be lucky to be with you. So like, no, I'm not worried for a second about you. I think we always just get into situations where we think we're single and we're like we panic. It's like, no, that's a cause for celebration too. Single dumb is celebratory. And you experienced great relationships with your friends and your family, especially when there's no love distraction, you know, because when love comes in

then it is a big, big distraction. Falling in love is a huge distraction. So put in the time and effort now so that your family and friends don't get mad at you when you do fall in love. That's great and it actually also you inspired me. I really loved skiing, and now I can work remotely, so I'm thinking about going to Breckon Ridge for all of February

and working. And I mean I was like, you know, this also frees me from having to, you know, hang around San Diego, and so I can move around and do things, and actually you and iron me, I thought, oh I could do that. Now I'm so I'm trying to kind of get in that mode of thinking of those things. Hearing it from you two is really helpful. So I really see a Ski love relationship in the future. I love Breckon Ridge. That's a great place. I love seen.

I love Margarita's. Yeah, Reckon Ridge is great. That's where I learned. Well, that's already a great decision you made. So good for you and have asked and keep us posted. Okay, if there's any great developments or you have anything to share, always call back. I will thank you so much. It was so great to meet you. Thank you, Thank you so much. Bye. I love energy like that. Oh, go ahead, do you want to cough on me? I went down the wrong pipe? Yeah? How does that happen with water?

I don't know, And I always I always thought I only had one pipe. Do we have more than one pipe? Listen? I didn't know that there were three holes down there for a lot of time either. I was like wait what my friend my sister had to explain. She's like, Chelsea, honestly, between you not knowing the difference between the moon and the sun, and you don't know the three holes that are down there. I'm like, wait, I thought I thought your period and your vagina we're the same. Fuck. I'm

a mess. I'm like, where is that hole? She's like what? I'm like, I thought that when you put a tampa forget it. Let's not even get into it. But I can't be the only one. Lord, I don't know what I was doing during class when I was growing up not there. I was not paying attention, and that's for sure. But I didn't start smoking weed until I was like an adult, So I guess I probably found some other

I probably was on pop Rocks, Pop Rocks and Colah. Yeah, Amber, I wish we could look at being single the same way we look at when you meet someone. Yeah, you know, because the beginning of being single and then like that whole you know, for lack of a better term, journey of being single is where you grow up. That's where you grow and you become your best self. And I wish but looked at that and in that way like I just met someone, it's called me, and we're going

to be together. I decided, I've just found out recently that I like my own company right, and that was something that helped me so much, was spending time alone for the first time in my life without having so much noise and groups of large, large groups of people

around me. That was something when I got to know myself a lot better, or by just remaining alone even when I was bored, I would be like, you can't be bored, Like, go read a book, go watch a show, go take a walk, Like you can't do that anymore. You're not bored. And it's good too. Yeah, it's good to get down with yourself. Yeah, loneliness that turns into solitude. It's so great, well, I think Emmer. Also, as women, we tend to blame ourselves when someone else has a

reaction in that type of way. We just talked to her. She's gorgeous, we saw her on the video. She's got a cool job. She's clearly articulate. Like him, not wanting to have sex had nothing to do with her exactly there. As women, you're so right, Catherine, Like every time, I can't tell you how many guys have not been able

to perform sexually in the bedroom with me. When Push came to shop, when I was on a date, or I've gone out in a couple of days with somebody, or I've brought someone back to my house where they could not have a sex. Whatever is it is about me was so emasculating and such a turn off that they could not get a direction that I would literally say to my friends, this is my vagina smell like is something? Can somebody smell my vagina? Because I think

something's wrong with my vagina. It's like, no, it has nothing to do with you. I mean, it probably has a little to do with you, but more of your person, you know, like, but it's not. It's like everyone's going through their own ship. And when a man doesn't want to have sex with his girlfriend, that's because something's going on with him. That's right, Yeah, totally, he needs to do the deep dive. He should call it next time.

Or maybe he was cheating, you know, who knows, Maybe he had something going on on the side, and maybe he doesn't like women. Maybe he's gay. Yea. Our next email comes from Charlotte. She says, dear Chelsea, so I have two sons that I love with all my heart. Their thirty five and twenty eight, and I've raised both by myself, since their douchebag father basically wanted nothing to do with them after I packed our ship up and left him. I've told my son's to never bring me

a grandchild. I tell them, if you want to bring me something to cuddle up with, bring me another rescue pup. I really don't want grandchildren. Is there something wrong with me because I don't want any? Charlotte, No, that sounds pretty accurate. I mean, Charlotte, I'm with you. I mean, well, from my perspective, I don't know about that. Well, what do you think she doesn't want grandchildren for? Well, I

think because she doesn't want the responsibility. She's like, man, I've been I was saddled with these two kids, you know, when I was a single mom for a few years, and it was really tough. And yeah, you have no time for yourself, you have no money, you're broke, you're tired, you're angry all the time. You certainly don't have time to date. Suddenly she's raised these two grown men who she loves dearly. But she's looking back at that period

of her life obviously with some form of trauma. Right, So there's some unresolved trauma that's there, that's now sort of creating this filter, this lens that she's looking at children through. And so it's like all children, all children. And so if my kids get married and they decide to have children, then I'm going to be saddled somehow

with those children. And at the end of the day, a we both know it's not her decision whether or not they are going to have children or not, right, I feel like it should be she raises two sons by herself. I feel like she should have a saying whether or not they procreate. Well, I think more people need to have less children. Quite frankly, you know, that's a whole different discussion for another day. I I could agree with that, I could get on that bus for sure,

but I would say that it's not her choice. And but what is her choice is, you know, the boundaries that she's able to set once they do have children, and what type of grandmother she wants to be. I know grandma's that are like my mother, very like hands on and actually suffer vacating sometimes often most of the time. Actually, if I'm just trying to soften that a little bit, but she's not going to listen to this podcast. You never know, she'll hear about it from somebody. I promise you,

I love you, mom, I really do. But you could be that type of grandma, or you could be the type of grandma that's out and about, like a Vanderbilt or something that's like just traveling the world and popping in once in a while with like a few trinkets and then darling, would you like to go have a martini together? And then like you leave again? You know, right, right,

I don't want to be a grandmother. I just know children lead to more children, lead to more children, and I don't want anybody to ever refer to me as Bunny, which is a new nickname that grandmothers are using, Imny Bunny why exactly because Mimi's out And then there's the other one, nana, mem all the words that people want to create so that they don't have to be called grandma.

What's wrong with grandma? I know some people because they think it's to make some old if they're a grandmother, so they want a different name, you know, But like, look, you're such a great aunt. You've really taken all of those children that you didn't want to have under your wing, right And you are involved, but you have boundaries. So when it's time for you to focus on your ship, you just extracate heres out. I go move. I just leave them in my house and then I go move

into another house. I've done that a couple of times. You guys will stay here, I'm leaving. That's a separate conversation too. You know what, You're a great at giving advice. I mean, I have nothing else to add. Shelley's the fucking one in charge today. She's much more insightful because I just end up. You know, you have a wider breadth of experience with different types of personalities and different life experiences, so it's very helpful to hear your insight

on all of them. I'm a degreeless doctor. Yes, aren't we all. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll come back and finish up. Okay, that sounds. I love when Katherine's like captain of this ship. She's like, we're gonna get you a captain's hat, Katherine. Yes, she's like Perry Gilpin's character and Frasier. Oh yeah, what was her name? Ra? Yes? Yes, she was my favorite on that show. Less. Okay, and we're back. We're back, and this is your last reminder

to pick up a copy. Order your copy please of Shelley to gel Ski's new book, which is called Sit Down to Rise Up. I wrote the foreword for it. Yes, you did so suck on that. It was great, so authentic. I loved it. Thank you for doing that. Oh my god, my pleasure. I thought's the least I can do. Do you know how many thousands of dollars you've saved me? With all the people that come to me asking for their rent money, hundreds of thousands of I'm keeping tab.

I used to do it. I used to give people money and then I mean, I can't believe that, but it always backfires. Like I one woman needed teeth, so I gave her like twenty grand to get teeth. Then she needed another set of teeth because the teeth she got, she said, weren't good enough. I was like, what kind of vicious cycle is this? How many sets of teeth do I need to get you? I had made a joke about people who have no teeth on my on

my TV show, so I felt obligated. Oh my god, but you you know, people still tell me that you're one of the only people that still responds to them on d M because they're like I wrote a hundred different celebrities and the only response I got was from Chelsea. Well, you know what, I feel like people really need to be heard and seeing. I really feel that way. I like to notice people and I like them to feel like they're heard. I mean at least once, know what

I mean? Yeah, I know. Okay, anyway, okay, So what else do we have? Katherine? So we have one quick question and this is really right in the wheelhouse for both of you. Dear Chelsea, you briefly mentioned using cannabis while meditating. What do you recommend and how much cannabis

is too much for meditation? Gavin, I would say keep it very light, because you know, sometimes with cannabis you lose your train of thought, which is actually great for meditation, your train of thought, but but your mind can wander more easily sometimes when you're stoned. So I like to keep it light. Just two and a half milligrams or five milligrams, max, I would say, for just to get you into a relaxed state so that you can sit still and you don't want to overdo it, so that

you're you know, you're a blotto. You want to be present for your meditation, that's right. Yeah, I would say micro dosing for sure to help you get into that state, because otherwise I tend to either fall asleep or think about food. Yeah. Right, The food is a problem. It's a big problem. Yeah. I mean we were in New York the other night and I gave Joe an edible because if I don't, I have to start drugging him in around eleven, because if I don't, he will stay

up until three in the morning. And I'm just like, no, we're not doing that. We're not doing that. So I always give him a litt chocolate when it gets off stage. I'm like, here, honey, take this, because he's so apt right from the four Man, which I know that feeling. And then we got to pack to the hotel, and I mean when I say he ate everything in the mini bar, I first of all, I was getting it for him because he was in bed, sitting in bed,

and I he had eaten a thing of pretzels. Then he opened up the pringles seas like you have to taste the sprinkles. I'm like, no, I have more experience with cannabis. I'm not going down that fucking booby trap, like I'm not going. I'm not putting a pringle in my mouth right now. And then I go, do you want to? So I went and got, you know, a healthy snack like the cranberry and nuts thing or whatever, and I brought that back. He polished that off, and

he's like, is there another one of those? And I said, there is, Joe, but like, at a certain point, don't you need to stop fucking eating the point where he falls aslade And he was laughing so hard at me for yelling at him, like I was like, you really stop it. He has really bad eating habits, although he doesn't eat meat, so that's good. Oh that's great. I love him even more now. But he will eat an entire bag of cheddar cheese, cheddar cheese, sour cream potato chips,

which makes me want to so my vagina closed. But we digress anyway, back to the question. Yeah, see, that's what happens in meditation. By the way, your mind just starts. We we went from like talking about meditation to talking about food to talking about your clothes vagina. So that's yeah, that's the story of our life. Before we go I want to also let everybody know that I announced new

tour dates and announced my Canadian dates. So you guys have who have been asking when I'm performing in Canada, They're up. I'm coming to Winnipeg, Ontario, Vancouver, of course, Toronto, Calgary, I don't know, just look it up Chelsea Handler dot com. And I have many more dates in the States coming

up to in November. I'm coming to Rochester, Buffalo, and Syracuse. Oh. Actually first, I'm coming this weekend St. Petersburg, Miami Beach, Orlando, and Jacksonville October, and then I'm coming to New York and then Denver. Anyway, go to Chelsea Handler dot com, go to live nation dot com, get your tickets, come see me on tour. Vaccinated in Horny. I'm fucking loving it. And I want to thank you Shelley for being here today. I want to thank Katherine, our producer, for being here

every day. And I want to thank all of our callers and all of our listeners for making this such a great podcast. For all of the people that call and for me and for all of us. We really enjoy doing it and it feels like we're doing something good, you know, not just stupid. You aren't doing something good. You're doing great, You're doing something really good. You're creating a ripple. Well, I'm just trying to meet people who can do things so that I don't have to you know,

people like you. I need more people like you in my life. So I could go, oh, yre, go to them, go to them. Outsource outsource. That's a mark of a true leader. Outsource thing. Oh is it okay? That's that's a term used in corporate America often. Oh good, Well, there we go, there we go, and uh yeah, And congratulations on your new book. Shall this is a huge victory. It is? It is. It's a huge accomplishment. And that actually ties into my question, shition, I have a question

for you. I need advice. Yes, this is our new thing. I give advice at the very end. What is it? So? I have the book coming out, and as you know, there's a lot of weight that's put on the launch of the book and wanting for it to succeed. And your publishers have expectations, and your agent has expectations and just everybody and then you start feeding into that, right, So I've like fed into that and wanting to promote

it and wanting it to be successful. But I guess, you know, because I read about this as well in the book. Like one of my biggest afflictions is that I suffer from like imposter syndrome and like self worth, you know, which is like intergenerational in a way. How do you or how have you disconnected your own self worth from a success or failure of something that you've done before? Like how do you not let that actually come back if something doesn't go exactly the way you

wanted to go? You know? Like the book, I hope it does well, but let's say it doesn't land the way it's supposed to land, right, how do you not let it define your own self worth? I mean, I think that's a really you know, I think that's a very common thing for anybody who's putting themselves out there in any way, because you have expectations, right, And that's the first problem, is that you have expectations because you're expecting.

I mean, I go through this with my books, you know, like if it's not number one, if it's number two, does that mean I've fallen? And says, I mean, I'm not as good as I was when I wrote the last book. And all of that ship. But you know, it goes back to everything that we know about ourselves, and it's it's our esteem that matters. It's what we're putting out there. That's a huge victory, that's an accomplishment. It's not about how many people by the book. It's

about how many people are touched by the book. You know, how many people's lives are you going to change from

them having read it? And that you're going to learn about right away because people are going to reach out to you on Instagram and d M you and then you're gonna be checking your d m s because you're gonna because I know you, and you're gonna want to help people, and they're gonna tell you what a difference that book may And when you look at it from that viewpoint instead of a number's viewpoint, you want to just look at it at the impact that you're having,

because that's the ripple effect. It's just like starting your meditation on the beach with fifteen people. You know, sometimes books take time to catch fire or to catch on, and sometimes it happens instantly. But I would never ever have the expectation that it's going to be the biggest and the best right out of the gate. You have to know that it's going to take time and word of mouth, and that people are going to start spreading the information about the book and take into account what

you just accomplished. You're publishing a book. You're publishing a book. Author. That's a fucking Badassah, that's badass. And we're all a little bit more of a badass after today's episode, right, everybody's a little bit more of a badass. Okay, I like that. Okay, thank you, Shelley. I love you. I love you too, and I'll see you and when we get in my car and drive back to my house, I can't wait. Bye Catherine, Bye, goodbye.