Soap in the Hole with Cat and Nat

water right now. It's actually got a little bit of a coolness to it, so it's palatable. But this is a real tough bill for me to swallow. She does not like the water. I left my thermis in my car. I love my thermiss. By the way, shout out to Welly. They make the best thermiss. I could put ice in my Welly bottle and it's ice three days later. Yes, can I tell you something? I have made yogurt in my Welly bottle before you know what, Katherine, this is

not something I want to hear about. I says, right up, I'm surprised you did say cottage cheese. I have made my own cheese. Actually, of you, I mean fucking Brad your way to bury the lead. Being married to Catherine,

She's up to no good. I love fermented foods. I had a military death on one of my planes the other day and we stopped and they were transporting a military bottle body and there were those a whole ceremony outside the plane with like the military and their family, which was sad because they were all crying, but it was really sweet to see the how they do that. I was like, well, wait, I guess the airports aren't that fucked up if they can swing this, like you

know what. I mean that releas had some decorum and some respect because I don't know what's happening with flights lately, but something is way hole. One of my girlfriends got stuck at Burbank Airport for like all of Christmas Day. Everyone did canceled all their flights. I mean, yeah, it's been pretty brutal the travel situation. But I guess I have to tell you, Chelsea, we have not had a question in a long time that's had as much totally

varied feedback as Jesse from a fore weeks ago. She called in and remember we talked to her like all like the entire episode with Brooke Shields about her in laws yelling at her on the rafting trip, and then we kind of got We discovered at the call she seemed to be she needed to do some work. Yeah, we discovered that early on, but we were trying to be respectful before, at least I was before I told her. Yeah, so with the dishwashing. But we had people emailing in

being like, go get her girls, she did wrong. Other people being like, no, it was totally her in law's fault for screaming at her, and I just thought it was really interesting. I don't know if you've gotten damns about this, but I've gotten a lot of I haven't. Yeah, that's interesting, Yeah, I'm sure. Well, everybody's very relatable situation, right, Yeah, it's it's tough within laws. I think nobody doesn't get married. You don't have to deal with that another reason to

another perk to not being married. I think, you know, her family's got some ship to work out too, because if somebody screaming at you about dishes two years later they wanted something to be mad at you about, you know what I mean. I think that's a really kind of icky thing to do. If you're at someone's house and you make a habit of nobody's supposed to ask you to help at someone else's house. Like, it's not

the onus is not on them, jump in. You gotta even I do it, and not even I, because like I'm someone special, even I, who doesn't know how to wash dishes, I shouldn't be washing dishes. It's worse when I do it. Yeah, I always just get up and try. Yeah. I try to make an effort because it's manners. I mean, it's pretty basic. But people were up in arms about

jose Well. People were up in arms once when I did some poll about toilet paper whether it should be upside down coming from them or coming from the top or I was on the Drew Barrymore Show and we were doing something and it was the biggest thing. I mean, there were like fifteen thousand comments about people's opinions. And I finally figured out that I prefer because I had never thought about it before, prefer it from the bottom. You do. I don't want it from the top, Yeah,

you do. Interesting. We're just different in every way, Chelsea. Well, yeah, so so far we have not found one similarity except that we both are on this podcast. That's accurate. That's what we have in common. Well, Chelsea, today we have some really exciting guests. Okay, great, I can't wait. I can't wait to find out who they are today. Where you Yeah, we have my two Canadian mom friends, Cat and Nat. These girls are too hot, fucking messes, and

I'm excited to have them on because their besties. And then they tore around well, they tore around America too and Canada and they both have a bunch of children and they talk a lot about motherhood, parenting and I don't know what who journed me on to them, but we're buddies now. They have seven kids between them. That's better than me having them. Are you guys ride sharing? Yeah? We always. She doesn't drives a car and a license, but you won't drive. I don't drive in the highway.

Just in the city. Only a few streets the city or the suburb. No, we're in the city. I like the city because it's short streets, lots of lights, like everything is really fast and quick. But if you go to suburbs, you have to take the highway. I don't go there. Okay, this is Cat, I mean, this is sorry, this is Catherine and this is Cat and this is no, well wait you Nat, and that doesn't it doesn't matter. Yeah, basically just called them both cats. We can all three

b cat today. When they meet us there say your cat and not even if we're not together, Hi, oh, I love you Cat, and that that's it. So it's literally, it's it's totally fine. I mean, look at us would be confused to I know it is. It is very confusing because you guys do really look a lot alike, but only from hanging out with you. I know that Cat is more of like a busy body and Nat is a little bit lazier. Yeah, not vertically, no, horizontally.

They don't want to They went on tour. Okay, let's talk about the jet assist of you guys, so that I want Katherin to be as familiar with me because I don't even remember how I met you too. I just know that we are friends now. But explain to Catherine, explain the genesis of everything that you do do You guys went on tour as mothers. Basically, right, you're talking about motherhood all the time on your Instagram and how nuts it is. First of all, it was a joke.

We decided to do a show as a joke because no one invites us anywhere. So we were like, oh, we'll make a party and we are first show you guys. We threw for free gay, free drinks, and free appetizers for everybody. We we we wanted to host a party. We didn't pay for it. We found people to like sponsor it. So we host a party in a theater and then we go out to like go have a cocktail party with everyone, and they mall like, we get mauled. We were like, oh, we were just here to hang

out and we couldn't get through the crowd. The security guard basically took us and pulled us back inside. I was like, that's weird. That was weird, Like we just seen an excuse to get away from the seven kids and go and have a party. And for our party, we wanted a DJ, we wanted strippers, who wanted flamingo dancers. We wanted dancing, We want a drink in, we want

a champagne. So we just created a party and then started selling tickets to it, and then our agents were like, Okay, if you can sell out like three more theaters, we'll talk about a tour. Okay, just kind of all came together. We had a podcast and I don't know, I wrote a couple of books and then Chelsea once like commented on our Instagram and we died and and the people were Texas. You see the Chelsea with oh my gods that I don't want to actually talk to her like

I didn't want to. I'm like, don't say yes to our podcast because that's pressure. And then because you're like a real you're funny, we're funny and famous, were not us her I closely And then it was more like we're just ship shows and people liked that. And now we've seen Chelsea three times this year. One we came to your show in Toronto to you medicine, soho. Three we're seeing you right now. Where do you guys live? And you live into so so everyone knows they're Canadian

but they tore in America. So what was your agent for before you decided to start? How did you even have an agent? She emailed every w and just said, you know what we're heading at and we we need someone to help us with deals and they said yes. It was so weird, but we did. We were doing like we were doing videos. We were doing the mom shoots videos and those were videos in the car just like talking about what it's like to be a mom. We were doing what else do we do? But not

glorifying what it's like to be a mom. They tell how hard it is to be a mom, just how demanding it is and all the disappointments, and that you're not gonna win all the time, and there's gonna be a lot of failures and you're gonna feel like a failure and that all of that is fine. Yeah, and that's exactly how we felt when we first had our babies. We were just like we thought this was going to be so beautiful and it's actually not, and nobody's talking

about it. So let's just start doing some videos. Because a lot of moms were like blogging at the time, and we weren't going to sit down and write, so we did videos. No one was doing videos. Social media wasn't really a thing. And then everything just came at the same time. Like we had been doing live streaming through you do in the Facebook Live games, so we

turned it to Facebook Live. It's been a lot of like chance and opportunity and saying yes, you know, we were We went to a conference that we had really no idea. We just kind of decided to go. And the Today Show was there and the two producers they found us walking in the hallway and they asked us a question and then they were like, wait, will you two come with us here? Yeah? Sure, and then we

just went with them. And then it's actually been a lot of women who because we really are naive and in this world of what we've been doing, and it's really been women like you, Chelsea and like the Today's Show, and people have just said like yes, and they've they've just helped us. And you know, when you open a door, like even when you comment, that's what people see and they're like, oh, she's looking at them. That means that they're worthy of me looking at them. Unfortunately, it's sort

of the way it looks. And even when you don't think you're opening doors, kindness goes so far and you, you personally have opened a ton of doors for us, and we know people say yes because you've said yes. So I just think, you know, I see like Amy Schumern now comments and bows us, and I'm pretty sure that that's probably because she saw you. You know what I mean that you did so that she kind of took notice enough. I just think a lot of women have been so impactful in ways they don't know for us,

because it's really a lot of yeses. That's all we've really done and stumbled and failed and gotten up, and some shows are do shit and terrible and you're like, oh, that's not my demo. But you can't let that hurt your ego because we don't knock it out of every city. But we figure out, we regroup, and we go back to the place. You know what I mean. It's always reverse correct, reverse crackt. It's kind of like that. And what would you say that you feel like, thus far,

your biggest impact has been for other mothers. I think it's like for women too. You know, we have a lot of young people who follow us, like fifteen year old fourteen year old to wait in the parking lot after the show and sneaking to our shows to come see us. And I think that right now it's our friendship for a lot of people that brings some hope and that they find comfort in our friendship even more

than motherhood. Oh yeah, that's true, because that's Honestly, that's what attracted to me, to you, to the bestie vibe. I always love a bestie dynamic, and I feel like we funk up constantly, but we pick each other up and it's because we maybe each other we can do what we do, and I think that our friendship is really and the young people are on TikTok, like if this isn't awesome, older than I don't think, I don't want to be love that. Yeah, so it's sort of

this weird. You know, you don't have to give up your best friend because you're an adult, and I think that's what a lot of people think, you have to grow up and lose your friendship. No, you just have to time your babies and families together so that you're both on the same track. Because I was asking about their other friendships independent of their own, because you both have separate groups of friends that don't necessarily cross over to your cat or NAT. Right, Yeah, that's right. Yeah,

we have separate friendships. We for sure planned a bunch of them that like we're like, don't you can't pull out, you know what I mean, Like you're not pulling for you, but it's like you are stand in there. We planned the babies before our husbands had any idea what was happening. It's almost like your husbands are both just so inconsequential in this dynamic. It's you know, I feel sad for them, but I also feel like it's you know, good. They travel,

they take care of the kids, they're they're one. Yeah, let's pick up time right now, and they check off they're not working so they can pick up the kids. So they are also a huge reason. They support our friendship and what we do, so we are very They're not just sperm, you know what I mean? Okay, well, sure, sure, we'll agree on that. Also, they travel on a tour bus and they don't sleep in the same bed because they don't they're not down with that. But that's more

not than cat right from what I remember. Would you too sleep together? I'm sleep in a bed with anybody. I have no problems. I mean, I prefer not if we're sleeping together. You won't this one over here. Fuck, you're gonna snubble me. I one friend, I have one friend who always wants to sleep holding hands. So I had to kick her out of I go. You know what, I'm not holding hands with you all that I was

down to sleep with you. She stepped over my house the other night and we woke up in the morning and there's plenty of rooms for her to sleep in. And she got up in the morning and she goes, I didn't touch you. I didn't touch you. I'm like, yeah, that's what the fund is supposed to happen. Can't sleep for me if you're gonna sucking hold my hand, you're

not my boyfriend, you know. Well, honestly, we always say, like we have tried to teach these seven kids to sleep independently on their own, and then finally they learned how to sleep on their own, and then you get your relationship, and now you're just supposed to share a bed again, Like it just doesn't make sense for the way that we have learned how to sleep. So yeah,

I mean she doesn't too. We build a wall between our husbands and pillows, and I don't want like maybe his feet might creep over like a hand my cream over, but that's not gonna happen between the two of us independent sleeping, like like if I can have my own bed, I haven't had in my own bed in a long time, Like someone's in you, on you or wants to get in you at all times. So you're like when you get your own bed, it's like that's amazing, sheer heaven.

So you want like Lucy and Ricky style, like two beds in the bedroom. So sometimes people will fly us out and we'll get us two rooms, and then we get to the hotel where like, can we only use one room with two beds? But can we change that? Came to two queens. That's the ultimate for all sleeping is to be in the same room or the same house with a big group. But everyone has their own privacy. Katherine,

why did Lucy and Rickie sleep in separate beds? Well, I think it wasn't allowed for them to have one bed. Well that was in that time era, like people did that, people had separate sleeping arrangements. I'm not sure. I guess why did that change? I'm not sure they were married, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, they made little Ricky because they were freaking smarter than us, I guess. I mean that's what that's what needs to

come back in style if it should be retroactive. I think everyone who has a child, I don't even have a child, and I feel that way. But anyone who was a child is definitely on board for separate beds. Yeah, yeah, I want them too, but they even reject me. They don't want to say in the bed all night, I have to leave the little doggy steps. So Bernice will

like humor me. She's like, oh, here we go. You know, she thinks I'm like assaulting her, so she goes to her safe spot while I assault her, and then I put her under the covers like like we're gonna do it. And I noticed that if I have the confidence of her not leaving, she will remain. It's when I look at her and like, you know, and I'm worried about her leaving. Is when she leaves so she can y Yeah. And bern has basically turned into some sort of limp biscuit,

so I can't. He's not getting into my bed because he's frail now, so I have to respect that, even though he's probably got that way from my abuse. Anyway. So let's talk a little bit about your friendship. Okay, we've talked about it before when you guys interviewed me, but I think it's inspiring for a lot of people that will be listening. How your friendship works, and what the benefits to each of your lives are by having such a close, fun, work friend relationship cat, why don't

you start? I think for us it will Number one. It allows you to take sort of more risks because when there's two of you losing and failing, it's a lot, it's funnier, and it's a lot easier than when it's one of you. And I think that when you're both in it together, there's no everything feels fun that we do. There's nothing. We could be on a delay on an

airplane for twelve hours and it's fun. Need like, there's it just the stakes just feel different because everything's kind of a joke, and in a way that when parenting is going to ship, we call each other and thank god, it often doesn't go to ship at the same time, or when your relationship is not great and you always have someone to share everything with because there's you're so intimate with them, but you don't have sex with them

that it's like this weird. We're not transactional. We're so tight that when you know when someone's going through something, they don't have to say it. The other one can just pick up the works lack knowing that that one

needs that and vice versa. So it's this weird. I think we get double done because there's two of us versus one of us, and there's no If we failed and lost everything tomorrow, I would be okay because our ride has been so much fun and we would still have each other and we probably figure out something else to do in a different capacity. But this wouldn't change. And I think that's the coolest thing about our friendship. It's friendship first and then fun and then work. Yeah,

what about you? I want you to speak. This is gonna be hard for her. She doesn't do you feeling. I know that's why you're going. Second, she got inspired. She told me recently why I love her. We were on a plane and we were talking about love and what love is and why she loves me and I love her, and she basically told me I love her because she does things for me like drive me around and like she says, her plane tickets ever her life. But I was like, I think it's more than that.

But maybe maybe that's all it is. It's been fourteen years of being moms together and there has been so many hard times. It hasn't all been like Keen, We've had a post part of anxiety, we've had sickness, we've had so many things. But being able to rely on your friend too, like she said, pick up, pick up when the other one can't. But also, like my kids say to me, you are so lucky. You get to go to work every day with your best friend and

there's no boss. Right, we're equal bosses, so we don't have to go into work, have a boss, go to work all day with a bunch of like weirdos or strangers. It's just us and everything we get to do fun. I do were my them that what we do is work, and we work hard together, but we worked together really well because we know each other so well. But yeah,

we get to just have fun. And also it's really great that our children get to have sort of like a second mother, so that when um, like our sibling, our seventh which is my baby, my babies and seventh. But our seventh is so ferocious because she's had to have like seven above her, like she's grown up with six siblings. Essentially she's ferocious. I'm the youngest of six, so I know exactly what you're talking. Ferocious are two babies are ferocious, and I just think they're so lucky

that they always have a built in tribe. Like you know, I'm sure you feel it, like when you have a lot of people around you, it's like this built in little thing that yet bumpers around shoes. And we take them on vacation together, and we spend summers together. And you had forced them all today, asked walking on the plane. Eleven of us, seven children and the two of us walking onto a plane. Everyone's like, my daughter has billed a hot cup of noodles on two different men on

two different plane. Rights the pants. Oh god, oh how humiliating. She offered him candy as like an apology, and we left the two girls like mom, We still like, I don't know who you are. You deal with this man, and that's when you fan out, fan out and get away from your children. You don't want to be seen with them. And do you guys have similar parenting styles? Are you guys like agree on the way you parent

or are you do differ in that way? We like parent each other's children differently, like her kids will come to me for some things, and my kids will go to her for things, like we definitely have different personalities. Are our mother's mothered us differently, but overall I respect totally the way that she does it, and she respects the way that I do it. We go to each other for different advices, like she has experts and I have expertise, and then we blend and what do you

think your strong suit is? Your strong parenting suit is got? Oh god, that's so serious. You know. I'm like the talker. So they'll call me, like yesterday, she's like, Mom, we're going through some anxiety. Can you walk us through these feelings that we're in the car and your kids in the car. I'm like, yeah, let's go, you're gonna go. I'm like, I don't know where we go when we die, Like I do the sex like I'm a sex conversation.

I land the plane, you know. I'm like, if you don't know about a bone or bike grade two, we're screwed. So like I'm like phone or penis vagina. People do it for fun and for babies, we sit them all down and lay it out and not as strong suit is. She's the one that's like, let's get up on the couch and the tables and dance. We bring the fun, and I'm the combo. She's the person who's like the party starter, like always yes, can we have a bag

of candy? Yes? Can we go here? Yes? Yeah? But I'm not I'm not there to talk talk about now. They'll all call me and I'm like, let's talk okay. I see, I see, yeah, I understand that I get that from you too. And then I have to because we share a bank account and a credit card, so we all all of our money goes into one account, the two of us. You are married, you guy, you guys coming your funds, yes, but like we have other like the funds with the husbands and that's where everything's

in now. And look at the budget but with us that we didn't even know for the first few years and get to pay taxes. We had the most amazing first couple of years until we found out about all that they're based like you're broke and you start fresh and we're like shit, but we always just like we like to spend. You want something, I'm like, let's go get it, and then we just go buy it out of the time. Oh my god, I love that you

have a bank account together. That is so ridiculous. We changed our wedding and our engagement rings two different styles together with I just told you ten minutes ago that your husband's are inconsequential, and you disagree with me, and you're just proving my point. Everything you're saying is supporting what I said ten minutes earlier. So yeah, they're very valuable. Thank God for those two. Thank God for them. Well,

we tried to curate your episode today, ladies. Catherine is very good at curating towards you know, the guests that we have on to the callers, so that you're gonna be of some help. Since I know that Nat isn't to talk therapy and she's gonna be valuable. Yeah, not will not go to therapy, but you probably stall have some good advice that you can sell a social worker pre you were not social worker before you. Yes, well, we're going to take a quick break and then we'll

be back and we'll take some collars and some emails. Okay, we're taking a break and we're back. We're back, we're back. Well. Our first email comes from a mom who is going by tired a f Dear Chelsea, I'm a twenty six year old mom of four, two of which I had eight months ago. Twin girls. One of them is so chill, only cries when she needs something, and an all around normal baby. The other one is exhausting. In her defense, she does have colics, some stomach problems, and she's currently teething,

but she literally never stops crying. Since a day she was born, She's crying of every day. I have a four year old and a two year old who also do their fair share of crying, and it gets to me. I find myself thinking about how nice it would be if she could be more like her twin sister. She's the easiest baby I've ever cared for, and I'm the oldest of ten, so I've had my fair share of experiences with babies. My question to you is, how do I not play favorites with the twins when they're so

obviously is one? I of course love them both equally, but let's be honest. I'm scared this might carry into the future and become a problem when they get older and start to realize the vibe. But it's so hard to keep it together with everything going on. What do I do about having a favorite? Sincerely tired a f I I can't even believe that she had the time to write that, like that sounds like such a ship

show over there. I mean, she's twenty six years old, Like the brain just thought fully developed a year ago. That just now, that is crazy. And the only thing I can think of is I have four as well. I did not have four kids at twenty six. I did not have nine siblings. But there is times in the cycle of our children that there is a favorite. And absolutely that quiet baby is going to be the favorite because it's giving the least problems. But my quietest

ones a year later are the hardest ones. And people always ask us, do you have a favorite? I'm like, it depends on the day. So I'm pretty sure that quiet little one isn't going to be your favorite forever. That one's terrible teenager, that one's going to come out of nowhere. You never get nothing, nothing scott free, No one's good for life. You know you're quiet baby is going to be a pregnant, pregnant drug addict by fourteen. Yeah, And so enjoy the time that you have them as

your favorite. Because I've talked to a lot of men about this, because I know women's answer is pretty kind of what you guys are saying, I always get an interesting answer. Men have consistently said, whichever child needs me the most is their favorite, and that changes all the time too, so it's kind of like the opposite of what this woman is going through. So I think I don't think it's a new sure to have a favorite.

My mom said the same thing all the time. It's just like, depends on what day of the week you ask me. Yeah, and whoever's the easiest to deal with is obviously, so don't feel guilty about that. You're not alone at all. And just you know, I'm just thinking about Kat's family and my family, and we both know who our mom's favorite is and it's not it's your brother. Yeah, I guess, And I'm fine with that. And she does.

Natalie here does happen to have one child blown up in giant life like giant on the wall for many years, just one of them. And she has four kids, but one made the wall. He's so big, he's honestly the most photochemic. So it was you she walked in. It was a portrait of him, and everyone's like, isn't that wrong? And I'm like, listen, we had a photo shoot and one kid nailed it. He has a huge picture on the wall. It Yeah, good luck next time. Did that's funny?

I always say that's my family. I'm like, it's just because I'm the best looking one, you guys, I mean, that's why everything's working out the way it has. I'm like, this world is about this world about looks, and I got him so back up, and that's how she feels to Oh my gosh. Although he is a little on the short side compared to everybody else, so he needed the wall. If you will wear so yeah, I like all the reasoning behind the big picture on the wall.

So far, I'm totally on board with this. And that's actually a good way to keep kids in check. If you have three or more, totally blow one up and put it on the wall and be like, guess who the favorite of the month is. Everybody needs to step their fucking game up. Oh my gosh, you are on, You are onto something favorite of It's like the employee of the month. You never needs incentivization children. You know how when you went to sleep away camp. I went

to the sleepaway camp. Well, no, my parents couldn't afford sleepway camp, so they sent me to this day camp and every day as somebody would get like best swimmer or best finger blaster or whatever you do. And it felt even though I saw everyone every day get an award as a kid, it felt so good it to get the A word, you know, it feels so good. And that's I mean, who doesn't like that that Pavlovian you know response and word. So yeah, I think everybody

listening I just gave you. I mean, it just came out, and I think it's awesome. Yeah, it's a great way to take everybody together. Yeah. And if you have braces, you just have to wait to get those off to hit the wall. No, I think I disagree that. I disagree. I think sometimes had kids with braces are the best and they should be given their due right, not based

It shouldn't be based on looks. It should be based on who's the best kid that month, who had the best behavior you know what I mean, or best grades or whatever however you want to categorize. It is up to you. Yeah, I love it. And then when they're teenagers and they hate you and they're embarrassed by everything, you put their picture on the wall until they're good. And then you can take it down. Oh my gosh,

I love that humiliation. I mean, there's probably gonna be an age where they don't want their picture on the wall. So then you have to like restrategize, you know, then you put yourself up, you put a nude up, you know, don't you do embarrassed? Yeah? Go up? You know mommy and daddy? Yeah, or you just make it. Yeah, that's good to threaten them with. Like you're going to do a lot of public displays of affection with your husband. That's also a good threat. Yeah, write that book hot

parenting Tips. So our next caller and they're gonna be on a zoom. So girls, okay, be ready. It's a little juicy, Veronica says, Dear Chelsea, the situation I'm in is quite a doozy. For the last six months, I was really unhappy in my relationship of five years, and after talking to my therapist a few months ago, I decided that it would be best to end the relationship. As I started emotionally checking out, I started flirting with

his cousin that also happened to be our roommate. For reference, I'm twenty five, my access and his cousin is twenty nine. The three of us were very close and would do a lot together, and I saw the cousin as a really good friend. After flirting, sneaking some kisses, and can fessing love to each other at the house, I couldn't take the guilt and ended my relationship, then promptly moved out.

After giving myself some time to adjust and making sure my feelings for his cousin were real, we decided to start seeing each other. Things were going really well, but now he's started to get very upset about how much this would hurt his cousin and how he hates having to keep our relationship a secret. I've told him multiple times that you can't help who you fall for and that together we can make it work, But I still have the fear that this is all going to blow up.

I don't know if just coming clean about everything would be a good idea, or if we should wait a few more months to give their family more time to get over the breakup. My biggest concern is his family hating him and exiling him over me. But I'm truly so in love with him, and if he says we can make it work, I want to believe him help. I don't even know where to start. Veronica, Hi, Dare, Hi, Hi, Hi?

How are you guys? Good? Our special guest today, our cat and Nat and so they're here today, and you have Katherine, so you have four of us. Yes, I need all the advice I can get. I know, I know you do need advice. So you were dating your previous boyfriend for how long? Five years? And you've been broken up for how long? Going on? Close to ten months now? Okay, so this is gonna be a problem for a lot of people. Yeah, yeah, so I get it. I mean it's pretty tricky. Their family is going to

be upset. Somebody is going to be upset, I think. So yeah, I would say that's a snake bet. And is your boyfriend your current boyfriend, who is your ex boyfriend's cousin? Is he contemplating your relationship at all? Or is he committed? No, he's committed. Okay, so you're both done. You're going to be together, and you're going to tell his family at some point, right, it's just a matter of when. Okay, Well, I guess I'll go first, and then you girls to hop on and give your opinion.

I would just say the sooner you come clean, the sooner everybody can acclimate to the new situation, and the sooner everybody has to stop hiding. But be prepared for a big thunderstorm that's gonna last for a long time, possibly potentially, But I think you should probably try and get the truth out sooner than later, and then you know, the sooner everyone can get over it. Yeah, and it shouldn't be you, yeah, boyfriend, it should be your Yeah, you should be your boyfriend. I don't know who should

tell the boyfriend. Maybe people should tell the boyfriend. I mean, who are you going to tell first? The boyfriend? Right? Your ex? Yeah, that's pretty tricky. What do you girls think? What does everyone think? Do they have to know that you were together when they all were together? Does that

all have to come out? So that's another topic. We kind of agreed to never say that anything started while the previous relationship was going on, but we think that it would be really obvious that things would start to click once the truth came out. So yeah, like my initial lie, lie, like wait a few months and then act like you guys ran into each other and it was so nice to see each other again, and things started.

But that people always say the truth always freaking comes out, and then you're gonna have to not only face that you're dating him, but now the lies and all of the tears of thing Veronica. It's never gonna get easier, So waiting longer is not gonna make it easier. So freaking rip it and just be like, we're dating, we're in love, we're happy. Is the family understanding people? Are they wild? Are we gonna flip tables? Really understanding people? Oh well, it's a good start. Did you break up?

Was he heartbroken? Does he act heartbroken? I would say yes, he was very shocked and surprised. Does he have new lady? Not yet? Up? We got to get him a new lady if you want that. He needs to keep completely over you and so in love that you don't care what's going on. It would be great if you could wait until he has a girlfriend. That would be good because then you won't care as much because it's just gonna be a ship show. You're It's exactly right. The

truth is gonna come out. They're gonna piece it all together. And if you admit that you guys, how are flirting while you were with him? And then that he's never gonna forgive you. He's gonna hold onto that for years, and that's just such bad news. Like, I wish you could just find a lie. Was there kind of some overlap there? I know you said there were some stolen kisses, but like, was there like sex overlap? No? No, no, no, no, no,

that's candy. Yeah, good for you. Don't say it. Just say there was flirting, flirting and we knew that was wrong, and I that's why I broke up with you, and you did. You made with the cousin and I knew it was wrong. And obviously, don't volunteer that there were any kisses. If he asked, did anything happen? What you take that as sex? No? No, no, we didn't have sex. I didn't want to do that while we were dating. I don't think you should admit the kissing behind the

sneaking kisses. I don't like that, and I'm advocating for you to lie. I am. Yeah, those details might just hurt more than everything exactly. You guys can play it off like you've been dating for a few months because you I mean what you said you did, which is moving out, giving yourself some space to like figure out if this was really real. Turns out it was ten months, you know what I mean, you did a lot of the right things. You stopped it when it was going

a certain direction. And I think, you know, having some white lies in there about not having physical intimacy, I think that's just fine too. Yeah, that's so nice that you're so in love. Yeah, it's very refreshing compared to the last five years. So well, don't say that. I don't tell him that, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, But do you know, you and your new boyfriend, if you can weather this storm that you're gonna about to get into and listen, maybe it's not going to be a big deal.

That would be ideal, but I mean it probably will be a big deal. You know, people like you know, it could have been his brother. At least it's just a cousin. Yeah, yeah, that's a good thing to bring up. Say, at least I wasn't sucking your father, and see how he likes that. I just say, it's you know that or your mother. What if I was sucking your mother, that would be a real shocker, you know, that would be a double whammy. Yeah, you really got to say

that this is the best case scenario. I feel like it is a bit removed from the family. Yeah, not immediate I didn't go for immediate family. Yes, yeah, And I think also you have to be very once this is out, be very sensitive to the fact that people are going to have like their little feelings about it, and then that will just eventually fade out. The family probably doesn't like the cousin that much you always talk to you about you know what I mean. It might

not even be that close. So maybe you're in a great place and get an a test. Maybe they're not even cousins, you know. Oh my gosh, a lot of surprises out there. That really is true, it is. Yeah, I get your twenty three and me, I bet you who knows who knows things? Really took a charm for a positive here. But also like it's been ten months, hopefully it won't be a big deal, right, it's been a while. Yeah, it's been a while. Yeah. Make sure you let us know what happens, okay, very and let

us know when it happens. What happens, Yeah, call us back, Okay, I'll give you all the juicy details. Thank you, Yes, perfect, Okay, good luck with that. Thank you. That's right, that's awesome. That's gonna be one fucked up situation. Feel the vibes from that family. Just by talking to her, I know it's gonna go badly. The ancestors are gonna be pissed. Well, we have another collar gals. This is Emily. Emily is forty six, she says, high favorite podcast. I left an

abusive marriage in two thousand seven. In two thousand eight, I met a guy who, fourteen years later is still around. When we got together, we bonded over our terrible marriages, and we had kids, so our relationship became our private island. We communicate well and became great travel buddies. We don't live together, and our kids are grown. I love my me time, and so I'm on the fence about living together.

When I think about getting older and having a partner to help me with things that happen when you get old, like falling or getting sick, it seems like a good idea. He just says maybe someday. Someday is fine. I'm a weed smoker and super happy just to be living and somewhat successful. I was once anxious and now moved to a secure attachment style person. Been in therapy since I was a teen. I have so much life left to live, and it would be easy to let another fifteen years

pass just as we are. He's still in my life, but recently the relationships been sort of fizzling. We're still in contact but not really together. Is it worth sticking it out another couple of years or have we peeked already and it's time to move on. I'm such an easygoing person. I'm worried I'm going to let life pass me by. I find myself asking after fourteen years together

and not cohabitating, should I be asking for more? Sincerely, Emily, Hi, Emily, Hey, this is Kat and nat Are who are special guests today. They're from Canada. He is very legal here. Oh nice, perfect, And you know Catherine because you probably spoke to her already. She's amazing. Okay, So you've been with your partner for fourteen years and you say you're independent, but then you say that you want to move in together. So it's a little confusing which one do you want? Okay? So

it's a little confusing of a situation. We did break up. It's sort of run its course. This has been going on for a long time. But I kind of like I'm growing up. I guess. I think I finally became an adult, a share kind of thing where the same things we used to do, like he would come over and we would hang out, we'd smoke, we were you know, this great, perfect private island situation. And then after it got old, it just you know it kind of I

got busy. I'd like to do things outside. He doesn't, and so I stopped doing all the things that I would do to get ready to hang out with them. And and to me, that was a sign that I shouldn't continue this. I should at least think about what I need at this point in my life. Now I did love I love him, We get along great. It sounds like you're describing your brother or your best friend like it's the excitement is gone. It's over, so move

on and you need to find something else. You have to be excited about the person that you are fucking. You have to be excited and want to look good from when they come over and look in the mirror and actually care about what you look like. I know that after fourteen years that's not typical, but so great. You're not married to him, you have no reason to hang on to this, you can move on and use him as like you know, how to have him in your life as a friendship. It's so easy to see. Yeah,

for sure, it's that appropriate to to be friends. I guess I'm a little unclear on what as long as you don't have expectations from him, you know, if you can transition into a friendship or you're not having sex with him, because I think that's confusing and that muddies the waters. We're not having sex, we haven't had sex, and like, yeah, I mean, if it's okay to be friends with him, but you know, sometimes when we have somebody old in our life, it kind of prevents us

from moving on to the new person. So I don't know if that's happening, but it sounds like what you're describing is pretty stale. And I'm thinking, like when you said, you're forty six, and you're already looking at a time where you get old and all down you have, you're still so young. There's seven I'm don't you fight my jam up? Like what are you talking about? Forty is the new like it doesn't matter? Yeah, yeah, you know.

The whole point of that was, so we do he has some stomach issues and he was in the hot spit all. I didn't get a call for three days. So that's the story there. It's like we are getting older and like these are things I should be thinking about, But don't. I disagree. You're not You're right, you're not sick. Why do you have to think about that? Men are

going south before women too. So don't hook up with a guy thinking he's taking care of you, because you're definitely taking care of him before he takes care of you. You know what I mean. You gotta look out for you go younger, yes, genius, Yeah, let's go younger. And also, you want your vibration here, not settling, like vibration when you settle it just it's like a limp biscuit. Yeah, higher, and nanny to babysit you when you get older, you

know what I mean? Don't get married. I would rather pay somebody to take care of me in my life dying days than have any fucking child or niece or nephew. And my nieces and nephew's loved me and they would take care of me, but I would rather pay somebody to do it so that when I say, get me a Belvedere on the rocks with a splash of fucking soda on my deathbed. They're going to do that, Chelsea. Can I tell you where you can do that? Really? Well?

My sister works in elder law, and she said that what a lot of people are doing these days is rather than going into assisted living, which is like ten grand a month, they just go on cruises, cruise after cruise after cruise, because there's more doctors per capita on a cruise than at the nursing home. Yeah, but then you have to go on a fucking cruise, Catherine. I'm

not doing that. I would go on a limited edition cruise, like there has to be less than fifty people, and then I'll go and I have to be able to throw each one of them overboard. But anyway, you're fucking forty six, You're not. Everything's great, ye. Can I ask you a question, Chelse? So I know you really love your alone time and I really identified with that. My kid went back to school and I had the best day yesterday just by myself. And so do you ever

think about in that situation being very comfortable? Are you too comfortable? Or like, do you think that you should don't think you don't need to over analyze yourself. Whatever feels good to you is the right thing. We are all. We live in a society where it's a good thing to like have introspection. But you don't have to be overly analytical about every little move you make. There's no such thing as I spend too much time. The other night, I went to bed at five pm. Okay, anyone else

would be like, are you depressed? I don't give a fuck. I wanted. All I could think about was going to bed. I looked at my sleep number in the in the morning, my stats on my phone, and it said you fell asleep at five pm, And I was like, what a victory lap? You know, like, yeah, it's whatever. Whatever you feel that you need is what you need. Stop judging yourself. And also it's okay if that changes as it as it does, it changes all the time, So whatever you're feeling,

it's never gonna last forever. Like you know that you're just in this mood right now, and then you're going to get out of that mood. But I would say, you know, take a little separation from that guy and a stomach. Yeah. My one question I think is why it's been such a slow burn for you to make the change, Like it's been like a year and a half of this relationship dissolving and no sex, and you know you're still wondering, like do I give it two

more years? What is that there? Like everybody know that's a big silent gap. We're just all waiting and while you figure out what your answer is mm hmm. The answer is, I'm not waiting. I just this situation is here. I'm I've moved on with my life and I think that I need to put a cap on that relationship and say, like, look, we had a good run, and is he gonna feel the same way? Just how does he feel he knows about this call? Like he's caring? What? Oh,

you know your answer? And we all know you know your answer. You just wanted to tell you what to do, but you know what to do. You just said it. We didn't have to say anything. You just wanted someone else to tell you. You want to cap that off? Yeah? Right, I think you should write that. I should think you should write that on your refrigerator. Who cares? And that is to you? And what anyone else might that possibly think of? You start with that mantra every single day.

I love it. Yeah, yeah, you have my whole world, Like you're gonna have a lot of men in your life. We just sometimes have to clean out the garbage in our lives. And not that you know any person is garbage. That's not what I'm saying. It's just some people aren't adding to our value, and some people are only there for a short period of time and in your case, a long period of time. But it's time to dust out those cobwebs and get going with the rest of

your life. Yeah, this could be such an exciting time for you. Yeah. I definitely just became a grown up and you just found yourself. It's gonna be a good time. I have a couple of people hit me up over the past year that I just haven't been ready to date. But yeah, you know, yeah, I like being by myself right now. Don't do it. You don't have to move in with them right away. I don't want to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just go with the flow. I remember once I was

hanging out with this group of people. This is a long time ago, and I remember looking around going this isn't gonna cut it. These people are not going to cut it. I'm too cool to be in this group, and you have to remember that about yourself. When you're too cool for a situation, go and find people that are on your vibe, not people that are on your like lower than your Yeah. And if I could go back and dry hump people, I would just dry hump like I would if I were you, I would just

dry hump and make out with them. It would just sit then thank you for the night, and move on. I love that advice bad. Actually, dry humping is gonna probably make a comeback at some point. It's yeah, yeah, because you could actually a woman could come or climax from dry humping. Yeah, and you're good to go. Yeah or monkey I set of monkey bars. I can't believe you put that in your book, by the way, because like I think every woman was like, that's okay that

we did that. Oh yeah, you girls. I used to master made over my pants when I it was called the feeling when I was growing up. I was so excited. I had no idea because I didn't think I would never touch your Pikachu directly. It would be over the jeans. But if the seam of the jeans were the right seem a fixed team. You could make yourself come even faster. So I would lie down behind an ottoman I get home after school and I would just be just just

rubbing myself. But I'd have my vagina covered by the ottoman in case anyone walked into the living room and they would just see me face down on the floor. And while I had like rug burns on my chin, I was so into myself. I could not get enough of myself. All I would do was jerk off all the time. And I didn't know I was masturbating. I mean, I knew it was like a secret, but I was just like, oh, all my girlfriends were doing it. And so I would just be sitting there rubbing my vagina,

rubbing my vagina. And then finally we were at dinner one night and I had a ladle and it was a whole family dinner and I couldn't like, I couldn't even take a break for dinner. If only fans were alive, then I would have been on it. And so I had this spoon and in between my legs, and I was rubbing myself at the dinner table, and I obviously became red or sweaty or something, and my mom goes, Chelsea, what you're doing needs to be done in the privacy

of your own room. And then my brother Roy yells, she does it all the time. And I looked around the table and I was like, oh my god, everyone's known this whole time that I've been fucking jerking off. Like I thought I was sleuth, you know, Like I was like, oh my god. And I was so devastated that I did not masturbate until I was in my forties because I was so ashamed about it that for you, I hated that my brothers knew that I was jerking off.

Very common course it is, of course it is. I mean, yeah, they're jerking off. You know the show Young Sheldon. Yeah, I know, I need to make it. I know we were working on that once. Anyway, did you get your advice that you came here for. I did? I love you so much? Okay? All right? Good? Well, when you get a new boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever, you're in

too obviously men right now, but that can always change. Also, be open minded and when you're in a new situation and you're feeling really positive about your life, please send us a line and let us know yes, of course we'll do Hi. Thanks ladies. Oh my god, didn't even take a break for dinner. No, what a productive call that was. That was great. Yeah, that isn't it funny thing you can just talk to someone and you can feel their energy just by talking to them, like if

it's high or low. I wish that was more like measurable, you know, when people talk about energy. I wish somebody could say, oh, you're at an eight, so that people would take it more seriously, because like the high vibes are so important, and there are people that just bring you down, you know, and it's not their fault or that they're a bad person, you're just not on the same frequency. Yeah, we should have like a little thing above our head that says like a halo. Yeah. I

have one more quick question from Brittany. Brittany Britney spears a spell boy and so, Dear Chelsea. I have a situation I've been wrestling with for about a year. I'm thirty six years old and never wanted kids until this last year. I married my husband last year and we've been together for eight years total. I really love him. We have mostly have a great relationship. We have three cats we adore, But the thing is he does not want to have kids. We always agreed about this until

a year ago. I kept thinking that the desire to have kids would just be a phase and go away, but it keeps getting stronger. I'm really confused and torn on what to do. The thought of leaving makes me sad, and the fear of trying to find a partner and have kids at my age seems scary. I'm freezing my eggs, so that helps take some of the pressure off, but it's still a huge undertaking. I'm worried that later on I'll have some regret about not taking a chance on

having a family of my own. I'm also worried that I'll regret leaving a good marriage and potentially fucking up my life with a crappy partner, or the challenges of parenthood. How can I make this decision. I'm going to therapy, but I feel stuck. The clock is ticking, which is so stressful. Thanks for your help, Brittany. So the husband

decided he did didn't want to have kids. I think neither of them did, and then she just changed her mind okay and hit her and she just she felt like she maternal and she needed to have a baby. Oh well, she really has to decide what does she want more him or the baby, because she actually doesn't. She doesn't need him to make the baby. She could do it alone. But she doesn't need to find another partner to have a baby either if they did fizzle, like if they broke up, like she can have a

baby on her own. Yeah, yeah, but that's not going to make her feel good. She wants to have a husband and that baby. So you guys are parents, so you need to handle this. It's happened to a lot of our friends actually, and they broke up with the partner to have the baby. Because you're gonna end up if you can't let it go. You're gonna hate them. You're going to resent them that they never did it, and you will just find problems even if there isn't

a problem, you'll create problems. So it would rather be honest, like I've changed my mind and maybe he doesn't know how she's nervous to say I really really want this, this is what he might be like, then I can get on board. You never know if you're really honest with it. Yeah, like maybe eight years ago when they started together. They totally agreed on that, but he really wasn't as like he wasn't as determined to not have

them as she was. Now she's changed her mind. Who knows, Maybe he has to Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know. God I go My husband didn't one a third really and it was a big conversation, and I was like different, I know, but I was a very big conversation. I think for some people have to be like this is this is so important to me. I don't know if I can keep being with you if I can't do this, and then he might feel like I never knew. Let's maybe let's talk about it, think about what we're gonna

do here. Yeah, it's so much more than do I leave him or do I get a baby? Because she might not even be able to have a baby. You know, like there's so many X factors. It's so hard to say leave them and go get a new partner in a baby, maybe there's a wiggle room in two years or you know, if she's freezing his eggs, does he not know something's coming up? Or is she doing it in secret? Well she's freezing her egg Yeah, Well men don't have eggs like, yeah, she might be doing it alone.

It's expensive to do that too, it is. Yeah, I think you have to be like, if you really are thinking about this, ay, you have to want to have that baby a hundred and fifty percent. You have to be committed to that. And if you are that committed to that baby and that's more important to you than your husband is right now, then yeah, you've got to leave him and go pursue that. But I mean you have to really know that you want to do that,

not just be curious about being a mother. I think you know, sometimes I know how strong a maternal instant can be, at least I hear about it. But I think you have to examine really how important that is to you, and then that's your decision right there. You know, did you have like a whoopsie, like you know, get unofficially inseminated and then be like, oh no, that bad. Yeah, but we're also Mary, so yeah, I mean I'm not against that. I don't into a baby, Okay, well we did, Okay,

Well that's yeah, that's your advice. What's her name. I definitely think that's a good ideas that would do that. Yeah, if I was a manipulative person. That was something I would think about. Just you know, is that how you wanted up with baby number three? No? No, locked him in? You know, wrap my legs. You're not leaving, squeaks. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll come back to wrap up with Captain Nat and Chelsea. And we're back.

We're back, well, Catt, And this is the part of the show where I want to know if you'd like any advice from Chelsea. Well, we have an ongoing argument that maybe the two of you and Chelsea could settle for us. We have an argument on whether you and Chelsea yeah whatever, you know, I'm saying, Okay, I think we just we've never really agreed to I don't know if we have a misunderstanding and we actually have to

show each other what we mean. But I take soap and I wash underneath and all over my vagina, like I actually take the soap and not in like, not in the hole, of course, not the hole in the oven, in the like, all underneath. And she says that you shouldn't put she read, if you don't put soap there because it's self inside, not in the hole. Yes, all in there. And I don't think you're I'm pretty rough and when I washed my beaver in the shower, that's

obviously the first spot i'd like to hit. But I don't put the soap bar like I guess I probably do with something similar. I do know that you're not supposed to do that. You're not supposed to, but soap inside the lips, any of that. Your vagina is a self cleaning mechanism itself. Yes, are you serious? Yeah, so you can rob soap around, but like, I don't think it's gonna hurt you. I mean, it's supposed to affect your pH balance, is what I know. Yeah, but I'm not I don't use a bar of soap. I used

pump soap, right is that what you use? So you're not? Okay? So, I mean, I just don't think it's that big of a deal. I think if you actually put it inside you, then it's a big deal. But massa manos, as they say in it. If you're not getting any East infections, you're probably doing it fine. Yeah right, Yeah, everything's been fine so far. I just like all dark moist places need to be also have ibs, so that would be different. You know, ibs down there. You do definitely stuck my

finger in my butt hole to wash it. Yeah, for if there's a situation that needs cleansing, Yeah, in that the hole. Yeah, just to make sure like everything's there that is supposed to be there and nothing extra. Yeah, only when I've had an incident. Oh my gosh, if I even go anywhere near that thing, it's just going to be a disaster. Really with soap, I mean, don't you want it to be clean your butt hole? She can't have any butt play whatsoever. Her bowels live on

the whole, like you know. I saw a video the other day about anal sex and it says when men go into other men there's three sphincter holes. I had learned that there were two sphincter holes. So when you have anal sex, there's one entryway and then there's a second entryway, and if they're really well endowed, there is a third entryway. But I think that's only applicable for men because they have a scrowed them and we do not. So, but for us, there are two anal entries one and

then boo boom, depending on how big between. So there's ship wait, there's there's there who comes out one. No, there's like as deep as it goes, then there's like another. It's like being in a like a labyrinth. There's one that's the entryway, and then if you have a big enough penis, there's a second anal opening in the same tunnel. I think she has one, and that's the problem because I feel like it just drops in with like where we have to run the red like there's no time.

It's like where she she pants, or like I have a birth effect in my mom never told me I only have one. Every travel with a thermos in case you need to take ad in. It should do um okay. Well, on that note, you guys, I just want to thank you guys for being here all the way from Canada. I can't wait to see you guys again in person. I hope that happens sooner than later. Thank you for being on the podcast. You were very entertaining. Thank you so much for having us. It was so nice to

meet you, Catherine. I can't wait to see you guys again. I'm your biggest fan now. Yeah, thank you guys, really truly. Thanks girls, have a great day. Bye bye. And for those of you who haven't seen my special on Netflix. It's out. Revolution is out and it's streaming. And I am announcing a new tour called the Little Big Bitch Tour. I am starting again in April. I announced a bunch of cities, so it's on my Instagram and my webs sight and whatever. But yes, I'm going back on the

road in four months or whatever. I have a whole new show and a whole new thing and I'm gonna go to Oorgain. I'm just a busy woman. I am. I am. There's a lot going on, So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio, executive produced by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.