Putting Yourself First with Jamie Lynn Sigler

Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.

How are you.

Oh I'm good. I'm good. I'm just enjoying my new house. I had an energy cleaner come to my house.

That's excellent.

Do they do a little samey?

Well, I wasn't there, which is how I prefer that to go down. I was on the road this weekend and they cleared my house of energy and she sent me an email with all sorts of shit about my house and what energy was holding on too, and some past life stuff. And I was like, oh, you know how I feel about pause lives. I just can't get my head around that. But I also spoke to a numerologist that one of my makeup guys referred me to

Him right, And I was like, oh, I'd like to talk to that guy.

So I only did a half hour reading because I don't have a lot of intention span for that.

Kind of stuff. But I'm interested. I'm just not like you know.

But every psychic in every medium, and every numerologist or astrologist that I have spoken to has told me that my mother is with my dogs all that my dogs all go to my mom.

And I had this reading like two weeks ago before.

Bernice was like going downhill and the neumerologists said Bert, he goes Bert and Bernie and I was like Bert and he goes is this Sesame Street? And I'm like, no, no, those are my dogs, Burt and Bernice. Burt and Bernice and he goes and Chunk and Tammy. Oh my gosh, I said the four dogs names that I have had. I mean, he didn't say Burt and Bernie's but this

Yes, well, and Larelin Jackson talks about that in her book as well. There was one couple she did a reading for who know people came through for, but like all these pets and animals came through for, and even like a bee, they have saved from the middle of the road, and now I feel bad every time I be like in a puddle and I pulled out, Oh oh.

Yeah, they're there.

I don't know if I have time to be pulling bees out of puddles though story I mean, I do have time, I just don't know that I'm going to be spending it that way.

It's okay, it's okay.

Doug went to Doggy Daycaren and Whistler and she was like, what do you want from this? She's like, this is our first discovery session.

I was like what. I was like, discoveries, what do you mean. I'm like, it's a dog, Like, just fucking drain him.

Meanwhile, Doug doesn't listen to anything, so he's just like all my other dogs.

He's so sweet. He is so beautiful, doesn't matter. He's such a beautiful baby.

We got to Vegas yesterday. We're all in a hotel room. There's like ten of us and we're all in a hotel room and Doug gets up on the bed urinates all over the bed in the hotel room in this huge suite that they gave us, and then ten minutes later he pisses all over the dining room floor and it sounded like a horse was peeing. Like Everyone's like, oh my god, is there a faucet on? And then we all looked and saw Doug Pete twice back to back.

Oh no, well, I'll give it back to me the next time I'm there. Yeah.

Well, Chelsea, I have just a sweet email from a listener. This was in a follow up to our Jane Fonda episode. She says, your Chelsea, I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed the last podcast with Jane Fonda. She's such an icon and made such an impact on me in my youth and now in my later adulthood and everything in between. I was hooked on her from her

I love hearing about how many people lives have been impacted by Jane Fonda.

Oh totally, totally, And I just love that she says like there are many roads to a good life. So much of the time I'm on the show, we talk about like should I do this or that? And you know, you say this a lot, but it's like when you make the choice and you choose to go towards something that's the right thing, and if it's not, you change.

Yeah, absolutely, and also just committing to your decision that you're making. When life hands you a curveball, it's okay, that's what life is, curveballs. Like, it doesn't have to go the exact way you want everything to go.

In fact, if it does, then you're not really learning much at all.

Right, it's right, exactly, So thanks for writing in, Chrissy. What's going on, Chelsea.

Well, my two nieces are in college. My other one is graduated, so I'm getting ready to see them soon. Fine, actually invited two of them to I'll be on the podcast to give gen Z advice to young listeners.

So this is a call to action.

Actually, my nieces Jordan and Charlie are coming on to give advice because they're both great at it. They're both super smart, and they're both very compassionate, and Jordan definitely has a psychology brain. So I thought that would be good to incorporate more family members into the podcast. So if you're their age, my niece is nineteen and then

Yeah, Or if you have questions about gen Zers right in.

If you want to understand gen Zers too, if you're older and you need some intel for your own children or whatever's happening, that's a good idea too.

But yes, definitely for our younger listeners. Yeah.

Our guest today has a new podcast called Messi that she co hosts with Christina Applegate, and I think we're ready to welcome her to the show, right, Chelsea.

Yeah, our guest today is Jamie Lynn Sigler. Hi, Jamie Lynn Sigler, what's happening?

What's I'm so excited to talk to you.

Oh, it's so nice to see you. When was the last time we saw each other?

Was it on your show?

I don't know was it.

It's like a very long time. It's been a very long.

Well you look exactly the same, so you well that's not true, but thank you very much. I know you have a new podcast with Christina Gate. It's called MESSI, where you guys discuss your diagnoses, your lifestyle, well, I mean, not your diagnosis, your life with MS.

So, yeah, and and other things.

Of course, of course it's not only about MS.

So tell me a little bit about reaching out and you guys connecting and figuring out that you even wanted.

To do this.

Yeah, well we were, you know, we've kind of been peripheral friends for a number of years, and then when she was diagnosed, our mutual friend mister Lance Bass put us in touch because I think, you know, she was in the middle of filming dead to me and was scared and confused and didn't know what this would mean for her and me, being somebody that's lived with this over two decades, he felt like I could help her

Yeah, I think that's very true.

I think that a lot of people things happen in life all the time that completely changed the trajectory of what you thought was going to happen, and how you get around that psychologically, emotionally, physically, all of you know, all of the requirements that are necessary for you to soldier on. So tell me a little bit about your your experience, because I know that you kind of kept it hidden for a while your diagnosis, right.

I did.

I kept it hidden for almost sixteen years, and you know, there's a lot of things that led me to become public with it, the main one being I couldn't really hide it anymore and I didn't want to lie, and I didn't like the feelings of shame I was developing around it, you know, because it.

Was a secret.

I was starting to feel guilty and embarrassed by it, and I knew that I needed to just see, you know.

I was so fearful.

I was so fearful that people would only seems when they looked at me that I would lose work.

That I just didn't know what it would mean for my life.

Once I said it out loud, and ever since then, it's been like eight years. It's been this really slow process of acceptance for me, and I'm not quite there yet, but I'm getting there, and it's just, you know, it affects my walking, It affects my gait. That's the way it affects me the most. And I've just in the past two years finally started using a cane and a walking stick when I need And that took a lot

I bet tell us about that.

Yeah, I used to be the most closed off person in the world.

You know.

I came from an immigrant mother who was like, never let them see you sweat, always put your lipstick, always look perfect, never let them know that there's a problem or you are a problem. And it's been a journey of kind of undoing that, and in my vulnerability and my forced vulnerability, because what I struggle with is on the outside, so people mention it, people see it. It's it's forced me to talk about it. I've had the

Yeah. Wow, well that's huge.

I mean, I think once you get to that place, then you really are around the corner from acceptance, because it sounds like you are an acceptance.

I hope so I am.

And it's really helped to talk about it, especially on MESSI and what Christina's done for me, because we're in two really different places with this. You know, she's still in the new phases and she's angry and she's she's in her grief. And not to say that I don't dip.

My toe in that every once in a while, of course I do. I'm human.

But what she's really allowed me to do is sit down sometimes and be like this sucks.

I hate this. I wish I didn't have it.

For so long I didn't allow myself to say that I was afraid to and she's She's taught me the beautiful balance of being able to express my emotions but still press forward and have the gratitude that I have.

And can you educate us a little bit on how MS presents differently for different people, or like what the telltale signs are.

Like definitely, yeah, MS is very different for everybody, which is I think kind of like the confusing part for people. And it's why you have to be your own advocate and speak onto like how it's affecting you and not hold back when it comes to that. So, like I said, for me, it's affected my gait and how I walk,

And why does that happen?

What is it doing to your bladder that it makes you have to go, Like impulsively.

So there's so along all of our nerves is myolin. It's like if you look at a cord that you're going to plug in your lamp to the wall, there's this thick coating around the wires, and so the myolin is that for our nerves, and MS attacks the myolin, so there's little holes that are poked or it can damage it completely, so it weakens the signal and sometimes

Do we hold it? What do we do?

And then sometimes you just don't have the control. Unfortunately, there's medications that can help that. There's a lot of disease modifying drugs. But you know, for some it can affect their speech, their hands, cognitively, it can affect their energy levels. Luckily for me that's not the case. It's just, like I said, my bladder and my walking, and it's kind of been this like really slow burn for me over the last twenty two years, for better or worse.

And do those physical limitations Are they the same always?

Are they? Or does it? Is it sporadic? It's always the same?

Yeah? For me, yes, yes, it's it's it's it.

And I think that that works for me because I kind of know what I'm dealing with every day, and especially when I work, it's easy for me to say, Okay, here's what I can do, here's what I can't do, here's what I need, here's what I don't need.

It's allowed me to find my voice at work.

I bet.

I mean, I mean, if you said you were hiding that right from your people you were working with for so long, how did you I mean having to actually a tell people like this is what's happening and then be set boundaries up like Okay, I want you to hire me, but now I have to give you four reasons why you might look away and go, we're not hiring her.

Yep, yep. I've dealt with all of it. I've dealt with you know.

My last job, I got hired on just to be like a recurring guest star, and then they kept me on for two seasons as a regular, And so in that experience, I was like, Oh, I'm not a burden. This doesn't deter anybody. They hired me for my talent and they worked around it, which was great. But at the end of that experience, I felt really strongly that the next thing I do, I just want to work in this body, Like, why can't I just walk the

Yeah, I like it. I like everything you're saying.

That's very powerful, and I'm and noted on the podcast not only revolving around the disease, but revolving around your real lives. Because in order to represent MS on TV, or on podcasts or in media in any way, it doesn't have to be addressed all the time. You just have to have people who haven't who are acting like regular people, because that's what you are, a person.

That's exactly right.

So talk to me about your marriage, because I know you had a divorce when you were very very young. I was probably traumatic from what I gathered, correct, And then you went on to meet this new guy, your husband of how many years?

Well, we've been together thirteen years, but we've been married.

Eight okay, and you have two boys with him m hm. And so how did you go from a toxic relationship to the healthy relationship because that's what our listeners all want to know about.

Let's talk about it.

Well, my first marriage, so I've never really talked about much so he was ten years older than me, and then he became my manager.

As it was funny though, sorry to interrupt, but I will, because isn't it funny that you can have a first marriage and almost forget that you were married all the time. Think about that, like people are upset about breaking up with people. It's like you might not even remember this person fucking ten years from now or five years from now. There are people that I was in relationships with that I've forgotten about.

It's so true.

I too, I forget all the time that I was married, literally married to somebody.

Once, so something to remember people, Yes, that is very true.

Life goes on.

So after that, I had a series of three boyfriends that were all lovely, and you know, my first husband was like this kind of like showman like who turned out to be a bit of a sociopath. And then my next boyfriend was the opposite. He was like super quiet, reserved, which is kind of what I needed.

And then I dated my.

Co starred Jerry Ferarra an Entourage for a little bit, who was just like loving and supportive. Then I started going through like a little bit of an athlete phase. And then yes, I remember that but my end then my husband was an athlete and he's eight years younger than me, so when we were we weren't set up.

Were like, he's so cute, he's into you, just like fucking for a little while, like have some fun, like.

Come on, and I was like, okay, And I think because of that, we didn't play any games. You know, it was no like don't text or don't call, or leave a little space, leave a little time. We just jumped in just having fun and getting to know each other and kind of the rest is history.

You know, we did long distance.

We got pregnant by accident less than a year later, but that was just kind of, I say, God's way of interfering to keep me where I was, because I kind of had a history of like a year or two in and then I ran because of my divorce and like my fear of getting too deep into a relationship. And he is wonderful. He is the most supportive and patient, loving guy. And I would say the only I wouldn't

Back off with how much he's helping me.

Sometimes I need him to just let me vent and not have to fix those types of things, which is like sort of been our only real struggle, thankfully.

And as it should be.

I mean, that is a struggle, so it wouldn't not be and you're blessed to not have to be stressed about anything else in your relationship.

That is true.

And I think that's very sagacious what you just said about venting, because that's definitely a thing.

I want to fix people's problems always.

I want to tell them what to do, and I want to give them advice, and I want to get involved. And that's not always welcome or necessary. Some people just want to fucking vent and that's it. They just want to get it off their chest and they don't want you to help them fix it, which is what you're saying. And I can respect that because I definitely have been there too. And then there are people that just can't see the forest for the trees who you want to help,

In real life with people.

When I know that somebody has an issue, I just I'm trying very hard to sit and not interfere and just listen and hold someone or rub their arm or their back or whatever, because everyone needs that every once in a while. We all go through shit where you just you know somebody can't fix it, but want you want to complain, you want to get it out.

It's like one thing after another.

Yeah, you need to like release the pressure, valve a little bit, you know, like get.

Some of that air out.

And yeah, and I tell my husband and friends even sometimes like thank you for listening. This is something I want to.

Figure out on my own. This is something that I know I'm going.

To grow from figuring out on my own. And I think that comes also with time and experience of figuring out as the complainer or as the person that's needing to vent, differentiating like a mice saying this because I need your help, or am I saying this because I just need to vent, but knowing that I'm going to figure it out on my own.

Okay, well, let's take a break and we'll be right back.

If you need advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. You can ask about your biggest dating conundrums, the cheating scandal that's rocking your friend group, the funniest marital disagreements you need Chelsea to weigh in on, or anything else that's Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com.

And we're back. We have some callers today, Jamie. I'm so happy you're here to give advice. Okay, what do we got, Catherine?

We actually have people calling in from all over the place. We've got someone calling in from Spain, someone calling in from New Zealand's exciting.

I can't believe people get my podcast overseas. Oh interesting, I didn't know how the internet works. Yeah, we'll start with Megan. So she is almost twenty one.

Oh.

She is calling from Spain, where she's been doing a semester abroad. So Meghan says, Dear Chelsea, I need your advice on whether or not to invite both my parents to my twenty first birthday party. I'm in college, and six months ago I found out my parents are getting a divorce. I already go to school out of state and I rarely see my family, but I haven't seen them in months now because I'm in another country for

Someone great Great.

My parents haven't spoken since Christmas, just through lawyers, so my birthday would be the first time they'd be in the same room. I know they want me to be happy, and we'll do whatever I want them to do, but I also know one of them will be extremely bummed if they aren't there to celebrate me. Thanks so much for being my therapist when I can't visit my actual therapist. Whatever advice you can give would be amazing. Megan, Why she is Hi?

You little almost twenty one year old cutiepows Hi?

Hi?

How are you?

Hi?

Cutie? This is Jamie Lan Siegler. She's our special guest today.

Hi, Jamie.

Hi.

I think it's a perfect opportunity for your parents to challenge up to meet the moment and make this their first outing. And it's not about them.

It's about you.

Yeah, No, definitely, And I think listen, obviously, somebody got very hurt, but if they're both dating other people, that softens everybody's pain. Obviously, your father, if he has a long term girlfriend, then he's probably had her for a while, and your mother probably hates thinks he's an asshole, but

Yeah, no, I completely agree.

I think I struggle with having like those conversations with them, just being the youngest and having to.

Go with the flow. I never really I don't.

Like to make things about me entirely, so it's definitely going to be difficult to have that conversation with them. But my sisters also said the same thing. They were like, you know, look like this could be the first time we really get them together and we can test the waters. But if you don't want that, they said they would support me in whatever decision I make, And I have been debating, telling them I don't even want either of them there and just doing a whole thing with my

Know the feeling. I'm with you, I got it.

Oh yeah, I definitely need to have a conversation with them, and if whatever happens, it happens.

But I know they're not going to intentionally try to ruin my day.

No, they're not.

And also something you just said, you have problems putting yourself first, This is a great opportunity to put yourself for f You're going to have to go through life and there are going to be times where you have to put yourself first.

And that doesn't mean you're selfish.

That just means that you're healthy and you know that, like certain dynamics require.

This is your birthday party.

And if you don't want to have the conversation, then write them an email and put it on the email together. Put them on the email together if you want to be like, Okay, this is all I've ever known. I understand you guys aren't together, and I totally support both of you. This is my birthday. I would love to have both of you there. If we can have a peaceful, joyful celebration, and if you don't think that you can come with that attitude, then we'll celebrate on our own

Because that was really perfect.

I just wrote it down.

Good thing it's being recorded.

Yeah yeah, no, but you said, you know, you saying an email. That's actually really interesting because my dad would honestly reply to an email faster than a text message.

So that's a good idea.

Yeah, well that's how you know what generations people are from.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I do have older parents.

So even if you're sort of an adult like you are now, when your parents get a divorced, you have to grow up really fast. So you know, this is that first conversation that you have to have where like you are taking the reins of this relationship dynamic.

So how are you feeling about their separation and divorce? Does that bother you? Were you shocked? Were you upset?

Well, it was more I wouldn't say shocked.

It was more like we didn't think it was ever going to happen because they would always put their relationship in even us first.

Well, of course, these couples they wait until their kids are out of the house. It's like, who the fuck are you waiting? Like, the kids don't get they just want normal parents. And when you're fucking fifteen through twenty one, you are not thinking about your parents.

You are thinking about your life.

Right, It's been a lot of ups and downs, just because when I first found out, I didn't find out in like the best way possible. But then I was also at school like fifteen hundred miles away, and now I am studying abroad in the completely diferent country, So I'm I don't even know the full story of what's happening back home. I just get what my siblings tell me, because obviously my parents aren't telling me anything. They're just

What are your siblings saying about it?

I mean, as much as I love my brother and I love talking to him in a person, have to finish that way.

We all know, brothers.

You should see the text I got my I had to put my dog down recently, and my brother sent me this text. And I have two brothers, and one of them is so sweet and so loving, and the other one is a fucking asshole. And the texts I got from my I mean, the two texts just describe their I might have to put them in my new book because it really just shows you who.

Each person is.

Yeah. No, well, first I just want to say I'm sorry about your dog. I loved seeing all those.

Oh thank you many thank you.

What are they saying your sister's saying about the dynamics since they separated.

I think they're telling me what I ask them questions about.

And one my sister, she.

Does like still live in my hometown and so she's getting it all in person, so a lot. And she's also the oldest, so my mom is kind of putting everything on her, and then my dad is asking her like, oh, like, how's your mom doing? And she's very much in the middle. So sometimes when we call to catch up, she kind of just dumps it all on me, and which I'm okay with because then I am getting the full truth.

Yeah, it sounds like you have great sisters.

Yeah, okay, it's so considerable.

I do.

I'm really lucky.

Yeah, totally, that's so nice. I have great sisters too. It's so Jamie, do you have sisters?

No, I grew up with two older brothers.

Okay, so then you have you have to deal with that. Thank you.

Yeah you understand the brother that.

Yeah, of course, of course. But I think you know, like your parents made this decision for them and what was right for their lives, Like Chelsea said, like this is your opportunity to do that for yourself, and your twenty first birthday is one to remember hopefully, and like you should say that in your email. If you feel like they're not going to be able to show up for you the way that you need, then maybe it's just not the place for them to be at.

Maybe you don't even want them there.

Maybe you have like a family dinner and like you get to go out and get trashed with your friends, you know, for like at the actual twenty first birthday, what.

Is the plan? Is it a big party?

You said, it's a big group of us going downtown, Like a lot of my friends won't be home from school yet, so it's only a few of my friends, but it's my siblings and all of their friends who also watched me grow up and they've all.

Been waiting for me to turn twenty one.

So it's going to be it's going to be so much fun because it's a big group. But also I don't know who knows what of what's been going on because everything is so new. So if a fight does break out, like I really don't want to be put in a situation, and I doubt my siblings want to be put in a situation where we have to like explain that or like cover that up.

You know, well, I think this email will cover.

You'll find out where they are and if they're able to be in the same space together, and if they're not, then you know, then they're not and that's okay too, Like then you can have celebrate with them individually, because it does sound like what you're going to do is basically like a bar crawl, right.

That's that's exactly what we're doing. Yeah, party, bus bar.

That's going to be more fun without your parents anyway, So you could go either way you want with this one. I mean, you know, and they'll probably only come and then leave, you know what I mean.

They're not going to be there all night.

Yeah right, They're probably gonna go home by ten.

Yeah yeah.

And I would worry less about like a fight breaking out than like just general tension.

My last piece of advice that will tell you is hydrate.

Hydrate all day and then between every day you have a water you'll see get I would love to try that one time.

I would love because of how much I fucking detest water. But now I have my new water flavorers that.

I like my electro life.

But I would love to go out drink, have a glass of water like everyone's been fucking talking about for the last fifty thousand years, and see if.

That makes a fucking difference. Because I doubt it will does for me, it does the.

Next day, then maybe I should Maybe I should tell them to drink water.

I just get an IV Get an IV there. It is a preemptive well.

Honestly, I was thinking about that, just booking an appointment and getting.

Get a phyplactic IVY so that you're prepared for all the water that all the dehydration coming your way, and also have a great fucking birthday. Twenty one is a huge birthday. That's your first big birthday in your life other than when you turn eighteen.

That's good.

Well, eighteen these days isn't like that big of a deal because like what, you can vote, maybe get drafted to the war, but what all the perks.

Seventeen was big because of your license, So that was my that was seventeen sixteen. Oh I didn't get my license, so sixteen.

Yeah, seventeen was big.

Eighteen was big, and then twenty one and then after that it's every ten years.

So yeah, I'm gonna say it's just down hope from here.

Yeah.

I enjoy yourself and your future is Thank you so much. Okay, you're welcome. Hoy Bday, Happy birthday.

Thank you.

I appreciate it. Bye guys, Bye Jamie.

What's your situation? Are you allowed to drink while you're on the medication you're on for MS or no?

I am allowed. I just don't alcohol for whatever reasons. Never really hit me, right, Oh cannabis does?

Yeah? Oh interesting, interesting, very nice.

It's why all drugs affect me in a positive way and other people either like it's they like one or the other. Typically alcohol or cannabis, right, all of my friends that are cannabis people don't like alcohol, you.

Know, I get in my younger years, I just would get slappy, like I'm the girl that like the decision making goes out the window, Like wouldn't it be funny if I flashed them so I fly, you know, like I would just be.

Right, I hear you. Okay, fair enough.

Well, let's take a break and we'll be right back. Our next caller is Katie. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing in today to ask you about an issue that I've honestly struggled with ever since I was a teenager. Basically, my question is this, how do you deal with a friend who develops romantic feelings for you when you don't have the same interest in them. This has happened to me many times over the years, mostly with my guy friends, and I never feel like I handle the situation well.

Hi, This is JB. She's our special guest, So say hi to her.

Hi, Nice to meet you too.

Okay, so you seem to get a lot of people. Is it all men or are you implying that there was a woman that has a crush on you now?

Oh that Well, there is a woman who has a crush on me now, but that's kind of my fault. But well, we met on a dating app, so like that's a separate issue.

Okay, let's go back. I'm curious about that issue also.

But yeah, well so, but mostly the issue is like straight guys that I've been friends with, I don't think I can think of a single guy friend that I have that I'm still friends with who didn't have a

And have you ever handled it where it was a successful result and you remain friends with the guy after they revealed to you that they had feelings.

Yeah, yeah, I have a few guy friends who handled it well and we're still friends.

And how did you handle those interactions when it came down to the wire.

I mean, I just feel like I was like, you know, I'm not interested. Can we just be friends? And I feel like a lot of the work is on their part, like of being like, Okay, yeah, I'm going to be cool with this and I'm going to accept it. I was like, hey, I understand if you like need some time and space, that's fine, but then the ball's.

Kind of in their core. I feel like to not be weird.

Absolutely, I mean, if you tell someone that you're not interested, they have to say take that information and accept it. They can't be like, well you should be because of ab and c. Like that's kind of really annoying. You can't be convinced to date somebody you should like me because yeah, yeah, I have had this experience, Jamie. I'm sure you've had plenty of friendships where they thought it was headed in a different direction.

You know, not many, maybe once or twice, But I think it was just more like I went on a date or two and then not feeling it and the other person really not understanding.

Why isn't that amazing though, that you could be on such different tracks?

Yeah, Like, isn't it very clear that there's not a connection here.

It's like chemistry is palpable.

When there is chemistry between two people, you feel it and both people feel it. So if the person that you're telling that you don't have chemistry with, that you're not interested doesn't understand that there's no chemistry, then they've never felt chemistry between another person before, yes.

And to try to like make it work.

I mean, I've also been in situations where you know you're dating somebody and then after a while you can feel that they're not feeling it anymore. And it's the worst, but it's so clear you can feel the shift, and it's it's important too, and you're right, and it was on me to do the work for it.

Well yeah, well we women can, that's right, right, Yeah, maybe these guys just aren't feeling it.

Yeah.

I do think though, listen and when you know somebody has a crush on you, since this is a pattern, it happens to you frequently, I do think you can get a little bit smarter about nipping it in the bud before it becomes an issue. You know, make it very clear that you are not available in that way, even if you're single, that you're not interested in that kind of dynamic with friends, Like I love having a friend like you. I hope you can be friends for a long time. I hope I can introduce you to

You know, I almost wonder too, because Katie and I want you to talk about this for a second, but like when we talked to you, like, I love being single, and I think sometimes the person who's like not interested at all sort of is like guys are like, yeah, it's a.

Magnetic attraction because you don't you're not despert and you're not asking for anything. So that's when men are turned on when you're not interested. So it's totally normal. Like I've had this so many times with men when I've been single, roommates, guys, and I'm but I was so clueless to it because I was just an idiot, you know, until they actually try to kiss me and I'm like, what the fuck are you doing?

But I do lead people on without thinking of it.

So I had to really curb my behavior with male friends to let them know, like just because I'm flirty and fun and I like to take my top off doesn't mean I want to fuck you.

Yeah, for sure, for sure.

And I guess just being like just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm interested or doesn't mean I'm available, Like automatically like, is.

There anything you're doing that you think you should change? Is there any behavioral patterns that you think are leading to this?

I don't think so.

I'm not even really that flirty like of a person, Like I'm just kind of me hanging out here doing what I do, you know, But I think there are some guys where if you're just nice to them at all, they fall in love with you.

So well.

Also because you are happy and you are centered and you are grounded, that is attractive to men.

You know. It's like, look, she's got her shit together. That's fun. Okay. So there's nothing you're doing that you think that is leading it to this.

So I would just try and be like a little bit more proactive about it before it comes up. Try and just keep your eyes open for that and just when you sense it, make it clear.

Yeah, and you can even like what Chelsea said about when you do have to address it tag onto that don't make it weird, like this doesn't have to be a thing, like let's keep being friends and like.

Yes, let's have this. That's good.

Yeah.

I like that.

If someone said that to me that I had a crush on, I would be like oh okay, yeah, like it's not good fuck.

You anyway, but thank you for that's up. I'm glad I know I have a friend out there. Awesome. Well did that help, Katie?

Yes, definitely, okay, awesome, all right, let us know next time as happens if things worked out well and yeah.

For sure for sure.

Okay, bye, Katie.

Well thanks for having me bye.

I mean it's not a bad problem to have.

I think there's some women who like are just not interested in like the men around them, and it's magnetic, like you said, no.

Yeah, it's something happens. It's it's always like that, yep.

And also people create narratives, like when they hang out with you, they start to believe whatever they want to believe about the dynamics. So they're like, oh, yeah, I hung out with her again. She's spending time with me. She obviously likes me.

Yes, right, your brain can find evidence for whatever story exactly.

It's like she doesn't dislike you, or she wouldn't be inviting around.

But yeah.

Well.

Georgia is calling in from New Zealand. Her subject line was Graves disease is a stupid name for a stupid condition.

Dear, Chelsea.

I'm writing a need of some advice from my favorite doctor comedian podcast Queen. I'm a twenty eight year old woman in New Zealand and I was recently diagnosed with Graves disease and autoimmune condition where my thiraid goes way too fast. This came after experiencing some mild, vague symptoms, and the diagnosis came as a big shock. I've always been generally happy and healthy. The diagnosis has left me

Hi, Georgia, Hi, Yeah, how are you? I'm good?

Hi?

Thanks for calling from all the way from New Zealand.

Jamie, why don't you start this one since you have more experience.

Yes, So, Georgia, Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Jamie.

I live with also an autoimmune neurological disorder called MS, so I understand and can sympathize greatly with what you're feeling and going through.

And I'm sorry.

I've lived with this for a very long time, over twenty two years. So the advice that I could give you is I developed this kind of like three step thing for myself that really helps me. And the first step is to reflect, and that means to sit with the hard feelings, the grief, the sadness, the depression, the despair of what you thought was going to be for your body, for your old body, all of those things. You have to give yourself the space to feel all

There's resources, there's people, there's.

Tons of opportunity to research and find mind whatever little bit of help might help you. There's tons of modalities for different things, and I think that those are kind of three steps that I come back to often still. I mean, it's not like it's one and done, but it really helps me kind of process the way a disease that you have no control over sometimes affects you.

And also, I'm sure there's a support group for people who have been diagnosed with graves. That's where you should start, you know, to get advice and tools for dealing with it from people who have been experiencing it.

Yeah. Yeah, and that's all very helpful. I think that those three steps are a really interesting way to I think I did a lot of the first step sitting with it, feeling a lot of feelings, and then I think I sort of jumped to step three of reaching out and getting into therapy and looking for those resources

It's going to change day to day.

Might have good weeks, you might have good months, you might have good years, or you know, it's you have to give yourself grace through all of it. Strength doesn't mean that you're like handling it with positivity and everything's great. Strength means that you're just still showing up for yourself wherever you are that day, wherever you are.

In that moment, in my opinion, and.

That is really difficult, and I understand that. And also getting a good community around you, whether it's two three people, whoever it is. It's important for you to not go through this too much in your own head and with your own self.

You know.

Can I ask you what is the status of being able to have children? Did they say that that is off the table or that it may not be on the table.

So a little update. I'm actually pregnant now.

Oh oh my god, Telsey, work quickly.

That is so fast.

You just called in like five minutes ago and you're already pregnant.

I haven't very very quickly. I had a thyroid ectomy. So they actually removed the thyroid, which meant that I am no longer on medication, which meant I couldn't get pregnant. And so it got the clear from my doctors in about December, and we thought, okay, well, this might take quite a long time.

You know, getting.

Hormones back to normal can have a huge effect. And no, that didn't take that long.

That's amazing.

I mean, there you go, right there, there's a sign from the universe telling you that everything is going to be okay, but slightly different, you know what I mean.

Yeah, then your body is an abandoning you.

Yeah, I think it has been. It's definitely helped with gaining some of that trust back. Surely you're quite familiar with that feeling.

I'm feeling.

I've quite felt quite betrayed for the first time from my own body. It has definitely been quite healing to gain some of that trustpack.

I think.

Yeah. Wow.

Georgia, when we talked earlier, you had mentioned that some of your symptoms have continued even after having some treatments. Do you want to tell us a little bit about that? And I wonder if Jamie has some wisdom on like dealing with disappointments when it comes to different treatments.

Yeah, so I'm now on because I have no function, I'm now on medication that helps my thyroid to work well, the sort of fake thyroid replacement replacement, and so that has led to I guess a different set of symptoms. Where before getting pregnant there was a bit of weight gain, and I guess things went the other way, feeling maybe lethargic. And the big one that I have had since is I also developed thyroid eye disease, which is sort of a different disease from Graves, but you get it because

That's hard to accept sometimes. Yeah, yeah, I understand that, and I can understand sometimes the way that one treatment can affect you for the better, but then there's side effects from that. It's it's a very unfortunate and frustrating dance that you have to dance it.

But this is all new to you still.

And sometimes these things just take time. And I think like living in the beautiful journey of pregnancy and going through this pregnancy, I remember for me during both my pregnancies, like finally feeling like my body with doing what I wanted it to do was something that was, like you're saying, like really important because for so long and still today sometimes it felt like my body's betraying me and not

Yeah, and you know, with regard to your eyes, I'm sure there are things you're going to be able to find out that you can do. Actually, but in the meantime, if you do feel stuck like, oh this is I can't change this, I can't change this, then you really should go to the next thing, you know what I mean, Like, there's no point in sitting there and digging a hole when you're not going to get to water, Like that

Yeah, oh well that's great.

And so of course you don't want, you know, you don't want things to happen to you physically that you're not prepared for or that you didn't ask for. But that's when you really have to focus on all the love and the light that is there.

Yeah.

Yeah, So just don't get mired in the things that you can't change and instead get miired and the things that are growing and can change.

Yeah, thank you. I think it's really strong advice to carry forward.

Yeah, and you're going to write down those three things that Jamie said because it's recorded.

Yes, I am. I was almost writing them down at the time.

So when I get this, if you go to reframing ms dot com, I collaborate with the vartists on this three step guide and it's all in detail there.

Oh great, that's great for our listeners.

Yeah, reframing ns dot com.

Thank you.

Okay, well, thank you, Georgia. I'm coming to New Zealand. I'm doing shows there, are you coming.

Yes, you're coming to my city? I will babe.

Oh good, okay, great, great, I hope to see you there.

Okay, thank you so much.

Okay, bye, honey. Oh that was cute.

That was great advice, Chelsea. I'm taking that from myself too. It's so true. You know, you just have to sometimes.

Just shift the focus, because you know, I could have every right to kind of, you know, focus on all the things that are not working and going, but you know, I just what would my life be?

Then I have to keep moving forward? Focusing on the good things.

Right.

Well, I think you're doing a pretty good job of keeping your shit together, Jamie, and very inspiring. Oh shit, before I say goodbye, we'll take a break and come back and we're back with Jamielen Sigler.

So, Jamie, I remember I was listening to MESSI and you mentioned some neuroplasticity stuff that you've learned. Is there anything you can teach our listeners about that are so neuroplasticity?

God, I hope I don't, butger this. I am not a doctor.

Don't worry. I I'll help you out.

Okay, great, please doctor Chelsea, but correct me if I'm wrong. The neuroplasticity is basically, sometimes you can build new pathways for function in your body, and it can take It takes a lot of repetition and it takes a lot of work. And that's what I work on daily through my own physical therapy and things I've learned from wonderful different therapists. Like for me, it's, you know, lifting my right foot up. A lot of those nerves are damage.

I mean, I read an article, I guess about this guy who was in a terrible car accident and damaged his spine so badly he was never going to walk again. They told him he was never going to walk again. I mean, this just happened to this guy, the skier, the guy that Mikhaela Schiffern just got engaged to. He's Norwegian, I forget his name. He had a terrible ski accident. He could have died, Like the ski went through his craft muscle and opened it was like two seconds from

He's like, I reject that. I reject that. And this guy is skiing today.

So that's where I read the article when I was in Whistler, because I met a friend of his and she directed me towards it, and so like, I mean, he turned his life around, and I totally And neuroplasticity is a very very provable thing. Like people create neuropathways new neural pathways all the time, And as a very bona fide pot smoker, I'm constantly trying to create neural pathways because of the woods that are the ones that I've burned through. But I mean, not firing on all cylinders,

That mind is very, very powerful and I think the biggest tool in your toolbox totally.

We talk about neuroplasticity pretty often on this podcast from like a mental health standpoint and like shifting your worldview, but it's really cool to hear about the ways it can potentially help people with chronic illness and physical stuff too.

I think too, like what you believe is true, and I think sometimes when you have a condition that forces you in a doctor to be in a doctor's office a lot of the time, you could be talked at a lot and feel like you have no voice in the matter, and you're being told what's going on in your body and even what you're feeling. And I fortunately have a neurologist that I started working with eight years ago that said to me, Jamie, I want your voice

I don't have MS.

I live with MS patients every day, but you need to tell me how you feel, what you feel is going on, so that I can help you the best that I can. And I think that it's important for anybody in life, no matter what you're dealing with, to just trust yourself and then yes, I think the mind can be very powerful in any kind of healing.

Well, thank you so much. This was so great. What a great episode. I love thank you.

You should come on Messy.

I love you anytime. Amazing, Okay, awesome, all right, take care.

Thank you guys so much. Thank Bie.

Okay, guys, So for stand up.

We added a second show in Sydney, and we added a second show in Prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now going to be May twenty fourth. We added the Santa Barbara Bowl, which is so fun. I performed there last year. That's August seventeenth, the Santa Barbara Bowl. We added a second show at Santa Rosa on August second, and we added two dates at Hawaii.

Guys.

I'm coming to Hawaii on July nineteenth to k Who. I'm gonna be at Cough Who Louis, and then I'm coming on July.

Twenty at to Honolulu.

And I just added another date on August first, Auburn, Washington, SO. And all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up, and I will be announcing a European tour shortly and May.

Third, which is my mother's birthday.

Norman, Oklahoma, So Oklahomians, Oklahomans, Oklahom's come bye.

If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com