Our Worst Advice Yet

that was too much time together. And at the end of the vacation, I wrote my entire family a long letter saying these are the rules moving forward, and gave several examples of behavior that I was not accepting of or will tolerate any more in the future, and made sure that everyone knew that, you know, please, thank you, and making eye contact are important things to have going on in your repertoire as a human being. So I

said that letter. I mean, it took me a long time to write it because I had to edit it, because you know, the first version of that letter is like fuck you. The second version is like fuck you guys, but I love you, and then the third version is I love you but not but I love you. And so I started out with a lot of love and I wrote a very heartfelt letter to my family and

they received it really well. My whole family last summer felt really badly that anything had gone you know, wrong, or nobody seemed appreciative or gracious or you know, whatever my complaints may have been. And it was good because it was like, you know, a post therapy letter, like I would not have had the tools to write that letter. If I hadn't gone to therapy. I wouldn't even be here. If I hadn't gone to therapy, I probably would have

just started having road rage and eventually murdered somebody. So they received the letter really well, which is great. And then this year we had another vacation and the women who came into cleaning the house in the morning came up to me and this woman was like, I just have to tell you, like, your family is the most polite,

nice family we've ever worked for. And I just thought, oh my god, I had two years in my eyes I was, so I was like, meanwhile, you should see the letter I wrote them last summer, and that's why they're acting like this. But whatever, whatever gets the horse

to the water, right. So that was a good therapy before the middle and after thing for me and I thought I would share it with the audience, because it really works when you take the time to think about sending something and not just firing stuff off even when you're texting. Like I was texting my friend the other morning and she kind of was going back and forth and that I just could tell that the texting, the tempo of the texting was no longer fun or ingest

or like. It just became like angry texting, and I just noticed it, and I thought, this isn't fun. You know those people you see at the airport that are like pounding into their phone as they're walking down like the corridor or whatever the hell it's called. I guess it's called a hole. That's not a hot look either. I think we have mentioned that before. But it's once you get some self awareness and realize, oh, you're guilty of doing these things too, you're like, oh, I'm not

do that. Anyway, I thought I would share that personal story anyway, Brandon, what is our subject matter todays? Sweetheart? What are we going to tackle? And who are we going to tackle? Well, you are tackled. You already tackled somebody this morning. Well, it's people that are on a little bit of a time crunch and we all feel that way. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, great, So we have a caller who feels like the biological clock is ticking,

hanging bills. I mean, it's a wide variety of issues. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break so I can have some of my medication now, and we will be back so we can take some questions. Our first submission comes from Jeremy from Salt Lake City. Oh, we are familiar with the area. Yeah, I love Salt Lakes. Well, I don't love it. I love Park City. I don't like the alcohol problem in Park City. I don't non problem

really because they barely let you drink. It's so annoying to order a fucking drink in Salt Lake City in Utah, and then it's like I don't know an eighth of a shot that they put in a drink. And so if you can't order a double, and you can't order two at once, and you can't order two drinks at once, so I can't even go to Utah. It's problematic. Remember the show I did in Utah. I was performing at some theater there last year and it was dry. It

was dry theater and I almost flipped out. I cannot perform. I cannot have my fans come and not drink. Turn out, it was like one of the best shows I've ever had, so mean while because they probably all got really sucked up before they got there. Yeah, they were so unfair to go to a venue and then not be provided with alcohol. I agree. I mean the law. That law is so so stupid because it's the more minstake. That's okay, It's yeah. I have a love hate relationship with Utah anyway.

So Jeremy, he's thirty seven. He's a Instagram traveler. What a great occupation. He probably travels and posted on Instagram being an Instagram traveler. Well you kind of were on Netflix, he writes, Dear Chelsea, here's my dilemma. I'm thirty seven and I've never been in a serious relationship. I just can't seem to find anyone that I like better than my amazing single life. Whatever should I do? Would you give up your ski trips to do something they want

to do? So? Like, would you give up your ski trips to prioritize something that you were dating? Like if they want to go do something else, I think we both knew the answer to that, but Jeremy's on the phone, so let's see what's going on. I feel like there's more to the situation, and I bet he is a former Mormon. I have a sneaking suspicion. Ah, Hi, Jeremy, how are you? Hi? How are you good? You are cute?

I'm very much a former Mormon. Are you well? I mean, I just, I just I can appreciate with someone's cue, I know, but it was like you're throwing yourself at him through the through the screen would be painful. Hi, Jeremy, you are cute. Hi. Nice to meet you. Both of you are cute too, so thank you. I can relate. Okay, so you're a former Mormon, former Mormon while you graduate

return missionary as Mormons say. So I've I've done all of the things they asked me to do, but surprisingly they never did anything that I asked them to do, so it wasn't really a mutually beneficial relationship. Well how do what were you asking them to do? I was asking them to answer any of my prayers, my questions and why everything is the way that it is, Why

can't we do this? Why can't we do that, but yet they never really gave me anything in return for all the things that I was so diligent in doing for them, like not drinking for example. Right, so when did you point? No, I know there is no point to life cocktails, honestly, So when did you leave the church?

As they say? Yeah? So actually the last week of December in two thousand and eight, when I graduated from d y U, I told my family that I wasn't sure if I wanted to date men or women, and it just didn't go over very well as you can imagine.

That's another archaic. Yeah, well, it's I like to frame things in a pre Glee or post Glee world because for a lot of people, like I graduated high school in two thousand and eight and the there was like an acceptance or media focus on inclusion of like LGBTQ people that kind of broadened people's scope or viewpoint on

gay youth. And that was a very tricky time, I'm sure to tell your family, because that was before we were kind of seeing it everywhere that like, look, the inclusion is so important for people at a certain age. So are you into guys girls both? What's your story? So I'm into both. Actually I dated women. It's more it's fun guys and girls. Why not? Yeah? Yeah? I mean you can dis imagine flipping a coin and heads or tails and you're like both because I win heads

or tails? Right, I get it? Do you prefer one over the other? I have a much stronger emotional connection to women, the women I've dated, the women that I have in my life, and but I have a very strong physical attraction to men and not necessarily as strong to women. So you kind of get stuck in between with wondering which direction do I go because I'm not

necessarily attracted just two individuals. There's characteristics I like of both, and so I find myself going on a lot of first dates and I'll explain to a girl that yes, I have attraction to men, and they're like, like, that doesn't really vibe with them. And then I tell a man, yeah, I still enjoy going out and dating women, and there's response is exactly the same. So you really don't know how to be authentic when something that's at your core

most people don't understand. I could. Yeah, I can see that. I can see that being an issue because I'm just trying to think if I went on a date with a guy and he said he was into guys. I would my first reaction would be like, oh, no, then you're not into girls. But it's not that way. Like we're you know, as we're all learning and growing up and getting you know, aware of the situation. It's really

not that way. It's another societal construct. You know that men are supposed to be with girls, and you know, and then you have a baby like, yeah, I guess. I guess as we move forward, there's going to be more and more people that are going to like having sex with both sexes or attracted to a non binary person. Well, I keep telling you could become a late in life sweetheart. We talked about this all the time. Well, when I do it, I'll let you know, I'll let the whole world.

I'd like you to open yourself up to that possibility sooner. So do you want a relationship, Jeremy. So it's interesting because I don't. I don't have anybody in my life that I look at their relationship and I aspire to like live like them. I feel like a lot of people in my life aspire to live the life that

I live. So it's very hard for me to say, yes, I want a relationship, even though at my core I feel like I've been programmed to not be fulfilled and complete unless like somebody else by my side, like what do we do? Like I want to go skiing this weekend and every weekend and every day, and you don't. But yet I like this about you, and but it's not a complete package. So I'm stuck trying to figure that out. Yeah you are. Yeah, I mean it's confusing when you talk about it, so I can understand you

being confused. Also I'm confused, lightly, are you? Sweet time? No, I understand what you're saying, because I think that relationships are framed in a certain way, and we are conditioned to believe that they must maintain a certain structure in order for them to be successful. And what we've seen is that that's not true. And you embracing your individuality and autonomy in that way, like I would like to

maintain these aspects of my life. What that means for you is that you're going to have to find someone to fit within your current lifestyle that you would like to maintain, which is possible. Hopefully it's someone that loves to ski on the weekends some weekends, but then wants to take a trip on their own with their friends. Like that is the best possible outcome. Like that you are two individuals who can come together but still live

somewhat separate lives. Like that, there's longevity in those types of relationships. Someone told me one time that their relationship had lasted so long because they worked in entertainment and that they both basically live totally separate lives. But that's that's one way to keep a relationship alive. Is not altogether.

But I think, you know, I don't ever think if I'm going to be in a relationship long term or I just I try and appreciate my single doom while I have it, because I know eventually there's going to be guys around, you know, like there's always somebody popping in and out of your life. So I really enjoy every day that I'm alone, because I'm like, just enjoy this, enjoy this, enjoy this. I mean, I might enjoy it

a little too much. Some would argue, right, I am selfish, and I've become more selfish as I've gotten older, because I realized what I like, what I want, and how I want it right. I mean, Chelsea, I've mastered everything you just talked about for both of you. Then it's a reminder that when the right person materializes, you're going to find the adaptation and inclusion of them into your

life much easier exact exactly to feel like work. It's going to be much less effort, yes, because and then you don't have to think about it as a compromise, like I wouldn't let anybody into my orbit unless they were an additive, unless they were like adding something to the situation. I'm not going to get into a back and forth tug of war with like a guy or a long distance Actually long distance is a good I like that because obviously they're not around all the time.

But I remember being in a real troubling relationship that I was in for a couple of years and he was in New York and I was in l A. And we would just go back and forth and it was just constant like who's doing what? And how can I show up for you? And how can you show up for me? And it was like it was just so depleting, like all of that negotiation and the compromise. So I understand what you're saying about compromising things, it can be depleting to an extent if that person isn't

primarily just adding something to your life. I wonder about long term relationships too, because I can't even make a short term or short distance or long distance. That's the tricky part is saying, well, I want my own time, but yet I want to see this person and I wanted to be convenient. But I think the right person for you changes throughout the course of your relationship. So it's about how you can change together and keep that

relationship going as you're both changing and evolving. Because if you had to constantly worry about the right person at each moment, you would be going through relationships on a cycle. Like your opinions of people change, how you feel about them change. You have to weather some of those things. So like you may wake up one morning and like a woman, you may wake up one morning like a man.

Like that's going to happen in your situation. But it's about if you find a relationship and knowing that that person is who you want to continue to build a life with that my new ship doesn't matter like, well, right now they don't feel like the right person, but long term are they like you have to see kind of you have to do some forward thinking about where you see your life with that person. Yeah. Like my psychiatrist Dan, when I would talk about this, he'd be like,

do you want to be in a relationship? And I was like, I don't know. Do what you tell me? Do I want to be in a relationship because I really don't know, like and he was like, you have to think about that, and so we had conversations. I go, yeah, I want to be in a relationship. And this is like two years ago, and he said, okay, well you need to put yourself in situations where you're gonna be meeting men, you know, men that you wouldn't normally run into. And he was like, I want you to go to

this conference. I want you to do things that are outside of your comfort zone to meet men, and literally like a weekend. I'm like, I don't. I don't want to meet anyone, Like after having to put that effort for it, I'm like, it's not worth it. I don't. I don't want to have to make such an effort to meet someone. You know, either I will or I won't, but I'm not going to actively pursue it in that way, it's just not part of my d n A. And

I'm getting the same vibe from you. You're not actively pursuing a relationship because you probably are not ready to have one or don't want one. Well, it's also I have so many amazing hobbies and activities and friends, and you feel your life with your time is is finites right.

We all have twenty four hours in a day, and it's like, what do I want to spend my time doing trying to create an experience with somebody I don't know and I've never met, but I want to meet them or use that same time to have incredible experiences with the people that are already in your life and hope that at some point somebody crosses your path. When people say when you least expected, it sounds like, okay.

My final thought on this is, I know you're saying that you're not having luck in this area, but I think you're gonna have much more luck finding a gay man or another bisexual man who's going to give you the ability to still have connections with women. Also, like, maybe it's not gonna be a monogamous relationship, Like that's also something that's happening all the time. It's already that I already made that determination, and I would say. What I would say is like, oh, yeah, I don't open

with telling people you're bisexual, but like girls. But then I'm like, no, because you have to be upfront and honest. You have to tell people the truth right away. I'm all for that, but it's clearly scaring girls off, so he can't even pursue, you know, And does it scare guys off too? Oh? Yeah, I think authenticity scares people in general. Yeah, no, tell me about its sister. How's your family now with your bisexuality? Are they better? I haven't spoken of them in almost ten years. Actually, you

don't talk to any of your siblings. Oh, what's a shame. That is so heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. It worked out for the better. So they are very conservative, they're not progmos, very conservative. But it worked out for the best because they were inhibiting me from living my best life. Yet sucks, but I'm so happy today. How can I look back and say, oh, I'm so mad that happened. Right, Yeah, that's the right attitude. But that's a big injury. Even

if it worked out for the best. It is really hard to have your parents desert you in that way, abandon you. And how are you vulnerable in relationship when your most vulnerable moment in your entire life you got kicked to the curb by the people that we're supposed to love you the most. Yea, So maybe that's a bigger issue for you. It might be. Yeah, growing up Mormon, you're basically trained to lie and be really good at lying for your entire life. And when I left the church,

I was like, I don't have to lie anymore. I don't have to be dishonest. I don't have to get up in front of people and tell them that I believe in all of this and feel that pressure and make these covenants that they talk about. And so at the same time, I'm done with that phase of my life. I don't need to lie anymore. I want to be authentic. And that's probably been the biggest challenge in dating for me, is that my desire to be authentic and my best self is not met with the same excitement that I

need it with in my life. Yeah, I hear what you're saying. I hear what you're saying, but I think You're on the right track, you know. I think that you can't alter your behavior because of anyone's reaction, right, you know that? So I think you are on the right track. And your appreciation and jade Vi for life is impressive, and I think yeah, and I think it does. It's intense. You're an intense gy, right, and people get

scared of that. I can relate to that for sure, But I would just say, what what are we saying, Brandon? What what advice are we giving here? That you really don't need to make any sort of correction. I mean, you seem to have a really good outlook on where you're at, and that you know, if someone comes in, they're going to have to be kind of that missing puzzle piece for You're not going to rearrange to make them work into your lifestyle. But I think more people

need to take that outlook. Yeah, I think you have a great outlook. You're only thirty seven years old. You have plenty of time, so don't worry about that. And from what you're saying, you don't even want to be in a real compromising what you want it, but you don't want it all. I feel that too. I I want it sometimes and then I'm like, no, please leave h I know, good luck, I guess, Jeremy, good luck. Hopefully we'll see you in Utass and we'll see you

at Park City one day. Will continue the conversation on the slopes. That's that's where every problem is solved. Yeah, I'll do double duty. I will find you both or will both come to salt like you can have sex with both of us. Uh really, I don't know. I don't know purview to offer me. I shall do it for basically anything else. So so anyway, yeah, sit with that. I'm going to have to sit with it, sit on it, sit around it, yeah, on top of it. Okay, yes, okay,

have a great day, Jerem. You know what I don't like about men everything, Well, the smells, the thing that I have a problem like, we didn't help him out. No, I don't think he was confusing. He was a little confusing. There was a lot going on there, that's he was. He's very intense smell. And he reminded me of Christian Gray, who is that from like fifty Shades of Gray? Like he very unwavering but also very also not specifically right, but very broad and and what he was looking for

our worst advice calls so far. Sweetheart. He he was, he was really cute, but I could see why going on a date with him would be a little exhausting. Well, yes, because imagine sitting down and having all that information unloaded on you right away, just like I know, But what I mean, he has to be honest. I respect that. I respect his honesty. What do you think about someone

like that? Though? Who It wasn't a what was me or like a victim mentality, but the idea that nothing and no one is ever going to come along that will. He didn't have that, but I see I felt like he did have that. He's like, I don't I can't find this. This isn't happening no matter what I do, Like it's not happening on an app, it's not happening in person. To me, I'm like, that's that's certainly not true.

Like it has to be happening somewhere, and either you're not allowing it to come in or you're I don't know, Like I know, my problem is when I actively for somebody to have sex with, it happens right away. When I when I don't actively look, it doesn't happen, so it's hard to get the stamina to pursue all the time.

Like my sister Simones was on a date the other night and she was telling me, Shanna and Simone and I are on a text thread for Sissy's and she says, I went on a date from you know, Bumble or Hinge or whatever site she's on, and she's like, it's just I can't. I can't keep doing this. It's just too depressing the men out there. And I'm like, I know, the effort you have to put forth in the pursuit of someone is not something I'm willing to put forth.

I'm not willing to put forth that. And I told Simone, I said, you should just give up, Like I think we should call it, just wrap it up and she can come. We can live together and just transition into our elderly lesbian state. I do think things can happen organically than people assume anymore. I think that they think the only means is to have these minor, very surface level interactions online, and I don't believe that to be true. I think you have to recondition yourself to having in

person interactions. Everything is online, so I don't see people walk up to someone in a bar anymore, Like unless you were on the phone and they're in your area and you're on that app, there's no interaction. If people had the confidence or stamina to maintain in person conversations, I think you'd be much more likely to find a partner. Well, but then where what do you what do you mean you just go and start talking to someone, Yes, you

give someone a compliment, you start a conversation. I don't know, it can be done, it used to be done. So there are other ways and outlets to find someone you're interested in. Join a club, find a hobby, what like a lawn bowling club, what you could maybe at least then you know that there's a hobby in common. Well you know what I thought. I thought, Oh, I'll meet someone skiing, you know, on the slopes on the chairlift.

Like it's easy. I'm like, this is perfect, And it was so hard because everyone's faces are covered, so you don't even know what you're talking to. You can't see the person that you're talking to. So then putting the effort forth and maybe not, but that's a very specific example of you doing something that you like, Like, yes, the chairlift is not going to be ideal for finding someone because you can't see what they look like. It's

hard to hear them. But what about app? Right, you see a guy that you find attractive, how often do you walk over and start a conversation with him if he's not part of your immediate friend or a friend of a friend. But I'm shy. Actually if people put themselves out more and that isn't attractive quality that someone just swalks up to you to start a conversation. Yeah, yeah, I get shy around guys that I like. I do. I don't know what that is. It doesn't match my personality.

Like I want them to take the lead and I want them to take control and I want them to come over. But if everyone waits for that, no one gets anywhere. All sucking on these apps, get off the app, stop annoying. I was like texting with some guy on Riya and I was like, I can't do this. Even that was like, I'm like it's even opening That Ryan app is like too much for me. But people also, this is advice for anyone who's dating because this is something I deal with with all of my friends who

are on Ryan or Bumble or Tinder. There's conversation, but there's no setup to actually get together, Like I would exchange two messages like hey, we both liked each other's profile. How are you, how's your day going? Whatever? Hey, I'm available one night this week. Do you want to grab dinner? Like you need to set it up immediately because there are too many people, there are too many other sources to grab their attention. You need to get them on

the fucking hook. If you're that interested in them, you need to set a date to do something. They're just like, no, we've been talking for three months. I'm like, for what are they your counselor I think it's like, like what then are you talking about for three months on? It's like a modern day penpal. I also don't want to talk on the phone before I meet the person. I want to see them and if there's anything to talk about, we'll find out about it. You know what I mean.

I don't want to be on the phone. I don't want you to FaceTime me, and I don't want to FaceTime you, and I don't want to talk for a long period of time before we meet up. That is not going to I also have a proposed set up for dates is that everyone should set it up for a drink and have a reservation made for dinner just in case, but you don't tell that person that. So you you both know that you're going to drinks at a specific location. You find a restaurant nearby for a

reservation for dinner in case it's going well. That way, you can say, hey, like I set this up, do you want to go grab dinner? But you haven't out. We're like, you know, happy hour's gonna last so long and you've got to get out of there. Yeah, I'm gonna do that tonight. I'm gonna If I see someone cute at Hotel bel Air, I'm going there for early dinner tonight, I'll go up to them. And then I realized, oh, I'm in l A. I'll already know people there. You

know what I mean? Like l A is, there's something about l A that makes it very hard to to be freestyle like that, like l A Is. Well, I would like to challenge you. That's my advice to you. I would like to challenge you that in a social setting next time with people you don't know, if you find someone attractive that you start a conversation. Okay, and you are good at that. You can go give him a compliment about something there you you will find a

way suite hurt without a doubt. I know you're right. I'm gonna do that. Actually, we're gonna do that. That's gonna be. I'm gonna go up and approach man now from now on. I think that's exactly what I need to do, because I could do it for anything else in my life. It's just that one area that I'm like a little girl like well, and there's no reason for you to hurt your beautiful sweetheart. Oh God, stop it. Our next mission comes from Marissa from San Diego. She's

twenty nine. She's starting law school. She writes, Dear Chelsea, I'm almost a thirty year old woman, and I was hit really hard during COVID nineteen. Before coronavirus, I was in a two year long term relationship. I had a job I loved in the entertainment industry, and I lived in an apartment in a cool part of l A. Since then, I've lost my job, my apartment, and broke up with my boyfriend after I found out he was cheating on me. As of right now, I'm struggling with

what to do on the relationship front. I'm planning on starting law school in the fall. I also want to get married and have kids. At some point, I just feel like my biological clock is running out of time. I feel overwhelmed trying to figure out how to balance education and career and trying to have a family. How can I work through all of these things? How did you prioritize your career? These are struggles we all go through. Merissa, are you on the line, Yeah, I'm here. Hi, Marissa, Hi,

Sorry about your boyfriend cheating on you. It's okay. It happens. It does happen. It does happen, and it's not the end of the world. But I would say right off the bat that prioritizing your education shin and going to law school is a you'll probably meet somebody in law school and be that's more important than meeting somebody right now, Like, you have to take care of yourself and get yourself on the right track, so that takes priority, you know.

So that's your first point of operation, is going to school, taking care of yourself, doing what's best so that you're able to take care of you. Yeah, that's I mean, that's kind of what I'm trying to work through, is like focusing on myself but also just freaking out, like am I running out of time? Am I just gonna get lost in? Like like working to become a lawyer. Well, you have to remember that the time construct is being

placed on you. So you think that you need to achieve these things by a certain point because that's what you've seen. But you're still young, Like, you'll go through law school. You'll get through law school. You will have plenty of time for a family and to find a partner.

And I think once you get through law school, you'll realize that it's not as critical in terms of timing as it feels right now because you just have so much going on and you know you're about to enter this new stage of life that you want to be able to check all these boxes. But the list will still be there to check when you get done with law school and you're in a better position, and it's very likely like every lawyer I know, well not every lawyer I know, but a lot of people. You're gonna

meet so many people in law school. You don't even know what your life is going to be like in four years, you know, and what your priorities are going to be like and if you're gonna want if you're going to feel the same way that you feel right now. And it's a difficult time. You're coming out of COVID. You know, you've said you've been really hit hard by this. I believe you, you know, and so this isn't a time for you to be worrying about making sure that

you're ticking all these boxes. You have to take it one step at a time. And we get overwhelmed when we think we have to do everything all at one time. Everything. There's an urgency for all of it. When your life is kind of unraveled in a certain way and you're trying to weave it all back together, everything feels like it has to be done right now, right now, right now, and it doesn't. And you're doing the most important thing right now, which is setting yourself up for success later.

I think about how much easier it's going to be to have a family and kids once you're an attorney. Yeah that's true. Yeah, I won't be in like a small apartment just trying to figure things out right. Yeah, No, that totally makes sense. That's very calming actually and very helpful.

And we we both feel that way in different ways, like we both there's an urgency with work or there's this has to be done right now, right now, right now, And sometimes she'll have to say it to me like hey, you're wound tight, or elf to tell her like it's on the list, but this is an urgent. There are other things we need to get done first. And so

it's not just you. Everyone feels this way and everyone's personal life feels like it's not where they want it to be, but it will be yeah, yeah, And just feeling like I've lost a year because of COVID, but trying to realize like everyone kind of was going through the same thing. So yeah, that and everything is temporary. Listen, everyone is coming out of COVID and it has had a hard year everybody. Some people have been hit really

hard and some people less so. But you have to be okay with not knowing what is going to happen. You have to get comfortable with that because you know, if you're tied too tightly to a plan and it doesn't work, then it's you're causing yourself suffering. You know, you have to be okay with like, Okay, this is the step I'm taking here, this is what's happening now, and maybe later down the road you can think of that. But it's not like it doesn't have to happen immediately.

You don't have to find your husband and have your children and and you know and check that box. It doesn't it's just not necessary. Yeah, okay, thank you so much. Was that helpful? Yeah, that was really helpful. Okay, like help me put into perspective like not trying to do everything at once, right, make sure you remind yourself of that. Yeah, for sure. Okay, thank you, Massa, take care, Thank you so much, you too, Bye bye. Our next submission comes

from Alex from nyc. Uh. They're a music teacher. I'm not saying there, Bex. I'm not sure they're preferred pronoun or where they are on that spectrum. Oh, Alex, I was just I was just about to read your submission. But since you're here, why don't you just why don't you just give us a breakdown of what's going on now? Okay? Sure, Hi guys, so M I guess the biggest thing I'm dealing with right now is that in late November, my

dad got diagnosed with cancer. He's my only living parent and he lives on his own on the opposite coast for me, so we haven't been together through the pandemic.

And then the other thing that I'm dealing with is I kind of throughout the pandemic before I even knew that my dad was sick, I was falling behind my rent and that felt like a normal problem to have during COVID times, I guess, But my I think maybe since I emailed you, I've been kind of given a letter from my landlord's attorney being like you maybe served with something in twenty days or something like. That's some

scary letter. So I just feel like I have a lot on my mind and it's hard to feel productive, and it's hard to figure out whether I should just say like fuck it and go like be with my dad or I think, Ay, there's something called Panda Mac of Love. My friend runs this organization and they help with relief with money and they pair you up with somebody who will help you financially. So how do we

get in touch with Shelley's organization? It's a mindful skate girl is her Instagram handle, and you have to say I sent you, and they'll pair you up with a sponsor who will help you financially for you know, however long you need to be helped. Okay, So there's one thing. That's one thing you can do. You just have to give them your situation and explain, you know, it's COVID relief, it's helping for all the mind what sorry? Okay. So the organization is called Pandemic of Love dot com and

her Instagram handle is Mindful Skater Girl. Mind Mindful Skater Girl. Okay, Yeah, definitely, just say I sent you. Okay. They've helped millions of people and they are continuing to help millions of people. So that's one thing you can do. Wow, well, thank you so much that I really appreciate that problem solved on that front. Now, as far as far as your dad having cancer, so you're on you're in New York or he's in New York. You're in New York. I'm

in New York. Yeah, and he's okay, So you want to be with him, right, yeah, I mean hopefully it would be safe to think about traveling again. Yeah, for sure. So yeah, I think you want to be with your dad during this time, you know. Yeah, so what are your options are you? Do you have a job right now? Like, how can you make that happen? Yeah, I'm yeah, I'm pretty much back to the workflow that I had pre pandemic. It was just the first three months or so that

I kind of fell behind. And yeah, but I'm back to making money. I just I don't know if I can come up with, you know, whatever, the money that they want me to come up with in the next

twenty days or something, well, and how have you. What I've realized from a lot of people who are in similar situations is that there is just not enough communication between the landlord and the tenant or whoever is responsible for obtaining the funds for your unit and just saying like, this is where I'm at, this is what I can afford right now, either to add additionally to what I am current paying on my rent. I feel like communications can be had because you both want the same resolution.

You don't want to have to leave. They just want their money. So have you have you gone through that protocol of trying to figure out what that would look like to get them additional funds? Yes, So it seems like I can't say this for certain, But I requested a repair to be made in my apartment and then they like returned with this like letters saying like you

owe us frint kind of. So it just it feels a little like, I mean, New York landlords are assholes, Like yeah, Donald Trump is a New York landlord, so it's not your landlord. Laugh. Oh you need laugh more? Okay, So that helps, Like in any situation, what are you gonna So I'm just confused, like, so, can you go visit your father? Could you work remotely? Yeah? I mean I just feel so frozen and stuck and like it feels like a struggled I mean, I'm combingly not even

giving my best to my clients these days. I don't even know. But what do you do for a living? I'm a teacher? Okay, so you can do that remotely, right yeah? Yeah? Yeah absolutely? Okay. So I think what you need to do is you need to get hooked up with pandemica blove. That's going to take care of your own situation, Okay. And then I think you need to make plans. How long would you want to come out and see your dad for? Like, do you want to spend like a month here or do you want

to spend like what's your game plan? Yeah, I mean it's also it has to do with like my least ends at the end of the summer. So I don't even know what that it's gonna look like, you know, depending on how this pans out with my landlord. That's it. The other thing is just it just all feels like it's happening right now. And my dad just finished radiation. He just is looking really rough and I want to be with him. Yeah, I think you should make plans.

Get yourself a ticket for two weeks and go out there for a set amount of time, whether it's a week or a month. Like how much time do you see yourself spending in Long Beach? Yeah, I could see myself spending maybe two weeks there. I get a little restless there, but okay, I've never been are under these circumstances, right, Okay, So I think you should give give yourself two weeks to come out here. Right, just deal with what this situation right now. Don't worry about your least being up

at the end of the summer. You're going to get this sorted out. With pandemic of love, I think That's what I'm kind of sensing is just like I love my mom to cancer young agents of this feels like kind of a resurfacing of that trauma, and I feel like, I know, I know, I'll be super I'll have so many regrets if I don't spend time with him and God for good at least him. Yeah, it is retraumatizing. I know what you mean. It feels like an abandonment, right.

You know, you lose somebody you love and you feel abandoned, and even though it's not their fault, that's what you're left feeling. And so of course it's a trigger, you know. I mean the word of the day or word of the year with everybody using trigger, it's so annoying, but it's true. It is a trigger, right, It's a trigger for you, and you did lose your mom and I'm sorry about that. All you can do is show up for the people that you care about in your life

and be there for him. You know that's what you want to do. You love your dad, he loves you. All you can do is be with him and let him know that he's loved by you right during this time, and you can support him in whatever way you can, and that means get to him. And as soon as you have that, I think when you have someone you know, when you're close to a family member, it all kind of makes a lot more sense. All the stress in your life seems to simmer down when you're in close

proximity to family members. Yeah, I don't know how, Yeah exactly, I don't know how much of like what I'm feeling is just disconnection because I've been alone for the last year and change, so I feel kind of in a vacuum with my own feelings, and then things keep pil I think once you get something in place, and a lot of it you have to remember is not gonna

be solved overnight. So once you just get things in motion for kind of each of these stressors seeing your dad, once you know that you either have like a bus ticket booked or a plane ticket whatever that looks like, and you have something on your calendar, like, Okay, I can alleviate this stress with my dad. I know I'm going to see him at this time. I know I've

spoken to the landlord about this aspect. It makes all those things feel a little less stressful because you know things are in motion and it's it's when you're stagnant that you feel like, Okay, nothing's happening, nothing's happening. That's when you become more stress that you're left with just

those feelings instead of an action. So just keep the momentum going, make a list today of the things you know you need to address, and then just make sure every day you're looking at that and that something is happening, that you've either made a phone call, you sent a text message, you let him know like these are the dates, put it on your calendar, whatever that looks like. Because once, once the wheels are turning, it's gonna put you back in motion. You're gonna be able to give a little

bit more to your clients. You're gonna be able to give a little bit more attention to your dad. You're gonna know, I'm going to be in a safe place with my home at the end of the summer. You'll have answers. It's the unknown that is so mentally, Yeah, it's totally the uncertainty that is, you know, driving me crazy and just not knowing whether he'll finde and going well, whether all the place to live, etcetera, etcetera. At just

like feels like a lot. You can only control so much, and what you can control is how you address each of these situations. So once you take back that power and know that I've made the decisions in these areas, you're not going to feel as overwhelmed. M Yeah, you're just overwhelmed right now. I can see it on your face. You're you're you're exhausted, and you're not alone everybody you know, so many people are just like fuck, what the fuck? And it's the lack of interaction with others also that's

taking its toll on every day. So without that, you're only alone with your own thoughts and you're only sitting there thinking, oh yeah. And there's so much inertia right now and so much in action that it does feel overwhelming. But you're gonna be okay. You're going to be okay. You're breathing, You're gonna be fine. You've made it through the last year, like you've You've come out on the other side of that, so you're you're in control and

it's going to keep getting better. Yeah, and your dad, listen, you know, whatever happens with your dad, you're also going to be okay. Yeah, you know that like, you're going to be okay. It's very difficult to deal with losing a parent, and it's I can't even imagine what it's like to lose two parents. Actually both my parents are dead, so I can. It is overwhelming. But all you can do is show up and be loving, like that's all

you can do. Is that's your gift to your dad, you know, is to be there with him and do what you can. You're you know, I understand how difficult it is. But even if your father, you know, has a really difficult time, even if he passes away, you are going to be okay. Yeah that's true. Yeah, now you're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're going through this right now. I feel fair. You're You're strong though, and

that's what you remember you have. You have that strength within you, and you certainly got that from somewhere, and

I'm assuming it's your two parents. And my grandfather used to say, don't borrow trouble, and I try and remember that that these things that you're worried about, like especially with your dad, because that is something totally out of your control in all aspects, and so just being there for him and accepting his current state, but knowing that you're going to operate in a way that whatever happens, you've done the best that you can for yourself and

for him, it's going to give you a peace of mind. Yeah, you're that's absolutely true. Yeah, I just it's weird when you feel like something happen when you're so young that you feel like, of course, like that's a kind of pain that I can conquer and get over and get through, and then something you get a phone call that you know somebody's cancer, and then all of a sudden, your world comes crashing down. Yeah, but you don't, you don't. You don't really know the power of your own strength.

And being by your father's side is going to remind you of how strong you are, because you're going to be strong for him, and you're gonna be able to tap into that reservoir of strength that you have. You are it's just right now, it feels like a fucking ship store. But I think you're gonna feel better as soon as even I think you're feeling better, you know what I mean. You're letting it out. And you should also look up, look online and find an online counselor

or someone you can talk to. I have therapist, you seeing me for free right now? Really generously. Oh that's great, awesome, look at that. Yeah, I mean that's awesome. So I mean you can go through all of this stuff. You know, these are life things that we all have to deal with. Everybody has to deal with apparent dying at some point. And the fact that you already went through it, I know, Like how I know what you mean. I know exactly what you're talking about. You know. I remember when my

dad died. I was so unemotional about it, non emotionally disconnected because I was like, well, this is just another death. My brother died, my mother died, Like we know how to do this. Death is the one thing I know how to do. I can handle this. I can handle that. And I remember saying like, am I going to have delayed grief to my psychiatrist because my whole therapy journey was about delayed grief from my brother dying. I'm like, oh, funk,

am I gonna have delayed grief again? And he's like no, But and I go, why aren't I having a reaction to this? And he's like, I think you've been grieving for so long like this this delayed grief that's been living inside of you, that you've been dealing with for so long that you're a little bit out of grief.

And I was like, oh, I'm like that's interesting, and he's like, yeah, sometimes that happens, he goes it might hit you later, like you know, you're reacting to the diagnosis, right, You're reacting to your father's cancer diagnosis, which is a completely normal reaction, and just kind of the way he looks after treatment. It's not such a pretty Yeah, he doesn't really look like my dad anymore, to be honest,

it's jarn, but he is your dad. The aesthetics come and go for all of us, so right, whether it's old age or an illness, and I think you being there with him and feeling his presence it gives you that security like, oh, this is my dad. What I'm seeing is an element of what he's going through. And again, you'll feel much better being at his side and knowing that that's his physical state. But that's it. Yeah, thank you guys. I appreciate that. All right, Alex, thank you, Alex.

All Right, I think it's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay, Okay, yeah, of course, thank you so much. By and again and these are serious fucking oh my god, my tits are out again. This is why I know. I'm sorry. I don't even bring it up anymore at this point. This is people are dealing with real things. See, this is why that's out because I have that, but this braw should not be exposed like that. I'm sorry. I can't close it at it, I know, I know, Okay. Anyway,

I mean, people are some that was heavy. There's some heavy ship going on. But again, it's important to hear these things. People to listen because when you're at the grocery store and you're mad that your checkout is taking too long, I'm not saying this to you, even though this is you. If that's the worst thing you have to deal with today, is your grocery line check out taking too long. Think about Alex and his dad, like,

take into account what other people are dealing with. I know it doesn't always change our irritation, but it should be something that we take into consideration. So it's time alone with your own thoughts is overwhelming, and I'm glad he's seeing a therapist though. That's that's really good. That will help in prioritizing anything. Just to make you feel like something is happening in your life is also going to be helpful. Harlo, I wonder how this one's gonna be.

I hope it's light. We have Carlos c We don't know wherees from, how old he is, or what he does, but he says, Hi, Chelsea, I've been working from home for close to a year. I got my first vaccine. I've been timid in regards to going inside public restaurants and movies, which is part of dating. I'm very picky. I do not currently have an interest. Plus I lean on friendships prior to romance. My question is are you dating and what have you been comfortable doing in regards

to dating. I'm assuming that means during the pandemic. I'm up for taking hikes and walks, but that's about it. Carlos, that sounds like a question for me. I mean, well, maybe wants to date you? Okay, Well is he on the phone? Well this is just a smission, so you're just giving blind device here. We already talked about that dating during the pandemic with the COVID test. But what should what should he be doing? Like? What should people be doing who want to start dating again after the pandemic.

But it's a little bit overwhelming with like what available options there are to date. So here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna call Q Health and you're gonna get the COVID machine installed at your house. Five grand. You can't do that. You can't offer that up people, all right, No, it was five grand for you because we had an unreasonable number of tests because I wanted to test everybody. Yes you did. I think outdoor activities are great. I mean you don't like a hike, but no I don't.

But yeah, outdoor activities are great. And now if you're double backs, then you can just use that as your requirement to meet anyone else. But wouldn't you just say good to go on dating sites though, Like, well I think that Okay, let me reread this. Maybe I wasn't listening. I've been working from home for close to a year. I got my first vaccine. I've been timid in regards to going inside public restaurants in movies, which is part of dating. I am very picky. I do not currently

have an interest. Plus I lean on friendships prior to romance he doesn't have an interest. I'm assuming that means like an interest, we have an interest in a person. Is he talking about a pinterest account? It could be. My question is are you dating? And what have you been comfortable doing in regards to dating. I well, okay, I'll answer that I do casually dates people, but I mean not no, oh, I would just oh my god. Okay, sweetheart,

this is not that complicated. If someone was going to ask you on a date, what is a viable option for that date? Activity? Finding a restaurant, yes, like every restaurant has a second patio. Now. But he's saying he has no interest. He has no one of interest. That's what I don't know. So we're gonna let's cover both topics. If you don't have anyone of interest, that's okay. Embrace being alone, Carlo ci Yeah, if you know, if you don't have anyone, you don't have anyone. I thought he

said he has no interests. I see, I'm framed that as he doesn't have interesting You're not interested in people or activities, so you're alone. We see, we know this, We accepted it. I have no hobbies and I don't like people. You know what you can do in COVID. You can also if you're worried about because a lot of people are just having sex right with masks on. Have you done that? Is that you have to get it from behind, just a lot of penetration through the sheet. No,

I have not done that. What I do is make sure that I know who I'm dealing with and that they're vaccinated. You know what I mean. Moving forward, I won't be hooking up with anyone that's not vaccinated. Probably that would be my move. But you can have sex with your oh my god, you can have sex with your mask on, but in my head, it's a Halloween mask, like you're both in costume. You can have sex with the mask on, but you have to do it from

behind and you cannot get closer. You can't. Well it is it a mask and face shield or is it just a mask? You can dose? Girl? Well? Yeah? Or but yeah, so you can't. If you don't, what is my Your advice is basically doggie style. That's how to date during COVID Doggie style. Okay, this is how I did it. Now this isn't reasonable for everybody, because I did get a testing kit at my house. The Q health testing kit. But it was like five thousand dollars,

wasn't it. Well, the testing equipment is eight hundred, just be very honest with the pricing is eight hundred, and then each test is two d and fifteen dollars. But we had an excessive number of tests because you were testing everyone and you are not technologically inclined, so a lot of them had to be retested. Yeah, I sucked

up that. So I would basically have guys come over to my house and I would like that I met on I'm on a dating app, and I would have them come over and I would hang out with them, and I would give them a test. Immediately. We'd be sitting outside and I'd give them a test, and then I would wait twenty minutes, and after talking to them, if I decided like, oh yeah, I'm into this guy, take twenty minutes to get the results, then I would just you know, if I liked him, I'd be like, okay,

you know, if he was negative, he was negative. But if I didn't like him, I would just tell them they were positive and that they had to leave. Yeah, so that's one way to do it, But I don't know if you want to buy the testing kid, or what your financial situation is the other thing that I would suggest. I mean that how I've handled it, because yes, in the beginning of the panic, I'm like, yeah, who's going to hook up again? No one's ever gonna Anyone

who's single isn't gonna hook up. I mean, imagine all the people who were having affairs during the pandecic to stop seeing their affair. But after three or four months, I was like, well, fuck, am I gonna have sex again? I don't want to. This could go on forever. So then I was I had to start thinking about what I was going to do. And then also, you know, you could just be I have no advice for this.

I mean, there's an accountability and there's accessibility to rapid response tests now basically everywhere that the vaccines are in place and there's no lines. It's quick. So if you find someone that you are interested in, you just both get tested before day find some more a nice outdoor patio. Like, let's not make this more complicated than it needs to be. Very straightforward. This is straightforward, right, So problem solved again. Okay, um, we're gonna take a quick break. I'm gonna take a

quick shower, and we will be right back. Thank you so well. To wrap things up for the day, our caller from Salt Lake City, Jeremy was his name, who's having trouble being pan sexual. I guess it's interesting because it's waited. It's it's an interesting thing to look at that because that's not my reality. So it's an interesting to know how how common that is to that perspective,

you know. So hopefully we'll have more people like that calling in and always, I think everybody should know by now that my opinion is always going to be to take your education and career over babies. That will always be my advice. That's how I feel. And I feel like more people need to have less children. And on that note, I think I don't know what do you think this was? This was heavy lift today with the advice it was, it was hard today. I'm not my

thoughts are not clear. I have no clarity. I've no mental clarity. You were You were basically robbed too, I mean I was robbed of my memory yesterday. Sorry, sweetheart, But we can make fun of your robber. I bet you he did not remember that he robbed you, that he did who knows. We need to give him some advice. I'd like to get him on the podcast. I'd like to get him in jail first and then on the podcast. You I wouldn't mind having him call into the podcast.

Maybe when next time you chase him down the street, you can ask him. My grandmother just called her. I saw her name pop up on my phone. We'll have to call her on the car on the way. It's a little troubling. She doesn't call often, and when she does, she's got something to say. Oh I see I hear you. Copy that over and out, well, well over and out

for us. It's a wrap on this episode. Oh it is okay, okay, but let's let's remember the only thing I want to take away is that you're going to make a move on a man in person, start a conversation. All right, Well, I'm going to Hotel bell there later. See if there's any men around that. I don't know. This is gonna be t M. I but what's the youngest you've had sex with? M I'm not really empty younger guys. Oh that guy from yeah, yeah, that guy who robbed me. Actually, so this guy I was dating

this guy I wasn't dating this guy. I was. I was casually interacting with him and we were skiing together, and then he tried to use my credit card in a store to buy jewelry for himself and pretended he was buying jewelry for me, but with my own credit card. And even after that, I felt so bad for him that he had to steal from me. Like a normal person would have been like, get out, get out, But I have no boundaries, and I was like, why are you stealing? Like why do you need to do that?

That's terrible kind of like, and I think I had sex with him again after he still he still I did? I did, Oh my god, I did. That was a very confusing time away for all of us, as a matter of fact, I mean none of us understood what was going on. Oh yeah, that was That was right after the election. Remember when I was in a bad place. That's exactly what happened. Yep, I was in a bad place and uh, not going to do that again. And definitely so we've both been robbed, sweetheart, we have different

different times. Well, now we know what this episode was about. Don't rob your neighbor or the girl that you're fucking bye. Also, I am on tour. My tickets are officially on sale. We've added a couple of extra shows. We're going to be announcing dates as we go. You can buy tickets a ticket Master for my shows. I'll be playing my next big show. I'm at the Santa Barbara Bowl August one, so you can come see me there. And then I have all the other cities that I have already released

and tickets are available and I can't fucking wait. It's called vaccinated and a horny, So make sure that you bring your vaccinations and your horny nows and then keep them to yourself. Please, If you want any assistance with your partner, your best friend, really, anything, you can write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com