Mothers Part 2

I think your's is gay. That would make sense. Yeah, so these are women, they've got some kids that are kind of sucked up. Well, we don't want to say fucked up. You know, just because there's a situation happening doesn't mean your kid is fucked up. It means your kids might be behaving in a fucked up way. We don't want to say you're fucked up. Nobody's fucked up. That's a permanent description of somebody. And everything's temporary. So

that's the first thing to remember, everybody. Everything is temporary. Even if you're an asshole, that can be temporary. Even if a kid is an asshole, that can be a temporaries asshole kid. And that's what I call attacked t A k temporary asshole kid. Okay, Well, then today we have a couple T a k S temporary asshole kids. These kids are up to okay, okay. Laura is our first submission. She is in her thirties. She's a newly stay at home mom, and she says, Dear Chelsea, how

do I get my toddler to stop swearing? I don't know what sort of advice you're going to give? Well, I mean, I personally like when toddler swears, why so I don't mind it, And I as far as parenting goes like, they're going to find out what fuck and you know in all these word because I've been saying that word a lot later for some reason. But you know, they're gonna find out fun ship, piss, whatever, pussy. They're

going to hear these words. Yeah, they shouldn't be throwing them around, but it is entertaining, and I feel like the entertainment value aspect of it outweighs the moral one because it's not really a moral argument. It's just like, do you want your kids cursing or not? Obviously you don't, but I think from like until they're five, it's fun. Well, so she goes on to say. He typically says oh

ship with conviction and in perfect context. He's almost three, so he's old enough to understand that he shouldn't be saying these words. I've explained to him that he shouldn't, and later that day he said, what the hell any advice? Hi? Laura, Hi Chelsea? Hi? Is it funny? Him cursing, Yeah, it

sounds funny, It is funny. My husband and I usually look at each other and kind of do a little giggle and decide whether or not we're going to say something to him or just trying to ignore it, and it's just kind of a we never really know what to do. Yeah, I think just go with it. I had a friend who had a similar situation and she told the kid, you can only say those words at home.

So I don't know what sort of impact that had, but set it up that like, hey, you know, there are certain things that you do and don't say in public, and those were if you're going to say those words, you only say them at home, like you don't say them at school, you don't say them to another kid. I don't know how that worked out for them, but I would just like to provide you that sort of insight, it's what another parents is doing. And also I would

enjoy the comic relief of it. Yes, it is very funny. However, one time he did it when we had family members over and they kind of shot us some weird looks, so we were like, well, we're just trying to ignore it right now. Yeah, but you know what fun people like when family members how are so judgy about like your toddler and about other people how they raise their children. That is reason enough for your kid to be cursing.

In my opinion, there's more serious ship going on, Like you guys have bigger fish to fry when you have a kid. This is the thing, Chelsea is not ever going to have kids. I'm on the fence. I really wanted them, and now I can't imagine having to deal with them. So I give like the utmost kudos to anyone who is willing to give of themselves to raise children. That is the least of your fucking worries. Is this kid swearing? Like is he kind? That's something? Is he

pushing kids down on a playground? If the answer is no, then like who the fun let him say funk? If that's the worst thing this kid is doing, it's probably not that bad. He'll grow out of it. He'll be able to understand later. That's like not appropriate in certain settings. But I would think also the less attention you draw to it, the less it's going to have impact. Right, Yeah, Like if you're laughing at him, like he sees he's getting your attention, then of course he's going to want

more of it. So if you're laughing, which I you know, encourage, I would look away and laugh with your husband, and then, you know, just appreciate those little moments. Use it as for play. Sounds good. Okay, thanks for calling in, Laura, Thank you so much. If I had a kid, he would be such a dick. Yeah, but not a dick in like a celebrity. He would order cocktails at dinner and stuff like that. He'd be a dick to me. You would have one of those kids though, that people

want to be around. They engage an adult conversation, like they know what the funk is up. I'm just so so glad that I don't have children. I know, I'm so grateful that that never happened to me. I'm so grateful that I don't have someone at home when I get home except for you and my bell and and even my belt. I really don't want to get home all the time. This is something that everyone should know. When Chelsea comes home from a trip, she hates if anyone to say She's like, I don't want to see

people when I come back. Mind you, I always have to be there to make sure like things are on. You can help me turn the lights on. Usually what it is is, I'm bloated and tired. You want to decompress, and I want to get in bed and sleep. I'm so glad that I, like, there's no accidental pregnancies in a gay relationship. But I thought for sure I was going to have kids by the time I was twenty. That's all I wanted. I ever even thought about that, that you guys don't have to deal with the threat

of an accidental pregnancy. No, so it's you know, it has to be much more organized if you're going to have kids. But even then, yeah, like you have to do not I cannot imagine having kids and just have to to sacrifice yourself and your time and the questions that they ask, repeated questions about the sun and the moon and answers. I don't have, and I don't want to pretend to know ship that I don't. That is

so funny. My nephew called the other night and asking me how the moon got its glow, and so then I had to figure that out. I'm like Sun from the Sun. Yeah, I am way late on the fucking moon and Sunda from Google about three weeks ago, and I got the moon and the sun were the same fucking thing until like late in life. I thought Chicago was a state until I was like nineteen, So that's not saying much. But this seems to be a common problem,

these kids swearing. But guys, like, there's so much else to worry about in life than your child saying shit, So sweet, keep exposing yourself. My breasts are exposed and I didn't even know stopped out and they're fucking huge right now. I mean they're always big period. Okay, Well, speaking of parenting styles, this next emission comes from Lindsay A out of California. She writes, Dear Chelsea, my goddamn four year old says some crazy shit. Usually I can

respond to him and help him understand. I speak to him like an adult. He's allowed to use swear words, which many think is fucked up. But whatever, the issue that I'm having is he now tells me and anyone who will listen, I feel like I want to suck my penis. Now. If he's into penises, that's cool, but I don't believe he is. I asked him why he thought that, and he said that he wanted to see

what it tastes like. Please help, What the fund do I say to this little weirdo, Well, it sounds like you created this weirdo probably, And I want to suck my penis isn't okay to say? Even if he is into penises, like, who wants That's like me sitting there, I want to suck my own beaver in nursery school. No, kids aren't supposed to be talking like that for a reason, so you can have your kid cursed all the time.

I also think kids cursing is funny. But I mean, you've made your bed, now you have to lie in it, right, I guess? So? I mean, this isn't a situation i'd ever want to encounter. I don't. I don't know what you're seeing A kids saying I want to suck my own you can just shut up? Yeah, exactly who are the moms in your life that you know that, like you watch their parenting style and think like that's a good fucking mom or that's someone like that's the mom

I wish I had. Yeah, it's like long term, right, I mean I like kids who behave so I like their parents, like kids who aren't like throwing iPads at their mother's faces like that. You know, you could see the difference in parenting and the effect on the child, like children who say hello, goodbye, please, thank you, or even more exciting as children that engage in conversation, you know, where you can connect with a kid instead of them just like looking at you as an adult and like, okay,

you know. So which of your friends do you feel like their parenting style is close as to how you would parent I don't think about that, ever, there has to be one of your friends. I just I like the way Charlie's parents. Charlie's there on she's like fun and cool. But again I'm not there all the time, so I don't know. Like Charlie's just has that attitude that I would want from my parents, Like you know, she's strict, but she's totally real. Like yeah, like if

it's really funny. It's really funny, you know, like she's not going to be in front of you doing that. Like she's very she's more private about it, like when she has to have real talks with her kids. She's just like she's a real person all around. So I respect how she behaves in general, but related to the kids, Yeah, I like those two kids a lot, and I think that's a direct result of her and her mom's parenting. Okay, well we can call her right to get her on

the phone. Well, okay, we're gonna take a quick break, and then we're gonna see if Charlie's their own or throne. Yeah, is around and throne Charlie's They're wrong throne. We'll find out when we get her on the phone. Hi, we're back and guess what we do have Charlie's their own on the phone. Sweetheart. Are you ready to speak to our friend since we just discussed her parenting style, Yeah, we should wish her, Yeah, a happy Mother's day. Hi,

Charlie's Hi, chicken. Oh, we were talking about you and we've decided to call you to wish you a happy Mother's Day. What you're so cute? How many Mother's Day I had asked Chelsea, who amongst her friends has a parenting style that would be most aligned with how Chelsea would parent should she have kids, and she said that

your parenting style was the one she appreciated the most. Well, just given that we all know how little she wants to do with kids, like for herself, I take that as a real compliment because you really just don't want your own kids. So I mean that's like a really high compliment to get from you. Thank you. It means you're doing something right with those two. What is it is specifically that you think that I'm so good at because it's probably if it comes from you, it probably

means I'm doing it raw. It's a good note Charley's I would say, like, I like that when you get mad, like you have long, serious talks with them, almost like they're you're equal, like they're adults. That's how I would

describe it. I feel like we do parents a little bit like we were parented and then we also I don't know whether it's trauma or what it is that makes us kind of a race some of that stuff, but I do know that my mom brought that into her parenting and I always appreciated it because it always that was my first introduction to respect was my mother treating me that way, and it felt very respectful. And I remember being a young girl and you're like, wow, my mom has so much respect for me, Like she's

sitting me down, she's having this discussion with me. And so I try to do that with my kids and they respond to it. I only do what works, and this seems to work. I think your dryers is done and your laundry is ready. Well, I'm doing laundry. Okay, this motherfucker over here cleans your house. You don't have to try and prove yourself to be real and down to earth. Okay, Chirley's nobody has any time for that.

We need your advice. We had a caller call in and she has a little boy that curses and says, we had a couple of submissions children who are cursing incessantly, and then one child who is like getting to know his own anatomy and is very fascinated with his own dick and he really wants to suck his own dick. He says it. He says, I want to suck in my own dick and I was like, well, I really don't know what to say about that, because that's actual real parenting. So do you have any advice for them?

Both of them? There were two? How old are these kids? One I think was three and the other was four. They were like old enough to kind of know what was going on, like one who was swearing knew how to use it in context with the three year old or four there. So they're both like really young, right, So they're off to a strong start, is our point. And then I guess my other question it would just for contacts. Do they have siblings? Were the only children?

Do you guys know? They did not preface a great question, and if we were actually good at this, we would have asked it. I would say that with young kids, I think to lean into anything too much as a mistake. I think, you know, sometimes we worry when they say inappropriate things or when they touched themselves in and I

think it's purely just innocent to them. It's spluratory. They're just they're figuring shut out, and some of it is uncomfortable for us to watch, but you have to always remind yourself at that age they're not hurting anybody and I, you know, not to embarrass my children, but there was definitely one of my kids who loved like just the feeling of things touching down there. So there's a lot of like grinding on pillows and she would say blatantly says she's like that feels so good, and it made

me so uncomfortable. And I knew that she was doing it a little bit of preschool, and so my conversation with her was just like, that's awesome, Like I want her to have like really just love how good things feel on her body, but to know that maybe she should just keep it in our house and not you know, there are certain things that we maybe we don't take to preschool. So I and then it went away, Like I think when you make a big deal out of it,

it may it becomes a bigger thing. And with her, as soon as I told her that it was fine to do it, it's almost like she lost interest and then she stopped doing it. The swearing thing is is interesting because I think my youngest one struggles with that more than my older one. So that's why I was asking if there was siblings, and like, if there's a sibling, and I don't know, maybe I'm like a little bit more lenient with my older kid, Jackson, and so the

little one really wants to join the coolness. I mean, I let Jackson. Every once in a while, I'll be like, I'm okay with you saying there's certain words that people think are swearing that I'm just like, that's not swearing. I don't know, like, but you can say, but you can say like they're just they're like the S word. I'm like, what's the S word? Ship? And they're like, no, stupid, And I'm like, it's like we're just getting a little

too like just speak normal. And then every once in a while, because we are very big Route Paul fans in this house, there's a lot of exectives. And the one reason the rule that I have is like when you get your swear license when you're older, you can talk like this, but up until then, you're you're not going to talk like that. And so every once in a while when we watch it, they'll say like, can I just say the B work just once? Can I

just say it once? And also they're surrounded by you and Gerda, so I mean, where do you think they're picking this up in the first place? From you guys and Gerda just so you know, as Charlie's mom, and they basically copare it together. I'm gonna blame it on Rue and I'm gonna say it's not us. The swearing thing goes a little far right. It's like I've had kids say to me like, you can't play that song

because there's it's not the clean version. You guys won't know this because you don't have kids, but literally kids will talk like that, be like, no, we can't listen to this, it's not the clean version. And I'm like, we're listening to this. It's playing in my car, We're listening to it. So do you think it's like an

over correction? Is it about teaching your kids how to like just respectfully communicate that, Like these are all words that we're all going to use at some point, and it's just about how you're using them, Like you're not going to go out and call another kid on a playground a bit no listen. I am probably not the right person any advice like when it comes to swearing, because like Chelsea said, I really I really love to swear and I learned it from my mother, and my

mother is Ton times worse than I am. So I'm sure my kids are either gonna go the complete opposite and not swear at all, or they're gonna totally lean in and like, you know, stop their flak jackets. But I feel like it's language that when you're older you can just like I don't feel comfortable with my kids up until, like way into their teens, you know, saying bitch every once in a while, Like I do think

it's funny, and I have to watch myself. Like the little one will say it with like she's just lost her upper two so she's got this big cap and she'd be like based every group, Paul, she gets one try at just one chance, like and then she knows she can't say it again. She's like, can I say it? Can I say it? I'm like, all right, go for it.

She's like, bits, Hey. You know what I was talking to Brandon about the other day that made me want to talk to you is we were talking about apologizing and how like one of the first times I learned to apologize was after you and I got in that really stupid fight in South Africa. We went to South Africa for your charity A C. T. A o P. Charlie's they're in African outreach program, which everybody should know about.

I was just being crabby or bitchy, and everyone kept using that phrase a hundred percent, and you and Mary kept saying a hundred percent, a hundred hundred percent, And finally I was like, can you flee stop fucking saying a hundred percent? And Charlie's was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's your problem, dude? And we got into like this fight because of because of that, because you guys have been friends for a long time, was this your first

fight or disagreement? Pretty much? Yeah, sure, definitely. Yeah. I feel like that was the first time that we spent like we were together for close to two weeks. I feel like, right we were traveling, and I feel like the old thing is true, like you really get to know somebody when you travel with them like that. That's when you see them not just in an hourly period in a weekly schedule, like you see them every single day,

and especially on those trips, we do everything together. We have breakfast together, we eat dinner together, we write in bands together, you know, for five hours and then we get on a plane and so the whole. It's intense travel, it's exhausting, and there's so many moving parts to it. So so then you're on this trip and this like, even though it seems a minor conflict or conversation, what

happens does it escalate? Who addresses it? Well, we left the trip and we were like, I had bad vibes going at the end of the trip, Like I kind of blew up at dinner, and then I like went up to my room and then we just all kind of like played nice for the rest of the trip, but we didn't really talk about it. So we flew home, and then when we got home after a few days had passed, I was like one of us said, let's talk about it, and I went over to Charlie's and

we had that really nice long talk. And you know, that's saying about being able to apologize is so liberating, is cheesy, but it's so true. Being able to apologize is like such a friendship builder. Also because you end up do you do become closer because you're you're more honest. You know, you can say I fucked up and I'm sorry and I won't do it again, or I hope I'm not doing it again, you know that sort of thing.

So we were talking about that the other day and I just thought that was a sweet memory and I wanted to issue a happy Mother's Day, so I thought, let's call my baby. You know. The thing that I remember the most was listening your role. I hate this word, but your journey with Dan is really inspiring my therapist Dan, and was then even to me because you were just the evidence of whatever he was sharing with you information wise. That was just I thought, really powerful because you change.

It was a deeper thing with you, and I think that was the thing that freaked me out a little bit was because nobody gets that upset about anybody saying a hundred percent, maybe way too much like I did on that trip, but you know, and having some perspective on like what we were doing there, and like the conversations that we were having. Part of me was like, who gets the funk if I say a hundred percent a thousand times we're talking about investing in use here

and like future leaders of Africa, Like fuck you. So when we came back and you reached out to me, it just I think the thing about good friends is that you reached out came over, was not defensive at all, told me a little bit about Dan, but didn't say it in a way that felt like you were justifying

your behavior. And then I just remember you being so sincerely sorry, and I was like, fuck, Like that's great right there, and deep down inside I thought thank you because I don't say a thousand times now and I'm sure I sound way more intelligent, but I didn't want to let you know that in the moment. But yeah, I mean I think of you almost like Chelsea pre our Africa trip and then Chelsea after our Africa trip, Like it's really like, that's how I think of you.

You've really changed so more than anybody in my life. Actually, you are the person in my life that has definitely made the biggest changes. So now, looking back on this, do you think that you would have apologized immediately after, like or do you think you still would have needed

some time to decompress from it. If I know, if I hadn't been in therapy, I would have been defensive still, like I would have just been you know, but now with your knowledge and your experience, like, was that something you would have had this altercation at dinner? Yeah, we never get upset at dinner for somebody saying a would you apologize quicker? Yes? And of course, of course yes, yes. I wouldn't have held on to it. I would have

been like, I'm so sorry about my outburst. That's the best type of relationship, the ones that you can and want to apologize for. Yes, you know what, what you just brought up was my bigger problem with her when she eventually came over, because remember Chelsea, I said to you. I was like, it's the fact that you just stayed there and like never addressed it, and I felt like

the rest of the trip was destroyed. I was like, we were like so weird with each other and then we just sit on planes with each other and it was so fucking awkward, and there were other people there, and I was like, I love that she calls me out on ship. I love that that's who she is. I hope she never loses that. I don't mind her calling me out and be like, you sound like an idiot, don't say that. But there was this aggression behind it, and then she hung onto it. And I now know

for a fact that that's not Chelsea anymore. Like I know that if something came up between us, Chelsea would address it. She wouldn't be defensive, she'd be sincere and wanting to know what the funk it is. It's really it's incredible, it's really inspiring. Okay. So can I ask, for other people who are listening, what was the reasoning behind Charley's you not addressing it, like giving her the day and then being like, hey, we can't go on

the rest of the trip like this. So for people who have that dynamic with a friend or a family member where one of them responds differently, like you know, they need either more time or they hold onto things longer, I don't feel like maybe it's always the person's responsibility who isn't holding onto it. But in that since, why didn't you just address it, knowing that you had these extra days? All right, listen, I should have, Yes, I should have. I know, I think you did. You came

up to my hotel room the next morning. I went to her room and and I tried. But I would also be very honest in saying that I was really pissed and I felt like there wasn't there was so much. And this is again, you know, you have to watch yourself when you talk about this stuff because I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses, but like part of me was so pissed that I went to her room and I was like, instead of going to her room and be like, what's going I did say what's

going on? And I knew we weren't going to get there. There was a lot we were basically packing to get onto another plane. But you're right, brind And like, the thing that I learned was that I am a little bit scared of conflict. I'm scared of rocking the boat, right. And there was some stuff going on with my mom. We were home, we were kind of reminiscing about our family lives, and like there was just some deeper issue

stuff going on with me as well. So part of me and going into that room, I wish I went to that room and just said I'm not leaving here until you can actually just sit down, be quiet, look me in the eye, don't move, make eye contact, and be fucking a us. Since your moment with me where we look at each other and we're like, what are

we doing? This is ridiculous? Well, because when I think of you two, that's how I see you in your dynamic together like I always compartmentalize her friends into her celebrity friends and then her real friends, and you are like that center piece. You are a real friend who happens to be a celebrity, and a lot of times that wouldn't be a conversation that you have with another person who's just in the industry. You're on this trip and like you come and go and you never speak again.

I think our connection is very We became really good friends because I think we appreciate that directness. I think we appreciate that directness that no bullshit, like a lot of people are scared by that. I think Chelsea would speak that too, Like I've met women in my life we're like, I'm just scared, Like you're too direct, you're too honest, Like I don't know what's gonna come out

of your mouth. And I think when you meet a like minded person the way Chelsea and I met each other, we're like, funk, Okay, I'm not scared of you, and she's like, I'm not scared of you, bitch. As a matter of fact, stop saying because you sound like a fucking yeah, that's not our problem. But I think in that moment, I also realized like if we were going to fight, we were going to be both stubborn, right, And like, that's my problem. I have to work with that.

Like I find that sometimes I'm expecting wig too much from the other person instead of just like bringing my end to it, my part and then like letting it be and like then going Okay, I did what I was supposed to do. Instead I'm like, what are you

gonna do? How are you going to fix this? But again, that's kind of like the perfect way to wrap this up, because that is you always go into these things with the intention to fix your part, Like you can't fix the other person and you can't make them respond to what you want them too. So you just have to operate in the best way for yourself, knowing that you're doing what you can in that relationship. And so you

can't always expect the other gonna meet you halfways. You kind of have to go yourself and if they end up meeting you, great, and if not, like you know, you've done your part. What a beautiful wrap up, sweetheart. I don't know what I would have done if you and Churet least would have broken up. Am I going to see you later tonight. Yeah, oh awesome, I can't wait. You guys, I'm so proud of you for doing this podcast.

This is so thank you for taking the call. You never know who's going to pick up, so we are Do people just call in like the like people just call in and ask questions and stuff. People call it for advice on stuff and we either talk to them or we read their question and then we chime in. Yeah, sometimes you have to bring an expert in. Yeah, sometimes we have to bring an expert in. A celebrity guest,

you know that kind of thing. You guys should probably make them sign some kind of a liability like I mean, trying to preface to take all the advice and nondisclosure agreement. Well, happy Mother's Day. Tell gird a happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day baby, thank you, and don't take any of my kid advice please all right, bye, thank you, I see you later. I just love her. Let's tell people about Charlie's charity please. Yeah, So it's Charlie's. They're an

African outreach program. They provide schooling and education for people. They provide scholarships for young girls to go to college, and they do a lot of HIV prevention and they serve tons of adolescence in all of Africa, so it's really really important work anything else, sweetheart, Well, they can donate online if they want to go to Charlie's Africa Charley's Africa Outreach dot org. Yeah, they can donate right

on the home screen. It's really easy in the money's actually going to And we donate, sweetheart, as a family, we donate every year. Do your part. Donate. That would be a very good Mother's Day donation For anybody who's listening that's a mother, and for anybody who's listening that's not a mother. We should all donate for Mother's Day. I'll make a donation in your name, sweetheart. Oh, sweetheart, thank you. You're not a mother and that's for the best. Yes, well,

it seems like you and Shirley's had very similar parenting styles. Yeah, very similar takes on the swearing and not drawing attention to it, keeping it in the home. So I mean, maybe you're honestly, maybe you could be a mother. I just know if I had a kid, I'd want them to be cool, like I want them to be cool. Don't be a dick, don't be an asshole. Don't throw your iPad ever at anybody or even I wouldn't want a kid like that, so I would have to be

really diligent. You want your kid to have a childhood and experience that and enjoy it, but you also want them to operate a certain way around adults, like don't be a fucking asshole. Yeah, I mean I was a real fucking asshole growing up, Like I was the worst that you could possibly be. I was. I put my parents through hell pregnancies. You know, I read I can have a kid to break that cycle. What cycle? I mean, asshole cycle? Oh oh right, I thought you met my

menstrual cycle. No, your period is coming, though it's coming, it's always around the corner. I thought we were going to try and get me to get early onset menopause or is it outset? Is it outset? Well, when you're on the beginning, on the precipice of something, you're on the said of it, though, aren't you. You're you're the human, the source and dictionary. I don't know. You tell me I have to look into it, all right? Well, thank you Shirley's but we should probably thinking Gerda her mom

because whatever. Yeah, thanks bitch, that's what she calls me. Gerda calls me bitch, and I call her bitch. Well, thank you bitch, and thank you Shirleys for calling it. Taking the time to do this, we learned a lot well. Our last submission comes from a Gabby. Is it my aunt Gabby? Because that's like her to write it and propose as somebody else, although I posing as else? Okay, read it? Okay, Dear Chelsea. My girlfriend wants kids, not now necessarily, but in the next few years, which, as

a lesbian couple, would require some effort. I love kids, and she's always wanted them and I didn't, so it's a bit of an adjustment for me. My girlfriend's suggestion is using my eighteen year old brothers sperm to make this hypothetical child, causing my anxiety to quadruple. I bought a book on the said jacked, and honestly, it covers too many batship scenarios. My mom had the same idea as my girlfriend and offered up my brother's sperm. My mom recognized that my brother is too young to make

that call and shared some of her own concerns. How old is her brother's eighteen why is he too young? Oh? Too young? My girlfriend is worried about picking some random sperm from a bank. So I guess the question is, how the fund do you pick sperm? I don't know, but I find the brother thing to be weird too, But that's something people go through. No, I well, I get it, and I get it. It's your genes, but like, are you that married to having your own? It's like,

how important are those genes to you? I'm fine with someone else's jeans. I prefer it. Actually, just break that side. Yeah, I mean she doesn't. She hasn't thought about that much about having a child in the first place. And to have your brother's child, I mean, the brother's eighteen. That's really not fair to him either. Well, Gabby's on the phone, so let's see what sort of movement they've had on this. Hi, Gabby, how you doing. I'm doing well in yourself. Um, well,

we're just sitting here driving as a couple. Thank you for asking what's going on with you? So I just yeah, he ran and just read me your submission. So you're a lesbian who wants to have a baby while your partner wants to have a baby. Right, More so, than you do. But there everyone's contemplating now using your eighteen year old brother sperm. Is that right? Yeah, that's what's going on. Does that creep you out a little bit? Oh? Yeah, First, we haven't even like talked to him. I think it's

way too soon to talk to him. Yeah. Yeah. And the fact that he's eighteen, it's like it's almost not fair to even ask him it's inappropriate. Yeah. I would say it's inappropriate too. And even in a couple of years, even if he is twenty one, I still think that's way too young to make a decision like that. Yeah. I mean, first of all, it's way too young. You're

not even sold on. Okay, so you've been convinced to have a child, and all of a sudden, now your whole family is being roped into having the child, like using a sperm donor. People do that all the time. Lesbian women do it all the time, with or without partners. They use sperm donors so that it's not that difficult to find something that someone who sperm will measure up to what you guys are looking for. Well, I don't think I'm being roped into it, Like I do want

to have a kid. I just wasn't it wasn't necessarily something on my mind right now. I think it is a little early to be having that conversation. But as far as having using a sperm donor, I think I'm more comfortable with that idea because it is it just makes more sense. It's also your baby, so you get to decide if you're going to use your brother's sperm or a sperm donors, right, I mean, this is your

baby with your partner. So it's not like they can, you know, just go and steal your brother's sperm unless you have a jar of it somewhere. No, No, of course. And yeah, it's a conversation that we're having. I just think that her concern or the reason she feels that way is because she is that to be biologically both of ours. You know, she wants to see our traits and both of our traits and the kids, and it just happens to be as a gay couple. That that's

that's not a thing. That's not real. Um. But like I understand where she's coming from with that. I think that's fair. But I also think for me, having a kid does not need to be biologically mine. For me to love it, like, I don't even necessarily think it has to be biologically my partners. For me to love the child, I could adopt and I could be content with that. And does she feel the same way. No, she could not adopt. She said they would have to

be at least half ours. Yeah, I don't understand that. I don't understand what this is. Again, it is just such a gift. You are saving a life, you know. Why Why are people so against it? And why are people so attached to seeing their biological reproduction? Why? Though, what is that? I don't know what it is? I mean, get surprised by a brand new personality that has nothing to do with you. Yeah, live why of course, listen, you can love any baby, obviously, that's what adoption is,

you know. I mean, how could you not love a baby? Even I could love a baby. If someone dropped one off at my doorstep and I had to take care of it, I mean I wouldn't I would hire someone, but I would take care of it financially, make sure that it was clothed and you've fed, and you know I would do the right thing. I would have a baby. You would have a baby, Brandon, if somebody, yes, but I don't understand the tie that people have to seeing

by their own biological reproduction. You know, what I think it is is that there is an element of wanting to correct issues that people had as children, and by having their own, they feel like, oh, I can redo all of these things that went wrong in my childhood. Because now that I'm thinking about it in my own terms, that would be why I want one of my own that I'm like, no, no, no, We're going to to amend all the issues that I went through and give

you the childhood I wish I had. Right, But I see it from both It's because my mom's adopted terrible scenario her. She had the best parents who adopted her, but she did not She was not happy with the adoption process like she did not. She does not feel good about that, your mother. But you've already explained that

your mother doesn't feel good about most things, Gabby. This is we cover this earlier, but so for from your partner's perspective, a lot of times people do ever reason why they they saw something, to watch something, talk to someone and they don't want to adopt for that reason, or you know, there's a more specific reason why they want a biological child of their own. But so many

gay couples go through this. I mean, I've had this conversation with my partner and I actually pulled an article up from online of another lesbian couple who did this with their brother's sperm, and so the process that they went through, she says, for instance, it enabled us to have a child that was biologically related to both of us, and it was an amazing and unique way to keep our donor involved, which is an issue for a lot of people, as do we have an open situation? Is it?

Are you close with your brother? No? Not really. I mean I'm not not close with him, but and he's eighteen years old. I'm nine. There's a big gap. We kind of grew up differently, um, and so I'm not that close to them. And I also, like I've read, I bought a bunch of books. I've read a little bit say skim over, you know, using a relative spirm.

I wonder why, because it's weird. Yeah, And it's just like I don't think I would ever want the donor involved, Like I wouldn't see them as a parents, like after that, when the kid's eighteen years old, if they want to connect with the donor, Okay, that's your decision, but I wouldn't want to like use a friends firm and so like to be like at Thanksgiving dinner and it's like, oh, yeah, there's your uncle Dad, Like yeah, yeah, Well it sounds like, okay,

So your partner is the one that wants a biological child of her own, so she can accomplish that with a sperm donor, And it seems like you're pretty cool without having a biological child of your own. So it seems like the right thing. Just get a sperm donor, and you're just gonna agree to love the baby that has no biological relationship to you. Well her qualms with that,

And I'm starting to agree a little bit. I've been reading on like sperm donors is um that you don't really know what you're getting a lot of these guys donate when they're young and they need cash, and so it's not like, you know, I'm doing this necessarily out of the goodness of my heart. I'm doing it for

fifty bucks because I'm broke. And so even if you have a medical history, like you have a medical history of a kid up to the age of twenty, and he's not necessarily going to contact the sperm bank and say, oh, by the way, I found out like I have this medical issue or this medical issue. And then also you have these sperm donors who wind up helping a lot

of couples have kids. So then if your kid is eighteen years old and they want to connect with the donor dad, then they find out that they have, you know, a hundred five hundred half siblings, especially now when you're doing those like little DNA tests you send in that she found out she has a son of another. Like this guy donated all the sperm and was really popular

because he was tall, handsome, and very bright. So all these women picked his sperm and they all have his babies and they're all starting to connect with each other. Talk about fucking futuristic and weird? Does that I need? And will that creep out a kid? Like, I mean, I get all kids are going to have some sort of trauma, Like that's just unavoidable, but it's why, I mean,

why why not get the trauma? I think you have to lean into the fact that he's going to grow up in a diverse household anyway, Yeah, and why not get the trauma out of the way right away, Like this is what you can be mad at for the rest of your life. Okay, you have to find anything normal as long as you frame it that way to them, like, hey, sometimes moms need help. They get help from Tom Dicker Harry down at the Spurm Bank. Like it's all how

you present it to kids. So if you presented as this is the option that this man helped this many people, he's gonna have a much different response to that than like this is what you've missed out on to a certain degree, Like oh, you have all these siblings. No, no, No, that's not how you frame it, Like look at how many kids this man was able to provide these families

who really wanted one. Yeah, And I've read what I read says that kids of gay couples do seem more receptive and understanding of the sperm donor process versus straight couples who had fertility issues and then had to go with the donor just because children of gay couples are cooler as soon as understand how children are made. Realized that you know this, Yeah, I think I also think fighting like one, people who want to get in touch with their sperm donor. I mean that is a real stretch.

It's like, that is somebody who got paid for their sperm, like and you want to contact them and get to know them better. It's like, that's really then that's people who did a bad job of parenting if your kid is that desperate to meet his sperm donor. But I would agree with you that gaik. I mean children of gay couples do see him a little bit cooler and

a little bit more progressive and with it. So, but I still would stick to the original plan, which is you get a sperm donor, and in this day and age, you can get background information about sperm donors that is available. Okay, I have one, I have a question. I have a follow up or I would say suggestion. Maybe they should use your sperm you would have before. I'll tell you about that. Yeah, So, Gaby, what about having your egg and her egg, her being the carrier inserted with the

sperm from the same donors. That way the kids look alike and also looked like both of you to some degree. So now she has to have twins, well you would. I'm just I'm offering options. But if you use both eggs and you just didn't tell each you just didn't know which one which egg actually ended up being waste. No, but I think you can only do that with sperm, not not eggs. You have to use one egg, right or no? No, you put in a bunch of eggs

and a bunch of sperm and then whatever fertilizes. So you could I D S or I C or I UI. You could do that, And that's something she's brought up. She thinks she'd said, like, you know, if we go the sperm down or route, then you know, use her a E and the sperm and have a kid, and then if we have a second kid, use my egg

and the same sperm. That way you can kind of differentiate what are the characteristic you know, like our characteristics and the children, and what are the sperm donor's characteristics being that you used the same sperm for each child. So it's just so multifaceted with and I'm a lot more comfortable with that. Yeah, you you are with that idea? Yeah, okay,

well then that's yeah, yeah, then do that. I think you have the answer that you came in with, which is get a sperm donor and do that what you just described is sounds perfect. Okay, okay, thank you. Do you feel confident about your decision now? Well? Yeah, yeah, I mean I've always felt pretty confident with my decision.

It's just the fact that it's not solely my decision. Yeah, but you're doing I mean, I think you're contributing pretty much all that you're able to contribute, right right without your brother. Leave your brother out of it. Yeah. No, the only reason and I even considered that, which I didn't consider it very highly, just because I think it was important to her, um, you know, to my girlfriend to have both of our characteristics and obviously, like I

want her to be happy. And also, you know, there's a cost associated with like sperm donation. So if you do it like at home, like at home insemination, they say to do like two vials every month, and like frozen sperm for like healthy woman in our early thirties, no fertility issues. There's like a ten percent chance of conception, and they suggestions in two vials, so it's like two

grand a month, so like ten chance. Let's say after like six seven months you finally get pregnant, you're talking like fourteen grand and sperm and like, I don't know, that's just a it's a lot of money, and it's a lot of money. For the idea that sperm isn't free is absurd. It is. That's one of the things where I was leaning towards, you know, my brother. I'm like, yeah, I'll make her happy and also me from a cost perspective, rationally economic decision really with no regard for your brother's

feelings at all in the situation. Can keep us posted If you find sperm downers, I would love to review those with you to see what's going on and help help give you some direction that way. Yeah, and for next Mother's Day, I'm going to start donating sperm. Mine. You're gonna pick me out. Thank you, Gabby. Thank you, Gabby. Have a great Mother's Day when you're a mother you Yeah. So I had a professor of mine after I graduated.

I'd probably been graduated from college for two or three years, and she reached out asking you if she was with a girlfriend. I think they have been long term at the time. And she reached out and she said, Hey, this is gonna be a really strange question, but would you ever consider being our sperm downer? And I was about to start for you had so much going on, and we had talked about I can't have a baby. I was like, I'm not prepared for this. I'm about

to start on my new life. Adventure was sweetheart, I'm not ready to be a dad, even a distant ad um. But the conversation never ended up really going anywhere. I think they've broken up so well. I tried to donate my eggs when I was broke and I was in my twenties and I was waitressing, and I went in and donated my eggs. I filled out a questionnaire, did an hour interview, and they rejected me and said that

I should seek a psychiatric evaluation. And did you No, I just just I was so excited to make like thet so I was crestfallen when I didn't when I found out that I was psychotic. We'll schedule it for this week. Yeah, maybe I could donate my eggs now. I have a girlfriend who donates eggs regularly, and you get more and more as you do it. You get more and more eggs, you get more money. So it seems like a pyramid scheme to me. I don't know how it works, but an egg an egg pyramid scheme.

It sounds like something I want to stay away from. I don't blame you. Okay, Well that was part two of our debut episode. We did it, sweetheart. We launched a podcast. We did it. We have a podcast. Dear Chelsea. I look forward to this little new home of ours and I will see and here, well you'll hear me and I will see you. Do you get the gist.

We'll be back every week on Thursdays, all right. For anyone who does want to write in, they can do that at Dear Chelsea Project d E A R C h E L S e A P R O j E C T at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com. That's wonderful, Okay, thanks for listening. Happy Mother's Day, everybody, Happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day. Brandon, Not anytime soon, sweetheart,