Minisode: What a Fun Problem

Hi, guys. It's Chelsea and Catherine here.

So today, Catherine, we are doing one of our minisodes, and so we have one couple calling in for couples counseling.

Correct exactly, exactly, And for anybody else who wants to write in police write in, Yes, for sure, loves great advice for couples.

Yes, yes, I'm just I'm flawless in my advice giving everybody.

I mean, so far, it's been four years. I well, i mean not four years of one hundred.

You know, I'm sure there's some upset customers, but that's par for the course.

You know.

It's not like I have a degree.

Just operating on you know, vibes and good vibes.

I'm operating on good fucking vibes, okay, exactly, So that's what you're gonna get.

We were just talking about menopause because so Naomi Watts wrote this book about menopause, because she's been like the leading face of menopause in the last couple of years. I don't know if you've noticed, but she's been outspoken, and she started this beauty company called Stripes. She just gave me a ton of lube and all this stuff. You can shove up different areas of your body, and also facial moisturizer because your skin changes during menopause.

Anyway, she asked me to, you know, for a blurb for the book.

So she sent the book and as I was reading the book, I got all of the symptoms of menopause. I was like, I started having hot flashes. I was like, oh my god.

And then I was like, oh my god, am I is it real or it's like a somatic.

Well that's what I said.

I was in my work at the time, and I had a man in my bed and I was like every night, like get the fuck away from me, like even more so than usual. And I was like, don't touch me. You know, I was so hot hot flashes. And my sister goes, you're so impressed. She goes, you were just read about something and then it happens to you. She's like you and I'm like, no, obviously, I am going through peri menopause.

I'm forty nine years old. I mean it would make sense.

So then I come home and I get these pills called Bonafide for anybody out there with hot flashes. As soon as I started taking them, my hot flash has ceased. So I had hot flashes for like a week. Okay, but and I've had a hot flash before, but not like consistently every night. So I was convinced. I'm like, oh, I'm going with through perim my menopause. I have to get my hormones checked. And so I take these bona fide works. I tell my sisters. I send them both

If they have a dimple anyway.

So the moral of the story is I was out with Naomi and a couple of other girlfriends the other night and she loaded me up with products because your skin can get dry during prairie menopause.

Oh.

The company is called Stripes, and we're going to do it an episode with Naomia and we're gonna have her come on and do a menopause episode because that's very important.

We've got a lot of requests for that.

Actually, Oh really, Oh perfect, okay, so let's do that.

Yeah, and if you have menopause based questions, questions about perimenopause, write them in this weekend because I'll start going through those. We're going to record that episode with her really really soon.

So then I get my hormones checked and my doctor called me and I don't I have an ablasion.

So I don't get my period.

And my doctor just called me this morning and she says, my estrogen levels there's a height where your FHC or something fh something, fhs.

Hs something like that.

Sh whatever direction it's supposed to go in when you age, mind has gone in the opposite direction.

Okay, right, Because you were like fertile myrtle before.

You got what she's saying, I'm fertile still, and I was like, wait a second, And I was like, this is so funny. My cousin goes every time you go to the doctor, they tell you like, your liver looks incredible or your heart is the size of a twenty five year old. She's like, how is that possible with as much shit you do? And I'm like, but I also keep my shit together.

That's right.

You work a very actually healthy balanced if you think about it exact, and it's now being confirmed by the medical community.

So just start doing tons of drugs in your twenty or maybe before.

No, I don't want to advocate that you have to have the right personality for drug Okay, I have it.

Yeah, they're not for everyone.

You have to know if you are the right personality type, and if you are, you'll know, so you know if you're asking, you're not.

Yeah, you know. I'm very low tolerance when it comes to any drugs.

I'm like, I have found like just whatever is like an eighth of a dose for someone else that's making them feel great, Like that's what's going to make me feel fine or not?

Stressed about it at least.

Yeah, right, you can't handle drugs. No, I have no happy drugs. I said to my doctor. I said, so can I still get pregnant? And she goes, You're definitely still ovulating. She goes, but Chelsea, you had an ablation.

I thought you could still have a baby after an Ablazian.

I mean, who knows, well, I do have a follow up from a previous Is it a happy ending?

It actually is.

I mean, what if some people were just trying to sue us for our bad advice?

Please don't sue us.

So this comes from Kelly. She wrote in on our Paul W. Down's episode about her fear of flying. If you remember her, and she.

Said, what it was the advice that I gave her.

I think a lot of pills and just go do it basically was the advice.

But Kelly says, Dear Chelsea quick followup message on my chat with you and Paul W. Downs Dear Chelsea, shortly after the chat about my flight anxiety with you, Catherine and Paul Downs, I'm a huge fan. By the way, I faced my fears and booked a flight. I got back from my first trip to New York City last week, and it was so much fun. With support from you, my therapist, my partner, and Atavan, I faced my fear with a calm and confident smile on my face. I

Ah.

Hello, this is amazing, it's working. I can't wait to talk about this.

I feel invincible now I look at travel in a different light. This feels like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Thank you for encouraging me and all listeners to be old and brave. It's much appreciated. Sending love to you and strength to all who want to face a fear. You got this PS. Speaking with you three was such a unique and memorable experience. As a bonus, I now have an actual fun fact for those classic group icebreager activities.

Take good care, Kelly, that is so Cute's that great?

Yeah?

Because this is really I want to talk about this a little bit. When you and I don't mean hollow optimism. When I'm trying to talk about positivity and being positive, I don't mean like being empty positive like.

That it's all gonna be toxic positivity.

No, not toxic.

That's different, okay, Okay, well no, maybe it's similar, but like you know.

It's all gonna be okay.

It's like no, no, my mother just died. It's not gonna be okay right away. I don't mean hollow optimism.

I mean when you.

Choose to look at whatever situation is in front of you and you actually mentally reason with yourself that it's okay to be optimistic and purposeful and intentionally optimistic, you know, with your back up straight and holding your head up high.

Way, not like I'm gonna go fuck you do this right, in a way.

That I'm capable, I'm strong, and I'm gonna get through this, and then you do even better than you thought you were gonna do.

Mmmmmmm, this is making me feel like so I faced a fear of heights while we were on our Italy vacation and it did not go well, and part of me was like, well, great, I never have to do heights again.

And then it happened.

We went to the top of the Duomo in Florence, which was highly recommended and also totally terrifying for a person with a fear of heights.

So it was a little bit traumatics.

You start to get scared on the way up.

So on the way up it's just like this little staircase that's all enclosed, which was fine, and then you get up into the inner circle of the dome and you're looking down inside, and that for me was kind of the worst part because it was so narrow and like people were stopping, so I couldn't just like rush ahead and get through, and so I was sort of like trapped up there, and so that was sort of the worst part.

And then you get to the roof and you have this beautiful view.

Is the roof separate from the top of the.

Door, Yeah, you like keep going and then you're outside looking at the like the view of the city, and so I thought like, oh, I can brave my fears. But part of me also feels like maybe now I actually do need to conquer this fear of heights that I didn't used to have. But I think once my frontal lobe was fully formed, I became I mean.

It's kind of pretty natural to be scared of heights, right, Like, it doesn't feel good when you look over the edge of a skyscraper. That's not a fun, happy feeling, and nobody feels like, oh, you know, so I think it's pretty common to be fearful, as long as your fear doesn't become paralytic.

Yeah, well that's the thing is. I was like, I never have to do anything heights again. I never have to do it again. But then I was like, you know what, I feel like this means that I need to conquer it. And by concrete and conquering it, the only thing you can do is exposure therapy. So I'm like, now I think I feel like I need to do a lot of things like this.

Yeah, like bungee jumping.

No, no, I do it. I don't think you have to go bungee jump.

Okay, all right, I'm off the hook from you.

Then, Yeah, I just there's some fears need that's not a natural it's it is natural to be scared of fucking falling off of a building.

I think so all right, thank you, Chelsea. I feel very validated, welcome.

You don't even have to call in, I know, well, we do have a caller, actually have two callers.

Okay, great, is it just us?

It's just us today.

It's a mini so oh okay, perfect.

I love when I find out about it at the show after we start taping.

Yeah, exactly, this is what we do. It's always a surprise.

I know my life is a surprise.

So Letty and Jess say hi, Chelsea and Catherine. My partner and I were listening to your podcasts during our drive home from Yosemite, and I had to reach out about our current issue. We were wondering if you could support us with a couple's therapy session. And by the way, for any other couples that want to write in, we absolutely can.

I love couple sessions.

Yeah, so yeah, if you have a problem with your friend or boyfriend or girlfriend or non binary friend, you can call in.

Great.

I'm a thirty four year old marriage and family therapist, one that clearly doesn't always take the advice I give my partner Letty is currently in school to become a nurse. The issue we're facing right now is Letty loves spending time with my mom. They are practically best friends. Don't get me wrong. I know it's a good thing.

But like most lesbians, I've got mommy issues and so does she. Quite frankly, my mom now communicates with me through her comes over to our home when I'm not there to see Letty and quote unquote accidentally crops me out of photos when she zooms in on the two of them. I know I have to get over it at some point, but right now it's just the current thorn in our relationship.

Jess, Oh my.

God, Hi Jess, Hi girls, Hi, Hi, Hey, how are you?

Oh my god? That's so funny. What a fun problem.

I mean, it's a good problem to have, especially with you know, the world we're in these days.

That's right, That's exactly right.

Yes, that's exactly how you should be looking at this situation. Yeah, but the zooming, the cropping out of the phook every time.

Every time I go on Facebook and it's like, oh my mom tagged me, and I go on and there's like this part of my ear and then the rest of my family with Letsie and my mom.

Like zoomed in, So, Letty, do you love your relationship with her mom?

Obsessed you are?

Yeah, I really am so obsessed.

And what's your relationship like with your own mom?

So, my relationship with my mom, we were always incredibly close. I lost her unfortunately, So now I feel like that's a big reason why I like attach myself so much to Jesse's mom, because they are super They're very much alike.

Yeah, this is like a Disney movie, you guys.

Everything that's happening here is a Disney movie.

I mean, I'm wearing a macking mouth shirt and I don't mind making mouth nose.

Okay, Well, then I mean it works. I mean it does it really bother you?

No?

I mean it's a good problem to have.

I think for a really long time coming out, it was like touch and go with how accept that I really felt. And then when I met LETTI I was like, oh, she really loves her. It's a great problem to have. There needs to be some boundaries, probably, but you know, maybe I'm a little jealous.

Probably.

Well, no, I think it could be like a little bit of a boundary.

But have you spoken to your mom about this in a serious way at all or no.

Not in a serious way.

I think I poked fun at it because that's my way of coping.

Yeah, but I probably should say something.

I mean, I think this is you saying something.

So I think we're just we're just gonna I think there should be a light boundary. But obviously these are all great problems to have. Your mother is accepting and loving. She doesn't have her mother anymore. Like everyone's for lack of a better term, everyone's whole is being filled, right.

I mean, I'm as long as that's happening, that's a good problem.

I was gonna say cup, and then I just went straight to hole and I figured, why not just run with that? You know, No, but I think that you guys, let Tea and Jess's mom, you should be a little bit more compassionate.

Or inclusive, maybe a inclusive.

It's great that you want to spend time together, but yes, don't forget about the person that you're the reason you're both here, like meeting.

You're right, You're right, And I will also mention that like Jesse's mom's best friend is also my.

Best friend, so it extends beyond just.

My relationship with her mom too, And you're right, well, you should be a little bit more inclusive.

Girls, Just inclusive.

Just be considerate of the fact that she feels a little like it's an odd situation and it's it's beautiful, but you know, just be a little considerate of her feelings and make sure and especially the zooming in the out of the pictures. I think you should just be like, listen, bitch, I'm your fucking daughter. Okay, when you zoom out from my photo to include hers, what kind of signal do you think that sends to my brain?

Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, And she claims with a mistake, which it might have been.

Yeah, And I guess her priority is on you though, because she's like trying to get that photo of you. This is a honeymoon period that you're experiencing. Don't expect it to last forever, so you know, treat it like a relationship that needs some sort of boundary, because you know, totally.

Yeah.

I do think it's funny when parents who maybe are not as accepting in the beginning of having a kid that's come out, it's like down the road, a lot of them realize when their kid brings home someone wonderful, They're like, oh wait, this is what this actually looks like, like a loving, fun relationship with a new great or someone I get to know, and then they get totally on board.

Yeah. I think that's how it was for me.

I brought a couple ex's home in my lifetime and it just never landed. And I thought it was more about her acceptance of me until she met Latti and then it all changed.

How did you two meet through friends?

I lived in San Francisco for like five years and we just met through mutual friends and then I brought her down here.

Yeah, that's great.

Gay people are always asking me how to meet people, So I'm just always trying to think of new ideas. But luckily, I mean, you guys don't seem to have one.

San Francisco's not the most original.

There was going to be, But no, it's meeting friends who.

Up there though there's not that many one thousand oaks, so I had to get away for a while.

Yeah, exactly, that's what.

We had a collar call in last week and she was saying the same thing. She lives in this kind of small mountain town and she just realized she's out. She wants to be gay, and she wants to live her life, and she's like, I'm not in the right place to meet enough people and have fun. And she's in her twenties. So I get it. I get moving, and good for you for doing that. You know, sometimes you do have to relocate to find.

What you're looking for. Yeah, you went fishing and then you came back.

I sure did in the Bay one.

And now you and now your mother is feasting on your fish.

I'm not out. Okay, thanks girls for calling in. You girls are adorable. I love it.

Thank you. Bye bye.

You were real cute, real cute.

So yeah, I think we should encourage people also to write in. So for anybody who wants to write in, go ahead and write in at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.

Don't write into Dear.

Chelsea dot at gmail dot com because that is someone else's email address, and fortunately she gets some more emails something Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com, and uh write couples counseling in the subject line.

Yeah, and shallone to that? Amen?

Ye