Minisode: Two Open Wounds with Rosebud Baker and Andy Haynes

Welcome back to a couple's Counseling with Chelsea.

I am here with my friends Rosebud Baker and her husband Andy Haynes. Hi, Rosebudd and Andy, thank you for being here today as a couple. On the subject of having a baby, like, I mean, I know you guys are married, but there's a level of permanence and that comes along with the baby. Yeah, that kind of So I'm curious, as somebody who will never be married or have a baby, what it does that shift feel like, because before you get the baby anyway, I'm.

Married, just leave.

And yes, it's it's hard to get a divorce, but it's not that hard, right, It's actually not hard.

I mean, anyone can do it. It's achievable.

Yeah. Well, here's where I stand with it.

It's like, when Andy and I are having problems, if I think like worst case scenario, you know, like, oh my god, what if we're gonna what if we get a divorce and we have to like split custody of like you know and all this shit. Andy's not someone that I could ever look at and be like, I never want to see you again. There's never you know, I married someone and I had a baby with someone that I want in my life no matter what, whatever happens.

So I kind of remind myself of that.

If there's ever a moment where we're like going through a really bumpy period and we're like, oh my god, what's gonna happen, you know, you kind of can't live in fear of that happening, because if you do, you will end up just like committing to a life that you don't care if you're happy in or not. You know, like you gotta be willing to go, Okay, this could happen, but we don't want it to. We're going to work

Well, I think also, what you something you said is really important is that if you're so working so hard to avoid the breakdown of a relationship, it's probably more inevitable.

And I think a lot of couples do that.

They get so codependent with each other that the thought of a breakdown in the relationship is like.

Oh, no, no, no, I'm going to be alone. I'm going to be alone. And it's like, no, you're not.

Everyone's going to Everyone survives, you know, and it's not like you're looking forward to it, but it's understanding you have the knowledge and like the capability to handle the situation.

Yeah, it did.

It did change our relationship immensely though, because.

When we were you know, like, wait, what did having the baby?

Oh for sure, because like I commuted to London for six months the end of twenty twenty two and I would be in London for four.

Weeks to six weeks.

What were you doing there?

I worked for a soccer team doing like making content for a soccer team and then doing comedy over there, and we wouldn't talk for four days, you know, sometimes like and we had a kind of relationship where it wasn't like I mean, I didn't love not talking to her, but I wasn't worried, and we had a relationship where we could check in, you know, shoot a text every couple of days, and I wasn't like, oh, what's happening with us? And I remember when Rosebud told me she

Our marriage wasn't like where will you be?

Then?

Where will you be? Like that?

And now it's like where are you going to be at two pm?

Today?

Yeah, like we can't leave the house without checking in with each other. That was like a huge And I don't know why I didn't even think about that.

I didn't either, I don't think.

I don't think most people think about it because you're pregnant for nine months, but you're not the day you bring that baby home, You're You're never leaving your house again. It was so nine months isn't really enough of a preparation. I know you wanted it to be shorter because your pregnancy you were dying in the end, but like it's just not enough time to prepare, no, to have a baby in your house and you can never fucking do anything again without checking.

You make sure there's no there's literally nothing that can prepare you for it. I just was like, I guess I thought both of us were like we thought like, oh, we'll have a baby there, but like we can just like do whatever we were doing before.

We just have a baby, comedy class.

It's not even It's so crazy how I can't even focus on what the thing that I want to focus on if she's around, because I'm just like watch her and laughing.

And do you feel like you've had to make a lot of sacrifices since you've had the baby with your like personal lives or.

I was saying last night if we went to I was like, if if somebody thinks that they're ready to have a kid, they should bring they should go to a nice restaurant with their significant other and bring a bat on a leash. Yeah, yeah, And just see how that goes.

Yeah, go to a movie theater with a dog that you give a cup of coffee.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's like it's just it's NonStop, and it's the best way to describe it is it's the best thing I've ever done, and it also ruined my life, you know what I mean, Like it's like that kind of juxtaposition.

It like ruined our lives for the better.

Yeah, but it fucking there's days where it sucks ass, and then there's days where it's like, oh my god, like.

That's the coolest thing and it's the best.

Thing I've ever seen.

And it's not even like it's just cool to us, it's not cool to anyone else. So there's something that there's something about that that like I feel like so much closer to him based off of that.

Yeah, you know, I can see that it's like trauma bonding.

Yeah, it is trauma bonding. Yeah, for sure.

I'll tell you this. I've learned that I was doing this selfishly.

But all the women in marriages with babies, you should know that if your husband is offering to do a lot of errands and chores, it's actually it's a hack.

They already know that. They already know that.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Yeah, everyone knows that you guys aren't doing chores. No, we are doing You're doing it to get a vacation.

You're doing chores, but I get to leave you.

Oh my god.

I was so fucking furious. That drove me fucking crazy. His errand running, Oh my god. He'd be like, I have to move the car. I'm like, I'm moving the car. I just started taking his errands.

That's the number one thing I miss about La is what running errands? Just getting in a car doing a bunch of shit.

Oh yeah, I love running errands really target.

Oh oh yeah, so you must be so fucking organized, right, house is so organized.

Yes, He's always like taking ship out of drawers.

And it's funny because Rosebuddy is also organized, but it's all surface. Like you'll open a drawer and it'll just be like an old Nabisco's bag and a bubblegum and her underwear nine iPhones ago, my underwear probably after it's doing in the drawer for a little while. Yeah, if we're getting to the pudding blow.

Job, I mean I think you guys are going to do the toffee pudding.

Someone's gonna get it. We just don't know who.

It's going to be a.

Really nice white You have to wait for you at a hotel situation. You don't do that at your own Obviously she was in a car, so that's cleanable, right.

We need some kind of booth situation where we can use the shower attach.

That's never Let me tell you something that's never gonna happen in your life.

Whatever Chelsea just suggested. It's never nice.

I know it's not.

I should have suggested it before you had a baby and before you like hit your one year anniversary.

Still wouldn't have. I wouldn't have.

I'm going to do it to something. If you drink it's great.

I mean, give somebody a.

Toffee blowjob and poor toffee and ice cream on their dick while you're I mean, that's so nice. It was like a toffee pudding situation. But it fell out of the cop and I just thought, this is going to inspire millions, Like so many women are going to want to do that.

I mean, and I'm not like you know, I mean.

Well you gotta find yeah, I gotta find someone that like you know that you really want a pleasure that.

It's a very nice idea for sure.

It's a really nice thing because think about what would happen if somebody was on the receiving end of a blowjob, a toffee putting blowjob.

That would be like one of the best days of your life.

You didn't get you get a Willy Wonka Golden ticket and a toffee toffee pudding blowjob.

Just something for you guys.

To think about.

I feel like all couples need to think about it, and that's why I'm introducing it.

We'll revisit when she moves out.

Okay, yeah, god.

If you even still have a penis at that point. So what are your next steps and moving forward with your family? Are you guys like focusing on are you done or you want to have more children?

Like what do you have any plans? Or you just being in the moment.

I'm I'm being in the moment.

But also I feel like this is I think we're one and done. Yea, I think we're one and done. Yeah, it's it is an impossible job.

It's also like I think it's like if we stay in New York, it's so much different. You know, if you can go someplace where like it's normal to have three and four bedrooms, but Manhattan is just like it's And it's also like I take her out and it's like it's already I.

Have a wild animal.

And then it's like a guy's smoking crack and another guy's shitting in the corner.

It's a lot.

Yeah, And it feels like I didn't want to like completely give up our lifestyle when we when we got pregnant, I was like, look, I don't want to forget myself. I don't want to forget what makes me happy. I don't want you to forget what makes you ha. And I want to keep doing the things that like fill us up so that our daughter isn't like being raised by two shells, you know. So I just want to like do a great job now and if at some point we're like, oh, I think we actually could do this again.

We have six baby girls in a freezer somewhere down the embryos.

Yeah, so we can six girls.

That's the high number of girls.

Yeah, you're from a family of girls, and you're from a family of girls.

Yeah, so I guess that does add up.

Yeah, but I think we're good with one.

Yeah, I think it's just we want to do our jobs. I think we're just like, we spent the year getting used to this, and then now I think now we want to do our jobs so that our daughter sees two really happy parents. I think that's kind of the goal, you know, and whatever that means.

I don't. I don't know where we'll live. I don't. That's the nice thing about it, And I don't know.

What would you ever consider moving out of New York?

Yeah, we've thought about it. Every time we come back.

I'm like, I'm not leaving, and then every time we leave, I'm like, I'd think about it.

So it's everywhere I go. I think about living every fucking place I go. I'm like, I could live here.

I'm like, I don't know.

I don't live in Napa. Yeah, yeah, Yildsburg. I love Yieldsburg.

Man.

I'm just like, I love outdoor stuff. So it's really hard sometimes with New York.

But Andy loves imagining a life somewhere else.

It is everywhere now.

I think that's what we're drilling down on, is that all everyone is always fantasizing about what it would be like.

But we did go to Seattle and it was like we got off the plane and it was like so clean, and I was just like, oh my god, like because I'm from there, and it was just like, oh, this is like what air used to be.

Like Yeah, yeah, the Pacific Northwest is where it's at for the clean air and for the toffee pudding blow chops.

Is that where the book takes We're.

Gonna we're gonna end on that. No, we're going to end you guys. This was very sentimental. I really enjoyed it.

Was it too Barbara Walters at all?

Because you know what, sometimes they're ridiculous and sometimes they get serious. It's kind of good to have it all over the good it's all out of care. Is that it's sincere?

Okay?

You know, no, not at all? Yeah?

All right?

Good?

Yeah, like two open wounds.

I know, I love it. I love it.

Thank you, Thank you guys for doing it. I appreciate thank you for being open enough to come and do it. I mean, not like it's a real therapy session, but you are talking about your dirty laundry.

Yeah.

And that's all for this week with Rosebud and Andy.

Tune in next time as we continue couples Counseling with Chelsea. You can check out Rosebud and Andy's podcast. It's called Find Your Beach Andy. It will be on tour in Dallas, Oklahoma City, and Tulsa in September, Amsterdam on October twenty fifth, and then he has two dates in Milwaukee in December, so check out his Instagram and TikTok at I'm Andy Haynes h y Nes for tickets to those dates and for more, and you could find both Andy and Rosebud on YouTube.

Rosebud will be taping her.

New special on September sixteenth in New York at the Village Underground and you can get to us to this and more of her dates at Rosebudbaker dot com and you can find her on Instagram and TikTok at rosebud Baker. Upcoming shows that I have. I'm coming to Texas, I'm coming to Saint Louis and Kansas City, and then I will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York at the King's Theater on November eighth, and I have