Minisode: Toffee Pudding with Rosebud Baker and Andy Haynes

Welcome back to a couple's Counseling with Chelsea. I am here with my friends Rosebud Baker and her husband Andy Haynes. Hi, Rosebud and Andy, thank you for being here today as a couple.

Thank you for thank you for having us because we haven't been to couples there being a few weeks.

Okay, great, that's why I would like to fill the void. However, I can. I know that you guys have had a lot, You have a long history together, right, Can you break that down for our listeners, give us kind of like a summary. Sure, When you first became sexually attracted to Andy?

Yes?

So, so the first time I met Andy was at our friend's wedding.

It was the first time that I met you, But it was the first time that we like hung out.

And I wouldn't describe it as like a strong, burning sexual attraction. I would say I enjoyed being around him because he made me laugh.

Yeah, and that to me is sexually attractive.

Do you know what I'm saying. But it wasn't like, oh, this guy's gonna wreck me.

No, historical women have not been sexually attracted to me. It's aid more of a breaking them down kind of processing.

Right, And that's where you had to come in with a humor exactly to develop the humor, because the humor is a much more powerful aphrodisiac than looks anyway, right, And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the way that you look. I just want to I just want to acknowledge that we're all sitting here together and that we're.

Just starting there. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with how you look. Andy, thanks so much.

So.

I remember, if I recall correctly, you guys kind of like left that party together, didn't you, and you kind of spent the next what four or five hours together?

We took it, We took a Yeah, we took a drive together, and then Andy tried to come upstairs and I was like, you know, and then like three days later, I was like, actually maybe, and then we hung out. We slept together once and basically he moved into my apartment.

Oh wow.

Yeah. It was like very impulsive alcoholic vibes, but.

You weren't drinking at that time, where, you know, but you got.

To find where you can get them, you know.

Absolutely, yeah, absolutely, And when you're both sober, isn't there a rule that you shouldn't be dating.

There's no rules for us. It's like we've been sober.

Long enough, so that wasn't a part of the attraction was that he was sober.

It was part of it, yeah, because it was like, oh, we have like a similar language. There's like a he works on himself, that kind of a thing where I was like, Oh, he's in therapy, he's sober. I was attracted to both of those things. He's funny and also he's like as impulsive and down for whatever as I am. So that automatically was like, Oh, he's so easy to be around. I'm so excited to be around this person. We had so much fun. And then we got engaged like nine months later.

Uh huh, I think six six six months later, Yeah, pretty sure.

Yeah, we hooked up for the first time like in October and we were engaged my birthday.

Yeah, okay, so yeah, we got engaged five months.

And were you when you started dating Rosebud? Were you like, this is it? This is the woman for me?

It was weird.

It was like I was like had been freshly single for the first time in a long time, where I wasn't being a compulsive monogamist and then I.

Thought you were just going to say you had like a sex addiction.

I was like, no, I had better odds.

But you have to consent.

Yeah, you can't. You have to be more than funny to have a sex addiction. You can't just use your humor.

Yeah, because I'm also very fickle. It's a bad combination.

But I met her and we hit it off, and I was like kind of like, oh, I'm not going to get in a relationship, and then things moved really fast. And not to spill the tea, but Rosebud said I love you first.

Yeah, said while we were having sex.

While we're having sex.

I know, doesn't count when you say that while you're having sex, because it's like everyone's impulse.

Is when she stopped and she said I think I love you.

And then continued to have sex.

I think we were done, but we were.

You know, post coital, so someone had climaxed. Yeah, and I'm guessing that was you, not Rosebud.

I'm a pretty gen I would say I was raised by women, not that.

That were you sleeping with those women.

I had to go down on my mom alone. No, but I just I never was one of those guys. I mean, I definitely not pleased a woman, Let's let's get that out there. But I think I'm a pretty reciprocal lover, you know.

I mean, this is a little off piece, but I was just watching this news show that's coming out on Stars because I was interviewing the author, and there was a blowjob scene where one of the girls, Betty Gilpin, she plays one of the girls. It's called Three Women by Lisa Todeo. They made it a TV show and she's having an affair with the guy and she gives a blowjob in the backseat with like a toffee pudding. She got a to go toffee pudding, poured it over

Speakers doing much for me.

Well, you have to see it, and then you have to think about how how wonderful that's going to be for yourself actual partner, because I'm not even in a serious relationship. And I was like, I can't wait to do this to someone because it just seems so pleasure giving. So I just want to throw that out there. That just hit me. I mean, I'm not ordering you know, you to do it.

I'm just say maybe you are giving him ideas I'm giving.

You, guys, and you could possibly flip it a reverse it and use it on her so that she doesn't even have to do it.

That seems.

I don't know.

I saw it and I was like this needs like this is good. Whoever thought this up? Like, I just thought this was going to be helpful for so many couples that have hit Not that you guys have hit a stale place in your relationship, but I.

Just had a kid, So that's that's a you hit it. You hit a wall for sure.

What Okay, what's that? What's the what is that? What is the wall that you hit?

You just you become like kind of like farm hands in your own home, and you just sort of are like you're just like doing tasks all day and then by the time you're done, you're both just like, oh got like the most sexual thing you can think of is lying in bed without anyone touching you, because truly, there's just someone pulling your hair out all day.

Yeah.

I think I got like Rosebud went through so much, like her body changed so much, and then she had to literally get her organs moved around to get the baby out, and I was kind of like, I don't think she wants anybody touching her for a while, and so I kind of took that as my guiding principles for the first four months.

Yeah, it was about four months before I was ready to like, let's get into it.

Let's get the party started again. Well, that's very respectful and necessary for men to actually understand what happens to a woman's body and her insides, because yeah, anyone who has a baby isn't a horny right who has just had a baby.

Yeah, yeah, I mean.

I guess there's women that are, but I'm like, but are there. I'm just like, if they are, I wish they'd keep it to themselves.

That's right, because it's a downer and it's not fair to give men that kind of idea.

Yes, right, yes, exactly.

I do kind of wish I was the kind of man that didn't care, you know what I mean. I think I would like to be.

Because it's like alpha fantasy.

Yeah yeah, right, Like you.

Know, I work on Wall Street and I check in with her once in a while about her days, and then I cheat on her with someone.

Yeah, but he doesn't listen to anything I say. He wants to be that man, but he's not.

Well, you guys have different even though you have a lot in common, you have different personality types. Very you like to plan shit, and you don't want anything to do with planning.

No, I don't want to.

I don't either.

I don't neurologically opposed to it.

I don't like any logistical talk. Yes, I don't want to look on a map and I don't want to plan where we're going. I don't want you to tell me where to be. And then I'll bring a fucking funny personality or whatever. It'll be upbeat.

Yeah.

No, I'll bring the party and you can bring the map. Yeah, that's how I feel. But is this a point of contention ever?

Like, does it ever escalate into a fight because your planning becomes so annoying to her?

Well, the the problem is is that Rosebud doesn't plan anything. And then you know, I have an entire life over here.

At one Wall Street.

Is that the wry Yeah, I work at the Patriot Center and the head of four X there. But no, I mean, like, you know, we have different schedules and then like I'll try to do something where it's like, hey, would you like to do something as married people? And she I have to coordinate that because her schedule's so busy and she gets so annoyed by just the asking of it, to where.

I'm like, all right, I'm not going to plan anything anymore.

Yeah, and then and then I'm like, where are we going on dates?

Yeah?

Yeah? It does.

It bothers me. I wish I wasn't like this. I do try to like take a deep breath now.

It gets so easily irritated.

By the way I do get freely irritated. I know exactly what you mean, not even it doesn't even make sense. It's not even at him. It's like anyone in my life that asks me like, hey, what do you have this weekend of this month in this year, and I just immediately shut down.

I'm like, I don't even want to talk to you anymore.

I agree. I don't like when people ask me in advance for things. It's like, who fucking knows? I could be dead by that. You know, it hit me back on, say back on the Tuesday.

Before the Wednesday, and I'll let you know, right I could be in the hospital.

So with those things, can't you just go into her calendar and schedule a dinner and put it in there sometimes?

But isn't that it's not always there.

But I'm more like, I want to do something for a week in the summer, you know what I mean? Like that, like, and I know that Rosebud's going to fill the entire calendar with work if she can, so I have to be like, can we do this?

And she usually now.

Will go like, Okay, I'm not going to do anything for these two weeks or something like that, And so that's my That.

Was kind of like your Christmas trip that you had planned for Rosebud's birthday that she canceled, which was for you because you like skiing. You guys were coming, and then she pulled out and was like, no, no, I don't like these plans for you.

Yeah, yeah, that was true. That was actually a rare occasion though where Andy was like, a WEE can cancel? Was he was disappointed, but he wasn't like I could tell he was as overwhelmed as I was.

Well, traveling with a baby is fucking up.

It was absolutely, I mean, we had done it all summer, and I was like, we went from being like the most dignified people in the airport to being just everything on our backs, like like squatting in a corner feeding her.

Like.

It was just it was crazy to me how the stuff that I used to judge parents for in the airport. I was like, oh, this is an unavoidable reality of just like moving around with a baby. Yeah, And I was like, this is I told myself I will never I would be pregnant. It was like seven months pregnant walking by these one and being like not me, and it fully was. It was just disgusting.

I was like, because I love Whistler, That's what the first place I ever skied when I was two years old, So I was super excited. And then the idea of getting on the plane with the baby, I was like, I don't ever need to travel again.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think it beat us down.

And that's all for this week with Rosebud and Andy. Tune in next time as we continue couples counseling at Chelsea. You can check out Rosebud and Andy's podcast. It's called