Minisode: Offed in Bermuda with Rosebud Baker and Andy Haynes

Welcome back to a couple's Counseling with Chelsea.

I am here with my friends Rosebud Baker and her husband Andy Haynes.

Hi.

Rosebud and Andy, thank you for being here today as a couple. So as you have gotten to spend all these years together. How many years have you been together?

Now?

Five?

It'll be five.

Yeah, that's not even not really long of a time.

But within the five years, do you think that your performance within the relationship has improved? Learning to get to know somebody, meeting someone else's needs, Like, how do you think that you have changed from the beginning of the relationship to now.

I think in the beginning of our relationship, I genuinely had no idea how to be a partner to someone.

You're nodding, Andy.

She was never like a not compassion now, but when I first started dating rosebudg she was like a fairal child.

She was.

You would go into her cupboards and there would be like a half eaten open box of saltines and an empty Tabasco sauce and that was her entire pantry. Like she was at home, I was on the road, and you know, she just was.

She had like one towel. You know. It was like very it was just a very different person.

Yeah, but I was always I always decorated. Well, let's just say that.

And do you think you had a big hand and not changing her personality, but where her relationship her ability to be within a relationship is. Now, do you feel like you had a big hand in that.

I think I probably changed what she thought she needed out of a relationship maybe, or like maybe I changed like the type of partner she thought she needed. Is because I don't think I'm her type. If you go back to twenty nineteen and you're like pick a guy out of a lineup, I don't think I'm I think I'm like in the waiting room, you know, and I'm number seven, you know. But I think that really changed a lot because Rosebud's can I can I say this?

I went to it's like hugging a ghost.

Yeah.

I went on a trip with him to the Bahamas, and I was like, partially like does Rosebud want a divorce and they're just going to an accident's going to happen, Like.

That's the full time.

I was like, just divorce me, like I won't fight you, Like you don't have to have me killed in the Bahamas.

Yeah.

If anything, you've learned how to be less trusting in a good way.

Yeah, just by being a part of my family.

Yes, I want to be now that I've gotten a little taste of it. And also it's trusting or more trusting less I want to be. So I want to be. I want to be like one of the characters from HBO's industry. I want to be just a cold blooded capitalist. I would love it.

What impact do you think you've had on Andy since you've been married and now that you have a kid that.

I think Andy's learned how to kind of go okay, My feelings aren't necessarily the facts I get. I can get through this day by just like planning ahead and getting what I need to get done done, and I can deal with my emotions later. And I think I don't even know if that's healthy, but it seems like it's balanced him out.

A little bit.

Well, yeah, I mean it sounds healthy.

I mean if you have an emotional reaction to everything, that's not conducive to being like and even imbalanced, because there's a time and a place for those kinds of emotions, just like there's a time and a place for certain conversations, right, Yeah, So like, yeah, you want to be able to mitigate

Know that is like you can have a reaction to that. But I hear a.

Big change for us, Like when you had it was like earlier this summer when he was going through all of that. I that was like a big way up call for me where I was like, oh, I got to be a better partner about Like. Also, I don't like sick people. It's not it's not I don't like I get upset around sickness and I get up.

I feel, yes, it feels to me.

I'm like, I I don't really afford myself it seems like a luxury. And of course there's I'm not talking about people who are like, you know, deathly ill, or people who are like what's the word when they're it never stops, yes, whatever, But I'm talking about just like the flu or like with a.

Guy a few weeks ago that I'm sleeping with who limped. Yeah, I went to dinner and he had and I was like, what's wrong with your leg? Why are you why limping? Yeah, it's like on my knee. I'm like, no, no, no, I think.

There's something like animal in us where we want them to be put down.

Yeah, got to leave.

The pack, right.

Yeah.

I've always felt that about certain men, certain men where I was like, you're because I'm like, I'm kind of a pussy.

I'm a huge pussy in a.

Lot of ways we've gotten but I also could survive like for a month in the woods without any help, you know.

Like it's a weird obviously very bright.

Yeah, but also I'm like I was raised in this like wilderness and kind of outdoorsy and all that stuff like that, And so I think I still have this thing where like if I meet a guy and I'm like, you're pathetic, you know, like I have this weird animal thing where I'm like, we got to kill him, we gotta He's going to slow us down and we're gonna miss the winter.

We're not gonna be able to get over that pass.

And that's what happened to me when you had your ulcer. I know, so you understand. Yeah, but I did realize I need to be a better partner.

But I'll say it good.

Yeah, I do think that the biggest thing that I learned in the relationship recently is that I have to keep certain things for certain people.

Like I.

I do think like you can't go full don Draper and have like another family, but you can go like I'm going through all this stuff and I'm not going to bring it to my wife or my kid or like the dinner table.

Well, the first thing is we don't eat at the dinner table.

But also so I'm so sick of the dinner table, Like who wants to sit down and have a full dinner every night.

I want to eat on the sofa. I want to eat on the floor. I don't want the formality, Like I don't like that. I don't want to style to me.

Yeah, it does We went to her grandpa's house in March and had like a big sit down dinner and all the people came and brought the food.

And I was like, this is you know, this is how it should be. Yeah, like a Sunday Road you want to be?

You want to be a Kennedy is basically what?

Oh man?

And do you see how dysfunctional that family is?

Bring me on? I love it. I'm already.

You mentioned early before that Rosebud is the bread winner.

So how as a modern man does that impact your your feelings out the relationship? Is that something that you've ever had to struggle with? Does that bother you? Did it bother you?

I definitely had to get used to it because there's kind of you might know this because you've been in relationships where you can be in a relationship where you're both kind of doing something and then all of a sudden, one person's doing this. And there was this feeling when she started to get a bunch of stuff where it was like should.

We like be together?

Like you're not going to bring me on red carpets? Like a feeling like that, like should we even be together because you're doing so well? And it was like all insecurity, and then I think I've gotten used to it, you know, like I I think that it ebbs and flows, and I think there'll be times where I'm probably doing a lot and she wants to not do as much. But she also, I mean, she's so much better at making eye contact and being personable, So maybe.

Not, you know, but I haven't noticed your eye contact issue yet.

Maybe you're I'm working on actively.

I during what we're discussing, like your burgeoning success, like having it happen in the beginning, How did that make you feel to see him feel that way?

I expected it a little bit, And just to be clear, like I don't I haven't achieved like anything that I actually want to achieve yet, Like I mean, I've achieved more than I thought I would at the beginning, but this I don't even have a Netflix special out yet, you know what I mean. So it was kind of like it was good that we went through this early because I was like, it's good to just get these

Then that's good.

But there was a part of me that got really upset and got really defensive. You know, there was a defensiveness about just feminism on a feminism level, you know, like this would never be a conversation if you were doing better than me.

Yeah, never be it.

But then I thought about it, and I was like, there have been comics that I've dated that we're doing better than me, and I did have those same feelings. So I was like, this is more about like us both being comedians than it is about men and women. And I think at the end of the day, that's just something that we have to We just got to support each other through it and like be there for each other through it.

Yeah. I think airing out that kind of stuff is so important because the longer you ignore a problem, you know, the bigger it gets. Kinds if you're being dishonest about that and you're not being honest about your insecurities and labeling them, Like we're all insecure and it's impossible not to be envious of someone achieving something that you haven't yet achieved.

Yeah, So denying that is.

More problematic than actually exposing those feelings.

Yeah, and I won't deny that.

It like a lot of it came from like being a man, you know, Like I was like, I want her to design the living room, and I just want to write a blank check because I make that kind of money and I provide for my family.

And there was a lot of that that I wanted.

And also there was like a competitiveness in comedy, right, Like we're both comics, and I'm so progressive.

I get jealous of women.

Comics too, But you know, it was like, wow, she's like doing a lot of the stuff that I want to do. And so that was like it was all insecurity, and I think we it was like bumpy, but we like navigated it pretty well to like a place where

Well, it's interesting though, because you're saying it comes down to you guys being comedians, and you're saying a.

Little bit of both, because I'm wondering if she were.

Saying a little bit of both too.

Yeah, yeah, because like if you were in the financial world and crushing it financially, would that have had the same impact on you?

Right?

So it is more I.

Think about being comedians and being in the same business because that's just naturally competitive.

Yeah, it is, And I think but he did.

He was like, I remember when my first day at SNL, I came home and Andy had this big sign up that's in congratulations, you know, and he was like waiting for me and was excited when I got home, and I was like, and I knew how he felt, you know. So the fact that he was able to do that and kind of like rise above it meant so much to me because I I'm like, you didn't even have to do that, you know.

Yeah, And that's all for this week with Rosebud and Andy tune in next time as we continue couples counseling with Chelsea. You can check out Rosebud and Andy's podcast, It's called

Rosebud will be taping her.

New special on September sixteenth in New York at the Village Underground and you can get tickets to this and more of her dates at rosebud Baker dot com and you can find her on Instagram and TikTok at rosebud Baker. Upcoming shows that I have. I'm coming to Texas, I'm coming to Saint Louis in Kansas City, and then I will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater

Okay,