Minisode: Both Ends with Chelsea + Catherine

Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.

How are you well?

I almost died this weekend? Oh my god, A couple of times.

What happened? Well?

I had a whirlwind weekend, A whirlwind week I went to New York. I shot an ad campaign that I'm pretty excited about, had a couple of fun nights out, very innocent as usual, always innocent with me, you know. Of course, I saw lots of friends. It was really joyful. Then I flew to Vegas. I had to show my show at the Cosmo. I had about seventeen twenty friends that came out for that, all Randos, some from Martha's Vineyards, some from la some from Vermont, some from Portland, some from England.

We all went out. That was not an innocent night. We went out.

That's in Vegas, of course.

It was one of my favorite shows so far in Vegas. I love this residency. It's been so joyful. And you know, I'm not that.

Big of a fan of Vegas, I have to be honest. But when they offered it, he said it was the Chelsea Theater at the you know, I just can't have yes. Yeah, And it's turned into such a fun thing because so many of my friends come out and we gambled after And you know, when I gamble, I give everyone money because I don't want anyone to think that they have to gamble. I just want them. I want them to know they do have to gamble, but they're going to gamble with my money.

We all won. We all won money.

I walked away with eleven hundred dollars of my own money.

Fabulous.

And then we went out dancing. This was a mistake.

We went out dancing till four o'clock in the morning, and then I got home at four. My friend Sophie got into my bed with me, and at around five forty five am, my cousin Molly walked in and said, it's time to get in the car. Your flight back to Vancouver is at seven forty and I said, yes, I was aware of this, but of course had you know? I was asleep. So I got up, I went in the car. I flew to Vegas. I mean sorry, I

Yeah, begging. I got home.

The woman with the police officer was very nice. She gave me a reduction for absolutely no reason. I don't know if you think she knew who I was. And I got home, I fell asleep.

I was like, let me.

My friends were staying at my house that live in Vancouver. Sometimes friends come up for the weekend and stay here when I'm out here. And I said, They said, okay, well we'll leave you alone.

You're tired.

I said, no, no, I just need a couple of hours of sleep and then we can all go to dinner at sushi.

I had a couple hours of sleep. I woke up. I didn't feel great, obviously, but I felt.

Like okay, like jet laggy, tired, not jet laggy, just hungover, but like I could rally.

It's just yeah.

I got home from sushi, probably one of the best meals I've ever had, at two o'clock in the morning.

I was like, something's off.

And you know when you're feeling nauseated and you go to your right and then you go to your left, anything but your back right.

Yeah, And then from two am to.

Nine am, no, I vomited probably sixteen times, had explosive diarrhea, not only in the toilet. I was so sick and I and my friend Yanica was in my bedroom and her son Calvin was there too. Calvin you could check out on my Instagram. He's always represented. He's fourteen. And I was.

I was so sick.

I haven't had food poisoning in years, and I haven't thrown up in years.

I mean the cramps, the fever, the chills, the diarrhea, the vomiting.

I thought I was gonna have to go to the hospital, and then yeah, what's that the Whistler Hospital, Like it's like a clinic.

I'm like, they're not gonna be able to even save me.

They're there for like ankle breaks and stuff exactly.

And I couldn't even bring myself to call for yanica. That's how weak I write.

Yeah.

So finally, like it's I was up from two to nine am. Finally when I heard her, I was like, Yanna ka And she came and She's like, oh my god, oh my god. I'm like, oh my god, I need an IV, I need an ivy. My kidneys were like throbbing, throbbing, throbbing. This was yesterday morning, and I was in such Finally I would take a sip of ginger ale and just throw it up thirty yea, so thirsty that I was like I have to just like like switch it around my mouth at least like something.

And then finally I was like, can you g just is there are there are there any cokes upstairs? Are there any cokes?

And and she got brought me a coke and then everything changed. I stopped throwing it brought you back to life. It just made me no, not to life. I'm still not back to life. I mean, I feel like somebody took two sling shots and shot them right into my kidneys.

Oh my god, I got a.

Leader IV last night bed the nurse came over my friend's in Whistler. Somebody, my doctor friend got me an ivy bag and I mean I couldn't move. I couldn't I can't even stand upstream yet because my kidneys are so shot.

Oh my god. And this was like two days ago. This was Saturday.

This was Saturday night.

God, and we're recording on Monday. That is nuts. Oh my god.

I honestly, that really through me. I've never been that sick.

Oh my god. Do you think it was the sushi or was it something marinating from Ashi?

Because I looked up I goause they didn't get sick, and I was like, is there how do you know the difference between a twenty four hour virus, yeah, and food poisoning. And when I looked it up on the internet, They're like, there is no such thing as a twenty four hour food virus. Like twenty four hour virus, Like no virus goes in and out of your body in twenty four hours, Right, it's food poisoning. I mean I felt like I was being attacked.

Truly, Like it's like that moment where you're laying on the floor of the bathroom just to feel something cool against your face, and like, I don't know about you, but when I'm that sick and it's coming out of all ends. I'm just like usually naked because you're like sweating but you're shivering.

Oh yeah, my bra was over my boobs, Like the under part of my boobs was like completely out, and my bra had like slipped up from throwing up so much in the toilet. Yeah, and then having to turn around when it was coming out of my butt and then going into the waste basket. I had a waste basket. You held a vomit next to my bed. I mean, it was the most disgusting night of my life.

You know what? You actually bring up one of the major like disagreements in my marriage, which is I say that when you're sick and you have to vomit for one out blown see, I actually want someone to pat my back. But like the it's the waste basket of it all, because Brad is like, we'll just make it to the toilet, Like you can't always make it to the toilet.

You can't always make it to the toilet. I just gave up at some point and brought the waste basket out towards my bed, which is actually something I've never done because I used to.

Seve to to do that too.

Wearing it, like bringing it to the getting to the toilet, Like I've never not made it to the toilet, but this one was like I was too weak to keep getting up and going to the toilet.

Now I had to have my ba my thing.

But the muscles that you use to contract to vomit when you're throwing up bile.

I mean, this is just getting everyone off to a great week.

I just hopefully this is on a Monday or whenever we drop our minisodes, but I want this is a journal entry.

Oh my god, I'm so sorry you got so sick. Or have you even eaten anything since then?

Or had a bagel this morning with some butter, But I hadn't eaten anything yesterday. I got my V I'm getting another IV as soon as I get home tonight.

And my life is insane.

I mean, obviously, if I hadn't been out till four o'clock in the morning, I doubt that food poisoning would have been as.

Bad as it was.

Had the choke hold it did on you.

I wouldn't have been so already in a state of dehydration and like, you know, weakness, But you know, I'll never learn. My life is constantly just one big shit show.

Oh my god, I'm so glad you're on the mend and I'm so sorry that absolutely sucks.

Thank you.

An update.

I decided to leave Doug in Canada because he's so happy here.

Everyone who sends me these pictures. My friend Cynthia has him.

She goes on runs through the woods in the forest and bike rides through the woods and forest, and Doug just follows her. And I was like, you know what, it's nicer to leave him here than to bring him back to Ma Bell's apartment where she doesn't have air conditioning. And he's going to be when I go to Europe on all of my tours. So I was like, is there any way you would want to keep Doug until I get back from Europe?

And she was like absolutely, So he's going to.

Stay, like for a little bit of the summer while you're.

He's going to stay. He's going to stay for the month of June.

Yeah, June.

This was your happy place. Turns out it's your sons happy.

Place as well. I love my baby so much.

Yeah, he's such a good boy.

And you know what was cute.

He was coming up on the bed trying to check on me yesterday when my friend Yonica came in, but I didn't even have the strength of pet him, you know. Yeah, and he was like sniffing around because he was like, why does it smell like vomit and diarrhea? And here does she smell so bad? And I was just like I can't. She's like, Doug, come on, come on, and he was trying to check on me. It was really cute. But yes, anyway, I'll be in Vegas. The next date

I'm coming. Go to Chelsea Hendler dot com for all other dates in Europe.

Yeah, and for that July fifth date, Yaminika, we just recorded with her that won't be out yet by the time this comes out, but she's so hysterical. You two have a hilarious rapport, so it's going to be a super super good time. Yeah.

Yeah, she's pretty ridiculous.

Yeah, and we'll hopefully have her on some upcoming minisodes too. Yeah.

Okay, thanks for listening, guys, We'll see you later. Do Do Do Do Do Do, drum roll Catherine please And abroad broad is my European tour.

So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad.

I need to get the health out of this fucking country. And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm coming to the UK. I'm coming to.

Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May and June.

I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona and Lisbon. I'm coming abroad is abroad.

That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad.

I know I want to go see me abroad and there all be there, all be excellent. Okay. My remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth.

We will be the next.

Date that I'm there, July fifth, August thirtieth, and then November one and twenty ninth. November first and November twenty ninth, I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.

It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay, thank you.

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine law And be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.