Welcome back to a couple's Counseling with Chelsea.
I am here with my friends Rosebud Baker and her husband Andy Haynes.
Hi.
Rosebud and Andy, thank you for being here today as a couple.
So tell me how having the baby has impacted your relationship in terms of what have you learned about each other that you didn't know before, Like you don't know what kind of parents somebody else is going to be.
That's so funny because we were talking about that last night.
Yeah, what were you saying, Well, I'm really surprised because Rosebud can kind of be a hard ass, you know, she can kind of be like vaping and telling you you suck, you know, from the sidelines, but you know.
She's just and then also she's like the business acumen.
You know, she knows how to navigate and she's like very punctual about that kind of stuff. And then with the baby, she just has this whole thing where she drops that whole facade and she's very sweet, probably to an embarrassing point where you you know, sing Miss Rachel songs to her while making funny faces.
I didn't think that she would have that switch in her.
Yeah, I would say, I was, I can see that from your socials and everything.
Since you've had the child, your baby, the child.
Yeah, the child, let's call her the child, like she's been inhabited by a ghost, yeah, or like she's a child, an omens child.
You've definitely become like a softer version of yourself, which is great, and yeah, that's what you want to happen when you have a baby, not become.
Harder right now, that would be that would be concerning.
But also I watch Andy and I'm like, I was a little concerned with Andy before I had the baby because I was like, he doesn't make a lot of eye contact, you know. He had to be like reminded to look at me during our wedding vows, like more than three times. So I was like, is he gonna make eye contact? Is he going to smile at the baby? And he has ended up being the most caring, compassionate, Like he's very attuned to her in a way that I know for sure my dad wasn't attuned to me.
So watching him with her has been like a life changing experience, and like watching him become a dad has been awesome because he's so and he's also like very I mean, he can be a little anxious, but I'm sort of like, if I feel like anything bad is happening, sometimes I shut down and I go like, it's not happening, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. He'll be like, hey, we got to take her to the doctor, you know what I mean, Like, let's just check this out just
in case. And like I've learned to like whatever it is that he's worried about, I'll just like listen to him, and he's just in tune with her.
It sounds like you have a maternal instinct.
I mean I was around a lot of women growing up, and he said that, yeah, I think I was lacking the paternal My dad's great, but I was.
You know, it was all women growing up. But one thing that's funny and your gay uncles.
Yes, some gay men. But Rosebud also has this weird thing where she will become She'll be like, we need to start planning her preschool entrance exam, and I'm like, you don't want to plan anything. And all of a sudden, she's like, do we know where she's going to go to college? And I'm like, where did that come from?
You?
Don't you know, like I do panic about that kind of shit.
I could also relate to that because it's you know, you have a baby, and then there's all these other things that go along with it, right and future planning. So for someone who doesn't like that, you would I do panic because you're like, Andy, you better make a fucking plan, right.
I'm like, what have you filled out any paperwork? I'm like, I haven't filled out paperwork. I'm not going to.
I've done very little planning in that. I'm a I'm a plan for fun, not a plan for Yeah, isn't that nice?
What about the nursery?
Did he help you decorate the nursery because I know you're opposed to his decoration.
No, I don't want him to intervene at all with any sort of decor ideas or any kind of he's If he even sends me a link to a couch, I'm like, get that out of my fucking phone.
I don't like men's.
Decore ideas, input, input in my apartment, in my living space.
And I know we live together, so I apologize.
I know it's not fair, but I feel like most of what they contribute is just like gadgets, and then you have just a fucking house full of gadgets. You know, it's just there's wires everywhere. He bought this fucking disgustingly ugly.
Can I talk about this?
What is it?
The shower thing? Oh?
That I mean that was so it's awful. That was simply because of last week. I bought it on a whim.
It was.
It's so bad I tried using it that our kid fell over it.
It's a hose to the shower head, that's it.
Why would you ever need that the showerhead is a hose?
No, because our shower head does not come off.
And our baby last week had this like weird sickness where she had like a virus in her poop, and so I tried to wash her butt off in the bath, but it just I.
Came in and he was in a bath with her. There's shit in the water. It was like her asshole losing her ass.
And I was like, I don't have any kind of like it doesn't come off the wall, So I'm just like doing this with the bath water, and then I'm just standing in her ship, which is full of a disease.
Instead of being like instead of being like, I'm never gonna do that again. He was like, let me buy a hose, so but if I do this again, which I'm like, why would you ever?
It was pretty fun until the baby fell over.
It sucked. It's ugly. It's like bright. It's like that color blue, but it's.
Not supposed to be permanent. You just put it on when you spray the baby off color.
I want to clarify this. The thing that used to annoy me about this design thing. I've totally seeded to her decision, mainly because she has the money. But I used to be like a big furniture guy, you know what I mean. Like I loved like Emes and Brunum of Bruno Mars his chairs. But I used to like flip Old mid century furniture, and I love design and architecture and all that stuff. And so I was like excited,
and I didn't even care that much. It was just that Rosebud was like, you don't get to say anything, and I was like but, and she was like, don't talk to me about our apartment. And I was like but, and she's really good at it, So I'm not mad.
It's nice that you've seed it, even with your interest in those things that you just mentioned. It's nice and mask for you to go fine, she obviously cares more about it. I'm not gonna do anything and just let her fucking dominate in that area.
Yeah, if there's a chair I need you to flip, I'll fucking get that chair and I'll be like, hey, can you flip it?
What is the biggest fight you've had over parenting?
Oh?
Can you remember?
It was probably something I was anxious about.
Yeah, do you have any anxiety?
Roastbud?
Probably, But I don't. I sort of shut down and get through it. Like my reaction to my own anxiety is like be reasonable. Like there's like my dad's voice in my head that's like, be reasonable, find a solution, do the thing you have to do, and then deal with the feelings afterwards.
So with parenting, if Andy.
Has like an emotional reaction to something which is perfectly normal, I'll get upset that he gets to feel a certain way and I don't. But truth be told, Like this is all a story that I'm telling myself, do you know what I mean? Where it's like I could have an emotional reaction You've just been trained not But I've just been.
Trained not to.
So when I see him having the freedom to express himself emotionally, I get upset and I go like, you.
Can't do that.
But I'm also like a little much like I'll give her that that I pushed a little too far because I'm like, I don't go like you're being crazy.
I just go like, this is awful.
Like the baby got this rash that's like a staph infection back in January.
We took her to Florida.
First mistake, Yeah, that's like And then we came back and she was just covered in this rash that she looked like she was just gonna wilt and die.
It was just just she didn't look like she was gonna die.
She looked disgusting.
She looked disgusting.
Yeah, And I.
Was freaking out, and the pediatrician kept on being like all pediatricians, they can't say like a certain thing, so they'll be like, yeah, she should be fine, and You're like could it get worse and they're like, ah, probably not.
Well she looks awful right now. And so I yelled at the pediatrician and then Rosie was like, we're getting a nanny after that.
Yeah, yeah, because Andy was home with the baby while I was while I went back to work.
So I was like, we're getting a nanny. You need to call him.
Down for Andy. You got a nanny? Yeah, yeah, just how is that going?
It's great, I'll over.
She changes his diapers.
Yeah. Yeah, she's Filipina. She makes me Filipino food vegan versions.
Well I probably know her then.
Yeah, So what was the biggest fight was something about that was like his reaction. It was like, yeah, it was like not being compassionate to his reaction.
Yes, and I'll be like, you're being dramatic when really he's just being himself more freely than I'm able to be.
But it does upset me.
One time I walked in on him like googling pancreatic cancer and I was like, I'm I'm calling a lawyer.
Yeah.
Well, I had an ulcer this summer and nobody knew what it was, so I was pretty sure I was dying and that was a big We had a couple fights throughout that that was really stressful.
Because she didn't take you seriously.
Nobody was really like worried about it, even though I was like, no, like, my organ's hurt when your organs start hurting, You're like, this is it? You know, like, I think that's a pretty common feeling. Yeah, And everybody was like, what are you talking about? You're fine, and I was like, no, something's wrong. And then Rosebud was like, you're ruining our time together so with your ulcer, with your.
Organs, which is like I feel.
Even as I was getting mad at him, I was like, I'm probably making it worse.
Like I was like, I'm probably adding to the lester.
I know.
Well, I mean it seems like a lot of people who have anxiety would get ulcers, don't they. I mean, isn't that common because you're stressed out? Yes, a definite cause.
I don't know.
I'd never had anything like this before. And I don't know if i'd been this anxious before the baby. I don't think I had.
Now you weren't.
When the baby came along, it was like a whole.
New really life.
Yeah.
I was very much like i'd get like hypochondria about myself, but I didn't really care too much. And I've always been very spontaneous and kind of like I'm not scared of anything danger wise either. That's another thing, like I'm scared if like my toe gets infected. But if you give me like a forty foot cliff to jump off into water, like, I won't hesitate at all.
Yeah.
Oh that's interesting.
Yeah, he'll go wade in a dirty lake.
Yeah.
Oh it's almost like you have no fear, but you have anxiety.
Yeah.
Interesting, Like I used to when I was a skier, you know, and my joints all worked. I would like jump off cliffs and do flips and stuff like that.
That was like my teen years. Yeah, and then no, I'm broken, but it's obvious what happened.
And that's all for this week with Rosebud and Andy. Tune in next time as we continue couples counseling with Chelsea. You can check out Rosebudd and Andy's podcast. It's called Find Your Beach Andy. It will be on tour in Dallas, Oklahoma City, and Tulsa in September, Amsterdam on October twenty fifth, and then he has two dates in Milwaukee in December.
So check out his.
Instagram and TikTok at I'm Andy Haynes hay any Yes for tickets to those dates and for more, and you could find both Andy and Rosebud. On YouTube. Rosebud will be taping her new special on September sixteenth in New York at the Village Underground and you can get tickets to this and more of her dates at rosebud Baker dot com and you can find her on Instagram and TikTok at Rosebud Baker upcoming shows that I have.
I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint Louis and Kansas.
City, and then i will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York at the King's Theater on November eighth, and I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the year in December, so if you're in a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
Okay,