Manifesting a Good Time with Jamie Greenberg

a few. There's also some Floridian dates in there, since this will be my last year that I'm able to go inside the state of Florida. So check out Chelsea handler dot com for more stand up dates for my Vaccinated in Horny Tour. These are my last dates. Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea. Hi. How's it going. Oh, it's going so well. I'm so excited for our guest today. I know I'm excited for her too. She's a real piece of work. I just want you to know that I saw I

went way all watching yesterday, which was I did. But I think next time it has to be a private affair. You know. I don't know why we get on these boats and then you're stuck on these boats for like four hours with a bunch of other people. We did see an orca and we saw a humpback and that was really really cool. Yeah, but yeah, they're they're too long. Everybody's every I find all activities to be one hour

too long. Like everything needs to be condensed, you know, Like I don't want to be out on a boat for three and a half hours. I want to be out on the boat for two and a half hours. Yeah, that feels about right. My only question is like, you've got to have time enough to find those whales. I

guess right, Well, they're all there. They're all there because in this season, I mean, they guarantee a site a whale sighting, and yeah they did, and we we saw one, like within twenty minutes, we saw a huge humpback that was playing with the log. It was so cute. I mean if I were in the water and I saw a humpback swimming towards me, I think I would pass out from the sheer. Well. I mean, they are so massive. The orcas are not as big as I thought they were,

but not that I'm in the water with them. But you know, those humpbacks are just and the gray whales are so big. Oh they're so beautiful, because that's the only thing we're used to seeing, right, is those orcas that are at you know, sea World, and those poor things when you see them out in the free ocean, swimming wherever the funk they feel like it, and then you see them stuck. I mean, no wonder orcas are killing people inside zoos or whatever the marine parks, right,

But apparently orcas are like horrible assholes. I you know, I don't smoke a lot of pop, but when I do, I like to put on what I call ocean show, which is you know, nature ocean documentaries. And I saw one and it was like, these orcas just like bombarded a nice other whale and her baby and killed the baby, drowned it, baby beluga. They drowned baby beluga and then they just left it like it wasn't even for eating, it was for sports. Yet they're the top of the

food chain. Yeah they're mean. I mean that's because they're at the top of the food chain. They didn't get there by accident. But yeah, that's really horrifying to kill your little baby. Because whales have emotions, you know, they're like highly emotional, so if they lose like a family member. Remember there was that whale. It was like kind of recently, but I have no sense of time, so it could have been six years ago or six months, but that

was she lost her baby. Her baby died. She had just stated it for like eighteen months, and then the baby was born and she swam around with it for months because she was mourning the loss of it. Right exactly, this is what Orca's are doing. She should have called into the podcast. We are going to take a quick break so you can hear and add and then we'll be right back. Let's move on to our guest. Her

name is Jamie Greenberg. She's my personal makeup artist. She travels with me a lot around the country, sometimes on tour, sometimes for other stuff. We're very good friends. And she likes to show me her ass, her boobs. Actually I've never seen her Pikachu, and I would like to say thank you for the hello, Jamie. Jamie's my makeup artist, and she is a mother of three children, and she has a husband. His name is Josh Hi Josh. He

just celebrated his sixty five birthday. Now, yeah, anyway, Jamie has been an absenteem mother for the last six months. I have no friends who are parents who are with their children less than Jamie Greenberg. But when she is with them, she is on the sidelines of a softball game, fucking screaming and yelling like a lunatic. Because she's one of those parents. I am a softball mom, and I will cut a bit or pop attire and her son.

Tell the quick story about your son when he didn't want to play with the extra basketball the like the game when he they asked him to play with the better team. Her sons seven. Okay, he's seven, and he started basketball and he was pretty good. He's showing promise. My husband was an athlete. I was an athlete. He starts dribbling and one of the coaches says, can he stay and play with us with the older kids. Meanwhile, he's seven. In the old kids were eight. You don't

have to suck on the microphone. Okay. I haven't seen my husband in a while, either, Okay, okay, because that's what you're doing when you go home, I'm sure exactly born again. Okay. So the coach comes over and I'm like, oh yeah, he'll play. I just automatically, you know, offer him up, and he starts crying and he's like, I don't I don't want to play. I'm scared, Like he was nervous that the older kids were going to play with him and he just didn't want to do it.

And I was like, you will get over and you will go, and this is what you're gonna do because you're gonna get a scholarship and I'm not paying for your college education, so you better get in there. A little seven year old and she's telling me this story and then she goes, and then Josh stormed out right and through the uniform at the garbage. Oh that story. That was another story. Oh that was the same day

we went and played Wreck. So this is a travel team for those of you out there who knows sports travels very serious. And then Wreck, anyone with a pulse can play, right, you just have to be in the age group. So we signed him up for that. When we get there and there's no rules, like you can run with the ball, you can triple dribble. It was like a whole new sport genre. It wasn't basketball. So I'm like yelling at the ref like, hey, you're gonna call it a double dribble guy, and he's like nope,

just keeps ignoring me. I'm like, hey, that that guy. You can't do that. You can't you know, run ten steps with the ball, like you know, like this is not basketball. I don't know what this is, but it's some bullshit. And in Sino, California and they were like, no, the kids are just having fun. I'm like, they're not four, there seven and we're on a mission here. So Josh took the uniform and threw it in the trash can and the coach was like, what are you doing? And

then I came out. I'm like, you shouldn't throw away the wreck, you know, the wreck. They don't have any money, so I was like get I fished it out and gave it to the guy, but I'm like, we're done here. And that's Jamie Greenberg. Everybody. She's a celebrity makeup artist. That's how she introduces herself on her Instagram. You have to follow her on Instagram Jamie Makeup at Jamie Makeup, Jamie Makeup, and she has all these great products that

I use. Bl Lighter, which is a splosh that you could use his eyeshadow, you could use it on your lips. And then she has bloss and I think everything in her product line she start with b L and she is not on board with that, right, bless you for saying that, But I don't know if that's such a good idea. I don't know. I mean, I know because everything was like like a hand job. You're right, you know what I mean. You can't just stop and then be like we're going to do something else. No, I

think you're right. I think let's talk about the third product when it comes to fruition, and you can help name it. But you can get those products at Jamie mckup and they're all light natural, like really nice organic. They're gluten free and gluten free and just really really quick. If you buy the clear one, I'm selling five of the Clear ones, which is the Bloss. It's a clear bloss bomb gloss. The first five hundred I'm giving a hundred percent of the proceeds to Plan Parenthood. Let me

be clear, be clear. We're starting to get other brands to be in this campaign. I just talked to Plan Parenthood this morning. Sister from my activist friend Chelsea Handler, how to get involved and stick up for what you believe in. And I'm sticking up for my vagina and my daughter's vagina and my son's vagina after that game. No, I'm just kidding. Jamie's so like I said, she's not. She's a latch key mother. She has been traveling with me. You came to New York with us, you came to Nashville,

then you went to Italy. I went to Italy and Mexico, Mexico with your family. That was a nice throw them a bone, take them to Mexico for a week, and then she went back on another trip on her own. These are all under the sub diffusion doing people's makeup work. But that's not what's happening, and I think that we could all be honest about that. No, it's exactly I mean.

I went, I did the bride in Italy. Yeah, so you were there for five days and you did one day of work, seven days and two days of work rehearsal, dinner, okay, and the wedding, and then with you, I don't even want my makeup away. I'm basically renting Jamie for her personality. She said to me on occasion that my makeup is subpar, but my personalities attend. Anyone can make it in Hollywood. You just have to have a good personality. Yeah, j

has the best personality. So Javie, let's talk a little bit about your attitude in life a little bit, because one of the things that I love about you so much is how positive and what a party bringer you are. And I know from personal experience that that could sometimes

be a burden because people are expecting a lot. Like I I went through a lot, like a phase where I was like very resentful of people expecting like, oh, Chelsea's coming, She's gonna be hilarious, and I'm like, funk off, you don't know what kind of what time a month that this is for me and what I'm doing or how you know what shape I'm in, And so I became resentful of that at a point in my life.

Do you feel pressured to pick up the situation when you walk into a room with clients or if you're working or with your family, like, for sure, Well the family gets the worst part of me, of course. Yeah. Well I just said that You're never right. Everybody knows. Yeah, Josh, if you're listening, I love you. Josh is actually calling in today. One caller, it's your husband again. Yes, I definitely think with maneuvering through my you know, business life.

I realized that when I brought positive vibes like it changed the room, the dynamic. You could get anybody in the room who's mad, angry and instead of taking it personally, because in the beginning of the career, I would be like, they don't like me, and I would go inside with it and then I'm like, no, they're just they're having their own ship and I'm gonna come in and I'm gonna like make everyone in this room have a good time. And that was like once I started doing that, like

I attracted the best clients you. I attracted just better things in my life I did. I manifested a good time. Who names some of your other clients CCO, Rashida Jones, Molly Shannon, Julie Bowen, Elizabeth, Elizabeth Moss, I've done her, Lizzie Kaplan Love, Lizzie Kaplan, Kristen Stress Store, like everybody, it's crazy. Yeah you yeah, you have a great client list, and that's not the skill that you just develop. Some people don't have big personalities, so you already had that person.

I mean when we were doing a show back East, I met like all of your friends from high school, not all of them, but a lot of them from growing up, like ten of them. And obviously like that dynamic was at play while you were growing up, because a lot of people I don't think could just all of a sudden become the person in the room that makes everybody happy, you know. And I'm sure you were like that because we talked about sometimes when you were growing up, like you always had your point of view.

I always had my point of view whether I was playing soccer, whether I was dancing, whatever I did, I had fun with it. And I feel like my mom was like that. My dad was always working, so that's where I get the travel part from in my in my life. But no, sorry, dad, he won't listen. But my mom was always like just so vibrant and everything she did, and so I think it just seeped into me and everything I do. I try to be positive, and I feel like it gets you really fall are

I feel like I feel like it has. Yeah, there are dividends. You know that it pays off in dividends when you are positive and you are upbeat, like the domino effect. It's like you're tipping over one domino that tips over fifteen other ones. You could say that too. It's like when you withhold I heard this analogy, I

think from a friend of mine recently. If you're upset with somebody and you don't say anything about it, you're letting a domino tip over in the wrong way, and you hold it, holds it, holds it, and then all the dominoes go down, and then no one said anything, and then there's a whole fucking mestical And then conversely, spreading joy and positivity is like tipping a domino in that direction, you know, and then everybody kind of falls in line, because when somebody's in a great mood, it's

hard to be a fucking bitch and it's hard to be an asshole when there's positive vibes. It's absolutely and I mean just think about it. Anywhere you go, there's always somebody who comes in. Like even I was just on the plane and one of the stores on the plane was like moonwalking and having like the best time. It was like six in the morning. Everyone just couldn't help but laugh. He like spread smiles on everybody, even though everybody was like shut up, but it's also like

thank you exactly. So yeah, I think it's so important because I also have like a true Gemini in the sense that like when I'm off, yeah, I just don't want to participate, like I I my friends also know like I won't go out or I won't show up if I don't feel like I have enough energy to be myself and be the best version of myself. Sometimes I'll go and then I end up having fun, but

I'm just if I'm not in the right mindset. It's it feels like you're going to get a cold or something if you go out, Like I'm just not committed to being myself and having fun, so I'll stay in and watch like tons of TV, which she introduced me to my very first episode of The Housewives of Dubai, which I was also your very first episode. So Jamie loves reality television and she can't get enough of it, and she tells me I'm at it all the time,

and my assistant also loves a housewife series. But which one is your favorite? Atlanta? I love Atlanta. I love Beverly Hills, New York, New Jersey. I mean, I love them all. I can't get enough. I really, and we're trying. I think you should be on the Real Housewives of Who's Who's My husbands? You have to be a housewife. No, you don't have to. You don't know. I mean, I mean, no, are they not married? Some of them aren't married. Yeah, that's funny. It is fun I never thought of that,

but yeah, we watched. We had to lay over. What city was at Chicago? I don't know what happened. Somehow we got on a connecting flight. First mistake, okay, we got weight laid, but we were all traveling together. There's a nice, big group of us, so it was like I didn't even care about that because we were all together. I thought, okay, fine, well this will be an economic trip. So we had to lay over I think four hours. They said the plane was going to be and we

were like fun. But then they put us in a private room in the lounge, you know, because of the celebrity and Housewives of Dubai was premiering. Yeah, and we got tons of Starbucks snacks. So so you guys and showing me and we were I was like, oh, the perfect opportunity for me. To get into this fucking show, because honestly, the amount of people that air in my life that watch The Housewives franchise, I feel like I'm missing Alan on something culturally because you can't relate. I

can't believe you don't watch it. Because if Recap with You could be another podcast, like, it would be amazing, I know, and I do feel like when people are talking about it, I'm like, funk, who's Felicia you know? Or whatever? And even when I did I've done some of the Housewives podcast and have had no idea that they were housewives. Like my publicist will be like, oh, you should do this podcast. It's really popular to promote something whatever, and I'll go on and then I'm like,

how do I know that woman? And They're like, well, she's a real housewife like garcel I did Garcela do? And then like she's on the Housewives. I was like, oh, she was on the reel as well. Yeah, and I love her and she lives near me. To be fair, she has had a lot of things she's for being a house yeah. And is she married Garcela? No? Oh? Was she married to someone someone else? Yeah? And the

men are never featured well, New Jersey. The men kind of like rule the school, like Frank and Melissa's husband Joe Gorga. And you know what I mean, do you watch it? I? You know what, I have watched only two seasons's watching the Kardashians. She's re watching the Kardashians. I did watch the Utah One though. The first season of The Utah One, I was into that. Oh yeah, that one was good. The second season is great. Yeah, my friend works on that show. That's a great franchise.

Anything moremon adjacent. But Dubai was a bomb. It was not good. What's the word? So? I had subsequent episodes of Dubaibe be any better. I haven't watched anymore that that turned me off so bad. Like that room we were sitting in, it might have carpeting, like a conference room. How many times I had to go to the bathroom. It was like a corporate conference room. But it was great to sit there instead of like covid Ali in the airport because we're with someone's faus. I was just

telling Jackie about Jamie. Sorry, you can call me whatever you like, Jackie. I was just like Jamie about I got this laser don two weeks ago and I can't fill my chin because they whatever they did, I said, do a double dose because I was starting to get that little, a little bit of it. I was coming down from my chin to my neck, and I said, just hit me hard with that because they were putting me under. So I was like, I don't care about the pain level, just fucking get that thing to tighten up.

And I haven't been able to feel my ships. They killed your nerves. I'm like, I went in after it and I was like, I can't feel anything in this area, and he's like, you won't for about three months, three years, I know, three years. Like my boobs, there's parts of it I don't feel. I had a reduction lift, just for everyone out there, and I there's areas of my titty I can't feel. Well. You had a reduction lift, and interestingly enough, her boobs crew back. You guys, I

just like to eat and they came all. But this is a phenomenon because you are not my first friend that has had boob reduction and had the boobs grow back. They see that would happened to me because I have a weird thing where like my boobs are like goldfish, Like if I lose weight, they stay the same size. And if I gain weight, they get bigger. So it just is like, how is that growing? Uh? They grow to the size of their environment. Yeah, and they taste good.

My kids live on the but look my body. I'm going to just show it in the camera. Can say like I have Like I don't gain it in my in my butt, in my legs, nothing. I gain it a little in the hip and all in the tip, all on the tip, all on the tip. I just I guess it's like because I guess getting a boob reduction is like a little bit like getting lightbo suction, because when you get those procedures, they have to tell

you you cannot gain five pounds ever again. Otherwise it's going to go straight back to where you where you got it. Because I had lightbo done on my arms when I was in my twenties, and then it like on the back of my arms, you know, and then it came around the front like the fat and all right, wait, what the fund is it? And they're like, oh, it's trans positioning. Yeah, it needs a new place to live. To live, Well, you could have told me that in

the first place. They're like cockroaches that, yeah, you can't get food production. You need specific instructions because it doesn't make any sense to take them off. You always have to go smaller than what you think to account for when you gain weight and they come back. The only positive is they're very buoyant, like because I got them lifted. They're like huge, but they're like they're high and tight, you know what I mean. They're like a twenty five

year old. And my one of my friends is like, you should start an only fan. So that's the backup plan if this makeup thing doesn't work out. Well, I mean, you already have an only fan, so how would you start a new one under a different name and alias? Can I plug the only fans? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, that's what we're here for, Jamie. So we're gonna use your sagaciousness and great instincts and have you help us give advice to be I'm so down. I'm so down. Are

you going to come to my worka in September? Catherine and you're coming? They're yeah, yeah, I have to check. I think it's gonna be fine, but I'm coming. Let's come the last week when we're going. But we're yeah, we're having the last week, we're having a bunch of girls funny, so please I'll no one parties like Chelsea. I'm just I want to tell you we have the I literally have the best time. Like it's just really fun. You're fun person. Yeah, high five. I like to high five. Yeah.

And you're honest too. She'll tell me what I'm being annoying, and then I just leave and go watch TV. Well, sometimes your marcos are too long, that's true, She's not You're not saying anything, just like videotaping yourself like like well like only fans. If I wanted to see that, I would go on your only fans page. Then just go to my own fans. Let's talk anymore. I'm like, are you gonna say something or what I'm just like

videotaping or something like I'm in the shower. It's really humid out and um, I have a zip right here and my boobs are very big. Anyway, I hope you're having a good day. I love you. That's what my marcos are. Yours are always quick. Well, I'm going to cut this often we're going to go to break Okay, okay, bye, that was it. Jamie actually we've done. Okay, just one

one one segment of the show and we're back. We're back, and Jamie, I don't usually do this, but since I know you're a fan of the show, and I felt like this email was very appropriate. I have a feedback email that I'm going to read before we get into some questions. You mean you don't normally do this, well,

not usually. Wall of the guest is here right. Also, I do want to say it's so nice to meet you because I've been listening to you for months now, and really I was talking about you with my husband, who works on the show, and I was like, Jamie is coming. He's like, do you know her. I'm like no. We talked for ten minutes. She's great. Thank you. Yeah, So, Michelle says, Dear Chelsea, first huge fan. I had the privilege of seeing Chelsea in Seattle in February with my

childhood best friend. It was our first post pandemic concert and it was exactly what a couple of fifty seven year old Jewish Jersey girls needed. So that's thank you number one. Second thank you as this I was there, Yeah, okay, anyway, I listened to whole relationship Red Flags with Julianna Margali's today, and it was exactly the advice I needed to convey to my twenty eight year old son, who's in a relationship with a woman much like the man described in

the podcast. I basically transcribed the advice and gave it to my son to help him see how unhealthy his relationship is, and it worked. So thank you, thank you, thank you. Nothing brings a parent to their knees more than their child in pain, and you truly helped me to help my child through and out of something very unhealthy and difficult. From one Jersey girl to another, thank you for just being you and doing what you do best. Miss Oh my god, you have to send that to Julianna.

Do you have her info? I'll text her. I'll text her, but you have to send that to her. She's gonna forge that. So, Julianna Margatus, did you. I've never gotten more texts and responses in my life about somebody being so great on the podcast. She was. I knew nothing about her except she's an amazing actress and she is so real and cool, and you know what, she's so genuine, she's without guile, like she's just very much present and

like you want her to win. You root for her, and she's available for you, like you're talking to her. She's present and she's not thinking about anything else and just so filled with love. And I think everyone could pick up on that. But that's why she had such a big impact on her episode. She texted me also, Catherine, and said, please let me know if anyone drops out last minute. I'm happy to come back any time. I said, we love that offer. Yeah, I enjoyed that episode. She

is amazing. She's so modest, she's so real, she's down to earth, and she's just so she see there's something ethereal about her. Like looking at her in her face and her eyes and how open she is, you just feel safe with her and her like buttery voice, very different than Martha Stewart. It's a great episode. She tells it how it is that Martha poked up on my phone that day. I was like, I looked at the phone. In the top news story was Martha Stewart wants friends

to die so she can marry them. It was front and center on My People magazine and like little quotable quotes I was, it was like, I just want them to die. Oh my god, she must have been like funk. Why vodka. She doesn't care, She's like says what she wants. I know, she's like making a rhubarb pie somewhere. She she seems to also be in the moment whatever with whatever she's doing. She's in her own special moment. She's a gold fish. She doesn't remember anything from the past. Well.

Our next email comes from Maggie. Maggie is in Reno, she says, Dear Chelsea, I live in a small town outside of Reno, Nevada, where it's sunny three hundred plus days of the year. However, my husband refuses to wear a sunscreen. We do a lot of yard work together, and he's often out and about with the dogs. He usually tans more than burns, but I'm beginning to notice age spots on his face that weren't there before. He

notices them too, but shrugs it off. I know this sounds vain, but I'm worried about the effect the sun will have on his skin in the long run. After all, I'm the one having to look at and kiss him every day. Is it unfair of me to insist he wears sunscreen? So he doesn't turn into a shriveled piece of leather. I've touted all of its health benefits, but I'm too afraid to flat out say that. I'm worried he's going to look busted by the time we're in our seventies. I mean, if he asked me to get

a boob job, I'd be pretty offended. But this town is already full of rednecks, and I don't want to be married to one. I'm not sure what to do. Am I being too superficial Maggie? Well, first of all, she's gonna go in on this the sun damage aspect of it, because that's fucked up. First of all, you can couch it as protection, like refuses to wear sunblock

is just stupid, Like there's skin cancer kills. Melanoma is like one of the worst worst kind of cancers you can get and fatal like hello, So I mean, it's not even about vanity. It's about health and protection and no, and vanity is there too. You have every right to be like, hey, I don't want you to turn into

a shriveled up raisin. Obviously you don't give a ship, which makes me question a lot of things that you don't think you should give a shit about the way that I feel about how you look, you know what I mean. Obviously, relationships don't have to be based completely on that, but it is an element. But the most primary reason is to protect yourself from cancer. So if if you have a husband that doesn't want to wear sunscreen and doesn't think that it's going to affect him

in any way, then that's a bigger issue. I know it is it hiding something else, Like that's just like a no brainer. It's like take out the garbage, put on the sunscreen. Maybe you need to show him how. Maybe you need to reward him like a little baby, because sometimes guys need to be like you know, I have to make my husband's doctor's appointment sometimes, like I have to call or he won't go. It's just part of their d n A. So maybe you know, attach a reward to it, you know, like when kids are

trying to learn to potty train. Like I would say, fun that you don't need a fucking reward to put on sunscreen, you fucking asshole. I think she shows has to put it on him. If you have to do it yourself, fine, who cares? Like a massage Yeah, give him a little face head massage if he's if he's bald, that's fun to give him a little bald massage. And if he has a hair, just put it on him for him. If he and if he doesn't let you

do that, then I don't even you know. There's a deeper Yeah, escape Reno come out here called nine one one and that police Academy will show that front door with Carrie Kenny silver leading the chest and her best Yeah, so non negotiable. Yeah, if he's not willing to do that, what else is he not willing to do? Call is

back when you have a real problem. I mean, these days, like some people don't like the texture of SPF or whatever, but these days there's all kinds of there's so many spfs and there's yes, there's oil, there's tinted they're great, and there's ones that you don't feel and they don't change your skin. One I like the best is that Alta, the tinted moist Alta, dr Alta md no Alta you

you the beauty oh really also eats your ALTI. Okay, Yeah, there's a new one called Vacation that I really like because it smells like a vacation and it sheers down. I'll get you some. It's really delicious. Yeah, maybe, yeah, maybe you have to find him something that like smells good or beer. Doesn't the bunny ranch make an spfs. Oh well let's start there. Well, our next caller, this

is Nikki. Nikki says Dear Chelsea. I'm a thirty eight year old mother of four going through a relatively peaceful divorce. I was with my ex for nine years. I've recently started using bumble and dipping my toes into the dating pool. I'm looking just to get out and have fun, with no desire for a serious, long term relationship. I'm writing because I keep getting a lot of matches that are men ten or more years younger than me. I wasn't anticipating this, and I feel predator ish considering I do

have an eighteen year old son. I know it's a mental block for me, and I'm very attracted to several of these younger guys, but I'm terrified. I need to stop feeling like I'm an old hag and embrace this really flattering response. Any tips on how to do that? Hi Nikki, Hi Nikki, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, My dear friend. Jamie's our guest today. She's hi, hi, Hi to Hi Jamie. Love your makeup girl. Thank you. How long have you been single? First of all, a couple of mon okay.

And how long was your relationship that you're getting out of? Nine years? Okay, well that's pretty quick to be dating. Are you ready to be dating? Um? Yeah, well I left the relationship five years of that. Yeah, I left the relationship mentally a while ago. So yeah, okay, well in that case, good for you. Good for you for taking leave, taking permanent leave. I don't want that to be confused with a leave of absence. And how old

are you? I'm thirty eight okay, and the gout and you have an eighteen year old son, And so the guys that are responding are how old? Twenty eight? I actually to change the setting because they were as young as twenty because I couldn't oh younger than that at all. No, that's good, I actually think and eighteen is close. I mean, I do think you do need to consider your son's age. I think that as a mother, like you know what

I mean. You're setting him up for the rest of his life, so everything you do is going to have an impact on him, and that's something to always keep in mind. I know you need to get some action, so I want that to happen as well, but in a way that you can have all situations working in your favor. I would even say might be a little bit too close to eighteen because it's closer to his age than it is to yours. So exactly, I maybe like bump, but let's bump that age right. Thirties young too.

I mean you're thirty five, I'm thirty eight. Yeah, bump it up to thirty. Let's do that. That's enough of an age difference. It's more of an age difference between your son and him. And then do you like older guys at all? Or no, you're only in the younger guys. I'm pretty open. I date older. My husband that we're getting a divorce is four years younger than me, So I've kind of been all over the place. What is you do? Have a cap on your age setting? Is okay?

Maybe go sixty girl, get freaky. I worked with senior citizens. That's too too close to them. You just have sex with those people. I want to get fired. Sure, how's it been? How's your dating experience been? Have you been having a lot of fun. Yes, And actually, like, I went on a date last night with someone like ten years older than me, but the best date I've been on. I went on a date one date with a year old and it was the best date I've been on. Oh,

what was so great about it? He actually wanted to hear what I had to say. It sound me interesting. And we just walked on the beach at night. It was just pleasant and nice. Yeah, it was just great. It's so funny you say that because my girlfriend in Vancouver was on this thread with my girlfriends from Canada and she went out with a guy last night and she goes, I don't understand what the fund is wrong with Ben. He has not asked me one fucking question

about myself. She's in the bathroom. She's like, I'd rather be in the bathroom Marco poloing with you guys, then fucking sitting here listen to this asshole talk about himself. She's like, he did not ask me one question. And this brings me to another point that my girlfriend said her brother works at a bar. He's like in his thirties in New York City, and he said, oh, all girls under the age of thirty are bisexual now, all of them because men are so disgusting and terrible that

they've all turned inward. You know, they're all like, we're open to women too, because and it's so interesting you say that a younger guy asked you about yourself, because younger men, this next generation, whatever that generation is called, what is that generation Z? They're the people that understand the situation about how like everything is shifting and moving, and they understand you do need to ask women about themselves.

You do need to ask questions. Your moms are doing a better job and raising them, you know, so listen, just use that as a template for like the fact that you know what you're looking for, Like that day to have it in the first place was great because now you know, you want to have somebody that's going to be interested in you, and you're gonna be able to find that above thirty, I agree. I hope you will will. Yeah. You're fun, you look intell, cool glasses,

great tasks. Thank you. Yeah, go have fun this live your best life. Do you You have the freedom to fucking do whatever you want with whomever you want. Now over thirty, that's your one car ground. Try it alright, alright, alright, appreciate, I appreciate you. Let us know how it goes. That's funny. I can see why younger guys are into her because she's like vibrant, Like you said, she's got this cool tattoos.

She's stylish, you know, I can see it. It's funny though, when you think about the age immediately, I'm like, no, no, no no, the age has to be closer to you than to your son, right, and mean, well, who the funk am I to say that? But I just think that's the right way. I think it's the right way too. I'm like, uncomfortable being in an elevator with somebody to you, like, of the opposite sex. I'm like, I don't want to make eye contact with m. I just don't want anything

to do with it. I get very uncomfortable if I feel like a young boy is floating with me. Yes, I don't like I've got into young at all. I've never been no me neither. I mean, I guess when I'm older, I will be No. I think you'll still be going for the older. I'll probably be pound. Let's be honest, But it turned into a full time pussy pounder. We all are moving on. Our next question. Is that

a flask, Chelsea? No, it's a it's a chia. It's like an antioxidant concentrated superfoods that I suck at out of this little What is this called a pouch? Ouch? Thank you? I knew a mother would know. I'm gonna burp her. Now explain well. Our next call comes from Brooke Brook, says dear Chelsea. I'm thirty five years old, a freelance writer, and I live in your home state of New Jersey. I promise this is not all just email from journeys from New Jersey too. Well, my family

is Elizabeth. Oh that's right, you're not really. I love your podcast and listen to it every day while I walk my big fluffy dog. I could use your advice after a traumatic experience. By the way, this is a little bit long, but it's because we have an update from her. I was twelve weeks pregnant with my first pregnancy when I had a miscarriage. My husband and I were super excited to be parents and absolutely devastated when

we lost the baby. As I write this, it's been seven weeks since I had the miscarriage and no matter how much positivity I try to channel, it wasn't meant to be. My life is still abundant without a baby, et cetera. I cannot stop going down negative spirals of how there is a chance I'll never be a mother.

It consumes me and is bringing my husband down. I've tried gratitude, journaling every morning, charging crystals under the moon, writing down affirmations, and no matter what I do, I have this sinking fear that I'll never have a baby again. I know that you have no desire to be a mother, but any advice on how to reframe the narrative into a positive so I can move on? And so then she sent an update while we were getting scheduled. A recent update. I just found out a week ago that

I'm pregnant again. I am, of course, so thrilled and grateful I was able to conceive again, but I'm so terrified of having another miscarriage that it consumes my thoughts. That sinking feeling of never being a mother again that I mentioned in my first email, It's still very much there, It's just taken a different form. I cry almost every day and have had anxiety dreams, fearing that the most traumatic thing that's ever happened to me is going to

happen again. Weirdly enough, that jealousy I have of other new mothers and pregnant women is still here too. I'm jealous that they're excited and planning baby showers when I'm crippled by anxiety and find myself almost waiting for the other shoe to drop. I really do not want this to turn into a self fulfilling prophecy. My husband does his best to reassure me, but the reality is he

doesn't know that everything will be okay. Physically bleeding out your baby after seeing its heartbeat on screen is not something a man can fully comprehend. He lost his first child too, but my anxiety of that happening again runs far deeper than his. I know that it's not good for me, the baby, or my marriage. Please help Brook. Hi Brook, Hi Chelsea, how are you hi? This is my good friend, Jamie Greenberg. She's our guest today. She's my makeup artist and buddy. Hi Jamie, Hi, how are you?

So good to meet you? You too? You are a mother, So why don't you speak to this first before I weigh in? Okay? So first, of all i've I've also had miscarriages. My first time I was pregnant, I had a miscarriage, and I know exactly how you feel. And it is a death and there is grief. You seem to be paralyzed by the grief. The thing about children.

When you have a child, I mean, your mind is always going to go to a dark place, and you have to start now while you're preparing to train your brain not to be like, well, if they sleep out, they're gonna die. If they drink that, they're gonna die. If they go on the field trip, they're gonna crash. Because you won't live. You're you're pretty much a prisoner of fear. So I don't know if there's a therapist that you could get into some therapy, or if there

is like a light antidepressant you could take. It's amazing what antidepressants could do. Some of them you can take when you're pregnant. Some you can't think, So maybe you could take I don't know. I'm not a doctor, but I am, and you should talk to your doctor about what would be good, what would be best for you. Anti anxiety sounds like too, you know not, And I mean because You're anxious. That's what this is, right, Yeah, yeah, which can present as depression. But you're just nervous, which

is so normal. I mean, do you know how I'm common this is with women? Yeah, it's apparently it's one in four pregnancies and in miscarriage, which is unbelievable, but it's crazy. I've had three miscarriages, Brooke, Wow, so it can happen again. But it's okay and it's normal. And that's what my doctor said. Your body is doing its job. That baby wasn't meant to be here because of whatever reason. You want to healthy baby, and your body is doing

its job. So I know it's really hard to switch that and like just say thank you to yourself, but you have to start getting into that mind space. You're gonna be such a better wife, mother and human because you are also yourself. You're not just a wife and a mother, You're you and you have to treat yourself good,

you know. Yeah, And I think you should wake up every day and just write down fifteen times in a row, thank you for this pregnancy, thank you for this pregnancy, thank you for this pregnancy, and you know, to just change the drumbeat that's going on in your head and shift the narrative because you do have the power to do that, you really do. There's plenty of meditation apps that are gonna have be pregnancy specific, to calm down your nerves, to calm your anxiety, to take it down,

and to be grateful instead of fearful. They talk about how gratitude leads to abundance. That's true. Your attitude does matter, and it's not like your anxiety is going to kill your baby. But it's not helping anything, and it's certainly not helping you. So why not just figure out all the tools that you can, you know, access and look online. Now everything is online, like these pregnancy support groups people

who have had miscarriage support groups. Just google that and you're gonna find a bunch of women that feel exactly that the way that you do. That also are going to have tools and coping mechanisms that you may not know about. It's so true. I mean the first miscarriage I had, I had something called a mular pregnancy. Google it. It's a whole thing. Anyway. I was had never heard of it before, and I remember I went on like

Oprah's website. This was before christ I went on Oprah's website and was like, you should have a show about Muller pregnancies. And I was like so depressed. I mean, it was a death. I know how you feel. And I found this weird chat room in London in the UK, and everybody there had gone through what I had gone through, and we all like emailed each other and gave each other tips and tricks, and it made me feel not alone.

You're not alone. And no one talks about this because it's you just don't want to go around talking about death all the time. But it's so common. It's more common having a healthy pregnancy sometimes, you know, so figure out what you need to do to get happy, because it's just gonna it's gonna dictate how everything else goes. Yeah. Absolutely. I think the big thing I've been struggling with is I do try really hard to be positive and I

do my journaling every morning. I Chelsea, I like your idea of maybe being repetitive about the one thing that's really on my mind. So I definitely would like to try that. But it's almost like I say things like I will have a baby, everything will be fine, and I want to do that I really want to believe it, and then there's like this little voice in my head that's like do I believe that? What if that's not true? And then it's sort of like I go back into

the spiral. So do you have any tips for that? Well, we all have that voice that's like the devil on our shoulder. It's called our shadow. That's what like the where our bad thoughts come from. And pushing that away you have to acknowledge that, you know, that's not your that's not who you are, that is a part of you. We all have a shadow. We all have someone telling us we're not good enough, we're not smart enough. You're

not gonna get this. Everything's gonna fall to ship. You're gonna lose this, You're gonna lose that, You're gonna run out of money, and then you're gonna you know, each it and die. Everyone has that voice. You're not the only person that has it. The difference that you could make in your own life is by saying like, that's my voice, that's my shadow, that's it, I have it. You can hear that once in a while, but you can't let it run you. You know what I mean.

You're in charge of you, not that little voice in your head, you know. And the minute you let that voice take over, and it's the only way that you think, you know, even that's salvageable, you can even still get back from that, but then you've lost your voice, which is the big voice. That's the little voice, and you're the big voice, and you have to just be in charge,

you know. And even if it's a matter of repeating that exercise, you know, writing it down fifteen times, if you feel like that does something for you, then every time you feel like that voice is overpowering you, you can do that. You should start meditating, because that is quieting of the mind. And what meditation does for me is always quiet that voice. It always just like puts me in touch with earth, the reason that I'm here, you know what I mean, like my body, and it's like,

stop thinking about all the little little negative things. Just connect with the fact that you're here on earth and you're a living, breathing person and you have an impact on people. Mm hmmm. Yeah. I actually tried meditation for the first time yesterday and I really enjoyed it. And some what you just said about feeling like you have

an impact on people. I've been trying really hard to actually find the positive of what happened, because that was kind of making me feel better, like maybe it happened for a reason. And even something like this of having the opportunity to share my story and connect with other women because I know there's so many women suffering in silence, it makes me feel like maybe I can help other people feel better too. Great. There you go. That's the first that's going to get you out of your own

head right away. When you're talking to other people about their stuff, you don't have the time for your negative thoughts. And I love that you said you love meditating, because sometimes for people it takes so long to love it. So that use that as a science to start implementing that into your daily life. Meditate every morning when you wake up, do a gratitude meditation for where you are now. You are going to be able to help people. I

believe that just you calling is helping somebody listening. That's very true, and that makes me feel a lot better. Thank you. Yeah you got this, Brook. I would also recommend just specifically around your body. You're going through a trauma that is body related and it probably feels like your body betrayed you. One of my mentors that always said, if you're going through a trauma or a grief, triple yourself care and for you, I think doing stuff that

specifically as around your body. Taking long baths if that's your thing, doing like a luxurious scrub, going to get a massage, doing things to to treat your body in a way that makes you feel valued and good and indulgent and positive about your body. Again, my be something that's really helpful. That's a really good to chime in. Last. Also, just because I've done this and I've I've done I've had a lot of medical things within my family, you

have to be your own advocate. You know, it's really crazy, but there's no gynecologist that's gonna say, hey, sorry about your miscarriage. Here is a list of things that it's going to make you feel better, and you should probably go do this, and you should do that. You're gonna have to seek it out and find what makes you feel better, if that's acupuncture, meditation, getting on antidepressants, taking a job. I run. I run my anxiety every day

and that works. So stay busy when you're feeling the most paralyzed because it's going to take your mind and that ego voice out of controlling you, you know, find out what Brook likes and take care of yourself because no one is going to help you do that. Absolutely, I've been loving walking my dog every day and listening to your podcast'll see. I love that. I do want

to tell you. Actually I let Katherine know this, but the first time I ever listened to your podcast was actually when I came back from the hospital after it happened and I had to go walk my dog and I usually listened to True crime, and I was like, I can't do that right now, Like I need something funny, and I you know, I read all your books and I loved them, and I was like, I wonder if Chelsea Handler has a podcast, and you did, and I've listened to it every day since and I'm I love

it obviously. I love how it's funny but positive and uplifting. So thank you so much for helping me get through that really hard time. Oh my god, I'm looking now you're on the podcast. I know it's crazy. Yeah, I love that. I love that you are going to help people. I can see it. You are, Yeah, and good luck with everything. Everything's gonna be fine. Thank you, Everything's gonna be okay. I needed to hear that. Thank you all right, Thank you so much, Brooke, keep us posted. Okay, thank

you guys. Bye, Brook, bye bye. Nice to meet you. Oh so sweetly love that. I was about to announce your miscarriages for you, and I was like, let me let Jamie actually speak to that, because miscarriages. I've had three. Yeah, yeah, that's a lot devastating. Were they all as devastating as the first one? I mean they're all devastating, but the first one was like, it's because you don't have any kids, so you think something's wrong. I'm never gonna have kids.

I felt the same way she did. And now look I have three kids and I run away from them exactly. Book. You're going to be there soon. Yeah, you'll be in Italy soon. Brook. Would you like to come to Spain? We have an opening. I feel like there is this to me, It feels dated. Advice of like don't tell anybody until the second trimester because what if something happens. But what that then does is leave women in this position where if they do miscarry, their completely alone, their

families don't know what they're going through. What do you What are your thoughts about that? I mean, I think you're right. I think that's like an old way of thinking. It's like don't say the sea word or don't tell anyone. No, you need your support system, you need your friends. I was a blabber mouth. I would tell I'd be like, my husband would be like, don't tell anyone. I'm like okay,

and I'd like tell ten of my friends. And then when I had the miscarriage, I had those ten friends to support me rather than having to tell the story again. It's like, if people are in your life, they're in your life for everything, not just like the good news. Yeah, it's also yeah, it's also a great way to wead people out if they're not there for you. You know,

I'm all about sharing everything. One of the best things in life to learn is to ask for help, because people really want to give it, and there's no shortage of that. Even though if you even though you know you may think, oh, people are selfish, they're not interested, they're too busy. People want to be there for you. I I want to be there for strangers, so I know that this is true for so many people that want to help, and you know, asking for help is

just like such a lift off of your shoulders. It feels so good to get love back when you need it in those dark times. Agree well, Our last question comes from a. A says Dear Chelsea. I'm hoping you can offer advice on how to get started with therapy, not the finding the therapist part, but how to actually talk with someone. I don't exactly know what I want to work on or where to begin, but I definitely know that I do have things to work on and

to work through. I have a lot of unresolved childhood trauma and complex parent relationships still lingering, and I mostly shove them down and try to ignore it. Up to this point. I've self medicated quote unquote with self help books and podcasts, but my experiences are pretty unique, and I know one to one therapy would be beneficial to me at this point, But how do I start? For years, I put off therapy because I felt like I couldn't afford it or access it. But I can no longer

use that excuse. I think what truly holds me back is just nervousness around getting started and facing it. Like where do you begin the initial consultation, the first meeting with your therapist. I find that part to be the most daunting. I just freeze at the thought of it. Please help a well, okay, she or he said that they didn't want, they didn't need to know how to find a therapist, right, they just how to start. Okay,

I'll say this to you. Listen like this is a bit a big topic of conversation in my life for a long time. That you are postponing your true purpose and potential when you do not look inward, when you are put off facing what is has happened to you, and something has happened to every single person, you are postponing your true potential. You don't even know what is on the other side. And yes it is it's a daunting task, but you're courageous and your brave when you

take that step. I won't ever date somebody who isn't in therapy or has been to therapy because it is such a valuable tool. You are going to learn skill sets that you didn't even think you needed to have. And you're not only going to better yourself, you're gonna better your relationship with people, and you're gonna better your understanding of other people, and your life is going to be richer. And that takes a little bit of work, and you have to be willing to commit to going

and doing that work. And being honest with somebody is going to lighten your load. Getting things off your chest that have been stirring and harming you emotionally in ways that are seen and unseen. And talking about that with somebody a professional does wonders for your psychology. It helps you in ways that are immeasurable. And I can't say it enough that you know, get started now right away. Go find somebody, and if that's not the right person,

then go find another person. But do not be You have to be indefatigable in your pursuit of your therapy. You have to go for it, like go be brave. Just think about that. Do you want to be brave or do you want to be a pussy? Yeah? And do you want to like reap the rewards of how good your life can get by you know, getting through all the dark stuff, getting through the muck. You The only person in your way is you. And like you said, I do think that's good to point out, is that

sometimes the therapist. You go too, might not be right for you. It's like dating. So find one that you feel really completely yourself with that you can strip down all this trauma, get it out. You'll flourish like a flower. You need you need to do it. And we only have one life here, so don't waste any more time. That's right. People are dying every day, every day, so good to therapy today. Well let's take a quick break and we'll be right back with Jamie Greenberg and Chelsea.

And we're back, Jamie Petter under we're back on. Thank you, Jamie Brad you can come back it now. Sorry, Well, Jamie, is there any advice you'd like to get from Chelsea? I do have a juicy question. How do you make your motster ball soup? No, that's not it. Okay, this is a good one I was thinking about. I was talking about with my girlfriends from high school and I was in New York. So I have a friend. Well it's it's a sister of one of my friends from

high school. She is in her early thirties, she's single, and she is dating an ex boyfriend of hers that she dated in her twenties and now a decade and a half have gone by. She's dating him again on the side, but he is married with a child, and he's miserable in his marriage and the wife is miserable, and she feels like it's not that big of a deal because they had a past and they're both miserable. But you know, it's still dicey, and she's like, I don't know what to do, and I was like, I

don't know what to tell you. Let me ask Chelsea, Jared, Chelsea, what do you think? I mean? It's so it's like if I was if I was more at the store, I would say, I hope that that woman passes away soon so I can marry her. In a nice, delicate way, I think that it's just not good vibrations to be participating in an affair. That's what you're doing. It doesn't matter how miserable either of those people are. He can leave his wife and end his marriage, and he should

if he's so unhappy. And also, I understand you have a history with him, so that gives you a little bit like I know psychologically what you're saying to yourself, Like he was mine before he was hers, and we have a history. It's still not right morally, you can control yourself. He got a little taste of what could happen, right if he wants to leave his wife and start

a life with you. So it's out there, he knows, and you should draw that delineation and line in the sand and say, like, listen, I'll be with you, but I can't have an affair with you while you're married anymore. It's just not who I want to be, and especially if there's a future ahead for both of you, that's not who you want him to be. That is great advice. Yes, great advice. I just dropped the bike, did hear it? Yes? Put in this past. I was in the pouch, so

you might not have heard of the liquid Mike. Actually, before we go, Jamie, can I ask you a makeup questions struggled with forever. I fancy myself pretty good with makeup, but whenever I put on mascara, I always get mascara on my lid. As I'm putting it on, it swipes, It ruins my eyeshadow. My whole situation. What do I do? There's two things you can do, well, there's three things you could do. The first is slow down, make your makeup time and meditation. Honey, slow down, relax. It's part

of the self care. I know we don't have time for that. So if you're not going to do that, the second thing you could do is actually take something like a credit card or a super food pouch, put it behind on top of your eyes like this, you put it, you lay it on top of your eyelid, and then you brush your mascara against the card or

the super food pouch. And can you do that with like a Q tip to just put like a que tip, put a cute tip, yes, and then I can just in case you don't have a credit card or a superfood couch in your bathroom or a business card. I always have credit cards in my bathrooms. Lastly, this is a great trick. Do your masscarra and then wait till

it completely dries. And if you take an empty SPOOLI which is usually on the end of like an eyebrow pencil, those little spoolies, you can actually chip away and the mass scarrow will flake right off. Most people go in and then they try to take it off and they smear it and then you have a mess. If you actually wait for it to dry, you can just chip it off. Wow. Wait what you know, what's funny. I've done it to Chelsea before because we have issues with

my eyes. Jamie and I have issues. She likes to I like to get her smoky. She's got her signature look. She likes to put eyeliner on the inside of my eyes all the way down to here so that I look cross side when I take picture. Yes, I was like, hey, Jamie, I should have a picture. I go, I don't want to ever look like this again, Okay. And now when I asked herre she's like, you said you didn't like yep, yep.

She's got her signature look. And every once in a while we'll pop a little color in the eyeline or something. But besides that, she knows what she likes and she's sticking with it. But one time I did get a little mascara on your eyelid. But if you wait, and then I like, was like sorry, and I just scraped it away. It just it just flecks right off like dry paint. You know, dry paint. How you can just kind of like yeah, yeah, and do you put your

mascara on from that? You don't do it from the top of the la because if you want to get more mascara on your eyelid, that would be a good approach. Also, straight in your mouth as wide as you can when you're putting on your mascara. Why do we do that? I don't know. This lighting is next level awesome. Look at your Claudia Shiffer. I'm sitting next and you did your makeup? Did somebody else do your make up? Okay, I'll kill him. Cut a bit like in softball. Okay, Well, Jamie,

I love you. Come back and visit us. Okay, I think you should be a regular. I love you, guys, Thanks for having me. Okay, Jamie makeup at Jamie Makeup. You guys, go get some bloss blighter and make sure you support planned parenthood. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com. You're Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.