It's Thanksgiving.
Everybody, Happy Thanksgiving to you and to yours. I will be in Vegas this weekend at the third night of my residency at the Cosmo with my whole entire family and all of my cousins nice and then I'm going to do the tree lighting the next night at the Cosmo.
Oh that's the kind of team player I am.
Are you a family that like goes around and makes everyone say what they're thankful for?
No?
Oh, no, see I am. I do that in other families, but my family sucks. No one does stuff like that in our family.
No.
No, they all think I'm you know, if I say something like that, it's like, oh, Chelsea, so just spiritual.
She's in a cult, you know. It's like corny.
Yeah, everyone's It's more like who do you who's the most annoying person at the stable?
To you would be a better question for my family members. I see. Yeah.
So now I will be in Vegas for almost I think for seventy two hours. This will be my longest stretch in Vegas because my family is all coming and they wanted, you know, the free rooms and I'm sure whatever else I pay for. You know, So who knows, I'll probably just break even performing and then leaving.
Yeah, I feel like twenty four to forty eight hours is like kind of the max that you should be in Vegas.
Yeah, And just to be clarified, I don't I am not paying for those free rooms the casino is, but I'm just saying, like that's why they're coming because it's free.
I mean, hey, yeah, so.
This will be my longest stretch in Vegas.
So if I'm alive next week, that'll be a miracle, especially with all of my family members.
You're not a big gambler, right, you just like want like gambell No.
I have exactly.
I have a little stipend that I use, and I every time I come home exactly with what I left with, and I just keep repurposing it.
Oh that's pretty good.
I love to gamble.
I like to gamble, and my sister likes to gamble too. But my sister who likes to gamble isn't coming.
Oh dang.
Yeah, it's all my cousins and all of like there's like forty of them and my cousins.
I'm gonna guess that's Shoshana that likes to gamble.
Shoshana exactly. Shoshana loves to gamble.
I like that.
The last weekend we were on tour together, she came to the show in Philly and Bethlehem, and Bethlehem was a casino, so she went and gambled and came back and I was on stage.
I take photos with.
People after like people come up to the stage and I take some selfies. And she came out while I was taking photos and said, Okay, let's go. It's she was done, she was wrapped. And then the next night she came out. I called for my opener to come out to take a picture with me on stage, and she was six, so she had already gone home. My sister came out when I called. I was like, Megan, keep it going for Megan Gailey. And my sister came running out and I'm like, what are you doing here?
And she said, she goes tell them I'm the Virgin because I talk about her in my set. She goes tell them I'm the Virgin, and then she waved to the crowd. It was so ridiculous.
She a little bit of a ham like.
She like she's got some She's definitely got a very distinctive personality. She's kind of like she's a lot like my father. Like my father was a used car dealer. She won't like this because she doesn't see it, but she's very she's got side hustles going, you know, she's always got like things going on in the side. But she's got her ear piercing business. But she's also probably like trading furniture online that she rides like or at a sale and then like resells it on Craigslist. You know,
she's a scammer a little bit like that. She's like my dad in that way and innovated. Yeah, she's yeah, and she's always like she came on the vacation with us, Molly and I, my cousin and I who she's been traveling with me. Molly and I have carry on bags, and my sister brought a suitcase for three days, a huge suitcase with six pairs of shoes.
We're like, where are you? Where are you? I don't even have that much and I'm the one performing what are you? Where are you going?
She's like, I have to be ready for anything. I don't know what we're going to get up to. I'm like, well, we didn't get up to anything besides sitting around in our hotel rooms all day.
That's kind of nice.
Yeah, exactly.
Our family's not motivated, we're not activity. Like you know, I'm the one who's like that in my family.
Yeah, so you just push everybody to do.
Yeah, they think I'm on crack. I'm like, no, you guys are fucking lazy. But when I'm with them, I become also lazy.
I can kind of feel like if she's traveling with you, she's like feels like she's got to be ready for anything.
She brought six pairs of sneakers. They were all the same, Like what she was just clearly trying to show up the shoes.
No heels.
She can't fit her feet into heels. Her feet are like bricks, rectangular bricks. Remember Kathy the cartoon character that's my sister's feet or like that.
Okay, great, well, Happy Thanksgiving every.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Our special guest today is Kelly Rizzo. Please welcome Kelly.
Hi, Kelly Rizzo. I'm so happy to be here. I'm always so happy to see you.
You're such a sweet person and you're always just you have a nice aura around you.
I don't really see Auras.
But you have such kind eyes and you're always so kind and Bob was. I met you obviously through Bob, but Bob was also that way, like he was so kind hearted, which is why he was so beloved. For those of you listening, Kelly Rizseau was married to Bob Saggat for how many years were you guys doing?
Only we were together six years but only married three and a half years.
Three and a half years.
Yeah, well that's probably for the best. I mean, you know, marriages don't really need to go beyond No, it ran its course.
We did the thing that's all need to be. That's really all it needed to be. It was cut short. However, it was one of those things where I remember at Bob's funeral or at the after party, Jeff Ross said, and I don't blame him for saying this, but he goes, you know, Kelly, you got robbed, And I'm like, even then, even the week that we lost him, I was like, no, I didn't I remember.
I don't know where I heard you talking about it, but I remember you.
I had a hard time thinking I got robbed because I felt so grateful for the time I got to have with him.
So yeah, and since then, the things that you have done with your grief, which is a real tenet of this podcast is talking to people about how to deal with grief, how to mobilize out of fear or grief.
For starters, you.
Have a podcast, right yeah, comfort Food, Comfort Food, which is where you basically talk to someone about grieving over a nice meal, right yeah, about their grief.
Yeah.
I mean it's a way to.
Make it a little bit more palatable and a little bit more inviting because it's not a fun topic and people hate talking about It's still really taboo, which is so strang because we all go through it at some point. So I was like, how can I make this a little easier and a little bit more you know, fun for lack of a better word.
Who were the people that helped you when you lost Bob, Like, who were the people that helped put you in perspective? Or was that just something that was innate in within you that you were able to have kind of like a.
I mean it's one of those things where you know when you go through something and somebody's like, oh, you're so strong. I mean I didn't feel strong. I didn't know what I was doing I'd never been through this before. It was very new to me, never really lost anyone.
And I was very fortunate because Bob had had so much death in his life and so much loss that it was almost like I was leaning on him even though he wasn't here, based on what he had taught me about death and how to get through it, which was laughing and you know, having really good people around you and just understanding that this is life and this is what happens, but to kind of always look at the silver linings. And fortunately, because Bob was such a wonderful,
special human, he was surrounded by really wonderful people. So I got through with his friends, his daughters, My sister was the most instrumental person by far. I mean she's slept in bed with me every single night for like two months straight. But yeah, his friends, I mean, Jeff Ross, John Mayer, all the full house people, they really were
his family. And so that kind of got imparted on to me because they were so wonderful and they loved him so much that they're like, we're going to be there for her too.
Yeah, and then you started a grief kind of like support group right online.
Yeah, so this is so brand new, so thanks for letting me talk about it. It's called Comfort Club and it's a membership and just an online kind of support system where it's its own little social media network so people feel. What I've learned in this past almost three years now, which is crazy, is that so many people are reaching out to me all the time, and a lot of people feel very very alone in this and
they don't really know where to go. They don't know, you know, and grief support groups are not really fun places. I'm sure it's a lot of people who are in the thick of it, really going through it. And I get all these messages all the time and all these dms like I just lost my husband, What do I do help? And it's can't DM somebody back and have
it be really effective? So I'm like, how can I create something that is a little bit more immersive and a little bit more interactive and can really help people, and that where they can meet each other and then help each other. So I'm having great guests on, you know, whether they're therapists or people who I would have had on my podcast, and they come on and talk live to the group and they can ask questions because on a podcast you can't really I mean yours is different
because you can't take questions. But a lot of times, you know, it's not really interactive, right, so these people can actually talk to the guests, talk to the expert, talk to the therapist, whoever it is. Because you know, I make a big disclaimer, I'm not a therapist. I'm just here to help facilitate this community.
So I do really on my podcast, I pretend I am a therapist, and that I have a medical degree, that I'm a PhD, that I am a certified Board of pharmacologist, I'm a gynecologist, I'm a pharmacologist, on whatever you need me to be. I'm actually none of those things, but I do pretend that I am because I feel like all of the things that you learn when you go through something difficult and you lose somebody and you go through the proper channels of therapy and grieving are
such valuable lessons. You know, it's so important to impart that to other people who are struggling, and you know, grief isn't necessarily only doesn't only have to do with us losing someone. That's the most obvious way to be grieving but you know, people are grieving this election. People are grieving, you know, losses of relationships. When people don't die, you know, there's grief everywhere.
Divorce, relationship, I mean friendships. People grieve friendships. So I also am very specific about that, like, this is not just if you're lost a spouse or lost anybody. This is for any type of or some people just I have some people that haven't really had a specific loss, but they're just they're like, I just want a good community that's comforting. I'm just having a tough time, and I just want to meet some great people.
Well, when you talk so much about grief and loss on your Instagram and on your podcast, so it seems like a natural progression from the sorts of conversations you're already having, then Yeah, And it's.
So strange because you know, you just said that going through things does kind of give you this expertise in a sense. But I still always feel like I'm not an expert. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
But I think people are always just looking for some support, you know, like a ballast. And and because you've gone through something, you do have something to say about it, and you do have your personal experience to draw from, and that is valuable, especially when somebody needs a reference point or a perspective, and it's it's always helpful to be able to talk to somebody who's been through something
that you're going through. So it doesn't matter if your expertise, like it's you become an expert in humanity, you know, and wanting to actually make other people feel better and less alone. I think that's what it really comes down to when even when you're going through the depths of your despair and loss, it's like you're not the only one you know someone else lost someone. There's millions of people who are losing people every day, and for some reason,
there's comfort in that. There's comfort in knowing that there's a sheer volume of people who may be going through a similar experience.
And I think because it's also very unusual to have to go through it publicly usually. I mean, that's not a thing that typically people have to you know, if you typically lose your spouse or something, it's you do
it privately. And because everyone loved Bob so much, I felt that there was this you know, I almost didn't need to help keep his legacy alive because he does that on his own, but because he was such a special one in a billion person, I'm like, I owe it to him and to myself to do everything I
can to share about him. And while doing that, I started talking a little bit more about the grief stuff too, and then people naturally were like, hey, help me or I want more of this, and I was like, oh gosh, Like normally I talk about food and travel and music. I'm like, so all of a sudden, here I am talking about grief. But it when I saw that one that that was actually helping people, I'm like, okay, this needs to be more of the direction I go in.
So yeah, okay, So how can people join this group?
It's just comfort Club online dot com and it's it's just yeah membership that there's different live events every month. I do a Comfort Food Sundays every month where I do live cooking so for you know, people get the Sunday scaries, they don't want to be alone on a Sunday, and so here, I, you know, will cook a recipe that we can all cook together and then eat dinner together virtually sweet and then yeah, it's it's only been a little over a month, but it's been really wonderful so far.
So I love that, And so I want.
To just honor Bob for a little bit because since you were, tell me, what are you with some of the things that made him so unique and special to you and to the world.
Well, it's so interesting to say this to a comedian because a lot of people don't understand this about comedians, but comedians are incredibly deep and incredibly complex and have usually gone through a really tough time, which is how they became comedians. Incredibly deep, incredibly deep, incredibly complex, And Bob was just this mix of He was hilarious but also insanely neurotic, and also so giving and nurturing and helpful and thoughtful, but also so needy, you know. I mean,
he was just everything. And it was truly you know, I certainly did not go into this before I met him, thinking like, oh, I'm gonna end up dating Bob Saggot one day. Like that was just so strange. It was when I first met him, it was such a foreign concept to me. I was like, I can't like Bob Saget. That's so weird, Like that's that Danny Tanner.
Guy, Like that's so weird. It was so bizarre to me.
But then I slowly started to realize, I'm like this, I will never ever meet another person like this in my entire life. He was just the most unique, special, hilarious, introspective, deep person who just truly cared so much about the people in his life and also just cared about That was his last big hurrah where you know, his last tour was called I Don't Do Negative.
All he wanted to do.
It was, you know, tough time in the world, and he just wanted to make people happy. That's all he ever wanted was just to make people happy.
So I think the thing that stands out most to me about Bob is his enthusiasm. He was so enthusiastic. You know, anytime I saw him, he was like, oh my god, Chelsea, tell me everything, what's going on?
Like so excited to see you.
And it wasn't just me that he was like that with obviously, that's what he exuded to everyone. It was so genuine, genuine, right, It wasn't both full of shit and it wasn't He wasn't jaded and he was never a negative guy like there was. I don't know if he had a dark side to him. I mean, I guess we all do, but as far as male comedians go, he was, you know, one of the least dark comedians that I've ever met.
Yeah, it was more personally just because he always felt the way to the world and he had so much loss in his own life.
He did have. And when I say a dark side.
I don't mean you know where he was like secretly, you know, off yelling at people or something like that. I mean, he it was more he would just feel sad, you know, and he just wanted to make people happy, and so he was always struggling with like, oh God, like the world can be a tough place, and but all I want to do is help people, and y you know, at the same time trying to be a
good dad and balance with his work. And you know, even though he you know, was an actor and a producer and director and all this stuff, like being a comedian was what made him the happiest.
So yeah, and you're still very close with his girls, obviously so close.
How old are they now?
They're all in their thirties, so almost thirty two, thirty four, thirty five, and thirty seven.
Wow.
Yeah, So it was nice because you know, I never I never wanted kids. Well I didn't think I wanted kids, and then I ended up not wanting kids, and which is well, that was kind of a He's like I at first he kept the option open, and then he's like, I can't do it, and I was like, I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to be pushing a stroller. I don't want to push a stroller now, let alone. It's seventy right.
You know.
And it was great because I had these three incredible step daughters, so I just got to like drink martinis with I didn't have to change.
I mean, that's really the way to do it, is to get into some sort of step parenting situation if you must, you know, because that can pay such dividends too to joyfulness and happiness.
I have lots of step children in my life.
Well, I will say that you being so outspoken about being child free inspired me to also be more outspoken about it, because it is something that's a little taboo also, and you always talking about it in the way that you do in such a hilarious way, which I can't do that, but you know, it just made me much more open to talking about it more and making it trying to normalize that a little bit, because it's weird that it's not as normalized.
Yeah, I know, it's weird that.
And what's weird to me is for any man to think that we all automatically want to be mothers. It's like, excuse me, where would you get that fucking idea?
Yeah, it's really crazy to me because it is something that like, when you were let's say fifteen, did you think you wanted or did you know? From a very early age, it.
Was like, wait, this isn't something I would ever want. I don't want a newborn baby.
I never wanted it, and being pregnant always terrified me, and I never want Even when I was a kid, I was like, I don't really like being around kids, but I just still thought that I would because it's just what you do, you know, It's just kind of the way.
Of the world.
And so I was like, oh, I'm sure what they're counting on everyone for us to think we're supposed to do what we want, what we're you know, we're supposed to do things and not think too much about it, think about it, you know, And it got to the point where I was like, wait, I do have a choice in this.
That's crazy interesting. And then when I met Bob at first I still kind of wanted the option, and then he's like, no, I can't. I can't do it again. And then I was like, all right, well, choice made for me because it reminded me always of that Sex and the City Line with Carrie and Charlotte, when Charlotte's like, I can't believe you're gonna give up a baby for a man you hardly know, and She's like, why would I give up a man for a baby I hardly know I want? And I was like, it's Mike drop,
end of story, you know. I was like, that's that's it. So I was like, I'm not going to give up this wonderful person for something I don't even think I want.
So and so now you're dating someone else. Can we talk about who you're dating? Ye breck and Meyer, who's an actor.
Yes, I've known him for many, many years and we were all at the Sarah Silverman party recently.
It's like yellow, I say hello back, He's a sweetheart.
That's a big arity, by the way, between Bob and Brecon it is it is.
And but Bob was also Bob was so he surprised people with how tall he was. Nobody thought that he was that tall until they saw him.
A person six fourka, that's tall.
Yeah.
It's so interesting because they do have a lot of similarities. They're both incredibly devoted fathers, and they're both probably the two funniest people I've ever known. But then they're also different in so many ways. And it's great because you know, I've joked about this recently, is that I feel that Brecan is the only person that Bob would be okay about. He like, would not want me dating anybody, but he's like, oh, it's going to be somebody. Fine, at least it's Brecon,
because he really loved Brecon and respected him. But they weren't really close. It would be weird if they were really close. But there they were close enough to where they really really liked and respected each other, but not best friends.
And you like to be with funny men.
Apparently Apparently now looking back, I'm like, how how did I ever think that that was a non negotiable, Like that's that's a mandatory It's.
Yeah, yeah, right right.
I mean, it's really nice to be around a funny guy it is.
That's very helpful.
Yeah, we just laugh all day every day.
We just crack each other up. Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going to be right back with Kelly Rizzo. We're back with Kelly. Okay, We're going to take some callers. We're gonna give advice, We're going to give out comfort. Okay, so I'm pretending I'm a therapist.
Okay, here we got exactly exactly so, Sandy says Dear Chelsea. In twenty twelve, I lost my beautiful sixteen year old son. I spent the next several years participating in weekly grief support groups, where it wasn't uncommon for people to express their guilt and dissatisfaction for the type of memorial service they were able to provide for their loved one while
in the depths of their grief. It bothered me that a people's lives were not being appropriately honored, and b grieving people were feeling badly about this on top of all the emotions that come along with grief. So five years ago I started an event planning business specializing in celebrations of life. This work taps into a perfect combination of my life experience, my education in psychology, my organizational skills,
and several of my creative talents. I'm known for hosting the best parties, and I have a deep compassion and unending patience for people in the depths of grief. The trouble is, since this is a unique business model in the United States, I'm afraid that I'm a bit ahead of my time. I'm an introverted creative type who is uncomfortable selling myself and have been struggling with figuring out
how to reach people who need my services. After some slow periods last year, I incorporated planning other types of events into my business. I've heard you talk about your preference for celebrations of life over funerals on past episodes of Dear Chelsea, so I thought i'd ask you for your thoughts on this career path I've chosen and desperately do not want to give up, because truly, no one needs an event planner more than people suffering from grief. Am I too ahead of my time for this endeavor?
How do I lead the way into establishing new norms for celebrating our dead in a society that doesn't seem quite ready to think outside the box.
I'd love your input. All the best, Sandy.
Hi, Sandy, Hi Chelsea.
Hi there, this is our special guest Kelly Rizzos with us today.
Hi Kelly, Hi Sandy.
I love that idea. I mean, that's what we had for Bob right celebration of life.
Yeah, I mean, I just have to say, that is the most incredible idea I have ever heard. And I can't tell you how incredibly valuable that would have been for me at the time I was in I mean, I was incapable of doing anything, but I also fortunately didn't have to do anything because a lot of people
stepped up. But there, to me is such a need for that, and for you to even feel the slightest bit of negativity around that, I just I hope that you can embrace it fully because it is so neat, is so important, and I've never heard of anyone doing that. So to me, it's like you're kind of one in a million.
Yeah, it feels like I'm like, it feels like a service that will help many, many people. I think it's just a matter of you getting the message out there. It sounds like, so what is your like, where are you what's your business strategy?
What have you been doing thus far?
Well, like I said, I did have to switch to adding more events to my repertoire and just offering my services to a wider scope of events, which has been fun. But my heart really is with the grieving. So after the pandemic, I was slammed with work. I had a bunch and then it just suddenly dropped off and it wasn't even people who died of COVID.
And where do you live?
I live in Bellingham, Washington, Okay?
And so is there?
How are you marketing this social media? Mostly I've reached out to other event planners to let them know that I specialize in this in case it's something that they don't want to take on. I have, you know, all of the funeral homes know that I exist. I've pretty much covered everything that I can think.
Well, what about advertising with the obituaries?
You know, people don't really do obituaries very much anymore, do they?
I guess not in the hard papers. They don't do them online?
Yeah, not very often. They are done through the funeral homes. And honestly, I'm kind of in competition with the funeral homes. So they don't, you know.
I would think A.
I think obviously you want to broad in your social media advertisement as much as you can by spreading the word and having people who have used your business continue to spread the word, but also making sure that your messaging is in temples and churches and congregations that are in your area to let people know that there's another option other than a funeral organizations or like even retirement homes going into their Have you done that?
Yeah?
Yeah.
There might also be an opportunity, sort of a business to business opportunity talking to elder law and estate planning attorneys.
I did that as well. Did you already it saturate?
Yeah.
I sent out marketing materials to all of them. Yeah.
It may be a little bit more of interacting with them on a personal basis, like calling, having a meeting, sitting down talking to them a little bit about why this is something somebody might want to include actually in their estate plans, because marketing like it's so like you said, outside the box four people in the US, that it might take more like maybe you are having events and speaking for fifteen minutes about like why you feel like this is an even better way to celebrate someone's life.
Yeah, that's a great idea.
Yeah, yeah, if you could do that, Like if you could talk to people's families at a retirement community, or you go in and.
You talk to all the people in the home.
You know, how do you want to spend how do you want to be celebrated when your life is over?
Here? Do you want to have a funeral?
Like I'm here to offer something If this sounds I mean, you really do have to kind of have a conversation with them about it. I think that's how you get people to convert to the idea of not you know, a funeral is so funereal, so depressing. You know, there is an upbeat, more positive way of looking at like transitioning out of life. And I mean even talking to people in hospitals, you know, who are dealing with like
difficult decisions and stuff like that. But I feel like retirement communities are just so like if you could talk to the people that are there, and if you could talk to family members of the people that are there to give them the option, because I'm sure it's more.
I mean, everyone has to either bury or.
Cremate somebody, right, Yeah, so there's that cost anyway, But are your costs kind of commensurate with the cost of a funeral?
Yeah, And I mean I've had to keep them that way, even though what I create is far better than, yes, what the average funeral is. And I'll tell you what I have found is elderly people. They have their plans kind of set in place, and a lot of them don't want anything. And they also have lived long enough that a lot of their friends are no longer here to participate. So those aren't really the people that have
hired me. It has been people who have lost somebody tragically, suddenly, unexpectedly, far too young, who are just wiped out by grief and need somebody to step in and celebrate. I've helped celebrate some pretty incredible people in some pretty incredible ways. So it's been, you know, it's all been just a learning curve because there's no like literally, I think there's five businesses in the entire country that do what I do, and I was one of the first, so and none
of us are getting very much work. So it's just a really new concept.
Isn't One of the big selling points also, that a funeral is usually within a few days to a week or so after somebody passes, where what you're doing kind of gives them more time to prepare and to plan something.
W'ere a funeral.
I mean, you're so rushed, and sometimes you're like, I mean, for instance, Bob and I never ever talked about what he wanted. Fortunately, you know, obviously with his family and everything so involved, Like we did what we think he would actually really have loved, but we never talked about it, so I didn't know, and we were so rushed, you know, everything happened so quickly that you're like, oh God, am I doing this right? What am I doing to where
your services? You know, you can have much more time to prepare and do it right and do what you think the person would really have wanted.
And I do always encourage my people not to try not to rush it. There's some who just need it to be over with that For the most part, people want to take the time so they can get used to the idea that they need to do this thing. And the more time I have, the more epic I can truly make the event be for them and really dig into who the person was and find ways to reflect who they were in this celebration that we're creating
of their life, and everybody loves the events. I've had families tell me that, you know, they were absolutely terrified and dreading coming to their person's celebration of life, but felt an overwhelming sense of joy and love when they left. So it's kind of a magical service that I can
provide for people. And beyond just creating the event, I provide I know what grief is like, and I provide support and let them know that they're not crazy while they're going through you know, what they're experiencing, sometimes for the first time in their lives.
Yeah, okay, well we're going to we'll help you. Promoted on this podcast. What is the name of your.
Business, Epic Celebrations and.
You service anywhere in the country or is it just in your area?
I generally work between Bellingham and Seattle, Okay in county. Excuse me, but I am certainly willing to travel for my services.
Yeah, yeah, well I think Yeah.
I'm sorry, we don't have a better like mark business strategy for you, but we will try to spread the word over here because I think that is the definite way to deal with losing a loved one, especially in a tragic way, you know, you don't you want to go out with remembering all of the beauty that they brought and kind of having a more modern way of looking at death rather than death being the final you know, and such an ending and such a smack in the face.
And especially for people who you who lose loved ones unexpectedly, that's exactly.
What you need, you know, in the face of that.
Yeah, well, I.
Will definitely keep it in mind too since I deal with, yeah, a lot of greeting people all the time.
H Yeah, Well, I think it's just really important to, like, I appreciate the opportunity to put the idea out there in a larger sphere, you know, so people are thinking about, you know, different ways, and that there are people who can help in that, and just to start thinking about thinking outside the box of what you know, we how we celebrate the lives of our people once they're not here.
And also, you know, another way to kind of maybe outreach for you to do is people are able to get euthanized in Oregon, so if they're planning that and Washington, right, oh right, yeah, So I mean, is there any way to kind of couple your services or with with those with those programs that are actually because those people know they're going to die, and that's kind of what they.
Can be around for their celebration of life.
Right. Yeah, And one of the services that I offer. You spoke with Katie Kuric about this on a previous podcast, which was part of what led me to contact you, was she talked about the idea of living memorials for when somebody is sick and know they're going to pass, and then having a celebration when they have all of the people around them who can hug them and love on them one last time so that they leave this world feeling full of love instead of fear. Yeah.
That's really beautiful idea too.
So yeah, yeah, and that's one of the services I offer. But haven't been taken up on that one yet.
Okay, Well, I think it will happen. I think people will come around to this idea. It's very you. You are a little ahead of your time, but that's a good thing. That's not a bad thing. What are the other events that you're doing to supplement your company.
I've done some corporate events and I've done some baby showers. So it's been kind of fun to work on the opposite end of things. Yeah, I did some birthday parties, and it's been really joyful to actually get to meet the people that I'm helping plan parties for. You know, I tend to fall in love with the honorees that I create celebrations of life for, and then I don't
get to meet them. I just have to find ways of bringing a piece of who they were into me and holding them in my heart even though I never get to meet them. But it's really it's pretty heartbreaking to know that I've missed out on knowing some really really cool people in this world.
Yeah, the circle of life, Yeah, the whole spectrum.
Well, good for you for doing this work. It's really really you meaningful, you know.
Thank you. Thanks for bringing attention to it.
Yeah, Sandy, so tell us one more time. It's Epic Celebrations dot.
Com, Epic Celebrations NW for Northwest dot Com.
All right, great, Well, let's also offline a little bit more about potential B to B strategies. I'd like to hear kind of like what all of you tried and and offer some suggestions for more stuff to try.
Okay, all right, thanks Sandy, Thanks everybody.
Thank you bye bye bye. That is it?
That is a really cool idea, really cool, right, Yeah.
I just feel like getting that idea in front of people in a way where you know, obviously you don't know if somebody's going to have a sudden death, but where it's sort of like they remember, like, oh my gosh, there's a woman who came and spoke at such and such like two years ago, and she would be perfect to jump in and help out with this.
Oh well, now I know about it'll be on my radar. And yeah, as you said, she's a bit ahead of her time, but there's also very little competition, so m m.
Yeah, right exactly.
That's also nice for people who have a terminal diagnosis to make this kind of plan, you know, people who know that they're not going to make it, and they could plan an either life celebration before they pass on, or you know, employ her to actually make their funeral something that they're going to want to be at.
You know, you know, what do you think about that?
The where you're at your own funeral almost.
I mean, I'm down for that. I don't mind that idea. Hardy's like, wait, that'd be amazing.
The part of me is like, oh wow, that's you always have those dreams of like being at your own funeral, like what that would be like, you know, like did would anybody show up?
And then it's like you get to see who shows up? Yeah?
Yeah, I like the idea of a celebration of life for sure, because I don't want a funeral.
I want a party.
Yeah, but it's a little easier to party while the person's still there.
Yeah, or have a party in my honor without me. I'm fine either way.
Yeah. And there's just been plates of drugs everywhere.
Yeah, plates of drugs. Musham's to see all of that good stuff more.
Next question is not about grief, but this comes from they're using thoseudonyms spiraling. Dear Chelsea. I'm a forty year old woman who recently moved to a new city and state. I really enjoy playing tennis, and since moving, I've joined some leagues and have been meeting a lot of people.
Last Sunday, I was.
Playing tennis with one of my teams, and I think I overheard our team captain talking about me to another teammate. She said about me, she doesn't look like she'd be good, but she is right. I cannot stop thinking about it. Always been self conscious, so the comment cut really deep. I don't think the captain was trying to talk bad about me. I actually think she was trying to say something nice about me. But it's really caused me to spiral a bit. She also doesn't know I overheard her.
I mean, what's wrong with me? Why can't I just focus on the good part and not on the looks part? Any advice, sincerely, Spiraling.
We're talking about we were talking about dark you know, your dark side, Like we all have a shadow self, and our shadow self is you know some psychiatrists refer to that. Some people is like, oh, it's just your ego, however you want to frame it. We have voices in our head that are telling us one story, and then there's reality. And the reality is that she was giving you a compliment, and who gives a shit what she thinks about whether or not you look like you're a
good athlete or not. The compliment is that you are, and she's surprised. That's all her business, Like, it's none of your business. But the thoughts that you're having that are related to this are your insecure thoughts, your ego thoughts, your shut of self thoughts. That is your job to quiet those thoughts, and that is through like daily work to understand that other people's opinions of you don't matter.
They're not your business.
And sometimes even when they tell you about their opinions of you, it doesn't matter. You're not as long as you're not hurting someone, hurting someone's feelings, or be acting
in a destructive way towards yourself or towards others. That is work you have to do on yourself, and that's can be daily affirmations of why of all the things that you see about yourself, that you are strong, that you are capable, that you're active in your sport, and all of the other good things that you have in your life, or a gratitude journal, you know, writing down
ten things that you're happy and grateful about. You just kind of have to get to like a little bit of a higher frequency than to let all these little comments from other people that you weren't even supposed to hear in the first place. Remember, you weren't supposed to hear that in the first place. If she had a choice to say that with knowing you would hear it, she wouldn't I have chosen for you to hear it.
Therefore there's nothing for you to do about it. You're definitely not gonna say anything to her about it.
Who cares? You don't want to? Like that's aggravating an issue.
But I think all of our negative self talk like that is a daily exercise that you have to recognize that you're doing a And now you recognize that you're doing it, I'm telling you that you're doing it. You wrote in because of this, and you have to start to disassemble that. And every day is like, I am not what other people think about me. I am what I am, And you're contributing in a valuable way to something that you really enjoy. That's your takeaway, not the
negative thing that is meaningless to me. So, while I know it's difficult to hear things about yourself sometime, I really just would want to implore you to like dig a little deeper into who you really are, the essence of who you are as a person, and then you become a lot less affected by what other people think of you. And that can work with meditation too. You can achieve that goal through meditation, through graditude lists, through
affirmations every day. But I would pick one of those things and really focus on doing that activity every single day to just kind of bring yourself up a little bit more so you're not as vulnerable to others in things that are not that important.
Yeah, you nailed that one thousand percent. I mean I was just thinking the same thing, like, what other people think of you is.
Not your business.
And it can be hard, of course to you know, you hear something gossipy and negative.
It sounds it's a high.
School thing, you know, it's that thing that you would let can you latch on to when you were when you were younger, And it can be hard to you know, if you hear somebody saying something about about you. But as you said, she wasn't meant to hear it. It was ultimately a positive. And didn't she say, like, I'm not even sure she was talking about me. Let's just pretend she wasn't even talking about you, it wasn't even about you. Just pretend that you didn't even hear because
it wasn't even about you. It could have been about somebody else. You don't know for sure, that's true.
Also, Yeah, So just work on your stuff, work on it. We all have a responsibility to each other as women and as human beings to get better at being ourselves. We all have a responsibility to kind of improve our own mental health and our own mental self assuredness. Our self assuredness is like, you have to be aware of your behavior and then oh, oh, look at what I got hurt about. Oh that's me being silly or insecure or small. Never mind, wipe that away like it's like
water off a duck's back. Let it fall off of you, and actually physically think about those comments falling off of you, because that's something that I do a lot, and it works. You just think about the fact that, Okay, I've set with this emotion. It didn't feel nice, and now I'm letting it go and moving on.
That's good.
I like that envisioning the water off a ducts back.
Mm hmmm hm. So Luke says dear Chelsea.
I'm a thirty four year old single gay man, and life has been equal parts horrible and generous to me. I met my husband online when I was seventeen, he was eighteen. There wasn't a weird age gap. Even talking about it now, I want to pull younger me aside and say Oh, honey, you have so much time to fall in love.
Don't rush it.
Well, we rushed it, and I rebelled against every piece of guidance my family had to offer. We got married and never looked back. We both ended up being successful in our careers and build a great life together. And then he died in a car accident. I was and still am, completely devastated. And this was four years ago. Three months after he died, I learned that I was the sole beneficiary of a one million dollar life insurance policy.
That policy has since paid out, and I donated a large chunk of that to charities that I know he loved.
The rest I invested.
As you can imagine, his family is coming out of the woodwork with their handout, and my inclination is to tell them to fuck off entirely.
What are your thoughts? Thank you, Luke. This is tricky. This is tricky.
I mean, I don't think it's fair to have to give handouts to everybody, and his family if those were his wishes. Yeah, is it the insurance policy or was it an insurance policy?
Oh?
I see, so that is a little bit different. What do you think about this?
An insurance policy is a very deliberate, very calculated situation, you know, like he set that up for him. It wasn't This wasn't like a probate situation where he died and left a bunch of money and it's like who does.
It go to?
Well, they were married, and the family's like what about me? Where his family? This was a very deliberate situation. Obviously, if it was a different type of inheritance, that maybe is a little bit more disputable. But I feel like life insurance policy is just very specific.
Right right, And I think my big question is what kind of relationship did you have with them before this?
You know, did you have a good relationship with them?
Were they people that you saw it Thanksgiving and holidays and this sort of thing, or are you just hearing from them now. I think that makes a big difference and sort of the answers to that.
Yeah, But it's also not your responsibility to be doling out like you know, we're talking about a million dollars, and while that may sound like a lot of money, that goes very quickly, you know when you start giving it away to different people, And as you just said, and insurance policy is not set up for your other family members like your brothers and your sisters.
It's set up for your partner. That's what it is, right.
And that's that coming from his bank account. It's not like it's not like this is his money. He worked for his whole life and he's leaving it all to him like this is insurance money, right.
I don't know if you're feeling really guilty that you want to give them money, that's that's really a personal decision.
I don't think you have any obligation to do that.
And yes, are you in regular communication with these people, or if they came out of nowhere, if they came out of nowhere, or you hadn't heard from them for a while, one more reason to not worry about it. But I wouldn't let yourself be racked with guilt. You were in that relationship for a really long time, and I believe that you deserve that insurance policy.
And I will say that you are not alone in this. This is so common and is almost a little bit more the norm when somebody passes away and there's you know, whether there's a step situation and exes and all this stuff and children involved that it usually can be very messy and it usually can create so many problems. I was so fortunate that we had none of that, thank god. But that's not the norm my situation. We talk all
the time. We're always like, we are so lucky that we didn't have that type of because a lot of times, just somebody passes away, it is just a catalyst for your worst self.
To come from. Yeah. Absolutely.
I mean I was just with a friend on vacation who was dealing with this and I could not believe the stories. I was just like, oh my god, money brings out the worst in everybody.
My family is all in elder law and estate planning, So like, everybody, go get your estate plan done because that you know, when you do pass, you can make these choices before any of that happens. You can say how you want things to go and nobody has to argue about it.
Yeah, I've done my estate planning.
I just re up to my estate planning and make sure that my cousin doesn't get to make medical decisions in my favor because she'll keep me alive no matter what. And I was like, listen, bitch, I have another cousin that will euthanize me. And so he's gonna be the one that has the medical decision making.
I don't want to fight anything. I'm ready. I'm ready to go if need.
Be all right.
And you know, one other thing that Luke brought up when we did sort of a pre interview call was being a very young widower is something very unique or is uncommon?
Would you have any words of advice for him?
Yeah, just knowing that you feel like when it happens to you that you're the only one because you're like, oh my god, I was not planning this. I was anticipating that. I mean, in my situation, I knew that I'd probably be a widow maybe in my sixties or seventies, but I certainly wasn't anticipating it at forty two when
it was three years ago. And I will say, when you go through it, you start like so many people start to come out of the woodworks, and you do have such a support group of people that you meet who they're like, i'm a young widow too, or I'm a young widower also, and I've met so many people who have and then you feel less alone and it sounds like this was four years ago.
So it's really tough.
But if he can find that support from other people who have gone through it at a similar age. You do feel alone, but you're not alone. There are so many people.
And it's really important not to let people put guilt on you. I know you might feel that like that's a natural reaction to them coming and saying we want money to.
Or whatever they're doing. You can't let people guilt you into things.
You have to kind of really sit with this decision and think about what's right for you and what's appropriate for you, and that is appropriate insurance policy is for the partner.
That's appropriate.
So anything other complicated feelings you have around it have been brought on by his family, and so I want you to be very aware of that and where the feelings of guilt are coming from.
Yes, you've done absolutely nothing wrong. It's hard enough to go through the loss of the partner without all of this other stuff and a lot of people who aren't in your shoes and who haven't experienced a loss of a spouse and how absolutely gut wrenching it is. It just goes back to the hole. When someone is grieving, there's no wrong way to do it. You can't judge them because if you haven't been through it. You don't know what it's like.
Yeah, all right, Luke, check back in with us, keep us posted, and we can take a quick break and come back with a kind of silly little question to wrap up.
Perfect.
Let's go, Let's let's end on something light today. It's been a bit heavier. Okay, we're gonna take a break up. We'll be right back with Kelly Rizzo. And we're back.
We are back.
Well.
I identify with Cindy here because, you know, being a Midwestern kid, as I know you are, Kelly, you know our families are a little more conservative when it comes to what we do with our body modification. So Cindy says, Dear Chelsea. I'm in my thirties and recently got a little lip filler for the first time. I'm happy with the results, but I find myself constantly afraid of being judged by my friends and coworkers. I also live far away from
my parents, and I'm dreading their reaction. They screamed at my sister when she got her nose pierced, so they definitely don't like body modifications. My fear is that my parents will be disappointed in me for changing the features they gave me, and I don't want to break their hearts. Do you think I should give my parents a heads up about the filler or should I just act normal and not say anything when I finally see them. Thanks so much for your advice, Cindy.
I definitely don't think you should give the heads up to anyone about anything, Like it's really not their fucking problem or their business. And if it's noticeable enough, like if it's a big change from how you looked before, then I think you should go in there with like a plan about why you did it, explaining to them that it was important for you and that this has been something you've felt insecure about and that you've seen everybody else.
Everybody fucking does this. Everybody does it.
I've done it, Like it's okay, it doesn't matter, Like whatever's going to make you feel better. First of all, your lips get thinner as you get older, so like there's that a men's get thicker as they get older.
How that happens?
It's like, but also like whatever you need to do to make yourself feel better, who gives a shit? Like you don't owe them an explanation, And if they if it's not noticeable enough. They probably won't even fucking notice. So I don't know how much you got done. But like everyone is doing this and it's that's it. You always wanted bigger lips. That's all you have to say is I wish I had bigger lips. I've always wanted
bigger lips. Can you believe how lucky I am that they provide this and you could just go and get it done. It didn't have to get so, I didn't have to go under the knife. I didn't have to do anything drastic. I just got a little lip injector that will dissolve if I don't like it.
I mean, life is a miracle.
Yeah, I mean, I'm with you completely, and that you're an adult, you're in your thirties. I understand the still appreciation for what your parents think. But it's one thing if you were like in high school and they're like, I'm not gonna pay for college if you do this, okay, it's like you're kind of still under their thumb, like they can't just go out and do that.
However, I mean I.
Come from a very different like my mom lived in the Playboy mansion in the sixties, when I had like my nose done in my boobs on, she was like, you go girl, Like she loved all that stuff. But then again, like they hated all the tattoos. I have so many tattoos. And my dad is you know, born in Sicily, very old school Sicilian, and he's would freak out about them. But I still just didn't care. I'm like, they're still gonna love me no matter what. They're not gonna disown me, and they get over it.
They get over it.
Yeah, they might be mad for a few minutes and well like why'd you do that? Five minutes later, they're not going to care. So just you're building this up too much. Yeah, they'll get over it.
Yeah, And it's the way you feel, isn't silly. That's not what I'm trying to say by this is a silly question. But if this gives you confidence, that's the thing that matters. And I do think that's true. Like parents sometimes are like weird about something like a nose ring, but like not about hey, your lips look a little bit different.
But also just come from a place of like when you do deal with it, your enthusiasm has to override their criticism, Like I'm so happy I did this. Thank goodness, this service is available, Thank god I can afford it. You can just pop into someone's office and do this, like, oh my god, I'm so grateful. Like you have to overshadow their pessimism or negativity and with the fact that their daughter's happy that you made that choice.
Yeah.
Yeah, Like I feel good about myself. And if you want to be mad at me, be mad at me. But I'm sure you'll get over it. And yeah, we'll have a wonderful holidays.
Yeah, exactly.
Cut to I want to see it before and after picture.
Please send that Cindy you.
Okay, So, Kelly, thank you for coming today.
So listen to people if you want to be in a support group for grief or you know, probably other things too. I imagine it will expand beyond just grief. Right, you can go.
To comfort Club online dot com.
Comfort Club online dot com, and then you can also tune into Kelly's podcast, which is comfort Food, which.
Is available on anywhere you get podcasts.
Which is also about grief and handling grief with a little bit more support and more comfort over food and actually using it as a guide to not even for yourself. If you're necessarily going through grief, but if for someone that you love is going through grief, figuring out a better way to be available for them exactly.
And it's just really great advice for not only how to get through it yourself, but how to help people going through it in your life. Because if we haven't gone through it yet, someone we know has gone through it or is going through it. Yeah, thank you so much for thank you so much for having me. Yes, so lovely to see you. Yeah, always always. Okay, we'll see you guys next week.
Okay, guys. Stand up shows that I have coming up.
I am going to San Diego on eleven, twenty nine, that has tickets available. Oh, I'm coming to Vegas on November thirtieth, right after Thanksgiving and their tickets available for that. And then I'll be in Des Moines, Iowa December fifth. December sixth is Omaha, and then December twenty eighth, I'm coming in New Orleans right before New Year's and then I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia on December twenty ninth. And those are the rest of my stand up dates for this year. It's over New Tour New Year.
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com