Hi, Catherine.
Oh hello Chelsea. Thanksgiving Day today.
Oh, Happy Thanksgiving, guys, Happy Thanksgiving. I am in the process of picking out a new dog, a rescue, a half chow rescue. I'm dealing with this chow chow company in Houston that only has chows. I'm forgetting a dog for Whistler. I'm bringing one dog to Whistler. Bernice does not like Whistler, so she's going to stay back with my Belle and her lover, Fernando, who's my Bell's son.
They send me illicted pictures of them multiple times a day, of her in bed with Fernando under his arms, sleeping under the covers, which is a joke because she doesn't fucking do that, so obviously they're staging these photos. Anyway, I am leaving her behind because I feel like it's abuse of making her come to Whistler with me.
Yeah, sometimes just don't travel.
I don't want her to have to travel, so, but I do need a dog, so I'm gonna pick one up and get a winter dog.
And I am choosing between three male dogs.
One is named Doug, one is named Albi, and one is named Jim and I there are all between one to two years and they're not like the most they're not. I really want a full full chow. I want the full blown Yeah, but I don't want to buy a dog. I think that's gross. I probably will do it anyway at some point, but I'm gonna rescue now. Good for you, and I'm gonna yeah. So I'm just gonna keep you posted on that. I'm just they're not the cutest dogs
in the world. Like, I have a type a face, and these are all very cute.
Dogs, but they're not.
I just want to say, that's how great of a parent I am. I'm still gonna get a dog, but I don't think is perfect.
Don't judge a dog, Bay, it's cover, No, I know. I learned that the hard way.
I sat next to somebody at an event recently and I was like, oh, no, I'm sitting next to this person, and then we had a fucking blast and I'm.
Like, oh, I like you.
Sometimes people are surprising, Yeah they are.
It's hard not to judge a book by its cover, because sometimes people make it so hard to not judge them by the way they look, because they're the way they look is so ridiculous, right, or.
Like they they look like a specific kind of person you already have sort of a groove for in your brain, and you're like, oh, they're gonna be like this, and then sometimes.
They just like shock you.
Yeah.
I remember growing up like I was always afraid to go into hot topic. But that's like where they had all the stuff that I wanted to buy, and I finally braved it and went in. Well, I was like in sixth grade, and then everyone in there was so nice, and I was like, wait, all.
The nicest people are actually in hot topic?
What is hot topic?
Oh, it's like the goth teenagers at them all. That's why I haven't heard of it back.
When we had malls. You are headed to Whistler soon.
How long are you going for I'm going for winter, yes, like four months.
Yeah, is December through.
I have all my Canadian dates there, so I'm doing I'm basing myself out of Whistler.
My house is still not ready. It'll never be ready. I guess your house here.
And I just came from a meeting again. I'm constantly going to meetings and then I'm constantly picking out things. I'm like, didn't we already pick this out? I really can't even express how long this has taken.
No, truly, Like when we met, you were shopping for a house and then you bought one and it's still being ready me.
I mean, I would love the time frame because it was supposed to be ready in August.
Before that, it was supposed to be ready in June. Yeah. Now we're in at the end of November and they're saying December.
So we started record I think in February twenty twenty one.
Well, and I spent two years in a rental house, so that's to raisis to twenty three.
Here we are two and a half years later.
Couldn't happen to a better person, you guys, couldn't happen to a better person?
So true, Chelsea. We have a pretty exciting guest today.
Please welcome co host of the Hawk Versus Wolf podcast and skateboarding the Legend, Tony Hawk.
Hi, Hi, Tony Hawk.
Tony Hawk is with here.
Tony Hawk is with here today. Everybody okay, and I'm here too with us?
Tony. How are you nice to meet you?
You too, Thank you? Thanks for having me. I'm good.
I don't think we've ever met before.
I feel like we know a lot of the same people, but I don't think we've officially met. So nice to meet you. Thank you. Yeah, I'm a big fan.
Oh well, thank you.
Likewise, I mean, I'm a very big admirer of everything you've accomplished in your life in your sport. I know that you came big on the scene with skateboarding. You were like it was the eighties and you invented it's called the nine hun. Can you explain to our female listeners what that is in case any of them don't know.
Yeah, well, that refers to degrees of rotation, So it is basically a two and a half spin in the air, kind of like what you would see on a trapeze, but from a ramp and coming back down the ramp without anything to catch you.
How does it compare to what Simone Biles has been up to these last few weeks.
I it would be like if Simone Biles was trying a trick for five or ten years and then she finally made it once.
Yeah okay, and then also landed on wheels. Well yeah, well she might not be far behind you.
I'm not discounting what she does at all. I'm a huge fan of Simone Biles. I'm just saying like, this was more of a thing that I had been trying off and on for the better part of ten years of my life and then finally made it during the X Games in nineteen ninety nine. So it resonated a lot and it was a big deal for me because it was it was sort of the end of my competition era, so it was a good out.
Yeah.
Seriously, I did a bunch of people mimic you after or tried to. Were they able to also?
Yeah? Yeaheah. Actually within that same year, two other guys did it, and nowadays, honestly, like it's not very commonplace, but there is a dozen or so people that can do it, and now they have managed to surpass that with extra spins all the way up to a twelve sixty, So now we have three and a half spins. It's on a bigger ramp, so it's a different it's a different setup, but it's amazing to me.
Yeah, that is amazing.
So when you when you're able to perfect something like that, how many more times are you able to do it? After you were able to pull it off at the X Games.
I could after that, I could do it pretty regularly. I would say I probably did it forty to fifty times after that. It's kind of like when you when you know it's possible. Yeah, it's a little easier to navigate.
Uh huh. And when was the last time you were able to pull that off?
I did it about five years ago, six years ago, and it was so hard to do at that I mean I was forty it was forty eight at the time, and it was so hard to do. I was like, that's definitely the last one.
Yeah, I liked what I read about you.
About you so skateboarding, you were kind of it was like very hot during a certain period of time, and then it kind of dulled a little bit. Then it blew up again when your video game came out, and that's how a lot of people were introduced back into skateboarding and it became hot again. So what was tell me about that, And you had a hand in your video game, I'm assuming, Oh, no, I was.
I was very much involved.
Yeah.
I think there was a perfect storm of events happening. At the time. Skating was in a lull of popularity, it was still progressing, and there was still obviously very passionate people doing it, but all the parks were closed. It was more like a street element, street culture thing. And then the X games came around in ninety five. They built up some momentum for skating, and then our
video game was released in nineteen ninety nine. We had worked on it for nearly two years up to that point, and it was kind of like skateboarding was hitting Astride the video game hit, and then that was the tipping point, and then skating was just kind of in the mainstream.
Talk to me a little bit about recently. Didn't you have a you broke your femur, right, I did. How was that during skateboarding?
I was during skateboarding, yes, uh.
And that was more recent. That was like a year or always.
That was last March. Yeah.
First of all, let's talk about mental health during an injury, because especially when you're an athlete, I want to talk about being an athlete and your mental health space transitioning kind of out of being at the top of your game, meaning your youth, and what that does because you have children.
I know you have children who and one of them is a pro skateboarder, correct, So talk to me about what that is like a let's start from transitioning out of your career, because you, I mean, there is no one who's more famous for skateboarding than you are.
And so what did that feel like.
When you say transitioning out of being at the top of your game. That was a very hard and fast transition for me because I felt like I was still skating up to my potential at that time. And then I fucked around and found out, like I, you know, that was it. I was doing a trick that I had done thousands of times. I didn't have enough speed or I didn't have the usual amount of speed. I came down on the ramp sooner than expected and just couldn't adjust for it. And this thing, I know, my
leg is pointing the other direction. And the recovery for that was very difficult. I've actually had sort of a failed round of recovery because I got back on my skateboard too soon, so I had to have surgery again about eight months later. And ever since then, I've been humbled in terms of what I expect of my skating, what I expect of myself, what it means to be a professional, what it means to be even relevant on a skateboard, and I've definitely toned down all my expectations
since then and just happy to be skating again. So mentally it was it was really difficult for me because I felt like that was my identity, even though I have a lot of other things that I do, and I advocate for skating and public skate parks and the like, but I was always wrapped up in walking the walk, and when that was taken away from me for my
own fault, I had to wrestle with all that. And I've come to a place where I'm just glad to be able to do it at all and it doesn't have to be at that level, but I did it at that level for so long that it was it was very difficult to let go of.
Yeah, I find it fascinating with athletes, you know, when they retire, when they have to kind of transition out of their sport because of age and because of their body just isn't willing to cooperate anymore. What that must what that must mean for them, Because I know how much irrelevancy I get from work, you know, and if someone said, oh you can't you know, you're not allowed to.
Talk anymore, or what, I don't know how I would compute that.
Now, is that something you dealt with, like on your own did you deal with did you have to go to therapy for this?
I do see a therapists regularly, and he definitely helped with giving me that perspective. My wife was really the one who was the most helpful, because she's the one who gives it to me straight and is like, look, you represent more than just riding your skateboard, and you should embrace that more and be thankful for that and lean into it. And she's right. And so when I go, like, for instance, if I go to do a skate exhibition, now I am not so hyper fixated on my own performance.
I'm just soaked to be in the mix. Yeah, and I'm happy that people want to see me even so, I've lowered my expectation and it's more enjoyable that way. I think that's what it is. I was always so driven and so motivated to do the absolute best I could possibly do that I lost sight of just the enjoyment of the act of it and the scenarios where I get to be like I get to travel the world and ride my skateboard and people pay me to do that that's just wild. I'm fifty five.
I know it's crazy.
It's crazy that you're still skateboarding at fifty five years old. I mean, hopefully that's a new norm that people will, you know, be able to.
I'm the guinea pig for how far you can try everybody.
But I think what you're describing is missing gratitude for what you're doing in the.
First place, right, Yes, absolutely.
In place of the competitive spirit become you become like a little bit more spiritually awake and aligned and realize how grateful you should be to be here in the first place, with everything you've accomplished, right, and then you're able to kind of show up in a different way.
Yeah, absolutely, and take it in more, you know, because it's more just swallowing your pride and realizing, look, you're not gonna you're not going to be killing it, you're not the best out there, and have fun. And I'm learning to have a lot more fun.
And so how are you with your son that is a pro skateboarder, Like, how do you guide him?
Shall I say?
And instill in him some of the things that maybe you wished you had known or learned at that time.
I think I just help him to navigate the business aspects of it more. He really has his own flare, his own style, and he's very creative and he's always motivated to do new things. So that I feel like is something that was just more inherent to him. But in terms of making good business moves and what will resonate more, what will have more long term effect for him,
are the things that he needs help with. And but I trust his sensibilities and so I think he just sees me as sort of Okay, that's one way to do it, and I can grab parts from that. It's a little bit more challenging for him because he's not on social media anymore because that was really messing with his mental health. And he is engaged to Francis Bean Cobaine, so that there was a lot of scrutiny for them, and so they both bounced from social media just for their own their own health.
Oh cheez, I can only imagine, Oh my god, And are they still engaged?
Do you get married?
Oh oh fantastic, Great, that's a success.
Then get away from social media if you want to salvage your relationship, I mean, and many other things. So since this is kind of like sort of a sensitive it's not a sensitive podcast, but you know, we try and talk about meaningful things. I would love to hear from you about yourself, Like, what are the things that you've learned about yourself since you've had to discover this kind of different style of life where it was skateboarding isn't necessarily at the center all the time.
What are the things that you like that you've learned about yourself.
I think that I'm good at more domestic routines better than I thought I was, and a good parent in terms of being available, being supportive, always being ready to drive wherever and whenever, and so I think those things I knew I was good at them, but they were but I was always just home for a couple of days and doing these things and then off on tour and whatnot. So it was hard to keep that balance. And I think that I have a much healthier sense
of that balance. And I know that my kids can turn to me and I will be available to them at any given time.
Yeah, I've heard a lot of really famous men talk about this. I heard something Bruce Springsteen said, and then there was another.
Maybe it was Dave Grohl.
There and then there was another man who's talking about they were only really tested to do the domestic aspects of their life or participate in the domestic aspects of their life.
When their wife was like, listen, you're going to miss all of this.
Either participate in this, be up in the mornings that's when they're at their best, or you've got to be doing the school runs. You've got to be with them when it's not the thing to be with them, like when it's not an event in the real life moments.
And the benefit that that.
Seems to have on men is just it's really a beautiful thing.
Yeah, I think so. I think that I was doing those things, but I was doing them in pockets and not in a truly long assistance since, like I said, because I was a home here and there and then then not. But then now I have made a much more concerted effort to be home for long stretches at a time. So there is that consistency, and it's it's great, you know. It's it's exhausting, just like anything any parenting would be. And I feel for the moms that are
doing it alone. But it's it's it's rewarding, it's the most rewarding thing.
I believe you.
I believe when people say it's rewarding, I can see that it's rewarding. It just seems unfathobble to someone like me who has zero children, that any person or two people even could raise four children. It seems crazy, like I just don't even understand how. And I'm from a family of six children. But we were kind of left, you know, to do whatever the hell we felt like it. But we still survived and we're all working and living.
So it's pretty amazing when you think about bringing that many people into the world and then just kind of ushering them through life.
Right, it is, but you get better at it. So unfortunately, your first one or two kids, you know, they're sort of the tests for how it's going to go, right, but everyone knows that that's how it goes, and you know, sometimes they become the caretakers of sorts. But I agree with you. We actually my wife in between us, we have six oh and so there were years where it was like four kids in school mode but going to different schools, and that got very challenging, but you figure
it out. It's hard when you see it from a different perspective, and the most rewarding thing is when you see them make good choices. It sounds cliche, but it is. It's true, Like you see that you've given them at least a sense of values and the tools to make a good decision in a challenging time. Yeah.
I always am very surprised by my nieces who always show extraordinary strength and like their philosophy on life. I'm like, or they know how to make a decision. I'm like, how did you know that? I didn't know that at that age. It's like kids, Kids are smarter from social media and dummer from social media, but also smarter just because of evolution, right, everybody keeps getting smarter.
It seems like I know that you open like nine hundred skate parks? Is that right?
Through our foundation we've helped to you know, we've helped to open I think over seven or eight hundred now with a lot more in the works.
That's incredible in lower sociate economic neighborhoods, right.
Yeah, just underserved areas. It all started with the idea that it was like around two thousand and two, I believe skating was really starting to explode and there were very few facilities and I saw that firsthand, and I ended up getting invited to a few big grand openings of skate parks, and there was one in particular that I went to and the city council was so excited because they thought that they were cool, they thought they were progressive. They made a skate park for their their community.
And the park was so so par because it was built by a sidewalk contractor that got the lowest bid to do the work, didn't know how to make a skate park. And I went to the park and I got to be the first one to ride it, and they were all up against the fence I got. I went the night before us and no one was watching me except for the city council members, and they all like, what do you think of the park? What do you think of the park? And I said, Oh, it's terrible. It's
not fun, it's not functional. You've got stairs leading up to a wall, like I don't understand who designed it. And they said, well, you know what, that's what all the kids were saying when we were building it. But then we said, wait till Tony Hawk gets here and I'll show you how to ride it. And in that moment I thought like, this is just a bad cycle that has to be turned. And I thought, if that's what they're telling, you know, they're saying that I'm the
one that they're leaning on to ride it properly. Maybe I'm the one that they that people would listen to and say, look, this is not how you do it. You've got to include the local skaters, You've got to include the local community. You have to go with experience skate park builders. And I went on who Wants to Be a Millionaire with Regis within that same month and one one hundred and twenty five thousand dollars and that was the seed money for what became the skate park project.
It's incredible, and yeah, that's incredible, incredible contribution.
Nice.
Is this something you envisioned to do at some point in your life?
Oh? Absolutely, I mean todate, we've given away over nine million dollars and I'm here advocating for it as much as I can. I'm always a big part of it. In fact, we just raised over seven hundred thousand dollars this year with this online competition that we did through Colossal, and so I'm still very much involved.
Something that you talk about that, I can relate to a lot is envisioning what you want to happen happening, Like when you focus on the negative, that can become bigger, and when you focus on the positive, then that can become your reality.
So will you speak to me a little bit about that in terms of competition or in regular life.
I think my best parallel to that is how how I approach learning new tricks. And my approach to learning new tricks is that it is possible, and I have visualized it to completion and the success of it, and I don't go at it going man, I hope I don't get hurt. You know, oh, I just might go wrong, because if those things are in my head, those are
the ones that end up coming to fruition. So I'm always on in the moment, even if it's like extremely difficult and I'm exhausted, I'm still there, going, this is possible. You got to make it happen. And sometimes it doesn't happen that day, but eventually it does happen. And so I have the same approach to life in terms of how we raise our kids, what we wish for them, We help them through our positivity and through our not expectations, but hopes for them.
Yeah, well your your visions of positive it's like a positive like, you know, envisioning positive outcomes for everything is a really great way to go through life, to go through anything.
I mean to constantly worry, worry, worry.
I mean, just had this experience with a friend who was so worried about the situation, so worried, so worried, so worried, and I'm like, I couldn't get to her to explain to her, like the worrying is actually making the problem bigger than it needs to be. This is an unlikely outcome, and you are focusing on the most unlikely outcome rather than.
The most extreme scenario.
Yeah, yeah, rather what the most positive outcome could be. And sure enough, we just found out this weekend that the most positive outcome happened exactly what she had been
worried about happening, you know, the opposite thing happened. And I know it's hard to tell people not to worry, you know, because it's that's like in your it's like in part of your DNA and your genetic makeup, I think, but there is a practice that to be learned of thinking positive lee about things, and positivity does have definitely breeds more positivity. There's no doubt about that that can
be scientifically proven at this point. Do you do any sort of meditation or anything like that, Tony.
I don't. I feel like my skating has always been my meditation, and I sense that more now than ever. For instance, we were just traveling a bunch and going to much events. I did not get to skate for almost two weeks, and I felt very on edge and realized, you know, I wouldn't have connected that before. I would just have related it to stress or whatever, or a crazy schedule. But I realized, like, I haven't skated, and I went skated for a couple hours the other day,
and all that anxiety just washed away. And I wasn't pushing it hard. I wasn't trying anything extravagant or dangerous. It was just more that I got out there and that was my meditation.
Yeah, it's interesting when you talk about, like, you know, athletes and like the tremendous pressure you I'm sure experienced as a younger competitor, the pressure that you put on yourself attached to the very thing you love the most to do and even at that time, being able to imagine a time where you could enjoy it without the pressure.
It is, yeah, and I don't. And he used to always be I needed a directive, I needed a goal, like I need. I needed something to aspire to when I'd go skate and I and now it's just like, I just want to go out there and play the hits and cruise and have fun and see my friends and laugh and then go home sweaty. That's what I'm aspiring to cute.
I love it.
Okay, Well, we're going to take a quick break and then we're going to be right back and we're going to take.
Some calls and we're back.
We're back. Are you ready to give some advice? Tony?
Oh, I don't know. Are my kids calling in? If so, yes, they are not.
We blocked them from calling. Don't worry. They wanted to, but we said no, absolutely not.
Wet's start with a caller. Our first email comes from Chris. Chris says, Dear Chelsea. When my kids were grown, I went back to college during a nasty divorce. I started taking ski lessons through the school to deal with the stress, and I loved it. There was something about writing to the top and feeling the freedom of looking down the mountain or the bunny slope in the beginning, and I felt great every time I made it to the bottom.
As I started to get better, the man.
I was dating at the time decided I should go skiing with him, which to this day I regret. He had skied his whole life and had me moving across the mountain from the beginner slopes to the harder ones without even looking back to see how I was doing. When I was coming down a harder slope, someone hit me and I fell. He left me in the injury hut and continued to ski, and yes, we broke up shortly after that. I needed surgery and was in recovery for a while.
Oh my god, yeah, Oh my god.
Yeah.
My question is I've gone skiing since this happened, but I'm still afraid that someone is going to run into me. Do you have any advice or tricks that could help me in overcoming my fear. I want to have that feeling of freedom and that sense of accomplishment I had in the beginning without being afraid.
Thanks Chris, and she'll join us here.
Oh is that Chris? She looks like a beautiful meadow. Hi, Chris, Hi, CHRISI Hi, how are you?
Thank you? I am in the beautiful meadow.
That's a nice background. Well, our special guest here is Tony Hawk. Tony, I'm going to let.
You start with this since it's a overcoming a fear kind of question, and then I will chime in.
Well, I'm sorry that happened to you, and just know that it is very unlikely for that sort of thing to happen, especially when you're on the sort of beginner intermediate slopes. Generally, people are all sort of looking out for each other unless someone is very beginner and out of control. But I think that you survived a worst case scenario for the most part, and it's you know, the old, the old cliche, get back on the horse.
If you get back out there and you really just start to enjoy it and enjoy the freedom of it, I think you'll gain that confidence back and also you'll be able to be more aware of your surroundings.
Right, thank you.
Yes, I do want that freedom back to enjoy because I loved it. I loved every second of it until that happen, and now I have like this gripping fear, and now I'm like so tense and I want to get back to where I was.
But you're also being led by someone with great experience and not considering that maybe you shouldn't be in those areas or and that kind of thing can really be a recipe for disaster.
M absolutely listen.
Part of your fear that you've already walked through the door of it, because you're already back out there trying to ski again.
So that's half of it.
Okay, you've already stepped through that doorway, and you don't have to live in that fear because you're not going to put yourself in that situation again. You're not going to put yourself on a mountain or a run that doesn't feel comfortable to you. You're going to take it easy and you're going to enjoy the very thing you loved about skiing, which was the open air and the freedom within it and going down a hill at whatever speed you feel comfortable in without overdoing it. I had
been dragged down a mountain by a man before. I have ended up in a gully by myself that I had to climb out of my ski boots with and I never spoke to that man again either. So there can be a lack of conscientiousness regarding others, especially when you are around men and sports. They think, just keep up, if you're worth your assault, you'll be able to find me at the bottom of the hill. And the answer to that is fuck off. So I'm glad that you
never spoke to him again. I'm glad that you're healthy enough to be using your body again to ski and do the very thing that he introduced you to. So there is a silver lining. You know, the person that kind of gave you a bad experience is also the one who introduced you to the experience.
Correct, No, he was not.
I started skiing after a divorce and I wanted to try something new and something free, and that's what I started with. It just that he just came along after that.
Okay, Well think of that as a second divorce. And now you can party. Okay.
So you've gotten those two people out of your way and now you can have a good time. And I think you should just say a little mantra to yourself when you are skiing down the mountain. I am safe, I am okay, I am careful, I am safe.
I'm okay. I'm careful. Just don't put yourself in a situation where you're out of your element.
And even if you do, even if you end up on a scarier run than you're used to, you're still safe. You just proceed with caution, you know what I mean. You have more skills now and then you did then, And you proceed with caution, and just remind yourself you're gonna be okay.
You're gonna be okay. And I think if you repeat.
That to yourself while you're skiing, it starts to kind of live in your body in a little bit more of a deep, more meaningful way.
And I think taking a step that's a little easier than what you think is sort of your max. You know, one step easier than what you're you feel comfortable with might get you back doing.
It a little bit more.
But if you aren't finding that you're able to get past this fear, you might try some EMDR therapy. I think for an event like this, that can help you process the trauma and also sort of reframe it.
Especially for something that's.
So physical and hadst long recovery time, which I know Tony went through just recently as well, that can help with this lingering fear in the back of your mind of like, oh my gosh, there's somebody going to crash into me.
It'll get easier, though each time you might not notice how incremental it is. But at some point you'll be on the on the slopes thinking, oh, I'm not worried about that anymore, and it'll happen.
Great, because I'd like to hit up Blake Placid this year if I'm lucky.
Do it, do it, do it well? Then come on, let's do it.
Go you got it, Chris, send us a picture from the slopes.
Okay, I will definitely do that. I thank you and thank you so much for your time and help today. I really really appreciate it.
Oh, you're so welcome. Thanks for calling in.
Thanks Chris, thank you.
Right bye, guys, good bye. That was easy. Problem solved. To see how easy that was, we'll see.
Yeah.
No, but I do think what you said, you know about having those reps and just doing it several times, it's like you have less of a fear of like this is the time I'm going to get hurt, because you have more experience of like, oh I'm not getting hurt.
I was once skiing with this guy that I was dating, Andre Bilage. I'm starting to just drop all my exes names in public life so they can all But I was one.
Skiing with him.
I think we were an Aspen some film festivals, so maybe it was Sundance and we were the Kennedys, a group of the Kennedys, and they started skiing and I just I had skied my childhood, but never like, you know, to a very strong degree, so I could ski, but I didn't know how to get down, you know, something hard easily, and I had no technique. And they all made a write and as soon as I just saw what was going on, I'm like, I don't want any part of this, Like there's no way I'm going to
be able to get down what they're going down. There was a jump they had to jump into the next run, and I was like, I just stopped, took my skis off, and then like three other people came and they're like, what the fuck is that. I was like, I'm not doing that, Will you guys please do not.
Do it with me?
And they're like yeah. And I remember when we came down.
To the bottom of the hill, we all met up for whatever lunch or whatever. I was like, hey, asshole, we're on a date, Like, how could you ditch me like that? And he said, any woman worth her salt would be able to get down the mountain.
That's when he said to me, nope, And I was like what anyway?
And that's my story where I got ditched and that relationship was a hot mess because I got ditched too.
Yeah, So my experiences with dates or significant others were just me teaching them. So it was it was a mutual frustration, but it was never right right, you know. It was never I'm out of here. It was more like, we're going to get down the mountain. It's going to happen.
Nothing worse than a man who has no regard for a female safety when you're on a date.
There's nothing more.
Yeah, I can imagine.
Disturbing and you snowboard right, Tony, Yes, Yeah.
This next question is a little bit of a tricky one, but Tony, I thought you could help us with this since you are sort of known for tweeting about these like awkward interactions that.
You have with folks who are like you look just like Tony Hawk.
But don't think that you're Tony Hawk. Et cetera.
So this is an awkward social media quandary. Dear Chelsea, please help me with this very modern TikTok social media nightmare. This sum my dad mentioned he was getting bored, so I told him all about TikTok and how he can use it to watch funny videos and search for things he's interested in. A few days later, he called to say how much he loves TikTok and I've been sending all of the family. My mother and sister included funny videos,
and I told him to send some to me. The next day, he sent me a cute video of dogs getting washed and sinks. Something made me curious about the other accounts he follows. The problem my father exclusively follows swinger accounts, ultra skinny women with gigantic boobs, and accounts of women eating bananas digestively my eyes. Good for him, I guess, albeit I wish I hadn't seen the list. The problem is he's sending these videos to everyone he knows without realizing the accounts he follows are.
Easy to see.
So he's basically sending my mom, sister, and all of his aunts a direct database of all his fetishes for all to see. Please God give me a way of addressing this with him so he stops sending everyone links to his kinks in a way that will also make sure he doesn't get funny with me or annoyed.
Help Robert from the UK, I mean, that's pretty straightforward.
Just show your father exactly what he's doing. Going this is how this comes up on my phone.
This is very transparent. Yeah, it's so obvious to everyone, and like it's one thing. I mean, it's a little too late, but at least he gets saved some phase.
But it's also like it's also like, first of all, it's so upsetting that I even have to know about this, and now I have to explain to you that you have to keep it to yourself, which is a disgusting thing that I now have to know you're doing in your private time. I know, which I guess everyone has the right for their own fetishes as long as it's not harming anybody else. But it is emotionally harmful to know that your father's into some sick shit.
The women eating bananas, that one really gets me, honestly.
Yeah, you just you have to confront him and show him and go Dad, you've got to stop forwarding this stuff. If you want to do follow this stuff, great, I mean not great. But if you want to follow this stuff, that's up your own right, but you can you have to stop sharing with it because you're giving everybody a day base of what you're doing.
Right, Tony, would you just like tell him, uh.
Yeah, I think so. It's you know, it's my simple parallel would be like, you got some mustard right here, like everyone can see it, everyone can see this issue.
Yeah, exactly.
See me as someone who is like more of a people pleaser, I would probably be like, look at my account, here's where you can see all the accounts I follow, and like, hope he puts two and two together that everyone can see who he follows.
But no, you just be direct, so twissy cat around all these fucking people.
I mean, honestly, you're doing him a favor.
It's like, I'm not gonna I think that's it. You're doing a favor by being the most obvious about it. Absolutely. I think that you know, I respect people that we'll just tell you even when you're out in public or whatever. It's like, hey man, your flies down, like thank you, because no one everyone's embarrassed to do that or whatever it is.
Yeah, where it's like I agreed with you, that guy saved you.
Yeah, and you know, I know I'm making up these comparisons, but it would just benefit him so much more. And it's like, Dad, everyone could see that you're into this banana thing swingers, like everyone can see it.
Yeah, okay, so just be direct, Yes, direct, direct is the best way forward. Everybody, See, it's everybody a lot of time in agony.
For sure.
Our next caller is Jennifer. She's a police officer in Canada. Dear Chelsea, I'm writing to you because my doctor recommended I see a therapist. You sadly did not make the list of recommended therapists in my area, but I thought i'd reach out anyway. I'm thirty one and I'm five years into being a police officer in Canada. Until last year, I loved being a police officer and found purpose in it. But now I just keep thinking about quitting. In twenty
twenty one, my boyfriend and I welcome to daughter. She was planned into the world. I thought I would still be the same person I was before she was born. Career driven, striving to be the best police officer I could be, but after maternity leave last year, my heart's not in it anymore. I feel guilty leaving my daughter
at our various childcare arrangements while working twelve hour shifts. Basically, I'm feeling that my career is taking all of my energy, and I want to put all of my energy into my daughter's life and activities.
I don't want her.
At eighteen hating us, thinking her parents put their all into everyone else's problems instead of focusing on her. I want healthy meals on the table. I want time to work out. I want my relationship with my boyfriend to be strong. I want to ski the Rockies and not feel like it's a chore because I'm mentally and physically exhausted from work and I want to have one more baby. I've talked to my boyfriend and he doesn't want me
to quit. For the income and benefits such as a guaranteed pension at twenty five years of service, I'd retire at fifty, medical coverage, maternity leave up to eighteen months, etc. So Chelsea, do I quit my job? Because my day to day is an exhausting grind and I feel like i'm not the mom I want to be, or do I stick it out, risk missing out on these younger years of my kids' lives, and hope I work my way up to a nine to five position by the
time they hit their high school years. A working mom listening on my commute to work.
Jennifer, Hi, Jennifer, I tell cy Catherine, I'd say Hi, Tony Hawk. He's our special guest today.
Hi, Tony Hawk. Carry you Hi.
He specializes in maternal advice. So you've got you call it.
It's something similar. I have many children, so I do have plenty of experience.
Awesome, that's what I'm looking for.
So let me ask you a question.
Financially, would you be stable without working as a police officer?
We would be because the idea is not that I would be like a stay at home Mom'm not bringing in income. I would ideally be replacing that income with something else that's more conducive to like the work life balance.
Right.
Well, then, I just don't think there's any question. It's like, you have to follow your heart and your gut. And as a mother, I understand the inkling. I mean, I don't understand because I'm not a mother, but I can pretend to understand and empathize with the idea that you want to spend time with your child while they're growing up. You're never going to get those years back, and you're pretty dispassionate about being a police officer, so that would be a waste of time to continue to pursue that
just for as a means to an end. In my opinion, I think that all women and men should always listen to their intuition, and you know their instinct, and your instinct is telling you that you want to be there for your child and to create some sort of revenue and career that would bring you a lot more joy and would keep you around.
A lot longer.
You know, more hours in the day to spend with your daughter. Something probably more part time.
It sounds like, yeah, probably something similar to that.
So I don't think there's any question.
I mean, you know, your boyfriend's probably going to disagree with you, but I think your happiness is pretty much more important than your financial stability at this point. You know, as long as he's working, and your intention is to create another job that will bring you more pleasure and allow you the time to spend more time with your daughter.
Then that's what you need to do. Absolutely.
Yeah. I think the hard part is because like I feel like going into it, I like, before having my daughter, that was what my passion was. I was really good at it. So I feel like I'm worried that shifting this mindset because I have my daughter now, and maybe I'll go back to thinking that way after like these really tough like early years are past, and then regret walking away from it instead of just like sticking it out. I guess for the few years that are really tough.
No, I don't think so.
I think you need to listen to your inner voice, because that's your voice telling you that this isn't right for you anymore. I don't think you're going to look back and be like I wish I had remained a police officer and stuck it out.
I don't think so.
Like I think that you should be respectful of your own feelings. I think women so oftentimes are taught to second guests their actual intuition and instinct.
And you don't need to do that.
You just said it, you know, you wrote in You're taking the time, and even if you did in a few years miss that, I'm sure there's an avenue of your of a way back in to a police force once you once you've become a police officer, you can take a leave of absence.
You can, Hey, i'm a retired I stopped being a police officer. You can go back to that vocation.
Yeah, I guess it's not yeah permanent. It was something I wanted to go back to.
Yeah, and I think it's I mean, Tony, what do you think from a male perspective.
Oh, I absolutely agree. I was hyper fixated on a career like you, with being a police officer, and I was just sucked up in it. And then I got carried away and I definitely missed milestones and a few of my kids' lives and I can't get them back. I am there for them much more than ever, but there is definitely a sense of regret in their early years because I thought that, well, I need to be doing this. This is the success, this is what I've already dreamed of. I have to chase this to the
very end. And what is the end? I don't know. I guess that's my point is like, if you wanted to be the police officer and to be working those hard hours, what is the end goal of all of that. It feels like you're just chasing the carrot the whole time, and you would definitely miss out on a lot of things with your daughter, right.
Yeah, my daughter. And then we actually found out that we're expecting second so yay, congrats.
I feel like that's if that's the sign you're needed, that's it right there totally.
And also you're in a very you're in a lucky position because hey, do you know how many mothers feel this way and can't do anything about it. You're somebody who feels this way and can do something about you.
Yes, can you take your eighteen months of maternity leave before you go?
That would that would be preemptive maternity leave.
I like that.
Yeah, Well, I basically have to sign saying that I'm gonna work the amount of time that I've been off, So this would be kind of the long game of doing it for like a few more years. And then if I'm still in the same position, I guess in the walking away, then.
I do wonder too.
We have had there may not be a parallel for you, but we've had a couple people who've called in who've worked in the school systems and you know, teaching hasn't been right for them anymore, but they've moved into sort of like a parallel position like librarian.
Or something else in the school, so they will still qualify for their pension.
So like that may be something to explore if there is any all alternative for you.
Mm hmm, yeah, that's yeah. I definitely think I have options. It's just a matter of like narrowing it down. I'm very like type a personality, like I'm not just going to jump ship and not know what I'm going to I'm gonna you know, research it, figure out what the income is and if it fits, like what my needs are I guess now versus what my needs and like once we're five years ago.
Sure, Okay, well, well thanks much. You're absolutely welcome. Thank you for calling in.
And I hope you have a clearer conscience moving forward about your move.
And well, I have three more opinions I guess whether Yeah, kind of on my side.
So yeah, it's the best thing. It's the best thing you can do. Yeah. Yeah, it's the most rewarding thing you could do as well. Yeah.
Yeah for my kids for sure. And that's the biggest thing, right is not looking back and then, like you said, like regretting missing those those times for what right, Like the I guess on the work side of things, like those people you know aren't going to remember that I was there that day, but like my kids will remember that I wasn't right, So that's it.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, and Chelsea said this before, but but you know the decision that you make will be the right decision, you know, listening to your gut, do what your gut tells you. And then when you make that decision, like go forward in confidence and if you need to change later, you can change later.
Yeah, for sure. Like where the things come up also is like I was listening to your podcast the other day where the sister was really struggling with supporting her sister who was in an abusive relationship. And so it's like things like that that I end up dealing with, Like that's where I find meaning and purpose. So I guess those are the hard things that I'm I feel like i'd be missing out on and walking away from.
Like I do find purpose in doing that. I do think that there is, you know, a space and a need for women in policing, and so that's kind of what comes into it too, right, is like if I'm a woman who's leaving, then it's almost like not like they want, but it's almost like, okay, well you're already you know, the minority started having kids. That's kind of what ends up happening is you walk away from it and then what's left right is not as many women who should be because they do serve a purpose.
Yeah, but maybe that can trigger you into finding out, like, you know, your next career path, which is could be social work or it could be counseling and being there for women in a different way, you know, showing up for women in ways that they will need that kind of support.
Right, that's not Yeah, I'm mutually explosive to placing.
That's fair.
Yeah.
Yeah, well thanks so much.
Yeah, thanks Jennifer.
Today's career day so off and running.
Sounds good to have a good one.
Okay, M supposed it.
By good luck.
Thanks.
I can't believe you got pregnant during that phone call. I know that was quick. Maybe it was Tony.
He's got six kids, he seems pretty.
Uh No, I made sure it doesn't happen again. Oh okay, it wasn't me.
It wasn't.
Excellent Tony, you may be able to help with us since you have had some teenage boys in your house for quite some time. Dear Chelsea, I'm the mother of eighteen year old boy girl twins. I'm very frustrated with my son's lack of good hygiene.
He does shower, but he.
Puts his dirty clothes back on. He rarely does laundry unless I force him to. He never brushes his teeth and somehow doesn't have cavities. His room smells like dirty ass constantly. How can I get him to care how he smells. He's not depressed, he's just lazy and doesn't care. Thanks for Annie help you can offer Tara from Pa.
Yeah, that's tricky. My best approach to that has been about how offensive it is to your partner, or your potential partners, or your you know, girls at school, the girls of school. Yeah, I mean that was it. Like I one of my sons was. I think he was trying to be more hippie about it, but at some point it was just offensive to everyone. And I had to tell him, you know, because you got travel with him, and I was like, you got to put on the odorant,
You've got to brush your teeth more often. And at one point he brought a girl along to one of our trips and I that's when I got serious, m hm, because it was like, you're in close quarters with this person all the time.
Yeah, I mean hygiene in general. I understand there's a phase within all of our lives. I have had phases where I didn't feel the most hygienic in my life, where I just like, I like to eat food in bed, you know, I don't care if there's like mustard on
the sheet, I'll go to bed like that. But in terms of personal hygiene, there is something very undignified about not accessing healthy water, clean water when you have access to it, and it is putting on putting on dirty clothing after you take a shower is really gross.
Like there's that is counterintuitive.
It's counterintuitive.
And I'm sure there's a lot of masturbating going on with this kid too, because he's a teenage boy, so who knows what that's he's I mean, Mick put that in the mix that we didn't mention, you know, And I want to say, like, in these instances, it's it's almost more important for someone outside of the family to make the point to them rather than someone in the family, and not in the sense of like publicly shaming them and like, you know, posting pictures of his room or
whatever on your social platforms. I don't mean like that, but I think it would be important if you could enlist one of his friends or one of your friends or some want to make a comment that would actually make him care that he's having an impact not only on his inner family life, which he clearly doesn't care about,
you know, offending, but someone outside the family circle. You know, maybe it's a girl, maybe you have one of your friend's daughters say something, or and it doesn't have to be like a public roasting, but like in a private way, like you'd be a lot cuter if you smelled better, or who knows, yeah.
Or just by the accounts of girls and women who are like I was not going to go home with that guy because he smelled and his place was a big style out of there, like that's you know.
Yeah, maybe you can go through TikTok or Instagram and just collect a bunch of videos of women talking about how gross they find men who don't be.
Pay sure, and it's always a deal breaker, so and not always, but you know, it seems like more often than not.
Yeah, it is a deal breaker.
I mean, I understand teenage boys are one section, but listen, also, there is a very very strong chance he will grow out of this phase of his life. So while it's not fun to deal with, and you have to take some comfort in knowing that most people don't go through life like that, Yeah.
I agree.
I feel like he might grow out of it soon. There's also like maybe you can incentivize it.
It's a little bit, but you know, hopefully he will.
Just Yeah, I mean, I don't have any problem with bribing children to behave better, you know, throwing in an extra video game or whatever he's into, if he you know, if he cleans.
His room, washes his clothes, all of those things. I mean, I don't think there's anything.
They're almost college age, right, I mean.
That's yeah, eighteen, Oh he's eighteen. K.
Yeah, they're going to go off to college. Then it's going to be a roommate's problem. The roommates not going to bribe them.
Yeah, And I feel like I feel like college, you're going to get more peer pressure around, like dude, you didn't shower this week or whatever.
Yeah, that's going to get sorted out in college, so don't worry.
Set him free to.
Be harassed by his peers.
Okay, we're going to take a quick break and we will come back to wrap things up with Tony Hawk.
And we're bad.
Tony, thank you so much for joining us today and giving maternal paternal life advice, all of the good things.
It was a pleasure to finally meet you.
You too, thanks for having me.
Will you also tell us a little bit about your podcast and where people can find that?
Oh? Sure, it's a Hawk versus Wolf. My friend Jason Ellis and I we were both on Serious XM for almost twenty years and we decided to do our own podcast because it was way more fun and way more freeing, and so we get a lot of fun good guests, but also we have really funny conversations on our own because he is a comedian by nature but also by profession. Awesome.
I love it. Okay, great, well, thank you Tony, Thanks so much.
Thank you you guys, Bye bye bye.
Chelsea.
Do you have some new dates for us?
Oh?
You know, I do?
You know?
I do?
I have a lot of We added lots.
Of Canadian cities Canadians. I'm coming. We added about fifteen new tour dates. I'm coming to Denver again and Salt Lake City, Vancouver, Richmond, Virginia, Santa Rosa, California, Gary and Diana, Baltimore, Grown in New York, and about seven dates in Canada. So go to Chelseahandler dot com. I am performing everywhere. I will be on tour all for the rest of the year and through December, and then next year I'm going to be touring all year.
So come and get it, you guys. It's good times and it's a very much needed reprieve from all the fucking madness that's going on in this world. So I'm here to bring joy and sunshine.
Do you have a holiday themed question for Chelsea? Please send us all the questions that you need answered about crazy family get togethers, arguing over which cranberry sauce recipe to us, and all your holiday drama. Just send your questions to Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
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