Let’s Get Down to Business with Vanessa Gonzalez

I figured since we have been such a public couple, that it was only appropriate to publicly break break up um or let everybody know, because people were so invested in our relationship and so supportive, which was so moving to me, and it was really heartfelt to always hear how you know, everybody loved it and was so inspired and how I just wanted to let everyone know that it is, you know, an ending, but it's a beginning and it's not something that is going to break either

one of us, and that I have more hope than I ever have about love and finding love, and I now know that it's possible in the least in the places you least expect it. I believe that I believe that for everyone, for me and for everyone else, and that my heart is open and it's not going to shut. You know, it's now I'm open to the idea of spending my life with someone, and I hadn't been for

a really long time. Your post was so beautiful, and you know, I can tell that you both learned so much from each other, and I think that's really all we can ask from a relationship, is like not necessarily till death do us part, but like what how did you become more yourself? And how what did you learn about yourself when you were in that relationship for the good parts of yourself and the bad parts of yourself?

And you two are wonderful together. And I know, you know you said you'll you'll still be friends and yeah, yeah, you know. I mean it's hard to go through a breakup obviously, but it's important to go through it and not avoid it and not distract and deflect. And like I I'm very against that. I'm very much about sitting in my pain and understanding that something you know, that I hoped was going to work out did not work out.

And he changed me in so many wonderful ways. You know, he really fired up my work effic again and my ambition again, and I my desire to do things and be productive and have a voice and use my voice instead of you know, there's so many times where I fantasize about like moving to my worka well, mostly because this country is going to hell in a handbasket or

moving it Canada and all the stuff. And and I think, you know, Joe was a like a big beacon of light in my life that I he's unforgettable, and I like will take a lot of that with me into my next phase of life. And I just I don't want people to be heartbroken like on our behalf. Like it's a beautiful thing to be loved like that, you know, and to love someone like that, it's really beautiful. And I'll never let go of that because I know that it's out there now and it's possible, and I want

everyone else to know that it's possible too. And the only work you can do is on yourself, and you know, and and get through it and understand that you know, nothing in life is really that permanent. And I did my best and and that wasn't enough. Yeah, And like they say, when you're going through something, keep going. That's such a shift from where you were several years ago, where you're I mean, just look at how you're experiencing this loss. Like you are experiencing it. You're not closing

your mind to it, and like that's done. That's over. I'm not going to think about it anymore. Like you said so many times on this show, how you know when a relationship, friendship, or otherwise was over, it was just like that doors closed. I don't even think about them anymore. And what I can't imagine a healthier way to be processing this than you are right now. Thank you, thank you. I'm definitely this is my first adult breakup,

even though it's public. It's like I've handled this with as much adult technique and skill as I've been taught through therapy. Thank you, Dan's eagel Um. You know, like I know that I've acted with dignity and with grace, and I am giving nothing but love, putting love out there because I know that he needs that and everyone needs it and I need it, and I now know that that's the way to break up with love, not with anger. Yeah, thank you so much for sharing that.

I know any time you go through a breakup it's incredibly hard, and it's really rave of you to share all of that. I think I speak for all of the listeners out there when I say we're rooting for you both, and I really can't wait to see what the next chapter is thank you, Thank You. So as we transition into our episode, how would you feel if I tell you about something totally ridiculous that happened to me this week. Yeah, let's do a light thing. A

light thing. So I just got back from Wisconsin. I was there for a memorial, but it's for an aunt who passed away several years ago. She was one of our favorite aunts. But it was really wonderful to be with all my like my favorite cousins, like the like yes,

the fun cousins. Yeah. I have a line in one of my books where I say, like, sisters are great, but like your cousin will help you, like order vodka in an omelet, you know, like your sisters are slightly protective, whereas cousins are down for the same party you were down. And uh, yeah, I love I love cousins. I have so many cousins too. It's nice that you went back for a memorial. That's a really nice way to honor

your out. Yeah. She um. Well, my aunts and uncles had had a cabin up in like the north woods of Wisconsin. Manito wish Waters. If we have any listeners there, and I used to go up there with them but this an aunt. She had a phaseema and so it was always easier for her to be up there, especially during the summers, and loved it up there, so she asked for her ashes to be spread there and we finally all got it together and we're you know, we we went up and it was just a beautiful time.

The side of the family. My uncle is Nigerian and so we all just like are loud and eat spicy food together and we just like try to make each other scream laugh as loud as possible. It is the most fun. It's just that that means everyone's in the right age range. Yes, yeah, we're all kind of like we grew up together nearby each other and also kind of have kind of similar age ranges as well. Cut cut love that. But so we're up in the northwest

of Wisconsin. The place we stayed at, I think has not been touched since like the Seven Days, Like green carpet on all the floors, there's like animal heads on all the walls, a beautiful area on the lake. So we had a great time. But we stayed in this lodge that was like built in nine and it definitely

looked and felt it. But we had a great time together, all drinking out on the porch and getting bitten by mosquitoes and that sort of thing people talk about, like when I loved when visits them and it's like they see a bird and it reminds me, reminds them of their mother, or you know, a butterfly and it reminds them of their grandfather or or whatever. And so we went to this really special place on a lake, and I kept thinking, like, I wonder if Dad is going

to visit us. You know, we had some tears, we had some laughs. We really remembered her, and so sweet it was. It was really beautiful. We were up on the honor, like to honor someone like that is so honorable. Yeah, I'm just thinking of different ways I can use the word honor, honorary. So, you know, we decided would all take a picture of this beautiful lake that she loved.

And so there was a small dock there because it was sort of a boat launch, and several of my cousins and I we went out on the dock and it was a little rickety, but you know, I didn't think too much of it. So we got there, we take a few pictures, and we decided, well, let's get everybody up on this dock and take a beautiful picture with this vista. Well, everybody gets on the dock. My nephew sort of says, oh, hey, like is this going to be safe for us all because it's a little bendy.

My sisters like it's got bolts and stuff. It's fine, we'll get up there. Brad. My husband is setting up the picture on the shore. All of a sudden, somebody it's moving. It's moving and this hole water, Oh my god, I love it was the most ridiculous things, like my like, everyone is fine, like no one was hurt at all, but like there was a moment where like my my nephew's leg got kind of like trapped in one of

the boards, and so we all like bailed off. I bailed off the side in the most inelegant way possible, out wet up to my collar bones in one foot of water somehow, like soaking wet. Anyway, everyone was totally fine, no one was hurt, And I was like, that was how I done. Showed up exactly like enough of this crying. So everyone was in the water. Everyone was in the water, like we were sopping wet and sorry, pepos, like you needed a new talk. Okay, I haven't water falling in

the story as well from this weekend. So I was with my cousins also up in Malibu or Topanga. We had like a cook out on the beach and I had some friends and all my cousins were there, and then my two little cousins, Ella and Gray, who are my cousins, babies, babies, they're eleven, and their teams so whatever, Well, that's not okay. I was on pylons, you know, the

pylons go into the water. I was obviously intoxicated, and I was taking Ella as her guardian across the pylons and she was like, you know, we're walking and it was the waves were crashing and coming in, and I was like okay. I'm like, oh, it's fine. I'm so good with balance, you know. I And I'm walking along, walking along, and then she's like, oh, I'm getting scared.

I'm getting scared. I go, okay, let's sit down. So I go to sit down, and as I sit down, I lose my balance and just sucking dive right into the sand head first into that The water was crushing, but the sand was not you know. It wasn't high. So I faced first into white shirt, my nipples completely exposed. I was in jeans, completely soaked, and I look up at my niece or she's my cousin, but she feels like my niece. And I look up with my cousin and she's like, I didn't do that. I didn't push you.

I was like, no, I know you didn't. I was like, I'm drunk, and I'm like, I'm a fucking drunk. I'm now I'm a drunk ant, Like I'm a drunk elderly at walking around the pons to my whole family and all they all look and go, put a fucking shirt over your nipples, like like what happened? I was like, oh, buying the pylons. It was really humiliating, but totally classically. But yeah, to water incidents, we should focus on water excursions for this episode. We have a one of my

favorite peoples here today. She's the opener on my Vaccinated in Horny tour. And if you haven't seen me on my Vaccinated in Horny Tour, I am coming to the Justicer Laps Montcho Comedy Festival July. I am coming to Vancouver August twelve and Calgary August and August four. So I have two shows in Vancouver on the twelfth, and then the two shows in Calgary, and then after that I have a whole new slew of dates starting in Saratoga in October. I'm coming to all parts of Florida,

so you're welcome. Tampa, Tampa, Tampa. I have two shows in Tampa and then a bunch of other places. Colorado Springs, Colorado. Just go to Chelsea Hamlet. Let me introduce my opener. She opens for me on the road from my Vaccinated in Horny tour. She is fucking hilarious. She resides in Austin, Texas. Please welcome Vanessa Gonzalez. Hi Vanessa. Hello. Oh hello, you look like you're about to start a job interview. Oh yes, I hope I get the job. You guys, this is

Vanessa Gonzalez. Have you met Vanessa yet. We talked on the phone and she's a delight. Well you probably saw her open for me at the war I did. It was so much fun. Yeah, those were great show. We've been having a lot of great shows. Vanessa has been on the road with me for the most part, for

most of my Vaccinated in Horny tour. Every once in a while we have to replace her because of her attitude, or she has an improper sexual relationship with one of our representatives from Live Nation, So that's been a big thorn in our side because she doesn't understand the moment we're living in. And he reported her because he's a white male and he was being sexually harassed by her. You know, it's hard to navigate the entertainment business. His name is Brandon book Are in case anyone needs to

look him up. We have a guy that runs our tour for us, and I say run in very loose terms because because he's not running fucking anything, and there are more mistakes than there are victory laps. But he loves the greatest thing about Brandon is well a, we love Brandon, but he's such a good sport about us making so much fun of him because he is just kind of a middle aged white guy and he thinks he's with it and he's not with it. He spelled Vanessa's last name wrong for the better part of six

months so excellently. It's pretty common. Yeah, he's figuring it out. It's it's hard, it's hard. His job is hard. Yeah, for him, it is right, Okay. I would like to also mention that Vanessa was recently named one of Variety's top ten comics to watch out for, So big congratulations on that, Vanessa well deserved. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah, that's it's been wild. It's been a wild ride this year. So fun. So Vanessa is based out of Austin, and I found her through the woman who runs my production

company named Jackie Sosa. She knew of Vanessa and I was looking for women to open from me, and so she sent me Vanessa's info and then I started stalking her online and she and then we've had some pretty exciting times. We've had some long journeys. Do you know how much that live word journey we've had. We have different modes of operative transportation at all times. Sometimes we take a scooter bus. Sometimes we take a what are they called vans or no. Sometimes I'm like, these spreater

vans could be really nice. Actually they have, they have when they have a configuration, I'm like, oh, this is nice. So we've taken a tour bus, we've taken planes, we've taken commercial plans, we've taken private planes. We've taken helicopter. Oh no, we haven't taken a helicopter. Well, you missed out. We took a helicopter last week in the the New York City and Rosebud almost climax, although I did too. I gotta say, you guys, that helicopter ride, flying it in

New York City at night. Manhattan we got back at like you know, midnight at moon was this beautiful orange birth and we were just driving. Flying into that city is like one of the most spectacular things ever. It's like flying into Paris, Yeah, because it's so low enough that you could see all the streets in the movement and what's going on. You know, when all the avenues and the city lit up at night with the moon was just so beautiful. We were all just like, oh,

that's cool. I'd be too scared. Yeah, I think so too about a helicopter. I don't know. I guess who was scared, Vanessa Brandon, that's right, Brandon scared me. And Brandon gets scared of the planes and flying things. Yea, the heights. So Vanessa is from a family of three. She has two brothers, right, and she has a boyfriend who's adorable and Yeah, his name is Daniel and she's

based out of Austin. So tell us a little bit about because you were in l A and then you moved to Austin during the pandemic, and what's it been like to be in Austin during this time. It's different now. I feel like Austin is very much many l A now and it's changed. I know, I know, it's huge. People are moving here to do comedy now. It changed so much like I was in l A. And just

in those two years, Austin changed. And during the pandemic when there was a pandemic, there was no pandemic really in Texas, so shows kept going, theaters were closing opening, clubs were closing opening, And yeah, it's like the scene got bigger during a pandemic somehow. Yeah. I know a lot of people that moved either to Nashville or to Austin. Like half of l A went just mostly to avoid taxes, right, isn't that then everyone's primary goal? Yeah, we don't pay

taxes here, just like I don't pay. But how do you I want you to talk a little bit about, like do you also just got voted Austin's number one Comedian of the Year didn't do yeah, which is great for this burgeoning comedy mecca. You know, this is becoming like the new comedy place next to l A or New York. Well, New York is probably number one, right, I don't know what's the number one? Yeah, probably, but yeah, I was voted through the Austin Chronicle. That caught me

off guard. I didn't even know people knew that I, you know, was back here, but they know I have stalkers, and um, yeah, it's that. That was really special because you know, going to l A and making that jump and then coming back and it was hard. It's been hard to kind of navigate, like, am I, you know, still in the business, staying connected and all that after making such a big move and coming back home. So it's a mental lot that even moving back stuff still yeah, stuff,

I'm still happening for you. And she also has she has her own rider at the shows because I, I told Brandon, the person we're talking about, you know, I have a rider in mine, which is basically like a cheese board, and somehow a charcuterie board got on there too. But I don't really eat that much meat anymore, so I told him to exnate the charcouder board and then he just put it in Vanessa's room. So now she

gets a charcuterie board. So this past weekend, the last weekend when we had Rosebud, Vanessa Rosebud's like, holy sh it, I can't believe you got a charcuterie board. Every single night, She's like, I've got to put that in my rider. I'm like, listen, bit, if you can take this charcudrii board and stretch it out for over the next two years, because that's how long it will last. What a waste of meat. I know they're huge, I know, but Vanessa

likes her snack packs. She likes to travel with a little like like you know those ladies at Dodger Stadium that come up with little trays of candy. That's how Vanessa leaves every theater. She takes her tray what's in her green room and sometimes what's in my green room, and then we get on our little transportation bus and depending on how long the ride is and how high I am at that point, we also share edibles because Vanessa has motion sickness. I don't know, but anyway, for her, Yeah,

for me, they always come in handy. When we're super high after the show, there's no food, it's like, yeah, just have three packs of chips, right, just have that? And if I asked her four chips, she will sometimes be annoyed with me. She will sometimes saying how many are you going to have? And I mean, this is the second bag and are you going to reimburse me

for days? So she's pretty tough stuff to deal with. Well, because you're you're shipping on my snack bag the whole time, I know, and you're like, well, let me let me see what you got. Yeah, and then I'm a hypocrite. What's been your one some of your favorite places to go on tour, like would have been the most surprising cities or your favorites? Well, I we had so much

fun in Kansas City. Those were great shows, and just the fact that we were there for two nights, which is rare, we got to like really have fun and and yeah, it's the back to back shows is hard, but those are fun. Nashville was a blast. Yeah, Nashville was fun. Kansas City was fun because also we we

stayed in the same hotel for two nights. Like she said, which is always just such a nice break, like because you're always traveling and going either you leave right after the show or in the first thing in the morning, and it's always exhausting no matter how you slice it. But in Kansas City, we were there for two nights and I had one of these ridiculous hotel rooms that had about eighteen different boardrooms in it, and we ordered late night food. My assistant Carla ordered us this huge spread,

so we all went upstairs and ate after the show. Yeah, that was so fun. Our pizza party was great. Yeah, Nashville was fun. Anytime we have like an after party or we're able to have an after party after shows has been really fun. And she has friends. You have friends all around the country that I've been able to kind of come like San Jose, l A and different shows. Yeah, her friends show up, which is always really fun because it's really nice to see your friends get to see you,

you know before. I love that. Yeah, it has been just a nice way for me to visit all my friends while I work. Yeah, and you get to like be like be fabulous and hilarious and they get to come see you. I was curious if there's anything unexpected that's happened on tour. Well, the wildest thing is when I forget was it Salt Lake City or one show where two people drunk? People like stop the show. And

I had never seen anything like that before. I mean, you know, I've had drunk audience members, but it's always like one. But this was very like two separate times, and that that was bizarre. Yeah, somebody approached the stage. They were obviously both really really wasted, and for some reason, our security was beefed up at that show. That's exactly

what the problem was. And they this woman just came out and they were both harmless, but it was just like one was wasted talking about you know something, and another guy was naked, took a shirt off and came up. He's like, Chelsea, I love you so much. I'm like, well that's great, but you're sucking interrupting everybody else's time right now? Right? Yeah. You handled them like a pro. Everything was fine, but I had never seen like people be like, this is my shot. I gotta I gotta

talk to her while she's mid sentence. Yeah, this wild. Don't do that if you're listening. If we don't like it. And when I was at the l A show. We were we were upstairs in the messanie and there was a woman in front of me. I was get like a little scared of heights meanie, this woman who was not drunk, like I'm pretty sure she was stone called sober or mostly sober. She came back in the middle of the show with a drink and she like lost

her footing. She was kind of in front of but she like slipped on a stair and like like down several stairs, which for me, just from the heights perspective, was like, it's my worst fear. Like she did not spell her drink, which is why I think she was not super drunk. But I like that. I like the term mostly sober, and I'm gonna start incorporating that into

my repertoire. What I also would like to add is, I don't know if I said this on this podcast yet, but there was a woman I forget which city we're in where they went to stand up and then just rolled down. Oh yeah, they rolled down the center aisle. So they were so wasted that they fell over and then started their person started rolling and I was in the middle of it. And at this point I think they were already had. I think it might have been

the same show you were talking about. It definitely wasn't Salt Lake because that's a dry venue, so nobody could it was. It was maybe Cedar Rapids or something. And and I saw a person rolling down the aisland. I thought, am I gonna draw attention to this right now? Or fucking finish my at because if I draw attention to this woman that is rolling down the aisle, it's going to be Bayham and then we're setting ourselves back fifteen minutes and then you know, and then we're embarrassing the

ship out of her on top of it. And I've after rolling down an aisle? Do you really need to be called out by the comedian you're there to see? It was? It was me? I haven't told you but that that was me. No. I will say something that has also been surprising in a good way is like how awesome Chelsea's like audience have been towards me, like super welcoming, super warm, great, and you know, it's intimidating, like they don't know who I am or I don't

you know, they're just like, where's Chelsea? But they've they'll say my name announced me, and everyone's like, whoa, yeah, oh yeah they love her, Yeah, they love you. They've been so great and that's that's been great. Well, I Chelsea, you have such a track record of supporting other women but also like picking real a cool women to be around.

You know, like like there are so many people who you know, maybe earlier on in your career you worked with who maybe you gave a hand to, but like now they are superstars and you know, I said, I think you have a good track writer of having a good picker. Thank you. Well, I think it's pretty obvious to spot talent, like or you know, when somebody is funny, all you want to do is make somebody make you laugh. If they make you laugh, you know they're gonna make

a million other people laugh too. So I mean, Vans is easy to spot. That's very obvious talent. Now it's thank you. And every every time I like people ask me like, what's it like on tour, I'm just like, it's one fun too. It's just been so inspiring to be around you and the way you lift people up and me and I've opened for men and mostly men, and it doesn't feel like they want to support or you know root for you or even if you kill right before them, it feels weird. There's a vibe. Oh no,

they're upset. And with Chelsea, it's like, you know, she's there to high five me every time I get off stage and hug me, and it's just I feel like it's helped me just become more confident and more just like a badass, a badass bitch. It's contagious. Ah, that's awesome. I love that. Well, that's good because we're roping you in to give advice too, because I feel like you'd be good at giving advice to strangers as well. And I was like, wait, why then has Vanessa bit on

this podcast? Yeah, I'm ready. Yes, Well, we have some very exciting ones for you today. But we're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back with Vanessa Gonzalez and Chelsea. And we're back with Vanessa Gonzalez and Catherine. Well. Our first question, and this is an email, comes from Heidi. Heidi says, Dear Chelsea, I'm twenty three years old and I've been seriously considered and getting my tubes tied. I have no desire to do it. You

don't even have to finish. Now you're doing the world the favor. You're not contributing to mass population. Well, there you go, She says, I have no desire to birth a child, and I know I would like to foster children when I'm stable enough to do so. I'm still young, and this is a big decision. Am I too young to decide? I never want to birth children? Should I wait until I'm older? If so, when is a good age. I have four years left on this I U D so I can wait until it expires. But I like

making decisions and acting on them. What are your thoughts. I also considered donating my eggs first, but got denied for having too high of a b M. I, so that really isn't an option for me, thanks Heidi to a body mass index, which is really dated technology. But but what is it you? What does that mean? You're too heavy to donate? Yeah? Oh god, they're picky. Huh who has the right to be picky? I would say eggs, Yeah, I know, good eggs are good eggs. I would say,

if you have it, what's her name? Heidi? Heidi? If you have an I U D in and you have a couple of years left on it, there's no reason to rush into getting your tubes tied. I mean, I know that is reverse. Is it reversible? So yeah, I look this up. Is technically reversible, but the reversal doesn't always take Yeah, Like you don't need to jump into that. Like,

I appreciate your I'm like that too. I'm impulsive and I'd like to make decisions and get moving into the next thing and also cancel out possibilities that are not real possibilities in my mind, which would be having children. And I support that fully, But there's no reason to like expedite the process. Why don't you wait till your I U. D Is done and then get your tubes tied? If you feel the same way, Yeah, yeah, I think

that's smart. I mean I feel like I've always known also that I don't want to berth a child or be pregnant, but I feel the same way as her, like, yeah, maybe I'd like to foster kids or adopt later on, and that's what we is going to be open to you. So whenever you do it, it's I think you know,

when you know you don't want to go through being pregnant. Yeah, they should come up with a phrase for it like you know how they say your clock is ticking, which is you know, passe and old school, but like they should come up with a new phrase for how you know when you know that you don't want to have a child. Like I've never been on the fence about that. I've known in you know, in my gut and my soul that that is not what is meant for me. Yeah,

I think, yeah, I think most people know. I feel like I knew early on, and then as I got older, I was like, oh, maybe you know everyone's telling you you should have a baby. When are you gonna have a baby? So then that foks with you, but your your heart always knows I don't think it's for me. And now I'm thirty six and I'm like, yeah, I don't want to do that. Please know, I would say, if you're going to pick an age in the future,

beyond just letting this run out. When I was younger and I was like, I never want kids and everyone can it's I had a couple of friends tell me wait until you're twenty nine. The second I turned twenty nine, I had like raging hormones of like I want a baby, But I also knew that I didn't actually, so I got a dog and used my like mothering instincts that way and it was perfect. But just wait until you're thirty. If you don't get that by twenty nine, I don't

think you're going to get it. Yeah, if it costs a lot, yeah go on a trip, use it for something else for now. But but as I have a question for you, if Daniel really really had his heart set on having a child, would you reconsider your stance? And I would say, let's adopt, or let's figure out where we can put your sperm because I don't want it.

I don't want a person inside me with their whole body. No, And what particularly about so it sounds like it's more of a physical thing for you though, Like what is it about it that turns you off so much? Somebody's like living off of your food? I don't like. I

don't want to share. No. I've always had really bad periods a my life, like super painful and motion sickness and all, and I'm like, if this, if it's bad now, I can't imagine what a pregnancy would do to my body and how awful I would be as a human. So I think everything in my heart and soul is just like, don't do that to us please. Yeah. Yeah, well, Heidi, let us know what you to side, Yeah, Heidi, let us know what you decide, and just take a minute.

You're only twenty three years old. You don't know if you know you're asked from your elbow yet. Ye. Yeah. Also, Vanessa, I would say I always had really really terrible periods as well. We'll still do. But was finally, after like seven or eight years of investigating this and talking to doctors, finally someone was like, yes, you have endometriosis. That's what

this is. That's what's going on. And they also were just like, if you're not trying to have a kid, like, we'll just keep you on birth control the entire time so you don't have your week off. So that might be something to investigate for you too. Oh yes, I just went and that. They told me that as well, and I started a new birth control, but I didn't like it. So now I'm in the process of finding the one, which takes a while. You know what, you

can also get done, Vanessa. I mean, I don't know if you can get this done in Texas, because it seems like a lot of things are restricted there, but you can get an ablazon, which is what my sister Simone got because she had really heavy periods, and so it basically blanches your uterus. They go in with hot water or the other option is I forget there's hot water. There's one way to do it as hot water. I'm actually scheduled to get one. I'm going to right after

this podcast today to go see me. My period isn't that bad, but it would just be elective because I'd rather not have a period anymore. But for people who have really heavy periods, my sister Simone did it and called an ablagon, and you should ask your doctor about it, because anybody who has endometriosis or hows a heavy period is a candidate for it. And for like when you are like ready to be done having periods or it

basically well no, you can basically stop. So it just stops the bleeding, you know, so you don't you get the hormones continue, but you don't have the bleeding which goes with the cramping and with all of that stuff. So it just stops your In most of women, it stops their period altogether. And then ten percent of women your period is just much lighter for the rest of your life. But it's something that a lot of women are doing, because I've talked to a few people about it. Now, yeah,

I look into that. That sounds nice. And if Texas won't even let me torch my uterus, then I got to get out of here. I know. Well, yeah, they they're in control of your uterus. What I'll do is I'll video tape my doctor's appointment today with my O B G Y N and I will just we I'll live stream it and then that will have access to it. Yeah, and thank you of course. Well. Our next question comes

from Mary. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm newly recovered from a severe depressive episode that lasted for over a year, primarily due to the passing of my dad in December. He died from contracting COVID nineteen while he was in the hospital for a separate injury. His death broke my heart, and once my shock war off, I fell into a deep depression. I finally realized I needed professional help when I confessed to my mom I was having passive thoughts of suicide. I took a leave of absence from my

job and focused only on my well being. I began talk therapy sessions multiple times a week and saw a psychiatrist to manage my medications. I only did things that I wanted to do and practiced a lot of self care during that time, and now I'm at a place where I have hope and excitement for the future. Again. I learned that my sensitivity isn't a weakness, nor is my capability to feel for others one. That in fact, my intuition and ability to understand others as a gift.

I also began to explore spirituality and started to meditate. I have since returned to my job, and while I'm so grateful for my co workers and their support, I haven't been happy since I've been back. I feel appolling to a new career and I'm thinking about going back to school to be a counselor or therapist. Even my own therapist told me I would make a great one. However, I grew up in a low income household and the thought of increasing my debt by tens of thousands of

dollars it makes me ill. Chelsea. My question for you is should I go back to school and take on thousands of dollars more debt for a career that doesn't quite pay out. Is there another way I could use my gifts that I'm not thinking of? Any suggestions are welcome. Mary Hi, Mary, Hi, Hi. Hilsey. Okay, So you're not into your job anymore after everything you've been through, your your back and you're not feeling it. M Yeah, pretty much.

I was in a pretty dark, deep, severe depression for most of one and I took some time off of work was able to really work on myself. The therapy really just like get my prescription medsal set and I came back to my job and like, I'm so thankful for my company and my coworkers. Everyone's been so great,

but like I just don't care anymore. And it's like, you know, I'm getting pressured because like our company only made like eight billion dollars less here instead of nine and all this other stuff happening in the world, and I really feel like I'm being called or like that I need to do something more. But I don't know if that's just because I'm new out of depression of feeling great about life, or or you know, what I

really could do to move forward. Yeah, I would say, first and foremost I think your mental health is paramount to everything else that's you're talking about, even your job and even debt. And I think that there are a lot of avenues to pursue. None that I actually know of and can speak to because I haven't gone back to school, but I we have had this conversation with callers before, and there are so many ways to get financial aid, to receive grants, to get help with tuition.

So the first and foremost you have to know, like you don't have to be tens of thousands of dollars in debt, Like you don't have to equate that with an education. There are ways around that, Like would it be possible for you to start going to school while you're still working to kind of support yourself to a degree while you're figuring everything out. Is that a possibility? Yeah, that is a possibility. And like something I've worked or

I've thought about. I think with the like growing up with in a lower income family situation, debt and like picking on more of it is like really scary to think about. So that's kind of what holds me back, to be honest, But I think I'm supposed to distrust and not worry about the financial aspect, but that's just so hard when it's like, well, I grew up with no money and that did suck. That's where I'm at. Yeah, that's hard, especially you said you wanted to look into

being a therapist or counselor now. Yeah. Yeah, And I'm like, I just watched this documentary of this woman who just puts out videos on YouTube about like spirituality or whatever. It turns out she's running a cult. But yeah, you could just you know, if if that's your passion, like giving people advice and helping people there there is a way, I think now with social media and getting yourself out there. But I think, yeah, the education part coustom money unless

you're just educated on YouTube like me. I wasn't gonna get to bring this up. But it's interesting than us so that you say that, because I actually had a carrot card reading last week and the reader kind of gave me the same message. She said that there are ways to reach people, even just like sharing her stories. She's like, there's so many media outlets are like revenues to you. So so you're kind of like confirming what

she's already said. So yeah, and I think if it is a social media thing, a YouTube thing, TikTok thing. I think that also connects you with people that can teach you and interview and all that stuff. Yeah, for sure. And so you said there is a way though also that you could go to school while still working at your job, right, yeah I could. I mean, I'm single, I don't have children, so like I do have the

free time. School would be okay. I do take writing classes for fun because I like to be creative and that's, you know, my outlet, So like I could take a break on the classes. There is a school that really close by that I could go to in person, and so you know that is an option as far as viability. Yeah, I think you should pursue that. I think that, like you came out of this depression in this really hard time, and like you have to be in tune with yourself

and in touch with what makes you happy. And identifying that your workplace isn't bringing that joy for you anymore is major. Like so many people are in denial of their own feelings. So it's so important that you're in touch with yourself enough to know that and just start by doing those switch out those writing classes for these counseling class is are pursuing something that equates to what you see yourself doing in the therapy or counseling world.

And when you get far enough along, you know, if you're still working, you can supplement that you're not going to go into huge debt. I understand fear of debt. I get that. I mean, I didn't grow up poor, but I didn't grow up with any extra money. You know, it was just kind of like, let's see what we have this week. But I get it, and I understand that it's a big fear. But like, don't let your

fear drive your future. You know, your happiness is so important to you, and what you can do with that and share with other people and light up other people is just you just have to keep your eye on that prize. You know you're gonna be able to help

other people. And whether that's through YouTube or social media or whether you do it formally, it's never gonna hurt for you to just get closer to your goals and learn more about you know, what it is you want to achieve, and then figure out how you're going to implement all of that. Okay, Also, like volunteering, you know, you know, women shelters or things like that that keeps you connecting with people, which seems like that's what you love. Yeah,

I do. And I love making that connection. That's sweet. That's so sweet of you. What a generous soul. Yeah, it wasn't always like that. It's I feel like I was like this when I was a child, Like I was super kind and sweet and loving, and then you know, life happens and I, you know, went through the couple of hard years and like now I feel like I'm not I almost feel like a child again. Like I

feel like, no, I want to connect to people. I want to show them like, hey, we can we can be we can do positive things, like it can start with one person. So yeah, I do. I I love it.

I love connecting with people. So and I think what Vanessa said to about volunteering with a group might give you a way to sort of dip your toe into the water and see if sort of being surrounded by other people's whether that's grief or other issues that they're going through, is something that you do want to take on full time, or whether that's something that is best you know, as a volunteer possession, or that's sort of thing.

But also, since you're a writer, you're probably going to be good at writing applications for grants and things like that. Like Chelsea said, so, one book I would recommend for you too is called What Color Is Your Parachute. There's a sillion additions, so they're always coming out with new additions. I believe they speak somewhat to like how to pay for school, but it's mostly about career transitions, figuring out where your skill set lies and what's right for you,

and like do you really want to do that? Do you want to do something else? So that is a good recommendation for you. I'm going to read that What Color Is Your Color is Your Parachute and then to look into that for reading. Yeah good, what you said like an awesome person. So I'm so happy for you that you're in a better, healthy place, Like the world is ad you have the whole world at your fingertips,

Like look at it that way. I really do. Like I was at a spot where I just didn't want to live anymore and I was like making plans to exit this life and something made me just like I actually read to my mom and like I don't think this is normal until I got to help. And now I feel like I got almost like a second chance. I'm like we can all do it. And being able to relate to other people that you've gone through that dark place is huge, huge, Yeah yeah, yeah, and that's

what I would want to do. Like that's what I really think is important to because like I thought I was still alone then, Like when I was in that dark, deep depression, I listened to some of me like audiobooks and like I just want to hear voices and like Chelsea your podcast with one of them, and like I don't know, just to thank you, like just having that like content ounce there was something that I was like, Okay, just listen to Chelsea's book right now, and then you

can make your next decision about life nothing right and think about that you can be that person to somebody else you can be that you can Yeah yeah, I know, I guess again, Yeah, I think finding yeah, other people that have the same passion as you community, and that's how your network and get to where you want to be. And remember, the most import thing in life is to know what your purpose is, right, to know what your passion is, what you care about the most, and you've

discovered that you're ahead of the game. Debt is not going to be your issue, right, Yeah, thank you. I needed that reminder. Thank you guys all because it's just so hard to get that off of your shoulder or whatever. But you're right. When you know your purpose, you've got to go for it. Yeah. Well, Mary, thank you so much for calling in. Ye keep us posted, Mary, let us know what happens okay and how you're progressing. Okay. I well, thank you guys so much so thanks meeting everyone,

you too, what I feel good? Oh that was so sweet. What a positive person. We need more people like that. You know. We have had a lot of callers lately though, Vanessa that have wanted to become therapists, right, recurring theme, And we're very pro therapy here. Obviously we're trying to talk to the therapists ourselves, so we're not I mean, that's what we're attracted like minded people. Yeah. Well, our

next email comes from Lane. She says, Dear Chelsea, I have a quote unquote straight friend that I've always had a giant crush on. In the friend group, I'm the only lesbian in the bunch, the other four being straight girls. Recently, my crush has been talking to the group myself included about how she doesn't see herself dating a man anytime soon and has been more interested in dating girls, which

she's never done before. She asked if any of us know any good lesbian TV shows, so naturally, I began word vomiting all the good shows and movies that I know. Since this conversation, she's texted me separately from the group to give me updates on the show. I suggested the L word. This past weekend, the group went out to a pub crawl to celebrate my birthday. I got super drunk and basically hung out with my crush the entire time. A couple of my friends told me how obvious it

is that we like each other. After we all left the bar, I decided, fuck it, I'm going to tell her how I feel, so I texted her basically. She responded by telling me, I'm not saying I'm not interested, but perhaps a rain check for the future if the timing is right, Because currently I don't want to date anyone. My question is how do I tell if she or anyone really likes me. I really put myself out there

and got a pretty neutral response. I'm not sure if I should read it as she's just letting me down easily or truly just doesn't know how she feels and isn't ready to date a girl. Thanks for your help, Lane, Okay, Lane, First of all, that is good. That feedback was good. I feel like there's hope in that situation, right, Vanessa, do you feel that, Oh yeah, it's whatever that pause or you know, rain check she offered that's her ship and maybe yeah, maybe she's not ready, Maybe she wants

to be single. Maybe she likes you so much that she sees you as, oh yeah, if we get together, it's going to be a thing, and she maybe she just wants to play around for now. But I think for sure, if the whole group sees that, y'all are vibe in. There's a vibe. Yeah, there's a five. And keep in mind, she's brand new to this, like she's not ready to get down to business. Maybe, you know, let's get to him, let's get to she. That's our favorite song because we're forced to listen to a day

in and day out. But keep in mind, first of all, what you did is bold and cool, Like that is cool that you reached out to her, not in a gross way. You didn't attack her or you know, in a bathroom while you were drunk. You did it respectfully over tex after you guys left each other, which is the most respectful way you can ever approach someone. She gave you her answer so completely respected, and let you know, let the chips fall where they may. Maybe she'll come back.

I bet you she will. I bet you down the road she's going to come back, because, like Vanessa said, if the whole group saw it, it's happening and not everybody was wrong, and there's a flirtation going. But you know, you'll know when someone likes you when they respond in kind. Don't get way late by someone's lack of response or lack of initiative. Initiative, don't that was good what you did. That's good to let people know how you feel and

give them the opportunity to reciprocate. You know, it doesn't matter if you get rejected. And I don't even consider that as a rejection, but it doesn't matter. It just matters that you're honest about your feelings and you're never gross or too forward about it. But yes, I think that's good practice and to continue putting your feelings out there when you have them for somebody with this experience, you already did it. Let's see what happens. But I do not take that as a rejection. Yeah, I think

it's so refreshing, you know. I think people that are dating all my single friends, they play that game where you have to hide how you feel about the other person until they figure it out. And it's all codes, and it's like just say I like you, Do you

like me? No? Yes, let's move on, you know. And that's how I knew the whole time I dated it was I would always sell guys I like you, and then they would play that game of like I like you too, but you know, and I finally knew my boyfriend liked me when he made moves to like hang out with me, see me again, talk to me more. And I'm like, oh, I guess this is what it

is when someone likes you. They make an effort. Yeah. Yeah, and you're not wrangling them all the time, right, Like when you get somebody, it's worth all of the frogs to get to the prince. It is so just count and if you have to think of it in your head, like okay, here, I'm putting myself out one more time, putting myself out there in order to get to the real person. You can think of it like that, because

then it's like almost a means to an end, you know. Yeah, And the hottest energy is like cool, not right now, sounds good, and then you go do your own things. It's the hottest meeting us is the least hot things. So if you're just like cool and then you just like go buzz off, she's going to be crawling back, Oh yeah, oh yeah. And it's yeah. I think it's different when there's a friendship established, you don't wanna be like, Okay, we're dating. It's gonna she's gonna come around for sure,

and she knows you're around, so keep in mind. Keep that in mind too. She knows you're abound. You guys are part of a big group. So we'll keep us posted. Lane Well. Our next email comes from Carly. Carly is in her twenties. Dear Chelsea, my cousin is like my sister. In April, my now husband and I eloped in his hometown of Los Angeles, California. His family is not as close as ours, and I was unsure if anyone from

his side of the family would even attend. It made me so sad to think of our wedding with only my side of the family, so instead, we kept it simple and eloped in a beautiful garden, live streaming it for family and friends to watch from afar on the day. My cousin was working and I knew not everyone would be able to watch it live. But she didn't even text me congratulations, despite being in family group chats where everyone else was chiming in. She quote unquote liked one

of my texts that day and that was it. Time went by and I was already so hurt by the lack of acknowledgment on my big day. I was half expecting her to get us a gift left off our registry to make up for it, but she never did. I get it. It wasn't a traditional wedding and she's never been a gift giver, but it was a milestone in my life that was important to me, and I feel like she just doesn't seem to realize that or care.

It's not about the gift but the gesture, and it makes me want to not get her anything on her wedding day, even though I would never actually go through with that. Do I bring it up and risk losing someone I've considered a sister and a role model for twenty seven years, or sweep it under the rug and live with it. Carly and Asa, do you want to

start that one? Yeah? I feel like if your sister's cousins and if you're bringing up to your close friend, best friend, whatever this relationship is, that something they're doing was upsetting to you, if that's gonna risk the whole relationship, I don't think that's a strong relationship. I feel very secure in my close friends with my family. If they did something, I can say, hey, that hurt my feelings. But I'm not worried that this is gonna end our relationship.

It's just going to be a conversation that we worked through. Because right now you're just assuming what she's thinking. What is she managed you is you're not, and you're you're trying to figure it out when you can just ask, hey, this I was expecting a little more on my big day and it was kind of hurtful. What what was going on? Yeah? I think that's true, and I think you should definitely say something because it really is meaningful

to you. I mean, I don't think you should have expectations about somebody getting you a gift or anything like that. But it's about her presence and her acknowledgement of that day. And she may have just thought that since you guys were eloping and live streaming it, that it was like you were playing it down and it wasn't as important as as it is to you. So she may have misread the signs and misread the circumstances to give her

the opportunity to explain that. And I think when you come from a place of hurt and you're just like, listen, you're somebody I've looked up to for twenty plus years that I've considered a sister. I did want you there with me on that day, maybe not physically in person, but maybe I wasn't clear like I I want you there in support. You know, this is the biggest moment in my life, or one of the biggest moments for sure.

So I don't think anything you can say would be wrong as long as you're not attacking her, you know, and you're just coming from a place of love and like her, And I will say I looked up the wedding etiquette rules on this, and really, I mean it's not required if someone elopes, it's not required to buy a gift, according to etiquette rules. But you know what you said here about like it's a milestone in my life. I think, just like Chelsea said, that's the language to use,

like this was hurtful. That like maybe you could have sent a card. But the other thing is like your cousin was probably just wrapped up in her own ship that day or that week, you know, where we all are like doing our own thing, and like we're so close she won't even mind. You know, it probably was not intentional to hurt you. Yeah, that's what I've learned over the pandemic, where everyone was freaking out in their own way. No one's thinking about you or your ship.

Everyone's dealing with their own stuff, and we're just taking everything personal, for sure. Everybody's taking everything way more personally during this time, that's for sure. Yeah, and it's all just been a little weird. You know, we haven't been able to go to weddings or funerals or get together as or further to lie or any of that stuff. So well, Carly, let us know how it goes. Good Louve Carly let us know well. Our next email comes from Thomas. Thomas says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a non binary

queer person. I recently came to a decision with my ex to rekindle our relationship. We were together for two years and have been separated for a little over three years now. My partner is a therapist, and it's possibly the most amazing human being I have ever met. He makes me smile, laugh, and feel like I can fully be myself around him. We haven't made it official at

all that we're monogamous, but are letting things progress naturally. Recently, we went out together and I experienced a few instances where he was approached by guys that fit a specific mold of conventionality and regards to looks, muscles, tall, etcetera. I'm sort of insecure because I don't have motivation to hit the gym regularly and be that type of person. I don't think I'm less than I just find it hard not to compare myself to these people that my

partner finds attractive. My question to you is how do I combat the urge to doubt myself and own my attributes with my partner so I can become a better partner for him. Thomas. Oh, good question, Thomas. That's very common as so many people feel that way, and I think you have to, Like you just said so many beautiful things about your partner there with you for a reason. You know, he loves you for the reason that he loves you. Like the compare and contrast game never results

in any positive good feelings about yourself. Comparing yourself to what you think your boyfriend or partner likes or what he said he likes doesn't matter because he's chosen to be with you, and you need to focus on that and remember that you know, I'm sure you're interest and other people that you're not with also physically that you're attracted those people, that doesn't mean that you want to

be with them. So you have to remember that your place is with your person, and you know, unless they give you a real, substantial reason to feel like they're not into you, then those feelings and misgivings are just in your head and you just have to exercise that that ability to deprogram yourself of that thinking. You have to always just say this is in my head, this

is not real. I'm with him and we're together, were a couple, and and eventually that won't matter to you him looking around or you looking at what he finds attractive. He has the ability to go off and be with another person if he wants to. Yeah, I feel like at the beginning of my relationship, because it was my first real relationship, I was so jealous, so insecure, and I I thought that, you know, because he was thought other things or people were attractive, that meant something about me.

But it took a while to learn it means that has nothing to do with who you love, who you're attracted to. Yeah, I'm also attracted to you know, the Rock and j Low and all that. So but yeah, it's hard when I would always be hard on myself, like why am I so insecure? Why can't Why am I so jealous? And it is because, you know, shitty guys before would lie to me and tell me no when ship was happening and all that. So there's a reason why we're insecure and past relationships and all that.

But once you find someone that's actually with you, choosing you makes you happy, you kind of have to, like Chelsea said, deep, program yourself, find a way to find that love within yourself. And that's what being in a relationship has taught me is I thought, oh, having a boyfriend's gonna make me feel so great and be confident, But I actually had to start working on myself because he didn't fix all my ship like I thought he was. Yeah, exactly, And that's work that you have to do. That's yeah,

that's an inside job, not an outside job. So you have to figure that out. But as long as you did know that you identified the issue, it's easy to fix the issue, you know. I mean, it's easier said than done. But as long as you're being honest with yourself and understand like, Okay, this is an issue, this is not real, this is what's in my head, and have a dialogue and remember, like the thoughts you're having, you're aware of those thoughts you're having, and so you're

aware of reminding yourself that these aren't real thoughts. If that makes sense, you should if anyone who's listening to this podcast and should make sense to them. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be right back with Vanessa and Chelsea and we're back. Well, Vanessa, we like to ask if our guests have any advice they'd like to get from Chelsea. Is there anything you'd like to ask? Yeah, you know, I was thinking about it, and I know when we're on the road, I ask you for advice.

You give me a lot of helpful tips. But I know you're a dog owner. I'm a dog owner. Is there a good song to sing to your dogs to put them to sleep? Do you have one? Do you not sing to your dogs? Don't accuse me of anything, Vanissa, and you know you know I don't fucking sing to my dogs. No, that's not true. I sing it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood to them all the time, but not I sing. I make up lots of songs, but I say it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood,

a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Would you be mine? And then I suck on bird's nose? Could you be mine? But no, good one? Yeah, that is a good one. It's sweet. And also, if you're like me and you can't sing, which I'm sure you don't have that problem because you're Latina and you have rhythm and can't sing. You should have seen Vanessa trying to teach me to do a TikTok dance once she was like, what is wrong with you? I'm like, I told you, I don't

have any rhythm. She's like no, seriously, like just move your arm like I'm showing you. It was like this simple, and I was like what, I like headbutted myself. But yeah, I think that's always a soothing song. I whenever I hear that song, I always just melt. I like that. I'm gonna try that one. I always sing hopelessly devoted to my not that's cute, that sexual so oh that's lovely. Okay, well, we want to thank you Vanessa for being on the

podcast today. Please follow Vanessa, Vanessa Comedy, Vanessa G. What is it? Vanessa Ga, Vanessa Comedy, Vanessa Gynecological. I'm Vanessa's gynecologist. First of all, you are, She's yeah, I'm her pharmacologist and her gynecologist, although she doesn't always believe that I'm a gynecologist. But Vanessa G. Comedy on Instagram and Vanessa Comedy dot com website, and yeah, you could find me on or with Chelsea. We're going to keep this party

going all year. Yeah. Oh yeah, thank you, Vanessa, thank you all. That was fun, have a great day YouTube and if you'd like to get advice from Chelsea and one of her guests, please write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.