Learning the Hard Way with Meghan Trainor

should cut ties with you. That's how serious of an offense. Somebody who flies through the air for a living takes your hard boiled eggs. Just so you know, it's basically what you've been doing, this assaulting people. I know you know what I Actually someone wrote in to our email and she basically said she was like, I was awoken from a nap by the smell of hard boiled eggs on a plane, and I thought, of you. I thought there can't be someone else's bringing hard boiled eggs on

a plane, but sure enough, there she was. But she like said it in a way that was like, but I love you, I I can't even look at hard boiled eggs the same. Like now, if I see there was like a there's We were at some studio and there was all these snacks and I was trying to eat healthy and I was like, I don't want this. I don't want that. And there's a hard boiled egg and I was like, I'm like, if I were mad at you, I would be eating you. But I am.

I'm still not over it. So well, you know what, I have at least changed one part of my life. I think I'm committed to using ricotta and my lasagna from now on. Yeah. I think that was also a major misfire to Thank god MATEO set you straight. Thank god he said someone straight, you know what I mean, because he's not setting a lot of people straight. He would make if I were a guy, I would want to have sex with him me too, you know what I mean. There's a woman I want to have sex. Yeah,

it's you don't have atracted to him? Actually yeah he had else. Well, I have a follow up, a very important follow up from a recent caller. So we remember Sandra who called in on our Caller Daddy episode just last week, and she was going to Thailand with the

boyfriend who had been like hiring escorts. But it was before they were together, so you know we talked to her about right, but oh yeah, yeah, yeah, escorts, right, I remember this, Yes, so Sandra says, Hi, Chelsea, I just wanted to follow up after our call with some updates or I guess just the one. I'm continuing to work with my therapist on my trust issues and keep all of your voices in my head that I cannot look at his things if I want a real and

healthy relationship. And I expressed to him how his past made me feel insecure. But I will work on that and work on my trust. I went on the trip to Thailand, and something felt off the entire time. He had started smoking weed again, even though he was sober, and the trip was hard because there was a major disconnect, sinking feeling that he was not telling me something. It turns out he was indeed cheating on me, going to erotic massage parlors before I got there, and even while

I was there. Yeah, he did not tell me willingly. Yes, it's because I found his Google map history going to these locations. I believe he would never have told me the truth if I had not found that history. So she snooped again and found out. Yeah, well, if you're snooping and you do find something, you can't argue with that because that's exactly what you were looking for. So I'm sorry that that happens to you. And I guess, so, snoop,

if you ever really strong, like, what's our what's our messaging? Here? I dated a guy who looked through my ship and I'm not up to anything, and sure enough, whatever he found he made into something that was nothing. And anyone who listens to this podcast knows that I'm not a person that would even I would never do that. I don't have the energy for one relationship, never mind fucking two. So that's where I've come from on that philosophy of

phone checking. I've also been the girl that does that, as we discussed it during that episode, and I didn't like the way that felt either. But listen, I guess I don't know what to say about it, because women are just gonna fucking keep checking people's phones and men who are paranoid, and we'll not just paranoid, but you know they're going to do it too, I guess. And you know she goes on to say like she knows that she has some issues to work through with that.

But I would also argue that you're attracting people that are like this, and that's the bigger issue. You knew deep within that this was the wrong person before you found that out. No, but I agree, you know, it's like she continues to say, like she's got some stuff to work on, She's going to keep working on that. She's glad in this instance she did. But she hopes to find somebody who like she doesn't have to feel like and that's it with that guy, Like, no, no

more anything, sandals all done? What's gross? Pre Just don't cheat. Just break up. Don't cheat, you're not married. Why are you cheating? Exactly? Just break up and go be with the other fucking go be with the tie massus is. If that's what you want to be with, exactly, you get married and then you cheap. That's everyone knows. That's how it goes. Yeah. Okay, So our guest today is a singer. She has a very big song out that everyone is trying to dance too well. Most people are

doing it effectively. I'm pretty much the only one who can't do this dance. Her song is called made You Look This was her fourth studio album, and she just launched the second season of her podcast, which is called Working on It, which she co hosts with her brother Ryan Trainer. So please welcome Megan Trainer. Hi, Megan Trainer. Oh so exciting and in person meet and greet in Paris, and look at I'm on the show. I know exist Guiding. I mean, we've of course met before a couple of times. Yeah,

this is Catherine, our producer. Hi. How are you? Thanks ting me? Oh my god, thanks. I love you, Megan Trainer. I'm so happy for your success that you're having right now. I mean, I think the last time we saw each other we talked about the music industry a little bit, and I remember you're telling me something like, even though you can be really well known, you sometimes don't feel

like you're in the mix. You said something along those lines, Well, yeah, I never feel famous, and like I don't feel like I keep I feel like I always have to keep proving myself. And it's been almost like ten years and I'm like, I don't know that. Yeah, it is hard. I think a lot of people probably feel that way. And I think, just like a hard critic on myself

to get my parents. Yeah, like in what way it's Give me an example, Like when I was writing this new album, every song I had, I would I would approach it I gotta be better at my self talk and self love, but I would play like made you look this big hit. I sang it to my brother and my older brother and was like is this trash? Like is this terrible? Or is this good? You know, instead of being like I've had this idea, you know, I start right away with like I think I stuck

it writing. And if you don't have like a radio hit for a long time, you can get in your head of like, well it must be me. I think I'm trash you know. Yeah, absolutely, I can totally relate to that feel. You have to always make yourself relevant, which is a lame way to describe its. Ever, and you're only as good as like, you know, when you have success, it's like it dims so quickly. You're like that. So it's it's nice to be back in the spotlight. I know, I know, as you could and you could

actually dance for a white woman like you have. I mean this is coming from someone Listen. I tried to fucking rehearse that song. On the road. I was on a tour with my opener, my security guard and then another one of us. I'm so uncoordinated and I don't have any rhythm. It's I'm cursed with some Jewish disease that I have. That's song. When I saw it, I was like, that's what I could do. I could do that. I could do that dance. And we tried several times

and then finally it became sad. No, that took me three days to learn. Three days three d Yeah, but when you do it, you can move things like I now I got it, Like, yeah, you have Yeah. I always wanted to dance, but I was a girl in middle school, like at the school dances, that was like sitting by myself in the corner, like I can't go on dance and runt of people, you know, really, And then in high school you could like drink a little bit,

and then you're like drinking. There's always somebody said drink. But I took like three weeks off of drinking recently because I was hosting the Critics Choice Awards and by the way, oh, thank you, thank you, and then my publicist goes, Chelsea, you should know alcoholics because maybe you should just stick with it. I was like, go fund yourself.

I'm not. Alcohol is my support system. It is my buddy. Now, okay, your life has changed a lot in the last couple of years because you had a baby, the cutest little baby. Oh my god, he's adorable. Tell me about that, that kind of change in your life with your husband. Well, how long have you been married now? What does he say behind you? Four years? Four years? And when did you have your baby? When do we have the baby? He's almost two, he's almost two in Februarian. So you've

got a real handle on things that are happening. I'm peeking and I'm diving. And tell me about how that's changed your life. Becoming a white I'm becoming a mom just the best. Yeah, it's so. It's I was one of those like I've always wanted to. I had baby dolls instead of Barbie dolls. I had babies when I was young, and I was like, I will be a mother of twelve, you know, that was my goal. And my mom had three of us. I'm one of three, so I know I want a bunch of kids. I

know I want like four. I'm gonna try for four. But that sounds loud, you know, but it's it's been the best. And I always thought that I would settle for some loser and like fix him later. But I got me a man's who like massages my feet and takes care of me and like worships the ground I step on. And I didn't know that existed, you know, but it exists. He's still like opens every door I walked through and like carries my gallon of water for

me and makes me breakfast. I got so lucky. That's awesome. One. It feels like you win when you fall in love, right, like like, oh my god, I get this too, on top of everything else, right like, I get this lucky. Something's going on, you know. That's where we're at in life. Now. Where is that accent from? That's like underneath, No, we're I don't know, I'm Massachusetts. Like my bros. They're like, oh, bro, Like we talked like this. You know. It's like we

go to Long Island, but we don't. It's very much. Um, nobody actually knows it. But it's Nick Kroll on his TV show that he had back in the day, The Croll Show. It was our favorite thing to watch and he had a skit with They were like, these brawls that sound like my brothers when they talk, and they're like, let's bounce. These gals brawl. So we talk like that a lot. I don't have sisters. Oh you don't. You have two brothers and you're the are you the youngest

in the middle middle? So I was attacked by either side. Yeah, but your one brother lives out here to do both. They both live in my house. One just turned thirty ones about turn and I'll never let them leave. That's really funny. I had my brother lived in my house and he did leave because I had to tell him to get out. He lived with me for about he was Roy. He lives with me for a while. Then one morning I walked in my kitchen and this girl was like, can we get can we take a picture?

Came out of his bedroom and I'm in my bathrobe and I was like, hey, Roy, this is so inappropriate, and he's like what, I go, if you're bringing people home, like you have to make sure that, hey, they're not coming home to meet me, I can't be the thing. And he goes, well, whatever I have to do to get him there, And then I was like Oh. I was like, Roy, you got to get out of here. I only had like a few of those where my brother would bring home thoughts when he was drinking um

and he'd be like, who's this um? And they like one girl took a video of the entire backyard and then tagged me, and I was like, she's dead to us, and he was like, yeah, she's dead to us. But he's good at he only brings home girls now that he knows will be cool kind of. And my younger brother just learned that less in the hard way. He started dating online and the girls would say, I'm a musician, and I was like, uh, like, it's not gonna work.

And he was like, well, I told her I'd bring her to the studio and this is my basement in my house. I have a child. And he had to understand why that was wrong. So I had to teach them some stuff. But now my younger brother's dating a great girl and my older brother is still single. As followed, we can try and pimp him out a little later. So and your mom were really tight. I remember meeting her a couple of times when I've met you before. Is she really involved in your career. Yeah, she would

have come today. She packed my lunch and she's my assistant. She would have come today, but it's a tight room. So she was like, I'll stay back, and I was like, thanks for your sacrifice. She's just so lovely and so selfless and is the best person. And I don't I never liked having an assistant that was like a different person or I would like fall in love with them and make them my best friend forever. And for my mom, it's just she did all that stuff anyways, you know,

she always took care of me. Anyways. I was like, it's kind of like an assistant is your mother in anyways, my housekeepers like my mom or nanny. She's my name. Yeah, it's nice that you have your family so close by, because so how old were you when you moved out here, like eighteen nineteen and was just so intimidating and scary.

I lived in Nashville for a year and I wrote all about that base there, and then at exactly a year, they were like, hey, you have to move out of Nashville and go to l A. And and I would come out here like when I was eighteen for a little weeks at a time for songwriting trips and I'd stay at a hotel. That stuff was scary for sure, which there's like a community like I wish I was there. I was in the motails, I was in the spooky places are like Airbnb is that I shouldn't have been in.

But I had like an older friend who could drink and I was under age, so we would walk to a liquor store and she would get it and there's like a guy just as the joker. And I was like, this is where I'm gonna die, Like this is having to die in l A And nineteen years old, I called my mom. I was like, this is it. I'm about to get married. But I lived. And how was your entree into the music industry, Like what was your first big First of all, are you still with the

same label that you were when you are? Oh that's a success story. Well you're trapped, you know what I mean? Love them though they're great, They're so great. I love them, but I'm on my have five albums, so I'm like about to start my fifth one eventually, you know. So I got one mower with them, and Christmas don't count.

It doesn't count. But yeah, they're they're great. And I when I wrote Base, like l a Read was at the I was at Epic Records at the time, and he signed me and was like this is gonna be huge, and I was like and I was like a baby songwriter. And when people signed me as a songwriter, I took that as like I was insecure about my looks and I was like, okay, that confirmed it. They think I should be behind the scenes, like writing songs for the

pop stars. And then when l a Read saw me and was like, well, I need whoever singing this song to just sing the song. And I was like hello, and he was like that face he said that to me. I was like this face was like yeah. I was like okay, and then I just like held on type for dear life and was like I've always wanted to be a pop star, but I didn't know anyone would believe in me, and I just held on and faked it till I made it. You know, Wow, how great of a story is that? Every day I'm like, well,

funk am I doing here? Everybody feels that way too. I'm like, who's confident? People are always going to be You're so confident. I'm like if I'm so confident. I don't feel that confident. I just you know. They're like, yeah, they're like, you write these anthems, you're so calm, like they're for me, is like my therapy, like a girl. And how do you know when a song is going to hit? Like, like when do you find out that a song is? How long does it take before you

know that it's gonna skyrocket the way it has? For this last song, your most recent I always asked because I was signed to a company that had big country writers, and I always asked them like, how do you know it's a hit, And they're like, oh, you never know. Like I thought Bass was my least best song out of everything. I was like, the all of the base one, that's the one they like. My parents were like this song out of all the other pop songs you have,

but that one. I remember the music video came out and I was so embarrassed in my high school friends would see me like in address because I wear all black and I'm like in hoodies, and I was like,

oh my god, they're gonna make fun of me. And then when it hit twenty thousand views, I was like, well that was fast and then it's started to get up to a million and I was like, oh, like a million people have seen this, and then Justin Bieber did a remix of it, and I called my brother who was in Florida and college, and I was like, you gotta drop out, bro, Like it's over. We gotta move to l A like we're so famous now, Bro, it's done. But like nowadays, with TikTok, this song made

you look. We were looking at the numbers of how many people made a video to that song, and once it got to like a hundred thousand remakes, were like, oh, we got something. And then now it's at like millions. What is it? Pepe? He'll tell you behind if you ask three point four three people people have made a video to that song, Oh my god. And so we're like you, that's when you're good, when you're peeking on TikTok. Yeah, yeah,

that's good. Well, con aratulations on that success fun for you, right, and you so deserve it because you're so normal. I like that about you. Everyone says that about you. I mean, well, not everybody, but the people we have in common. Whenever I say something about you, know how much I like you. Everyone's like she's just so normal and down to earth, and you know you are. You're a good girl. So on this podcast. Okay, get ready, Megan, this is where

your life skills are going to come into play. Okay. People are calling and they're some people are fucked up and then help and we need to give it to them, right, and this is the way we give back charity. I love this. Yes, yes, I actually did pick some especially funked up ones for you, Megan, because I know you're like honest and real and so I'm honest and really I'll tell you about my anal fishes. I'll do anything fisher an fisher currently yeah, yeah, I didn't know if

you said fish. I didn't know if that was something. I didn't know about an anal fish. It's a slice of myne. I recently had somebody telling me about their anal fissure. It's a thing. Yeah, And I didn't know the thing until I have a lot of game managers and they were like, girl, let me tell you. And I was like, right, this thing is crazy. From having a baby, I guess so, but I didn't push out mine.

I got c section. No, I think it's my hard poops and I asked a doctor and she was like, I was like, I eat really clean, Like I'm healthier than ever. I drank a gown of water. She's like, I wish it was as simple as change your diet. She's like, some people just have hard poops and have to live off a mirror lax and so I'm a mirror lax bitch. Now really, yeah, nothing works for you to go to the bathroom. It makes it soft unless I have like burning Indian hot food. You know, have

you ever tried magnesium? Oh? Three? Do you know what? I used? The pop magnesium. I'll try that when three is like a game changer for me. Magnesium And everyone's like I've heard that lately. It's like if you do four of those a night. I did this once on Instagram and I can't tell you how many people are like, you don't understand. You changed my poop game. And actually I only used it for a period of time and I don't you it anymore and it's still working. Okay,

I'm going to send it to you. Okay, so should we take a quick break and we'll be right back. Let's do it. Okay, we're taking a quick break and we're back amazing, Megan, you're living for that life. We just look so good now. It looks like Powder from the movie Powder. It's like we try to get you almost blown out, and then you're just like you can't see any flows. It's great. It's almost like when I try to explain it to straight men for music videos.

I'm like Kardashian, like Mariah Carry like I want you to be like, is she there? Is she not there? Like a clear Okay, that's what I want. Well, we're gonna start with a collar today, ladies. Are you ready for this? Okay, I'm ready. We're ready a stop most Alista's my first collar is Anne, she says. Dear Chelsea, I'm twenty seven years old and at that exciting time of my life where it seems like all my friends

are getting married. I'm planning a pretty big sing myself, and I've already invited all my college friends and their significant others. The problem is, I met my friend's boyfriend for the first time at a wedding recently, and to say he left a bad impression on me would be an understatement. He got drunk to the point of being cut off from the bar and was yelling profanities to our friend and several bridesmaids, calling them bitches, among other things.

At all. I also learned that this is not the first time he's behaved like this during a night out. My friend ended the night in tears, embarrassed over her boyfriend's behavior and swears he is the nicest guy until he drinks too much. She sees it as an innocent mistake, but I see it as a consistent pattern of abuse when he drinks. My fiance and mom have both told me that I should uninvite him to our wedding if there's a risk of him becoming angry over drinking or

picking fights with other guests. I do agree with them, but I also think it could be possible for him to clean up his act before our wedding next summer. How do I bring up my concerns about his behavior to my friend with damaging our years long friendship? Sincerely, Anne, Hi, Hi, Anne, Hi? How are you guys? This is our special guest, Megan Trainers here today. Oh my gosh, Hi Megan. Okay, So is that the first time you've seen him act like that?

That's actually the first time I've ever met him, So Yeah, that's the first time I've seen him act like that, and according to my other friends who actually live in the same city as her, this is like common, so that made me super uncomfortable. And are you going to see him at all before the wedding? Are do you? Guys? The only trip that I will is if I visit my hometown, or maybe he'll come to like another friend's

wedding that's before mine. There's like a ton of us getting married all within the next year, so it's possible, but I don't usually like see this group of friends unless we all get together in a big group, so most likely not. I feel like you can't judge somebody on one interaction, of matter what anyone else is telling you. If it happens twice, you absolutely have carte blanche to be like, No, I've seen him twice and he's a

hot mess two times, but on one interaction. I just really don't think it's fair to judge somebody because anybody could be having the worst situation. I know you've heard that he acted like that, but you didn't witness it yourself. Yeah, totally. You've heard that he's done that multiple times. Yeah, Like there was one of my friends who was also at the wedding. She said, oh, yeah, there was another time where we were out and unprovoked, he just called me ugly,

like out of the blue. He was like, you're really effing ugly. So it's just like things like that that. I'm like, I don't want any negative energy. I want to be called ugly at your wedding. Why why not? I don't want my friends to be called ugly at my wedding. I don't care. I don't care what he thinks about me. Well, I mean, you can always have him removed from the wedding if he acts like an asshole, I mean calling women bitches? Is I have more of a problem with that than him being drunk, you know

what I mean? Like that's kind of the grossest s part because there were other like a lot of the boyfriends, to be unfair, like a lot of them were drinking heavily. So but I can forgive stupid behavior. It's when you're being an absolute asshole to women and like being disrespectful that made me really uncomfortable. And then my friend was in tears on the shuttle ride home because she was like, he always does this, and then he says he's gonna stop,

and then it happens again like months later. So it was like coming from her first hand, that's what made me like, really sad, Okay, I think dude's got a problem. Yeah, when you can't control your booze like that multiple times, there's an issue. Also, I just want you to know I got married, I did all that, and it was like, who do I invite? Who do I'm not I'm gonna make I'm gonna hurt people, funk all that. This is

your wedding. If you hear another incident happens, you're allowed the day before to be like that's okay, I would I don't want him to come because I heard of that. You know you can keep him invited this whole time, and if you hear one more thing, I say, buck it, your wedding, your rules. Who cares? Why any wants to bailings? Yeah, I know. That's one of the hardest things I've had with planning a wedding is making sure that I don't kiss other people, not kiss other people off. But I'm

a people blazer. I want my parents to be happy, friends to be happy. I want to have a good time, so that's been a challenge to navigate with such a big guest list, and I wish we could just nukea and alope, it'll make you crazy. I had like a hundred people because it was my backyard and I couldn't fit that many people. So I had to say no to a lot of people. And I'll tell you what, nobody was mad or they didn't tell me to my face. So in my head, I'm like, we slayd that. But

I let you know, I cut so many people off. Yeah, you can't really say to anyone, well, I mean if it's your friend, but you can't really say why didn't you invite me to your wedding? Yeah, someone someone didn't say that to me, and I was like, I've said that. I got over it, So what are you thinking now? After talk you to ask what do you think? I mean? When this first happened, I was very in the mind of like because my fiance actually couldn't come to this wedding.

So I was telling him all about it the next day. And he has a problematic friend who we actually who's like a way closer friend that we decided not to invite because of his behavior. So he was like, well, you know, we've decided to nix this person. This guy was being really rude to like all your friends. I think we should cut him off. So at first I'm like, Okay, I think I agree with you. After letting the dust settle, I'm like, I don't know. Maybe I just want to

let it ride and just hope for the best. So that's kind of where I was at even before this call. I think that's maybe where I'm at. Just letting him come, Yeah, I need have till summer, right, And you can also if he is an asshole at the wedding. I mean, obviously this isn't an ideal situation, but you can have him removed. Then you don't have to have the conversation

with her ever, because that happened. Yeah, And I think if you do decide to let him come and like not disinvite him, I think you need to make this someone else's assignment so it doesn't become your problem. So maybe there's a couple of really good guy friends who are like, look, we all know how he acted at

SO and So's wedding. I need you two guys. If he's getting belligerent, tell whoever needs to be told to kick him out of the wedding, but don't let it be like people are coming to you being like, hey, somebody's being an asshole. Pre empt it. But I also feel like there's a lot of emotion coming up for you with this, and you might be sort of peeking out of the corner of your eye at what's going to happen. If you feel like you want to disinvite him,

you can. These girls are right, it is your wedding, and then just send this to that friend. I was like having my fingers crossed that my friends aren't listening to this because I don't want to put two and two together. Well, somebody that you know will hear this and put two and two together. So there's no right. Okay, we're using a pseudony, but so you have all conflicting advice. Sorry,

we suck. No, that's good. We have different perspectives. I don't think it's going to be a big deal, but I do think if he does something again before you know, if you hear that, you I think you have to witness it yourself. Everyone telling you information it's never accurate, and I'm sure your friends aren't lying to you. But I'm just like it's not fair to based on hearsay say that. I would say it's fair based on him calling women bitches for you to go, uh, sorry, but

your boyfriend was calling women bitches. If you want to have the conversation, that's the opener. Yeah, And is there a way you could talk to your friend and be like, hey, maybe you guys have an agreement for my wedding that he just doesn't drink. Maybe he can have an edible beforehand or whatever, but maybe this isn't so. The day after, he actually did text me and a bunch of our other friends, and you could tell that. It was like my friend told him the next day, like, you did this,

you need to apologize. So I never responded because I was gonna like, actually wait to see what you guys said and like think on it some more. But I think maybe responding to that might be a good way to open the conversation and engage how they're feeling. A couple of months after the fact, what was the text that he sent. It was basically like, Oh, I'm I just wanted to let you know I'm really sorry for

the way I acted last night. I know that was like not a good impression, just stuff like that, and then saying that he loves my friend more than anything in the world, and like he didn't mean to hurt our feelings, but it wasn't owning what he did. It was just more it came off for as like my girlfriend told me to apologize, but he was honestly so

drunk that I don't think he remembers doing. Yeah, maybe there's a conversation there, even directly with him and also maybe separately with your friend of like, hey, you know how much I love her. I'm so excited to have her at my wedding. And I know you guys are a couple of we want you to be there too. Maybe this is the time that you, like, don't drink if you want to do me a solid. I would really appreciate that. Yeah, I think that's a good a good point. And then you know, I still have your

friends keep an eye on him. Yeah. I like that idea too. I thought a lot. And then I don't. Hopefully I don't have to hear about it exactly exactly. All right, Well, let us know what happens, and good luck. Okay, thank you guys, it was great to chat with you. Okay, take care bye. Okay, Well that was a confusing well mostly for yeah, sorry, I came in hot. He's a definitely that was good, but we just saw how different videos somehow You're like let him in. I was like,

fucking well. Our next question comes from Shantal and this is just an email, so she won't be joining us. Dear Chelsea, I'm a twenty six year old registered nurse. My depression started in my late teens, and I've been on antidepressants for three years now. Medication has completely changed my life in the last few years. I graduated from two universities with degrees, started my dream career during a pandemic, and met my fiancee. We're getting married in September and

planned to start having children immediately after. My worry is that I will develop postpartum depression. I don't have much family history of mental illness, and my depression started when I started birth control pills, so I'm hoping it'll go away when I stop those. Although I'll have my baby to live for and to protect and love, I'm scared of being a failure. What should I do to prepare myself? Thank you? Shantal? WHOA wow? Did you think that for me,

I sure did. Oh yes I did. Okay. What was she worried about, though, like being on her medication at the end. I think she's mostly worried about like continuing to have depression afterward postpartum depression, and yeah, I got it ready for it, okay. So I was never on antidepressants my whole life, and like, and my family is very uneducated about that stuff. So they were like a

shame part for sure, in their Massachusetts old ways. And when I was like twenty two, when I started having a terrible chemical dip in my brain and had panic disorder, and it started with like my vocal surgeries and having to be silent for so long with your thoughts. And I had my boyfriend who's my husband now, so everything was great. I was like, I'm really happy, but I have a migraine and running diarrhea. What's wrong with my body?

My chemicals are so flopped that I would go to the emergency room a couple of times thinking like, oh, I'm allergic to something because I can't fucking breathe. And finally was educated and learned like, oh, this is panic attacks, this is what everyone's been talking about, and this is my early twenties mount to breakdown. And it was wonderful because I figured it out. And I saw a psychiatrist who said, like, we can give you anti depressants and I was like, ah, man, no one in my family

is on those. I don't know anything about those. I've just heard so much shame growing up of like you're on a pill. So I was like, please, I'm desperate for anything. And he told me how there's four different types and one might work for you and one might not. And I the first one I did worked and I like, it was like all the scary noise stopped and I was like yes, and it was the best. I'm on like the lowest. I'm on twenty milligrams of site tele abram.

That's what I popped every night, and then um, it was amazing and I never never had a panic attack ever since. And I was like, I am cured. I take I've been on it for like over five years. A little bit cannot recommended enough. Then I was like, I want a baby. And I talked to my doctors and was like, what's the deal? Am I good? And all of my doctor said this one is safe. Don't take any of the heavy stuff, which I wasn't taking anyway,

So it was fine. I was on like the lowest thing of ad Evan and I that was for emergencies. That was the same one you were already on. They said it was safe. Yeah my side, Tyler Bram was safe. My first O b g y N doctor said, oh, give her of those candies, and I wanted to stab him in the eye. I was like, you don't know what I went through all this, Like what do you mean throw them in the track? You? Like, I need a plan too if I have to get off them, to wean off them and figure out what's going on.

When all my other doctor said it's safe, stay on it because a happy mama is happy baby, and I was so scared of like, dude, with my panic attacks come back, Like I got to get off these pills. But if they come back and I have postpartum depression like everyone else has, it's going to be extra worse for me, I feel like. And I stayed on my meds because all of my doctors cleared it and said it's fine. I got a new O b g y N because fun, that old guy, and she was so

nice to me and was like, this is great. I stayed on it through my whole pregnancy and had an amazing, healthy pregnancy and gave birth to a perfect, beautiful boy, and stayed all my medicine after I had zero depression in my pregnancy. I had zero postpartum depression. And I couldn't recommend staying on it more if you're in a routine, in a system. It was everything for me. And I want to have another baby and I'm on the same exact dose. And I talked to my doctor like, yo,

I'm trying to have an other baby. Are we good? He's like, we good. If you like you want to switch it up, we can. But I just love my little pills every night. I hear your sister, I mean I do. That's so great. Is this woman on antidepressants right now though she's on them? Yeah, And she said it was everything was great. Yeah. And also but also worrying about something that may not happen. It's like it's

also suffering twice. Yes, there's no reason to suffer. There's no reason to worry or stress out all your doctors if everyone's clear, as are you good or exactly? And I think also if you do have any concerns about that or things getting bad, just being really consistent conversation with your doctor and be talking through it, get in therapy, whatever you need to do to sort of like smooth over that bump. If if in in fact you do get some postpartment right now too is they don't do it.

I wish they did it at all your appointments when you're pregnant, but after you're pregnant and you have your baby, go to pediatrician's office. Every single appointment is a piece of paper for how's your kid doing? How do you feel about it? And there's a piece of paper just for mama, Mama, how you feeling? Like, oh my god, I was like when did this come out? A week ago? Literally this week? And I was like, this is so

helpful and great, thank you for making me answer these questions. Well, so there you go, ask for help and also, don't worry about something before it happens. That is just so. I know. It's easier said than done, but you have to practice flipping your switch and flipping those thoughts into a positive thing. You know. Knocked up, Yeah, yeah, well she is knocked up, isn't she? Or she get trying to get try. She's gonna try soon. I thought she

was very pregnant. Okay, yeah, well first get pregnant, way far down the road worrying about this, so yeah, yeah, he'll be a okay, I promise Yeah. Our next caller is Teresa. Teresa says, Dear Chelsea, I'm twenty eight. I went to your show in Kansas City and cried laughing. I wanted to thank you for of vulnerability and strength you gave when you spoke about your breakup on the

We Can Do Hard Things podcast. I listened to it once when it came out and cried with you, and once again to get the confidence and encouragement to break up with my boyfriend of four years. Something I've struggled with the last few years has been knowing the difference between anxiety and intuition in my body. As I learned to differentiate the two, I finally came to understand what you meant when you said I wasn't going to abandon myself as a recovering people pleaser. I realized how often

I was abandoning myself in my relationship. So thank you for planting this seed. My question has to do with moving on. I moved out of my excess home and now I am living in my parents basement, which feels like a total step backwards after being so independent. My impulse and tendency after a major loss is to sell everything, move to a new city, new job, new apartment, cut off my hair, and start over. So naturally, that's what

I'm considering. I'm currently a nanny for a very stable and supportive family, but they live forty five minutes from my parents house. I feel confident I can get a job anywhere, and I have a brother in extended family in Georgia and friends in Florida who have both offered a place to stay so I can get on my feet. It feels like the perfect getaway. But am I too old to be running away and starting over? I have a stable support system here where I am, but I

finally feel free, like this world is my oyster. I just don't want to make an impulsive decision. Please help, Teresa. Hi, Teresa, Teresa, dude, I forgot that they come in here and I'm like, and I'm like, oh my god, it's her Hill. This is Megan and Trainer. She's our guest today. So Hi, You're so cute. Look, are you too old that that that right there is? If you're saying that, the answer is no, No, it doesn't matter at all. Like, it's

whatever you're feeling. When you have a good attitude towards it and you have excitement, that begets more excitement and more good vibes and more good attitude. So if you're already feel in that way, everything's gonna work out. It doesn't matter which decision you make, as long as your attitude is in the right place and you're optimistic and energized, you're hot, you're gorgeous. Yet Oh my god, those are I'm dying. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I think that's kind of

my main thing. It's like I have I'm just at this work in a road where I know that it will be okay either way, but I just I don't want the fear of choosing the wrong thing to limit me. And I think that's what I keep doing, and I keep getting anxious about it, and then like prolonging it. I need to make a decision and do it, or else I am going to be stuck here in my baran space net forever. And that thought is really what's driving me crazy. Whatever decision you make is going to

be the right one. It'll work out. I remember going on stage once and I was reading a chapter from one of my books. It was like for my book launch, and I was like, I just I can't starte which chapter two read? Which chapter to read? And one of my girlfriends goes, it doesn't matter, choose one and then that's the right one, and I'm like, oh, okay. But it was true because you just have to make a decision and then stick to it. So your choices are

between what Florida and Georgia. You said, Well, if I keep nannying, then I could really go anywhere. There's this agency that I've been talking to and they have families from all over California and Georgia. Like, so I'd love to go somewhere where I already have family or friends established, just because it would be nice to have some sort of support there. But yeah, I could be anywhere, so because I could live in within any family. If I find a family that I could live with, get out

of the Midwest for a little bit. Yeah, and don't go to Florida. Don't not go to Florida, Georgia. Yeah, go to Atlanta, or if you mentioned California. I mean everything. Moving to California is just a dream for anyone who's not from here. You just can't believe it when you get here. Yeah, and I have family there and one of my best friends lives there, so like, honestly, California would be ideal. But it's just I have to find

the right fit it. And the timing is kind of important as well, just because the family that I work for now once ninety days and so like the timing of looking for something and then making the jump, it just it feels like it has to be perfect. But I think I just need to go for it and get it started. I guess, yeah, I think you need to take the plunge and just figure it out. Go to Atlanta or go to California. Just flip you literally

flip a coindly. It's gonna be right, It's gonna be great. Yeah. Nowadays, when I'm deciding, like what job to take, like as a singer, I'm like, should I take this opportunity to be on this TV show? Like is that what I'm supposed to do with my career? Where am I going? I just, um, I think it was an Oprah or

someone that was like, douche it that scares you. It probably wasn't, Oprah, but yeah, but I've been doing stuff that scares me, and it's been like my career is just going up up, like the scarier the thing is, I'm like, okay, let's go. It's like the better for me. Okay, Well that's basically what this is. So and also it's it's also impressive that you got out of a relationship

which forced you to move into your parents base. Met that's badass because you said you're sending to the universe that is not acceptable and you're elevating what's coming your way. So you're already winning. Yes, and you know, if you believe in all this stuff, that's your Saturn return. It's a time of change and upheaval and renewal in your life. So like, go have a fucking adventure. Yes, that's what it feels exciting for me, is the adventure. Like it

is terrifying. I have my home base, which I'm really thankful for to be able to come home, but now I have like a place to keep all my stuff and I'm just gonna peace out and see where life takes me because I don't have I mean like, I have good people that will support me through whatever. I always have a place to come back to. So yeah, I think I just needed that encouragement. So good, good, Well, I'm glad you got it. Yeah, thank you so much.

You're so pretty doing the show. So they sent us a picture of your new boyfriend when you meet him under a palm tree somewhere put your days. Well that was easy, guys, we were all on that one with this. Well, so your Saturn return if you believe in all that, like astrology study, I love it. Are you witch? No? Oh my gosh, I wish I want to be a witch. I don't want to read all the books. I know it's a lot of study. It's a lot of study.

So your Saturn return is a time in your life when Saturn is in the same astrological position as the moment you were born. So right around that time is when there's a lot of upheaval. There's a lot of change, renewal, a lot of times you have big life shifts like this break up, baby, you go came out. And thirty seven is also a year not Saturn returns, because how can Saturn return for your day? Every twenty seven years doesn't have to do its own thing. I think it's

like wherever it was when you were born. You might not know this, but I'm an astrological wizard. Really yeah, I know pretty much everything about the solar system. I know, Megan, you and I need to do a little reading. No, I know you're talking about now the same. I am a very confused person. Okay, well, great mission accomplished. Good, Well, we have one more question. This question is from Mitchell.

Mitchell is nineteen. That's kind of a harder one, he says. Hi, Chelsea, I'm a nineteen year old Gauge Ginger male, and I'm asking for your thoughts and advice on how to move forward from dealing with emotional abuse from kindergarten to sixth grade and sometime after that to start. I was born with anxiety, a learning disability, and Asperger syndrome. The earliest memories I have are from when I was six years

old and in kindergarten. I remember my face being red hot and feeling scared and overwhelmed with embarrassment because my female teacher was pointing and talking out loud to me about how I didn't understand how to do whatever we were working on as much as the other kids did. After that, I remember sitting in a corner of a parent teacher conference and feeling very sad, not smart or normal at all, because my kindergarten teacher was talking about how I was not as smart as the other kids.

From there on, things only got worse. Since I was a quiet, not smart, ginger kid, I got bullied and made fun of by my classmates. In particular, two girls bullied me from kindergarten till sixth grade. Today I still think about people joking about how gross it was I had ginger hair all over me and that nobody would ever love me. I was not as smart as the other kids, lonely, a loser, ugly, sad, had no friends, and of course there was name calling. I want to

love myself, but I feel so scarred. So what are your thoughts on advice on how to love myself? Mitchell Mitchell? I already loved Mitchell. That breaks my heart because I'm going to have four ginger babies and like the ginger is a b Yeah, I do, and like redheads nowadays. I don't know what it is, but they are the most popular. I agree with that redheads have had a redheads are in vogue, so you're lucky because your timing

couldn't be more perfect. And I will also say I've read a lot of emails that come into this show, and you're a very smart Mitchell, because it's one of the better written emails that I have seen. And I also believe Mitchell listen, I had a very tough time in elementary school and continue to have a tough time. And I mean, we've all been in a situation where we have been judged by others and it feels like shit,

But that's not the situation you're in anymore. And if that does happen to you, it is so character building. So all you have to take away from that situation is strength, because A you survived it and b it's over, so you have like a whole opportunity for your new story to begin, and it should start today. You know that is the past. You can never affect the past. It's over. The more you focus on it, the bigger it gets. You have to move into the present moment

and realize that you're not that little kid anymore. You're not defenseless, and no one's calling your names, and it's cool. To be a redhead now, agreed. And you know what, just because some people are not into redheads, other people are very into redheads, like very specifically. Yeah, I dated a redhead who had an incredible, incredible penis and I don't throwat the around they're humongous. Is it? Is it a redhead thing? It's a redhead? Oh my god? Well

there you go. You redheads have the biggest penis is problem solved. It's a weird thing, but that's a thing. It's that see, yes, that's like I don't think they're pretty, but his is like god, but like the big one. Right, So you see, you get different gifts. Everybody gets different gifts. And know you're hung Oh my god, yeah you big yeah, basic red and big red dick energy. I love how

Chelsea's like, move on to the presence now. But if there's something that was really traumatic, My brother just did trauma therapy. It's different than like regular therapy. He met with a trauma specialized therapist that went back. He had a slumber party when he was like in elementary school

that bucked him up for a year. It was one night, but that one night really destroyed him and he I tried to be like, go to therapy, go to therapy, and he refused, and finally Dr Drew came on our podcast working on a PUD and told him like, oh, why don't you try trauma therapy? And he did that and he came home and was like, you're right. I really needed that. Like that changed, and he's been like so much happier ever since. Yeah, yeah, should I come back?

I mean I lived down the street like you. Oh my god, I'm here and mom can come next time. Mama should be so happy herself. She needs her screen time. What are you talking about? Yes? Yeah, no, I agree, grab some therapy, some e M d R. I don't know if that's what your brother did, but I know that's been really helpful. He did specific experiences. Yeah, well, Chelsea, anything you want to add to that, Yeah, I would just say what I said earlier, like if it was bullying,

which is what I experienced. I mean, I once had a girl called me on the phone and she's like, don't come go to school tomorrow because we're gonna fucking kick your ass. And I was like, oh fuck. And they were older girls and they tormented me. I mean I kind of deserved it because I was also a tormentor, so it was a reciprocal situation. But if it was like that what I've experienced, which was name calling, Like they used to call me a dog because I looked

up with a senior boy. So the senior girls hated me. And then and I walked down this hall and they would bark at me and call me a dog. They're like, you're so ugly. Woof, woof, woof, And they would follow me from class to class, to the point where my my girlfriend wouldn't even walk down the hall with me because they didn't want to get the abuse either. So, like that stuff was tortuous, but I am so strong because of it, Like no one fucks with me anymore.

I know exactly what to do and that won't ever happen. And again, so also take that attitude with you. You know, people who go through stuff like that, it's to build character. You know, you have to make a good thing out of a bad thing, can't fo me? Now? Oh, well, let's take a quick break and we'll be right back to wrap up with Megan and Chelsea. Hey, we're back, We're back it. Well, Megan, is there any advice you would like to request Meg. Yes, I thought about this

long and hard. I just want you to help me with your secrets on how you refuse to age like. I want to do everything. I want to put everything in my body that you put in your body. I will get well. My babies sore, they're real. I'm positive. Do you want to touch them? They're real? Don't know? There's no oh, there's so I know. I know I nothing fake in now. I don't have fake boobs. I

don't have anything fake really what I do. But but I I know, I know, But I do like everything I can possibly do to keep my face and skin smooth and soft. And I'll give you I know you we know what. I don't even drink that much water. I mean, can you imagine how great it would be if I did drink water. I have to put like electrolyte flavors in my water to drink it, because water to be so fucking boring. But I'll give you a

whole list. I do tens of stuff. And you know who I go to the who the best facialist is doctor. I've never been to a facialist. Really, to wait till you go to this woman. I go to this facialist, Dr Nigma, and she literally you get a facial and your face is lifted for like a week. And so I just go to her. Whatever I'll get. I'll give you a comprehensive list. You're young, so you don't have to start up doing I want to freeze here this forever this. Yeah right, we'll just make sure you don't

get don't ever get a fun tan. That is the you know that, No, I don't you need like hats that go around the sun is your son and the devil I know start there. And because I didn't realize, I didn't learn learn about taking care of my skin until I was probably thirty five years old. That's bullshit. So there's a lot you can do. And literally, like basically what you want to do is rip your skin

off once a year so that it has to recover. Yeah, you do a peel or some crazy where you have to like literally can't be seen for like, you know, a week, but it makes your skin come in baby baby, baby soft. It looks so good. Thank you, thanks for noticing God, Like, what one thing you want to ask you and n A d you guys, that's the new thing. I inject myself every day with N A D and that's a youth molecule and it's been proven it's no, I'm not joking. I have a peptide and I injected

every day every morning. You can get drips or you injected, and it's the youth molecule which reverses or stops the aging process of yourselves and has been proven to also reverse the aging. Also text me that. Yeah, absolutely, I'll text you all of it. I have no secrets. I want to share it with the I want everyone to look have beautiful skin. Yeah, Chelsea, this is what I appreciate about you, because you're not like I just need a really good cream. Like No, I know everyone's so

full of ship. I want the truth. I knew you would tell me. Okay, well, i'll make that list when I get home. Megan, you've been a delightful guess as usual. Congrats on everything. I just love you and I'm just happy for you. Take you. I love you so much. Day. Thanks for having me. I hope I helped anybody you did. And for those of you who haven't seen my special on Netflix, it's out. Revolution is out and it's streaming and I am announcing a new tour called the Little

Big Bitch Tour. I am starting again in April. I announced a bunch of cities, so it's on my Instagram and my website and whatever. But yes, I'm going back on the road and form us. I have a whole new show and a whole new thing, and I'm gonna go to our again. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dere Chelsea is a production of I

Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.