If You’re Asking The Question, You Have The Answer

be silly Cabo. Can I just say that I don't think of myself as a beach vacation goer in the way that I like to do it when I was in my twenties and didn't realize that skame cancer was just around the corner, so I think taking a beach vacation it sounded so nice when someone brought up Cabo and I I don't love going to Cabo. I'll be honest. I mean, I love Mexican food, and I love Mexican people, and I love mango margarita's frozen. So I would say that that that is the main impetus for me when

I go to Mexico. I like the vision or the visual of seeing a mango margarita that is frozen, that's headed towards me, and that I know it is coming in my way, and especially when they choose the appropriate glass ware to put a frozen margarita. And well, no, not necessarily. It's the glass shape that I'm talking about. But it doesn't have to be thick. It has to be actually, prefer it thin. But I like a large volume of it right because then it becomes an issue

you have to drink it before it gets slushy. See. And I like the thick class because I feel like it retains the cold better. I don't know if that's true. I think that it's not on that. Yeah, it's gonna end up like the research I did on on rice. Well, I haven't done research on rice yet, but I have done research on ice, which is that if you put a lot of ice in a drink, it maintains the integrity of the coldness of the drink. A lot of people think that if you put a lot of ice

in a drink, it dilutes the drink. If you're in the fucking Bahamas, yes, But if you're in a place that can hold ice, the more ice, the colder your drink will remain. If you put two to three ice cubes in a vodka soda in Europe, I don't like that, that's when it's going to get diluted. Yes, But back to my trip Chicabo. I stayed at a resort that I hadn't stayed out before, which was recommended by my

travel agents. She said that I would like it. We went for three nights in two days, which is basically all I can take for a beach vacation. But I was so looking forward to just sitting on this chaise at a pool near a body of water. But I also had just gotten frac sled into my face around my eyes, so I looked like Batman when I left, and I had to protect myself from the sun, which was an exhausting part of being there. Like yeah, but no, no, not a good practice because I'll never wear a hat

like that again. But I had to wear a Safari hat that kind of like covered the back of my neck and then the sides of my faces, so I was basically talking out of a hole. It was hot to be wearing like an traption like that. Jamie, my makeup bar artist who started a company called bly Lighter, which is the only product I use on my cheeks for blush. Look it up. Blin Lighter by Jamie Greenberg She was trying to teach me how to dance in Cabo, and I don't I can't really dance, So she was

trying to teach me how to dance. And then when we got home, I was dancing for her in my kitchen. I made a Marco polo of me dancing in the kitchen the way she taught me, and I sent it to someone else. Her name is Jamie Greenberg, and I sent it to my friends Jackie Greenberg, so I got a really funny Marco, not a lot. She was like that is They were just laughing, laughing hysterically. And then I found out that I sent it to the wrong person, and then I just realized I do ship like that

all the time. But yeah, So I came back from Cabo. We basically had Mango Margarita's. It was Jamie Molly, my cousin who for any of you have read my books, Molly's always in my books, and we had it was just so delightful and it was so nice and it was we got Yeah, and that was really your first a post pandemic m Yeah, my first vacation, I would say, Well, I went to San Francisco to see my sissy, But yeah, I would be my first trip like that. Oh, and

we announced the tour. Everybody vaccinated and horny. That's me. I'm vaccinated and I'm morny. And we just are adding shows to the original shows. We are adding a second show at the Beacon in New York City. We're adding a second show in Denver the same night as the first show. We're adding a late show. So yeah, get

your tickets a ticket master. I'm doing the Santa Barbara Bowl and I'm so fucking excited and Humphries by the Bay and it jumps off at the Mirage in Vegas July the Mirage, So I'm going to spend the night there in Vegas for the first time in a long time. Another place that I don't typically like to spend too much time and for obvious reason. Yeah, that's the location where you only go for twenty four hours too. Yeah, it's exciting that you're getting back on the road. Are

you excited to be out on the road. Yeah, I am. I did like six shows at the Irvine Improv a couple of weeks ago, and I put a whole brand new hour up, like you have to go up with all brand new materials, some stuff I had left over from the last special that I didn't use. So that was great, little buffer. It's hard to do that. I was so so nervous and then I did it and I was like, yeah, that's tough. Like I like to

do tough stuff like that. It makes you feel really confident in your ability to like challenge yourself, you know, in the accomplishment of getting like starting the set from scratch too, then cultivating over your next tour dates and really like fine tuning that. Yeah. Yeah, so I love it, and I'm really glad and people are excited about the tour and that makes me so happy. Yeah, so out they need to laugh. Yeah, it's a good time to

be doing it, exactly. Rum Well, speaking of timing, you wrapped up your thirty days of no smoking cannabis, Yes, I did. And what were your takeaways? Okay, that's a good question. I think that I mean obvious takeaways. I don't have to clear my throat as much. What's important when you're smoking weed is to be smoking really organic weed that isn't doesn't have pesticides and chemicals that so many of them do that you buy. So it's like you have to have a friend who, like my friend

sends me weed. So I just try now to smoke it off of that one hitter, because anytime I smoke a pre roll it's just like hurting my throat. And obviously I'm not going to be banging on about cannabis and then not getting all the good effects, you know. So I've been using my one hitter, which is great. But my takeaway from quitting is that it's good to exercise your willpower in life. It's good too, that sounded so annoying. It's good to show yourself what you're capable of.

You know, thirty days was nothing. Even though it sounded like it was going to be something, it wasn't. And it gave me a lot of hope for people who think that it's hard to break habits, because it's really not. Because I have to say, like, I do love smoking joints, but now that I took the thirty days off, it's like I don't love it as much as I thought I did. Don't care. I'll take an edible. You know. That's a nice feeling too. Should we see how Shane

felt about it? Oh? Yeah, speaking of which, this is why we're talking about this for anyone listening who maybe hasn't listened to that episode. Shane went on a thirty day canvas detox with Chelsea, so they went cold turkey after the initial phone call, no smoking for one month, and now they have both completed that month. So let's see how that went for him. Yeah, Hey, Shane, Hey, how's it going. Hi? Se, Nice to see you again. Hi, nice to see you again. How are you? We made it?

We did it, We did it. High five. I'm so proud of us. I know, I know. How was it? The first week was kind of rough, like I had no appetite at all, but it got pretty easy after that. Okay, so for any women who are looking to lose weight, um, and you're a pothead, take a week off and you'll have no appetite. You know, it's funny you say that. I totally felt that too. I was like, why do I not feel the need to be living with my head inside of my refrigerator? Yeah? I was not hungry

like at all. Yeah, and then what what about it? What about cravings? I didn't really have cravings. The first week was bad and then like it was chilled sailing after that. Other than like slow drivers and irritating people. Oh right, people became a little bit more irritating. Yeah. Yeah. How did you manage your stress while you weren't smoking? I went running a lot? Oh this is this is great trading habits. Yeah totally. I did like thirty plus miles. I wanted to do at least one mile for like

every day. But did you run that much when you were smoking weed? I tried to, but I think I did it more when I was less stoned. Yeah, well that makes sense probably, although I bet you when your stone you couldn't get into a really good groove when you're running right, and then just like you turned into Forrest Gump before you know it, you get that natural

running high and the actual high. Yeah yeah, because sometimes I work out and I smoke weed right before I work out, and I get in the zone like it helps me. Yeah totally. So how was it with your roommates because they were all still smoking weed? Right? Um. One of them actually just kept that to their room, so I think, so I didn't have to see any of it. That's nice to them. The other one went on a break with me, so it was I had a little buddy. This is like a huge success. Store

is great? And how were things with work? I know you said that you would you would forget things, You'd constantly be leaving stuff behind. I forgot absolutely nothing the entire time. However, as soon as I started smoking again, I did forget something, Shane, how old you? I just turned thirty one on Friday? Okay, happy birthday? Thank yeah? Yeah, happy birthday. So that's great. And did you at any

point think about, like, funk this. I cannot keep up with this and I'm just going to smoke a joy and pretend and lie about it because I did so. I wanted to wait until like midnight of the actual day that I could start smoking again, but I hit the pen three hours earlier, and I got so paranoid that everyone in my house gonna know I cheated, and though I was high that I like had it a little mini panic attacks. Oh that's the story I didn't tell the first time I smoked a joint after my

thirty day thing, my thirty day break. Did I make it to thirty days though? Did? Only you can answer. I think I did a full menstrual cycle. So let's just say it was twenty eight days, because I think I did do a day early. If I'm going to be completely honest, which I have to be. But I was getting my hair done and I smoked a little bit of a dog walker and I got up. I was so lightheaded, and I just was like, oh my god,

I'm a weakling again. But I like it because I liked to you know, it's nice to have a low tolerance. I mean, it wasn't nice to be lightheaded and then you know, fall, But other than that, it was fine. Yeah. I Also, I was so sober that I told my parents that I'm trans. I didn't do that for like eight years. I kept it to myself. So that happened all thanks to being sober. Oh my god, my god. Everyone was pretty chill other than my mom. What was her reaction? How did you say it? What did you say? So?

I was at my parents house and they started talking shit about the like trans athlete Van, and I was like, well, now I'm gonna come out out of spite. So as soon as I got home, I sent a group text message to like my siblings and my parents, and my mom didn't respond for like three days, but everybody else was super nice. What were their responses? I think they support me and they love me. But what can you

tell us? What you wrote? Oh, it was a long ass text message, but basically that I've been transitioning for eight years. Didn't feel like telling any family because I didn't want to deal with their like negative opinions. Wow, good for you. That's so fucking hard and brave. How do you feel now for Leaves? Yeah, a lot of relief. I don't have to hide anything or ever shave my face ever. Again, that's what I would do when I

would go see them. I just shade. It's very powerful though, too, that you know, you've kind of made this bold decision to get out of your comfort zone and stop smoking something it you've relied on for a long time, and out of that came something like totally unexpected. Yeah. I think that I was stoned all the time, and that's what kept me from coming out. Whenever I was uncomfortable,

I just smoke. Yeah, I think, well, that's what a lot of people do instead of thinking about it as something that enhances the goodness you're thinking about is something that kind of shoves a feeling away or something you know, Yeah, a distractor. This is incredible. I'm so glad that you called in like when you did. And I hope you consider because it sounds to me that this has had such an impact, Like look at the ripple effect of you making just like one strong decision about your well being.

Look at the ripple effect that it's had. And I hope you can think about that in other ways, like in your life that you can implement that, you know, Yeah, totally. I'm gonna try not to smoke during the week while I'm at work so I don't forget anything. Yeah, yeah, well that's good. Let's let's keep you too that that's a good one. And then way that way when you have the week and it's actually a celebration not just another day where you're stone out of your mind, you know, Yeah, totally.

We'll keep us post a chain, let us know how it goes if you stick to your weekend regiment of no smoking, so it becomes more of a treat, and how things develop with your family and kind of how things turn out with your mom, all right, and she'll see I'll see you when you come to San Jose. Got presale tickets at San Jose Civic Center, Right, I'll be there too, see you there. Yeah, see you there by Shane. By Shane. Well, I mean, if that's not a problem solved, oh my god. Wow, that's like, what's

our track record here? I don't know, but that's really moving. He has hit his life out of the park in a thirty day period. He has made major changes. I mean, wow, I'm very I'm speechless. Good for him. Okay, So, okay, I think we should take it. I think we should. You know what, I'm going to take a shower. Let's take a break. Okay, I'm bad. Are you done chewing? Sweetheart? I mean, I'm never going to finish that protein bar.

It's gonna set my teeth through the next set. Flavor of that protein bar is a little bit off kilter. I don't like berry protein bars. Something protein about berries? Okay, sweetheart, what were we talking about? Well, our first mission, we're going to get right into it. Okay, let's do that. It comes from ready to get to work. Comes from a man. Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend of fourteen years for the past year has not really been interested in sex, at least not the way he used to be. He's

forty two and I'm fifty four. When we do have sex, I notice that he's quite literally fucking differently. There's a whole different energy and vibe, like he's learning something from someone and it's not me. The sex is great, but infrequent. I can't stop thinking that while we're having sex, where did that come from? Should I be worried? Should I just assume he's watching an extra helping of porn and picking up tips? Is he cheating? We're two gay guys

in our relationship has been monogamous. Is it still? What do you think? No, it doesn't sound like it sounds to me like something is definitely going on. What do you think after that long? You know your partner's habits, you know their go to tricks to get things going, So if a new trick has been incorporated, they're probably getting it somewhere else. Yeah. Yeah, do we have this caller on the phone? Probably because it's personal, there's okay? So what advice can we give them? Though? To like

what I mean? I think you need to address it head on. I think that you need to. Yeah, but you know how people are. They're not always honest. Well they may not be honest, but for your own mental well being, I would I would say, hey, like you've done this this way. I'm just thinking, is there a way for them to set up keep getting catching them in the act. That might be a more effective way of getting to the truth faster. I feel like that

it's tricky and long term relationships. Do you need some help? I don't know, sweetheart. I'm like, it's like I'm in wearing a carpenter's outfit. I can't get anything. Oh, your little sleeves got tangled up in there. Thanks Sweeter. Yeah there, now you look like Popeye on that side. You have this huge bicep. I wish everyone could see this. That's so rescute. Those from Aviator Nation, Okay they're not a sponsor,

but they could be. So. Yeah, after fourteenyears, I think trying to set your partner up to catch them doing something, or to set yourself up in a way that you catch them doing something. If there's that little trust in the relationship after fourteen years, then you probably shouldn't be in that relationship. That's a good point, but I think it's just quicker with people who are liars. The quickest thing is just as Yeah, but a lot of liars

don't tell the truth. They lie again and then it convince you that you're safe or that you're're not there. You know, you're crazy, you're out of your mind. Yeah, Gaslight, you exactly. I had a boyfriend like that once you did that, And I also was I deserve to be Gaslight because I wasn't in a good place at that time. But it's super jealous, and I always like looking and thinking something was happening, and it's like, oh my god, that's such an exhausting place to live. It's it's so unfair.

So yes, obviously asking for the truth straight out is the way to go, but be prepared to have to get creative. Well, this submission makes me think that they probably don't have open communication as it is, because if he's writing it, if he's asking us, why are his boyfriend got his new moves and hasn't asked his boyfriend well, and like you know, do you watch porn together? There are a lot of There are a lot of aspects to this that without additional context, we can't give thorough advice.

But I would say ask him up front, if not, take Chelsea's approach and try and set him up or just grab his phone. I mean, isn't that the quickest way to find shit out. Seriously, like everyone should just hand each other their phones and be like here, here, here, unless you're hiding something, right, I mean, especially because how many stories you have to hear about women. And also

that's the other thing. If you're looking for something, you usually find it, but you can also find something that's out of context or that isn't actually framing something in the way that you're finding it. So again, if you do that, great, and if you find something, just be aware that that might be the outcome that what you're what you're seeing is not actually what you're finding. And their boyfriend was fifty two, right, so there's definitely like in the throws of being horny. Yeah, I mean, I

don't think men are ever not horny. Well, right, women are the ones that are not horny. He's forty two, the boyfriend is fifty four. So also who knows, Like maybe he's going through a little midlife crisis and he's just trying to incorporate new things to keep it fresh for himself to feel that vibrance again, who knows, don't don't say vibrants like that her vescence, but not vibrant youth. Yeah, probably it's hard to be gay. It's the worst. Well I don't think we really tied a bow on for

this one too nicely. But well, sometimes this advice isn't going to be uplifting. I would like to know what happened to this, So if you're listening, pleaset's let us know what the result is. He's better be listening. I mean, you can't write into a show and then not listen to see if we address the issue. Plus he doesn't really want the advice. It's like actually, and then he cuts off contacts. Yeah, he unsubscribes to thank you, not

from these fucking two. Okay, so our next emission. This is a really common theme that we get people wanting to know if they should pull the trigger on this decision moving to another city, going after a big dream, And it always comes down too should I stay or should I go? And this submission is no different. So maybe we can give some overarching advice for anyone who has written in or is thinking about writing in. The

submission says dear Chelsea. I'm a forty nine year old married woman with no kids who has been in the same career for twenty eight years. Dental assisting has been good to me, but now I want a complete change. I lost my dad in December, not to COVID, but had to say goodbye over the phone since I couldn't see him. It's changed me and I don't want to waste another goddamn day doing something that's killing me mentally. I want to become a nail technician. Yes you heard

me right, probably the oldest in my class. And I know it will take time to build a business, costs money and time, and I'm scared. I have a job now that is study and reliable. I'm at a crossroads. Stay at this job that's study or build a business slowly that could give me freedom and a chance to be my own boss. I'm terrified that I'll fail and have to rely on my spouse instead of the financial independence I have now. Okay, Chelsea, give it to me straight.

What should I do? Aaron, move on from your job and take a chance and build a business and live your life and when when. Don't live out of fear, don't base decisions out of fear. Don't think what if this doesn't work. There's only one scenario, and the scenario is that it's going to work. So you're perfectly capable of doing this. You've admitted you want to make the change,

do it, no questions asked. That's it seems to be thematically that a lot of people are already have already made the decision that they're going to make, but they just need like us to chime in and give them a go ahead, right, like a little nudge. And that's good. I want you guys to treat us like your sisters or girlfriends or whatever. Well you're not a girlfriend, but

and yeah, most people want to make a decision. When I can't make a decision, I like survey it, like to my group of like six closest people, and I'm like, what do you think about this? What do you think about this? What do you think about this? What do you think? And you know, actually, the less you do that, the better you are at recognizing your intuition and your gut. Well that's what you're great with. You go with your gut a lot, and it normally doesn't point you in

the wrong direction. So when you have that inkling of what you want to do, it's just a matter of And also the other thing is making the decision. Just making a decision because there's not a wrong or right decision for everything. Most of the times, it's just about you making a decision in either direction and then putting your energy towards that decision, and then it will always

work out, you know. So you just have to be confident in your decision making and no one to listen to your gut, which is all the time, and to all listeners. If you're asking the question, you're answering the question, right, don't you think? So? Great slogan? Print those up on our T shirts. We should have t shirts. The next one we do have on the line. Her name is Katie. She's thirty seven. She's from Maryland. Katie says, Hello, Chelsea. I'm a single, childless, thirty seven year old woman who

is somewhat successful, but constantly feels I'm being judged. How do I help myself feel fulfilled on my own? I'm a rather confident woman, strong and enjoy eating at my favorite restaurants alone. I question whether I'm too independent to find love and then get more mad at my self for thinking archaically. I know there is an increasing population of women and men who could use this advice. Thanks Katie, what do you think The bottom line question is how

how do I? I I mean, I think it's really just learning to be okay with yourself and where you're at. Yes, I think I can relate though to that. Like I go through periods where I like, you're mad at yourself for having a feeling, or you're mad at yourself for doing this, or you're mad at yourself, and it's like, oh, she's on the phone, Katie, Hi, Katie, Hi, How you

doing good? How are you good? We're just saying I was saying, like I can relate to the self loathing and to the like kind of beating yourself up, like you know, why didn't I do this? Or or being embarrassed of past behavior or like you know, especially since I've been home from Whistler, like I feel like, uh not an isolationist. What's the person who stays home all the time of recluse? Yeah, you say recluse, I say recluse.

You do think about your own behavior and stuff, and obviously beating yourself up about your own feelings is pointless task and just creates suffering of your own ego all the time. So I when I do that, I just always try to this is gonna sound very corny, but this is really true and it works as a practice when I do that, and I'm like thinking about myself too much or being too self conscious about what I really like and want to do and how I feel.

I really I already prominent was going to say we had such a strong lead up, and then I'm like, wait, what this is why you don't smoke a joint right before we get here? Ran, I'm sober by now, I don't have to even feel that joint. I'm sorry that you're bearing the broad starting to feel like you are okay. So my practice, Katie is too really to just shift from from that to the present moment to be mindful

of like every moment that you're in. The more present and a where you are leads to the next moment of presence and awareness, and the more present and aware you practice becoming, the less self conscious you are about judging yourself or berating yourself or any sort of self loathing, because you know, like I think of it like this, like if I start talking to mysel off in that way, I'm bringing my energy down, I'm bringing my vibe down. I'm not attracting a lot. I'm kind of my eyes

are watering a little bit. Are you crying? Are you crying? Yeah? I think I'm I'm getting there. Oh, when it's just a very real thing of like, how do you defeat that and not not feel like beat myself up over things that are out of my control? I guess yeah, Well, I think it's just that it's like repeating that to you, like, you know, wasting your time on your self, critique that is suffering. You are suffering, suffering, suffering. We do it with our bodies, we do it with the way we look.

I'm very vain about all of that stuff. I suffer a lot in that regard, but I do practice being present because when you're really present in every moment and you're paying attention, like in this conversation, in this moment, I don't have time to think about anything else, like you know what I mean, I'm not thinking about that.

And even if you're in your apartment and it's just you and you have your thoughts, it's like, Okay, now I can feel like this for a moment, and then I'm moving on to the next thing, not denying the feeling, but knowing it's not healthy for you, Okay, And practicing just present moment awareness, which is like there's a million books on present moment awareness or mindfulness or whatever you

want to call it. Vaginal rejuvenation. I mean, it can be referred to as a lot of things, but it makes you much less filled with self doubt and less self conscious. Well, and I think to your point in that regard, like Katie, you bring up the things that are out of your control is what you feel like you are criticizing yourself over. And the one thing that you do have control over is how you respond to those things. So again, change that narrative for yourself. Don't

worry about what you're not able to control. What you do control is how you feel you. You do control your success. You do control the fact that you are confident enough to go have a solo dinner and be happy. Yeah, that's cool, Like that's confident and I like that. I like to do stuff like that too. Do you know how many people can't do that? That they would not have the balls to walk into us or go see a movie alone, Like, oh, that's one of my favorite things.

Like that is that is something that's like so hot about someone where they don't need anyone, like that think about that, don't think about what you don't have, think about like I can go do this like other people can't. Like I'm a fucking badass woman who does not need someone to fulfill these things for me. Yes, I know it's hard because mainstream media and mainstream media are just media media in general, and society continuously sets a standard

for what a woman's life should be. And that's something that you see in every way that you no longer have to apply that to your life, Like that is a standard they're setting. That's not a standard you have to accept. Yeah, it's so true. It's like it's just a mindset. Are you taking notes on this call because you need to be writing this stuff down? No, because

that's really good advice to all. Right, well this is going to be in the podcast, so you can always just but you need to listen back to the podcast. But you need to start implementing this to your life because it is about your confidence, right, It's about your belief in yourself that you are responsible for instilling. You have to believe in yourself, and so if you're constantly reminding yourself about all your good attributes and all your good qualities, which is a theme that's come up on

the show now multiple times. It's like, you need to be reminded of the things that you do have, the things that you are good at, the things that are working for you. You know, looks like you have a beautiful apartment, you have a beautiful blowout, like you know, things are Yeah, exactly, you're ROCKINGNA, Like you have a lot of things to offer which I don't even know about. But you need to focus on those things to instill your own confidence, to build yourself up so that you're

not worried about what other people are thinking. You know, you're worried about what you're thinking. What do I think of myself? Yeah, it seems so simple, but it is really like resetting my entire narrative, my entire mindset about how I process and think about things and internalize them too. You bring up in your submission about being judged and that that's you know, a big point of contention that you feel like people around you are judging either your

circumstances or your decisions. But remember, like that's something about them that's not you. They're they're projecting what they think on you, So it doesn't matter good, bad, or indifferent, Like if you set yourself up in life to be happy with where you're at, it shouldn't matter what someone else thinks of your current circumstances, Like that's that has that is there as they go to bed with that,

not you. Luckily, because you're you can put yourself in a good space where you don't have that mentality and you get to go to bed peacefully every night not giving a sh about what someone else is doing or how they're living their life, because you've created the life that you want for yourself. It's very true, sou those people. Yeah, why do you say you feel judged all the time?

Is that something from like childhood or is that something that I think it's more so when I when I sent him my submission, it was the day after my thirty seventh birthday, and I think that had a lot to do with it too. It's kind of I feel like I should have I should be, you know, with a husband and kids or something at this point, and most of the people that I used to associate with,

that's their life. So it's almost like breaking away from that and being comfortable if I don't end up married, if I don't end up with a child if I end up, you know, maybe on a farm with a woman who knows being comfortable with that stuff. I also came out more recently is buy So I think that's a whole other accepting things. Well. I like that you think being with a woman leads to farming. I mean it very well could. Yeah, it's another stereotype. But wouldn't

you rather be the exception not the rule? Like those people in those nuclear families, they're fucking miserable. So again, create the life you want for yourself, Like, don't worry about what they have going on because they're going to end up divorce. Like your thirty seven you've not been through a divorce, which is great gratulations on that you're on your own. You've built a life without a man. You were able to afford everything that you've wanted to

take care of yourself. Yeah, and that's the fucking win right there, Like, that's what you should be proud of that I've not needed anyone for this. So when I would like to say, I would like to go on the record and tell you I'm forty six single and do not have a man in my life, and I

don't have any regrets about that. I mean, I know we're not the same person in but like there is a very unique kind of boldness about it that feels pretty powerful to have been able to do this whole life thing on my own and like be strong about it. And not that I'm against man. I mean it sounds like I am every time I talk about them. I'm not.

I'm not, but I'm just I have standards and I'm not willing to compromise who I am at this point, and so that might mean that I'm alone for the rest of my life without a meaningful relationship so I can relate to you. You know, these are all constructs, societal constructs that are just telling us milestones and people's lives. I obviously respect everyone's decision to live their lives how they want to to a degree, but you're basically comparing yourself to a race that no one had agreed to.

Everybody has to go through all of these milestones at the right amount of time, and it's just a societal construct that we've all allowed to happen. So we think, oh, what's you know, that's the It's a frame of reference. It's like life mile markers that you're supposed to hit. And it's also just like the lameness of people's ability not to have an original conversation when they're like, oh, what's up with Melissa? You know, she's not married, she's

still single, or what Chelsea ever be with somebody? I don't know. But it's really not anybody's fucking problem, right, but your own. And it's only a problem for you. If it is a problem for you, it sounds more to me like you're worried more about what other people think than what you think. Yeah, well, and be excited, like do you know how many more possibilities you have

now that you can date men and women? Like what what I got to open up that hand of warm soon and become a lesbian or become by actually just become open to the possibility like that. I will be. I guess I will be, because you're right again, it's not about what you don't have, it's about what you do have on the horizon, Like you're going to have some hot lesbian lover possibly, so like, let's let's be excited about that. Okay. Yeah, well, I really appreciate you guys,

and I love your energy too. I think that's part of it, like fucking positivity and that's the new narrative. Just a reset that I need to Yeah, you just need a quick reset. So just like write some things down, like some positive things, things that you can like remember about yourself. Make sure it's visible. Just start on your most fundamental level of like telling yourself that you're important

and what you think matters more than what others think. Okay, all right, nice to talk to you, Okatie, talk to you as well, Katie with a c is it Katie? Are we pronouncing that correctly? You are? What is it, Harriet? Exactly what I was getting at. It's a mean girls reference. Wouldn't sorry, I'm sorry you let us know if you do find a girlfriend, I would like to like to hear about that. Please, yes, all right, thank you, Katie. She was cute. Yeah, I liked her, liked her enough

to data when that time comes. Well, I mean, god, I know, I just feel like, yeah, that's just right around the corner from me transitioning into let's or a bisexual person. Well it's not really, well, it is a transition metaphorically. I think it could happen for you. I think maybe it should happen because sounds like me, a woman would annoy you less. Possibly, Yeah, there's just so many different ways to be annoying. That was the thing,

you know, That's what I worry about. Yeah, and this would be well, we won't get into the specifics of the sexual dynamic, but I imagine there would have to be a tap out for you at a certain points sextually be like okay, thank you so much. That that goes for men and women. So there's yeah, I need to tap out safe word. Okay, Brandon, would you like to take a bath? I could. Okay, Well we're going to take a quick break, so let me run you

a bath. Our next and last omission comes from initials j K thirty nine, advice she's gotten in a lot of like, well, this is probably her what situations lately? She says, dear hand job, I'm thirty nine. I got married in my twenties to a doctor and divorced him for a drummer. My parents are very proud. I'm sure they are. I'm uninterested in marriage and feel fine with that.

Still with the drummer after ten years. We have always lived apart and it's a fun relationship where I have lots of time to focus on my career during the week, and then we hang out on the weekends and playing a band together. He has kids from a previous marriage, and several years into our relationship he told me he didn't want any more kids. Understandable, but this was initially something that made me feel deep grief. Even though if given the choice, I have trouble visualizing my life with

kids because I like my freedom. Plus I enjoy not being broke, and kids would interfere with this. Yet sometimes I see myself as having quote unquote settled, like I should have picked up and left when my boyfriend said he didn't want kids, when I am otherwise happy in our relationship. My question is, why do I keep ruminating on the fact that I don't have kids and feeling

like a total weirdo for it? Is this a midlife crisis or just an antiquated sexist idea that has gotten stuck in my head about what it means to be a grown woman. What do you think I think she should just let go of the idea of kids and stop forcing it again. Societal pressure, societal standards. You're happy, everything's good in your life, and you're just going to complicate things by yeah, you're thinking what if? What if?

What if you have to go with the fact that you're not having kids and it's going to be a great life. It's sad to see how many of these women feel like they need kids to fulfill something in them. Yeah, I know it. So it's a real it's like drinking

the kool aid, Like it's so unfair. This is a conversation I have with all of my sisters really regularly, actually, because yeah, because in the Midwest, your life is on a certain timeline of you know, you graduate high school, you either go to a trade school or you start working immediately, you have kids by twenty three or twenty five, you're married, like it's just and so I always tell my sisters, like, you can't live for your kids. They

have to be incorporated to your life because eventually they're gone. So, you know, people have kids to try and fix a marriage, or they have kids because it's what's expected of them. And I'm like, life has so much more talk. And it's also like you're allowing somebody else to dictate what

is your true happiness. You know, if you really wanted kids that badly, you wouldn't be you with your boyfriend, you would have left him at that moment if you really really, if it was like everything to you, you would have worked harder to make it happen. So you can accept that it's not for you and that you're not going to make it happen, and it's so easy

and enjoy yourself. It's so easily identifiable with some of these women that just had the kids because it was what they thought was expected of them and should not and fucking hate being a mom. I'm thinking of one of your friends in particular. It's like you were not made to be a mom. And that's okay. Again, that's something that women have. That's great because a lot of women don't. And then you see what happens. They just get up and leave, they disappear. It's like I should

not have done this. Well, too little, too late, Yeah you have the kids, Yeah, too little, too late. I've definitely seen a lot of people have kids, not a lot, but I've had my fair share of friends that have had kids that are like, not good at it and not happy about it now. And then there are some people that, again, like I think we've talked about this, that you knew that exactly what they wanted that it didn't have anything to do with anyone else. And they're

a great parents. They love it. That's exactly how they want to spend their time. I can't imagine that. Speaking of kids, there's about sixteen thoud kids at the border that need foster home. So if anybody's thinking about fostering, we should give them the resources to register as a foster parent. Well, it's great to know. And yeah, if you have a house or bed, these kids have nowhere

else to go. So if you do want information on how you can foster a child who is stuck at the border, you can go to the Lutheran Immigration and Refugee Services at l i r S dot org. L i r S dot org find out more. And on that upbeat note, I think we've come to a conclusion. Do you have any parting words of advice for all

of our colors? What would you say the theme was of today's episode really just for the women listening, Well, I guess men too, but just be okay with where you're at, Like you don't let anyone else influence how you feel about what you're going through, what you've been through, what you're going to go through inevitably, like it's all okay,

it's all in motion, it's all changing. Yeah, it's all cyclical too, so like you also, something to remember is like, you know, if you're in a bad frame of mind, or if you're feeling down or you're feeling depressed, Like, that's cyclical too. It comes in waves and ebbs and flows and like, so no mood is permanent. So like the impermanence of everything is a good reminder of Like things don't stick around forever. You're not going to feel this way forever. You're not going to be insecure forever.

Like things move. Do you have one piece of advice? So, say, someone who's listening is feeling that way right now, what is your best at us to get them out of that feeling in this moment? Like is there something you do? Is there something you would suggest that they try to do, like if they're down and they want to feel happier out of that melodramatic self loathing space. I mean, you know, I want to say, just go outside and take a

walk in nature, exactly what I was gonna say. Yeah, go look at the trees and the greenery and just be like oh wow, wait, you know, get out of your own I think half of the problem is right now, especially during this time period, is that people are so isolated, so like you are thinking about yourself too much and you are having more thoughts than normal because you're stuck. So it's about being unstuck, and like that is up

to you to get yourself out of being stuck. And that's like as easy as taking a walk in nature and like going for you know something, whatever is going to make you feel good in thirty minutes, do it, you know, and do it now. Get a peloton, and if you are someone you know needs advice, you can write in. We might get you on the phone for additional details or context, and you can do that by submitting your advice request to dear Chelsea Project at gmail

dot com. Okay, I mean, we really did it today, sweetheart. We really really knocked it out of the park.