How Much Sunshine Are You Spreading? With Minnie Driver

a good evening. This is Chelsea Handler on the podcast called Dear Chelsea, and I'm here with my producer Catherine. Hi. Hi, how are you Hi? I think, after however many episodes of this podcast, I finally got an intro down that sounds respectable. It doesn't sound like me, but it sounds respectable. I just want to start by saying that I'm very weak today. I had food poisoning or a twenty four virus. I'm not sure because my friend texted me this morning

saying she also has diarrhea. Now. But we went to appray Joe and I with some friends the other day and then we came home we got massages, I went to bed, and around five in the morning, it was all hell broke loose. God. I was vomiting and I had diarrhea and it was brutal, and of course Joe was so ridiculously sweet that I just was like, oh my god, because I was like, who can I text for Diet Canada's dry ginger ale. That's all I wanted, you know, when you're that all I cared about was gingrile.

And I've been trying not to drink soda because I have this big photo shoot coming up or commercial shoot. But sometimes you just gotta like have the thing that, like your mom gave you when you were sick. For us, it was sprite and orange juice. Sprite and orange juice together together, that was the thing. It's like, whenever I get that kind of sick, I'm like, it needs sprite and orange juice, although these days it's look ray and orange juice. Yeah. Yeah, That's how I am with ginger ale.

And it can't be regular gender because the sugar leaves this weird taste in my mouth. That has to be Diet Canada Dry, which by the way, is my elixir for everything. And if I feel off if I feel tired. Diet Canada Dry is I once called them and I was like, I need to do a commercial for you guys, because I'm so passionate about your product. And I ended up doing a Diet seven Up commercial because they're owned

by the same people. And they're like, we don't need a commercial for Diet Canada Dry, but we'll pay you to do one for Diet seven Up. And I was like, Okay, let's go. But truth be told, I prefer Canada Dry over seven Up. So you heard it here first, it's a cure, all yeah. So I was laid out yesterday and I was just like, and my it felt like every organ of my body was being attacked, my kidneys, my back. I was just like, oh, this is so annoying. And then I took it. What I thought was a

zo fran, which is an anti nausea drug. Let to say, I have no idea what that that I travel with in case I get sick. And I was like, Joe, please get me the zo fran. It's in the cabinet, and who went got it? But I had mixed my zo Fran with this thing called new Vigil, which is basically a drug for narcalyptics. It's for combating jet lag when you travel overseas, and like it's this like high level prescription, but it's basically like a very sophisticated adder all.

I was gonna say, you gave yourself uppers while you're trying to rest. So I fucking woke my ass up to be sick and nauseous for the next six hours, And luckily I threw that up to right away, and then once I took the zo fra and I was able to stop throwing up. It's kind of what they give you on Safari in case you get, you know, really sick or something. Anyway, I had all the medical too,

I have. I don't know who's been mixing my medication, but it sounds like her name is m A. B. E. L. So when I get home the next week, I'm going to have a nice sit down with my bell. I'm sure she has a lot to tuck tell me about as well. I requested that Joe bring Burton Bernice back and she she said no, she put the kaibash on it. He left for three days to go into the States and come back here to slur and I said okay, bring the dogs back. And then he said my bell

said no. Oh she didn't let him. No, I've lost complete control of my own domestic situation. Oh my goodness. Well, I don't know if this will help at all, but if you want, I can. I can let you meet my daughter who's here with me in the studio right now, Brad. That will help. I think it will. I think it

will right now. She's actually there's like a giant beanbag chair here at the office, and she makes Brad bring it down into the like studio so she can sit in it, even though it's like a giant giant one is Mimsy. What's her name? Mimsy? She is a brindle pug. Oh, she's a nugget. How old is she? She's six. She looks like a bit. She is very braddy. She like does whatever she wants. See, she's already done. That's exactly

like Bernice. I pick her up and then she's like, no, I was never interested in being picked up in the first place. Please leave me alone. That is Mimsy. Yeah, she will not listen to anything. My husband says, like, she won't obey him until I look at her and I go in a serious voice. I have to go, Mimsy obey and then she'll do whatever he asked, like putting on her harness or whatever. Yeah, so that's my daughter. That's cute. That's cute. Mimsy is cute. Do we have

a podcast March available now? We will very soon, Oh dear Chelsea. Merch is going to be available very soon. Everybody. Yes, and it's cute and it's going to becomfy. I made sure that we got like comfy shirts, comfy stuff. So okay, great, I love that for all our for all our female and gay listeners. Yes exactly. Although I got a couple of d m s from a couple of straight guys that I want to be very pointed about the fact that they listened to the podcast and are straight. I'm like,

what do you want to fucking metal? Yes? They do? Yes, yeah, exactly, several in fact. Okay, so yeah, let's move on to today's guest as she has a new book it's called Managing Expectations. It is available now for pre order. It comes out in May. And she has her own podcast that I've done called Many Questions, which she asked the same seven questions to all her guests, and season two just premiered, so make sure you check that out. Please

welcome a very good friend of mine, Mini Driver. Hi, honey, how are you? I'm all right, Johnny? How are you happy? New is she? Where are you? I'm in Malibi? Oh okay, where are you? I'm in Whistler, Canada. The seat of sky Highway. I love that. Oh I know you know that from your truck driving days. Honk honk. A lot of people don't know that about Mini Driver, but I do. And that's all that really matters. And that's what this podcast is all about, unveiling who was a truck driver

and who was it? Many congratulations on your engagement. Oh thanks Dawning. Yeah, thanks, very casual reaction. I'm not I'm not engaged. My boyfriend will literally die if he I'm not engaged. It was what You're not supposed to stay engaged? Or are you not engaged? No, I'm not engaged. I'm not engaged, however, only because my boyfriend he doesn't really want to get married because, as he said, I love you, so why would I want to be in a throutle with the state of California? Uh huh And I totally

get that. So we're not engaged. We're just I wore a diamond ring that I had actually bought myself on my ring finger because I show up for myself every day and if I'm married to anyone, it's me. There we go, There we go. I told Joe Cooy, my boyfriend, that if he ever advised me a big fucking diamond ring, don't expect me to wear it. I told him we could be engaged and you can play the wedding because I don't really care about that those kinds of things

at all. And I know that his potential for actual planning a wedding is never going to happen, so if it's all on his plate, it won't come to fruition because he is such an in the moment person. So you and I are kind of opposites. I don't want to be engaged or publicly planning a wedding, and you decided that you are going to marry yourself, So those are two different perspectives. I just want to quite like

a party. I want a party who doesn't like a party mini obviously with dancing and toasts, but I like toasts. I want people to make toasts about me and him. And you want also one of those videos, like a great montage video of all the wonderful things that you've ever experienced, and people saying amazing things about how they've never seen two people more in love than the two of you. Yes, yes, I want. I want that, and dancing and like those big fucking lanterns and trees outside

and like a barbecue and long tables. I want that. I've seen it in like a Nancy Maya fucking movie. That's what I want. Yeah, well, good, I'm glad that you're able to visualize your expectations. I've got a mood board for the wedding I'm never going to have. I want to. I want to ask you about finding your true love after you lost your mom, because I think

things like that happen in life all the time. When somebody kind of exits our life, someone comes into it, and a lot of times for me, I know personally, there's a lot of my mother around with my with my guy. You know, they actually they knew each other and they had a really amazing friendship, and she didn't she didn't suffer too many of the men that I was with because she took it personally when they broke up with me, or if I broke up with them,

but she really really loved Addison. They didn't know each other for long enough. But I do think that there is an exchange, that there is some sort of relay that happens when I think you're absolutely right, when someone leaves, something else comes in to fill that space. I think you just have to kind of be open and aware, and it's very difficult when you're grieving to allow that in. Yeah, have you had any of those experiences yet about your mom? Have you felt her around you? Have you felt like

you've gotten little signs of her? I have I hear her. I think she co opts my brain because I heard her say I was having a conversation with her one day. I was missing her so much. And I don't know if these are psychotic breaks or part of the whole process, and I don't really care, because I could hear her voice talking to me and at one point I said, am I making this up? Or is this you? And she was like, well, you know, of course it's me, but I don't have a brain anymore, so I'm having

to use yours. And it was so exactly something that she would have said that I knew her sarcasm was a sign. Yeah, right, And then we chatted and now I chat I do. I chat to her all the time, particularly in nature. I see her whenever I think about her. I see a single bird, it's really strange. Yeah, I do that. I do that too. Whenever you see a single bird, I'm like my mom always. Yeah, it's really strange.

And maybe that's I don't really mind where that's created from, because it continues to make me feel connected to her. So I don't think it matters. I don't think there needs to be any kind of no one needs to verify if this is true. It is true for us. It's just kind of like what you believe in it works for you. It doesn't have to be proven to

be a fact or fiction. Right, It's like whatever the possibilities are, which means you're open, and as long as you're open, things will come to you, and who cares

if they're real or not? You know. I think it's so funny we judge so much that the way in which everybody else passes life, the way that everybody else synthesizes it, and that this this the way that we look for outside verification of what we fundamentally know to be true, and then we don't we don't trust that, and so then that leaks out into the rest of our lives that we don't trust this basic instinct that we have about what feels good, what is righteous, what

is true for us. That's actually any intention that I have about this new year is to insist on no outside verification. Well, it's also funny because so many people we don't know the answers, just so many things which people pretend are so black and white, like no, there's no God, or there's God or that you know. It's like, first of all, nobody fucking knows if there's a God or not. Nobody has any proof of that except for your belief system and what you think you've personally experienced.

So the idea that you have to have a definitive belief system to begin with is is silly, right, the fact like, oh, they're religious, Like I have a friend, if anyone's religious, she just regards them because she thinks they're stupid. I'm like, well, okay, that's a little bit much. I mean I also have a little bit of that, but not and then people like the new thing is you know, not to say you believe in a god, but there's something it's like, well, that's a god. I

believe in the universe. It's like, well that's another word for god. Like we're all saying the same thing, but people have to be so black and white about it, as if there's been proof about it either way. We don't know what happens when you die, and nobody's ever going to find out until you die, and then it's probably still not going to be the news we're looking for, So why not just create your own reality of what you think is possible. Yeah, it's weird. Dogma is absolutely

shit as far as I can make out. And it really I hate that it's got dog in it because I love dogs. It's absurd because it's like, if you've got everybody to agree with you, it's sort of like and then what so everybody agreed. What if everybody agreed on the same on the same thing, we'd find conflict elsewhere?

Like it is hard. Word into this human experience is contrast and conflict, and I think it is it is part of this human experience, and it's it's absurd And the more that one can disengage from needing that or underwriting that. I do find myself stepping away more and more from people who are dogmatic in any kind of belief. But they just put me off my dinner. I might I want to eat my steak in peace. I don't eat steak. I don't know why. I just don't want to.

I'm glad I don't know that. I don't eat steak like that. Steak is out of style. Quite frankly, mets got to change. I'm on the phone with you because I just lots have got to change, and it's got to change now, so fucking help me. I mean, all of it is so, I mean, wait back to her.

I want to talk a little bit about your siblings and with your mother passing, because I found that to be such a great comfort having my brothers and sisters around and experiencing that kind of transitioning, you know, from life to whatever happens after life, you know, like together and there were moments of hysterical laughter and moments of

you know, unbearable pain. But I feel like without those moments, my brother once said, we were all in the hospice and my mom was on bed, and on her bed, that's where you go to die, right, And my one brother just still didn't understand what was going on, and we were like, Roy, she's dying, Like we're this is where we're taking her to die peacefully. And he's like, but what what if she gets better? And we were just like, oh my god, we can't keep explaining this

to you, Like it's a wrap okay. Anyway, So we're all lying in these mats, on these like cots that they had at this hospice, and I was with next to my one brother, and my other brother and sister were across the room, and my other sister was on a chair, and my brother, who's a complete asshole and really sarcastic and thinks he's hysterical, goes, hey, Chelsea, because Shannah and Roy were like lying very close to each other holding hands, and he goes, how long do you

think Roy and Sshanna have been sleeping together? And you just heard my sister across the room grown She's like, Glenn, honestly, seriously, why would you even bring that into this space? And we were all laughing so hard, and it was such a funny moment, because you know, without those moments, it's

just so painful. You need. You need that, and you can only really be that way with with the people who knew it was like what it was like to grow up with your parents, right, Yeah, I mean there are moments that are starting to happen, but it was it's so weird. It's it was nine months ago. We

haven't had enough moments where we've laughed together. We're still gingerly being able to talk about her, you know, because you know, we're still dealing with the probate of her estate and selling her house and all of this stuff like that. I'm hoping once these things are done will allow us to kind of commune about her in a way. That is, because there were certainly really amazing moments while

she was dying. Just like you said, we were sitting around watching her like she was a TV when she was dying, and my aunt said, she was like, God, I always I always thought like, if I was dying, having all these people who weren't dying standing around looking at me would really piss me off. And my mother was like, it does piss me off, And she was like, I am a TV. Turned me off. This is and we are we're still laughing about these moments. I know,

it will come. I know it's there, I know it's in escrow, waiting for us being able to laugh about it. But it's astonishing how grief. You'll fine, you'll fine, you'll fine, you'll fine, you'll fine, and then it just rises up and it fells you. It just it just literally brings you to your knees sometimes when you least expect it. I'm astonished by it. I'm grateful to all the people who have witnessed that happening and not freaked out. Yeah, that's so common also to be like I'm doing great,

I'm doing great. It's over. It's over. I'm through it. I'm through it. And then you're like, no, no, no, it's like you don't that's not how grief works. And we all and like for some reason, and you know, we believe like, okay, I've gotten through it, Like why is that important to believe? So it's over, it's in the past. It's like it's never going to be in the past. You know. It's another just like time construct that doesn't make any sense at all. It's emotions, it's heart,

it's all those feelings. Yeah, it's I've got this birthday coming up, and I don't. I've been having these existential dreams and feelings whilst awake. How can you have a birthday if the portal through which you came is gone? Like how there's there's something that's been happening about this idea that without my mother, that how how do I sort of exist? It's it's really strange, Like it's an

absolute mind bend losing your mother. I I experienced grief with my father dying and huge loss, but not this existential stuff about my own mortality and about the impermanence of time. I mean the impermanence of everything and the existence of the constant existence of time. Yeah, yeah, I mean, just think about how old we are now. You know. I was talking to my friend the other day. I'm like, I'm already sick, like a half already sex. I'm gonna

be already seven this year. My half my life is over. And she's like, you don't know that. I'm like, oh please, it's over, Like come on, like with the idea that you know, you get to this age and you start to go like, oh, it could happen at any time. I could get sick, anything could happen, like and and then the idea of like you have to live every day it's like like it's your last. I don't want to live every day like it's my last. That's exhausting too, you know, like sometimes I do want to lie in

bed and watch TV all day. I don't need to like be out there showing the world what I'm made of. So it's a it's all these thoughts that you think about with your existence and how long you're going to be here for and what what what else you have left to say or do or what impact do you

want to leave? You know with you you have a son, so it's even you know, that's even a bigger yeah, But it's all about It's so interesting because this is my new obsession since Mom died, is this idea of assigned meaning and meaning and what that is and what a meaningful life is and the pressure that we put on ourselves or the pressure that other people put on us, Like what what the funk is that? And how could an you want to describe what that meaning is? Accept

us except we who are in it. And if that is lying in bed watching bad TV or good TV in a day, who says that isn't meaningful? Well? I think pretty much everybody thinks that's that meaningful. But I don't think there's an argument there. But I would argue with I would argue with, like, you know who, what's meaningful? Like being a celebrity, being a well known person. Is that is that supposed to be more valuable? Like obviously, as you get older, you realize that how fickle that is.

You know, how silly that, how silly it is to think that you have more more value. I think, like, Okay, in my best run of thoughts, I would think your value, in my estimation, would be what kind of impact you're having on every single person you're around? Right, how much sunlight are you spreading and joy and happiness to others?

Like what's what's that? Or strength or inspiration? You know, maybe that's the most valuable things, the things that are not measurable, because it's clearly like all over the map, right, you want to have people even with like a better feeling for having seen or met you. I feel like that's the most that you can really. I feel like that really is everybody smiles when they remember my mother, every single person and the people that have come out

of the woodwork going. I sat next to your mother at a dinner in nine and I've got to tell you it was one of the you know that that's that is the most and the best that we can hope for. But it's weird how maybe it's now that there is just so much information shared, this idea that if you don't have a private plane and if you're not earning, you know, you don't have a hundred zeros after the amount that you make in your life. I mean, I don't know, like we're it's so it's become so

disconnected what an idea of a successful life is. Yeah, right, Well Hollywood can do that to you, you know, that can make you very disconnected. Yeah, totally. Maybe that's why I am the way that I am. An extract driver is what you are, and that's what you don't really Wait, did I tell you? When Kate and I, my sister and I were driving down Sunset Boulevard and we saw

this billboard. I always called it my billboard because when when Circle of Friends first came out, my friend took me there and he made me stand outside of his rabbit, his v W rabbit, and he was like, cleose your eyes, okay, now look and there was this. I was on a billboard and it was exciting. So anyway, we're driving down Sunset. We see this billboard and Kate looks at there are three men on it. She went, she went, oh my god, we've slept with a hundred percent of that billboard. I

died laughing. I was like, that is connection in Hollywood right there. I missed your sister. I haven't seen her since COVID obviously because I haven't been over to London, but she and I had some really fun nights together when I was over there. I know she would send you a huge I got to tell her that I was doing this. She would send you a huge hug. She's actually on the line eaves dropping, so you can

just say hi to her. What's up, Bates. So we have callers that call in and we give life advice and we kind of curate the episode two things that you might talk about publicly or have and we just kind of give them feedback. And people are pretty kind of serious when they call in here. So get ready, sister, all right, that's what we're gonna do today on Dear Chelsea.

You're gonna get advice from many driver, from myself and from my producer Katherine, and we're going to give it to you straight, yes, but before we do that, we're going to take a quick ad break. Hi, everybody, We're back from our break. Okay. I hope that was as gratifying for you as it was for us. Wonderful. Well, we have some questions many and Chelsea, and our first one comes from frustrated step mom. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm twenty eight and my boyfriend have been together for

two years. We moved fast. We were friends when we were younger, and have lived together almost the entire time. He has two daughters, aged five and three. I'm very involved with them, picking them up from school and taking them there, and I absolutely adore them. The problem is their mom raises them very differently than me and my

boyfriend wish to. I obviously don't want to step on her toes at all, but it's very hard when she refuses to actively potty train them and feeds them McDonald's or whatever, and then they come here and we struggle to get them to eat real food and they've regressed on whatever we're working on. I know you're not a mom, but do you have any advice ps. I was an early childhood educator for five and a half years, so I do know a bit about kids, and all I

want to do is help them. Sincerely, frustrated step mom, Oh wow, well many many is a mother? Many would you like to take this first? Gosh? I mean, I don't envy you. I feel for you because you're also very young, and your boyfriend had children very young, and it's so I'm imagining that the co parent, the mother is also very young. And when you and you don't like anybody telling you anything, all I can say is because my son he lives with me, but he goes

to his father's and he has a relationship there. And weirdly, all you can really do trying to get someone to do what you want them to do is an impossibility. It really is. Unless they want to do it, it's not going to happen, and all you're gonna do is frustrate yourself. So it's you might not want to hear it,

but it really is. You maintain, you hold your course in your household and what the rules in your household are and how it runs and what happens there, and you do that gently and kindly with consistency, and I think by creating that environment the children while they're being given an alternative experience in another household, hopefully that consistency will bring them back to you. But I don't. You

can't get her to stop feeding them McDonald's. You can have conversations about it, perhaps with her, if she's open to that, But because you can't change what she's doing, you can only carry on doing what you do with love and compassion. And I know it's really annoying when people say that, but it is true. You guys, just do you and make it the place that they want to be, make those the choices that they want to make. Raise them to be kids who can decide what is

good for them and to choose make good choices. That's what you can do. That'll probably feel better. I think that's great advice. That's their mother. You can't tell her what to do, so you can only set the example for when they're with you. And kids respect rules even when they don't like it and they rebel against it. It's like it sets you up for success in the long run. So you have your set of rules at your house and she does what she wants at her house.

You can't control any of that, so yeah, just give it your best shot and be consistent and be and do your thing at your house, and you're going to reap the rewards, probably not as soon as you'd like, but eventually everything will come around into the right spot. Yeah, they don't get McDonald's when they're at your house. Sorry, you know, and you don't have to give into them.

You sound like you know what you're doing, So the only thing you just have to do is probably just refrain from thinking that you're going to have an impact on her. Yeah. Yeah, that's true of everything. Yeah, I mean, the only way to ever influence anybody anyways, by setting your own example, not by telling them what to do. Nobody listens to that. I mean maybe some people do, but I haven't met those people yet. Yeah. Well, our

next question comes from Taylor. Dear Chelsea. First off, I've read all of your books, and you're the first person I've been able to relate to after losing my brother. What a shitty thing to relate to someone for, but you're great. Anyways. I'm twenty five, engaged, living with my fiance's parents and starting a business I've always wanted to own. A food truck, which I've been working on opening since

I graduated college in May. I feel like it's been the longest process to get this thing up and running, with one million speed bumps, financial issues, timeline expectations, truck failures, food service regulations, and of course COVID. It's still not open and was supposed to be by this past summer, and it's causing me a large amount of anxiety when

it comes to other people asking me about it. I think my question is how do you process the stress of people being so excited for you and your endeavors while also feeling disappointed or like you've failed your own expectations. It's to the point where I don't even like going out for fear that someone will ask me when will the food truck be up and running. It's almost done. I've been saying that for a year now, but it actually is. And at this point it's not even exciting

to me anymore. I think once it's open, I'll feel a ton better, but it's been weighing heavily on me. Taylor, Hi, Taylor, Hi, Taylor, Hello, Hi, How are you good? How are you good? This is Many She's here today as our special guest hither. Hello, great to talk. Okay, so you were planning on starting a food truck, right and it hasn't come to fruition in the time. Is this because of COVID? Yeah, just COVID. Lots of roadbumps, but I definitely would give it all

to COVID for the most part. Yeah. Well, at least you have a good excuse, So there's that. So I would take this as I've done this before in my life, just so you know, like I've talked about something, talked about something, talked about something, and then when it didn't come to fruition in time, I felt like an idiot because I was no longer interested in talking about it, was sick of everybody asking me questions, and then kind

of had lost my you know, for it. So I have taken it as a lesson for things in the future first and foremost. You know, sometimes you don't need to advertise everything that's going on until it actually is close to happening, and you're learning that lesson. So what's great about this is this a huge opportunity for growth and learning Because you've done this, you know, it's not a mistake. It's just something that you don't want to do again, so make a note to yourself that you're

not going to. And in the interim when people are asking you questions about it and blah bah blah, you can be completely honest, Like I feel like I just talked about it so much over it, you know what I mean. There's nothing wrong with being honest, and people always seem to have respect for that kind of integrity. When you're talking about something. You don't have to lie or make up excuses. You just have to be direct and say, yeah, it's taken me longer than I thought.

I was supposed to start a cannabis company five years ago and it still has not happened. And I just tell people like it's been a ship show. Just can't get it off the ground, like every time something happens, something else happens and we can't sign the paperwork. You know. But I'm no longer embarrassed about it because I never was embarrassed about it because I kind of learned that

lesson a long time ago. It's like I didn't overly promote something that I and it's not my fault, So you know, you have all of those things on your side. It's like it's more a little it's it sounds like it's a little bit more about ego, you know, which is something that is easily kind of it's easy to get over. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. I have been talking to people and when people do bring it up lately, I'm like, honestly,

I'm just over talking about it. It'll happen eventually, like, but for now, I just don't even want to talk about it. I'll be like, just stay tuned and if I post about it, it's gonna happen if not, And what are you doing in the meantime, Oh, just anything and everything. Like after I got my degree, I didn't end up getting a job because I thought, you know, the truck would be up and running a lot sooner COVID hit. So I just have a lot of like little odd jobs right now. But it should be up

and running here soon. And yeah, I just don't want to commit to something like a career right now long term while I'm working on this. I just want to focus on it and get it going. Is it close to happening now? Yeah, but it feels like it's been close for a long time. But I think actually it is close. Yeah, I think if you start to believe that and it will that will have a powerful effect on the outcome as well. Yeah, many do you have

any words of wisdom in this situation? Shn I know that you've wanted to open up a food truck for some time. Now, you know me and trucks. Chelsea. You have the greatest reason in the world for telling people that the timeline timelines for every single person in this world were shot to ship with COVID. I'm literally looking out at the ocean right now and there I'm looking at like three tankards which are part of the supply chain, like just hanging around waiting to go into the Port

of Los Angeles. So you're you're not alone, and I'm I'm sure that people are a lot more understanding. It's probably the pressure that you put on yourself to go God, I said this thing was happening, and then there was a global pandemic, and now it's not. It's not happening on the same timeline. Getting rid of the timeline, getting rid of the pressure, and going I want this thing

to happen, and I want it to happen. Now, if we could just say I want this thing to happen and I'm going to keep focusing on how awesome it's going to be when it happens. I'm going to keep working on the details and stay out of the timeline. I it's the hard it's the hardest thing to do, but it sometimes gives you relief to do that. Just trust that there's sometimes a different itinerary than the one

that you have exactly. That's good advice. Yeah, timelines are all in our you know, why are we making these time constructs anyway? Just it's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen, when it's right, and when it's going to be the most successful, and it's not far off it sounds, so I think you're on the right. Remembering that, it just keeps just keep keep thinking that. I mean, even in the best of times, especially when you're starting a business,

you only have so much runway. I mean I was an entrepreneur once upon a time, and it was like whether it was financial runway or emotional runway or attention span runway, like you just only have so much and and having COVID have dropped in your lap in the middle of that runway is super frustrating. So like what Chelsea said, being honest and being like, it's super frustrating. We keep running into all these delays and it sucks, but like, when it happens, I'm so excited. I think

that's the best case scenario. Yeah, yeah, well, good luck to you and keep us, keep us posted to how that goes. Definitely, thank you guys, Thank you Taylor. Yeah, good luck all right, bye bye bye. I'm glad we were here to help her. I'm glad we were there to help her as well. Young people. I was remembering being young the other day and how much you just thought that it was an outrage when everything didn't come to you immediately. Because now I just sit around being

so grateful if anything actually shows up. Yeah, if anything works out. And when you're young, everything is an emergency. Everything well, like a few months feels like forever when you're five. I know it does. It does, and I think I think it's it's okay. Young people shouldn't be thinking about what older people like. It's it's such a different season. It's it's so weird. I sound like I sound like a crone now now that I'm actually moving into that particular archetype. But it is it is true.

We're not supposed to be thinking about that when we're young. You're you're meant to be burning through all of that youth. I guess. Yeah. It'd be so fun, though, to go back to being a young person with this mindset, you know. I wish that could happen. I know, I know, what's that quote, youth has wasted on the young, which is so tripe but so true. It's a it's a true. It's stripe because it is true all of those kind

of kinds of things. It's like, oh god, yeah, But if I had this mindset and then you meet sometimes you meet younger people who have their ships so together, you're like, what's up with you? Where the fund did you come from? You're so sagacious and smart and know that you already know what many adults don't know yet. I think my son is like that. I had him

read something the other day. I was like, you've got to read this article because you know, this is like from one of the great modern thinkers had written this piece. And I was like, Henry, you've just got to read this because like, I can't stop thinking about it. And he read and he was like, yeah, I know, I call bullshit on that, and he's like, yeah, just feel like bullis it? To me? It just feels like a whole bunch of words and a whole lot of not doing.

That's so funny. I love I love you doing his accent. That's really something. He's very sure. I love it when young people are sure. Even my Hubris, I like that. It's like, no, this is the way that it's going to be. This is how it is, and that's bullshit and this is cool. Yeah. I like self assuredness in any person. That's always such an attractive quality. I agree, absolutely, But there's a complete difference between dogma and being self assured.

It's like a self assured person can, I think, can be flexible and move with whatever they're presented with because they're just sure of who they are within whatever Maelstrom they find themselves in. Maybe it's just my kid. Well, kids are pretty self assured these days. They're a little bit smarter than we were. They have a little bit more access to intellectual property and stupid properties. I mean,

they also do sit on TikTok video. Oh my god, my sister was here a couple of weeks ago, and we're like all real had all gone skiing, and everyone's lying on around in the living room and I look at my sister, who's fifty five, and she's like scrolling and I could see just by her eyes. I was like, what are you doing? Are you on Instagram? She's like, I'm on TikTok? Sman, get off TikTok right now, get

off the TikTok. What do we have next, Catherine? Our next email comes from Miranda from Sex in the City. I mean, I hope so, but she's not on the phone. So somebody said to me the other day and they go, how did Miranda becomes so stupid all of a sudden? I'm like, why is she said? She was so exactly, I'm like, yeah, all of a sudden, she doesn't know anything about you know, equality or social injustice. Like that's a Christian character trait, not a Miranda. And what's up

with her husband? Why did they do that to him? Why? Why do they make him like an eighty five yeld They made him at my grandpa? And then why do they do that? Like he's literally like fifty six or something. I could subsurd treating him? What God? Here ham Barber's Market it's like, what are you doing? That's so true, it's so funny. I haven't been able to access the most recent episodes because I'm in Canada, and that there's like from what I'm hearing, that's exactly right. It's like

super weird. It's like a geriatric installment, super weird. It's like the eighty and they're not eighty that these beautiful, gorgeous people. I didn't get it's weird. I don't buy it. It's like they've been in a coma for like the entire time. It was full week. I just said this with my best friend the other day. We were like, it's like they've rumple stilt skinned all of them. What is this? Oh my god, this podcast technology? Even what have you been the last ten years? Like you were alive?

You went in a shoe box in New York the other thing. I mean, tell me if this is just like crushes your heart. But they go to what they keep calling a comedy concert, and I just I'm like, I mean what I called a comedy concert? I guess what I'm saying, keeping like we went to their comedy concert, and I'm like, what, no one has ever said that phrase? Ever, Oh my god, it's so it's so true because Sarah Mirrors is just she's doing stand up. But they call

it a comedy concert. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Maybe that's because that's what old people call stand up comedy concert. It's a concert of comedy. That's how boring. I'm gonna change my tour name Vaccinated and horny. A comedy concert, a COVID comedy concert concert? Do you want to get COVID come to my show? Oh my god? Well, our next email does come from Miranda. Dear Chelsea. My name is Miranda and I'm twenty seven years old. My best friend and I have been inseparable since seventh grade. We've

been through just about everything together. I was drawn to her big personality and how outspoken she is because I'm the opposite. However, we haven't talked since before Christmas over something very stupid. It was very frustrating because she was home for Christmas and didn't bother to see me, even though I did try to make plans. Because of the stupid disagreement, I think our friendship no longer serves us.

I often get scolded by her or ignored. I've always just put up with how she treats me because I don't want to lose her. Family and friends say that's just how she is, because of how easily she can be set off. I think there's an unspoken agreement that we're done. We have never gone this long without speaking, and I don't want to be mean or point out things in her character that I don't like. I'm afraid she'll do that to me if I try to reach out.

But does our fifteen year friendship deserve a formal breakup best, Miranda? I mean, I've had a lot of friend breakups, Yeah, and then I got back together with them, Like it makes somebody took a couple of years. I think sometimes you don't need a formal goodbye because then you're leaving. It also open ended for you know, maybe six months or a year down the road, for you guys to come together maybe again, and you might care a lot less about the things you care about right now. And

that might be true for her as well. You know,

it doesn't sound like there was some huge fissure. It sounds like you just have personality types and there's it's totally acceptable during our friendship or any relationship to kind of go your own ways for a little bit each of you, and I think that's healthy and you should embrace that, and you can actually examine how different things are without her in your life, you know, if if it's a positive impact or a negative impact, you know, if you look at the world a little bit more

differently when you don't have her in your life, or the opposite is true. It's a good it's a good time for self examination and friendship examination. Yeah. Definitely. Me and my best friend of like twenty years, we worke up for four years, and in that time, she got married and had a baby and got divorced. And actually I was the perfect person at the end of this whole thing. I knew her so well to be able to a kind of counsel because I hadn't been in

the drama of everything. And when we did come back together, it was like a whole new friendship. It was really interesting. I think I think it was. I think it's okay exactly as you said, to go your separate ways for a while, and then you know, you can find your way back, you know, I think you often do find

your way back. Did you say you were counseling you were the perfect person to counsel her or she was the perfect person to counsel you, kind of both, but really about her husband and their divorce and being able to look at it in a much more sanguine way from not having been inside that relationship was I would have been if we'd been as joined at the hip as we had been. Oh yeah, yeah, it's nice when

you can come back together, right, really nice. It's a perfect testament to like, who knows what kind of what would have happened to your relationship had you been there with that husband. You know, that could have been damaging upon no repair. Who knows what all the circumstances, the things that were prevented by allowing you guys to separate.

I look at things a lot like that, instead of being upset that they're over, being like, this is obviously some sort of gift that I can't see yet, you know, and to take time away from people is always a good thing, and it makes you really appreciate and and understand if you are supposed to be friends with that person and be that close with that person, and it's you know, it's significant breaking up with a friend in terms of you really have an opportunity to look at

yourself and go, well, that wasn't a love affair, which can cloud one's judgment. But really this was like a choice of this is a friendship, what is it in me that is not working in this relationship anymore? Is there stuff that I might need to look at? Like? I think it offers a really a great opportunity for self reflection. I think it's win win. If you're not supposed to be friends with them, you won't and if you are, then they'll come back, or you'll come back

together once you've had a bit of time apart. I think it's okay. Yeah. I was talking to my mom the other day and we were talking about friendships that sort of come and go, and I mentioned, you know, some people come into your life for a while and and then they and then they leave. You know, maybe they're not meant to be for your whole life. And this stuck with me so much, but my mom said most are like that, and yeah, it really is sat with me because I was like, that's actually very true.

There are so few friendships that we might have for you know, ten twenty thirty years, and most of them are just meant to be there for a time. M Yeah, that's a good way to look at things, you know, because it is it is more unique to have. Most of your friendships aren't your lifelong friendships. A lot of them are. When you do have somebody from high school or from primary school or something, you know, that's people are always like, oh, really, you're still in touch with them?

You know. My sister has a good group of girlfriends from college. I make friends. Every year, I make a new friend, you know. I'm always making new friends. So I have so many good girlfriends that are even recent friends for the last five or six years, ever since I started skiing, you know. So I just I don't think there's one prescription for any of that, and you shouldn't ever hold yourself to anything like that because it's it's it's demanding and people need to grow and evolve. Yeah,

so there's that. There's that problem solved for you. I hope keep us posted and let us know what happens with your girlfriend and if you guys, you know how you handle it. Okay, great, dear Chelsea. This is from a van. I've read and enjoyed some of Chelsea's books, and I've been astounded with our strength to be exposed. I've written a book manuscript and have just started to send it out to literary agents. See, I've always been

a writer. I'm astounded when I read stuff I wrote in high school or college because my ideas were so misinformed. I recognize that I wrote what I thought was through at the time. But I'm on a continuous path of growth and my opinions have evolved. How do you have the conviction to publish anything with the knowledge that you are also an evolving person? Sincerely, Ivan, Well, actually, Many has a new book coming out in May, so I think she can speak to this as well. Thanks for that,

because that's what keeps me up at night. That's what I wake up sweating in the middle of the night, going why am I putting this out here? Why am I doing this? Listen? That's I did realize the other day that the no book has ever finished. You know, you might put the final period, but it's not finished ever. You just have to stop writing at some point. If you're a writer, you put stuff out into the world.

If you create content, if you are an artist, whatever words you want to want to call it, you create stuff and you put it out into the world and that's just how it is. And I think, yes, you evolve and your ideas evolved, but you know, as long as they're not deeply problematic, I think that's okay. I think one can look at stuff and go, you know what, I might not want to talk about that time I killed a horse. You know, It's like you can write from the vanche point of where you are and stand

in that truth and go, this might change. So then write another book about how it's changed. But can't not right because you're scared that time is going to move on and it might make your stuff look old. I mean, you know, I think Dostoyevski is turning in his grave or any dead author. And I think also writing something is being very much in the moment. You know, you're writing what your experience is up to right now, you're talking, You're being reflective in this moment. You know you it's

not about the future, it's about now. So that's what one of the most freeing things I think about publishing a book is like, Okay, I just put all of that out there. That's gone now now you know, the next project is going to be stuff that hasn't happened yet, or stuff that I haven't contemplated yet. You know, I may revisit old things, but it's like it's kind of putting your stamp on a period of time. So I like to look at it that way, like, here's my experience.

I've documented it. It's out there. Don't challenge me on this because I've already expressed it. So it's out. You know, I already said this, and I can always refer to it. So there's a lot of advantages to putting out your putting your stuff out there. There's a lot of, you know, advantages personally professionally obviously, if you want to be a writer, you want to be published. You know, that's one of the goals of being a writer. Not everybody's goal, but

you know many writers. Yeah, there's a huge advantage to documenting your experience. Here, I agree, and there you have it. There you go, and there you have it. Well, we'll take a quick break and we'll be back with many driver. Minnie and I just took a bath together and we are from on the seat of sky Highway actually because it's raining, so we just had to stand outside nude. We love to do that together as well. Anyway, we're back from the break wonderful. Well many Was there any

advice that you'd like to ask for from Chelsea? Oh, chelse yes, is it going to be marital advice? No, it's not. How do you regroup when you've been professionally punched in the face. Oh that's a good question, because I've just been professionally punched in the face, and I'm I really would love to know what you do. Well,

that's ego, mh. And so you have to understand that that's ego, right, And then you have to sit there and do the inside work of understanding that your value isn't contingent upon outside success, even though your career is, and you know your public persona is to a degree, it's not the whole sum of your parts. It's a

part of your parts. So everyone, anytime I get punched in the face, I look at it immediately like, oh my god, this is a huge learning opportunity, huge, huge, huge, huge, because your reaction is your strength of character, right, because all of our reactions are like, it's a cut punch,

it's a gut punch. But after you get past that, there are so many options to operate out of strength, out of character and to understand that this is a tiny little thing and the impermanence of everything, not the biggest thing in a litany of things, a small small thing. And we've all been through it before, so it's not

a new thing. It's part of the it's part of the process, and it's not something that you should sit too long in your ship fork Personally, in my opinion, I would say that then you really are like, you know, if you allow that sinking feeling to take over, that's all your ego because you can easily pick yourself up from that. You just give yourself a couple you know, a shorter period of time, and then you're like, that's enough, I'm not going to cry in my own milk or anymore.

Like that's a wrap on that. And then the next time it happens you have an even stronger reaction. And you know, we've all been through it. So I don't know if that helps, but I know that really it really, it really does. I mean, it really is just the

notion of like, what is the opportunity. I'm wildly vengeful in a really really like full way, like I want vengeance so badly, and yet there's no elegant way to get vengeance in this in this situation, but to see it to actually be less interested in what happened and more interested in how you can process it to become stronger on the other side of it is really really good advice because it's it's the Judo move, right, it's

take the stuff. You take the energy that's thrown at you, and you actually use it, and you use it for your own good. Yeah, because then nobody remembers even the falls. They just remember you getting back up like thor and you're like, m I don't think so, buddy, that's not my story. Yep. Yeah. And I mean my mother would say that them swilling around and their own revolting behavior is really payment enough. Yeah. You can't spend time on thinking what you want to happen to other people. That's

that's that's a bad use of your time. And then you're sending out bad vibes, bad vibes. I know it's on. It's like you know, listen, we all do it. We have to because it's part of our psychology. But I think you give your off and afternoon to do it, and then you go that's it. You can you can sit around thinking about them slipping on the ice, and then that's it. Yeah, exactly, and then eventually you know you don't care about those people or what happens to them. Exactly.

Thank you. I feel better. Well, that's what this is for. That's what we're all about here, Minnie. So I'm so glad you were able to join us today. I really am very glad. It's why I came on so you'd answer my I could get my question in before all the other people. You could have just called in like a regular caller. I could have just text you. Thank you, Minnie. I love you so much. I love you so much. Thank you so much. Such a great show. I can't wait to see you again. And I love doing your

podcast too. By the way, you guys many questions with Mini Driver. I did an episode which I enjoyed thoroughly, and it's a great podcast. She asked everybody the same seven questions I do. Thanks Charles, You're welcome, honey. I will speak to you soon. Loads of love. See oh h see, let's not forget show dates. Okay, Yes, I have some stand up dates coming up. I am going to be in Seattle February second and third. I'm gonna be in Portland, Oregon, February four, two shows. There are

tickets available for the second show. Then I'll be in Eugene, Oregon on February five. We added second shows to Kansas City, to Winnipeg, to Toronto, to Huntington, New York, to port Chester, New York, to Montclair, New Jersey. And I'm also coming to Louisville, Kentucky, so please mark that down. Oh, and we added a second show in Los Angeles and a second show in Santa Rosa Louisville, Kentucky. If you want me to come back, then we need to sell out tickets,

so buy them. I think that's all I have to say for today. Oh I'm kind of Hawaii July one and third, Honolulu, and then I'm coming to Mauizing. Do you have a question you want to ask Chelsea to get some advice right into Dear Chelsea, Project act at gmail dot com.