How Do I Put This… with Laura Wasser

I feel the benefits of it for sure. It's really just not that hard to stop smoking pot well, and you cough quite a bit while you're smoking, so then there's a come down period where you're coughing more right, well like cough when I don't smoke the good joints, like when they're not the proper joints or they're chemically treated, like that's why you want the own natural organic you know me? And I'm just like such a Quaker about everything I put into my body because it's a temple.

So there's a lot of power in taking a break from something, especially when it's got a hold over you, like our friend Shane, which brings me to my next question. Who is in contact with Shane. I don't know that anyone's been in contact. I think someone from the heart side, Catherine has our producer Catherine. What's the status is Shane also staying off the weed? Shane is also staying off the weed. Feels very clear, doing well and yeah, oh wait.

And there was another screen grab that I sent you, Brandon of a woman who said she was going to do the thirty Day Detox with us too. She DM me on Instagram and said she was going to quit weed for a month, and I said, please do it with us. I think a lot of people are. I've seen a lot of conversation online where people are already invested in this path of no canvas for you and Shane. I don't know if people think it will last, but they're very interested in it. Well, I mean, it doesn't

have to last. That's what the beauty of it is is that it only has to last for thirty days. You can last for thirty days, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean I'll definitely last for three weeks. I can't. I think probably the other thing is is that I don't have a very competitive side to myself in terms of like having to prove a point or beat somebody at something so I could see myself like quitting before I reached the thirty days because I just don't care anymore

and that's something I've had to live with my whole life. Well, we'll have to check in with Shane. I think we should get him back on the phone at some point to get a real update on what he has going on and how it's affected his work life. Right, that's an important update. There's also an important update. Have you been watching Mayor of Eastown Brennan? I just want someone yesterday and they're like, I'm not getting anything done. All I'm doing is watching the show. Yeah, it's really good.

I watched each episode twice so that I really understand what's going on and I want there to be a new episode of it every week for the rest of my life. Is it a limited series or is it a series? It's a limited series because Kate Winslet is in it. Yeah, they're all limited series now or maybe not? Maybe no, maybe it will be another year. I don't know.

But she is fucking awesome, Oh my god. And the accent is a little bit much, but it's that's the SNL skit that they did Kate McKinnon did it about my daughter's murder ditter dirt or fund or murderer accent was really funny. But the show is really good. I just love detective dramas. I also tried to watch a show called Luther with Idris Elba and he was so hot. Oh god, so he's distracting. Yeah, he's so sexy that I googled to see if he was married, and he was,

and I had to stop watching the show. Well, they've discussed him being the new James Bond and I could not. I've never watched James Bond. I have zero interests. But if he was James Bond, I would have my act at the theater. Yeah. Yeah, he's he's pretty hot. And he's tall. You know that's nice too, A nice tall, masculine and not one of these actors that you see that looks tall and then you meet them and they're like underneath you, any tyke. It's like, how are you

not even a real person? You're a whisper of a man. Just a little itty bitty thing, a little itty body, titty committee. That's just what you need. A committee that I will never be a member of. Should we get into it today. I feel like there's a lot to cover. Yeah, are we talking to Laura Walser today? We are talking to That's a lot of relationship perspectives. Issues, people need your thoughts. Okay, well, I'm excited to dive right into it.

You know, interpersonal affairs are my number one passion projects. I don't know that we have an affair today, but I'm sure we could find well, just interpersonal relations. It doesn't have to be an affair, but if we could find one that would be better. Yes, all right, to be hurt. Well, for this week, we had a lot of submissions and they all had an overarching theme of like uncomfortable conversations that you have to have with different

people in your life. And we've had to have a few of those together and separately that then we've discussed what do you mean separately, like you've had to have an uncomfortable conversation with a friend or someone that you work with. I got to have one someone in my life, like my mom right inviding you about it. So we're all having them all the time, it seems, because this week they're very The key is to continue having them. Yes they are, yes, right, right, right, the more uncomfortable,

the more necessary. Probably, I would think so, because there's no way to get around some those topics and you just have to. And for one of them, I thought that we would give an expert a call, even though we are experts in our Yeah, why do we need any more experts? Well, sometimes I think it's good to get a third opinion. Okay, a third Okay, well not more than a third, though, that would be too many cooks in the kitchen. So after this break, we'll get

right into him. Okay, this first submission, I'm gonna have to look up what this even means. I truly don't know. I have a general idea, but this is a written submission that says, Dear Chelsea, how do I tell women I'm into cut holding? Do you know what that is? Cut holding? Well, yes, I mean cut holding is like to have another man's woman, like to be in a relationship with someone else's wife. I would have had no

idea what that is. I had to google it. It is for a man, a cuckold is having a sexual relationship with another man's wife. Okay, yeah, right, it's so desiring actly what you can't have. And do you know anyone who has done this. God, it's hard to decipher between shows I've seen an actual friends of mine because they kind of all blend together. So it could be

a TV show that I'm watching. But yeah, somebody likes to have sex with somebody who's married because it gives them all the freedom to not have to really participate in the relationship but get the sex when they want it. Does this man watch his wife have sex with another man? Is it just something that he allows? So wait, say it again. I thought you said he likes to have women. Cup Hold it. It doesn't have to be his wife. Okay, this is the Google definition of a man make another

man a cuphold by having a sexual relationship with his wife. Yeah, so you're having sexual relationship with the wife of someone else's husband. It's not your wife, it's someone else. Yeah, you like to have affairs with married women, but the husband knows. Isn't that like part of the whole dynamic? So again, are they watching? Is this just an exit? I mean I don't know. I mean they don't always know, though, I mean I think it's up to like whatever the

party is. But what what's he asked? Well, he wants to know how to address that. How does he broach that subject? Don't know, I mean, I don't have any advice on that because it's all it's cheating, and you know how christ like I am, I hate cheating. I think it is just so cowardly the morality. Yeah, so as long as you're involved with someone being cheated on, you know, even if you're not cheating on someone and the person you're fucking is cheating on someone, Yeah, like

that's a guilty party. I know, shit happens. Like we've all fucking you know, we've all done it, and we've all been in bad situations where we made poor decisions. But seriously, okay, So hypothetically, then say that cut holding is an approved situation for one involved. What if a man came to you was like, oh, I want to fund someone else's wife, like they all know and approve of this. Yeah, it would be hard to not pass

my judgment on that, Like that's so gross. First of all, men can't talk about fucking wives anymore, Like that's a wrap on that ship sail. Yeah, the ship is sailed about men talking about whatever they want to fuck, like no one cares any more. Parties over so that already annoys me. So if we flipped the switch and we say cuckolding is basically a man allowing his wife to cheat and know about it, he's the one being cuckolded. Yeah, it's the man whose wife is out on loan like

a rental car. I see, And I don't know. I always thought the cuck holding and it wasn't even a cheating aspect, because it was something that was set up that, like, this guy liked either watching his wife have sex as someone else or knowing that she was having sex. So this this is obviously not our area of expertise. Maybe we could find a cut holding coupled. Maybe if the fucking word cuckold wasn't so stupid, maybe more people would know what it meant. I mean, you just it's like

a word you don't even ask twice about. No, that's an urban dictionary word. It's not one we need to concern ourselves with. Isn't that what Republicans call liberals cux snowflakes. I've never put that together, but that sounds right well. Cut so cut holding it would come from cox. Maybe it's short for that. It probably is. I I does that mean they're sleeping with our who's sleeping with who and not scenario. I don't know someone's getting fucked, but

you know who. I'm not sleeping with people. Okay, well we'll have to ask somebody else about that. Well, we'll put an add up on Craigslist. I'm sure someone will respond. That seems like exactly where you'd find a cut holding couples Craigslist. Yeah, that seems like it would be easy to find that online, along with a bunch of other six ship We hope that answers your question. Well, this next one is from a woman, and this is where I think. Is she willing to transition to become a man?

She could. We'll get her on the phone. Her name is Caitlin, and she says, Dear Chelsea, how do you tell someone you're going to marry that you want to prenup without making it awkward? Okay, well, this is something we could get help from an outside source. But I would honestly say, yeah, why not get a prenup? In this fucked up, crazy world where fifty of people get to worse, All you have to say is write down

the sentence fifty of people get divorced. Put that on a piece of paper, show it to the person you're marrying, and say I need a prenup. It doesn't matter how much we think we love each other, we need to protect ourselves. I would think that if you're going to get married, this is a conversation that would have been had in advance, or that you kind of know the person's temperament. Like, I don't know how it could be

awkward if the person you're with. Well, because some people's parents have money and it doesn't come up until you know, the last minute, or it comes up after you're engaged, so it's like it's not about you, it's about your family's money. Like I know plenty of people who have done that and are like, oh, you know their parents have a lot of money, or I've seen people who you know, that's how it happens. You can. I mean,

it could be a variety of reasons. If it's just one person, like a Jeff Bezos saying hey, I need a prenup, you know, that's a different story. Would you get a prenup? Yeah? What if your potential husband also had money? Definitely? Okay, So it really is just a way to say life guard yourself regardless. Yeah, safeguard. And it's like and if, yeah, everyone should be open to

signing a prenup, who gives a ship? I know I have my own thing going, but still, like, it's just a way to say, like, it's like guaranteeing not to get into a fight, right, And Caitlyn, as a woman, you should just be able to stand the ground and say that you want to protect what's yours and that's that you shouldn't You shouldn't have to rationalize it. I

second that emotion. If you were presented with a prenup, I think a lot of times it's so awkward because this is finally the last time that you can identify if someone is in the relationship for money, if that's an underlying factor for them. If you're presented with the prenup, is that how you would feel? Yeah? Well, I mean if you're really asking someone if they're in it for money, isn't the answer? Yeah, I mean if you have to ask someone that, can't you? I know it happens all

the time. I know, and maybe just because it hasn't happened to me, I don't relate to it. But the idea that you could get married to somebody who's only in it to get your money, Like, that's a long way to go. I think it's multifaceted. There are elements of how long have you been with this person, were you with them before they had the money, and now

collectively you know you've both invested different things. Well in Our next submission comes from Lindsay with a similar question, but hers is regarding divorce, So let's see what you think on this. She says, I've never been divorced, and I don't think you have either, so you're the obvious choice to give advice on the matter. Here's what I

can't figure out. Do you tell your husband you want to divorce some random night and then spend two weeks together in the same house or do you tell him and then walk out of the door and come back for all of your stuff? What is the worst situation to move out while he is at work and leave a note? No one talks about this situation. Plus, we have two dogs. Can I really take my dogs legally? Not being an attorney makes you the obvious choice for

legal advice. Asking for your help is just another bad decision to add to my twenty years of bad decision making. Thanks in advance for your help your bad decisions. Walking out the door and leaving a note when you're breaking up with your husband is not That's not an option unless he's abusive. So what do you do in the situation? Down and have a conversation with him? And especially when they have two dogs? She can't just take the dogs

if they got them. She can out, well, she can if she was in an abusive relationship or if he was, like, you know, cheating on her or something. But like handling it in an adult way is the best way to handle that conversation. Sitting down and saying, hey, I'm unhappy in this marriage. Can't just bolt? We got to figure it out. Yeah, I mean that sounds harsh. Can you know what? Maybe we should ask Laura Walster about this

as well. What sort of timeline there is when you finally make the decision that you want the divorce, how and when to talk to them about it and then where you go from there? I mean, I can't imagine that it's a brief or swift move when you finally make the choice to have the divorce. Maybe she have some insight for Lindsay Young. Well, yeah, I mean, after you tell the person, Hey, I'm leaving and then you stay for two weeks. I would think you have a

game plan, you have something set up. Yeah, you should have a game like once you make the decision like I no longer want to be with this person, Like you know that internally, it's not two weeks like a job, like I'm giving you two weeks notice. But you have things kind of in motion or set up, so you know that you have some work to go if things go poorly, that you know you have your money available to you so you can take care of yourself. Right, Yeah, yeah,

I would say so for sure. Well let's see what Laura Wasser has to say. Hey, but just there she is. Hi, Laura Wasser. Are you How are you? I'm good. You know I moved across the street from your ex husband. Yeah, he's really gone to ship with my kid. As a result, he got caught vaping at school. I blame you. I feel like you've been kind of an absent co parent to me. I know, I know, I do that a lot.

I don't show up in the way that I promised to, or I show up sporadically, so I'm more of the father figure husband, like a divorce father is what I am like. I come in with rainbows and money and then I leave right before things get serious. All about a Disneyland parent, Yeah, that's exactly a Disneyland parent. I would never be caught dead at Disneyland, right. Thank you

for calling us, of course we wanted to ask. We're giving a lot of advice, solicited advice for the first time, and people are calling them with legal questions, so obviously that's a little bit out of my wheelhouse. Yes, which I kind of like it when you make shut up though and tell them the legal answers. I've watched it on Instagrams sometimes I think it's good, you're doing well. And how accurate does she seem to be in her guidance?

Very much so, I mean about as much, about as accurate as me and I've been doing it for twenty six years, so yeah, you're good. Well everything I know I've learned from you, so thank you. People think that it's solely for celebrities, and it's not. You hear of it. More and more people introducing prenups into their relationship preemptively, really just as a means to make it a smooth transition.

If you do have to divorce. That's not about necessarily how much you have, or even before even if you're not planning on getting divorce. Because people are like, oh, I wouldn't do a prenup, but just pre negotiating my divorce, that's not what it is. What a prenup is is a means for you to opt out of what the law would otherwise be. A lot of people are like, I'm not down with this whole California community property. The minute I get married, half of everything I make or

create goes to the other person. I don't like that. I want to support them, I want to have a commitment with them. I want to raise kids at them. But I've been a writer, sculptor, painter, lawyer for all these years already. What I make and earn and create I want to be mine, and I'll share some of it with my spouse. But I don't want it to automatically be fifty fifty or I've worked really hard. I've got this amazing lifestyle I'm happy for when we're married.

We fly private, we go to five star resorts, we have nice meals. But if we split up, I'm not down with having to continue that. You know, going into the future, I want us both to be kind of contributing. So I think it's really important for people, even if you're not flying private or going to five star resorts, to have a conversation. So many people come to me and they don't even know what the law is that they're entering into when they're getting married. They don't even

know what the law is. Knowing the law, deciding whether that law fits for you and your partner, and if it doesn't, kind of figuring out a way to carve it out so that you make the law that is

applicable to you. Also, by having a prenup, you have a lot of discussions that you might not otherwise have when everything's rosy and sexy and romantic and you're planning this wedding, have some real life discussions, because if you're going to stay married for a long time, there's gonna be some not sexy, romantic, loving times in your life. Might as well start having those communications and having those

tools to get through those times before you get married. Right, Well, that's the perfect segue because we had a woman, right and her name is Caitlin, and she wants to know how to broach that subject of wanting a prenup as she enters into this relationship. Let's tell her, so, what do you think how you go into the conversation confidently and without putting someone on the defense or making them

worried that the relationship doesn't have longevity. I think you say, this is something that's really important to me that through. I hope we stay married forever. However, in order to do that, we're going to have to have some real life moments here. One maybe when I'm giving birth to your child and I like poop on the delivery table.

One might be having a discussion about money and finances and what's mine and what's yours, and what our expectations of each other are, and a testaments how much I love you and how much I want this to work. Is entering into this discussion now, which isn't super comfortable for me, but I want to do it so that we're able to make it through anything. M That's a great way to frame it, that we're able to make

it through anything. I like that sentence. Write that down, sweetheart, The way that you just spoke about that, it really seems to be a safeguard for both people. So even if one person maybe the breadwinner, and the other person is taking care of, you know, stereotypically more domestic aspects of the relationship, it's really protecting them both in the long run to negotiate what they would like. And it's

also an eye opener for both. You have so many people that are these supported spouts that go into relationships and they're constantly like looking over their shoulder. They don't know what the rights will be, what happens if we break up? Am I going to have to move out of my home? Am I going to have to get a job working at the landcomb counter and even markets? Like? What's going to happen to me? Let's talk about that now.

Let's figure out exactly how to protect both of you and make you feel comfortable so that you're equipped no

matter what ends up happening. Yeah, because a lot of people, though, would argue I think that for a woman agreeing to get a pre nup with a man that has more money, right, if I were to get married, which I won't, but if I were and somebody had a lot more money than I did them asking for the prenup, it invokes a certain amount of like unease, Right, it makes you feel uneasy to have to have the discussion about potentially breaking up. So there is a natural defense that comes

up right when people are faced with us. Unless you're dealing with two people who both agree they want a prenup and for their own reasons, right, have you seen that men or women are more resistant to a prenup? Because around l A there are a lot of very well to do women who enter in relationships knowing they want a prenup. Is it harder for a man to accept because of his masculinity. No. Most men are like,

I'm down with that. I'm a guy, I can But the women that I've represented, particularly younger ones whose managers or parents or entertainment lawyers are like, you really need to get a prenup, They're very resistant because they really want it to be romantic and loving. Most of the time, the guys are like, yeah, I'm fine with that. I have had women that have been asked to sign prenups

by their male counterparts who are very offended. And I say that the guys, because I'm usually representing them, you need to really look at that. You need to really look at why they're so offended. A lot of prenups give an annual gift to the less moneyed spouse. I mean they're actually doing better as a result of having a prenup than they would if not. So I mean it's not always like screw you. If we break up, you're leaving and you're going to go live in a

refrigerator box under a bridge. The refusal to kind of get educated and understand what's happening and be a partner in the relationship is something I think anybody who is being met with that kind of resistance really needs to examine before they enter under a marriage with that person. Well, it's such a good point because people forget and we're not set up at a young age to acknowledge the fact that a relationship is a business to some degree.

It's it's work that you enter into these things, and it's not smooth sailing. It's constant addressing the issues and reassessing and growing. And part of that is the monetary side and the collection and the accumulation of things together. So it's much easier to separate those with the brain up and as women particularly, we're so quick to abdicate. I don't want to hear about that. I want to worry about being pretty and doing that. I don't want to think about money. I don't want to be bothered

at that. If you want to answer into a relationship with someone, even if they have more money than you're starting out and be a real partner to them, find out about the money. Insists that you go to the quarterly meetings with the business manager. Even if it's not your money. You're still using that money to live, raise your children. Get involved in some of it, because it really does it will enable you to grow better together as partners. Okay, So Laura, we had a caller call

in our a listener. Well, she then she became a caller when she called, and she called him with a story about she wants to get divorced, but she doesn't know, like in what order she's supposed to do things. Does she tell her husband she wants to get divorced and then move out immediately? Does she tell her husband she wants to get divorced and then stay a couple of weeks? And she has two dogs? She's like, am I allowed to take them? And I'm like, yeah, you know what,

great question? I have no fucking idea. Is it best to put something in place of a place to go, a way to get yourself out of a potentially complicated situation or harmful. Like what would you say to someone who's coming in and they're like, I know, I want a divorce? What now? So I think again? It depends a lot on the circumstances, Like God forbid, you're in an abusive relationship and you tell your stuff that you want a divorce and you get the ship beat out

of you. That's not good. But sometimes it's really just a difficult conversation. Sometimes what do we do about the kids? We don't want the kids to think mommy's leaving daddy. Also, the law in different states is different, but in almost every state there's nothing like an abandonment anymore. That's not

very US friendly. So particular in California, you don't have to worry about leaving the house and somebody saying, oh, you abandoned the house, so now your rights are kind if you own part of the house, you can leave, it's okay. But I would always recommend that somebody either goes online, makes a consultation a point with an attorney, figures out what the law is in your state to start putting your ducks in a row. That's why we created It's over Easy the website. There's a ton of

information on there. Even if you're not ready to start filing divorce papers, educate yourself so that you can put a plan in place. As for the dog, interesting question, Chelsea. Always dogs have been chattel property no more than you know this this bowl. Whoever bought the bowl, that's who owns the dogs. Now in California, we've changed that law a little only in the last couple of years, to say that a judge may actually listen to evidence about who took care of the dogs, who had a better

bond with the dogs. I mean, I know this is the kind of stuff that you care about, and that person even if the dogs were not purchased by one or the other, or they were purchased jointly. Because they're not going to cut a dog in half, sometimes will be I mean, I'm not opposed to splitting a dog in half. I want the back half of birth. If my bell ever takes him, I'm want the back half off. So that law has changed a little bit, but generally they're just property, just like a car or a vase

or whatever else. So will they interview the dogs. No, they don't do like a child custody evaluation like they do with kids. But you could actually give a judge evidence like, yes, I bought this dog for my husband for his birthday, so generally it would be characterize as a separate property asset because it was a gift to my husband. However, my husband never did anything with the dog. I took the dog, I walked the dog, and I judge, Michael, you know what, I'm gonna find that the dog's ears.

That's like literally in the past year and a half new law. So but what would your advice be to we do we know what state she's in, because she was asking if she if she could take her two dogs, what would be the repercussions of that? And I guess

what you're saying is that she can do that. Probably right, and again, I think and similarly to kids, I mean, if you're not if you don't have any orders in place, and you need to go somewhere to kind of get clear, as long as you're not like kidnapping them, you leave an email thing. Listen, I'm gonna move out for a little bit. I've got the dogs. Let's discuss this. I'm not disappearing with them, but I just think we need a little bit of physical space, and I don't want

you to worry you will see them again. That is what I would probably tell her to do, because I don't think anybody is then going to accuse her of stealing the dog. She's just taking the dogs for right now, all right. So that's a great advice. What what other like top tips does Laura Wasser have for people going through a divorce to make it just an easy event for everyone, Like, no one wants to go through a divorce, and it's never gonna be easy. It's heartbreaking, it's difficult,

it's confusing. But my top tips would be educate yourself, find out what the law is in your state and how it applies to you. And if you didn't know a lot about some of the financial stuff, find out.

There's basically four components to the financial part of a divorce, right There's what you have, what you own, what you owe, any debts you have, if you've got you know, mortgages or car leases, loans or whatever, what you earn you and your spouse, and what you spent, how much what's your budget every month with those are the four things. Find that shipped out. Find out what the law is in your state. If you've got kids, you have got

to figure out a way. Most states now, particularly California and New York, but now almost everywhere in between, are much more dad centric than we used to be. Dads are no longer seen kids every other weekend and one Wednesday for dinner. We really are sharing custody more. We want your kids to be able to have as much time with both of their parents as possible, because in

most instances, we believe that's best for your kids. Remember, if you have kids, you're going to be dealing with this person for the rest of your life, So don't burn a bridge. Okay, I mean so many people say and write things they regret to their spouse as they're going through a divorce. And the greatest is they're paying somebody to write and save these things because they're paying

some lawyer to do it. Take it back. Think about the moment when you fell in love with that person, when we were with them and you first had that baby. Think about the things you loved about that person. You don't want to live with them anymore, You don't want to be marry to them anymore. But you are going to co parent with them. You are probably still going to be sharing some assets with them. One of you is going to be writing the other one at support

check for a certain period of time. Figure out a way to make it as pleasant and civil and respectful as possible. That's what I would say is the main tip. Because I've heard so many people say to me, runly new then what I know now about this, I would have approached it so much differently. I spent so much money and so much toxic energy going through this. If I could have approached it more like a business transaction and approached it with a little bit more, you know,

the golden rule, do unto others. Treated my spouse like I would have liked to be treated, and he would have done the name you will. It's not gonna be easy. It's still gonna be scary and heartbreaking and whatever, but you'll come through it to the other end in your next chapter, and you'll be so much better off. I

have a bunch of friends who are going through divorce. Actually, what age or kids allowed to decide if they want to be like you know, at a certain point it's their decision if they want to go to the dad's or if they want to stay with the mom. Right, not really, not really. At a certain point there their position will be heard by a judge. It's usually thirteen or fourteen in California, but they don't get to decide.

I mean, let me tell you something. If your dad's you know, the dad that's like in the den smoking a bomb five nights a week, and and you're a teenager, you're like, I want to go live with dad. Your preference will be taken into consideration by the judge, but you're still a minor, and so your best interests are still going to be decided and factored into everything else. So yes, you can have a say, it's not going to be till your thirteen or fourteen. That's in California.

Other states take it differently. Almost every state has really said by now, we don't want a kid on the stand in a courtroom like you saw in the movies from the sixties and seventies saying what he or she wants. So usually either going chambers and talk to the judge with a court reporter there, or they'll have a mental health evaluator that they'll speak with and talk about their preference and why that's their preference? Is that their preference?

Because mom really understands when I'm going through because I like boys and I might lose my virginity and have my period and i'm and I'm a girl. Or is it because dad lets me be on my computer and my iPad and my play games as much as I want? What? Why is that your preference? And then what's going to be in your best interest? So I think the moral of the story is, do not get married and do

not have children. You should have children, children, okay, And if you're gonna get married, get married knowing that this is a relationship like any other relationship, that you have to work at if you want it to work, and if for some reason it doesn't or things change, which obviously happens quite a bit. I mean, look, when we used to live till we were thirty five, getting married till death do us part was a lot easier than if you're living into years old. That person is going

to start getting a little stale for you. Oh my god, if I live till ninety, shoot me, seriously, I do not want to be around and see what we'll be willing you over around and your depends sweetheart, sweetheart, don't say such things, Laura. I can ask one more question. This is just a personal interesting question. I love any time I see an attorney remove themselves from a case. Why would an attorney choose to not move forward with their client choose to like when I see, like, okay,

that so and so is no longer representing them. Is it like a joint decision that they make, or is an attorney like I'm tapping out, like this is just too much for me? It depends. Are you talking about Britney Spears and her lawyer from that? Oh? No, I would love to talk about that if you have if you have any insight or any thoughts on on a conservator ship. I have no insight. I cannot read that. I would like to put Chelsea on a conservator ship if it all possible, and I would love your help

with that. But if we just made Chelsea Brittany's conservator, I would do that. I think I'm qualified to take care of her. I wouldn't overwork her, and I would be sympathetic to her, very sympathetic, I am. I mean, how does something like that happen? Though? Laura like, how does he get to be her conservator? Like? Why is her mother not in that role? You can't, Laura's too close to She's She's she's too in Hollywood. All right,

Well forget it. Thanks for nothing, Laura, I can't believe you. Okay, Well, this was very helpful for the questions that you did choose to I would love to get Laura back. I love anything legal I know, and I love you Laura. I love you guys too. Anytime when Catherine Law tells me I have to be somewhere, I just show up. Awesome. I love it. Thank you so much, Laura. Guys have a good one. Catherine Law, for the record, is one

of our producers in the podcast. There are a lot of people behind the scenes who make this all come together and work, and one of them is. One of them is Catherine, who got a little her hair is pink and she's got a cute French opening. Get back to Britney Spears for a second. I watched that New York Times Hulu documentary. It's pretty upsetting. It's very upsetting. I mean, I can't imagine they either have her on so many drugs or she's been lobotomized because something is

really off right, like something's wrong. So my friend said, it feels like she got electric shock therapy, and I was like, oh my god, do you think so? And it's like, well, of course yeah, that nothing would be surprising in this fucking town, right, But why is her father in that role? So the way I understand is that the conservator has to be requested by a person, So her father probably is the onlooker saw something going on and maybe with good intention to like, we need

to get her back on track. But then there becomes a point which I think she has surpassed, where that person is capable of taking care of themselves. They've gotten out of this situation. Well, if she's working, which she was as soon as that conservatorship happened, he cleaned up her act and sent her out to work, right, she's able to work at that capacity, then she is a will to also take care of herself in a sense.

So if the conservator the fact that he is making money off of her is a complete conflict of interest, well it's the whole team of people making money off of her. And what people should understand celebrities have a team around them there's like a nucleus, which is the celebrity and then the people all around. Yeah, it's like you're you're the center nucles. There's no use after the sea and nu nucle That's like when George W. Bush

said nuclear nuclear nuclear. Anyway, So the celebrities at the center of it, and there are people around them, a business manager who who helps them manage their finances and keep them on track. And sometimes they're bad, a lot of times they're really great. You have managers and agents, you have all these people who you do end up paying out to to help keep your brand on track. Your assistant. Yes, everyone wants you to be successful because

they're all making money off of that. However, her team has become so expansive that the number of people she's paying is no longer proportionate for her situation. Well, and it's also like a concern of it. Her in my opinion, should be a legal guardian that is getting paid a salary and that's it. There's no like you know, commission. So he was supposed to be helping oversee her finances, which she already has a business manager in place to

do so. Again, they're kind of like doubling down on that to just to make sure she's not overspending in certain ways and that she's retaining her wealth, which is good and appropriate. The personal control is what I think more people have issue with in this situation that some people are just not good money managers, but her not being able to drive a car, her not being able to kind of leave at her own will, or having to check in on where she's going and who she's

with at a certain point. If she's going to make bad decisions, she's an adult. She should be allowed to make those. Yeah, and then and she doesn't see those kids, those boys, like there must be a medical reason. It just all is like white male patriarchy, the judicial system, the father getting they go to court, keep going to court, and he keeps winning. Well. I think that's why she likes say, I don't want him to be my conservator.

And right now I believe she has a woman as a co conservator who she's asked to take over the permanent role and remove her father. And I'm sure that there is a comfort that comes with having a woman. Women need other women because it's women supporting women, whereas I'm sure for a woman it feels very much I'm being controlled by this man whereas I'm being guided by this woman. Yeah, it's an unfortunate situation. And again, if you want to look this up, you can go to

it's over easy dot com. That's Laura Wasser's website to help you get divorced quickly over easy. So the last write in for the day is not so much about an intimate partner, but sort of the platonic relationships in your life that we all go through this. So I'm interested to get your take on this, She says, Dear Chelsea, what is the best way to tell some of my loser friends to get out of my life? So hard? It is so hard, but it has to be done sometimes,

I know, but it's so hard, it really is. I end up just participating in the relationship and just making myself fucking nuts because of it. God, I have so many situations where I'm just like, are you fucking kidding me? Why am I still in this relationship? I don't know, Brandon, you're pretty good. I mean you don't have a lot of friends. No, I have basically zero friends because I don't That's what I mean. I don't know. People are

so annoying, and but no, not everyone is annoying. Some people are not annoying, and some people are awesome friends. A lot of people are annoying. A lot of people suck suck, suck energy or you've allowed yourself to expend too much energy on them. And that's the story of my life. Well, so what I started doing was I overly invested in a lot of relationships and friendships. Like I would if I've not heard from you a year, I would still drop a birthday gift off at your door,

like I'd be the one offered. I'd be the one offered to take you to the airport. And as soon as I realized, and this was during quarantine, that was like, I'm not going to keep investing time. It's not equitable in these relationships. So once you make the decision to not overly invest yourself, those people fade away. So I don't even know. That's nessarily something you have to tell

people most of the time. Hello, I have like five examples of people that you do have to tell because I've not returned their text, I've not done so many things, and they do not get it listening to this podcast, and they will still not get it, but she says lose her friends. So imagine these people don't have a super high commitment to whatever the friendship is anyway, and then a lot of people just fade into the background. And that's kind of the best way to deal with

it is you don't overly invest. People just kind of distance itself naturally. But to your point, a lot of times people do not get the fucking hint. No, I just I can't understand how people don't get the hint when you don't want to hang out. Can you remember the last time that you had to verbally tell someone like, I'm no longer interested in this relationship? Well, I had to do that with a guy that I started seeing. It was just because I was I was done seeing him.

It was that it was a wrap and he didn't get the hint. So I had to say it. Is it harder in a more intimate relationship like that then with a friend? What do you find? I think it's harder with a friend because there's history with the with the guy you're dating. It's like, you know, whatever you've known for a few weeks or a few months, it's not that big of a deal. So there's not water

under the bridge. With friends, it's like you know their history and how sensitive they can be and how they'll react if you blow them off, like actually say, hey, I don't want to be friends with you anymore. It seems pretty harsh thing to say you had a history for a while, what you've discussed where you would just kind of cut people off as soon as they did something that you did not like or gross you out.

I'm a friendship end, Yeah, And that's right. You would be like, no more, no interesting people and their friendships with me for something I've done. But I have a lot of friendships that end for sure. Do you feel that it is healthier to try and maintain some sort of communication with all of your friends, even if it's

not one that you want to engage in often? I mean, I'm so serious about like saying the truth and telling people the truth that people I understand do not like that and that they don't want to hear the truth or my version of the truth. So I have a really hard time not expressing that that could be a friendship ender because I've had it and then this is it. Or I tell someone the truth and they're like whoa,

whoa WHOA, WHOA, like they don't want to hear that. Okay, there's a large conversation going on right now, kind of generally about mental health and investing your energy and time into the right things that provide you something. So do you feel that it is better to maintain some sort of connection with people or cut them off completely, like

for your own mental well being? Yeah, I think for your own mental well being, it's better to maintain a connection with everybody and have good vibes with people you know and try and maintain some level of decorum or friendship. Yeah. I think that's probably the healthier way to go through life. I try and often remind myself that everyone has something worth enjoying. Everyone has an aspect of something you would like about them as a friend. It's sucking hard sometimes

because that's very Jesuit of you. Well, it's not the trait that comes out most often, which is the hard part. So normally this is what I do if I don't like someone anymore. I go through these phases where I really want gay friends, and then as soon as I get them, I would just want to drop him with the nearest goodwill, Like I want nothing to do with them, so then I have to pawn them off my boyfriend, I'm like, oh, I had to change my number or

I'm out of town. What's the worst is when I tell him I'm doing something with you and they see you're out of town and I'm like, fuck. But you can always blame me. You could always just say you're doing something of that or that my Bell needs, you know, some sort of body wax. For those of you who don't know, my Bell is my housekeeper. She's been my housekeeper for a very long time and she has a maternal instinct and I don't. And that's why my dogs

love her and hate me. I said, I had to go over and brush your hair when I was like, she couldn't get her extensions out and I have to go take them out for her. God, my extensions. Those were so disgusting. Well thanks, you're sweetheart. Now they're gone. What do you mean thanks to my sweeeart? Did you cut them out? You're sleeping? I know that we really answered that thoroughly for her, but okay, so yeah, I guess, try and do it softly by stop returning their calls

and texts. Try and do it like that, and if it takes more than five times. Just say hey, I'm going through something. I really don't have time to hang out for the next you know, a few months, I'll call you when my crisis. I'll be in touch. I'll be in touch. I'll be in touch. Is a great way to end everything. Just I'll be hey, I'm sorry you haven't heard from me for a while, but I'm dealing with a lot of stuff right now. I don't have time to hang out. I'll be in touch. That's perfect,

That's all you need. Why don't we take this moment to take a little break. And I'd like to read an ad. Actually, what was the last instance where you had to dump a friend? The last instance? It's an ongoing process because it doesn't take Yeah, I I say that you're thinning the herd because when I started working for you, which was five years ago, there were a lot of people in the mix. There are a lot of people on trips, there are a lot of people

popping in and out of the house. It isn't much smaller, and I would say better group now in terms of quality. This is a friend that I've had for many, many years, an old friend who every once in a while pops up, but it's always something work related, like do I want to do this for her friends production? Do I want to do this for a friend's production? Do I want

to do this? It's kind of always like that. Or we have another friend in common, and she kind of when that friend is around, will invite me around to get me there for my other friend, right, and so I obviously don't participate in that because it feels weird. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

So anyway, she emails me and she'll text me every once in a while, and I just have always had this feeling about her that I don't find her sincere, and I find her to be a bit you know, she's always working everything, which is very common in l A. Yes, that's very common. So she texted me the other day and was asking for us to get together out of nowhere or she mentioned, oh I saw so and so da dada, they said that you guys were just together here and there and again it was like that weird,

you know, she just rubbed me the wrong way. So then she texted me the other night and said, hey, do you want to go to dinner? I'm back on this date. Are you back from Canada? And I just said, I am back from Canada, no time for dinner. Sorry, I'm trying to figure out who this is. You wouldn't know her, So this person is really not like part of your No. No, no, no, not part of her. No, you wouldn't even know her. But she's somebody who just resurfaces all the time. And I'm not trying to end

the friendship. But I'm not going to dinner just to be nice anymore. Why, which is okay? Yeah, it feels good to say no and you can't like that is a full, full sentence. No, that's it, like I don't want to do that, and I don't owe you an explanation exactly the explanation of like the excuse, like I wanted to come, but it's like I'm not coming. Yeah. Sorry.

Do you feel like the friends that you have longevity with and that you can be open with would you give them that same response like no, I don't want to or do you feel more of a need with those people that you are good with my friends? I could say I'm not in the mood for that, or I don't want to do that or blah blah blah. Those are the best friendships. Yeah, of course, and that's

how it should be with everybody. You shouldn't be doing anything that like, I mean, the idea of going to dinner with someone that I'm not really interested in seeing it is not on the menu for me. There's nothing worse. You said it when we've been somewhere, that I will make an audible sound if I'm disinterested, or you can see it on my face that like, I will roll my eyes and I don't even I don't even know.

But that's why I don't engage in things I really don't want to do because I'm I could never be an actor. I hide it so poorly that I don't want to. I also hide it poorly, which is why it's even more frustrating for the people that the people that I'm trying to blow off do not get it because I'm not. There's no mirror shield here. They think you're having a great time. So what what's wrong with them that they don't understand that I no longer want

to engage. People are just very dense. It's hard for them to understand that someone wouldn't want to hang out. I think they're just, you know, they've got nothing going on. But was this example, applying what we were talking about with the last Well, I think you know, she wanted to broach the subject of not being interested in friendships anymore with some of these people in her life. Yeah, right, yeah,

so I think that that does apply. Right. You could easily just say don't have time now, keep it short and sweet, and don't worry about what their reaction is to that. My friend's reaction was like, got it will catch up in a couple of months. That was her reaction,

which is perfect. And see, I've just gotten to the point, like you where no, I don't want to do this, where if I feel like a relationship is kind of run its course, saying that being like, hey, you know, like we used to have a really good time together and that was great, but like, you know, we're both different paths now, or like I'm investing time myself, like I really don't have time or energy to do that right now. I don't know that sounds a little bit much.

I'm investing time in myself. It's just like I don't have time right now. I'm sorry, period, that's it, because you don't have the time. So I'm explaining too much. Don't explain don't over explain. That's the minute. And then that's when lies come in because we always are like I was gonna come. It's so much cooler just to say I'm not coming. Sorry, didn't work out tonight. Sorry that in my phone. Yeah, I don't over explain because I just feel like that just sounds like bullshit anyway.

I mean it probably is. It does. It sounds like bullshit, and you know it's just another excuse. So you just have to be direct. That's the moral of the story in this episode. Yeah, If that's the moral of the story of the season, I want a divorce. Goodbye. There was a lot going on here today. What did you take away from all this relationship the dynamics of them.

I think that comes back to the same fucking thing all the time is that people a are annoying and then be It's hard to have conversations about anything, right. But I think the overarching advice that we gave is that you have to just be honest with your communication and just address it head on. I mean, you just have to have that conversation. There's really no way around it. Whether it's a note or in person, you're going to have to deal with it. Yeah, yeah, you gotta just

sucking go for it. And the sooner the conversation happens, the sooner it's over, and the sooner you have your answer on the other side, you know, like it's just saying it. It's just the ramping up to the actual encounter that is the most anxiety induce it. What was the most anxiety inducing for me during this episode was thinking about you married. Oh my god, I won't get married. Who's going to marry me anyway? Someone would? Someone will if you wanted to, they would for sure. But I

couldn't go through that. You mean the actual wedding or the post all of it, the lead up or the breakdown. I don't want it. Like I want you to have someone for intercourse. I support you and that, thank you for that, even a live in to some degree, but just everything that comes along with someone. I'm also in support of that. Or maybe it's a Tim Burton and Helena Bottom Carter thing. They just shared a common wing, but they each have their own sides of the house.

Aren't they fucking divorced? Because he was having an affair with the nanny. Let's call Laura Walster back will find out. Okay, Well, I want to thank you listeners for calling in and asking for our advice. I know how magical it must be for you to get it. I would like to thank my co host Brandon and his very bushy eyebrows. But yeah, we want to say thank you for listening and that we will be back here. We should be announcing something, probably tour dates coming up, or you're getting

back on the road. Oh, don't say it like that. That makes me sound like a motorcycle mama. I would love for you to travel between cities on a motorcycle. Oh my god, can you imagine what kind of shield I would need. We could get a sidecar for Bert. Bert would love it with those goggles on. That would be so cute. I'll figure that out for your sweetheart. Until next time, okay, Sam, And of course you've always email your issues, your questions, your thoughts to Dear Chelsea

Project at gmail dot com. Again, Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com. Problem solved.