From Cute to F*ckable with Dylan Mulvaney

Hi, Catherine, Hi, Chelsea, Hi, Hi, Hi. How's everybody doing good? You know what?

I actually saw our friends Allison and Darling in.

New York last week. Oh did you, I said Darling. Yes, they're taking the town by storm. Everyone who's listening, please, this is a reminder that if you tag me when you're watching my special, my new special, The Feeling on Netflix, where I wear my gold one piece, which is my golden anniversary year. I had no idea between Gold Bond that I was wearing gold gold bathing suit and then my special, which I taped way before I turned fifty.

So it's my anniversary with myself.

I love that, I know.

So please tag me for the special because I get so many tags about my books, but I'm not getting as many about my special, and my special is the newest thing out, so I want to make sure all my ardent fans are watching it and tagging me, and I'll repost you.

And yes, it's called The Feeling.

I love it.

And Chelsea, we also went to ask for more couples and duos to call in or to write in for many sods.

Yes, if you're having a even if it's a friendship like kind of disagreement or a relationship disagreement, we want you guys to call in for couples advice. We're going to do that on our minisodes as well too. And also everyone can check out my European dates. I start in Rekuvic mid May and I end in Lisbon, Portugal at the beginning of June. So come see me in Europe if you're one of our European fans. Also, if you guys want another inspiring book to read, I am Maria.

Yeah.

Well, I just finished Dilan Mulvaney's new memoir.

Yes, I've read that of course for our new guest, I mean guest.

It's so I mean obviously. You know, we read a lot of celebrit memoirs on the show, and I think it's one of my favorites that I've ever read. Like, it's so beautiful, it's funny, it's light, it's refreshing, like it's honest.

It's great.

Yeah, it's a great read, just like Dylan herself. She's a great read.

And her brand new podcast, The Dylan Hour, just launched. I actually worked on it. It was so much fun. It has amazing episodes. It's so fun and kitchy. It's really fun to watch on YouTube also because it's like sixties themed and it has a whole pink set and it's really sweet. I would start with either like the Norri Read episode. It's really really fun. There's an episode with her dad that's really.

Touching and really fun.

She's got an episode with Glennon Doyle. Go check it out The Dylan Hour, which it.

Brings us to our guests. Please welcome Dylan mulvaney. Oh look at you. Look at how you handled that microphone. Dylan.

Wow, I'm a podcast throw Wow back by popular demand.

Wow, by very popular demand, is our favorite.

Our favorite transgender woman, our favorite transgender person.

Dylan mulvaney is back.

Oh.

We have a lot of catching up to do, have a lot to talk because you've been hanging around with a lot of my friends. I saw Alan Cummings. You posted a picture of you guys last night.

I'm like, where well? I More importantly, the last time was on this podcast. The last thing I asked you. I hadn't been kissed as a girl yet, and I was like, should I do it? And you were like, yeah, hurry the fuck up. Yeah, And I did accomplish a lot of that.

So you last saw each other.

But what I'm about to show you is very important because I was in Paris and this was Alan Cumming was included in this evening and I went clubbing with a bunch of people from a conference and I left the club looking like this. And I just wish that for our audio listeners that they would really get to see this.

But can you describe what you see?

Well?

We can hold it up. Can I hold this up to a camera? Can you see that this is Dylan.

That's me leaving the club.

Look, I'm like a whore on the loose. This is what I would call summer whore. When you have a hot pink lipstick. It's all around.

Her once like maroon, and then it went, it's giving clown. This is ridiculous. Basically I went into the club.

And sucked face with everyone you saw.

And just one, just one, and he really did a number on my makeup.

Your face looks like my head right now. I thought I had a pimple on my forehead morning.

Are you saying my face looks like a pimple.

In that picture? It looks like a big pimple that pops right now. That one.

We got a big problem. What I'm walking around like all the time.

I thought I had a pimple on my forehead this morning in my hotel room, and I went in after it, and then as I was trying to squeeze it and nothing was coming out, I realized it's a fucking mosquito bite.

Oh so I basically attacked myself.

It adds character, and I went and it's like a knot on my head right now.

I got into my car this morning.

We're a New York cartoon with like a fucking piano dropped on your head, New York.

And my driver's like, what's he goes, what's wrong with your head? That's what he said to me.

Rapa, he can say that thoughways been my driver for a long time. Okay, So, Dylan mulvaney, the last time we spoke, you were I mean, first of all, I don't even know where to begin.

You've been very busy, been all over. But I was going through the ringer right when I saw you.

That was because you were getting you were getting a lot of.

Back a lot of backlash. And now that's just seems to be the trend of my life.

And so let's revisit what was happening. It was the beer commercial.

There was a beer situation, and it felt like the whole world was after me. And now I've really learned how to not give a fuck, and I think I learned that's kind of from you. And I also just now know to roll with the punches, because if this is going to be my life, then I think that's kind of just comes with it.

Yeah, we do our best.

I think it's very important to build resiliency as soon as you possibly can, because if you're going to be in a public, if you're going to be in the public.

There is no way that you're going to get out.

Of this unscathed being a public personality, there's just no way. So when people are really sensitive and they can't deal with it, I mean, it's a natural reaction to have, but eventually you have to toughen up a little.

Were you ever fragile? I kind of the way I've read your stuff, like, it doesn't seem like that.

I don't know if fragile would be the word, but I've been knocked down a lot. Yeah, I've been knocked over and down and thought, oh fuck, maybe I should just disappear. Maybe everyone's sick of me, or maybe this or that and that. You know, you think that those moments are temporary. They're not permanent. And I deal with a lot of people that come to me who are fragile and want to know what to do.

I think we're attracted to you.

Yeah, maybe a magnetism because it's like, oh you're okay. But but that becomes a lot to handle too. Like I remember this was just last week. I was like, I had so much of my own shit to deal with, and then I had like four or five people coming to me about how to deal with their shit, and I remember thinking, I don't have the fucking time for this, I'm not a counselor. But then I'm like, no, you are a counselor. That's actually what you like enjoy doing. Oh yeah, you want to help people.

So it's easier to look in rather than into yourself sometimes.

Have you met anyone that you're interested in, like more long term? Are you just having fun with strangers?

You know in Paris bars that'll do it?

Oh? Oh my god, You're gonna die. I can't believe I'm telling you this on air. I did hook up with my room service waiter in Paris also this weekend.

I've always dreamt about.

Actually I left that that picture moment, and I went back to the hotel and then I got a charcoonery board and the waiter was so hot chelse and and.

He went Savah and I went Sava.

And then does that mean suki? Suki? What is something?

How are you? I think? And I said how are you?

And somebody else is gonna quote me that was incorrect. Then we started making out and it was amazing.

I love that these things.

You were making out with your room service attendant. Yeah, I didn't even know that was legal.

Well, I'm trying to kind of pivot because I went on a date a few weeks ago where the person was, well, I was on a date with a woman and she was like She first asked me, She's like, are you into me? And I was like, yeah, I'm into you. And then I was like are you into me? And she's like well, and I was like what does that mean. She's like, You're kind of like the baby bird and I'm the mama bird. And I don't know if I'm allowed to fuck the baby bird. And I'm like, you

So, dear Chelsea, how do you go from cute to fuckable?

I think it's a natural progression and it's gonna happen very naturally.

And what I see with the room service waiter, and it starts with sucking off the room service waiter. No, I don't think you sucked out.

I didn't do it.

I don't.

Okay, good good, because I just yeah, yeah, I mean you can. There's nothing wrong with that. I mean, I don't know what goes on in France, but it sounds wonderful. This is like when messuses go.

Down on you.

I'm like, I've had a lot of massages and that's never come up.

I was gonna say you did say it though, like that was a frequent Like.

I would like I would love a messuse to go down on me, to get on grinder. I well, but I want to just have a mesuse offer it, Like why not. I'm relaxed, I'm not gonna fight you. You can go down on me, finger blast me. That's the perfect setting for me to get figure blasted is while I'm lying down half hour for you too. I know so, and I hear all these stories. I even went to this hotel that I heard, Yeah, what's wrong with me? And then I was like, oh, I guess. And my

In full glam. You get full glamm done. We get Jamie makeup in here just to really beat your face.

Yeah, you've been hanging out with Jamie makeup.

I love that woman vibe so fun.

I know, she's so fun.

Yeah, you got to keep the good ones around.

I told her she's a personality higher. You need her personality. I was like, forget about your makeup skills. Your personality is where it's at.

That's how I feel about myself too.

Okay, so tell me about your life. I want to know.

So you left here and you had a lot of drama with the beer, and then that subsided.

And then we started Marco polowing in you because we found that I don't like to text, you don't like to do facetimes or phone calls. So it's like this walkie talkie app and I asked you about ayahuasca. Went to do that down in by myself. Yes, And that really made me willing to do life again. It was like a lot of great things came up. And then I came back to the States and finished up my book. I've got my podcast.

It's the podcast call.

It's called the Dylan Hour.

Oh I love it.

And it's sort of like to serve a podcast thank you. It's like sort of this nineteen sixties flare, you know. I love to live in the eras. And what it originally came from was that there was I was getting so much hate from these like conservative extremist, like right wingers all had all these podcasts, and I was like, well, what the fuck, I want one? And and so it's not targeting those people at all. It's just kind of a celebration of femininity. And the important part is that

I don't, not on my podcast, but I did Burt Kreischer's podcast, and it was around It was at noon, and I had.

Two vodka OJ's. Oh and it was a two hour podcast.

And I think that's pretty much how all podcasts should be conducted.

It's just a very loose.

Format, and people are more relaxed, and it's just easier to drink and talk about yourself.

And in they'll tell you more things.

Yeah, I mean, I don't need alcohol to open me up, you know. I mean I already have a problem with my mouth. I gave away way too much information.

If you were gonna come on my pod, what do you think we would drink? Like, what's your go to?

I was drinking gin for a while. I'm kind of engine you'll get there, honey.

I'm a little bit in gin. And then I'm kind of pivoting back to vodka. Now, vodka was brushing me out for a while because it tasted like it started to taste like gasoline. But whenever you overdo anything, it starts to taste disgusting.

You ever tried to ever clear?

Oh no, that's really gasoline.

I like that.

That's like rubbing alcohol.

That'll get you.

What are you drinking?

I love vodka. I love an espresso Martina.

Oh I had one of those yesterday.

I will keep you up. And I love oh dirty Shirley Temple. You've ever had one of those? What's surety temple with vodka? Oh? Yeah?

Or an aperol sprits? Yeah, that's very my York of eyes. Yeah, my, orca very my or so you'll.

Come on my pod one day of course, okay, talking about how to drink.

Honored to be on your podcast, and yeah, it's sort of just like a celebration of femininity in giving me a chance to get off, you know, the internet so much and kind of get in front of somebody else because so much of what I was doing online was just me in my bedroom, and I was like, I haven't talked to someone in five days, so it's time to sit down and shoot the shit.

And are you still living in your same house.

I live in the cute house.

Okay.

I didn't know if you had to move because we'll worried about all the back That was scary.

But we're okay now now.

Everything's good, So that's great. I'm glad to hear that. What other backlash have you been facing?

I released a song called Days of Girlhood. Did you hear about that one?

Yeah? I heard about that, but I did not hear about the backlash.

So I put this song out sort of as like you ever heard of Rebecca blacks Friday, Yeah, or like Paris Hilton stars are Blind. You know. I wanted one song to give the gaze, you know, if I was going to go at any moment, just to remember me and and so I basically put the most sort of just like still tereotypical, silly feminine things into one song.

I did not think I was singing fucking you know.

I didn't think I was Chaikowski or anything when I went into writing this. And wow, the Internet just roasted me because it first started with the turfs, and it started with you know, women who were so deeply offended that I would be singing about.

Womanhood or girlhood.

Wait, what's the turf trans exclusionary radical feminists. So a feminist that doesn't include trans people, okay, copy like as jk Rowling, Yes, right, but this song gave them kind of like this perfect sort of like, oh, I'm gonna be sad on the internet to talk about how much this song, you know, made them so upset. And then my audience had already decided that it was a bad song.

But the thing about gen Z is they.

Will ride hard, and so when they found out it was getting hate, they were like, well, now this is my favorite fucking song I've ever heard. But yeah, I don't think I meant for I don't think the music industries for me. How about you?

No, No, I don't have any I can't sing and I have no rhythm.

I can't go to karaoke.

I don't do karaoke, Dylan, are you not hearing me? I cannot you want to hear me saying I.

Do Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you?

Like that's it good?

No, that's not good. I know that's not good. And I'm not taking voice lessons. What you think I need to add that to my repertoire.

I don't know it sounds like, you've got two months in my Orca to fucking.

I find one month in my Orca and I'm not fucking and I'm not recording an album.

You want me to come out with a song so I can get more hay than you got.

So you can do you can be like, look you you see this one.

We should we actually I should record a song and then we release it together called you thought I was an asshole?

Watch this feat. I'm gonna be pictured on it. Catherine, do you sing?

I do I do sing?

Oh?

Hell yeah?

Okay, yeah, so you know I'll sing on the on there with you as well.

Catherine sings when she talks sometimes and I have to stop.

Chelsea's like fuck, I'm like, yeah, Catherine, that does not go with this podcast.

I can't help it.

I have a song, and Mines is not a musical theater podcast. Minus get Ready.

I want to talk about some heartfelt moments that you've had with like fans and people that have reached out to you, because that must feel really good and meaningful, and I.

Know that you have them.

Oh my god.

Every day I think, like so often the internet feels like the most toxic place. And then I'll open up like a DM from like a girl that just went to college that's getting her bottom surgery, or a parent that like they watched my videos together and like that to me is worth it. Like I think so often I feel like social media and content creation, it's so

Be and feeling to all these people, right, Yeah, we were talking about that with my book title. They were like, oh, well this is going to exclude men, and I'm like, but what straight men are reading my books. Like, let's be honest, I'd rather home in on the people that are my audience, all the people who feel like I do, who don't want to have children, who are single, who is you know? Who care about being a woman and

Amen.

In my show that I'm doing is called fag Hag, and a lot of people go, oh my god, can I say that.

I'm like, I don't know, can you? I've seen have a bag hag?

I know, I know, like I do. I love ga. I went out last night.

I tried to set my two gay guy friends up and my one gay friend got so fucking wasted he was such a mess at dinner. And then I had my other friend at dinner. She was got off a plane from Paris, and so I'm with this guy that I know, trying to set him up with this guy and my other friend and they're not making any sense, the two of them.

It was like being out with three year olds.

So did they like each other? Yeah?

They ended up hucking up so great turn Well, I don't know you know, because you like men and women, so it's hard for me to focus on which one.

Okay.

It's funny though, because when I'm on Riah and I'm looking for your men, it's a lot of these guys that'll say like mutual, you know, mutual and common Chelsea Handler, and it's usually you know, it's usually the men over forty and and I'm like, do I want to be do I want to be sisters with her on this one? And then I sometimes I'm like should I text Hervey? And I'm like, he's not hot enough to really go to bat for this one? Yeah, right, but I will start vetting through you.

If yeah, just send me a screen.

They always say no, you can't take a screenshot, but I do it all the time.

I do it. You're not spurt, They're not going to bandy. If they haven't banned me by now, they're not gonna ban me.

And sometimes I need to take a screenshot because I'm like, wait, I don't know if I've already met this person.

Sometimes they'll be like really hot, and I'll be like, good for Chelsea, and I can only assume, you know, maybe it's like your fucking pool boy.

I know, I know, I use RYA a lot when I'm and yeah, in spurts are periods of my life where I am all about ryacause it's just so fun when you're in a different city and you're just wanting to hook up and nothing more serious.

It's perfect tool, oh the best, and you can like I've seen guys from high school that like I had a crush on, or I've seen like my favorite actors and that it's it's good.

On that note, we're gonna take a break, Dylan, and we'll be right back with Dylan mulvaney.

If you'd like advice from Chelsea, right into us at Dear Chelsea Podcast gmail dot com. We'd love to hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on. But this week we're especially looking for questions about parenting. So if you are a parent and have problem children, please write in and tell us your story at Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com.

And we're back with Dylan mulvaney. Catherine, are we ready to rumble today?

We are so ready to rumble. We've got our callers hanging out, We've got questions, and our first question comes from Audrey, I think this fits very much into what you were talking about with dating and dating guys are girls, so, Audrey says, Hi, Chelsea, I'm a twenty two year old trans woman from the South.

I have a doozy for you.

I've been with a man for four years and we got together a couple months into my transition. I love him and he is my best friend, but I've recently come to the realization that I'm attracted to women. I think I just made myself believe I was attracted to men because I liked how validated and feminine it made me feel to dat man. But I've come to realize my femininity is just as valid being with a man or a woman. After thinking about all of this, my

I think it's very common for trans people to expand their sexuality, you know, after a gender identity shift, because I think once you unlock one part of yourself, you're like, oh my gosh, there's this Why would I limit myself?

You know?

It's like I think we put sort of parameters on ourselves and once you open one floodgate, you're like, fuck it. And I think that's kind of what happened with me, is like as far as like, oh, why am I

Yes, gay men, I knows, it's not amazing, And that's why so many women are becoming la.

Life lesbian friends make that change.

Yeah, it's totally normal.

And then like in getting really serious really fast, which they getting really serious with women, And I think for Audrey it sounds like maybe if there's nothing going on with the relationship that feels toxic or unsafe and she still really does enjoy this person, it sounds like maybe an open relationship might yeah, the option.

If he's if he's going to be open for that, But I really don't think you have a choice. Like, when you love someone and you respect them, it is really kind of imperative that you are honest with them. Oh, absolutely so, Like either way, I mean, if he's not open to it, you'll find out right away. But either way, you need to be honest about your desires and see how and give him the opportunity to say yay or if he rejects it, and.

Then you have a decision to make right Catherine, did she write specifically that she's met another woman that's kind of interesting to her yet? No?

Huhuh, just I think in general.

Well, that's a good timing situation. You know, it sounds like a conversation with the boyfriend or you know, the man friend that to see how he feels, you know, about what this relationship could look like.

Yeah, yeah, you should definitely address it.

Though.

It's good practice to address these uncomfortable conversations as early as you can because life is filled with them, and the better you are at being honest and upfront and direct without it being acrimonious or screaming or yelling, like the more evolved you become and the better skilled you are to actually handle difficult situations.

Yeah, and you know, Audrey is only twenty two, so like very young, just starting to experience these things. And she also mentioned best friend a couple of times, and there's maybe some examination there of you know, our relationships change over time, and maybe you do feel about this guy more than he's a friends than a real partner, right, you know, or maybe the romantic feelings of shit and gen Z.

Is so fluid with their with everything, And I think that my advice to her would be, like, don't try to put a label on what this attraction is for you until you do a little experimenting and you put your you know, like you might like being with women more than you expected, or it might not. But I think in the meantime, having this conversation with the guy and going from there, because I don't think anyone in that age group is going to be judgy.

I also think it's a great time in your life to be experimenting with your femininity. Like I liked what you said in her letter about like she's realizing that her femininity isn't reliant upon a male presence.

I did get a little nervous.

I thought about, you know, being with the woman, would that make me feel like I had to like step up and put on sort of these like masculine qualities. But it's never been that way. And I think that as long as it's giving you dysphoria, it can be really beautiful because a woman honoring a trans woman's existence, like in a romantic relationship, is really special.

What ended up happening with you and this older woman or this this woman, you were just the mama bird, the mama bird.

Sorry you did not we kissed, but then I think it was then you were urgitated. Well, then I asked you.

I asked her. I was like, well, how do we go from cute to fuckable? And she was like, you need to have more sex? And I was like, how do you know I'm not having more sex? And she was like, well are you? And I was like no. And so I think it was kind of like doctor's order situation. And then I'll circle back, you know.

With like SOD two weeks after you've told me some it sounds like your your pairing skills are great.

Well, I mean I've been on a roll late. I mean I've hoped up, I've made I've actually set three people up in the last six months.

Maybe find me. I could go with the man, Okay, but.

Like I gotta think, I gotta start thinking.

Gety to sixty, thirty to sixty, yeah kind of range.

Is that way older? Though I like older too.

I want somebody very sure of themselves, successful tall.

I could see you with an older man.

Actually, first I'm the first wife. No, I'm third wife vibes, and then he's my first.

Husband, especially with like, what's the way you're vibing?

Now?

I know you're dressed to go to the theater, right.

No, I wear this all the time.

You never know what's sixty year old man you're gonna meet on the streets of New York on his way home from Wall Street.

On his way home from his podcast, think about.

What Wall Street was? Oh God, that's my one condition.

No men podcast unless it's something really boring talking about money management.

Okay, Catherine, money man.

Our next color is Jerry Jerry?

Is is it Jerry Seinfeldt?

It's not Jerry Seigne.

He's always calling in.

I can't keep him off the long No Jerry is calling in from Chicago, and Jerry uses pronouns fave M. You're Chelsea. I'm a forty two year old non binary gender queer person and assigned mail at birth. But if you knew me in my day today, you would only know this from my stand up. That's because certain open mics are the only place I feel safe dressing or acting feminine, probably because I can claim that I'm just joking. I don't enforce my pronouns at work because after numerous attempts,

Oh what a conundrum it is really just it's just brutal hew in these streets, I know.

I mean, it's just so hard to even be what people expect of you, and then you want to be something that people don't expect, and then you have to con You're consumed with what other people think, and I hate that. I hate that everyone is so consumed with what other people think and how they're going to view them and how you get rid of that. People are always like, how are you so confident? I'm like, I don't feel like I'm that confident, but I just I'm not interested in negative opinions about me.

Do you ever feel like you might have a sheathe in your bio?

Something like that is happening? Wow, something like that.

Coming out episode? Hi, Jerry, Oh, I love you already. I'm Dylan, by the way.

Dylan Mulvaney's our special guest.

Yeah, yeah, no, I'm familiar. I've seen your your videos on TikTok and really moving.

Okay, talk to us.

So you're feeling pretty like low and not able to express yourself.

I can't enjoy being feminine because there's just always like a fear attached to it.

And you did say, you know, you wore that jumpsuit, which I'm so obsessed with already, But you said that other people commented negatively about it.

Oh yeah, But I.

Mean that wasn't so much generated so much as like, oh yeah, or you off to like construction work or something.

I think it's iconic.

My worry for you is that I don't want you to use stand up as a way to self deprecate about yourself, because I think a lot of comedy can go in that direction, and especially if the crowds you're performing for are more of the straight or taurus crowd. What I really want you to try to focus on is finding those like specifically queer or trans or non binary open mics, because that's where you can make, you know, light of a situation without having to be the butt

What do you think.

I think that you have to I understand and I can't.

You know, I haven't been through this myself, but I think it's really important to have strong conversations with yourself every single day about who you are and what you're putting out there, you know what I mean, so that you have confidence in your decision making and that other people aren't having such an impact on the way that you feel about yourself. You're not looking for their validation.

You already love that part of yourself and it's safe territory to make light of.

Yeah, it seems like you're missing a chunk of self love, and if I were going to give you any advice, I would say to fill yourself up every single day before you leave the house, whether that's with like affirmations, a gratitude journal, or looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you're a fucking rock star, that you're beautiful, that you're kind, that you're capable, and that you're intelligent.

Oh, it can be so lonely and still, you know, Like I think what was sad was when I did transition back onto the binary. In some ways, it was like a little bit of relief because people at least knew where to put me or what you know, where

Do you have a small community there in Chicago that's separate from your work?

Not really, I need to look harder.

Right I think it can be expensive, but I know Second City and the Groundlings, and you know, there's a bunch of comedy theaters there that have a bunch of classes, and I imagine that they attract some queer folks. And although that's not, you know, necessarily a queer meetup by any means, I do think that there might be some really cool, safe people there to get to know, and especially like you might not need group therapy, but I think a group laugh can be a great thing.

I would like to ask one piece of advice on behalf of Jerry, so as far as like the outfit goes right, Jerry is you know, channeling Chelsea and while wearing like a Chelsea type outbit with the jumpsuit. But is there a way that Jerry can preempt those sorts of jokes when they do come up and sort of like talk about how they look fabulous, like before anybody else comes up and makes a big deal about it.

I have a friend, a comedian friend named Michael Folk who dresses like he likes to dress like a woman, and he goes by they them he's non binary, and he sometimes wears dresses sometimes.

They like to wear dresses.

They like to wear dresses, Thank you. They like to wear dresses, and they have a great attitude about it because it's just part of who they are. They're not ever explaining themselves, and if anyone does probe or lean in, they're just like there's no question, Like there's such a confidence about what they're doing that there's no question And it doesn't matter because you can't be doing this looking for everybody's approval. It's outside of a lot of people's

But you have every right to identify however you want.

So you've got to like really instill in yourself whatever confidence you were able to come up with, to say, this is who I am, this is what I'm gonna do, and you're gonna either love.

Me or you're gonna hate me, and neither one of those things are my problem.

Amen.

And I think when you really do lean into who you are and what your desires are, there is a magnetic field that you kind of create around you that attracts like minded people because you're living out loud in a brave way.

Yes, And when you start vetting some of those people out, I think that makes room for the good ones to come in because what I did early on were I could you can sometimes just tell when people you know are if they're not catching up with your pronouns after you know, months of years of knowing you, or if they're making snide comments about your outfits or whatever that

Absolutely, I believe that to be true for sure. It's about creating your own magnetic field. And the more you are true to yourself, the more you shine, the more abuiliant you can be. I know I had to throw that in there because it's really the right descriptor. You know, you want to be a ball all of light, like.

Teach people how to treat you right.

Even I remember with my family, you know, we took a little bit of time. I'm a part and I had to have some real tough conversations, but they got it when they realized how important these things were.

To huh and again, and this is repetitive, which I'm very good at. You can't rely on other people's reactions to you to fill your cup up. That is not how you get your cup filled. That is an inside job. You have to fulfill yourself. You have to fill yourself up. I mean sometimes you can have somebody fill you up. Hopefully one day's time that will happen for you. And I love to get filled up. But on this notion, it is it is a you know, it's your self employed.

Well, we have another color joining us shortly, and we had a bit of a curveball. This coller is l K?

Is that el King? Is she calling in again from her last episode?

I mean, I wouldn't put it past her.

I love el King. She and I have been texting, have you? Oh yeah, yeah, I'd like her attitude. She's a country so she was on the podcast last year.

Elk says, I'm a thirty seven year old divorce This takes a turn, so stick with me here. I'm a thirty seven year old divorce lesbian living in Alabama. I've managed Mede, a lovely woman by Happenstance, who is in all regards a ten. We've become fast friends and I'm digging the friendship. But damn am I into her? I find myself stumbling over my words and acting like a child with a crush. This is not normal territory for me. I'm usually much more confident and direct, but this woman

Hi father, Hi ay, Hi cutie?

How are you fucking handler?

And good are you.

Fucking lover?

This is Dylan mulvaney, our special guest today.

Ah Hi Lka nas, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too. What a beautiful big smile you have on your face. I love it.

Thank you.

First of all, what's going on with the girl? Are you still just totally took a back seat.

I mean she's a friend and I was looking forward to talking to you about that. I was kind of in that like giddy, like you know, I felt like a little kid, like just kind of tickled. And then it was like I'm in therapy, like working on some stuff and just like out of nowhere, therapy just like hit me like a truck and was like, no, you got more important things to think about.

Okay, Well this is all good, okay, because this is all good.

It's better that therapy took a front seat.

That's a good sign because it is it needs to take a front seat before any real, normal, healthy relationships happen. Therapy is the is what you do to have normal, healthy, happy relationships. Especially well, let me say this, I think that when you're with the second question you asked, which is, how do you remain connected to your work and be productive and and be engaged in all the things that

But you know what I mean, that's not really nice.

That's awesome, but yeah, not relatable, not relatable at all. But really, but but the other great thing about going to therapy while you're living your life is that you can integrate your therapy and what you learn into your life in real time. Whereas I took two years off just to go to therapy and travel.

So when I was.

Done with therapy, I'm like, how do I match all of this stuff into my life when I'm working? So you actually have an advantage that you don't even really see, sure, because you're going to be incorporating the things you learn as you're living your life in a real way.

Sure, sure going to therapy weekly? Like yeah, do miss right? Well, no don't you shouldn't.

I mean hopefully you know you'll go and then at a certain point you'll be like, Okay, you know, I can take a break or I'm ready for a relationship. It also sounds very healthy that you recognized that this crush you had is not as important as you dealing with your childhood issues.

Yeah that's healthy.

Yeah, because if you were more still focused on that while you were doing this, it would mean that you had your priorities a little bit out of whack.

Yeah, I was.

I was focused on the kind of the stuff that was coming up, and I was like, oh, ships talked with Chelsea Handler about a crush. I don't want to come out to Chelsea, but it doesn't feel as important to talk about.

I think sometimes people make up problems to call in. They're like, uh, what color should I paint my I'm like what?

And did you do? You just lost some loved ones too.

Yeah, I lost my mom in twenty twenty and my dad in twenty twenty two.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think that thank you know, while you're navigating the grief and the new sort of therapy of it all, I still want you to be able to find the joy, because sometimes we go zero to one hundred, especially in something that's so intense as mental health can be, and we go in that direction, we forget to be silly, we forget to be in love, we forget to treat

I think I would need.

I mean, I don't have any problems being direcked. But at the same time, it was the first time, like in my adulthood, where I got kind of like like that giddy just like kind of stupid.

You know, the best, the best feeling in the world is that is really truly just like.

I am now, I'm just bumbling over my words, just like I.

Don't know you don't want to. You don't want to ruin the friendship. So what do you what do you say to somebody who like, well, what is the what is the vibe?

Break it down a little bit more specifically, what has been been the vibe of late?

We don't live in the same town, so I haven't hung out with her in person, and so I mean it's a newer friend. I don't think she doesn't strike me as really interested in anything right now, not just with me, but like in general.

But I don't know if I'm reading that wrong or not.

Well, I think that I think the important takeaway from this is you're getting yourself healthy and you're creating like a better version of you that that will be like the a net result after this therapy. It's gonna make you sexier, it's gonna make you everything better, and you're gonna and then you're gonna be in a better place and maybe she'll be in a different place and you can pursue that down the road. But I think your

I'm an m eatee too, so you could just.

Go up to her and be like, I like pussy? Do you like mine? You know, it's simple when the time is right.

You ever said that to someone?

Do I like pussy? Do I? Do you like pussy?

Do you like mine? Said very I said it like it wasn't the first time.

It's all I'm saying, Okay, you want pussy, go get it.

Oh fuck, my mom can't listen to this one.

I was just thinking about my sisters. I was like, they're gonna be anyway.

You're a You're a love, You're a joyful and happy and I'm happy for you and you're gonna be fine.

And yeah, keep doing what you're doing.

Thanks Chelsea, Love you Okay, love you, thanks so much.

Oh cute. Her accent reminds me a fortune themestir.

I love it.

Well, let's take a quick break and we can wrap up with a quickie.

Okay, Well, take a break and we'll be right back to wrap up with Dylan mulvaney.

And we're back, are back, So one last little question to wrap up. Kara is in her thirties and she writes in and says, Dear Chelsea, A situation I've been dealing with lately is one of my best friends is single and longing for someone special. I'm newly married, so it's difficult for me to give dating advice without sounding lame and tone deaf. I remember being the only one of my single friends before I met my now husband,

It doesn't have to be that kind of pat that's so meaningless to be like, you're going to find your person, You're going to find someone.

There's so nothing in that.

What I think is is just to keep motivating your friend to keep trying to keep going out there. To meet men that you might think are appropriate for her, or if you do meet a guy that you're like, oh wait, actually do it and encourage your other friends, if you have other friends in your friend group, to do the same for her in supporting her to meet that guy. I know, whenever my friends try to set me up, I find I'm I well, actually, let me

And I loved that she even pitched her friends, you know, her friend to people. She's like, if anybody's looking, now, that's a cool friend, right, that's so.

That right there is the energy.

My favorite thing when like a friend of mine, I don't love the whole you're gonna find someone.

I love the how the fuck are you still single? Like that's fucking crazy.

I like when there's sort of this energy of like, well, that's just fucking why, Like because I do that a lot with them, my other single friends, where.

It's like how is this possible?

Like we're so hot and fun and so maybe kind of like leaning into that a little bit, you know, build her confidence up in herself, in her personality and her looks, and make her feel like the fullest version of herself as a friend, rather than putting so much emphasis on the what she's.

Going to be like when she has a relationship.

Yeah, and and making it dating fun and being an energetic Like when you look at the subject matter of dating, it can be depleting if you have that attitude, it can be exhausting, right, or it could be fun and hopeful and happy. And I think as a friend, you sound like you really care about your friend. So you're the person to keep her bolstered up, you know what I mean, keep her going and and be energized when

Let's get to the next one.

The more people she says no to or that say no to her, the closer she is to finding the person that she is going to want to spend more time with. So I think she's very very lucky to have a friend like you, and you can just be an even better friend by helping her through this and not looking at her being single as some sort of losing a game. There's benefits to being single and being in this phase looking for your love too. This is an exciting part while you're looking. It's like, you know,

So or give them, you know, a constructive piece of advice of like how you found someone or what worked for you, or you know, like back in the day, however long ago that was.

I think that can be.

Like my my best friend Lily will often you know, give me Like we'll go out and you know, I'll start talking someone's ear off that I think is hot, and she's like, pull back, pull back, and like.

That kind of stuff. I think that's fun. I think that's what I'd like to hear.

I'm gonna I want to watch you on a date and see what happens.

The car and it goes it gets in a wreck real fast, right into a base. Oh I do have a place though I like to go dance to get Davey Wayne's Hollywood.

Oh Davy Wade' I haven't been there, And I point.

To the hottest person the dance floor. We just make out to Abbits. You're gonna love it.

Watch out.

Yeah, Chelsea. I love what you said about, like not the person you're gonna wind up with, but the person you want to spend more time with. Like I love looking at it that way. It's just about finding somebody you like being around. And I think also like, don't forget for caraa like, don't forget to like go out and be girlfriends together, Like did your husband go do some fun things together? And also like maybe read her this beautiful letter that you wrote about her and how

Yeah, okay, Yeah.

That Dad wraps up our episode of Dear Chelsea. Next up is Dylan's podcast called One Hour with Dylan An Hour with Down.

Dylan Darwin Darwin or Dylan Darwin The Dylan Hour.

Chelsea Handler will be singing.

On it, and I'll be there performing live music.

I can't wait to ask you your favorite Broadways show.

Oh, I can't wait to tell you I love you, Dylan mulvaney, I love we love you. Thank you everyone.

Do do do do drum roll, Catherine please, Chelsea Handler abroad.

Abroad is my European tour.

So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad.

I need to get.

The help out of this fucking country and it's not as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Rekuvic, I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to the UK. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May and June. I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona and Lisbon.

I'm coming abroad is abroad.

That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad.

I know I want to go see me abroad and there all be, there all be upcoming Vegas States, April eighteenth, July fifth, August thirtieth, November one and twenty nine at the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas.

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com