Find Your Person with Yanise Monét

Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, you have a baby with you?

Oh, the baby is in the house.

I have Bernice on my lap because we have a workman in the house, and she I think he hates men pretty much. I don't know where she got that from.

What a surprise, Like mother, like daughter.

No, I don't hate men. Might not be saying that it's affecting my ability to get penetration.

Chelsea loves men in all the senses.

I do love men.

I do.

I'm having actually a very good time with some men.

I'm glad about that for you.

I have a lot of flirtations going on at home abroad anyway, Doug is arriving, Casey is driving him up on Thursday he arrives. Doug is so fucking I already talked about Doug. I don't want to be one of those people who bangs on about my dogs, but he is going to be. I'm gonna be really, it's gonna ruffle my feathers. Because this means basically, Bernice has an AirTag, like an Apple AirTag on her so I can just let her go out and then I go find her.

He is gonna have all the energy. And Bernie has a personality a bit like a Xanax.

Like, yeah, she has taken azanax. You probably took one of mine. And but also Doug is gonna have to because he's a puppy and he's eight months old and this is going to be a new house and he's gonna be have driven with Casey. He's been shuffled around a bit, you know, to try to get him up here. He's been with my Bell. She's tried to, you know, hypnotize him. I'm sure, but he he's going to have to go out a lot, and that is not my

I love it.

And Jesse and I had like a work study program this weekend and I got more writing done. I wrote for six straight hours and organized everything. I think this book. When I am ready to announce the title and the release date of the book, people are going to be really I think this is going to be really something special that is fantastic.

Now, Okay, so your writing process are you like, I gotta wait for inspiration. I gotta sit down see if the inspiration comes.

No, I just have to a lot time and sit down and just start writing, because the only way to keep writing is to start writing.

You just have to start.

And then, like I was writing this book, but there was like a joyfulness missing in the writing of the book. The way I lived my life wasn't coming through the page. And the page is about how to live this joyful experience of life. And so I don't know what happened, but something shifted. Actually, I've been working with that new therapist and I think she shifted some stology in me. Yeah, because we do these kind of exercises and she's like, Okay, we're gonna get rid of that old stuff, like let's

And you're so restored there, like you you are getting positive vibes and you're able to put out positive vibes. But when you're like exhausted, you just won't have anything to give, you know.

Yeah, right, an empty vessel. So anyway, OK, So as a great follow up to last week's episode, we have the other half of Sam Jay which is called Yah Yah.

I actually have a follow up from Sam's episode from one of our people who wrote in, and it's pretty juicy Chelsea.

Oh oh oh is it about ya ya?

No?

No, no, no, but it is about cheating. And oh someone had written in about her sister's husband was running around and had this work bestie that he had spent the night with, but he said they were just friends sort of thing. It was a female work bestie. Well Elle wrote in with a follow up. She said, Hi, there, wanted to provide an update on my sister in law and her husband regarding his inappropriate relationship with his coworker. I appreciated all your feedback and advice because it definitely

But now we know therapy. It's so hard for me to take that seriously, even though I know it's a real thing. You know, it's just like sex therapy. Really, you can't keep your fucking dick in your pants. I mean, honestly, I don't know what's wrong with people. I know, yeh, control yourself, I know.

And this is like sociopath behavior, like I know many of that. Gross. You can't fix that. You can't fix that.

Okay, Well, anyway, let's move on to Yah Yah. I don't think she needs any introduction. You're going to understand what I'm talking about when you listen to this interview, because this girl is one hot potato I would like to introduce the world to. If you don't know of her yet, you will find out about her at some point. We spoke about her in her absence when I had Sam Jay on the podcast, right, Catherine, we talked about

Thank you? Yes, I do live here.

So actually you should say to me, well, welcome to New York Tell thank you welcome.

I would have welcomed you if I knew you were here.

Thank you, yah Yah. That's a dig, because that's a dig because she just said, oh, how long you here for? It would have been nice to know. And I said before we got on air, I'm sitting right across from you, so obviously this is you knowing anyway, that is true, But this is the kind of shit I'm dealing with with this woman. And I met Yah Yah. Well I met you like at the Montreal Comedy Festival. I think was the first time I met you.

Yeah, that was like three years ago.

Yeah. And what stood out with her eyelashes because they and her nails are equally there the same length. Her eyelashes you could use, as you know, the flippers when you go in swimming, like that is true, you could swim with those eyelashes and her nails. So when I first met her, I was like, oh, this woman is trouble and I should just, you know, watch myself. And I wasn't wrong. My instincts were right. And then she

Please, Well, I mean it is kind of it's kind of scary, you going on vacation with people you don't know.

So we had it out.

We had an option to out if we didn't want to be there anymore, but we ended up liking you.

But you said scary, you're leaving out the white part.

Yes, right, well it was a group of whites. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that.

But also it is kind of intimidating when you're the only blacks there. You don't know what's gonna happen. So I didn't know if our lives are going to be in danger. And also you kept trying to take me hiking. Why the fuck did you keep trying to take me hiking?

Because it's good exercise. It's not everything that I was suggesting. We're activities that were going to enhance enhance your life. You were even trying to make Sam go hiking with you.

If you recall, yeah, we do together because I wanted to do it together.

I wasn't gonna go wid out through alone.

Yes, yes, but I'm in then almost a number, like I'm a safety number. You think I'm gonna be the one.

No, it was like six against two, so it was like we had to I had to keep the number.

I had to branch off from the white people. And you were also you would have go into the water with me at night. You wouldn't get.

Into a I was kind of spooky.

Okay, we'll explain that you can't swim at night. That's wild.

Why not.

It's the ocean and I'm black.

Uh huh.

I'm not getting in a boat with you at night. That doesn't make sen to me. I'm not doing it that. This didn't make That didn't add up.

But you let Sam get in a boat with me.

I was very fearful of that and I told her not to, but you core host her.

In to doing that. She she you influenced her all week.

Yeah. Oh really, Yeah, okay, okay, this is another Yeah, this is another thing I forgot to mention when Sam was on. Sam shows up in my Orca and asks what drugs I have, And of course I have some, but I was running low because I was on my third week in Mayorca, and I had twenty different people through my house before this group came.

So this was the the best group.

Well, okay, you were a great group. I can't say who the best group was. Okay, No, we know who. Okay. Well everyone thinks they're the best group, and that's fine with me. I would never even think about trying to be the best group. Okay. But Sam wanted demanded drugs, she needed them, and then when I gave her what I had, it wasn't Yeah. Yeah, goes, look at you, Look at you influencing my boo. You did because she got really fucked up. No, I'm a I am a supplier.

Yeah, yeah, well know, you're a great hostess. Thank you.

Yeah, yeah, thank you very much. Yah Yah would look at me and try and lay blame on me.

No, you were great hostess. You were just a pusher, but you are a great right.

I do want people to do drugs. I do like that, you know. I just feel like so many people have untapped resources and creativity within them that once they do the right drug that they find the right thing. And it's not for everybody. You know, drugs are not for everybody. I want to say that as a medical professional on this on this what that's why? Is that funny?

No? No, no, I trust you.

Okay, as a medical professional on this podcast, I would like to say that drugs are not for everyone, but they are for me.

Okay, all drugs aren't for me.

And you don't like, Oh you know what I loved? Tell us this story. This is a good drug story. Would you mind telling it? The one where you saw the video of yourself? Oh wow, we're going Well, we don't have to. We can go to a different area if you're not comfortable.

Talking about it with that. No, I just saw myself. Me and my friends used to like in our early twenties. It's a long time ago, so let's put this on the record. We would recreationally pop up pill or two.

So what's the drug called though.

Flex areal? Flexireo was my drug choice.

Oh, I thought it was something else. Oh that's like a muscle relaxer.

Yeah, it's like flexireal.

But it was like, yeah, you can't take that and go out.

No, but we were drinking too, and I think some of this stuff was opioid based.

I think flexieral is opioid based.

So like when I saw a video of like, I thought I was just chilling and having a good time and having fun. But then my friends played a video back of me and I was not off at the table, and it was just like, that's what that Wasn't you.

Thought you were crushing it. You were out thinking you had a blast. You're like, last night was fun. It like, you need to see a video of yourself if you think you were having it. And it was cute.

So I was just like, I want to look cute at all times, so when I did look cute, I couldn't do it.

You look really cute right now?

Thank you?

Shoot later, I want to talk about your relationship with Sam.

Went about it.

Okay, so you're from Atlanta, Yes I am. Okay, you should be on the Real Housewives of something.

You know what.

They tried to get me on the Real house Oh my god, they did. Yeah at least was like eons ago, and why did you fucking do that?

I didn't have money like that, so I just felt like it would just been too fraudulent.

Too.

Fargs like I owned a business. It was just like it wasn't lucrative, but you would have gotten down to business.

With the Yeah, I would have.

And I think that's what the world wants to see, because if you were on one of the housewife franchises, I would watch that fucking show, would you, Yeah, because I know what would go down. I saw the video stories if Sam Sam Jay's on tour right now? Yeah, yeah's on tour with her, which means she is calling people out in the audience, screaming and yelling at anybody. What was the last incident that happened when you had to remove one of the.

I didn't remove her, Security removed her. She was being a nuisance. She was being loud and belligerent and drunk, and I just asked her to be quiet, and she didn't want to listen, so she had to get out of here.

And then did what did she say to you? Didn't she say something to you?

Yeah?

She was like some lady, some black lady told me to be quiet. I just walked about. It was me.

It was me, girl, I told you to shut the fuck up. It was me, shut the fuck up. And she was like, I can't believe you said that, but I had asked her twice. The first time, I was very pleasant and I was excuse me, ma'am. Can you bring it down a little bit? Like she was on her phone, she was watching a basket a baseball game.

It was just wild. I fucking hate that so much. I hate that so much.

It's just rude because she was disturbing the people around her. Like literally, when she got kicked out, she was with about twenty people. Nobody gave a fuck because they wanted her to leave too, but they didn't know how because she was ahead of HR, so they felt like their jobs.

Yeah, the head exactly, ironic. She was the worst.

So yeah, okay, So bring us back to your relationship with Sam, because you guys have been together for a long time. Yeah, and we're gonna be giving relationship advice on this show, okay, potentially in this episode. So I want you to walk us through the status of your relationship over the years, because it's been You've had turbulent times and Sam loves when I bring up her cheating, So we can talk about that, or we could talk about just the genesis.

Well, what do you want to start with? In the beginning.

Start at the beginning, because it's a beautiful love story, and I think it's it gives other people, you know, I think other people probably have similar relationships where they love someone and then they're not together, and then give them hope to come back together.

That's true. I think our versions are kind of different from each other.

No, they're definitely different, because the two of you couldn't be more office.

Yeah, I think our versions of the story is different. But we met in Atlanta, she says. I met her in the club, but I don't remember meeting her because our friends knew each other. So on the way home, their car broke down in front of my house. So I saw them and they looked hot and thirsty because they would trying to change a tire. So I just asked if they needed help, if they wanted to sit inside before the tow truck came.

And that's how its very nice of you, Yaya. It must have been before nine pm when you did that.

Actually it was probably around one am. Oh oh, so so.

It must have been another flips to do and all that happens.

But yeah, so we eventually went out on a date.

Did she tell you the first time we went out a date, well, the first time I went out a date, Sam left her.

She left her money.

Apparently she didn't have any money, so I had to I left my wallet because I knew I wasn't paying.

Of course not. I mean, no, no, you're not gonna pay.

Hello, that's what I thought too, But I ended up having to pay because Sam couldn't buy me my slice of pizza. Oh, so I had to call my friend like, hey, can you go to my house and go get my wallet and bring my wallet to me?

So he was like, aren't you on a date?

And I'm like, yeah, bitch, I am on a date, but come bring me my wallet. So from that day for it, he didn't like Sam at all.

He hated or would.

I, But I loved her. She was so cool.

But I'm surprised that you were okay with that because that doesn't seem like something you're down with.

It's not.

But she was so charismatic, she was so funny, she was so sweet.

I don't know why. She just won me over.

And then what happened. She fucked me right after the pizza.

Yeah, pretty much.

So that's like, okay, anyone who's listening that would be like, Oh, I had a date who didn't have any money, and then the next thing you do is go home to fuck that person.

Yeah, I mean I knew if she was broke, then she probably had some good, good moves.

Well, because I remember you guys having sex on my terrorists. Oh my god.

We did not have.

We did not.

We did not.

Yeah, they did did. They were up every night till five am. We were talking and talking and then I yeah, and then when y'all, y'all wants it, she needs to get it right away, and then she goes.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. But we did not have. Till you hears, we did not have.

They had sex in their bedroom. Yeah, you probably the terrorists. I'm sure I probably would have, but we did not. That would have been a good memory, though. But your window was like right there, yeah exactly. Can you imagine.

I would have been like, hey, guys, can keep it down, can you keep it down please? Okay, So then you guys were together for how like a period of time?

Yeah, we were together for a minute, and then I did some shady shit.

This is this SPAN's like seventeen years, right, Yeah, yeah, seventeen there's a relationship.

Yeah, so we were young. So at the time Sam says we were together. I say we weren't together. We were dating other people. But she says that we were exclusive. So this is where it gets cloudy. But also this was like seventeen sixteen years ago. So I say that we were freely dating other people. She says that we were committed and I dated someone else and then she found out about it, and then so we stopped talking.

But what was that like wasn't that tinged with like jealousy and feelings?

Absolutely?

Because every time she started dating someone that she would go out on dates and now we didn't care. But then when she would start like repeating the dates, it was like, that's a problem. You're going out with the same person again. So then I would have to break that up. So then it was just a lot of back and forth. It was a lot of that you break that up. Oh, I would just go see her

Why did she think you were toxic?

I was in Atlanta, I was in black Gay Mecca, so I was outside.

Okay. Also I had money, so it was It's just like I was in a free for all. So it was fun. I was having fun.

And there's a lot of pussy, not a lot of well no, not a lot of pussy.

But I was.

I bet you what about guys? Were you feeling around with guys at all? Just no, I'm you've been done with men for a long time. Yeah, well yeah I was done with men.

Yeah, basically I want I'm done.

Okay, So you broke up and then what what drew you back together?

She got married fast forward, like a year or two later, after she's been buried for Yeah. We were still friends though, but I did not pursue her. She didn't pursue me. She was really into her marriage, and so I was like, Okay, if this is where you want to go, girl, that's fine.

But you know, were devastated.

I was devastated, but I always knew that we were going to be together, so I wasn't really pressed.

You really believe that even though she was married to someone else. Yes, because a normal person yah yah when that happens when the other person gets married, would be like, oh, I guess our relationship is over.

No, I didn't think that at all.

And now that I'm watching this show she put me onto this show what is called scandal. Now that I'm watching Scandal, I kind of understand it because I always knew it was just like that's my person.

Like I knew she was being crazy.

I knew she was being wild, and I also knew I was getting my karma back from the food I was doing. And also when she wanted to commit and settle down, I told her no, who was so like, Okay, I get it, but play this out. You know this is not gonna work. So I'll let you do this and be dumb and then when you're ready, come home. And that's what happened. Because she was in New York.

She coming home. So I knew she was coming home.

That's cute. That's a cute story. It's a hot mess of a story.

Oh it is. It's like it's Ghetto's Hill. But there's a lot of ups and down. That's a lot of Yeah, but we're we've made it through and now we're engaged.

Yeah, and when's the wedding going to because I really would like to not miss that.

Okay, you're gonna come to the wedding?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna come to the wedding. And you want me to come to the wedding.

You seem like you're a good time. Oh yeah, I heard.

Seem like I'm a good time. You've hung out with me, I am a good that is true.

But no, I'm saying like in those kind of settings because somebody was telling me. I think it was the guy he was really really sweet. He was telling me that you were at Bruce Springsting's concert and you were like making drinks at the after party.

You became like the bartender. Yeah, and I was like, that sounds like a good time. I wish I was there.

Oh yeah, that was a good time.

So I would like I would like for you to come.

Okay, well I will, I will, I will come.

I will commit is a formal invitation?

Yeah, well, maybe I should officiate the wedding. Maybe you should be nice. I've already done it once, have you.

Yeah?

I did it. Well.

Michael Ja was supposed to, but he's so anti weddings. I don't know if he's going to do it.

Oh really yeah, we'll see if he If he's not available, i'll do it. Okay, So we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back. And now we're back, Catherine, what do we have for yah y'all today? I can't wait for this.

So many things. We have a boob related question. And yeah, yeah, you're in good company with this boob question because.

I see because I got boom.

I'm the same way. I'm the same way.

And Chelsea's got big question.

I don't.

I have big boobs, but those are like extra.

No, you have perfect booths.

Oh, thank you.

I would agree with that if you have break New York tits.

What are New York tits?

You don't remember that from Chappelle?

No, what does that mean?

He would walk around with the guy and they would stand, they would put a sticker on bitches titties and like, you got great New York booths.

I don't know.

I don't segment. It's funny, but yeah, y'alls are enormous, and Catherine, yours are enormous. Yeah, so we're prepared. We can come on, We're tis, We're prepared to field these questions.

Amazing. Well, our first question now comes from Alyssa.

And all of ours are natural? Yes, right, yeah, yeah, mine are natural.

Yours are not natural.

Hey, I showed you them. They are natural. I do not have fake tits. You don't know they're real.

You have really good boobs, like really great boobs.

I know, thank you. That's why I did not know that. Well, that's why I had to say, because I didn't know if New York titties meant fake titties. No, oh no, they're not fake. I don't have fake tits.

Oh you know, they're like big and perky.

I have to constantly announce this to the public because they look they're so perfect.

They look fake.

It is ridiculous that I have these boobs. I mean, I'm so excited about them now. I used to be really annoyed by them. Yeah, because they came on when I was thirteen. I was a little bit much for a thirteen year old, especially when nobody else had little titties. So I had to like tape them down. And now i've you know, now, if I embraced them obviously and so as the rest of the world.

If I had boobs like that, I would just wear a spaghetti strap all day every day.

Say your tit's flying around.

Yes, it just takes a lot to hold these up like it's just act right, it does.

It fucking hurts your back, is what the problem is. I don't like when I get those, like, you know, things on my shoulders carved from the bath. Yes that means yeah, so it's not always.

Too much if I take this bra off, is swing low, sweet cheeriot? And I just no, ma'am.

Well.

Our first question about boobs comes from Alyssa Dear Chelsea, I'm in a dilemma about whether to pursue a breast reduction. The reasons I want one are my girls make running something that's important for my physical and mental health annoying because I have to wear this nasty ass uncomfy sports bra, and spontaneous running, like chasing my nieces around, is painful. Shopping for tops and dresses is something I avoid because I'm pigeonholed into limited options that fit my boobs but

Just get a breast reduction. This is going on and on and on. I mean what I know?

I don't, but she said she feels like opposing polls to pursue something that could make a positive change, or to honor her body. And do you think it's possible to do both?

Alissa, get a breast reduction. You're gonna feel better about yourself and don't care about honoring your body. Do you know how many unnecessary procedures I get? Like, I do a lot of elective things that I don't need to do, and I'm always happy about it. Same exactly. I know you're talking to two people that are pro surgery.

Yeah, cut me up, lay me on the table. I'm all for.

I came from physical therapy and they had to dream my knee a little because there's still some swelling from my surgery. And I go, so, how frequently can I drain my knee? And they're like, well, you don't ever really want to put needles in your knee unless it's absolutely necessary. I'm like, no, bitch, I have no problem fucking putting needles in my knees all day long if it's gonna help me ski, I don't give a shit. She's like, and I go, what's wide. There's always a

And you love to take piels cut those tits? Yeah you think so?

Yeah, yes, it's just like it's a nicer lifestyle when you feel better about your body. It's just nicer.

Absolutely. And she's not betraying like she needs to cut those tits. I'm cutt my tits.

Cut them? Are you you are?

I'm curious what your decision making was around that.

I don't want big titties.

E why.

I'm sick of it.

I'm over it.

And I would like to wear a spaghetti strap, okay, I would like to go bralas.

I want to walk around like Chelsea.

Yeah. Well, and I know last year in Mayorka, a couple of the girls had had reductions and they had kind of like like big still but like perky, and they're like, you know, even though they've gotten a little bit bigger since the reduction, they've stayed.

Everybody says they come back. Every time that I know that has a breast productions say they come back in some.

Co Yeah, they do. They do. And so when you get a reduction, you have to do more than you think you should because they do grow back. So then you're like, well, then the girls like, why the fuck do I get the reduction? If they're going to grow back, just.

Go a little smaller than what you Yeah.

I think when you when you make your body like more agreeable to like your whole like practical lifestyle, you step into your body even more like, you become more like because you're more confident and you feel more secure. And it's just a nicer way to go through life rather than having some like an onus on.

Your chest right and insecurity. And also she can run believe that. God, yeah, look at them. Yes, those look fake they yes grassy. And those kitties on surgery pages, Oh my.

God, I should sell that actor, I should sell them. You should want to. Yeah, those are not separate, people are nice.

I can't do that. It would take me too long to hoisten them back up. I didn't see it.

Oh, it's like having a bra Okay, okay.

Yeah, Well our next question is slightly more sober.

Sober What does sober mean?

Well, you know, just a little more serious than okay, boot questions, but not too too serious. They're very fun. So Sarah and Ethan are here, They say, Dear Chelsea. Sarah was the one who originally wrote in so she says, Dear Chelsea, my husband is transgender. We got married before his transition, and since then all my friends and family

Ethan, I so excited to meet you guys, you.

As well, Okay, So yeah, that's so fucking annoying. I mean, it is so frustrating when you have family members that do not understand. I just don't understand how people communicate with their family members when they disagree politically like that, because that you're right, it isn't a political issue and it shouldn't even be a governmental issue what you do

Yeah, I was said boundaries.

If they can't respect you in you and your place in your marriage and who you are as a person, then they don't need to be around you.

You don't need that type of.

Negativity in your life, Like why even bring that into your fold and into your marriage, Like no, yeah, it's really.

Hard to set the boundary because we are a blended family and there has been some I guess some issues with our other sister to where we don't have a relationship anymore.

The whole family doesn't have a relationship with the sister. So it is like why why, oh god, that's a whole nother.

But that's fine.

There is with our dad and her that just didn't work out and now they don't speak.

Yeah, so this would be like the second the second one that we asked from the family dynamic.

And okay, that's the problem.

But wait a second. Wait, your family and your dad and your sister don't speak, so you didn't ask your sister they did, right.

Yeah, that's true the first one. Yes, that's yeah, what do you mean.

It didn't work out with your sister, her and your father? I need some details, like.

What do you mean? That's a little weird. But also your sister.

If you cut them out, your sister, you may rekindle that relationship and realize that she's the better person for you to be in your life if she respects.

Well, we have to hear about the sister. First, you give us, just give us like a quick you know overview that overview yeaes synopsis.

They always just kind of butted heads and it came to fruition one day and it almost got physical to where my dad had to threaten to call the police if she didn't back off. So from then on they didn't speak and we we the rest of the family got cut by her by association, so we didn't cut her out.

She kind of asked.

Everyone, okay, okay, okay, after.

This under the yeah and this is the this is so now what we're dealing with is like the second sister, right, and.

We're perfect timing then so that they can get a clue that they're the fucking problem.

Yeah. I tend I tend to go. I've learned a lot that like, not all conflict is bad, especially recently, and that there's a lot of like self protection that maybe could be and should be done. So this my approach has been like I don't I don't need to I don't need to talk to them. It's such a complicated relationship with in laws, right and with families.

And I know, but it's like a it's like a direct lack of respect for your for you and your safety. Yeah, that's it. That's the only sentence you need to know. Like, they are not respecting that your safety is threatened by Republican lawmakers, and like and as long and if they don't care about your safety, then what the hell are you doing spending time with them?

That's well said.

I want to do everything possible to avoid I think, losing this relationship because it is the only sibling that I have left. So is there anything that you would like? I know you're a huge proponent of writing an email in a letter.

Yeah, well wait, so you want to salvage the relationship with your sister, not your parents, the second sister.

So also, the parents aren't the problem is this second system?

Oh no, no, my parents are.

Oh it's the other sister.

Oh oh no, Well she wants to salvage it. Yeah, yeah, because she lost her other sister. I think you know what, Yes, I am a big fan of an email, and I think you can lay it out to your other sisters. So she's the Republican the other sister. Yes, okay, so that's problematic. Yes? And does she mar is she married to.

Someone who's also of the same mind as she well.

Of course, of course, so they go together one is it. You know, Republican women are usually there because their husband's told them to be right. But I think that you can write her a letter and express like, I really don't want our relationship to devolve in the same way that your your relationship has devolved with your other sister, right,

You know.

I don't know you can make somebody vote for a Democrat, you.

Know, but like nobody even if not, they can respect them and not mention it in their presence. And if they can't even do that, then I think that you just have to protect yourself. And I feel like you should also try to reach out to your sister to cut you off and try to rekindle that relationship. I do too, So then you won't even if you lose out on the other sister, you still got the good one.

Is that good is she? Is she a good one? The sister that got in a fight with your father or what she is?

It's questionable. It's worth looking in.

It is worth It is worth not you know, locking shut.

No, And it's not good to lock shut anyway, because you know what that is, your sister. Everyone goes through difficult times in their lives, and people get better and people recover. Not everybody, but a lot of people. Do I know, I've learned and grown and changed throughout my life. I'm sure you feel the same way. Yeah, yeah, And like you know, mistakes you make necessarily you wouldn't necessarily

That's kind of how I've always felt about that.

I think I just maybe need to remind her that I'm of that stance, because I think it all gets lost when there's drama.

Yeah, of course, and people do things in the heat of the moment that you know they wouldn't do ten years later, or five years later, even six months later.

Yeah, people change.

Can I ask, does it bother you their political affiliation or does it bother you that they're vocal about it in your presence?

So they're not really vocal about it in our presence.

They actually refuse, they refuse to talk to talk about it. And I think it's because logically, I mean, I'm a pretty good talker, so they're not gonna.

So they're never disrespectful to you in your presence.

No, No, I mean they've asked silly questions like in moments, but like they're learning social media, it's their social media presence.

And oh okay, well maybe if you continue to educate them, because if people don't know, sometimes they're just ignorant.

So maybe if you continue to, you know, just talk.

To them and educate them on who you are, your story, your plight, and the things that go on with you. You don't know that you may change your perspective. So you may not even have to cut her off.

To Yeah, and I don't know if you've got a chance to tell us to our Skylar Baylor episode. But his book They Ha Yes has some really really good methods for communicating with loved ones, and especially like asking questions at these moments that could get very confrontational and say look, well here's what I think, here's what you think, where people automatically go in this defensive mode. He's got some good tricks in there for like asking questions like

No, I need It's on my list, but I need to get I need to get to it.

He's a little bit more of a hostile negotiator. Yeah, I'm a little level headed, So that's for you.

Ethan yeah. Yeah. I mean I'm assuming your sister and her husband have like heard how difficult and like arduous the process of transitioning is, right, that everything that you have been through, because I find that when people hear that, it reduces their ability to argue. When people realize that it's not some like whimsical thing that you just do and go and like, you know, get surgery to change your youth. There's multiple psychological assessments that have to happen.

Yeah, there's a lot of false information out there, and I think we have started to share some of that information. It's just trying to get them to the point of being receptive and like sitting down and listening and instead of shutting down or saying I don't want to talk about politics. You know, that's their that's their pretty immediate response. So it's just getting them to a place where they realize it's not political and it shouldn't be political.

It's not politics. You being a transgender is not political. They're the only party in the country in the world that is making it political. Well, not in the world. There are other countries that are also politicizing it. But you know what I mean, No, no Democrat has a problem with that. So it's like, why would you actively be going after people who are not bothering anybody else.

It's a great question.

What would make you satisfied? Like they have to switch parties?

Yeah, probably, that's how I would force just don't even vote.

Yeah, if you yeah, if you can't vote for the

Yeah, I would have a problem with that too. I'm with you, but I do think you should reach out to the other sister and then do and I think you should email your other sister and you know, work both of those things at the same time.

Or you could just send her this podcast.

I know I thought about that. I could like this episode. I'd be pretty eye opening.

So yeah, that's actually a good idea too.

Because I'm sure they don't know the turmoil or like the difficulty we have on our end.

Oh so you I've never discussed You've never spoke about it.

I've tried, and the response is we don't talk about that.

It just gets shut down real fast.

So that's something you should mention in the letter. Just go imagine trying to share yourself with like this is my husband. Imagine trying to share your husband wants to share any of his personal belief systems or history or anything like that, and not being willing to sit and listen to it is very obstinate. You're not compromising. That's like I'm set in my narrow minded way and the only vision I see is the only one that there is,

Yeah, I agree.

I think expressing that one of our biggest desires is just to be heard and then actually, like you said, possibly playing her in this episode because I don't think she also knows how much it does weigh on us, just this topic of the our relationship.

So yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, Well that's good. Let us know, keep us posted and let us know how it goes. I will, all right, you guys, take care. I have a great day, A good afternoon.

Bye bye, Alex says dear Chelsea. I'm in an emotionally distant marriage and questioning my sexuality. I'm a thirty eight year old woman married to a man for nine years, together for eleven. We have a five year old son together. Over the course of the pandemic, I was at home with our son and my husband worked a lot of overtime. He's a first responder and felt responsibility to help. We'd both stopped focusing on our relationships since our son was born,

Yeah, yeah, what do you think I think she needs to bring that bitch in the bedroom. I think if she popped up puss in the bedroom, they marriage may spice.

It up a little bit.

She wants him to thrutle up. That might not be a bad idea.

Actually, I think that then it'll bring It'll add some spice. He'll probably be more engaged. But she has to be honest with her feelings, Like she's like, oh, I don't want to tell him, but she has to be honest and disclosed that she has an attraction to women, and then he may be like, Okay, bring that bitchit.

Yeah. Yeah. Or if she was going to say, explore her feelings for a woman without her husband, and that's cheating, Okay, so she can't do that.

No, that's cheating.

That's so do you think she should give her a husband the heads up that she's having a feelings for women.

Yeah, she has to be honest about that, m M.

Because I mean, if that's where she wants to go, then he has the right to know that. Yeah, he has the right to know that, regardless if they stay together and not. You know, he has the right to before she steps. She can't just search to be like I think, I like, bit, just let me go chat it. So she that's cheating, that's dishonest. So she needs to be honest with her husband, especially if that's her life partner then she chose and they have a kid together.

M h yeah, I would say that the first. The first what's going to happen is you're going to tell your husband that you did that, that you're feeling this way about women. He's going to say, let's bring someone into the bedroom. You're going to do that. You're gonna like that, and that'll happen for a few times or you know, maybe months or whatever, and you'll enjoy that, and then you're gonna want to just be with women and not be with your husband.

Ya think you'll be cowes.

That's what fucking happens. I mean, I think it's very common for women who have been married for a long time to start thinking about being not heterosexual.

You think so.

I think it's hats trending. A lot of women are turning towards the pussy.

A lot, I mean, and with good reason.

Yeah, I mean, men are pretty you know, they can be pretty disappointing and they're not all disappointing. I'm not saying that because there are a lot of men. I went out on date with a guy last night that was adorable and sweet and just you know, nice and totally fuckable, and he was a nice guy. But I'm I wouldn't want to spend that amount of time with anybody.

If you want to be mostly attached to a woman, she needs to know it ain't that much better over here.

Really, Oh come on, Like I love like I'm.

In love with her, but also like if she's because the first woman she's going to be with, she's going to be in love with them, and she's going to get her heart broken, she's going to feel like that, Like she just needs to prepare herself. Like everybody thinks the grass is always greener on the other side. That's all I'm saying, is just not always true.

Well, but you're not are you not emotionally attached? You're emotionally attached?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just saying, well, like if she's been with this man for ten years and she's like, oh, he's not giving me what I want, She's gonna be with a bitch the first couple. She's gonna have to eat a few pussies before she found one it fits, so she's good.

They're not gonna be emotionally attached to her.

Either, so she may think that it's just gonna be so great and they're gonna be emostly attached and they're just gonna instantly connect. And it's not like that she has to find her person. It's not necessarily wrapped up in.

Whether it's a matter or Yes, I agree with that. I agree with that, like, yeah, maybe it is a man or a woman because it's you're just not fulfilled in the relationship you're but either way everything you should get some pussies.

Yeah, yeah, tell your man and then bring her home.

This episode's gonna be called pussy pounding.

I will say she didn't want to call in, but I spoke to her aunt. She's very sweet and has big softball energy.

Oh really, yeah, I think. Listen, I have a lot of friends that I think are gay that are in heterosexual relationships.

Oh really, yeah, not a lot, but I'm certain I will.

I will, Yeah, I will, but not on the podcast, because I'm sure they all are listening.

My peters to them.

So you think if she brings a woman in, they would be a feminine woman.

You know, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I just know like my gatar for sure went off when I got on the phone with her.

You know, Okay, she may bring you a girl.

I mean it now, I know there's a whole location.

Thank you, Castine and Brad is exactly what the doctor orders.

That's true. My husband is also the engineer on this podcast.

But sorry, no, it's okay.

He knows I'm queer. It's fine. But yeah, so I think Alex right, and we've have had a conversation with your husband and like, let us know how it goes, or maybe a little further on down the line when you know you have a girlfriend, et cetera.

Yeah, yeah, make some changes though. You got to like actively pursue what you're looking for to see if that's what you really want. And I bet your husband will be open to it, is that you do. I would probably just I don't know. I don't know. I wouldn't be in this position because I probably wouldn't get married to anyone. You know, so I wouldn't, but I wouldn't. I don't.

Do you think you would wait ten years, she said they would again eleven.

Right, yes, yeah, married for nine Keep in mind, you have a kid.

Do you think you would wait eleven years to stay in No?

No, no, I wouldn't even if you had the kid. No, no, not as me as me.

Well, no, no as Alex.

Well, I don't know what Alex is like. I mean, I don't know. I don't think so. I don't think there's any reason to be unhappy. There's too much going on in the world that makes people unhappy. There's too many upsetting things. You have to take responsibility for your personal life and make sure that you are serving yourself up with the things that make you happy. And you have to make an intention to actively be happy in the world we're living in, and that is not adding

Yeah, I agree with Toilphy.

All right, Well, we have our last caller and she.

Just how do you think you're doing so far? Yeah, y'ah, I don't really know. Okay, I would give you an a yeah, yeah, I mean you're listening. Could be a little sharper, but I think the advice is good. Yeah, I missed a couple of things.

There.

But that's okay, that's sorry. It's your first time. It's okay, it's your first time on the slide.

I'll have you know by the way, ya y'all. First, I dis my first wake up.

Okay, Yeah, y'all wakes up twice every morning. Tell them your schedule when you wake up.

My first wake up is between nine and eleven, and my second wake up is between one and two. So I came on my first wake up. Actually I came prior to my first wake up. So that's why I'm not as sharp.

Okay.

So I'm drinking water. I don't even have coffee.

Okay, So why why do you when you wake up the first time? Then what happens? You go back to bed?

Yeah, I go back to sleep. So you wake up for what? How long I wake up? It depends. I wake up, I do my morning stuff.

I wake up, I piss, get Sam some water, check on her, and then I laid back down, go to bed. Well, I'll scoll through my phone for a little bit it.

Okay, So you're not really going out or doing anything you're first week.

No, I'm still in I'm still on the first floor. I'm still on the on the third floor. I'm not leaving the third fel Okay, So then you go back to sleep and you wake up the second time, and that's that's what my day starts. That's my day'st.

I've never met anybody who wakes up twice. You know what I sometimes do if I'm hungover or if I've had a big night, I like to wake up, heat up something that's yummy, or get it egg McMuffin from McDonald's like something like that. Ideally, although I'm not going to leave the house, take a half a xanax and go back to sleep on a full stomach. That's the happiest.

The xanax doesn't make you wake up.

No, the xanax as sleep as for me, it's like a sleeping pill. Okay, okay, it's not an upper Oh it's not. I've never had it.

I don't know.

It's for anxiety. But if you don't have anxiety, it's okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you probably shouldn't take it or you'd be like falling asleep at the club. Like.

Yeah, we don't want to promote xanax or any sort of benzodiazepines on these shows. They're addictive and are known to cause you know whatever, dementia. But I'm doing enough things to combat the demention from the xanax I'm taking. I'm doing enough things to offset that.

That's smart.

So whatever you deplete your body from, you got to add it back in. And I know you do.

I know you know the right formula. Told you a pusher. I know the right formula.

Well, Nicole says. I recently embarked on a nearly four month cross country road trip earlier this year to explore some new places to live. I own a remote business, so I was able to work while traveling. Not only did I discover two wonderful options for relocating, but I also met my current partner while traveling, and I'm now in a committed long distance relationship with him.

Oh look at you.

It's going really well. But long distance is hard. I did end up moving a few weeks ago to a city that's a five hour flight from him. My question for you is, how do I know I made the right choice. The city I moved to has a remote worker incentive program with professional mentorship programs for entrepreneurs and a nice chunk of change they pay me to live here. But it's in a red state and doesn't tick some of my boxes, and the other city has all the

Nicole mm oh hei Nikol, How are you hi?

Hi?

Why can't your husband come to you? I mean, you're sorry, you're soon to be husband. You're a boyfriend. Why can't he come to you?

Well, we've been dating for six months and we have talked about it. He has offered. He's a journalist, so he can pretty much work from any newspaper. It's just a matter of actually making the move.

So right now, it's a five hour drive to visit him.

No, he lives in Oregon and I live in Oklahoma.

Oh, so that's a long distance relationship and you.

Just recently moved to Oklahoma, right, Yeah, Okay, so if you just moved, then he needs to make the next move.

Yea.

Yah's very tit for tat. It's a scoreboard with her. It's like, bitch, you did this, and now I do this.

She's already moved to be close a little closer, so why can't they compromise?

And he moved closer to her.

Listen, it's not fun Oklahoma City. But I would say, like, the good thing about living in a red state is that you can have the ability to, like I don't know, I always feel like you can change people's minds when you're living in that kind of culture, and like it's an opportunity for you to like demonstrate your goodwill and like your political beliefs and your value system, and it's kind of like a nice way to infect all those other red people, you know what I mean, with kindness

Yeah.

Yeah, that's like, that's like not fair.

I'm just saying I was just trying to give a balance. Since she just moved, do you.

Feel comfortable giving yourself six months or a year?

Yeah, I mean I moved in September, and I told myself I'd give myself until March to like evaluate.

Mm hmm.

So far, like it's just started to benefit my career to be here. Like I moved to Tulsa because they have a remote worker incentive program.

Tulsa is cool.

Yeah, it is cool. I like it so far.

I have culture there.

Yeah, I'm into it. It's it's different than New Jersey, like you were saying.

Yeah, yeah, it's different than New Jersey and it's good to get a taste of that. So yeah, so you're gonna give yourself till March.

Yeah, and then you know, reevaluate. I know that he is not so sad a with where he lives.

So well, maybe you guys can find a new city together. If you guys are still together in six months, maybe you guys can like figure out, like, let's start a life together. Let's pick a city where that's gonna suit both of your needs. And that's an adventure too. I would just look at Oklahoma City as not your permanent

Yeah, I know, I really don't feel too much time pressure. This is the best relationship I've been in, so it's definitely I have I feel confident that it can go the distance.

But it's just you seem really in love. You seem really happy. I know, Bless, that's so cute.

Just reflecting yesterday about the year and I was like, oh.

Long, oh that's so sweet. On a road trip, no Less, How did you guys meet up on a road trip?

Well, I was using the dating apps just to like meet people because I was looking for a new city to live in, so I wanted to like get the local perspective. And then he I actually had a really bad experience in the town he was in, But I was like trying to see if I wanted to live there, but like got criminal minds, Like somebody was like following

Oh wow, how often do you guys get to see each other?

Average?

Like every six eight weeks. Oh, I'm actually gonna go see him on Thursday. His mom invited me, so I'm going to meet the whole family.

Oh good, oh good. Well, just enjoy your time right now. Enjoy Oklahoma, enjoy Tulsa, and enjoy your long distance relationship. And then in March you can reevaluate and if it needs a couple more months, then that's fine too. Just look at this as a temporary situation to get yourself more like financially situated.

Thank you for the advice. I just have a hard time like day to day I think accepting. Do you have any advice for like just how to really like radically accept that I have made this choice and like not like just waiting for the end.

Yes, you have to be like active in your First of all, you need to be active in your community in some way. You have to join some clubs whatever you're interested in. What are you interested in, like sports or chess or like a book club or anything like what do you like to do in your free time?

I would love to join a book club. I've been asking everybody for like crafting circle.

Yeah, well those things you can easily find on Facebook and online, just you know, I mean, just google this stuff in your area and start hanging out with people and being an active participant. And you should just write down a mantra for yourself, like I'm going to be an active participant in my life and I'm going to be an active participant in my community, so that you're just like enjoying yourself. The worst thing about not being present in the present moment and thinking about the future

Wow, you should write a book.

Don't you believe in manifestation? I know you do, right, yeah, I do. It's true, Like you have to you and what's your head is in the game. Then you are in the game.

Yeah, I'm going to take that advice. Yeah, absolutely, yah oh real that was really good.

Thanks yahya, thanks. Do you feel what I'm saying? Do you feel? I think you should write those two sentences down and put them on a mirror in your bathroom so you read that every morning, and that's how you start every single day. And then who know, you know what, you might even fucking fall in love with Tulsa. You might even be like, I'm never going to leave here. This is I came here, I didn't want to stay here for more than six months, and then you're there for twenty years.

Yeah, that's very possible. People have done it.

So open your mind, don't keep it so narrow, open it, broaden it, and expand it. Yeah.

And I think also, like once a week, I think you should try to do something new in the city, just to be like, I only have six months here, so like I'm going to, you know, every single week, I'm going to do something new.

And even if you and find a book club or start a book club, you can start one, you know, and to start it on Facebook or on Instagram or any of these things. You can find people in your area. So easily on all of these apps. It's easy to connect with strangers if you haven't made any real friends yet, and start cultivating relationships, and definitely do things outside of

And tell your boyfriend to move to you.

I'm Adela. I'madela Chelsea Handler and everybody said you need to come to them.

Okay, well, good luck in Tulsa and enjoy those museums I love I was just there a few well not Jess, but I loved it. I had a great time at Tulsa.

Yes, thank you, I appreciate that.

Okay, awesome later us post it buck bye.

That was really good advice.

You know what ya ya? I'm glad you're finally showing me some respect. Do you know what yaya? Do you know what ya y'all calls me in public? No, yeah, I'm gonna tell everybody you have apologized and that was very sweet and on next I know you did, I know I could tell that you meant it, but she was calling me Massa on our fucking trip and yelling at me Massa massive massive this okay Massa, Okay, bitch, am my mass up. You want us to be better, I can go to the beach at noon, okay, Massa.

Well sometimes I mean you do crack a whip chills, Okay.

Anyway, anyway, thank you, yah Yah for what a delight you gave such great advice. I'm sure everyone's gonna have loved listening to you too. Ya Ya thanks, Yeah you really you really pricked up our studio this morning and do what I can. Yeah, now what you can? Oh and also if you want to really laugh and watch ya Ya harassed people online, please follow her on Instagram at Vanity dot Vixen. Is that what it is Vanity Dot Vixen and.

Check out Sam's new special on HBO.

Oh yeah, what's it called again?

Uh?

The first one is called three in the Morning that's on Netflix, and the one that just dropped is called Salute Me or Shoot Me, Salute Me or shoot Yes? Thank you yayah no, thank you for having me. I really appreciate it.

This was cool.

See you next week, everybody. Okay, So show dates coming out Canadian show dates. These are for Canadians, guys. I'm coming January nineteenth, Edmonton January twentieth, Saskatoon February ninth. I'll be in Winnipeg, Victoria, BC is March eighth. Then i will be in Salt Lake City April fourth, and Denver April fifth. I'm coming to Arizona at Maricopa April twelfth. April thirteen, I'll be in Brooks, California at the Cash Creek Casino, and then I'm going to be in Santa

If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Katherine Law and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com