Everything Everyone Says is True with Jay Shetty

then Des Moines, Iowa, and then Omaha, Nebraska. One two three punch go to Chelsea Hamla dot com for the rest of the cities that I will be touring in. And we are picking back up my Vaccinated and Horny tour after my brief ski rescipite. So we had a little dipsy doodle skiing this week. Um. First of all, good afternoon, everybody. Hi, Hi, Hi, Catherine, Hi Joe KOI does not like to ski in the trees, and a lot of people are scared of the trees. I love the trees, but I try not to force him down

the trees. But I try to go in trees where there's space so that he doesn't have to make any quick, fancy moves. And I take him in the trees a lot to practice so that he'll start to like the only way to get better it's something, is to continually do it right anyway, So we there was a huge, huge snow dump in Whistler, and now I'm speaking like skiers. There was a huge dump and we went through the woods and we were with my guide Kelly, who is an excellent skier, and Joe could not get his skis

underneath him. They just he was falling left, right, and center, and he skied pretty much into a tree. It wasn't a big tree. So I was like, honey, stay there, I'll come up because I was beneath him. I had skied down. I was down like twenty well probably first I was like, funk do I take my boots off from my skis because that's a big no no, and skiing like you never want to be in your boots because you don't know how deep the powder is going to be, and then you could sink all the way down.

So you need your skis because they're like a boat. So I was like, fun, fun. So I took them off and I started to climb up. I was like, all right, I'm strong enough. I'm a mountain woman. Now I knew how to do this. I'll go get him. And I could not, Like I did not have the stamina to step through the There was such deep powder and I was going up and so I called down. Kelly was another thirty feet beneath me, and I was like, Kelly, you gotta go get him. I can't. She's like, I'm crabbing.

I'm crabbing. I'm coming. So and he the whole time, I'm like, stop moving because he's trying to navigate him. Say, he's trying to get himself out of the tree, and I'm like, it's it could be a tree. Well in that situation, just stay where you are, do not move, wait for someone to come. Is that like kind of quicksand Well, if you move around too much, you could get stuck in it. So if you're not stuck in it, just wait. You know, trying to get yourself out of

it will help you get stuck in it. You know, that's a possibility. So she had to go up and get him. It took this stuck like forty minutes, and when he came down, he was like, where were you? He said, where were you? You know, like that was bad and where were you? And I was like, fuck, I was right down here. Joe was supervising the entire the entire thing, and he goes, you really need to think about that. I needed you and you weren't there.

And I was like, honestly, I thought I would be putting both of us in danger if I came up when I knew we had someone. I go, if we didn't have Kelly, I would have come up and done it absolutely, but we had Kelly. And then I thought, maybe I'm pushing him too far, you know, like I don't want him to get hurt or injured, and it's funny to make him ski hard, and he's by the way, he's fucking great. He's going to be a better steer

than I am by the end of this season. Anyway, just a little story to tell where I really felt like a piece of ship because I was like, he was right. I should have been right by his side, especially when I'm making him do something. Yeah. Well, and it's nice to know that you guys don't just only have a perfect wonderful relationship, like you have to work through some stuff too. Know. He calls me out on ship.

You know what's so funny when we went to Canada, because I was so I was like, do not get this omicron Before we left in December, I was like, you cannot get omicron. I have to get into Canada. Ski is my happy place. I need this time this year in order. If I don't get into Canada because I test positive for a macron, like, I'm gonna be pissed at you. So he's like, and I'm on him. He's on tour, he travels with the crew, so I

always like, be careful, be careful. We get to We get to Canada and my friend and she was having us over. She goes, oh my god, I tested positive for covid omicron, like seven days ago. She said. Public health has cleared me. They said it's only seven days. It's been seven days since my first symptom. It's seven days now. I shouldn't have it, but I will be testing positive for it. They said I could test positive for it for eight days. I was like, oh funk,

I don't care. We're here, let's go, We'll go over to Andrews. I bring my my own COVID test because I have them, and we give her a test and Joe looks at because Jesse, she's positive. And I go and go on the end of your garage, like just stand in the back of your garage, like wear your mask and stand in the back of roach. As the night went on, like different kids were coming down, She's like,

you go upstairs. He's shedding. He's positive, he's negative. I was, oh my god, we're like in the hub of the omicron virus. So when we left there, like it took like a week, but Joe goes, I need to talk to you. He goes, You're a fucking hypocrite. He goes, you made such a big deal about me and being safe on the road and on tour, not getting omicron, not going to clubs, not going anywhere without my mask,

he goes. And then we arrived in Canada and the first thing you do is dropped me in a den of COVID And I was like, he goes, you have one set of rules for yourself, and then you have one set of rules for everyone else. And I was like, you're fucking right. I just looked at it. I go, everything you're saying is right. I'm a hypocrite and you're right. And then he kept going, goes, but you go, Joe,

You're right. I am You're everything is right. I'm wrong and I don't have any excuse and I have no defense. Let's press forward. Well, Chelsea, this week I got a crazy, crazy email and I really just had to read it to you. So the subject line is I knew I is alive when I heard Chelsea's voice. Dear Chelsea, I have an hour plus commute each way to work, and your podcast has been a staple on my drive. I

love your directness, your delivery, and always your humor. Your podcast brings a much needed positive lift to my day to hear about other people's lives and listening to you and your guests advice all the different perspectives I truly appreciate. I was listening to your podcast on my way to work. I had twenty minutes of my drive left when another vehicle blew their stop sign and hit my car on the front right side. I was on a highway doing fifty five miles per hour and they had come from

an intersecting highway also doing fifty. It all happens so fast, neither one of us had time to hit the brakes. I remember thinking this is happening, and then if this is how I go out, I'm going to be so piste. The air bag went off. I remember going up in the air and the feeling of being pitched up, like sitting in a rocket ready to launch. And then silence. And then when I heard your voice, Chelsea, coming from your podcast, still playing through my car speakers, I knew

I was alive and still in this world. My next thought was, fuck, yeah, I'm here, and I was so grateful to hear your voice. I sit here today not knowing how I walked away from that experience alive. I have an upcoming surgery this week and recovery ahead of me, but I live another day to say thank you to the inspiring women out there like you, and I'm grateful for the love and support from my family and friends. Keep up your great work. Take care, tempy Vermir, Oh God,

we're so happy you're alive. Tempy, Tempy, tempy Vermir. We don't usually share a last name on here, but what an excellent name, O, Tempy. Thank God, you're all right. I'm so glad that you heard my voice and that was a good thing. Oh lovely. Yeah, yeah, it is. Thanks for sharing that and writing that. I love it. I love it so yeah, I just wanted to share.

And by the way, here is the picture she's sent of her car, and she said, ps, I'm attaching a photo of the car I walked away from and the Sealfie on Sunday and made my parents and fiance take with me because I'm alive to do so. For you. Yeah, you never know everybody listening when you're going to be there in a moment where somebody really will never forget or really needs you. So it doesn't matter if you're famous or you're not famous, or you have a big

platform or you have a small one. You can always have an impact on somebody's life. And it could even be a stranger's. So don't forget that. Our guest today is a New York Times bestselling author. He wrote a book called Think Like a Monk. He is the host of the number one health and wellness podcast. It's called On Purpose. I think I've been on that, Yes I have. And he's Calms newly appointed Chief Purpose Officer on the combat. He is going to have his own meditations coming soon

or maybe already out. I don't know any minute. J Hi Ja Shetty, Hey, Chelsea, thank you for having so nice to see It's so nice to see you. It's been too long. Thank you. J J. This is Catherine, our producer. Hi. Nice to meet you. She co hosts this podcast with me. I love it. Yeah. So we saw each other probably two to three years ago, the last time we saw each other, and I came on

your podcast. That's right, that's right, which was pretty awesome because we were talking about meditation and presents and therapy and we just met at Wisdom two point Oh oh yeah, that's where we connected. Oh yeah, how would you that's a good idea. Let's start with that. How do you how would you describe that conference? So I was invited to speak at the conference, and you were speaking at

the conference too, and Wisdom to point oh. I would define as a conference for introducing people to meditation spiritual practices, and it's like a community of people who are looking or seeking alternative practices for their well being. I think that's my best shot, but maybe yeah, well, I always just describe it as like a bunch of different like you know, neuroscientists, neurophysicists, like you know, just an esteemed group of doctors getting together to talk about what drugs

are going to become legalized in the near future. Also because it's a lot about LSD, psilocybin and micro dosing and kind of guided meditation journeys through those things or without those things. So it's so it's a panoply of different kind of areas, but it's all under the same umbrella of betterment, right than well being. And I think the last time I spoke to you, I think you told me that you and your wife have like a three is it a three hour or two hours to

our meditation practice each morning? Okay, So can you talk me through that a little bit? Absolutely, So it changes now because of travel and late nights, and so it's not always partying a lot these days. That's definitely no bodies, just just travel and work and whatever else it may be. So it's not always in the morning. But the practice consists of three types of meditation that I was trained in as a monk. So you have breathwork, visualization, and mantra.

So I start with breathwork. I could spend anywhere from ten to fifteen minutes practicing everything from analom, vilom two coupla batti, breathing to make sure that I'm feeling connected and present with my body. Ill then move into visualization. This is something I pick and choose. I'll do that if i have something that I'm going to do that I'm nervous about. So I'll give you an example of

where I used it recently. I last year decided with my wife that we would do lots of extreme challenges together. So we did everything from cold plunges to zip lines to skydiving our first time skydiving together. So the morning before I went skydiving, I visualized myself skydiving and I felt sick in the first seven visualizations, but in the eighth it was gone, and by the time I was actually jumping out a plane, I didn't feel sick at all.

So I use visualization as a way of going through pet entual pain that I'm about to face so that I can experience it beforehand, or nerves, and then finally mantra. Chanting mantras has been a big part of my practice. There are some beautiful mantras out there and and there are a few that I focus in on, so it will be broken up into like ten fifteen minutes on breathwork, five minutes on visualization, and about an hour and a half on mantra. And I know that you are just

that you just teamed up with Calm too. You're gonna have your own meditation series. I'm so excited about that. We just announced and now we have something called the Daily J on Calm. You can meditate with me every single day for seven seven minutes. I was gonna say seven days, seven minutes every day. And what it allows you to do is combine story, breathwork, visualization, all these meditations I'm speaking about and allows you to build your own practice for seven minutes, so you can get it

right now. Great, awesome, that's great because everybody on this podcast, or are all of our listeners, are always attempting to learn how to meditate. So tell me somebody, for somebody who's been meditating for how many years now, seventeen years, seventeen years, how has your meda you should how is

your practice changed during that time? I think my practice has changed because in the beginning it was very much about presence and stillness, and now it's also turned into uh connection for me, like spiritual connection, and that's where it started, but it's definitely evolved in that direction. So for me, meditation is connected to me feeling aligned with my purpose. It's a place that I remove what I

call weeds from my heart. So I'll look at negative intentions or energies, and I'll look at meditation as an opportunity to actually take stock and take order of where I am and use it to purify and cleanse myself. So I look at like, where did I feel an emotion this week that I wasn't happy with how I behaved? Or how did I speak to someone this week that actually it doesn't make me feel good about myself? How

can I purify myself of that? So, to me, the purification aspect of meditation has become a big priority for me now, more than just the presence and stillness that's in my personal practice. Yeah, I think it's interest when you talk about for anyone really, because like you have certain habits or maybe bad behaviors, you know, quick responses or reactions to things, and then over time, as you practice not reacting so much to those things when you do have a blip and you do react in a

way that you're not happy with. It's very much on the surface right away, like there's no denial or defensiveness, which is what got you out of it, you know. Years ago for me, i'd be like, you know, I tell three people and they all tell me I was right. I'm like, all right, that's good. I did the right thing. Now it's like, I don't tell anybody. I know I was wrong and it's right there, and I'm like, that wasn't the nicest way to response to that. And if

those things happen close together, I get nervous. I'm like, oh, you're you know, regressing. You better make sure because I look at meditation now, I'm nowhere, you know, near what you're doing. I never trained or studied with monks or anything like that, obviously, because they would have kicked me out. But did they did they ask you to leave? It thought you were fully It's not you, it's me kind

of situation. It's like a break up. Like it's like I said to them that I think I should leave because I think I got this self awareness that I don't think I'm a monk anymore. And they said to me, Yeah, we think that's a good idea. They said to me, We feel you should leave so that you can share what you've learned. And that's that's how they said it. Yeah,

well that's what you're doing trying definitely. Yeah, So I think with regard to making little blips or making little mistakes, it's like you you kind of learned to navigate away from the bigger ones and learned to be more sensible in your reactivity and you know what kind of you know, the way you're communicating with people. But when it does come up, it's definitely an enlightened or more enlightened person is definitely much more hip to go Okay, oh that's

not a good thing for me to be doing or saying. Absolutely, and so okay, so what have you been up to professionally in the last couple of years, because you you're everywhere, you know, you're like Deepak Chopper Jr. Sorry if that's sorry, that's not one of your love If you don't look up to deep No, I have so much respect for Deeper. I have so much respect for so many people who I think have come before me in this world of trying to serve, trying to share, and so I have.

I have only good things to say about deep Back. For sure. He's he's wonderful in person. Yeah, and I love i Eckartole is my like. I love to listen to that because he seems so far removed from well,

real life, you know what I mean. It's almost like, you know, when I think about meditation, I think of like, oh, this is my time to like be respectful to the universe and say I'm here to be still in quiet to make myself good for today, you know, to give myself the calm that I need for today and the focus and the good intentions and all of the things that come with it. And I find his writing and his words to be they're very deep, and a lot

of people are not into that, like how deep it goes? Yeah, I feel like, you know, for me, when I started my work, my genuine goal was to help build a pathway for people to go as deep as they wanted to go. I was very fortunate to study the bug with Geta and text that are five thousand years old, and I love talking about them and I love sharing them. And in my book Think like a Monk, I'll take out a verse and put it into a chapter, and I've seen people really be able to gravitate and appreciate it.

But I also find that some people just want to feel better right now. And so with my work over the last two years, and of course we can dive into different parts, but my ultimate goal is to help people bridge that gap from entertainment to education to enlightenment.

And I think that's the journey that I'd love for entertainment to reach as many people in the world as possible, education to reach those who want to take that step into their own self development and personal growth, and then enlightenment as a journey that people can take if they want that too. And so I think building that bridge is so important because if I look back at how I was as a teen, if you told me about any of that journey, I'd be like, give me the entertainment.

I don't want any of the other stuff. And so I feel like I'm trying to go back and connect with my younger self or anyone who reminds me of my younger self where I grew up, saying well, why do I need any of this stuff? And and as time has gone on, I've seen the value of it and when you're doing what you're doing because you're combining two worlds, right, You're dividing deep spirituality with also awareness

and you you're on a mission for that. So how do you kind of when your ego is something that is so not necessary and spirituality but it's kind of useful in this business, how do you reconcile the two. So it's really interesting. I spoke to my monk teacher when I decided I was going to move to l A, and the first thing he said to me is, you're moving to the capital of illusion, and you should be very, very cautious. And here I was going, well, why are

you not excited for me? Like, I've got so many opportunities coming my way and I'm so looking forward to this. And he said, you should just be cautious of Maya. Maya is illusion, another word for illusion in Sanskrit. Said you should, you should be careful, you should be cautious. And what I've realized is I'm really lucky to have amazing mentors. He's seventy years old, he's been a monk for forty years. I'm so fortunate to have these incredible role models in my life who I've seen display and

embody humility and constantly remind me of its value. So as a monk, you're trained that the most admirable quality

in anyone is their humility, their groundedness. And so we were like, you know, that was like repeated again and again and again to us every day, and then when you get to see it in someone, I think one of the challenges with ego and humility is that I would like everyone who's listening right now to genuinely think about how many people they've met in their life that they believe genuinely display humility, not just groundedness, so not

just being not up themselves, are not arrogant, genuine humility. And I think it's hard. I think it's actually very difficult. And I would say I've been really fortunate to have spent time with people that I think display it so deeply that they call it out in me all the time. So that's the first thing. The second thing I'd say is that I really enjoy the grapple with my ego, like I really enjoy the wrestling process of it. I think one of the things we were trained in was

to relish the battle. That if you don't relish the battle. If you don't and start enjoying the fact that you are going to come up against your ego every day, it's gonna wear you out, like it's gonna tie you out and drain you and leave you on the street. Because your ego is the toughest boxer in the world. Your your ego is Floyd Money Mayweather and your little old you, And so if you don't enjoy that fight

and the training, it's going to be really tough. So I've realized that I love putting myself in positions where my ego is actually going to rise, and then being aware and slowly coaching it out of it and guiding and then working with it, rather than being so detached from everything where you could think you've solved your ego

but actually you just haven't tested it. There's a beautiful story about Benjamin Franklin who had what I believe were called the thirteen precepts, which were thirteen things that he aspired for simplicity, authenticity, and agrety. Uh And at the end of his life he was asked what was the one that he didn't accomplish, and he said it waste one.

And they asked him what's that? And he said humility And I think humility is that constant pursuit and yeah, yeah, if that anyway, I went off on the whole time, like I love listening to you because I like what you said about ego. I like the idea of challenging yourself, having it rise up and seeing how you handle that, because that comes up for me a lot. You know, obviously in in my what I do, it's like, am I doing this for even a paycheck? Is ego? It's

related to ego? Even you know, am I what? What are the reasons I'm doing this? And to be practical because obviously I'm in this of this world and I have to you know, participate and make a living. But I I like to check myself and go, Okay, why is your reaction to this this and what is that ego based? And if it is, then remove that. That's

not the reason you're going to react. You just you Literally there's an activity that I do where I have lots of different opportunities, whether they be job opportunities or

professional opportunities. I'll write them all down and then on top of each one, I'll write down my reason if I said yes or if I said no, and whenever the answer is not love, I know that there's some work to be done, so often I'll write down the word ego like you said, Oh, I would only do that for me, ego, I'd only do that for money. That doesn't mean I don't do it. It just means I'm aware that that is why I said yes to that.

And let me be really clear on that, so that I'm not lying to myself, because the honesty is what helps me break down my ego, not the dishonesty of feeling like it doesn't exist. And so for me, I'm always trying to see can I write love next to that? Can I write love on top of that? And if I can, then that's beautiful. And if I can't, let's upgrade ego to love. Let's upgrade just money to love. Let's upgrade insecurity to love and keep working on that ladder.

I know you wrote your own book, right, think like a mark? What are some books do that you read that our go choose for you? Like? Do you have anything that you can constantly referenced? Oh? Yes? So the bug Gueta, which would be considered the timeless epic of India. The Spiritual Text of India is probably my go to book. I find that most of what we read today is centered on the Guta in the betterment world and community.

You know, there's so many chapters of modern day books that I could find as a core text inside the GUETA. So that's a go to guide for me for sure. You know, we just lost Tiko Han, an incredible monk teacher who passed away recently. Like his his work was just absolutely phenomenal. You pick up any book by tickno Hahn, it will it will really speak to your you know, speak to yourself. And then on the other end, I love behavioral economics. I grew up reading behavioral economics books

and so like the sound of behavioral economics. Yeah I like that. Yeah, So like I grew up reading Malcolm Gladwell and Dana Riley and all these incredible authors who have just studied human behavior. And so my life has always been how can I find the connection between behavioral economics and spiritual teachings, And so I'm always looking at the intersection of where do they meet? And they meet more often than we think, and we're it's like, okay, well,

give us some examples of how they meet. So there's a there's a brilliant book called Predictably Irrational, and it talks about how humans make predictably irrational decisions. One of the best examples in there that Dana Riley provides is that if you want to get a date tonight, go with someone who looks like you, but it's a slightly

less good looking version of you. And he goes, that's going to naturally improve your likability and people are more likely to choose you because we don't necessarily choose between A or B. We're choosing between a plus and a minus. So humans make predictably irrational decisions where we elevate someone in our eyes if something's close to it that feels less. Now, that's fine when it comes to dating, but he says that this is how we're completely manipulated by companies who

give us three options. They sell something for forty dollars, seventy dollars, and a hundred dollars. But the hundred dollars, it's just got a bit more than that seventy dollars. So you let go of the forty dollars and you go and spend that hundred. Now, when you look at that as a technique. When you look back at the spiritual text, they talk about how our senses are limited, and how because our senses are limited, we often make

poor judgment if we only see through our senses. And therefore there's this beautiful term in Sanskrit called shastra chuck shu, which means to see through the eyes of spiritual text, to see through the eyes of beyond our material vision. So there's something like that. Another one that I love is the idea around purpose. So a long long time ago, like we would have just said, oh yeah, purpose is a fluffy term and maybe it's not real and maybe it doesn't exist. All studies show today that when you

live with purpose, you're happier. There's an amazing study by Yale and Amy Raznewski, and they did a study in what they believed was the most difficult job in the world. Now, the most difficult job in the world is not what any of us do. It happened to be hospital cleaners, and I think we can all agree with that. And that was before the pandemic, so I can only imagine

how tough it is today. So they went an interviewed hospital cleaners and they asked them what do they do, and they were like, we clean beds, we clean toilets, we clean dishes, were clean up after people die. Like it's a really tough job. And so they then went and interviewed some other hospital cleaners. These cleaners describe themselves as healers, and they were like, why are you healers? They worked in the same hospitals, they did the same job.

They said, because we see cleaning an environment as completely directly related to a patient's healing journey. We think that if we have a clean room, people's families will have deeper time there, they will spend more time there that were able to feel love and energy and positivity. They were happier in the same jobs, in the same most difficult job in the world. This is what text have been telling us always. Wayne Dyer said it when we change the way we look at things, the things we

look at change. That is a spiritual truth, but we can see it through behavioral science. Now, Oh wow, I love that. Yeah, that's so true. I mean, once you change your lens, you know, you it's like being attracted to someone, It's like falling in love with your friend, which was what happened to be all of a sudden. You know, he was my friend for years and years and years, and I never looked at him that way.

And then after therapy and after getting like I kind of knew way to look at everything, and I was like, oh, this is my guy. He's been standing here this entire time. But I just my lenses were dirty. That's amazing. That's filled with Canada. Yeah, it's a spiritual lens. That's a great example. I want to ask you a personal question about your relationship because you've been married for how many years now? We've been together for eight and married for

six this year? Okay, and so does I would one would assume that all of this living with monks and all of your spiritual practice up until now would prepare someone pretty well to be in a married relationship. Is that? Is that a fact? I would say that it does if you apply it at the essence and the core. But if you apply immaturely then knows. But yeah, I

would agree with you. I would agree with you so that if any when things come up and or if there's any sort of discourse or that's unpleasant like that, you're able to you and your wife because she practices as well, that you're able to handle it with a little bit more plum than a regular couple. Yes. So I when I wrote Think like a Monk, I dedicated to my wife, and the dedication reads to my wife, who's more monk than I'll ever be. And I really meant that. I wrote that because I wanted people to

realize that she never trained as a monk. She does meditate every day, and she does have the similar practices to me, but you know, she just naturally has some of that in her life. But at the same time, she will be the first to tell you she gets so angry when I'm really calm, when we've just had a fight or she's saying something and I'm like, really still, and I'm like, this is how we're gonna deal with them. This we're gonna and she's like, she gets even more angry.

So yeah, No, I I think that myself awareness that I gained during my time as a monk allowed me not only in the way you said it, you said this beautifully just now that since I left being among my wife's the only person that I've've been with and and you know, dated and now of course married to, and I felt that my self awareness of my values, what I believed in grew so clear that I could clearly see that we were going to work on this. Now that doesn't mean it's been easy ever since, but

I definitely feel that I have the tools. One of my favorite tools is called the austerity of speech. So this is a an old Vedic concept of the austerity of speech. So it says that you should speak words that are truthful, words that are beneficial, words that don't agitate the minds of others, and words that are aligned with spiritual knowledge. So that the fourth one is hard, but the first three truthful, beneficial to all, and don't agitate the minds of others. Now that third one is

really tough for me, especially you're annoying me. It's I'm feeling very irritated, exactly, But that's exactly, and it's how do you learn to shape your language? So those are called the four asterities of speech. I call them the four gates before I say something. How can you walk

through those gates? How can you actually take a journey and fill to what you're about to say, Not because you're trying to be politically correct or trying to do a technique you're doing it because you actually believe that what comes out of your mouth is now going to have more power. When you say to someone you're just annoying me, in one sense, you distance yourself from that person, whereas when you actually have a healthy conversation, you actually

can become closer through that conflict. And so I think some of them. I mean, there's plenty more examples I can give, but those are the first two that came to mind. Well, you're gonna have an opportunity to do that because we're taking callers. Sometimes we get we get submissions that could be email or they could be on the phone on a zoom. You'll get to see them

and they're calling just asking for typical life advice. Amazing, and it's pretty cute idea, especially from someone like me, you know, who has no business giving advice, is totally willing to do it. Yeah, well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back with some colors and emails. And we are back from break with j CHTT today. Hi, we're ready to Oh yeah already. Well it's about to get maybe a little bit harder because there's some serious

questions today. So our first email comes from Caitlin. She says, Dear Chelsea, I've been in a funk since becoming a mom. It doesn't seem to be postpartum depression or anxiety. I didn't really know what to call it until recently when I saw one of the Britney Spears documentaries. And although our situations are quite different, I can relate to the feelings of being confined, trapped, surveiled and controlled. That's totally it.

I've lost my autonomy now that I'm a mother. I can't walk freely from one room to the other without announcing my departure and announcing my return. I can't go to the bathroom without someone watching me. I essentially need someone else's permission to take a shower because I can't just leave my kid unattended. I really like being a mom, but this is the hardest part for me to adjust to.

Since the situation itself is not going to change, I think the only solution is to change my own mindset and reframe the way I think about my new reality. Do you have any advice for me, Caitlin, Yeah, I think so. Well, what what do you think of that you go? First? First of all, I want to say Caitlin, thank you for being so honest. I mean, that's really difficult. I know, you know, I know a lot of moms.

I work with a lot of moms. I'm you know, obviously I'm not a mother and and can't be one, and so I can't say I understand how you feel. But thank you for being so honest. I think it's really hard to say what you just said, so I really want to acknowledge that. The second thing I'd say is that you already have the answer that you want. The way you ended that question was the answer. Now the idea is how do you reframe? What do you reframe?

So I'm just simply going to give you some suggestions according to what you think is the right way of doing it. Uh. The first thing I'd say around reframing your mindset is part of having children, as far as I know, is the ability to extend our love, compassion, and opportunity to practice. And kids are teaching us something difficult. Now.

I know this because I've been thinking about having kids for a long time, but I've been putting it off for pretty much a similar reason to what you've just said, because I recognized that I am going to lose my independence and I am going to lose my lose my autonomy. Now, I know it's very different for a woman. There's even more pressure. When I look at the studies, they suggest that women are taking on even more of those responsibilities.

So when I think about that, I go, how can you use this as a experiment in increasing your love, increasing your compassion, increasing your joy and being shared with someone else. We've been so used to experiencing our autonomy and getting joy from that, which is a beautiful model, which, by the way, I completely understand. But how do we now switch our joy from being from autonomy to being

this relationship with this individual? And I know that when you allow yourself to go there, as you said, you already enjoy being a mom. And I don't think autonomy is just going to come back around, as you said, so to me, using it as an experiment in increasing your compassion, increasing your empathy, increasing your love is a beautiful way. And the second thing I'd say is definitely still find time, even if it is trading places to

create that autonomous time. I think it may be less now, but if you can find that one evening a week, or maybe it's one day a month where you can carve out that time to be completely free and allow yourself to really explore that. Yeah, that's all great. Yeah I would say that too. I mean, it sounded like

you already have the answer there yourself. You're just going through a little about of growing pains acclimating to the life of being a new mom, which so I mean, I just had this conversation with a girlfriend yesterday and Colleen, who was on our podcast recently, was talking about when you have a child, you become a slave to that child for the next five to six years. But what

Jay said is absolutely right. You just you have to own that, you know what I mean, instead of letting it happen to you, you know, make it happen, make it what you want it to be, make it the relationship you want it to be, and carve out that time for you whatever you can afford to carve out, if you can afford to have a babysitter one night a month, even if you could go on play dates with other people who have the same age children, so

it's taking some of the pressure off. So there's a group of people around because that way you can also commiserate with other people and that's a good feeling to a remind yourself that you're not the only one and that you're not alone. But to rise above this moment and to move forward after this moment is a huge opportunity for growth and a huge opportunity for you to

become the mother that you always wanted to be. So you have a vision and a visual in your head of the kind of parent you want to be, Like, this is the time to start getting ready to become that parent, you know, and saying goodbye to your old self because that's that's not who you are anymore. Now you are a mother. You're still that person, but now you have a child. So that's not like the end of the world. It's the beginning of something really, really beautiful.

And it's just about embracing the moment that you're in and being there and being present in every moment with your child that that you're that you can allow yourself to be present, because that's going to give you so much in return, instead of focusing on all the time you've lost for yourself, focusing on all of the things that you have now with another person. And what you said is you're already there, So you just needed us to nail that nail that hammer and or nail, I

guess nail that nail. And I'm really not good with

tools or any started sort of home improvements. And another thing you can do if your family can't afford to have a babysitter every weekend or as often as you might need to sort of have some alone time, you know, what you can do is find someone else, maybe they have a child a similar age to yours, but find somebody else who maybe it's some other mom or another couple who also needs a date night, also needs some time away, and just say like, hey, let's make a plan.

Maybe it's every week, maybe it's once a month or whatever, but make a plan to say, hey, you guys need date night, and so do we You take the kids on Friday, we'll go out. We'll take the kids on Saturdays and we'll go out, or just I'll go out. And I think it goes back to what Jay said to about like the hardest job in the world or one of the hardest jobs in the world as motherhood, and having that reframing. Yeah, it's like they don't give

you a psychological like warning. They just yeah, well know, a warning, like, this is how you're gonna feel, and you're gonna have to adjust because I've always said it's like nine months is not long enough to prepare for a baby. No time is long enough to prepare because one day you can leave your house and then the next day you can never leave your house again until you have to make sure somebody has your baby. So yes,

it's an adjustment, for sure. And some people make it seem effortless and others it's not as effortless for so yeah, and in about like third teen years, they won't want to be with you at all. Remember that, you know, there's a time limit. Yeah, It's funny how that happens, right, Like parents are always like, oh my god, this is all encompassing. It's time consuming, and then when they're teenagers are like, what the what the funk happened to my baby?

So it's like you better remember. By the time you're hip to whatever happened, it's over. You know. It's like once you realize that you're lucky to be young, and you know, like, you know when you're young and people are like, oh, well when you get older, you'll know. I'm like, I'm never getting older and don't worry about it. They're like, you're not gonna be able to do what you do or act like you act when you're older. You won't be able to drink like you did when

you were in your twenties. I was like, of course I will. I can't, you know, like and then I'm like, God, why did I believe that when it was happening. Why didn't I take advantage? You know, all of that stuff. So everything that everyone says is true. Problem solved. Let's leave it at that. Yes, Well, our next question comes from Anthony and he's on the phone with us. Dear Chelsea, I'm a twenty eight year old living in Los Angeles. I'm a bar to under in hopes of making it

in the entertainment industry. I've experienced seasonal depression for a few years now, and until recently, I was at such a high. Every day felt good, and I thought I was on the right path. I started therapy, meditation, journaling, and even your podcast was a medicine for me. Around November is when I started feeling those moods come around, and it just got worse and worse. But now we're a few weeks into the new year and I met

this standstill, and I don't know where to go. I'm sure I'm going to get back into my happy days, but then I'm concerned they'll fade once again. I guess my question is how can I get happy and stay happy? Anthony? Hi Anthony, Hey Anthony, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, guys. Hi. This is Jay and Catherine is here, who you've spoken to already. Hi? J Hi Catherine, Nice to see you again. H Hi. How are you? I'm

doing good? How about yourself? We're good? Thank you. We're just talking about the merits of parents NG and and then the downside of which is a long, lengthy list. Anyway over to you though, So did you say you're in therapy? I was last year. I stopped right around October. Okay. And do you take medication of any sort? I don't. I've never I've never done that. It's something that I'm not opposed to either. I just have not gotten the

chance to get in that conversation with anyone. Okay, So what you're feeling like you feel like you can go like what what duration of time is it typically? Do you seem to have like a mood? Last four is it weeks or months or seasons, like the good moods or the bad mood either. So I guess recently my good moods were for like like three months, but then it's just it's been now been three months where they're more down moods, So they're really all over the place. Okay,

and what and so you do meditate? Are you physically active and all of the things that help you kind of stay up. Yeah, when I was up, what I noticed the most was that I was meditating, I was hikinging, I was listening to podcasts such as Yours, I was going to therapy, And slowly I stopped doing those as much. It wasn't like a daily thing anymore. And so yeah,

I was doing that, but they slowly stopped. Yeah, I would say right off the bat, you're allowing the way you feel to dictate your mood rather than allowing your

activities and your practices to dictate your mood. You know, like when we're feeling down or we're feeling low, that's when we really need to lean on our tool kit the most, because feeling good is great, but you don't need a lot of help there, right, So it's important on the days where you don't feel like exercising, where you don't feel like meditating, to get those in so that the feeling remains consistent, you know what I mean, So that shouldn't feel so black and white with your

ups and your downs. And maybe there is a there is a you know, diagnosis of some sort that you might need to seek out from a professional. You know, maybe you are slightly depressed, and maybe it is a good mood disorder. But I would say, you know three like nothing is I'll let Jay speak to this, but

nothing lasts forever. You cannot expect to be in a great mood every single day when you wake up, and you also can't feel like when you aren't in a great mood that that is going to be the way it's going to be for the next three weeks or three months, because you're resigning yourself and you're almost capitulating

to something that doesn't exist yet. You know, you're in charge of your happiness, you're in charge of your moods, and as long as you're doing everything you can to keep like all the things that you know that work, which are meditation, exercise, listening to podcasts that make you feel good or make you think and kind of filling yourself up with that, you will have more control over

those moods. And if at that point you still are feeling a little bit off and it's if it's more of a medical thing, then yeah, absolutely, I'm sure there's a medical professional or a therapist or a psychist psychiatrist that will be able to kind of experiment with prescribing you something, but it probably it may not even come to that. Do you want to speak a little bit about impermanence? And definitely, I think Anthony and I agree with everything that Chelsea just shared right now. I think

it's great advice. I think one of the biggest things you just explained yourself, Anthony was that when your habits stopped, your happiness started to go down. And what I always say to people is like, just because you ate a great meal today doesn't mean you don't eat for the next three days. Right. Let's say I ate a lot of food today, I wouldn't stop eating for the next

week and hope that I stay full. And sometimes with our mood and our happiness, we do that we feel really good today and we're like, Okay, I did a lot of meditation today, I did a lot of sleep this month. I don't need it for the next seven days or the next seven months. So I would definitely work on those habits. At the same time, I think we have created a mindset in society that we should always feel happy, and that happiness is a sign that

we should do things. I would actually say that the biggest skill we can work on is developing the ability to do things when we don't feel like doing them. So it's else you were saying when I go to work out and I and I, by the way, experienced this today. I've had four hours sleep the last three nights because I've been traveling, moving, things have been happening, and I managed to go to the gym, and I know for a fact that I feel better because I went.

And so what I've realized is good habits they feel bad before you do them, but they feel amazing afterwards. And bad habits they feel great before you do them, and they feel terrible afterwards. And so it's tricking our mind to recognize, Well, wait a minute, when I'm actually going I don't want to meditate today, I don't want to exactly what Chelsea said, that's exactly the time I want to dial in and the impermanence part. This is

where I want you to switch your north star. So in your question, happiness and happy days were very clear as your north star. That was your focus. I want you to change your focus point to meaning and purpose and I'll explain why. When when I trained as a monk, we learned that looking for happiness makes life very difficult because there are so many things that happen your daily life where you won't be able to find happiness. But

meaning and purpose is something you can always find. What I mean by that is when you ask yourself, what can I learn from this? What did this teach me? Why do I think this came into my life? When you start asking yourself those questions, you actually build your resilience, you build your muscle, and now you can deal with the challenges that come in the future. Whereas when you go why am I not happy? That creates this real gap of expectation and now you're chasing this illusiory thing

or impermanent thing that doesn't stay with you. So, for example, I lost my I lost one of my greatest spiritual mentors in my life to stage four brain cancer. I couldn't go to his funeral in London because obviously all the flights were shut down and that was at the peak of the pandemic. I couldn't get back and losing him. There was no happiness in that moment whatsoever, Like genuinely there was no happiness, but there was meaning. There was meaning.

I started to think about, like, what's the meaning of this. I can't be with him, and I thought, wait a minute, I can try and live what he taught me, and that way he would live with me every day. I can try to become everything he wanted me to be, and so I could always extract meaning in even really painful situations when happiness is something that you can't always extract.

So even when things are good, don't look for happiness, look for meaning, because if you can extract meaning from good things, you'll be able to extract them from bad things. That makes so much sense, Yeah, I hear that, Je. What would be or advice for somebody who is in a depression where they're just like so in a funk, They're like I can't even get out of bed today, Like, what is that first step that you would have them take in order to get to the point where they

can meditate or go to the gym or yes. So in that situation, I would say what else he was saying earlier, I would go and do a medical examination, see a professional. The reason why I'm saying that is if you're saying that you can't even get out of bed, that's a reason to go and see someone Like I don't think that's something you sit and solve on your own. Just as if I couldn't get out of my bed in the morning because my legs hurt, I wouldn't try

and figure that out on Google. I would pick up the phone and call my doctor and say, my legs are not working today and I work up. If you're waking up in the morning and you go I just can't get out of bed, I would go and see someone. I'll give an example of even something very small. A lot of it's biological as well. Like recently, I was talking to my health coach and she had me do my you know, my nutrients test and my vitals in my medical exam, and she told me that my vitamin

D level was at a ten. She was saying that the average is sixty and the ideal as a hundred, and she said to me, She goes, Jay, I don't even know how you get out of bed in the morning, let alone live your life. Now, I don't feel that emotionally, but I started working on improving my vitamin D. I promise you I have never felt more energy in my life. And it can be biological. Sometimes we get so heady about we think it's all in our head and like

it's all mental. It's not. Sometimes it's truly biological. You're you know, and we have to go and get those tests done. So yeah, that's a great point too. Yeah. I had the same thing with an iron deficiency, Like I was so sluggish I was, So it could be something as simple as that, you know. So that's another reason to explore that, Anthony, do you feel like there is a chance you suffer from some depression? Do you

feel that way? Yeah, definitely. Throughout my high school life, I definitely started feeling depression, and I think it's gone into my adulthood. So I've definitely done the practices like therapy, meditation, but I'm at a point now that I'm like, maybe I do need to see a professional to get some type of advice or maybe medication, because that's something that's

a route I have not gone down yet. It's just tiring to do all the work and get to the good part and then come to a standstill once again after putting all the work and being like, wow, what was all that for? If if I'm back to this low point. Yeah, but doing all the work doesn't guarantee that you're not going to have low points. I do understand life is not all about being happy. There's always

going to be low points. But what I mean is that it's such a big difference, like i'be at such a high point and then like a month later, I'm at such a low point too, and it's such a differ lifestyle for me then that I'm not doing anything towards my future, towards what makes me happy. So yeah, Anthony had also add that, you know, I really want you to take a moment today to just own that you have felt really good and you have done the work. Like I want you to take a moment today and

sit back. When you said to me, I meditate, I go to therapy. You know, when you were listening on your question, I was saying, Wow, this this person is amazing, Like the fact that you've made time the fact that you have prioritized the fact that you've actually done that and you felt great for it. I wanted to take a time out today to just celebrate that, be grateful to yourself, and acknowledge yourself for having done the work, because it sounds like when you were doing the work

and you were owning it, you were feeling great. And I just want you to remember that, because sometimes we forget that, actually there was a time when I was doing the work and I was feeling great. Let me go back to doing the work. So I want you to take our time today to celebrate that, to be grateful,

to honor it. And by the way, Anthony, we've all been on such a roller coaster for the last two years that the way you're feeling should not be seen as unnatural or strange, like we don't even know how we've all been effective in the last two years. So the fact that in that time you were able to practice meditation, to go to therapy, to take advice, hats off to you. I'm impressed by you, honestly, I genuinely am, and I want you to feel impressed by yourself, and

I want you to own that. I will thank you very much. Definitely do that, okay, Anthony, Well, I hope you feel better soon and keep us posted. Okay, let us know if you discover something new, first get that blood work done before probably even you go to like a psychiatrist to see if you have some sort of deficiency. Check all the boxes so you have all the information that you can get and that's and then that becomes

another tool. I definitely would do that. And I wanted to say thank you so much to you because your podcast inspired me to do my own podcast with my best friend. It you plug about mental health and therapy and all that stuff. So I appreciate your podcast a lot. Great. What's your casts called? It's called How's Your Heart? I like that cos well, thanks Anthony, and uh yeah, keep us posted on on how things go. Thank you so

much for your time. Yeah you too. Okay. I hate that desultry feeling where you're like you could tell by the look in someone's eyes. You know, it's just like you're exhausted and you have your listless and that feeling is no fun at all. Definitely not no. Yeah, I like that book. I talked about this book before letting go.

Do you have you read that, David Hawkings. I love that when you're when you're down, how to pull yourself up, like when you're down if you're an ego or shame or depression, and how to bring yourself up through courage to get to like the higher levels and vibrations. Um. That always reminds me that, like you know, you always have to we're in charge of clearing out our cobwebs and bringing ourselves back up to a place of action rather than reaction. Yes. Yeah. Our next question comes from

Sydney Dear Chelsea. I'm forties six years old, single mom to a sassy fifteen year old girl, and have for the most part, had a great life. I didn't have much luck with love in my twenties or thirties, a bad marriage, occasional boyfriends and casual relationships, but that never kept me down. I have the best girlfriends who have filled my life with laughter, love and crazy girl's trips.

In my early forties, I finally found love. I met an amazing man and we had a little over three great years together until he was devastatingly diagnosed with stage four cancer. He passed away eight months later in June of last year. I'm working through my grief and the trauma of his illness and death with the supportive therapy, friends and family. But I'm honestly just so sad and lost. I'm generally a positive and strong person, but now I'm left feeling like, now what given. I've spent most of

my adult life single. It's not like I can't be alone, but after experiencing deep and easy love, I'm craving that feeling and hoping it's possible again. I just don't know where to start, and wonder if I'm too broken to even consider another relationship. Any advice you can provide or just make me laugh? Sydney, Hi, Sydney, Hi, Sydney. Hello, nice to meet you. Hi. This is j Shett. He's our guest today. Nice. I'm so sorry about your loss.

Oh God. So the good news is that you were able to have this relationship right in your forties, in your early forties, where a lot of women think that it's a rap and they're never going to meet anybody. So it was shown and demonstrated to you that that is possible, that that was alive and well, and you had a beautiful love affair that ended tragically, but you had a beautiful love affair, and that's your hope. You know, that is your hope right there, that's all the hope

you need. It happens to you once, it can happen to you again, and you might not be I don't know what what state of mind are you in right now? Like you know, I don't know if you're ready to day you tell us how are you feeling these days? I'm just feeling like I need to be distracted, which is crazy. I'm I'm in full Greek right now, right and I'm sad, and so I'm being distracted by friends and you know, the automent here and there, although lockdown is not a good time, but so it's like part

of me looks too like I want that again. I want that again. I know now is not the time, but I also just want to be able to hope for it. That makes sense, Yeah, I think absolutely, And I think hope is sometimes better than the reality, you know what I mean. The idea and the fantasy is

sometimes a better elixer than than the actuality. So like it is a great opportunity for you to hold onto everything that you had with this wonderful man that came into your life, and thank God you were in his life so that he had someone to leave this life with right knowing that he was loved and knowing that he loved you. So these are all beautiful, beautiful things. Obviously, it's not an ideal situation, but what you can take out of it can bring it back into your life again.

I think, and now it's probably not the right time to be going on dates and doing all of that if you're grieving and you're dealing with this heavy loss and there is a respectful amount of time that you want to spend mourning somebody. So I think the idea that you're even talking about moving forward is so healthy, the idea that you're even talking about possibly meeting somebody, you know, there are so many people are like, it's

never gonna happen. That's it. I got my last thing, Like, no, there's no reason not to be greedy and and say I get more. You know, I deserve more. I deserve another love, you know, a different love or something just

as powerful. Who knows. But I think holding onto hope is a great survival tool, and it's a way to help us all through grief and honoring all of the wonderful things that he brought into your life, and honoring all the beautiful love that you had and having that just be sacro sanc to you know, in your in your mind and really paying respect to that. And you're gonna know when it's time to put yourself on a dating site or to agree to be set up with somebody,

You're gonna know that. But there's nothing wrong with going through the emotions of grieving. That is the way to get healthy again. Thank you for that, agreed. Right, Like, I've thought about dating safe, but I know it's for unhealthy reasons, right, It's just that I want something else to distract me. So the fact that I'm not doing and goes to show and I'm not ready. M hmmm. Yeah. And where do you live in in Canada? What part trual? Oh? Oh, well,

I can make give you a night of laughter. You can come to one of my shows in Toronto at the end of March. We're gonna hook you up with free tickets. Okay, alright, alright, yeah, yeah, absolutely, that'll be a great night. You can bring a girlfriend or bring a couple of girlfriends, whatever you want. We'll sort it out for you. You but I'm performing there at some point in March, so we will hook that up. Awesome, Jay,

what did you want to add? I I just again, I agree with everything Chelsea said and Sydney, you know, I think the biggest thing I want you to remember is don't feel guilty for wanting to be distracted, or don't feel guilty for just trying to stay busy, because I think that is part of your grieving process, and so allowing yourself to just be like, I have just gone through something that is really painful. It's you know, it's really tough, but I'm going to allow myself to

to feel that distraction. I'm gonna allow myself to feel that. I think putting the pressure on yourself to be like, oh, well, you know, I want to get back to life as usual. That kind of trying to run away from a situation almost makes you run towards it even quicker, and so I think giving yourself that space and grace. I literally

just I mean, I had no idea. I literally just spoke to our previous guests and I was saying that not comparing at all, because it wasn't a love affair, but I I lost my spiritual mentor who have known since twelve. It was like a father figure. He spoke of my wedding, and he died of stage four brain cancer in and I couldn't see him, and I couldn't be with him in those last few months because of

the pandemic, so I couldn't get back. And when I was in that situation, for me, it was just like, well, what did he give me that he would be really proud that I carried on living on? Like what were the gifts that he gave me? Whether his love, whether his mentorship, where his guidance, whether it was you know, being confident with me always. I want to go and give that to others. And I really found that that's really helped me when I'm grieving, is giving to others

what what that person gave me. When I can go and pass on and share those gifts, that gives you such a sense of that person is present with you in the right way and that you're actually continuing to serve that relationship. I love that. That's a great idea because he gave me so many gifts and the gift of hope that I even have to do thank you. You're gonna be just fine. It's gonna be okay. I hope so, I hope so well, you know what, Chelseae,

this show is distracting me a lot. That's a good distraction. Yeah, you're like my girlfriend on the weekend that I listen to as you know, do my housework and stuff. So thanks so much for that. Absolutely my pleasure. Yeah, okay, take care of Thanks Sydney by everyone. Bye. Wow, that's a lot. Our last question comes from Julia. Dear Chelsea, absolutely love the podcast and how real you are when giving advice. I would love your insight when it comes

to developing boundaries with an addict. My dad is an alcoholic has been my entire life. Over the years, our relationship has become strange due to his addiction and his behavior well drunk. But I just had my first child, and although I don't have much contact with him by choice, I feel an odd sense of guilt not letting him around my child. I know it's for the best, but I can't shake the feeling that I need to give him an opportunity to have a relationship with his grandchild.

Should I leave things as they are or give him an opportunity to form a relationship. Obviously, with boundaries. Thanks Julia. Yeah, you just have to create boundaries so that he's only around your father when he's sober, or your daughter or son is around your father when they're sober. But if you have that feeling, then that's your strongest indicator that

you should move forward with it. You know, if your relationship has become streamed, that's totally understandable with somebody with addiction, but it's also it's not your son or daughter's fault. And you can give him a little bit of room and see how he responds to that. It might actually help his drinking. You never know, you know, he might be inspired and want to be a bigger presence in

your child's life, and it might have that impact. I mean, don't go in there with that hopefulness, but go in there just you know, with your eyes wide open, and I think you'll get your answer sooner than later of whether or not it was a good decision or maybe you know you need to pull it back some more. But I think it will probably turn out for the best.

I don't think there's anything negative that can happen when you're you know, wanting to just spread love and family with your family within your family, and we all have those kind of familial obligations. You don't want to use the word duty, but a lot of times family is duty. It's like you owe it to your child, and you owe it to your father and then just see what happens. I would say, what do you think? No, I can't

agree more. I think the thing with barriers is that you want to make sure that they're really clear for you and for others. And so if you are going to set barries, which it sounds like as chure saying that you need to, and it sounds like you must create barriers that are really clear for you, really outline them, be so aware and so sure about when yes, when no, because that allows you to free yourself of the anxiety

and stress. Because I know that those moments can be so like full of just nerves and stress and pressure that the only way you let go of there and said, well, I've just set really clear guidelines for myself to follow. So there's something in psychological if then so like, if this happens, then this is what we're gonna do. If this happens, then this is what we're going to do.

And I think creating a what if or if then plan is really important in your scenario because it sounds like there may be multiple different versions of how this could play out, and I would just take a bit of time up front to set those barriers so that there's not too many surprises. And if something beautiful happens, like well Chelsea recommended, then you're actually just grateful for it and see it as a bonus. But you set yourself up to make sure that you're not stressing yourself

out in those close connected family connections. Yeah, that's an easy one to find out, you know soon enough, whether it's a good decision or not. Yeah. Absolutely, Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back with j Chtty and Chelsea, and we are back. We are back, Jay. I believe this is the time in the show where you are supposed to ask me for a piece of advice. I know, and I have so many things I want to ask you. Literally, I've been sitting here this whole time.

I was sitting before. When I was thinking about I was like, what do I want to ask us for advice? What do I want to stress for? At least I think the advice I'm going to ask you for, Chelsea I'm gonna I'm gonna take this opportunity to be selfish to ask a question for me personally. Great, well that's

what this is about. Good, Okay, all right, So then I'm then I'm just following the advice that my My question would be, You've been in this industry for a long long time, You've done so many different things, You've won so many different hats. What has made you happiest

and most content on this journey? And how would you advise As I work and continue to create my work and purpose that you see me doing, what would be your advice for how I can stay truly aligned to my purpose and continue to seek that contentment and happiness in that journey. I think that's probably a different answer for different people, right I know for myself that having an identity independent of my identity in the world has

always been the most valuable thing in my life. That I have a life that's outside of Chelsea handler, that I have a personal life, that I have hobbies that I'd love to ski. You know, that's something that I

just said to myself as a young kid. I was like, I'm just going to become so successful that I'm going to pay somebody to teach me how to become the best gear, like those things that give me so much joy and that are independent of my career, because I think in the beginning, you think you could just be both things at the same time. You can have your

personal and professional and just blend the two. And I think I would urge everyone to reconsider that and to spend as much time making as many deposits as you can into your outside life as you do to your professional life. You know, it's like filling up your filling up your jar. Right, That is such great advice. Thanks. Well, I mean that's why I'm doing this podcast, spreading I'm just spreading wisdom, you know what I mean, left, right and center. It's just catch it if you can catch it.

If you can people, Well, Jay, where can everyone find you? I would love for everyone to come then listening to On Purpose, which is my podcast where I've interviewed Chelsea before. We had a beautiful conversation, and of course on the Daily Jay exclusively on Calm, where you can meditate with me for seven minutes to day if you want to start a new habit. And on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok and every social media platform out there, and don't

forget his book, Think like a Monk. Great, thank you Jack. That was so I mean, I'm so amazed by you allow people to come on the show and really sit with them and their challenges in pain. I was really blown away by that. Oh nicely. It's a lot. It takes it takes a lot to actually sit down with that energy. So you know, people shared heavy stuff. It wasn't none of it was superficial. It was all real stuff.

So yeah, Well, on one woman called in for advice about breastfeeding, and I was like, I don't know if you've never heard anything I've said, but I'm not the person to ask, and I would appreciate no more breastfeeding questions. Thank you so much, Jay. Yeah, so grateful I could come in. And if you like to get advice from Chelsea and one of her guests, please write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.