Eventually Good Advice with Justin Long

go over right and write in. You know what. We got an update from our caller Alexa, whose parents had started dating each other again after her dad had cheated. She was the one who caught her dad having an affair while trying to take that test, and her parents had split up and we're dating again, and she found it really yucky. But she says, Hi, Chelsea, I hope you're doing well. I wanted to thank you both and Tinks for taking the time to speak with me and

provide insight on my situation. I took your advice and stopped letting my parents to suation weighs so heavily on me. Since then, I've been able to repair my relationship with my dad. Awesome. We're making plans for the future to cook together since we're both foodies, and even go to a Hayme concert. Oh wow, my family, I think it's is it him? I think? So go to a Heim concert. They once, they once sang a song in my garage for my last TV show, and I think I called

them ham and was corrected. But you know what, I'm usually fucking wrong, so well, I appreciate it. So we made plans to go to a Heim concert. My family and I have been able to have more meaningful and intentional conversations, and we're showing up for one another in ways we haven't before. Life is too short to let

things affect you that are out of your control. I greatly appreciate all you do and hope you come back to Florida for a show soon, although I don't blame you if you don't want to come back to this dumpster fire of a state. Alexa. Oh well, that's a cute update. That's a cute update. We should do actually show updates. Also, I added a show in Saratoga and

Mountain Winery that is coming up this summer. I added two shows in Nashville on June tenth and I'm also coming to Niagara Falls, and I'll be at the Montreal Comedy Festival hosting a gala on July. And you can go to Chelsea Handler dot com for tickets for all my upcoming shows, because I'm going to Birmingham, Alabama, and Louisville, Kentucky and all sorts of fun stops everywhere. When you're doing that many shows, do they all kind of blur together?

Or no? I pretty much remember because I'm no longer ship faced when I perform, so I have more clarity and I pretty much remember every show like I remember, and it is always those smaller towns that you're like, wait what that end up being kind of the best show. So so, just like Alexa said in her letter, Life's too short to let things like that bother you. And I think that's a great segue into our guest today, who has a podcast called Life is Short. Oh yeah,

I've been on his podcast. He has a podcast called Yes I've been. I've been a guest on his podcast. I actually had a great time because I had ever met him before that, so that was awesome. And he also stars in the show f Is for Family on Netflix, so please welcome Mr Justin Long, Catherine Guys Chelsea, what good morning, Good? What do you think was that your impression of me knowing that I was gonna scramble for an excuse and start that was just my reaction to you.

I'm glad you made your bed behind you because that looks like you somewhat have your ship together. Well, I'm going to give you a little gift because I'm late, and this is unprofessional, but totally unprofessional. By the way, I've never been late once in my life, and I know that a lot of people would find that hard to believe, but it's actually sucking true. I don't know if the totally unprofessional part was necessary. I think it's

unprofessional covers at all. I mean, it's okay, okay, well, I was just trying to I was just trying to fill in something in place of so totally late. Well, if you watched The Bachelor, it's a it's a thousand percent or you know there's a higher percentage. A million percent has become more tolerable than ac Yes, I would exact infinity percent is what they should land on. I think I just don't love catchy lingo. Justin like I don't like trendy bullshit. I don't like when people say

obsessed or dead dead. I'm dead. I hate dead. It's also a horrible thing to Laughter should be a joy, like a it's a great part of life. Living well, it's l o L Now you can't even you can't even laugh. You just have to say lull, which dead pen which I refuse to participate in. Good. What about slaps? I've heard this one recently, slaps. I haven't heard that yet. Does that mean funny? Yeah? I think I worked with

this producer who was great. The movie's great, but she was She was in her mid twenties, late twenties, and she would use this language so casually, and she said slaps. And it was hard for me to tell because the tone that she used it in was like you just did with dad, Dad. It's just like, there's nothing joyous about it. So she just said, oh, that slaps. That slaps very dead pan, not even about a song or something, or it was about something like that. It was a

good thing. It turned out to be a By the way we sound really, I mean, well, there we are old listen, just bake it, you know. I like being old. I'm forty seven. Then more the other morning I woke up and I was like, thirty eight is such a cool age, Like I'm not yet forty. And then I'm like, bitch, your forty seven? What are you talking about? Like I just had this idea that I was, all of a sudden thirty eight or thirty eight years old. That makes sense.

I mean mentally, you probably feel much closer to that. How old are you justin I'm forty three, But I've been identifying as an older person lately. When I you know that commercial that I think it's Guy co. It's a really funny commercial. They're like, don't turn into your parents, don't be like your parents, And there's a guy who has to instruct the younger people to not be prematurely

older than they are. And there's a whole thing about they go to a game and they forget where they parked, and they just talk about parking the whole time and when they're going to leave the game. Anyway I identify, I find myself really identifying with that commercial, wanting to thank the clerk, wanting to point out how nice the store clerk was that helped me out. Well, what I've been saying, young man, what a nice young man. Yeah, you find yourself like complimenting the work ethic of a

younger generation noticing it. Yeah, yeah, Well we've been making fun of all younger generations for a while, especially jen X right about their ladys jen Z. I don't know the differences between but the la the laugh will be they'll get the last laugh, obviously, because they will outlive us and one on it and hopefully save the planet. And I wonder how much of my hostility is fueled by just that, just just the biological truth that I

will be dying sooner, sooner than them. We're anyone who's over forty is basically useless to the rest of the world because before the tech age, we had to like, you know, educate the next generation and kind of let them know what heads up this is. But now with Google and with all the information that's at everyone's fingertips, they don't need anybody. They just need a computer or a phone and computer, I mean, computers will even become

obsolete for most people at a certain point. So we're irrelevant. We just have no merit on society at this point. So, like, you know, that's true, everything's at their fingertips. I didn't think about that. They don't need to look to an older generation to learn anything form wisdom. That's tru I ever thought about that. Yeah, I was just with a friend. She was just talking about how much her culture respects the elderly and how Japanese. No, she was in Japanese,

so it was Filipino. Yeah, maybe Filipino just stereotyping. I'm positively scy, yes, exact always just how much respect you know, the older generation, and how when you see somebody who's old, they have knowledge in part with you. They're sagacious, they're they're revere. Write that down s A G A c io us. Yeah, thank you, and you can look it up when we're done, And how much they revere older people.

And I was thinking, God, you're so right about how American society and it's not every family, but how I look at somebody who's a certain age and I dismiss them like they're too old school, they don't understand, they're not with it, they're not woken off, they don't get it, they're antiquated. And I thought, oh, that's exactly true. Like I dismiss someone who's too old because I think that their value has lessened, even though I know intellectually that's

not right, and I'm sure I've done that. Yeah. Yeah, I like to think in theory that I have great respect for the elderly. It's one of the reasons I love Japan. I love cultures that do revere. There's only the elderly are only in Japan. So that's why they're mostly elderly in Japan, because I think they've stopped having sex for the most part. You should double check that well before wet this ghost day. I'm so sorry. I

don't know your name. This is Katherine, This is Kine. Okay, you did say it earlier, so you know, I saw you on a little You're on a there's an there's a thing of you. There's a picture of you. That's really my fault for not introducing her. I mean, she's my co host, so that's just my rudeness, you know. Classic. Well,

nice to meet you, Yeah, justin. I was talking about your podcast because I had such a good time on your podcast and we had never met before that, right, No, we hadn't we I had, Yes, I was thinking about that as I was scrambling to get here. To your bedroom. I just got a car. I just bought a car, speaking sing, speaking of being speaking of being older. Yes, I have my license. I'm I'm an old looking young looking person. I mean I'm at a strange age where

it looked like an old teenager. Yeah, just look like an older teenager, like a really really mature seasoned teenager, like a Stemen in high school for like seven years, possibly eight and a half. Parker Louis can lose. That's a joke for our generation. See, I watched that show. Though, I will say grantize my watch with you. I had older siblings. Yeah. Wow, I'm surprised that you that you remember that show. I don't mean that in a condest anyway. We had some good TV back in the day. We

sure did. You'll like this, Chelsea and Katherine, Chelsea, I know you'll like it. I just bought a and you're the first person I'm telling because I just bought it, and I have shame about it, and I need to say it with confidence. But I am now the owner of a smart car. Goodbye everyone, than I thought you were going to say a Bill Cosby Funco. It's a little like toy thing that people love Fonco's and you can buy them and they like reps and different celebrities

or athletes. Oh oh really, Oh and there's a Bill Cusp. Yeah, I had a smart car. I just want to let you know, really, what kind of wait what what kind of smart car? Is it called a smart car? Yeah? Smart little nugget cars, the little nugget, you know what. I bought one and I gave it away because it drove so slowly and was so ridiculous. But before I gave it away, I am blazed. Yeah, so congratulations on your new car. Hopefully it's not the one that I

sold or gave. Actually I gave it away to a friend, and on the side, I had decals that said Chelsea Lately eleven thirty weeknights on E because at the time I was on that show. So my friend was driving around l A and a car that was basically a commercial for my show. It's really funny. What a good friend. It's funny that you gave it to a friend. Well, I tried that car because I thought it was so cute. And I love little small, super small sized things like

I get off on that. I love like little miniature things. Me too. Yeah, Oh, I didn't know that about you. That's cute. That's why I like Japan, I think. But I'm excited to drive it. So I'm gonna and in New York. I've always fantasized about having a car that can fit into almost any are you So? Are you based out of New York? Justin? I am mostly in Connecticut and Massachusetts. I kind of go back and forth. Oh, and Japan and Japan. Ideally that would be Yeah, that's

the triangle Connecticut and Massachusetts. Now that's interesting. What why? What was on there? How? Not much, which is why I love it. Um. I was born in Fairfield, so I grew up in Fairfield rather and I kind of wanted to be close to my parents as they got older because you respect them. I respect them and your Japanese. Yes, I might be. I wish I was. I wish you know, I've never done one of those ancestry things, but I were I to do that, I would. I would really

hope that I had some chapan you know what. I could see you having some Japanese in you. That wouldn't be too far fetched. It's a huge compliment here. I was once arrested. I lived in Santa Monica, right by the beach. I lived between Ocean and Main Street, and I lived on a street that was quite crowd It was hard to find parking and stuff, and houses were kind of stacked on each other, and I rented the bottom floor of this house. Anyway, I gotta knock at

the door at like it was. It was one in the morning, I think, and I shuffled to the door and there were I saw three cops on my on my porch, and I looked out. They were really banging, you know, pretty aggressively, and I but I knew enough not to open the door right away. I said, I said, what's the what's the problem? Officers from behind the door, and they said, your car is blocking a driveway, and which is very plausible because people were always complaining about

stuff like that. But I was a pretty respectful parker, and so I said, well, what kind of car is that? And I was kind of confused, like, how would they know it is my car? Why are there three cops? Uh? And I said what kind of car is it? And they said, well, what kind of car do you drive? Which should have been an indication. I said, I pray

ass and they said it's a prey ass. And I said, okay, you know, not thinking the cops are gonna lie, I opened the door and they grabbed me and spun me around and put me in handcuffs right away, really, and one was particularly aggressive, and they said, what is your name? David? They kept saying David, your name, David, your name David? And I said, no, no, it's not I'm a little freaked up, but I kind of knew I hadn't done anything. But there was weed in the house, but other than that,

like I knew I had, I wasn't like dealing. It wasn't like, you know, pounds of it. So I knew I was in the should be in the clear, but you know, it's still intimidating. And they kept asking me if I was this person, and there were three of them, and two were shining their lights on on something. They were conferring around some photo, and they kept shining it back and forth from the light, I mean, from the photo to my face and and finally I said, my

name is justin Long. It's not David, you know, And they said, are you telling us that this isn't you? And they they showed me the photo and it was a mug shot of of an Asian person with foliation. It was like unmistakably agent. And I said, are you are you kidd? Is this a joke? I it was around the time of punk, but they were way too good to be so I did that wasn't even on

my radar. I was just so fused. He had glasses, eye glasses, and and he said, are you telling me that you just haven't have similar looking glasses in the same age. I guess he had put that address years ago. My landlord had rented it out. He was a criminal. And I kept insisting that I wasn't the guy, and they didn't believe me, And so they went in to get my my license. I told them where to go.

And I was living with Jonah Heill was my roommate at the time, and and they were walking towards his room. So they went past where my license was on the desk, and I said, and I stood up, and I said, oh no, no, no, officers, you're going too far. I didn't want them to wake up Joe, you know. And and one of the one of the cups just he threw me down. He goes se the fun down and when I'm nervous around authority. I kind of started to laugh. I get like giggly, I get like nervously giggly. I

was like, okay, and this is funny. It's not gonna be funny. When he was like going on about prison and how you're gonna be things are going to happen to you in prison, and I said, what's a little funny, because you're gonna find out that I'm not the guy you think i'm, that I'm not an Asian criminal, and then hopefully we'll all laugh about it. Did you at any point say I'm not Asian this person? Yes, I did. I did, I did, And they ignored that, but they persisted.

They insisted I was this guy. And so then one was calling in my my I d and obviously making you know, realizing that I wasn't the criminal, and the one who had been most aggressive at one point got kind of quiet and I could see him studying my face and he goes, yo, are you wait a minute, are you an actor? And I said yes, and I'm there, I'm sounding at the handcuff side and he goes, are

you in Dodgeball? And I said yes, and he goes, bro, bro and he went like that to like give me a man hug shake and I was like, well, yeah, I got that cups on and so you know, then they then they realized I wasn't the guy. They and they and the strange thing was they I said, Well then I was of course freaked out, Well what did this guy do? And is he going to come back

to the house? Is he going to be He's given out the address as his and they wouldn't tell me what he did, and they said if you have any question and that. But I was also starting to think, like, well, wait a minute, there's been some violation, like something was not doesn't up about what just happened. There's this can't be the way it shouldn't go down. I said, is there a number I can call if whatever he comes back? And he gave me the number. It was a general

number that the Santa Monica Police Department. I called the next day and they had no idea what I was done talking about. Why did I tell you that? Because you're explaining why you live in Massachusetts in Connecticut? Yes, so a couple of days later, No, it was about you said I could be maybe Japanese. A couple of days later, Joan and I were at a bar in Renee's shout Out. I don't know if it's still there, and Santa Monica. I used to go there all the time. Yeah, yeah,

that's why I did. That's where I did. The majority of my drugs in my twenties was at Rene's. Yes, Oh my god, I think that's mostly what's done there. Um. But we were there and a very lovely Asian woman she said, so, what percentage Asian are you? And I started laughing, and Janah was laughing because he had of course heard the story the cops and what happened a couple days and I said, oh, did he tell you the story? And she goes, I don't know what you're

talking about. And I realized he hadn't told her, and I said, oh, no, no, I'm not. I'm not Asian. She goes, now, come on, seriously, what are you like? And I said, I'm wait, I'm not. I'm not. I'm Italian. I'm sure. She goes, you know what, that's fucked up. I have a lot of mixed friends like you, and they refuse to admit that they're mixed. And I think that's really funny. She kind of stormed away. Joan was laughing so hard. But I, I said to I wish

I would gladly embrace that. Yeah, I love Asian culture. I love it. Sounds like you're the victim of a lot of misunderstanding, like a lot of ethnic misunderstandings. Yes, that's safe to say. Within a couple of days, it was really funny. What about your brother though, does he look slightly Asian? Okay, girl, there you go, No, he's um. I think I don't know what it knows. We all look I guess similar. So you look very similar to your brother like I did light Instagram creeping, just of

course as research. I follow you guys on Instagram. You guys look you look. I love following Chelsea. What about Katherine? Do you follow Katherine Justin? I don't up until today, I was unaware of her existence. That sounds awful, but well I will, I will say Justin just to be extra creepy. I actually did know that you drive a Prius because I live sort of near Franklin Village. It

used to see you driving around your Prius all the time. Also, I'm pretty sure I literally ran into at Gilson's one time. Liked preas have Chelsea lately emblazoned on you know what it did? It did it did? Yeah? I know, I know. I don't know how to break that to be such a big fan. I was a fan. I was a fan. Wait what do you say about Gilson's that's something you had run into. Oh you were. Actually when I first moved to l A like ten years ago, you were like one of my first celebrity side eggs and I

was like, I saw him at the grocery store. Oh. Man, that's funny. It's funny to know people are thinking that, Chelsea. Do you ever think that's going on in their head that you are somehow that they know you? Yeah? I don't. You know what. I always no, I don't. I don't ever think that. And I'm always anytime someone's like hi Chelsea, Hi Chelsea, I'm always just like, what what do they tell my name? And then I'm like, oh, ship, you're famous.

Well I assume because people often do that to me, and they do it so casually and they're so nonplussed as they should be. I'm not saying they should be freaking out, but they do it in such a way that's so familiar that I often think I know them. You know, it'll be like hey, Justin, Hey, Justin, what's up? And I start panicking, how do I know this person?

I'm trying to place the face. I'm so bad with names, and and sometimes it will get a couple of sentences in and I'll have to say I'm so sorry, do we know each other? And they'll say, no, no, I I know who you are. Because it's rarely like excited and it's clear that yeah, nor should it be. I guess I love Franklin Village. I missed that area. Yeah, it's great. The Oaks is back. Yeah, things are things

are opening up. Yeah, oh yeah they have scar When you first ate scr goo, Chelsea, did you have to was there a moment of like leaping off the cliff. I like gross food like that because I grew up on Martha's Vineyard and I ate fried clams and scar go and like all the muscles since I was a little girl, because my mom really liked that stuff. So I've always been into that kind of stuff. But I understand that people are very disgusted by it. Well they

it's funny because they shouldn't be. I think this way about other animals eating other animals like that. You're right if you can stomach a clam. So my thing with clams is that I've never been able to get past the the whole body situation, the fact that the entire digestive tract, all of it is going into your mouth. That's a hard one for me. Yeah. Oysters, right, It's fun to watch someone eat an oyster for the first time, and especially if they have a good reaction, which is seldom.

You know, it's not always great because usually people are like whoa, They have a preconditioned idea of the texture that they find revolting. It is, to me, yeah, slippery and snotty. How many people have turned off, have stopped listening anyway? Justin let's move on to Sorry Chelsea before you sorry? I speaking of Instagram, I have to ask you about the skiing one that you did. Please tell me the story surrounding that. Well, it's my birthday video.

I do this every year, and each year I think the first year, I had a ski jacket on, but I had underwear and socks and ski boots obviously because I need the boots on. Then the second year I decided, fuck it. You know what, what let me just ski down the hill topless with some underwear on, because you know, my brothers are still alive, so they don't need to see my Pikachu. Where is this? Where are you doing? Whistler, Canada? I have a ski place up in Whistler, So I

love skiing. It's like my everything and I and I love Margarita and a joint and so I implemented the ski video and I just kind of up at each year. So this year we went into the back country and we took our sleds up you know skis. Wow, that's serious. And I have Joe this year because you know, I newly in love and yes, and he was there, so I had to incorporate him into the video and so we had to do a proper shoot. And I love it. I love it. Joe seems very playful. I love how

playful you two seen with each other. It's it's very inspiring. Well, thank you. I know that you're newly in love as well, justin so I want to say a big congratulations to you. Yes, and she loves you. She is a really big fan of yours. Personally, I like her as well. I do. I am I allowed to say her name is that okay, yeah, yeah, it's kind of out there. Ye, Kate Bosworth is who you're dating. And it's a new love affair. And I was really excited to hear about you being in love.

So tell me a little bit about that, because I just want to know how you're feeling. I mean, you must be through. I know that, I know the feeling. I feel it too, and it's pretty intoxicating, it is. It's such a wonderful feeling that you were so open. I love how open you are with your happiness and your joy, and but there's something about it for me that I feel like I need to protect and keep sacred because it feels sacred. It's just the you know,

it's the best. Katherine. I don't know what your situation is, but yes, married for a long time, but oh good, still in love, still in love. That's it's different. Well, look at us, the three of us, I know, just thriving as elderly people, basically elderly elderly folks in love. But it's um, we've been laughing so much and I've never had anything like this before. I've never experienced this, so it's something I want to protect and keep you know,

you know her, so you know how amazing she is. Yeah, yeah, she is amazing. And I respect that. I totally get that you want to protect that. It's a funny feeling because it is something you want to shout from the rooftops, I know. And for me, whenever Joe and I like have an argument or anything like that, I'm like, fuck,

why was I so public about it? What if we break up, Like I'm staying here shouting from the rooftops how sadly and love I am with this man, And then if it falls apart of the seems, I'm going to basically be there sitting. You know, no one's ever gonna believe me about being in love again. So I totally get it. I get that, you know that is the smart move. I'm just so open and over Sherry that that's my personality. No zero Chelsea, zero judgment. I in fact, I'm one of the people that I bask

in your the glow of your love. I before I found my own, I was so happy for you, and it was inspiring to me to like find somebody that you really laughed with, you seem to really enjoy one another. I had never really been able to distill what it all is, and you know, people say, well, what are you looking for? And people have checklists, and I've done movies about it, and it's really like satisfying to be able to distill it down to just really enjoying somebody's

company and wanting to be near them. And like I said, we just laughed so much. I feel so grateful. And I know that instinct. I have that instinct to like shout it from the rooftops. I really do. So it's the reason why I'm kind of gingerly stepping around it is because I'm going against that instinct, which which I

totally get it. I think the moral of the story, without getting into details about your relationship, is that for me, it was very inspiring, not only to other people but to myself to fall in love at this age, to meet the person well even though I knew him, but to fall in love at forty six. You know, there was a period of time where I really just assumed that, like I was too tough for any man to have to deal with, Like it was just going to be too bunch of a of a hill to climb for

any man. And I accepted that, like Okay, that's not what I'm going to get in this life. I've gotten a lot of things, and I have a great family, I have a great group of friends and a great network, and maybe that's all I get, and that's okay, I'm going to be grateful. But isn't that the best place to be when it does then enter your life? I mean, I think I was in a similar situation. I hadn't I hadn't totally resigned myself to it, but I was

so happy. I was so content being on my own and I had a great network of friends and my brother and we were we were creative, We've been creative. I was close with my family. I didn't feel this pressure of having to find someone, having to make something work. I just I was really content with life. I was really quite satisfied with with where I was. And I guess that's the most open place you can be. Yeah, I think you have to be in a healthy place

to attract a healthy person, right, I think so? Yeah, I don't know. You have to be happy with yourself and you have to have self love and self care. Like I have a lot of respect for myself, probably more so than everybody else. That's so in order for someone to grab my attention, they have to have that same amount of respect a for themselves and be for me,

you know totally. Well, well, because you think, what's the point when you are good in life, when you are settled whatever that means, but I mean just being happy with yourself, I guess it's that. Then you think, well, why why change it? To change it, it requires something like exceptionally positive I think, like a truly positive change in life, and one that you you can't avoid. That is unmistakable, I think. And so I've experienced that positive change and I'm so grateful, and I just hope it

keeps going well. Great. On that note, I think we're going to take some callers because you're going to impart your wisdom and your life, your lifelong wisdom that you've learned, your life learned wisdom, and we're gonna have people. Some will be writer writing in, some will be calling in, and we're just going to give them advice, life advice. People take this podcast pretty seriously, justin even though you're on it, they're still going to take it seriously. You

gotta be you gotta bring your a game. Okay, Okay, I will try. Okay, Catherine's going to start for us. What do we have? First of all, give us a prelude of what we have in store for us to Oh my goodness, actually some wedding stuff, interestingly, and there's a couple of questions that I wanted really to get a straight guys perspective on, because we don't have a

lot of straight men as guests on this show. So okay, yes, yes, and some like general life stuff which I feel like it's great works right with what your podcast has to do with and straight men are often not called upon these days. Friend's advice is invalid, So that's why we came hiad This is a very small part of the show. Yeah, I think we've had Jokoy and you. You are a

good company. All Right, We're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back, and we're back with our guests today, justin long and Catherine, and we are going to hear our first email. Yes it's an email, Dear Chelsea. As wedding season fast approaches, my husband and I have entered what feels like an impossible situation. We have two weddings on the same day. One is for a family friend my husband has known since he was a small child. All of his friends will be there and we've been

looking forward to it all year. However, the other wedding, my husband has been requested to be a groomsman in. We don't know any of the other attendees, and on top of that, I will be nine months it's pregnant, so we don't even really know if we'll be able to attend at all. What do we tell the second wedding it's a friend who was also a groomsman in our wedding? Is it fucked up if we don't go help Nicole? Oh? Well, first of all, are you taking notes justin? Yeah? I love it. I love that family

friends and small child, all his friends. I'm so curious what your thoughts are because I I share her. This is a problem that I've had before, excuses to get out of things. Well, first of all, I think it's very simple because whoever invited you first, which it sounds

like the first person did. Like, once you've been invited and accepted and r s v P to a wedding, you can't reneg on that, like or you can, but like the other person, if that invitation came in second, and let's just pretend for the sake of argument that it did. That's all you have to say is, oh my god, we've already committed to a wedding on this day. I'm so sorry. I would have loved to be there

for you, you know. I mean, it's pretty simple. But did she say that because one of them, I'm just like, just based on their closeness and how much value they have as friends, the first one sounds far closer to than the other one. Yeah, But the other one is asking him to be a groomsman, so it's a little bit.

And he was a groomsman and his thing. I think, like she mentioned not knowing anybody who's going to be at the second wedding, that's irrelevant, And don't even bring that up because that's not why you go to someone's wedding to based on how many people you know, Yeah, and then how close you are to those getting married, right, Yeah, well but he was a groomsman and that guy's wedding, so you got to return the favor. But if you've already committed to a wedding, then you can't go to

two weddings in one day. That's just not physically possible. And if it is and you can swing that, then your husband can try to do that. But I mean, I doubt that's she doesn't say the locations right now, and probably not as a groomsman, but like you know, so, yeah, I just I don't think it's that big of a deal. So you say you accept the first one, You've already accepted an offer, You've already r s v P to one, and so then you have to tell the other one.

Regardless of how close you are to them, you have to just tell them, I'm sorry, I have a wedding that we've already committed to a wedding. There's nothing I can do. I'm so sorry, and you know I would love to make up to make this up to you after my wife. I certainly can't swing two weddings in one day with a nine month pregnant wife. That's just

not going to happen. You're right. I overthink these things though, too, and then I think, well, if the person does, which has happened to me, if they do hold it against you, that's kind of a good indicator that maybe maybe it's time to move on as friends. Yeah, and if you don't know anyone who's at the next wedding that you were a groomsman too, or then he was a groopser too. That is kind of weird, and that's an indication that

your friendship isn't that close. So that's true. Maybe he'll be weirdly relieved that you maybe somebody else he'd right, maybe feel some obligation to to let you be a groomsman. Right, that's a good point. Yeah, exactly, So I don't think that's that big of a deal. So what's her name again, Nicole? Like I said, Kerry Nicole. Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it, just our just you know, have him call and just say I'm so sorry, buddy, like sorry that this happened

on the same date. Do you struggle with excuses? It's just you seem like somebody who's very honest, very direct. If you don't want to go to something, do you ever say, you know, I'd rather just not go. Yeah, I'm just very honest with my friends. I just say I'm brought up for it, or like, you know, if I do something happened, I tell them what happened, and I'd like to call people if I if I have to cancel. I like to call them directly and just explain why instead of a text. And I liked yes,

And I like to just say that's nice. That's interesting because I have a problem sometimes getting off the phone. When I'm on the phone with somebody. I I sometimes avoid phone calls. But for this very reason, I'm not good at ending phone calls. You know, I tried to do the wine down, and oftentimes people won't pick up

on that. I have a friend Jerry O'Connell. If you've ever had him on your show, he's the best that he'll just say okay, anyway if he senses the slightest bit of wine down in your voice, like well so anyway, he'll go okay, see him and he hangs up. It's amazing. Yeah, it's lovely. Yeah. I just say like, okay, let me wrap this up. I've out to go to bed. I just always go, okay, listen, I'd love to talk more about I gotta wrap this up because I gotta go do this and whatever it is I've got to do.

You know what, if you don't have to do anything, that's this is what I'm saying. If I don't have to do anything, yeah, like during the pandemic, it was hard to come up with the ex quarantine. It's like, I know you have nothing to do. I freaking hate talking on the phone. I gotta be honest with you. I try not to get stuck on the phone. But if I'm in crisis, or any of my friends are in crisis, then I make the time for phone calls.

But if it's just to catch up or whatever, you know, it's like I just got to hop on another call. I have a work call in ten minutes. I have this in ten minutes. No, I don't want to wrap this up. Okay, okay, but don't wrap this up because we actually haven't talked to somebody. Stay on. Well, our next email, and this is just an email. She felt it was a little too personal to talk about over the phone with us, But Jay says, Dear Chelsea, I'm

thirty nine and I've been married for thirteen years. We have an eleven year old son and have had our ups and downs, but overall a happy marriage. Just this week, I innocently looked through my husband's phone and saw that he had been texting another woman. These texts were sexual, flirty, and inappropriate in nature. This has crushed me. He says nothing happened in person, he has shown remorse and says

he will fight for our marriage. He even said he would see a therapist, which is something he never would have done in the past. So I guess my question is how do I get over this. I want to save our marriage, but I don't know if I can get over this and move on. Where do I go from here? Jay m That's yeah, man, that is really hard. I'm so sorry, Jay. You know I'm in no way an authority on this guy. I've never been with somebody doing thirteen year marriage. I don't know, Chelsea Katherine, what

do you guys think? I do think that there's space to work through something like this, Like I know couples who have come back from stuff that felt very ugly or felt like in this space where it's cheating, but it's supposedly not you know what I mean. It's like not in person, Dada. That's tricky ground because I don't know it is in the sense that they were finding satisfaction and they were being intimate with somebody else. That

is I would feel very betrayed. That would be really hard, And then I got trust with trust is always the hardest thing I think to rebuild and if you lose that, in my experience, it's been hard to regain that after after an offense like that. I don't know, because you have to think if that's in that person's psyche, if they if they have that impulse that they're acting on to the point where there are multiple you know that there they're engaging in that. To actually pick up a

phone and text the things, that's all very deliberate. That that means that that person has those and everyone i'm sure is has moments of attraction or you know, but to act on it like that as a betrayal, it's different. Yeah, it's a real betrayal. It doesn't feel good to be reading those things at all. It's a punch in the especially after being with somebody for so long. But listen, you had an instinct and you weren't wrong. Who cares about checking his phone? I mean, if you've checked someone's

phone and you find something, then you were right. And I don't have any boundaries about that. And I don't care if my boyfriend checks my phone, you know what I mean, for him like, there's nothing fine, so go for it. But there's always space for healing. You never know, this could be a huge opportunity for growth for you too. You could actually the fact that he's willing to go to counseling over this, it's very important you should take him up on that. Do not do not like defer

that to another time or postpone it. Hop on that right now because clearly there is a chasm between the two of you that has been created, which is why he's talking to somebody else. And you want to make

sure that the first time is the last time. He disrespected your relationship, a disrespected your child, he disrespected you, and you need to go to a counselor and have this conversation with him and continue to go until you build a more stronger foundation so that you're never going to have a desire to check his phone because there's never gonna be anything there. You know, was so well said,

What great advice. It's true there should be room for growth and a person of a personal evolution and there I love therapy, Chelsea. That was really impressive. Well, thank you. I just think people sometimes make mistakes and we don't want to just we don't want to just cancel them

like you can't do that. Just let people understand you've been hurt, and if they are a deep enough person or worthwhile enough, I should say, they're going to recognize that they caused you pain and they're gonna want to correct that pain. You know. So I think it's okay, it's not. Your relationship isn't over. You can't throw that relationship away because every relationship has ups and downs, and it's how you handle the downs that is the most

important thing. How do you deal with that? Can you be and have a conversation with him, with the third party who hears both of you and gets to the root of the issue, and then disconnect And that is totally plausible. And I think it's hard for a lot of people to be vulnerable and to admit certain things that they're In this case, something is lacking. There's some intimacy component that is lacking. And that's a hard thing to say to somebody that you love. You don't want

to hurt somebody. But I think through therapy there's an opportunity, like you said, to be really honest with one another and and like you also said, it would make you a lot them, a lot stronger, a lot more intimate and also just something to remember you can get over almost anything, Like, don't think you'll never get over this. It's fresh. It's a fresh wound. So it feels like it's going to be interminable. Write that down, justin but it's not going to be. It's you can get over this.

It's not like he had an affair. And even if that had happened, that's a possible thing to get over to for many, many people. So just let's you know, just focus on the here and now and repairing what has happened and just getting to the bottom of it and let us know what happens. Yeah, find uself a real good couples counselor, and you know, stick with it, because, after all, there is a kid involved to the most

sagacious one possible, most interminably sagacious one possible. Yeah, it's funny, I'm looking up sagacious and just as the quality of being Oh it's I see having her showing keen mental discernment and good judgment. Shrewd, shrewd. Yeah, discerning, Yeah, discerning. It's the opposite of it's a good word, specious, it's the opposite of fucking moron. Is what it's Yes, that is true. That's one of these Yeah, fucking moron an Yeah, perfect, Well,

our first caller today is Cammy. Cammy, says dear Chelsea. In about two months, I'm marrying my best friend and the love of my life, and I'm beyond excited about it. However, shortly after, my dad is getting remarried too, to a girl the same age as me. We'll call her Sally. Sally is a funny name for like when you're really hung up on somebody's age. It's a young sounding name. Yes, yeah, Sally. We even have the same color hair, and my dad, being an old guy, frequently mixes up our names when

we're together. It makes me extremely uncomfortable and, to be honest, a little sad every time I try to bring up my wedding to my dad in hopes that he'll be excited, supportive and wanting to help. All I get is well Sally did this for our wedding, and Sally also went to a bachelorette party this weekend, and Sally and I went kick tasting. Did you get cake? It's extremely exhausting and it feels like a job to the heart. Every

time I talked to him. I'm struggling to find ways to tell him that I just want the next couple of months to be about my wedding and all the things that come with it. Cammy, Wow, Hi Cammy video. She zoomed in. Hi, Cammy. This is our guest today, Justin and this is my co host Catherine. Hi. So nice to be here him, so nice to see you. Yeah, it's a beautiful day. I got a glass of wine. It's Friday, it's heyday. She works at a vineyard. Oh, perfectly,

then you should always have a glass of wine. So, cam is the issue that his wedding is competing with your wedding? Or is the issue that you know, she's your age? What's the bigger Did they already get married? No, so they're getting married in July. I'm getting married in May, so it's shortly after. Um. So it's not necessarily that it's competing. It's just every time I try to bring it up, and you know, he's supposed to be like part of my wedding and it's always talking about his wedding.

Is he doing that in an effort to relate to you? Like you know, sometimes people try to find commonality and you know, if they say, like, oh, I just you know, I almost stepped on a frog that's so funny a couple of weeks ago. I I also almost. That's a terrible analogy. But is he doing it in an effort to to feel closer to you know, move the conversation. Um, I guess that could probably be it. I mean that he is probably trying to find common ground between it all.

But he never listens to when I talk about anything about my wedding. It's always he's always thinking about there's never response to a single answer to what I'm planning for the whole wedding. So okay, Well, I think what your action needs to be is to sit down and have a conversation or write him an email, whatever you prefer.

I think face to face for this would be best if you're comfortable with that, And to explain to him that you're planning on being married for one time in your life and it's coming up in a month or in two months, whatever time in May, and that this is the only time in your life that you have to celebrate this time, and that your father is your only father, and that you need him to be present for your event, and once that's done and over, then he can be focused on his own marriage. It's it's

marginalizing your experience and you need him. You need to share this experience with him, and that can be said in a really loving way, like Dad, I want to be able to share this experience with you without it being about you all the time and your wedding. You're my dad, Like I need you here for me, just for this amount of time, you know, can you do that for me? I don't think that's how asking a lot. It's one thing that you're even getting married so close

to when I'm getting married. That wasn't necessary. I'm willing to accept that. But I need your attention focused on me. Yeah, definitely. I it's always like one of those conversations. The thing was like I'm gonna say that and then it's so much harder to say it than an actuality. If I can add to that which I can't improve upon it. But I would say I found a lot of value

in writing things. I know it sounds like cheesy and maybe basic, but like when I have to have those heavy conversations, I find a lot of value in writing down a clear intention. You know, my intention for this is to communicate this and and and just boil it down to the essence of what you want to say

to your father. And Chelsea said it so perfectly, so I would just actually write down exactly what she said, but have it so you can reference, because especially when you're face to face things emotions get involved and he might try to he might deflect and avoid this the substance of what you're saying. But if you have it written down in front of you, you can always go back to reference the intention of what you're trying to communicate. I think that really helps. Yeah, that's a great ideas,

a great suggestion finally from Justin. You should write that down and you can even write what you want to say in a letter and read it to him to his face. But I think with a father and daughter dynamic, it's more powerful to just sit in front of him and show him. And it's got to be with so much love, you know, like I love you that I

want to have this moment with you. This is the one time in my life that I get to have this experience hopefully, and I want to share it with you, and I want you to be present for me, you know, And how meaningful your relationship is, and just try and make it all about the positive things and that there's a time to celebrate your wedding and then there will be a time to celebrate his, yeah, and and validate his his thing too, because it sounds like he might

be trying to overcompensate for having feeling. Maybe he doesn't feel like you've totally embraced his situation. Maybe he maybe that's why he keeps bringing it up and overpowering your wedding stuff. But Chelsea, it was so well said. I think you have to really let him know that you know you're you're your daughter, and he's got to be there for you, and he's got to hold his space

for you during this time. I might also let me to add to the bottom of the letter that he really needs to think about whose name he's saying, Oh, that's wild? In what context does he messing it up? Like We'll be like sitting and having dinner and he'll be like, oh, Sally, Oh, I mean not Cammy, and I'm like, oh, in reality, our name is kind of rhyme, so it's actually quite h Did you laugh about it? Like? What what's your reaction when it happened this Sally is

Sally like, oh geez, I don't know. I just go dead silent, and I'm like, oh Jesus, not again. If I helped to laugh about are you close? I agree? I think that that is just laught like that is something to laugh at. You know, it's ridiculous that your father's get us in your name with his girlfriends real is a true chestament to his age. How how old

is he? A sixty three? Okay, well he's not battle you know, he's with it enough for you to have a conversation with him about this and for him to understand that it's a little bit you know, inappropriate his what what's your How does your mother factor into all of this? She's quite the comical one about is she hates it because every everything to say about this is she remarried. She is. Yeah, she's happily remarried to a

wonderful man. We love him. Oh good good. But other than the age thing, I mean, which I know bothers, you do you like Sally herself? I mean, do you guys get along? To be honest, I've only really had a few conversations with her. Try to keep my distance so well, maybe maybe you'd wanna not Maybe you want to kind of lean into it instead of keeping your distance.

Maybe there's an opportunity to, as hard as it might be too to you know, reach out to her and say, hey, we should let's let's see, I don't know, try to connect with her. That might be bothering your dad. That maybe one of the reasons. I don't mean to keep defending him men men defending each other, um, but that there might be some reason why he keeps over compensating,

you know, and mentioning her. Yeah. Yeah, And I think also like this is your time, this is your moment, and you know, your relationship with her can develop over time, which is a more natural way for things like that to happen, like force it. Yeah, you don't have to rush into that, like you know, you can even relay that to your father, like I'm I'm totally willing to support you and be there for you. I need this from you. I'm asking you. I'm sitting in front of

you asking you to be here for me. And this is your daughter, it's not Sally, just so you know, Yeah, and wear a big nameplate on your clear Yeah. No, that's definitely very helpful and just stutting boundaries. I think it's to be really important and yes, maybe getting to know her a little bit better, but it's pretty weird to relate to her because obviously we have a lot of common being for the same age. Yeah, out, No,

I get it. It's a it's an icky thing for girls to have to deal with their father's girlfriends that are the same age them. It just makes you question a lot of different things. So I can relate to that. But you know, as long as you're not taking it out on her, you know whatever, Like she's irrelevant really at this point, it's more about your dad's you know, attention span and understanding of this time in your life and how important it is to you. Yes, absolutely so.

Do you feel like that's a conversation that you can have with him, Yes, but I think I'm going to have to write it down because they're also going to say I don't mean yeah, yeah, And take your time with the conversation. Try not to be reactive if he says something that brings it up, you know, just try and take a breath, because I do. You don't want that conversation to escalate. You really want it to land.

So even if he says stuff, just take a breath and go, you know, like, don't respond in a way that is going to like denude the entire meaning of your conversation. You know, you really want to have an impact with it, So meditate before, write down your intentions, write down what you want to say, and then go in like you are just going to win this conversation,

you know. Yeah, And I think when you're applying to his like nature as a dad, like I need you to just be like my dad walking me down the aisle, go to that sentimental place, and I think he'll he'll be very much on your team. It's such a good point. Yeah, well, thank you so much, Cammie. Yeah. Yeah, you on your dad's marriage, on your on your on your wedding. Yes, I'm really excited. It was so nice to be on

this show. And Chelsea, I'm so excited I get to do in a couple of weeks live So how awesome in Santa Rosa? Oh cool? Santa Rose? Is that where you work? I yeah? Close by? Oh okay, cool? Okay, Well, let us know, like follow up and let us know how the conversation with your dad went and if he was able to hear you. Yeah, thank you so much. Okay, thanks Kavy c sup by Oh what a sweetie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm so glad. When my mom died, we found my

father naked in the kitchen with his cleaning lady. About two weeks later, as my mom was dying, she said to me, your father is a piece of work, and you guys are all about to find out how fucked up he is. She didn't stay fucked up because she never cursed. But she never cursed, so she was She was like the opposite of me. She was quiet and demure, and she was like, wait, I she said, I will be laughing at you in heaven when you find out what I've been protecting you girls from and my father.

Within two weeks, my brother Roy text us going just went over to check on dad. His cleaning lady was naked in the kitchen cleaning while my father had his pants down sitting on the couch. And I just thought to myself, thank God, my mother is in heaven and not privy to this. And then I looked up and I just smiled at her, like you were right all along, and I yeah, yeah, and then I ate, Then I ate an orange and started laughing with my mother in heaven.

That's great, that's wild. You're so, did you're did your dad end up remarrying or did you know? I think he just slept with all the people that worked at the house, so, you know, but I mean, I don't even think my father was in any physical condition to be having sex, So I think it was more of just like a voyeuristic you know, you know what I mean. Yes, so we don't really need to delve any further. But

that's interesting. But you you, yeah, so you can relate to a daughter marrying somebody young, yea father marrying it if he had had been spry enough by the time my mother died, Like he completely fell apart when my mom died, had he been able to keep his ship together, he definitely would have brought some women around. That would have been a hard pill to swallow for my family and I yeah, and my family and me, excuse my grammar.

That's interesting. Are your parents still married? They're still married, And I can't imagine, mean, even if they weren't, I'm trying to imagine like what that would be like. I guess it's different for guys. Maybe there's I think there's something uniquely strange maybe for a young you know, for a daughter to have her father dating somebody her age, you know, to to I don't know, just just the sexual implications that it brings up. And yeah, right right, strange, Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

I also wonder if Sally feels just as weird about it. She probably feels weird about having a step daughter to be that it's her age. Now I'm I'm kind of contradicting what I said earlier about wanting to respect the elderly, but I have to question, and I shouldn't, but I do. I find myself questioning the person that age their motivation for being with somebody who is sixty three, just because I would imagine it'd be so hard to relate to somebody that much younger. Yeah. Yeah. I had a driver

this weekend who said that he has a girlfriend. He was seventy three and his girlfriend is thirty three and there's a forty year age difference. And man, I said it, really, like, how does that work out? He goes, great, it's my third wife. You know. When I when I got married, I thought, oh wow, you know, I was sixty and she was twenty and and I'm like, and what drugs was she smoking? That she was attracted to a six year old man, and when I was forty two she

was too. That's crazy. So just that disturbed me. I just like, I guess it depends on what at that age you value and if you value enough, if you value youth and that whatever, that person's vitality, enough, hotness, if you value that enough that it's enough to overwhelm the lack of common ground and inability to have like a really like challenging conversation. I don't know, maybe, Yeah, I tried not to be too judgy because, like, you know, some people really are in love. Like when I was

twenty I dated. When I was twenty two, I dated a thirty six year old and that was a pretty big age difference. And I but I was a baby. I just I was. So I had the biggest crush on this guy. You know, why he was dating me is a separate issue, but so show I try not to be too judgy because you know, people do fall in love at different ages in their lives, so it's not all it's not all badly motivated or motivated for the wrong reasons. Yeah, that's true. Well. Our next email

comes from Mary. We are old people in love, so hopefully we can give some advice to you with this very young person and love. Dear Chelsea. I'm nineteen and I've been with my boyfriend for a year now, since I was eighteen. In the past six months, I've accepted that I'm bisexual, and I had a conversation with him about that when I was ready. He accepted my sexuality, but my attraction to something he can't give me made him a little insecure. I had little time to explore

many sexual or relationship experiences before being with him. Since the conversation, I've had the recurring thought that I'm so young and have so much to experience. I'd like to be with a woman, but I don't foresee myself ending things with him, and we're not polyamorous people. If he was okay with it, I'd like to explore my sexuality while still loving him, but I would not be okay with him experiencing other women. He's very straight. If he had the need to explore his sexuality and wanted to

see men, I would be okay with it. The advice I need is how should I empathetically approach a conversation like this to a sensitive person like him. Also, is it too early in the relationship to ask about something like this? Is it better to bring this up years down the road when we have established even more trust than we already have. Ps A threesome is off the table, thanks, Mary. Got a lot of rules, very strict boundaries, Yeah, a

lot of boundaries yet, okay, conflicting boundaries? Yeah, okay, Well I think a you need to bring it up immediately. There's that is dishonest to lead somebody on without giving them all the facts and all the information. You're very clear, or you seem to be very here about what your desires are and what your boundaries are, so you just all all you need. All you can do is present them in an honest way and accept whether or not

he's going to be okay with that. And if he's not going to be okay with that, then you need to respect that as well and either end the relationship based on what you want to do moving forward or except that you're not going to be able to act like that within the countfines of that relationship. But you cannot lie to him or lead him on. You have to give everyone the information they need, and then there everyone is allowed to make their own choice for themselves.

You don't get to decide how your boyfriend is going to exist within a relationship. A year's plenty of time to lay it on the table. Yes, that's a well said, you're so good at this. I mean, I hope that doesn't sound so it's true. I was, I was like, what is that? Because I guess the proposition is that she wants to be with women while still being with him, but she doesn't want him to be with anybody anybody else, but she wants to be allowed to be with other people. Yeah,

that's a pretty tough put. He could be with a man if he wants to. Yeah, but he there's he showed no indication of being kidd or bi sexual, So like, yeah, so what Yah, what if a woman were to dress as a man, or to identify maybe as a man, or said she you know, you could maybe fudge the rules a little bit. Yeah, there's a lot of fudging

for the rules. I just think she's the nineteen Like, when you're nineteen, you are changing, you're learning about yourself, and it's easy to want the best of both worlds, Like I want us to love him, but I want to experiment. You don't know that there's space for that. I know I have a feeling she'll look back and think, Oh, I wish I hadn't strung him along or been I wish I had, you know, maybe ended things sooner, been honest sooner, because there's so much to explore at nineteen.

I mean, you've got the whole It's it's Mary, Mary, you have the whole world to explore. You're so you know, it's such a great time to be unfettered. So I feel bad for his her boyfriend, but um, well yeah I don't. And just you know, Mary, something to remember is like whatever you put out is coming back at you. That's like just the law of physics. You know, there's

an action, there's a reaction. So you want to treat him with the same amount of respect that you want to be treated with, because down the road, if you don't treat him with respect, someone's gonna come along and someone's gonna do that to you and you're not gonna like it. So you have to treat him with all the honesty, even if it's uncomfortable and it hurts you.

You have to treat him with all that honesty and respect and be as honest as you can, and then it's up to him whether or not he's willing to accept that. It sounds like she is. She wrote a really he's very honest in her letter and yeah, yeah, so just get onto Mary, just you know, deal with the subject matter, and then you know, who knows, Maybe you guys take a break, maybe you go explore your feelings of bisexuality, and maybe you come right back to

him and think, wait, this is what I want. Or maybe there's a whole new world for you that you're postponing by prolonging it by being in a relationship. And I had her a normative relationship. Yeah, I'm always so curious at what that moment is. She said she accepted it six months ago. I'm always wondering what the catalyst. Maybe there's not one particular thing, but I'm always curious at that age when when somebody's you know, had a couple of years of sexuality, let's say, or being a

sexualized person. Mary right back and let us know. Yeah, let us know, Mary, what happened triggered your bisexuality? And yeah, what triggered it? And act with integrity, okay, because I know you're nineteen, and sometimes integrity doesn't come to us until we're a little bit older. But try to get after it. Yeah. So this person who wrote in is going by younger than I sound, Dear Chelsea, She says, I'm twenty seven, and I've manifested myself into living a

very small life. I have a computer job, and I work from home. I live out of state from my family, and I was dumped last year. We didn't survive the pandemic. I guess, anyway, did you ever have a year or two in your twenties, even late twenties like me, where you were all alone doing it all yourself. I want to thrive in my career, independence and living alone, but I usually just feel like a sixty five year old widow living alone with her cats and waiting for the

next big HBO show to come out. Younger than I sound, she sounds funny and sweet. I have felt that way late twenties. I would try to fill that void, whether it was going out and drinking and drugs, relationships that I probably shouldn't have been in. But I in a way, I think she's doing a really healthy thing by by being by herself and kind of expressing those feelings of

loneliness maybe, and on we and on we. But I'm so curious what Chelsea's going to say, because I remember that feeling, and I don't think I behaved in a as healthier way as younger than I sound as behaving. She she's actually she sounds older. Yeah, you do sound older, but that's okay. I think everybody goes through different phases in their lives. I just read a book for my friend, Lily Saying wrote a book called Be a Triangle and

it's a short read. I read it in an hour and a half, like you can pick it up and put it down. But it's just a reminder that the times in your life where you feel loneliest or just are not forever. And there are a bunch of tools there about creating a foundation for your life where you can build on that you know and your your relationship with yourself is really the most important one to be

focused on. And when you have a healthy relationship with yourself and you're confident in the decisions you're making, that's when you can bring other people into your life in a more meaningful way. Full circle. Yeah, that's when we're talking about earlier. Yeah, totally. And it's like this period of time doesn't define you, you know, I totally. I was a person in my twenties, and I was a different person in my thirties, and I you know, and I'm now in my forties and I'm a different person.

I was a recluse for like periods of time in my twenties because it's just everyone just drove me fucking crazy. I would TV, I would lie in bed for hours a day, like for periods of like you know, sometimes months, I mean interspersed with like activities, but like overall, I would have termed to myself as a recluse. I didn't want to go to bars, I didn't want to hang out. And then there were periods of time where that's all I did was hang out and party and meet up

and hook up and and date. And then I'd have a boyfriend and that would last for a year, and then that was my focus. And so there are we have similar paths. Yes, yes, I wanted to touch the flame. And then but then you find that you're a lot happier. I mean everyone's seeking happiness, I suppose, but I found that I was a lot happier when I would just settle and I was by myself, and I was able to cultivate interests alone and in silence. There's something really

I mean, embrace that time because it won't last for long. Change. Chelsea's right, So it's a good time to kind of cultivate your own thing and interests. And even if it's just sitting around with your cats, being still in present in the world is a beautiful thing. And coming to appreciate nature and being alive is a really special thing. So don't don't short change that. Yeah, and if you think, oh, I spend too much time alone, like, just add some

things to that. You know, go outside, go for a hike once a day, or whatever outdoor activities you're interested in. Go for a walk with your cat, or go for a walk alone, or find a friend to go for a walk with. Just like, incorporate little things that are going to boost your mood. Being outdoor will always help you be in a better mood and being a more positive kind of headspace. So just remember that and also just kind of add things to your life that does.

You know, make plans with a friend, make plans with a relative, do things that are so you can see if you enjoy that and if you want to continue doing that, and you know, there's nothing wrong with spending a lot of time with yourself and using that time wisely to kind of get to know yourself and what what you're going to accept in your life and what you're not, you know, kind of setting standards for yourself moving forward. A man. Yes, sorry, what's that book? Be

a Triangle? Yeah? By Lily saying she just wrote it. Yeah,

and she was a guest on this show last season. Yeah, it's a cute little book, and it's just about positive relationships with yourself to remember that you don't you know, a lot of times we spend our lives proving things to other people when in in fact, your relationship with yourself and your spiritual relationship with the universe and nature and touch and giving and instead of just receiving or you know, giving instead of taking is just a huge component of how to be a more well rounded person.

I found a lot of value in this book I have. I interviewed Dr Mark Epstein on life is Short. It's going to pieces without following out Oh yeah, yeah. A Buddhist perspective on wholeness. I've really found a lot of value in that. And The xenop Therapy is his latest book. I don't mind plugging all of his work, but I like Mark Epstein. Yeah yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, and taking walks and being present in nature has really helped me

to I'm really rooting for this person. She sounds really cool and sweet and yeah, yeah, I'm wishing you the best. Younger than I sound. Yeah, younger than I sound. I wish you the best too, So don't be too harsh with judgment on yourself. Okay, Yeah, take it easy, take it slow, and you know, keep moving. Yeah. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back to close it out. Okay, we'll take a loof a break, we'll be right back. Justin, keep your hands where we can

see them. Okay, I'm just getting my loof and we're back. Well, we're back to close it out and justin. Did you have any advice that you'd like from Chelsea. I've also found myself getting now that I have the smart card, it's going to be a little bit more of a problem, but getting my reactivity. You mentioned reactivity, which is I think so important for a lot of these colors. It's been so important in my life to be aware of.

But on the road, I still tend to get people drive like maniacs here and I find myself getting very reactive on the road. I had an encounter yesterday where guy swerved into my lane and just to let him know he was coming to my lane, I gave him the bet beep. It wasn't an angry beat, but it was just a pop up you're coming in and he gave me the finger. It was wild, and I said, what's me? And he started swerving purposefully into my lane to because angry. Now, I don't know in those moments.

I've been really working on reactivity and I've loved meditation, but sometimes those moments I find very challenging. What do you do? I'm curious what you do on the road if we're something like that to happen. I mean, my

whole therapy was about my reactivity. So I am able to laugh at anyone who acts like that, Like I'm able to go, oh God, that person is obviously having a really bad day or time or life, Like no one needs to give anyone the finger on the road, like and it shouldn't you and you reacting to it is just getting right down to his level instead of

elevating to your level. So I don't know what the right thing is, but recognizing that reaction in yourself is the first step by going, Oh, I was just about to give him the finger back, but I'm not going to do that because this is so silly. We're driving and superficially, I'm wondering if you can recommend a strain

of sativa that is inedible potentially good for driving. Yeah, that being out in the world, maybe younger than I sound might want to try it on one of the nature walks, just being a little bit more so you don't get you don't crash. I've been really crashing and getting tired. Yeah, I like uh I I don't like strong edibles during the daytime. I love. I think the most popular one are those Kiva blueberries, you know what I'm talking about. Those are light and they're kind of

fun and giggly. And also another really light option are those Breeze mints. They are two at point five milligrams for really new beginners, and they're an upper Like that's a fun thing to like go outside and do something with. So those are two good suggestions. I think great. Thank you. Oh you're so welcome justin. What a great way to wrap up the episode. Yes, yeah, and it was a terrible beginning, terrible beginning. We really really cleaned it out

of the end. It's a great ending. I'm really good at endings. This was so fun. Thank you for having me well, thank you for being here. It was a pleasure to see you again too. And I'm so happy that you're in love. Congratulations. Tell Kate give her my love for me. Well, I don't know if you heard her, she said as she came in looking for she was looking for a plug. She said, hello, I did, okay, okay, Well, thank you guys, and so nice to meet you. Catherine. Likewise,

give Kate my best. I will. Well, thank you, guys. I'd have a great day in Massachusetts and Connecticut justin. Okay, thank you, l and give my best I will. I hope we all get to hang out one that'd be fine. Let's do it. Bye bye. So, if you'd like to ask Chelsea a question, email us at Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.