Dad's New Girlfriend with Tiffani Thiessen

Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.

How are you.

I'm good. I'm good. I'm here, I'm queer. Get used to it.

You are heading to Whistler very shortly.

I am.

I'm about to go on a road trip with the dogs, and I'm scared a little bit, but I'm also looking forward to it. I'm gonna listen to a book on tape. I just have to figure out which book.

Do you have any suggestions?

You know what I do. So I just watched the movie of this. Leave the World Behind is a new movie that came out on Netflix. It's got like Julia Roberts and stuff, and it's about not post apocalyptic, but like the apocalypse basically starting. There's some like race elements in it. It's very interesting called Leave the World Behind.

Oh yeah, I've heard about this. Somebody else mentioned that.

Yes, I read the book a couple of years ago and I loved it. It's really good and I loved the movie too. So yeah, that's what I would recommend, Leave the World Behind, Leave the World Behind. Okay, Chelsea, you've got some new dates in you know, Australia.

Yes, yes, we just announced dates and Australia and New Zealand so I'm coming in July to Australia, so yes, get your dates there, Chelseahandler dot com. And I still have all my Canadian dates this winter. I had more dates coming in the fall for America, North America Chelsea Handler America, which is the lower forty eight, even though I'm half Canadian.

At this point, I mean, your tour goes right on through the rest of next year, right.

Yes, there's no end in sight as of now, so I don't know.

Honestly, I feel like it's a really good holiday gift because they can get themselves a ticket and their best friend a ticket or spouse or whatever, but then they also get.

To go see you.

It is a good holiday ticket. And this show is so fun. Yeah, I mean it's always fun, but this is one is really stupid.

You know.

This one is so stupid because it's so not political, because we're so all exhausted from politics and all that, so this one is really There's nothing quite like getting to masturbate on stage.

In front of thousands of people to show.

People what I was up to when I was nine years old.

Excellent, Should we welcome our guest?

Oh?

Yes, today we have one of my childhood idols Tiffany Amber Theeson, even though we were with the same age. Probably I was obsessed with her growing up because I was always wanted to be a brunette, even though I was dyeing my hair. Yes, she's on today, So I ran into her the other night and I was like, oh, yeah,

What happened to Amber? Where is she?

So it's still there legally, Like on my driver's license it says Tiffany Amber Smith now because I did take my husband's name, but it's just my middle name. It was hyphenated when I started this crazy business because they thought it was cool. I guess it was kind of It was popular back then to have a hyphenated name.

They call that in you know, in the UK, they call that like a double barrel name when you have like well, I mean it's two last names, but they used it's like a last name for your middle name, so it sounds a little bit more.

They fascinated, but it wasn't legally hyphenated. It was never legally hyphened same hyphen I don't know if they don't know if they did, but I'm just on my like resume and on my all my headshots, they hyphenated it to make it Tiffany Amber, which was weird.

I don't know.

Yeah, some agent told me to do it, and then I was like.

Okay, yeah, you know what a guy told me he wants to do.

He told me to put a bird on my fucking shoulder to do stand up because he thought I wouldn't. This is what Jamie Massada from We Do And from the laugh Actory once told me, put a bird on your shoulder so you can separate yourself from the other girls. He goes, because you're too pretty. I was like, and he goes, a bird distracting that people wouldn't be able to pay attention to what I'm saying.

So he said a bird would help.

Yeah, and I was like, well, obviously I'm never going to fucking do that. And I still tell him the story anytime I pop into the laugh Actory, which is very seldom.

Is he still working there?

Yeah, he still owns it runs.

Yeah, what was it like for you when you started out in this business, because that was before anybody had any rules about how to treat women.

That's true, That is very true. I have to say I think I was pretty lucky. I had moments, one specific one I do remember when I was shooting nine to two and O and which is nice. We act can talk about this shit now. Yeah, yeah, for sure, I know it was not crazy. But yeah, no, I was actually pretty lucky to not have a lot of horrible stories. I've had a couple, but not for as long as I've been doing this business. You would think I would have a ship ton of them, but I don't.

Yeah, you know, it's funny. Yeah you hear how prevalent and and you know I had.

Totally grab me in the middle of a scene and he thought it was okay because he was in character, and I was like, fuck you, this has nothing to do with being in character.

Grabbed you in the peaka complete completely oh stopped production.

I was pissed. I was mad. I was really mad, and I embarrassed the shit out of him in front of my home because it was my show. I was on nine O two one it was my show. He was a guest star, like a reoccurring older gentleman. Piece of shit, total piece of shit. And uh I stopped production and everything we were shooting in Mexico too.

Oh good for you.

I'm sure someone will figure out who it was. I gave him a lot of clues.

Yeah, how was it working with the girls on nine oh two? And that was probably because my experience, my experience, I was I had more trouble women in powerful positions, and because you guys were all I think women.

I have a teenage daughter. I think women are ten times harder. I know, they're total little you know what. I know that's I mean, I think because they're just so emotional and they get insecure and of course, you know, like my husband always says, guys would just beat it out, they'd hit each other and you'd move on. Like girls are like manipulative. It's all mental, you know. So I think it's sort of the same. Yeah, they were cruel, they were horrible. Yeah, I've been very open about it.

Well because you were a newcomer.

I was a newcomer. I was coming on replacing Shannon Dorney on the show.

Oh right, right, so that must have been it. Well, they and they didn't get along before that, so.

They were having I guess issues with her in the beginning, and then I was coming on, but I was coming from another popular show. Who knows what the reason was, but yeah, it was. It was bad at the beginning, and then you know, I think they finally realized I was kind of a nice girl. It wasn't like mean or anything. So and then they came around.

Yeah.

Yeah, so I saw you recently. You were at my show. Yeah, outrageous, l A, thank you. It was such a nice surprise to see you.

It was fun, it was awesome.

Yeah.

So tell me about your life now, Tell me about your marriage, Tell me about being a mother.

I want to know how, I really want to know.

I do.

I'm curious because I'm never going to do it, so I'm always fascinated by it.

I have quite a few friends who are very adamant and very sure that they do not want to have kids, and I appreciate that because I appreciate people who know what they want for whatever reason, career, life choice, marriage, not marriage, kids or whatever. I appreciate people who know what they want. And I also appreciate we have a lot of people on this planet, like for people who not who don't want to procreate. Good for you, Thank.

You, I know, thank you. Yeah, I appreciate welcome. That's true.

Though I wanted to have a couple, I had one of each. I was lucky and that I'm done.

You know, I'm done, and it's at And what is the best part about it?

I think.

I think a little bit of the like when they do something good, you're like, oh, that's me, you know, like a little braggy. It's a little braggy, a little braggy at times, you know, in a good way. I guess the unconditional love is quite nice. You know, you don't have to work at it as hard like marriage is hard. I feel like the unconditional part of having a child is a little easier because it's a piece of you. Maybe I don't know, I don't know why.

You're not trying to cultivate a front a relationship with them.

It's a natural shape. Yeah, it's a natural thing. As much as you know, there's moments where I want to kill them.

Because I was reading this book and it really got me thinking about you know how when you're a child, you're so consumed as a being with being a child, right, you're not considering your parents' existence. Even you're not considering your dad's or your mom's job or the stress that they may be, and certainly not their history. You're not thinking like, I wonder what mom, my mom? What where your child was like I didn't, I didn't wonder. I was like, ah, it wasn't.

It wasn't until later.

It's so funny because you know, you're a child and you think you're the most important thing in the universe, and your parents are the most important things in the universe as well, but you're not as interested in their like complexity or nuance.

And then or story.

And then you become a parent and the roles completely flipped because all you care about is your child, but it's not all you care about because.

But then you also have the other flip sides. So now I have aging parents too, right, So I have taking care of my children because I started a little later, and then I have the taking care of my parents. So it's it's this really interesting sort of dual other side, ye, taking care of people that you really care about, right.

The Sandwich generation, that's.

The same, right, Yeah, And that's kind of where I am right now. It's like both sides.

And are your parents still together?

They are, They're still together, still married. My dad's a lot older than my mom by seven years, so we see the age difference now as they're getting older and my mom's still doing awesome and my dad's you know, definitely aging a little faster, right.

Yeah, So speak to me about that aspect of things, like, because I find it curious and compelling, Like, I'm very interested in how do you shift from what your your own needs are to what your child's needs are? Like when do you know that you like that has to be a priority, you know, regardless of being like sick or an emergency situation.

How do you know how to balance what you want to do with your I.

Think it's an everyday thing. It's there. There is no rhyme or reason. I do believe now that my children are a little bit older, I feel like it can have a little more selfish moments, you know, And I've talked about this pretty openly I'm going to be fifty, and I'm like, you know, I feel pretty good where I've been able to kind of almost breathe a little bit more with my kids now that they're older, because they're not babies, they're not infants where that is like twenty four fucking seven.

Yeah, I mean nothing. They can even sit up when they're born.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, so, like I feel a little bit better. But now it's a it's a different difficult right, It's it's there. I have a teenager now, so I'm dealing with making sure like boys stay away from her, and she understands, like, you could ruin your life if you know, if you do anything like that, you know, right now at thirteen, and like trying to get her to understand how bad social media is and not have that right now.

Does she not have?

No, she does not have it.

Oh is she pissed about that?

Oh?

Yeah, of course she's. Yeah, she's she's she's asked for so long the last like year and a half that I think she's tired of asking. So she's gotten a little bit better about it. And she'll just kind of come over and check my nod every now and then.

But yeah, I mean it's I feel like this might be the moment in time where we all just I know, I'm not on social media nearly as much as I was before this whole thing has started in the Middle East. I can't even look because it's so ugly, it's so nasty that I had to set a timer. I had my girlfriend because I'm technologically not equipped. I had my girlfriend set a timer, a time limit on right for you and so. But but it gives you the option

To ignore this for an hour? Or do you want to ignore this for the day.

And I'm like, uh, but I had that timer hasn't come up once in the last six the whole thing.

I know that, So back in the day, we weren't meant to see all that kind of stuff. As much as I know we're we should and we should be aware of what's happening in our in our world. But it's a lot for the psyche, a lot.

Yeah, I can really bring it.

And I think for a thirteen year old girl, I was like, oh, no, way, no, that happened.

Like they're not dealing with enough.

But I mean I remember they were already dealing with shit at school.

I remember getting left out of stuff in like elementary school. Like my girlfriends would all get together, and the reason I found out was because like one of the mean girls would say, we're all getting together without you, and I would just like destroy me.

Can you imagine you find evidence? It's just all in.

Fact, instant, Yeah, that instant, And then they all talk about it, and then they share photos and this whole snapchat thing and.

Like, oh, and does your daughter have a pretty healthy attitude?

Like how would you describe her state of being with sch She's.

Pretty good, but she's also thirteen. She's in middle school, and middle school sucks. I mean, I don't know anybody who said middle school was the best years of their life. Wasn't mine?

No, I mean certainly not high school. High school was brutal. Middle school was more brutal too.

I think middle school was more brutal for me.

High school I just checked out. I had an older boyfriend, and I was like, fuck this sho.

I had an older boyfriend too. I was like, I don't need you.

I mean, it was it was illegal for sure or what I was doing, but I mean.

Whatever, we don't talk about that, Chelsea, because I have a thirteen year old daughter and you know nothing about.

That, that's right, And I don't know what the statute of limitations is on that, So we'll just keep everybody protected here. And you're into food, and you're into like I know you're into cooking.

You love your cook I love food.

He has a new cookbook at what's the name of it, Here we Go Again? Okay, it's called here we Go Again. I need a fucking cookbook because I have a brand new house with this gorgeous kitchen and I don't know whether I don't know what to do.

I'll come over and I'll help you.

I would love that.

I'm also really good organizing too, so I can help you put your kitchen away.

And also you're like very into clean food, right, and like you recite like.

Not wasting, yes, wasting, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I was gonna say clean food. No, I'll have a good Mayo sandwich with some meat and bacon and all that. Yeah. No, no, no, I'm not going with cultural I understand it, and I try to eat as clean as possible during the weekend. Then I have a little fun on the weekends. But no, I love food. I love all types of food. But no, I I the book that I This is my second cookbook. My first one was called Pull Up a Chair, and

Let's try I like upcycle food cycle. I like that. That's good. Yeah.

So anyways, and it's really trying to, like, you know, teach my kids to be better, because the kids are the worst. I feel like the kids are the worst about wasting.

I know.

It's like they need to have a class in school about climate change, like totally dedicated to that.

I feel like they're starting to hitting a little more. I think they're also like high in anxiety, like really like having some anxiety issues understanding like the issues that we're having in our world about climate change and all that. But I do believe I think they are teaching at least my kids school. They're starting to teach it. So I don't know, we'll see, let's hope.

So tell me about your husband. How did you guys hook up?

We are together twenty years married eighteen, which in Hollywood is a fucking lifetime. We were set up on a blain date really not crazy A were you nervous to go on a blind date. No, I had been on a couple before, and he was supposedly a serial date or two. So I think we were okay, like we were, but he was like a Texas boy. I didn't know anything about him. He had never seen any show that

Oh my god, whoever set you up must have been crackety celebrated. They must think.

I mean, yes, I guess so she probably feels that way. We don't talk anymore. But there were some issues with that too, so don't worry.

I have plenty of those. Yeah, A loud and clear aladin clear.

I think she wasn't happening in her life.

So yeah, that's usually how it goes. Yeah, yeah, absolutely so.

But you've been together for twenty years or twenty and see he's not in the business.

He is in the business. That's what I'm saying. It's crazy. So he's an actor. He's kind of made a shift and he's mostly now he's an artist as well, a painter, graphic graphic artist, and so now he's doing kids books and graphic novels.

And does he do the the artwork for your illustration or any artwork.

Now in your books? Actually he doesn't.

I should make him do it, but yeah, it seems like that would be a nice co lib, you think.

So we did one children's book together, but now he does them all on his own, because I mean, I don't.

I don't draw. And do you like being married?

I do like being married. I mean, you know, let's be honest. There's days where I'm like, I could do this by myself so much easier. But no, it's it's nice having someone to you help, right, to take to parent together, not to have to make all the decisions, even though I feel like I make a lot of them. But no, I'm being totally I'm kidding, but you're not times but I'm not.

I mean, it's very I mean, it's a very typical female male dynamic.

It is.

I mean, I look at my parents and they're kind of the same way. His parents are still married. Who I'm very close to my in laws. We come from very similar stocks, so it was an easy relationship from the beginning.

It really was. That's nice.

It's not. I know, it's not always like that. I know.

I mean, you have a pretty cush legs and everything is really cool.

Yeah, I mean like, I'm pretty fortunate. He's not. You know, he's like a pretty normal guy. I like it.

Yeah, pretty normal too. I feel like I'm pretty normal.

You don't feel like you've got any major issues that are jumping.

Out, at least not now. Maybe later.

I'm gonna by the end of the episode, I'll do a full analysis, would you. No problem, We're going to take a quick break and we will be right back, and we're back.

We're back.

Sorry. I have never worn a hat while we're doing this podcast. I cannot want to take it off.

Yeah, but it still works. You still see your eye.

Bruce Springsteen hat that he signed for me, So.

I I didn't even see that.

My friends are like, you have to put that in a collector's whatever, a glass. I'm like, no, I don't. I'm gonna wear the shit out of this fucking hat. Are you kidding me? Bruce Springsteen?

Oh?

My god, that's awesome, Tiffany.

You might not have any major issues, but hopefully you can help some folks that have major issues.

Hey, I'm always up to discussing anything.

Yeah.

So confusingly, we have two Kylie's today.

Oh so we both of them are Actually it's one set of lips and then the other set of lips back to back.

Our first caller, Kylie is calling in from Las Vegas. She says, Dear Chelsea, one of my closest friends got married a few years ago, and I showed the fuck up in every way bride's maid's, bachelorette party, etc. When she had a baby a few years later, same thing. Basically, I've been there for every major life event for her, and of course I would be because I love her. So when I got engaged and was planning a wedding,

It's totally okay.

Weeks before the wedding and well after the RSVP date. She finally said she couldn't make it, which is completely valid. The weekend before my wedding, however, I'm in bed with my then fiance and he showed me his Instagram said friend was at another wedding in a different state. I then went to my Instagram and she had blocked me so I wouldn't see. She explained that she blocked me because she was quote protecting me and quote didn't want to hurt my feelings. I feel at a total loss here.

What should I do?

Kylie, Hi, Kylie, You're cute?

All the callers are cute, are they? They are?

They're so cute of the prereconisent.

Yeah, you have to be cute to call it.

She's super cute.

Hello.

This is Tiffany Theason, our special guest today.

Hi, Kylie, Hi.

I'm good. How are you guys?

We're good great.

I just heard your letter about your wedding. When is your wedding? Has it happened yet?

No? Yes, it was in September. You know, we both lived in the same area in New York City. We were like thickest thieves for years.

She got married.

I was everywhere for her bachelor repp party, weddings, baby showers, the whole nine yards.

And would you consider her your best friend? Was she your best friend?

Oh? For years? For sure?

Yeah, for years. And you know, I get you know, I moved to Las Vegas. I met my now husband when I came out here to party for a weekend, and now I live here.

That's a whole nother story.

Yeah, oh it's great. And I know, I know she moved to Atlanta, and I knew we were never going to be as close, But there's no reason for us to have a falling out. Yeah, we used to say that it was destiny that we met each other, and for her to act like this and just completely.

I can tell you're really hurt.

Yeah, Oh my god, I've been and I feel like a child.

I'm thirty three years old, and I feel like I like keep waking up in the middle of the night and then rereading our text messages, and I'm like, I did tell her a hundred times if she couldn't make the wedding, it's fine, Like, it's totally cool. I do not I don't care. I mean, I know, you got another life, you got kids, you got babies.

I get it. I'm not going to hold it.

Aga.

Do you think she felt guilty?

Is that?

Where do you think this comes from? Is that she felt guilty about telling you or being honest?

I don't know.

I really don't know. But what I'm struggling with now is moving forward. I just don't know how to move forward.

What was the same Where did she go from what state to what state to the wedding or.

The other wedding that she didn't tell you about.

She said it was close by, so she lives in Atlanta.

Because you said it was another state that she went to yes, right, because I was thinking like, oh, Italy obviously too far or whatever, but this wasn't out of state wedding, so I'm like, M not exactly the same.

Thing, but it depends it could have been a dry I mean right, she could have driven.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah.

I think it's just more. Probably what hurts you the most is the dishonesty, which that would bother me the most as well, because I don't believe in dishonesty. I don't care how hard it is to swallow or not, especially if you're that close. Exactly, Yeah, what.

Was your last exchange with her? When you saw that she did go to this other wedding?

So I messaged her. I was like, are you kidding me? Like, you completely block me on Instagram?

My husband sees it and all my other friends who know her see it as well, and I go, why did? I don't understand why you had? Why I had to get this bad, this messy for no reason? And she kind of turned it around on me and was like, you know, this is who I am, and if you have a problem with that.

That's who I am. That I'm not honest.

Yeah, She's like, I don't know how many more times I can apologize, you know?

I but did she apologize? She kind of apologized, but after the fact, because she wasn't honest.

She apologized when she didn't RSVP ever months and months and months and like only texted me. She sent me like an ungrown plant that was supposed to grow into an olive tree. I'm like, whatever, and.

Then you should put that in your bathtub and see what happens. I'm grown plant. So annoying when people sent shit like that.

I'm like an ungrown plan. I'm like, what am I supposed to do with a twig?

And you know whatever. So yeah, and I was just, you know, I was getting excited for wedding.

I'm moving on. It's fine, it is what it is.

And then you know, I'm packing and I see that this is happening. She blocked me. I was like, I was ready to kind of move on. I was ready to just like put this in the past, and then you block me. So when I called her out for that, she she kind of turned it around to me. She's like, this is my life, Like this is how I am. You know, if you have a problem, then like have a great wedding and blah blah blah.

She got defensive. Yeah, that's usually what happens.

Well, that's usually what happens when you know you're wrong.

Yep, that's exactly.

Right, because it's like, if the need to be right is so fierce you're wrong, like, you don't if you're really right, you don't put that kind of you don't know, defensive about anything.

You also don't need to lie. That's the thing. I've always said that. And here's the thing I'm going to say. This is going to be a really simple thing because I've had a couple of relationships and I had one that was best friend, longtime relationship. We had an issue, had a falling out, and another friend of mine said, you know, not all relationships last. Sometimes relationships and friendships last for a period of time in your lifetime, for

I know.

But that, like I you know, when your phone, you know, you wake up in the morning and your phone will show you pictures that you have on your reel and it will remind you of memories. I have so many pictures of her that it will just make a video montage of her face I.

Know, so did I. I mean I didn't have This was a while ago, so I didn't have that phone that could do that back then. But I'm just saying, like, yes, I have those memories, and they're great memories, but their memories, right, And so you take that part of your section of your life that you had with her and appreciate what she brought to your life during that time. Apparently she

And another analogy.

Let's use a plant, because you have one and I'm sure it hasn't grown yet. Like, think about a plant being watered every day, right, and I think about the duration of a plant's life, Like, however long that a lifespan is for a plant?

For six years?

Say you got watered by one person and then after that someone else started watering you.

You're still healthy because of it.

You still have memories, you're still lively, you still have vibrancy because someone was watering you.

It's just going to be a different person that's doing the watering from now on.

I agree completely with what Tiffany said, like you can't hold on to anger. The biggest thing you could do is be like, okay, you know, if you want to write her one last thing, then that would be fine too, to be like, listen, I don't think that's what you need, you know, for a closure, Like it was really upsetting for you to respond like that blocking me on Instagram. It was childish. There's just really no other way around it than that. That was childish. I've never put pressure

Of course, you're allowed to go to weddings.

You know, but make it short and sweet and loving and be like, you know, it's really sad that this feels like our relationship's over, and you know, I just want to let you know thanks for all the good memories. They pop up on my phone all the time, and blah blah blah. I don't think you should try to. There's no reason in matching her level of anger, defensiveness

Yeah.

I think just what struggled for me because I didn't move far away from all the people that I know and love my whole life, and I just feel like I've just had to like slowly trim the fat off because my time when I'm home is very precious and I really want to spend time with people that really bring me joy. And I just feel like through the years since I've moved here, I've now lived here for five years, like each year like someone kind of is trimmed off.

Yep.

And it's going to get trimmer and trimmer as you get older, I promise you. But that's kind of a good thing because honestly, your time is so precious and as you get older that it's okay, because having forty billion friends doesn't cut it. You're too fucking tired, first of all, as you get older.

I agree, I agree with that I'm tired. But this one just felt like I had this I realizing it. This one, just this one just sucks.

Yeah, No, it's okay.

I've been through one of those too. Me too.

It's a long, long term girlfriend, and for it was like our break. Our relationship was fractuaring for like three years before we made a break, three years. I was like, let me try and do this, let me try and do this, let me include her in this, let me do and it just every time I was reminded that we no longer had the friendship that we used to have.

But we we have different paths. I mean, you have to remember, like we really as people were all so different and sometimes when we come together like you guys did, was an awesome time. You learn from each other, You supported each other whatever you guys needed, But that doesn't mean you're going to continue doing that. So it sounds like you're at a place right now where that relationship is kind of run its course, and that's okay.

Yeah, I get it.

It's just such a morning for me because the other ones that I have, like I saw the ones that were running their course.

I was like, you know what, let's leave those.

In the past.

Yeah, it's just like it's waking me up at night.

I had one that did the same thing I did. I did.

You need to really just send good vibes her way as a way to like release your holding onto it, because you need to move into the idea of we need to move into acceptance rather than resistance, because you know right now you're resisting it.

I can't believe you're still upset.

You're going on to the hurt and it's okay to grieve, but you have to understand this is just not the time in your life that she's going to be in it, you know, and unless she comes to you and she just like does a whole one eighty or three sixty or whatever, the fucking degree circle train it is and comes and says I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. Then you would forgive her because you're being reasonable about all of this, but.

Also don't expect it. No, please don't expect.

Me, I know, and you know we're down the street through you know my other friends is that she's apparently written me a letter. But apparently that letter was written like during my wedding weekend, but that.

Now it's November thirteenth, there's still no letter.

You may never see it. And that's okay too, That's okay too, you know what I mean. Truly, I know it's hard because I can tell, like you, you've been through a lot of big moments with her, and I feel like you were waiting for her to do that for you. But that's part of friendships. You want to you want to be able to share kind of similar things, right,

Do you have some other friends that you hang out with now?

Vegas?

I love different.

It is a really tough place to meet people.

You know.

I moved here five years ago.

We were of long distance for almost two years, and my job at the time let me move out here.

It was like it was just a great, you know situation.

But yeah, I mean in New York, I would just walk out my door and just.

Meet That's a very different place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's Vegas. It's going to be it like, is that where you guys are going to stay you think? Or no?

No, I mean I told him I wouldn't marry him unless we were getting out of here.

That's a rough spot. I don't think that's helping.

The backdrop of Vegas is not an uplifting, you know, spirited kind of place.

Yeah.

So you do not seem like a Vegas girl either. And I don't know you well, but.

You know, I've found my weird little places here. You know, there is some great things about this place, but you just really got.

To find them.

It's like such a dig. But I think that's also heightened. Why I feel so sensitive about this topic is because I don't really have like a friend outlet as much here.

I think you're right, yes, And I think that's very smart to recognize that, because that's going to help you move on too.

Oh yeah, my poor husband, he's like, I don't want to hear about this anymore.

Do you have a therapist?

I do, Well, that's the outlet for it, you know what I mean, because at a certain point you don't want to keep belaboring it either, not to your husband. You're just putting out that energy when you're constantly talking about it when you're in the thing with like the therapist. And obviously this is a good place to talk about it because that's why you called in. But when you're in under the umbrella of therapy with another professional, then

Very very hard pill to swallow.

But you have to understand, like everything does pass, you know what I mean, this too will pass, Like everything just needs a little bit of time, and then it doesn't feel as acute as you're feeling right now, and you should really just start, like just start a meditation practice where you are sending her. It's like called loving Kindness meditation, and you send her and then people, you know,

Yeah, you're right.

I think Also it's interesting now in the world that we live in that you kind of are able to hold onto things a little longer because of social media. Like back in the day, you were just like, Okay, I'm done with this person, Like whatever, goodbye. I don't need to see your face. So I'm friends with all her friends. She's frends with all my friends.

You know.

It's like it's so intertwined the world and I'm not there, and it's just I just see it and I just don't That's what makes it harder to let go. And I've been taking serious social media breaks.

Because of this. Yeah that's a good thing because like I can't see it.

That's not a bad thing. That's not a bad thing.

I don't hate her, but I'm just so disappointed, and I think I need to start taking this step up.

It just it hurts.

I just feel hurt, and I hate that it stems from a wedding like that makes me one of THEUS.

I hear you, I hear you.

Yeah, but just start giving yourself medicine in different ways, meditation, things that are just going to like lift your spirit a little bit more because that's what it does, you know, meditating every single day, even for five minutes, it gives you a little boost. And then you're like, oh my god, why was I worried about that? And why was I worried about this? And yeah, I would stay off social media as much as you possibly can. You're not fucking missing anything.

Oh you're not.

Exactly, and you may find like as the sting sort of dissipates, you find yourself able to throw a heart on her posts or send her like good vibes and be like, oh, those are like her cute kids.

In there, whatever Halloween costumes.

I have a friend a situation just like this where it's like I still love her, but at the same time, like she's not the person I prioritize when I'm visiting home because she showed me that's not where she's at with me, you know what I mean.

He a mind, So just you know, you don't have to, you know, you wish them well, I still wish that, but it's always.

To just put good output out there. It's good.

I actually I wrote my exit letter, but I wrote it knowing that I was not going to give it to her, and that helped me because I put it penned, you know, like thought thought to pen right, and I wrote it and maybe that's what she did to you, and she's not going to give it to you, but whatever,

And there is something about writing it down that like you get out of rumination mode because your brain is constantly trying to think of like the ideas and remember the things that you would say. But if you get it physically out of the body totally, yeah.

Well that's why I originally did. I.

I do that in my notes section and then I was like in my car, just marinating. I parked in my garage, just like sitting there and I was like, you know what, I'm gonna send this to dear and then I just edited it for you guys, and I was like yeah, and then I was it's out in the world.

I'm going to send it and here we are.

Okay, Kylie, Well, do a loving kindness meditation, and I think maybe, like in thirty days, will you check in with us and tell us.

Where you're at with it?

Yeah, because you have to take some steps actively between now and then to start filling yourself back up and getting rid of.

The like kind of pain that you're holding onto.

This is that good for you, So that's you're going to do it in the effort, like you're giving yourself medicine.

Okay, you got it.

Yeah, And get back to us in thirty days and tell us how your mood is okay, Okay.

I will just so much.

And when you're feeling inclined to go on, you know, in moments of weakness to like look at the friends Instagram or do that stuff like scroll, I think you should really go try to read a book or treat to do something else so that you're just giving yourself a little bit more space away from.

It, especially if you're looking at it feeling a little weak. Don't ever look at it when you're feeling like you're searching for that specific thing.

Don't go on it, and don't comment snarky things. No snark no, no you want to do that?

No?

All right, Kylie, thank you for calling in.

It was nice talking with you guys. Thank you for having me on.

Bye Kylie, good back bye.

I mean living in Vegas was the worst part about that story.

I just can't or I think she so doesn't look like someone that you would like. I mean, from New York to Vegas, that's pretty rudle.

I had a boyfriend that lived in Vegas, and I was like, what are you doing with this house?

Get rid of it immediately? But didn't really live there, but he had.

A house there, and I'm like, no, what, who knows? I'm like, Vegas is not for living, Yeah, because it's for visiting.

Just to throw a loving kindness meditation in there for anybody who's listening. I found this one actually a couple weeks ago, and I made a note of it because knew it would come up again. May you be comfortable, May you be nourished, May you be appreciated. May you be loved and they can think that about like maybe someone you're who you're really close with, and then someone you're last close with, and then this person you're having an issue with.

So yeah, yea, yeah, that's a good one.

I use that, right, Is that nice? I like it? Yeah?

I used it for like sixty days after I don't remember, after I broke up with someone.

Yeah, are you ready for Kylie Number two?

Yeah?

In Vegas where he's from.

She's in Pacific Northwest.

She's up north Okay, Kylie number two, says dear Chelsea. The holidays are quickly approaching, and I'm in a predicament. My mom passed away in January, and it was indeed one of the hardest moments we faced as a family. About five months after her passing, my dad let us know he was seeing someone. My parents had been married almost thirty years, so to hear of a partner so soon was gut wrenching men And then she did the Ayrol emoji. Since then, he's asked me and my sisters

How do I handle this? Kylie?

Hi?

Hi, Kylie. This is Tiffany Thason, our special guest today. She's here.

I'm so sorry about your loss.

Thank you so much.

When did your mom die January of this year.

And you cared for her for a little while before she passed?

Correct?

Oh yeah, yeah, she came and looked with us.

Yeah yeah, yeah, So I think it's completely reasonable, And you said it in your letter, like it's too soon for you to have not yet is a very gracious way to say, I'm getting there, but I'm not there yet, you know, or I know I have to get here, but I'm not there yet. And it's totally reasonable for you to tell your father what it is like. I know this is a you know, disappointing to you, but I have to honor my feelings and I'm not ready.

I'm not ready to meet your new girlfriend.

I'm not done mourning my mother, and it's hard for me to even think of you with someone else. So I really need you to respect my wishes during this time. I love you. I understand that you don't want to be alone and that you found someone, but that's not part of what I'm ready to deal with yet.

It's not like it's been five years. It's been not even a full year.

Yeah, yeah, so I think it's totally fine and you can put I would put that.

In a letter.

I love that idea. I'm not very good verbally talking about it with him, so a letter sounds like a really good idea.

Yeah.

And you can see your other sisters and make sure everyone has eyes on it, you know.

Yeah, yeah, and your sisters feel the same way.

My sisters are more passionate about never meeting a person.

Oh okay, are they younger? Are they younger than you?

I'm the middle, I'm the middle.

I was the middle. Yes, okay.

Is there any particular reason that they don't want to meet her ever? Like, is it someone that you guys knew already or just.

Your relationship wise, there are our whole lives sped rocky with our parents, but I think I chose to forgive and they're still and the healing.

Okay, so there's some backstory then I feel like, so your parents' relationship was rocky, or your relationship with your parents was rocky.

Both all of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. So I think I feel like I want him to be happy, and us not meeting him is stopping that happiness, or meeting her, I should say, is is kind of stopping that happiness.

But no, it's not stop stopping his happiness.

He's he's probably happy when he's with her, but he's just not getting a full he's not getting everything he wants.

That doesn't mean okay too, not everybody gets that, you know.

Can you elaborate a little bit on the rockiness, Like what was the dynamic that made it rocky?

Their relationship?

Yeah, their relationship for sure. I mean they loved each other so much. But one two I don't want to like say, narcissists, but very self absorbed people create humans. It causes a lot of disruption.

Yeah, yeah, you might want to leave that part out of the letter, but I get it.

I get it.

I'm like, which is but what's better? One narcissist is a parent, or two I don't know.

Each other. So it's like, shit, No, I think you can write it in your very sweet way that you are.

You can tell that, I can tell the house what you are and and just be honest and that's it.

You don't owe him anything.

And I think it sounds like you have too already, like you've had a little bit of this conversation with him, right Yeah.

Yeah, I kind of shut it down now because I'm very emotional when I speak, wellieven things, and I just didn't want that to come across.

Yes, yeah, And so a letter's perfect.

So write a letter and just say it all and you don't have to see see your girl, your sisters or do whatever you.

Think is right.

Well, because this is about you. They can handle themselves, and this is really your relationship with your dad and what you feel right now, not about them.

Now.

Sure does the girlfriend have like adult kids or anything or family nearby?

She unfortunately has lost both of her kids.

Yeah, Oh they've died.

Yeah, that's a lot of loss.

Well, it's a lot of trauma, Bondie and I feel in that in that relationship.

And you know that's very common. Actually, it's very common in a lot of relationships.

So and are just so disappointing. It's like you should be alone for a year. I really Can's so pathetic.

No, they can't.

And I'm so glad you have somewhere else wonderful to go for the holidays with your husband or your boyfriend and his family.

That's awesome, Like, thankfully you have something you.

Have that you Yeah, you have kids, don't you. You said you had kids.

Yes, yeah, So just trying to keep it special for them.

I guess absolutely put all your energy into those I'm telling you, that's where that's where you put your energy, babe.

One thing you could do sort of to honor her would be, you know, if there was a special tradition that she loved to do, or a special dish she loved to make. You could make that and bring it to your husband's holiday party. And I think if that doesn't feel right, another option is to just do something

Do you normally go to your parents' house?

To my grandparents, but my grandma's really pushing my dad doing it with his new partner.

So yeah, do your grandparents understand where you're coming from?

No old school?

Yeah?

Yeah, Well, I just don't know how you could say anything like that and have anybody like keep going with an argument.

I would be like, I got it, you got it.

Yeah, You're coming from such an honest place you can you can hear it and see it in your face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think if you're just honest with him, this hurts too much at this point. But I love you all the good things and give your kids and your husband an extra squeeze too.

Well. Look at next year, maybe we'll see yeah yeah right, I mean there's always next to your dad maybe.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, thank you ladies, so much.

Is so great, nice to meet.

Lots of love, sweetheart, lots of love, Thank you.

Bye.

I remember when my mom passed away my father. I wrote this story one of my books. My brother Roy was at my dad's house. He walked in and his housekeeper was in the kitchen naked, cleaning with no pants or top on, and my father was on the couch watching in his box or shorts. This was a week after my mother's funeral, and Roy sent our whole brother and sister thread and texts being like, I have an update for everybody who's.

Wondering what dad's been up to.

This is it, And we were like, oh my god, men are funny.

Something is wrong with everyone.

Men are funny. I have a very good friend. You found out his dad has been spending their life savings going to those massage places every day. Oh my major bills when his wife was at home.

How many massages can you get in.

When I think he was doing like four a as.

Oh wow, I didn't even know that was not.

A spring chicken.

That's your retirement.

Fine, but well I think all the money like gone.

Yeah, because at a certain age, men probably can't perform right, so they'd rather just watch a woman.

I don't know.

Okay, we'll take a quick break and then we'll come back and wrap it up with Tiffany Theson.

Ed We're back. We're back, Catherine.

We are back. Well, our last caller today all callers today is Rob.

He's finally not a Kylie and he is in New York City and he's got a bit of a career transition questions.

I thought both of you would be great to help answer that.

Dear Chelsea, first off, I have to tell you how much I love and appreciate the podcast. I listen to every single episode and feel like I learn a little bit more about myself with each story that's shared. Recently, I've been feeling super trapped in life and in my career choice.

I'm a hairstylist and have just never been super passionate about it. I thought I would be.

I thought it would be a super easy job and the money would just roll in, but it's fucking hard and people are exhausting. I have been brainstorming for years on what to do with my life, and I haven't really figured out what would make me happy. I even tried college three times and have no degree to show for it. As a child, I dreamed of being a writer, but never had the confidence to just go for it.

Here Rob and He's going to join.

Hi, Rob, I'm good.

How are you? Hi?

God?

Oh my god, it's hi.

I have a thought a little bit about thinking of it as like I have to write a book or I have to like have a compendium of all my experiences.

Have you actually started writing it all? Because it sounded like you started.

Oh okay, Yes, I've started writing. I had about like a good hundred pages going on. Wow, I've been on the go.

Well that's good.

I just get too much in my head sometimes and then I don't even know who could read this for me to give me a little bit more advice, or if I wanted to publish it someday, how would I even go about that.

But why would you, in my opinion, why think of that right now?

Exactly? I know I'm like thinking like ways.

So far right, Like I think what she was kind of saying, Catherine is saying, like, maybe take it smaller, take it, take it a little bit smaller. Instead of looking at like who knows how far in the future, take it where you are right now and say let's finish this chapter or this many pages or whatever. You know. Sometimes buying off something you can chew a little bit easier than like a huge meal or a huge banquet is a lot easier.

I try to give myself like I say, oh, I'm going to get up in the morning, and maybe I'll sit for like a half hour, for an hour, and then if I go past that rate, and if I don't, it's okay. We could put it down for a little bit and just step away.

You should pick up this book called Daily Rituals. It's about all these artists and philosophers and like painters and writers basically like what their work ethic is and like

Afternoon session and do that.

But I know for me, like I write, I write an hour, two hours, sometimes three hours if I'm really really feeling it in the morning, and you know, you're you're coming back and you're editing and you're losing stuff and you're adding stuff all the time. That is the process of writing. So it's not important that what you write is perfect. It's like, Okay, sometimes I take fragments of a sentence and put it in a completely different chapter because I'm like, wait, this is, this is applies

And the more you write, the more you write, you know.

What I mean, The more you sit down and say I have to write, the more you're just going to start writing it. Some of it may be crap, and some of it you may throughout the window, but there's gonna be slivers of greatness in there, like we all have important things to say, and you don't have to worry about anyone seeing it until you're out a place where you think this is ready to show another person. And it's usually not when you think it is.

I know from experience.

I send in chapters way too early then, and I'm like, wait, I'm not even done with those.

I'm just trying to show them I'm doing something. So the longer you can have without anyone looking at it, the better off it's going to be. Anyway.

Yeah, I figured I shouldn't always be looking for other people's feedback to validate myself.

Yeah, so take the pressure off, and also just write a list of the way you want to be every day, like you right, say, every day, I right from you know, nine to ten or whatever your hour is after that. You know, you don't have to make a whole list of things. But like, however, you're going to fit your writing in throughout the day. You know, I'm always writing notes in my note section and then I go through that and I implement them into the chapters and stuff.

Time, and that energy you can put into your writing.

And every time you yeah, every time you do start worrying about it, go back to writing. Anytime you're like, who am I going to show this to you? How am I going to get this sold? Just go back to writing. Go and be like, oh, I have to go right now for forty minutes for letting those thoughts you.

Know, control me.

Punishment, you know, like it's a good way to just like get back in the game. And the more productive you are, the better and more confident you're going to feel about it as time goes on. So just consistency is key with anything like this.

Yeah, yeah, I just have to be more disciplined without beating myself.

Up with that.

Yeah, then then use this call as your wake up call to become more disciplined.

Yeah, I won't.

I write a.

Big like put a piece of paper next to your desk, next to your computer that says Chelsea and Tiffany say these and then the following things.

Every morning I write for one hour.

Yeah, put your phone down, put the alarm on so you know when an hour's up, and you are not allowed to look at your phone.

Absolutely. Yeah, it's the worst.

Yeah.

I would like to leave my phone in my bedroom or something. I'll like throw it to the side.

That's yeah.

And I live alone, so it's a lot easier to have quiet time.

Yeah, for suah, And then give you yourself a reward. You can go masturbate or go take a walk whatever. I always masturbate after I write.

That's not a bad idea. Actually, I recently felt like I was abusing smoking a little too much, so I've given it up. It's probably been about three weeks now, and I definitely feel like I'm thinking clearer.

Yeah for sure, good for you. Yeah, don't fucking smoke. I am terrible everyone. A couple of months, I'm like, I could have a cigarette, and then I'm like, no, I can't.

Why can I have a sing cigarette? Oh?

Oh?

Smoking weed? Oh yeah, no, that'll fuck your mind up too. Yeah, yeah, I can't. I can't write when i'm smoking weed. Only when i'm polishing. Then I can go when something's almost done. Then I go back and I'm.

Use it as a polisher.

Yeah, I use it as like to, you know, put in some more humor.

You And then when it does get published, I would like to have a little bit of a you know, little blurb, ledge, just a little just a sign, tiny little one okay or.

Yeah, or our names can be in the title. You decide.

Awesome things wrong, good luck?

Okay.

So anybody you can pick up Tiffany's new cookbook, She Don't Forget. She's the host of MTV's deliciousness, and you could pick up her newest cookbook which is called Here We Go Again, Recipes and Inspiration to level up your leftovers, and her previous cookbook is called Pull Up a Chair, so you can get both both holiday gifts.

Yea, thank you, Tiffany, thank you. Oh yeah, thank you.

Chelsea. Do you have some new dates for us?

Oh?

You know, I do?

You know?

I do?

I have a lot of We added lots of.

Canadian cities, Canadians, I'm coming.

We added about fifteen new tour dates.

I'm coming to Denver again, Salt Lake City, Vancouver, Richmond, Virginia, Santa Rosa, California, Gary and Diana, Baltimore, Rowna, New York and about seven dates in Canada. So go to Chelseahandler dot com. I am performing everywhere. I will be on tour all for the rest of the year through December, and then next year I'm going to be touring all year.

So come and get it, you guys.

It's good times and it's a very much needed reprieve from all the fucking madness that's going on in this world.

So I'm here to bring joy and sunshine.

If you'd like advice from Chelsea. Shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com