Childhood is Over with Nieces Jordan and Charley

Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, you're on the move. I am almost on my way to New Zealand.

Oh how exciting.

I mean my last week. I have my friends here.

It's my friend's birthday week, so there's a lot of men and women.

At my house.

They're all out right now, so I can record my podcast because I'm the only one who's remaining professional while I'm on vacation.

Have you reconnected with any old flames from MAJORCA from before or anything.

That I have, Catherine, you know that I have. I'm not here spinning my wheels on a bicycle all the time, Okay, I'm getting a lot of activity, just spending something else. Yes, yes, I'm very busy, Chelsea.

Paula wrote in, and I think this is something really good to share because we talk a lot about like go get some therapy, but not everybody can afford that therapy.

But Paula says, and support groups are typically free, right, exactly exactly.

If you can't afford something, a lot of times there's free group therapy, support groups, all that kind of stuff. So take a look at what exists in your area. Paula says, I run a therapy center and I have to tell you I have plout what you're doing and think you would both make fabulous therapists. That's very sweet.

Yeah, thank you for that writing that in.

Yeah, thank you, Paula. And people reach out to Pelican Cove. A lot of places have sliding scale and that sort of thing.

If lighting scales where it's at for payments and for grades.

I appreciated slighting scales when I was growing up exactly.

It's like I really got a seventy.

But because everybody else is, I'm an idiot too, I got an idea.

I'm like, thank you, love it, Chelsea.

We have some very special guests today, maybe even more special than our normal guests.

Okay, these are my nieces.

I have three nieces, and two of my nieces are represented in today's episode.

Jordan Ray and Charlie Day. How cute is that?

And they're both very good at giving advice Catherine in their own peer groups and within our family. So I thought there would be a great addition to the podcast because they're both very smart. Charlie's in college, Jordan's just graduate, well not just graduated from college, but she's a college graduate making her way in the world today as a working woe man, and which Charlie will be soon following suit.

So Hi girls, Hi, Hello, how are you?

Thanks for coming on the podcast together. How cute a is this?

I love it me too, I'm so happy to be here.

Okay, Charlie, I know you're a year ended at Emory University and Jordan just started a new job a few months ago. So these girls are very busy, and one of them is living in Sinn currently on the east coast. Yeah, and then start yeah, and it's also called a river. She's living with her she has a living lover.

What's the river?

Oh, the Jordan river.

Sorry, I was gonna say it's also the name of a river, but it came out wrong. I'm so busy about putting my verbs announce in opposite directions in Spanish every morning that now I'm.

Doing it in English. I'm like, wait, what river Jordan?

No, Jordan lives with her boyfriend on the east coast and she just started a cool job. So I want to hear about how your this past year went for both of you. Jordan, you tell us how your new job is going, how your new city is going.

Yeah. So it's funny because right around this time last year, I actually quit my last job, like I think it was like on my birthday last year. So that was really fun.

And what kind of job was that? Tell everybody what you did there?

It was a content creating kind of job, but it was in the techy kind of well being space. It was just very corporate and it just wasn't fun like it was supposed to be. Purposeful, but then you get so jaded in those kinds of environments. It just was not fun anymore. So I kind of decided, like, I want to change career paths. I want to move to a new city. I want to try out somewhere other than New Jersey because we've all been in New Jersey for so long. I just wanted to try a different state.

Yeah, that's what I'm doing.

She got a job working with Shelley to Gilsky Pandemic of Love, as everyone knows on this podcast, among many other things, copious amounts of things. Shelley is she's a busy lady. So she and Samoe and my sister are very close. And she met Jordan and so she yeah, she helped Jordan get a job in her company.

So that's awesome. And Charlie tell us about.

Your freshman year in college, because the pictures were they looked like you were having a great time.

That's absolutely correct, Listen, I was looking forward to college, but I didn't even know what was one step away. It was great.

You didn't know how exciting this experience was gonna be, right, No, I.

Mean so many different areas of my life have been improved after moving away from suburban New Jersey.

Who could have known?

And you like actually going to school, right, yeah?

I mean I'm a bit of a nerd and I actually really enjoy school. But I mean there are so many great parts of freshman year outside of school.

How would you balance your work life, Charlie in school this year with your party life? What would you say the appropriate college balance has been that you found?

Well, Chelsea, I'm I've been towing the line more and more and I'm waiting for things to blow up and they haven't yet. So I'm just kind of upping the anti.

Blow up in a good way or blow up in a and like deleterious manner, Which which kind of blow up are you looking for?

As the year progressed, party levels went up more, I upped the anti and things haven't exactly crashed and burned yet, So I'm just kind of waiting for that point.

Okay, right, so you're just going to enjoy the ride until you have to tone it down a notch. I understand what you're saying. I think, yes exactly, Jordan. Was that your experience your first year in college as well?

No, I was super lame in college and you didn't go out very much. I also am a nerd and I.

Just was like super obsessed with getting good grades.

And also I did not go to like a good school for partying, but I figured it out over time.

Yeah, you figured out how to get your party on.

You mean, oh yeah, it's mostly involved alcohol and just not worrying too much.

Yes, we're a very pro cannabis family. I don't know if anyone's picked up on that vibe yet. Now, girls, I know that you recently went on a trip the three girls, so you know, everyone has knows. I have two sisters and I have three nieces, so it's perfect. So we have three three and three, and then our closest cousins are also three girls, so it's perfect because we just like to multiply females in groups of three.

We all live in different areas of the country. I'm in the South, Jordan's always moving around, Sennny's in San Francisco or wherever. So we always need to squeeze in as much bonding as possible and in a short amount of time. And if you think it can't be done, we always prove you wrong. Every time we ate, we laughed, we drank other things.

It was beautiful, other things like your aunt Chelsea would encourage you to do.

By the way, girls, I sent you all boxes of clothes close I'm moving into my new house.

I edited my closet.

I sent you all boxes of clothes, and at the very last minute, Mollie came over and put a vibrator in each one of your packages. So just so you know, that is not from me, that's from Mollie trying to be funny.

That's actually would be the third vibrator that you have sent me, so I expect the first.

Okay, well, I'm glad that we cleared that up. Now back to your cousinly vacation. I wanted you to talk a little bit about your dynamic between the three of you and how or if you think it mimiced the other three women in our families dynamic at all.

Oh interesting, I don't really think about it that way. I mean, Chelsea, you're like such a standout, Like I don't think we really fully have a Chelsea in our generation. But I'd say Charlie is the closest because she just literally cracks me up. Twenty four to seven. She woke up one day and she goes, oh my God, like I had a great night of sleep, and then I woke up this morning in said of her and I were like a parfit all layered together, and who just

Charlie does have some really good, really good singers. She comes out with some stuff that you're like, are you a poet? Or are you on something? But it always makes sense once you start to think about it.

Well, over the years, the three girls, we would always try and see which sister we were, and it has definitely changed over the years, But there's always a gap. You're right, Jordan, it doesn't really fit. We've added some new things to the parfait, if you will.

And then when we double, when we mix in our cousins, it's even better because they have young kids and they have babies, so then we can keep it youthful like this past year and Martha's Vineyard. I know you weren't there, Charlie, but we were, and we really enjoyed having.

A younger dynamic there.

And we actually that's when we started to threaten members of the family about doing that non anonymous three p. Sixty where we review each family member's performance and then make cuts based on that.

Have you made the cuts?

Yes, well I've made them into you know.

I mean, I know what the cuts are, and everyone knows what my cuts are, so I don't even need to say it out loud.

It seems like there's some people not invited to Myerica this year.

But there's also so many other people to consider.

We have so many cousins and everybody, I mean, and the girls and the kids all have are taking lovers.

Oh my goodness, you.

Know, I mean, there's just so many people in the mix to consider.

You're out here multiplying.

Maybe we need a new draft.

I think so. I think I think that's what we need.

We could hold some auditions, well yeah, I mean, or we test them out on a vacation and see what kind of grade they get. You know, like Molly's obviously an A plus, carries another A plus. Both of their babies are A pluses as far as I'm concerned, And I don't say that very often, but you know what I'm talking about. Do you guys think it's an advantage that you come from such a big family? Do you feel like you come from a big family?

Oh yeah, Oh yeah. I mean it's fun because I think like one of the things that I learned from this family is just leaning into chaos because there is no way of getting around it. And I think it's so easy to panic and be like, oh fuck, like everybody's a mess, and yeah, like they are a mess, but you just kind of go with it and you're like, appreciate everybody for the mess that they are.

Instead of time.

Nice.

Yeah, that's a nice outlook to have. It's took me a long time to figure that out. I'd be like, why are you so fucking annoying, and then I have to realize, oh, they're just annoying. Go in the other direction.

You know.

Sometimes it's hard to get away from people though in our house, especially when there's so many of them.

And especially when we're bunking up to the degree that we do.

We do bunk up a lot because there's we have so many people that we have to get places that, you know, like half of us are sleeping in bunk beds. Obviously not us, mostly the boys, but sometimes it happens. Charlie, what about you? Do you feel like you come from a big family.

I do.

But the thing that kind of has resonated with me is the fection in our family, because I don't really I haven't really seen that in other people's family dynamics or my dad's branch of the family. Everybody's just super warm and loving and literally just touching each other struggling on the couch.

Some would say it's slightly inappropriate, and I will take the responsibility for the inappropriateness. Jordan hasn't really been one of my victims because she because she rebuffed my advances from an early time, she had set a boundary.

Oh see, that's my no No square.

Yeah, and I was like, oh, and then I looked for another no No square, and then I found Charlie and Seneca and they loved my advances and they welcome them, and so I'm still doing it, you know. But yeah, there is a lot of affection going on. That's nice. That's nice.

I mean, how could you argue with affection? Any family that's not.

Affection is where the problems are. So we're problem we have problems, but nobody has any secrets.

Yeah, how do you guys work out issues that come up in the family or when somebody is being annoying? Do you hash it out? How does that work from the next generation's perspective.

Well, Seneca usually, who's not here to speak for herself, usually yells at everyone. So in that way, she's very much like me and her spot in the generation. She has no tolerance for the boys in our family, so she's like, shut that fuck up.

Everything's out on the table, everything's up for grabs. Nobody's hiding anything, and if you're doing something that's weird, you're gonna get called out, and you deserve to be called out. I made Jordan and I two very strong, independent women and we call people out and we're okay with criticism.

Yeah, I love that. That's great. I love that too.

And on that note, we're going to take a break and we're going to be right back with my two nieces on Dear Chelsea.

This week, we're looking for questions about dating, whether you're single, just starting to see someone, or out there on the apps. Right in with your questions to Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot.

Com, and we're back with Jordan and Charlie. Okay, my nieces are here today.

So this is so cute. I love it.

Hit it all right.

Well, our first question comes from cc CC says Dear Chelsea. I'm a twenty three year old student. My current boyfriend and I met in an art class about four months ago. We've been dating for three months. At the beginning of our relationship, I told him I'm a person that's really afraid of commitment and that we need to take it slow because of that. Since then, we've met each other's families a few times, gotten each other really personal gifts, and just recently came back from a five day trip

She says.

This is also the time to point out that he's three years younger than me, so he's twenty. I told him this was a conversation to be had in person, not over tich someone else, but that I was not on the same page as him. I'm writing to you because I officially do not know what to do. How do I go about this? Should I still be with him? Or is this a big enough issue to break up?

Cci, Okay, who wants to go first?

I have some comments I think with the whole commitment issue. This is something I've been thinking about myself recently, just the idea of commitment, because I was in a pretty long relationship before college and now I'm on the other end of the spectrum. But you can't really force yourself into wanting commitment. If it's not there, it's not going to be there, and that's not something that can artificially

Establish a boundary, and then distance yourself from a boundary back away.

Jordan, I actually went through something very similar when I first started dating my partner. It was a long time ago, and he asked me if if I wanted to be a his girlfriend, and I had said no originally because I just wasn't ready, like.

It seemed too serious. For whatever reason.

Certain labels or certain words I feel like trigger us and it tells you a little bit something about yourself that you should probably dig into. But then he was like okay, and then he kind of bounced, and I was like, whoa wha, whoa. Wait a minute, Like I thought we could sort of do this half half in, half out thing, and then I realized I missed him, and I was like, wait, wait, let's pick this back

Yeah, I think that's very sagacious because you know, it's it is two things she's.

Talking about a little bit.

But also with with you know, when someone says that I love you and you don't feel that way, I really believe it is the person, the recipient's responsibility to make it very clear that those feelings are not being reciprocated, so that that person can have some truth on their side.

Yeah.

Usually if people are in love, they're feeling it, not.

One being like you back.

And the other person's look, I'm closer. No, it's not like that, I know.

And also to anyone listening, when someone says I love you and it makes you have a reaction like that's not a good thing, that's not good. That's not because you're too young or you're a commitment foe. That just means that person is not your person or one of your people. If you think you're too young at twenty three, right, yeah, yeah, you are too young to be like in love or

I've definitely been there myself as well.

But I think being honest with the other person, you know, is also really the most important thing.

It's just everyone has so nobody gets confused, you know what I mean.

And if you really don't think you're going down that road, be honest about that too, and like or not be honest, but you know, separate yourself from that person so that you can give them a chance to find someone who also does feel the same way. So yeah, yeah, especially if you if you don't care, you know, Okay, So good.

Luck with that. What's her name Charlotte cec Cca, Charlotte, Charlotte. She's a sophomore. She's her name is Charlotte.

It's probably short for Carlett. Let's be honest.

Well, Sophie is our first caller today, and she's calling from Canada. She says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Sophie, and Anna.

Is a trigger for me, A happy trigger, now still a trigger.

Recently, I've been struggling with the idea of leaving home and going to university. I got into McGill, a university in Montreal, which is a couple hours from where I live right now, so I will have to move out in the fall. McGill is my dream university, although I don't feel excited or any of the feelings you're supposed to feel when you get into your dream university, because I know this means it's the end of the part of my life that's familiar and the beginning of a

Hi, Sophie, Hi, so Hi.

Oh my god, how cute are you too? Look at Charlie and Sophie are side by side. They look like they could be sitting in the same room on the zoom. Well, you came to the right place since we have some college students and college graduates here.

Okay, girls, go ahead. Jordan, why don't you go first?

Well, I was going to say, I actually think Charlie should take this one first because she did this more recently than I did.

So no, I'm happy to.

It's really scary, kind of it seems like a very official end to your childhood in a way, and it's kind of scary to separate yourself from your parents. I don't know if that's something that you're feeling, but.

Yeah, I know it is.

You don't have to feel guilty about growing up and starting your life. That's not something that you have to feel guilty about. And it's really difficult to kind of separate the excitement of doing that from the guilt of spending less time with your family or in your hometown. I think when you actually get to college, you'll see that there's this whole world out there waiting for you, and there's so much newness. And I'm telling you, when you go home, this was something I was afraid of.

And it's not.

I assure you you'll come home and things just kind of rev back up and almost resume where they were. But it's definitely a scary time.

Yeah, And I think it's just scary for me to think that, like, once I do move out, I can move back home, but it's not the same, it's not like the same dynamic, I feel like.

I think that's what also freaks me out.

But like the end of an era, it is the end of the era, but it's also like a rite of passage, like you're moving into something and everyone's a little bit scared to go to college. There's also a huge beginning happening, and it's really not the end. It's the end of your childhood. It is, but you're always going to come home and you have so much to be excited about. What better time is there in life than to be a freshman in college.

That's true.

Did you have a hard time Jordan leaving?

No, I didn't. I felt very ready when I went. But also, you know, over time, you start to miss the people that you grew up with, and it makes total sense, And I think it sounds like you have a great family, which is a total blessing.

Because not everybody has that.

So it's nice that you have something that you don't want to leave and something that you can come back to. But I think one of the cool things about coming back from college for the first time is figuring out those new dynamics. It's not all bad. You still get to be your parents' baby. They still they actually like babying you when you come back, believe it or not.

Yet.

It's a really cool in between stage where you get to figure out how to be friends with your parents and you see parts of your parents that you didn't see before. It's like unlocking also those relationships in a different way. So I get the fear, I get the anxiety.

But yeah, you have a lot to look forward to it.

Yeah, that's the thing because I'm a really, like I think I'm a slow to warm up person.

Like right now, I know, I'm really nervous.

About it, but i know once I'm there, I'll warm up to it and I'll enjoy it.

It's like the in between stage.

But I think Jorady brought up a great point for something that you can do. Whether it's like an exercise of you writing it down all the time, but like, think about how lucky you are to have grown up in a home that you really are like sad to leave. You're grateful for your parents, You're grateful for your bedroom, You're grateful for your house, You're grateful for all of your neighbors and all of the things that come with it.

Yeah, that's totally true.

Do you have any friends that from high school that are going to your college?

Yeah?

Actually pretty much everyone I know is going to make Yelle. But I do have my best friend who's going to be and it's like pretty much across the country, So I'm really gonna miss her.

That's really gonna suck.

But yeah, I.

Didn't like you that I have so many friends going.

Yeah, that's awesome.

So yeah, make sure you just like set up a nice like set time that you're gonna like see if people you know throughout the year, whether it's once a week or twice a week. Get a high school group together and be like, I want to make sure we stay you know, close while we're in college, and like get something going like a support group for like being you.

Know, new freshman or whatever you want to do or call it.

Yeah, one thing that I did with my best friend she went to college up north and I'm down south. Every Monday, we would send five pictures from our week as a little dump to kind of fill each other in. Yeah, and it was a lot of fun because I would take pictures throughout the week thinking like, oh, I'm gonna send this to my friends, She's gonna think this is so funny. Yeah, and we could keep each other up to date and it was a ton of fun.

Yeah, it's a really great idea.

Now you just have to find a social media platform where you can do that.

On a couple little tricks too, to bring with you. First of all, like when you go if you're in a situation where you don't know anybody, like none of your friends are in that mixer or whatever, just know like everybody else there has no friends there either, So like, don't be afraid to go up to people and be like, Hi, I'm so and so and like what's your name, and you know, because they might be feeling really out of place or nervous as well.

Well, that is a good point because everyone's in the same boat as you. It's not like you're going off to war alone. And well that's not a good example either because people are going together to example, but you know, at least you're in the same boat with everyone, Like everyone is new, so it's a perfect opportunity.

Especially that first semester. It's the best time to make friends. Oh you can make friends over nothing. You can like, you know, have a lecture hall together and sit next to each other once and now.

You yeah okay.

And the other thing I would say is say yes to everything that sounds fun. So if someone invites you or there's something you see that's like an event, you can go to say yes to absolutely everything for the first like six months, just so you can like be out there meeting people because you're not going to meet people sitting in your dorm room.

Yeah, okay, thank you guys so much.

Oh good, I feel like they gave me some really great advice today. Yeah, change that frame of mind around. I'm excited for you. You get excited for you too, good luck. Well, thank you Okay, bye, Sophie.

Bye bye. What a total cutie.

Oh I know.

I just love the idea of wanting to stay home after or like really missing like I could not fucking meet when I was like nine or ten, I was like looking in the like want ads to see how old you?

Like?

I was like, are there apartments that I could possibly afford, like, do you know in Australia?

How do I get the fuck out of here?

Well, our next question comes from G and this is a write in, so she's not joining us today. G says, Dear Chelsea. A few years ago, I lost all of my friends because I chose to stop being friends with the toxic one. Unfortunately, she was very manipulative and influenced the entire group to stop hanging out with me. Despite the fallout being just between us two, I recently got engaged, and as excited as I am, I'm also dreading the

G Oh, that sounds like a bummer.

No, No, well, it just sounds like you're going to have to make a new group of friends, and it's going to take an from where you live. Like I've heard of these things happening with adult women before. It's so embarrassing, but it's happened to me, and I'm sure I've done it to plenty of people.

So yeah, you just have to make a new set of friends.

And it does suck, but it is a time to be like celebratory in your life, right, girls. I mean, you're getting married, You've got a great husband, and it's unfortunate, but at least you don't have that toxicity in your life. It's sad that it's at the expense of like all the other friendships. But I would just focus on, you know, be open minded about who else you're going to hang out with, and and and it will take time to make a new circle of friends, and I would try.

Agreed, I totally agree.

Don't assume that they won't want to come or that they can't make it. Always the least you can do is ask, And honestly, I mean, I don't know if you still want to be friends with any of those girls, but these kind of events are a great way to reconnect with people that you haven't talked to in a while. If they're toxic, leave them behind. But if there was one or two of them that you were really close with, this might be your opportunity to reconnect with them and

Yeah that is really good advice.

Yeah, that's great advice.

Charlie. What do you think.

Well, I'd like to applaud you for, you know, distancing yourself from somebody who wasn't good for you. A lot of people, myself included, struggle with kind of setting those boundaries and taking themselves out of situations that aren't good for them, and I don't know, separating yourself from people who aren't lifting you up. So first of all, I'd like to say, good job knowing yourself and getting out of that situation.

And second, this.

Whole friend group, it's not an end all, be all. There's so many other people out there who want to make friends and people who will actually be good and kind to you and who have things in common with you. So I say, and not just for the purpose of bridesmaids or wedding preparations, that you should put yourself out there depending on where you live, go outside, go to

Yeah.

I make friends all the time. Every week I make friends. And it's not because I'm a celebrity. I talk to people Rando's all the time and I make friends. So it's just about your attitude. Sometimes I don't want to make friends and I make friends. You know that can be very tricky.

Girls.

Before we go to the next color, I had your mother's on the podcast. Did you hear about this trun? Okay, what did you hear?

I heard that it was a catastrophe.

Well, oh, now, Simone was fine as a normal.

And then there was Shashana, who is Charlie's mother, who was walking around with her laptop throughout the entire house throughout the episode with callers on going I.

Can't get a signal.

I can't get a signal, so we're all getting motion sickness while watching her try to get a fucking Wi Fi signal in her own house, I'm like, have you never you've never checked your WiFi before?

Are you on WiFi? She's like, I don't know. I don't know.

I'm like, you, you've never done a zoom and she's like, no, not usually. I'm like, oh my god, Shashana, I am gonna throw up. And then Simone came down to California and she goes A couple days later, she goes, uh, we're not doing that again.

And I go what?

And she goes to the podcast, I'm not doing that again, not with Shashawana and not alone. I go, we can do it without Shauna and she goes, I don't want anything to do with it anymore.

Oh man.

Then yesterday I was talking to Shawna and she goes, oh my god, I'm so sorry about the other day.

I don't know what happened. I go, what, I know what happened.

Every time I've spoken to you on the phone, there's been an issue since I moved to California.

I'm forty nine years old.

I've been here for thirty years, and I've never had a conversation with you that didn't somehow drop the call or there was fuzz or you know, there was like a loud beeping sound and she's like, I'm really sorry. She's like, please don't air that. I'm like, well, I think we're going to because Simon moves.

Don't worry. Tell her we're going to clean it up. We'll cut out all the like funky bits and it'll sound.

She goes, and then she said this doozy.

She said, oh, And I felt so bad because that one caller I was giving advice to I didn't even hear the questions. So I was just She's like, I was just shooting fish into a barrel. That's what she said to me, shooting fish into a barrel. I'm like, you're playing with people's lives.

Meanwhile, I'm in the same house, on the same computer.

Absolutely, I can't wait to tell her that it was fine with you. She's unreal. She's unreal. There's like a loud sire and sometimes I'm like, what is that sound. She's like, I don't hear it. I'm like, you don't hear that loud sign in the phone.

We sent her into the basement to get closer to the Wi Fi, and then she was like sitting on the stick.

Oh my god, oh my god.

If okay, so you asked before, if there's a Chelsea of our generation, I think that Shoshana is the Seymour of your general.

Shanna is the Chelsea. I'm like, what, we don't have anything in common. Shawna wouldn't like to be called Seymour. That's our father, their grandfather, and no one wants to be compared to him because he was up to some sneaky.

Actually, no, that was sneaky.

That was the problem. It wasn't sneaky at all. If he had been sneakier, it might have been more dignified. But he didn't sneak anything.

He had some really, and again, we don't sneak everything down on the table, whether you like it or not.

But I will say you also did compare her to Seymour on I know, but.

She doesn't like it, so I don't say it to her. But yes, believe me, I see the similarity.

My dad he puts it, well, he thinks that she is like the ultimate mix of Rita and Seymour.

How so, because she's.

Very warm and she also really likes to bargain.

Yeah, right, so that's Seymour. And then warm is my mother? My mother was very warm. Yeah, she is very warm. Okay, well, we we'll figure that.

Problem out as we see it.

We'll just have to keep dealing with it until we come to an actual prognosis.

And then follow that up with an intervention.

Diagnosis. We need a diagnosis, a prognosis, and an.

Intervention and a prescription.

Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back with my nieces and we're back.

Okay, Okay, So Evelyn's are she her? Evelyn says, dear Chelsea. My name's Evelyn, and I'm a trans woman on the cusp of Millennial and gen Z. I've been doing intense therapy for the last two years or so since realizing I was trans, and have been making major progress in healing religious and family traumas. On one hand, I'm so

Avelyn, Hi, Evelyn.

Hi.

Hello, that's Jordan and that's Charlie.

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

Okay, so well, let's talk about what you're ingesting.

What are you ingesting A lot of social media doom scrolling and ticked talk and X and all that stuff.

Yeah, well, I had your problem for a long time, and I just I'm not uninformed, but I'm less. I check in with the news in a written form, and I don't pay attention to that. I hardly go on Instagram anymore. I hardly ever go on TikTok. I honestly, it eats at your brain, and it eats at your self esteem.

It has such a corrosive effect.

I mean, I can tell if I look at social media, if for three or five minutes, I get something bothers me about it, something brings me down about it. You know, whether you're comparing yourself to someone you think is a better life or you're looking at someone that you can't stand and say, you know what I mean, or you're hearing all this loud noise. You have to minimize your

So you really have to limit your time.

That's the very first thing you could do that will definitely have a positive impact, right girls, for sure?

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

I think one thing that I do is I have this function on my phone where if I double tap the back of my phone, it goes from color to black and white. Whenever I go onto social media, I switch it to black and white, and I'm not as tempted to keep scrolling as long. So that's something that really helps me. But then you can switch it back to color when you're like looking at a photo somebody

Then nothing gets accomplished.

And so I think a lot of people our age are falling into that where they're like, if I can't change everything now, that's the point. But then we stop progress all together, and we have to think twenty years from now, we stop now, like it's coming to a complete hall and then nothing's happening.

So we just have to take those little steps every day.

So if you can do one small thing every day that makes you feel like, Okay, I contributed, that's all I had to do, don't feel like it has to be some massive thing.

I love that. That's great advice. Do you love that, Evelyn?

I love it.

Yes.

Where where would you start? Do you have any recommendations for like how to consume the news and make sure you're still informed without getting it all from like social media or like bias sources.

Yeah, I mean I think that's a constant issue for a lot of people.

I think you have to watch I.

Think you have to look at anything that's in the middle of the road, and you have to look at fact. You can't just look at a headline and assume that it's true. You have to actually dig in sure.

Yeah, And it's like reading it on social media. The news is not how you should be consuming your news. You should find an app, whether it's like like I listen to the Daily from the New York Times every morning. You find whether you like the Huffington Post, whether you like the Daily News, whether you like Ben Shapiro, whatever you're into. Obviously you're not into Ben Shapiro, but whatever you're into, just find, just get a little like the Skim.

Find those things that are going.

To get delivered to your email that keep you off of social media, so that's not one more thing you're looking at on social media. And set that timer, you know, that Instagram timer or that says you've been on your phone for an hour today or forty minutes or whatever it is. Just take those little steps in conjunction with the steps you're going to take to make the world a better place. And so you already have like a fifty things to do so far, and Charlie hasn't even spoken yet.

So Charlie, what do you wanted to do?

Yeah? I mean that funk. I think everybody knows everybody in our generation is familiar with that kind of funk that you get into.

But don't let that win.

Don't let that funk win. Everybody wants.

Everybody wants women to give up.

You know, yes, the system wants that funk to win, wants women to give up, wants you to just kind of not do anything. And number one, doing stuff feels great. It's just doing one thing can lift you out of that funk. And if you keep doing that instead of pattern, you feel good about yourself. You feel like you're looking at the world and maybe there are problems, but you're actively making a contribution to change that and that's really great.

And also it.

Comes with so many other benefits. The people you meet when you're I don't know, at a protest or you're at a rally or working on a campaign.

I've made some friends years.

Ago that I still talk to today through that kind of activism, and it's great to kind of be able to find community that way. You can talk with people about feeling in a slump and get lifted up. But just don't let it win, is my advice, because then you're letting everybody who has ever wanted you to shut up or disagree with you. You're letting them win and that shouldn't happen.

Love that, maybe once a month or once every couple months, volunteer somewhere where you can like see the tangible results of what you're doing. So maybe that's like helping out with folks who are learning English as a second language, or like at a homeless shelter or something like that where you really see the direct results of.

The time that you're spending.

Just to sort of like mix that in to because it can feel a little bit like you're shouting into the void when you're just like sending out texts or you know, canvassing or whatever else. So that might be helpful just nourishing to your soul.

Gotcha.

Yeah, there's a lot of I'm in Utah, so there's a lot of lgbtqya plus like charities and like homes for kids and stuff. So I have been looking into volunteering at some of those places.

Amazing.

That kind of stuff makes you just happy, you know, when you do that stuff, it feels like you're because it's so purposeful, especially when you can have interaction one on one with other people. All you have to do, all you have to do is give one kid, you know what I mean, give one kid your love and your praise and make them believe in themselves. And like then you're gonna be off to the races. You're gonna feel so good about having that kind of impact.

Yeah, I'm excited about it.

Okay, Well, get going, Evelyn. Do everything we said.

Okay, everything, Yes, awesome, thank you, bye bye.

Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back.

So our last question comes from Angela. She says, my roommate is the effing worst. Dear Chelsea, I really need your help since I have a situation with my roommate and I'm not as confrontational as you are goals. A couple of years ago, I was really struggling to find a roommate since I was unable to pay for the entire apartment by myself at the time. I asked my landlord if he knew anyone, and he suggested his granddaughter since she was looking for apartments at the time. Too.

Room is broom of broom.

The most she will do is take out the trash in one of the bathrooms, but leave the trash right by the trash can, which I then take to the dumpster. Her sisters sleep over and are extremely loud in the middle of the night. She also hides the dog in her room and ignores that I have called her out

One of you has a bad roommate passed m M.

That would be me.

What was your roommate's situation? I don't remember.

Wait, Charles, did you too?

She wasn't the greatest, but not at this degree.

Yeah.

This is tough because it's like, so it's the landlord's granddaughter. Yeah hmmm, I mean that cheap rent. It's worth it if you can stick.

It out, But not if that girl's paying her father grandfather directly.

That sounds fishy.

I don't like that set up. That sounds like what's going on there? The no grandfather is going to take money from their granddaughter.

I'm sorry, right right, it's she's getting a freebee and then she's slapping on top of it.

Yeah.

I wonder if you could like find another roommate that's like willing to pay more and be like, hey, so win win for you. But I don't know, I don't really know what you do in that situation because there's like a nepotism situation going on.

I know, and it's like the only way to do it is actually to talk to the grandfather, because you're not going to be able to reason with a girl who's like doing cleaning like that.

I mean, that could go one of two ways. Either they're going to be the grandpa is not going to be receptive to that, or which I think is more likely, he's going to say, yeah, I totally agree, my granddaughter's a mess and I should probably talk to her and tell her to get her shit together.

Yeah he could do that too, and he or he could be like, totally go, I totally understand. That's why I would talk to him first, Like, I listen, this isn't working out. She's really messy and we just don't have the same living styles and she has people over all the time.

I'm not getting sleep. I really like to get a new roommate, Like.

I would do that, but I'm like, I'm just thinking about how that looks going behind her back if the grandfather goes it's all a little bit. I mean, the best thing to do would say, tell her directly and when she doesn't change her behavior to tell her grandfather that you've already spoken to her about it, because if you go to him first, he's going to say, did you talk to her about it?

Yeah, well it seems like she has talked to her about it, So I think we are at the step of going.

To Charlie's like full, she's ready, she's ready to a victor.

Yeah, I don't know. And I think also one thing that always helps, because you get so frustrated in these situations, and I've had bad roommates before, that you become so like just angry all the time that you're angry at the smallest things. Actually write down the things that are annoying you about it so that you can take it to the landlord and be like, hey, these are the things, these are the things I don't care about, but these

So I would try that.

But yeah, if you've already talked to her, it's time to talk to the landlord. And it doesn't have to be super confrontational, like if he's a sweet old man, you can just be.

Like, hey, blah blah blah, and probably.

If he is a sweet old man, be compassionate about.

It, hopefully.

And it kind of I kind of get the vibe that maybe she can afford the entire apartment by herself now, so like maybe that's the move, is just to be like, if you.

Can't afford the apartment by yourself, definitely that is your move.

Yeah.

Oh yeah, that makes it even simpler because you just say I'm ready to live alone.

I've been saving up for this, and I'm ready. This is it.

And since your granddaughter's not paying you rent any right, shouldn't make a difference.

Oh my gosh.

We had so we have this friend who lived in this group of like five guys in a house, and you know how during the pandemic, like rent was sort of for a little while, and you know, there was a point where they wanted to all have a conversation with the landlord to like figure out how much they owed and rent. And so all five of them were on the call, but only one guy was on the

Oh my god.

So I love what you said about like just find somebody who'll pay more.

I know, Like, first of all, how do people react with when they find that out?

Like what is your defense? You haven't been paying rent? You know you're not paying rent? What is your possible defense when you get caught?

And the thing is like they all worked together and they were friends, they were it all blew up and all totally blow up. That guy like moved back to the Midwest or whatever, but.

They're probably like you owe me like ten grands.

Exactly, Like oh, a lot of things have started to make sense, like why he's like, you know, a part time bar back and like can afford to live in La So you know.

Well, yeah, I think ask her to move out.

And if you can't do that, like find somebody else it's willing to pay a little bit more.

Okay, Well that's the pro that problem has been solved. You girls were very impressive today. I knew you would be, so I'm not surprised.

Thank you for having us Charlie.

How would you rate your experience giving advice on the podcast for the first time on a scale of one to ten.

I'll say nine, because who knows. I mean, I'll need some room for improvement. I don't want to limit myself.

Jordan, Jordan, how would you rate your own performance on a scale of one to ten?

I don't know.

An eighth Okay, I think you guys both deserve an eye.

But well that I would like to say for the record, I was rating my experience, not my own performance.

I'm not like an asshole.

That was my experience.

Oh my god.

Well this was really fun and we're gonna have to do it again because people are probably going to love listening to these two. Thank you girls, have a great rest of your day and I'll see you soon, you very soon.

I love you. Okay. So upcoming shows that I have you guys.

Auckland, New Zealand, Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Australia, Brisbane and Australia, Sydney, Australia. We've added second shows to places that have sold out the first and then I'm gonna be in Hawaii on Maui, Kahulue and Honolulu I will be there in July. Also in July, I'm coming to Niagara Falls on July twenty seventh. I'm coming to Hollywood, Florida for my only show in Florida on July twenty eighth. I'll be in Auburn, Washington on August first, and then Santa Rosa, California for my

You do not want to miss that.

And then I will be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina. I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint Louis and Kansas City, and then I will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first three dates in Vegas are September first, Labor

Okay, if you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com