Brooke Shields is Not Allowed to Get Old - podcast episode cover

Brooke Shields is Not Allowed to Get Old

Jan 16, 202552 minSeason 5Ep. 42
--:--
--:--
Listen in podcast apps:
Metacast
Spotify
Youtube
RSS
Download Metacast podcast app
Listen to this episode in Metacast mobile app
Don't just listen to podcasts. Learn from them with transcripts, summaries, and chapters for every episode. Skim, search, and bookmark insights. Learn more

Episode description

Brooke Shields is here to chat about that surprise vaginal rejuvenation, judgment from strangers on the internet, and her new book, Brooke Shields is Not Allowed to Get Old. Then: A young mom worries her own mom prioritizes her looks and partying over being a grandma.  

*

LA WILDFIRE HELP

Help Patrick Rebuild

Help Miles Rebuild 

Altadena Displaced Black Families List

Mutual Aid Spreadsheet - Get Help or Volunteer

Pasadena Humane

Los Angeles SPCA

*

Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [email protected]

*

Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert

*

*

*

*

*

The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. 

 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript

Speaker 1

Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea.

Speaker 2

How you holding up?

Speaker 1

I am in Whistler. I returned to Whistler after everything was canceled in Los Angeles, so I am here watching from afar all the devastation, and how are you guys doing.

Speaker 3

We're holding up.

Speaker 2

It's nice to talk to you now that both of our houses are hopefully not in immediate danger. And the last time when we talked, we saw a plume of smoke coming over our house and we had.

Speaker 1

To cut out early.

Speaker 2

So it's been a really scary couple or not even a couple of weeks a week, and we're just hanging in there for all our friends who've lost their homes or businesses. And I know, I'm sure you have some friends who've lost homes. We've got friends who've lost homes.

Speaker 1

So, and a special shout out to all of our frontline workers and first responders and firefighters. The jobs that they are doing are unfathomable and it's so scary, and I have high hopes for us building back at Los Angeles that is safe, for more fire resilient, and a more community centered place. I think this is a way for all Angelina's to really come together and set the tone for what it looks like to rebuild a city that has been decimated, that has been pulverized.

Speaker 2

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Brand and I basically we had to go get out of here once we knew we weren't in immediate danger from the fires near our house. Saturday and Sunday, we just went and volunteered to like get the nervous energy out of our bodies. And it was amazing,

Like there were so many people. There were times when the organizations we worked with had to like pause donations or pause volunteers because they just like had too many and it was you know, and then they restart again and it was it was has just been really inspiring to see everybody showing up for.

Speaker 1

The city, yeah, and for each other absolutely.

Speaker 3

Yeah.

Speaker 1

And Chelsea, I know you wanted.

Speaker 2

To share some resources, so we've compiled a list of those, and of course we'll have links to those in the show notes. If you are somebody affected by the fires and you need help, or if you live in the Los Angeles area and you want to provide help, Mutual Aid put together a spreadsheet that you can sort by area, by need type, so they'll actually be in their updating whether they need volunteers today or what kinds of donations they need, whether that's clothing or tampons or diapers or

any of those things. So check that out if you need help, or you're ready to give help, if you're not in the Los Angeles area, or you're not able to get out and help but you'd like to donate. We have several links in the show notes, and the first one is a personal friend of ours. His name is Patrick. He and Brad were in Save Varis together for several years, toured all over together, and.

Speaker 1

He's abody who He's been through a.

Speaker 2

Lot and really overcame a lot of adversity in his younger years and went on to be an awesome single dad and has a wonderful partner now. He bought one of those typical tiny Altadna homes that his mom, who had lived in her house for decades, moved to be closer to them two blocks away, and both of them lost everything but the shirts on their back. So he

would be a wonderful person to donate. My other friend Miles, who I work with, who is on Daily Zeitgeist if any of you know that show, he also lost his home. He and his wife and child got out ahead of the fires, but they lost their home and everything in it.

Alta Dina is also historically black neighborhood, and so someone's put together a spreadsheet of all of the gofundmes for Black families who lost their homes in the fires, So we'll have a link to that as well, And if you'd like to donate for displaced pets, Pasadena Humane is doing wonderful work and they're right near Altadena. They're dealing with a huge influx of pets and donations, so they could really use the help. And then also the SPCA

in Los Angeles is doing great work. We volunteered with them this weekend as well, and they a great place to donate as well if pets are your thing. So I know in times like this it can feel like you're totally helpless and there's nothing you can do and

you're just watching something awful happen somewhere else. And donating to one of these funds or to another you know a friend of a friend who shares a GoFundMe, those are ways that you can get involved and actually make real change in real time for people who need resources right now as they're like figuring out insurance and figuring out what to do next, and figuring out where they're

going to live. Even five bucks helps, of course more is great, but any small amount that you can help these families out with, I know will be really really well used.

Speaker 1

Absolutely. And our guest this week is Brook Shields, as she is here talking about aging. She has a new book called brook Shields is Not Allowed to Get Old. And we've had her on the pod before and she's back again. And I can't believe I used just use pod as a nickname for podcast. That's where my head is.

Speaker 3

Is that?

Speaker 1

Please Welcome brook Shields, Brook Welcome, Welcome back to the podcast. Brookshields.

Speaker 3

I love you, We love you here.

Speaker 1

I loved I found your book to be so comforting. Oh good. I mean, I know you've written other books, but this book is about aging, your thoughts on aging, how your experience in aging. It's actually called Brooks Shields is Not Allowed to Get Old, which I would imagine

to be a very real feeling for you. And as you discussed in the books, there's so much stuff in here about what it's like to feel like public property and to feel like your physicality, your age, your body was kind of owned by the public because of how young you started working, and I don't think that's, you know,

obviously a very common experience. I remember seeing you on Drew Barrymore and watching the two of you kind of connect on all of the dysfunction that you experience, and I was like, oh God, I hope there's more women out there that they can connect with about it because it's such an unusual experience.

Speaker 3

It is, and we had a very different reaction to the experience, but I always felt very protective of her. I've always felt like that, and I'm older, so that helped it. I think it's more universal than we think it is insofar as the ability for the world. Now it's everywhere on Instagram or tiktoct or comments or whatever

it is. Everybody has so much to say about everybody else, and we didn't ask for it, And you don't just have to be in the public eye, right, You're just a normal person who gets an Instagram account, you know. And so I think that part's more universal is that we're constantly commented on our beauty. There's opinions, and that they're voiced, and there's this the funniest thing happened to me.

I was doing an Instagram live the other day for the book, and all of a sudden, it pops out in bold letters, because of course it had to be all caps, just in case I didn't hear the man message, and it was, oh, I really wish you looked the way that you used to look when you were younger, and I just left. I had to share it with everybody live, and I said, hey, I said, I couldn't tell this a guy or not, but I'm sure probably

was a guy. And I said, read the title. Read the title, dude, and go that's the point.

Speaker 1

Like, it's amazing to me because there's a story in the book too, where that you reveal your age to some guy and his wine cellar at his house and he's like, I really wish you hadn't told me that. He says he was born in seventy two, you would admit that you were born in sixty five, and he's like almost disgusted that you would reveal that to him, and that had to deal with his own age identity, like it was bothersome to remind him of how old

he was. Yes, I mean, it's unreal that men feel like they can say this to us, or say this to you or any woman. I mean, it's just unreal, so ridiculous.

Speaker 3

Well, it's also even complimenting someone like, oh you look great. Well did you think I didn't look great before? Do you think I've had work done? Do you think that I've had that? I'm like, why is it so quick? No? I know women, I always want to celebrate my friends, so I'm always going to be positive about that. You know. It's Britney Spears being asked about our virginity. It's me being asked to stand up so that Barbara Walters can

compare her measurements to me to a fifteen year old. Like, it's just it's so absurd, but it has been so allowed and perpetuated for so long, so I think that that's.

Speaker 1

It, you know, but it's still happening. Oh yeah, you know, like that with Barbara Walters. That happens to you, what fifty years ago, forty years ago? Like, it doesn't end, it doesn't. It's kind of like where are we supposed

to be learning? In the beginning of the book, you talk about you tell a story where you're being interviewed by a reporter and they keep asking you the same question, hoping that you're going to give a different answer, and at some point you say that, you say like, I'm sorry, I don't think I'm goingving you the answer you want, and I know exactly what you're talking about.

Speaker 3

You start learning to play certain games, you know, and you just to get through these things because you know that they don't really care. Or I had to start learning how to speak in sentences that couldn't be chopped up to have a completely different meaning when they're put in print.

Speaker 1

Yeah, And one of the things that's really really admirable and very obvious to any outsider is that you have over the years really realized as you've aged how to stand in your power. One example being you know that Tom Cruise incident that you speak about in the book where he was talking about medication and with that with Matt Lower, I believe and was being very he was calling Matt Lower glib because he was talking about you and your postpartum and that you didn't really need to

take any medication. I think that was basically the gist of it.

Speaker 3

Knowing nothing about your situation, knowing not not having ovaries.

Speaker 4

By the way, a woman not being a woman, and then so that and then you struck stood up for yourself very publicly with an op ed in the New York Times, Right yeah, and he came over and finally apologized to you.

Speaker 1

But taking that on like that in it itself, you know, a lot of people would be scared to take on a celebrity of that magnitude, but he was so I totally would never miss a beat to do exactly what you did, because he was so misguided and so misinformed and has absolutely no business speaking on that subject matter whatsoever. So how did that feel like, having that apology come from him? How did it feel to stand up for yourself in that way?

Speaker 3

You know, it felt very justified, And I think you don't need the justification to stand up for yourself if that wasn't the way I was raised. And so this felt very clear because I was also not just fighting

for myself. I was fighting for women and the terror that postparted can hoist on you and the danger of it, and there was so much at stake for women, So to have someone so considered powerful take all of this that had been put forth to them women for the first time really and just undermine it on such a level, I couldn't stand by and do nothing. And I fired my pubblesist over it because she said, do just that. Don't honor it with a with an answer, And I said,

don't honor it with an answer. I'm honoring myself and other women who stand to be scared and hurt or just need and deserve the information. And so I did have a bigger not a bad responsibility, but there's like bigger reason to do it because it's it wasn't selfish as much as it was because I've known them forever. A lot of the antics that I see people have, you know, they're not in my life daily. So it's like their antics are just like.

Speaker 1

I like antics.

Speaker 3

Yeah, to describe it, it's good, It's like, but if this wasn't that anymore, This wasn't personal in a weird way, he made it personal, and that was his mistake because you know, not only was I like America's sweetheart by that had been or whatever, and that's the joke we use all the time in my house, but this was

women were They were outraged. And I even said to him, I said, you know, you kind of barked up the wrong tree because of my ability to respond and because of what I have behind me that has been growing for forty plus years. And I said, and it's something you you're still not qualified to talk about, and you're qualified to talk about what you want to talk about for yourself in your body, but this is your way out of your lane. And I said, so, Unfortunately it

kind of backfired on you, and it did. I mean, we you had people coming out and people were still talking about it and it's over twenty years later, you know. So I think it was a misstep. I think it was a mistake that he dust up to making, and I think he felt like it was a mistake and he did apologize for it, and it was personal, right And did I need him to do it publicly? Not not really, because it was a different level of what he needed to do in that opinion.

Speaker 1

Yeah, I want to flag something in your book too, because you talk about having a grandma seizure, which is pretty serious because you were training pretty hard or rehearsing pretty hard for a Broadway show, right, and you were. We talk about water a lot, and I how much I loath water on this podcast, I cannot drink it. I find it to be so boring. I constantly have

to put electrolytes in it just to flavor it. And you have once again proved my point that drinking tons and tons and tons of water does nothing to help you, especially if there is a heat wave happening.

Speaker 5

You are depleting your system. The water itself is not good enough.

Speaker 1

You need the electrolytes and the sodium to hold onto the water.

Speaker 3

Some in my bag, Yes, I.

Speaker 1

Have Exca extract ones Element of course they're the best. So you passed out at a restaurant. You were going a million miles an hour, it was the middle of a heat wave. You're rehearsing for a Broadway play.

Speaker 3

And I go into this restaurant to thank one of the women that worked there for coming in to see it run through. And as I walk in, two women come up to me, and I don't know what they were talking about. I think maybe they were talking about

the documentary. I don't know. On the video, you see me, you know, engage with them, and then you see me sort of like go like this, and then you see me do this a lot, and then I just I just go down and I hit my face on a serving station and one of the women that came up to me was a registered nurse. What are the chances it was really bad? And then I woke up in the ambulance with Bradley Cooper. With Bradley Cooper, as one does.

Speaker 1

Hey, whenever anyone has a grandma seizure in New York City, Bradley Cooper appears. Just everyone should just appear.

Speaker 3

And the first thing that goes through your mind is, I must have not made it.

Speaker 1

But you're good friends with him, or you're friendly with him. He lives in your neighborhood, so he was there because your assistant had reached out to his assistant. A lot of da da da da. That was that the first that was Is that the first and last grandma seizure you've had? Brooke?

Speaker 3

Yes, oh, thank god, Yes that is the first one I've I have fainted before at times, and I have low blood pressure, which is why I need the electro like and I need the salt, so I need stopped in my diet because of that, because I have low blood pressure. And so the times that I've thinked it have all been because somehow the sodium is low.

Speaker 1

So no, to all our listeners, water isn't just going to do it on its own. So drinking copious amounts of water with nothing in it, it's useless. You might as well have to die coke.

Speaker 3

But also in the hospital, do you remember that up in the hospital, yes, that the doctor said, yeah, you go ahead, do you tell it. They were the two doctors. Okay, they were men. This is not a male hating thing, but they both once said, are you restricting salt, ma'am because of dietary reasons? I was like, first of all, don't call me ma'am.

Speaker 1

And don't talk to me in that tone.

Speaker 3

Yes, And I said in second of all, I said, I'm a fifty eight year old woman, I look younger, bloated. No, I do not restrict salt. And I find that very rude for you to ask me that that question. And my husband like put his arm on my arm, and I'm like, don't tell me to change my tone. I didn't like that tone. He doesn't have to like my tone.

And then I got asked it again by another one of the nurses that came in, the male nurses that are you sure now you weren't definitely, And I was like, wow, would you ask a man that question.

Speaker 1

I don't think so, I just don't know, of course not. And the way men talked to women and in all medical ways, like I mean, yes, there are great doctors out there who obviously asked the right questions. But you speak a lot in this book about advocating medically for yourself in many different circumstances where you've been stuck in the hospital, you broke your femur, you were in the hospital for over a month. I think you, I mean you, and it was during COVID, so there were I mean,

or you were also in the hospital during COVID. So you've been through You've been through it a lot, and you understand the kind of way that that women are spoken to. I mean, you got an accidental vaginal rejuvenation in the hospital that you didn't act.

Speaker 3

It was an accidental. It was an accidental. It was a little a little uh, I got it. Two fur got a gift. He thought he was doing some big favor.

Speaker 1

I was just shocked, absolutely by tightening your vagina. So she goes in, wait, so tell that story. That's absolutely absurd.

Speaker 3

It's insane. And also, let me just say one thing before I get to my vagina yet, again, which always is a very topic of conversation, you know. I also it's not lost on me that I'm blessed enough to be able to have good healthcare and attention. I was taken care of well, I wasn't being you know, shoved in a hallway something. So it's like I sort of say, like, it's very hard to self advocate, but they're a little bit afraid of me because I'm famous or something and

so like. But that's a that's like a luxury. I mean without that, it's even a hundred times worse for women and women of color to have the even the space and have anybody's ear to be able to self advocate and ask the questions. And how do we know what the right questions are? Anyway? I was, I was asked by my gun cologist after maybes, actually is I

was a bit wrong and the timing. But if there was any discomfort ever because of labia, and I've been experiencing it my entire life, like cheerleading and tight jeans, give me jeans and then spinning and you know, sex and like all this stuff, right, and I just thought you just had to deal with stuff. Some people had one boob different some people, you know, and I didn't know anything about it. And when I was asked if I had had that kind of discomfort, it was such

a revelation. She said, there's nothing to be ashamed of. She said, I see it all the time, and it's very common and it's very fixable. It unfortunately falls under cosmetic surgery, so insurance probably isn't going to cover it. And so she said, why don't you get a consult and see if it makes sense to you? And after having some thing bothered me for so many decades, you

can't even believe there there might be an option. And so he drew this whole sort of diagram about how kind of easy it was to do and now he does it all the time, and you know, and I was talking about just the discomfort. I signed up for it, got it done, came back you know, a week later, our postop or whatever, and you know, he said, oh, it's still more difficult, and it took me longer. And I'm like, okay, I don't need all the details, thank you. Like, if it's good, it's good.

Speaker 1

You're like, we could watch the video when we haven't yet. We have a night, have nothing to do, because I'm sure you have that.

Speaker 3

And so I just like, is it all good? My healing? Is everything fine? How long will it take? All the questions? And then he said, and uh, well, I uh I threw in a little rejuvenation for you. And I said, I'm sorry, what what what do you mean. That's a different word than reduction. That's a different word than reduction. He goes, well, yeah, I know, I just tighten you up a bit. And I said, you did what? He goes, yeah. I was like, what my planning on being a porn star?

I was like, I don't, don't, I don't understand. I didn't.

Speaker 1

I was like, plus, you had c sections, right, two c section didn't even get breath vaginally.

Speaker 3

No, my babies were IVF. I could argue, I'm still a virgin.

Speaker 1

Oh god, it's so house matters, so gross. Oh, just one of the things. I know we have to move on to Callers Catherine, but I do want to touch on one thing that I found very moving, Brooke. I thought this was really like, not only brave, but it was just a sign of what age brings us and the wisdom it brings us and the confidence that we

gain in allowing ourselves to be honest with ourselves. And one of the things that you write about in the towards the end of the book is the kind of what ifs in your life, like what if my career had gone in a different direction? What if I had gotten this movie Dangerous Liaisons that I was up for That was given to Uma the Thurman, who got part

what if you had been on a different trajectory? And you kind of talk about the way that you think of things, and not in an ungrateful way at all, not in a way of not understanding how fortunate you are and how iconic you are and what that brings to the table, but in a way that is thoughtful and kind of looking at the past. And I think a lot of women are unable to do that until

they are a certain age. They are unable to admit that they would have liked and they or they're wondering what could have been if things had gone in a different direction. So I found that to be very powerful, because.

Speaker 5

People will always be like, oh no, no, no, everything that's meant to be is meant to be, and that wasn't meant for me. I find myself saying that a lot of times when things don't go my way, and it's more like it's part self convincing and part making sure.

Speaker 1

You're not being a cry baby. Right, yeah, right, So talk to me a little bit about that, express to our listeners how you came about admitting to even feeling that and then wanting to write about it for other women.

Speaker 3

You know. There it's something that I've pined for, you know, and has pained me for so long, and there's this validation of my talent, right, and it's not about looks or beauty or anything like that, because that I never put too much stock in because it was just a job. And also education was more important to me, so I got fortified really quickly by going to college. So that

was my version of rebellion just for myself. But you know, I've had the same therapist for quite some time, and it's a theme that keeps coming back, and it's a theme that is, you know, what if or I know, I'm just famous and nobody thinks I'm really that talented or well, thank god I found comedy because that's what

I do really well. But yeah, I still don't and I started to I always believed I was less than because I wasn't what these other actresses who were very serious were, and you know that I would work with some of them in a comedic setting and I would see them struggle with comedy, and then I would think, oh, that's interesting. You know, we're different players on the same team. You know. I don't play ball sports anyway, I mean any sports lately.

Speaker 1

No lacrosse.

Speaker 3

There can you imagine?

Speaker 1

No, I can't imagine lacrosse. I'm still trying to figure out what lacrosse is. Quite frankly.

Speaker 3

Yes, it's a lot of the cribbing or something like that. But I just like saying ball sports because it just feels good coming out of my mouth, and I think it's funny. But this less than and then this piece that I used to counteract it with. Yes, but Brooke not only a good comedian, but you also you know, you've built this career and people trust you, and you've

got education and you can write. And it was always a justific And I thought, well, if I'm still doing this in my fifties, clearly I still have a problem with it. And I don't know if I'll ever get over it. I don't know. I don't even know if

that's the kind of work I want to do. But to have not been chosen whenever I went out and tried for those parts, and then to be too famous and too recognizable to even be up for those parts, it always felt like this, It may have not even been a missed opportunity, that I may have never even got that that didn't matter. It was how I demeaned my talent, you know. And I always focus on while I'm a survivor and look unhealthy, I'm not a total

train wreck. And that took use of education in parents, and you know, my therapist would say, you got to give yourself some credit for your in a character. You do have a made character that sees things and chooses the way you choose. She said, you know, you're not just just a product of your parents or society or the press or your history. She's like, there is something that's broken there that is just her, you know. And that kind of was like, what that is a new concept.

But this, the pining for being seen like the actresses I admire, was so persistent for so long, and I could work on all the other stuff right and just

feel good about it. But I just recently had the opportunity to act in front of Basically, it was hardly opposite because I had all the dialogue, two very prominent female, brilliant, award winning lovely women, one in her like six early seventies, when I'm a little bit older than and you know, the women I admire and I've known over the years met immediately, you know everybody, And I got asked to do this one it's two days, but we just did one day so far in front of them, and it

involved only emotion and only tears and only all the stuff that makes me cringe. And I thought, oh, well, don't do it. You don't want to do it, you know want embarrassors have, you can't do it. And then I thought, well, I can't say no to this opportunity when for decades I've been asking for the opportunity. Now all of a sudden I get it, and I'm not going to say yes because of fear. Won't you're pussy?

Like what are you doing? Like? I was just so there were so many emotions, and I went there and I came out of the gate a little too hot because I was trying, and I was nervous, and I was sweaty and then I just sat down and said, you know what, They're not going to fire you. You're in one day. They obviously think you can do it. They don't want to look back and have it be your fault. They don't really care about you. Not the actresses,

but the production. I don't even know what the real name of the production is, believe it or not, because it's also top secret. And I thought, you don't want to burn bridges, you know, or just do it? Just do it. And I went to the director and I said, I think I'm trying to do too much and I don't think it's right. I said, I have a theory about this, and she said, I was coming over to tell you that right now. She said, you don't have to try hard. She said it's all there and we're

watching it. She said, just trust and just do it. And what happened at the end of the day, after having to do it over and over and over again, was I got validation. And I'm not ashamed to saying you did it. I was a little girl in those moments. I was a little girl with those actresses, and I was a little girl with you know, mommy and daddy, the director, and each one of the women, in their own way, gave me like a and they gave it to me as if you know, you did a good job.

I heard it as they thought I did a good job right, which was what I needed at that moment. And I knew it too, I did, but I didn't I wasn't really open to hearing it. The director came up to me after a sixteen hour day and she said that was really beautiful. And I said, oh, thank you, thank you. I'm glad it worked out, and thank you for having me and you know, and then she went, no, no, no, she's from Germany. She put her hands on my shoulder. She said, I think you need to hear this. You

blew me away. Oh and that was it, and thank you for being open. And I just I needed that, yeah, you know. And then whether I do any more of that again, I probably don't even really covet it in the same way. And should I be ashamed that I needed three women to you know? Was I lucky that I got that chance, Yes, but I also just needed to know it from myself and without even getting it

from them. What the director said was icing on the cake, because at the end of it, now I called my husband before I heard any of that, and I just said, is I got to do? I said, I did it. I did it. I did inside, knocked it out of the park, and I'm going to get you know, little gold men, just you know, all over the place. But it didn't matter about that anymore. It didn't matter about awards.

It didn't matter about those things that as a little girl and going to the Academy Awards sitting in the back, back, back up, nosebleed seats and thinking one day I'm going to get there one day like that silliness and to just say, you know what, I'm I'm okay, and I am good enough, and I don't I can release that from myself and and just I can release it, which was just, I mean, it was a pretty extreme, great way to get it. I have to say I would have liked I mean, I would still be working on

getting it without such obvious validation. But it I no longer have the same pining that I used to. And I also look at my life now and I definitely

would not have the life. I wouldn't be able to live the life that I'm living had I not had the level of fame and access if I had just been on the path that I thought I was going to be on, you know, the Natalie Portmant path when she did the professional which was sort of her pretty Baby, you know, and working with the Louis Mills and Suffarellis and really being in that Wisconsin, that world and then all of a sudden turned on its head and you

got dolls made after you. You know, it always rocked me.

Speaker 1

I think anyone can relate to that whole notion of thinking that you're going to be going in one direction and finding out that that's not your destiny, and then also embracing what your destiny is, which is something you've also done.

Speaker 3

I just recently said no to singing opposite Cynthia Revo in Lincoln Center, and I was begged to do it, and I mean, what idiot would say no to that? And I turned it down and I said, you know what, this is not my strength, my forte. I would have loved to have said, I was did it, I'm okay. Not having your vocal prowess like I'm okay. And that's another piece too, is really knowing, like knowing what your strengths are. And I think that that's an important thing

to be willing to admit. Yeah, I'm not that great at that. I'm fine with it, and they wanted me for some reason. But you know, walking away from something too that you just know in your heart of hearts you won't be able to soar with. It's a very new concept for me.

Speaker 1

I wanted that. Yeah, No, I love that. I love that. So we're gonna take a break. I'm go'll be right back with Brookshields And we're back with Brook. Okay, so you started a brand, Well, it started with you wanted a community to build community with comments, which is something that you have been thinking about doing, and for women over forty who are going through all of the same things, all of the same emotions, all of the feelings of kind of stepping into who you really are, which is

something you know. It sounds very cliche, but I mean, I'm forty nine, I'm gonna be fifty in a couple of months.

Speaker 5

I've never been happier in my life because I understand now where the joy is and to go after that instead of going after all of the other stuff that we think we have to go after to make us relatable or relevant or successful. Like now I know we're happy. Yeah, I don't make I don't date idiots. I don't do

stupid things like I used to when I'm younger. So the joy and the power of aging is more than what we've been talking about, more than what we've been hearing about for the last many years about your confidence and about your sexual prowess or how you come into your own.

Speaker 1

It's more than that. It's more. It's about And this is a word that you use a lot too, which I use a lot in my book that's not out yet, but joy, finding joy, finding joy in everything you do, enjoying your.

Speaker 5

Life, especially where you at the stage you're in, where your girls are gone, they're often doing their thing, and you have to rediscover what are the things that make you happy and prioritizing yourself and also saying no to all of the bullshit that we've said yes to our whole lives because we want to please other people.

Speaker 1

And then you've also had this hair brand because everyone loves your hair. Obviously you have the most famous hair and it's for women who are fitting, who are going through menopause, going through perimenopause, dealing with hair fitning. Do you want to talk a little bit about Commands Bruck.

Speaker 3

Yeah. I started it as the community to really empower women to age joyfully. I mean joy was a word we've always had with us, and joyfully and you know we say fearlessly, but it's not a call to action, it's not pressure. It's just there's joy to be had. And we've done so much in our lives, whatever it is, we've gotten to this age that's tremendous. Right. You start having the conversations with women and they are craving it

and it's pervasive. And the women that I know who are over forty are fabulous and they are not so down on themselves. They're wondering what's next. And this sense of joy as to there's more to come is not what society or the beauty industry really is the narrative they're feeding us, right, and it's certainly not historical. So we analyzed who we were as a brand and we said, you know what, we're not just a hair care brand. We're not just a beauty brand. We are a care brand.

It is you know, we always say take care, and there's a lot that means that take care of yourself, take care to be listening to yourself, take care when it's offered, and be good to you, like find where you are joyous and cut out the people and the things and the experiences and the time sucks that are out there, and let's see what we would do with this extra time or how we'd feel. But we started to develop hair care with very strategic, smaller groups, with

very very active ingredients, working directly with the lab. So we're not a not even a massige. I guess they call it brand. We've kept it small, we've kept the price point very relatable, and they deal with scalp health. Scalp health is a thing in women that changes most dramatically. You know, the actual follicle, the root where it goes into the poor actually shrinks. It's so fair the things that shrink when you get older and the things that drop and get bigger. Hair is one of them. Your

scalp health. There's patchiness of dry hormonal reactions where moonal changes luster, all of these things, and we went a deep dive and we created that six products that dealt with addressing scalp health and therefore hair health from the root out. So that is that is the one piece we will be moving into other categories. I don't want to become just a haircare brand or just proliferate that and then just hold up things and say by this because I said it. I put my own money into it.

Then I ran out of my own money. Then I had to raise money. Startups are brutal, and you know, I spend more of my time trying to raise money and spend more of my time pivoting so that our

team is amazing. I've never been a CEO. I can't believe the things that are coming out of my mouth when I'm like going like this in a book and I'm just learning, and I'm coming into exactly the clarity that started the company when I started the community, and that is really solving all of what makes a woman's life her life in this and beauty is a big piece of it. Body care is a big piece of it. You know, there's scent is a big piece of it.

There's so many things that do give us joy that I used to think of as luxuries or take.

Speaker 1

For granted, right, I mean, we take for granted all.

Speaker 3

Of that stuff We're frivolous to spend time on. Now, my time a lot of it gets spent on just me. So the company is called Commens and the community is the Commenced Community, and they keep growing. Well.

Speaker 1

On that note, I think we should give some advice to callers. Catherine, do we have time for a couple of calls? We have them for probably like one. Okay, great, let's do it. Let's do it.

Speaker 2

Okay, so we have color DD, she says. Dear Chelsea, I'm a twenty eight year old married mother of two, and I've always been close with my own mother. Don't get me wrong, she was a good mom, but I probably could have used a mother more than a friend sometimes when growing up. Nowadays, we do a lot together. She comes over almost every Saturday to watch football and drink beer. We go out, and we even went to

Chelsea's show in Atlanta a couple of years back. But since she hit menopause and started hormone replacement therapy, she is like a cat in heat. She's always been one to look good and presentable. She's a beautiful woman and is no stranger to male attention. She was always cool and confident, not a tryhard. Now it seems like she needs every male's attention and females too. She over analyzes every outfit and photo she's in and will ruin a whole outing with her mood if she feels she doesn't

look amazing. She also drinks to excess and sometimes makes a fool of herself.

Speaker 1

If she isn't.

Speaker 2

Drunk, she's irritable. I have two young kids. All their grandparents are dad besides her. I thought she might enjoy stepping into her grandmother role and being there for me in ways she wasn't when I was a teen, But she's proving to me that all she cares about is happy hour with meaningless acquaintances. She's fifty one and has never had a successful romantic relationship. She doesn't think she should have to answer for any of her bad behavior and brushes it under the rug or plays a victim

when I call it out. We don't have the best history with communication, but for the past few years I have really worked on myself and how I handle my relationships, and I wish she could do the same. How do I tell my mom she's letting me down without the message being completely lost. I'd love to hear from you, ladies. Signed disappointed daughter.

Speaker 1

Hi, disappointed daughter, Hi, Hi, this is our special guest today, Brookshields.

Speaker 6

Hi, so nice, hey.

Speaker 3

Nice to me.

Speaker 1

She's a mother of two daughters, so I'm sure she can relate to some degree to this.

Speaker 5

Well, well, that's really tough. It's really hard when your mom is embarrassing. But all moms are embarrassing, Yes, I have, This is true. All parents embarrassed. You're full last night, you're annoying. You're just annoying.

Speaker 6

I know, and we've been through all that. I don't want to be mean to her by any means.

Speaker 1

But no, and I don't think judgment from your children is how that this kind of phase of her life is how she's going to either snap out of it or grow up a little. I don't think it's going to come from you, because it's really hard, Brooke. I would imagine to take criticism from your children and judgment, and for.

Speaker 3

The most part, that's sort of their job. I mean, I have eighteen and twenty one and they're not moms yet, but they also they are the one that in particular is full of judgment and it's constant. And her version of it is she needs to individuate from me, and she doesn't know how to do it, so she fights me to hate me, and then it can justify her leaving. But I feel like as the age your mom is, I think she's scared. I think she's feeling that about herself.

She's watching you. I don't know how old your baby is, but as you watch your daughter sort of launchpad into this vibrant area of their lives, and your ovaries and everything is going to work for and you are watching your what you think is your demise, right, It's it's very unsettling to see and to see the beauty in your daughter and then to look in the mirror and not see the same thing. And then you step outside and the world attacks you for being fifty. For you know,

you're over the hell you're this, You're not represented. You're either this twenty year old girl at the bar, or you're in depends and dentures. That's what they have relegated us to, right, And I think that it's I don't know.

I mean again, I don't give advice, but what I will say is that the times that my mom my children that because I've my mom was in a very different broken place and she was older, but the times that as a mom I have been with my girls and they've looked at me and led with just love and said, I know it must be hard, mom, but I think you're beautiful, or they've said, wow, I think that you should, like, don't put yourself down. Like you taught me to love myself. You've got to you taught

me how to be like this. The problem is if she's so resistant, I mean, she has to do the work on herself because nothing you say that's positive is going to make her like herself.

Speaker 1

No, but I do.

Speaker 5

Think positivity goes a long way in helping people face themselves, like judgment doesn't, do you know, you just create resistance.

Speaker 1

You create like, oh, I'm going to rebel against you. And even though you are in more of the mother role like you guys, kind of sounds like you have flipped your roles and you are a mother and I'm assuming you're responsible and she's seeing that. I think everything Brooke said is spot on, Like I think you have to really look at her with some compassion and understanding of what you might be going through and instead of

the judgment. I have a friend who's dealing with this with her mother, very similar circumstances, and she really did just flip the script. She's like, no, I'm just going to go at her with compassion and love and tell her about all the wonderful things about her until she really starts to believe them herself. And when she does start to believe them herself, she is going to be a little bit different. And there are different ways. You know, you can do that too, and with books and hopefully

encouraging her to, you know, do some therapy. Maybe you can volunteer to do some therapy with her, just just to push her and to get like, not because something is wrong, but to push her to really find out what her purpose is, right, like to experience this life in the best way. She's in now in her fifties. This is a whole new opportunity to have a whole new life, you know, I look at fifties kind of like a reset.

Speaker 6

Yeah, and that's kind of how I saw it. I was like, why is she spending so much time worrying about validation from others and or how she looks this and that when it's like this could be such a big, beautiful away time, but.

Speaker 3

Yeah, she's not feeling in ourselves.

Speaker 6

Yeah, nailed You nailed it with what you said Brooke, and she has been kind of like I started reading more again and she was like, oh, like she asked me recently kind of what's do I have a recommendation or whatever? And I was like, oh, so she is kind of I noticed kind of picking up, you know, just kind of if you want, I'm kind of being the example. You know, like how many people do I

need to be an example for? But if that's what I need to do to get my mom to see her full potential and beauty and everything, then I'm absolutely willing to.

Speaker 3

And you're thankful for I mean, well, what I've said worked for me is whenever my daughters will say something like well, Mom, you know I got that from you, it doesn't give me anything to fight against because I love what I see in her and then she's attributing it to Mom. You know that's what you you should.

I want you to feel what I feel. And I wouldn't be able to feel these things had you not taught me that I could feel as good about myself for and even in therapy, you have to be really careful because it should be like I would love this for me, and then you know, otherwise they feel attacked and it's like a you know, like an intervention. Then

you're there to tell them everything they're doing wrong. And the flipping of it is so I tell my younger daughter, no, tug of war only works if both people are pulling right, and so you don't, you don't do it and you lead with this kind of kindness because they're not hearing any of that kindness reflected back to them. When they look in the mirror, they're seeing just what they're not.

They're not this enough, they're not young enough, they're not thin enough, they're not that enough, they're too many ring o bla blah blah blah. And the tapes just keep going, and the more you're reflected to her as in like, wow, mom, this you know, but this is I learned so much. I got this and and it's so much fun. And why don't we start around a little book club?

Speaker 1

Definitely?

Speaker 3

And do you know? And then you could talk about characters and then you're not talking about yourself, Like there's there's ways.

Speaker 1

Start with Brooks book. This is a great book for you and your mother to read together.

Speaker 3

That's about aging, it's funny, and yeah, it's about.

Speaker 1

Her relationship with her daughters, and how she's stepping into her own confidence over the course of her life at different ages, and and kind of the various bursts of self empowerment that women receive and experience. This is a great thing. Start reading books with your mom and start finding books that are actually going to have like an impact onto her perspective and her value.

Speaker 3

You know, she doesn't feel valuable right now, right right, and you're gone.

Speaker 6

That was my next question is if you have any book recommendations, So that's that's perfect.

Speaker 3

There are lots of others too.

Speaker 6

Oh well, I was planning on reading yours anyway, I'm excited.

Speaker 3

Oh okay, well, I mean.

Speaker 1

You just had the Mel Robbins on the podcast. She wrote a book called Let Them, which is really about letting other people do their shit and stop trying to control other people and letting them, which is good for you and good for your mother, because yeah, you could read it together. I don't want you to think like, oh, this is such an onus on me. You already have to take care of your children and now you have to take care of your mother. Listen, we're given as

much as we can handle. Clearly, your mom, like you're more in a more capable position right now, in this moment in time, than your mother is. So take that responsibility on with joy. That is a great gift that you're able to give to your mother.

Speaker 3

Not a burden. Don't look at it like that because you'll resent.

Speaker 1

Right, you don't want to resent your mother. You want to help your mother. You want her to flourish. So think of some other activities that you guys can do together that don't evolve happy hour or don't evolve going to a bar.

Speaker 3

You know.

Speaker 1

Maybe you do join an actual book club. Maybe you find some other activities where she can like meet people, or it's a social environment. But it's not all about the drinking and just hanging out and doing nothing, you know, and like.

Speaker 3

A lot of drinking is about avoidance. I mean, it's just it's pretty pretty obvious and clear. And she feels sexier when she's drinking, and you know, she comes out of her shell and she becomes that image of what she used to be, you know, and who she is is not just enough, it's beautiful. She's got to know, she's got to feel that love for her own actual self. And I think it's a very fraught period of she's threatened right now that her value is just being diminished.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 6

All I want for her is to see that for herself. See here how I see her and see her full potential. So thank you guys. That was awesome advice.

Speaker 1

Oh good good.

Speaker 3

I'm so glad that all dan need to have a great holiday too.

Speaker 1

Happy holidays. Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back to.

Speaker 5

Wrap up with Brookshields. And we're back with Brookshields. Okay, So how do people find comments?

Speaker 3

If you just look up shop comments all lowercase shop comments dot com cumn and it's all about really the new beginnings and beginnings of this era and being as joyful and healthy and just in our lives and proud of who we are.

Speaker 1

And are you still doing the groups too? If people want to join in on the groups?

Speaker 3

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want to bring books into it as well and really have it be a world of care.

Speaker 1

I love it. I love it. And Brooks new book is brookshield is not allowed to get old thoughts on aging as a woman.

Speaker 3

It is out.

Speaker 1

It'll probably be out as soon as you hear this podcast. I'm sure by the time we put this out, and it will be available at all places, all bookstores. And I was going to say wherever you listen to your podcasts, and then I'm like, this is a book and this is not a podcast.

Speaker 3

Well no, and then my podcast didn't get rid of for you, so I don't have that on my plate, which is fine. But I went into the audio recording of the books, so the also on audible and audio and it's all me, okay, well it was you want to listen to me anymore?

Speaker 1

Well, we do, we do? You always want to listen to you, Brook. I totally appreciate your time today. Thank you so much. Congrats on everything. Please say hello to your lovely husband Chris Hench for me.

Speaker 3

I will, I will it? Will? You look like you're in a cozy flace. I wish I was there. I am.

Speaker 1

I'm in my happy place now. Yes, have a great day.

Speaker 3

Okay, thank you for you too, Thank you very much. Bye bye.

Speaker 2

If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law, and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.

Transcript source: Provided by creator in RSS feed: download file
For the best experience, listen in Metacast app for iOS or Android
Open in Metacast