When the goal posts keep moving - Uncut with Tony Armstrong

Hey guys, and I'll welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany and I'm here today with a super famous Dancing with the Stars contestant, Laura Bird.

Hi everybody, Hi, I am a dancer.

Now that's what I do. I dance and night's all the time.

I dance from the minute I wake up in the morning, I danced until the middle of the night.

I dance around the office. Thank you so much for making time. Thank you to coming to the podcast today. You are so look.

I mean, I did have to stop my very busy dancing schedule to be here.

Well, the announcement's out, so this is obviously a Tuesday. This is dropping. But last Thursday it came to light that you have not been doing Ninja Warrior, but you having fact been training very hard for Dancing with the Stars.

To be fair, there was a part of me that was a little bit like, oh, Ninja Warrior would be fun.

Nah, you wouldn't last a day. No, I wouldn't even last the first hurdle.

I wouldn't even make it over the first jump over the phone pitch.

Have you seen that videos of like seven, three or four or five year old kids that are running and doing hurdles, and the video is like, watch this seven times and look at a different kid every time. And have you seen it? They start running in they're all tripping over. That's you.

That's what you would be like. No, but now we need to find that and put it ourselves.

I'll find it. Everyone's gonna be like what I will find. It is so funny, and I promise you will watch this video and repeat a hundred times. Well that's just me.

But at dancing that was my saying. Oh, I thought we thought we were saying it Ninja Warrior. No, if you did Ninja Warrior.

That would have been you. But I think you're gonna be really good at dancing with the stuff. No you die Sean and video snips. You are sexy, little premanded. I have gotten pretty fit. That's the one thing that I've gotten out of this.

So we I don't even know what to start so much dance from the beginning.

How could I even put into words what I've been doing.

Everyone you all know that I've been bred crumbing, that I've been training for something like the last five weeks.

I kind of signed up.

I think it was five, Yeah, It must have been five weeks ago, just before we went away to rock Hampton. I was dancing in the garage in rock Hampton because I just learnt the first few steps of the jive. So doing like an absolute dog's breakfast of it.

Well, at least you've got Matt at home to train with, because if people might not remember them two years ago, three years ago, Matt did Dancing with the Stars.

Yeah, no, no, no, he's not training with me unfortunately. No, he's like the dancing widow. Now he's got the kids twenty four to seven. So you know, when Matt did it two years ago and Lola was a newborn, if I was home with the kids and he was leaving for like eight hour training days. This is payback because he at the moment has been having to do the lion's share of the parenting whilst I'm off being twinkletoes.

Whilst you're off getting down and jiggy with it. Oh oh no, that's wrong, You're not getting down getting jiggy.

And also like we have to be so careful because everyone's gonna be like, oh, what's happening with Laura's dance partner, what's going on there?

It is always a bit of a vibe, not with you, but a vibe and a theme with Dancing the Stars, isn't it. I think it's more in the American series, But there's always like this contraver of an affair, or someone hooks up with someone, or there's so much chemistry on stage it has to be real.

I would like to have it on the record that my dance partner pot.

Contradance my da dance Neil My. Your dance partner's name is Danil.

My dance partner, Danil is almost two decades younger than me. So apart from the fast food is here, he's six.

Sixteen. You can't do that moves at sixteen.

He's twenty one. He's twenty one, so hit sixteen years younger than me.

So I could have literally given birthday hand. Not that there would ever even if it was Jason Momoa, like, there would never be a thing like I I adore my. I love Matt too much. It's not that just doesn't even enter my psyche, but the fact that he's so young.

You know he's gonna listen to this and be like, fuck, you don't know. We're so lovely, You're great. We're just taking the piss he's I've met him. He's lovely. He's a lovely dance partner.

So this is his first season doing Dancing with the Stars, but the dancing verg Yeah, he's a dancing version. He's never ever danced before. No, He's like he's like Australian champion. He was like some crazy award winning multi Accolade dance person.

He's got the fire in his belly, doesn't he Yeah, and so much confidence.

Like if you said to him, how do you think you're gonna go, He's like, oh yeah, We're gonna win a mirror Ball.

And I'm like, you haven in mid dance yet he has. No. I saw a snippet, a tiny little snippet, because I peeked in on one of your sessions.

I think it was because I text you SA same same same.

You guys actually look really good. Well, We're going produce a Keisha and I are going some of the radio crew are going, we're gonna go to your first night to cheer you on. And I'm gonna take my own scorecard and like just write a tin on it.

And if Todd mckennie gives me like a four, just hold the ten over the top of it, be like.

Fuck your DoD. I'll be that person, you know how. I when you're at the football and someone runs on streaking and like everyone runs around trying to catch them, that's me. I'll be running around with the scorecard and everyone's like, get her off with your face melting off. I'm hoping my face isn't melting off by that.

Okay, So, as you guys know, BRIT's been doing the skin cancer treatment. But she arrived today and she was like, I think my eyelashes have been seated off.

I wish I could laugh harder.

It's true they have. They're gone, mainly the bottom ones. But a little bit.

Your face looks so ball at the moment, very crusty, very bald, do you know what?

No, But well, I'm just thinking a way to say it because I am very, very proud to be posting on like my face bit and what's happening. And I'm not worried about my looks in the sense of what's happening at the moment, because I know it's for a good cause. But this morning I did look in the mirror and I was like, wow, I just hate myself right now because my eyelashes and my face is so swollen and you look at stopping this is what we're working with today. Okay, yeah, it's really cracked and scabby

I know we will be peop laughing, are gone at you, but like you look beautiful, and also you should be so proud of because I think a lot of people, you know, especially when it's your face, like it's so easy to be embarrassed and then to be like, I'm not going to share this, but I'm so proud of you for sharing it and for putting all the photos up there, like you know, the good, the bad, and that not as beautiful as what you know normally you would look like, but I'm so glad that you're sharing

Out of myself, but it's yeah, the truth is, yeah, I don't want to ak myself right now. But on a more serious note, if anyone actually has recommendations for a LASH serum that works, like none of it, you know, like there's so much stuff that doesn't work, but like, okay, I've got no extensions, I have pointy little finger. I'm burnt off by this chemo cream because I think I want a bit hectic under the eyes. I need a good lash serum. I need these to grow.

Do you actually think that stuff works, the chemo or the.

Lash the lash serum apparently, yeah, you don't know. I've got a question.

If it works so well, then why can't ball people just shove it all over their head and grow hair.

Keisha's she's literally in the background, like in the morning. She's like me, I mean, oh, that's grim.

Keisha just said that there's studies that have come out to say that lash serum has made some people go blind.

So we're not promoting it. What you're saying is I'm never gonna have lashes again. No, their crawback soon, babe. Nick Cycle? Yeah yeah yeah, Nick Cycle a period.

Doy Okay, look back to Dancing with the Stars for two seconds and then we can move on to other more important things.

Stand to the Star.

We are pre recording this episode, like the intro of this episode, so this is we're doing this on Friday. Normally we keep our interests fresh, we do it on the Monday morning. It comes out on the Tuesday.

But Laura's are really high and superstar now, so we have to try and fit into her sketch.

But I'm a dancer, no god if you know, but she's a glitterable I am after the mirror ball. My very first colm is Tuesday night, So if you're listening to this on the day that this drops, I will be somewhere dancing the drive at in Homebush. That's where I think it's being filmed. Do you feel petrified? Okay, great, that.

Was I was gonna say nervous, but Petrifried's a great term. Don't think I've ever been so scared in my life. And what about are you scared about not doing the dance? Well, you're scared about being voted out first, you're scared about doing it in front of people.

You know, Like, what's the I really don't want to be voted out first because that's just embarrassing.

At least second can run the batch.

I remember when I went on The Bachelor, I was like, as long as I'm not the first, if I'm on the second.

Night, somewhere in the middle, so I can hide amongst it. You know, I'm okay with being average. I don't want to be really really bad, So first would probably be a bit disappointing, but you know what, if it ends up being first.

We can all laugh about it in a couple of weeks time. There's no way you're first. I've seen your moves. No, I could be.

I'm up against like Paulini and Bloody Pa. Do you remember what was that movie that were you all Alabrand looking for Ala Brandy. I saw her the other day and then I got like you know when you see a celebrity in real life and you get a bit of like starstruck.

I was like, oh my god, it's peare I watched your movie in school. I watched it when I was like sixteen.

She also looks exactly the same, like she hasn't aged at all.

It's really weird. I thought that when I looked at the cast photos, like only fifty, how do you look like you're still twenty five? Is she now? No idea? She's probably gonna listen to this and like, I'm thirty. She was quite young when she filmed that. Well she was supposed to be at school. Yeah, but you know, s you can be thirty film school. Okay, after this face peel, I reckon, I can play like a ten year old any cartin agents out there, I have just extended my age range.

So Tuesday night we've got the competition. That'll be my first one, and I'm dancing the jive.

Oh that's the super fun really fast.

So the reason why I'm nervous is not because I'm not so much nervous.

That I'm gonna get out first.

If it happens, it happens, there's not much I can do about it except dance better.

But no blame an injury if you're out first. Say I have rolled my ankle always, Yeah, it's not you.

Yeah, it's not the ability, it's something there was something sort of hurdle I had to overcome. No, the reason why I'm nervous is because I have to think so much about the steps because the steps are so fast, Whereas if I make a mistake in the jive, there's no time to make get up. Yeah, So it's like the mistakes are so obvious, whereas if you make a mistake in a slower dance, you can just kind of like do something with your arm, make it look like to do it. So if I had a waltz or

Like, it is, but I'll probably never use the jive again. I'm gonna say it's not really a transferable skill. When you're out at a nightclub high kicks. Sorry, when you're out at a nightclub maybe last time you went to a nightclub, I reckon one day, I've got nightclubbing in me again. You know what you do. And I'm going to say this probably not necessary for the pod. But Ben is coming in three weeks and he's made a request.

We're going to go to a nightclub.

He's requested that all of our group of friends go out for drinks. And then he's like, maybe we could go to a club. And I didn't have the heart to tell him that we're all eighty year old. Inside, I was like, sure, babes, I'll get the group.

Together for the club. In my head, I was like, did you even know where the club is anymore?

Where do people go?

Did you realize at that point in time that you were dating a twenty year old?

You were like, oh my god, that's right. My boyfriend is twenty No, he's thirty one, but he just I guess he's probably normal. We are just not We're like old salt. We're all old solt.

No, I think we're normal. I just have two kids and I just drink rose at home.

Produce a Kisha might I was trying to do the math, ask her where to go? Well, yeah, produce the cause you might know. But what I was going to say is I was doing the math. I was like, Okay, I'll book us all a restaurant, and I was doing the math of who could come, and I was doing the partners. And then I was like, looks like Kesha might have a partner now, so I added a plus one in for the new potential. We're not sure yet because we have knowd the conversation. I'm sorry, are we

I've learned from experience it is never fucking implied. It is never implied. If you think it's implied at someone out of the two.

Of them still and I've left that the hard way. Mena dam never implied. That was exactly what my commas never but he She's like, I think it's just it's you know, it is what it is, And I'm like, no, it's not. No communication is key.

Let's not go with snoke signals when it comes to fidelity and monogamy.

Let's just ask the question.

Do you know why people don't want to ask the question because they're scared of the answer. That's why people don't like to say are we exclusive? For fear of knowing that you're not exclusive and the answer being no.

No.

I also think some people have a fear of maybe you're more on board than the other person is. So sometimes people are like, I don't want to do it first. I don't want to say, hey, do you want to go steady? If they're like, I'm still rock on the boat, you know, or my analogies are on file, like.

Rocking the boat just mean like you're getting in trouble, like you're making.

Pressure to do an opposite of steady, and it was rocking. That's where my brain went. So basically, what I meant is like one person might be more ready than the other, and I think that sometimes that's why people get scared of having the convoy. But Keisha's got a hand up in the corner. You don't have to put your hand up. It's because Keish doesn't have a microphone at the moment.

Come on it, okay, pollar opposite foot and I've got a couple of messages about this after episode went live on Thursday.

Glad that someone listened to it.

That was.

When you said, like you have to have the conversation. That's because you dated trash people.

I've also dated trash people where I've felt the need to have the conversation.

Oh, I didn't realize that they were trash until until a year later when I thought we were exclusive and we weren't.

She assumed exactly.

And in the past I've been exactly the same where I've been like, no, I have to have the conversation because otherwise you might be fucking someone else. And I don't know about it this time. I don't have any anxiety about it, Like I just it is what it is, and like I don't have any insecurities about where I stand, Like I'm calling him, I'm calling him.

I'm gonna ask.

Him if he's your boyfriend. Must be nice, Must be nice. Also, you know what they say, assume is it? Assume makes an ass of you and me? Something like that.

That's today's social video.

Do you and Matt have to have the conversation after the batch?

We literally had the conversation on TV, on National TV, in front of everyone. It was the most solidifying moment of my life because I was like, you can't back out of this one, motherfucker. Can I tell you guys, you can't say you didn't know that we have in a monogamous relationship after this one, like all the exes did.

Can you? Yeah? I mean it also can just be cute.

You can just literally be like, okay, mother friend, I'm so don't do that. I think so funny what I did one time, You're gonna die. You were going to.

Rap dad levitating up to the sky. This is in the ground. As I'm saying, this is a part of me.

That is my internal monologue is like, stop at Brittany, But I'm not going to tell you anyway.

Please please, I will tell you to stop like a eyebrows, I mean eyelashes all the back.

Wait all I can think. I literally looked in the mirror this morning. I was like, thank god I locked Ben down when I did like a giant thumb. Oh just like your trashy ex boyfriends. What I was gonna say is I was dating this guy a couple of years ago, and I quite liked him, and we had had a history, like we'd known each other for a long time, but don't ever known each other as friends. I like to think I'm pretty like cute in terms of like I'm a romantic and I like to do

Like, but you're ready to continue to keep sleeping with me and treat me like I'm your girlfriend. That would be great. Let's do that the next year until you find someone better.

I think we did it like one more time and then we both were like cool.

The thing is when it is about you tell me that you're not ready for a relationship until you start dating someone else.

In a month, you got married and had a kid.

He got married, not a kid.

Oh live on air right now, Keisha's current boyfriend that we don't know just message her and said are we having the conversation, which means he listened to Thursday's episode.

Oh my god, can you respond right now and say do we need to? No, say do we need to or is it assumed? Can you please? This is live content. Keisha's getting a boyfriend live on air? Do it for the team? Keisha?

Oh yeah, by it?

No, that was too much.

Pretty anyway, let's mine your life. Let's mine your life for as much content as possible.

Geisha, you bulled in. You don't get paid enough. He should send him a photo of what's happening right now and say we're talking about right now, record.

Us and we'll ask him for you just video and you can send in the video.

Yeah, Hello, hello, potential boyfriend. Hi, his name's Toddler and Hi Toddler. Rumor has it you must have heard the conversation that Keisha and I had Onday's episode of Life Uncut, because you did just message Keisha and ask if you guys need to have the conversation. And the question is do you think you need to have the conversation or do you think it is assumed? And if it's assumed, what are we assuming? Yeah? Yeah, can't wait for the answer.

Ha or he Welcome to the Life on Cut family.

Men must be so scared to enter this little world of ours because like they know, all men know, Like I'm lucky because Matt's locked in he already. I mean, he shares enough of our bloody sex life on his podcast now too. It's double whammy. But he's got four years to make up for it and get back at me. But like for you guys over the years, trying to bring a man into the chaos that is us sharing our life as podcast content, truly would be petrifying for some man.

You know what, You're lucky that Matt's quite well, he is not quite. He's very open and he's very in the media, and he loves that kind of a life. But like the people I've dated or all very opposite, they're very shy and they're very quiet. This is like, imagine if you were a shy, quiet person coming into this kind of a life.

Totally, it makes it very challenging to date. And I know that because I know you've spoken about it loads before, and I know that for a lot of people that we've interviewed who live public lives.

I know when I say public lives.

Of course, we don't share everything about our lives on the podcast, but we share things that might make other people feel uncomfortable or awkward. You know, we'll talk about sex and then some people would think, oh God, I could never talk about that in an open setting.

Well, we also felt like that once time I'm going to talk and then the dial it just shifts over time, and then here we are and all of a sudden, daily mails writing articles that the headline is Laura's big fat Harry.

Vagina, and I'm fine with it anyway. We'll come back to Keisha and whether she has a boyfriend or not. Speaking of sharing too much and Matt getting me back over the years for everything that I have been sharing on this podcast. Molly May is like almost four. She turns four in a couple of weeks time. And in the four years of her life, she has never walked in on us getting down and diberty.

Although three times she hasn't walked in.

I know she hasn't caught us in the act yet, and it could be because it's quite infrequent.

But she also sleeps in no bed.

So like, Molly gets up every single night at around eleven o'clock and she goes from her bed and comes and gets into our bed, and then we spend the entire night with her kicking me in the tit for the rest of it. So like it is surprising that up until this point, and I know we joke all the time that I don't have sex, but I do. Guys, it happens. So up until this point in time, she's never ever walked in on us. But Matt shared the story on his podcast, so I feel like I need

What game are they playing? Some husky breathing anyway, Yeah, nah, big more than that. Oh, I was scary. It was scary. It was pretty much you all.

So we're in the middle of it, this you know, passionate love making session and all here is this and it was like a cartoon. I heard the pita powder and then as soon as I look to the right, she just arrived like a tombstone, standing next to the bed.

Like how did you get that? So you was so close to our faces.

I was like, this is gonna be traumatic for you and cost you a lot in therapy when you're older. Anyway, she was literally right next to my face and we hadn't had time to do anything. We were just kind of frozen in position.

But do you know what, that's probably the best position to be when you're sprung, because.

Oh, you just look like you're laying down in bed. We like you're close and cuddly. Yeah, just having a naked close cuddle. Yeah, or she would have been out of sea with her dad's butt. Really and like the side of my leg, it's not like.

A sixty nine or how do you explain that? You don't You really don't. I don't know what you do for that. No, as we all know, I've seen it before of my mom. Oh yeah, Laura did catch her mum, that was true. Let's not visit revisit that anyway. So it turned to it.

She's like there right at my face, and like I said, she gets into her bed every night. There's nothing that you can do to deter her from getting into bed, right, Like, that's just her. She as soon as she gets to the bed, she climbs on in. And I turned to her and she looked at us and she was a bit like the fuck is going on here? And I was like, oh, sweet here, maybe you should go back

Puts herself back to bed. And the fact that she did that means she clocked something was different, because she would always get in a bed kind of sense.

She was like, I don't know what this is, but I don't want to know, and then she didn't mention anything. She kind of did. She said, you told me to go back to my bed last night, and I was like, yes, Mommy and Daddy were wrestling, having a wrestle. We were having we were having a special adult tickle.

She'd have told her you were like practicing the dance or something.

Oh, I don't want her to get that impression. Then imagine how much that's gonna affect her when she's older. And she thinks that's what I was doing with my dance teacher. But you think anyway, Daily Mail, stay the fuck away from that headline.

Fuck me. Oh okay, guys, we've just gotten a live update from Keisha's This is the most amazing content life on Cut has ever had. Keisha's sent what we just did before to Toddler own bless your soul. You've taken one for the team, Keisha, and he's just responded with please read out loud. This poor guy does not know what he's in for. I think he does.

He wrote, if I have a whole pass, I'm not exercising it, so you're not making a mistake.

To clarify Kysh's got that is basically you're basically engaged. I think he's saying he's not.

That's nothing going on with anyone else. He's trying to cure he's exclusive.

Yeah, he's trying to say that you guys are locked down. Oh my gosh, she's so embarrassed. I'm that's so cute. We haven't known Keisha to have a boyfriend traumatized.

Can I also just put it out there we are now hiring for somebody who is single, because we need somebody single in our company at all times.

At least, you know, Laura and I are on par with our opinions. Yeah, yeah, and also the content that we want. And he seems really nice. Yeah, Hi, Hi Tabloom, Welcome, Welcome, to the family. All right, let's leave it because she's died of embarrassment. Speaking of embarrassment, I've got a great little accidentally unfiltered here.

Oh, it's been a while since we've done an accidently unfiltered I love this in a while, but this one came into email.

All right, they're really in traditional format. Yeah, highlight uncut team. I was out for drinks with my friend's night and we all decided to do accidentally unfiltered and tell our most embarrassing moments. And I begged me to riding with this. Now I love that you guys have done this. So a few years ago, I was living in my parents' garage that we had turned into a bedroom. The sliding door to the room had a doggy door, and my

It was a pink stick.

Yeah, the pretty dildos. One afternoon I arrived home from work to see my dad sitting in the backyard playing fetch with my dog, throwing around my pink dial do. My dog had obviously found it in a basket through the doggy door. I was so mortified, but I had to play it cool, so I decided to play with both of them. Played throw the dog toy with Dad, but then I had to yeat it over the fence and be like, oops, lost the dog's toy. It was

She played fetch with her dad and then dog with Big Dilda.

Imagine being the neighbor and finding a fucking dialdo in your backyard.

Just do in the garden and you get you eat it in the head with a dildo. It is so funny. I love it so much.

Oh.

I love the idea that you sat around with your girlfriends and shared your acciently and filtered stories.

What are good if?

I mean, if you're going out for dinner with your friends, this is such a good little thing for you to do this weekend or next weekend. Sit down and ask like, what is your most embarrassing story? It'll give you the best laugh and then write them in, and then make sure you write them in because you know, we haven't been doing many accidently unfilters this year, and I feel like it's time to bring it back.

Baby or she also said, please keep me anonymous. Love the podcast. Just so you know, everyone is anonymous. Everyone never we don't even look at your profile. Sometimes we just sometimes because sometimes we do. Oh you know, sometimes when it's really funny, we have a look, but only because we're like, I want to put a face to queen the name of that person, but I want to put a face in the name of this queen. Yes,

You can slide into the dams at Life on Cut podcast. Well Tony Armstrong wears a lot of cats.

He's a TV presenter, he's an XAFL player, he's an assy heart throb. He's a podcast or with a new podcast, The Pool Room, and if you'll listen to Australian media, he's the next Bachelor. Tony, Welcome to Life on Cut.

It's such a thrill to be here. Love the laundry. List of things that I am particularly the one that we all knows the most true, which is the bachelor. One very happy with that one.

Can we either prove it or defunk it?

I mean, I know we've spoken about it before the pick up, but just for everybody out there who's curious or who's dying to know, will you ever be the Bachelor or has it ever been on the table?

No? Despite the weird nature of the job that I guess we all do, I don't like people knowing weird shit about me, and I can imagine that, like if I was doing a dating show on TV, you know, like that'd be too invasive for me. So no full respect to people who do it.

But I'm not insulted. I was going to say, I don't I know we were both on the batch. I think I reckon he probably knows. I don't think he does.

No, I do, But I guess the thing is like for me, I couldn't like, Yeah, I mean, I'm awkward enough as is, so I would find trying to be vulnerable like that, properly vulnerable like that would be tough. I would imagine, what was it.

Like you say that you were awkward? I actually just think that you're smarter. Than us, because you've been in the media ring. I think like when we signed up and did it, we had no idea of what to expect because we were so fresh and so green. Now looking back, if I knew what I knew and I didn't think I'd get a husband out of it, I certainly wouldn't be doing it.

Look, I think there's a lot of women out there that'll be disappointed to hear that those rumors are fault because I think there is. I know there is a long line up for you, Tony, So how do you know I was one of them at one Stay okay, just to.

Make you really awkward while we start this, but to make you even more awkward, we start every single chat the same way with our guests, and that is an accidentally unfiltered story, basically the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you.

It's very humanizing and we want you to bear your soul.

So I've got a couple. I've got a laundry list, but the first one that comes to mind right now. I was lucky enough to be one of the hosts of ABC's ninety f Birthday and like we did like extravaganza type night up in Sydney and we were catching up on zoom to like talk through how the night would go and how the scripts was, and you know, doing line reads and all that kind of stuff. And I do wrecky TV for people who don't know, and like,

I really hope that we made through the whole episode with you staying away. That would be your.

Dream, Like, oh my god. The other one, when I was like sixteen, I was playing for my combined school footy team, so like the kind of rep team, and the coach of the side was a fellow called Ken Fletcher, and he was a bomber's legend and I was so

You don't want to tell them. I hate that.

Well, I don't want to be rude as well, like on TV and like correct someone right. Michael Roland would love it. Every time he'd be like, and I'd just be like. And then eventually I think someone told her, because there was one day where she was like over the top, he's thanks Tony, Yeah, great question.

You like, you're never going to be able to hide the fact that you've been calling me Nick for six months because no one knows my name.

It does get to a point where you can't say anything. I remember my old job. Someone called me Bridget and I was new, so I didn't want to correct them, and I was like, I'll just go with Bridget. I was Bridget for three years.

I just was like, well, you never ever corrected them, and nobody ever realized that was wrong.

No, we got too deep. That's I'm like, I feel like you know that your conflict.

Avoid it when you get to that point in your career and people are still calling you by the wrong name.

Oh, like, I will happily eat the thing that I lose to avoid throwing someone. You know, I'll like, well, you know, if it matters to you, let's do that. That's me. I'm scared of conflict.

Tony, tell us a little bit about what your childhood was like. You grew up with your mum and she was a single mom at the time.

Oh, it was awesome.

Where did you grow up all over?

So?

I was born at the old Royal Women's in Paddington, I'm not sure if it's still there. Then grew up sort of out West Sydney, so like Cabra matter Fairfield if you know it, like past Paramatta spent some time on the south coast of New South Wales and then mum wanted do they call it a tree change? Is it a tree change? If you move to the country, it's a sea change.

I don't know what the inland version.

I think a tree change is when you, yeah, when you're heading in for a bit more nature, let's go with that.

Yes, So mum, being a teacher, she asked for a teaching transfer to within a half hour driving radius of Aubery and we ended up in a little town called Brocklesby that had literally like one hundred people living there, which was wild. It was like a farming town, and then went to boarding school at Assumption College. But yeah, growing up it was particularly when we're in the country, like after school, it would just be me. So I got quite imaginative and just used to fuck around heaps so much.

When you say, just you che did you have no friends because there weren't many people around, or did you live so far away from everyone else in this tiny town that no one could get to you?

Yeah? No, no, no, no, That's kind of what it was like. So all the kids were on the farms around the town, and then all my friends from school were in Aubrey. So like after school I didn't really hang out with other kids. It would be just mum and I and yeah, like I had at the mint time. I used to muck around heaps. I'd make bike jumps, I play the drums, I'd watch Telly whatever. Yeah, I had a really good time.

How old were you when your dad was out of the picture and it was just you.

And your mum?

So I never met my dad until like two years ago.

Wow, and how old are you?

Yeah? I am thirty three years old and.

Feeling you are a young little spring chicken.

That's where you are.

Thank you? Are we recording? Can we are?

We can say that that can be the.

So, yeah, it was just mum and I. But it wasn't necessarily I guess something where obviously like I yearned for a dad because you see it, but I also never had it, so it wasn't like I lost something.

Also, I guess in your case, in terms of like identity, understanding where you come from, having that sense of belonging or familiarity, was there, I mean, not necessarily a longing for your dad or for a father figure, because I do think that, I mean for me, I would write with a single mum as well, And I think that

Yeah. No, that's a really good question. I just felt like the time was right. I'd never really actively wanted to. And then I don't know what it was that changed in me, probably getting a bit long in the twos and thinking about things like deeper things, I suppose, and then I was like, oh, yeah, I mean it'd be cool, Probably because I was thinking, you know, like if I have kids, I want them to know you know what I mean?

Did you have access to your father whenever you wanted, like you always knew to find him if he wanted, or did that only come later?

Nah? So, like I didn't pursue it because you know, I felt really loyal to Mum and I didn't want to put her out despite the fact that she would always be like if you ever want to know, out of a sense of loyalty that even though that's not being disloyed in yet, just like being young and not really knowing how to navigate some of those tricky things that life throws up.

What was it like when you finally met Do you end up having a relationship with him? And I guess I'm curious for this because my mom didn't have a dad. My mom's dad left very very which I think she was two or three. She didn't remember him, and when she was in her forties, she got curious and she decided to meet him because she imagined it would be this beautiful reunion and this is why he wasn't around. And she just said it was just shit. She's like,

I went into it kind of not expecting anything. We've got a relationship, but yeah, like it was just fucking weird to be honest, Like you're kind of like, you know, you're looking at half of yourself. There's all like the woe is Me feelings that go through, but like everyone's got their shit. He had his shit. I think we're getting there. I don't know where it'll get to I like him, I'm fond of him, but I'm also I've been burnt by him.

So yeah, absolutely from I mean, not so much about your relationship with your dad by any means, but your relationship I guess with yourself as well. Your dad is Indigenous, and I guess growing up in a household and also in a community where you visibly present as Indigenous but maybe don't have a good link to your history, to your culture.

What was that like for you?

I got so fucking good at spinning yarns, I bet because you know, like kids are just so you just don't ask. Yeah, yeah, that was just and I just make shit up. So obviously that's like complex, right. As I've gotten older, got more perspective on what it is, and I guess that was part of the reason why I did want to reach out. Well, I actually didn't reach out, but like that was why I kind of like opened myself up to wanting to connect. Was because

I suppose you're wildly successful. Now do you still feel like you suffer from that? When you get a new gig, or you're on a new TV show, or people are putting pressure on you to speak about your upbringing and your community, do you feel like that's still you're not the person to be doing that, even though we all know, of course you are.

Yeah, it's interesting. It's like I've got this platform, which I'm so grateful for, so I kind of feel like it's incumbent on me to be strong. But then I'm also like, fuck, i am a bozo.

But I love it. Do you think that?

No? But I'm like, there are so many people who are so much smarter, so much more research, so much more adequate to talk on things. However, for one reason or another, they don't get given the microphone. So I like try to align myself with really good thinkers and thinkers that I really respect and I know community respects, and then I just try to echo what they say.

We had a really great conversation with Taylor Gray when it was Australia Day, and I loved speaking to her because one of the things that she said was that she feels as though there is so much responsibility on her to represent an entire group of people. And then she was like, but no white person walks into a room and goes, I'm representing everyone. She's like, you get to show up and just represent yourself, represent the fact that you do a podcast, or you make jewelry or

Well, for sure, I'm really good mates with Brooke Boning a bit. She and I talk about it to each other, basically like moaning to each other. But it's really funny you say that, because I was lucky enough to be the first Indigenous person to commentate AFL on commercial radio. And I remember in The Leader they made a big thing about it. I did it for Triple, and they made this huge thing about it because you know, it was awesome for Triple to be like the ones who

I mean, the pressure of the responsibility. I've never quite thought of it like that, that you've thought, I can't be the one to fuck it up into people's perspective for the worst. And something you just mentioned which just struck me a little bit, as you said, like there are people more intelligent than me that should be, you know, having these conversations when the first thing I thought of

Let's cut that up too.

Yeah, we've got some of my light reels here. I understand why it's frightening.

I mean, like, also going back, we're obviously going to get into talking about footy very shortly.

But you know, you come from a very different background.

It's not like you came from a journalistic background and then all of a sudden you're working in media and being called up to do a whole bunch of different things, and being asked to do breakfast media. It's like the trajectory seemed to happen so quickly, and I'm sure it

Oh well, I used to sleep with a footy. I was like that obsessed, right, Having no friends around after school and stuff meant that I would just take the footy and I'll just kick it at trees, kick it at targets, you know, the ten thousand hours thing, like I would have clocked fifty sixty thou Like, it was wild and I loved it. And it's quite funny. I've spoken about this before, but it's so true when you're growing up. I think this has happened to all of us.

Have to make some adjustments to the spending.

Yeah, but I'd be fine. And so like that fear of failure that can constrict people. You know, we all know people who you see like you're like, come on, man, like just do it, You're brilliant, just do the thing, and they get in their own way. Like I'm lucky that football gave me that fearlessness, but it was also hard.

I mean, how do you cope with that when you have all these dreams and aspirations, when you're literally sleeping with a football as a child, and then you make it. I mean, you're good but then maybe just not quite good enough, all right, Laura, What I mean is is that there is an expectation that you need to be even better. How do you deal and overcome that sense of failure?

So I got like really sad because football you get so much feedback, both directly and indirectly, and when you're not in like the senior side, you're getting indirect feedback each week through non selection that you're literally not good enough. Like we're all trying to play in the seniors, right, and if you're not getting selected, what are they saying you're not good enough? But then all week you're busting your ass, busting your ass trying to play in the

Okay, So you got drafted to the Adelaide Crows in I think tow thousand and seven. Then twenty twelve you debut for the Sydney Swans and like, that's a team you grew up supporting, which is pretty amazing. Surely that is a bit of a confidence boost for you. What was that time?

Like, it was weird, it was like awesome, Like fuck, running around kicking a footy, lift and weights, getting massages, going for coffees, playing FIFA. It's fucking sick. I was looking that good back then. I was fucking ripped six pack. It's not great now, but back then, pooh. Anyway, it was sick to work on something so hard and like hone a craft, focus on getting really good at something hyper specific. I found that really cool. But then there was the other side of the coin, which was what

You played alongside Adam Goods, and for everybody who knows AFL you would know who Goods he is. But for anybody who isn't aware, Goodsy is basically an AFL god. But at the same time, he was racially villified, and he ended up later on rejecting a place in the Hall of Fame because of the racial abuse he experienced on field.

What was that like for you?

One playing alongside him, but also at a time where there was so much conversation around race, I got to.

Play with him. I was at the game when the shit happened, and it was so fucked because you're, like, we've spoken about race a little bit. But it's like, this is fucking black Superman, right, and he's been racially vilified in his workplace. Right, He's gone to work copped racial abuse, he said something about it, and then we decide that he's the bad guy.

I mean, he was gaslit. He was told well, no, you're not.

By a country. It was really hard to watch. I'm lucky enough to have a relationship with Goodsy. Actually i'll show you something. So that's me as a kid with Goodsy signing something for him. Yeah, and then getting to play with him. My favorite memory ever was we were playing Friday night footy against the Hawks. I did something sick.

It's interesting that you say that your twelve year old self, if they could see what you achieved at that time, that he would have lost his absolute mind, because I think sometimes when we get to that point where we've always dreamt of, the goalposts moved, and I hate I mean not to use that as pun, but what I mean is is that you can get to the place that you've always dreamt of, and then your ambitions have already moved forward, so you're not able to celebrate when

And I like, it's so regimented as well, so you're actually like living not a real life, not that what I'm doing now is reel. It's fucking weird too. But you're like told what to eat, you're prescribed your training, you're told where to be, you're given a diary that's filled for you. You almost like don't have autonomy, and that obviously regiments you. Is that the right word that programs you? And then you're told every decision you make needs to be about being the best footballer you can be,

I mean, obviously you played professionally, but in your time, did you experience anything like Adam Goods did?

Oh yeah, I mean, fuck, it's so cooked to say, but I just like you see what happens like as soon as someone calls it out. And as I've gotten older, speaking like I'm seventy, as I'm mature, and particularly now I realize that I've got this platform when it happens to me, I call it not all the time, but sometimes because I'm like, this is a great opportunity to highlight that kind of no matter your perceived station in the world, whatever the world might be, racist, stunkive a.

Fuck, you call it out in terms of your media career, and so the and I've heard you speak about this before, the backlash and the outrage and the racism is still there?

How do you deal with that in your own personal life?

What I do so like I don't have my social media apps on my phone. I log in via web browser to then post something and then I'll leave them behind. What I do when I go on to social media, for instance, it's kind of like, you know, you put the hard hat on, You've got the high vias, You're like, fuck all right, anything anything could pop up online or I don't look because I get smacked if I do,

Sometimes I think you can get caught up in being trolled online. And what I mean by that is I mean we've both experienced it for very, very very different reasons. But I remember speaking to Tim Wall from Channel ten Publicity and he kind of gave me the best advice. He sort of said that if you were in real life and somebody called something out at you from across the street and called you horrible names, you'd cross the street and you look at that person and think that

Why do you think that is?

I don't know, but I.

Know that for me, it's what I've experienced that when somebody has said something hurtful on social media, it has hit me and hurt me so much more. It just has a very different way to it.

Do you guys find that it's like really weird the ones that get you? You like why that one? Like? Why is that one got me feeling like shit?

I think it's because for me, it hits me in a vulnerability that I hate that that person has perceived me to be somebody who I'm not, or that I don't think I am and I think that they've misunderstood me.

Oh for sure, it's not the place to go for nuance.

It's not.

It's not. And like, I think the other thing I try to think about as well is like, whenever I'm feeling like everyone hates me, I then remind myself that people aren't thinking about us, like and then I like get into myself. I'm like, how big is your fucking ego to think.

Like anyone cares about you?

Yeah? They like the three steps for me, get out of yourself, dickhead.

You made a transition from being a professional athlete to a professional media personality. What was that transition like and how did the opportunity even come up?

Honestly? Serendipity fucking walk down the street. So I was doing some work for a mentoring Condigenous mentoring organization, and I walked in. I was like looking up some kids and there was Chris Johnson, a former AFOL player won three premierships at the Brisbane Lines when they were unbelievable. Blackfellow as well. So I had a relationship with him.

So you got that, Tony.

That was when I used Facebook three years ago maybe, and they said, hey, ba bah, I don't know if you've seen, but there's a job going at ABC. You think you'd be greatful it. I was like, because I don't have like LinkedIn, I don't know how to I don't know how to do all that shit. And then basically from there everything's kind of snowball. But yeah, it took like it was fairbit a grift has got into it.

Okay, So what are you up to now, Tony? Because I heard a whisper that you might be off to of all places, can't film festival.

Yeah, I'm nipping off to Europe for a month, so that'll be nice. Yeah, I'm just going along to I watch a film. I'm like nervous. I get nervous, like in a room of people, so I can't imagine what it's going to be like. Like, I can't tell you how scared I was, and this is not comparing one to the other, but like walking the carpet at the Logis, I was shit scared of everything and everyone. I can't even imagine what this is going to be, like, I've got anxiety already.

Do you think people realize when they're interviewing you that you get nervous or do you think that it just comes across as like being reserved and almost cool, calm and collected.

Well, what's your perception.

I would never have thought of you as being nervous, so that, to me, I mean, is surprising.

I think you really actually exude like a calm, shy confidence, and I think that that's probably what's really endearing about you. I think that's why people love you, because whilst you're ridiculously popular and desired in the media, you don't really give a fuck and you don't really want to talk about yourself. And I think that really is why so many people are drawn to you.

Ah, well, that's a massive compliment. I think I've gotten better at being able to do the interview shit and give of myself in an interview, but still like protect me, if that makes sense. I think when I'm with my friends, basically what everyone sees is me. I just try to value my privacy as much as I can. Here I am doing a w com interview. But you know what I mean, It's like because I want to be genuine, right, I don't want to be a charlatan or some fake

I was literally about to say, you're actually like Australia's version of Keanu Reeves. Take that really like popular great at what he does, but no one really knows anything about him. He just keeps to himself and his I don't know. I guess he's a bit of an enigma that fucks off.

Probably watching Kirby Your Enthusiasm, that'd be a good guess. And so like I think there's something really interesting in like scarcity. It's also not a strategy either. It's just I would feel quite uncomfortable if everyone knew fucking everything about it.

You are speaking to the wrong people.

No, no, but no like and everyone's different with that, right.

I mean speaking about your privacy and look, I'm not going to drill into your private life too much, but.

When was the last time you had sex?

A couple of red hot questions right there?

Okay, Know what I want to know is is what is it like when you are a media personality where you're trying to navigate dating and you're somebody who really likes to keep your life private, but people obviously have a public perception of who you are and you're one of Australia's most desirable men.

It's tricky, of course, and it kind of has only gotten trickier. It's so funny. It's like I just I just don't get it either, Like why people are kind of like wanno like hang out or like hit me up and all that kind of stuff. Like it's always amusing to me.

You don't get it.

I mean, you don't get why people would see you on TV and think I would like to date that guy.

It's always I love that I'm a fucking idiot, Like, got to be careful, got to be mindful that everyone's in it for the right reason, which.

I feel like is definitely something you'd have to think about because I feel like you just literally took over our screens all of a sudden.

Yeah, well, do you know what I think? Just to sidebar quickly. I think it's because I started on News Breakfast in the middle of the pandemic, so people watched ABC News Breakfast in particular way more than they would have normally, and everyone was at home, so they got like seven years worth of normal watching in.

Like ten months.

So true, I'm just sorry I'm here again. Fucking here's some sport, not COVID.

Well, you just take it on a new venture. You've got a new podcast called The Pool Room. Tell us about that, Like I feel like, what aren't you taking over right now? Tinder?

Oh you just wait, you just wait. So The Poor Room's basically kind of like ten minute stories told by me, and they're kind of esoteric sporting tales that you probably haven't heard, but they're amazing. Like I was loving doing it because I was learning so much Like the first one's about a Japanese marathon runner that went missing in the Olympic Games in the marathon, like I was only found years later.

Slow was he running to get lost in a marathon? Don't think you've got lost?

Glacier Glacier, Or like Voodoo and the Soccer Rouse and how there was a curse over the soccer Rous done by like a shaman and they didn't qualify for the World Cup for like thirty three years, Like weird shit. That is great for Like, if you're in the uber on the way to the pub, and you want to rip a yarn to everyone, slap that podcast in, listen to it for ten minutes on your journey, and then you'll be holding court in not time.

What happens though, when the podcast gets so popular that everyone's listening to it and someone turns up and he's like tries to drop a knowledge bomb, and everyone's like, mate, I know you just listen to that all the way in.

That's kind of nirvana. I think, yeah, it's a fucking yes, I know. You make up a little bit of a tall tale, bit of a furfy and then someone who doesn't know that it's come from you tells it back to you. Yeah, boy, Like yeah, everyone loves that kind of shit because it's like, yeah, short sport, but it's human story is told through the prism.

It's also sport that like someone like me who doesn't froth sport would also be interested in listening to because it's almost like they're coming to these mysteries of how who done it? Kind of a thing.

Tony, thank you so much for coming and for doing the pod. You have been on our hit list for a very very long time.

I'm sorry that it took me so long to come and have a yarn, but that was really fun.

All Right, guys, it is time for our suck and our sweet, our highlight and our low light of each and every week.

You can go first. I'm sure you've thought about it. Lasia eyebrows. I'm an eyelash. Yeah, Mysuki said, I'm hate myself. My suck is my suck for probably in all lot of sty this week, last week, this week, next week is probably gonna be my face because it is burning off. It is very painful and it's all I can think about all day because it's so it just hurts. But also I don't want to scare anyone off from doing this. It's not debilitating, it doesn't hurt enough that you can't

Also, let's be real, it is so one fine in comparison to the alternate, which is having skin cancer. Like I would choose this rudely for a good three week period over the other the alternate option.

My suite is I have booked some tickets up north for a couple of weeks with my boyfriend. Band is coming. As you guys know, I'm very excited because he hasn't been here like I always go to him, and he's only been to Australia once when I met him, and that was on a football tour thing, so they were very strict with all they could do.

The only thing that Ben saw at that time was the inside of brids bedroom, so like you know, he hasn't really seen Australia.

Inside of Britain no, So I'm really excited to show him Australia. And it's funny. I woke up this morning and it's so funny because he's Swiss. I forget that foreigners think this. But he sent me a video this morning of some people playing football and kangaroos like playing football and bouncing around on like obviously an anomaly, obviously like a very rare occurrence for the kangaroos to be playing on the pitch. And I forget that foreigners think

And I don't think people actually think people walked down to Sydney Street and that there's a bloody koala on the Center Point tower.

No, I think they do because all that stuff goes viral, like one video goes viral, and they think it's normal. But I had to say to him, look like they're not everywhere, like we will see them, because I'm going to take him to my hometown of Port mcquarie, and they are everywhere there, like across from my house on the golf courses. Kangaroos are everywhere in put go down to Green Point, done stuff and they're literally everywhere. Yeah, So I'm super ex that's my sweet and so I'm

Well, I can't wait to actually meet him properly because I've only met Ben Club only in passing at BRIT's house when he was coming over for a booty call on.

The first yeah, the first second booty call. We are, Yeah, I met him on a booty call.

And now I can meet him as your booty boyfriend, and we can go to the club and and I'm going to be so experienced I'm going to burn a hole in that dance flo Anyway, Okay, my sunk for the week is that I am absolutely fucking wrecked. And I know that that is not very exciting to listen to. But when I tell you that the training schedule at the moment for dancing is like twenty five to twenty eight hours a week, that's just on top of my normal work.

So I've still been doing radio full time job like that, thirty hours a week is a lot.

Yeah, it's been mental so that I've still been doing radio. I'm still doing podcasting. I haven't been into the Tony May offices as much, but my sister is being doing an absolute rockstar stellar job of like compensating for that sort of work. But it's been a huge undertaking to do this show. And I don't want to say that that's the suck because it sounds like I'm not enjoying it. I'm absolutely fucking loving it. I'm loving getting back into exercise,

Do you think you'll stay on the fitness train after this? Like you feel like you've gone to a point where now yeah, because it's such hard work to start, so now you started.

And I know we joke about it, but I mean I never really got back into fitness after having kids. I would do like little random bursts of it, but I never got back into any sort of consistent fitness. It's so nice to be exercising again and feeling like how invigorated you feel from that, and like how it feels. Yeah, So even though I'm exhausted, on the flip side of that is like I feel really.

Good I don't know, it's a weird oxymoron. Anyway.

My sweet for the week, though, is that it's all happening. My sweet for the week is that we've had costume rehearsals, that the show's been announced, that I can talk about it finally, and I don't know how to be like, hey, guys, I've got this really exciting announcement.

But that's day two two.

I'm an influencer and I'm announcing something really soon.

So I'm just excited that I can talk about it because this has been this huge part of my life that I've been doing for the past four weeks or five weeks.

Well, you better win because I put bets on sports bet have you? Yeah? I dropped teap someone. How much do I win?

Like?

How much would you win? If I win? We're not paid much. I'm joking that I don't haven't even seen it. I would put bets on you.

I would think that if there is a sports bet running, it would be considerable for me to win because it's quite an unlikely occurrence.

There would one hundred sports but the sports bet on can you bet on yourself? Yeah? Queen? All right?

On that note, Hey guys, I hope that you loved the episode. You can join in the discussion at Life on Cut discussion group. You can also join us on TikTok you know Instagram, all all the stuff.

Talking some more dances of your dancers and stuff.

Yeah, Life on Cut podcasts, We're going to be doing TikTok dancers because we're dancers.

Now I'm not, but I will shake my booty behind you doing the drive. You'll be my backup dance.

And that is it from us.

You know the drill. Tell your mama, tell you down around your dog. And I can't say it if I don't say it, do you mom? Tell your dad? Tell you mamma, tell your dad to tell my friends, tell your dog and share the love to your mom, to your dad, to you? What is it to your mom?

Tell your.

Thanks? Case you, I've only said it five hundred times. To you, mum, te your dad, tell you dog, tell your friends and share a love because we love.

Even that sounded weird to me. I was like, are you sure that's it? Don't you tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends? Why would you tell your dog before you tell your friends.

We're not going to get the downloads from them? Are we Delilah listeners? Have you seen that picture of the headphones she protects me about. Tell your friends to fall work anyway, We're gonna go h