Hey guys, it is producer Keisha here with you. I hope you're all having a pretty good week. Your girls, Laura and Britt are still on break and we're still calling it kind of like a fake break because Covid had other plans. Right now, half of us here in Australia are in lockdown, so it's probably been a bit of a shitty week for a lot of people. And if you need a bit of a laugh, I would
really recommend going back and listening to Tuesday's episode. It was an ask Brita and Laura anything episode, some unheard content. It was a brand newbie. We recorded it just before the girls went on break and my gosh, some of the messages we have been getting to Instagram kind of about sex lists and about your hall passes been pretty funny. And I wasn't the only person who found it funny because yesterday The Daily Mail decided to publish an article and I'm just going to read out the name of
that article for you. The Bachelor's Laura Byrn makes a taboo sex confession as she opens up about her bedroom antics with fiance Mattie Johnson during a tell all podcast. Now for the og listeners, you would kind of be like, that wasn't a tell all episode. They are that open all the time. But it did give me a bit of a laugh. So if you need that right now,
go back and listen to Tuesday's episode. But for today, we are taking a trip down memory lane, which means that we are revisiting some of our favorite episodes from the past, and we've gone back into the archives for this one. This one was an episode that the girls did a little while ago and it was pre brit being in a relationship. So it's all about being single. The pros and cons are being single and kind of how we hate the question of how are you still single?
So that is what you're about to hear tomorrow dropping in your podcast Libraries is going to be the very first batch recap from Laura and Jay and I am so looking forward to it. I'm actually recording this the night before, so I'm about to watch The Bachelor and I'm so keen to see what happens. We have you really enjoyed this episode and we'll catch you back here tomorrow.
Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Black Uncut.
I'm Laura and I'm Brittany. Hi, Brittany, do you realize that we do the same, You do the same? Yep, we say hi, and then you go.
Hi Brittany, and I'm like, hi, just hi, I alady said hello, We've already said hello, We've already been talking to each other for the last hour. I just think consistency is important so that the people know what they're getting, what are reliable, safe, secure Laura over here.
And then whenever britt does an intro, she's like, oh, hey, guys, he just go and row. I always that though, I always go wild because I you know, I just think it's it's important to be spontaneous in all aspects of life, dating, relationships, podcasting.
I have a lot of missionary sex, which okay, that note, actually this is a record.
Never have you dropped that in the first two minutes.
I liked how to do Myself, so actually on that I have a kind of a funny story if you listen to the last week's Tuesday episode where I talked about how I almost had sex and I remember well britt said it was a bit of an overshare, which clearly it was. So the other day I was at the petrol station and I walked into pay and there were these two girls standing in front of me, and one of them was like, Hi, Oh my god, Laura, I feel like we're friends. I listened to your podcast.
I love your podcasts. Have you had sex yet in the in the petrol station was like, yes, yes, I have, just this morning.
And then I realized that I was still sharing.
Too much o my life to a complete stranger A petrol station high five if you're listening, Yeah, things have just sporrowed out of control of me.
Britt. I love this for so many reasons. I love it. I love that you had sex. Yes, I love that you had sex.
I love that Daily Mail is going to have a field day with the first four minutes of this episode.
I just love that like that people running to us a I love that they feel like we're friends and they often forget that we don't know each other in real life. I love that they feel this really close bond that they can say to you like, oh my god, did you have sex yet, and that you feel the bond back to be like, well, yes, I did. Well.
It was halfway through after saying that I realized I was like, I don't know you this is I'm being inappropriate right now?
I don't feel like you should know if I've just had sex.
But also, and this is one for all of the mums out there who are in relationships and maybe they're in the same boat as me. And every time because I get a lot of mums who message me and they're like, Laura, don't worry, You're not alone. We're all going through the same thing. However, I've realiz that the greatest affidisiac the greatest.
One for a married, boring couple. It's not oysters, is it? What is it?
It's not oysters, it's not perfume, it's not full play, it's not seduction.
It's cleaning the fucking house.
So it's cleaning. It's cleaning, Matt clean the house. And I have never been more turned on in my life.
That was all it took.
And I was like, talk to me, dirty talk, and he was like, I'm gonna clean the bathroom next and I was like.
Yeah, boy, can't wait for this anyway. So on that note, you guys all know that we record in Laura's bedroom. We always chat Matt, Laura and I for like an hour or so in the lounderroom. And we run through the episode. We ask Matt's opinions on things because it's a guy just just a general catch up, you know, because we usually haven't seen each other for like twelve hours.
It's important to debrief on the day. So you often hear us talk about like that will come into the studio, akay, the bedroom and Laura would just have like a pile of clothes here that Matt' stumps somewhere or what. We always have to wade through something.
But what Brittany's getting out is that my house is not particularly clean. But that is because we have a one year old and we live in constant chaos. No what I'm kidding at to that doesn't bother me in the slightest Today tonight, right before this episode, we're sitting in the lounge room. Laura's like, oh, britt just wait here one second. I'm just gonna go and quickly clean all the stuff off the bed in the studio. The bedroom, she comes in to clean it all off because she's like,
there is shit everywhere. Then she comes back out and she's like, oh, Matt's got this smug look on his face, and she's like, Matt, you angel I love you.
You put all the stuff away. You've never done that. Thank you so much. And he's like all smug, being like yeah, I'm amazing. They kiss, Laura praises him. Laura walks back in and she's like, I'll meet you in the studio now, Laura. I hate to be the one to break this too. But Matt as soon as she walked out of the room, looked at me and goes, oh, I just got lazy. It's all shoved behind the mirror. It's all behind the mirror, and I'm thrown him under the body. You can see it coming out the side
of the mirror that's against the walls. Is not getting nothing tonight. And I was like, I knew you wouldn't have done it. It's like, don't tell her.
I'm really I feel victimized here. I feel like I'm the one that's been left out and this is cruel.
Hey, I told you. I could have not told you and you would have had to have given him cleaning, sympathy, sex. But now you don't have to do that. Thank god, I can go to bed. Oh God, thank god, Bretty, you save me.
Anyway, normally, just just get off that topic completely because I feel like that's five minutes too much of me talking about my sex life.
Britt. Normally I ask you what you have done this week.
However, I know exactly what you did this week because we just went away for your birthday.
I can't believe that you're so old. I don't tell anyone my real age. I still say twenty eight. You look twenty eight.
I feel forty, which there's nothing wrong with being forty, but there is when you're only thirty four. Laura and I basically for the first so Laura and I see each other every week so many times.
We have never in the last year, I don't think we've ever done anything that wasn't work related.
We've never gone out for dinner together. We've never gone like, I mean, if we go for a walk, it's because we have to talk about podcast topics, so we kind of.
Do like a walking meeting.
But we've never We keep saying we're going to go out and celebrate when we hit two million, and guys, next week we're going to hit three million downloads, and we still haven't even been out for dinner to celebrate. We didn't even book to kill us. So this weekend was actually really special because one it was Britty's birthday, we got to go away and we had a beautiful little weekend. And two because it was my very first night that I was away from Mali. So we guys went down to Shoal Bay.
Actually that's a funny story. We went to Shoal Bay Penhouse.
Wait, this is the problem because you keep saying we went down to Shoal Bay.
So just don't blame start the story. Okay.
So Britt told me that we were going to We're going down the coast. We're going to go down the coast for her birthday. And then she said Shoal Bay blah blah blah country club a few other things.
I said, exactly where we're going, Sholbe country Club? I said, shoal Bait country Club, down down the coast.
So I get into my car. I was driving by myself. I was like, I know where seul Haven is, Like, I mean, it must be around there. It's down the coast, Like what else is down the coast? So I start driving. I drive for an hour before I decided to put it into my maps.
No, it turns out the Shoal Bay is not down the coast.
It is three hours north of Sydney, and I had just driven an hour in the wrong direction, had to turn around, so round trip to get there.
For your birthday was a five hour trip. I feel like you're putting a lot of this responsibility on me. Yes, to be fair in my defense, I okay, yes something. It is something I would say I often do say when I just say him going away in general, I'm like, hey, I'm just going to duck down the coast. It doesn't matter what direction I'm going. I just say it.
Like, but I say, like, what other when you're going to Queensland, you say I'm just going down to Queensland.
It's like when I say I'm going to duck down to the shops. The shop might be up the hill, but the expression is duck down. But you can't duck anywhere for three hours. Ye, but I can't. So I said to Laura, We're just gonna go down the coast to Shoal Bay Country Club. And I'm pretty sure, like I am pretty sure you're gonna disagree that I said it's just like near Newcastle. It's Nelson Bay. Absolutely incorrect. I know exactly where Newcastle is. I was born there.
You can ignore me like you tune out when I'm talking. Not time for a sister fight, Brittany, not on air. Tone it down, all right, tell me about your birthday, so hang on. The moral of this story is we were supposed to just be like two and a half hours north. Laura drove an hour south, realized was the wrong way an hour and then the three hours, so she drove five hours together there. But you were in high spirits and it was worth it. Guys.
Was my first night away from Mali, and I tell you, I'll drive five hours for that. Okay, how was your birthday? I know I was there, but I guess to usually ask you how your week is. So how was your weekend? Yes, so it was really amazing. I've said it before on the podcast.
I hate my birthday. Every year, I hate my birthday. I'm never one of those people that looks forward to it. I never plan anything. Actually, most of the time, I don't even tell people. I've hung out with my friends on my birthday and haven't told them and they haven't known. I'm not one of those people that's like, let's make this a birthday month.
Do you want to share why you hate your birthday because it kind of leads into the podcast topic for today, and I think it's really important. Yeah, it's important because I think a lot of people would feel like that. Yeah, yes, Laura, Oh, we'll have happy.
To share that. I'm happy to share my most tormented feelings. Please share your trauma with everybody. Alsia's soul. So I think, and I really did have to. I think about it, and if I'm really honest, the last relationship I was in that we know that it was toxic, so I was it was almost like my birthday when it ended. I had a really really bad birthday with him, where long story short, he just manipulated me into feeling really bad the whole day. I had to act like it
was his birthday. I had to take him out, I had to do all this stuff for him. I was apologizing him constantly. I just had We had this huge fight and I just had a really really bad birthday. Then we broke up not long after. Fast forward, and every year my birthday came. The first year that went past, I just felt like it was a reminder that I had this really bad that time of my life was really bad. Then I remember saying to myself and this
was my mistake. I remember saying, all right, well, next year, I won't be alone on my birthday, I'll be with someone amazing, and I'll be really happy and I'll be sharing the moment with someone. Then the next year would come and it wouldn't happen. I wouldn't even be close.
And the next year, then the next year, and fast forward, and this has been I think like the eighth or ninth year, and I just started to get really really depressed every year seeing that my friends were like, had all their partners doing these amazing things for them, surprising them, sharing them with love, just spending his quality time with them. And every year I just felt lonelier and lonelier and lonelier.
And that is just being completely honest, because I feel like there have got to be people out there listening right now that are like, fuck like me too. I have felt that finally this year, you think I would have learned. It took me eight or nine years, but I realized it's probably not order, it's probably not gonna happen. I can't keep saying next year, I'll be with someone before I just make my own happiness. So I finally
decided to go away with some of the girls. We had an amazing time down at Shelby Country Club, which was beautiful. We went hiking. Much of the girl's dismay. I made the girls go hiking. So much food. Oh my god, the food was ridiculous.
And it was with like it was with all of your closest friends, which even if you don't have a guy there, we didn't need any guys there.
Well, this is actually so all of these things are what got us to this episode today. Basically, the girls and I there were five or six of us. I was the only single person there. All the rest of my friends have babies, are married or engaged. Yet literally all of them. I was the only one that was simple.
But we were having these deeper, meaningful conversations, and it came up that you know, this feeling of a lot of people feel failure and they feel so lonely and if they hit thirty, and it also appears to be that thirty is the magic number. Thirty is the number where people feel lonely. And I don't know why as a society we've set the number the benchmark to be like, oh you better, I've got your shit together. By thirty, like it's the be all and end all of our
whole life. And then what I realized is the five other girls there, including yourself, Laura, everyone was so stoked to be having a waken away from their partners and the stress and kids and just general life. Not because they want to be away from their partner, but because they're like, oh my god, this I get some time to myself. I get to do whatever I want to do. I get to eat whatever I want to eat. I can go to bed when I want to go to bed. And it just made me think they are so stoked
to be here. And sometimes it's like the grass isn't always greener, And I think it's really important that we touch on both sides of being single and being in relationships, the pros and the cons of both, and just make you guys realize that if you hit thirty and you're not where you thought you would be, that's okay. You can run your own race and you can be on your own timeline.
Right, you're like looking like said no, I was like, preach, sister, I've really got on a tangent.
Yes, I was like, is that us? Have we just done the whole topic that. Okay, that was my intro.
Okay, BRIT's already used that she's already done the intro, so we can just skip right to the content. No,
but it's so true. And then like, so basically, this episode is all going to be about being single in your thirties, the social stigma that's attached to that, the cultural expectations around especially women getting into relationships, and us having this like biological clock, but also just having this expiration date almost and that our value as a person and our worth is kind of tied up in are you in a relationship or not? And how we want
to kind of break that down and redefine this. And you know, one, if you are in a relationship, you'll definitely sympathize with some of the parts of it that aren't great or that you know that you might miss about your single life. And if you are single at the moment, then maybe this podcast will help you to really embrace it and enjoy those years because it's not
going to be that forever. I also had it, and I can't believe they said that one of our listeners was laying in bed with a guy who she'd been seeing him for a little while and she knew or had the feeling that maybe he was seeing some other people, but they were not exclusive, so she was like, whatever, I'm just going to see where this goes, not put any pressure on it. He'd already said to her that he wasn't ready to be in a relationship, so anyway,
he came over. They got to town, they had a good night in between the sheets and they were lying in bed cuddling, and he rolled over and said to her, you know what, I really didn't think that I wanted to be with anyone, but tonight's made me realize I really want to be with the other girl that I've been sleeping with.
That moment you realize you make someone want a relationship, but it's just not with you. This episode's going to be so great for you. Don't worry. Life is great when you're single. I reckon. I have made so many guys the perfect partner, Like I have been that person so many times where I've dated people just that few times, help them see what they want, help them be a better person, and then they're like, I'm ready for love now,
but it's just not with me. Like I'm just I'm always the one for the one, you're like the husband maker.
You're like, come to me or make you a husband and then go on your merry way and live a happy, happy life.
Yeah, that's me.
So, although I think a lot of people who go through breakups there's often this fear that they're gonna then go into the next relationship and find the perfect person and be perfectly happy. But I do also think we need to keep perspective that often people, Yeah, sure they go into new relationships, and yes they may end up being with that person for forever, but they're still the
same person. People very rarely will enact all this change and become this totally different person and live this perfectly happy life if they were not very good to you in the first place.
No, it's more just that you're just I guess the sounding board, like you're the everyone treats someone shit at some point in their life before they treat someone like a queen. Everyone makes mistakes. I'm just the one that they always make the mistakes on. No, what I'm saying is like, you're assuming that they then go and treat someone like a queen. There's a lot of people out there who get into relationships who continue to be douchebags.
That stuff doesn't always change. That's true, let's keep piscades with people. But I'm like, you know, daywo le, I'm looking at that fairy tale ending. I'm thinking the best it's coming. It's all right, guys, let's jump into single and thirty. Why are you single? This is the most commonly asked and honestly the most hated question of any single person at any age. I can absolutely guarantee it. It's sort of up there with don't worry Harne, It's just around the corner, or or hello, do you know
you've got a body clock? Like, yes, yes, I know. But also I.
Think it's it's like feigned as a compliment, you know this whole like, oh, but how are you single? It's meant to be a compliment, but actually it's like the most backhanded, like constantly reminding, oh, because I'm single, there's nothing wrong with me.
I'm just single. No, So how are you single? Is different to why are you single? People that say why are you? How are you single? Can be really cute and positive, like, how on earth you single? You're such a cash? Why are you single? He's like, what's wrong with you? No? See?
I disagree because I still think how are you single? Means that people who are single must be defective. So it's like, well, how did you end up being single? Because you see normal? So I still think that they both play into a negative.
If someone says to me, how are you single, I'm like, Okay, that's more cute. I'm like cute.
Okay, I'm going to fight you on this stone cause it's the same as people being like, you're different to other girls. No, Like, that's not cute. Stop saying the girls or psychos, we're not like. It's the same kind of it's meant to be a compliment, but I think it's a backhanded compliment without realizing Printanty is like I love compliment.
No, I just I'm not the same other girl. I'm not the same She's like this guy said that to me last night. It was really cute. Look, I think it's not the end of the world if someone said that to me. But these are the sort of questions that you do need to reconsider. If you've got a single friend or anyone that you meet in your life, you have to reconsider asking on these questions, why mom, she doesn't say it anymore? Because I had to say something to it. But she used to say it to
me without meaning anything bad by it. But she used to say things to me like I would be dating all the time if I and I was so open with my mom, So I used to tell her everything, like going on a second date with this guy, going a third day with this guy. She'd call me, She's like, how's that guy? I bet I'm not seeing him anymore? Why not? Uh, he didn't want to see me anymore. He didn't feel anything. And she would say things like what do you think's wrong with you? Or what do
you think you did? Things like that, but she would not she didn't mean that in any way. That was her way of just trying to say, like what went wrong? And I hadn't eventually said it. I was like, Mom, you can't phrase it like that because I just feel like something's wrong with me. And she's like, oh, what do you mean like that? But it's just really I think this really reiterates how important it is to choose the right word and when you're addressing people like this. Yeah, totally.
And I think you know the reason why we wanted to do this episode is because, like we've talked loads
about being single. We've talked loads about relationships. If you listen and you'd be listening to this podcast for a while, you might feel like that we've covered this, but we've done it in such a sporadic way over so many different episodes that we really wanted to have an episode that's dedicated to being single in your thirties, because, you know, there's so many people who are out there, so many women, so many men who are out there who are single,
and there really is this cultural expectation and this societal pressure that you should be in a relationship by the time you're in your thirties, and you know, the older that you get in your thirties, the more that you're wasting time or that you know, maybe your expectations are too high, maybe you should settle. So we really wanted
to address what that looks like. And for anyone who who listened to the episode that we did, which was Free brittany Where, Britt was talking all about her experience, well, her experience with you know, Tim, and then how she felt like, you know, no one's going to love me.
One of the most common messages we had as a result of that episode was when you spoke really vulnerably about how how it felt to be single and how you felt like that there was a part of you that was unlovable, and so many people resonated with that, and that's kind of what made us realize, Okay, we really need to talk about this because there are so many great aspects of being single, but that doesn't mean that you can't feel the full spectrum of emotions as well.
And we do really want to drive home that this. Whilst we are going to delve into single and thirty, these messages go for anyone single at any age, any feelings that you're feeling, what we're going to talk about pros and cons are going to relate to you as well. The only reason why sort of driving home the number thirty is because it does seem to be this magic number in society where we're supposed to have our shit together.
You're supposed to have been married, supposed to have your job sorted, you're supposed to know where you're going, you're supposed to have done all this shit, you're supposed to have kids, and all of a sudden, for some reason, there's this stigma attached that if you hit thirty or you are newly single at thirty two, thirty three, thirty four, there's this stigma attach that you're a failure, that you're unlovable, that you've done something wrong, that no one wants you,
that it's not going to happen for you, that you're not going to have your kids in time, and it can be this really negative, all consuming, drowning feeling that a lot of people feel. So I want to talk about that a lot, and I'm going to be really honest with you because I'm someone that has been in long term relationships for about ten years total, and I'm
someone coming up to nine years single. So I have done both ends of the spectrum and all my single years have been in my older years, and I have just turned thirty three this week, so I feel like it's relevant. I also was very infamously dumped on The Bachelor on my thirtieth birthday, so I was literally talking about being thirty and single. I was sitting at home turning thirty whilst the nation watched me be dumped. So I can say that all of this comes from a
place of experience. We often say Laura and I. Laura always says it. She's like, we are unqualified to be giving this advice, but I feel like I am an expert this field. I should have a back. Oh that was no pun intended. I feel like about I felt like a bachelor degree, but I should have a bachelor too. Okay, guys, going to take a real quick break to say thanks to our sponsor.
Also, I really want to reiterate and just drive this point home this this episode is not just for people who are single. This episode is also for people who are in their thirties and they are in relationships where they're not happy, but they're so fearful about breaking a relationship or leaving someone who's not good for them, or
they've settled for something that's like you know, they're dating down. Basically, if you acknowledge that there's a part of you that feels like you're settling and the reason why you're doing that is because you're like, well, it's too hard now, I don't want to go out there and find someone new,
biological clock, all these different things. Then you know, we just want you to have another perspective on that, to think about life is long, you don't want to spend it with the wrong person, and you sure shit would rather be single than to be in an unhappy relationship. So this, this topic, and this episode is also for you. Actually, I just want to start by saying I did a
lot of research in this. Obviously I'm going to give you my personal opinions and my personal thoughts, but research showed that most people real happiness begins for them at age thirty three. You get to a certain age where you just don't suffer bullshit anymore, right like your your relationships, you have this like level of confidence that comes out in your thirties. I think that, you know, when they say like youth is wasted on the young's, there's truth
to it. And I think that the older that you get, the more that you realize it really is the case.
Because since I.
Have been, you know, in my thirties, I just care less about the things that I used to care so much about, Like I care not that I don't care about the way I look, but I care my self worth isn't dependent on the way I look now, and I don't feel so insecure in social settings, and I don't feel or worry about what other people think of me like I used to. And I think that there's this real liberation that comes when you reach you know, the rifle age of thirty thirty five, thirty six or
seven thirty eight forty. And I think that that really just gets better and better with this self acceptance that happens as you get older.
Yeah, And I just think there's a multitude of reasons the more I thought about it and the more I read about it. So you hit thirty, and all of a sudden, you're in a better place, usually financially, so you're starting to settle into your job. You've made some progression in your career, You've put some money behind you, you might have savings, so you feel comfortable in that sense. You hopefully have gotten all the red flags out of the way. You have dated, you've made mistakes, you've seen
the bullshit, you've seen the assholes. You've had your heartbreak, and you've learned a lot of lessons from it. Also, like you just said, you get to this place of confidence where you just don't care anymore. You know the value of time, and you know what you want and you know what you're looking for, and you don't put up with anything less. So I feel like it all
sort of molds into one. You hit thirty to thirty five and you're like wow, like and this is good for me because I turned thirty three four days ago, so this is my year of happiness.
Well I even say, like I reckon my Like, the best year I've ever had was thirty one, thirty two, thirty one, thirty two, thirty three, I had Malley and thirty three, so The Bachelor thirty one. I turned thirty one when I was on the show, like when we were actually filming the show, and my life in my
twenties was just really complicated. I mean, I think back on my dating life form my twenties, and my dating life was so complicated, and I've spoken about it loads before and I'm not going to go into it into too much detail, but like that was when I was making all the mistakes in my relationships. Like I was dating the wrong type of guys, the same type of guys. I was getting into toxic relationships. I didn't value myself. I didn't think that I was worth anybody better than
the people that I was dating. And I know that that sounds really self entitled, but like you know, I was being treated like shit, I was being cheated on, and I still was going back for more and for more and for more, and I didn't have any standards. And it wasn't until after my thirtieth birthday when I went through a really cataclysmic breakup on my thirtieth birthday as well, it wasn't on national TV, but it was pretty bad that I realized I wanted something more for
myself and then things Obviously I got really lucky. I mean, I know that there is a huge amount of luck that played into my circumstances with meeting Matt, but my life has only gotten better since being in my thirties, and there's you know, we want to kind of go into like the good bits about being single, But one thing I do want to touch on is you can get into this real negative self talk when you're not
happy with the current situation that you're in. So if you are single and you want to have a boyfriend, it's very easy to think that it's going to be like this forever and you're trying to project what the future is going to be like. And I just think it's so important to not speak to yourself in a way where you're saying, like, well, I'm going to be single next year or I'm going to be single forever. No one's gonna love me because you literally don't know
what's around the corner. You literally don't know what decisions you're gonna make, or who you're going to meet, and how your life could change in an instant. I just think that's a really important thing to throw out there to start with, to say, like this negative self talk because you're unhappy with the situation right now. This is not going to be your life forever. Life is so dynamic. Shit changes so quickly. Three and a half years ago, I was single. Now I have kid like it's wild.
That is wild, But you know what, it takes nine months, months and maybe seven minutes. Who knows nine months and seven minutes.
No, And I'm I'm guys, I'm gonna be really real with you throughout this episode. I don't want to sugarcoat things, because I think it's important that we do take the bad way the good I guess, and I will be really honest and tell you that I have had really, really, really tough times, and I have been so horrible to myself and to be around. I've locked myself in my house for weeks and just not wanted to go out, and it's all because it's stemmed from this feeling of
not being good enough. No one wants you, You'll never be loved, You're never going to meet anyone. I genuinely would tell myself. I would look in the mirror and I can't believe I would say this. I would look in the mirror and say to myself. I would be like, you are so disgusting. I couldn't look at myself and I would cancel my night out. It all came from this feeling of not being good enough in a relationship.
That's where it stemmed from. And I was the sort of person that I shouldn't have let it grow, but I did. Couldn't stand aside of myself, and I would tell myself every day, no one's ever gonna love you like you will be alone forever. And that is half the battle, because we talk about this all the time, this really negative self talk. If you tell yourself that every day, you're gonna believe it, that's the energy you're
gonna put out into the world. And you're never going to receive anything back because you're not giving anything good out. And I can't stress that enough that I know I'm not disgusting now.
Like literally everyone listening to this is like, oh god it Brittain Hill's like that, there's no help for me.
But that's why. And I mean, we touched on it with the body dysmorphy episode, and I think it's I think it's really important for people. I hope that someone, I hope that you guys are listening out there now.
And I'm not saying for any sort of atension. I'm not saying it for any reason other than I want to be honest and say that you don't know what anyone is feeling, or what they're going through, or how a relationship in the past, whether that's a family relationship, a romantic relationship, how that has affected someone and what
they actually believe about themselves. So I just want to say, I'm only telling you this so that you guys know that if this is hitting home with you in any way, that A it's normal to feel like that at some point, but it's really really important to pull yourself out of that and see the positive. I want to start by
saying being single can be bloody awesome. I want to start by talking and discussing the good, positive, fun, amazing aspects of being single and what it can do and why it is really important to see how great life can be.
When we talk about relationships and we see and relationships are held up as like the beacon of what everyone should want, there is a lot of pressure to be
that and to have that. But that is also we talk about Instagram as well a lot, but that is also because you only ever see the highlight reel, right, Like when Britta and I were talking about this conversation, I was like, you never see the ship parts of a relationship, and like I love Matt with all my heart and I would not want anything different for my
life now, and I love Mali. But that's not to say that there aren't times where I feel really jealous that you're able to just go to the gym whenever you want to, that you're able to live your life in whatever way, make whatever decisions you want, whenever you want them. If you clean your house, you come home to a clean house. If I clean my house, I come home to a shit storm and my headphones are in the bin. Like, honestly, it's chaos. It's absolutely chaos.
And like you have to have this level of acceptance once you have kids, and you're in a relationship that like, your life is never going to be just your life again. And it's actually taking me a really long time in the last year to be okay with that, because there are days where I personally feel really jealous that I don't get to just be me anymore, and I feel
like I've lost myself in that. So I think it's very easy to look at what somebody else has and to think that your life will be better when you have it. But in saying that life can be great when you're single, life can be great when you're in a relationship, there's shades of grey to both of them, you know. But people who are in relationships are only taking photos and sharing photos during the positive times. I'm
not taking photos where Maley vomits on my chest. I'm like, hey, honey, go get the camera up.
Yeah. And similarly, I'm not taking photos when I'm at home, living alone on my own, eating a can of tuna for dinner, watching a sad rom com. Like, I'm not showing you, guys those pasts. I'm showing you like me being unhappy. You're showing you the best highlights of your life. So it's really important that people remember that.
And there are loads of people who are single and who are happy, and there are loads of people who are in relationships who feel completely isolated and unloved. So having a relationship is not a determining factor for your happiness. Happiness comes from doing the hard yards when you're single, and like really working on your own personal and self
development so that your happiness is already there. Somebody else can just add to your life a bit of flavor, a bit more of love, a bit more stability.
But the number one point I want to say is if you're single, eat, You've got all the time in the world. You can do what you want. You can go where you want when you want, you can travel alone. You don't have to make plans. You can sit at home and eat cereal for dinner if you don't want it every day. Well no, but like if you could, you could because you don't have to worry anyone else. I mean, you can do that in a relationship too. Just shit gets weird after a while, but it sounds selfish,
but it's not. When I say, the only person you need to think about is you, And that is a really, really nice place to be in because you won't be in it forever. So this is the time where you get your creative juices flowing. You find out who you are and what it is you want to do when you go and do it. It's actually proven that people that are single or living on their own are more driven and can be generally more successful because they have more
time to focus. They have more time to sit at home and be like, you know what, I've always had this idea, I'm going to do it. They don't have a kid, they don't have a h to look after, and I'm not saying you have to look after them, but they've just got nothing else taking their energy and their time. So it's known that these people are more likely to go and pursue their dreams.
Well, you actually just said something, which is I think I think something. This is something that a lot of mothers specifically will deal with, and women who are in relationships and they have only newly kind of like gotten into this parental role.
Actually I take the back.
Maybe definitely not new parents, people who have toddlers, small children. We're kind of sold on this idea of a happy family and like the happy family dynamic. But what I was unaware of And I mean, I definitely can't fault Matt on it, because he's stepped up to the table
massively now. But what I wasn't aware of is that women in relationships who have children, even if they're the bread winners, even if they're working, we still more often than not, And I see this with my friends, I see this in other relationships more often than not, that the women still does the line's share of the work in the house. There is still this patriarchal expectation that
the women do the housework. I just see so many moms who are exhausted, exasperated, like don't feel like they understand or know themselves anymore, don't even feel like they feel like they're a shell of their old self because they're working all day. Then they're coming home, they're taking care of children, they're cooking, they're cleaning.
Nothing.
Like I said, nothing stays clean. And it's this like perpetual, never ending, absolutely exhausting cycle that you get into. And I just think it's so easy to be sold on this dream that life is going to be better once you have all those things. But there are a lot of people who are in relationships who aren't happy or there are a lot of people who are in relationships who as much as they love their family and as much as they love their husband, they can't recognize themselves.
They're unhappy for other reasons. Yeah, and this is just you're just really driven home my first point, single people, you have the time and luxury, so use it wisely and take and take advantage of that. You need to tell yourself every day today, I can do whatever I want today, I can be whoever I want today, get anything done.
And I think that's really really important thing. And I'm really good with that. I feel if anyone that knows me knows I feel my days. From six am till midnight, I'm like NonStop, I'm doing a thousand things. I'm trying. I'm always thinking up new ideas, and I'm really I often think to myself, do I always want to start these new businesses? And do I always want to climb these mountains and do these holidays and work so much because I don't have a partner, And I actually think
I do. I think it's because I'm like, Okay, I have the time, so why wouldn't I just feel it? Why wouldn't I utilize it? Now?
I do think that so much personal growth and development comes when you are single, because that is a time when you're able to work on yourself and for yourself, and you actually really get to understand who you are as a person and what you want in a relationship. So I think it's very hard, especially for people who jump from one relationship to another relationship.
They'd never stay single.
There's no self development that happens there because you didn't really sit with.
Who you are.
You haven't really taken the time to figure out what you want in a relationship, Whereas when you're single, there's so much time to really understand who you are and what you want. One of the things that I think is like really important and something that I know when I was single, it was what filled my life with meaning, is this idea that you really need to invest in
your friendships. Where As people were hardwired to want connection, and so if you're lacking in having a romantic connection, then really investing in your friends who are around you and the people who love you can really fill that
hole and fill that void. And being that you know you have people to go out for dinner with, you have people to call when something goes wrong and having really strong friendships is the savior for being single, I do think, and that's where a lot of happiness comes from. And I also believe strongly that that should be any age of life twenties, thirties, forties, fifties. I think it's really important to never ever neglect friendships completely.
A lot of people do get sucked into that hole where they're in this all consuming relationship there and love and like all they want to spend every second with them when they start to ignore their friends. And I really think it's important that you do have a group of people that you can always go to. I have friends that have friends that they're not my friends, but they'll say to me things like haven't heard from our
own three years. All of a sudden, she's broken up and she wants to be my best friend kind of thing. And she's like, and they're all still friendly. They're friendly, but there's this like bitterness to be like, well, does she actually really want to be my friend? Like she wasn't there when I needed her and now it's just suiting her. So I think it's really important to not neglect that part of your life.
Yeah, And I guess it makes sense though, that there's this resentfulness when you get ditched as soon as your
friend finds a partner, like that's you know. And the reality is is, like Brittan, I were talking about this earlier, but it's an unfair expectation to have on your romantic partner, that your partner is going to be everything for you, Like they can't be your soulmate, your best friend, the comedian, the person that you go out with to vent about the dramas in your life, because sometimes they're going to
be the dramas in your life. Like you need to have other people in your life that satisfy a whole variety of different things. And that's why friendships are so important to maintain through relationships because it just puts it's this unrealistic expectation that one person can be your sole provider of every single source of happiness in your life.
Next point, how bloody quick, efficient and easy dating in your thirties is because you know what you want, so you just call it straight away. You go on dates, you can have fun, it's easy, but you don't have to worry about oh, how do I say no to him? How do I cancel that date? Oh? I don't want to see him again. Oh is he going to go to me? That shit doesn't really happen in your thirties because people are more confident and honest and open. And
I know it because I'm like this dating now. And I think I even said last week on the podcast, you know how, I said, I was really honest with that guy. I was like, hey, didn't feel anything with you? Straight up. I think I wouldn't have said that a few years ago in my twenties. I just wouldn't have done it. I would have been uncomfortable, wouldn't want to hohose feelings, don't want any confrontation. I probably would have just like freaked out and not said anything. But now
in your thirties, and it's the same. Usually Usually men are equally as good at reciprocating that as saying, like, to be honest, I don't feel anything. And I love that. I love the ease of no where you stand in your thirties.
Well, I also think there's a lot more respect that comes not with everyone. Like there's still a hell of a lot of f boys around and f girls.
Hate to dickhead, so I see them all time.
But I do think that there is a greater level of respect. Like when you're in your early twenties, dating is like musical chairs, like you a round about, swinging doors, rotation,
like there is ample amount of people to date. When you're in your thirties, the pool of people to date does decline, and like you have to be a little bit more considered, respectful, thoughtful, And I really like for people who are wanting to get into a relationship, I really like this idea of like intentional dating, where like you treat dating in the same way that you would treat That makes it sound so clinical, but like you
you're intentional with your job, you're intentional with your friends, be intentional with your dating as well, in that you know you don't waste your time with people who don't
make you feel happy. You don't like settle for someone who don't date down just because you feel lonely, Because while you're wasting time with someone who is feeling a lonely but isn't the guy, then you're stopping yourself from either one enjoying time with people who love you, or two being able to find somebody else who's way better suited to you and could actually be a life partner or a partner for whatever length of time, because nothing's a guarantee.
These games nice guarantee. Very easy to feel this, like this weight on your shoulders when you have been dating a long time. Hello me and I have been through this process. It's very easy to be overwhelmed, to be disinterested, to be weighed down, especially when it's date after date after date that hasn't gone well. It's easy to throw in the towel and be like, I don't want to do it anymore. I don't have the energy to do it anymore. I can't be bothered. I'm sick of telling
my story. I can't tell you how sick of telling my story. I am think of nine years worth of being like, my name's Brittany. This is my job. I go traveling and do this. Oh yep, that was me. I got dumped. Yep, that was me again, got dumped again. You know what I think would be bloody brilliant if we could all get to a point where we just make a PowerPoint presentation on ourselves on the basic bumble and no proper one, proper one. You send it to them.
Everyone looks at it, and if they want to go on the date with you, you go and it's like going straight to a second date. It's like you bypass the shit on the first day. But what I'm getting at is I have been there. I have thrown in a towel for weeks or months on end, and I've been like,
don't have energy. But it's really important that you don't give up on dating because it's not going to come into your apartment, onto the lounge, push the ice cream out of your lap, and literally fall int your lap. It's not gonna happen. You need to be proactive and you need to look at it like it's fun. You can have so much fun. You get to meet new people, you get to go to new restaurants, you get to go to new bus you might even make friends.
I'm just thinking now that someone out there needs to start like Uber for dating, where you just like call someone a rotation they get dropped to your apartment. Maybe that is just Tinder with Uber attached to it. I think it's just Saturday night in the cross.
Isn't it sad?
I think it's very normal to get dating burnout, Like it's okay to go through these periods where you are exhausted. By the dating game then, and I think it's normal that people then delete all their apps and delete all their dating apps, and then a couple of weeks later they're like, Okay, I'm back on I'm going to do it again. Don't be hard on yourself if you go through dating burnout, because I think it's a very normal
process because it is exhausting you. No one wants to say their story ten or twenty or thirty or indefinite amounts of time. But something else that I think is really important is that and I've spoken about it before briefly, but I kind of want to touch on it again.
Is this idea that, like, especially as women, that we need to be proactive in choosing the type of men that we want to bring into our lives and choosing the type of partners that are suitable for you, not just sitting back and being reactive to whatever walks in the door or whoever chooses you. Because if you're only able to pick a partner from the people who physically have chosen you, then your pool is so limited and there's a good chance that you're end up going to
settle for someone who's not right for you. And what I mean by this is like, be the first person to make a move, be the person to flirt when you go out, really proactive and show people that you're interested if you are interested, because that will open up your potential for meeting new people.
Mister right, it is maybe a little bit lost and needs a bit of help. Mate, Fuck he's cares and got his passport. God knows where he is. That also comes with I think in your thirties again, you get more confidence and you don't care as much. Well, I don't care as much if someone doesn't like me back, or if I hit on someone and it doesn't go well, I laugh, I laugh at and I genuinely laugh it off. I'm like, oh that was funny, Like He'm like, guy, whatever.
It comes with being confident in your thirties and not caring as much what other people think. So I one hundred percent agree. I think go out and get them. If there's someone you're interested in right now, if there's someone you've been thinking about messaging right now, I want you to message them. What do you think has changed?
So like your perception when we started this podcast, and I know like for the majority of the time, you very much like I'm a batter, single bitch, and.
I love my life.
But then there are periods where you're you feel vulnerable and you go through periods where you're like, actually, you know what, I really want someone there. And I think that both of those things are very norm to experience and to feel. But what has kind of shifted in your perception recently where you're very happily single, but ready to open your life up if the right person comes along, but not desperate to find someone to fill a hole.
Yeah, that's an interesting question. I definitely still am. I always have been, and I still am. I like to think bad ass, independent woman. I'm so okay on my own. I think what it is now is you cannot avoid feelings in yourself changing as you age, and that is because of reasons, like all of a sudden, when you're in your twenties, maybe one, maybe one or two of your friends got married or had a baby young, maybe,
so you're not surrounded by it as much. The older you get and single people out there in their thirties, now you'll be like a bloody man. All of your friends basically now are married or engaged or having babies or pregnant or trying or buying and building houses, and then all of a sudden, there's this feeling of being like, Okay, I feel like I'm the only one that's not progressing
in life in that way. Now, that's a strange thing to say, because I'm progressing in life in every other way, in my careers, in my travels, in who I am as a person. Everything's non stop growing. But you can't help. But when you were surrounded by it, by being like, Okay, I wish I had someone to share my life with. And there's been a few pivotal moments where I've really really felt that in the last year or two. One was starting this podcast. I remember, I remember clearly when
we debuted at number one. We released a podcast, we went at number one, We were ecstatic, like we were beyond excited, and I remember just crying, not of happiness. I was so sad because all I wanted to do was I feel sad thinking about now, like I could cry. I just wanted to go back to like I don't know,
I'm emotional right now, correctly made me cry. All I wanted to do was like have someone to say, look what I've done, Like look what I've worked so hard to do and I had not one person, and I remember being like, oh my god, I've got no one
to share the moments of my life with. I went home to an empty house, just on my own and was like, Okay, this is the first time I have first time, and it was the first time I've really been like, fuck, no one cares about me, like I no one cares about what I've just worked so hard to do. The second one was just like when I had to move recently, it was fucks moving here. You don't need a man, you just need to remove less.
It's a very different thing. I feel like I'm so like I'm so independent and I don't like to ask for help. But when I realized again, I was like, I don't even have someone to help me move by freak from the hallway into my house.
I was eight months pregnant and Matt was overseas and I moved at house by ourself. You do not need a man, Okay, you just need to pay someone to help you.
It's just those moments, and they sound funny. You'll be listening. You'd be like Britney's head case, like she couldn't move on around. It's not that it's just the pivotal moments when you're like writing this second, I've realized I just didn't have anyone to call, not at all.
I don't think anyone's going to listen to this and think that your head case. But I also think it's so important to keep perspective in that. You know, you see people who in relationships, and you see people who are seemingly killing it at life, but there are so many people who are in relationships who, like I said earlier, who still feel isolated, who still don't have that incredibly
supportive person because they're not in the right relationships. So you know, as much as you want to have someone by your side, you need and you want that to be the right person, someone who loves and supports you. But I just feel like you have changed so much in the last year, not just in the last year, but also in like the last couple of months that like, I feel like that there's been this like shift in
confidence and shift in happiness where you are. You know if it comes and when it comes, because it will, like that's great, but right now you're really enjoying life, and it's been awesome to watch that change. Happen as well.
Yeah, I do, and I I genuinely love being single. I actually really love it. And we'll get into some more things. Why you know the moment that it can be hard in a minute. But I love meeting new people. I love going on dates. I love having an empty house for me to do what I want. I love not having responsibility like another human's responsibility. And I think one of the greatest things for me that being single has taught me, and one of the greatest things I
think anyone can take from being single is independence. Becoming an independent person is so pivotal in who you are and creating a life that is going to be a lot more smooth going for you, and you're going to feel like you can take on the world a lot more. I've said up before, no one's going to come and hand you something on a platter, like I just remember something used to go wrong in the house, like my bloody toilet. Remember when I moved in to my house
and I had a toilet problem. To remember, Oh my god, two days in and my toilet broke. Normally I would have like.
Like, that's the dad's first time me to try and help, And I was like, girlfriend, you're not the wrong person right now.
She had a one arm down and Dunny I was like, I think you should FaceTime somebody else. Well, it just made me really think that normally i'd be like dad, the toilet or your boyfriend or your partner. I feel like that's straightway, and it shouldn't be but straight away like the husband's job or the man's job. But I remember sitting there being like, well, if I want to use the toilet, I'm gonna have to go and fix it now. Because I was in my head, I was like,
what are my options? Fix the toilet or I run across to Bonda Beach public toilet. I was like, that's not gonna happen. So I think it's really important that you learn to be so capable and so in control of your own life. And I think it's a really really beautiful quality to have.
I just have one more thing that I want to add to this, which kind of like ties into the very beginning of this episode, which is like around the stigma that's associated with like being single. And I think anybody who is the single girlfriend and a group of friends who has they're all partners, and that used to be me. So I used to be the one with
the crazy dating stories. Now it to you pretty but like, I remember what it's like to be the one where all your couple friends expect you to entertain them, Like you feel like a bit of the clown because you're you come to dinner and they're like, tell me your dating stories, tell me what crazy shit's happening in your life now.
And that's literally me on this podcast.
That's your job exactly. That is also what adds to the stigma around it. That's also what adds to the fact that, like, your life is a bit crazy and everyone's life is normal and boring, And as much as the stories are interesting and great and I fucking love them, never stop giving them to us because I need them.
But I get it.
I get that there is this feeling of being like a performing monkey, and that there are times in relationships where actually it didn't work out. You're probably a little bit sad about it, and humor is a coping mechanism and you make a joke, but at the very bottom of that joke, there's this feeling of like, here we go again, Let's make a joke about it, because it makes it easier to cope with. It makes it easier
to process. I mean, I never minded telling these stories because I think for even me, it was a coping mechanism. But I really used to be the ridiculous friend in the friendship group that had all these crazy, crazy stories about my shit dating life and how terribly I was a relationships and I think playing into that narrative constantly and being that performing monkey isn't necessarily good for your self esteem in the long term.
I agree, and I totally get that. I definitely have you said it before, I use humor as a coping mechanism, but I actually love telling you guys my stories. They're so messed.
Up and we actually love them. Please never stop. I like, I know that you want to find love, but as much as you want to find love, I don't know if I'll cope with you coming to this podcast and talking about the shit I talk.
I don't think anyone's gonna cote from what everyone's constantly messaging me. They're like love, like I want you to be in love, but also like low key don't like even if a situation has made me feel sad, what makes me feel better is turning it into a funny story and that everyone can laugh at you and share. I want I, yes, I want you guys to better laugh at their ridiculousness that is my life and I want you to be aware of how many crazy, fucked up things are out there.
But I also think that the ridiculous of your life is and other people aren't laughing at that, they're laughing at the relatability of it. Like so, and that's what I came to realize about me telling my single stories, was like, it's it's the relatable fact that, like, we've all lived this, we've all done it, just at different points in our lives, and like some people settle down earlier than others. But you know, I think another important thing to touch on is this idea of a biological clock,
especially for women. That is why I think there is way more pressure on women in their thirties to be in a relationship, especially because when you go to a pregnancy appointment when you're thirty five, after thirty five, you're considered a geriatric pregnancy like that.
It's I've heard that term the other.
Day and I was like, that's crazy to me, Like I didn't understand that that is the terminology that's used around pregnancy, and so you know, you can be single and be kicking it in all aspects of your life, but there is a very real aspect of being single in your thirties that I think puts a hell of a lot of pressure on people, and that makes people feel like they're falling behind. Obviously it's not for everyone, but for those people who want it and who aren't
in a relationship, it is something to think about. And so we thought for this episode as well, you know, we've never heard anyone really talk about freezing their eggs. I mean it's one of those things that's kind of brandied around and you know, especially for single people if they're not in a relationship yet, you might hear like, oh, I'll just freeze my eggs, but what does that mean?
But what is that? What's freezing your eggs?
Like?
How do you do it?
So I thought it'd be really interesting just to have a little look into it, have a look at what the costs are, and kind of give that information for anybody who's interested in it, because I certainly was. Basically in Australia, I found one clinic who had their prices very openly up online and it's four four hundred and ninety dollars to do the freezing of the eggs, like to actually book it in and to have it done.
The medication that you need to take, which is like a hormone therapy, is one thousand, five hundred dollars that they charged that at it. You get the first six months of storage for free two hundred and fifty dollars or five hundred dollars per every twelve months depending on what.
I don't know.
There's different obviously different options for story, so two hundred and fifty to five hundred dollars per year after the fact, so depending on how long you end up storing your eggs for, it's a pretty costly thing. However, I think it's an amazing thing that gives women the opportunity to be able to stretch out that biological lifespan and to feel that there's less pressure on themselves to make decisions.
I used to have this idea in my head that oh, yeah, freezing your eggs great idea, but like twenty thousand dollars. I used used to be this stigma that like, freezing your eggs was super expensive and it was going to be super hard to do, and it wasn't accessible to everyone.
But to hear that you can do it now for four thousand, four hundred and ninety dollars means that basically anyone can do that, because even if you don't have five thousand dollars cash, you would have access to five thousand dollars in a small loan, in a credit card. So I think it's really nice for women to know that you do have options and it's not the end of the world if you hit thirty five and you aren't with the person you're going to be with, or
you're not pregnant, or you don't have a baby. There are so so many other options for you totally.
And you can have a may without being with someone like we would live in a day and age now where if you want a single parent, that's totally an option. You can happily single parent, And I'm sure there are a lot of divorce mums out there who are like
just single parent. It's uzier basically like that. It was something I found was really interesting because I had the same preconceived ideas that it was going to cost this obscene amount of money that like nobody only the wealthiest of the wealthy could afford to do it, And I think that that gives people a bit of reassurance and a bit of closure that there are other options out there if that's a route that you want to pursue as well, and that you know as much as we
do have a biological clock and something that is something that's very real and that women need to think about. Not every woman wants to have kids. Not every woman wants to have kids by the time they're thirty five. Not everyone wants to have kids by the time they're thirty eight, thirty nine, forty, and so these there are other options out there, and there are other life choices out there that don't have to be defined by what society expects of you.
I reckon if I hit thirty five and I wasn't didn't feel like I was anywhere near having a baby either ready to have it on my own, in a relationship, whatever it is. I always thought that if I hit thirty five, that's when I would freeze my eggs. It's it's not that's not for everyone. That's just something I've always said to myself. And it's security, it's a comfort, it's comfort, it's knowing that you have the option, you're giving yourself the option. Whether you ever use it doesn't matter.
Well, we're not going to go into this in full detail now because we were just thinking. Actually we were just like looking at each other and going like, oh, this is the epic and there's an episode, but we're gonna do an episode around fertility. So we'll say that and put it in the bag for a future episode so we can really get into it properly and all
of the ins and outs and what that entails. One thing that I did want to add to this before we kind of wrap up this conversation around being single in your thirties is and it kind of flows on from last week's episode around attachment theories. Is this idea that you know, obviously we discussed last episode about how your upbringing and your relationships with your parents can have a really formative impact in the way that you attach yourself to your romantic partner and and to the people
that you choose to be your romantic partners. And I thought it was really interesting this whole idea of you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends. And I think that that's the case saying that gets branded around a lot, and we kind of use that when we maybe have a family that's slightly dysfunctional, or you know, you have a bit of a complicated relationship with your parents. You know, you can't choose your family,
but you can choose your friends. If you're in a relationship with somebody who isn't treating you right or in a complicated relationship, the people that you date become your family because you might marry that.
Person, you will have kids with that person.
In reality, you do choose your family, and I think it's really important to think about that and to choose your family wisely, because you know that then has an impact on the rest of your life. It has an impact on your children and has a full impact on
your happiness. So if you're single and you're worried about being lonely or alone, and you just feel your time and fill that singleton with whoever comes your way, just keep that in the back of your head, because you know, you really do choose your family in the long run, and you can have a really great and wonderful life with somebody who you choose, or you can have a really freaking miserable life with someone who doesn't treat you right.
The main message I wanted to portray here is that being in a relationship doesn't define who you are. Being single does not define who you are. It doesn't mean you're a failure if you are on your own and you're doing life on your own right now, it's so important to remember that you are in control of your happiness with how you perceive yourself, with how you perceive life, with the way you're out there chasing dreams, with the way you're living your life day to day. Stop thinking
about the future, Stop thinking about what if? What if I never meet anyone, what if my partner leaves me? The most important thing you can do is live your life day to day and stop worrying about things that may or may not ever happen, because that is the stuff that will steal your happiness. Us.
She got deep, She got real deep.