Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut. This is Arf Stung Cut, and this is a very very very very special edition because not only is it presented by Laura and myself, but we have a very special guest.
Well, this best, very very special guest is someone who is quite close to me. It is someone who I cohabitate with. It is someone who father two of my children. It is also the man that I won on a reality TV show. Welcome to the podcast, Mattie Jay.
Is this my third or fourth episode I've been in?
Oh, don't act like you don't know you've been keeping tally?
Is it my fifth? What happens when I get to ten episodes?
You get played, you get a gold start. You might get a blowy not by who?
Okay, guys is Daily Mail. This is a rough start. We do have Maddy Jay as a guest host on today's episode. He's going to be answering some questions. We're gonna have a little bit of a laugh.
I love how you guys have really teased this, Like everyone's like we get it. It's matt like put them on.
Also, like who else comes on here and does ask gun cut with you?
But this is the first time that the three of us a sexy menajatoire, has done ask Uncut together.
It's the first threesome.
Britt has dreamed of this moment since you guys first started doing the podcast and.
Dreamt or dreamed awkward. I mean, nobody likes the grammar Queen. That was me. Either way, you guys are roasting mean and I roasted you back. It doesn't work in our own bedroom you would say such things to us. I actually don't even know if it was correct. Anyway, it is.
It is nice that we could, I mean, we could gang up on Brit. I mean, you guys could gang up on me.
I don't know how I feel about this threesome.
No, we're not going up on Britt. It's if anything, it's going to be Britta and I gang up.
On you today.
Matthew Johnson perfect.
Sorry, didn't mean that to get weird. Sorry.
Sorry, So I just want to tell you something I just that I think is really funny. I think Kevin Rudd big cool. I think Kevin Rudd needs to be Prime Minister. Did you hear what he did today? Funny? If you guys haven't read it. Long story short, he dropped his daughter off in noos or at a restaurant, and then there must have been some people that were be intoxicated that thought that was their uber So they went in and piled in into Kevin Rud's car and
told him where they were going. And he was like, you know what, cool, I'm just gonna roll with this. I will take these random drunk people to their destination.
Surely it's Kevin Rudd. Everybody knows what he looks like. Surely you jump in the car, you're gonna look in the rearview mirror and you're gonna look at the fact that it's Kevin Rudd driving, and you're gonna go, wow, at Time's really that tough for you, keV. What's going on?
What a good guy?
Though, Like you know, maybe they thought he'd just taken up a new occupation.
Well, I think he is out of work. He's been out of work for a while, hasn't he.
But I don't know, correct me if I'm wrong. I thought once you were prime minister or president, once you finished, you don't know, you don't stop getting an income. That was my impression. You continue to be paid for like X amount of years after do.
You know what, Even if that's not true, let's just start that room.
I just don't know what we do here. I don't know how well we look after our people here.
I mean, don't look at me. I don't know anything about politics. All I know is about funny Youba drivers and Kevin Rudd.
So you guys come here for us to answer your deep, dark and burning questions. But you know what, it sounds like, we don't know what we're talking about. So I just got good on him, Matthew. We have you here for a man's perspective today, to answer all of the questions and give an extra little spin on how you think things should go down. Yes, but before we get into all that, tell us what's been happening in your life? I mean I know, but tell everybody else.
I know too. I have an accidentally unfiltered story of literally of you that happened to me. I've never told you this, Oh my god. And I saw someone posted in the life on cut facebook group that they I think it was like a pink dildo they left on the sink when a plumber came to the house. Yes, I didn't leave a dildo out. Okay, So this happened. This happened.
I like, wait, like that you said you didn't leave it out like you have one anyway, Like, yeah, I put it away.
I washed my dildo, but they put it away.
Nothing wrong with guys earning a dildo, not for me. Just just to clarify, he's laming.
We've got like a whole staf all his under the bed.
Okay, So what happened? I want to say a few weeks ago, this is maybe just after Lola was born. When it comes to masturbating, I don't use any lubricant. I just never have. I've never needed to. Except I saw in one of the top drawers in the bathroom there's a tube there. I don't know.
I'm sure it's yours from before we got together. It's literally moved with us from your old apartment. It's it's a loube that you've used with somebody else, because.
We've never used it.
I don't know whose it is. It's five year old loop living in a sharehouse. We packed up somehow I ended up with.
Someone's read the loob out straight after we finished this record, I'm going to put the loub in the beitch.
I need to check the use by date on that loop.
It's done. It's five years old. I'm telling you it's done.
Okay, So obviously you know you had given birth. We weren't in a position where we were about to have sex. So I went and I was the trimmer. It was in the bottom drawer. As I got it out, I looked at the end of the drawer and I was like, oh, there's that lubricant. And I was like, maybe I should give that a try, just to mix things up and see what it's like, see what I'm missing out on. Anyway, I did that, and I brought it into the main bathroom.
We have two bathrooms in our house. I brought it from the en suite into the main bathroom.
So he traveled with the loop, traveled with the loob.
You had your friends over and then they were using the bathroom. And it wasn't until like midway through that night, when they came over for dinner that I realized that I still left the loub in the bathroom next to the hand washed next to.
A pile of tissues. Okay, hang on, this is this is okay, Because I thought where this was going was that you went to jack off while We're had a friend's over and I was like, it's just a bit weird.
Well, I actually thought it was going to be that he accidentally used the lube as toothpaste, so like all of this was okay in comparison to her.
I thought the story was going.
But it wasn't until I went to the bathroom to do a WII that I went to wash my hands and I was like, what's that weird choop doing that? I was like, oh, and three of the girls had gone to the bathroom and they would have known that.
How did it feel using expired lubel on your penis quite good? I'm perfect. I'm glad that that. Like, I wasn't prepared for that, but I'm glad we got there. I can follow on from that. It's not me though.
I've been holding onto that story for weeks now, and it feels so good. Did that off my chest?
I think that's funny. But people would have just thought that you were getting lucky with Laura. Your friends would have just been like, damn, Laura, how are you going back to that after a week?
Laura, three weeks after giving birth. It's just our house is just covered in lubricant. Anyway, brit where have you been tell us a story that has nothing to do with my sex life?
Well, we had someone else writing, and that was just reminded me of that we had someone else writing. And she had just renovated her house, particularly the two new bathrooms. So her family brothers, dad, and stepdad all were coming over to check out the new tiles and the house
and everything. So takes them. She was really proud. She's like, she took them into the first bathroom, she was showing them everything and they were like getting really into it and looking really intricately at the tiles that they've used and the grout and complimenting them. Then they took them into the next bathroom. She's like, going in, this one's
this one's my favorite. Her dad walks in, her stepdad walks in, and then they both walk out really quickly, and she was like, I was weird because I were really into the other bathroom and she was like, oh, So she walks in there and she accidentally left a very very very full and bloody pad on the bench and she's like and she she's like, I had rolled it up and I'm meant to put in the bathroom, but it hit it somehow throughout the morning, unrolled itself
so that there was a bull blitt so and stuck it to the wall. So they walked out that like, very nicely, very nice. We better hit the road now.
She's come back here. Let me show you around.
She said, you didn't look at the tiles anyway. That's enough of that. Okay.
There is nothing scarier for a guy than seeing a used pad or tampon, and it's very natural. There's nothing wrong with it that will send shivers down any man's spine.
Okay, guys, well before we get into answering your deep, dark and burning questions, Matthew Johnson, why don't you tell us all where.
You've been the last eight weeks.
It's lovely to see you again. It's nice to have you home for in a relationship. This is my fiance everyone, I've missed him terribly since our child was born.
Is it weird having me around the house so much? Now? Yeah?
I thought it was a single mom. Now she sent to me today, Oh fin Ney, to sign that up for another reality show? He's around too much?
Well, hey this celebrity big brother, maybe I could do that.
Please don't so what Matt is talking about is that Lula was a week old, Matt started dancing with the Stars, which is.
Like six days a week, ten twelve hour days. He was nonexistent.
Well, I thought maybe I would train like two maybe three days at the most, because I thought, you know, how hard can it be? It's just dancing, it's effectively just walking briskly to music, famous.
Last words, and how hard can it be? Why don't you tell us how hard it is?
But I mean, Matt has done a few TikTok videos, so he's pretty well versed in the world of dancing. Like I mean, it's surprising, if anything, that if he doesn't win this actually do you know.
What's funny though, was there was a point where I was training heaps because I really felt like I was struggling. Dance didn't come naturally to me a surprise while and they're.
Crazy because you're such an athlete.
And Laura was like, thank you, thank you, Britt.
We all remember your swimming story.
Matt.
I told you would end up being you and me piling up on that. I knew that this is how this is going to.
Be workplace bullying. I'd like to speak to HR please we are hr. So I was training maybe six days a week and you were saying, hey, like, surely everybody else isn't training as much as you are. And then you watched one of my dances and you were like, you need to train more. It was like a Sunday and I was like, my feet turned and my knees are really achy, and you were like, keep training.
It was atually, it's been a really full on eight week. So Lola is now eight weeks old. Matt started training, No, she's nine weeks I think. I mean, who's counting? Matt started when she was one week old, and it was like, like normally Matt and I we were very, very fifty to fifty when it comes to parenting.
But then going from.
I'd say it's ninety eight to two percent of the mo.
Going from having like that much support to having two kids and no support was a really full on.
It's been hard, but.
Anyway, one of the hardest things I think I've ever done in this part of my life.
Were you more nervous for dancing with the stars than you were when you were about to meet all the girls on the red carpet for The Bachelor?
Oh? Very good. Question. I think. Look, actually, I think I was more nervous on Dancing with the Stars.
Really, the question I want to know is, were you more nervous at the finale of The Bachelor when you were going to tell me that you loved me?
Oh stars?
Dancing with the Stars, I was more nervous. I think it was. Yeah, it was. It was one of the most nerve wracking things I've ever done.
It.
I was so far out of my comfort zone to the point where I didn't want to go and perform. My first dance was such a difficult one and I'd never done it before, and everybody else was so much more experience than I was. I was like, I need to fake an injury. I need to have some excuse that will mean I don't have to perform in front of everybody, because.
I need to ship myself.
I thought about shitting myself. I really did. I was like, is that what I'm gonna have to do?
My out?
So you know that things are really bad If your only option to get out of something is shitting yourself, Like if shooting or something is the less worse option, you know you're.
In a really bad but it's an out though people will give that to you. They'll be like, oh go quick like that.
I was seriously considering it. I was like, should I do it? What options do I have? Thankfully I didn't ship myself.
I do want to just say though, over the last eight weeks, like Matt has been training so hard and he has dedicated so much time to this.
Show, which is why it's so surprising how bad he was. Do you know what I was going to say is the opposite. You're really good. It's actually amazing how much better you've gotten.
And I'm so proud of you, and it's been really Yeah, it's so excited.
I can I ask is it slightly arousing in any way watching me dance?
Is it slightly arousing watching you dance with a really hot twenty four year old?
No?
Actually not funny?
Bad?
But what about the moves? When I had some in my routines, I had a couple of little solo moments.
Yeah, come on, Look you do a good lift and a good spirit, and you look great in a pair of Cuban heels.
Boy, I know I do.
Laura and I did get to go to the opening night. We did go and watch Matt's first dance and as much as I pay you out, Matt, you know that if it was true, I wouldn't pay you out. It was brilliant to watch you. Your facials were everything, like everything facial.
I don't want to watch it bad.
Your facials were the best part. But we could see, Laura and I were in the audience feeling your nerves like they were penetrating us. We could you were the most nervous. Your nerves were penetrating us. That's how I felt. I felt chain smoking out the back. But I really felt for you because I have never seen you like that. Usually you're so confident in everything you do, and I could physically see it on your face that you were like, shit,
now is the time to either shit myself or shine. Shine, shit or shine.
It's weird how dancing is just such a nerve wracking experience for guys like I would always try and avoid the dance flow. But now the best part is Laura, I think we have to think about the wedding and the fact that we're going to have one hell of a first dance now.
Actually on this so, before Matt and I met, like well, I used to do Solta dancing lessons I was really into it, and when we met on the show, Matt kind of scoffed at me and was like, you do salsa dancing. He's like, if anything, that was like a notch on the belt. He was like, no, you know, all these other girls have other interests that are more aligned with my interests. And I was like, salsa dancing so much fun, and now I don't do salsa dancing anymore.
And when it came to talking about our wedding dance just the other night, Matt was like, I think we should do a Viennese.
Walt It's a Medley brit So it'll be a Vinnie's waltz to begin with, and then it'll transition into something more fun, like a samba.
Or a charta.
So what Matt was trying to say, if you guys don't know what a Viennese waltz is, which why would you.
No one knows what Avnnes waltz is.
It's very similar to like a very stiff ballroom dance where the man has to have very stiff frame and his elbow goes out in like a ninety degree angle. And Matt was talking about that being our dance, and I was like.
Are you on all I love it?
It would be beautiful, but it would be hysterical, like it's not you or no way.
I'm vetoing this right now. I'm just going to get up on more to work. That's what I'm all about for my Wait there.
You do you? You do your walls working, and I'm going to be doing the solo Vinni's waltz. It is not normally done by one person on his own, but that's what I'm going to do because I love it.
All right, Well, I'm going to put my guesses in now. I've got tickets on beck Hewitt to take out the crown. I know she's done it the first time years and years and years ago. I just feel like she's a natural. She's very athletic, she's quick. She was always a cool girl on Summer Bay.
And she grew up dancing. Well.
What a lot of people don't know about this season as well, is that this is actually an all star season. So this season of Dancing with the Stars, everybody who's on the show has been on a Dancing with the Stars before. They've either won it or they've come very close to winning it. Yeah, and then there's three wildcards, and someone who I want to know about who is one of the wildcards is Chappelle Corby.
How did she go?
She's actually quite good. I was surprised at her dancing ability, but I was also really surprised at just how nice and genuine she is. I met her were doing a publicity shoot and we were sitting next to each other whilst we're getting makeup, and she was just so lovely. She was really warm and genuine and I really liked
hanging out with her. She was probably one of my favorite celebrities that I mean, I know other people like you can't call her a celebrity, and I know that she's not really a celebrity, but she's a really big part of pop culture in Australia.
Well, she has that notoriety. I mean, it's been very controversial. I think there's been lots of articles that have come out and there's been a lot of conversation and chatter around Chappelle doing Dancing with the Stars, But every single person in Australia knows who she is.
I'm all for people rewriting their story and I've heard nothing but good things about Chappelle. So It's funny you say that, because anyone that has spoken about her has said really, really great things. But I get why there are some people that are up in arms when they're putting Chappelle on a show the title says stars, purely for the fact that if your kids are at home and they're looking up, these are the people that essentially we want our kids to look up to.
People are like, mummy, who's that. You're like, well, that's Tom Williams. He was on Better Home than Gardens as a carpenter. And then if they go and who's that, and you go, well, that's Chappelle Corby and she was found guilty.
Of wedding some marijuana and a boogie bag.
Yeah, it's a tricky conversation to have, but I really do think that a lot of people's perception of Chappelle will change after they watch her on Dancing with the Starts.
And I think people's perception of her had already started to change after Sas, which you know, we got to see her humanized as a person and not just as this person who's been in articles and in prison. And hope she gets to rewrite her own.
Story and to put into perspective. There's a lot of catering on site. At the end of the day, a lot of it just ends up in the bin. Chappelle would actually gather up that food and then she would dish it out to the homeless. Wow. I would do the same thing, but.
No, no, no no.
I would come home and open the fridge and there was like eighteen containers of food in the fridge, which, mind you, I was breastfeeding, so I'm quite happy to eat it all. But knowing that one person was taking her to the homeless and the other person was stopped.
See, that's pretty amazing to hear. These are the things you don't hear about. So thank you.
I was looking after Laura, you know about, but we didn't have time to.
Cook the things you don't hear about. Yes, Matt, you bring Laura home food, but Chappelle bring the leftover food to the homeless like no one else did that. So I think that's hats off to her, and I'm glad that we've got a platform to voice this.
We're both just lovely people.
Well, guys, Dancing with the Star actually starts at this Sunday, so if you do want to see Matt in a pair of Cuban heels doing a beautiful charter that is on Sunday night on Channel seven.
Well, Matt, we're looking forward to watching whatever goes down on Sunday Night. I can't wait to watch you shake that tush. That sounded weird, Laura. I'm sorry, I don't want to watch your shaking. I can't wait to watch it.
Dan, can I just say, can you stop looking at my toush please? But I know I'm in good shape right now. I've been training a lot, but this is just ridiculous. You're making me feel very uncomfortable.
It was a really bad way for me to say I can't wait to watch you dance.
Anyway, guys, let's get into the episode what you have come here to listen for. And this is the first time that we have all done and ask uncut episode together, the three of us. It's always just like Matt moonlighting with Bread or we've done an episode together the two of us before.
But never away a menajetoir of ask gunkut. I'm gonna hit the ground running and start this off. I'm gonna summarize this one, guys, because it was a long one, but essentially we had a female write in that says, I have been fighting really badly with my partner. It is very, very toxic. He has done something wrong by me, He's cheated on me in the past. Now we're having
a texting fight. What I want to know is what is more powerful writing something abusive and quippy back or radio silence and not responding at all.
Okay, it depends on what the outcome is. I mean, obviously she wants to break up with him completely, like is it over now?
She's like, I want to know what is better in a fight? What is more powerful? Like, as a male, Matt, what is going to hurt you more? Are you hanging on the line waiting to see someone writes back and they never get it? Or would you rather something that's really nasty come through?
Okay? I think I feel bad that I'm trying to encourage someone to inflict more emotional pain into their partner, but they have done the wrong thing. I think in that situation, there's nothing that's gonna be more effective than someone saying that they're just really disappointed and like them being upset the.
Dad quote like I'm disappointed.
Yeah, I think if you're just really aggressive and abusive. I think it almost makes them like it's easier. I think it's easy for them to react in that way than someone crying and saying, I'm just so hurt and you know, I can't believe you've done this to me. I think that's gonna that is going to be worse than anything else. Any any kind of swearing or name calling is not going to be as effective as that.
Well, I agree with you in saying that, Like I think, and we say this a lot in this podcast, so there's power and vulnerability in that, Like it really softens someone and allows them to see what they've done wrong. Matt and I are both so stubborn that when we fight with each other, neither one wants to back down.
The World War three, I have to like take the kids and run.
I have to keep a tally of like who was last person to apologize, because we take it in turns.
But we always talk it out and we don't do the silent treatment like that.
For me, the silent treatment is pure torture.
I think the longest I've gone is being in bed with you for about forty five minutes without back facing each other before eventually I was like my hand came crawling across the bed and like tapped on the shoulder and I was like, hey, okay.
So Brown on track. Sorry, now we're having a therapy session for man and Laura. We'll get back to answering your question. We love each other. I think that, honestly, I think what Mattis said is true, that it's way more powerful to say I'm disappointed than you bleep bleep, bleep, bleep bleep. So one hundred percent go the disappointment card
if you're going to respond. But again, I think silence if this is over and you know you're not going back to him, you know you don't want to repair anything, and you want to inflict the most pain possible. There's nothing worse than someone that won't respond to you, especially when you know they're waiting for it, they're on the other end of the line. They'll often message you, please, please answer me, please respond. If you give them silence,
that's what's going to hurt the most. But you know, here at Life on Cut, we don't encourage ghosting. I still think that you should end it amicably. I still think you should explain the situation and if you don't want to talk to him. I would just say, look, I've said what I want to say. I'm done now. I don't think there's anything else to continue in this conversation.
Yeah, and I think it is very situational dependent, Like you can't just silence treatment someone that you want to continue to have a relationship with that is really shitty behavior, and it ends up meaning that sometimes the silent treatment is worse punishment than what the crime is to start with. Maybe not in the case of cheating, but if someone's cheated on you, I think you'd really have to want to take some time out to assess whether or not you even want to be with them anyway, Like that's
the bigger question right there. But if you've decided you don't want to be with the person anymore, what they've done is too big, it's too damaging, and you're not going to reconcile things, then yeah, I don't think that you need to talk something to death. That does come a point where the conversation ends and you're allowed to go silent on them, and no answer is an answer that speaks for itself. Being silent can sometimes be the biggest way of punishing someone as well.
But what Laura just said is really the drive home here. If you do want to continue a relationship with him, then you can't do the silent treatment. It's just toxic. It's not healthy, it's not compatible with a long term, healthy relationship. So just define in your head first what you want. Do you want to continue this relationship, maybe it's even with a friend or a partner or a
family member. If you know the relationship is going to continue or you want it to continue, you have the adult conversation and at least just text them to say you don't want to speak, give them that at a minimum.
Okay, do you know what I think would be a really great idea and this is really simple here, but you could just key his car, I think.
And that is Matt's last episode with life on cut.
You could also just like cut all his clothes up as well and put everything in a bag on the front lawn, and that that works perfectly too if you want to really escalate the silent treatment. But one more thing I want to say about silent treatment though, is expanding on what you just said, Brett. It's okay to say to someone I need some time out, like I
don't want to continue this conversation. This needs to stop, and I need to go away for a couple of hours to clear my head and come back and have it. That's not necessarily giving someone the silent treatment. That's like walking away in order to give yourself a little bit of space and a little bit of clarity, and sometimes that's really needed in a fight to be able to
come back and go cool. I've calmed down now and I'm not going to say things that I don't mean, and that iguiness you're looking at me with the biggest smirk on your face because we may have had a fight and that entailed this a couple of weeks ago.
I mean, obviously, I've been training a lot, rich, I've been gone a lot, and Laura has been really incredible. You've done so much, and you've done it with me being not in the house, and you've done it whilst I have been in the household. So I've got to commend you on that. I did come home. I was tired, you'd had a tricky day. We got into an argument, and credit to you, Laura, you walked away and didn't tell me where you were going.
I didn't walk away. I drove to my sister's house and had some wine. I came back a few hours later.
I don't know if I'm space it be shocked and acts like I don't know that this happened.
I was like, she'll be back, and then after ten minutes, I was like, I hope she'll be back, but no, no, and then I knew it was fine. I think the breaking point is when after we have a little bit of time apart, we then see each other and then you have a smirk on your face and I'm like, Okay, we're good here.
But I also think that that's like an important thing, like fights are normal in a relationship so long as that they're always resolved and resolves respectfully, and like for us, this is totally turned into therapy session. I know, so.
Weird question for us, like.
We resolve every disagreement or argument that we have before we go to sleep. We never go to sleep angry at each other. I think that going back to this very specific question, which is is it better to give someone the silent treatment or is it better to antagonize someone, I think the answer to this is no, it's not
better to antagonize someone. The silent treatment in this example is better because by you being angry and aggressive, aggression is only ever met with aggression, and you, guys, are going to escalate this and it's going to mean that the person is cheated on you is no longer remorse for the cheating. It's just driven home the fact that they're hating on you as well, and you've given them a reason to be angry at you.
So silent treatment, I think wins out in this situation.
So just to clarify, no keying of the car and.
Wardrobe.
Okay, guys, So I've got question number two. This one does come with a little bit of a trigger warning because we are talking about mental health, but I'm going to paraphrase this because it was a little bit of a long one and it's also a really hard one, I think to tackle. So I've thought about this a lot today. The person who's written in their best friend is really struggling with depression and has been for the
past couple of years. Over the last year, it has been a constant theme of the friendship, and it has been really, really difficult for her to be able to support her friend. Her friend who has depression is refusing to go and seek help for it. And the person who wrote in the question is asked, at what point can I walk away from this friendship or at what point can I put some distance between our friendship? And does that make me an asshole by wanting to put some distance in our friendship?
This is a tricky one. I mean, it's tricky, and it's not tricky for me. It's tricky because one hundred percent, you need to be there to support your friends and your family. Everyone's going to go through a hard time and everyone's going to need that support person at some point in their life. The problem with this is that's okay when the person with the problem is reaching out
for help and wanting to help themselves. If they're refusing help, you can't constantly be the person that carries the weight of all of their problems. If you're working through it with them and you know they are actively seeking treatment, then if possible, yeah, continue on that journey as much as you can and support them if it's getting to
the point where it's affecting your mental health. There's a reason that they say on a plane in an emergency that you take your oxygen mask first so that you can help others. There's a point where you need to look after yourself first so you can look after other people. If it's one hundred percent affecting your mental health, then you need to take a step back to get make sure you're back on track. Then you can either go go back in again and help try to get them
treatment again. So you'll go with them do whatever you can. But for sure that comes to a point where if they are not willing to do anything at all from themselves and it's bringing you down to a level that it's bad for your mental health one hundred percent, you can walk away from that.
But I think if you are going to walk away, you need to speak to family and friends as well. I think it can't just be all on you as one person to try and help this other friend through a situation, because you know, if you're going to step away, which you're able to do, you want to make sure this person still isn't left in a position of being really vulnerable. So I think I would hope that there is enough support network where somebody can if you want to tap out, somebody else can tap in.
Yeah, whether that's like you go to their family maybe and say, look, she's really struggling and I'm not enough for her, Like I can't be there as much as she needs and I need someone else to take it on. I think that's a really good point to make, Matt, that don't just run away from it and leave your friend hi and dry with absolutely no one. Yeah, And I guess the last thing that I want to add to this is like, you have to take care of
yourself at some point. There does come a point where your own mental health and what toll that's taking on you has to take priority. But you can have that conversation with the person as well. I think having a really honest and open conversation before just tapping out where they're going to feel a banded sitting down and saying, you know, I feel like we're having these same conversations
on repeat. I feel like you're not making any progress in how you feel, and I really really want you to go see someone because I don't have the skills of the qualifications to keep having these conversations with you. So either we can't keep having this conversation, or you go and seek help. And I think that that at least they then understand where you're at and they're not going to feel like you've just pulled the rug underneath them,
which is really important as well. Such a serious question it is, but it's important because I think it's something a lot of people struggle with. And I know we get a lot of questions based on what do I do when my friend has a mental health problem? Like we do receive a lot of those, and we will do a proper episode on it with a psychologist guys like that is in the works, but for now, I
think that this is important. Look after yourself, but also make sure you're looking after your friend, all right, Maddie, Jay bring us home with a third question, question number three.
And this was actually a conversation I was having with a friend of mine recently, and I thought it was quite interesting because I don't know if I know the answer to this question, but he was saying, is there a limit to the number of times you can break up with someone before you need to call it quits? So he moved out here from overseas with his partner, and when they first arrived in the country, it was a really tricky time where he couldn't get a job,
he didn't have many friends. She had landed the dream job, and so there was this real big disconnect with how they were both settling into the country. He almost resented her for the fact that everything was falling into place, whereas he was really stuck in a rut with his professional career. And you know, when you're not working, you're not meeting new people. So it's really hard when you're in a brand new country and you don't have your
normal network of friends. So they break up because of that, got back together. Then there was other issues where there was jealousy, the break up because of that, then got back together. They break up a third time, and he's now in a position where he really wants to get back together with a but he's wondering, Hey, do you think enough's enough? After three times of breaking up and
getting back together? Should I just call it quits or do you think there's still a chance for us to be happy together.
I mean, how many times you can break up before it's over for good. It's it's pretty open ended for me and very situational. I think it's dependent on the reason you're breaking up. If you are breaking up for the same reason over and over again, like if one of you is cheating or being unfaithful over and over and over again. Then I mean for me, I would probably say two was the limit. If it's something like that. I don't think cheating and infidelity has to be over.
It's very dependent on the situation. But for me, if it's something like in fidelity, I would be like two times that I'm out. But if you two really love each other and the reason you're breaking up is because at that point of time, one of you can't get to the other side of the country.
Or okay, what about if it's squabbling, Let's say, yeah, it does that you love each other, but it's just there's little TIFFs and little fians that continuously pop up.
No one wants to squabble. No one wants the life of squabbling. So if you're a squabbler and that's the reason tap out that you don't a lifetimes of bloody long time to squabble, I.
Won one hundred percent agree. And I think that there's kind of a limit, like what you said, Britt, If it's because it's situational or there's something that has been keeping you apart and there's a physical reason as to why it hasn't worked, then sure give it another shot.
But if it's because of your personalities or just over time there's this nigglingness or something unless something fundamentally changes in who you are as people like that change needs to be clear as day, like they've stopped drinking alcohol, or they're not doing drugs anymore, they're not party, whatever it is. That's like adding to the causality of why you're fighting. But if nothing has actually changed, and it's just that you're gonna work on yourselves together, I think
three times. Come on, guys, you've worked on it, You've tried. It doesn't fucking work. Yes, you love each other, but sometimes, and we talked about.
This in the podcast for Love, it is not enough. It's not enough.
You need to have so many other things that make the relationship right, and nobody wants to spend a fucking lifetime vickery.
I've got some friends that break up a lot. They love each other to death, none of them have been unfaithful, but they annoy each other to the point that they're like, I can't do this, I need space. And they're constantly going on these breaks, and in this reason, I'm like, end it. And you're going to spend a lifetime of annoying.
Each other some people do need that. I think though some people kind of thrive off that environment where it is like tumultuous and you know, there's constant drama and there's this push and pull between the two people.
Well, I think they mistake that for passion. I think people mistake that for a passion in a relationship and we fight for each other. And I'm not not a believer of that. I think that like passion should be like you want to rip each other's clothes off in the bedroom, not that like you need to hate each other so that you can make up.
One hundred percent. And I think that like when you do have that sort of volatility to a relationship, that's when you're erring into This is actually toxic.
It's not good for either of us.
You shouldn't be in a constant's flux between like hating the person you're with and then loving the person so much that it's overwhelming. There should be some constant in a relationship.
And if you want to get if you really want to be with someone like Matt your friend, he probably shouldn't be questioning do you reckon? I should get back with her? If he wants to get back with her, he should be like, fucking miss so I want to get back with her. I want to make it work. Not asking friends, like I just think that that means like maybe maybe you miss them, maybe you're a bit bored, but that's what.
But also I think as well, when you start asking friends, it's because there's a part of that which is like embarrassment, Like it's a bit embarrassing to constantly be breaking up and getting back with the same person. You kind of think, what are my friends going to think? What is my family going to think that we can't seem.
To make it work?
And I guess like maybe sometimes it is great to get an outsider's perspective and speak to your friends and speak to your family, because sometimes they can see things that you can't see about your relationship and they might say, hey, you might think you're really in love with this person, but you treat them like shit when you're together. And I don't think that it's a good idea that you get back together.
Because there's nothing more awkward than having wine with a friend and absolutely hating on your partner and then the week later being like, by the way, Jim is coming to dinner back together.
Yeah, we spoke about that recently. Actually, you should just never bad mouth your friends X because it's all so bad when they're like, hey, you got back with Bobby and you're like, fuck.
Great, Yeah, you know I hate Please don't tell him.
Guys. That's it. Three quick questions Matt, thanks for coming on the pod today.
I feel like threes on enough. I just want more, Like I'm just getting warmed up.
It's because you want to get that blowjob. Right. We'll give your guys an update next weep going.
If we do a two hour episode, that's pretty much the equivalent of ten apps. Let's do it all.
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