The Lazy Manipulator...Weaponised Incompetence

Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I am Brittany and I'm.

Laura, And you know what, I think this is going to be the last time that we're going to describe to you the apartment that we're coming from, because I'm finally recording it out of BRIT's new apartment, which.

Is your old is my old apartment.

And let me tell you, this apartment looks a hell of a lot better when it doesn't have two screaming kids and a massive fucking dog in.

A so funny Matt came over the other day to drop something off or pick something up I can't remember, and he walked in.

He's like, holy shit's so nice. It's like this is He's like, this is so much nicer than we licha. I can't wait to tell Laura.

Also, okay, wait, I do have one question. Why is your lamp duct taped together?

Oh?

They're a movie list in it and I haven't had time to take it off. It's a really tall lamp that I guess it's not like a swivel. It could have broken.

So they wrapped all these duct tape around it and then they just left.

You know when you move into a new.

House, you leave boxes unpacked for like years, like plural, yes, that duct tape.

God knows how long that's going to be there for.

So we moved into a new house so that Laura could have her own room, and she's still sleeping in a portercot in that room amongst boxes, Like, you just haven't said it better. Well, actually, no, that's a whole other conversation. Matt lost the screws. Do you know what? Matt is the friggin' best dad ever and he is

It seems to be where we get a lot of her. I've said that a lot lately, This bad boy is trending on the Talk.

Maybe it's because everything's trending on TikTok.

That's because TikTok.

Now has become a place where people even rehash like news articles. TikTok is where people get their news, they get their entertainment, they get everything from tiki doc.

It's insane you.

Say that, like you're shocked, like we've been doing it on Instagram fight the past five years and now you're like it is insane.

Well, it is because it's like a.

One stop shop now that I'm not on, so I have to like go on search. I don't TikTok.

I don't use it.

I might have to start, but I don't even scroll it. I see that things are trending on TikTok because I reading news articles that they're trending in TikTok.

I'm on there, but I'm like, you're lurking in the back. I'm a private looker, like I never post. I've hosted one thing and then I was like, oh, I'm a bit too. I feel like a boomer on this thing. But Matt is very much on TikTok to the point where like sometimes we're sitting on the couch and I'm trying to have a conversation with him and I'm like, what are you doing. Oh, you're looking at thirty second reels of people knowing their fucking lawn. Great, Okay, that's why I don't want to watch it.

This is the whole point you get. It's like Instagram on steroids. You can completely sucked in.

It's so snackable the content that it's very hard to get away from. But okay, I, like they said, I was going to tell you what the episode was about. That was five minutes ago. We're talking about weaponized Incompetence

This is definitely one Laura is very passionate about. It's definitely one Laura brought to the table and I just jumped on board with yes, I'm so glad you said that.

I've been like pushed.

I'm like, let's do weaponized in Competence everyone. And Britt was like, it doesn't really relate to me, and I was like, let's make it relate.

It's gonna be great. Because we often do this.

We often bring ideas to the table of things that if we've been inspired by something, or we've been through something, or we've seen something, and we always just try and jump on board. And this was definitely one of Laura's, and I was like, look, I'll do my research and I will do my best to come on.

This journey with you. So this is my episode, but looks do it.

One of the things that I find very interesting about the conversation around a weaponized in competence and like, it's difficult because we obviously haven't told you what it is yet, and we will get into the whole unpacking it very very shortly. But because it does present itself in so many different relationships, and because we do and we are all guilty of it in different ways, I think that

Six am Monday morning, when it's nothing like the early Bird gets the love?

Is that a thing?

I brought you a coffee? Happy Valentine's Day, britt.

Laura walked in with a croissant and coffee at six am today, So you're currently the love of my life. Thank you, Thank you for bringing me exactly what I need to get the day started.

I'm just gonna say the bar is very low if that makes me the love your life.

Valentine's Day is something Laura and I spoke about it. We spoke about it last week on the radio. It's not something we really care for. It's not something we've really ever done. Like, sure, if you want to get me a present and pat me and tell me you love me, like, I am here for it. I am never going to kick you out.

You can lay on my lap and I'll just stroke you. Okay, so you have human touch.

It sounded wrong on so many levels.

But also I just want to share with you.

I just came out of Britney's bathroom. There's a huge thing of condoms in there, and Britt was like, they're expired.

She's like, I should have wrote about the move.

I was like, God knows how long they've been there for Now when you pack your house up and you're like.

Where did they even come from?

There's just a box in the bathroom that hasn't been unpacked and just perch on Toppy's condoms.

She's like, yeah, I need to throw them out. I don't even see I've got two bathroom guards. I don't even know what's in that bathroom. You know how you've got a bathroom, you go into it, you put all your shit in one, and you're like, I'm just going to pretend that bathroom doesn't exist.

Well, trust me, after I've been in there this morning, you probably should keep it pretending.

Yikes.

Okay, yeah, I mean, like I said, all jokes aside, Valentine's Day for me, I would rather it's more important to me, and it's more meaningful to me if my partner did something any other day of the year than Valentine's Day. And I still would love that on Valentine's Day because I think it's sweet.

But it's very commercial to me.

But I love the idea that I guess some people, in some couples what Valentine's Day does is some people, some couples of relationships, even friends, people get so busy in their life that they do forget to do the little things. So I guess Valentine's Day they're a minder for people to say, Okay, I really just need to put everything aside for a hot second and focus on

So for me, I would much rather that.

But I do you know, we do love love here at life on cut So any day to celebrate love is a good day.

I mean, like it's completely overrated, but I still want.

Flowers, the money to make college of him.

Yeah, I still want something, or at least Actually I left the house today and like, like we said, we're recording this super early. That was still in bed. I snuck out of the house and he was like, oh, at least give me a kiss before you leave. You know, when you think your partner still asleep so you don't want to wake them. H No one ever gave him a kiss forgot to say Happy Valentine's Day.

Just forget. It's like it doesn't matter. Though.

I don't think you have to say Happy Valentine's Day, Like I think that that's okay.

Are you still yeah, leaving my Valentine.

You're gonna be okay, You're gonna get through this, okay.

The thing though, that's really interesting about Valentine's Day, and I'm sure that there are many other reasons. I'm sure somebody's going to slide into the DMS and be like, that's not it. There is a whole other story to it.

That's why all.

Businesses do their Valentine's Day sales. That's why there's big Valentine's Day campaigns. So the actual day itself grew in success, and it grew in importance because of retail. So it truly is a commercial day because it was a day for small businesses, for big businesses, for commercial conglomerates to say.

Oh, you need to spend some money.

Oh you really know how to take the magic out of Valentine's dayDay, Laura.

And I'm saying this from like someone who owns a jury business, Like obviously I benefit from it in some ways, but we always angle our Valentine's Day sale around buying something nice for yourself. I don't care about like, don't you don't have to go buy something for your partner, your friends. But I'm always like, if you want to use a fifteen percent of discount and spend it on yourself, go and you treat yourself because that's some sort of self love I can get behind.

Look, we do have something a little bit left field today, something we haven't done and we will not be doing again in the future, in.

The spirit of Valentine's Day. This is a one time only show. Guys, it's coming right up.

We had and we thought this was really really cute because, as we said, we do love love. We had a man called Dylan rin into the podcast. Now, Dylan has listened to the podcast before. Because Dylan's girlfriend is a huge, huge fan of Life Uncut. She has been for a long time. She listens all the time. He listens in the background.

Shout out to you, Lily.

We do love when men writing, when men have listened to the pod, but when they do go to the effort to write to us and say that they've loved an episode or that they got onto the podcast because of their partner. And that is what has happened with Lily. But more so, the reason that we are highlighting this little Dylan and Lily love story is that Dylan is a musician. Dylan is head over. He was in love with Lily, and Dylan wanted to do something very very special, So he has got Billy.

Didn't Billy Way. We can call him Dilly Team Dilley, Lily.

Dilly didn't want to spend money on a fifteen per cent of sale, so he did something a little bit more heartfelt.

Dylan knows as a scam. We need more Dylan's in the world. Okay, Dylan wrote into us Anyway, he has been spending the last year working on something and this is why we wanted to highlight it. Dylan said, Hey, ladies, love the podcast. I started writing a song at the end of twenty twenty for my partner Lily. I've spent a year trying to keep it a secret from her until it was finished, which was quite the task living together through Melbourne lockdowns. I'm my gosh, you poor things

I love you.

I think it'd be the best surprise for her to hear this song for the first time without knowing on her favorite podcast.

We love it. Happy Valentine's Day, Lilian Dylan. We're gonna play a tiny snippet. Also, like Britz said, do not come for us with any more request. Guys, this is not an open forum, but here, it is not late night.

There's nothing I can done.

Dylan, Lily, Dilly whatever, we're gonna call you hashtag Dilly. That was just the sweetest thing. And that was only a snippet, guys, that was thirty seconds. We're going to play the whole song at the end if you want to listen. And it is such a beautiful song. And for sure Dylan is getting lucky tonight.

Have you ever had somebody write you a song?

Oh, but it's similar. No one's written me a song that I know of. Maybe there are some songs floating out there that I haven't received yet. But I received when I had this like big crush on my neighbor when I was like fourteen fifteen. He was from the Mark, he was a few Yeah, that's the last time I had something really romantic. He was a few years older than me and he had a crush on me too, But you know when you're that young, because like, we had big crushes on each other, but nothing was ever

Anyway. We used to go.

Surfing together and hang out, but I was such a tomboy, so I didn't really know that he had the crush on me.

I just thought I was one of the boys.

And then one day, and I'm pretty sure was Valentine's Day, he dropped me like an envelope. He didn't want to wait around while I opened it, because like, I made this for you, and then he ran and I opened it, and this is going to really show my age, guys, But it was a mixed tape.

He made me a mixtape and the first song and I will never forget it.

I went on to learn every word of the song and I still know every word of the song. The first song was could You Be the Most Beautiful Girl in the World from France?

And I played that mixtape. I put that on repeat.

That was my pride and joy, and actually, to this day, when I think about it, it was probably the sweetest thing anyone's actually done. He went to so much effort to make that mixtape because you've got to like remember, back in the day, you had to press record at the same time as you'd heard it on something else that you had to like.

On the radio, so he had to sit.

There was so much effort when you think about it, he had to sit and listen to a radio until any love song came on. Then he had to press record at the same time and make it smooth for a whole tape.

Okay, but you think this is showing your age? Do you know what you know when you're on Bachelotte? So if you, guys, if you don't really.

Know when you're on the Bachelotte, everyone listening, you've done it before, Britt.

No, But if you if you're not somebody who watches The Bachelor, you haven't seen the sort of first episode where they walk down the red carp and they meet the bachelor or the bachelorette. Often the contestants bring a gift. They often like because we have to. Yeah, the producers tell you you have to bring a gift, Britt, Matt gave Georgia Love a mixtape.

But that can't be nation. That's gonna be a cute thing, so cute.

He's never given me a mixtape, Daily Mail, you can write an article about that.

I mean, like, I know you won at the end and you're you've got a happy ending, but I'd be shattered. I'd be shaded knowing he gave a mixtape because I wonder if she still has it, I should play it. Lokay, Okay, I have a story for you speaking of Matt sex girlfriends because we're on the top.

I love that for us. So, okay, I've met a lot of Matt sex girlfriends. I went to do.

Yeah, I went to one of their weddings, Like, there is absolutely no I mean, god, we've got two kids. Like, it doesn't come from a place where I care anymore.

No. It's also interesting though that he keeps the relationships to that level. Yeah, that the friendship level that you'd go to their wedding. Like for me, that's a bit like, really, no, I do what I think. I found it quite difficult at the start. And I've spoken about this when we did an episode on retroactive jealousy quite a while ago. Sure did, And retroactive jealousy is when you're jealous of your partner's exes.

And I think I came into our relationship with a very unique experience, obviously coming out of the Bachelor. What happened to us is that the Daily Mail and a couple of other news outlets had run all these articles about Matt's ex girlfriends. So not only did I know that they were his ex girlfriends, I could go and stalk them. But on top of that, it was like

Yet fancy that totally right.

But anyway, I'm so I'm like, I'm over it now, guys, but no, I really am.

However, I can.

Totally appreciate that all of Matt's sex girlfriends are ridiculously stunning, like ridiculously.

I have seen a lot of them. They're pretty attractive, their bomb it so are you so okay?

But on top of that, one of them is actually like a supermodel, like a legitimate supermodel lives overseas.

Is a supermodel?

You have to live overseas. You cannot be a supermodel in Australia.

No, she's just like she's divine, Like looks like she walked out of the sun. She's so divine, which is funny because so I buy and have bought the same skincare for a very long time. Sunscreen Skincare bought it for many, many years. And I walked into the chemist the other day to go buy my skincare and there she is on the front of the packet of my new skincare, and I was like, Fuck.

It's like her whole.

Face is the skincare product.

But now you.

Literally touch, squeeze, and look at her face on the daily then proceed to rub her.

On your own skin.

Well, there's only a tiny picture of her on the actual product, And I was like, I wonder if she actually uses this, because that's good if she does, because she's got great skin. But like, her whole face is on the box. So I brought it home and then I like felt like I had to take the skincare out of the box so that Matt couldn't see the box because then he would be.

Like, why did you buy that? Why are you so weird? So has Matt seen?

Does Matt know that you are rubbing pictures of his ex girlfriend on your face?

No?

I haven't told him.

I mean he does now, but okay, but can you imagine how weird this is? Like nobody listening to this has ever been in an experience where their favorite skincare brand has a photo of their boyfriend's ex girlfriend on it.

I'm still gonna buy it.

I have been in a similar not to the same level, but I remember there was a guy that I was dating for a while and so dumb, a guy that was saying for one and literally the same thing like his Actually no, this was like reverse.

This was his new girlfriends. It was worse. He upgraded. Oh no, no, no. See if we broke up.

And then Matt started dating a supermodel and her face was on the skincare, I'd have to stop buying the skin.

She was on a billboard.

So like every day I drove us and saw the new girl on a billboard because she was also like a beautiful model that came out of the center of the sun.

That's a real flex, isn't it when you date someone who's on a billboard.

Totally.

It wasn't even like a little bus sign. It was a whole billboard. I was like, you'd on a bus stop, though, don't worry.

Oh yeah, unletss we forget.

I can't even break was on a bus stop because she was the face of Tinder at one point.

Excuse me.

It was bumble wash it it was bumble Sorry, Bubble Bumble didn't sponsor this episode, so I'm not Tinder.

That is now the Tinder Swindler. What a seguey that was. That was a good segue. Guys.

We have some very important research. You all need to go and watch The Tinder Swindler because we may have a very exciting episode coming up.

We may or may not well. I mean, if we don't have one, it is because they canceled.

But we're hoping we're gonna have a great episode coming up. But even if the episode doesn't happen, we cannot recommend going and watching The Tinder Swindler enough. So I'm gonna give it like a really top overview. I mean, it's a documentary. It is on Netflix. It goes for two hours, so you could watch it in an evening. Go watch it tonight. Seriously, we really want you to watch it before next Tuesday's episode.

I mean, if you haven't already, it's literally sitting at number one in the UK, it's training all over America. It is huge in Australia. It's an insane documentary. It's an insane story, one that I like resonated with a little bit too closely. It's actually from the filmmakers. I don't know if anyone watched Don't Fuck with Cats. That was also an incredible documentary on a completely different level,

He buys them gifts. He's dripping and dressed in the most expensive, beautiful clothing and jewelry. And we won't go.

Into it yet until next week with exactly the mechanics and how he does it. But it would just leave you wanting to pick your draw up off the ground.

Well, I also don't want because, like it's a really interesting storyline, and we obviously don't want to like spoil the storyline. But it's a romantic con man basically. And Britt told me about this, and she was like, you have to watch this documentary. It's so interesting, and she was explaining how these women had been literally swindled out of hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars. And I have to say this, at the time when you described it to me, in my mind.

I was like, well, they must be idiots, like a lot of the world is thinking right now.

Yeah, And I didn't know the story, and I hate myself that that was my initial reaction. I thought, oh, gosh, you know, you really have to be very gullible to be carried along with this sort of story and to

Now, there is a lot of kickback around the world. Actually, there are still a lot of people that have watched this and have no sympathy for these women. They're pretty much just saying you're an idiot. But I think unless you can really put yourself in that situation, you don't understand how can happen. And there have been a lot of statistics that have come out and said over the last few years, this kind of romantic con is bigger than ever because of the pandemic as well. Because people

Yeah, And I think the last thing that I want to say on this is, like like anything, I think if your initial reaction or anybody who's initial reaction is like that couldn't happen to me, or they're idiots. That is such a victim blaming mentality, like it comes from

Yeah, And The thing is, I want to say one more thing. I could talk about it forever.

The thing that I wanted to add with this is a lot of people are saying, well, how stupid are you for believing that you met a billionaire online? Firstly, why wouldn't you believe it? When you've met someone and immediately you're on private jets, immediately everything about their life that you have seen screams, I'm telling the truth.

Screams, well, the screams like this is legit.

No one just goes and hires a private jet to fly you on a first date if they don't have that kind of money.

There was a girl I follow on Instagram, Tara. If you're listening to Tara, Hey, she did it. She's got a big Instagram following.

I'm not doing shout outs anymore, no, but she does a big She has a big Instagram following, and she puts something up recently, she had watched the Tindersunla and she was putting some question and answers up and seeing pole seeing what people thought and things like that. And one of her polls was, do you think it's crazy that they thought they meant a billionaire online?

And when you click the pole.

It was like something like ninety five percent of the people said yes, it's crazy, like you're never going to meet someone, and a few people said no, it's not that crazy. Now I wrote back to her and I said, hey, heads up, I know a billionaire online like this. I actually this is a thing. People still do want to try and meet normal people without them knowing. So for me, this is why it's so believable.

But also like, of course billionaires would still I mean they can still use Tinder, Like why can't they still have the interweb. There's some guys who might or even women who have a whole of a lot of money, they still want to meet people.

I met one, I dated one, like it happened legend, I dated a billionaire everybody.

But my point is I didn't know.

He didn't.

He was definitely not like that and he didn't let anyone in his life.

No, he didn't.

I didn't know for a long time because it wasn't a flex for him, that's not what it was. But he was just someone with a lot of money that still wanting to date. And she actually wrote back and she said, I actually know a billionaire online as well. So for anyone listening that thinks these women are just so stupid, They're actually not like this happens. There are people out there that are just trying to find love as well.

Do you millionaires need love too? Guys?

Do you know what I'm taking form this related this conversation? Guys, there are billionaires online.

Go out.

If you're not on all those platforms where you are, you're never gonna meet one. Go out there and find one. All right, let's get into one of our most favorite parts of the episode, even though to be honest, I feel like the whole episodes are always our favorite.

Accidentally unfiltered. All right, Brittany, you can kick it off. I'm actually gonna kick it off with one.

I've just decided I was tossing up between two and then this conversation has made me pick one.

I'm so glad that I helped you to like define well, it's about.

Flying and planes and stuff, So I'm gonna.

Mile high club now.

I don't even know if it's an accidentally unfiltered or it's just cooks.

If anybody who's new to the podcast and doesn't actually know what accidentally unfiltered is, axcellan filter is basically like you guys, write in your most embarrassing stories. Sometimes they're not even embarrassing, sometimes they're just fucking wild. Just write in your wildest stories, and we read them mountain, we all laugh together.

It's basically what it is, all right, I'm kicking it off.

So I have been going through a very drawn out and complex breakup with my ex. We were together for five years and have been separated for a year. Just after New Year's I flew to Adelaide to see him officially, to put boundaries in place to allow us to both move on.

I love that you had to fly there to put the boundary place.

You don't need you never need to do a face to face, just do it on the phone.

It was super emotional and hard, et cetera. However, and we had sex. Hund sent it in. It was like that last closing sex. You know you all have to have it.

However, around this time I started seeing this other person. He was being so lovely and making himself very available to me.

Let's call him Phil.

I was originally meant to be flying back from Adelaide to Sydney on the Wednesday, but ended up changing it to the Tuesday. Phil By Chair was flying from Sydney to Adelaide on the Wednesday, but our flights would cross in the sky. I just kept up with the white lie that I was flying back on Wednesday, as I knew that he would want to see me on Tuesday when I got back. However, I also knew that the emotions from my trip to my ex would be hectic

I mentioned that I was just heading to the airport in Adelaide.

Now noting I was already home in Sydney and in bed. But to my horror, he messaged saying his flight was changed and he would now be at the airport in Sydney when my flight arrived. It was too late to say my flight was already changed. I had already said I was on my way to the airport, and he knew the flight I was meant to be on, so he would be able to see that it was at the airport departure arrival lounge. So call me crazy, But over an hour before I was meant to land in Sydney,

Five minutes waiting for my plane to land.

As new waves of people came into the toilet, i'd causually find an excuse to ask, Hey, what flight did you come off, until finally someone said adelaide. I walked outside the toilet to see if Phil walking towards the gate to meet me, And there I was, pretending to have just arrived with my fate carry on luggage, being embraced with the hargin questions about how my flight was. I have never felt more crazy, whilst also being weirdly impressed with myself for pulling off this crazy act seamlessly.

Is this I actually died.

It's like, I don't even know if it's an accidentally unfiltered I don't think it's fucking nuts.

It's so fucking nuts.

I just couldn't believe the effort she went to. She just got home and she's exhausted in bed, and she got up to go.

She went through security to pretend she just landed because she didn't want to say, oh, do you know what I actually got back last night?

Like you would just I mean, like you wouldn't go through security.

You would just like rock up and then be like, oh, I know because they were landing past you. Yeah, they were at the same time. So she had to If you're going to do this, you have to commit to the line.

It's such a commitment to the it's so deep.

That's so that is like I can't I actually can't believe. But also like it's very deceptive. I would actually love for you, like, if you feel like you're there in the relationship, I'd love for you to tell him so you can tell us what happens.

No, do you know what I want? I want you to phone record this. Can you if you're listening to this, can you phone record telling him one day when you actually tell him and then send us the audio. So not only did you prank him once, prank him twice. That's the same thing.

I would love to know if there's anyone else out there that has gone above and beyond something like this to avoid a situation or in a relationship. I would have loved you know how many other crazy stories there are, and for some reason, Laura, I feel like you would have one.

No, I don't have any like this, but I do feel like this sort of thing like this was innocent on her part, But I also feel like it usually involves another person, Like it usually involves some sort of cheating or some sort of like lie or deception, like they needn't be bothered to get.

Out of bed seem that night, well hilarious.

He probably didn't know that there was this overlap with her ex boyfriend either, and so like there's usually like something else going on. I think if you have to go to these extremes to like lie about your whereabouts, it's usually because there's a third party in a relationship, which is never healthy. So please, we don't want to know about all your cheating scandals.

Guys.

I have a brief but extremely cooked accidentally unfiltered. Okay, I decided to get into bed with a work colleague and things did get a bit heated.

I like that. You just decided as well. I decided to get into bed. She was talking with a bak to pass me a pen, and then we ended up in there.

Let's just go in. They were obviously getting a bit frisky. So anyway, she's hooking up with a work colleague. Things were getting down and dirty, and we were rolling around in the sheets, and as he was about to come, he says to me in a really sexy voice, keep touching my balls, baby feels good. A little confused, I said, I looked at him and I replied, I'm not touching your balls.

And then he looked.

Down only to see my sausage dog was licking his ball sack at the exact same time.

And I had forgotten that I'd left the door open. For good man, I had a cottage dog.

Oh, there was another sausage in the bed that day.

There were multiple sausages in that bed.

Anyway, she was like, that's the last time the dog was ever in the bedroom whilst we were having sex.

Could you imagine time.

We ever had se Could you imagine looking down and there's a dog licking your balls don't have balls?

But that's one thing. But it's the mortification that you just openly admitted power much you like, how much she liked it. That's what gets me.

It's the fact that I was like, fuck, I can't even come this. I just said how good it felt dead. But also it's like, just keep doing it, fighter, It's okay. Here's another question I'm posing in this this weird situation. Unless the euphoria really was making him crazy, wouldn't you be able to differentiate a tongue on your balls to like a cupping because obviously obviously he can see her face that her tongue is in the air.

Maybe, to be fair, I don't think guys have a hell of a lot of nerve endings in their bullsack. I feel like their ballsack is like it's sensitive, but they don't feel like they can distinguish like the type of touch necessarily a wet tongue more sandpaper, isn't he because maybe you would know maybe he thought it was like the nails, like maybe he thought it was like a stroke or a scratch. I'm given the guy the

Keeping and I'm thinking it's like emphoria and juice delirium. That's what I'm gonna give him. I'm gonna give him an out. Let's get into the conversation around weaponized incompetence.

I think that's enough, all right.

Getting into weaponized incompetence probably should start with what it is, since we managed to talk about it for a hell of a lot in the beginning, to tell it, Oh, okay, I don't even know where to start.

And I was like at the beginning. She's like, I'm overwhelmed with information. I was like, break it down. Let's start at the beginning. What is a weaponizing competence? Like?

Okay, so weaponized in competence it sounds like and I said, it's a trending on TikTok. It's actually been around, well, I mean, the actual thing of it has been around for a long time. I would say since the dawn of time even but it's recently been reported on up until two thousand and seven, that's when the first articles came out. It's been called many different names. It's been

It's also some people call it gas lighting.

Well, yes, it's actually a form of gas lighting, and it is a form of manipulation. So basically, weaponized incompetence is feigning incompetence at a task. But it's kind of bigger than that. So it's basically like and I don't want to say it's gendered, because it can happen in all genders and it can happen in all relationships. But where we often see it is say with the housework at home. And I was going to give you an example to be able to really kind of break down

Well, let's talk before we get into that too much, even though you just did. Let's talk about why this came up, Like where you've seen this because it is training on TikTok, isn't it. It's like one of the most tiktocketed things.

And I know this is showing my but it is.

It's like, I'm going to call training on tiktoketed from here on in totally.

And if you are not on TikTok and you do want to have a deep dive that there is a whole subculture around weaponized incompetence. And I don't, like I said, it's not something that is new though. It's just that we've been given a label for something that people have experienced for many, many years. And I think sometimes when we have a label to describe something that we've all

To me, I actually don't know how much I love the term, to be honest, I feel like it's quite aggressive. But the term weaponized is they're saying it's you're using it as a weapon because you are putting the onus on your partner. You're putting the pressure on your partner. You're wiping your hands.

Clean of it.

You're just saying, essentially colloquially, unofficially, your internal monologue is I can't fuck to do this.

I'm not going to do this. You can do everything.

So they're saying that in a relationship, you're using it as a weapon, and I guess you are. But for me, like personally, I think I would probably rename it something else.

I would probably use it.

I like a fucking lazy grub.

Yeah, just be like lazy grubbing confidence or something like that.

Okay, but also on this, okay, the big question is, before we get too far deep into it, is is it strategic? Is it something that somebody comes out and goes, I'm going to purposefully do a bad job of this because I know my partner's going to do it anyway. I don't think it has to be strategic. I don't think it has to be something that is a conscious decision, but.

I think often it's subconscious. I'm not on the set.

I think like I think, if there's every time that I have done it, and do you know what. The reason that I said to Laura at the start, I was like, Oh, I just don't know how much I can relate to this is because for as long as I can remember, I have been on my own. Even if I've been in a relationship or am in a relationship, it's There've always been long distance. I've lived alone for

I pay someone to come by my lawns. I'm my lawns.

So I struggled with trying to find ways that I have done this in the past. But when I do think back, there have been times like that in my past relationships where I've done that, but it's been it's always been very manual labor out the outdoors, the gardening, like the big heavy stuff. That's the stuff that I've probably said to my partner, Oh, you know what, I don't even know how to start a lot, Like I know how to start a lormow. Dad told me how to start lormo when I was twelve years old.

Like Dad made me so capable of my life. But it's really just because it was hard work. I don't want to go out there.

I didn't want to go out in the sun in forty five degrees and Moto lawn when he could do it. So for me it was, yeah, it wasn't I guess it wasn't malicious, But there are sub there's a subconscious level to when you do it.

Yeah, And I think that that's a really important thing because like we are not we are not man hating on this podcast. That's not I can love men. And I've had lots of conversations with Matt about this, and I do really feel like for me, I became acutely aware of it after having children, and I became aware of it more so around heterosexual gender roles in raising kids.

About, Flora burn.

But also for an example of this in a non heterosexual relationship, but in a platonic relationship. So siblings, My sister is incredibly organized. She always has been. She's the older sister. She is an a personality type.

I'm not.

That doesn't mean that I don't have the capability of organizing Christmas presents and Birthday presents and booking accommodation and all that sort of stuff. Like I am very fucking capable of doing all of that. I've done it for my own family. But when it comes to things that we do joint, I always take a backseat to her. I always just let her do it. And part of me is like, oh, like, I know that she's going to do a good job, Like I know that she

Some people do.

Some whop get off on that maybe, but I know she doesn't. Really, she does it out of necessity, but she does it so well that I coast along. And I think that there's a lot of probably a lot of middle children who do take that role to their older siblings. You know, they're like, Okay, my sibling kind of has that. But what that does is it means that they are always the one doing more work. They are always the one who is put in that position, and you use your lack of ability to kind of

And then they fucking coast along.

And nobody likes being in a relationship, being in a group assignment with somebody who isn't pulling their weight.

It's funny you say that, And I'm going to have to make a comment on it now because Sherry, my sister, listens to the podcast, and she'll be like, bitch, you didn't comment on that. That's exactly the same thing. I'm this four of us kids. I'm number three, Sherry's number four. Sherry's the baby of the family, but that role has always fallen on Sheridan. Sheridan in our family is the

Someone has to do it.

That is never an million years going to be me and saying this, I'm about to do it. I'm about to say exactly what we're talking about. She's so good at it, she genuinely is, and she doesn't hate it.

She quite enjoys it. She loves being organized. I'm a loose cannon.

Like they call me Hurricane Britney, a hurricane into a day. I am very disorganized. I don't love planning. I hate planning. I don't even like to put things in my diary for some reason, I'm so against it. I'd like to keep things in my head, which is crazy. But what I will do, And if Sherry actually came to me and said I need help planning this, I would one hundred percent help her. But what I do is I say, hey, look,

This is so interesting because this, okay, like maybe this isn't a problem in your sibling relationship with your sister, but when you think about that, that is why it is such a huge fucking problem in relationships when you have kids. Because we are a society don't value time, but we do value money. So someone being like, well I gave you my car, just do it. That doesn't account for the hours of organization, the calling up, pursuing lessons, all of that shit that a mom ends up having

And guys, that was in the census. That's accurate. I'm coming here with the facts and the data. No, it's crazy.

That is not shocking or surprising to anyone. I don't think there's anyone that would listen to that and be surprised by that statistic. But just before we get any further into that, because I can see the steam coming out of your brain and your anger is building.

I think that's a.

Big At the start of the episode, I said to you guys, this is why I found this topic hard to jump on board with because I think that this, whilst presents itself in many aspects and many capacities, I think it really presents itself the most in relationships with children, so married relationships to facto kids, That's where I think

Well, what I'll always do is it'll be a task.

I'll be like, oh, can you do this with this patient online while I physically scan the patient. It would be something like that. It's never that you would sit back and do it. But it's it's same with our relationship. L I remember when we started the podcast, I was like I didn't even know how to turn a computer on. To be honest, I was like, look, why don't you do that side of stuff? You do the edit and

Yeah, And that's I mean, like that's different in that wad DIVRT tasks. But like, let's get back on track with weaponis incompetency as I think sad. There is a social commentator on TikTok he handle is that done?

Chat now?

She sums it up so perfectly, and what she says is so society has told us to value money and work. We function under capitalism. We also function within a patriarchy. And what a patriarchy is is a society that overvalues masculine tasks and undervalues care tasks or traditionally feminine tasks. Our society does not value the work that goes into managing domestic situations. We also don't value time. We value

The household, a task to do.

They should be able to go and they should be able to complete that task without having to constantly rely on you to give them feedback, to give them information.

Well, the reason that also, this is what I saw, and I had to have a chuckle. I think people took it too far. But another TikToker that went viral and started this whole conversation online was exactly that there are a couple that take the piss of relationships. It's sort of like you and Matt on TikTok, but they take the piss out of married life, kid life. She sent him to the grocery store with a grocery list, but not only a grocery list, she had to print out pictures of every item and every.

Item so you didn't suck it up.

Every item on the list had a picture.

Now, it was supposed to be a bit of a piss take at exactly this and the world run with it, and they started to sort of come at them a bit, saying this is weaponize and competence, this is ridiculous. You're enabling your partner to not be good at this by saying like I'm gonna baby you. And she was like, what, guys, this was a joke, but it did kickstart the whole conversation, which is, you know, is why TikTok's so great, But that opens up the conversation on the dynamic in the household.

Well, I think and the reason why I come back to this, like once you've had kids conversation is like it is a hugely transformative time in a relationship once you have children. And not for everyone, but for a lot of people, the majority of that labor falls on the mum. And you know, so many of us women like we have jobs as well. It's not like we don't have work or other things to do, but we also end up taking primary role as the care provider

Like and I know the schedule because I looked at the schedule.

And it's like, we have very incorrectly created these stereotype dynamics where it's expected that the women just innately understands parenting before the man does. The bar is low for guys. So Sally Hatworth was an incredible author. We had her on the podcast. She told a story about how her husband can like do bumbling things as a parent. He can like send the kid to school with chewing gum. He can do stupid things, and he's the primary caregiver

Just contribute to it slightly.

Yeah, but it shouldn't be. We shouldn't need to ask our partners for help in a domestic setting. The bar needs to be set at a point where we'll equal contributors. We both parent this child. And yes, I may know and understand the things better now because I've done the research,

To the toilet and an hour's gone part and an hour's.

Gone and you're there with the kids, and then if you need to go and have a shower or go to the gym or whatever, the kids are screaming. The house is a mess, and you don't get to have that time, that personal time to relax and actually take care of yourself. And that all plays into these gender stereotypes. So why it's such a huge problem and where weaponized incompetence actually stems from. I'm getting Randy.

Ah.

I was like, I feel like there's some personal things Matt stop taking forty five minutes.

Actually not, I'm so proud of and this is not a flex but like, I'm so proud of my relationship with Matt now because we've had these conversations. We've spoken about it so many times that we've had the reset. And I think very early on there was this expectation, not an expectation that happened with intention, but like obviously because I gave birth to Marley and then I was breastfeeding Mali, Matt kind of felt a little bit more like, oh, well,

And I definitely think it has something to do like there's gotta be a lot of aspects to it, but it definitely has something to do with the way you're raised. If you, I guess, are raised with no level of independence. You never do anything for yourself growing up, so you never put your dishes away, you never cook anything, you don't know how to do the washing, you don't know how to live independently. Of course, that's going to carry

Wild, He didn't know how to literally live.

She felt like she was mothering him, and there was a demise of the relationship. I think we can't pretend it has nothing.

To do with the way we're brought up totally.

But that also then lends itself into stereotypes, right, like we've been raised in different ways. I'm sure the females of that household were participants in cleaning up the dishes, in taking care of you know, I don't think it would be that all the children in that household were allowed to just sloth around. None of them grew up knowing how to take care of themselves. The imbalance of

So how do we turn weaponized incompetence into competence? That is the billion lock question.

I mean, I think the biggest one, and something we always come back to you is like communication. Communication is key explaining the why around the way that you want something to be done is so import I think this could work if somebody that you're with doesn't pick up

I know people that have tried this.

Actually I don't know plenty of people that have tried this whole I I'm just gonna stop doing it for them. So like there were this and no one does it, and no one does it, so like like you know, I'm gonna stop doing his washing.

I'm just gonna stop it. It just piles up and piles up and piles up.

But they don't care. But that's like such a level of disrespect.

I'm with you. I agree. You don't get to.

Just not care about something that your partner thinks is important. If doing your laundry and basic hygiene is important, you don't get to just opt out of not caring because you know someone's going to do it for you.

I think there are a lot of people out there that just don't care enough. That's what I think the problem is. That's what it comes down to, Well, how do you make okay?

And like, maybe that is the case, maybe there are things that like I care about more than my partner, how do you then change their opinion on something or how do you then set the bar so you're like, well, at least we can all live in this house in a way where I'm not doing one hundred percent of the work and we are all living in a house that's semi clean, like you just said.

Besides communication literally saying we need to meet halfway, which I cannot imagine, there is one relationship out there in this whole world that has never had that conversation. I feel like, once you've had kids, it doesn't matter how great your relationship, there is always going to be an imbalance of work or a level of frustration of people saying it doesn't matter how much other partners going to do, there's always gonna be a moment where you're like, you're

This is Bill's list, this is Betty's list.

You stick it on the fridge, you tick it off as you go, this is what I need done today, whether it's a daily thing or weekly thing. And you just instead of it saying I didn't know I was supposed to do that, which is an excuse that a lot of people a going to use. I didn't I was supposed to do that, or I thought I did that last week, or I thought you'd doing that this week. Make it clear, Make it so that there is no question who's doing what.

When they're doing it, why they're doing it. It's here. You tick it off as you go halfway.

I think my only thing with like the making of a list is that everything you do to solve this problem has to be mutual. You have to sit down and do it together. It can't be like you making your partner a list of things that they need to do, because then you're still adding to your own task load by giving by having to write a list. Like that's another thing you've got to do each week, is writing a fucking listener.

Just throw the reward at the end, like once you can put your list you get laid, you don't have a reward. Not great.

Everyone's got a pack of expired.

Condoms in the back, anyone.

Yeah, I think like definitely having those conversations, but also ensuring that a minimum standard is set and then that is like something that you both have to agree on because you just can't be in a relationship like this.

Yeah, and I think in terms of Now I'm not a parent, but I think in terms of what we can do.

With our kids.

And I'm going to say this from experience, from my relationship with my family and my parents growing up.

Like I said, as four of us kids, I.

Think that you can as a parent maybe not let your child get away with as much in terms of if your son says I don't want to do the washing, I don't know how to do the washing.

You can teach, you'll learn and like it. Also not a fla. Actually this is a flex. My parents did such a great job with us kids.

In terms of gender roles, there is no gender role in my family. My parents both do everything. My dad is the main cook of my family. My dad cleans, my mom does jobs when she needs to do them, like there is no you should be doing this, so I should be doing this. It's really really great. They really instilled that in us as children. They made us very independent. They made us be able to do all jobs, which I'm so grateful for now.

But my older.

Brothers are probably the cooks in their family because they really enjoy it. They were made to do that. Growing up, we all just did everything. We never grew up thinking that that was a boy's job, that was a man's job.

This is a woman's job.

And I can one hundred percent say as a child watching my dad in the kitchen growing up cleaning and watching my mum do jobs that need to be done subconsciously just made me think that there weren't these stereotypical gender roles. So I can say from experience that I think that that had a lot of impact on me as a child, without knowing that I took that into my adulthood.

I think that is like, honestly, such the perfect point to wrap up on it. It's so important. Weaponized incompetency has such a severe impact on relationships between the couple, but it also has such a severe impact on kids because all it does is it perpetuates this cycle. It raises a generation of boys who don't want to or can't do the housework, and it raises a generation of girls who also falls into that caretaker role. It falls into the role of being the domesticated one in the household.

And this cannot one hundred percent be the opposite role that we're talking about. You could be in a relationship right now where the man does most of it. He's cooking, he's taking the kids everywhere, he's always home. Maybe the partner wants to go out more. It doesn't have to be man versus woman. It's not that at all. It's like,

Well, I feel like we pretty much covered. If you are somebody who's listening to this and you're experiencing this in your relationship, like you will know like you will relate to this. Yes, maybe it's a buzzword, having this whole hashtag weaponized incompetence, but it's also really something that's quite serious and does very much exist. Still as much as we've progressed and we've come forward. There are still a lot and very heavily skewed stereotypes and gender roles

Brittany, what is your suck? You can go first my suck.

This week I had a bloody great week. I would like to start with that, but.

You don't have to have a suck. If it was a fucking I don't know. I still do, but it was a great week. Now older I get, I get more motion sickness. So I never used to be motion sick. Sherry was always sick.

You could push Sherry, you could swivel her around on an office chair and should vomit from motion sickness. She's vomited always on all transport. I've always been fine. But the older I'm getting, I start to get car sick, I start to get playing sick. Anyway, this week we were trying to go on a hike up north. We were on this really windy road and I vomited twice. So that was my suck. I just can't be in a car anymore. If I'm not driving, you also need to get off your phone in a car. Not even

Now.

If I'm not driving, I will one hundred percent feel nauseous, and I.

Don't know how to combat that.

That's where you come in the front.

That's in the front.

Wow, Ginger, it's a very windy hill a travel car.

I'm gonna have to keep it on me start popping it. My sweet for the week was I spent the week with my sister Sherry.

We went wedding dress shopping, not for myself anyone. Sherry's getting married to.

Jay fiance, who I absolutely adore. Could not think of a better person for her to marry. I love him and I love her, and it was just really she's the youngest of all four kids and she's getting married first, and it was a really weird feeling to see her in trying to address him.

I don't know, I was just a bit.

I was very I was a very proud moment, a very big sister moment, a very like why the fuck aren't I getting married moment?

But did you feel sad?

Like was there a part of you that was like, wow, this is weird, or you just like overwhelmed?

But I one hundred percent did not feel sad.

That'll probably come later, maybe like why why ant I married yet? But there's no part of me that he's sad. Everything is about Sherry. I'm so excited to see her get married, and I think, knowing how bloody good of a man he is, I cannot I cannot fault him. So I just I'm so and like, you know, I'll tell that story another day.

But I picked him for her.

Now that sounds like an arranged marriage, but it is not. But that's a story for another day. I from day one, I just knew he was gonna be amazing. So yeah, so that was my sway for the week.

Okay, my suck for the week this week. Now, I did mention earlier on an earlier episode that we took Gastro with us to Brisbane. We just spent the week.

You probably gave that to me. That's probably why I was it probably.

Is so Britt went to Nousa, I went to Brisbane to spend it with Matt's family. We were trying to make up for the Christmas that we had that was COVID Christmas, since our Christmas was canceled. It was Matt's mum's seventieth birthday. Now we arrived in Brisbane, we brought Gastro, So Matt's mum pretty much, I was not so kind of you.

I know.

We bought her like a very nice seventieth birthday present and gastro. We were there for like twenty four forty eight hours and then she got it, so she was wiped out, sick and vomiting. And then we had to go to Straybroke Island, so we brought her, We bundled her in the car. We took it as Strade Broke. We got to the island and Matt's brothers came and joined us, and by then everybody well seemingly was over it, except we weren't over it. We infected Matt's entire family

PERI It's like my worst nightmare.

It was like Helen Earth. Anyway, the holiday was great because we didn't get gastro. Like I didn't get it, but like everybody else got gastro, so that's kind of not fun. Kid's just so gross and disgusting, preachy, little disgusting Petrie dishes of sickness. So that happened, which was a real dampner on the whole trip away. But anyway, we got away, so that was good. And the highlight was I love Stradbroke Island. It is so beautiful. It

Hey, guys, that is it from us.

We hope that you love the episode. This felt like a really nostalgic episode because it was just you, May, Britt and the microphones.

So nostalgic.

It's been a while since we've just done an episode with a with a few.

Of us, with just the two of us.

It's been a while since we've done an episode with just the two of us, so that was really nice.

But guys, before we wrap up, we are going.

To be playing Dylan's entire song at the end of the episode, so if you wanted to listen to that through, it is really really beautiful. We hope you guys have an amazing week. Keep sliding into the dms with accidentally Unfiltered Confessionals. Can't believe they said that usk gun cuts.

Make sure that you jump onto Apple podcasts or on Spotify, leave us a cheeky review. If you have been listening to the podcast and you have not yet reviewed us, how dare you go and do it?

Don't forget to watch the Tinder swind Like because we have a very very exciting episode coming for you next week and you're going to wish you watched it.

Yes, it is your homework for the week.

And on that note, tell your mum, to your dad, tell you dog, tell your friends.

And share the love because.

We love lived.

If there's something I've got to say, but I'm hold him back, I'm hard him back. Been plaking me for weeks now, but I'm hold him back, I'm put him back, and I'm wet yo. Forget my heart. So there you something that I'm trying to say, but it won't come out. It won't come up. Try to get the due day, but it won't come up. It won't come up. Then I'm wet yo.

I want to sing that's John and now I'm in.

I'm in I'm in, I'm in love, up, arm in love, I'm.

In arm in love. I'm in love.

Love not just a furbug and nomie used. It's changing my views the things at dude, like a summer to your perfect food. It's changing my.

Mood, changing my mood.

When I'm mad, there's nothing I can't do.

Nom love a man.

All I'm in love U almyllo, I mean.

All a laugh.

It's been so damn mom, it's been so dem I must be mom, I must be mom. But when you step into the room, I'm like did I with a love bl so heasily get dead. He's so up with just get me off.

Le's get you.

But when you took back in on.

The mommy love, momy loved, I loved almy love. I'm in love. I loved, I loved or