Life Uncut podcasts acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Island of peoples today.
This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life. I'm cut, I'm Laura, I'm Brittany.
I'm because, Oh my.
Gosh, this show this week was so jam packed with like everything you can imagine. I feel like we covered some real ground.
Yeah, I have like emotional whiplash.
It was right everywhere.
Yeah.
We had our highs, we had our loads. We spoke to so many different people. Probably one of the most interesting for me actually this week was actually I have too. But one of them is a Perth woman that we spoke to who couldn't find love in Australia, so she went and fell in love with prisoner from America. I know that we should say we shouldn't yuck anyone's yarm, but I'm not yucking it. But I'm not tested.
I just think it's a very challenging setup. It's hard to choose someone. Long distance is hard enough, and in prison challenging.
I just find it extreme. I find these chats and I would have loved to have spoken to them longer. But I find them so interesting, like how did you get there? How did it start then? How did it evolve? And how is it going to physically work? What's going to happen at the end, Like there are so it's like an onion.
So I love that You're all you're saying is like all the unanswered questions.
We have, no, but we we did no. But that's what I mean, This is what I'm interesting. We asked her a lot of it, but I still could have kept talking to her.
I think there's got to be an aspect of her that is with him for the excitement of it, or it's not even him, It is the it's the chase and the thrill and the story behind it all I have to be.
I mean, people are definitely attracted to like obviously toxic relationships. We talked about it so many times, and I'm not saying that this relationship is toxic, but it's definitely unconventional and it can't act like a normal relationship because you physically can't be together.
Oh, I think there's a lot to be honest, I think there's a lot of it that's altruistic. And when I say that, it's because a lot of people that end up in these relationships with prisoners is because they start because they genuinely want to help them. They want to help them reform, they want to help them in there, they want to help them have a better life, and
I mean that their care. Yes, yeah, so I feel like a lot of people in their relationships only want to even if they're not in prison, they want to date people that they have to help. So I think there's definitely a level of that.
It's an interesting chat for well.
Something else was quite interesting is the fact that Mitch and I are getting married.
We've full happened.
Yes, it's been really fast, shotgun wedding. Brit Is m seeing it and look, I think it's a beautiful ceremony.
I agree, And the sex is great with us because it's because we just don't have.
It exactly the kind of sex.
I want to tell people a bit about why are you getting married?
And yeah, we want to be together. Love knows no bounds.
Okay, I'll tell you because they're not playing along. But I got asked to MC my brother's wedding, and Mitch and Law weren't sure that I would have the talent or skill required to do a successful m scene, so they've asked me to do a fake MC wedding speech for their fake wedding.
Yeah, I mean, I AMC weddings on the side, like it's what I do for work sometimes, and I am all my friends and family's wedding. So we thought I'll actually watch your performance and I'll tell you if I think you've got the chops to MC a wedding.
Well, really, I just thought it was because we loved each other.
Anyway, don't fight like this in front of my friend Darling also on the show.
You know what we discuss this is important that it actually is very important. You've probably heard about this. It's been all over the press, but the Presbyterian Church wanting to ban students that identify as queer or straight, kids that are sexually active from rising to positions of leadership within Catholic.
Schools in terms of school captains and things like that.
Yes, and I'm gay and I was school captain in both primary school and high school. And yes, I do want a preface by saying I had the privilege of not being out when I was school captain, because being an out queer kid is much harder than being a quick kid that knows it but isn't out and still gets to hide behind that fact that Noah, I'm straight. We have a conversation about it, because it is discrimination, That's what it is.
Yeah, and Mitch Share is exactly like how you feel about that, being someone who's been in that position.
Yeah, exactly.
Well, let's get into the show, ladies.
I was out on the weekend with a couple of pals, a couple of guy friends. You have friends other than us, shock horror. Yes, no, two girlfriends. Just they're all boys. You're the only girls I know, which does tie into this yet, Because I'm a gay man, I was with all my gay buddies on the weekend. We're having drinks. It was lovely in dinner, and I got approached by two guys that apparently I went to school with. I didn't know them. I was obviously in an older year,
they were in a younger year. They came up to me, they listened to the show, they listened to other things that I do. They've seen me around and they both thanked me for being openly gay. And I was out to dinner with my boyfriend and I saw a couple of them at Martin Gorough as well, and they didn't come up to me, and it was it was a moment that I hadn't really had before where I was thanked for being openly gay, and it really touched me. I've never had that thing.
You've helped them. They're obviously gay, You've helped them feel comfortable in who they are exactly.
Yeah. I mean where I'm from, it's a predominantly heterosexual Caucasian community, and I think seeing me in school and seeing me flourish outside of school especially touched them because they're obviously gay themselves.
Yeah.
Well, because you correct me if I'm wrong. Mitch, you weren't gay at school. I mean, you were gay, but you didn't come out at school.
No, I didn't come out until twenty eighteen. I've only recently come out in the last five years or so. But then it got us talking about everything that's happening down in Victoria now with the Presbyterian Church that have come out and said, if you are a queer kid, if you were gay, and you are in any of these religious schools in Victoria, essentially you can't rise to
a position of power, which was me. I was a school captain in both primary school and in high school, still where the badge is proudly.
Did you feel when you were at school, and I mean you went to a public school, did you feel that you weren't able.
To come out?
Did you feel that there was a lot of shame around it? I mean, and this is how many years ago were you at school?
I left in twenty thirteen.
Okay, did you hold that in because you were worried about the judgment at the time or were you just not at a point where you'd grappled with your own sexuality?
It was one hundred percent because of everyone else. If it was a perfect world, I would have come out the moment I realized when I was eight and when I was nine.
How does it make you feel then seeing this, I mean knowing that one you were school captain in your school and seeing what's going on in Victoria that if you go to a Presbyterian school there that if you are a queer kid or if you're someone who is not even queer, if you're sexually active, that you're no longer potentially allowed to have a role of leadership within the school because it doesn't uphold the Christian values in the school.
Ridiculous. I mean, one, I think you made this point, Laura. How are they going to police it? I mean, are they going to go on your phone and see if you've got gay tinder or like look through your outside. Yeah, you turn up to school and then have a metal detector and going anyone I've got any sex toys. It's ridiculous.
It's not going to be about that, but it's going to be about suppressing and I'm going to say child, because they are a child now under eighteen. It's suppressing kids to say, well, if you want to achieve anything here of significance, don't be gay, don't come out, don't be queer. And that's going to cause a hot whole bunch of problems.
I can't tell you how awful it was going through school in year twelve, trying to work out my HC, trying to keep my parents happy, keep my friends happy, without the notion of potentially being different to everyone and being gay, then I realized that on top of it, then the bullying that goes on top of it, it is. It was. It was one of the worst periods of my life. That's why I didn't come out until five years after school.
Not just saying it's literally the more I'm thinking about it, the more refuriated I am imagine saying you are less than you are not worthy of what your peers are worthy of because you were choosing not even I mean, we all know sometimes it's not a choice. This is the discussion. But you're less than your peer because you're queer. Is that rhymes? That is a trademark that should not be This should not be happening to these poor kids
in school. Should n'p to anyone, well, it should be at a disadvantage because they identify as quickly.
All it is is enforcing that this is wrong. Fundamentally, that's something that you can't change. That you were born with is wrong, and you cannot be equal to someone in your exact same year because of this difference that you cannot that you wake up every day and you were stuck with the torture that it would do to young queer kids. It upsets me but a young kid in high school, it would do irreversible damage for their whole life.
Well, I think it also reinforces I mean, we know that queer kids experience bullying at school. It also reinforces that it's okay to other someone. And it's coming from the top down, the people who are in power, who are supposed to protect, who are supposed to encourage, who were supposed to help you be the best, the brightest, most engaged person. It's there saying be you, but be different, and then reinforces to everybody else that it's okay for them to other you.
At the same time, did you much experience, I mean, you knew you were gay from nine years old.
I was a kid.
Yeah, but you obviously felt that you couldn't come out. Did you experience bullying at school because were you perceived as gay? Was assumed you are gay?
What was your experience Like, Yes, I mean, you know, the six inches of quaft here at the top and being the leader of the drama department didn't help.
But I don't give away yea, it was a giveaway.
Yeah, but it was assumed that I was gay. I had got all the slurs under the sun and I'm lucky that I had a great family, and I was lucky that I was headstrong enough. But you get one kid who has it's awful. You get one kid who's got a tough upbringing and he's also grappling with their sexuality, and that is enough to really ruin someone's life.
Yeah, and I mean this coming from a public school, where I'm guessing was more accepting than say a Presbyterian school, where they are making it very clear how not acceptable it is, and that's being reinforced. One of the things I thought was really interesting. So the Scotch College chairman, Alex Sloan came out and said, we will continue to reflect values of respect, tolerance and inclusion. It's okay to say one thing, but you're doing the complete opposite. There
is nothing about tolerance or inclusion that's happening here. When you say that children who are queer cannot take leadership, calling bullshit on Sloan.
Sorry.
Yeah. Also, if you your beliefs stopping others from doing something that is inherently part of them, they're not beliefs. It's discrimination.
It's also just saying I am so furious. It's also just saying that queer people essentially do not have the skills to be successful or leaders in any aspect of life.
It's saying how shameful it is. It's bringing it back to shame.
And I think that we've worked so hard to try and get to a place where people do not feel shameful about their sexuality.
And it's one step forward seventeen steps back.
And if you want to push gay people out, enjoy having no entertainment. I mean every show you watch is produced created. I'm gay. I'm talking on the radio. Turn the radio off if you don't want to hear me. Yeah, I mean, I mean, nothing will be fun anymore if you get rid of the gay people.
It's true, the gay you're the only fun ones that there are.
That's exactly right. But on a serious note, thoughts are out there, kids who are going through this because it is rough. And my dms are always open.
Absolutely, and I second that Mitch's dms are always open, but ours are too. I was a joke, but ours, we're always it now. It's no secret that I was single for a very long time, a solid decade. I was on the app swiping left, right and center, and.
I got callouses on your fingers.
I had IRSI and my thumb. Yeah, it caused me a lot of problems. I saw wrists things like that. Well that was from the swiping before you guys, get ahead of yourself. But I came across a lot of people in that time, a lot of dates, even came across Chanting Tatum. I came across some themes people on Raia. Yeah, because I was on all the apps. I was on so many apps, I had no storage on my phone. But one person I did not come across is a
man by the name of Stephan Pierre Tomlin. He's thirty two and I don't know how I didn't come across him because he is officially Tinder's most swiped man. He is the most swiped person in the world on Tinder. That was in twenty seventeen, fourteen thousand, six hundred right swipes. I want to know how the hell someone does that, So I decided to call him. He's in London. It's four I am Hypierre.
How are you fun?
Yeah? Really well, thanks thanks for having me.
Guys.
I need to know how on earth is it even remotely possible to have fourteen thousand matches? Like, how much time do you spend on Tinder in order to rack up that many swipes?
Do you know what? Yeah, obviously it became in a bit of a game for me at the time, quite a little. Yeah, it was quite addictive. But no, I spent probably about two hours a day wow on Tinder back in twenty seventeen.
Wow, Stephan Pierre. I need to know. People in the car would be thinking, what the hell does this guy look like? Because to get that many right swipes right through to one on the apps, right is yes, left is no. So I mean, how tall are you? Do you want to? I mean you're handsome, You've got beautiful, beautiful eyes, white teeth.
Thank you so much. You're so kind. But I mean it is four thirty in the morning, so I'm probably not looking the best right now.
A man, you're pretty good.
Yeah, I'm currently well. I'm six foot two and a half. I've been a fashion model for six sorry, thirteen years. Signed. I've worked with some big brands like D squared, Dormoni, Birbery And.
Is that what your profiles like?
It's all dark and handsome.
But let us take all the boxes. Let us know what your profile is like. Because you've I mean, fourteen thousand, six hundred people swipe right, So give us some tips. What are your pictures like and what you buy?
Yeah, so the first picture was a professional one, yeah, and it was a portrait photo of myself. The bio is quite snappy. I think I had a little joke in there. I'm not actually on Tinder at the moment. And the pictures have to be really you have to be careful not to have your friends in the pictures because then it becomes a game of like where's Wally. Yeah, and if you've got it depends on your your hobbies
as well. So mine's flying, so I had quite a few pictures of me flying as well, and then you sort of attract people into aviation. But I mean, if you're like into horse riding, then it's always recommended to put a picture of your hobby in as well. Always helps.
So in order to go through this many swipes and matches, did you have your like parameters set to everything? Were you like you can be up to one hundred and live in Spain? What was your parameters for dating?
Yeah? They were quite wide actually, I think at that time I was probably eighteen, not to forty five.
Forty five.
That's a wide mit. So how many of these are you turning around into actual dates?
Do you know what? I was quite fussy actually because initially when Tinder told me that I was the most white man, it was on statistics, so it's how many people write swipe you? And yeah, being a fashion model traveling up and down the country and being on national TV as well, I've done like eight or nine dating shows, so my face was quite familiar.
So you're still single.
I'm actually I'm actually seeing someone at the moment. Yeah, I am seeing so at the moment. Yeah, just seeing how things go at the moment. To be fair, I'm actually helping unfortunate men at the moment using AI. Yeah, I'm sort of love coaching at the moment.
When you say unfortunate men, explain what you're doing. So you're profiting off being the most wipe men on Tinder. How are you using AI to help other guys?
Yeah, so you've actually made an app, which which Yeah, So I'm using AI, Chat, GPT and some special AI prompts. We basically ask them for photos and we put them through we put them through the software and it makes about forty to forty five AI generated pictures. Some people say catfishing, but I don't think it is. It's just yeah, it's just being ahead of the game.
Really, but it's changing their picture.
I know. But if you compare it in comparison to like in the past and I was swiping, there's a lot of girls that use filters.
Right, Oh, I get his No, I get his point. Yeah, girls, yeah.
Guys.
Attracting a certain type of guy, right that that that's exactly the same thing.
Don't you feel like you Yeah, you turned up and you were like, hey, you tricked me with your filters. Don't you think you're tricking people now band filters?
Well yeah, yeah, I kind of felt like that at some stage. But at the end of the day, you still bag the date.
Right, Why do you think people need this service? Like when you say unfortunate men? What makes a man unfortunate?
Yeah? When I say unfortunate, I mean it's someone that wouldn't necessarily match others as it's quite a hard one. Actually, it's just someone that needs help with their online dating. For example, it could be someone that's you know, not very good at the chat who needs a bit of coaching with their bio. We actually go through My team goes through their social media and tells them to sort of,
you know, take down pictures, change this and that. So it's like fine tweaking and we've we've we've got a high so sas rate. We've changed quite a lot of man from.
Zero to hero Stefan. If you had to write like a caption for me on Tinder, what would you write? Knowing me in this short period of time looking at me? How would you describe? What would my tinderbaiyo be? If I hired your expertise?
I would I would put I'm a funny man, I'm handsome and I work in radio.
Short how much funny are you making?
How much would I pay for that?
So? Yeah, we charged forty five pounds a month and this includes half an hour coaching with myself and my team, and obviously you get your AI generated pictures and you get all your edited profile prompts as well.
It just makes dating like so lazy. You don't have to do anything anymore. Literally, we can call you up and then you can do it for us. Do people can they come to you and say, oh, I'm not sure how to respond to this message, or I don't know what the right like, is that the sort of detailed level that you can give to somebody who's wanting, you know, a bit of dating.
I mean, everyone's right, we've got confidence coaches, we've got Yeah, I got myself. I'm basically the modern day hitch.
So yeah.
Out.
I got asked something incredible yesterday, guys, And No, it was not to marry Ben. That was not the question.
I feel like we would have known about that by now. Had that been the question, everyone on social media would have known to.
No, I'd probably turn a radio content. You don't really use your life. No. I got asked by my brother and his fiance to EMC they're wedding. That was a simultaneous side So I don't know how I would feel if that was me. So I want to be happy and I wanted to do it a part of me because he might be listening. No, but I just feel like there's immense amount of pressure, like to get asked to em a wedding because I know the reason they said, Like they want we want you to be the MC
because you're funny. You have this radio job, you speak for a living, and you have the podcast. But actually you know Mitch. We've spoken about this before because Mitch you're a very funny person. Laura, you are too, but Mitch is a very naturally always funny person. And you and I have spoken about this just off air in terms of when because I have this bad habit of introducing you to people. It's like, oh, it's the funniest guy. You're me.
You say it a lot all the time.
Yeah, so you have said like, it's always hard than because you feel like you've got to be on your a game all the time. That's how I feel. I think people think I'm going to come in and do this amazing job. How do I MC wedding? You EMC everything?
Yeah, I AMC a lot of all my I'm the go to for all my friends because obviously I'm at radio prison. I've been doing it for years and everyone asked me to the point where you end up not enjoying weddings of people close to you. I AMC my sister's wedding, and I didn't really get to enjoy the day because I was so focused on doing such a good job. And I feel you do the same.
I think everyone thinks because it is a very prestigious thing to be asked to be a bridesmaid, a maid of honor, an MC like, they are very prestigious roles to play in a wedding, but not everybody wants to be asked because it is I mean, it just means, like you said, you don't get to sit there and have a few wines and relax and laugh.
You got to bring me entertainment.
Oh my god, a good MC makes or breaks a wedding. If they're bad, the wedding sucks.
I forgot there just two minutes ago. Off he asked me to MC your fortieth Sorry three years, I actually forgot you to me. So what are you? I have until October, so it's they've asked me. Now I have a lot of time to play my jokes. What do I do?
Okay, well, this is good because I get paid to MC weddings. I've got tips for you. Tip number one, it's not your day. It's not about you, for God's sake, the wedding is about horror, and some mcs make it all about themselves. It's a stand up routine.
You can't just tell jokes about yourself.
You also have to find that very nice balance between roasting your brother roasting the groom and the bride, but also doing it with like tender love. So it has to be equal portions of roast, then love roast, then.
Love like a roast, beef love semwich.
Yeah, with lots of love foot in there, because I think some mcs think it's all about comedy, comedy, comedy hour, and then you walk away from it and.
You're like, do they even like each other? I don't have a problem roasting my brother. So moving on, what's the next one?
What about that? I can sprinkle the love on top, say say you love your brother.
Dane, I love you. Believable.
She's also paid actress.
But you're a dickad all right.
Next point, you need to make sure you have a personal connection with the bride and groom. There is also nothing worse than going to a wedding where they've clearly paid for someone that they've never met and they had one brunch with before the wedding and well, this is our perfect MC and they get the name wrong and it's a mess and it's awful.
This is my brother. I've got a personal connection. Can you give me some points?
They came out of the same womb.
Okay, connected see what's some points I can use.
I think you need to come fully prepared wing it, because Brittany wings everything. You need to write. You need to write points. You need to know the ins and the outs. You need to know where the bathrooms are. You're like a flight attendant. You know where the emergency exit ros are. You need to know everything.
Also, Brittany, Okay, how do we feel about this? Britt loves a revealing dress. I wish I could share with you the dress that she was going to wear to my wife.
The word going to I don't wear it, that you saw it and you thought maybe this one won't be appropriate?
How like, how revealing can the MC be? Do you have to be a bit demure or can you just get the girls party three piece suit?
No, no, the girls can be. You want to be looked at. You've got to command attention. So I think get the puppies out. Okay, yea yeah, you want to give the old people some reason to, you know, enjoy the wedding, my breast, they're all family to Actually, no, I think the best way to vet your gig of MC and your brother's wedding is to write a practice introduction. Let's say, for example, you know what, let's throw a
little pickup wedding. Let's do it. We invite you here today to celebrate the wedding of Laura Burne.
Johnson, who's already married Laura Johnson.
Yes, I mean polygamy is fine.
And Mitch churry myself.
Oh, Mitch, I've always wished that we were in a relationship and that you were heterosexual and asked me to marry you.
It's never weird, Matt, block your ears.
We'll never get together. We'll sleep in separate bedrooms.
That's but we'll have the best friendship, so much fun, share of wardrobe, we get.
To watch movies all the time. It's not about us, not about it about you. Tomorrow on the show, you need to go to bed, and you need to prepare an introductory statement as if you were seeing our wedding and then perform it to us on the next show.
So pretty homework. You just said, I love to be on the fly, I hate home.
Well, we're just making sure that you can actually prepare for something, because we know you don't prepare for this show.
And a good MC prepares the show writing.
An introductory wedding speech for my co host Miss Churry and Laura burn Johnson.
Yeah, but we love each.
Other yep, ye who never touched each other.
No sleep in separate pairs. So yeah, stand in marriage.
Yes.
Maybe once your brother hears this, he'll decide whether or not he actually wants you to be there.
MC you're not, he might say, sorry, you put it radio, but not strong.
Let's role play. So the wedding is about to start.
Oh my god, I love you so much. I hope Britney says wonderful things about that.
Should we consummate?
Excuse everyone, we have some quiet. It is time to start the wedding seat. Most of us have gathered here today for the same reason, and that is the buffet. But for those psychopaths that don't love it all you can eat and are here to actually celebrate the wedding of Mitch and Laura. I will I welcome you. I'm sure you are all as confused as I am by
this union. But hey, if there's one thing I've learned from these two wonderfully chaotic humans here, it's well, actually, come to think of it, I haven't learned a lot, but let's just roll with it.
It's kind of like a gross yeah, I'm.
Not feeling the love yet.
These two have so many similarities that make this union today absolutely perfect. We both like men. One of those shared similarities is their stubbornness and determination that they really do go above and beyond to ensure success in all aspects of their life. Nothing stands in their way, no matter how big, small, or gay. Literally, not even the fact that Mitch is gay and Laura is married with kids will stop them.
No.
Laura's and Mitch love is built on a foundation of trust, respect, reality TV, and mutual piss taking. They had a deep understanding of each other's needs and desires, and they work together to make each other's dreams a reality. Their love is a shining example of what true love can be in a fantasy world. Okay, and the only greater thing than their commitment to each other is their commitment to
content creation. It truly is an inspiration to everyone, and I am so honored to stand here today and wish you both a lifetime of happiness and no sex. To be the MC at our imaginary wedding, I.
Will just say, as someone who EMC's wedding for a living, I get paid to do it. You had a lightness, you had, love, you had humor Towards the end that was actually really.
For a moment there, I was like, wouldn't this be a beautiful wedding speech?
We should do a bitch?
Yeah, I thought we were getting married for a point.
Well, if I'm being honest, the last sentimental part was a I, but the rest of it was me what you got challenge to write the sentimental part because I just don't love you guys enough, but I could do the piss take good?
All right? Well, what I've gone on Dunny's I don't know. Britt doesn't know this, but we've got Dane, Britt's brother on the line. Hi Dane, thanks for joining us on the pickup mate? How are you?
Oh?
Hi Dane, Dane.
I feel like you've actually made a pretty good choice here.
I firstly was going to say, I don't know if Brits MC will be up to the up to the match, but I'll tell you that was pretty good.
Dane.
Did you just hear that? I didn't know? You're on the line?
Okay?
Sorry? Do you have a higher expectation of me?
Do you still want brit to be the MC?
Yeah? Well I could have gone the way really, but public speakers, I am, and I can't really empty my own weddings. She might as well have a crack at it.
Well, no, you can't empty your own wedding.
Wait.
Wait, what I'm getting from this is that if you could have, you would have preferred to have done the job yourself, but you gave it to your sister.
Okay, Sorry, I thought I was calling you to say I'll do it, but you are you calling to let me know if I'm allowed you.
Can do it. Takes the pressure off me, and I'm giving you enough carry over the years that it's probably tom you gave me come back in return.
But oh, absolutely right, Dane.
Can you tell us why did you choose Apart from the fact that we all know Britt can speak underwater because it's literally her job, why did you choose Britt to be your MC?
Yeah?
Well, yeah, Mitch, he'd be all right, but he'd probably just get into too much politics and all the other jazz that he wants to talk about.
He's very political.
My brother, the old man had just talked about freaking Patterson.
That's true. He recite a poem.
So we need to get to the point. So Brittany, you need to decide now whether or not you want to accept Dane's offer, which kind of was taken back, but also now it's back on the table.
I feel the best of a bad situation.
Really, Dane, you have put me through thirty six years of absolute hell. We we thought, we kicked, we screamed, But I would be honored to be amc.
Happy ending Dane.
We love that.
Congratulations day.
It'll the big wedding.
Thank you. You're invited if you want to come, So I love it.
I love a free buffet, Dan, can I come to the buck?
So?
I love a titty bubbie.
Seventy fishings.
I'm there on every weekend anyway, so it's brilliant. I was there there, girls and everyone listening. We all have a single friend right now, because we're all in relationships, committed relationships, and we all have a single friend out there that can tell us how bad it is and how grim it is out there in the dating scene.
I mean, I was saying I was the single friend for ten years, and I can tell you is horrific. Trying to find the relationship was tough.
Work online dating, you know, trying to do the rounds of the bars.
Wiping through the apps. It can be really hard. But the thing we're not doing, we're not looking in the right place, is we're not looking in federal prisons.
Oh my god, this is what I did, right.
What do you mean you need to find yourself a prison pen power? This is true, and I was a woman. Savannah Phifer has fallen in love with her American prisoner pen Power. So she's a fly and flyout worker over in Perth. She's really busy, can't really lock someone down and find love. So what she's done is she's just gone and floun out to Nevada in the United States to meet with a man that she's had correspondence with via the pen power system.
Did you mean that, Panta when you said she couldn't lock someone down, so she found someone who's literally locked down?
No, I didn't know. That's good though, I should have. Let's cross over to Nevada now because we actually have Savannah joining us. Hi, Savanna, you're not in the prison right now while you're at homes Hi.
Savannah, I'm not at the prison.
Hi, Hi, Savannah. I love that Mitch just said. You've flown over there to speak to someone you've had correspondence with. But it's your boyfriend, isn't it Alex, who is in prison in Nevada is your boyfriend?
Yes?
And so how did you get, like I have a billion questions, let's start from the start, how did you get to the point where you were at penpal with someone in prison?
Going back probly about two and a half years ago, I saw a TikTok of a girl who was doing something actually for like a university course. It was more so research, if you could say.
Where.
She was writing a penpal and he was really good at art, so she turned his aunt into stickers, sold it on Etsy, was making him money like a release fund, basically help him when he gets out. So I kind of wanted to do the same thing. I wrote to somebody through Write a Prisoner, which is a website, not Alex, somebody else, and they wrote me one letter. I wrote them back and I never actually heard from them again.
From a prisoner.
Pretty much.
But turned out to the best thing really because he is actually friends with Alex and said, well, he started speaking to somebody else and he found a connection, so he passed my details on to Alex. And at first I was really mad.
I was like what so wait, wait, wait, wait, So you mailed to the friend first, and this is in intentional? Were you looking for a romantic relationship or a romantic connection to start with?
She wanted to help out like thattok.
And so when Alex sent you a letter to start with, like does he send a photo? How does this all unfold? Because I feel like it is. I mean, it must be very unconventional meeting someone, becoming pen pals with, but then forming a romantic connection with someone who is literally in prison.
Yeah, so I obviously received his letter. He didn't attach a picture to it, but it has got what's called their badge number, so I can look up their badge number within the Nevada justice system and it shows you their like mug shop. It shows you all the crimes that they've ever done. It gives you their height, their weight, their hair color. So I knew everything about him.
So it's it's literally like going to get a sperm doner where you find out the history. So Savannah, what did Alex do? Why is Alex in prison?
So he got done for robbery assault on battery was a deadly weapon causing severe bodily heart.
Okay, And so was there any part of you, Yeah, that that is a bit like Ooh, I don't know if I want to date someone like that, or well, how did you think I'm gonna love it? What does that make you scared?
As well?
Not really, because all parties involved weren't innocent, Like, it wasn't against women and children. It wasn't some little innocent person in a shop or in a corner store that was like held up with a gun. It wasn't anything like that, per se. So everyone involved there were no innocent parties involved in Obviously, the circumstances surrounding the situation had a lot to do with his upbringing and the situations he sort of was put in Savannah.
How have your family taken this? So have you told them that you're in a relationship with someone in prison?
Yeah, at first my mom was a little bit skeptic, like, obviously, you know, he's in Prisiondent, so that's not really Christmas.
Pretty much, pretty much or not for a couple of years anyway. But so at first she was about fitstand norfish. But she can see how happy he sort of makes me even from a distance. So they have conversations he sends her birthday cards and Christmas cards, and she sang him Happy Birthday last year when it was his birthday of the phone. So yeah, they get along now, but at first, obviously there was some skepticism.
So this has been going on for a while. Then, how long have you been dating for?
He sent me my first letter in May?
Okay, right, so yeah, yeah, okay. Will you just met him for the first time?
Yeah?
Do you meet him? Do you get like you have to meet in the visitor room in front of everyone in the guards? Do you get a.
Loans it conjugal? Do you get is there a piece of plexiglass between the two?
Yeah?
What was it? First contact line? Tell us everything?
So, because his prison is actually what they consider a camp, so it's minimum. So he managed to work his level from a maximum to a minimum to the point now where he's like the lowest pretty much of custody. So they're a lot more lenient with certain things. So I was the only person in visitation on the Saturday and the Sunday. I got an additional day because I came from so far. You meet the correctional officers, they walk
you into the room. Alex was already waiting there with like all the snacks and games and everything set up, and then.
They just walk out game snack.
Oh yeah, he really sucks that connect four. I'm totally winner.
Oh how long was he in for?
Like?
How long are you going to have to do this long distance before you're able to actually be in a relationship on the outside world.
He expires in January twenty twenty six, so he can actually parole in July twenty twenty five. But due to good behavior, he's been able to get a lot of time reduced off of a sentence. So for every month that he's in camp, his senses actually gets reduced by ten days every month.
That he's ind do you get to like on your meetings because obviously you're very limited time together. I'm in a long distance relationship my partner Ben's not in prison. But do you get to kiss be physical? Not I'm not necessarily asking about sex, but like, are there like no contact rules because some of the movies you see, you know when people come in and they're like no touching.
In certain prisons. Yes, Like it obviously depends on their maximum, minimum, medium, all the different levels. So like if he was in the prison where he was before we wouldn't we have to be sitting soper far no touching, But now there's no glass. It's literally just him and I in the whole room. So yeah, hold hands the whole.
Time, kiss and stuff. Yeah whatever, I'm.
Conj'm I'm not being critical. I genuinely want to know. Was the dating pool just so bad in Perth that you had to resort to a prison pen pal? I mean, I'm just trying to work out how it went from tinder and the apps in Hearth to a prison pen power. Isn't that bad over there?
I wouldn't just saraily say it's that bad because I can't really put my experiences on everybody else, but the lack of effort and the lack of emotional connection things like, for example, I work first, I work in the Poolra Desert. Alex got a bunny rabbit made like a Teddy beit in my favorite color, and he shipped it to my job in the Poolbra Desert, so when I got there, I had something to remind me of him and the present.
Just for me to be there from prison in a different country, whereas men in Perth can't even take.
That morning.
That's very sweet. That's very sweet. But also he's got to put in a bit more effort because he is in lockdown.
This is true, and he has plenty of time on his hands.
Okay, my worry is, and do you not have the same one that he may commit a crime again, that if this is something that he's done in his past, and that it's something I mean, is this the first big crime that he committed that landed him in jail.
Or are you like, no, know that he's not going to reoffend.
I mean, it would be be naive of me to sit here and say that he's going to come out and be an angel, it's going to all be perfect, because at the end of the day, mistakes happen every day. People end up in jail for you know, crashing their car or doing something wrong. So it'd be a naive of me to sit here and be like, yeah, he's perfect, He's going to come out and be a model citizen. Do I hope for that, of course, because I'd love to him for him to come out and have a
normal life. But in saying that, you never really know.
Well, last question and we'll let you go. I'm going to make an assumption that he's probably not allowed to leave America. I could be wrong, but do you have plans to move there to be together, because I'm assuming when you've got a criminal record like that, you can't relocate to another country, especially Australia.
Yeah.
Unfortunately, so he can visit Australia, but he can't move there, So I will have to relocate. So I'm planning on hopefully relocating probably six months prior to him getting out, just so that I can ensure he has the best sort of foot forward and start in life if I have a house somewhere for him to go, so he's not coming out to nothing once he doesn't have to resort.
To your good humans, good human I hope he's work. Yeah, thank you, Thank you. Enjoy the rest of your visits.
Pleasure chatting to you. Wow, that's an interesting story, isn't it?
But I just can't get my head around it's it's do you know what? It is more common? I have read about this quite a bit. There are a lot of people, but I mean, Savannahs was accidental. She was trying to do a good thing and she sort of fell in love. But a lot of people actually go intentionally to fall in love with the prisoner, which is a whole other stanger. Maybe that's not the excitement and the dangerous side of it as well, maybe dangerous sexy. I don't know, not for me. Look, I saw an
article pop up, guys that was it is. I'm sure you're going to say it's old and the stories come out, and it was many moons ago. It's about Lady Gaga, but I've only just seen it and I weirdly connected with it. I told I produced Tony. We were having just like a real discussion actually as friends one day. Believe it or not, not work related that I agree with Lady Gaga. Now this is a story about her deciding to be intentionally celibate.
I mean, you're also celibate, but it's because your boyfriend's on the other side of the world.
Definitely not by choice intentional celibacy. Yeah, I don't know if that's intentional or unintentional, because I'm still choosing that relationship. Well, but I'm not choosing cely.
Believe me, I feel like if you were to be not celibate, that would be cheating.
Yeah, celibacy is currently a byproduct of choice of relations Okay, right, So Lady Gaga has said she wanted to become celibate because she believed that when she had sex, creativity and like productivity left her body. So every time she had sex she thought was being sucked out. It was being sucked out of her like of all tex Right now, this is funny on the surface because you laugh at it because you're like, as if your creativity leaves orifices of your body when you have.
What are mental images in this one?
But but then I got thinking, and this part of it that I sort of agree with. I think when you are like single or celibate, for me personally, I am so much more productive. Like I I'm more creative, I get more stuff done, I achieve more than I ever thought I could possibly achieve. Then when I'm in a relationship, now I'm wondering, is there something to be said with my creativity leaving different parts of my body?
Are you saying that because Ben, your boyfriend is on the other side of the world and you are unintentional slash intentionally celibate, that you now feel more creative if you are, Okay, It's got nothing to do with being celibate. It's got to do with your boyfriend being on the other side of the country. You can't see him. You're not going out on dates. You're like all the things and the energy that you have to put into casual dating or like when you first start dating somewhere, it
takes up so much time. I agree, Like it's the texting, the going on online dating, all that stuff takes energy, effort and brain space. And I think once you either shift into a very long term relationship or you are intentionally celibate, you just free up so much more time in your life to dedicate to work.
Well, it led me on like a deep dark track of famous people that have decided to go celibate. Now, these are people you wouldn't think. Did you know that Lenny Kravitz, who is like sex God the singer, was celibate for three years.
Because it had so much of it prior. He was like, all right, I'm topped up, but I don't need to have sex.
It's no fun in that. If everyone wants to sleep with you, that.
Would be pretty fun.
There's no chase.
It's the only reason why he'd want it was because of the chase.
Do not think that we kind of like over emphasized this whole idea of a chase A bit.
No men love a chase.
I got a physical chase. God, I want to sit down, but I mean the metaphorical chases finds anyway, chase.
That's about all you love. Katy Perry, Katy Perry. One year she was celibate but not even kissing.
She kissed a girl, so she really went backwards.
And she liked it and loved it. Adriana Lima, who is like the number one Victoria's secret model. Now this is like a kick to all the men she dated, because she dated a lot of men, but she was sex at all celibate before marriage.
Brittie, what's your point? Are you trying to get Laura and I into a celibacy practicing? You want to join it? You want us to join the celibacy cult.
Do you think you're more productive and more effective pre your relationship match?
No, I'm definitely lazier now because I've got what I've got, got a partner, got it on tap all.
Yeah, there's something to be said for it. A lot really fair. I mean sometimes we go through some pretty celibate stints in a long term relationship.
We've got two kids, we're.
Not having sex every day. You are celibate, which is elevate.
But I think when you start dating it's every day. It's like, you know, it's on high rotation. And then you you know each other so intimately you love each other and you're like, oh, we'll just do it tomorrow night.
When we're not tying, I'm with you.
We have passes and you know, I feel creative in other ways, but trust me, it's just sometimes it goes by.
But it's also like I know exactly what you do.
I know the formula.
Yes, you know exactly the turns you take, you know when the light's going to go read, you know the machas you go through. It's exactly why driving a word I reckon.
We could call Maddie JA. Your husband's like a serious brank and like ask and tay that you've decided you want to do it. You did all this research and you think you should try it for a year and see what he would do. Dorect we could do that.
Yeah, he'd say, well, it makes no difference to me.
It's like, how is that any different? Let's call Maddy J right now?
Where is he right now? What would he be doing. It's the afternoon working.
Oh my god, getting ready to pick the kids up from daycare.
Oh no, it's called Maddie J Laura's husband.
Hello, Hey, honey, Hello.
So I was talking to Brute about something and I have an idea for us that I would like us to try, and you need to hear me out. Okay, So did you hear about how Lady Gaga went celibate for like three years?
One?
H Okay, So Lady Gaga went celibate because she felt like when she had intimacy and when she had sex that it was creatively depleting her. So like by abstaining from sex, she felt like she could be more creative and she was better at her job. Okay, Well, okay, you know how I've been talking about how I feel like I have nothing left in the tank because obviously work's been full on trying to juggle the kids. I wanted to get your opinion on trialing being intentionally celibate for like.
A few months.
We do have sex every single week?
We have sex, Then that's so untrue. Okay, Well, in that case, if you actually think it's been six months, we literally have sex every single week, and you always think you always think every week like clockwork.
That is not true at all.
It is it actually.
Last week, and then I can't remember the time before that.
We had sex on Thursday. That's that's not even a week ago, it's four days ago.
But then before that it's been like months.
It was two weeks and it was because I had my period.
Really okay, well, how long would you like to not have sex for?
Well, if you think we've been going six months? How what okay?
One year?
No sex for one year, no sex for one year because you want to be more creative, well.
Both of us.
I think it would make us both more creative. And then also how good would it be when we start doing it again?
Hello?
This rule is stupid. I mean, I'm just going to masturvate a hell of a lot for sure.
How could you be mad? It's gonna feel so good when you do it for the first time.
Believe it or not.
I do not want to go a year? And also how dare you? It is every single week except for the weeks when you know the natural body clock says no.
You're on the pickup. By the way, Matten, you're on the radio.
Spigure that out with my cattle. That is Actually Mitch and I just sat in on a therapy session about your sex life. Actually it was not supposed to happen.
I think a week's plenty of time. I would say that's very good to do it weekly. Last Thursday, it's waiting my call. When I called you guys last Thursday.
Exactly we were doing with that whole seven minutes that you were calling.
My question is, how would you actually feel if we tried to do six months?
Pretty sad?
I just don't get it. I just don't get white people in a world where there's such a lack of enjoyment, the one thing that brings you a little bit of joy, why would you want to remove that for such a long period of time. It doesn't make any sense.
I mean, people do like to torture themselves.
My choice is in a cellment relationship. Yeah, but that's because you're the body part you need is far away from you. Exactly. Yeah, all right, anyway, that's enough of a fair sex dlling.
I promise it'll be less than six months that you have to wait, maybe another week's where are we.
Going to have to say?
Okay, that's that's a private discussion, not thatil you had on the radio. Then he goes Australia's Matey Jay everyone, good luck with that conversation is
M