The Ask Uncut Aftermath

Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Island peoples today.

This episode is recorded on Gaddigal Land of the Urora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to a very special little bonus episode of Life on CUD. I don't know why I'm talking as though I'm holding your hand.

You're talking as if you're on the car map. And now if you take a deep breath and close your eyes you can go to sleep.

And hold for one two, not even sponsored exhale. Do you know what I can't get into? Meta?

Oh? I love it. I listen, no joke.

Probably five nights out of seven I listen to a meditation to go to sleep.

I also have something against because anytime I say I can't get into meditation, people are into meditation. Always like you're the person who needs meditation. You probably are not anybody who thinks it's not for them. People who love it always try and convince you that it is for you.

Okay, so do you know what? Let me explain it to you. The way did I go to sleep? I mean, it's not a meditation as such, but I will put something on that will be a sleep story or because they're things, they're people with amazing voices. I guess it's like listening to an audiobook, but the idea is the content and the person is made to relax you. So the voice is made to relax you.

Do they talk like this?

Yeah? God, So I will.

Put that on or I will literally type into YouTube, no joke, I'll just say twenty minute sleep meditation. That's what I'll put on, and you just listen to somebody talk and it just without even knowing it takes. Because my problem is right, I often will work till two am because my brain starts at night and I don't know why it starts, and I can't switch it off.

So I'm definitely a nocturnal person. Whereas like during the daytime, I'm running at about half speed and then it gets to nine pm and my brain's like, let's get some work done.

It's time to do your tax I am so productive from eleven pm until two am.

It is insanity, which also sometimes I look at that, and I'm like, it's not that I didn't have the hours in the middle of the day to do the work.

I just chose to do other things.

But my brain won't for.

I don't know if it's I would love to look into that, if it's like a creativity thing or what it is. Because I still work in the day, but I'm less productive. I get distracted easier. But nighttime, I'm just like bank, my man Bank. So when I get to bed and my brain is going with all these things I've got to do, I put this other voice on and it takes your mind off what you're thinking about. It makes you think about something else, and then it

I don't need anything to help me get to sleep. I get to sleep just fine. But then I wake up at three o'clock in the morning with a small, tiny little foot stuck into my spine because every night Marley now climbs into my bed and we we never intentionally started co sleeping, but we now co sleep without almost three year old.

Is that because she comes in like she gets night terrors or she's just like she's scared.

She just like we are a party ac she comes in one of me from my dad. So she climbs out of her big bed, and then she opens the door, walks out of her bedroom, and then she'll literally drag her little stool.

Over so she can open her own door.

Comes out, climbs down in the dark, and sometimes she just stands next to the bed like Chucky and just strokes you.

On the face. I'm not about it.

There's nothing more terrifying than having a three year old staring into your soul, just stroking your head. After that, I need the calming app So she sleeps with us every night, now.

Okay, I love it for you.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning so Delilah's not allowed in my bed.

I love that. I love that. Few let's talk, my mo Well.

The only thing I've got to compare to now is Delilah. But I wake up in the morning, she's not allowed in the bed.

She's done it a few times where she's snuck up if I haven't gotten up early enough and shell like creep up behind me. But I can you know when you in the morning, I imagine you do this with the kids. So the kids, you know, you can feel their presence, that they're right next to your bed and they're looking at you, and you squint through your eyes and you can see them. Delilah will put her face like centimeters from mine, but she knows not to wake me up, so she just stares at me and I

It's exactly what I do with my children.

Yes, exactly.

But also, do you know what, Okay, we have a great episode for you. We have a great bonus episode. I also realized that we didn't even introduce ourselves for anyone who's new.

I'm Britt. I mean I'm Laura. That's Britt.

I haven't sleep the bride. I hope you're still here.

But there is okay, just on this sleep thing with kids and stuff and co sleeping with you and guys.

This is not a kid's podcast. We will get into some juicy stuff soon.

And like I said, it's a sexy little bonus episode. There is so much judgment that comes with when you have a toddler and you sleep in your bed with your todd lot like, it's not intentional, but we let them sleep in the bed because there are some parents who are soon strict as soon as their kids get to the age where they try and climb in bed, they just march them straight back to their bed and then they reinforce that behavior and the kids never climb in.

There's no judgment here.

But that's the thing I think with parenting, and we've spoken about it before. I'm obviously not a parent, guys, anyone knew I do not have kids, but I have a lot of kids around me, and all my friends have kids. But there's never ever a time with anything that there is not a level of judgment because everybody

Yeah, but it's just crazy that something that doesn't affect anybody else except for matt Night and our lack of sleep, how much it can upset someone else. When we say, oh, yeah, we sleep with Marley, she gets in bed every night, people are like.

Offended for us. They're like, I can't.

Believe you do that, Like I'm tired on your Like they're angry for us.

But anyway, Okay.

The reason why we wanted to do this special little bonus episode in the middle of our holiday Easter break is because for three years now we have been doing Ask gun Cut, and for three years we give our advice to all the big, hard hitting questions that you guys have, but we've never done a follow up on

So we're calling this the ask gun Cut Aftermath.

All right, I'm going to kick it off with the very first one, and I think the best way of us doing this is to.

Read out the negative ones.

That was a joke, Okay, is to reread the question because some of these questions going back like two years ago, so to reread it.

Kind of like thirty six months.

But if you then therefore missa ask Guncut episode. If you didn't hear the question being asked in the first place, you kind of get a bit of a feel for what the question was, and then this is going to be the follow up of what that person or what that listener has experienced. Okay, So the question number one was, and this is going back to the twenty second of August at twenty twenty one, quite.

A while away.

I have a dilemma. I've been with my current partner for about six months now. We've been connected on every level, and we're both deeply in love with each other.

I am fulfilled in almost.

Every aspect of my relationship, but there is an aspect I still struggle with, so our sex life is pretty grey. He focuses on me, however, it takes me ages to get off, and sometimes I just fake orgasms because I get too tired and I don't want things to keep going after so long of having to wait to try and achieve an orgasm, I struggle heats with getting off due to medication that I take, and although his techniques are immaculate, my question is should I tell him that

And this is a common one, isn't it the old fake orgasms?

What I do?

Do I tell us, especially if you've already gone down the path of faking it for so long that you're like funk.

He thinks that I get off in seven minutes, She's take it?

Wait now fifteen years deep? Do I tell him there? He's never made me calm.

So the reply to the situation was this high Lovely Ladies. Since listening to the most recent EP, I decided it was time that I wrote in my response to how you answer my question over a year ago to follow up. Yes, I talked to him about it, but I was too scared to bring it up as its own conversation because I know that he'd be so disappointed and upset that I wasn't honest.

Our advice was that she told.

Him that she was faking some of these orgasms because it had gone on for so long that she couldn't get away with just like changing things without kind of being honest and having some transparency. Essentially, I just asked to use toys more frequently when we'd engage in sexy time. It just ended up at the point that he would just grab it out of the cupboard without me even asking.

Now, so goal achieve because now I do get off.

I honestly wish I could have been a big enough person to bring up with him that I'd been faking orgasms and fully communicate my needs despite whether it may have hurt his feelings or perhaps his ego. But turns out I'm a bit avoidant, so that in itself is something to reflect on.

But I guess at the end of the day, Okay, so you didn't sit down, I mean, end of the day problem, solve your orgasming now in your sex with your relationship.

With your partner at the end of the day.

Just because you didn't sit down and say, hey, I've been faking it, we need to do things differently, you still found a way to get there at the end, and you're like, let's bring some sex toys in and now you know your relationship. You know that would have hurt his feelings too much. So I think if you found a way around it, that's okay, but I wouldn't be lying from here on ins I actually.

Think that this is the perfect outcome for this situation. And I also just want to acknowledge, like it is so easy for Britain and I to sit here and say this is how you need to approach your relationship, this is how you need to communicate, or this would be the moral high ground to take in every situation.

Guys take our advice loosely. It's so godline.

Yeah, it's so fucking easy to give advice. And we know this in all our friendship groups. It's so easy to give advice and it's so hard sometimes to actually implement it and do something when you know it's going to hurt somebody else's feelings. So if there's a way I do it all the time, well you give advice and then don't I can't do it.

And I'm like, I was like, I know what I would say, I've told someone else to do this, but I can't do it. It's like sometimes when you look inwards, it's really fucking difficult.

It's easy for somebody to say, hey, that's toxic behavior, or that's not healthy, or you shouldn't be lying in your relationship. But we have all done different things that we are not proud of in relationships because there's fear involved, there's trauma involved, there's attachment involved. So like with this question specifically, when you say, you know, I didn't communicate that I was faking my orgasms, but I did find a solution by bringing toys into the bedroom. I don't

Okay, now I remember this one well, Laura, this is one about a big age gap. The question I was wondering what you think about age gaps. My friend is twenty two and has developed feelings for her male coworker who is forty.

You do the math, Lauren, eighteen years that's a big app age gap.

Okay, put the calculator away. They both work in the same position.

Out a restaurant and apparently get on really well and they flirt a lot. He has asked her to grab a drink a couple of times, and she asked me for advice on whether or not to say yes. So of course you came to ask for the advice. This is like a three way advice. My overwhelming instinct was to discourage her from pursuing anything, But the more I thought about it, I didn't really have any justifiable reasons as to why besides the fact there's an age gap.

What do you think?

And our I remember our advice on this one. So the advice that we gave on this question was more so like one, it's not really your place.

To tell your friends what they can and can't do, like you know you can.

We can obviously give our feelings and thoughts, but like, if someone's just having a casual relationship, I don't think age necessarily needs to be indicating factor.

I said, go for the drink.

Yeah.

We were liked, there's nothing bad's going to come from it. There's not an abuse of power. It's not like he's her boss. He's just her colleague and it's going to be just some fun times. Because she was intending on going overseas anyway. So we were like, whatever, live your best life, girlfriend, go and get some good old daddy dick.

That's having so bad.

Wow, I mean he's not a dad.

No.

We were just like I remember saying, because I've dated people older than me, I've dated, as we know, people younger than me.

For me, age is a number at the.

End of the day, it literally is.

I mean, like that was deep Brittany. Age is just a number physically. But I think and I think if.

Two people this is consensual she was floating back, she had the interest back. She was just Also it seems like she was more worried about what other people would think at the end of the day too, because that is something we take into account Anyway, the follow up to the agist, thanks for answering my question. Last year, I checked myself and my age gap prejudice lolls. They ended up going for that drink, which led to a kiss, which led to them properly getting together and falling head

This goes to show you. But there's more.

She's now leaving as it was only ever going to be six months, so now there's the trauma of leaving him behind moving overseas in three weeks. Inadvertently, I have signed myself up now for break up support role because I encouraged this at the beginning.

But it was fun while it lasted.

So they did actually fall head over heels, so maybe maybe.

They can work it out.

I don't know.

I would love a follow up.

Follow up, Okay, I do want to say something though, And they think this comes down to the whole age question, right, So when we said like, yeah, go for it, it's only going to be fun because you had this you know, six month huge like in six months you have this huge overseas trip, you're moving overseas. This is the big thing about age gaps, right, is that you're usually in different life stages. So he's obviously in his forties, maybe

It's the imbalance.

Between all the being at different life stages that creates the biggest problem in age gaps in relationships, and that is what we're seeing here.

Well, so I have an example of this as happening now, like with a really good friend of mine. I have friends that I met from England, so she's English. She moved to Australia. Now she was twenty six and her partner was forty forty one or something. So there's a bit of an age gap, probably a tiny bit less than this one. But they were super love. They had been together for a very long time. I mean like

It's amazing.

And he just like, I'm done with travel, you know, because he's in the next stage of his life. He's like, I don't want to do that. I don't want to pack up my house again. I don't want to move another country totally. Where she's at the point where she's like, huck, I want to travel the entire world. And they broke up because love, as we have said, sometimes love is

Totally, and I think that for so many people who are in their forties or in their late thirties, there is a sense and a need for stability. I crave now consistency, whereas I thrived on lack of consistency in my twenties, like probably too much in different ways.

But like relationships in my day, my housing, my.

Trauma, toxicity, lack of kids, my drinking. But no, literally right, like everything was I was like really into experiencing life and I wanted to as you do. Like twenties is a time of huge personal like let's go to India

Do you want to be around your parents?

Maybe you know, so that you're spending the last years of their life in their company. There's just your priorities hugely shift when you're in your forties to verse twenties, and that's where age gaps become an issue.

But I love at the end of the day, she took the chance. She had a great six months. This has shown us that the age means nothing in terms of compatibility and having a good time. But at the end of the day, she's decided to go and with her dreams are going overseas and now they're going through a breakup. But that's okay.

We all go through.

Breakups and heartaching life.

It defines us, it helps us get to where we're supposed to be.

Well, speaking of breakups, I've got one right here. But this was the next question. My partner and I just split up. I found out that the girl that I always had a weird feeling about had been hanging out with him at our house when I was at work and he never told me. Do I message her husband and see if he knew that they were hanging out, or do I leave it now.

We had some pretty strong feelings about.

This, and we said just leave it, Like, don't bring more drama into your life when you're already going through so much. It's just could add an unnecessary layer, especially if you don't know if they were really cheating. So this is what the listener had to say. The day I found out that he had been having a girl over to our house, I called my ex partner and asked him.

Flat out if he'd been cheating. He said no.

I then proceeded to say that you were lying about hanging out with her withholding the truth. If you weren't cheating, then you were emotionally cheating. He didn't say anything, and I hung up the phone. A couple of days later, he sent me a message saying he didn't realize at the time that he was emotionally cheating on me, that he had betrayed my trust. Blah blah blah, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Yes, girl, I'm really glad that you are moving on too, bigger and better things. That's the sentence that stood out to me there. I don't have the energy, and I'm onto bigger and better things. You are, one hundred percent are into bigger and better things. It sucks to hear that from your partner or your ex partner, or anyone that you had feelings for to know that they wandered in any capacity, whether that's physically or emotionally.

But you've done the right thing.

I still think you've really done the right thing in terms of not going and spending your energy. And god knows what would have unfolded if you went and told the ex partner like that could have just been a whole explosion.

Yeah.

And also I think the cheating on top of that, like cheating, whether it's physical or emotional, like you said, as much as it can be an incredibly painful revelation at the end of a relationship, it can also it would be a real definitive line in the sand, which doesn't it means that you're not left wondering what if you're like, well, I know what if I know that that relationship wasn't good for me, I know that it didn't serve me anymore, and I know that it wasn't

Now.

I remember, I only said this a few weeks ago, when I spoke about my breakoup with Jordan. I was just saying, I wish one of us cheated on each other or something, and I mean, like, that's a throwaway comment, but it's I was like, I wish I could hate him because I thought it would be easier to move on when there had been something like that in the relationship. It's easier to look back and say, well, they're not

Dun du dum.

Don't shoot where you eat people or.

Do but like, no, you'll probably get fined. My boss was having an affair with my coworker and it was negatively affecting everyone, but we weren't sure what to do because we didn't have the proof.

Now, so that was a summary. That's a very fucking long question that was asked.

Was essentially like people knew that this affair was happening and it was making everyone uncomfortable.

They didn't know what to do.

They didn't know if they should front the guy their friend both of them talked to them because the guy was also married. Like, there were so many moving parts and they.

Were not making this affair very discreet in the office. It was like very obvious to everybody else who worked there who were employed that this affair was taking place. But yet, of course they denied it because they were both in relationships and he, being the boss, was married.

Yeah, it was. This was bad.

It was saucy.

Okay.

Firstly, you both gave great advice, so thank you.

You're welcome.

A fair bit has happened afterwards, but I'm going to sum up the main parts. Firstly, the higher ups ended up hearing about it and started questioning people about it. Our boss fully denied it and lied to his boss's face. The coworker he was sleeping with resigned suddenly to save

Wait, so the girl that was having the affair left to save the the boss's chop.

Can you believe her?

Wow?

So she quit because of this to save him?

Wow?

Yeah, I wonder, I wonder what that was. I wonder if there was any pushing that direction from him. He sounds like a bit of a master manipulator.

Well, there's more to the answer.

Well, there's more. So this had happened in the workplace. Eyon had said. They felt uncomfortable, but they decided the best way to handle it was by denying it and sweeping it under the rug. I continued to have an incredibly awkward and hostile relationship with my boss, and I think he eventually worked out that we all knew exactly what happened. Despite this, he continued the affair. One day, I physically caught him leaving her house in the middle of a work day when he said he was working

Could you imagine having your side piece, your mistress at work, quit her job so that you can continue the affair.

That's what he did.

Well, yeah, she lost her job, and then she still had to have a relationship in.

Secret, and then he continued the affair.

But then he was sprung fucking her at her house when he was supposed to be at work, and he got sprung by another colleague, so he quit. I mean, good, good, I'm guidy quit.

Yes, there's somebody else's problem now no longer a problem in your workplace. But like, if you're going to have an affair, fine, it doesn't affect me.

It's a morally really bad thing to.

Let you have an affair with Maddy J.

Yeah, okay, then.

It affects me, right, I Like, I don't care, like you know, obviously it's not for me.

It's not my cup of tea.

I think it's a pretty crappy thing to do to a lot of people, and I don't think very highly of it. But if you're going to have an affair in your workplace and it affects so many other people around you, and I think that there is an expectation that you're going to be held to a standard or called.

Out for it.

And I'm surprised that when push came to shove in this situation that nobody when the big bosses, the overhead bosses, started pushing people for information, I am surprised that nobody in confidence said please don't let this get back to him, that it's come from me.

But yeah, yes, they've been having an affair.

It's been very obvious because it's just not an environment that you can continue to work for nor can you continue to respect your boss knowing that they're having an affair.

Also classic Fewer example of how history always works. But how in this situation is the boss the man in power that has equal responsibility. He gets to keep his boss salary, He gets to keep his boss position. And the woman is the one that's victimized. The woman this one that has to leave. She's the one has to make all the sacrifices. I feel like this is obviously I can't say always, but always the case.

Well, it's also the huge imbalance of power, like when you're the employee and you're sleeping with your boss like that is where as much as everybody has had playing a part in this, that is very negative, and everybody is playing a part in this, it's not morally correct. The person who I think is the most at fault here is the boss.

Yes, have you ever hooked up with someone from work? Like any any workplace?

I've never worked with anybody who I've even remotely wanted to hook up with from work?

Thanks, No, I won't take that.

Except for you, Brittany. I'll tell you about their dream my hat about you.

I hooked.

I mean like I have hooked up with people at work a lots of times. Really yeah, but from hospital or hospital big, no hospital, because the hospitals are so big obviously, So it's not like ever a direct boss or you direct environments.

But it's different.

But like two of my relationships were from work, but they were never in It wasn't shooting where you eat because it wasn't in my direct eatery like you know what.

I wasn't from my bad.

It wasn't in the cafeteria. It was from like the food court.

Put it that way.

It wasn't from the shop, it was from the food court.

I have hooked up with the guys that I've worked with, but only in hospitality, like years and years and years ago, which is fine.

Everyone hooked up with everyone.

The hospitality is in like the safeyd direction of Wongonger is hospitality like.

The club in the club.

Okay, all right, I've got one more for you guys, and then we're gonna call it a and we're gonna start doing these a little bit more regularly so we can give a bit of a summation. But this one, you guys might remember, it wasn't that long ago. I want botox, but my boyfriend won't let me. So I have a huge wrinkle on my forehead which I've noticed getting worse and worse. I really want botox, just one go so I can see how I feel about it.

And I'd love to get some botox for it.

So here gateway drum. I mean it can be a slippery slope.

I mean I got botox and then I got lip filler, and like, who knows what's next?

I bang got changed and I got a face left and I'm a big.

Drug no, but do you know what I do think it can be a gateway drug because it.

Is so effective, it can be a very slippery slope.

But also so many women get botox and their boyfriends don't even know that they have it, So I mean on those two sides to the spectrum. But anyway, my boyfriend spoke to his doctor friend and got more information about botox, and now he's totally on board and knows that it's not forever and it only lasts for a couple of weeks.

And he's probably like, damn you look as soon.

As he said go for it, I freaked out and now I don't want to get it.

So it turns out I'm the fickle one. Thanks so much for your advice. Love you girls, No questions here, just to follow up.

So basically, so she didn't give it at the end, so she only wanted it so much because she couldn't.

You know, when it's like you.

Want something so much more you can't have it, and then someone's like, fine, open your Christmas present early, like I don't want it.

I don't want I'll do it tomorrow.

Yeah, she hasn't gotten botox and she's still living with a wrinkles. And you know what, embrace it must be so true's I love that Just whatever makes you happy, botox, no botox, filler.

No filler, It doesn't matter as long as you like, as long as you know you're doing it for you. But I remember, I'm so like that when I was a kid.

I'm not even kid a teenager.

I always want to know what my presents were early before my birthday and Christmas, and I would even my boyfriend used.

To be like, just give it to me early. He's like, fine, take it. I beg and I don't want to know. I just wanted to know that I could have it if I wanted to.

You just want to control the power.

But you know, I think the big take home from this is and exactly what you said, Britt, regardless of whether you want to get any cosmetic tweaks or whatever you want to do to your face, do whatever you want, so long as you are doing it for you, not because somebody else makes you feel like you should do it, and not because somebody else is telling you that you can't.

And also, guys spoiler having a wrinklers okay.

Nte having a wrinkle is great.

So just it's the lines of happiness everybody, That's what it is.

Anyhow, we going to go back and enjoy the last few days our holiday and we're going to attempt to not put.

Out any more points.

We are not going to be bringing out any more episodes until Tuesday. Tuesday, we are back. We are ready wearing back to our normal format. We will have a cracking episode for you on the twenty six of April and then back to ask Gun Cuts on the Thursday.

Keep your ask Gun cuts coming in and also you can send your ask gun cut after mats in as well, so just make sure you label those so we'd love those to start to come in more regularly instead of just a call out. So if you want to send them in regularly, that's fine. If we've done your question, please follow up because we're going to start to put them together and we'll drop these.

Follow ups more often because I love them. I want to know.

I've always wanted to know what happens to you guys and what the end result was, and I know a lot of our listeners want to know as well. Sometimes random listeners write in saying this question from like six months ago has been plaguing me.

Did you get an answer?

What are you?

Guys are so invested in some of the stories too, so we want you ask them cuts. We want you ask them Cut aftermaths, your confessions, your accident on Fielter's, anything that's fucked up, that's happened.

Do you write it into Life on Cut podcasts on.

Instagram And join the Facebook discussion group Life on Cut Discussion Group on Facebook. And don't forget to tell your mum, tey, dad, tell you Doug, tell your friends and share the love because we love eight