Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.
This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, Anna, welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut and it is a very very very special little episode.
Why is that, Brittany, Have you introduced yourself? Yea, Nah.
People know I'm Laura, I'm not Holidays.
Maybe after my life they know what I'm Brittany. Now this is our This isn't ask Uncut after math. This is a very special edition. We are in the middle of our mid year break. We're both in Bali, but we're not together. But right now we're not in Bali, We're in Bali in spirit.
We have recorded this before we went on break purely because we want to break well, I mean we wanted one, but also we love dropping little bonus episodes for you guys, and we didn't want to leave you hanging for an entire month, so we thought we would punctuate the silence with an ask gun cut after math.
So, if you are new to the podcast, welcome. This is a random episode to start on, but we welcome you. None the left.
Never start on an episode that says bonus, unless that's an accidentally unfiltered bonus and you're just here for the lols.
That's probably a good one. No, But asking cut you guys.
Every single week for three over three years now, which is absolutely insane to us. You're right in your questions, your deepest, darkest, burning, sexiest, sometimes not so sexy questions, and Laura and I have an absolute field day trying to answer them and give you our best advice. Now, we're very spirited, we're very experienced with a lot of these things. We're not professional, we don't have a degree in it, but oh we have.
We have never pretended like we are professionals in this, nor have we ever pretended that our advice is necessarily the advice that you should take. But it's the advice that we would give our best friends, or our sisters.
Or each other.
It may not actually be the things that we would do, but it's the advice that we give Jack.
We should have been putting disclaimers on Pilus three years. Disclaimer, This may or may not work if we cannot be held accountable.
Yeah, also please go and see a recommended professional as well. But the whole purpose of this is that for so many of us, and you guys write into us and tell us the same thing. Like we answer these questions, we hear fifty percent of the story, and then all of us are left thinking, well, you ghost us.
What happened?
Yeah, we're ghosted. We don't get the follow up, We don't.
Get the answer, And that is what this episode is.
And Laura and I do always say to each other sometimes we put bets on with each other and it's not a bet because we never know the answer. But sometimes we're like, what do you reckon to happen to that person? Or what are you gonna happen in that situation? Do reckon? They told us directly asked it and they broke up. We always wonder and you guys writing two saying you know, we want to know what the answers
are to these. So if we have ever answered one of your ask gun Cuts, please send the answer into Instagram to Life on Cut podcast. Please write to us tell us what your question was and then tell us the outcome. Just just put a title at the top, ask gun Cut Aftermath or ask gun Cut follow Up, because we want to be doing more of these bonus episodes, because you guys want the answers as much as we do, so please send them in well.
Getting into today's episode, I'm going to read it. I think the best way for us to attack this is how we did it the last time we did this. We're going to read out the original question and then hopefully if you guys, if you're a die hard Life on Cut fans, you will know and you may have heard the question in the past. But if not and you don't know the question, it's there, and then I'll also give you the answer.
I'm going to go first.
My boyfriend of five years came home today and told me that he has fallen out of love with me. I knew our sex life was a bit rocky, but everything else has been the same and amazing. So I'm completely blindsided by this. I'm heartbroken and I just need some advice on how the fuck I am supposed to be okay, let alone move on when I am still in love with him. There were no signs at all.
We were fine yesterday and then he came home and said he just doesn't want to do this anymore, and he has fallen out of love with me.
Do you remember this one?
I do? And I just feel in this position because when there is nothing, like no sign that something is a miss, and within yourself you're like, oh, this is a beautiful, perfect relationship. We're so in love. When the other person comes and they're like, surprise, don't love you, it's so hard to comprehend because you're like, what do you mean? Yesterday? We were getting married, yesterday we were fine. Like, it just hits you like a ton of bricks.
Well, it's the most intense emotional whiplash, right, Like I feel like in this situation, so many people feel robbed, like you didn't tell me that something was wrong, and here I was none the wiser. I could have tried to fix it before it became a problem, but instead
you didn't communicate with me. Now, I remember the conversation we had around this question, and the conversation was often, when it feels like it's come out of nowhere, if you look back and you kind of bread crumb throughout your relationship, you can usually find telltale signs that may indicate where things were starting to derail. Now luckily this solution for this one. The resolution is a really positive one, and the listeners written in it's very good news for me.
We ended up having a big discussion about our love languages, as he had previously been feeling that his needs were not being met. He is a very sexually driven person and also needs physical touch, and for me, i'm more quality time. Once we really got into things, it was easy to understand where he was coming from and how he reached this point. And then I also brought up that I needed to really work on our communication in
order to not get here again. A year later, our sex life is so much better and we communicate everything really well, so we now know exactly where we both stand. I'm extremely happy that we worked through things and we were about to celebrate seven years together.
Da da dah. It's a love story that is that is such a great aftermath. This is the resolution we want. This is a oh, this isn't working. Wait, let's use that thing we always say communicationnication is kid. We've done a whole episode on love languages. We cannot stress the importance of talking about your love language, what drives you, what drives your partner, figuring that out, because if you don't know and you're butting heads, that's what happens. People break up.
But look, you don't have to.
You can fall in love again.
But isn't this just like the nicest reminder as well that sometimes when things feel completely futile in a relationship, or when one person thinks because like this happens, often they think this can't be resolved, so I might as well just leave. Like I'm not happy, so I might
as well walk away. But there are so many other things that you can do in a relationship by communicating, by trying to better understand your partner, by actually working through things, and that you can from a really shitty period going from your partner saying I don't love you anymore, to then get to a place where you can be
incredibly happy a year later. For anybody who has been in that situation where you feel like we're never going to be able to get back from a point where my partner doesn't love me, it is a testament to the fact that you can. Everything gets better in time, all right. Aftermath number two Okay.
Now, I think you'll remember this one. This was a very specific one. So my partner and I have been together for about two years now. He has an ex that he's still in communication with because his salary sacrificed a car for her when they were together.
Oh yeah, he was still paying off the car.
Yeah, so she had just been paying back this car in installments. I know that I really talk much like maybe once every couple of months, and it's always only ever about the car. I know this because I confronted him about it before and he showed me everything. However, my issue is whenever they do speak, it's always very flirty, even though it's not often it's flirty. Should I just not even worry about it because they talk so infrequently?
Or is it a red flag? When he showed me the message, I did ask why they were talking like that, and he said it was to make sure he stayed on her good side, just to get his money back. Do you remember this one?
I remember this, and I remember that we were like, no, it's not an excuse. You don't need to be like, oh hey baby, how are you pooch? I don't make money, I've just made the transfer in order to keep someone on the good side. We were like, sometimes it can be easy to slip into language or slip into talking to your ex in the way that you might have talked to them when you were together, because you had
that familiarity with each other. But that doesn't make it normal, and it certainly doesn't make it okay when you're in another relationship.
Also, I think at the end of the day, we like to feel special, like we like it to feel wanted, We like the attention. So even if he had no feelings there, he's probably like, Oh, it feels nice to have someone give me this flattery. I think that that's what it is. But there is a very fine line. Like our advice at this point was like, that's not cool. You need to talk to him.
Yeah, And I think it also like it's a reflection of that person's boundaries. Like I remember when I was in my twin and then I had an X, which was like a very long stemming X and X that came in and out of my life throughout my whole twenties. Like we had a big relationship. It was one of my big formative relationships. But he would still and I
guess I would to him as well. He would still use like our relationship nickname for each other even when we weren't in a relationship, like he would message, he would call me pooch, but he would still message and be like, hey, pooch, like and that's how we kept in contact looking back. Not okay, absolutely not fucking okay. And I never did it when I was in relationships
with other people. But at the same time, it just it was almost like he always still had his claws in a little bit, you know, in that way.
I have done the same a game, the same thing probably recently.
Yes, oh wow, Okay, we may or may not be speaking about Jordan and everyone goes weird.
Nope, it's like when you have names for each other, it's easy for when we were in I mean, like we don't really communicate that much anymore. We'll always be friends, but like we've tried to move on, but there was a long time there over this year that we were still talking and with the nicknames abuse and it you can't, you just can't because it elicits this feeling inside this it's attached to a memory, and those names are attached
to a feeling, and you can't do it. You just have to go back to the name, the whole name. No shortcuts, nothing. Muse the middle name if you had to use, missed you, sir.
They are in a lot of fucking trouble. Jordan Thompson, You were in trouble.
That's what this is.
Okay, I'm going to read you what happened girls following up. Yes, the girl was horrible with money and it was over ten thousand dollars that she was behind in repayment. So this is a This is a large amount of money that she had to pay him back, and this is why he was still in communications with her. He wanted
his ten thousand dollars back. I had a conversation with him and he actually opened up a lot about how mad he was at her for leaving him in so much debt, and how he'd even gone and gotten a solicitor recently involved. He hadn't told me any of this previously, as he knew talking about her didn't make me feel good, so he kept it all to himself last far to just last Friday, where she made one lump sum payment and it has been paid off completely. She paid the
whole lot in one go. This is because he got a solicitor involved. She is now blocked and deleted from his contacts, and I feel better than ever about it. I actually love that he acknowledged how it made me feel, whereas previously I had seen him not wanting to talk about it, as if he was hiding something. If we'd only been open with communication at the start, we both would have known this. This is a really great outcome for everyone except the girl that had to pay ten
thousand dollars in now he's blocked and deleted. For everybody else involved in this situation, this is great. So he was trying to do the right thing by his partner by like just trying to get the money back, not talk about it. But the flirtiness is obviously a thing.
Yeah, And don't you also think though, like so often in relationships, we assume that we know the answer, like something might make us feel a certain way, and in this instance, him being secretive made her feel insecure. So therefore, when you feel insecure, you make assumptions around someone's behalf. And just because you feel something, and just because you
assume something doesn't make it a fact. And we can all be guilty at times in our relationships of thinking that we know something as an absolute when actually, when you sit down you have a conversation about it, the circumstances around it have just been interpreted incorrectly. Okay, I'm going to go on to number three, and now this one I'm going to reduce down because the actual question was really really long.
But this is kind of the summation of the question.
All right.
We actually answered this one quite a long time ago. So I wrote in a question asking if I should leave my partner of nine years. The short version of that question is he didn't want kids, he didn't want to get married, and I was struggling to forgive him for infidelity that happened early in our relationship. I listened to that episode and Your Advice on repeat for months on end. Now I remember, because I looked back through
our messages. I remember this question and our advice. Our advice is very rarely, very rarely that you should just throw in the towel, say.
It's really wrong. Sometimes that's wrong.
We just don't read those ones out there, you know. Our advice is very rarely to just break up. But I think when we actually unpacked this relationship, we were like it's.
Been nine years.
You are not aligned in the things that you want. You haven't been able to overcome infidelity that happened years prior, Like, there's so much trauma in this relationship, and there's so many layers and obstacles that mean that you're never going to get to a place where you both see eye to eye and for every year. Because this is the big thing, right for people who have been in long term relationships but.
They can't quite make it work.
We often think, but I need to stay in this relationship because I've invested so much time and I'm not going to find somebody else who I have this with, because you know, nine years of my life has been invested in this relationship.
So then you stay longer.
Nine years turns into ten years because you hope that things are going to change, because you're too scared to jump ship and start again. And I think that that is why the outcome for this is such a special one and one that I really wanted to read out. But basically, she said, long story short, it took me six whole months to build up the courage to leave my ex, but I did it, and I left him. Now, my intention was that I was going to be single and live my best life and run away on holidays
and have a wonderful time as a single person. However, just when you're not looking for it, and specifically it was eight days later after I broke up with my ex, I met the love of my life. We are now engaged. I have never been happier, more looked after, adored, or have had the confidence that I have now. We want all the same things. We want kids, marriage, a house, and dogs together. Everything is exactly as I've always wanted
in my relationships. Like you guys always say, if he wanted to, he would, and also the other one when you know, you know, and I certainly know. Ah no, No, there are all so many feels a hang on.
How long after the breakup was it?
She met the guy eight days? Which I look, she made him eight days after a little bit of.
This a little bit fast, you know what? No? Is it fast? Because okay, look, I'm so excited about this they were. Yes, it's only eight days later. But this relationship, internally, within the relationship, I think was over for a long time, and I think the listener had checked out.
You can still.
Physically be there, but internally you're like I, the feelings of deteriorated. I know we don't want the same things, and it's just hard to leave because you've been in it so long. It's what you know, it's habit, it's what's safe, it's what's comfortable, totally, but she checked out. So eight days later, whilst it is very very close, that's what it takes. And this is like a I get so excited by this. I'm really big believer that the next door can't open until the one behind you
was closed. So this who knows how long this the soulmate was floating around waiting, but they were never going to be available to you when you weren't available for it. So I think that that's a really beautiful way to sum up this question and this situation.
Yeah, and I totally agree with what you just said, Britt, Like it's so true. I think, like from the outset, eight days is an incredibly short amount of time, and normally my rational brain would be like, girlfriend, you should have waited, you should have worked for the breakup, you should have like had some independent time, gotten to a
place where you felt really confident. But like, we know that life is messy, and when great opportunities present themselves, or you meet someone who you have these like intense connection with and they are the person that you want to be with, then there's not a time limit on recovery for some people. Some breakups take years years, Some short relationships take years, Some long relationships take a really
small amount of time. And it does come down to how much disassociation happened whilst you in that relationship, how much actual like repair recovery, how much did you make peace with that when you were still in the relationship versu what happened after the breakup.
I had a girlfriend, This is very recent. She was in a three year relationship. She was holding on because she loved him. But at the end of the day, he was a little bit older. He was past the things that she wanted to do. She wanted to be young and traveled.
He was past his use by day.
She wanted to go live in different countries. Yeah, past the use by day. Like it was not like past these us by day for that relationship, but the relationship. Yeah, So she had a very very hard time in accepting it was over, and she ended up making the decision, but it was very very hard. She was very very heartbroken. She went online dating. She hadn't been online dating in years, and she thought, I'm just gonna do it. She's like, there's no part of me that wants to date anyone.
I'm going to do this to like try and forget him, get over him, just you know, like I'm just gonna go and use and abuse this dating site.
You know what they say, you got to get over it.
You got to get under it to get over it.
Almost Laura, you gotta get somewhere to get something.
You got to get under it, get over She went on this.
She met someone online. She's like, you you are cute. You're going to be my person that I'm going to go out and get back into the dating world. Anyway, first person she dated, and I'm talking like a week later she hit it off. Fast forward three months. They lived together, they're traveling together, they're completely sold. They talk about marriage, and that was she said the same thing.
She goes, it's crazy because I didn't want it, but I didn't know if this was out there because I'd been holding onto something that was so wrong for so long. First person straight away and I was like, girl, how did you do that? I was like, look, at me. I've been I've been on the most tumultuous Durney the last ten years, and you just like waltz from one to the other and find your penguin.
But it's so it's so true though, Like I mean, for so many people, and I think that anybody who's been through a fucking terrible breakup but then has found love after a breakup, when you're going through it, when you're in the throes of that hurt and that pain that everyone feels in a bad breakup, you think I'm never ever going to meet someone who I love as much as this person, Like we've all had those feelings before, and then lo and behold, there's something that happens. Time
heals all and you end up meeting someone again. Like I know, it can seem unfathomable, but it just truly happens, you know, And it's just as the world is round, people manage to fall in love again.
All right, next aftermath, This was a really really cute one. This is short and sweet. How do I say I love you? Okay, girls, I've been with my partner for over a year now and we've never said I love you, And trust me, I love him, I think, but I can't be sure, but I think he's whispered it during sex before me with really poor hearing questioned it and I was like, what did you say to really killed
the moment? Does I love you during sex? Count? If that's what it was, I feel like we've waited so long to say it, and now it's almost too long and it's too awkward. I'm pretty introverted, so I can't just blurt it out. Do you remember this girl the whole year they were together, and she's like, I love him so much, but I don't know how to tell him, Mamber.
But I was like, you've made it such a big deal now that you But when sometimes when you leave something for so long, then the pressure becomes even more because you're like, well, now it has to be a really special experience.
It has to be the right time, the right place.
The more you put something off, the bigger it festers and grows, which is not how you want.
That to be. Okay, well this is the follow up. Okay, girls, it was nearly six months ago that I wrote this in and you answered my question. But I have news. I finally did it last night, So that means there's been eighteen months. I love you, Yes, let's have chicken chicken carry me.
You just say it as you're running out the door, like, also, how do you do it? Does she say how she did it?
Did she like? Did she gaze deeply into his eyes?
What happened? She just said, so now it's been eighteen months. They waited eighteen months, even though she loved him the whole time. Bless us all turns out he definitely did say it during sex that time when I couldn't hear him properly, and he said he has said it on at least two other occasions, which means he's whispering it too. He's like, can you passing the glovey? Like he's whispering it too. You girls were absolutely right. There was nothing
at all to worry about. He basically reassured me of everything you both said. My one piece of advice for anyone in a similar situation is just do it. Love is the best? Isn't that the cutest? That's her, that's the sign the sign off. She goes to love is the best, But.
Also like, what's the worst thing that's gonna happen? They just don't say it back you're not gonna die. Someone told me they love me this year. That wasn't Jordan, and we all know the Brittany been on a couple of days, so she got real real.
I mean, could have been someone from the past. It goes from the past. But they said they loved me, and I laughed because I was so taken about I know it was my No, I know, I can't laugh, Laura.
I was there.
I was so taken aback and it was so unexpected that I started to awkward laugh and then I just said, I said, no, you don't. My answer was no, you don't, and they said, yes I do, and I said, no, you don't. And that was the extent of that conversation. Rip me.
Do you know what, I have a deep I have a deep understanding for the awkward laugh, A deep, deep understanding I will never forget. I can't even say it because like I always end up laughing, which is so fucked because it's not funny.
I was.
I was devastated when my cat died. I remember trying to tell my boss. I remember trying to tell my boss and I was fucking devastated. But there was something really that just sounded so silly about me being like I think because I was so upset that I was trying to explain to my boss how I was so upset. And then I started laughing, and I was like, I am the person who's laughing at a funeral. Mind you,
it's a cat funeral. But I was later, there's something wrong with me, There's something wrong with how my body works. Why am I laughing at something that actually I feel really sad about I But I laughter for me is a nervous reaction, but it's how I deal with literally everything.
I could be, oh, yeah, you're like, this is a deep trauma, but I'm gonna laugh about embarrassment, laugh, heartbreak, laugh, someone offends me, laugh like someone tells me I love me, Laugh like I laugh at everything. It's because it's a it's a coping mechanism to like to turn things around. Even though it could be a cry laugh. I could be you've seen me, Laura, I could be bulling my eyes out of sadness, but then it turns into a laugh cry and then I don't know what's happening, and.
No one does, no one very confusing.
But this is also okay, going back to this whole like telling someone that you love them and them not being able to say it back. It's just literally like my life on The Bachelor. Every time I said to Matt, like me, too bad, I'm falling in love with you, he just looked at me and smiled, and I was like, this is fucking awkward.
I was like, Nick, I think I'm falling for you, and he was like, oh, I'm just sitting for the money.
He did have a pretty good paycheck, so I get it. All right, let me do one more of these aftermaths. Say, Hey, I've been with my partner for over six months now and we were very much in love and have a super healthy relationship. However, my partner has just finished his university degree and has been offered a full time role in Tasmania. We're both from Melbourne. He's made it pretty clear to me that he will have to get a
job into state. He seems very sure about this idea and he's thinking of potentially moving there in a couple of months to a year's time.
Now there's a problem. He literally has never asked me to come with him or.
What I've thought about the whole thing, which gives me the impression that he is not factoring me into his decision making. I know I can't go there. I still have another few years left of my degree, and I am not particularly wanting to move to Tasmania either. I'm hurt because I would like him to at least have thought about it, and I would like to know what this means for us.
I feel like I have invested a.
Lot into this relationship and don't want to just go through another heartbreak.
What do I do now? Of course our response.
To this was to communicate, but also I think we said, like, it's a pretty clear indicator, like if your partner is making big plans outside the relationship without including you, if they're saying like, hey, this is what I want to do and then this crickets.
Hey, so I'm moving to America. So see you in two years.
This has been fun, We can like chattel WhatsApp. I think that that's a pretty clear indication of the level of investment that the two of you are making in the relationship. Okay, now the outcome of this aftermath is not a happy story, but do you know what heartbreak happens?
And we keep it real here at Life on cart And some people are hurt.
Yeah, and this is a shitty one.
Okay, Hi, ladies, I really appreciate the advice on this question. So I decided that even if my partner was moving away, maybe we could still be together and although we could do things differently and separately, we could experience different things.
Still stay together.
However, a couple of days ago, my partner broke up with me because he saw that we were really different and it just wasn't going to work for him if he was in Tasmania. I'm devastated because it caught me by surprise. I did think we were going to work this out. However, I know that he wasn't the one
and I'm onto bigger and better things now. It's sad because sometimes people are telling us exactly what they want, you know, without necessarily saying words, but like their actions can often tell us exactly where our relationship stands, and
we hope for a better outcome. But you're never going to know that outcome unless you have really fucking hard conversations sometimes, and I think that sometimes we skirt around those hard conversations because we're scared of what the answer is going to be.
Yeah, and at the end of the day. I mean, I think it's always really important to try and take a positive from a situation when you can, or look on the bright side, cup paf full when possible. In this situation, it's so much better for this to have if it's inevitable and it's going to happen anyway, it's
so much better happened now. Then you do a year or two long distance, putting the time in thinking that you're both moving in the same direction, and then two years later it's like, ah, you know what, like not really into it totally. Two years you've just spent like waiting. And I mean we've all I shouldn't say we've all been there, but a lot of people have been there. I've definitely done that in the past and put myself
on hold for something. This is much better if it's gonna happen anyway, you can deal with it now and you can get on and live your life. Yeah.
And also I.
Think on this like not I'm not gonna be like kudos to him or anything, but I do think that it is like the better and more admirable thing. I think a lot of people could be like, oh, we'll just try a long distance and then they don't really put their effort in when they move because it's easier to do the slow fade when you're actually in different states, you know, like, but really the intention always was that they didn't think it was going to work out anyway.
At least he was honest enough to tell you exactly where he stood, and the fact that he didn't think it was going to work out when he moved, and he had no intention to string you along longer than needed or to make you feel like that this could be something that it's just simply not. And heartbreak always, always, always fucking hurts, but it just means that you can have the opportunity now to move on with your life and to start living it and doing things that make you happy and for yourself.
And with that.
All done and dusted, that is us. That is a rap on our little sexy bonus. It's not really sexy. It wasn't sexy at all. It's a wrap on our bonus episode. We love kind of dipping back into these stories and being able to give you.
The full stop at the end of the sentence, I.
Can only assume that it is time for us to go and have a margarita in Bali.
Well not me, because I am doing drag dollab Baby.
You have the mocktail and I'll have you all mind.
Do you know that trying to do dry July, I really timed this quite poorly in terms of going away on holidays and doing drigely at the same time. This was a really ambitious I mean, obviously this is a pre record, so Drijil hasn't technically started yet. But I am acutely aware of how ambitious it is that I think I'm going to go to.
Bali and not have a single sip.
But what a great month it is, and what a great place to be to be on like a healthcare like Barley's, so great for the fitness and the healthy foods and the.
Strange juices orange juices and there for the fruit platter's.
Baby, it's like a pre pre pre wedding prep. It's like it's pre the prep for.
Do you know what?
I have signed up for a gym while I'm there, and I plan on going to the gym.
It's called Hammerhead. I'm planning on going like every.
Other day because that is that'll be the first time I've exercised in a year where shred is coming, babe.
I have a very small dress I need to fit into.
Guys, please keep the skun cut aftermasks coming in. We really like, we really, really really genuinely love hearing the responses. So if we've ever answered your question, or you know we've answered your friend's question, please send them in. Give us the updates so we can keep bringing these extra bonus episodes. And on that note, we are out. We will be back on the second of August resuming normal programming. We'll have a great episode for you.
Then, well it's kind of semi normal programming. You'll be in and out in that month, but we'll tell you all about that next month.
I might have some news, That's what I will do. But I'm like, I'm actually bound to not talk about it yet, but I might have some juice.
Yeah, those pesky fucking n d as, how dare they? But anyway, guys, that is it from us.
We hope that you loved this little storytelling episode.
Don't forget to tell your mum to tell you doubt your friends.
And that's really got a lot of myself there.
This is the worst ending.
We are.
We are out, We're on holidays,