Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life and Cut. I'm Brittany and I'm Laura. Laura, What a time to be a live It was Easter last week. We ate our body weight and chocolate.
I didn't do anything for East. I am a terrible mother, but I'm also taking solace in the fact that Molly is not even one yet. She will not remember this. We are pretending like twenty twenty never happened.
Well, twenty twenty didn't happen. Also, I think it's totally okay to not give Marley May chocolate because she's one. I think that's fair. We don't need to encourage this, not yet.
So we didn't do anything for Easter. It was actually just felt like another day. We went for a walk that we got our one hour of exercise. Ain't nothing going to stop us.
It's groundhog Day, isn't it. I don't know what day it is, I don't know what week it is. I don't even know what time it is. I don't even have a clock. I don't look because I gotta where to be. Who are you? What are you doing? Whore?
Why?
Every week I have been saying that we're going to get some at home recording studio equipment so that we can bring you this podcast from the safety of our bedroom. And I have finally done it. We are recording this remotely, so if the sound quality is weird at all, please forgive us. We never know what we're doing even when we're doing it in a studio, let alone trying to do it from home, and we have no help. I'm currently sitting on my bed, which is where the magic happens.
And by the magic, I mean this is where I sleep.
And I'm also on my bed where the magic doesn't happen, but where one day it will.
Also I feel like I'm sixteen again, like I'm calling my girlfriend and being like, hey, babe, except actually this is going to go out to thousands of people, right And.
Can I just say we pimped out our equipment. We got the best well, I don't know if it's the best way. We got pretty best stuff that we don't know how to use. It has so many colorful, shiny buttons that we will figure out, but for now, we're going to stick to the basics. And I mean, this is my favorite question right now, what chipping up to?
I have something for today's question of what have I been up to? This is also a really really highly recommended recommendation.
Funny that your alliteration is on point.
When Matt was living in the UK, he became really good friends with a guy named Fergus. And Fergus is.
His name really Fergus? Yeah, it's Fergus. Great, great name, Fergus, love that beer.
Fergus is a magician and not just like a daggy like can do a little card trick magician. He performs at Edinburgh Fringe Festival. So he had all these massive gigs lined up and then obviously Corona hit and everyone lost all of their especially people who work in like the arts industry, and especially magicians.
All of them. They're all out of work guys, because no one wants to actually touch your deck of cards. Let someone think of the magician.
So what he's doing is fantastic. He's doing these personalized zoom magic shows. The other night we signed out, he popped up in our lund room. I was swilling my little ward having a panot, of course you were, and he did a full magic show and it was I tell you, like I would have said to you, that magic is super daggy, but it was so fantastic. It was like one of the best nights so that we have had. Like what sort of things was he doing? Like card tricks still and you would just like virtually
pick them? Yeah, virtual card tricks, like illusion tricks.
How does he take you? Watch your fearist. I crack myself up sometimes I'm like, where are my pants for?
This is awkward? No, but it was actually I was so impressed. I loved it so much. And so, guys, if you are thinking of something to do on a Saturday night, or maybe you want to catch up with your family, but you want to do something that's not just sitting there going can you hear me over zoom? What you can do is you can jump onto Fergus magician. I'm gonna check that because I'm not sure if it's correct. Oh, it was definitely not correct. It's magic Fergus. You can
jump onto Magic Fergus. Love that, jump onto his Instagram page and book yourself a live magic show. And this is not just because it's Matt's friend. I was blown away. So's hot.
Yeah, he says cute. It would be you were just paying out his name before Britt, But That's why I reckon, he's hot. I reckon, You've many people can pull off fergus.
I reckon, you've been in isolation so long, sexy, I'll take anything right now, guilty. Well, what's been happening in your Well, great recommendation for you, I mean great recommendation from you. I tried something new last week was cooking, made the noki three ingredients killed it. This week I did my first TikTok.
Yeah, they're getting damn with the kiddies. It was so hot. It took me like three hours to even learn how to do a TikTok. I don't know what the kids are doing these days. Anyway, I can I just jump in.
If it took you three hours to record a TikTok video, then I'm gonna just guess that me.
You're too old for TikTok. Oh Oh, without doubt, that's not even a question. But I really wanted to do that. My my instagram is filled with that flipper switch, A flipper switch. You did it, You guys did it. So I wanted to do it. Didn't have a boyfriend, so I just made it up and I put some clothes on a hangar, I thought it would be funny, and it took me three hours, but that was just the sign up. The actual TikTok dancing took me like twenty seconds.
But anyway, I just felt like I really accomplished something this week, and I feel like I'm in with the cool kids.
Now, truly living your ISO dreams.
Oh my god, speaking of ISO dreams or just dreams in general, I have big news. Channing Tatum back on the market. This post that Britt is talking about. This TikTok post.
She posted it on Life Uncuts Instagram, so if you go to at Life Uncut podcast you'll see this silly TikTok dance she did.
She also sorry silly. She also tagged Channing Tatum because she's trying to thirst trap him from isolation. Desperate times, Guys, Desperate Times. I also thought it was funny because Channing Tatum has been the theme for me throughout the podcast since we started, and any of you og listeners know that I have a little crush on him, so I thought it would be funny to tag him in the hopes that in the twenty five million tags he gets, maybe he'll see it. It is on my Instagram guys,
Brittany Underscore hockey if you need. But it's also on Life on Cut, so you can go and check it out. It's definitely not a first trap. It's not sexy, but it's interesting. Look, do you know what I want to say? Though I'm usually so quick to hate on social media, like I think that there's a lot of shit that comes out of like, for choice of better word, there's
a lot of shit that's on social media. But I really feel like during this time of isolation, it has forced people to be a hell of a lot more creative and a hell of a lot more fun with their content. And I know, like I put something up just recently and I was saying that Gwyneth Paltrow had come out saying that you should use this time in isolation to find a new hobby or learn a new language,
or be superproductive. And there is that conversation going on on Instagram at the moment, But there is also the antithesis of that and the total flip side of that, which is people saying, you know what, it's actually totally okay if you don't achieve anything during this pandemic and you just actually survive and get through so I think you kind of have to pick the type of social media that is best attuned to how you're going to live your ISO life. But I love that there seems
to be less narcissism on there at the moment. There seems to be less thirst trapping. There seems to be less posing with a product. There seems to be less just posing in general. And I really feel like the ethos at the moment has shifted a little bit and the content is fun and funny and relatable. So I am loving Instagram right now. It's definitely a lot more amusing as soon as I open my Instagram up, because I'm not actually believing or not. I'm not usually a
swiper on Instagram. I use it for my I have certain people that I will literally type into look, but I'm not someone that spends hours and gets deep in there. Mate.
I looked at my screen time the other day and I had spent nine hours, nine hours, twenty four hours on Instagram, not Instagram, just on my screen, Lura, hours on a screen?
What are you doing or the child? How did I do that? Your porn Hub must be through the roof. You need to cancel that subscription.
We've spoken about that were Honestly, we've got to cut corners and save money somewhere, but.
I don't even know. I'm still getting the meritith Scoach cheese, but the pornhub has to go.
Honestly, I was like, this can't be correct, This actually can't be right.
It would be great. I love that for me. I don't even want to know. I don't even want to look. But besides that, I'm not gonna lie. I haven't done a lot this week. That's totally relatable. I feel like that's going to speak to the masses. You know what I do? You know what I did do I hope
you're proud of me. I cleared our inbox for Instagram Again, guys, we perpetually have one hundred messages at all times, and I set myself a challenge to clear it to zero and I did it, and I'm sure when I look in an hour, it's going to be back to one hundred.
But also just on what we have achieved this week, and I really want to point you, guys in the direction of about Facebook page, which is Life Uncut podcast. We have well and truly got the Facebook page up and running. Now we are doing everything we can to
build that little community online. But we have this great intention for the Facebook page to really be a place where just say you haven't asked on clut question that you feel confident and okay with sharing with other people you know, you can post that question to the Facebook group.
There are some.
Really clever, sassy, intelligence switched on amazing women and men in that group.
Apart from me, you guys are all on there as well.
Who can answer your questions. And if we can't get to your question in ask Uncut, then there is a wealth of a community out there who can help to
kind of give you advice. It's also just a great place if you guys want to get on there and share your crappy dating stories, the worst thing guys ever said to you during sex, you've got any good like dating and isolation stories like the episode we last talked about, get on there and share them as well, guys, because it's there for some good support, but it's also just there for a good laugh.
There are some rules, and the rules are that there is no judgment. Judgment free. You can speak about anything, and when you're giving advice to other people, we just we want you to give your honest feedback, but just always maintain a level of respect. If you don't, we're going to be booting yours out. I have something else I want to say. Last week, we sort of put some feelers out and ask you guys to tell us some cute dating stories because we did a segment on
online dating and how dating has changed in ISO. We got some really cute responses, but there was one that just like gave me goose bumps. I sent it to Laura, gave her goose bumps, all the feels. And there was this girl rode in and she sent us the video in and it was her birthday. So she jumped on these like huge house party zoom call type thing and there were like twenty people maybe all in their little boxes, and she would just chain away and everyone's like happy birthday,
blah blah blah blah blah. And then on zoom her boyfriend proposed to her. The cutest thing ever. It was so cute because she had no idea and it was all caught in front of all of their friends because he had plans to do it, and he was like, you know what, I'm not gonna let Io stop me. So I'm going to try and find that video again, and I'll post it on a page because I think good things are coming from ISO.
We also said in that episode the BRIT's referring to if you guys have been doing any cute social distancing dates, then send us your date ideas. And one person had actually written in and they said that they had met a guy on Hinge and one of their first dates that they had, which was Zoom, they decided that they were going to have a bottle of wine and they were going to draw each other and draw each other's portraits.
Did you guys do that on The Bachelor? Yeah, we did, but which is also why I loved it. But I think it's such a cute date. I think it's so cute.
It's such a nice way of breaking the ice with someone. They said by the end of it, they were just pissing themselves laughing, which you would like. I'm sure that neither of them were Picasso, but but it was just a nice way for them to meet each other properly and do it in a way that also makes it not quite so stifled and awkward.
I think that's I think that's brilliant. I love hearing that those ideas. We had another girl writing and just say they've been doing trivia with her partner long distance. And I think that's really fun too, because it's it's lighthearted and it's it's easy and it's engaging. And so they were two really cute ideas that came in this week. So I'm chuffed with that.
But guys, if you have any more ideas, then you can send them on to us or get on the bloody Facebook page and rite them up there.
Okay, guys, it is time for Accidentally Unfiltered.
Basically, this is just where we share all of your most embarrassing stories anonymously of course, that you have written into us.
Have you picked one, I picked one. Have you got one I've got I've got a really sweet, very g rated one. This week, after all the sex and all the first trapping, I was like, okay, it's time for just something that's a little bit nana friendly. Okay, well, I'll keep mine unnana friendly. Okay, perfect, We'll just kick this off. My partner and I were quite kinky in the bedroom now, I'm talking vibrators, butt plugs, strap on
the works. We were coming to the time where we were due to vacate our rental property and we had to agree for an open inspection time with our landlord. Initially, we agreed on a date and a time, but due to work commitments, I had to reschedule, so I emailed the real estate to reschedule a new time. Unfortunately, the real estate did not check her emailing time and she proceeded with the original open inspection time. Everything that we used in the bedroom was on display. I'm talking the
butt plugged, the lubricant that was in the bathroom. We had vibrators on the bed, we had dirty undies, you name it. It was there. Now, what makes this scenario even worse is that I worked for a really well known company and one of my work uniforms with my name tag was on display and everyone would have seen it. The next day, I received a very apologetic email from the real estate that asked if I could possibly have another open inspection with my unit slightly tidied up.
You don't want a house is like devalued because someone's been murdered in it. I feel like this is similar, Like I'm sorry, Can I get a rent deduction or a price deduction on this because there's a butt plug on the bed.
I feel like there'd be some people that are like, I will pay extra to keep the butt plug.
Don't wash it, it's fine, just wash your hands. We've had so many of these where it's been like a vibrator accidentally left out.
But it's never been the whole kink collateral. It's been all of the above. All right, give me your okay, So I have one.
So so this one, in comparison, is very g rated. But I actually love this, and when I read it, I laughed out loud. So my dad and I were swimming in the public pool doing laps. We were doing the lengths when I spotted him taking a breather at the edge of the pool. So I swam up behind him, put both my hands on his bald head, and dunked him under the water.
I was holding him there, ignoring his flailing arms, and then I saw my dad actually swim past me. Ha ha, Oh my God, passed me the panelole. Now ha panelole. That's my new addition. Everybody aboard the Lolla coaster. Oh that is so funny. Could you imagine? I read this and I lost it. And I was walking with Matt at the time, and then I read it to him and he also started crying, so I was like, this
is a good one. It's actually so funny. It's like when you're a little kid and you in the supermarket and you go up and hunk your parents, and you know that moment you look up and it's not your parents' lengths and you're like, oh my god, my light flashed before my eyes, like who is this stranger? I had do that to me actually, not so long ago.
I was we were at the checkout in Woolies and this little boy just held my hand and I'm like, this is weird, but okay, he just held my hand and then he looked up and you could just see the pure fear in his face.
I was like, Palette's okay, I'm sorry. I feel awkward as well when you're right in these when you send them in to us yet, either on the Facebook page now or at Life on Cut podcast, when you do send them in, they don't always have to be like really dirty or sin saalacious. I mean, we love those ones, but they can just be super innocent and cute too, because we do thrive on those also. All right, keep those ones coming in, but for now, I think it's time to jump into the episode. So, guys, we do
have a different kind of episode for you today. And you may remember about two months ago, we actually couldn't get an episode to you one week and we had to take a break, and we we did sort of tell you that life happened. Sometimes life happens, and that
was one of those weeks. You guys were so understanding, which was amazing, and we felt really bad that we couldn't deliver you an episode, but we did have a very very good reason, and I'm going to pass it over to Laura today to talk about that reason, and I hope you guys really get something out of this. And I just want to start by saying I'm just really proud to put out this episode with you today, Laura.
Today's episode is a bit of a different one, and it's something that is very very personal for myself and it's something that touches a lot of women, and that topic is miscarriage. I have spoken pretty openly in the past, and for anybody who has followed my pregnancy journey with Marley, then you might already know that Matt Night, we did have a miscarriage before we actually had Marley and I've spoken about it because I really do feel that there's
still this stigma that's surrounding miscarriage. And I remember when I first had a miscarriage how I felt just so incredibly alone. I didn't feel that there was a community of people who I could go to. I felt a lot of guilt, and I felt like there must be something wrong with me. And the reason why this has come up again, and this topic has been something that we wanted to have in our channels and share with you guys, is because more recently, just two months ago,
Matt and I went through our second miscarriage. And that still feels raw and very very bizarre to even guess say out loud, because it's not something that I have really spoken about. It's not something that I've talked to many people about. But I feel very, very passionately that miscarriage is a conversation that needs to be had in an open forum. I just really want to put it out there before we get into this episode that this
conversation is not at all for sympathy. It's not for attention, and I know that you know that, and I just really really believe that it's an inextricable part of some people's pregnancy journey, and it is painful and it is lonely, but it doesn't need to be quite so lonely. And the more that we talk about it, and the more that we destigmatize it, then I feel that other women who are going through the same thing may feel more supported.
The lack of conversation around this topic is really what creates this oppressive silence, and that silence really adds to the feeling of what's wrong with me. So this is what we're talking about today, and I think this episode does need to come with a bit of a trigger warning, going to go into some depths about it. And I think that maybe if you're pregnant, or if this is too close to home for some people, then then maybe this isn't the episode for you, and maybe you'll come
back to it another time. That's totally fine. Although my first thought was that, you know, it may not be relevant to women who don't want to have babies or two men, I then realized, actually, it's really relevant to everyone, because even if you are never in a position where you experience a miscarriage yourself, you may be in the position where someone you love goes through a miscarriage. Maybe
it's a sister, maybe it's a best friend. And so I think it's also really important to be equipped to how to respond to someone when they tell you that they are experienced in miscarriage, because I think that there can often be unhelpful conversation that happens from very well meaning to people when they give their love or their advice or their feedback when you tell them that you've had a miscarriage. So we're going to get into that as well later in the episode.
It is really a really tricky conversation to have. And Laura, I'm so grateful that you have decided to share this because I do think it will help a lot of people, and like you said, it will help people even like myself who haven't experienced it, but you, my friend, went through it. And the fact that I can ask you now a few months on the track, how should I have responded? Did I respond? Okay? Is that the sort of thing you would want to hear from a friend?
Because I think that these are things that could help a lot of people going forward. So I guess we should start at the start. You that's always a good place to start. Yeah, you you before Miley May, your first miscarriage. I guess, what were the feelings like then, and how can you compare them to what you felt the second time around?
Oh okay, so I guess with when I'll kind of like tell the story.
Maybe that's like for anyone who doesn't know.
So when Matt and I first found out that I was pregnant, we weren't trying. It was a surprise. It was a very very happy surprise. But I found out I was pregnant. We were both so excited, and we were booked in for our scans and our dating scans, and we'd had those and then I'm miscarried at around the nine week mark. And the thing that I really struggled with in that pregnancy was the fact that I almost felt like I wasn't allowed to be so upset
because it wasn't planned. Felt like it was unreasonable for me to feel that much pain about something and that much loss that I hadn't planned, and so I didn't really think that my friends would understand, and so I didn't tell a lot of people about it. I also felt incredibly alone. I didn't know anybody who had a miscarriage. My first thought was, there's something wrong with me, even though the doctors had said there's nothing wrong with you.
And statistically most people go on to have really healthy babies after a pregnancy after a miscarriage. So I knew logically that everything was okay, but there was a massive part of me that was like, well, you don't know
for sure. And so Matt and I had we had gotten so excited about the prospect that we were going to have a baby, and we had started to envisage what our life was going to be like, and we had started to get excited about that, and then that was taken away from us, and so that really shifted our perspective on what we wanted in life. And then that's what made us go, Okay, well, all bets are off. Now, let's just keep trying and see what happens. And we
were so incredibly lucky to then have Maley. May Part of that, though, was that my entire pregnancy with Maley was really overshadowed by the fact that I had had that miscarriage, and I really felt like I wasn't able to enjoy being pregnant in the same way that I think I would have had enjoyed it. If I hadn't miscarried the first time, and you.
Felt pregnant with Marley quite soon after your miscarriage, is that that's right, isn't it. Yeah, So we were really lucky, like and we have always been quite lucky with falling pregnant. I guess for us it's the staying pregnant part that's been a bit of a struggle.
So I felt pregnant about two months after I'd had my miscarriage. The problem with my pregnancy with Marley was that I bled throughout my whole pregnancy. So it happens to some people and they can still go on to have really healthy pregnancies. But it was this constant looming
fear that I had. And I remember being at remember being at Melbourne Cup two years ago and I was pregnant and we hadn't come out yet and said that we were pregnant, and I started bleeding at Melbourne Cup and I just was filled with so much sadness because I thought it's happening again, Like how do I stop this? It's happening again. And we ended up leaving and coming back home to Sydney, and I was just so so sad because I kept feeling like, this is everything is
happening again. We were really lucky, like I did bleed through my whole pregnancy, but you know, we went on to have an incredibly healthy, beautiful baby. But I do feel like that pregnancy was fully shadowed by the fact that we had already had a miscarriage.
Absolutely, And I guess the fact is, of course you're so lucky to fall pregnant again so quickly, because that often doesn't happen. But the fact of the matter is it was it was so soon after you just went through this traumatic experience that of course you're going to have that fear and stress because it's literally just happened. Yeah, like you didn't really have the time to I guess I don't know did you mourn properly or was it just like, oh my god, it's happening again so quickly.
But I also think I don't think it really changes. I think that if you've had a miscarriage once, then that's always going to taint your ability to enjoy your second pregnancy. There's always going to be some fear attached to it. I was saying to you earlier, Britt, when we were talking about this episode. I didn't really have the understanding of what it was to have a miscarriage.
I didn't really have the level of empathy. I was kind of I kind of thought like, how can you be so sad about something that only existed for eight ten weeks? You know, I didn't quite it didn't quite click. And then what happened to me, I was like, Oh, I get this now. It really allowed me to have a total different understanding and perspective on what miscarriage is and the loss that goes along with that feeling.
Well, I imagine, I guess for me, I haven't experienced it, so for me to try and put myself in that position, I guess it's like when you have a breakup, even if that's not even if you haven't moved with that person for long, sometimes you mourn the loss of what could have been and the idea of the life you had and what you had planned, what you had thought about, and what you had imagined. So I imagine it's the same thing.
Sure it was eight weeks, but you had your whole life had just changed, and your whole thought process had included now this amazing little human.
The other part of it as well, and I guess like the part that I really wanted to have a conversation about is that there is this secrecy that surrounds the first three months of pregnancy. You know, we're really told don't tell anyone because you might have a miscarriage.
And then the issue with that is that if you haven't had a conversation with your family or your friends about the fact that you're pregnant, then when a miscarriage happens, it means that you're not able to have a conversation about the miscarriage, which which I found really difficult because I was like, I can't go to work, I can't go and do things with my friends because it's so visceral and physical, which we will get into because I think it's really important to talk about in detail what
it feels like and you know what it is. But I felt like, Okay, this huge thing has happened to me, and I can't talk about it now because nobody even knew I was pregnant in the first place. There was this feeling of like invalidation that kind of went with it as well.
I guess it's a bit of a catch twenty two isn't it. Because the reason they tell you not to go and tell the world about it until twelve weeks is because you have the highest risk of miscarrying in that first twelve weeks. But then, like you said, you don't tell anyone, and you go through it, and then you don't feel like you can tell anyone, So that's
a bit of a catch. Twenty two. I imagine it's important to tell a few close people to you, and I think most people would probably do that so that if this ever does happen, you do have somebody to sort of lean on. It really cuts me deeply when you say you felt so alone, which is mind blowing because miscarriage is so common.
The statistics at the moments to say that one in five women who are pregnant will.
Have a miscarriage.
But it doesn't feel like that, Like when it's happening to you, it really feels like, well, where are the frigg are these other women? Like, like, holy hell, I haven't met them yet. But like I said, as soon as it had happened to me and I kind of joined this club, as you would say, like I felt like people were so much more open to talk about their experiences. And then I found out that friends and family members and people who I never knew had had
a miscarriage would talk to me about it. I guess like that whole story kind of brings us to two months ago, and what happened was is that and I've been trying. It's a pretty non unique story in that it happens to a lot of women. But basically, I found out I was pregnant and I told you, and sorry, Matt,
I did know before you. I tolt bred and I told Paul Matt, and once again like we had gotten really excited about it, and we had booked out dating scans and everything, and then and then a week later, I felt different and I knew something was wrong and I knew what was happening. Again, I guess I never thought I would be someone who would have one miscarriage, let alone did I think I would be someone who
would have two miscarriages. To me, it's been really important to talk about miscarriage because it's been an inextricable part of my pregnancy journey. And I do also think that it does a disservice to just be like, hey, I've got a beautiful, healthy baby, because maybe there's another woman
out there who's struggling to have children. And you see pregnancy announcement after pregnancy announcement on Instagram, and it seems like everybody has it's so easy, and so I think it's really important to talk about the dark side and the difficult side because they go hand in hand, they really do.
And we do have a lot of people actually write in to us saying how to deal with that. A lot of people, a lot of women are writing in saying, I really want a baby. All I'm seeing are my friends falling pregnant. All I'm seeing everywhere I look on social media are babies. So I think this is really nice to know that, sure you do have Miley May
and she's incredible, but you have had two huge losses. Also, I think it's really important for everyone listening and seeing that and feeling like it's suffocating them that not everything is what it seems, and you it's just really important to focus on your own little journey. I remember when you told me you were pregnant, and it had been such a tough week. You had been going through a
lot of other things as well. Your pop was really ill at the time, and you had a lot of stresses and Laura and I don't know if I was like this because of you. You know when you hang around someone a lot and you cry because they cry. Laura was crying.
I was putting, dumping all of my emotional energy onto you.
And we would walk into a podcast room and Laura be really upset, and then I would just cry as well, like I don't know why we were so emotional. And then she gets in the car one day and she looks at me, she goes, I know I've been crying, like why and You're like, I'm pregnant, And I was like, what about the podcast? But no, I do, I do remember that, And then I guess it wasn't that long after a few weeks after and then obviously your whole
world was turned upside down again. I guess my question right now is is the feeling the second time around? How did it differ from the first time? In everything? I want to know how it differed physically, Like did you feel the same things? Did it take the same amount of time? Emotionally? Was it the same thing? So I guess it's just like I'm asking from a point of I have no idea I'm going to ask as if I'm the general public that hasn't been through it,
and I'm genuinely interested in what happened. You know, what you felt and what you went through.
So I think, like, firstly, it is a huge emotional whiplash. You for one day feel so excited and happy, and then the next day you're like, oh, okay, that's gone.
But the thing that was different the second time around to the first time around is that I almost hadn't allowed myself to get excited yet, Like I had really just compartmentalized the fact that I was pregnant and put it into a bit of a box in the side of my brain and being like, cool, well, we'll only check into that and allow my I'll only open that box once I know that everything is okay.
That makes sense. I remember you actually saying, I said, how are you going to tell Matt? Are you going to tell him tonight? And I remember saying, Oh, I might just hold off a little while. I'm not ready to get in there yet, like I've got so much work to do. You were sort of like, I'm gonna put it aside because I know once I tell him it's on. He was going to be yeah on like Donkey Kong.
And I think that like the first time, the first time that I was pregnant, the first time I told Matt, I was so excited and I was so happy, and the thought of a miscarriage never even entered my brain space. I was like, what that happens to you know other people?
That happened to me? What is that?
And then I guess this time around, I was like, oh, actually, do you know what, I'm not going to get excited about it and I will just kind of ride this out and see what happens. And that that affected me in a lot of ways because I did tell Matt that I was pregnant, but it affected the way that I told Matt that I was pregnant. Had I allowed myself to get it excited, I would have gone and like gotten cute booties and like done a cute little like a baby reveal.
We're having a baby.
Instead, we were sitting on the couch this one night and we just ordered pizza pepperoni pepperoni pizza from memory from gelber Since down the road, and it was really spicy, and it because I was pregnant, it tasted a bit weird, and so I had a mouthful and it tasted really strange, and I was like, oh, this, this pizza tastes like soap. And Matt was like, no, the pizza tastes fine. And I was like, well, no, the pizza tastes like soap.
And he was like, Laura, the pizza tastes great. And I was like, well, I'm pregnant, so it tastes like soap.
Okayeah.
Like that was how I told him, But it was me being defensive because I was so in my mind so fearful of the thought that maybe I was going to have another miscarriage. So I was like, well, no, if I can't be excited about it, no one's going to be excited about it.
You know.
I guess, like there's different thoughts on everything. Maybe I manifested it, if if you want to go down that train of thought. But I felt the exact same way with Marley, Like I didn't allow myself to get excited, properly excited about Marley until she was like six months in my belly. I guess this time, it's taken the shine off it. It's taken the shine of pregnancy, it's taken the excitement of pregnancy, and that's that's sad.
Really. I want to just touch on something you just said, and I know you didn't really mean it, but when you said maybe you manifested it because you didn't want to get excited, you absolutely did not manifest it. You were just you were just reacting to a situation you had been through before, and that's that's how we live and learn in our life. So you had adapted to a situation and not to do it, but you do not manifest things like that.
And the sensible part of me knows that. But isn't it funny? Like I would never in my normal life think that, think this, Like I would never think and put guilt on something like that. But even by saying I manifested it or there was even trying to use that as an excuse, I'm still harboring some guilt for it.
Which is one way I feel. I know I can tell, And that's why I want to point that out that I can't imagine the feeling a lot of women must feel. Is that, like, what's wrong with me? And why couldn't I provide a home for this baby? And why couldn't I carry it? And what could I have done differently?
You kind of start racking your brain and you go, oh, my god, was it those few glasses of wine I had before I found out I was pregnant, Or was it the fact that I did a like a hit class, or you start thinking all these things that are totally irrational and which research says none of it actually would make a difference, but you still kind of want something to blame from a physical conversation about what it feels like. When I went to the doctor, they talked about it.
They explained to me what had happened, and they gave me my option as to whether I wanted to be medically induced or whether I wanted to go through the process of passing me myself, or they could give you medication to speed up the process. I decided that I would just wait, and they didn't prepare me for how physically painful and taxing it is. And so not only are you going through like the sadness side of things
it is. I know that everyone is different, and so I can only speak for my own experience, but it is such a painful full body experience in that you feel like you're having contractions, you pass really big clots like they can range anywhere between like the size of a fifty cent piece up to the size of an orange.
Like there's such a spectrum. So forgive me for my ignorance, but I'm just gonna say things as it happens. When you're saying like you're passing the clots, what, let's start at the start. What what's the first thing that happened that you said, Okay, something's not right. Was it bleeding? Was it pain? Was it soire?
For me, I had a sharp pain in my left side that wouldn't go away, just kind of like a stitch, like days for a few hours. Oh, okay, for a few hours. And this is, like I said, this is totally different for every single person. Some people get spotted first, and then there's people who have spotting and that's totally normal. But so I had this pain and it wouldn't go away.
And then I started getting a bit more cramping in my lull back and I was like, this feels very very reminiscent of like period pain.
And I was like, what is this? And then I started getting spotting and that's when I knew, like, Okay, this doesn't feel right.
Something's really wrong. So then over the course of the next twenty four hours, like the pain increased and the bleeding increased, and it kind of increased to a point where I was like, well, it's undeniable, what's happening? And I called my doctor and had a conversation. And what does that involve calling the doctor?
Yeah, like what, like what do they eat?
I guess it depends like some people will go to emergency, some people will write it out at home, like there is such a spectrum. I didn't go to emergency because my doctor had explained to me that there really is nothing that they can do if you are miscarrying. So I was like, Okay, I will wait this out and see what happens. And and it was like it was undeniable.
I knew what was happening. And then then you start having the contraction waves like this really intense, like buckled over pain, and then it kind of subsides a little bit and you'll have a gush of blood and then it will happen again. But I still continue to bleed for like three weeks after that, which it's just this constant reminder. It's this constant reminder of what is happening. So not only do you feel sad and shit, but
you physically feel so sad and shit. And I just felt like I was so poorly prepared for the physical side of what it entails. And I mean, in both of my miscarriagters, I was early, like I was definitely first trimester. I was relatively early trimester. It was still so physically intensive that I can only imagine what it's like for women who miscarry later on in life, So
that's kind of from a physical perspective. I must admit that I didn't know how long it went on for because I remember two three weeks down the track and you'd say, I'm still bleeding, I'm still having to wear a pad, And I was really shocked because I guess I've never really spoken about it with other people either, and I didn't know.
I knew that you passed a lot of clothes, and I knew you blared a lot, but I didn't think it went on for so long. And I think a lot of people probably don't know that.
And maybe for some people it doesn't. And sorry for like being so super graphic guys, like, but I guess I know that for me, there just wasn't any information on this, Like I would get onto forums and I would read what other people had kind of written about it, but from like a girlfriend to girlfriend conversation, there just
wasn't any of this sort of information out there. And I think had I had that information at hand or had heard someone say it before it started happening to me, I would have felt a little bit more emotionally equipped for it. So in saying that, the second time around, I felt more emotionally equipped for the physical side of actually having a miscarriage because I knew what I was in for and I knew what to expect. So that's what was different about this one versus the first one.
I mean, you only told a few people you were pregnant, but I remember when you told me that you had miscarried. You it as in like, hey, I'm gonna be a bit late. I'm going through a miscarriage, but like, don't even worry about it. I'll be there soon. And I was like, I was like, ah, what. I was like, well, you're late because you're miscarrying, and You're like yeah, but it's totally fine. And I remember just being like Laura, like it's not fine, and you can sit in this
and let's talk about this. But you were like, no, like, I'll deal with it later, there's nothing we can do, and you just wanted to get on with it because I think you knew this time around. I guess that there is nothing you can do right now, and it's going to go on for a while.
And I'm a real coper, like, I'm not someone who sits in my sadness. And it also takes me a little while to really process how I feel about things. I'm sure there's some I'm sure there's some people who can relate to this, but when something bad happens, it takes me a while for my brain to go, oh, you're sad, or oh, this is how you actually feel. I don't really feel my feelings instantly, and so it kind of took me a couple of days to process
how I actually felt about what was happening. And that also ties into the fact that I hadn't really allowed myself to be happy about it in.
The first place.
The more that people talk about it, the more that we normalize it, the more conversation that there is, then the less stigma that's attached to it. And there is this like real therapeutic healing that comes from having a conversation about something and talking through an experience and seeing other people and meeting other people who have had that same loss, because it makes you realize, oh, there's nothing wrong with me, like that's happened to them as well.
And I remember reading Michelle Obama had had a miscarriage, and I remembered reading about it in great detail, and she really explained how she felt and how far along she was, and she was quite far along in her pregnancy, and I was like, Wow, she is someone I wish with such huge influence in the world, and she is someone who I think is REALI she's incredible. And I was like, she's talking about this, and she's having a conversation about this publicly, with no judgment, with no girl,
with no stigma attached. And I was like, this is what we need to be doing, because it's the only way for people to feel like they're supported and seen in this.
How I guess did it affect Matt and yours and Matt's relationship because I just wonder how often the husband or boyfriend or fiance is not left out of it. But I guess it's hard for them they probably don't feel the attachment to the level because it's not inside of them, but they would have a loss as well. They would imagine their life with a child, and I wonder if sometimes we forget about them.
That is so incredible, Like he has always been so so supportive of me. He was the one that was really supportive of me talking about it publicly. He was like, you have these conversations because it gives purpose.
To the fact that it happened.
That we have been through this now twice, It's really galvanized our relationship. It's really made us go through the amazing times together and also work through some of the really shitty times as well, but also makes us realize that we want to have more kids. You know, every time that it has happened to us, we're like, no, this is really what we want because because we wanted it, Yeah,
because we were so sad by it not happening. So it really reinforces the choices and the fact that this is this is exactly what we want.
So moving into another direction, you and I were just like going through what we were going to talk about today, and it sort of came up how sometimes your friends or people in your life can have so much like goodwill and have great intentions when they want to come and support you, but it doesn't quite hit the mark. I guess what's your advice If there is someone out there that's friend is going through this, what are some
things that you found? And if I did something, you can tell me now what this is?
This is exactly it we were kind of talking about, like all the different facets of what we could talk about in and around miscarriage. And obviously there's going to be so many people who never experience it themselves, but they will be in a situation where someone they love
it experience is it? And I know from being in the situation myself that there there are not many things that you can say that will make the situation better, but there are a lot of things that you can say that will make the situation worse.
All right, So let's hope I wasn't in this category.
I what I really kind of wanted to say. People very well meaning will say it to you like, oh, well, you know it just wasn't meant to be, or maybe this isn't the right time for you, And like I get that they're trying to be supportive and they're trying to be constructive, But when you are going through miscarriage, being told that now is not the right time, it feels very dismissive of what is happening, and it feels very much like, well, actually, not now is the right time.
I wanted this. I was excited and happy about this.
So telling me that that now is not the right time, or that you know, obviously something's wrong and that's why it didn't happen, it doesn't actually take away the feeling of hurt and sadness. Another one that I think is really common, which I heard in my second pregnancy, and I only heard it from a couple of people because I really only spoke about my miscarriage to a couple
of people. But it seems really common when you have one child to be told, oh, well, like you're just you're lucky that you have Mali, and you're lucky that you have a baby. And I am lucky that I have a baby. I know that, and I know there are many women out there who don't have that. But just because you have a child doesn't diminish your right to feel grief over something that you lost.
Just because you have one doesn't take away the fact that you have lost something else.
And I think the only honestly, if you know someone who's having a miscarriage and they come and they talk to you about it, the only thing that you can say that is going to be good in this situation is like, that fucking sucks.
And I'm really that was literally quote what I said to you.
Yeah, that fucking sucks, and I'm really sorry, and I hope you're okay. How are you Can I do anything for you? Do you need me to cook something? Do you need a hug? Maybe all right now social distancing, but do you need anything? And I think that that's enough. I don't think you need to explain or try and you know, I don't think you need to explain or try and tell people like, oh, like you'll get pregnant again, this happened.
To my friend.
Like, none of that really matters in that moment. The only thing that matters is to say, are you okay? And is there anything I can do?
Yeah?
I think it's important not to try to justify to your friend why something happened, which is I think anyone in your life that he's talking to you like that and they mean so well, and they do it from love and saying that like it's not your time, it will come. That's from a good place, but it's not helping you in your situation totally.
And I say this out of love, like I say this because I used to do this, Like I was that person, and I would have that conversation thinking that I was doing the right thing. And then when I was in the situation myself, I was like, I realized how tone depth that was. But it took me, being in the position of someone who's experiencing it, to go, oh, my god, please stop lecturing me on how or why this has happened to my like just shut up and say, I hope you're okay. But I know it comes from
the most well meaning place. But I think that sometimes, you know, people react weird when they're put in an uncomfortable position and it's an uncomfortable conversation and we don't really know how to deal with other people's grief when it makes us uncomfortable.
Well, it's that idea again, isn't it. It's the idea of that you can't change that situation now, like you can't. Nothing anyone can say or do is going to change what has happened. So it's really I remember just saying to you that fucking sucks, and then I was like, and I am so sorry, and I am here any time of the day or night. Call me. And then that's all you can do, because you can't nothing else that you can do. All you can do is be there for your friend. Nothing you say is going to
change the fact that it's happened. So I think it's really important just to be there and genuinely be there.
I really feel like I have covered everything that I set out to talk about in this episode regards to my own personal experience and my own experiences with pregnancy and with loss, and I just really I can't I can't stress this enough really that I don't think that my story is unique. I think that there are so many women who have been through something very very similar, and there is power in conversation and there is power
in talking about that shared experience. If just one person who has gone through something similar feels more supported and they feel seen, and they feel like their feelings and their sadness is validated and they feel supported in this, then there is purpose to sharing this. And I'm okay with being exposed and putting my small story out there in the world.
I just am really proud of you. That's all I want to say. You're such an incredible woman, and I mean seeing you go through it, seeing everything else that you went through at the same time, and you, guys, I mean I saw it firsthand. And there's so much that Laura went through in that time that you guys don't know about. And God, I just like, I just take my I just can't say enough about you right now, and I take my hat off to you for being brave enough to tell your story on such a public platform.
And I know there'll be so many women out there that will be grateful, and so many women that would have just learned so much and taken something from this and they won't feel alone. And for that, I just love you. I think you're amazing. Thank you. How what do we do with that? Okay, it's so cute. I was like, where do we go now? I can't even hug.
A jeez, life guys, throw some fucking spanners at you.
I guess whilst we are having the conversation about it, we just thought, if we're going to get onto this really personal level and Laura is going to share the situation and the feelings and the experiences that she went through personally, that maybe we should just touch on a few things from a medical point of view as well, because I feel like the miscarriage is such a huge, huge topic and I don't think we'll ever be fully revisiting it, hopefully for all of our sake, So we
just thought we would talk about I guess some reasons maybe miscarriage happen just so people don't feel like it's just their body. So there are a few different things and a few different reasons that they can happen. And again, guys, we are not doctors. We have just done a little bit of research ourselves and that's all we can do. If anything, if you are experiencing anything, or you do you have any worries, of course, go to the doctor
and of course speak to someone. I guess first and foremost, like we said, miscarriage is really common and most of the time it's a chromosomal abnormality.
Yeah, so, like I said earlier, like one in five seems to be the statistic, and it was mostly early pregnancy that that happens in But from what I understand and from what I know about it is that majority of miscarriages that happen are completely unpreventable. It's not that you did something, it's not that you ate something. It's nothing that you have done lifestyle wise that's caused this.
There has been there's so many things that have to go right along the way for a pregnancy to be viable and for a healthy child to be born, that just something has gone wrong along that line. And the really disheartening thing is that often they can't tell you why. They can't actually give you a reason. They just say like it's one of those things. And that's what they've done for me for the last three times. They can't tell me why it's happened. Maybe there is like some
sort of compromise in your cerbex or your uterus. That's also something, but that's a very physical thing that they can internally check and actually validate and give you a reason for. But majority of times you will come out of this experience and have absolutely no idea why it happened in the first place.
Yeah, the doctors will actually say that it's just genetically abnormal embryos. It's out of your control, like absolutely out of your control. And something that I did read Laura that I had no idea about, and I don't know if you had any idea about it, but I actually found it fascinating is that it's not just like as women age. We all know that every doctor says that as you age as a woman, it increases your chance of things going wrong in pregnancy. And I feel like
it's always been put on the women. Your eggs are aging, and you better get a riggle on and all these sort of things that just put so much pressure on you. Anyway, I read that it's also men that age and their sperm as their sperm ages that can also increase your risk of miscarrying. So a men, they say from like forty five on their sperm can start to have issues and that can also increase your risk. So I actually had no idea that that was even a thing.
Isn't it funny that we put so much I guess there's so much conversation around women and our biological clocks, but no one ever talks about men and men's biological clocks. We just kind of I just thought sperm had a great shelf life.
You see all these men though, that are like fifties, sixty seventies, father and children, and so you always feel like it's all the pressure and all the fault and all the blame is on the women. But I just found that was a really interesting fact. And then there was one other thing that I wanted to touch on too, And I guess you will know about this as well from a personal level. But a lot of the questions that people writing women, they're asking how soon is too
soon just to try again? When do you try again? How long do you wait? And from what I have read, I'm not sure what the doctor's told you, but I read that one to two periods at least is like should be your minimal. But also it's more of an emotional and a physical thing, isn't it. It's like when you emotionally recover and feel like you're in a good place.
No one actually told me that, Like, I didn't know that I was supposed to wait a period cycle and my period never returned to normal after my first miss carriage, so I never got a period. I got pregnant within two months of my first miscarriage with it, but my period had never come back. See that's interesting, and so I didn't know I was pregnant.
I didn't even know you could do that.
Well, there you go, you can't. So I didn't know I was pregnant. It wasn't until I was quite far along with Maley that I then found out I was pregnant because I still hadn't gotten my period back and I thought it was just my body taking a really long time to get back to normal and correct itself.
But really I was pregnant again. Guys, I know that this has been like quite a heavy episode and quite a different episode to what we normally do, but it is something that's so important and it's something that hugely affects relationships. It's something that hugely affects women, and it is something that we just don't talk about enough.
And we have started the conversation, and I hope now you all, if you're feeling like you need an out, you can talk on the Facebook group. But hopefully this has helped some of you and you can just reach out to your friends. And again, Laura, I I could say it a thousand times, but I can't say thank you enough. And I know there's a lot of women out there that will be so eternally grateful for you.
Sharing what you just shared, because it is I can't imagine how exposing it is, and you must feel so vulnerable. But no, thank you for letting me hijack this episode. Oh it's all yours, baby, It is all yours.
All right, guys, So we never finished an episode without our suck and our suite and our suck and our suite is basically just the highlights and the low lights of every week. Brittany, what is your suck?
Okay? So my suck? I mean it didn't really affect me directly, but I guess I was. I was quite offended by it. I'm not surey, I don't remember if I were.
You're gonna take my suck right now. I feel like you're taking my suck and using it as your own suck.
I don't remember. You can get sucked? Did I or do I not tell you about Bennett Street Dairy Cookies. No, my sister told me about it, all of it. I couldn't remember, because guys, I've had this obsession for a long time. Bennet Street Dairy cookies. They're these incredible cookies from a cafe close to us, and they are like out of control. Good. Laura also has had the obsession since Io. They have started to sell the dough cookie dough, so it's like cookie dough crack. It has been our
sweets for a long time. It's also very expensive, lack. It's so expensive. So Laura bought like four logs the other day we were coming home. She bought four logs. I was like, I'm gonna buy some too. Anyway, she bought them. All that's Brits suck. Then I knowed her and I was like, there were no bloody logs left. And she's like, oh, I got four, come down and I'll give you one. And I was like, I'm not gonna take your log. I don't want it that much.
I was just wanting to wing. Anyway. I see later that night on her story that she burnt her cookies black. This is this expensive, very rare cookie dough. Oh you did it. You took my suck because it was my suck to you, and you gave me the suck first. So my suck was my heart breaking at the log that could have been Wow, I did it, you really did it. Yeah, I did it.
Look it wasn't my best moment in life. I'm a freaking terrible cook. I just don't know why. I don't know what's wrong with me. I purchased cookie dough pre made. All I had to do was put it onto a baking tray, put it in the oven for seven minutes on one hundred and eighty degrees. I'd put it in the oven, and then within two minutes of being in the oven, Molly had hit her head and was having
a tantrum. So I took her into the bedroom to give her a bottle and a cuddle, and then I came out like maybe twenty five minutes later.
They take six minutes.
Matt was sitting on the couch. He could smell that the house was on fire, and he was still sitting on his couch. On the couch on Instagram, how are you doing?
The house is bending down. We're homeless and have no freaking cookies. Guys, if you had a taste of these cookies, you would know that. I know this suck sounds ridiculous, but it was heartbreaking. But anyways, what's your sweet? My
sweet is? I guess now doing this podcast with you and seeing you tell your story and just seeing even you over the last few months since it's happened, and how amazing you've been, how cradly you've been, and seeing you on this journey to get to this point though, to get to this point it's not easy, and seeing you just get it all off your chest and knowing that you're only doing it because you want to help
someone else. It's my sweet. Oh I don't, I'm not worriedy the compliments make me feel weird.
All right, well, year, just get into your suite then, okay, So my my suck I suck for the week was the cookies was the cookies.
But maybe I can come up with another suck. No, I think it's still the cookies.
And then my sweet for the week, I mean, apart from the Magician Show, which was really freaking good, I also think this is my sweet. I can't believe we had the same suck and same sweet. There's got to be a rule against that.
We're spending too much time because it is terrible. We're not this is awful, what a disaster.
I've said it a few times throughout this episode, like it's I think it's therapeutic for me to be able to talk about it. It also is probably going to be something that even comes to a surprise to some of my friends who I still haven't had a conversation about, who I still haven't told. So it's kind of therapeutic to be able to be like, this happened and it's now out there in the world, and it means it's okay for me to talk about it, and so to be able to talk about it and to hope that
it helps somebody else, then that gives purpose. There's purpose in the pain, and I really really have a lot of appreciation for that.
And guys, if you got something from this episode, leave us some love. Go and give Laura a bunch of little love hearts on it. Flood herd dms don't know. Flood her dms with love hearts colored love hearts.
If you have enjoyed this episode, you know the drill jump on, leave us a review with Apple. We love them, we read them more. We greatly appreciate every single person who does that. Also, if you have a question for Ask on Cut, please slide into our DMS or send it through to us on the Facebook page and we will add it to the list for this coming Thursday's episode of Ask Uncut.
Also, if you have any accidentally unfiltered you know where to send them, Shoot them through to our dms at Life Uncut Podcasts, or you can throw them up on the Facebook page now. And I want you guys to help each other out, give each other some advice, give each other some love.
And share them all because we love that
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