Surviving an eruption with Kelsey Waghorn

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present, Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode of the podcast was recorded on Gadigal Land of the Orination. Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.

I'm Brittany and I'm Laura. And last week I gave y'all some homework. Indeed I did, and I'm wondering if anybody actually went and watch it.

Well I did, but I did before you gave me the homeworks.

So I did it a little while ago. Okay, well you get a gold star for anybody else. I did tell you all that we were interviewing Kelsey Waghorn, who was from a Netflix documentary. It's called The Volcano Rescue from Fakari and it's all about the White Island volcano

It's so hard to I think that there's so many times, and we talk about this, but there's so many times in life that you go through something and you reach out to a support group. While there's other people that can help you through that situation. But I think for Kelsey, there is not a huge group of people that survived something as traumatic as a volcano eruption, and you know, she had a lot of repercussions from that, and we

Going to want to go back and watch the documentary. Before we get into speaking to Kelsey, though, there is something else that we wanted to talk about. There has been a research that has gone into why is it that people like to date people who look almost the same as them. I love to date our siblings. I love the.

People that put the funding into this. Somebody has funded this study. Someone has said we need to know why people date people that look like their brother and sister.

I wonder if it was the Instagram siblings all dating. Probably I just had this thought.

Now you went away to Hamilton Island, it looked magnificent. Keisha producer Kisha went away to Melbourne, had an amazing wedding, amazing time. I don't think I spoke to another human the whole weekend.

You had dinner with someone. Last night. I literally was messaging you about work and you were like, sorry, I can't do it now I'm at dinner until Sunday night at my house.

I just had one of those weekends where I was like, I'm not gonna speak to any one of these weekend I actually hung out with my dog.

I actually think that that's great. Every so often, it's nice to just go for like an extended period of time where you're like, I am not speaking to another human. Oh yeah, I don't say it. Like, have sympathy for me.

I love shutting down sometimes, Like I love going into a little hermit box. Like if I were an animal, I'd probably be a hermit crab, I would think.

But like with a big lush shell, But that's that's what happened with like a Gucci shell that has some sort of branding on the I would have spent.

My javonchi shell and then I would upgrade you the Guchi. In my wildest dreams, I would love that. The only person I spoke to you really was the lady from the store, from the cocoa whip store. So I have a new addiction, Laura, coco whip.

Have you tried it? It's like, yeah, yeah, I mean I have. Am I addicted to it?

No?

Have I tried it? Yes, I'm addicted, like as in frozen yogurt, coconut frozen yogurt.

Yeah, it's organic, so it's so healthy. Etce too much of a good thing is still too much? I mean it's still it's still like ten table suits of sugar, I think. But it's across the road from me very conveniently. It's my new thing that I'm doing every single day.

So you know what I one single day? Well, you know last time I had this addiction, because this is also what I do.

I find one thing. I have it every day for like four months. So it was yes, recently this light where Yeah.

Last year it was spinach sausage rolls from the health food and porium and it was like, because they're from the health food and porium, they're healthy, and I reckon. She would eat two a day, like she'd come home with just two brown paper bags, and then often she would buy four of them, two for herself, one for me and Keisha. I didn't even like them. They were

You will eat the sausage roll, and then I upgraded upside to eat the meat sausage roll because the thirty sausage roll wasn't enough.

Anyway, I've transitioned. I haven't had a sausage roll for a while.

I weaned myself off them, and they were really surprised. I went in one day. They were like, just a sausage roll and I was like.

No, can't do it anymore, and they were like, what are you okay?

Are you?

Went well, but it's the coca whip now, and that's what I'm doing. It's like when you go so hard on a song, like you really like a song, and then you play it NonStop and then all of a sudden, one day you just get the itck for that song and you can't play it again because you've done it so many times. But going back to sausage rolls just one second.

I don't know why this is what we're talking about, but like I'm gonna go with it. Last week we did radio out at our you know, the air and studios. We're out of mccuori Park and every Thursday they load up they've got like these what's the brea and the guy was from The Bachelor.

Garlo's Pies Jackson Garlic.

Who remember there was that big scene on The Bachelor and the Bachelotte with Andie Kent where he brought her a pie.

And he took her to the pie shop and she was a vegan. Well, we have two like of those like little hot what are they the little pie ovens. There's two pie ovens at the radio station, right and every Thursday they load them up with pies and we can go and we can have a free pie. Anyway. Well, it's like the highlight of the week and that's what we used to do, Like last year when we were doing radio, we'd go and get a pie every week.

So it's my It was my nephew's birthday on Laala's birthday too, so they're born on the same day.

Cue. Did you remember your nephew's birthday? Yes? I did? Okay, Well, now next year, it's going to make it so easy for you to remember. So here's the question. Do you think you're setting like a scary precedent for your children's birthdays?

If Lola's second birthday you took it a Hamilton Island, What does Marley get for her birthday?

And what you do every year?

Now, like I reckon, you've got to wind it back, go back to the Tonka truck.

I guess the way that we're going to approach this is kids don't get presents if there's a big holiday on their birthday, But if there isn't and we're not doing anything particularly special, then they can have presents. Will that come back and bite us in the ass? I don't know, maybe, but like we're just like, we don't know what we're doing when it comes to this parenting thing, and we're absolutely just kind of throwing caution to the wind and doing our best.

Do you think you'd ever give them a choice and say now you can go away for the weekend or you can have presents, or do you think because you're gonna want the holiday anyway? You're like, this is what we're doing. So it was like hack your suit, gay.

The present was for.

Us real, Like when I bought that massage Hot massage kit.

For my boyfriend at the time for a present, but I just wanted him to massage me back. It's the same thing. Yeah, it is the same thing, Okay, but something happened on this holiday and I kind of want I don't even know if I bought your opinion on it, but it was the most outrageous parenting thing I've ever experienced, and I was filled with so much fucking rage from this that I need to tell you, and I also like want everybody else to kind of DM me and

Right, so some other kid has stolen his parents phone.

Some kid or maybe it's his own phone, who knows. They're like fourteen year old kids. And there was a group of fourteen year old kids on the boat, like this little group of boys, right, So it wasn't an accident.

I'm picturing a two year old no, no, no no.

This was like and it was like incessantly sending. You couldn't open your phone without having an air drop request pop up every two seconds, right, And so instantly I was like, Oh, it's those it's that group of boys, like they are the culprit, the little turd burgers. And I definitely made that assumption without like going and checking the boat or anything. I was like, it's that group.

And just say, can I please look at your phone?

So anyway, she ended up taking the phone. Well, the dad did and he went through the phone and he came up to us about fifteen minutes later, and he was like really casual about it. He was like, hey, so sorry about that. Uh yeah, look one of the videos was on my son's phone, so I guess it was them. Haha. Teenagers? Hey, and I cannot accept that this is just teenagers? So do you okay? No, okay, here we go, here we go? Is this just teenagers?

Is that? Like?

How do you as a parent not know that that's what your teenager has loaded onto their phone. Nah, I know, I know, I get it.

Yes, I get that this is a thing that teenagers would do in terms of they're curious, they're gonna download porn, they're gonna watch porn. I get that, But it is not it just oh, just teenagers. You can't brush that off when they are sending that to other people because they think it's entertaining.

Like that is different.

But I think that a fourteen year old, fifteen year old is going to be looking at porn. I don't think you can avoid that. But you can go and reprimand your child and say, you know what, I get you curious, you're gonna look at it. That's fine, but you can't go and force that onto someone else, especially when there's a two year old on the phone.

I think for me, it was the type of porn. So this pawn was very and like you know, just very much trigger warning here for anybody who this is going to be too much for So this pawn was very much rape culture porn, and so to me, I'm like, if your child has that on their phone and you don't take that seriously like that is not just boys will be boys, That is not just old teenagers will

If it's not just like this is curiosity. No, if it's not just like I don't want to say standard sex. But if it if.

It's not just that it's missionary, I don't want to hear about it. I mean, missionary is one thing.

But no, when you're add in that it's a rape culture style porn, I mean that of course that changes things. And they're standing there and they think it's funny. We don't know that they think the rape culture is funny. We know they think sending porn and making someone uncomfortable

I mean, maybe they didn't think okay. Maybe it was one of those situations where it's like they want to have a nice day with their kids. They've they've taken them out on this experience, and it's like to reprimand them would just mean that everyone has a terrible time. So it's kind of like, well, like, look, it's unfortunate, let's put it off to the side. But I don't know.

I am just picturing what my dad like. They call him big tones, big Tony. I call him for a reason. He's a big boy Papa hockey hockey.

Sometimes he's just more oh my god, my dad's the best.

But he would gone off someon would have been overboard like that, that would not have flown.

Well. No, look Matt very much. He stood up to the plate after it kind of escalated, But it was more so just I know it's human nature and parenting nature to want to defend your children, like you never want to think the worst of them, but like, it was such an unusual experience. I never ever thought I would be in that situation, And I don't know how I would have responded if I was on the other side, but I think I would have responded quite differently.

I would like to think that these parents were probably embarrassed a level of embarrassment. Didn't want to make maybe a big scene, like you said, and let's all hope that they went up to the kids.

And we're like, we're gonna deal with this later.

Well in by the year, but like, I'm not going to cause a scene right now.

Never having a phone again or sex ever.

No, well, speaking of parenting, my brother had a baby on the weekend. He obviously h didn't, but his fiance Kim did. Is my brother Dane and his partner Kim had a baby. So I'm an auntie again, which is very nice, very cute.

I want to gauge your opinion. No, I know what you're doing here, and I'm not okay with this. I don't like that you have waited until we're on record to tell me the name, which makes me think that I'm going to have adverse feelings towards No, the child had had no choice in this. It's not their fault. Whatever your brother named their child, it's not your child.

It's one of those names that gonna be like I'm gonna prey scarticle or fucking cupcake or something, isn't it. It's one of those names that like at the start, you're like, okay, okay, unusual, but then I think it grows on you. Okay, So that happened with my niece, same family. My niece she's six, so six years ago, so I don't think his name was as common as six or seven years ago. Pick.

Her name's Pixie and I like that.

Well.

I remember when they were like, he it's Pixie. Sherry and I were like, oh, that's nice, but we didn't but we hadn't heard it a lot and it was unusual. But like you know, a month later, she's never going to be anything else. It's Pixie and it's adorable and I love it, and I think his name's the same.

This is one of those things, right where like whatever you name your child is going to have an impact on who they are and what they grow up to be because it actually influences the way that people speak to them. So if you give someone a cutesy name, they're never going to be like missus Cupcake, who's representing you in the legal services. I've met a kid and their name was Okay, and it's thrown me the rest of my life, which is wild.

Maybe we need to do a call out for like the most unusual names at preschool. But yeah, so that's funny that you say that, like it's who they're grow into. Because my brother is a big boy. He's six foot two or something like big, broad shoulders, he's chattered like he's a big boy.

He's a film say, Kim's.

A beautiful, amazing but she's very tall as well. So they're gonna have tall kids.

Yeah, like they just done. She ain't gonna be a pixie, she's gonna be a tall Yeah.

So it's a little boy and his name is Bear.

Oh I like that. Why do you think that that's so weird? Well it's not.

It's weird, but it's unusual to me because I haven't heard it. Yeah, like rah bear like bear.

B e r Yeah, grizzly be like rah bear cute. I'm okay with that. Do you think it's Do you think that he's gonna grow up and he's.

Going to be he's going to be so tall and his name's bet.

Also very good if he turns out to be gay, because it's already sort of for him, he'll be the bear.

Well that's the other thing, because he's gonna be Yeah, he's gonna like the grizzly bed.

That's a gay term, isn't it. I only know that from your brother, Yes, it is.

Anyway, I'm an auntie again and he's absolutely adorable. So I'm gonna go visit probably next week, and I'll give you a little update. But is Yeah, it's fun to be an auntie because I get my mom fixed.

Without having to give birth.

Yeah, like I see your kids, and I see my aunt my nieces and nephews, and all my friends have kids, and I get what I need for the minute. Hey, do you want to know an update on that?

What on the egg freezing situation? I think I'm gonna freeze my eggs again. Yeah, how many eggs do you need? To freeze as many as you can?

So I only got fifteen, which sounds like a lot, but it's actually not that many. So that could result in maybe four viable They might not actually take four is enough for children, but that's only if they take so then they might not work anyway. But no, what I was gonna say is, for the first time ever, You know how I always talk about kids and like I'm I've always been more.

I don't think I want them, No, Like I'm always no, no, no, no, when we first started this podcast, you were always like, yes, I know I want them, and then over the years you were like, the more time I spend with your children, I think I don't want that. And I was like, that's really offensive. That's a super offensive thing to say, but let's go with it.

But yes, that is true, but it's also not your kids. I'm obsessed with them and then the best kids. It's just the way it changes your life. I've always thought I wasn't ready for that, so it's my life now, So it's your entire existence. So it's actually everything about the way that you live that I hate. It's just all of you in a package. I don't want it. No, I'm joking, but it's there.

You know, we all know parenting is a full time job. It is, but it's one thing to know it, and it's another thing to see it.

It's one thing for me to sit at home knowing how busy someone is and tied there and screaming in tantrums, but it's another thing when you're there. And I've always thought that every time I'm around my friend's kids, and I'm like, I'm not ready for that. I don't think I want it for the first time ever. Now I don't know if it's an age thing. I don't know if it's banned minu partner. I don't know what it is.

It's because you're newly a life of no because I wasn't like that with Jordan.

I was still like, I don't think I want them. And I also don't know if it's because this year I'm thirty six.

Guys, the truth is out. Finally, may put that into your reporting. We'll still thirty five technically. Okay, wait, I have a question for you about this, because I think this is really interesting. Do you think it partly plays into the fact that Jordan was quite on the opposite side of it. So Jordan was very much that he didn't want to have kids, or he would do it to make you happy, but it wasn't something that he was excited about. And I know that this is a

I genuinely don't think so, because I mean, yes, of course there's going to be some level for sure, But I went into that. I met Jordan when I was already freezing my eggs. I was freezing my eggs because well, I wasn't in a situation to have a child, and I also didn't want that child yet. And I had this conversation with my sister and my friends and you guys for years, how do you know when am I going to know?

I don't.

I think, you know, like I'm waiting for that time to come where it hits me like a train, being like I can't wait to have a baby, and it never came. So then if I really wanted children and I started to date someone that didn't, that's a bit of a deal breaker for me, right If two people are pole opposite with something as big as a life

And also when you have to deal with so many people constantly telling you that you will regret it, and even if you don't think that you will, that constantness would definitely plant some doubt, plant some fear if nothing else.

Yeah, and I think a lot of people will understand what I'm saying that are in my position where they don't think they want them. They will resonate with what I'm saying. Where it is a scary thought because even though you could almost be sure about something, there's still this little bit of doubt. And it's not something you can just change, like you down the track in twenty years. You can't be like, it's not like when you were, like I wish I went on that holiday to Iceland,

One more question about this. If you were not with Ben and you were on your own, would you still want to do it? Do you think that you would ever pursue having children regardless of your relationship status at this stage?

No?

Right, yeah, at this stage no.

I would be okay if it happened, of course, and you'd make it work. But I still don't think it's a choice I'd go down My whole being doesn't want it enough to go down that track alone.

Well, then maybe it does have this massive influence. The fact that you're in a relationship now with someone who wants kids in their future. It has helped to push you within a direction where you're seeing that as part of your future. Because I had the same thing with Matt, I didn't ever have that maternal push. I really didn't, but I knew Matt really wanted to have kids, and for him, that was a huge deal breaker. If I said I didn't want to have children, we would never

Yeah, and I know Ben, it's early days, it's a couple of months.

But I know Ben as a person.

We've spoken about it enough to know, you know, like, do you want kids?

Do you not? Like we talk about that stuff. He's a bit like me too.

He's like, if you adamantly didn't want them, that would be okay. He's like, but I've always sort of just seen them in my life, so he's also not strongly wanting them. But when I look at him and I think this is something any woman thinks about when they start to date somebody, whether it's a woman or a man, do you look at them in that parental light? Do you think that would be a good parent, a good dad, or a good mom. And I know he would be

Like, oh, and also, would you make a good team? I think is the biggest thing. Yeah. Well, before we get into speaking to Kelsey on today's episode, there was one more thing that I wanted to talk to you about, Britt and it is an article that came out in Psychology today. Pedestrian also did a peace on it. But it's all around how there are now scientific reasons as to why we seem to choose people who look like us. I mean, you know, the whole Instagram account, siblings or dating.

Yes, I actually has crossed my mind before.

To be fair, I think that every single guy I've ever had a long term relationship with looks like they could be my brother. Well, so maybe this is a thing. Maybe so, oh no, it's a thing.

It is science is doing its job and being science, and there's a room behind it.

That was the most profound thing that you said. Science is doing its job and it is doing science.

But that's funny you say that, like the whole you just said, you know, this is this is this article it says there's a scientific reason. Then you're like, hang on a minute, everyone I've dated.

Look like my brother, well everybody, actually, nobody I've dated has looked like my brother. But everybody I've dated has kind of looked like myself, which I think is way more problematic than dating someone who you look like you're related to. The thing is you don't look.

At you and Matt and think that you look the same. But if you did take a step back and look, you're like, okay, I can see similarities, Like, yes, there could be a relation.

Well okay. This has always been something that's floated around the nether like. People have made the comment and this is not about me specifically, but people have made the comment that often we were attracted to people who look similar to us, or people will end up dating people who look almost the saint. I mean, look at the couple who are on Mass at the moment, who literally look like they could be related. Yeah, and remember you, I don't watch maths, so I don't know.

But remember there was this big thing or the life is a remember, but there was that big thing that everyone said that I was dating.

Jordan and Jordan looked like you.

Yeah.

Remember they did it. They did a comparison and they put a beard on me.

So, yeah, you're the person I see the most of my life and I started dating you, like, maybe there is something to us.

Okay, Well, I wanted to break down some of the reasons that psychology today has given as to why we are attracted to people who look similar to us. Yeah, now, straight off the back one of them. I mean, and this is pretty obvious. I think it's called a group biases. So the reason for this is that we attracted to people who are of similar race to us, So like the same race, were attracted to people who are from our own communities who look similar to us in that vein.

Yeah, whereas I was always like a fly to a flame.

What's that thing that's not it? I'm to a fly to a one day old pizza.

I was like a flagal pizza.

Yeah that's a good one.

I was a fly to a pizza with people that couldn't be more different to me. So maybe I would lay outside the box. But everyone I know that is a thing. Yeah, people are attracted to people that are very similar to them.

So there's another thing called implicit egotism. Sid that break that down for us. Implicit egotism is kind of that we are attracted to people who look similar to us because we like to see ourselves reflected back in that other person, which sounds so monumentally fucked. That's where the

Leans into the fact why they say a lot of women date men or look for men with characteristics of their dad. And now obviously that's not everyone, but a lot of women seek out somebody and it's not because they look like their dad, but it's because they have this close relationship with the dad.

They usually would like have a level.

Of respect and love, and they seek out someone that has these daddy values. But it's not this weird daddy issues thing. It's just that, like, so, I know I would do it because I love the way my dad's morals and I love the way he goes about his life, his work and his family and is so I've always sought out someone that has that. And it's been a problem in the past. People have been like, I'm not your dad, and I'm like, well, yeah, should be, because my dad would never say that.

Okay, well this is this is actually one of them, is that we are attracted to people who if not reflecting ourselves back who reflect our parents if we have healthy attachment relationships with our parents, which kind of sounds like some sort of messed up Freudian situation where you know, boys want to date their mummies and we want to date that our daddies, which also is weird because people say that I am kind of similar to Matt's mum, so like I'm having a hand.

Are you his sister or his mum?

I'm definitely not a silt. We look very different. I think I'm more Matt's mum than I am his sister, which is kind of weird, but anyway, we can kind of move past that. But it's totally a thing where if you have a strong emotional connection to your parents and they've laid that blueprint for like what a healthy relationship should be, then we tend to seek out people who are similar and maybe even look similar to our parents as well. Yeah weird, I'm about that anything else? Yeah, okay.

Well, I'm going to speak on behalf of like a group of my friends. We've had these conversations many times when we're online dating. Right, A lot of my friends have said that they were like, they'll look at someone and I'll say I would never swipe them, or I'd never ask them out. I would say why and they're like, they're too hot. They're like, I wouldn't want to date

And this is not like a one off.

I have had so many friends say that, oh he's too he's too ripped, like he's too hot. I would just feel like inadequate next to him. And I find that really interesting because I've always shot my shot way higher.

I've always gone.

I was like, I ain't got nothing to lose, because what are they gonna do?

Say no? Like if I could go for that ten, I'm gonna try.

No.

I am. I completely agree with the general consensus of other women. Like I mean, I think Matt is like a very very attractive man. Would I have sought him out had we met in a different circumstance, probably not, or had I met him on a dating side or something. I don't think I would have thought that we would have been compatible. And maybe that makes me seem like I have a low self esteem, but I don't. It

Yeah, but mine's also not about the way I view myself because I'm not a ten.

I know that I know are a ten. Shut up. No, No, that's annoying. Everyone listening to this is annoyed by that. But listen.

My point is I don't do it because I think I'm hot. I do it because if there's a chance I could bang Brad Pitt, I'm gonna take it, like because if you're not scared of failure, it doesn't matter like failure, No, And I'm not scared of failure. So I think if Brad Pitt's there, right, and this has happened, Remember Channing Tatum. I saw him on RAYA. I super liked this shit out of Channing ten, which.

Was embarrassing because you kept super liking him and he was like go away. Well yeah, well I was like, maybe got lost in the mail. I don't know. I'm I still do it again.

Okay, let's just wind it back. I super liked him twice for a long time. That is, that is a lot of super liking.

If any guys super me twice, I'd be like, slow down, buddy, I got it the first time, and I'm not interested.

My boy me is like, I've dated all different people that look all different ways, but I just think it's not because I think I deserve it and I'm hot, but I'm like, if there's any chance that I could go to bed with prep?

Okay. The last one I want to talk to you about is something called empathetic mimicking. Right, So apparently this means that sometimes we will date someone who doesn't actually look like us, but over time, because you spend so much time together, because you start to like the same things, because like your interests start to merch you literally, yeah, and I'm looking at you, Brittany Hockley. You literally start to look like your partner because you are morphing into

I don't actually wear that as my fashion.

I do. Okay, you say this, nut nap. I will put money on the fact that in at least six months time, you'll forget this conversation. You will upload a storage Instagram and you will be out going for a fucking walk. You'll be going out to lunch and you'll be wearing a football jersey. Go do it, money, I'm gonna do money. I'm gonna do it tomorrow. Money on

Like I'm sorry, I'd be hot out of there.

If anything's going to keep your pennies on, it's a man who says, put my little hat on, ring the.

Bell, sweetie, Like, where's the part where you take your shirt off and hoe yourself down and we take a calendar picture, like he just went from being like a hot fireman to being a daddy all of a sudden. That which with some people that might actually get them off, but you know what, not this person.

I'm just not.

Sure when that ever worked for him, though.

Maybe that has in the past.

And therefore, what grown woman is going to get off on a firetruck?

Okay? Do you know what this makes me think? Though? It makes me think that he was like, I'm going to take you for a spin in my fire truck. But legally he's actually not allowed to take the fire truck out, so that's why he drove it down them for driveway and back.

Arackon, he's just a volunteer and he's probably stolen the keys.

He's not even out in it. That's what I reckon. Okay.

My one is we got sent in a screenshot. We got sent in a dating profile screenshot, and there's a picture of two women having a drink, two friends obviously, and he has written to her and said I'm changing the names. He's written to her and said, hey, Sarah is your friend in the pick single because she looks nice. So he's added Sarah and matched and then asked about the friend in the picture.

Good game good. I've wanted to do that before. I mean, I think that this is shows you that you can. Will it be a successful outcome? Absolutely not, but it's going to show your shot.

Actually I just said, no, you can't, but can you?

Maybe you care? It's very offensive. It's never gonna go down well. But I feel like that this is not an uncommon thing for people who are on dating apps. How often is it that you match with someone and then you find out that the person you match with isn't the one that you thought was hot in the pictures, It was their friend And did you want a message to them and say, hey, who's your friend? Yes?

So I've done it multiple times where I've seen someone and I know they're the main person, and I'm like, I don't want to match with you, but god, I want to know your friend and you can't.

So then you go onto their Instagram and you stalk them to try and find who their friend is.

It only works if they've linked their Instagram like otherwise there's absolutely no way to do it. So I don't know if what if that person could be the love of your life. Do you match like Shane did? Do you match and shoot your shot with a friend. It is very offensive because if you've matched, that girl has said like, I'm choosing you, but you're choosing there choosing my friend and then as a friend.

Do you cock blocker? Cock block? Do you say fuck you?

No?

Or do you link them up?

No?

You don't, no question? Now you cock block? You don't? Like you know, don't. You're not a dating app for your friends. You're not there facilitating your friend's dating. You're there for yourself and yourself only.

Okay, if this has ever happened to anyone, please write in if you've ever met up.

Keisha's in the corner saying all she does is facilitate Brits dating.

Oh please, I facilitate her dating.

All right, let's get into the chat with Kelsey. The film called The Volcano Rescue from Forkari is currently on Netflix and it documents the White Island disaster. On the ninth of December in twenty nineteen, forty seven people were on Forkari when it erupted. It killed twenty two people and it injured twenty five others, with the majority suffering from severe burns.

It was a beautiful day. You could fill the heat from the volcano.

From a description, it was an icy, easy height. They didn't make it sound dangerous.

I knew what could happen out there, but you don't believe it will happen.

Right, I thought, this is it. We're going to die on her honeymoon.

I heard the call, there's people on the island and she's erupting.

The hate alone, it's just unbearable. The burns went through all my clothes. I fear dealing with people who are going to die within the next hour of.

Sils or stuff.

At this stage, it is too dangerous for police and rescue services to go to the island of the authority.

See, they're on your eyes.

An eruption that lasted two minutes but has had consequences that will last forever. Joining us today is survivor Kelsey Waghorn. Kelsey, we are so grateful for you giving your time to us today.

Hello, No, it's it's pleasure to be here.

What was it like for you watching back that documentary?

It was a bit weird. Yeah. Every time I see or hear something about it, it's always just a bit weird. And it's like even the footage, Like I still see the footage and there's a big part of me that always just goes, there's no way anyone walked off their island, and then it's like I did.

That's exactly what we thought when we watched it.

It's just really weird, Like even the first time I saw any of the footage, it was like, no, there's no way that's what happened, Like, how could anyone have walked off that? And it's like you walked off that? Yeah, I guess It's just one of those things that's just so big it's kind of about hard to write. You hit around.

Can you tell us a little bit about what you were doing, because you worked with the tour company that was bringing people onto the island. Can you talk through what your role was and what it was like on the island that day.

It was just a normal tour, So we would just do the toers of the and a crater and it was just normal up until the second that it wasn't.

How long had you been working as a tour guide for at this.

Point five years and one day one day?

What an anniversary?

Literally one day too long?

Yeah? Wow, did you just feel like every day was the same every tour you did. I guess after five years you get a level of comfort because you've done it so many times.

In safety.

Was there a part of you that thought nothing's ever going to happen to me, like I feel very comfortable and very safe doing this, or was there always this tiny part in the back of your head that thought, this is an active volcano, something could happen one day.

Yeah, I guess a better both. Like I was under no allusions as to what their island could do, like that was part of the tour. We talked about what happens interruptions sort of thing. So I knew what it could do, and I knew the likelihood of getting off if it did what it did that day was slim

I mean, one of the things from watching the documentary that was so hard to process was this idea that there's different stages of volcano, like there's a dormant volcano, a volcano that's active, and then a volcano that's literally erupting. It almost felt like as if you are I was like, where are the where's the in between stages as to what the volcano was doing or was there any indication that you know of that things maybe were more active

Yeah. I mean for me, it's like I know I could get in a car crash every time I could get in my car, but it doesn't stop me getting my car. A reader, you kind of just go, yep, I accept that risk because the risk is low. And so I mean, for me, that's exactly what it was. It's like swimming in the ocean. You know that there's with his sharks, or could drown, or you hd caught in a rip, like there's so many things that could happen, And for me, it was just one of those things

Can you talk me through that day?

For you?

A standard day of taking people onto the island and showing them what is just the most beautiful thing to view. And I think that that was one of the things that was so incredible watching it. It is otherworldly being on this island. What was that daylight for you? Where were you in terms of taking your tour through the island.

So I've now separated from the guy I was seeing at the time, and I'd actually posted a video of being on the farm that afternoon. Actually, a lot of friends and family didn't think that I was on the island. They thought I was out on the farm, and so they're like, cool, she's safe. But yeah, I mean I came in and it was normal day. We loaded the boat up, we headed out to the island. We did eighty percent of the tour, and then we turned around and it was erupting. So there was no solent boom

So you were on the way back, you were almost back to the boat when this happened.

Yeah, we'd been to the crater and we were making our way back to the wharf.

And how long?

Like what was it like when you just said it wasn't a typical bang, Like you know, you sit here as a viewer or someone that has no experience, and you think, okay, when a volcano erupts, it's like the TV.

It's very cliche. It's like a movie.

It's like, you know, you hear this a big eruption and then lava paus out and then there's smoke, And what was it actually like? And once it started happening, when was the moment where you were like, holy moly, this is an actual eruption. This is not just a bit of smoke a bit of bash, Like this is happening.

Immediately, I suppose would be the quick answer, Yeah, because I actually had my back to it whenever I started realizing, because I was just my talk as I always did, and it wasn't until be able sort of every all at the same time realized what was going on, and so we basically hit it for cover straight away, and I kind of in my head as we were like

Kelsey, when you say that it's almost unbelievable to think that you have this moment in life where you're life that's it. I have to accept the fact that I'm not going to be here and here you are not just I mean you're not just here. You're thriving. And one of the things that I loved seeing on the documentary is just what an incredibly positive force you are off the back end of this. But what's that moment like where you go, fuck, like I could die on

Yeah, it was definitely a kind of matter of just like, well, I know scientifically what the odds are of one of us getting off, So it was like, well, yeah, it was just one of those kind of white flag moments where you just kind of accept it. Didn't want to accept it obviously, and it was kind of a bit weird, but then obviously popped out the other side and it was like, okay, now, what we didn't have like lava flows or anything like that, which I suppose on one

What do you remember about, if anything, the smells and the fields and the sight. So I guess for someone sitting at home now that hasn't watched it, that's listening, what was the order of how things happened? Because we do see complete blackness take hold. I can't imagine what you were smelling and hearing, how loud it was.

I don't remember smell. That's probably the one thing I don't remember. But then again, I'm so used to the island because I've been there. I must have done about nine hundred odds. TiO was there, so it's not like it was a rat. It wasn't a new smell to me, so I don't remember that. And then obviously, like through the paraclastic flow. Couldn't see anything because it was just black. But I remember hearing everything, and I find now that audio is something that will set me off quite easily.

That's okay, we're pro dog here.

Yeah, so remember it all, which is good in a sense because it means that there's no question, Like I woke up from my coma and remembered it all when basically recited it all to my family immediately, and they're all like, oh, okay, we weren't expecting you'd better remember any of that.

But good not focusing on what happened on the island. But I think the really powerful part of this is actually how you were all rescued and how you managed to get off the island. What was that process for you? Like, were you somebody who was taken onto the boat? Were you helicoptered out of there once everything had subsided and it was then a rescue mission? What were those moments like for you?

Pretty full on. So we walked off the island and my group I yeh led off the island and we got to the wharf and my colleagues basically came back and packed me out because the boat I came out and got hit so that was out of water for that moment. So my colleagues came and packed us up and put us on Phoenix, which is the boat that had people are not already who had just left the island. So we came home on that. It was the longest

The last one was gone on the boat ride home, because you just said it was the longest hour of your life. But there's a moment in the documentary where when you land, you say the ambulance is there, and it was triage and it was chaos. Everyone was there, But there was a moment where you saw your family members. I think it was your mum and your sister, and you said, I saw my family there and I didn't

I think the adrenaline well and truly worn off by that point, because Yeah, as we got to the wharf, like I couldn't see the group behind me, and I was adamant that I was going to go back and find my friend Hayden, who was leading the other group. So I was going to go back, but the adrenaline wore off pretty quickly and there was no way that I

Do you know at this point, I mean, I know it's not something that you would have found out until later, but what percentage burns to your body? Did you experience.

Forty five percent full thickness burned to my body. So it was pretty much from my shorts line to my boot line, fingertips to t shirt line, my lower background onto my stomach got burnt because when I was crashed out, my shirt must have rolled up and so you exposed all my lower back and then I do kind of have a little bit of like burns on my neck

Kelsey, you said something just before, and I wonder if because it was your job as being a tour guide, did you feel a sense of responsibility, like for the people that you were on tour with. And I don't mean a responsibility as though you're responsible for what happened. I made a responsibility for trying to help, and you know when you're in a situation where you need to be helped. But you mentioned that you were thinking you

I guess both. And for me, obviously, I didn't really understand that really what had happened, I suppose until like a few months later, because it was kind of like for me, it was like, well, if we survived, everyone survived. So it took a long time before I actually realized that this wasn't the case. And a lot of that was actually due to the fact I was on so much medication. It was basically would have been like fifty first dates. I would have had to have been told

Did Hayden make it through?

No? No, so Hayden. Yeah, Hayden didn't make it off the island, and he is one of the two that actually, yeah, never came home.

I'm so sorry, Kelsey. Yeah, it's so incredible that you're here to tell your story, But then there is such a side of your story that is there was so much loss. There are so many people on the island who didn't make at home, and yeah, you know, even in watching the documentary, there are people whose whole families who were on that island, and you know you almost kind of think like, well, why did I survive and

It was pretty rough, Like it was pretty horrible to hear, Yeah, what had actually happened and unfolded after we lived? Because yeah, I kind of, just, like I said, assumed that because we'd survived, everyone had I been. That made sense to me. It was like, well, we weren't supposed to anyway, so if we have, they have, so Yeah. Once I kind of found out, it was a pretty hard pell swallow.

It's almost like beyond human comprehension, you know, And I think, like so much we talk about the physical side of it, like we can talk about the physical side of your recovery, or we can talk about the physical side of the impact and the trauma and the burns, But there's the whole other side of this, which is like the mental healing, Like how do you go through an experience like this and still remain positive on the other side of it.

I Mean, I've said quite a bit over the last especially the last year, like I would much rather be burned again than have PTSD, Like it's just horrific. Like I thought the physical stuff when I was in hospital was the worst that could ever get because it was pretty pretty horrible because I had to relearn how to use my arms my hands, and relearn how to walk and even just like teach my body how to stand up again or sit up again and like you had

What did that help look like?

So I had to change psychologists to someone who was actually far more better equipped to deal with PTSD. So yeah, I had to change that in the middle of last year because I just needed their extra help. Like I've tried hypnotherapy, I've tried EMD, god, you name it, I've

You're like, I will be an experiment taken out.

Yeah, it was like desperate times, desperate missious. So she's probably been the biggest turning point for me, and yeah, getting my shit together and trying to deal with everything.

How did the PTSD present itself for you? Like what were you managing with?

Oh? I was blessed with all the symptoms, so if you google it, it's like you name it. I had a hypervigilance, Like I was just always on the edge. I was always prepared for something to go wrong. Anger. I really struggled with my anger, especially last year. It just really rammed up a notch for the first six months. Yeah, so it was pretty grim. And then just like I just cried at the drop of her hat over something really not worthy crying of.

When you say hypervigilance, that you were always thinking something was gonna go wrong, do you mean literally day to day, Like you didn't want to get in a car because you thought they'd be a crash, or you didn't want to fly somewhere because you thought the plane would like what does a hyper vigilance on a day to day look like?

For me? It was like I would always sit where I could see the door, so it was like I'd have to know my way out, and it was like people walking towards me, It's like, are they going to attack me? I couldn't walk with anyone behind me, And it was just fear, just so much fear and just terrified of everything, and like it's so hard to just live a normal life like that, Like you don't have a normal life with that. It's so hard. And like even though people were like, know what you've been through,

In terms of where you're at now, I mean seven months of rehabilitation, that seems to be rehabilitation that's working for you. And this also goes to show like that if you are in the healthcare system, if you are receiving care and it's not working, like changing is so important and getting second opinions, and you know, advocating your own not just your physical health, but your mental health is so important because nobody else knows and understands you

Yeah? I do. I've made some really good friends, Like we just became best mates at pretty much overnight. It was just the weirdest thing, but most brilliant thing. They get it. They totally get it, and they don't judge me for it, and they just accept me totally as is. They don't make me feel bad when I have a blow up or something's going on, and they're just like, look, it's fine, like of course this is happening, and They're just like so understanding and like that's massive for them.

Which is so nice to hear when you say that. Do you mean pre the accident as well?

Yeah, I mean it's been a hell of a long road to get here, and it's been a hell of a lot of work, like blood sweat in tears literally, but yeah, like I just feel calmer. I just feel clearer, basically all the good.

Shit, Kelsey, what's your relationship Like, I mean, obviously, experiencing physical burns that changes your body. You spoke about the operations, you spoke about having pieces of your calves removed and the physical burns that you have. How does that change your relationship with your body?

It took a couple of bunths a meter. I guess totally accept what my new normal was. But then again that normal and hospital is totally different now because when I first saw my arms and my hands, which is the parts first after grafting, it looked like they put like the Walking Dead's arms on to me. And it was just like, what are those? What have you done

And it was like sorry people wrote that, Oh.

I've had some weird shits into me. It was so weird.

What the fuck?

Sometimes I hate social media, Like, who in their right mind would think that that is okay to message somebody at any stage of life, but someone that's going through what you've just gone through.

Yeah, it's it's so weird. Like, thankfully I've just seen the funny side. And like that's been just one of many really weird messages that I've screenshotted and send to my friends and I'm like, look another one, and they're like, what, at least you can.

Laugh about it, though, But it's lucky that you can.

Yeah. No, I'm lucky that I'm in a place where I just find all those messages. Yeah, quite funny and like even since, like the documentary came out, obviously it's been a bit of an influx on the old Instagram and some of those message like some of them are just like lost in translation. It's like, I know what you're trying to say, but that's not what it's come across as. And then some of them you're just like

This is not a reality TV show. But also I think this is the issue on one side of the coin with documentaries. It's amazing that we're able to see and understand what happened and understand the magnitude, and I think that that gives some people, even maybe people in your own life, clarity around something that you experienced. But it also I say this because you know, we have spoken to many people who have been parts of documentaries

Yeah, I mean like there's a lot of stuff that I have in my life now, People that I wouldn't try the world in my life now they have only come about and I've only met because of what happened. So in that sense, yeah, I'm grateful that my wildlife has brought me the people that I have in my life now because I can't imagine life without them, and unfortunately, I don't know if favor would have met them if this hadn't happened. I'm definitely grateful to be alive for.

Anyone going through anything, Kelsey, that like, what you've been through is just horrific, but you've come out the other side. For anyone going through any sort of really hard time in their life, dark time, trauma, what do you.

Want to say to them?

Is someone that has been you know, the lowest of lows and you are where you are now, which is just like a bright shining light.

Unfortunately, all the things I can think of a like horrible cliche.

Yeah, I love a horrible cliche life.

Unfortunately, that's true. Like that's why they're cliches. So like, I mean, I hope one the other day and it was like, if you're going through how why would you stop there? Like you got to get out of it, so keep going. So it's like, yeah, that makes sense, but yeah, you just you just can't go up, Like you just have to keep hunting for the thing that

Kelsey, thank you so much for giving us your time, for telling us your story, for sharing so openly. We are so grateful for you coming and being part of the podcast.

Oh he is so welcome. Thank you.

All right, guys, you know that we never finished an episode with our suck and our suite, our highlight and our low light of each and every week. Brittany, what is your psaki duck duck?

My psaki ducky duck is of Delilah. Delilah cut her paws open.

Yeah, and she hasn't walked. She hasn't been on a walk for a couple of days.

Must have been on a rock or an oyster or something, and it's I've checked it out.

She went to the bed.

She's fine, but she can't walk anywhere. She's like Buster with three legs.

She's just like whole fun. Sorry, she's like Buster.

Just hold the poor up.

It's just been like this for eight and a half years, so he's pretty well versed. I feel like for dogs, who have four legs. It's a bit of a bother it is. It's fine, it's healed fine, But that's just my sucking. It's like a kid. You don't want to see your dog.

Or you're an animal, or your child in any any sort of pain. So like when I knew her little poor wassaurs, Yeah, I thought you were.

Going to say that like she had cut it and then there was just like carnage through the house. But just in general, I'm oh, that sucks.

Yeah, My sweet for the week would have to be that I have in your nephew. So little bear Anthony Hockley entered.

The well, Yah and Rah.

He came out being like rah, and he's absolutely durable and I can't wait to meet him.

And it's nice to add to the family. Oh what about you? It was nice to add to the family. I ain't doing no adding. Okay, well, I'm when we're not recording this, want to see photos because now that I have my own children, I'm sick for other people's children and that's just kind of what happens. Okay, So my suck for the week is that I have This is going to sound so dumb because I'm a big loser that gets allergies. But I have the most raging

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