So I dated a Sociopath

Hey, guys, and welcome to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brwutney, and today we have a real doozy of an episode for you. I think it's fair to say that most people have experienced some sort of toxic relationship in their life, whether it be with a family member, with a coworker, or in their own personal relationships. Today, someone very close to me is going to be sharing their experience with the toxic relationship. And that person is so close to me, she is close

Well, we did speak about it last week. I openly love Matt you love him?

Yeah, I think Matt agnew. Just so you know, if you didn't pick anyone, Brittany loves you the end, I thought you would. I'm going to send him. I'm going to send him a text. I'm going to slide into his DMS and let him know I have a sneaky suspicion the man is very in love.

Which I'm stoked for because that's what the show's about. Don't say you're stoked.

It's a lie. She's actually heartbroken. But you know what, we're still pretty excited about the show itself. So, yeah, I did watch it. Did you watch it? Yes? Okay, So we were away for the week and I made my sister book an Airbnb that had TV free to air. I was there. We couldn't go out for dinner because I was watching The Bachelor. It's a dedication, isn't it? Very much? So? So, what did you.

Think of the first lot of girls, because obviously it was they came in two lots over two nights. What was your initial just go your initial overthought?

I love them, I love them all. No, I think that it's been cast so well. We said this in the last episode, but this season seems to really have characters and I like that. I like that there is the villain, but she kind of came in as the crazy bride and crazy yeah, I get a real cure vibe from her. What I love.

I love that she brought her best friend in as the bridesmaid. But I'm pretty sure Matt got confused and thought it was a contestant.

Did anyone else hear her call her friend a bitch face? Though? Did you see that best friend goals? I'm like, oh, that is. I don't know how you're gonna feel being the best friend watching that back. Speaking of toxic relationships, don't let your friend call your bitch face.

It's not nice. Remove yourself from that immediately.

So okay, if you had to pick your top girls, who are they off the bat? Okay?

So I think Eleanor So she was the girl from Mauritius.

Yeah she's French. Yeah, she looks beautiful. Sheems Oh you mean cream that one? I like her?

Oh cream, No, I liked her. She seemed super normal. She was beautiful. I think Ellie.

She won me over with the marshmallow campfire. Elle everyone everyone over. She's the dream.

She was just so sweet. I think we'll see her in the end.

I'm worried that I'm gonna get Nikki Gogan. She's amazing, she'll be potent. Yeah. Oh, or we have to prepare our hearts for that. Or maybe she's the girl, Maybe she's she might be you know who I love. I love the girl from Rio. I just think her narrating of this season so far, with the Kelly hair. I want to be best friends with her and I want her to narrate my life so funny.

Yeah, she's a cutie. She's got really glowy skin.

Yeah. Now BRIT's creeping on her host Well. Do you know what else I like about this season? I like that they've brought in the intruders, and they've brought them in at the very beginning because normally there's this sense that an intruder can't win the show because the intruders haven't had enough time with the bachelor. Yeah, I mean, I do think it's been from the few of the girls dropped their comments, and just how we know filming is.

Though ane of them could win. Yeah, And I love how it's old girls first new girls. And I love how the old girls are like, we're the old girls. You can't come in here, And I was like, babes, it's been one episode.

It's been one but you know what, they've been in there for a week, so they already start to feel like they've got their click and they've got their groove of what's happening in the house. So I can kind of understand that we never had intruders on our season at all. No. None. I don't know why. I don't know whether it was a call from production or where the Matt had said that he didn't want intruders, but we never ever had any.

Sometimes I feel like they get halfway and they're like, oh, we need to spice this up.

What did you think of the date with sigand the first single date?

Yeah, to be honest, I was a bit on the fence about it because I thought it was super over the top, okay, as in like what they were doing was over the top.

Well, I don't know.

I just didn't feel like I saw enough of them actually talking. Oh my god, thank you so I actually met think you I'm made a comment on Instagram. I was sort of doing some Instagram stories, mainly of me eating, looking distressed, I said, did I just blink and miss the whole chat because I didn't see anything.

So I was actually looking at the social media pages for the date from the Bachelor's instagram, and everyone was saying, this is the most romantic date I've ever seen. Their perfect together. I honestly don't think I heard them say one sentence other than other than the one bit where Segun said, this is so beautiful, I'm speechless, and I was like, girl, you've been speechless this whole day. You haven't said one word.

And also the orchestra, I didn't even hear them play, but they looked great in the background. I just didn't see them have any actual chemistry. Yeah, in the in the helicopter, they didn't actually have any conversation at all. They were just enjoying the view. And I think she did open up a little bit towards the end about how she'd been single first seven years, which is how we ended up getting into our conversation for today.

But that was the only thing. But that was the only thing, and I don't know if that was enough to be able to say that they had this real chemistry.

I'm glad you said that, because I thought I must have just had a micro sleep and missed.

The whole thing. But no, not just me. It didn't have a micro sleep. I honestly, I wasn't sold on that first single date, to be honest, nor was I. Also, where did they get changed in the bush? That's my point behind of it? Wind? And where did the dress come from? Matt? I'm sorry when they say Matt set that up. You did not put that dresser. Oh, come, we allt don't don't ruin the smoke and mirrors. The Bachelor organizes all the dates. Actually, do you know what?

Spoiler.

So okay, So we got talking after the Bachelor, and if you've listened to our first episode, you would know that Britt touched on the fact that she has been single for seven years, which for some people might sound crazy, because Britt, you have everything going for you, why are you single? And I know that that's really an offensive thing to be asked. No, it's it's not offensive.

It's just that it wears you down sometimes when a lot of people ask you over and over and over again for seven yearly.

But often there's a reason. Maybe you've chosen that, maybe you haven't met the right guy yet, but you have quite a good reason up until this point as to why you carved out some time for yourself.

Correct, Laura, thanks for asking.

I am asking, and I really, I mean, I really want to approach this sensitively for you, So I really kind of want to give you the microphone a little bit and lead into this conversation however you feel most comfortable as well. I am.

To be honest, I'm pretty open and comfortable talking about this now, but I never have really voiced it on a national platform before I got to the point where I started to talk a lot about it with my friends, and I did mention it to Nick on The Bachelor, but we didn't go quite into depth because I had said I just wanted to skim the surface with it, and I didn't want to be airing my dirty laundry on national television.

Did you take a little while to sort of process the fact that your whole life was going to be in the public, I one hundred percent did.

Okay, Yeah, and I definitely was not going on there for a well is me and this is my story? Otherwise I would have told it.

Yes, So I do have.

An interesting story and I want to help people that might be in this situation because I do think it's going to be a lot more common. And essentially that is well, to put it simply, I dated a sociopath.

Yeah, so there it is. That is the end. Thank you for listening to our podcast. And look, I don't think that it's fair to throw around the term sociopath really nearly because we don't have any sort of degrees, we don't have qualifications in this. But I think once you listen to this story that Britt is going to share, it's pretty hard to say that this person or individual who made these decisions doesn't display sociopathic tendencies.

Yeah, and clinically I know that this person is Now I mean, people use sociopath and psychopath interchangeably, but they are different. Also, there's this big common misconception that both are these violent, horrible murderers that we see on TV thanks to people like shows like Criminal Minds.

Of course, but I think that there are a lot of people who are very high functioning and who have amazing jobs, and they can maintain some solid relationships, but they dip into being very narcissistic or they display those tendencies without necessarily having to be full blown.

Yeah, so there's a narcissistic personality disorder that sort of goes hand in hand with a sociopath. Yes, usually they share very similar characteristics character traits.

And I think we're gonna call him Luke. His name was not Luke. And this whole episode is not about trying to trying to make a victim out of a certain person, So you want to keep him anonymous. This isn't about calling somebody out about awareness. It's not a revenge podcast by any means. Definitely not. So let's start the story.

This is the reason I've been single basically for seven years. I met Luke at work, and Luke is he was the most beautiful, charismatic.

He could sell water, to fish.

The guy could he could do anything he wanted. He could convince you of anything, and you would. He had this air of confidence where he would walk down on the corridor and whether you were attracted to him or not, you looked at him.

Do you know those people? Yes, just an a real energy.

Just the way they carry themselves, and a little bit egotistical that came out later.

But so sometimes that's attractive in someone as well, you know, having like a little bit of arrogance, especially if they're in a powerful job, that can be really attractive. I know I have sort of been drawn towards that in a person before.

Yeah, it's just that maybe if they sit at about seventy to eighty percent of arrogance, yeah, not about one hundred and fifty seven, which is what Luke was sitting at.

Anyway.

So this is quite a long story, so I'm just gonna try and give you the main points. He approached me and basically told me I was beautiful, taught me everything I wanted to hear. We started dating immediately, and within about three and a half four weeks he was telling me he loved me, which is very fast in hindsight, but of course I was just smitten, so I said I loved him back. And it was intense. It was

He really had set up a life for each other. He had set up a life. We had chosen our kids' names. It was really intense, but it also sounds like the beginning of your relationship. He just completely love bombed you.

Which is what you said in episode one.

Yeah, which is like a real way of just making someone feel completely adored, and that level of adoration is addictive. Yeah, I did.

I felt like the most amazing person in the world, Like he would not look at another person. And all of this, I would like to say, was coming from him. All these plans were his, so he always made these huge romantic gestures as well. But to go with that, there were a lot of downsides, but I always let

But I had this.

Constant like disappointment. I was always every week there was something. But I loved him so much, so I made an excuse. The job is how he got away with it for so long. He also he didn't have social media, which wasn't the end of the world, because this was quite a while ago, it was quite new to everybody. But he somehow always knew what I was doing and where I was and what I'd done the day before, if I hadn't even told him yet.

So do you think maybe he did have social media and he just had a different profile or something, or had a way of keeping tabs on you. Yes, he did.

Turns out he had been, for want of a better word, almost talking me, I guess, from day one, to the point that he would even make up fake emails, fake email accounts to email me to test me if I would maybe go on a date with him, not knowing who he was.

Wow.

So one day I put a picture up of me and swimwear with a bunch of my friends at the beach we'd been surfing, and he's not on social media. Almost within half an hour I got a message from him saying, have you been putting bikini photos up?

Brittany? And I said, excuse me, Like, what are you talking to? Like? Low key controlling? You should be able to put whatever, yeah ever you won up of yourself on your social media page without having to think how that's going to be.

Yeah, And I said, I'm sorry, how do you even know that? I said, yeah, I put a photo up at the beach and he had. He told me, and he showed me the email he forwarded to me, an email that he got from someone anonymous saying the most horrible things about what they wanted to do to me from seeing this photo. So, yeah, so I was disgusted because I had seen this email that someone had written him. And he said, how do you think this makes me feel britt like knowing people are out there seeing this

Yeah. Wow.

Fast forwarding two years and it comes out coincidentally that through this mutual friend that didn't know both of us existed, it came out that Luke was marrying someone else at the same time, So.

He was literally living a double life. He was literally living a double life, and how was he doing this? So you were based in Melbourne.

Now I was in Port McQuary, Okay, he was in Newcastle and his other partner was in Melbourne, so she had quite a high profile job too, and that's the only reason he could really pull it off.

So the tyranny of distance made it easier for him to be able to sort of have a life set up in Port McCrory and have a secondary life set up, and he just kind of could float between the two of them because of his occupation.

So every second weekend we would go to his place, this beautiful house on the beach, and he would change the whole house, pack it up, change it so it was suitable for me. My photo is, my clothes, my cosmetics, everything I left. And then I would leave and turns out he'd have to pack the whole house up and hide it and reset the house for how his other partner had it. And he did this every weekend for two years.

But this is insane. This is actually an insane story. Yeah, And the fact that you were such an intelligent woman to think that you had the will pull it over your eyes really makes me think if this could happen to anyone, this isn't something that's isolated to you. Definitely, if somebody wants to purposely deceive you, and if somebody wants to lie, then I think this can honestly happen to anyone.

Well, it turns out the way the way to successfully lie apparently is to try to keep as close to the truth as possible.

Yeah, but he was setting up lives to.

The point of, we had a Ohdesian ridge back, and he and her had a Oh Desian ridge back. And we were buying the same house, and they were buying the same house.

We were Wow.

We both wore the same perfumes. He made us, He bought us all the same present. He wrote us Christmas cards and letters that were word for word identical. I know this because I became friends with this woman. But they were to the point of, let's call her Emma. There were a point she was of sort of Asian descent, and I'm obviously blue eyed Caucasian.

He would say, dear Brittany, I can't wait to have children. I hope they have your eyes. But then her letter would be like, dear Emma, I can't wait to have children with you. I hope they have your eyes. We've got different eyes. I mean completely but the same same sentiment. So wait, hold up, and rewind when you said you became friends with her, you can't just say that and throw that into the conversation because if this is me, she would be ten foot underground, which I know it's

So he had told me he had this ex girlfriend. Yea, he said he'd been with her for a long time.

They broke up.

Then he met me, and I was the love of his life. It came out at dinner with this mutual friend that Emma was very much still around.

So how did you know this mutual friend? And did you Okay?

Right, they were new to work and they had worked with Luke previously, but they were so new that I hadn't gotten to the point of saying, hey, so this is my life. I'm dating Luke. So we just didn't even know each other existed, like we didn't know, and he accidentally just dropped it to another friend. He said, hey,

And so when you were sitting there at this dinner, did you say anything to the people that were there? Yeah, so I probably looked a bit of psycho for a second. I played it.

Cool, and I thought, I'm just gonna you could not even compare to how psycho I would have looked. So I just played a call for a second because I knew as soon as I told them they were not going to give me any more information. So I said, oh, Luke, you know that works at XX And he was like yeah, So I thought he was single and he said, oh no, no, he's been with this missus Emma for like six years.

They're getting married. Did you just hear that?

Then?

That was my heartbreaking. I'm not sure i've heard it. That was mine. I actually can't even imagine.

Yeah, So there was this table of people sitting there and I just I ended up losing it. I got I was like so erratic. I stood up, and I had my phone and I was like.

I'm marrying Luke. I've been with Luke for two years, Like, who the hell is this girl?

And I was frantically like swiping photos in front of their face, showing them all like just all photos of us on.

Holiday to try and prove, like not even trying to show them how well, just justify the day.

I wasn't a psycho, but of course I had a yeah that I had a life with this person and their face, this guy's face, I'll never forget it. He just looked at me with so much sympathy. Britt, I'm so sorry, I promise you.

I did not know.

I don't really know what to say to you, and I just said, you're gonna have to excuse me, throw my cutlery down, stormed out of this restaurant.

And so when you found out and you said that everything flashed before your eyes, did you sort of have this hindsight that things weren't right and things didn't add up?

Oh definitely. I felt so ridiculous and so angry at myself because there were so many signs. And my sister Sherry, who were so close, she would never straight out say I hate this person, don't date them. But she was constantly saying, brit this doesn't sound right. Why is he why is he canceling last minute? Or why did he have a piece of her clothing still? Because that would happen. I found something and I you know, I would quiz him and I would leave that conversation apologizing to him.

On, what was that.

I was like, oh, nothing, nothing, nothing swipe by and I said, no, that was I know that was me, and he had filmed us sleeping together.

Without your concer.

I had no idea. Wow, and I like, I don't know, this is not.

Cool, actually not angry.

I was just really taken aback. And I said, I don't know when was this And he said, babe, baby, know that you know you'd had a few dreams. We'd spoken about it, and he ended up convincing me at the end that I had somehow agreed to that.

And I guess the thing is, when you love someone and they're lying to you, you want to believe them, because it's not in our innate nature to think that someone's lying, especially if you're not a lie yourself. Then you know, you take what's said to you for face value.

Yeah, I just was constantly in the wrong and constantly apologizing. So there were a few things like that that happened. But so we fast forward. I've just found out and I had remembered him telling me because because this friend had said they'd been together six years, this other couple, I'd remembered him telling me about his ex girlfriend, So it was she was so easy to track down. So I just, first of all, I called him. He didn't answer. He's never not answered me in his life because he

Yeah, I he was the intro. I call him, holy yeah, wow. Of course he didn't have to answer his.

Phone, and he didn't answer, and so I messaged him and said, call me immediately, or I'm going to tell find this other woman and tell her. And he called me back straight away. And then as the phone was ringing and I was looking at it, I thought, do you know what stuff you? Why am I even giving you that option? I'm just gonna tell her anyway.

But I didn't pick up for him. Do you think you you thought that initially because you still love him. You know, love doesn't just stop immediately, and even through betrayal, usually the first reaction we have is anger, but that is that anger doesn't necessarily mean that you have just wiped the love slate clean, like you still feel love.

I it was the most stupid woman, but I loved him so much. Even when I had heard that, I was still making excuses in my head. As I was walking down the street trying to find these girl's details, I was still making excuses that this has.

To be wrong. Of course, you're not stupid. Your whole identity from two years has just been taken away from you. You cannot expect yourself to understand or to process that in a matter of seconds. That takes months, if not years, to heal from. I think that to be able to kill from that, if you ever could heal from that, Because the level of dishonesty runs so deep, how do you trust someone again? It did form a.

Lot of trust issues for a long while. It turns out that so I called her and we spoke for seven hours, and she was amazing. She was incredible, she said. As soon as I told her as well, the last two years of things fell into place for her. As we're on the phone to each other, we're sending each other emails about proof. She's like, I believe you, but can you just forward me this just so I can throw it in his face. I was sending her emails. I was like, okay, this is the house we're buying.

He was in your email emails.

So I didn't even know he knew my password. This is how he had been following me and monitoring me for so many years. He knew my passwords. He was doing it to her too, so we were like, oh my gosh, quickly log out, READO our password. We went back in and turns out we were in each other's blocked senders. So I didn't know who she was, but in my email Emma was blocked and Brittany was blocked

Have made it. The level of deceit just runs so deeply with this.

Yeah, he had covered himself on all levels.

I think that's probably a testament to how intelligent he was. I mean, you can use your powers for good or for evil, can't you? And this guy really used his powers for evil. It's just so selfish.

We'd be on a holiday, we'll be overseas, and he would force me to leave one day, he said, you have to go home. I've got so much work to do. You have to go tomorrow.

It has to be.

He wouldn't let me stay. And it turns out because she would be flying in within an hour.

Of me leaving.

She would go and they would do their thing, and really horrible for her because she had been with him for six years. But she was amazing to me. We had this amazing friendship. But I ended up having I changed my password over the next six months quite a lot, and he was constantly I had this, I had something on my computer that told me where someone was logging in, and he was constantly finding my password again and I

So this is actually a thing you can install. It's like a spywear and it key logs all your passwords, which I mean your computer does that anyway, but if somebody is looking at your computer externally, they can get your passwords to your banking or your email, or to any of your private data.

It's absolutely I felt so violated.

And to think that he had to go to that level prior to the fact that you you knew. So you didn't know. For so long you thought that this was a normal relationship, and yet he had already done all these different things to try and control you from the very get go. Yeah, I had no chance from day one. No, you were hooked. You were just hooked. Yeah. And I think that that's also a testament to being in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic or who

So one of the main characteristics of someone of a sociopath is their lack of empathy.

And I think this is really.

Important for people to know. If they feel like somebody just doesn't have any emotion, any connection to reality, it's a sign. So I knew that something was big, like hugely wrong when I finally spoke to him for the first time. The first thing he said to me, I picked up the phone and he said, I hope you're happy, brute, And I was so taken, aback, I said, sorry, you hope I'm happy.

Like no, I'm devastated. My entire life has just fallen apart. Well, he's taking everything from me that I loved he.

Said, well, you could have just kept this to yourself. You didn't have to tell her, so that now I don't have either of you.

That was his I just was so gobsmacked. It's almost sounds ridiculous, rapemis like, but this is the level of selfishness that this person had to display.

He said, you obviously set out to ruin my life and you've done that, so congratulations.

To make you feel so do you know that in itself was one last dig at making you feel bad and like you're the reason why this ended, Like this was your fault. It was unbelievable and taking absolutely no responsibility for the way he acted and behaved throughout this whole relationship.

And from this I developed insomnia and anxiety because he was so mad and there had been like violent outbursts in the relationship too. He knew I lived and worked, and he, honestly, from the depth of his heart, thought he believes that I ruined his life. So I started not sleeping because I thought, what if this person comes, What if he really really wants revenge because he thinks I've ruined his life. I didn't tell my family straight away for probably a few weeks. Why was that well,

Like? How could they have pulled the wool over your eyes so long? I thought?

And I was just for some reason, I just felt like it was all my fault and my problem, and it's because he had trained me for years to feel like that. I finally had to tell my parents, and once I started and my sister, once I started telling them, it all just fell out and they made me realize that this has nothing to do with me.

This other person has come in with real intentions to control your behavior, and your behavior was controlled. And the way that you the things that you did in your relationship with the outcome of what somebody else wanted, the manipula that somebody else wanted out of you, that could happen to anyone.

Yeah, even the things I would wear, he used to manipulate that. But in a way that's not like you're not wearing that. It was just in a way that made me feel insecure about what I had on, and I'd end up putting on what he wanted just to like jump back to what you were saying just before, and not in any way to compare your relationships to

And she loved him, and she loved him. Yeah, and she loved him. But there are there are some loves that it's an addiction. It's not necessarily being in love with the person, but it's being in love with the feeling of being in love, and that in itself can be incredibly addictive. And I know from my past experience with dating someone who I definitely I mean, like I said earlier, I'm not a counselor, I'm not a psychiatrist, but he displayed a lot of characteristics that would put

Well, that's a good point, because I was constantly walking on eggshells. It's funny you say that every day I was like, what's he going to be like today?

So you have been single now for seven years and a big part of that was the healing process after dating someone who is so manipulative. How do you think that that has changed your want to get into your relationship or the way that you date now, or your perception of men in general.

Okay, so that's a good question. I think my look at dating has completely changed. So I'm not single now seven years later because of that. I don't want people to think that I really recovered well from that. Bought a one way ticket to Brazil and I was gone for three years. So that was a pretty good healing process.

And I think that you're a testament to just how well someone can get over a traumatic relationship because you are so fiercely independent. You're such a strong woman. You have done so many amazing things in your own personal life. You've traveled by yourself, you've bought your you've bought your own property. Like, you have done things in your life that you've achieved it on your own. Yeah, and you haven't waited for someone to come around and said, Okay,

I always say that, but this horrific situation really shaped me and it.

Sounds so cliche.

A bad situation, goes overseas to find yourself, comes back in new person.

To apport cliche. No, there's a reason why people do it. People go overseas because they want to escape their identity that they have here. They you know, I think there's an amazing part of traveling after something that's been traumatic because it means that there's no hang ups. Nobody has a conceived perceptionist to who you are. You get to go away. I'm sure maybe some people might call it running away, but you get to go away and you get to be a new version of yourself in a

A pivotal moment for me was I was walking down the street one day and I looked in a window. I was walking a route overseas that I had never walked. I looked in a window and I saw this monk this his coat.

I was like, what's that.

I looked in and he looked at me, and we waved at each other. And that was the start of a month that he and I spent together.

With a monk. Yeah, with a monk. Where were you? I believe it or not. London, you spent a month with a monk in London, not what.

You think, right, not to bet It wasn't like in the Amazon jungle.

It was just six months in the Amazon jungle. Well you know it might be.

I spent a month with him, not a month full time, just like every day I would see him. Yeah, And the main thing that I took away from him, And this is how I approach life, and this is how I would love everybody to approach life, is that your whole life depends on your reaction to any given situation. So something bad is going to happen to every single one of us in our life. A death, a traumatic breakup, whatever it is.

And things that are completely out of our control.

Out of your control. So the situation's going to happen. You can either go to your room and be depressed and anxious for the next six weeks, or you can still deal with it and mourn, but you can get on with your life and take something positive from it. Either way, the situation happened, and that's not going to change. All that's changed is how you're dealing with it.

And I do think as well that you can exacerbate your own hurt by trying to control somebody else's reaction to a situation.

In the end, to answer your question, I was single just because I knew I didn't want to waste any more time. All of a sudden, I knew who I was, and I knew what I wanted, I knew my expectations, and I knew what I deserved, and I just didn't want to waste my time again with someone that didn't fit that criteria.

And I know that it kind of sounds bad to have a criteria in dating, but you kind of do need that you do. I'm actually an advocate for having some sort of checklist, and it's not about the way the person looks, and it's not the way what the person earns or the job they have or any of that sort of stuff. It's about the type of person that they are and what they want for their goals in the future, so that you know from daytart that your relationship marries up and that you're heading in the

If it's not what what their goals were.

Because if someone says, actually, do you know what, I don't want these things that are on your checklist, well, then what are you going to do? Are you going to walk away from that person and say and say, Okay, unfortunately I really like them, but you know what, they're not in the same trajectory as me. Or are you going to waste three years and try and change that person to be on the same trajectory as you, well.

Exactly, and then you've wasted threes of your time.

Yeah, And so I really, I mean, I'm I believe in checklists and relationships and people might disagree with me, and that's fine, but I do think it's important to sit down and write down what you want and what you've learnt from your past relationships in order to make better decisions in your next relationship. Yeah.

I mean, I don't write a checklist as such, but I don't even write a grocery list. Yea, I have a general list in my head of like you know, but I'm pretty open to meeting loads of people now, like all different walks.

Of life totally. And look, I'm not saying this because I think that there needs to be the same. It's just one type of person. I think that it could be many different types of people, but they have similar characteristics. So that way you're heading in the same direction. Do you know what else is really crazy? Tell me, I just realized. I just remember now he took us both to the same Tiffany's, as in, you and the other woman. You both went to the same not even just Tiffany's,

And I eventually it turns out he was with thirteen other women as well in that time.

What but you know, he's flown my mind. But he said to me, God.

He said, the one time, I said, you know what, just be honest, I'm never gonna speak to you again.

Just tell me.

And he said, Okay, there were thirteen other women, but you were the only other girlfriend.

You're the one I loved. As if that made me feel better, he said, he but you know what, maybe he said that as well, and look, may it may be the truth, but maybe he said that as a way of just hurting you more. He told me, and I believed it.

He had a tear in his eye because this is the one time I ever spoke to him and saw him, and only because I ran into him on the street one day. He had a tear in his eye and he said, believe it or not, I did love you. And I know everyone in Australia who's going to hate me right now, I believe that because I believe in this super messed up sociopathic way, that's love to them. Because I know he cared about me. He wouldn't have dated me for two years. I'm not saying it's normal.

Yeah. I think that that's important to say that. I think what youth and I think love is someone who can do that to you doesn't have the capacity to love in the way that we love.

Statistics say that we all everyone now has met a sociopath in their life.

They just don't know it.

They're just normal people on the street that you run into every day.

And sometimes sometimes they're the most charismatic, amazing, enchanting people, and then it's only the people who are very very close to them that can see that there's a layer or facade there that doesn't quite fit.

Look, I'm sure this is going to hit home to a lot of people to an extent, cheating the.

Double life the line.

I just want people to know that the embarrassment you feel, because I know there'll be women out there listening saying that's me, I feel that it's got nothing to do with you. I don't want anybody to feel that embarrassment or feel like they are the victim, because you're not. And you can take this into your hands and you can control your outcome. It's just hard to walk away sometimes, but very.

Hard to walk away.

My advice too, is if you've got a really close friends or family that are telling you things that you disagree with, like about your partner, maybe just try and open up and listen to them for a little bit because it's coming from somewhere.

Well, it's coming from people who love you. It's coming from people who genuinely have no ulterior motive other than they want the best for you. So if your friends are telling you that the guy you're dating is a dick, the guy you're dating could be a dick. It's true, though, Boyler, he's a dick, he could be Yeah, and love is blind.

And that's half the battle with everybody. I don't think there are many women out there that could put their hand up and say one hundred and ten percent, I am happy with how I am, and I think that's I hope.

That there's more women than I really think too, and I.

Think we're moving in that direction. But I think with so much outside pressure from social media, from men that are just saying, oh, well, you could load a few kilos, or I read something the other day about a girl saying her boyfriend bought her a gym membership and just left it on the kitchen table.

I didn't say anything like the most passive, so un subtle, Oh, I you know, quite, Look, maybe let's let's play the devil's advocate here. Maybe the gym is important to him for his mental health, and that is he was like, you know what, you'll feel happy go to the gym. I would probably kill Matt if he tried to subtly and not so subtly tell me that I needed to go to the gym because he wasn't as attracted to me. Well,

If you have that feeling that just something isn't right, it probably isn't. You've got instinct in every situation in life really needs to be trusted and listened to.

So we did have a section that we wanted to start including in this podcast because we have been receiving so many messages and questions and I love that this has become really interactive. But we are introducing a section club Ask Uncut that was not hurt. We didn't even plan that, though we nailed it. So ask Uncut. So you guys please like message us on our Instagram which

Very unqualified. Can we make a note?

Yes? Please so because of the conversation we've just had and how we've ended that conversation, the question that we were asked today was my partner cheated on me? Now I don't trust him? Do you forgive? And how do you move past that? Brittany, what do you think of this? This is a tough one. Do you think it's possible to move on from a situation where someone has cheated?

Yes, to be honest, I do. I think it's very dependent on the situation. But if they've come forward and they're really honest and it was an honest I can't say honest mistake. But I definitely think there are times that you can speak as a couple. And I have read studies from psychologists that say couples that there has been infidelity have actually come out stronger because they've gone and worked through it, They've worked out why it happened, and they've been better than ever. I think if you

I do agree. I think that yes, it is possible to move on from cheating in a relationship. However, I think that it fundamentally changes the relationship and it takes a long time to heal from that, and so I think that both parties need to be realistic that it might take a year or two years to really heal from some sort of infidelity, and it does depend on what sort of infidelity that was. Like, we don't live in a vacuum. There's no yes and no answer to

I think for me, the underlying thing here is the trust part where she says I just don't trust him. She wants to stay in him, but she doesn't trust him.

Well, the betrayal is the most damaging part of that.

Yeah, if you can't trust them and you're gonna be wondering where they are every night, you need to leave.

Just call it. What do you think of the idea, if somebody has cheated in a relationship, then their phone and their email and everything else needs to be an open book, as in like kind of like random drug testing. So are you if you have trug? Yeah, but I think of it like that. It's like a random drug test. Like you've cheated on me, I've forgiven you, but right now I feel insecure. So give me your goddamn phone because I want to check what the fuck you're just doing again, two sides to it.

I think that a relationship should be open enough anyway that if you're like, babe, I'm just going to jump on and check that email. I think you should have access to each other. But I think if you're at the point where you feel like they go out of the room and you need to troll through their stuff, it's not right. You're not sitting in a comfortable, trustworthy relationship.

But I do think that if you've made the decision to move forward from cheating, then there is give and take, because I don't think that the crime of wanting to look at someone's phone because they've betrayed you matches the crime of cheating. No, you to have access, Yeah, So if that person has asked for your forgiveness, then they

Well, it's bound to happen, isn't it. Okay, we're all good now.

It's so unfair for them to say you forgave me. You said you weren't to bring this up. You can't go through my phone. There has to be some give and take. And I'm not saying that it gives you the liberty to do it for forever, but I think whilst you're getting over that initial trust hump, there needs to be some give and take in that. Okay, Brittany, I feel like we've covered some pretty heavy topics today.

Thanks for bearing with us, guys, but we really needed to get that out into the atmosphere.

Oh yeah, and I also think that you know, like, love can be amazing and love can be really shitty, and so it's okay to talk about the things that are really difficult. So if you're in the midst of a shitty, shitty relationship or you're trying to find your way out of something that's quite toxic, I hope that there's been little parts of this today that you've been able to take away and go, yeah, I've got this.

Yeah. As long as one person takes something from this and learn something, we're happy.

Britt Baby, give me your suck, and you're sweet, suck and sweet so suck.

First suck is probably the fact that I got home to bed at about one am and it's I am, and we got up to record this podcast.

Oh my god, so I am so sorry. So we were supposed to record this podcast at like a normal reasonable hour of the day, but because we're both ridiculous humans, oh which there's so much going on in life, and I have a baby, and so I had to be here when Matt wasn't working, so we had to get this recorded and finished before eight am.

She's like, babe, has five thirty and I'm like, mate, great, let's do it. Look it in So Britz Suck is me basically as Watchuck Inadvernally is Laura.

But let's end on a suite and I hope that that's also may My suite.

Is obviously you every day getting the croissot and coffee with you? Is this week my friend? No, the sweets probably. I did my talk with Beautiful Minds for mental health for the teenagers. I flew down to Melbourne.

I saw that on your Instagram's, Babe, that's so wonderful. Explain a little bit about what that is.

We just went down, me and a guy called Andrew, who is amazing. He speaks to the boys, teenage boys, and we just speak to them about being a really strong woman and independent, how to deal with online bullying, how to be a good person, mental health issues, everything in the mental health realm. And they were fourteen year olds that I spoke to, about sixty of them and it was so great. They all messaged me and said that they really took something away from that and thank

And you go in and speak to them in schools. We go to their schools anywhere.

Any school in Australia can call and organize it with Beautiful Minds. So it's government funded. It's a school curriculum, and it's a really really amazing thing they're doing.

I love that you're doing this. I mean, you know, you have, you have an influential following, and to be able to go in and speak to young children and be like, yeah, you know, sure I work in this influencer world, but god, it's all made up and it's all shit and smoke and mirrors. This is me. This is what I look like. You know. I have great days,

I have an inkling maybe you're sweet might not be baby related.

Well, yes, my sweet is actually pretty great. So this week I don't know if anyone was following my Instagram, but this week Matt and I we took our first trip to Melbourne. So we flew on a plane with Marley. It was a success. She slept and we did a trade show called Life in Style and Life in Style is a great, big wholesale trade show which is a

I saw a lot of selfies and here was stoked, like matching beanies, his loving dad life.

It was so good because in the past six weeks he hasn't had a lot of time on his own with Maley without me being a bit of a helicopter. So it gave him the autonomy to just be a dad without me telling him what to do. And it also gave me the freedom to be a business owner again and to work for Tony May and to work for myself. And I just felt so invigorated. I mean, I'm tired, but I'm so invigorated from a week of

I take my hat off some because you were doing I'm proud of you.

Thank you. I think I need too said.

That cast You've got a thousand things on your mind, but you still nailed it and very successfully.

Thanks babe. I'm really lucky I have an amazing support network, and I think that that is so crucial when you're a new mum.

Yeah. Well thanks for listening.

Guys. Guys, thank you for listening. I am, I'm honestly thank you for sharing. Yeah, sorry it was a bit heavy today. No, never apologized that was why we got into this. I'm so grateful for you sharing your story, and I'm sure that people who are listening and who've gotten this far are very grateful for it as well. And I know that it's a big deal for you to put this out there.

I'm glad it's finally out there. I hope someone's life has been changed slightly. But guys, feel free to write into ask any questions or advice you need. Don't forget to subscribe and come back next week.

Yes, So if you would like to follow us on social media, as I said, it's at Life on Podcast, feel free to slide into our d ms there as well. Guys. That's always exciting and we will have another episode for you next Wednesday.