Sex Lists & Celibacy!

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.

Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on gadigal Land.

Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut.

I'm Brittany and I'm Laura. How does it feel doing that again for the first time? You didn't do that last week?

No, I didn't do it feels good, But I mean I thought we said we weren't going to say this anymore. I'm back. That's not Remember we're going to cut down on the first time. I'm back. I'm back from the jungle. We've established that, and I love it. I know it.

We're going to celebrate the winds every time.

Also, I said that I was got one thing I said I was going to take from the jungle is like I felt so good in there on the diet and the no caffeine, and I was like, I'm only going to go back to maybe one coffee day.

I'm already back to almost three day.

It's a problem. It's nine am and I'm on my second extra large coffee.

Yeah.

Fine, that's bad. I do need to go to the bathroom, but like it's okay. I do need to talk you through every step. Oh spoke about last week we were talking about sleep. It seems to be a recurring theme on this podcast, but we were talking about how Matt has a garment and how he tracks his sleep.

He's into the sleep tracking.

Yeah, And this came because I said that one of the amazing things about being in the jungle is you have no concept of time. So you don't know what time you go to bed, and you don't know what time you wake up, and you don't know how many hours sleep you get. All you can go off is how you physically feel, which I think is amazing. So I have.

A bone to pick with you with Garmon, can go and eat my shit because garments, I'm made just angry.

I'm tired, and I'm angry.

So I took your advice and I wore Matt's garment to sleep the other night.

So we went out we Saturday afternoon. We went to a friend's house.

We'd had quite a few margaritas in the afternoon and I was feeling a little bit spicy and dicey. Anyway, we went to bed Matt that night. He was like, Okay, where my gum and see how your sleep is. Not only do I know that I woke up so much during the night, because when I'm a bit hungover, I can't sleep, so I'm awake, like laying at the ceiling awake. Not only that, did I get it? I got up three times for Lola. Lola came into the bed, I

Eight hours and twenty five minutes. Awake for two minutes.

But how is that.

Possible if you got up one hundred times?

You tell me sorry.

I'm still confused how the bone has been picked with.

Me because in this situation, we all agreed that I needed to wear the garment him to prove to Matt that I am not getting enough sleep.

Yeah, but then I got gas lit.

Look to be fair in my defense, brilliant idea like brilliant, that's a garment issue, Like that's not a.

Me issue, because then Matt pulled out his phone. He opened it up, and he was like, you never can argue with me again. He's like, you got eight hours and four few minutes sleep.

Do you think that maybe you are getting more sleep than you think?

No, but the garment says you are. And I love that.

But I think I'm going to keep this up for at least a week. I think you should wear it and do an average.

Yeah, or maybe if the average is high, maybe you need to take one for the team. Have a really bad week, but maybe you just need to settle arms to wake yourself up so you have really disturbed, disrupted.

Nights and then show him that data. I was also like, how does Garman know like if I'm awake? But I'm like, how do I know? Like I'm awake, but I'm just laying in bed and I'm peacefully laying in bed with my eyes open. How does it know? Do I need to shake my arm around vigorously? Like do I need to do something that would indicate that I'm awake? It goes of heart rate and stuff like that as well.

It's not just you can't just put your arm out and wave it around, but it goes off a lot of things, like it's got like GPS trackers, it's got your the room like because it's doing your poles and things like that. So you probably need to get up and do like star jobs, a peloton, do a peloton workout. But then met'll get data. He's like, Laura, you will working out two am.

Basically, I thought that this was going to help me, and it's it's really set me back. Guys put it that way. It's really set me back. And also it's gas lipped me. It's made me feel like maybe I'm getting more sleep than I think I am.

Maybe you are.

The problem is I woke up and I was so tired. I was so tired. Still, did you know that there's this research study that's come out. It's all over TikTok at the moment.

Women need more sleep?

Yeah, apparently women need minimum nine hours sleep a night. And whereas like the eight hours sleep was based on research of men and up until twenty twenty four, they had never ever done a study of sleep on women, which shock Yeah, surprising, isn't it that women need nine hours of sleep a night and an extra hour sleep if they're on their mental cycle?

Crazy?

Use that for the next time you want a debate about a sleep in.

Okay, Well, today is a very important day. Everyone know your diaries. Today it's three weeks to the day until Ben arrives. Everybody cares.

Everyone is excited that no one is as excited as you are. Well, you know, I didn't actually say this on the podcast.

I realized I spoke about it on my Instagram stories at the time. But I was supposed to surprise Ben. So I haven't seen Ben since January. You do the math. I was supposed to surprise him after the Jungle long story shot. A lot of things changed in the week I had this week that I was supposed to be over there with my mum. My mom got really really unwell. She couldn't get out of bed, so we were like, let's just send you home. So I was like, oh

So book is flight.

And it's the only time ever I'd be able to surprise him because we speak every day and we FaceTime every day, so he's going to There's never going to be a time in my life where I can get secretly on a plane for twenty four hours and him not know where I am. So I had said I'm going to fly home to Australia tomorrow. That was my thing, but really I was diverting to Scotland.

You could just tell him you're filming something for twenty four hours, like I'm not gonna be on my phone.

My phone's been taken away. I'm doing Would I be filming for twenty four hours?

As a way in which you could get around it if you were, If anyone can come up with the idea about how I can surprise him ever slide into my DMS because he is and he always Even when we got on the flight, I was like, I'm going home to Australia.

Now He's like, send me your flight details. He loves to track it. So I had to like send him fake flight details. I had to screenshot Ellie from the jungle. She had sent me a proper flight that she was on that he could track anyway.

So I'd organized everything.

It was. I had his keys left out because my sister had said she was going to be at his house staying. It was the whole big thing. And then I get onto the plane and then he keeps messaging wanting to FaceTime. And the flight was not the same flight as I tracked, so I told him that my phone died, so then I had to turn my phone off so that he couldn't just sitting on It was a nightmare, and I was like, this is going to

And wait?

So bad and so and nowhere to go to fix that? That was a wady ago. I had no safe place, just so the Jungle on TV A month, twenty four hours a day, I was in the jungle. So I had this moment. I was like, Okay, I'll see if I can get another flight. But then already I was like, now how do I extend the lie? He knows when my flight's going to land. So everything was unraveling and I ended up they couldn't fly me for two more days and I only had two days to go there.

You know in our calendar, and I'm excited for your calebar let us know if you do, but we are all very excited for you.

You can't wait to see him? Yeah, I'm very sorry.

I can't.

I just want to have sex so bad. But one thing I have noticed is we just want to have sex so bad.

When you don't have sex, you don't want it as much like you loose. I feel like, for that first few weeks, when's that going to kick in for you? Britt, Well, it did kick in, but then when I knew it was coming in twenty four hours, it got back. You know, I got back into my bloodstream, that porn dog vibe in the bloodstream exactly. It's that's science. Lubricant. Yeah, that's science. But when you don't have sex for a little while, you forget and you don't need it as much.

I think that's the thing about long term relationships.

You often feel as though you don't want it, and it's only when you're in the middle of it that you're like, oh, that's right, I quite enjoy this. I should do this more often. And then the next week it's the same situation. You're like yeah, and then all of a sudden you're doing it again.

You're like, ah, that's right.

So last night, okay, it's a groundhog day.

Full disclaimer. Last night I was for somehow I was ready for bed at like eight o'clock at night. Never happens. I never go to bed before midnight. And I was like, yes, I'm just gonna go to bed really early, going to watch something on TV.

And I went through this nesting phase.

I went through this nesting.

I'm just adding some shit.

I went through this nesting phase yesterday where I cleaned my entire house.

Right, I don't know what's happening. I'm not pregnant. I was then to come, you're preparing. I was nesting preparing my llweens.

I found like my bag of vibrators and I was like, fuck, yeah.

How many vibrators do you have in that bag? So many?

How many? Oh? Ten? We had a sex sponsor last year on the podcast. They sent me all of the dildos to try.

Can I asked a question because if we had a sex sponsor on the podcast, I didn't get sent a single deal she did?

I left you left it here? Did you get this sent them all?

You lose them? You lose them?

Sorry, sir I lost my deal and you put it on the roof and drove away.

The dick flew on the back of the car. What happened to my dildo?

Where did it go? Did you take my dildo? You did? Didn't you? You genuinely think it flung off the back of your car?

Okay, So we were at the markets the other day and for some reason we were talking about dildos.

A friend of mine came home and the cleaner was in the house.

The cleaner was in their bedroom just holding the dildo, and the dildo was on, and then they didn't know what to do, what to say. The cleaner was just holding the on dildo in the bedroom. So that's how we got talking about dildos on the weekend.

I am shooking.

What would you do? Would they close?

What would you do with their pants? Ye?

They were completely dressed, they were completely clothed.

They were cleaning.

The dildos were in a cupboard, though, and they had to have opened the cupboard.

And you know, the cleaners never actually they only clean around things.

They don't organize, so the shit like, they're not in their organizing the dildos. But they'd obviously opened the cupboard, gotten a dildo, and we're just like quite far away from where the cupboard is with the dildos, with the dildo on.

What were they doing with the dildo? That?

He is the most unanswered question. I'm never going to sleep again.

What was she doing meters away from the dildo cupboard with a dildo?

Okay, so that's how we got speaking about dildos on the weekend at the farmer's market.

But plans to use that I didn't. I don't know, but no one does.

What did they do in that moment, because surely you're like, so you don't just have a standoff and look at each other and then just walk out the clean.

I said, oh my god, I'm so sorry.

It just turned on. I was trying to figure out how to turn it off. That was the conversation. Just turned on.

It didn't turn on meters away in your hand with a bit of.

Bray and white. Just turned on. I don't know anyway.

So we're talking about that and Matt turns around to me in a group of people and he goes, you don't even.

Have a dildo. How do I not know that I have vibrators?

How do you not know do you never open the cupboard, like four of them and he's just never noticed. Sometimes they're sitting on the side bed, like I didn't even put it away, and he's never realized it's a dialdo.

Has he never seen you use it? No?

I think I need to spice up our sex life a little bit. He looked genuinely shocked, Like, what do you mean you have a deal though, Yeah, well this is why when I felt like I delighted him and be like, don't worry, I never use them.

Well, yeah, because you can't be not having sex and using them.

We've spoken about it.

You can't. No, I mean, you can do what you want, your body, your choice.

But like if you're if you're like saying to your partner that you don't want it, but you're masturbating secretly all the time.

It's like saying to your partner, honey, i'm really tired, I'm going to bed, and then laying on your phone for forty five minutes, which we all do. We all do. It's the same thing. I'm not ready for sex and then just going up to the bed.

But you watch pauls different sometimes No, no, not really anymore can be bothered it's too much effort.

Okay, sidestep. Instagram's doing me dirty. You know when sidestep You know what, Sometimes I don't know if this happens to anyone else or not just Instagram, but your phones, like old photos will pop up off your ex's or photos will pop up from a friend group out and someone that you used to date or something is in them, and you're like, oh, I wasn't ready for that, Like, Okay, that is happening to me so much right now with

I'm going to preface it with this, it was very cash. But it's very.

Secretive about the men that she's seeing when she's unless it's a serious thing.

I didn't even know that this was happening. Until it had happened, it.

Was over because I think, like, unless I think something's here, hears me, I respect the people I date.

Now I'm going to tell you no, I call bullshit on that.

Do you know what it is?

It's not about respecting the people you date, which obviously very.

Much I do respect. But what it's about is not telling me for fear of me bringing it up on the podcast. Probably it's content. You're like, I'm so worried about sharing every aspect of my life, not knowing where the privacy libit sun.

I was also enjoying it. I didn't want you to ruin it for I was enjoying it.

So I met this guy very briefly with dating, but now I'm seeing him everywhere because he is I mean, it's just he's a stunt double in what movie brit for Ryan Gosling in The Fall Guy, So he is Ryan Gosling's stunt double. There it is there, you go off, you go have a Google. I haven't heard from him or seen him since he was here filming that. You might not even know.

If you see him, you might just think it's Ryan Gosling.

You've probably see the top yeah, yeah, I basically okay, there's the rumor I was Ryan Gosling. Sorry, But anyway, he is very quiet on social media because he's always behind the scenes. He likes being a stunt man for the fact that he's not the main man. He's not an actor as such, but he's just very good at stunts. But the whole idea of The fall Guy is it's about stunts. It's a stunt man. Ryan Gosling is a

Which is interesting because usually they're behind the scenes, but in this movie, like the setup of it is that they're.

Very much front facing.

Yeah, so he's everywhere, so I'm seeing him every I'm talking things like like Puberty and lad Bible, like all these big accounts. I think he did the carpool with like you know, who's that, what's that TV show, you know how they do carp whatever. He's doing everything. So I'm seeing him pop up everywhere and I for ardered it. Takeisha the other day a story of him, and I said, man,

And I was like, yeah, I've been pretty busy.

But also even if I had seen it, probably would have said no anyway, just like I'll probably be like, I.

Haven't seen it. I said, oh, I have seen you popping up everywhere.

Yes, anyway.

It was just so funny.

It was just like out of out of eighteen months, having not ever spoken to you, and like we were not we were just like we just hung out.

We're just friends. That were you know, what kind of friends, Brute?

How are you doing making friendship bracelets and talking about Taylor Swift?

Imagine stunt Double Sex.

You're surprisingly flexible. I am ye. You're like, it's like my leg around my head on the jungle.

It's like BRIT's like secret things that she's like actually weirdly flexible, overly flexible. Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, well I'm sure Stunt Double enjoyed that.

Anyway. It was just funny. It was just a blast from the past.

It's nothing worse than when they just pop up out of't know whether it's usually hey, how you're doing. It's not usually like hey, I'm famous, I am famous.

No, but I guess it's like I guess that was.

The shared connection, right Like when we were dating. He was going to film that every day, so it was like, I guess that's the thing where it's come full circle. Now it's out, the promos are on, he's like, hey, have you seen it? Like have you seen because he would show me snippets of what he was filming. He would show me He's like, look, I got I exploded on the continue to have a bridge in a car today and I was like, wow, that's cool. So he probably wants to see if it's translated, you know, if

I have not seen it. I have not watched it. I may not watch it.

It's kind of you to reduce all that down from hey, have you seen the four guy yet?

It's really nice of you to unpack it to that sort of nuance. But it that's what I'm like. I feel all of a sudden, I feel bad like I've outed him. He was probably you did out him.

That's great.

I'm enjoying it anyway. He was lovely not a bad word to day.

Okay.

I wanted to talk to you guys about something that has been in the news just recently, and it's because I think it is something that we can most of us.

I won't say all of us.

I can't relate to it because I don't do it, but I think some of you might relate to it now. Drew Barrymore has come out and said that she left her sex list at Danny DeVito's house, which is just a funny sentence in itself. He said, no one ever thought that was going to be a headline, but it was a headline.

This was on her show. This is what happened.

I made a list. It was back in the day. I did it with paper and pen. I'm the most disorganized person. I lose everything. Don't say yeah, I left it at someone's house. Well, I was producing a film that Danny DeVito was directing, so I wrote the list on the back of a set of notes for the film.

Hm.

So I left it at Danny DeVito's.

House, Okay?

And did he find it? I don't think he ever did.

But I did admit to him that he came on the show and I was like, I left my sex list at your house.

Now, okay.

It's pretty anti climac d because he didn't find the list, which would have been far juicy. And I was saying to produce Kesh today that I kind of felt like it was content for content's sake, Like I'm questioning whether it even happened.

Who's just leaving their sex list around? Willy nilly?

My question is, why would you ever write it down in hard copy in with a pen and paper. Don't people just keep these things in the notes in their phone. But the weirder part is that she wrote it on the back of like a script.

It was like, but why, That's my point. I'm like, why in that moment when you're on a set. When you're on a film set with Danny DeVito, did you be like, what, I've got an idea, but first, let me write my sex list out, flip the script over, write it out. The whole thing is very, very funny. But I can't relate because I don't have a sex list. I've never written one. I'm not that person, that girl that writes the notes.

I understand that there are list keepers.

Some people are just born list keepers, and that's probably someone who's more inclined to keep a sex list.

I have tried.

I am chaotic and disorganized, which also translates back to my sex life.

But I tried.

I remember because when we're in the Batch house, I mean, I know this is so long ago, so now like what seven eight years ago, And it was obviously before Matt was committed to me, and he was dating a lot of other women, and we had so much downtime, Like I'm talking like there's hours where you're sitting around that house just waiting. And so I remember I was laying in bed this one night and I was like, well,

Right, did all the other was this the thing that all the girls were doing me? So you just thought me, how could I possibly film my time? And that was what popped into your mind. Yeah, I'm a good bake banana bread. I could write down my sex list.

It was alarming to me, alarming how I could picture someone's face but not their name, couldn't remember their name. So I had things in my sex list like police officer, camperdown.

Like station camp down, station like I could not remember.

And I still, for the life of me, I cannot remember the man's name.

We didn't just have one night scent. I dated him.

We went on multiple dates.

I can picture his face, I can picture the things we talked about on the date.

I know the movie we went to. We went So La La Land. Also Ryan Gosling, but.

That's a real theme today.

I cannot remember his name, and so I just wrote down policemen.

And then the thing that was also even more surprising is.

That every couple of days after I started the list, I would just be like in the middle of doing something and then oh my goeh, that's another one. French guy Tinder can't remember his name either.

Yeah, I mean if I whilst I haven't written a list, I still think about them. I don't think about it.

I often go to sleep and think about them. That's false, ben, false.

I don't think about them, but I have with when I think about them, like right now, if you are like, try and write a listing ahead.

I also probably know this makes it sounds terrible.

Ten percent of names, but I choose to forget them, like I haven't made that conscious choice. But mine's the same, especially because so much of my twenties was a single but b traveling around the world. So like a lot of hookups where you're when you see him for a week or a couple of days or two days, and then they're gone. So mine's like location based, like hostel Germany, and that's just a tally. Yeah, Bolivia, it's Roman numerals, Bolivia salt flats.

You know.

But when you just said you forgot, I forget not just the people that I have like hooked up with. I actually forgot someone I completely dated, Like I had said I loved this person, and I forgot them. My sister Sherry was like one day, I think it was like last year ago. She goes, did you ever speak to Nick again? And I was like Nick, Nick. She's like, yeah, Nick, And I was like, who's Nick.

She's like Nick.

I was like, I don't know who you talking about. She's like, who you dated? Nick? And I was like who I dated?

In my head, I was like, I said someone I hooked up with somewhere for a little while. And I was like, I have no idea who's talking about.

She's like, Nick, you were with him for like seven months, you went on overseas holiday together. You broke up overseas and I was like, oh my god, oh that Nick. I completely forgot that I had like this a year. Basically, I wiped it from because I was standable. I'm not even mad about it.

I feel like your brain only retains the important information.

We're too old.

But I loved him.

You're not really No.

I didn't.

You didn't no thing. I know now I didn't, but at the time I said I did, And so we had to share a single Benny Farnet that was him, a single bed guy.

You've actually spoken about him in the podcast for No.

I think I'm twenty.

Sorry, I'm not twenty.

I'm twenty years on from when I first started having sex, right, like more twenty two whatever.

Oh please, I'm just older than that.

No, twenty two.

No, I was a late bloomer. I was like late, I was like almost eighteen. So it's been so many years.

I feel like it's I mean, we did a poll.

We pold you guys, seventy nine percent of you don't keep list, twenty one percent of you do keep a list, And I think it could be age related. I think when you're younger, you're more inclined to keep a list. You're keeping a mental tally, and then as time goes on, you're like, oh, why would I subject myself to that information.

I'm going to let the list go.

I asked Ben last night if he had a list out of curiosity, because I thought men, I don't know, do you think men or women are more.

Likely to have lists? Women way more likely keep a list. If I was to gender it.

I feel like women are more likely to keep a list physically, but I think men are more likely to keep a tally because like it's like a flex, don't you reckon? Yeah, but I think that's fucking gross. Yeah, he didn't have a list. Or a tally because he's a beautiful gentleman.

I I've never asked, okay, this is and I know this kind of like just leads into a whole different conversation. But I think when I was younger and I was in more early relationships I'm talking like in my twenties and stuff, I found it more common for people to ask if you knew how many people you'd slept with? Right, Like, I feel like that was a more common thing that was asked. And as you're older and like it was

No, and it doesn't. But I think as.

You get older, most people stop keeping a track record.

They just do. I don't know, we just moved. There are heaps of women that still keep a track record, and it's not I think it's more just out of curiosity.

It's like you like, I'm just gonna write it down one day. It's just a thought. I reckon it's more common than not what did our pole.

Say twenty one percent seventy nine percent didn't. But then we also asked the question do you use real names in your list? Do you use nicknames? And I say nicknames, but really that's just the name that you give someone because you can't remember their real name, or do you use a mix of both, And it was thirty three percent said they used real names, good for them, fourteen percent used nicknames, and fifty three percent use a mix of the two because they.

Probably can't remember all of the real names.

Yeah, and we got some funny ones. We asked, tell us what's in your phone right now? Like who have you written down in your sex list that you can't remember? And like call me daddy? That's podcast, call me daddy. Guy missing half his big toe lowel a cano. How do you notice that someone's missing half the big toe when you're having sex?

Where's the foot? Where is the toe?

Had sixty nine? But you glance up, imagine a sixty nine or and you glance up in this half a toe.

A tow pumper number four that's probably pre standard humper number four.

I don't get it.

Well, he's a two pump up.

But I wonder where the number four comes in.

Oh, okay, he's just explaining this one. She thinks it's the second. No, it's the fourth guy who's only needed two pumps.

Yeah, that's probably that's probably the fourth guy, the fourth one.

Thick dick he send him that he deserves to know. Yeah, a thick double ze faxy because he had a fax machine.

It was two thousand and three.

Palette cleanser or pirana. I would love to know the background of these piranha. Obviously he's been eating her. Oh no, is that right? Or is that a sex thing? I don't know.

No, I think he's been eating her alive. I think he ate her alive with his teeth a bit. I think his teethy in on the flaps. Yeah, or the glitterists. We could be really descriptive teeth.

You're biting off a glitteress. You can't see that through. Might be why he's called parana.

People like a bit of biting.

If it's like on the neck and or the nipple. Karana is like a positive term.

I don't think people are like, ooh, that guy, I can't remember his name, but pana.

What about pistel on my floor? Guy? I've had one of those.

This one I think is great because it's really descriptive without being descriptive at all. Drew Neil or Phil I know his name was beige as fuck about one that's four letters, but also going back to two pump and number four. Now we've got too pump chump. Unfortunately, there's quite a few menu out there with a two pump.

Okay, this one concerns me. Gooder cheese. That's concerning because I'm getting cheese cheese. What about cheese, you know, like hanging I'm back on the cheese, dick. Let's not blusterer, No, you know, it takes.

Me back to being eighteen and it's really long cheeses that you peel down.

I just wanted to put the vision on your head. Sorry, no, I see.

It when I I can't. Let's not unpack that blue cheese. Yeah, I'm thinking, I'm thinking smelly cheese. I'm thinking like Camember that's got a bit of mold on the outside, it's creamy on the inside.

Blue cheese is the mold.

Yeah, but no Camember has it's got white moles. What keeps the hole?

White's lash?

Okay, what about parsnip? Do we think parsnip is a description of the shape. It could be thick on the basin at the top, like a parrot.

I think passnip.

That might be going back to maybe he made her a passnip soup.

I don't think so. I think it's to do with the shape of his very very elongated willy. What does a.

Parsnip look like? I'm googling it.

I like kaspar because obviously he just disappeared. And mattress car guy is also a top face. Oh my god, don't have sorry.

Boys who have mattresses in the back of their car.

I just google passnip.

There's no way his penis looks like that.

Yeah, that's why I think it's passnip like that, No way, Sorry to anyone who has a passnip penis.

If you guys have a list but nicknames only, no name first names, Yeah, but as long as it's not first names, and then their job and then their home address, like we don't want to be able to identify that. We don't want to dox people.

But go and share your.

Lists like they're always so funny, So share him in the Facebook.

But maybe some of you have both had gooda cheeks.

Who knows if.

You okay, if if you have a hilarious list that you've kept and it's majority of the nicknames, screenshot it from your notes and put it in the Facebook group because we need a.

Laugh and we enjoyed that. I also wonder how in depth some people go. Are they like categorized by years? Are they you know? Like?

I think it depends on the personality type. If you're an a personality type and you are a list keeper, that list is thorough. If you were me and you forget things like dildos on top of your car, you're probably gonna forget the names of most.

People and you're gonna fill in the blank.

I probably got your dealdo off top of the cars where I have ten. Yes, it probably told you. It probably flew off your car into my car. And I was like, fine, kid, you stole my dildo.

Steal your dildo, take better care of your sex toys. You stole my dildo, take better care.

Just because I leave a dildo at the office doesn't mean it's free game for anyone to take home.

Bro, it wasn't.

You didn't leave it at the office. It flew off your car.

This is an exaggeration. Why are you picking my dildo up out of the car. It was because it was still in the box.

Do you think you were walking around work with a dildo like flapping around that you'd used, like hey, just ducking into the wellness room and then you off. It was not on the roof of my car.

All right, Look, I mean this is a very sex field episode today.

I wasn't supposed to be.

Actually it really wasn't.

But we tossed up a few things and we realize everyone's going to be talking about Peter Stefanovic.

So we were like, let's talk about Craig David.

Let's talk dad. Yeah, let's talk about Craig David. Craig David.

He's come out, and I think this is interesting. We hasn't come.

No, he might have come, though he's sell a bit. He's not not coming. No, I think he's not coming. Oh, I don't know about that.

He's forty two.

Since he was forty years old, so for the past two years he has been completely celibate. He has decided that he doesn't want any intimacy, like romantic intimacy in his life because he wants to work on healing. His own issues with himself, but also prioritizing other things that are more important.

Craig David wrote a song about meeting the girl on Monday and having her in the bed on Wednesday, and then like meeting someone else on Friday or some other there were a lot of days and sex in and on Thursday and Friday and Saturday, on Sunday, then we fuck on Monday.

Not the words, No, that would have been a great song.

So he has sung a song about how he gets late, and now he's come out saying that he's celibate, which I think is great. But I think the funny thing about it is the way he talks about it. He's like, literally, no drama, vibes only I'm so creative, like I'm banging out songs, I'm not banging chicks, and life is great from it. But there actually is so much scientific research to say that we are better people, we are more productive, we're more creative when we are not ejaculated.

Well this is his this is his quote.

It has been really good for me because man, the studio, music, the creativity, it's like no drama, just vibes. I know, to the date, it's been two years now for me without sex. But in a funny way, much as I was like wow to myself for the moment, my creativity has been one hundred percent on max for those two years, which I agree with, because when you're in the throes of like toxic dating, toxic relationships, like the effort that goes into trying to find new people to date, to

Yeah, And as somebody who is unintentionally celibate that is myself, I can agree to this.

I think you're so much more productive.

And I have always said this when I have gone through these dry spells of like not dating, not even just the sex, but not dating. And it goes back to what you said, Laura, it's like the no drama. You don't have to use your brain to think of anyone else, like you can prioritize yourself. You can be selfish and every decision you make can be about you. It means you are going to be better at everything that you do because you've got more energy to put

Can't have sex because I want to focus on creativity, focus on my creative outlets.

I mean. Craig David has come out and said that he believes that the repeated one night stands that he had at the height of his fame in his twenties and thirties led to many different traumas and that is why so he's Craig David is blaming his one night stands, which probably came off the back of his song.

I mean, you can't really blame you one night So I think you've got to blame yourself in that moment.

You can't blame blame bad decision making is what it is.

The Only part of this I think is like, I don't know how I feel about it.

I mean, I do know how I feel, but I hate the way I feel.

So he has said that when he was sixteen years old, he went through a really bad breakup and that he was completely in love with her. She broke his heart and then that was what set him off for like being terrible in relationships, basically his inability to commit, his inability to have healthy relationships. Now I know, and I'm fully aware after doing this podcast for how long we've done it, how toxic this is.

But part of me hears him say that and go, oh, the poor thing. He's like a broken man.

That needs love.

And then the other part of me is like, oh my god, you are deflecting. You know, you're not taking any responsibility for the way you've treated people for the past like two decades. You're placing that blame on something that happened to you when you're sixteen, which is crazy.

Well, he's yeah, he said that, the one night stands and then not wanting to and like just have sex like that. He blames that on the trauma of when he was sixteen, the trauma of when he was sixteen. I just want to really get you guys to understand. It was a two week whirlwind romance. It was two weeks when he was six No, you can't make that up. Okay, it was two week world wind romance. He said he never felt anything like that before, and my heart closed down.

It's your whole life.

Hasn't come down to a two week wall with romance when you were sixteen. But when I think back to when I was sixteen, I was dating this guy called Mitch. Use the term dating loosely because you're sixteen, Like you're at school. You write letters to each other and you pass them over at lunchtime. Anyway, we were together for an entire year.

Fifteen. I was fourteen to fifteen. I remember this shit.

You can't remember a guy you dated in your twenties, but you remember some dude you dated when you're fourteen.

This is my point, This is why I understand Craig David. Everyone remembers that first love and the first heartbreak.

So I get what he's saying.

In that because when Mitch he broke up with me, Oh, Betty regrets that now, I'm joking.

He broke up with me and I thought I was going to marry him.

I remember being fifteen thinking like there were no love like this, like this is my person because you know, you used to talk to each other like that, like he'd say the same thing to me, and you'd write these gushy letters because you're just feeling these feelings for the first time in your life. That's the age where you've never felt a love, like a romantic love, and you know you have your family love and all this different stuff.

And when he broke up with me, I remember I.

Thought my life was over. And I remember saying to my mom, I was balling my room and she came in and she must have been trying not to laugh as a mother.

Like I know, I remember having exact same situations with my mom, like not laugh at me because I'm upset.

She was obviously there for me, but part of her must have been like, wow, one day you'll laugh at yourself. Because I was like, I will never date again.

No.

Wait, so Craig David actually did that.

He's not breaking at sixteen and then turned into a forty year old man who has never dated again.

Yeah, for fear of those feelings, which is wild. But I remember saying I'll never find it. I said to mom, I'll never find a love like Maddiganbatt and Mum was like you, I promise you.

I know you feel like that, but you will.

Well imagine if you were Craig David and your mum had had that conversation with him, because he could turn around as a forty two year old man and say, well, no, Mum, I did it.

I told you I'm right and you're wrong. Yeah. But he also made millions of dollars from a song about sex about hockey up.

I mean not that we need to get into the psychic of Craig David. No one really cares, but I think we do care. I don't think that it has anything to do with being a sixteen year old and having his heart broken. I think it has to do with becoming monumentally famous and being in a position of power and having so much choice when it comes to women and never having to settle because there's always going to be this routesque they of women. And then he's gotten to the ripe old age of forty and not

Yeah, I agree, but I mean, like he said, I'm just reading some more things, he said, But he said, like, and it does that up. He said, Look, I've always kept women's at arm's length, and I do feel like it's the rejection from years ago has become a defense mechanism get over, which no, but there is something in that. But I think the fact that he's sad on that

Yeah, but also I get over that. I worked through that.

This is what I say by I hate myself because one part of me is like, oh my god, the brooken bird, fix them, And then the other part of me, the more rational part, is like, you are a grown man and you are blaming the way that you have treated women for the past twenty years on one female from when.

You were sixteen.

Yeah, like you have categorized an entire gender and your behavior towards that gender because of the way you got treated once.

Like it's so I mean, it's so deeply wrong.

But the real question here is do you think Craig David keeps a list?

Yeah, I'd love to see the notes of his face.

I would love to hear the song on two Years of No Sex, when he made his millions on a song about sex every day.

Yeah, I'm not sure it'll be as much of a blockbuster though.

On Monday, we held hands hung Tuesday. But a fleck is there is time for our acts.

Cidentally unfiltered your most embarrassing stories.

This is goody.

I recently decided to treat myself and booked in for a facial at a pretty well known place. Upon entering the treatment room, I was instructed to remove any clothing above my waist and put this cape on a piece of fabric that was folded neatly on the chair. Before I had a chance to ask, the aesthetician had left the room, so I stripped off my top and my bra and I put the cape around my neck, did up the ties.

I wore it just like a Superman cape over my back.

Ah ah why.

I held the two edges together at the front to try and cover my chest a little bit. When the asthetician returned, she muffled giggle and gently told me that the cape needed to go around my arms and around my chest so they could massage my neck and shoulders.

Standing there topless.

I had to remove my cape and put it on while she was still standing there watching. I have never gone back, just imagining her there with her boobies out in a capeon.

Do you know what I find weird.

This has made me think. I spoke to you guys a couple weeks ag about how I started getting laser hair removal, so you need to get like six six times. But I had my first one however, long ago.

And I got full of the whole kickkerboodle, full legs.

Ass crack, Brazilian under arms. Yeah. I just find it's so weird because you know, when you go and get a perhaps mere or you know, everything that I did for fertility there, so it's very internal, like you're getting so many internal ultrasounds, so many like poking and prodding.

But every time you go in and you strip.

Off, you lay there, you always get something just to lay over you for a bit of modesty, modesty, just for that feeling.

They don't give you that at laser. She's like, take it off and lay down.

It's fake modesty though, like they're still looking at your bum hole and you're just there with a towel over your over the when.

You're laying there right, and then you're getting your legs lasered.

Imagine if you could just have a little towel over your fanny, but you can't. I just laid there and my whole vagina is out, and then she's like, legs to the side. I'm just opening my legs up with my vagina there. She's a realist. Then she like a towels just getting in the way. Got a job to do, get it done. So then she's doing the back of my legs and she's like, oh, so are you getting the Hollywood? And I was like, well, the Hollywood. She goes, do you get the Hollywood?

And I was like, I don't understand what the Hollywood is.

She goes the Hollywood and I was like, do.

You mean my butthole?

And she goes yeah, and I was like, yeah, do my butthole. I was like, why I just call a butthole. I was like, what, it's a Hollywood. I don't know what Hollywood is anyway, the whole Hollywood. It's the whole e Wood.

But I'm like, just give me a little modesty towel because I felt very exposed. I think that it's depended on the place that you go to.

I think that some places would give you a little modesty handtowl unnecessary because they're literally going to look from the front to the back and all through the crack.

But it's nice to have. I feel like there's a song in that.

It's the back and all the way through your crack.

Yeah, we lost it.

Okay, I haven't been and I need to go back because I would like to get all of that sorted.

Yeah, maybe you can get it at the same time as your laby plasty. Great.

I'll be out for that, so then I won't know. Like a shaven snip and you wake up and you're totally bored. You literally wake up, you look sixteen again. That's my plan, so.

Tight and come back and hairless. I like the hairless cat. What is this my prey vest vagina?

Actually back the sphinx, my little sphinx can't know because they're ring someone's sexlessest the sphinx.

Someone somewhere when you was that.

No, they certainly haven't any time soon, that's for sure. What would Matt write me as it's the celiban lop sided?

Probably at the moment, side one side heavy, elongated too much? Can you actually, boppy? Can we do this? Can we? I would like the three of us to go home, Keisha produced you're included. Ask our respective partners what offensive thing they would put us in there? Not offensive. But how would you if you had ever hooked up with us on the first night or whatever? What would we be in the sexless as?

So Ben actually asked me last night that would be six pack that put him in He's just got the It's like it is obs how good his six pack is.

It's like it's drawn on. It's obscene.

I feel like there's no comment I can make here that won't get me in trouble. I have not seen his six pack is what I will go. It's absolutely it's stupid. It's beyond stupid.

I would put Ben as off the top of my head. I would say movie movie, well, the guy from the Full Guy or You're my band. Because the sex on the first night was like something out of a movie. I felt like I was leaving out my movie dreams. You know, sex in movies isn't real sex. You know that they pick you up around there you're against the wall and it's passionate, and then they flip you around and it's like what happened after that? He hollywooded men.

All right, we need to stop complimenting our partners.

No, I want you to ask your partners what they'd put you as.

I don't want to be insulted. Doon't be insulted. Do you also be smoke show hot case? Do you think yours would be insulted? I think I know what mine would be.

I think it would be so on our first day, we were at this really nice restaurant and my boyfriend really likes wine. He's like a full wine person and you know, enjoys that I don't. I don't even drink wine. So he was ordering this really fancy wine, and I the girl from Newcastle who you can take out of NEWI but you cannot take the desires.

I was ordering absence spritzers.

What the fuck is an absence?

Okay though an as absinthe the like, why were you drinking absinth on a first day?

And what restaurant still serves as sheu bet in Sydney.

Really nice restaurant, quite fancy because cabsinth.

I love it. I love the taste of absinthe. I think it's so good.

Anyway, they make these spritzers, they still do, had one like last week there.

It's like having a meth spritzer.

I don't know if it's as strong in Australia. I think it must not be. I don't think you could get an alcoholage seventy percent. But anyway, that's what he would have put me in his phone as if we had have only had a one night step I think absent girl, do you reckon?

Yeah?

Okay, we brought it up heap since and I'm like, I'm actually surprised you took me on a second date because it's so bogan about you.

I wasn't bad, I didn't have too many. I had a couple, but like you know, chirpy, I thought you were going to say he was going to call you spritzer, and I was like, that could be pretty good.

That could go either way.

The spritzer either that is such an aggressive drink for a first date. I am impressed and scared of you. If I went on a date with a guy and he started drinking absent, I'd be like I'm calling a taxi. I's like this guy needs therapy, she's had some trauma. Probably no, but this is good. I think it was good for you, Laura, broken bird. You would have assumed that I had problems.

I was like, Oh, I'll date, I'll marry her. I can fix her.

I think that this is good and I genuinely want you to do this. I want you to think about now what you think they we know your skisha. You think he'd say, yeah, absentthe girl. But now go and ask what he would and tell us on Thursday, because I genuinely want to know if what you think they think of you is what.

They would have a right I'll ask Matt Yeah, what I would be in his sex list when he.

First after it?

No, after just meeting, not now, because you don't even make the sex list. Now you're not on the list and he doesn't have a list. He doesn't have a list.

Yeah, okay, it was virgin when we met.

You want to share it? Okay, my accent unfiltered.

Now this has come off the back of producer.

Keisha was telling her an accientally unfiltered about her friend who mistook lube a couple of weeks ago. So this has come off the back of that, my husband and I were in Vegas. We decided to go to a sex club. We walked around, went into all the different rooms, spoke to some different people, and started getting hot and heavy in the main room.

I love this. There were people all around us also having sex.

It was a vibe. I asked my husband to go and get some lube, which was conveniently in the same room I guess it was the main room. He brought it over to me, squirted two pumps into my hand, which I directly placed onto my vagina, only to realize that this was in fact not lube, but it was hand sanitizer. The pain and the burning in the middle of his sex room. We both ran to the bathroom, where I attempted to wipe it off with paper and water.

Sex was over.

It really does scream You've not done this before, doesn't it.

Yeah, tell me you've never been to a sex club without telling me you've never been to a sex club anyways.

Look, guys, if you've got an accident, un filtered slide in suckond sweets for the week, Brittany, what is your suck?

My suck this week is if you guys follow me on Instagram you would have seen. But Delilah, love of my life, the best dog in the whole universe. She was unwell this weekend, like really unwell, to the point that I took her to the vet, which I never do, like usually if a dog is sick, Like if a dog does one vomit, it's not the end of the world.

You're like, oh, I must have an upset tummy.

Whatever. Anyway, she vomited so much over a fifteen hour period, like probably five big vomits and yeah, and she was like really moping around. I was like, something's not right.

So I took it to the bet just to check her out and make sure.

Anyway, cost me a bomb, which is fine because that's what to do it, but that's what they do, right. They checked her, They did it, but she did not like that. Put the temperare in a button man. She did not like. I was.

I felt horrible. I was trying to pin it down and she was trying to get away.

Anyway. They gave anti nouseer injections and all this stuff, but it was about four four fifty, which is nothing for her health. Anyway. The second we walked out the door, the second we walked out the door of the event.

It was like it was New Year's Eve. She was like, whoa.

She was absolutely fine, not one other bit of sickness. She probably needed the anti nausea injections though, but it wouldn't have.

Kicked in yet.

They literally gave it to her. She walked out the door, and I was.

Like, what what's happening? I was like, why are you?

Why are you fine?

Now? After Mum's just paid?

Just needed something stuck around, she just needed something. Well, she's only human.

She's not human.

She's a dog, all right, And what is your sweet? My sweet for the weekend is?

I had one of the best meals of my life at this new restaurant that I went to with some friends. The meal in question was a mushroom dish. Literally, it was a vegetable mushroom is not my I wouldn't have ordered it, but it was a share plate. It was the best thing I have ever eaten. Again. I don't know if this goes back to post jungle where I'm like appreciating food.

Like the taste buds are all highened now. I don't know what it is, but it was the most I was like, how is a mushroom dish the most that's hats off to the chef.

Right. It's a new Mary Veil if anyone wants to know. It's a Merry Vale restaurant in Sydney that's just opened up called good Luck in credible of it. I had not heard of it either until it was booked. But anyway, that was my recommendation. So my suck for the week is actually also very animal and dog related. So Buster had this little cyst on his back. It's been so it's been there for like a month. Anyway, took him to a month ago. They were like, m fine, it'll probably just go away.

And then it was getting progressively worse but quite fast, and we took him back and he needed to have it operated on. And I'm talking like a little cys like I'm talking like think like a fingernail, like a little pinky fingernail.

Like those little lumps you can sometimes feel under dog skin. Yeah, it was.

It was obvious though, like you could see it. It was coming up to the surface of the skin, so it looked like a big pimple. But it was like like the size of like a little fingernail. Anyway, we took him in and we left him there in the morning and they were like, yeah, he'll probably come out with like a four centimeter cut because we have to cut extract it. And I missed because we were at work and I missed the phone call from the vet.

Already looks like he's beating the walls. Poor guy's got three legs.

And then he came out with this massive cut on the other side of his shoulder, and basically it was like, this is not cancer, as they went and tested and everything else, but it was this big like growth that had happened, and all the growth was underneath the skin, so there was a little tiny bit on top of a Yeah, so they've taken it all out.

So like he's doing heaps well. He's doing heaps well.

He's doing really.

Well, but he's been super MOPy this week as well, because obviously it's painful. It's really tricky because because Buster only has three legs, they won't put a cone on him because it really impedes their mobility, makes them fall over and stuff and their balance. And so now it's this struggling act because he keeps trying to scratch it and so he's like really doing damage to his skin. It's just it sucks. It's so it's so sad having an animal that you can tell is like uncomfortable and

So weird.

Okay, it's so weird.

We know, we know it's weird because normally if you meet someone at the park and then you go and stalk them on LinkedIn, it's an issue. It doesn't turn out well.

But anyway, we found them on LinkedIn, we then became friends with them. They have kids the same age as our kids. We now had like a little posse of random friends. So like two of their friends who like mutually knew Matt from Brisbane. It turned out that we had some mutual friends. The six of us now hang out with our kids because we've all got kids the same age. And we went over to the house on Saturday and it was meant to just be like a

It was like eight o'clock. The kids are like mom moa.

We got blitzed. It was huge eight pm. We were selling pizza.

You know, it's a bit that eight pm home time when you've got a three year old, that is like insanity. So anyway, we had a really nice night just It was one of those evenings where it was completely unplanned. We thought it was going to be a Helen Earth days. I'd been raining kids inside, but it actually was just great.

Yeah, it was it was really nice. Oh I love that I haven't really made adult friends. I mean, I made adult friends in the jungle, but you guys are the only adult friends I've made.

I know, well, apart from them.

Tisha, why are you rolling your eyes? No one makes adult friends like Keisha makes adult friends.

I've never experienced it. Keisha is a friend queen.

She'll go for a walk to come back, she goes, oh, I met some people to name's going to go on a holiday with them.

This is a testament of like, not it's just how friendly you are, Kisha, but also how do you have time for all the friends.

I'm realizing that the key to my success is to do group hangouts, because then it's like it ticks off the box of catching up with everyone.

But you don't have to do like individual things.

I think as I'm getting older, I'm becoming more introverted, maybe since it's because I'm medicated.

But how does that happen? Though?

When all your friends are from like different groups.

I think it's more.

So that if I find someone that like I have a common interest with, I know that my existing group of friends are going to have things in common with them too. And also, I've moved to so many different cities that I've been the friend who hasn't got any friends in that.

Place a lot. So I really like I like to be now.

That kind of connection point for other people, because you know, when you move around and you've got to re establish yourself and you don't know anyone, and it's really fucking hard as an ad to make friends and you don't have those people. And often because I was single when I moved to those places, I was not in relationships for almost all of them.

I think I had to kind of start from zeros.

And it's also so hard because most people who have been in a place for a really long time, like you and I, brew like we've got our group of friends, you know, and that's what people are so close to making new friends, which is what makes it so hard for other people to kind of be like, hey, can we be mates.

I'll find you on LinkedIn. I do think I do think it is a personality type though, because I have been the person has moved to many cities around the world and knows no one. And I'm okay with it because my personality type doesn't need it. I only need one or two. Genuinely, I only need a few people to fill my cup. I'm that person that would have

She wrote the book on what's it called click or Clash, and she wrote about frequency and intensity of connection.

And I think I learned so much from that book. I absolutely love it. And I think I've got a higher frequency than what you do, yeah, one hundred percent.

Yeah.

Whereas laws, I think you have quite a high frequency.

But you're constantly surrounded by people because you've got kids and you've got a husband, do you know what I mean. Like, if you're in Tony May, you're around people the whole day. If you're here, you're around us. Then you got to radio. Like you know, you're around people a lot, so you probably don't feel the need to have it in your actual like time off as much. Yeah, so I think that maybe you kind of fill that cup in other ways.

Home, I think five you know, I'm only in the office two days a week.

So if you're a type of person who is like that and has friends and you know, people who have moved to where you are.

Bring them into the fold.

They probably need it.

Laura's like, wow, guys, my sweet ones that I hung out with some people.

Now we're unpacking the psychology my friendships.

That's what we do. Hear a Life on cut anyway? That is it from us, guys. Please send you accidently on filters into lifeun Cup podcast on Instagram, or you ask on cards any juicy details that you want and don't forget if you are somebody that has been following along the podcast for a while but you might not yet be in our Facebook discussion group that is Life on Discussion group on Facebook. Pretty self explanatory, but it's it's so good. It is so fun.

You can jump in there and post your sex list. Also, we have a great interview coming out tomorrow with Lauren Wassa. Now Lauren, we interviewed her just before Britt went away into the Jungle, and it's an interview we've been sitting on for a little while, but it is fucking amazing. She suffered from toxic shock syndrome, which I know most women have heard of but probably have never spoken to or heard from somebody who's actually lived through it, and

And I realized I knew it a little about it. When Lauren was explaining some of the misconceptions around toxic I was like, I'm guilty of that misconception.

Yeah, and I think it's truly an episode that every single woman should be listening to. If you get a period, you should absolutely be listening to this episode tomorrow.

I don't even think it's just misconceptions. I actually think that we've been educated with misinformation. I think we've all had this idea of eight hours. You can only have a tampon in for eight hours and after that you're at risk of toxic shock. That's not the case, and that was the thing that I was like, Oh shit, I didn't know that. You know, Lauren told her story and she went by the rules of what's on the.

Back of the packet.

So this episode really has changed my reach for feminine hygiene products, and I think I've been making some really big changes because of it.

So I think everyone would be.

Really really interested if you, like Laura said, if you mentionuate, or even if you have a daughter who is about to be in that phase of her life.

I think it's really important And just a reminder, we have a YouTube channel now so you can actually watch these interviews, which is amazing. It was a long time coming, but it's again. Just go on to YouTube Life Punk Cup Podcast. We put the links in the show notes. But it's really cool and just gives it different Oh. I think it brings a different energy when you get to sit down and watch it as well, and like maybe you guys just want to see how crazy you are.