Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.
This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation. Hi, guys and all, welcome back to another episode that was very your hands.
On your heart that it was very emotional. Is it emotional because it's our second last episode of the year. Well, it's not.
It's the second last week, second last Tuesday.
Ah. Here sheeses, ladies and gentlemen. It's Brittany Hockley coming in from behind. Well I'm Brittany. I'm also Laura. Ah.
Hi everybody, it's been a hell of a doozy of a weekend. What did you do this weekend?
We do? You know? I want to know why you feel like it's a doozy.
I don't know if you've spoken about this on the pond, but you've had tons of lightis like you've been very unwell and I.
Think I think we haven't spoken about it. I think it's catching up.
With you, but just keep on plowing through. I just keep pretending like I'm not sick. And then the other day I went to the doctors and she was like, can we run your bloods? Because she's like, you're really think you're really sick? And I was like, Noah, I'm fine, man, everything is good.
It's also hard when it's your tonsils and you talk for a living like it's not one of those things where you can just go and rest, just a little salt or to gargle, babe.
You do You've been gargling a lot at my house? Yeah? Sorry, Well what do I do this weekend? Nothing's too exciting?
You were to be honest, And I want to know, how's the guy? How's the dating that's been happening recently?
I have been dating someone, yes, loosely, you loosely, yeah, but like for a little bit now, but not like, well, it's not like we're exclusive.
I don't know.
I feel like it's not overly serious, yap, and maybe And then you're like, I can't say that because and what if he hears this and then he thinks it's serious, And then you've just said it's serious, and oh dear.
God, it's a fucking mindfield and he listens to an episode, so yeah, I have to be careful. Well, can I say, I don't know how you would explain it. I don't know what the label is right now. It's serious without being serious. I think it's going that way, but it's not there yet.
It's so annoying, isn't it when it's just in that land of like ambiguity?
Yeah, what's it called?
Like? It's no man's land called purgatory, pergos, dating, doning, heaven and I'm not now it's dating purgatory, I hope on the way out, but but I don't know. No, So that's going very well. I will be seeing him over the Christmas period.
What are you doing for Christmas? Brit Well?
I booked flights last night, Laura, shit, I booked flights overseas. I'm going to be handing overseas for the festive season. I thought, I am going to lay it all on the line here because he actually doesn't live here. As you know, we know that that's a common theme for me. He doesn't live here, So I am going to go and investigate what that looks like and if it's going to be something that I want to investigate further.
We had a conversation about this in the car the other day and britt was like, look, Laura, I'm gonna go down. You said, I'm gonna go overseas and I'm going to see him, and the worst thing that's gonna happen is that I'm gonna have the best sex of my life for like two weeks and then I'll come home and it'll be fine. And I was like, no, Brittany, the worst thing that's going to happen is you're going to fall in love with someone who lives overseas.
Yeah. I was like, worst case scenario, Worst case scenario. But I'm very happy holiday. This fucking sounds great. Oh don't take that headline like Britty goes man. I just hated to one a plant of these days, don't I.
Okay, it does sound like you're going to have a fucking great Christmas.
Though, well, I'm at this.
Point in and I'm and a lot of people out there. No, you're at that point where you don't know what something is yet. There's only one way to find out, and that is to go to Scotland. But as I love to say, my favorite quote risk it for the biscuit because it doesn't rain, it pause right.
And for me, it's in a drought. For quite a while.
I started seeing this person that I'm very interested in, and since then someone from my past has come back and they're trying to you know, they're showing their interests again. And I was very honest, because I always am. I'm like, look that ship has sort of sailed. Now you missed the boat a little bit.
There.
I'm seeing someone. And then it went escalated. I love you though, I love you, that's what and I was like, you don't. I said, you don't. It's just because I do, you know, I want this kind of thing, and what do you do with that? I was like, I don't know what else to tell you. I'm seeing someone. And we had this conversation again last couple of weeks. When someone thinks they kind have you, they want you ten times more, which.
I think now after three years, three hundred and forty episodes of this podcast, I see it.
Yeah, you can sniff that out.
You're like, you're not in love with me, you're in love with not being able to have me, so therefore you want me.
Yeah, this is really unhealthy.
Yeah, I am a relationship therapist, unqualified.
There is still absolutely no paperwork on either of our walls. But you know what, We'll keep on trying well. I will either come back in the new year.
It's either going to You're either going to get like happy in lust love Brittany, or you're going to get heartbroken Brittany.
So we don't nobody can handle heartbroken Brittany again.
No one wants. I don't want that for you. I think you're thinking about you. You're like, oh, I'm going to be dragging around a bed again.
No, it's not for me. I don't want you to be heartbroken again. That's a horrible thing to have to go through, and I don't ever want that for you. Okay, but I'm very excited that you have, truly, because we're taking five weeks off, guys, like this is going to be a big Christmas holiday break for us this year. We have this week of episodes, we have next week of episodes. We have a really great episode next week planned which I think will be very relevant for everybody
heading into the Christmas period, very topical. But then we're taking five weeks off and we're not back until kind of like the end of jan for some real R and R before we come back absolutely steaming into.
Twenty twenty three.
And I'm very happy that you're having what is going to be a rejuvenating experience.
For your whole body. It's called holistic health. How are you? Was what happened on your weekend? Do anything eventful? Did anybums on you? I'm amazing sex?
Well, thank you? No, I didn't have any sex. I went to Okay, this was my weekend. My kids have the best social life and I don't have a social life.
I have a better social life than we do. Literally.
So Saturday morning, I went to the preschool Christmas party. We had sausages in the park and there was face painting and Santa came and gave out Christmas presents.
Wow, it's a really big deal.
Yeah, I mean that's where all of our school fees go to. Like, daycare is so expensive and now I know, why.
Do you have to purchase? Is it like a secret standard? Does every family have to purchase a present? No?
For like, no, no, where do they come from?
I'm expecting I Like on Friday when we picked the kids up from daycare, I was like, oh, what do you need me to bring to this Christmas party tomorrow?
And they're like, nothing, just come, and.
I was like, that's that's where my money goes. I was like, what's going to be there? And they're like, just come. It's a great day. And my kids have only just started this daycare. They've only been going there for three months. And prior to that we were at a different daycare and they had been there for three years.
So this is all a new experience to us. And we rocked up and there was like face painting and Santa came with a big sack of presents for every single child, and then there was sausage sizzles with not even with minute steaks, with legit steaks.
I was like, this is an Eastern summer Christmas party. It was like a big what's it called a rump steak?
It was?
It wasn't.
Okay, But so we did that on Saturday. Then Saturday afternoon, like Morley went and played at the neighbor's house and we went and swamm in their pool. Then Sunday it was a three year old birthday party and then we went home.
We put the tree up. The whole weekend I was like cooked. These children ruled me. Yeah, that's what kids do for like thirty years.
Yeah.
So if anyone wants to know what I'm doing next week, I'm also going to kids birthday buddies. Ah, I's a know from me.
But we this year, this is the very first year in oh God ever that we are hosting Christmas. Everybody is coming to day Christmas Day. Literally, our entire family are coming to my house.
Can you just give me a minute. I'm just praying for you. Thank you, just a minute. House. Also, this is the thing I need to come like.
I wish it that I told people this more like the people in my family, I think they think I can cook.
Oh no, I will tell you direct them to this podcast. Laura Burne cannot cook.
The last time I cooked Christmas lunch for anyone, I tried to cook a pork with crackling and I set the fucking oven on fire. So I think we're just gonna do ham like cold ham. I'm not gonna cook it. I'm not gonna glaze it.
You just buy it. You still have to carve it. I can cut it. Well, first of all, it's not called cutting. You carve it with a car I can cut it and people can have hunks of ham for lunch and prawns. That's what I'm we do.
It's gonna be it's gonna be a cold lunch for Christmas Day, and I think that's fine.
Okay.
So an example, I had this conversation with my sister last night. I just tried to cook garlic bread last night. That's it for dinner. This is how sad my life is. And a burnt to a crisp. But it was these two little black balls. I sent it to my sister as my sister was simultaneously typing up the menu for Christmas Day. Now, my sister is a nutritionis. She's an amazing cook. But she's done a menu.
It's like a full four course for a huge amount of people. She froths.
It is also a lot younger than you.
Does it make you.
Feel like, yes, that's how I feel like I have a failure, Like I can't Okay. I can do lots of things. Cooking isn't one of them. So why are we highlighting this?
Well? Can you not?
And I mean it's something my family does, says every year, but Sherry loves to do it, so she does it. But every year, after we're cleaning up for hours, you spend the whole day in the kitchen or cleaning up. Right, every year we're like, we're gonna cater it next year. Why don't you just cater Why don't you go to charlgirl?
Charlie's you are But it's okay, Yeah, lean into your strengths, don't tell anyone, use your.
Boundaries, say no to things that don't serve you. Yes, you just gotta buy some chalks.
As I'm salling and be like, guys, I've been prepping this all morning. Take the child, Charlie's wrapper off it.
You know what. They'll probably hear this and sponsor you.
Okay, do you know what? There are a couple of things that we wanted to unpack. But before we get into all the nitty gritty of this episode, let's tell you what this episode's about.
This is a real nostalgic episode for.
Us because we don't have any experts on here today interviewing anyone. It's just you and me, Brittany.
We haven't done this for a while. We're going it alone. Did you feel nervous? No? I mean I know what I've been for sitting across from you now where Yeah, it's been four years. Can you believe that three and a half million, four years? That's crazy? We can look out. We're getting so nostalogic at the end of the year.
This is also my second longest relationship, also my only one. Okay, So today's episode, what we're talking about is a very common relationship phenomena. We've spoken about it loads on the podcast, but weirdly, in three and a half years, we have never done a whole episode on it.
It's rebounds. Thank you for taking the punch.
Well, you took a golf there, and so I jumped on in and I saw my opportunity.
Okay, But the reason.
Why we're talking about rebounds is because we're heading into Christmas, and Christmas period, like the summer period, is the highest break up period of the entire year. Not to alarm anyone, not to frighten anyone, but the most breakups happen in the next couple of weeks heading into Christmas, which also means that this is like prime rebound time of the year where people are having a summer fling or you know, having a transient relationship in between their next serious relationship.
So we wanted to kind of talk more about why people have rebound relationships, but not just to kind of like poo pooh them, because I think mostly.
Poo pooh them's. Well, like you, you.
Know, whenever we talk about rebounds, I feel like mostly the general consensus is that they're bad.
I feel like if you were in doubt that Laura spent the whole weekend at children's birthday, Marta, she just reiterated it because you poo pooh your relationship. I don't want to poo poo your rebound relationship. Okay, it's actually true.
Now is the time, unfortunately, that we all get those dreaded texts that we don't want, not all of us, but the old Hey, I think we need to talk.
You know that we need to talk text. I would hope not everyone is receiving them. I mean not everyone, but the statistics are high. We saw that science. There's a lot of breakups at this time, which leads us to a lot of rebounds. Totally.
Well, I mean, just going back to what I was saying in terms of like how it's often spoken about with a negative lens. I think usually when we talk about rebounds, we are usually advising people not to get into them, that rebounds are like a recipe of a disaster, you're gonna get your heart broken. But we wanted to take a bigger, deep dive into this topic and look at what are some of the pros of you know, if you are and do find yourself in a rebound relationship,
what are some of the positives? How do you safeguard yourself? How can you tell if you're in a rebound relationship? And they're all the things that we're going to unpack in a little bit.
I mean, obviously, great sex is a positive from a rebound, but not necessarily. You don't always get great sex in a rebound relationship.
And if you're not hurting the other person because they're just in it for sex, sometimes it's nice to have a human band aid, But is.
Getting under them away to get over them? Well you'll have to find out our opinion a bit later on.
How was that for a hook?
But it brings me to this article that I just read Laura, and I think this is also so timely because we're two weeks away from Christmas.
There's a new.
Term that I've seen pop up, and I think it's pretty accurate, and this is a warning to all those singles out there. There's something called milestoning, which is this new dating trend.
Rebounds and milestoning, this is a dating term.
It was ooined by Plenty of Fish and there's this whole there's all these articles on it, and it goes into all these other terms that have come up. We've done dating terms before, but there are so many new ones. But milestoning is the idea of people going out there swiping furiously, wanting to match with people, wanting to date people purely because a milestone is coming up and they don't want to be alone. In this case, it's the Christmas period, Christmas, New Year's, Christmas.
Parties, all the stuff that comes with it.
So almost three quarters, so seventy one percent of people that were surveyed purposely increase their online dating activity ahead of key milestones, including Christmas. This is because they don't want to be alone on those days.
I don't know if it's as black and white as though, like when I say, I mean there's more to it.
When I say it, I mean as black and white.
I feel like people don't sit down and purposely go like, oh, I want to have a boyfriend for Christmas, so I want to have a girlfriend for Christmas.
I don't think that.
They're thinking about it in such an obvious way. But what I think happens is that as these milestone's approach, as Christmas comes, when you're single and you're wanting to be in a relationship, it shines a spotlight on it. It's another day where you're like, oh, okay, I'm alone again this Christmas. My life isn't where I had hoped it would be.
Now I don't want to get a present.
Yeah, and then you get a boyfriend so you can just get a present, do you know what I mean. I don't think it's so much that it's this conscious Oh I need to have a guy to bring home to my Christmas lunch where Laura is going to make terrible fucking ham. I think it's more a case of just it shines a spotlight on something that you wanted to have in your life, so therefore you're kind of like,
without realizing it, furiously swiping away. Well, Laura, funny you say that, because I have some statistics on that too. So research conducted by plenty of Phish members in the UK reveals that the main motivations for increasing dating activity during this festive season is to secure someone special.
For festive dates.
Literally, so fifty one percent of people said it's just to have a festive date. Twenty percent of people said is to avoid being quizzed by family, Like they just don't want to face that shit, the question, so they're just pretending they're with someone.
So they're like, I've got a boyfriend. His name's Sam and we've been dating for two weeks.
Yes, yes, exactly, And fourteen percent said it's gift giving and receiving.
There's fourteen percent of people that were like, I just want to present that would be you, that would be me, and some physical affection.
I think that's really interesting, But I do you know what, For me, I remember, and as you guys know, I did not spend a lot of time being single because I was the real monkey brancher from relationship to relationship.
But I do remember a New Year's where my.
Boyfriend the time had broken up with me early December, so it was like, not only was the breakup super super fresh, but it was the first time I had been single in a really long time. And then I had to head into Christmas single and then Christmas was kind of okay, I think, but it was New Year.
Since I was pretty drunk, I'm blacked it out well, I mean, because I'm usually with my family anyway, So to me, it wasn't like I had to have a boyfriend for Christmas Day.
But it was New Year's that felt really weird because you know, there's so much emphasis that put into like who are you going to kiss at midnight when it's like the clock struck midnight And I remember being at this party that year and thinking like.
Fuck, like who's the lucky guy? Was like hunting them down.
Like there has to be someone literally trying to find a guy to make out with on midnight.
So I wasn't alone. It's so weird. You've made what a weird tradition?
Well, you've made me picture not last year, year before and when you were just telling your story about me and years and like I pictured myself there I was at this rooftop party with a bunch of my friends, but a bunch of people I didn't know as well.
Right, you just looked at my back braces.
Brittany's wearing a back brace at the moment, and she's making me feel like a hunchback. So I'm yeah, she's wearing a posture brace, and I am the hunchback of this relationship, so it's making me feel personally victimized.
Anyway, I remember it at this.
Rooftop party and everyone was going crazy, lots of you know, drinking, celebrating.
The countdown was on.
We're watching the firewakes from the rooftop and everyone's in such good mood, and I was like, whoa jumping around and ye, and then it was like three two and I was like we were everyone's like and then everyone turned to the person kids, and I was you know, when you're like trying to play cool, you the awkward person dancing in.
The corner, You're like, whoo. That was like no one to kiss me.
No one was left because you hadn't thought about it before the clock struck midnight.
You know, a fake dance.
Yeah, and so you just you didn't think about it, you didn't plant it out. You hadn't picked the guy or girl or whoever it is that you're going to make out with, and then you were left all alone.
Well, you told me the end of that story that you've left out, that you ended up making out with someone that you had no attraction to, just so.
You could make out with someone, and you're like, oh, he was gross.
I made out with the guy that I would typically never make out with, Like I've just I was not attracted to him. We'd had nothing in common, nothing at all, except that I needed to kiss someone because it was midnight.
What a fucking stupid tradition, That's all I have to say.
Very typically Laura, but desperately needy of me that I couldn't be alone.
At the time, I was in my twenties, and I've learned a lot since then.
When I was thinking about like these reasons, you know, fifty percent for the dates, twenty excent for the because I found I was like, what would my reason be? I don't want to be quized by the family. But my main reason for one, my main reason for wanting to bring someone to like all these special events and the holidays is because I'm.
The only person as single. I always get the shit room.
I'm on the camper bed in the lounge room because there's no rooms left. I'm at the end, I'm on the lounge. I'm always a person that's like, oh, she's on her own, so we'll put her anywhere. If I went with a partner, i'd get a room, I'd get a bedroom. But all the partners and couples, you know, when you go on a holiday, you know, if you go on a vaca, you're on Airbnb or wherever you are, everyone gets the main rooms. If you're a couple, and
they get the rooms with the on suites. I remember being put at the base on like a little trundle bed of Sheridan and Jay's bed and Who's romantic getaway and I had to sleep horizontally at there like I was their child.
Okay, but to be fair, Jay and Sherry didn't want you at the base of their bed either, because that's really impeded on their.
Time to have a good time. Look, I'm the victim here.
This leads us into what we're talking about on next week's episode. So if you're single, or you're somebody who finds the holiday periods particularly lonely or particularly challenging, you're gonna love next Tuesday's episode.
You are not alone if you have that feeling. Yeah. Absolutely.
We're interviewing a neuropsychologist, doctor Hannah Corral, and she is going to be talking about all of that stuff, So I feel like we're gonna unpack that more for next week's episode.
Okay, but also off the back.
Of this new term milestoning, there are a bunch of other terms that they put out, and I thought some of them were really funny.
Do you know that it's almost every six months there's new dating terminology, like a new dating lexicon that's brought out into the world.
Yeah, but I love it.
I'm here for it because they're usually really punny, and I'm jealous that I didn't think of the pun.
All right, what is the next one?
Okay, Well, there's one that I quite resonated with, to be honest. It was called click baying. So instead of clickbaiting, click baying like b ae bay a habitual swiper who is always clicking or swiping on dating profiles rather than actually engaging in any form of conversation.
That's me, I've been doing that. I thought that that was also just like a time waster.
Yeah, but it's cuter when it's Hey, I'm aclickbayer. That's what it's way cer to that I'm a time waste.
So you just go in you like everyone, well, not everyone. You like people that you think you could potentially match, You get the ego boost of the match, but then you never speak to that.
I don't think it's.
The ego boost, right, I think what I do when I'm online dating, it's quite sporadic. My my highs and lows. So when I'm on a high and I'm like, I'm doing it, get back out there.
Definitely going on a date this weekend.
I go on, I obviously ferociously swipe match people, and then when they come back to me, I'm.
On the low and I'm like, can't be bothered anymore. No, It's like you come to your senses and you're like, I wouldn't date.
Any of these Basically, Sometimes I'm like, how did that happen? Was an accident? I was desperate need.
The other thing as well is and I know so many people who are online dating have experienced this. I've seen it in the Facebook groups so many times. I experienced it myself. There are some people out there who when you do that, who when you match with them but then don't speak to them, they take it really personal and they get really angry, and they think a normal thing to do is to school you on why
you haven't spoken back to them. Also, it's never gonna work, Like what person has ever sent you like a passag message about how you didn't write back to them and then it makes you go, oh, I'm so sorry, Sam, I meant to write back to you. Hey, haven't we got on a lovely date after you just spoke to me like I'm a child.
We did have that one listener writing once there.
I remember we read out the thread she put it in the life on Cut discussion group. Remember she had a full on brawl online with the online data and she went back at him and they had a full on conversation.
So sometimes it doesn't happen and they ended up on a date and no, oh no it didn't work, but he got their eyes.
And the other one that was like the perfect match for this conversation, Like it could not be more perfect for what we're talking about today.
It's called one eighty dating.
This is rebounding from a recent breakup by starting a relationship with a younger, unexpected partner. Think of Olivia Wilde and Kim Kardashian. This also, I feel like it's a bit me like the younger partner, the unexpected like I.
Feel I feel a litle bit Okay, I feel very seen.
Anyway, how young do you think you would go? Like, what's your young what's your limit?
No, I wouldn't go any younger than what I've been.
Twenty six, twenty five, No, I couldn't do it. Twenty sure, the more legal.
I'm thirty five now, so twenty five ten years a young is too young. It's just too young because they're in a different life face.
It depends what it was, I guess, and you don't want to go out sing Pokemon go.
It's way too young for me now. Absolutely, I think I feel like I don't have you know what. I'm not going to put a number on it because people are different. Some people are really mature, some people are really good looking, and age doesn't matter, and you can't put a number on it because age eventually means nothing that I really do believe that would I want to date someone ridiculously younger than me. No, purely because I
feel like you're at different points of your life. Emotional maturity is very different that often you're not on the same level.
Also, I think, I mean this might be a stereotype. Probably is a stereotype, and I'll probably take it back, maybe even edit it out.
I feel like twenty five.
Year old women are often more mature than twenty five year old men. I think that's true obviously, like you know, that's very heteronormative, being gender typed. But I think in terms of when we're talking about heterosexual relationships, where I was at twenty five, verse where my partners were at twenty five, I think was a pretty there was a big caveat.
Yeah, and we do know, we know that men generally grow up a little bit slower. They do want to stay Peter Pans for a bit longer.
Depends on what area they're from.
Of course, it depends that this is a blanket statement of cause, but we know this is actually it's not a blanket statement. We do know men do mature later, like that isn't a blanket statement, but it's just how long it takes them. Usually by twenty five, you'd hope they were there, but often they're not.
Well.
On that note, let's get into our favorite part of every episode, and that is accidentally unfiltered.
Okay, I am going.
To kick this off because I thought that this was cute and funny and dear God, here we go. Worst thing that was said to me during sex. I was having sex with this guy and he asked if we could do a sixty niner. It was a pretty mediocre sex, but I thought, oh well, why not over and let's just get on with it. I love the lack of enthusiasm here. Actually I don't love it at all, Like when you're like, it's pretty mediocre sex, but we thought,
what the heck, let's just give it this a try. Okay, So she rolls over, she does a sixty nine er. After the sex, we're sitting on the couch and he looks at me like a child and says, I saw your butthole lolls like a child. To this day, whenever I have sex or even just shave my booty hole, all I can think of is this guy's little beady eyes sitting there staring at me and looking at my
secret star. Not to mention, his dogs were both watching the entire time we had sex because he refused to put them in the other room.
No how old is this guy. I just love that she calls her asshole a secret star and the dog's watching. No put them out.
Especially there's two of them, but I saw your buttthole. Haha, I'm sorry. We literally just spoke about emotional maturity of men. This is a priming guy I saw.
Imagine that.
Imagine just like after sex, sitting on the couch, it's like your time to like, you know, maybe you're gonna about it. Maybe you're going to talk about watching suits. I don't know, you're gonna do sexy cardile, whatever you're gonna do. Imagine a full grown man turning to you and saying, I saw your butthole.
Yeah, so your butthole fuck? All right? Well, speaking of buttholes, mine has nothing to do with it. My kaboodle loves to get into my.
Dirty clothes basket and lick the crutch of my undies. Gross, I know, But unbeknownst to me, he tipped over the entire basket and had scattered my licked crutch undies.
All through my room.
I didn't notice until after the male property valuer that we had organized to come out and look at the property came in took photos of the entire house, including my room that was littered with my lick fielled crutch undies. I am absolutely dead. I'm happy to note though we did get a really good increase in the value, so maybe that held.
But you know what I'm not. I'm just bombity gross that your dog licks at I mean.
No dogs are some sem doo. Yeah, but put a lid on it, like put a lid on the basket.
Yeah. Also, imagine the poor I always think that.
Imagine the poor property value that's coming around, Like stepping over these underpants that are.
Lit it all over the floor.
They also probably look like the crushes being chewed out of them. Imagine if they don't assume, not yet they imagine if you don't assume that it's your dog, and they think that a human did that. Even All right, let's get into the really insightful chatting around rebounds. So we are talking about rebound relationships. And now, I mean I've had one, I've been in one, I've done it to many other people. But have you ever okay, have you ever trying to think if you did it recently
but you didn't. Have you ever come out of a long term relationship and then jump straight back into something knowing full well that they're just a buffer.
Well, look, I haven't had that many long term relationships, but I am going to say I.
Have had two. I really dug deep in my memory for this.
I've had two rebounds okay, where I have gone looking for the rebound relationship. I think I've probably been the rebound as well. But I have had two that were very, very different. Okay, I had one rebound where it was off the back of my sociopathic X right, it was a wild two years.
You were like, let's feel this trauma. I was like, there is a big gaping holeway you know, I'm not talking about the mum Jesus Christ springing. Holy Sorry, I'm just trying to make a sick joke.
No, I was like, there's a big gaping traumatic hole here. So I've only really had two that I can think of.
Now. I have been the person.
I've been someone else's rebound for sure, like one hundred percent, without doubt.
I know that I have field of space for someone else.
But there's been two big ones where I have intentionally and unintentionally used someone as a rebound.
Now, the first one intentionally and unintentionally. It's so bad when you do it intentionally, but sometimes you can't help it.
Well, do you know what? It's funny because it's hurt people, hurt people.
I didn't yeah, exactly, I didn't know it was intentional, right.
That came to me late.
I didn't go out saying I'm going to find a rebound. But what did happen was it was off the back. The first one was off the back of my two year relationship with my sociopathic ex Episode three.
Ever, if you're new to the podcast and you don't know about it, the audio quality is terrible in that episode, but the story is very good. The info's there.
But it was two years and it was very a very very traumatic ending. Not long after that, I reckon it must have only been six weeks I met someone else. Okay, six weeks of trauma and I met somebody at work. It was also, funnily enough, long distance. He was actually a doctor that I'd met at work, and he lived elsewhere. He lived in Sydney, and I was important quarry fast forward.
He was moving back to Sydney.
So this was great for me because I thought we had a couple of weeks together to get to know each other, kind of hang out.
Then he was going away.
And this is only six weeks after a really big breakup, after the biggest breakup.
And you guys, a lot of you that are following along at home for a long time, you're going to know this story, but you're not going to realize that it was the rebound story.
We were long distance for a.
Little while, and I completely now look back, I feel bad I used him without knowing because it was attention. It was taking my mind away from what I had just been through and from the hurt and the embarrassment, the disbelief. I wanted to be someone else, be somewhere else. I wanted someone to give me attention to make me feel good. It was so when I look back, it was so unwell and I was not in a place
to do that that we entered into this relationship. He told me he'd love me after five weeks, like it was a love bombing. And then he and I ended up going on this trip overseas together after a couple of.
Months, and he's that I know, I had this five.
Week trip planned, I know who this is, yes, and he wanted to come along, and I was.
Like, and I think that's a good idea.
He absolutely wanted to, so I was like, fine, planned a whole five week trip and we got there three days in or something in Vegas.
And that's when I got a multitude of things. I got the ick.
I realized I didn't actually like him that much. I realized that he had without me meaning to be he was a bit of a filler.
The rebound.
I actually left him in Vegas and I didn't see him again.
You didged the rebound. I rebounded.
I ricocheted off that rebound and I was out of there and I saw him again like four years later.
That was it. I ran into him at work in a different city four years later, and I didn't know at the time.
And I feel horrible saying it, but I'm being this really good human that's reflecting back and owning my mistakes.
Why he was my rebound.
No, but the thing is, and okay, we hold you guys, we put it out at the brains.
Trust.
The thing is is, sometimes even when you are like the person that you're dating, you've come out of a breakup, you've come out of like a you know, a shitty breakup, breakdown, whatever it is, and you start dating again. Sometimes you don't even realize that that person is.
A rebound for you.
And sometimes when you are the rebound, you don't know that you're the rebound. So the reason why we wanted to unpack this is because like, what are the signs, How do you know if you're dying IT symptoms?
How do you know if you are one?
We thought we could unpack all of that, but by large and far, we pld you. And it's so obvious that this is something that's so many many people have experienced. So we asked the question, have you been in a rebound relationship? And sixty three percent of you said yes, that you have, and thirty seven percent said no.
That to me is wild. I feel like everyone's been in a rebound relationship at some point.
Yeah, I reckon, they haven't figured it out yet, maybe like they need the beauty of hindsight. I've spoken so much about my time when I was single and dating and how I monkey branch from relationship to relationship. I would go so far as to say that I almost had a rebound after every big breakup because for me, I used being in not necessarily in a relationship, but I use dating as a way of getting over my
feelings and not even getting over them. I used dating as a way of not having to deal with my feelings. That was kind of I didn't like being in that space of being sad and being suffering, so I was like, oh, give me attention, you new person, and it usually would fizzle out and not work out. And looking back, with the beauty of hindsight, I now understand exactly what I was doing.
But do you think, Laura, that there could be a level of confusion with what you were doing. Are they all rebounds or is there a difference with a rebound and just wanting to fill a space within you that's not necessarily a rebound, but maybe you were insecure and didn't want to be on your own because I think it's a different Oh.
There's loads of things that were a problem loaded. Yeah, it was problematically loaded. There are many parts of this that were like not healthy.
No, okay, I think for me because a lot of them came after really long term relationships like I had a six year relationship, I had a three year relationship, Like I was a.
And she's on me eighteen at this point, Well, no, I was.
I started dating my first No. I literally went a two year relationship, a six year relationship, a three year relationship, a one year relationship, like I.
Went by twelve or thirteen years there.
I was never single, and when I was single, I was always dating somebody. Like looking back, I now I can see how problematic that was in my twenties, and but like at the time, I couldn't see it, like there was no I just thought that that was normal to always kind of like have someone be dating someone And.
Do you feel like you were taking when you went into these new relationships. Did you feel like you were taking the baggage from the relationship you're rebounding off into it, or do you feel like you had this really clear distinction where you're like, I don't have to take that in.
I can leave it and move forward. Oh no, no, Like to be clear, some of the this is so bad, it should be clear.
Some of the relationships were like I went from one long term to another, but some of them I dated other people in between. But those other people in between were very much the rebounds. Like you know, I got back on Tinder almost straight away after a breakup, and then I would meet some like lovely, pleasant guy who I had absolutely no real strong feelings for, but he probably thought I did because that's how I navigated might
hurt at the time. But you know, okay, so many people do it, and we're not here to say that it's either good or bad. I think normally the conversation surrounding rebounds is that it's inherently a bad thing to do, right, And I think that that's very one sided, because I do think that there are many reasons why people get
into rebound relationships. I also think there are many ways in which rebounds can be healthy, so long as you're not being an absolute effing asshole and like emotionally you using somebody just to kind of, you know, make yourself feel better. So I think like we can unpack some of the reasons why we think rebound relationships can be useful.
But then I also think we need to talk about like, if you are dating and you really like someone and they are freshly out of a relationship, how do you know if you are simply a rebound or if they are truly invested in you.
Yeah, because there's.
This saying, right, and it's funny and I used to love it, but I don't necessarily think it's true. Oh you might say, well you under someone, you have to get under someone. You know that we always used to say that you know when all your friends are when you go through a breakup, you're like, oh, well, you know, get back on the horse to get over them.
You got to get under them.
As I get older, I realize that that's not true. Sometimes that can make you feel even worse.
Okay, but there's always going to be someone. Like, everyone who goes through a breakup is going to eventually fuck someone new. It doesn't mean that that person is going to be a rebound, right Like, it doesn't mean that just because somebody comes after a breakup, that's not exclusively what makes someone a rebound. The only time that someone is a rebound is if the person who is choosing to start dating again isn't over their ex.
That's it.
That's the whole issue, right And I guess it's kind of trying to figure out if you are somebody who started dating and your new partner is very very freshly out of a relationship, what are the telltale signs that maybe they're not over the relationship.
Yeah, And this brings me to my second rebound, which was only this year, right off the back of my relationship with Jordan. It wasn't a quick rebound. It was a couple of months and it wasn't intentional. I started to date this person accidentally because I thought I was on a business meeting with him.
But it was a date, So it was a real accidental fall in. You thought you were on a business meeting and it was a date. Yeah, He asked, did you think he tricked you? Were you like at the time? Were you like, fuck you? This is a date. I thought you were going to sell with you. Well, it's well, yeah, it happened very accidentally.
I think it was a miscommunication and he was asking me out, but I thought he was asking me for a meeting about work, and our wires were very very cool.
Did you take your laptop? Yes? Not in the first one. Actually we went we were doing a walk and then you're like, why are you inside me? This seems very inappropriate? What's going on that? Yeah? It was.
It was an accident, right because I wasn't ready to date. I knew that I wasn't online dating. I wasn't actively looking for it, so I one hundred percent feel into it. But then when we met, we got along, so I thought, you know, we'll go on a few dates. He ended up being very invested in it, and I wasn't, and
I ended up being really honest with him. He was like, really want to be with you, and I said, I enjoy hanging out with you, but I love my ex still, Like, I just want you to know that this is where I'm at. And I told him that I was really honest with him, and I said, I don't think this is going to work because I still have feelings for my ex and I'm not past it.
And what was his response to this? Yeah, it doesn't matter. This is the thing though, okay, right.
The thing with that is you gave him a gift, and this is what happens a lot in rebound relationships. You gave him the truth, you said. And I think that this happens so much, but we want to be blind to it.
Right.
You could get into a new relationship and someone might say to you point blank, hey, i'm freshly out of a relationship. I'm not looking for anything serious, and majority of us see that as I will change their mind. And that is exactly what this insert name here man did to you. You gave him the gift of honesty. He didn't have to try and figure out how you felt. He was like, oh, she's still in love with her ex.
So if he was actually going to go, okay, one plus one equals I'm a rebound relationship.
So what are you saying, I don't know. Are you trying to say that he was stoked on that?
No, what I'm saying is is that like he should have known in that that he was a rebound and therefore if he got hurt as a result of it, of him putting in effort and energy when you're saying to him, I don't want anything because I'm still in love with my ex, It's like we do have to take a bit of responsibility for how we feel, because I think in that instance, if he was so invested in you and really wanted a relationship with you, but you're telling him I'm in love with my ex still,
he should have gone, I'm gonna walk away from this because this is not a healthy position.
This is not something He's only a human, yes, exactly, and aren't we all.
But that's the thing, right, I think, like, sometimes you will be dating someone and they will give you all the information, they will tell you that you're a rebound without telling you that you're a rebound, and other times you have to try and figure it out for yourself with the signs and you know, whatever other things they're doing.
So let's say you're dating someone they've just come out of a long term relationship, and you're trying to figure out, am I a rebound or maybe that relationship had been well and truly dead, like maybe they had been you know, he'd been wanting to leave it for a year or something prior, so in his mind, he's so ready to start dating again because he'd already done the breakup while he was in the relationship. It can be really hard
to kind of differentiate what the two is. And I think one of the biggest red flags if somebody is not over their ex is the fact that they fucking talk about their ex all the time.
But it's like, we talked about this, like in the last week or two, we've been speaking about the fact that it can be a challenge. And when you do say to someone like I'm not really interested, it makes the chase harder, right, It makes you want them more because you're like, oh, they're saying that, but I know that I can wear them down, and I.
Know I'll be the one that brings them back, And I say wear them down, like we should all be better by now.
This is three hundred and forty episodes, I know, but we're.
Still learning more of our Life's a journey and it's not linear, and healing's not linear, and break ups aren't linear, and rebounds are definitely not linear.
Rebounds are not linear. Okay.
Circling back to this idea that like, they're not always a bad thing. The reason why they're not always a bad thing is it comes down to your emotional investment right from both parties. If you are just after casual sex, and when I say this, I mean like the person who's not just come out of long term relationship, the person who's you know, started dating someone who's come out
of a long term relationship. If you're just after sex, if you're after something casual, if you're just after having fun, then it's okay to have that with somebody who's just come out of a long term relationship. If anything, you were doing God's work. You're making them emotionally feel better and you're getting your needs met at the same time.
There's the idea of we know sex makes us feel good. You get your endorphin hit, you get your dopamine hit. There's a lot of science behind that. The only way that this can be good is if you one hundred percent aren't completely obsessed with your ex, because you feel good for about ten.
Minutes if you like two, two to three.
But if you're lucky, you've got ten minutes of dopamine and endorphins, and then you're left. In my experience, you're left feeling a bit more lonely and a bit a bit more sad than you were beforehand.
Because you kind of just wish that that person you had sex with was your ex.
Well, yeah, and then they go right because you're not in a relationship, So are you going to sleep with them or you have dinner with them? Because it doesn't have to just be sex, right you haven't. You could have an emotional connection physical. They could be playing with your hair, you could just be getting that hit that you're missing from your past relationship. They're going to go home,
like they're not going to live with you forever. When they go, you feel that emptiness again, and sometimes you feel tenfold because you're like, Wow, we're our own worst enemies. We get inside our head and we start to do this negative self talk. It's like, oh, look, someone else's left. No, you're not good enough for them. You know, there's this idea we really want to bring ourselves down. So I think sex is only a positive thing in these situations when it's not completely fresh.
I don't know. I think it's a distraction. I think it depends on the person.
I mean, And that's why I guess it comes down to this idea that and it's another sign right of being a rebound, is when things move so quickly, like when that person wants to spend all their time with you, when they want to fill all their free time with you, And part of it is because they're so fucking lonely when they're not with someone that you become the thing, like the band aid that makes them feel better. So, yeah,
they feel great when they're with you. And it's not to say that they don't have any feelings for you or don't want any connection with you, but it's it also means that you're serving a purpose, which is to kind of numb their feelings of loneliness. And have you ever kind of been in a situation like a rebound where things went so quickly past the dating phase? Okay, one comes to mind, No, No one comes to mind.
So this is many years ago. I had a friend and he'd just come out of a marriage, right, Like, so his marriage had broken down, his wife left him and he was heartbroken. And then, weirdly, actually it's quite similar to your story, he asked me out for dinner this one day and I thought it was a friend date and it turned out to be a date date. And then we had sex, and like it just all fucking happened. It was I mean, like I didn't have sex with my accidental date. You just went straight it no,
not anyway or whatever. It spired out of control, Okay, But the thing is, we then skipped the dating part. Like he never really took me out on a date. He was like, hey, you want to come over and watch a movie, You want to go to Kohl's and pick up I was like, we skipped dating and we started doing the things that I think he would have done with his wife.
Like you went straight to the comfort zone. Yeah, we were like straight four months zone.
Yeah.
I was like straight into being his replacement person. And it was to me it was so obvious that he was not over his wife, because he spoke about her.
All the time.
I mean, I was not that in to it anyway, So it was kind of fine, but like it was just so obvious to me that I was the rebound in that situation, and I ended up being like, look, you've got a few things that you need to work on, which is like your emotions.
Were you happy to sit in that rebound situation for a little while? I was trying to figure out whether I actually liked the guy or not.
And then, to be honest, I think because I knew that I was so much of a rebound for him that I myself couldn't then kind of it didn't progress for me either, because I had my walls up too. So I mean, let's go back for a bit though, For anybody who is freshly in a relationship or freshly started dating someone, I should say, and they are fresh out of a relationship, how do you know if you're
the rebound? Let's go through a few other key indicators that might suggest apart from just the fact that they talk about their ex and also they want to take it straight to like comfy dating space.
Well, when they call you their ex's name in sex, got's a sign, big red sign. I've done that one before.
You called someone Jordan no, the long, long, long, long long time ago, Jesus Christ. That would make for great content if you had called someone.
No, this was there. This was the first lot of rebound. Yeah, and it went down like a lead balloon, like a sack of potatoes. I understand why.
It was not good, but that was again because because that was the person I was thinking about, Like I was thinking about my ex.
I didn't want to be with anyone else.
I didn't want to be in that situation, but I was forcing myself to to pull myself away from like the wave of sadness that I felt. M Well, okay, let's talk about some of the other signs. Some of the other signs might include that they struggle to open up emotionally, like they won't give you or talk about like you know, what they want. It may be that they say that they're not ready for a relationship or anything serious yet. I think that that's a pretty telltale
sign that someone's not moved beyond their past relationship. It could be that the relationship itself doesn't have a lot of emotional connection, but it is really sexual and physically connected, because yeah, I mean, like it's one thing to have a sexual chemistry and sexual connection with someone.
It's a very different thing to like want to date someone. So if you've started dating someone and they are only inviting you over for hangs and bangs and they're not actually dating you, They're not taking up for dinner, they're not going and doing nice things and not introducing you to their friends, all of that could indicate that they're not actually over their ex yet. And have they committed to any long term plans with you? I think is another big one as well, because it feel like.
You're just just describing like every man in Sydney from twenty five to forty five.
But if people won't commit to anything long term, not only does that mean that maybe you're just a situational relationship for them, it also can indicate that maybe you know, they're just using you to fill a hole for that period of time.
Yeah, And rebound relationships.
You could be in a really rebound relationship like in my situation, where one person really likes them, they can evolve into real relationship. If a relationship starts as a rebound, it doesn't have to just sit in that space. It doesn't have to stay in that category.
Okay, but what has to change, because I think that's the big thing, right because most people who do get into rebounds.
For example, the guy that was dating you, that was hoping that you would change your mind, Well, it has to change. What changes?
Yeah, it has to change from a reactionary relationship to a really healthy, loving relationship. And that's probably only going to change with a lot of patience from the other person, a lot of honest communication, and a lot of work on yourself. And that's what I think is important. I could have continued down that track and worked on myself a little bit and not gotten too serious too quickly, with him constantly being honest saying I'm not ready to take my time, this is too much. You need to
back off. And I did do that for a while, but my feelings didn't grow, and that's the reason I cut it off. But a lot of people can be in these rebounds and time. You know this old saying that time heals all wounds. Time definitely helps one hundred percent, But so does being in different situations and different relationships and meeting new people, because sometimes what it takes to move on from an X is to discover that it's not the end of the world and there are other
people out there. And the reason I say that is I feel like we've all been in that situation where you've gone through a really horrible breakup. Maybe it's someone that you thought was your entire world, you saw your whole life together. You go through that breakup, and as we know, it's very traumatic, and it can be a whole level of grief and healing that has to come along with it. But then you can get into this
feeling of well, I'm never gonna find anyone again. No one's ever gonna be as good as this person was. I'm never gonna get along with someone as well. No one's gonna love me for how I am again, I'm gonna be alone forever. We're getting into these feelings. So sometimes when you get into a rebound relationship or you start to date again, you realize, oh, hang on a minute, I can feel happiness again. Someone is interested in me again.
I think I am getting these butterflies again. It makes you realize that there is light at the end of the tunnel and you can move on, so they don't always have to be looked at with this really negative outview.
Yeah, and I think that that's so important britt because I know there'll be so many people listening to this who maybe are in relationships now and they are fucking awesome, great relationships.
However they were.
Born out of being a rebound, or maybe their friends or their families saw their partners as like, oh, that's just a rebound that's never gonna last, and then they proved everybody wrong. I definitely think that exists, but I do think it goes through a transition. At some point, it has to stop being a rebound, obviously, because you're no longer like invested in your ex and it becomes something that's a.
Very real and like genuine relationship.
I think the big defining factor of that, though, is it's whether or not if you're the person who's the rebound, you know, like the person who's not the heartbroken one, how patient you can be, how much you can withstand, And that also comes down to how the other person behaves, because there are some people who will get into quote unquote rebound relationships and then within two or three months of seeing somebody, they have a new girlfriend. They've put
a definition around it. They're actually in a committed relationship and it's starting to form into a real relationship that has its own future, and then there's other people who will be the rebound and it will just stay in this like arbitrary nothingness for a really long time, and the other person will never ever commit because they don't
actually see that in that other person. I think we've talked about the positives of being in a rebound relationship quite a bit, and like, obviously it is not just a positive thing, like it's very possible that if you're in a rebound that you're going to get hurt. But I think some of the other negatives that are less talked about than just like, oh, you're going to get
your heart broken being in a rebound relationship. And I think the really important one is for people like me who monkey branch into or have in the past, monkey branch into new relationships, you really devoid yourself the opportunity of personal growth by giving zero time in between relationships. You don't have any time to have that sort of self reflection or introspective moments where you go, well, why didn't that work out, and how do I be a
better person and how do I be more independent? You kind of just move your relationship junk from one relationship.
To another one, another one to another one, and it's more like, what do I really want from life? Where do I want to envitally? Do I want a different path? Was I on the right trajectory?
And it also means that you kind of end up settling because you haven't really gone out and waited and looked for like the best option for you. You've just kind of settled for the next option that came along that was utable at the time. So I do think that sometimes rebounds they can result in you settling for less than what you're worth just because you didn't want to be alone.
And that's a pretty shit thing too.
Yeah, And to bring it back full circle again, there is no right or wrong, there is no straight path. But I do think it's really important for both parties to constantly be clear.
And when we decided to do this chat, I was speaking to a friend of mine.
Was just doing some due diligence, you know, all the high level, deep level reasons.
It's very deep.
It was a male friend, a guy friend to I wanted the male's perspective, and so I said, have you ever had a rebound relationship? Have you ever been a rebound relationship? And he had been like. He said, yeah, I went through a pretty bad breaker and I didn't want to think about it anymore, and I just wanted to get back out there.
And I said, how did you do it?
Then? Did you lead them down the garden path? Do they stay the night? Do you hang out and have dinners?
Is it just sex? How did you feel after it?
And he said, look, I was always really honest because I don't want to lead someone astray.
He said.
I always said to them, I'm not long out of a relationship. This is what I'm looking for, do without what you will like. I just want to be very clear that it's not gonna be one of those things where you're going to change me like, but I'm not going to force you to do anything either. I laid all my cards on the table. I'm looking for sex. I'm looking just to hang out occasionally. You know, I have stressful job. I don't want to bring stress into it. If you're cool with that, let me know, give me
a text. And I said, whether ever any problems with that? He's like, no, because I was constantly I.
Was con to me because I feel like a lot of women would still be like and not a lot of men. It works both ways. I feel like a lot of people, if they felt a strong emotional connection to him, would listen to what he's saying, but hope otherwise well, he said.
There were a few times that he sensed the change because I said, Look, I'm a female, I've been there.
I know what it's like.
We all think that we can be the one that is special enough to change you, special enough to get you over the line, special enough to get you back in the relationship because sometimes we hear what you're saying, but we don't believe it.
And we want to watch your actions.
Right, So if you're saying you know, on a relationship, but we're having dinner, wine, sleeping together and cuddling all night.
We as women specifically, but humans, we want to take we see what we want from a relationship. One d again, he was like, it's honesty.
When I saw that, I felt there was a change and they were wanting more, he called it because he's like, I could see that you want more. I really do believe, and we say it's all the time. It's communication, transparency, honesty. I think people deserve the truth in these situations totally.
And I think you know, we can say that well, I mean, we made it very clearly the beginning. We were like, it doesn't have to be good, doesn't have to be bad, but there is a bad way to go about having a rebad relationship, and that's like emotionally using someone as a crutch and leading them down the garden path when you have absolutely no intention of being in a relationship with them just because it makes you feel better, just to service yourself totally, like, that's an
incredibly selfish thing to do. However, we all have to be smart enough and better at kind of looking at someone's behavior and looking at the things that they say and going, Okay, I want better for myself. I'm not going to sit around and wait for this person to change their mind. And I guess the reason why I've kind of changed my feelings about this over the years.
I remember I've spoken about it in the past my one year situationship where for an entire year I dated a guy in BONDI and he kept saying to me, I don't want to be in a relationship.
I'm not ready.
But I was like, oh, but he you know, like we spend every second fucking night together and we cuddle and I've met all his friends and we do everything together. So obviously at some point he's going to turn around and be like, I want.
To be with you.
Because we've literally been boyfriend and girlfriend for a year, just without the label.
Yeah, you essentially are. You're doing everything that a relationship does. We did everything. But he would say to me point blank, I'm not ready to be in a relationship. My work is too busy, like you know, this is what I want to focus on. But he would still treat me like he was, you know, I was his girlfriend. And I look back on that now with the beauty of hindsight, and I'm like, what he did was not right, Like he should have known that I was too emotion invested
and he should have removed himself. But I also need to be responsible for my actions, and like him saying to me, I don't want to be with you, and me going he's gonna change his mind, that's on me.
I remember I did it for three years.
That's the guy I flew to New York for that, the one that said you always spoke about on Tuesday.
Yeah, the one yeah, the one that.
Was like on paper, you're perfect, but yeah, just quite not hitting the marg that was that guy.
I did that for three years and that was at the end of the day. I blamed him for a long time. But like you just said, you get to a.
Point where you're a bit older, more maturer with life experience, and you're like, I could have and should have walked away because she always told me, And man, it's so fucking hard, you know what, I think that that's like, It's probably one thing we haven't covered on this. It's so hard to walk away from someone when you see such potential in the relationship and you hope, you have so much hope that maybe that rebound could turn into something more and.
That just give it a bit more time, give it a bit more.
Time, and then they will finally see that what you have as special as whatever it is that they have with their ex. But like, you can't force someone on their journey. And also, if it's causing you pain, waiting is causing you pain, you can't sit through it because all you're doing is rubbing yourself of being in a relationship with someone who's actually choosing you.
But there's a reason to finish this.
There's a very good scientific reason that you when you just said it's so hard to walk away. It actually is hard because it's an addiction. Scientists have likened love and endorphins and hormones and all of these things that comes with this feeling of finding your person and being in true lust and love. They've likens to try and pull away from that a breakup to a drug withdrawal,
because it is a type of drug. It's a type of addiction that we don't even know we have, so all of a sudden, to walk away from that is like trying to give up something. Maybe you've been addicted to cigarettes for a long time. It's new habits that you're trying to create. It's understanding that what you are getting your high from every day won't be there anymore and you've got to go and find it elsewhere. So it really is scientifically bloody hard to walk away from.
Yeah, and I guess I mean this is a broader conversation that doesn't just kind of revolve around rebounds. But it's like sometimes breaking up with someone who you weren't actually in a legitimate relationship with is just as hard. But the reason why it can even be harder is because you don't get any of the sympathy. People don't understand, like because you are breaking up with like the hope
and the potential of what you saw in that relationship. Right, You're walking away from something that you really fucking wanted. But at the same time, you feel silly for feeling that sad. And I think, like you know, with any relationship break down, with any sort of disappointment when it comes to dating, like just be and go easy on yourself, and you're absolutely allowed to be hurt by a fucking rebound breakup.
I had a friend just the last couple of days that got really upset, you know. It was in tears, very upset about this relationship. That and it is a relationship because you can have a relationship with someone you met at the coffee shop. That's the difference with a relationship. You can have so many different A relationship can also be one sided. That's the thing, right, just the other.
Person know you're in the relationship.
I am having a relationship with Jason Momoa who just does not know about it yet.
That's funny because she just said she's like, I just feel so stupid. I don't know why I'm upset because they've only met once. Or twice, but they've been speaking for quite a while online that still developed this connection, and she thought it was going in a way that it wasn't. It's old that it didn't, And she said, I feel so stupid.
Why am I? She's like, why am I crying? Why am I upset?
And I was like, well, I validated, I said, hang on a second, like you really felt something, it doesn't. There's no timeframe that says you're allowed to feel after this period. There's no twenty date rule, ten date rule, two week rule. If you feel a connection and you see something and then it's taken away, it is a feeling of hurt. So I think it's really important to acknowledge that relationships coming all different sizes and shapes, and
it's okay for whatever you choose to do. But if it really is going to help you to get over someone, if you get under them, go and get under them, get under them as much.
As you want, but be honest with yourself and be honest with them.
Okay, guys, you know we never finished an episode without our suck and our sweet, our highlight and our low light of the week, a Laura burn.
Do you want to bring it home.
My suck for the week is that my car is currently in for a service. I haven't had it serviced in two and a half years. I'm not even joking that the service light has been on. It's been like service me, service me for two and a half years. And it's almost like a game of chicken where I'm like, I'm gonna keep driving you until you explode.
What's gonna happen? First tire?
So dumb, I know, and I schooled you on that, but I've been doing the same thing hypocrip. So I took it in for a service. Not surprisingly, they called me this morning and they said, hey, yeah, we can do the service.
It's a major service.
And also all these things don't work anymore, so they need to be fixed, and that's going to cost you your first child.
And can you just sell it?
So I'm going out as afternoon to get my liver extracted to pay for.
Oh yeah, that seems fair.
And also just annoying, annoyingly this it's a very first problem, but like having to like get everywhere without a car and having two kids is just it's a very annoying couple of days.
That's some of those things that like you don't want to do as an adults life had me and you're like, I just want someone else to do it for me, but there is no one else that you have to do it, and I have to pay.
For my side mirror, the one that got smashed by somebody else who smashed it when they drove past and never left a note. So like it's annoying because I'm paying for things they shouldn't have to pay for.
So you know, someone smashed in to produce a Keisha's car. A couple of days ago, she showed me the note and she's like, well, they left an email.
Hey contact me.
Here's an email. And she's like, can you help me construct the email? At itt know what to say? And I was like, yeah, you just say, hey, you hit my car, pay for it.
So we eat.
We did the email and we emailed them and it bounced back. It was a fake email.
They left and not I know, I did hear this s ory.
They left it not purposely so that if anyone saw and they looked at it, there was an email there, but the email was not a Really that's so fucking diay.
Someone did that to me as well. I think it's a pretty common thing, unfortunately, Dick Enns.
Anyway, Okay, my suite for the week though, I've got two sweets. One is that Matt and I are hosting the premiere. It's such an odd one because we don't usually host premieres. This is like a very new thing for us. But we're hosting the premiere of the Jack Ryan season three release and that's tonight, so that's gonna be very fun. And we get to interview some Hollywood celebrities.
That is really random.
John Krasinski, Yeah, I was supposed to interview him today and he's had to cancel.
I really like his wife.
Can I say, Hi, it's nice to interview, but I really like your wife, Emily Blunt.
You can, but I wouldn't lead with that, do you think?
No?
I know you're really successful, but I like your wife more. Let's talk about her.
Yeah, that is random for you too. Well, have you have fun? Yes?
And then my other second, sweet, I know it's a cheap, but I'm going to say it anyway. Yesterday we put up the Christmas tree with the girls, and our Christmas tree is so such a hunk of shit, but they loved it so much and they are getting so excited for Christmas, and it's so it's really sweet because it's the first year that they are old enough to understand that Christmas is a thing, that Sanna is coming, that if they don't behave that they're not going to get anything.
You know, it's great. I love that. All right, what's your son? My suck? I woke up this morning.
Now you're gonna know this, Laura, because you used to live in this house. I moved into this house when you moved out.
Await, your neighbor from upstairs was just in bed yelling at you.
Okay, no, that's that's every second day. This is a different day. I woke up.
I'm on breakfast radio at the moment, so I woke up before I am barely had my eyes open, you know, like feeling your way to the bathroom to like freshen up. Splashed my face with water. Now I will show you a video. I bent down because I was like no time shower, I'm late, bent down into the sink and was splashing my face with water.
Looked up and smack bang on.
The mirror in front of me was a huntsman, like the biggest huntsman, and my face was so close to it.
I nearly I did. I dropped nuggets. This is four am my eyes on the huge huntsman.
Laura had an infestation of huntsmen in his house and I told her that this spider was here, and she's like, oh, welcome, it's begun. What They're just gonna all start coming out.
This house is infested with huntsman's. Actually, like, I'm not even joking. I might even try and dig up the video that I took like two years ago and I posted on social media. There was I came home this one day and there was thirteen Like I'm talking half the size of a dinner plate, like.
You know, a side plate. No, that's a bit exaggeration. There, bloody big jungle all of a sudden, like.
Fifteen centimeter like they were fucking humongous and they were just everywhere.
How did you sleep that night? Because genuinely, because I know, obviously you call like a pest ConTroll lot togeah, but they didn't come that day.
That's what I'm saying. How did you go to bed that night? I'm gonna wrap myself and clean rap. It's like like a condom.
I'm not surprisingly not scared of spartas at all. They don't scare me, and especially not Huntsmans because they don't really bit it.
So I think, don't really buit.
I don't think it's they scare me, but the thought of one beat in my bed with me while I'm asleep, like one's been on my face before in bed I sleep on my face.
Like I wouldn't like that. I don't want them on me, I was. I don't want them crawling over my children. But I'm not frightened of them, so so no condom.
Yeah, all right, Well that was my suck that. I feel like the I feel like it's a movie like Attack of the Killer Huntsmans that's going to come this summer, coming.
To you this summer cinema knew you soon this summer. What's your sweet? I've always seen the plot, didn't really have one. I've been the most boring human in existence. This week. I've been like eat foop, sleep repeat.
That's why I feel like, Well, BRIT's been doing breakfast radio for the past couple of weeks.
Now I'm a zombie.
It's a weird world doing breakfast radio. It means you're up at four thirty in the morning, you finish work at like eleven your home, and then we still let me podcast. Yeah, and then Britt has to go to bed, so like she hasn't really been living much.
Of a life. No, don't, I don't live. Yeah, you went to a lovely lunch at Totti's last week? That could be a sweet Oh yeah, I went to a Totty's. Great. Laura's like trying to find me why she's mine in my life? She's like, you've done something good. I went with my agent. I took her to Toddy's. That was lovely, and I introduced her to the bread and Barada, which is to die for.
Well. I also think that sometimes when and this is a good little lesson for everyone, I think sometimes when you think you're in and having a bit of a bad time, it's easy to think that everything's bad, and sometimes you have to break it down and be like, what have I actually done for myself this week?
That was nice?
And unless you like purposefully try to be mindful of those moments, it's so easy to be like, oh everything shit, I don't get my life, and well, well that's the whole point of doing sucking sweet. Well, you did a really good job of it this week, since you came with nothing.
I slipped the ball. I let the ball slip. There's some slipper sockers out there. It is anyway. That's it from us, guys.
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