REAR IN YOUR VIEW OF 2023!

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.

Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on Drug Wallamata Land.

Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on card I am produce a key Shart. I hope you've all had such an unreal Christmas. You've been able to spend some really special time with the people that you love the most, and hopefully all things across, you've gotten some time to reach out to those batteries and have a bit of a relax. I know it's not possible for a lot of people at this time of.

The year because it's seemingly the busiest time of the year for everybody, but today's episode is my favorite of the year. I absolutely love doing the Rearing your Views because it gives us the opportunity to go back and listen to some of the best moments from the year.

And for this one, Laura britt and I sat down and we looked at every episode that we've created for this year.

And to be honest, it was just for me.

I really I genuinely looked at the list and I was like, Wow, how do we pull this up? Like it was a real pinch me moment of how did some of this come about? Like, Yeah, I truly cannot believe some of the incredible people that we have been able to share some moments with this year on the podcast. So there's gonna be a lot of laughs, there's gonna be some more insightful moments, perhaps some valuable lessons.

There's a couple of us gun cuts peppered into this Rear in your View. And if you've looked at the episode title and you're.

Like, that's a weird thing to call the last episode of the year, what's that about? Lacks a bit of context. I'll give you the context. It was back in twenty twenty one.

I think it was.

Britt I'm not one hundred percent sure actually, but one of the girls went to say year in Review, and what accidentally came out was rear in your View. So we had a bit of a laugh about it, and we're rolling with it, and that is now forever on what our last episode of the year where we highlight the year will be called.

I really really hope you enjoy one.

I'm looking at the list of people that we have included some of the guests from this year's best moments, or some of what we deem to be some of our favorite moments.

Seems to be a.

Bit of a British and Irish theme for a lot of the guests. There's going to be quite a lot of British accents in this rearing of view.

That wasn't deliberate.

It's just the way that things have worked out, and I think some of the conversations that we had this year have I don't know how you feel about it, but for me, I definitely have felt like I have learned so much about myself from the wonderful people that have joined the podcast, and I hope you feel similarly for each of these little segments of the episodes, if you really enjoy it, or perhaps you missed it throughout the year where you just missed the week or you

I will link every single one of.

The whole episodes for you to go back and listen through if you would like. So, if you scroll down into the show notes, each of the segments will be hopefully quite clearly labeled and you can tap on that and have a listen.

Throughout the summer period.

Our first guests for the year in review, Sorry the Rearing of You of twenty twenty three is the phenomenal Matthew Hussey. Now, Matthew would have to be I would say he would be the number one dating coach in the world. He's definitely what I would consider to be the number one dating coach in the world. And I think it's because his advice has always been very relatable and it's been quite insightful, but not in a like super introspective or you have to really get deep with someone.

I'm always obsessed about the nuance of things, like when is that true? When is it not true? For example, when someone says, watch you know this is good advice. Right when you're dating someone, watch what they do, not what they say. That's good advice that will save you from a lot of bad situations in life. If someone keeps telling you they love you, I care so much

And so many people have experienced that.

Yeah, So if you apply watch what they do, not what they say to that scenario, you're going to get yourself in a lot of trouble because what they're doing is showing you all the right things through their behavior, but what they're telling you is that they don't want

Might die, but you could be run around in a field.

And here's the thing. Those are the things that they have to say. They wouldn't say it if they had a choice, but they have to say those things. So you don't necessarily know if any of the nonsense marketing was true, but you know the other things are true because they wouldn't say them unless they had to. So when someone's telling you something that doesn't help them to tell you, that's usually the part that's true, even if their actions are giving you lots of hope.

Next hap in our Year in Review is arguably the funniest person I have ever gotten to meet. And I don't say that dramatically, truly, when we met Joanne McNally, she's the Irish comedian that also has the pot my therapist ghosted me the day that we met her, she came into the studio, we recorded the episode with her, and then later that night we went to her comedy

The podcast I Do, I do a podcast with Vog Williams, and Vogue is like femininity personified, like just very together. Everything's like color coordinator, who she fails, her echoes well, her hates keeper.

Doors shit like that.

She's perfect.

She is perfection and she looks like Sandy Crawford and she's three kids and not a single stitch, very proud of that, and like when we get drunk together, she's I'm like, I can't watch your birth videos again, Vogue, And she was showing me the birth videos and the child just like slips out like share like it's coming out through the ground, like you know when somebody comes out through the ground of.

A theot they made fully clothed, teething.

And everything like yeah, yeah, yeah, the guccy track suits and stuff. But so that was kind of the basis of the podcast because I was the opposite of that. But anyway, Vogue, like what we were saying earlier, like trying to get content for the pod, Vogue was like, come in, come in, because she was having some postnatal She wasn't actually having a post natal issue, but she was doing some Vogue would collab with fucking hand grenades,

It's fair.

You know, if you've got kids, how's your pelvic floor? Oh look, it's not as good as it used to be. Box jumps particularly bad. But you're doing box jumps means you're at a sloor anymore for that reason.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've used to keep chair, have you, Yeah, just for fun.

Yeah, I watched your try. I'd say if you turned it on right, you get great crack out of it.

It is supposed to also help with your orgasms.

Well no, I didn't came on the chair, thank god, it would be reading embrassing. But anyway, so folks like, come in, I'm doing this club with this kegel chair, and it just kind of bauses your vagina back after you've had a kid by the ski because you're pelvic floor kind of collapses or whatever. And I didn't even know. I don't, like, I'm not aware. I have no kids

So this is what I did.

We went to Bali and I had that done internally in Bali. That's a holiday. I went to a day spot. I kind of enjoyed it, but anyway, I imagine you're getting.

Your lobby a gently massage by electrical brad. What's not to like?

It was relaxing.

I can't.

I'm I have a very I don't know what you say, low level or high level of erotticism, like I I can't even getting a head massage in the in the hair draskers embarrasses me. Do you know when they go real slow and you're like this is this you get turned on? No, it just makes me really embarrassed. I'm like, how do you not think this is erratic? I going to the Headdres said to get that hit. It's so barsya, some fourteen year old girl massage in her head.

You're like, oh my god, keep going with you chip.

So anyway, I.

Go in and as like I say, I waxed everything I was prepared to have.

I thought ID be in a gown.

But anyway, go in and Vogue sitting there head to toe and white on this chair. She looks like Mariah Carey, like there's like a wind machine in the back of her hair and she's just sitting there going and I was like, oh, you're fully clothed. So it was totally different to what I thought it was. It was just sitting like a chair like this, but it's a huge olkin like buzzas anyway, folks like, well, I'm getting buzzed. You do the pelvic floor test. So I sat Maria

Up and down.

And so I was on the sea thing she was like and clenched, and so I was clenching and she's like, I said clenched and I was like, yeah, clenching and she you could see her like the flat lined, completely flat lined, no response at all. So then she was like seeing what the thing clugged in. She was like, oh wow, you have no public work. And she said to me, when did you give birth? When did you give birth? Allow, I've never given birth, I said, my

This is the original story.

Is going to say it because I used to whip myself when I laughed as a child. But I think it's all connected. Yes, absolutely, yeah, But if you're having some sort of like uterus prolapse, you don't even know.

You're like, what is that ball. I do not even have a I never lapsed.

How do how does that translate in the bedroom? Like sex wives, do you have those moments where they're like I'm coming.

You're like, what it's in now?

Just the wall still bring god?

Well, I don't know she flatlined on the key, or it would be more that they'd be like, is it it not me?

I'd be like I can feel that. Yeah, that's good. They're like, I don't know.

Yes, they want to put those, you know, in a bowling alley when you're ship of bowling. They put those inflatable things on the sides. They were like, to have any of them for your insights because I can't feel the pane here. It's not about size, it's about grip. So anyway, so now I have to do key. And then I spoke about it before because obviously I just kind of thought was funny.

And then these women were mastering going so brave. I was like, shit, I just thought it was a funny story. Didn't realize like a peal.

Of becaushes, there's nothing more patronizing there when people tell you how brave a just for like showing up, in for being you showing up in the world existing and people like you're so brave that you're so brave.

You're like, I'm just wearing a fucking bikini. The beach bag fringe is brave. You know.

When you turn out with no makeup on. That's what gets me.

When you decide to go I'm gonna make up free, I'm feeling myself and people like so brave pray for you, and you're like, oh.

Like okanack, it just kind of doesn't mean outing anymore.

Oh. Joanne just has me laughing so much that I feel like I would have abs if I listened to her for hours a day. But she also mentioned in there that she hosts the podcast with Vogue Williams. Now Vogue, I'm really sorry but Vague didn't make the rear in Your View for twenty twenty three, but I did love that episode with her. I will link it in the show notes because we're also lucky enough to have Vogue on the podcast this year, and that was truly another laugh.

Sarah Wilson is.

Originally known for different things. She was a journalist, she also did a lot of TV stuff in Australia, and she's really known for her eye quit sugar movement. Growing up, I thought that the eye quit sugar thing was a kind of along the lines of like a diet book.

I've read something.

About you in the Sidney Morning Herald and it was very intriguing to me. Now, it's intriguing because my partner's five years younger than me. My ex is seven years younger than me. I date down, Yeah, no, I'm sorry. Typically, yeah, I date down in age range. I don't know if it was always intentional, that just sort of fulfilled that way. But you have said that you sort of lean towards dating down, which is funny because they're the people that

Well, what I would say is, in fact, men my age are worse than the younger ones. They're actually more scared. So they've picked up the behaviors of the younger generation from the dating app and we've all done it right. Women are doing it as well. It's also it's the vibe and the technology actually enables it. But I find that men my age are even more confused, more scared than men in their thirties. My father has a good

It was all that kind of thing. Right.

What that's sort of done is created a certain sort of mindset. What's happening now I find is with the younger guys.

The younger guys they had.

Mothers like me. Right, I date guys who have mothers the same age as now, and literally so they've been brought up by feminists and feminist teachers, and then they get to their sort of late twenties in early thirties, and the women are a different type of women. They're wanting to get married, like you know, that's actually been shown statistically.

They're getting married.

And you know, we've had a period of incredible opulence in Australia in the West, right, And so that creates a very different dynamic with women. Women's rights and body shape and role in society shifts with the economics of the time.

And you'll see over.

Here in Europe where they're actually going through the beginnings of a recession. You know, the cost of living crisis

That's exactly right, Sarah.

Something you wrote about in one of your recent newsletters kind of to do with this topic. It was titled I'm a spinster, I spin well, And in that piece you wrote it something that really intrigued me, and you basically said that the term spinster and I guess we could use cougar, like there are all of these terms for women who date younger men and who are open about their dating life and that it's exciting and that they're passionate lovers and things like that. It's not equivalent

Have you experienced that.

Yes, and no.

I think it's more that women take that on ourselves.

We perceive it.

And I've got a real mindset that I've had for a very long time where the.

Mind goes, the energy flows.

So if you focus on that for yourself, that's what you'll get back from everyone. You'll get that perception back. So in many ways I've operated almost oblivious to the fact that I'm meant to get marriedorried and I'm meant to be doing all of these things, and I've just got on with things and every now and then I go, oh god, yeah, that's right. I missed that memo.

You know.

So the spinster thing is interesting, though, isn't it, Because this term started out along I think it was in the sixteen hundreds to describe women who were really good at spinning, and because they could spin, it meant that they actually had a skill set that was valuable and they had their own income.

What do you mean by spinning? Is that like a material thing.

Spinning wool thread? Wait?

Talking a long time ago.

Yeah, I just pictured people who were really good on the dance floor, like sitting around and I was like, okay, he's just young enough, Sarah.

So see that jumper you're wearing back in the older way. So yeah, see women who could spin thread, right, whether it was silk.

Cool wool, it was a spinning wheel.

Anyone who was really good at spinning, it meant you had your own income, right, You were financially independent, so you could come into a dynamic, you know, with something to offer, and that was seen as a really good thing. So these women that went often had careers, so to speak sygnemata spinning wheel. We're seen as a desirable entity. So you were considered a spinster. Unfortunately, now obviously that's taken on a derogative connotation. But yeah, I think the

With my own thing, you know.

Like it's a really good time to not be stuck in those roles, these stereotypes and constricted laneways.

Now, this next part of our rear in your view is from a conversation that Laura and Britt had with Hugh Van Kyleenberg. Now hu Van Kyleenberg is the man from the Resilience Project. He also is one of the co hosts of The Imperfect podcast, and a part of their podcast is that they have these things called vulnerability cards, and the cards you used to inspire somewhat deep conversation, you know, parts where we share about ourselves that perhaps

Okay, here's one for you, Laura. Ch I. This is again there's a full on question to answer, So I hope you don't mind. Even what are you ashamed of? It's a light one to finish.

I had to look through some of these questions, so I had to look through some of the options. So I've had time to kind of process this and think about what I would say and really feel that shame. Yeah, and really sit in my shame. No, Look, this will probably make me cry, but there's something that I so my grandfather passed away.

You are you can't ready about your grand I honestly.

Can't really struggle with it. Yeah, So a couple of years ago, my papa passed away. And my papa was very much my father figure all throughout my life, and he and my grandma had been married for you know, sixty something years. And my nana has very bad dementia. She was put into a home shortly afterwards. And I think, like for me, we'd go down and see them. They live in Woollongong. We'd see them all the time. We were really in contact and really a part of their life.

I'm too busy.

And it's not that I don't see my nan as much, like it's not they don't see her at all. I just don't see her anywhere near as much. And then I think like, wow, I've just wasted three years where I needed to put in more effort and that I feel really.

As shaped of Yeah, but how beautiful that you've had that realization now before.

It's too late.

Yeah, And it's not too late, that totally and now. And that was a huge toning point for me. I call her all the time, I take the girls down as much as I can, and she doesn't remember. But the thing that I've realized is that my girls, you know, Marley now gets to see her great grandma. She knows who her great Grandma is and that's really special, beautiful.

Yeah, thank you for sharing that.

Yeah, I really really loved that part. From that episode, I felt like, I don't know about you, but I definitely had the reminder to spend more time with the people who are truly, truly important in my life coming up next in our rear in your view. It is no secret to say that this is my favorite person. This is my celebrity crush. It is also the person that I was like at the start of the year. If we could manage to get him on the podcast, life goal would be ticked off. It is Stephen Bartlett

He's so young to have.

This much knowledge and also this much wealth, like he's done really really well for himself. And the reason that I love Stephen Bartlett so deeply is because I feel like I have learnt so much from his podcast and from what he has to say. Find him a very insightful person. And so when we reached out to basically to Stephen's team, I would say, because there's a lot of them, I wasn't expecting a yes in reply. I

He doesn't.

I mean, he obviously has his own podcast where he interviews people, but he doesn't go on very many podcasts at all. So this was like a double surprise and I was so thrilled. We ended up recording this podcast at I think it was like eleven PM at night. It might have even been later, but frankly, it would not have mattered at what time of the night I would have gotten up to chat to Stephen Bartlett, and he was even better in person than what I could

I mean, I've got so many important personal philosophies. I would say that the most important one, as I believe it now, is to sweat the small stuff. I genuinely believe, like, if people think the podcast that we've done is big this month, I think we'll do about thirty five million downloads. Not perform a good podcast host. And I said this on LinkedIn the other day, it's not because we have the most talented team in the world. Because when Jack joined,

Coming up necked and avery're in your view is the thing that divided us more than anything. It is the biggest controversy that Life on Card has ever faced. It caused more arguments than we've ever had, and I still don't think that we're in agreeance. We still have very, very different and heated opinions about the shrine.

I never hang anything in my house. I got some art recently and I loved it. I moved my house around, I moved to my furniture around, and now there are these big walls that were like really barren. So I was like, I need to hang some art on there. And so I got all romantic and I.

Produced the She's laughing because she.

Knows on line, ordered three frames of photos to be delivered to my house because I'm too lazy and don't have time to go do it. Of Ben and I when we did that really funny on the spare of the moment professional photo shoot at the Louver in Paris. If you don't know that story, guys, we were at the Louver in Paris and this Rando photographer asked to come and shoot us.

We thought it was a scam. We said yes for a laugh, and we ended up getting these really beautiful photos from it. So I ordered three of them and printed them out decent.

Size, and I put all three of them on this one wall in my laundroom, really next to each other. I thought it was really good, and I was so proud of the fact that I did it on my own. I hung it, I measured it. I was just really feeling myself. The pictures are great, and I'm in love. This is going into my suck is. I thought it was really nice. I've never been in love and put a picture up of me and my partner in my existence first time. All my friends do it, everyone else does it anyway?

Do I do that?

Do people put off?

Yes?

I go in to my friend's.

House and there's like giant nude photoshoots of them. Anyway, really, yeah, so produce Akisha and my other friend Kim. Yes I'm naming shaming you, Kim. They both they both come into my house and just start tearing strips off me for the fact that I put photos up of myself and my partner in the lound room. First of all, they were like, okay, it other looks like someone's died. Someone's died, and this is a shrine or it looks like a wedding shoot. And apparently you're not allowed to put photos

I think that is bullshit.

I'm calling bullshit. Why do I have to be married to put photos up of me and my lover?

I don't think it's that Like, I mean, I have a couple of little photos of Matt and Eyed. We got this like little pack and there was a few photos of us and like a.

Once you put on the wall.

They're like hard picture frames that you put on like a little side table.

So there's a couple of those of Matt nite.

I think it's more the fact because your lounge room is the first room you walk into when you enter your house.

I don't have a west wing, in an east wing. I've got a tiny apartment totally.

You walk in and there's a loud So maybe it looks like a shrine because it's three big photos together. But can I just in your defense, because your partner and you're doing long distance, you don't see them every day, so it's nice to have like a daily shrine to sit and look at.

Also, I sort of did it because he's coming here in two weeks to visit, and I want him to be like, oh cute, like I mean something to her, she's done something, or you think.

He's gonna see it and be like, babe, why have you got a shrine?

Because because I showed him and he thought it was really cute. And at the end of the day, fuck you, produce a key and Kim, I will shrine the shit.

Out of Mirus.

So are you trying to say, because so I've got these three photos right and nothing else on.

The wall very defensive?

Are your extremely Are you trying to say you and the audience? Are you trying to say that if I had a few different photos surrounding it. It would be okay, yeah, whack some photos of Delilah up there.

I would personally Julilah. I had some photos a sherry, mix it up a little.

Why does that change the fact.

Why?

It just makes it a little less weird.

And I don't know why. I don't know it's weird. I don't know the psychology behind it.

Okay, it's the general feelings within.

My body, deep internalized trauma. Here, I'm thinking in security.

Why don't you have photos of me on your wall?

I see you more than anyone in my entire life exactly.

That's why I think I would make the wall.

I don't need you plaster on my wall because I see you every day.

If I'm not seeing you, I'm speaking to you.

If I'm not speaking, we're dming simultaneously at the same time as we're dexting.

Ben, I see you like a couple of times a year, and he is my love. Look, I have a key to your house. I think I'm just print.

Some photos of myself and your friends and put them on the wall, just to eaven it out.

Wall.

Okay, Well, the pole said that it was okay.

More people had said that it's fine, but I mean, if you want to update the pole, Kisha and do sub poles until you've got the result you want, which is that it's creepy, you do that.

Like selective bias or something like that, going until I get the results.

I wi confirmation bias.

I actually got a few dms personally and they were all positive.

They're all like stuff.

Everyone hels, Brittany, you do you you put his bigger picture up of your Ben want?

I was like, yes, Queen, that's fu se me else because I know they're.

Really messaging me this because you also have photos of you and your partner on your wall.

It does look a semi shriny, but it's candles and flowers underneath. You know what Ben's coming, guys, He's coming in only two weeks now. I'm very excited. But I will see what.

He thinks when he gets here, and if he thinks it's weird, I'll add a couple of photos.

Well.

I think the number one question to start with, and it's a question on everyone's lips is the shrine the shrine?

You saw it?

Finally in real life? Is it as bad as everyone? Laura produced a Keisha, don't punder me in there. I had not seen the shrine. I was only being told secondhand about the shrine. I also saw it for the first time when Ben saw it.

To be fair, it is a little bit weird because a shrine is meant to feel dead people, and I know it's.

Not a shrine. They've told me it's a shrine. I don't think it's a shrine. Okay, guys, don't fight.

I don't like I'm meant to be meant to be a display of our love, which is fine, which is great. It's cute, but it's kind of like arranged like a deceased or something.

It's like candles around on the floor. There's a few, a few.

It's like roses, white roses and all that kind of stuff.

All about it is three photos. That's it in my whole house.

I think we need to add some more photos to kind of take the shininess out.

Of it, as in photos not of you, photos of other things, like with me being on the wall.

But that makes it more shriny.

No, I think it's just it's just a Paris photo shoot. I think we have some lovely pictures together. I think we need to add some more so it's a little bit of diversity.

Okay, right now, it's more like a homage to Paris, although.

Then I do want to kind of very romantic for me, by the way, Yeah, you did a really great job. You guys both are like models. But I do I think that if Britt was to add more photos to the wall from different parts of yours, it's that makes it real shrining. Right now, it's just like a nice tribute, but we're we're heading really deep into shrine territory.

I just want to make a tribute to my love. This is a tribute showed out to Ben.

And an update on the shrine. Britt still has it hanging up in her Lund room. It's still there, very proudly. Way too high, it's too small. It still looks really awkward. But she's proud of it, and I'm kind of proud of her for sticking to her guns. I'm actually somewhat impressed, and I respect the fact she hasn't taken it down because of the public backlash that she faced from these photos. Coming up next in Our Rearing of You is the

I can only imagine that that must be a very difficult process to go through the acceptance phase of that. What was those years of your life like or how did that When did you come to the decision that you were like, it's not going to happen for me. Yeah, very recently, and also to that at the beginning of this year, I'm now, as you know, married to a wander person, and we found out that I was pregnant naturally, completely out of the blue, just after my forty first birthday,

And I'm now at peace and have let go of the trying to have a baby. And I never thought I would be at this point. And it has taken me many months. Actually, I had dinner with a friend last night. She's like, it's taken you nine months, and I was like, oh, that's so true, because this whole thing happened in January. And yes, I constantly felt like a failure. And I actually think a lot of the medical language seems designed to make women, specifically women, feel

It's unsuccessful, that just the technology, Yeah, exactly, like my friend was told she had an incompetent cervix.

Another person I know was told she had an inhospitable womb. But this is all language that is just accepted. It is quite it's used quite frequently. And one of the things that I have been passionate about in terms of having these sort of conversations is attacking that language because I internalized it so much for so long that it was really difficult to separate my feeling about myself and the baby I was trying to create, and so it

I truly, truly loved that episode. Elizabeth spoke about all things to do with failure. She also spoke about this thing called fertility privilege that caused quite an uproar around the world. Really, there were many, many, many articles written about it, and when I first heard the words, I was a bit like fertility privilege, like that, it's an

Because it was just it was so random.

I went down a rabbit hole, a rabbit hole that satisfied me in ways I never thought it would. And now I know something I never thought I would know. But I really encourage everyone to go and google it. What was said rabbit hole? Have you ever googled what a pigeon's nest looks like?

A pigeon? Actually?

Yeah, every second Saturday I google that, Laura, Why would I have googled what a pigeon's nest is?

No?

Okay, everybody in a car, wherever you are listening, and maybe you're on a bus, maybe' on in a taxi, who knows, maybe you're walking hot go walk, Just stop and just google pigeon nest.

Because pigeons are particularly poor at.

Building nests, and the level of effort that they put into taking care of their home and raising their little egg child is truly hilarious.

I thought you were going to tell me something other than that. I thought pigeon nest was like a euphinism for something naughty or sexy, or I thought you were gonna like think you were googling an innocent pigeoness, but then pow, it's something else.

But no, it's actually just a nest.

It's a real nest. Can I just show you. I need to show you some examples of what a pigeon nest looks like. They'll just lay an egg anywhere. They'll go and get one single fucking stick and lay it next to their egg, and they'll be like, job done.

Look at this shit. It's so funny.

If you are feeling like you're having if you've ever felt bad at your job, if you've ever questioned or had like imposter syndrome, I thought, maybe I'm not equipped for this google pigeon nest and it will make you.

Look at that one. The pigeon put a stick in an.

Egg on a bed.

Look at this pigeon. It laid an egg under a car.

It's so funny.

I can't see it. Can you see the egg under a wheel?

I mean that's dangerous, My Grandma Rest in peace.

She's no longer with us.

My grandma spent her whole life racing pigeons. She's a pigeon racer. So I grew up with pigeons in a pigeon cage. I would be the pigeon lady. I'd walk into her pigeon and cage and you'd have to close it, and they were like, I'm not exaggerating. There were fifty pigeons in living together in this huge, huge pigeon cage. I shouldn't say that was an avery. And you'd walk in and I'd be that pigeon lady. I feel like I was, you knowing pet Detective Jim Carrey in that scene where he walks into his.

They're called homing pigeons. I used to have a home in pigeon when I was a kid. This is all getting weird now.

Wait sorry, racing pigeons and she would literally, I guess they're homing pigeons on roy though, like you would send them out and they'd have to go and do a job and then they'd have to come back, and it was a race and.

It was hectic. I thought it was the coolest thing, but they all laid eggs like that, So I didn't know if that was an actual nest or if that was just a racing pigeon avery nest, because.

The pigeons are so fast to get the job done. Leave the eggs anyway. Anyway, just go and do it. It's so good.

It's so enjoyable to sometimes get down like a hole in the internet and you're like, oh, here we are here, we are looking at pictures of pigeon eggs, and it was really satisfying.

I'm just wondering how many listeners we just lost that and you too, like hung home.

I think if anything, if anything, people are going to be like, wow, I didn't know that, and I'm glad I do.

There you go. That'll be the thing that you'll bring to the party on Saturday night.

Now.

I don't think no, no, I don't think it will be. But I may or may.

Not google it tonight when I'm on the lounge and I'm relaxed, I might go down the rabbit hole.

Yeah, we're gonna put photos on our social media, So if you can't be bothered, just go and have a look there.

What actually brought you to the point where you wanted to know what pigeons nests look like.

Things have been tough in life lately.

But now, honestly, I don't know what happened. I read somewhere that pigeons were particularly bad at making nests. I read that and I was like, well, I wonder how bad? And then I found myself googling it and fuck it was. It was a really enjoyable little ride there.

Okay, oh, the pigeons.

When someone think of the pigeons, now, I know that what I'm going to say next is going to ruffle some feathers, but I still don't like them.

I'm sorry.

If you're a.

Pigeon enthusiast, or if you have a lot of deep love for pigeons, I still consider them to be the rats of the sky. They're in the way everywhere, They're just.

They're just annoying. Anyway, we need to.

Stop talking about pigeons, So I wonder if the pigeons will continue into twenty twenty four. Coming up next to our year in review is the wonderful Trinny woodle Now. Triny is the powerhouse behind Trinny London, the makeup and the skincare brand that is her business, and she also might be known because I think it was around about two decades ago she had a television show in the UK where she was known for styling people and doing

A little bit offended the mention at the beginning, the currency of the aging woman, the reason why we were speaking about this. There's been a lot of articles that have come out in Australia over the past year, and I think that it's come more into conversation, this recognition that as women get older, they seem to be less valuable. And I say that in terms of media, in terms

This is challenging because I've for the last thirty years work for myself all right, and I think when you work in a career for somebody else it can be more challenging. But there is also that sense of a glass ceiling, or you just imagine there is no ceiling. So through my life, I have never seen a fucking ceiling, okay, And I think it's not so much that sense of defeatism. It's not. But there's a lot of people who are in a situation where sealing to put on top of

But that's the thing, right, all those questions, it all comes from the social structures around us that tells us that we're supposed to care. I mean, even at thirty seven, there's things that tell you that you're supposed to care. You have kids, you're supposed to care. I remember when I first had my children and I had this innate fear that my career was over, that I would not be able to continue in the same way that I had.

Are different parts.

But at the same time, I think you still hit these milestones and you're up against what society tells you is capable. And I appreciate your perspective on whether you put the limitations on yourself or whether you can see that as limitless. But I think that that is a really amazing mindset that not everyone has. Hence why the questions come.

Yeah.

Another thing I love, and it's also ironic when it's written by female journalists, is that there's a look at her, how can she have a beauty brand? She does botox, all right, which is what I'll get, And I'll go, Yeah, I fucking do botox. I've done since I was thirty five. I didn't realize and it was, you know, stopping lines. It was because I did, Telly, and I have a very moving forehead and it's stopped my forehead moving and I was so relieved. But it's then meant I didn't

I just absolutely loved getting to meet Triny Woodle. She's one of those people that she'll walk into a room and command attention, but not in an arrogant way, not in a like, not in a way that makes you think she's wanting the attention. She's just one of those people that walks into a room and you feel that there's the presence of someone there. I don't know if I'm explaining that properly, but she has that aura about her. She came into the studio with an entourage of like

It's the idea.

That you might not be at a certain part of your life as what you expected to be, or maybe you are there and it doesn't feel how you thought it was going to feel. We talk about it a lot at times, like what we're experiencing right now, you know that, like kind of Christmas New Year periods, they're

And last year, although like birthdays can be such amazing, exciting, beautiful celebrations of like making another year around the sun, you spoke about something kind of like a milestone. Disappointment is what you coined it at this idea that during birthdays it's a period for you where you are not as happy or you're not as excited, and it kind of brings up the things that you don't have in life more so the celebration of the things that you do.

How do you feel about it on this big three to zero?

Yeah, so this is my thirtiest, So this is a particular milestone. And I think since we had that conversation, I really sat and thought about it a bit, and I got a lot of messages from beautiful people that listen to the podcast being like, I feel exactly the same. This is so normal, and we spoke about how when your birthday rolls around, it it's kind of like that reminder of you're another year older, similar to New Year's, you know, like what have you done in this last year?

Did you feel as though that amplified year on you like, as you get older that that feeling became more because it's almost like, and I know when we talk about the things that you don't have in life, whether it's that you haven't got the career, or you don't have the relationship, or your life just hasn't met them mind milestones,

I think it did. I think it wasn't linear, like it wasn't like each year.

It got worse and worse and worse.

But I think the massive part of it was that, you know, I grew up in the kind of environment where if someone had said to me, oh, you'd be getting to thirty, you wouldn't be married, you wouldn't have had a family, which is what I thought I would have, you know, as a teenager, you're like, oh, that's what I expect to have in my future. And I think it just became a little bit more like, well, the years are going by, like plan A was here and my life was leaps and miles away.

Ye right now, Yeah, but I.

Also acknowledge that Plan F has been the fucking best, you know, and so I guess it was just this weighing up of like what I expected my life would be like at a certain time and what actually was like at a certain time.

We had an interesting conversation the car on the ride over here, and you said that this birthday has felt significantly different though, that you felt like you've gone into your thirty of feeling happier. But also I think you recognize like the cliche of why you feel happier this year.

Yeah, I hate to admit because I don't think it's very self empowerment. I don't think it's very feminist to be like, yeah, this birthday felt really different because I woke up with someone that I really care about. My lovely boyfriend made me feel so special over the weekend. We went for a beautiful dinner last night, he spoiled me with gifts, and then like he stayed over at

Cause you to make me cry, I know, I don't know why I'm getting emotional.

I think it's because I kind of feel a bit guilty for being like, you know, you should love yourself enough and you should be proud enough of what you've done that you don't need a boyfriend to feel good about yourself.

But the truth is, it really does make me feel better about myself.

So like maybe that's a bit of a fault, but the truth, it's not a fault. Like and I don't know.

I mean, we talk about relationships all the time. It's this double edged sword. Right on one hand, we want to talk about being single in a way of if you can reach a place where you feel empowered by being single and you feel independent and like you have control over the life you live and control over your own happiness, all those things. You know, being single is way better than being in a relationship that it's an unhappy or unhealthy relationship.

But just going back to something.

That you said, this idea that it's like almost anti feminist, is okay to acknowledge the fact that some people feel lonely and they are looking to be in relationships and

I think it's guilt. I think i'd felt bad for the fact that I had wanted a loving relationship so deeply in my life, and that I wasn't able to kind of articulate the fact that I felt a little bit ashamed for desiring that so much, you know, because I think we speak so much about being self assured, independent women, and I felt like that went against the grain.

It's okay to crave that.

Maybe this is something that you felt in your life, and perhaps you're single right now when you're really really desiring that deep love, and I don't want you to feel bad for that. I don't want you to feel as though you're incomplete for wanting that in your life. Coming up next in our rearing of you is I would go to say the wildest ask gun cut we have ever received. My heart still goes out to this person.

Okay, I'm an absolute loss. My fiance and I have been together for six years. We have an amazing relationship, and shortly after we got engaged, we decided to make our secret fantasy a reality. After deciding that I didn't want to die wondering. I asked my fiance if he would be willing to have a threesome one of the experience for us both before we get married. We're both quite open and trusting with each other and wanted to

I didn't really want to do this with a friend that would be around a lot. I didn't want them to be super close to me.

She was very respectful about boundaries and made sure I was happy with everything. When it came to do and the deed, my fiance and I were both super stoked we did this, and we said we felt closer than ever.

Now.

There's a lot in this, so I'm going to fast forward basically the next little while.

We didn't talk to.

That girl We messaged her twice just to keep contact, but she's not a close friend. Last week she called and dropped an absolute bomb shell on us. She called me when I was at work and told me that she was pregnant. I don't even have word craig bragante, and that my fiance is a father. I called my fiance straight away. He said, oh my god, I actually think the condom did break, but I was too drunk to remember or to even think about talking about it.

Oh okay, let's attack it from the top down. You can't do anything if she wants to keep this baby.

Now.

I think realistically, I'm trying to put myself in your position, which is just I can't even I cannot even imagine what it is that you're going through. But I guess what I would try and compartmentalize is that this was a decision that you guys both made together mutually as a couple, that you wanted to do, and you didn't have any regrets after doing it. Obviously, you don't want to have a baby. That's not something that was on

You tell him, I think you have to tell the truth.

I think you be honest. I think you genuinely be honest. And I think the reason why you genuinely be honest, especially with people in your closest knit circle, is because the assumption is going to be that he cheated on you, And if you love your partner and you want to protect your I think you carry a bit of that weight together because he didn't betray you. Fucking hell wow. I mean, but I don't want to skim over this. I don't know if I would be able to survive this in my relationship.

No, and this is the thing that I think I want to the angle I want to go down.

I we need to cover it all. But I have thought about this for the last couple of days. I spoke to Beat about it.

I've been really trying to get my head around what I would do in this situation. And I guess it's one of those things you don't know unless you're in it. I mean, she ends it with I don't know if I can accept this situation. Unfortunately, if you can't accept it, Whilst that's not fair, you don't have another option. You can't stay in a relationship if you're not going to

All willingly went into and it is a friend.

I can't imagine a man in that situation being like, no, you're on your own making that as some that he's going to be involved in some capacity financially and physically.

Do you think though, that that is the wrong thing. I always find this an interesting debate because I don't think this might caught me into a bit of hot water in may. I do think that you financially need to contribute, so if you have unprotected sex with someone. Firstly, I mean, it's terrible that the condom broke and he did not have a conversation with her.

He didn't think about her, he was too drunk.

Like that's a whole that is a really massive issue that we can't just skim over. Like morally, this is a situation he created by his irresponsibility, and he had sex in a way that she therefore did not consent to. And now she's pregnant, and this poor woman is having a baby that she didn't necessarily want to have, but is keeping it and that's you know, like that's her

Does that make sense? Yeah, I mean I disagree.

I think it's unfair, but I don't think that there's an expectation to toplay that part.

I think it's a responsibility that you need to take in some capacity.

Of course, you don't have to.

If I was that child and I grew up knowing that my dad was my mum's friend literally down the road and he didn't fucking care about me. He threw me some money, sometimes it's going to have an impact. So I think it kind of sound to him it's a moral obligation. Obligation is probably the wrong word. It's a moral responsibility. You are not obligated if you don't want to. No human in the world obviously is. But I think it shows a lot if he isn't involved

Especially when it was his fault. Yeah, and we don't say fault right, Well.

It was he's caught, the condom broke and he was too drunk to actually acknowledge it or talk about it.

That's his fault coming back to you because this is about you.

I feel so sorry for you. But if you think that there is a way you can get through this, which I think you should.

Probably try, if he's the love of your life and you are going to have kids one day together, if you really think.

You can move through it, then you need to all talk together.

You need to sit down with this friend, go through what's going to look like, what are the expectations, Are there boundaries? Then you need to have a conversation with your partner what do you want in this in terms of being a father? What do you want from me? Do you still want to have your own kids with me in that situation? There are so many.

Aspects of this that you need to nut out the holy fuck.

Yeah.

I mean, look, think I agree with you on some parts and I disagree with you on others. I definitely think the three of you need to sit down and have a very open conversation around expectations, around how you feel this is going to play out.

I think you and your heartner need time to grieve.

You need time to grieve this idea of the family unit that you were going to have. That's not to say that your family unit still won't exist. And it doesn't mean yes he will either. You know, your friend has his baby and he wants to be a part of it. There will be co parenting. That doesn't mean that that really relationship becomes his nucleart family or relationship. He will still go on to have a family with you.

But I think in.

This instance, I would be really having conversations around expectations because you never know, your friend may not have the expectation that she wants him to be a proactive part of this child's life. She may want him to be a proactive part. She may want him to be, you know,

But I genuinely think you can get through this.

If this is the person that you've been with for six years, you know, I just think you can.

Yeah, you can work through it.

Yeah, I think that's the most important thing as well that I agree with is when it comes out, you do need to tell the truth because otherwise it paints well two people in a really bad life, is the Cheaterah and her as a friend that also, you know, quote unquote fucked your partner.

So yeah, but also when I say you have to tell the truth, you don't owe anyone anything. You don't have to over explain it, you don't have to just it you had a threesome, Like, you didn't break any laws, You did whatever the fuck you wanted to.

You're three consenting adults.

Yes, your parents might find it a bit challenging to understand. But you know what, like at the end of the day, people around you will come round to these sorts of things and I think, yeah, it's reopen as at all. No, but some people will and there will be like some guilt and shame attached to it, which they shouldn't be.

Yeah, totally, I'm just saying I think that part isn't no brainer for me, is the truth telling, because otherwise two people are painted as totally as really bad people that weren't. So unfortunately, it's a pill that you might have to swallow for a hot second. But in this day and age, I mean, everyone's talking about this kind of stuff now. It will hit different now to what it would have twenty years ago. It is an unbelievable situation. I think this is possibly the most challenging ask on

Forward, or if you think you can't yeh oh oh, my god.

The aftermath of this, and I think like the very last thing is go and have some therapy together, like you and your couple, the three of you, to talk through the complexities of this situation. I think, like, don't underestimate the importance of that process. And lastly, take it day by day because this is such a big and overwhelming decision that you need to make, and it feels so huge. But like I said, time kind of heals things.

Yeah, far up now, Like.

I just I still to this day, I listen back through that, and I'm like, I do not know what I would do. I have so much sympathy for the person experiencing that. But coming up next in our year in review, it is the last segment for us to

Of feeling behind the question.

It's about being single and feeling as though everyone around you is getting into a relationship, everyone around you is progressing into those different chapters of life, and you feel as though you're a little bit left behind. What I loved about this was what brit had to say about finding love a little bit later than what maybe you expected to and how different that love can look.

I'm starting to feel really down about my lack of love life. I feel like all my friends are getting engaged or married and I'm the only one that's left single. I'm nearly thirty, and I've come out of a toxic relationship three years ago where my partner was having an affair. He moved on straight away. I've been on dating apps and I'm not sure if it's my city or what's going on, but I'm telling you it's the bottom of the barrel, and I don't want to waste my time

I want kids.

Someday, and I don't want to wait too late. I know there are options to do it solo, but I was raised by a solo parent, and I.

Don't want that to be my life.

I feel like this is so like you've gone into a spiral, Like there's so many parts of this that you're not just focusing on the you know, wanting to date and like meeting someone new, and you know that

That's a great thing. You still have to go on the date. You still have to.

Try and meet people, because if you think that everybody is the same and you're not going to put yourself out there now because you can't be bothered, or because you think it's a waste of time, you're not going to meet anyone by doing that approach or by having that approach.

I feel like I literally could have written this question.

Every single thing you wrote down, besides the solo parent like being in a single parent family. I feel like I have said, or I've written, or I have felt at some point in my life the only person that's single. The fact that you feel like thirty years old, the fact that you want kids but you don't know if it's going to happen, You're sick of dating, you're fine alone, but you want to share your life with someone.

You're not alone in that feeling.

In fact, I'm going to say most people feel that at some point in their life. And just remember a lot of people can still feel alone in a relationship as well. This is what I said to produce Akisha. Actually not long ago, so produce a Kisha went through this. Keisha had just turned thirty, so exactly the same age. And we know that she's with toblerone now and she's in this great relationship, but that hasn't been that long.

I guess seven months, I think.

But we had this conversation just before she met Tobleron and she said exactly the same thing. She said, I just feel like I'm so sick of dating and I feel like at age thirty, I should have had my life together and I want to be in that relationship and I don't want to meet these people anymore.

And I've had enough and everyone's shit like, and she.

Got into this really low point and I said to her, I said, just think of my life as you know it. I went on the Bachelor at age thirty to give Kisha and to give you guys context, like thinking how long ago that was. And I was your this girl's age right now, She's like, I'm nearly thirty. I feel like life's over. My life changed dramatically at age thirty, and it took a completely different turn. I feel like I've met the love of my life now. And I met him when I was in this exact position. I

You don't have to have done anything.

And I know you want to feel like you're sharing with life with someone, but I think it's more important to share it with the right person and to wait.

But exactly what you said, Laura, it's.

Not, unfortunately, gonna walk in your door and fall on your lap.

Like it's not just going to I mean, maybe it does. You might be one in a million.

Maybe somehow, like some sort of sitcom orm com, it happens but chances are you're going to have to keep putting in the effort. You definitely don't need to waste your time with somebody, but you need to waste enough time to know whether you're going to waste your time or not in the future.

Yeah, And also, I mean this whole idea of you wrote here, I honestly feel like I'm gonna have to wait for people to start getting divorced. Fair there is definitely a second wave that comes, but total that's not coming yet. Just you know, in terms of age and where you're at, you don't have to wait for people to start getting divorced if you're only twenty nine. And I know that that, Like we said, it doesn't have

Yeah.

The few other things that I want to break down in this question as well, because there are so many parts to it. One is something that I have noticed is it does move faster the older you get, so like when you meet the right person, the same time frames don't apply. And that's with all of my friends, everyone in my life, it's been exactly the same, right all of my friends.

I've got family members that have met people later in life.

It happens quickly because you're more sure of who you are, where you are in life and what you want. And generally speaking, the person you've met is probably the samesh age and the same part of life, and they're the same they know what they want as well, So things definitely happen quicker. So I don't want you to think that, like, oh, what if I don't meet someone till thirty four, then we have to do three or four years of dating.

Then we have to You don't know, it could happen in a year.

You could be so obsessed with your partner and fell pregnant and get married and get engaged in the love of your life.

You don't know the other part.

Is you said, maybe I need to move cities, and this one I think a lot of people automatically put their guard up and say, oh my god, it's so drastic, like you don't have to do that. But what I want to say is that is actually a thing, and that is actually an option. Depending on where you live. Now, you're not going to consider this, or maybe you will.

That is all accurate.

I don't know where you are from, but if you that chances are really really slim that new people are constantly coming into your town and you're not going to meet anyone, it could be something that you actually consider.

I'm very pro that.

I don't know how you feel about that, Laura, but you've got to make sure you're going to be moving somewhere that you are comfortable with and you're not giving up your entire life just for the reason of finding a partner. It still has to have more around it, like opportunities for jobs, excitement. Maybe you do have family and friends there something new.

But I'm not against that.

I'm not against it, but I mean it's hard to kind of make that judgment call without knowing where you're from, because, like I would say that people feel the same as you.

Feel regardless of where they are.

There are people who are in Sydney who feel like this, there are people who are in Melbourne that feel like this. There's people who are in far North Queensland who feel like this. Like I do think that it doesn't necessarily just change dependent on the area that you're in, and you might have just as little luck dating being in a major city or wherever wherever it is that you

Are no good people and that no one aligns with you.

And it's easy to feel like that after you've been on ten dud dates or twenty dud dates or whatever the number is.

Sometimes it's less than that. Sometimes it's five dud dates in.

A row, where, like you know, you're like, fuck, who are these people and where are they coming from? But I really do think it's a numbers game, and it's a numbers game, but it's also a numbers game in a way where you're not getting attached to a person before you go on a date with them, so when they do turn out to be someone who's not someone who's aligned with you, it doesn't feel as much as a big deal because you haven't worked it up into your mind as to who this person could or should be.

Well, my friends, that is it for the twenty twenty three rear in your view. I hope you had such a good time going through those segments with me. I absolutely love putting this episode together because I get to go back and kind of relive the best bits. As I said at the start, the links for every single one of these episodes will be in the show notes if you want to go back and listen through to.

The whole thing.

Oh, I've just realized, actually this is not our last episode of the year. We have got a bonus accidentally unfiltered of your holiday So like Christmas, New Year's themed accidentally unfiltered embarrassing stories, it's an absolute.

Laugh and a half. It'll be coming out.

I wish I could give you the exact day, but we are no less chaotic than what we were in twenty twenty two, so it will be in the next couple of days for you, and then over the course of the summer, we are going to be dropping some of the wonderful conversations that we had with our incredible guests at the live shows that we did in October, so that will be brand new content, never heard it before, and it will be dropping into your podcast libraries and we will be back.

I think it's the week of January twenty two.

I'm not one hundred percent short, but we will be posting it all over our socials, so you can follow us along on Instagram at Lifehung Up Podcast, same thing for TikTok. We also have the Life Uncut discussion group, which is where all the chit chat goes down. So if you have a dilemma that you want people's opinions on, if you want some recommendations, if you just want to have a bit of event, we'll ask a question about

And I think that's it. I think that's the admin. Because Delilah has just walked into the room.

She's wanting some pets. So I'll go and spend the rest of my Christmas New Year break hanging out with.

Her, going for some swims.

I hope you're able to have a really, really wonderful New Year's and we'll catch you back in twenty twenty four. You know the drill, Tell you mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, take your friends, and share the love because we love love