Online bullying and that Jese Nelson doco

Hi, guys, and welcome to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and today, well, we're gearing up for a Bachelor.

FINALI na I love FINALI.

Week, Britte. I'm more excited about this finale than what I was about my own finale.

Why is that because you knew the ending for your finale?

Door, I didn't know? Oh yeah actually at the time. Wow, should I stop that? No?

Please? That was the best thing that's ever happened.

Am I still asleep? Probably? I'm just really invested in this season, so I really really want to see how these final two episodes go down.

I think I know anyway, I'm not going to say it, but I think I know.

Well, is that because of the editing?

Yeah, for a multitude of reasons, some editing and also just the girls that I think is more suited to our boy Matt.

So you don't have any actual insider one percent guarantee lockdown info. You just have spidy sensors. Yeah, and that's what you're going on.

Complete spidy sensors. Guys.

We're in for some batchchat today, but we're also going to be talking about something a little bit heavier, and I think in light of the fact that it is finale night coming up, we're going to be talking about online bullying. There's this great documentary that's just come out. We really highly recommend it. It's on BBC one. It is about Little Mixtar Jesse Nelson. It's called The Odd One Out and it's all about online bullying that she received.

I really really loved watching this documentary and I'm excited to delve into it and share it with everyone.

Me too.

But apart from that, did you see There's something else in the water again? Because two more Batchy babes got engaged.

I did see this, and they're both from my seats, both from your season. Everyone is getting.

Married, so it was a Laura and Tara, A Laura.

And Tara, and I'm so happy for the two of them. I mean, Tara had a bit of a raft saying yes after her Batching Paradise experience with Sam, and I think we all saw that play out in the media. She has been incredibly happy with her new partner, who doesn't live in the reality TV bubble at all. He's just a really great, normal guy and now they're getting married.

So are you connected with either of those girls at all? Still?

I haven't spoken to a Laura at all since the show finished. And Tara I have seen because we both went to Kobe's baby shower. But our season has just been the season of successful relationships everyone who's come out of it. Mate, don't rub it in, baby, you're on the wrong, yeah, am I? Yeah, but I wouldn't have wanted to be up against you. Could you imagine we would not be sitting here doing this podcast.

Imagine if it was you and me. I mean, it was always he was always going to imagine that it was you from day dot No. But that's really good that they got engaged. But I think I do think it's hilarious that will happen on the same day.

On the same day, way to steal each other's under Who announced it first? Daily Mail? I don't know. I think Tar Daily Fail. I think Tara got in there first. And then I mean I saw it from Daily Mail before I saw it on Instagram. Isn't that ridiculous? Yeah, it's crazy. That's where I get my news source, isn't it doesn't me.

You didn't even know what your ending was when you were watching it.

Oh, leave me alone. I'm very tired, guys. I know I complained about this every week, but now Mally's going through her four months sleep regression. So anyone who's a parent who's listening to this will really sympathize with the fact that I now get about four hours sleep a week. So two episodes ago, when I said that my sweet for the week was that Marley was sleeping like an angel. Yeah, well that came back to bite me in the ass, didn't It always? Does? It always?

This morning, actually, Lauren that you went and did a little work out, your first work out with bitting a few friends. But I noticed that you said you didn't wie yourself and that you were really stoked about that. So I just wanted to shout out and congra congratulate you on that.

You're congratulating me on my public pulor muscles. Yeah, thank you. I really do like that's something that I need to be congratulated on. I've got that under control. Literally, I'm staate for you. Thanks me too, Me too.

So what else grubed your attention this week in the media.

Oh look, this one is a little bit controversial. I know that I need to tread a little bit carefully with this. Emotions run very, very high when Ellie went home from last week's episode of The Bachelor. There was a lot of hurt and hate flying around on the internet, which is kind of good. Way we're talking about online

Well, it's a pretty controversial thing to say from anybody, but from somebody that has been in that exact position.

Well, I think my issue with it didn't so much come from she's offering criticism. I mean, it's totally okay to not be an abby fan and to be upset that you know your favorite character is going home. However, language is really really important. She didn't set of say hey, this isn't cool. She chose to use obscenities and basically

Whoever says something like this is definitely setting a standard example that it's okay to do it, especially someone in the media in the public eye, which I think is wrong. But also been in her position, We've all been. I mean I haven't been on that end as in Bachelorette, but I have been through the whole thing and been standing at the end, and you know that what she's seen isn't the whole story.

People are definitely.

Edited in a certain way in both extremes, good and bad, favorites, villains, everyone. I mean, there's also always some truth to things, but essentially she knows that what's been presented to us isn't always the whole story in any situation. So for her to just jump on that train and sort of hurl this verbal abuse, I don't think it's fantastic. I don't think it's a fantastic example. No, I think it's fair call to bring that up.

Yeah, so since we're talking about bit of online bullying today, that was what made me think, Man, I'm just gonna point this one out.

Yeah, definitely tizing well, and we'll jump into that straight after if you want to.

Do that to be cab this again, I don't know whether I'll let it that out or keep that in. I could keep really offensive and keep that bad boyant. Should we all take a moment's silence for Ellie because quite honestly, that was a very, very very sad episode. I like what you're doing there, but silence doesn't work in podcasts, so we're going to have to scrap that rap Ellie.

Yeah, and just take a moment to appreciate that ridiculous date where they blindfolded each other and had to hug each other. He had to guess the chemistry, the chemistry through the hug. There's a big difference between all of those girls in high shape, what they're wearing. Some of them had sleeves, some of them didn't.

Some of them had.

Huge boobs, others don't.

Like you know, I reckon, maybe Ellie and Abby would be similar in their in their builds, do you think.

But I think that's probably shorter.

But would you know that though when you're blind, she's got to bend down. And then Elena's tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, and Chelsea's got super long hair, so you would feel these types of things, Yeah, I think, But I mean it really wouldn't kind of play into the storyline. If Matt was like, well, I knew exactly who which one of you were, and Abby, it's you again. I want to take you on another day. I think you would have known Abby from the chloring in the back as well.

There was just so much of I didn't know if I was laughing, crying on cringing, but it was. It was pretty amusing.

They always hate the setup where the girls are expected to sit there and watch it playback. It's just so uncomfortable. We actually had that on our series, but they didn't end up showing us sitting and watching the girls. They had to write a letter to old mate Maddie Jay and then read this letter out, and we had to sit behind the screen and critique the girls. They actually ended up removing it all together because I think it just came across as so bitchy. But it didn't matter

So they did that in my season too, but this was intense. It was probably the only group date I think I didn't go on, and I'm so glad I didn't. So Nick had to sit on a couch with each girl individually in front of a human light detector. So this guy had worked like the FBI. He was insane, and all the other girls had to watch on through a glass through a glass window on a TV to see who was like, how the girls reacted to the questions, who was lying? He was telling porky pies all this.

So my question is, why the hell didn't they put Nick on a light detector? Are you here to grow your profile? No?

Are you going to pick anybody?

Then? Yes, Matt, are you here to find love? Genuinely? The poor thing probably would have been electrocuted? Okay, So that was why did any how did it turn out? Was it a good outcome or was everyone super nervous about it?

No, everybody was super nervous, And you could hear and see their voices shaking, and I'm so I have nothing to hide, but I'm super glad I wasn't on it.

Yeah. I think for me that I would be more stressed about what if the outcome was wrong and the lie detector was incorrect and me not trusting this.

Well, it wasn't a lie detector. It was just this man being like me, yeah, totally. Oh your heart rates elevated. Well, yeah, of course it is. I'm shitting myself anyway. You have to laugh now, but I don't think anyone's laughing at the time.

So Ellie got the extra time. The thing that I don't like about the setup on this is that I don't think Ellie would have necessarily brought up Abby again. I think she would have been asked and prompted to bring it up, and then she's being victimized for bringing it up. Because you always sort of start your conversations where you've left off your last conversation. That's what you're

Unfortunately, Yeah, that again happened on my season. They sort of do make it. They're like, well, this is how the last episode ended, so you need to pick it up like this, And I remember saying if it's a continuity, yeah, I remember saying it doesn't matter to me. I'm not going to talk about it anymore. And Nick asked the question and they had to cut it out because I went really, Nick, like, you're really going to go back and talk about this again? And he's like, I brute, like I have to.

Yeah. So for those who watched it and sort of thought, oh my god, I can't believe she's banging on about this again, my heart really did go out for Ellie a little bit, because I do think that she would have been prompted. We just didn't see that prompting. And then I think that was probably what made her so sure that Abby was going home and not Ellie, because she was so confident in that episode that it was not her going home.

Yeah, don't think she saw that coming, not.

At all, and so Abby got the single date on that episode. And they went and they did that Matt's movers what was that? They moved house and of course there was going to be a bed. That was the most budget single date I have ever seen in my entire life. Literally, Art department were like, oh freak, we've got no money left. Oh well, just all we need is a bed.

Throw that in there, we'll see what happens. Hey by played foot golf. It's a made up sport.

It's a made up sport. Did you like what a golf ball? That was all they had for a budget, so they like, was not a golf ball, it's a soccerball on a golf course. Oh wow, but that was so funny, and you budget you saw it coming.

You saw they were going to trip onto the bed. And it's like a sort of like a corny rom com a little bit.

It really was. It was like watching an episode of Friends, Yes, but not as good, not as well, not as funny, So off Friends? What? Yeah, I don't know. There's so many like who are you? There's so many dated references. It's just so homophobic all the time. That's totally another podcast.

You need to just accept it for what it is, and when it was.

Who's the one that is that Ross that has the kid? And then he's angry that his kid likes.

Barbie ROSSI is my least favorite character.

It just makes no sense to me.

Rachel is my buck could be anyone in Hollywood. I would be Jennifer Aniston a series called Friends. Those friends are actually pretty shitty towards each other, and I don't really like it.

Anyway. That's my thought on Friends.

Twins for the other one.

All right, that's a pretty nice thing to do. I didn't watch enough of it. I just watched one episode and I was like, this is really homophobic. I don't like this, and I turned it off. Let's get back to the bund.

Anyway.

So hey guys, I know you've come here for my opinion on nineties TV shows, So you're.

Right, let's go back cut Friends. Anyway. We're in this little fantastic furniture and they're having a romp on the bed.

What are your thoughts? Well, I mean, is there a better place to romp? My question is what are your thoughts on Abby and the way that she has been edited?

Ooh, I think she's been edited probably a lot harsher than she deserves, and I think she probably has drawn a bit of a short straw, because when you think about it, I tried to really put this into perspective. I don't think she's actually anything that's that nasty or mean. All she's done really is been very confident in who she is and what she wants and very sexual.

I was thinking this the other day as well. She's not actually done anything really wrong, whereas all of our villains in the past have always done something wrong. They've always been actually mean people as villains.

Well, she's done a few little things like cutting the other girl's grass, where she's quickly going cutting in front of them to take Matt, and doing things like that that are just not fantastic.

That in respects to that though, she says, well, I'm here for Matt and I'm not here for my friendships with these girls.

She's been honest about it. She's like, yeah, I'm selfish because she's quite a spade of spade she has throughout the whole thing. We as a population just haven't really accepted that. Yeah.

I do think though that they are keeping a lot of her sexual advances in And I had this conversation with Matt because I sort of said, oh my god, she's so over the top, like I never said anything like that to you. And Matt said to me the other day, he was like, Laura, do you not remember on our last day we were on like some kayak thing in the middle of Thailand. I remember that? And I told him I wanted to sit on his face. And then obviously never made it to air, did you yea?

Definitely, I agree with that. So choffing right along to the cocktail party a long end, Ellie Choof's off home.

The nation's heart cries, everyone breaks down, everyone's in uproar, uprising. I don't know all the things. Ellie's gone home.

Look, they weren't happy.

She's gonna find herself a bloody great country bumpkin out there, and she's just gonna be fine.

She's gonna be just fine. She had a great run on the show, so she's had nothing to worry about it. She's a beautiful girl, and I think she got a great edit. She's a really really lovely, lovely, likable person, and I think there's a good chance she could be bachelorette.

Brittany is like, no, she will not be, because I will be Batchel the Red. I will kill that girl. I was not thinking that, but I mean, hey, interesting, I'm calling it. Okay, who was your stand at Hometown?

I thought they were quite uneventful to me.

Yeah, they really were, weren't they.

I mean, in terms of what they actually did, Like I went and raced Camel's down the beach with Nick. They went to the part in her drink, and then they went to a pool and had to swim, Like it was just a bit different. I think on our season Sophie went jet skiing, and I think we had some more exciting things.

Yeah, I feel like they don't have the budgets though. I mean, like going back to Abby who moved house and had a bed date, I feel like they've really sort of stayed true there and they're like, well, what can we do today. We're in Melbourne, let's go sit in a pub.

It was Abby's was up first. It was quite awkward. I found the whole thing, the kissing in front of those two massus. I nearly died and you could see them trying to stifle their laugh. They were trying and they were looking at each other like where do we look?

It was actually a bit disrespectful.

Don't very much on both behalf hundred percent, but I don't think they actually spoke the whole date. From the moment they got into the pool, it was kissing, kissing, kissing, romping, kissing, and then they went to the lounge and I was kissing, kissing, kissing.

She's saying it's only natural, which maybe it is in some respects, But then unnatural thing is that you've got a massive film crew who is filming you make out whilst you've got two messuses trying to give you a massage. The thing is weird. It was all too much. Yeah, and then after Abbey's hometown. Whose hometown was it, I've forgotten.

So we had Chelsea in Melbourne.

Boring.

I love Chelsea, but god, that was a boring or. They literally went to the pub and had a drink and.

That was it. It was cute though that Matt was like, oh, I can see how our lives would seamlessly fit together because on the weekends I sit in bars.

It was so funny, all right, Matt.

Both budget was low and ninety eight percent of the rest of the population who you could date.

And then they had this really lovely dinner. And I did feel for Chelsea in this moment when they were saying their goodbyes. She could tell that she wanted to say she loved him or was falling in love with him, and she just couldn't get it out. And I know, at this point you're really encouraged to talk about your feelings, so she would have wanted to try, and bless her because I didn't do it either. She couldn't get there.

I think that her hometown, as much as I say it was boring, it was pretty delightful. Her family are lovely, her sister is lovely. She sister was pretty hard asked, but he yeah, but she was still lovely, Like she softened at the end, and I think she was just being protective, which was a nice quality that she had. And I also think that realistically, Matt will fit in with that family and with Chelsea's life way more than

Well, then in complete contrast to that, we had Emma's hometown in Sydney, where she basically wanted to have his babies tomorrow.

She was like, I'm going to move to Melbourne. Right now, we're getting married. Here, I bought this tuxedo. We're ready. This is my friend. They're also celebrant. Yeah, we're doing it now. Surprise. It was a lot, wasn't it, look I I But.

She's always been open about it too. She's always been open that she loves love, that she's looking for, that she wants it. She felt it with Matt. So everybody feels things at a different rate. Whilst I wouldn't feel something that quickly, it's okay that she did, but I think absolutely for Matt that's scary at this point. Also, it can be a bit difficult at hometowns when you don't bring your actual family, when you're bringing friends, and the that her family's overseas, it sets you at a

You know. I think it's a bigger responsibility.

Yep. And then of course there's always one. It was mine last year, but Elena's hometown dirt rama and derailed.

Didn't It got a bit too much? Actually, Like I really I liked the suspense the first time round, where she was like, I don't know if I can do this, and then he talked her into staying. But then when she came out a second time, I was like, really, we're doing this again.

So anyone they didn't watch it, Elena tried to leave. Basically, Matt forgot what happened on their red carpet meeting. He forgot that Eleanor spoke French to him.

If Nick had forgotten your red carpet meeting, would you have been offended?

Probably a little bit.

Yes.

Actually it's your first moment and your first impression. So if you left that much of an impression, you're not going to forget it.

That's what I think. Surely, if you're there at the end, there must have been something about your experience that stood out. It's a big deal. I think it's a big deal. That was a bit alarming for me as well. And so I do think that she felt like, it's definitely not going to be meet at the end, So why am I sticking around to get dumped by this guy?

He didn't really put in the effort to keep her there. He didn't beg her, he didn't convince her. I think he was more like, oh, okay, well maybe this is my easy way out.

I agree, I don't think that he was. I think that if he was really keen on Eleanor and she was going to be the one at the end, he would have put in a bit more of a red hot go.

I just I didn't feel it from Matt really.

Ultimately, the decisions come down to the bachelor, and if he wants you there, he will make sure that you were there.

It is a bachelor's choice, one hundred percent.

Yeah. Yeah, And so that on that episode. See you later, Emma, we are down to our final three. I am so excited for this week. I know I said I wouldn't sing again, but there you go. I can't wait. It's gone really quickly. It's gone really really quickly. But I can't believe that Tomorrow night, Thursday night is finale and Matt's gonna be with the woman that he chooses, and that'd be our love story.

Out happy and proud.

For Chelsea, for Abby and for Elena. Like this is the most stressful period because you're watching your final moments play out on screen. And Australia, Yeah, because like girls, I'm freaking excited to watch this episode.

Green Baby, Laura, did you know that seven to ten young people experience cyber bullying and twenty six percent of young people who have experienced cyberbullying have reported feeling suicidal. That is bloody ridiculous and something we never had to deal with growing up because we didn't even have the Internet. I remember the Internet coming in. What a day that was? Hey, that was a great day.

Probably ordered pizza? Did you order pizza online?

Then?

I don't think that those functionalities. I didn't say online.

I had my dial up.

They go. Well. I remember in school when we got the Internet for the first time and my email address was tropy girl one two three because I am a tropical kind of girl. I was also about Victor, You're a loser, don't bully me. Let's talking about right now, Brittany.

But unfortunately, in this day and age, Laura. The reality is, and I don't need to tell you this, but we spend more time online than ever before. It's time to talk about the effects this has on individuals more openly and honestly. And that's why I want to talk to you all today about Jesse Nelson from uk Ban Little Mix and the documentary that she has just released on BBC one on one out.

I loved this documentary, Brittany. I thought it was amazing. I wasn't sure because I'm not a huge fan and this maybe will be a little bit polarizing for some people, but I'm not a huge fan of Little Mix the band, but I love what that documentary stood for. And basically what Jesse was trying to portray is that when they won X Factor back in can you remember what.

Year that way, I was twenty eleven.

So when they went X Factor back in twenty eleven, which should have been the best day of her life. This is the day that her all of her dreams came true, all of the hard work, all of the things that her life was culminating in. She should have been celebrating, and instead she was just reduced to an absolute shell of a person because of all of the online hate that she was receiving, where people were writing to her saying that she was the fat one from

Basically, she went from zero to one hundred so quickly. She was working in this bar in her little town, and she didn't have a lot of money, and all of a sudden she's finding herself standing on stage winning X Factor, and she actually says in the documentary, I

The thing that I found so interesting about this as well, is that she was saying that when she worked in a bar and when she had more of a simple everyday life, she was really happy with the person that she was. She never was self conscious about the way she looked. You know, she was quite happy with the way that she looked, and she was quite happy with

She said of got to the point where she she just stopped turning up for work, She stopped meeting the band members, she stopped going to events. Actually, there were a few concerts that they showed performances where they showed her speaking to the audience. Everyone was happy, and then she would just break down in tears and she couldn't

One of the things I think is really interesting from this documentary as well is that it makes it very clear that it's not just celebrities who are victims to online bullying.

But Jesse speaks about the fact that she didn't have social media and Instagram or anything when she became part of the band, but in that journey they sort of made her. There are a lot of people that will say, well, you've put yourself in that spot by putting yourself in the spotlight, but that's not necessarily true for anybody that chooses to be in the spotlight. That's not putting a big sticker on your forehead saying Hey, I'm in the spotlight. Attack me.

The issue with Instagram now and with being someone who is a public figure is that you can't really get to this position of being a public figure without having social media, so they kind of coexist. There's very few people who are celebrities, who are modern celebrities who have come up during the era of social media who don't have that platform, because that's how their fans engage, that's how they're able to actually start to leverage a platform

Well, there are a lot of and I known this firsthand from people that I know in the industry, there are a lot of casting directors and agencies that will literally might not hire the better actress, but they might hire the actress or actor they have a bigger social media following.

Absolutely because it's free advertising, totally. Basically.

Jesse describes that she almost became obsessed with reading these negative comments. So she would literally wake up first thing in the morning and all she would do is roll over and start reading. She couldn't stop. Now, there was this one performance coming up, and all she wanted to do was lose weight for the performance. Because she knows that everyone calls her fat, which, mind you, she absolutely

She's so skinny now.

So then this was sort of the performance that pushed her over the edge because after this there were a bunch of tweets saying how ugly she was. But there was one from Britain's Royal commentating bitch Katie Hopkins that we spoke about last week.

Yeah, we spoke about Katie Hopkins in our Mega Market episode. Coincidentally, completely her comment or her tweet is what really put Jesse Nelson over the edge.

So Jesse's gone to try and starve us off and lose weight. Katie Hopkins tweets directly after and says Packet Mix have still got a chubby in their ranks. Less little mix, more pick and mix.

And so Jesse didn't even know that this tweet had been had come out, And what had happened was that she sat down to do an interview the day after the show where she was feeling really really good about herself, and one of the journalists had said to her, oh, did you see what Katie Hopkins tweeted about you last night? And so even though she hadn't read it herself on social media, she couldn't avoid the people were still talking about her in this negative light, and that was the

So, speaking about the tweet, Jesse says, all I remember feeling at that time is what is the fucking point. I've starved myself for a week and I'm getting called fat. I could be the skinniest girl in the whole world, and this is just never going to go away, and that was literally what pushed her to overdose. She took a bunch of peals in her house and went to bed and just thought, I can't deal with the pain anymore. And her saving grace her then boyfriend, who just said,

It's very easy to sort of spit vile on the Internet and to not think about the repercussions that that has, and it's so quick. There's a grotesque lack of accountability. Where we can log onto an Instagram, we can jump onto someone's profile in a very very quick succession, write something absolutely hideous and then go out and get a peat afterwards, as though nothing happened. At least back in the day when when we were at school, if we were getting bullied, someone would have to find us in

And it's also there's a difference with now somebody coming up to you in a playground and saying you're fat, and somebody saying it on a social platform to somebody that it could reach fifty million people, yeah, million people with Instagram.

The flavor of bullying is changing, so bullying isn't just one type anymore. There's so many different ways that you can bully someone online. Now you can bully someone by sliding into their DMS. You can bully someone by excluding them from a group online. You can even bully your ex by posting photos with your new partner if you want to. And this subtle constantness of social media and the fact that it's always on you ignore that it exists.

Well, I had a small head, and I'm might like my head is quite small now. But the point of this is I have remembered that forever. Yeah, and I have a friend, same thing, were the same age.

Don't have a small head. But the fact that someone said that to you, now that's what you think. But you think you have a small head. See, maybe I do, and I was probably sick. I have another friend and somebody said to them, also at the same age, you have more roles than the bakery. Now, when you're a kid, you can laugh at that because that's funny because bakeries have rolls, bread rolls. But I know this girl has never forgotten that, and she wouldn't wear a swimsuit for

I just don't understand it. I have never, in my life, hand on heart, can say I've never written anything nasty on somebody's post.

That's because you're a nice person, Fritney, and you're even so even handed on this podcast. I say something bitchy and you're like, now, Laura, pull your head in, let's re record that I just couldn't imagine.

I could never imagine wanting to make somebody feel horrible about themselves.

You're assuming that everyone is as normal and considered as what you are. This is something that I was told to me when I was in the batchelor, and I think it was great advice. You might pass someone on the street and that person could be a full on smacky and by smacky, I mean like a crack at it, like they've got their own issues going on, and their issues are in no way reflection of what's going on

On the other side of that, if you wouldn't on the street walk up to somebody and say you're so ugly, I hope you die, what makes you think it's okay to write it?

Yeah? I totally agree.

Yeah, these keyboard warriors, they would. I can guarantee you the people that say these things would never walk up to you on the street face to face and say this, never, especially if you're in a group. But they get this ridiculous courage and go and blurt it all out on social media.

Did you hear that? Social media? So Instagram specifically is bringing in a tool where it's got artificial intelligence. So if it thinks that you're saying something that's bullying, So if you write something in saying like you're fat and ugly, it'll ask you do you actually want to post this, and it will give you a second to consider the thing that you're posting in hope that some people will be considered enough to go, actually, do you know what that is mean? I'm not going to post it. I

Yet. There's also the age old saying of treat people how you want to be treated, And it's so true. If you wouldn't want somebody telling you ripping you to shreds your appearance who you are as a person, If you wouldn't want that, why do you think it's okay to do that to somebody else?

When you were in the Bachelor, did you find that you received any online bullying? Did this happen to you specifically? So?

I did receive some, to be fair, probably the least out of everybody. So I can't complain, but I'm still going to because it wasn't good. So I was pretty event free until the very end. And there are a few days towards the end, which is when you actually reached out to me. That's why I remember, because you were just seeing some stuff that was quite nice. But the attacks on me, I don't know if I should say luckily or unluckily. Luckily were not about my appearance,

Isn't that crazy that we value the way we look and what people think of our appearance more so than what people think of who who we are as a person.

I think I was actually opposite in this. I was so upset that people were attacking my character because I take a lot of pride in who I am as a person. You could say what you want about my looks, it'll still upset me. But I'm more proud of who I am as a person. And yeah, you know the way I treat people, and I always try to treat people well, and people were just character assassinating me in

Now.

People were saying the same things, but every time someone added a comment it held a different weight to how it affected me. Yeah, so someone said it once, someone said it twice, someone said it three times, and I could brush it off. But at the five hundredth time, I thought, oh my god, I can't deal with this anymore.

They've done research studies on social media in that it is so addictive. We are so addicted to the instant gratification that we get from validation from others. So we post a photo, we get likes and comments. That affirmation makes us feel good. It releases dopamine. That is the exact same reward system that we get from gambling. It's a drug and that we get from drugs and sugar. Yeah, and sugar. This is Brittany speaking with her lipto a nice tea on the table. Here, we are being rewarded

But I remember my family saying to me, and I think you said it to me and my friends. Everyone that knows you brit knows that you're not like this, and everyone knows you who knows what sort of a person you are, and that's all that matters. And that's such a great thing to say. And I did know that, but there is still something different knowing. I remember just thinking the world Australia hates me right now, and that's just a lot of pressure on anybody to think that

Yeah, it's the unfortunate side of being on the Bachelor is that everyone is very black and white. People don't take the sort of position of oh, all these girls are really nice. I just want the bachelor to be happy. They go, I like this girl and all the other girls suck. And if you don't pick this girl, then you're an idiot. Will you become a character? People see you as characters and they forget you're real. Totally. The

Right, so, you know, somebody, if you know someone is sitting at home writing to you saying I hope you die just because you found love, you know that they're an idiot, don't you. But it doesn't change that It.

Hurts totally and on that so, on the night the Tara got Sent Home, which was the third last episode, I watch it with my girlfriends and I remember the onslaught of abuse Saturre happening towards Matt and towards me on our own private instagrams because people had assumed then

Same thing with us. Brooke was the favorite from day one in ours, and when she went home at number three, also like Tara, that's when we all started to copy it. Nick copped it a lot. I mean, ultimately, he is there to find somebody that he wants to be with, so their choices should be their choices. But for Sophie and I Sophie, I don't know how much he actually copped. We both more just got like, well, of course he's never going to pick you guys, And now that Brook left,

What do you think could be done to minimize bullying moving forward? Online?

It's education, isn't it? Because there's only so much that you could Instagram or Facebook can do to monitor what people are saying.

Well, I disagree. I think that they can do a hell of a lot more if they have artificial intelligence, which can ask you do you want to post this? Just like in our normal community in Australia, we have laws. If you break those laws, you get punished. On Instagram and Facebook, there's really not that many laws because there's not a two step verification process. I can just go and open up in your account for you email address.

Well, I do definitely agree, But my point is it's almost like prevention is the best cure. We shouldn't have to be blaming them for not doing enough to stop people being nasty. We should be trying to stop the people being nasty, and I think that starts with our

What beautiful Minds is, Brittany.

Well, they're just going to the core, so to school children and speaking to them about everything in mental health, dealing with online and growing up. But something I have spoken to them about girls particularly is being a kind person and knowing that every single thing you say to someone in real life and online will stay with them forever. So I think that is a really huge thing we should be really getting into our youths so that the time they grow up they're not assholes.

Yeah, I agree completely.

But also Instagram does have something that I put into play when I was finishing The Bachelor, and that is you can type in keywords.

Did you know that? No?

Yeah, so you can type in keywords. So I typed in. I think I even typed in whale, fat, slight, bitch, whale, every negative word that you could think of that someone might say to you that you don't want to hear. You can type it in and it will block those words. So if someone's typing that sentence, they get a warning.

Oh so it doesn't block, it gets a word, Well, it stops, and I'm actually posting that it wecifically it will yeah, like they'll no, I think they get one warning and then it will be deleted. Wow okay, yeah, so it's like a bullying filter. Well that's how accurate it is. But I definitely put it on, and I do think that those sorts of things need to be used because there has to be The owners shouldn't always

And you know, the crazy thing is to you just when you're a victim of that, you can't win. So you might think, Okay, I'm going to delete the comment to protect myself, and then another troll come and say, oh, look at her. She can't even handle it. She's deleting her comments. Of course they're deleting their comments. They don't want this negativity sitting on their page for them to look at every day. Totally, so there's no way to win it at the moment.

If you are having a really really hard time, now this is not the end and it's not always going to be like this, give yourself the opportunity for things to get better, because anything that can spiral down can always spiral back up.

A few other things you can do is to you can always just block somebody, but you can also use this filter that helps filter some words. If you're actually experiencing that length of trouble, you can also there are apps you can do now that ban you from using Instagram or Facebook for a certain timeframe, So you can say I only want to use it for one hour in the morning, don't let me onto it for the day, only let me onto it for an hour at night. So it's forced. It's forcing you to limit your use.

Yeah, and it's forcing people to break the addiction cycle. Thing I was thinking was interesting. I thought, if Instagram has artificial intelligence where they can stop people from writing comments that are bulliant comments, maybe they could go a step further and use that artificial intelligence to know when

I was going to say, there's no way they'll ever ban it, but that could be something people are now. Even I've seen a few accounts where people who are actually photoshopping themselves into destinations like they're on holidays. They're not even on the holiday.

Isn't that crazy. It just shows you how that's how much of social media is actually fat.

That's just so sad for that person.

Turn off your phones, go to a coffee shop and meet some goddamn real people.

On the serious notes. To tie this up, guys, almost half of Australians literally forty five percent will experience mental illness in their lifetime. That is a huge number.

Insane. It's insane.

And it's not just Cyberboyne and depression online. That's all sorts of depression, all age groups. In light of Ruok Day which was last week.

Yeah, it ties in so nicely to that.

It ties in nicely, and I think that you shouldn't just have to wait for the one day to ask your friend or a stranger or a colleague if they're okay. It can go a really, really long way. So if you're seeing any signs from anybody, or if this discussion today has tapped into any feelings for you that are making you feel a bit unsettled, or it has brought anything to the surface, please speak to somebody. There's also a lifeline number thirteen eleven forty four that.

You could call. Guys, it is time for our favorite part of the episode, ask gun cut. We have had so many people right in with their questions, and it is amazing that you trust us with your relationship to barcles, because I mean, we don't have any qualifications, but we really thrive on giving relationship advice. So thank you for trusting us with this. Brittany has picked out two. I don't know what these questions are yet, so I'm coming and cold.

Also, I'd just like to make a note. I know you say we don't have any qualifications, but god damn, we got some experience.

I have so much experience it's frightening. Please come at me with the first question, Brittany.

I've been on a few dates with this guy and I really like him. He was from Tinder. We got along so well and things felt really natural. But after the last date I wasn't really feeling it. He said that girls that have slept with multiple guys are sluts. He used that word so casually, as though it meant nothing at all. I really hate the word, and I felt a bit uncomfortable by it, to be honest, for me, that kind of gave me a bit of doubt about him, and I didn't find it respectful at all. What should

If you've walked away from that conversation with an erkie feeling this guy sounds like a misogynistic pig.

Well, I'm sorry, but who is he to say if a woman has slept with multiple men to the slot, why is that any different than if a man sleeps with multiple women?

Because he has double standards?

Yeah, so I'm sorry, listener, I don't think this guy's for you. I don't think the guys for anyone for his thoughts, because he's not going to find someone that is a forty year old virgin.

Well, I mean he might. He might. He might, But for him to be able to put labels on something like that is a way for him to one he's trying to test whether or not you have and to get your reaction from that. By the sounds of things, this guy is looking for someone who is submissive and subordinate to him. I mean, this is not the nineteen forties.

Yeah, if he went up to one of his friends and said, how many people have you slept with, guys like, oh, I've just hit fifty, can guarantee you he'd high five him.

Yeah. It's some really really biased slut shaming going on. And I just think there are plenty of other guys to choose from. If this is your early door's date and you're already experiencing things like this coming out of his mouth, then he needs to check himself and you need to check yourself and check the hell out of there, because this is not where it's This is not where it ends. This is definitely where it starts. Yep, it's basically a no from me. It's a big ass no

As two people that are in their thirties, I think life begins at thirty.

I'll probably say that again at forty. It really does. I wasn't where I wanted to be at thirty either. I was single, I was running around in circles with my business. I had just dated a really, really questionable guy who treated me like I wasn't worthy of anything. And now I'm in another position later in life and I'm really really happy. Things change rapidly. When you meet the right person, things can click very very quickly. You don't have to have timelines and everything in your life.

I'm definitely not where I thought I would be at thirty, but that's not a bad thing. I potentially am in a better place than I thought I would be at thirty. So sure, I thought i'd probably be married, white, pick of fans, maybe a child, probably twenty five dogs. But I don't have any of that. But that's not a bad thing. So I'm not where I thought it would be. But I'm starting my own business. I'm doing this with you.

Things can change. In an instance, you could be thirty, you could be married, you could have a kid, and all it takes is for one thing to go bad, for one thing to happen, for your entire life to be thrown off course, and for you to be in this exact situation where you aren't where you thought you were going to be. That's just life. We can't control it, and we need to be able to find happiness at

Thanks week. All right, Laura, are you ready for our next segment, Suck and Sweet?

I love Suck and Sweet. Brett. How is your week? I know you do.

My week's been really good. Actually I have zero complaints, but I'll just jump straight on in hey with my suck. Basically, people online dating or idiots.

Oh no, what's happened? What to do? That's nothing I did. I love that you automatically think it was me. I like live through you for your dating story, So please tell me more.

I could literally write a book on my life.

And how is online dating these days? What's the quality of men out there?

I don't know if you can post process and like put a beep in, but it's fucked up. I we swear on this podcast. It's fine, all right, I'm gonna be honest.

It's odd, it's too much.

I'm not really dating anyone from there at the moment because these are the sort of openers I get.

Oh yes, I live for this.

Yeah, so this is this is a baller. This one first line, he says, I really think you are what you eat. So when do I become you? Brittany? Now I think that through for a minute. Do you get.

Wow?

Hornbag? Calm down. You will not be eating anything wow remotely close to me.

And it's disgusting. Can you? But this is the thing, this is the time that hurts my brain.

It hurts my ovaries.

I don't think you wanted to eat your ovaries, Brittany. He probably would have they're a bit far up inside there anyway. That's really really well, I'm gonna say that, how's your date?

Good one?

You're welcome, you're here all day? That's so shitty. Do these lines ever work for anyone? I wonder? I wonder, do.

You know what actually, if you guys have some real bangers opening liners from on.

When we say bangers, BRIT's not trying to hit on you. If you have some cracker one liners, right into us, because I want to compile a few. Maybe we'll read them out sometimes. So if you've got some real crackers, send them in, send us. I would love to hear these as well. Yeah, I might have to start compiling me another one. Do you have some more?

Oh? My god, I had so many, but now put on the spot, I can't think of.

Okay, so that was your suck?

All right?

Well give me your sweet because that was pretty gross. Can I say suck now after that? Because that was a pretty gross.

Fuck?

Give me your sweet girlfriend? All right?

My sweet's an easy one. I stayed in bed today until about ten thirty am, and I could not tell you the last time in my existence. Now that has happened.

I don't want to hear this from you. This just me. No, this is like you gloating. You can't say to someone who has a three month old baby that you stayed in bed to t a. I don't think I can say anything sides cry. I don't even remember what sleep is anymore.

Would it be better if I said something like I went for a walk in silence. That hurts us as much, doesn't it?

Yes, yes, it hurts. I can't say anything to you. Just tell me that your nipples are cracked and all make me feel better.

My nipples are amazing, Oh, for God's sake, So I'm going.

And I don't wet my pants either. All right, Brinnan, you're on your own. I've got a few sucks for this week, don't I.

All right, bring him?

What's your suck? Okay, So my suck for this week it's not nothing to do with my nipples or my pelic floor, thank you very much. My suck for this week is Matt and I have both been really, really insanely busy with work and life and everything else, and I just feel like that's one area of my life that I have not been giving enough attention to, and I feel really guilty.

For that is Matt feeling neglected.

I don't think he would ever say that he's feeling neglected, but I feel like I've neglected him, and it makes me feel bad, makes me feel like I'm a shitty partner, which I know I'm not. But the reality is is that it's quite difficult sometimes to juggle work and baby and h podcasting and relationshiping and all of the inning in your life. And I just feel like a little bit at the moment that I haven't been giving Matt and our relationship the attention that it deserves. And I

Well, I feel like now that you've voiced it and put it out to Australia, it's also going to make you want to work on it.

Oh, I already want to work on it. I just was really conscious of it today, like I, you know, I've been busy all day and that I came home, I just kind of like passed Maley to him. Then I ran out the door to come and do this, and we've just kind of like had a kiss on the doorway on the way out. And it just I don't know. I just really had a bit of a reflection in the car on the way here where I thought, I miss my partner and I want to spend more

Yeah, yeah, nice, Yeah, So what's your sweet?

My sweet for this week, which actually is going to add to my suck unfortunately, my sweet for this week is that my sister and I and her little nephew or my little nephew. That was weird. So my sister and I and her baby, So my nephew and Marley, the four of us are going to Townsville on the weekend to go and stay with my dad, which will be so nice. I haven't been to Townsville so long. My dad lives on a tiny island there called Magnetic Island,

Right, so, my stuck next week we'll probably be looking at all your Magnetic Island photos.

Great. Your suck next week will be that I'm not here to keep you company.

What am I going to do?

What are you going to do?

Guys? That is it from us, even though we absolutely love doing this. It's like a highlight of the week. So if you enjoyed, you know the deal.

Guys are the freaking best. Thank you for messaging us. Thank you for all your reviews. If you haven't left a review, then please do because it really helps us get the word out there. I mean, we're not doing this in conjunction with Channel ten or anyone else. We're just doing this ourselves because we love having a chat, and we love having a chat with you, and we love love