Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and Britney's angry at me because we've literally done this.
Intro five times now.
But the first one sucked, and then the second one sarched, and then the third one sarched, and then britt made a mistake on the fourth.
One, and so I didn't think they were that bad. To be fair, I was like, that was pretty good. But here we are. It's irrelevant. Five times is a charm. That's what they made up. You made that up because you're making me do it five times five times.
It is a sweet spot. I remember when I used to do it five times a day.
It's been a long time. I do not remember that. No, No, it was before we were friends. How was your week, Marie? Here was good.
Matt's mum came and stayed with us for the weekend. Finally borders have reopened and so she came down from Queensland and it was the first time that we'd seen her since January. So it was like, really nice to kind of had that normalcy of last year in twenty twenty. I was like, that's what your face looks like not on FaceTime.
How weird that we don't see our family for you, I'm flying to the Gold Coast tomorrow morning to see my brother who I haven't seen in a year.
Well, speaking of Britney leaving tomorrow, guys, that does mean that we have a little bit of a switcheroo happening for you later this week. I'm just going to tease this into the episode.
Now, oh you big teas, you big teas.
Okay, So we've done it once, We've done it twice before where Mattie Jay has filled in for me and Britt and matt have done this like weird couple swap episode asked uncut w swap wife swap. While I had to sit in the corner and watch them, it was like you know when you hear about those like people have sex fetishes and they like watch their partner doing it with their friend.
I mean it was normal for me. This is all weird, f Laura.
Basically that's what's happened in the past. But this Thursday, our ask guncut episode is going to be a very special episode because it's going.
To be me and Mattie Jay.
So you guys can all listen to us bicker like we do live on.
The podcasts can listen to what I hear all the time, but you can hear it live. No, I'm very appreciative, and I hope you guys understand because the borders have been closed. Obviously, my nephew, my niece, and my brother I have not seen them in a year, so this, obviously, I feel like this was. If there's ever gonna be a reason for me to miss an uncut, it was this one. My sister and I are going up to see him. We're so excited my nephew. Last time I
saw him, he wasn't even talking. Now he's like running around like a maniac. He speaks two languages. I'm like, well that happened quickly.
I mean, the more that we have Matt on the podcast, the more he's gonna start thinking he's a permanent fixture.
So like, don't get used to it, Matt. This is my very first episode I've missed, and it will be my well, I don't want to say it's my lastest in case, but like I expect it to be my last.
Anyway, guys, that's a treat for you for Thursdays. So like, I know we're just pre warning you about this, but that's your trigger warning.
That's your trigger warning for Thursday's episode.
Yeah, so this weekend, do you know what I do want to say something that happened to me this weekend, just really quickly. It's not a funny story. It's actually like a little bit.
Of a parental warning story. I learned my lesson, I guess.
So we bought a blow up pool over the weekend, like a big massive It cost thirty six bucks from Kmart.
It was a very very like boogie. Yeah, that's that word. I can't say. OOOHI no. I was like very impressed.
I was like, we're gonna have a real Australian barbecue day with our blowout pool and all the kids and anyway, we had a barbie on Sunday. Loads of kids were around, like all the nieces and nephews and put the pool.
In the backyard. And we have like a bit of a weird backyard.
We've got two separate sections, so if you're in one section, you can't see around to the other section. And you know, there was lots of adults there. So the good thing about having lots of adults is that there's always someone watching the kids. And like Matt and I were kind of taking in turns while one of us was cooking or one of us was getting drinks, et cetera. So I was inside getting drinks and Matt was outside with the family, and I assumed he had Marley, which is
the biggest mistake. I never assume that somebody else is watching the kids. I assumed he had Marley. He assumed his mom had Marley. His mum had no fucking idea what was going on, and.
Everyone thought someone else had Marley. Yeah, And I walked outside and I realized.
And then I walked around to where the swimming pool was, and there's Marley by herself, zero adults. She'd climbed into the swimming pool all by herself and was just standing in the waiting pool playing and like nothing bad happened.
That there was very little water in the pool.
We only put about maybe ten fifteen centimeters of water in the pool. But it just made me realize how quickly something can go wrong, and like if she had slipped over when she'd gotten in, because the sides are really high, like she's one and a half. It made me sick, like this moment of fear of like how quickly shit can go wrong, and how you just cannot assume that somebody else is watching your kids. Ever.
Well, that's the thing I think a lot of people forget too, is like when you say there wasn't even a lot of water in there, and there doesn't have to be. You can drown in two centimes of water. And I'm not saying that to scare you or anyone else. I'm literally it's just I think it's important to say that now, if we're going to have this conversation, it's
that you only need the tiniest, tiniest little bit. So I'm so glad obviously nothing happened to her, but yeah, definitely a warning to people to keep that in mind, especially coming to somewhere in Australia.
Yeah, it was one of those things as well, Like we went to bed last night and like it it just stuck with me, like the fear that I felt when I saw her in there by herself. Matt and I went to bed and we lay in bed last night. We had a big conversation around it because like obviously it's no one's fault, Like, no, I'm not gonna blame him. He wasn't gonna blame me. Like, we didn't have a
fight about it, but we will. Almost something that I'm grateful happened because it's made me so aware of how quickly that can that situation can happen, and it's made me have a much greater, i guess, like understanding of when these things have happened.
To other parents or other people.
There's a little bit of you that judges that's like, well, why weren't you watching your kids?
You know, you think that there's that when they're going to think the same thing to you.
There's going to be so many people listening to this who's like, well, I can't believe you.
Took your eyes off her, But it's so easy.
So I just wanted to I know, that's not a fun or funny story, and usually we come here with the lolls for this start of the episode, but I just thought it was such an important thing to happen, and it was such a life lesson for me that I haven't been able to shake over the last twenty four hours.
So I really wanted to share that with everyone. Well, thank you for sharing that and bringing that to the podcast. So well, it is an very important message. That's my public service announcement for today. Anyway, weekend, I'm like, I don't know. Can I tell funny stories? Now? I don't know?
No, No, Like, okay, We've got to actually a really solemn episode for you, So I feel like we need to bring the lolls before we take it to the real serious part.
Look, I'll quickly touch on my weekend before we get into my accidently unfiltered. I had a great weekend. I'm sorry to say that, Laura when after your story, but I snuck away, nothing really funny happened. I actually know something did have funny happen, but that's going to be
my accidentally unfiltered in a second, So sit tight. No. I snuck away up to up the coast and I went hot air ballooning, and I had some wine, and I had my family Christmas party, which is like exhausting because like fifty people get in this beach house with fifty kids, and it's mannic, like we're sleeping on floors. It's not. This is not a luxury retreat, kids. This is like kids jumping on you at three am in the morning.
But I rock up at the recording today but it's like, I'm so tired, and then they because she got up at three am this morning to go hot air ballooning.
I got up at three am this.
Morning to deal with an explosive diary of shit that was all through a cot and I was like, do you know what.
Yeah too, babe, me too. But we're both We both got up at three am, and that is the consistency here. We are both fatigued. It's irrelevant. Why no. I mean, I'm lucky that I did get to go up hot air ballooning. I did take Sherry and Jay hot air ballooning, and unfortunately the only time that they do it is sunrise.
Oh, it must be so awful, What a horrible thing to have to do. Must be so horrible to go to winery without children and drink wine and going on a hot air balloon.
At three am. I mean, it's funny stay in like luxury accommodation. I was on the floor of a pool table in a lounge room with like twenty kids on this mattress with springs in my back, Like this was not a luxury. I am glad that you did spend the weekend with children. How annoying are they so annoying? Now it's on my nieces and nephews and I love them. It's at a time where Christmas. It makes Christmas magical again because I don't do anything for Christmas. I live alone.
I throw some tinsel maybe if I'm feeling luxurious on my palm tree, but that's it. So it was really nice to sort of up the ante and you have all the decorations, and we had presents, and you know Santa was coming early for them and all of the above. So that was really really nice. But I did go hold air boon in this morning, and just like fifteen minutes ago, as we were recording this episode, I get a message in my DMS from this girl that I
don't know. She's like, I thought that was you this morning. I was on your hot air balloon. And then she sends me all these like horrific footage of me trying to roll up the hot air balloon. At the end, I fully got in there, like it was the amazing race. He's like, we need some volunteers, and I was like, volunteers tribute. So I jump in there and I'm trying to roll this hot air blown up. It was actually
really hard work. She's like, I knew it was you, and then she proceeds to send me all these here it is footage of me. I was like, thank you that. She was like paparazzi. She goes, she goes, I wasn't sure it was you. I don't know if you saw, but I put it. I put a story up today saying, hey, guys, got up at three am with no makeup and dressed like a boy. Because I did, I looked like a boy. I looked like a twelve year old boy. And that's why she obviously didn't recognize me. She's like, I thought
you looked familiar. She's like, I'm actually a huge fan, but I didn't recognize you.
She's like, what do you wait? Is that what you look like with our makeup and Instagram for yeah?
Is that you?
It wasn't great, guys, but other than that, it was just chill man. It was just nice to get out of Sydney.
Why did I just sound like I don't know, but I was just about to do It was chill man. And then we like some slifs and just had a really turbular term.
Anyway, the Bonda is really getting to you. Bonda Yeam Bond Girl.
Well, anyways, guys, we really don't want to spend too long on this intro this morning, and that is because this is a really massive, massive episode that we have coming up. We're interviewing doctor Angela Jay and now I'm sure that some of you guys will actually know this story or would have read it in the news or seen it in the papers. I mean, that's also reading it in the news, So I'll just stop saying the same thing in different ways you guys might know about it.
Angela is a doctor who at the time was living in Port Macquary and she met a guy on online dating on Tinder. It's a story about how the man that she dated, Paul, ended up jumping out of a closet and stabbing her eleven times. It is an incredibly harrowing story, but it's also a really really empowering story.
And the reason why we wanted to get Angela on the podcast is because we Britt and I we've talked about this loads and we think it's really important for people to really understand the fact that like this sort of thing can happen to anyone. Violence against women, domestic violence, it doesn't just happen to people who are paul, or who are uneducated, or who make bad decisions. Angela is an incredibly intelligent woman who who has all the education
in the world. She is a doctor, and she was the victim of such an incredibly abusive and frightening attack, and so we really wanted to share this with you.
Guys.
This is a trigger warning for anyone who doesn't want to listen to an episode on domestic violence. But for the rest of you who can, there are some really really important take homes from this interview, I think, and you know, we aren't going to jump into it just yeah, we're going to talk about it accidentally unfiltered story, So we have some.
Funny things to tell you first.
However, I just wanted to put that out there because it's a really great episode that we're both super proud of. But it is a very big one, and it's definitely probably the most heavy one that we've ever done.
It's a very very surreal story. And I remember being from Port McQuary. I remember when it happened. It just like, I mean, blew up all of Australia. It was everywhere, but it was all anyone talked about in Port McQuary, But there is so much that we talk about with Angela, and she's so brave and so open to share her
story with us, and I'm so appreciative. But she is going to go into quite a lot of detail about every aspect from the beginning, from how she met him, why where she met him, the beginning of that relationship, what appeared to be red flags in hindsight, but she didn't really notice at the start the things that started to go downhill, and how soon they started to go downhill, to the way the police dealt with the situation, to the fact that she spoke to people about it and
told friends about it and a neighbor about it, and that is what ended up actually saving her life. She speaks about what you can do after the fact if you were experiencing domestic violence, if you're in any sort of a situation that you are uncomfortable with. She's going to go into a lot of detail about that as well. So she literally touches on every single aspect of this story.
And I was just I had goose bombs, I had tears, I was on the edge of my seat, and I just can't wait for you all to listen to this because I think it's such such an important message.
Yeah, And one of the big thing that like, I mean, I know that you just touch touched on every single thing that she talked about, but one of the things that she did speak about in this episode, and something that I think is like one of the biggest take homes about the whole EPP, is this idea that you know, when somebody is in an abusive relationship or they're in a toxic relationship, we still think, well, why don't they
just leave? Like, oh, well, if things are bad, or if someone's displaying these characteristics, like why don't you just leave? And there is this onus on the person who is the victim, that they've made some bad decisions or that they have gotten themselves into the situation. And I think by listening to Angela's story, this could literally happen to anybody, and it's not as easy as just leaving, because sometimes it's a slow boil. Sometimes you don't know that you're
in a toxic relationship. Sometimes you don't know that things are being manipulated around you. And that's something that listening to her talk about I think was really, really, really empowering, and I do think that if you listen to our narcissistic episode, you will get a lot out of this one as well if you did get something out of that, so please stick around for it. But before we do get into the episode, it's our favorite part of every
episode which we just can't miss, and that is accidentally Unfiltered. However, we've kind of gone rogue on this because we both had our own semi accidentally unfiltered that happened to us this week.
My mom is actually gonna kill me. My accidentally unfiltered is coming from my mom.
At least, like you don't have to bear your soul for the podcast throwing somebody else in the ring.
Maybe this is the episode she doesn't listen to, but I just died for it, and it's not it's actually I don't I want to say it's like a cute one, you know how we say it's those innocent ones. It's those innocent mistakes. That's what this was. But she was mortified. Long so sure, my mom was at her jay job on a weekend, just like the day that she drove down to see us for the Christmas party, and she's like,
it was really busy cramming into Christmas. I knew I had to get away, you know, to come up the coast and see you guys. And she goes like, I just wasn't thinking. So she's serving the customer. This customer, this customer. This woman comes up to her. She's in her fifties and she has a glass eye. Obviously she's lost her eye and so she has a glass prosthetic eye.
And Mum said, it wasn't a great one. But she's like, I was doing my very best to maintain eye contact with her good eye, not make it feel uncomfortable at all, because it was very standout ish. So they're going about their business, and which is like an.
Interesting thing because like when you look at someone in the eyes, you kind of just look at both eyes simultaneously exactly, so you never just.
Look at one person singular eye. That's what Mum said. She's like, usually you dart between eyes. She's like, but I was making the conscious effort to like look at this one eye and then she's like, every couple of seconds it would glance over. She's like, but it was fine. The lady was asking about a sale that they had on the lady was like, I will take this. I saw that it was on the fifteen percent off rack and my mom said, oh, no, sorry, like that's only
on the ten percent off rack. And she's like, oh, but it was on the fifteen She's like, I know. I'm so sorry. She's like, but you still get ten percent off. It's better than a poking the eye with a blunt stick. Oh my, Actually she said to her, it's better than a poke because that's the saying I say too from my mom. My mom has always said that saying. And she said as soon as it came out of her mouth, she was like, what the fuck, Nikki, Like, what have you done? She's like, you can't. You cannot
escape from that. This is like an over the counter exchange. She didn't even say anything. She didn't even apologize to the same thing. She just pretend like it was a normal comment, got away with it. Solder woman a thing and got out of there. Okay, I have another accidentally unfiltered that I did this weekend myself. Well, I blame my sister. Actually I was really mortified though, So I just said, my whole family get together. There's like thirty
of us and we do a Chris Kringle. So everyone gets one person's name that they have to go one by the present for we have a price limit. So we all sit around in this huge like circle in the lounde room and it's all very much. You focus on the one person and we make the joke when there when it's their time to unwrap it, it's like focus on Laura ooh, and everyone looks at Laura and
then you over the present. So it's like our tradition. Anyway, My sister Sherry had gotten there the day before me, and then she messages me and she goes, shit, I forgot half of the present for my Chris Kringle person. The Chris Kringle that she got was my cousin's girlfriend. So she's twenty odd, really girly girl. So she goes,
I forgot the present. Can you do you have anything at your house that you might have just had left over or I had sent to you that you can just bring and I can add it, you know, like lip gloss or something as then like something that a brand has sent you. Can I regive this?
Yeah?
She literally goes, just like because she had half the present, but she she left half and you've got to make the dollar value up for the present. So she's like, just something else to add in and I was running out the door literally, and I was like, you know what, Yes, I have a lip gloss and a compact mirror. Great who like beautiful? I find uses that grabs them. Went out the door and Shard's like, you're a life saver. Thank you. I'll add that to the present. We're all
sitting around my cousin's girlfriend. She's quite shy. She's new to the family. She's only been in the family a year, and my family's pretty intense. And I'm sure you can imagine she's opening a prison arm. Everything is silent.
I'm just imagining they're still being like a like an envelope a letter inside that's like, Hi, Brittany, we really hope that you like this lip compact.
Please have this tag on Instagram. She opens the present and she looks up and everyone looks at me, and I'm like what because no one knows it's a secret Santa. And they go, Brittany, was this you? And I'm like no, and they hold up the mirror compact and it has been embroidered with my name, Brittany, and I was like I nearly died. And she looked at me and she's like, was this from you? And I was like I panicked
and I was like, oh my god, that's so weird. No, that was absolutely I did not get you a present. They're like, but it's got your name on it, and I was I was like, she thinks I fucking that I've got her regifted her a gift. Anyway, at the end, I was like, I can't take this anymore. We did a big announcement and I was like, I need to explain what happened, because I can't have you thinking that I'm such a povo that I got you and gave you a gift that I've already been given. I was like,
and I explained the situation anyway. Everyone thought it was funny. She's like, do you want it back?
And I'm like, no, You're like, I didn't want it in the first place. Some brown sent this to me, and that's why I gave it to you.
I just thought I was saving my sister. And I said to Sharan, why didn't you look in the present to see what it was? And she's like, why didn't you? And I we're just trying to blame each other.
I also love that this is like this could only happen to an influencer.
It was like my worst nightmare. Anyway, she laughed, it was funny. Well, I haven't accidentally unfiltered as well. This is really escalating. We went from having like nothing.
So no, this was actually the accidently unfiltered I was bringing to the story today.
So, okay, I spend a lot of time naked these days, just so you know.
Okay, yeah, I'm hot, I'm wide, everything is swollen, everything is swollen, and I just can't be bothered to wear clothes.
So fine, Yeah, look, it's fine. I do that and I'm not pregnant.
Well yeah, but you look better naked than I do, right, continue, Okay, So basically, like our our apartment is very cavernous. We're on the we're on the bottom floor, which is like it's a little bit down from like road level at the front, but it is road level at the back, if that makes sense. So if you're gonna come to the front of our apartment, you if you're going to buzz the buzzer, there's a window right there that you're looking directly.
Into right in our hallway.
We always leave that window blind closed because it's just a bit intrusive, right, I would never open it anyway. So I'm walking around the house in my liberated naked self wandering around the house anyway. I just said I'd been doing laps from the bedroom to the lungdroom whatever to do. Got this one hallway cupboard which is right next to the entrance of our apartment, which is also right next to this window. So I walk over to
the cupboard. I'm getting some stuff out. I bend over, I get the stuff out, and bend over again to get some more stuff out. This process is going on for about three minutes, and then I closed the cupboard and realized that there's a DHL delivery man staring making eye contact with me with your buttthole.
Well, he would have been.
Making eye contact in my bowl, with my swollen vagina and the whole thing, as I had been bending over multiple times and he was just standing there staring like in shock.
I think I don't think he was being a cra was it in shock? I wouldn't be staring at me right now. Look, unless the man's got a pregnancy fetish.
I think he literally must have just been in absolute like he'd just been raped in the face by this woman and what happened.
We stood there and made contact, and then I was like, you've already seen it, come on in. I just buzz you in. I just kind of like ran out of you. And then Matt wasn't home, so then I had to kind of stay. I was stuck. I couldn't go back down the hallway because I was a nude and the window was blind with you just literally made his Christmas. You think that, but I really don't think he did. I pregnant him in a hot naked and I've seen you everything.
I'm not even joking, guys. I talked about this at the beginning of the podcast. I was like, eventually, I'm going to get to the point where things are real swollen. We hit that about two weeks ago, and I haven't seen it for a long time, and it's very badly shaped. Like we've talked about it, it's not a sight to behold.
It's a bit of a dream. I'm so glad that this happened to you.
Anyway, So that happened to me on Saturday, and I'm still recovering and the DHL men's still outside my window.
Yeah, all right, guys, it is time to get the episode. And we did touch on before what were you talking about today, and that is that we do have doctor Angela Jay in and she is telling us her very traumatic story with domestic violence. So we just thought before we introduce you to Angela, we just wanted to tell
you some pretty rattling statistics. Mission Australia states that sixteen percent of women, which is one point five million, and five point nine percent of men which is five hundred and twenty eight thousand, have experienced physical violence from a partner since they were fifteen years old. So on average, one woman a week is killed by a current or former partner and one male per month is killed by
a current or former partner. And these statistics are all Australian based as well, all Australian based, and these statistics are so concerning, and when I was reading them, I knew they were high, But when you really delve into this and you stop and take a second to actually think about it, that is insane. And I don't know what we can do as nation or as an individual
to help with that. But this is why we wanted to speak to someone like Angela, because one infom will experience violence at the hands of an intimate partner, and the most dangerous place for a woman is in the house.
This statistic, unfortunately, ran very true for doctor Angela j when she was attacked in her own home by her very recent ex partner, somebody she did meet on Tinder, a very tall, charismatic, intelligent, handsome man that she thought she had won the jackpot with, who ended up breaking into her house, hiding in her cupboard and covering her in petrol, and stabbing her eleven times. He literally tried to take her life because she no longer wanted to
be with him before. So we do have Angela in to tell her story, and it's such an incredible story, and we are so grateful that Angela has taken the time and is brave enough to share what happened to her with all of you.
Angela, thank you so much for making time today to come on the podcast and to tell us your story. Now, Guys like this is a very different story to what we would normally have on the podcast, and so it's a very harrowing story, but we think it's a really really important conversation to be had, so Before we get into all of the details, Angela, please tell us a little bit about yourself and your background and who you are.
Thanks so much for having me. My name's Angela. As you said, I'm a doctor working in obstetrics and gynecology, which is all things pregnancy, birth and women's business.
Well aware, don't worry. I've been speaking to a few of you recently. Last week we thought Laura's going into labor, so we're happy to have you. All right, guys, it turned out it just was gas.
It's like a common mistake. I grew up in the US. I have Ozzie, Mum and dad, and moved to Australia permanently when I was in high school. Finished did all of my medicine and training here in Austraia and since then I've gone on to have a romance and young marriage when I was.
Twenty three to a navy boy.
So we met through mutual friends when I was still at UNI, and yeah, like we just kind of clicked straight away. And because at the time he was moving down to Melbourne to do his initial navy training, we did long distance for a while and then due to the kind of the technicalities with the military. It seemed easier at the time to get married so that we'd be recognized in relationships. So we actually knew each other for like we were dating for six months or something.
And got married.
It was like very quick.
And yeah, it was fun while it lasted, but you know, as some things do, didn't work out in the end, and in twenty sixteen we separated for the final time. And at the time, I was working in Port McCrory on Rules to Conment and that's when I started dating again. And at the time I had never used online dating, but I thought i'd give it a crack because heaps of my friends had used it successfully and met really nice guys. And that's when I met my ex Paul, who went on to try to kill me.
I just have so many questions, but it's just even that the most powerful statement, you don't even know what to do with that you know my ex you tried to kill me.
Every time I've read your story, i've heard you tell your story. It's just it doesn't get any easier to listen to. And I know that there's going to be a lot of people listening to this who find this
really difficult. But like we said, I do think it's a really important conversation to be had before you did meet Paul, and knowing that you've just come out of a relationship and you were online dating, what was it like for you online dating after just finishing a relationship, like after being divorced and going, okay'm and to put myself out there again, because I know that that is probably a very common thing that you know, people feel like, okay,
going through such a big life shift where I thought I was gonna spend my life with this person and now that's not happened.
Well, online dating itself is daunting, especially if you haven't done it, if you were young, and I'm going to assume it was your first ever time you were young, you were married, then you've gone. I mean, I'm a veteran right now and on my weld, but it's really really daunting. So was all the first person you met? Or did you meet other people before him?
I went on a few dates, and yeah, I kind of just felt lost and didn't really know what I was doing because all of my previous relationships had been people i'd kind of met through friends of friends or kind of through social networks. I guess at the time, because I was away from my usual social circles. Being on rurals to convent, I wasn't meeting people other than a few people at work, so it kind of was the time that I was feeling really lonely, and that's
when I turned to it. It was like, well, how are some I going to meet people? And so I'm told this is how you meet.
People these days.
I think, I mean, I don't know how people do it over and over again because I found it so exhausting.
But I think, oh, yeah, I.
Get minimal sleep. I'm really putting in the hard yard out there.
But I found that I was having a.
Lot of the same conversations over and over again, and everything was quite superficial. And I met a few, like really nice guys that I went on dates with, but there wasn't really any spark. And then when I met Paul, for one, he seemed a bit more mature and it was actually just really easy to talk to him straight away.
So when we started chatting over the phone, you know, we could just talk for hours on end and he would make me laugh and he seemed very intelligent and kind of ready for the type of relationship I was looking for, which was something serious and I had obviously had my trust hurt before, but he seemed really genuine and caring and that's what really kind of attracted me to him initially.
Did you feel that there was this overwhelming sense of chemistry when you first met him? And we've spoken a little bit on this podcast before about how misleading chemistry can be and how sometimes when you meet someone and you have that overwhelming bowls you over feeling of like.
Oh this is this is it, this might be made perfect.
Yeah, that you can then almost become blinded by chemistry because you're blinded to all those red flags that otherwise you would see in someone.
Yeah.
Absolutely, the conversations that we had, we had a lot of things in common, and it was, yeah, really that
strong chemistry. And he then wanted to come up to port to meet me, which was, you know, this grand gesture that I was like, oh my gosh, like someone is interested enough in me when I felt like I was at a time in my life that I've really felt like I was unlovable in a way, having been through a recent separation, So that kind of gesture was really really took me aback and I felt very smitten at the time, and when we didn't meet in person, we got along really well and he was very charismatic,
took me out to dinner and yeah, like had those you know, early relationship butterflies, and was very excited and very happy.
Did you meet him when he was in Sydney and you were in Port Macquarry? Yeah, and so did you match because you had crossed paths with your radies when you were in Sydney or had you just said opened your radies up to looking different cities kind of thing.
I think it was when I had been down in Sydney for a weekend and he actually super liked me.
Oh oh okay, so really boosting the confidence too, because you've got a super like and now he's making the effort to come five hours to meet.
You for the first time.
Okay, yeah, yeah, So I think that's why he actually came up because of the superlike. So even though I'd been in Sydney like the day before or whatever, So that in itself was kind of like, oh, like, even if it's someone you wouldn't really think about usually, I think it really kind of sparked my interest.
Well because you only if for those of you listening that don't know you only Laurie, you wouldn't know you always. Superke was around when I was online dating. Yeah, I I had like five hundred. You only get like one super like a day or so? Is that right?
Unless you pay for the premium package guys, and then you can super like your asshole.
But I mean, like, I know when you do get a super like, the whole point is them saying you're the person that I've chosen because I get with this one shot. Unless I paid one hundred dollars a month, I get one shot and I'm paying you for the So, okay, you've matched. How long did you talk for before he came to meet you?
So?
How long were you talking on the phone or messaging or skyping? Do you what are you vity calling?
Like?
What did that look like? Yeah?
So I think we it was it was really quick.
It was about like maybe two weeks that we were talking and talking pretty regularly that he was like, look, I.
Just want to meet you.
I don't want to wait until you're not working a weekend and you're down in Sydney, Like I'm just gonna fly up and see you. And I was like okay, Like yeah, So that was in itself very exciting, but also I guess from a relationship point of view, good to kind of move things forward, because there's only so much you can do over the phone. You just kind of need to physically to know if there is actually a connection there.
And was there an expectation straight away that he would come and stay with you or was it more he's going to get his own place and you were going to date properly.
Or yeah, he was going to get his own place for the week, just like a weekend trip, and then we were going out to dinner, which we did, and then because he was staying the weekend, then we caught up for breakfast the next day. So I think that in itself made it a very intense first date, that it was kind of a few dates in one, and the fact that he had come all that way to see me.
Yeah, But I guess as well, like the fact that he had come all that way but booked accommodation. I think that that sometimes when someone makes that effort, there's this instant expectation that like, oh, well, I'll stay with you, and that and itself is a red flag because you can be like oh no, power, like, yeah, sort yourself out. But it kind of seems like he was doing all the right things to really win you over at that
point in time. So talk me through what the beginning of your relationship was like before things really started to change for you.
The first few dates were really lovely, Like we opened up to each other and although you don't like to talk about your big baggage, like the fact that you ever you're technically still married and are separated.
Yeah, usually you try to gloss over that for a while, but.
That's like a date three conversation on two failed reality TV dating shows. But yeah, I feel you on the baggage.
Yeah, but yes, I think it was like even towards the end of our first date when we had dinner that it came up and he also disclosed that he had been married before.
So it's like it was kind of this huge relief.
That was like, oh, like the one thing I kind of didn't want you to know about, you do know about, And actually that's connected us further that we both have a shared experience that we've gone down the marriage route like may have looked differently for each of us, but ended and now we were like kind of learning from our mistakes and trying to move forward from that. From that point on, like he came to see me a
few more times in port. When I was down in Sydney, I'd see him and it just was the kind of usual early dating thing where he's butterflies, you're texting all the time, speaking on the phone. He also did things like would send flowers to my work, which I had never had an ex that had done that before, So it.
Was really courting you. Yeah, yeah, and like in a way that I'm already imagining if someone was doing it to me, it's in a way that doesn't happen anymore. So when you think that you found someone that's like, no, who sends flowers anymore, who makes all this effort, who flies up to see me, of course you're like, this is the real deal, Like this is a really special person that, yeah, I'm lucky enough to have found.
We talked about this a little bit when we did the Narcissist episode. For anyone who hasn't listened to it, go back and listen to it. I highly recommend. I mean, this conversation and story obviously goes way beyond just someone who has narcissistic personality disorder, but this idea of love bombing which really gets you sucked into a relationship, which when it's happening, it's sometimes hard to see that that's
what it is. It's hard to see all those warning signs as warning signs because it just is so amazing and so too good to be true.
When was it that things started to turn for you?
When was it when you were like, there's something not quite right about this, and even if all of those beautiful grand gestures were still happening, when did you start to feel different towards him?
So it was many weeks in little things like he picked up on what the password was to my phone. He seemed to like always know when I was online on social media. He would do things like sometimes when I was in Sydney and I was staying at a hotel, he would kind of call ahead and get me my room upgraded. A lot of it would be under the provisor of.
Taking care of me. Like very early in our relationship it.
Was very much about you are a doctor, you take care of people for your work. I can tell that you put a lot of your energy into that and you have never had someone just take care of you, and I am wanting to do that for you. So he would do things like the room upgrades, or if I was in Sydney at the time, I was a bit lazy to organize an e tag for tolls, for instance, and he like called up and would organize that for me,
just like little things here and there. The time, I was like, Oh, he's taking really good care of me. But then over time it started to At the time I didn't really recognize it as control, but in retrospect that's what it was.
You know.
He would start he started to get really jealous, jealous of other men in my life and would say like, I don't want you to hang out with that person anymore or talk to that person. Like the intensity was
really ramping up. I guess for me, the initial thing was actually not even feeling like his behavior was uncomfortable or even feeling like there was any red flags per se, But it was more so because he was so he seemed so smitten and told me that he loved me that I started feeling like, oh, once I think the kind of new relationship butterflies or off, I started to think, well, I don't know if I'm quite feeling as strongly as
he is and wanted to really pump the brakes. So it was more so when I tried to end it the first time, just a matter of look, I actually don't think I'm feeling as strongly and I think that we should probably just actually see other people. That that's when things really started to change.
You said that, when you tried to call it off and you said that, you know, let's see other people, that that's when the intensity and that's when things started to change.
What changed? What was he doing? What was that behavior like? And at what point were you really startled by it?
Yeah, so initially it was just being very upset when I knew that it wasn't really for me anymore. I waited till we were together in person to have a conversation about it, and he started crying, became really upset, started saying things like, you know, you're the only good thing in my life.
You're just scared you haven't given me a chance.
And it made me feel really, I guess guilty, and I started to think, well, maybe you know, he is a really good guy and he's done all these lovely things for me, Maybe I haven't given it a chance, and I am, you know, just recently out of a serious relationship. Maybe I am just scared about the commitment that initially then kind of was like, okay, well, let's
give it another chance. And it kind of happened a few times and that, you know, particularly because we were doing mostly long distance, I'd be like, okay, we'll give it another chance, and then I would be then like we'd be on our own, like he'd be in Sydney, I'd be in Port, and I would think, well, no, I don't want to be in this relationship. I just need to be firm and end it. Like yes, you'll feel bad, and it's never nice to hurt someone else, but you just have to do it's right for you.
But then it did turn into threats of suicide, so then he got upset, but then to the point that he disclosed that he had had issues with his mental health and that he had nothing good in his life. And the one time that things got really intense for me was I was at his place and kind of said, look it's over, and I drove off and I was planning just it was like late at.
Night and I was just planning to drive back to Port.
And he called me saying that he was like wandering the streets and he was going to jump in front.
Of a truck.
So I drove back to his place and stayed at his place. I slept to them that night, and I just felt disgusted with myself. I just felt really trapped and I didn't know what to do.
From that point, there.
Was kind of multiple attempts on my behalf to try to get away from him, but then was really kind of drawn back by these threats of suicide. And it got to a point that I wasn't sleeping well and he was kind of calling me constantly, and we had previously planned to go to an event that I agreed, okay, you can come with me because we had previously planned
to attend together, but we'll go as friends. And it was at that event, because a few of my friends were there, that I had a few drinks and then I kind of just really opened up my friends and I was like, look, I just really want to get away from this guy.
But I don't know how.
So they helped me get away from him that night, and I went to my sister's place, and that night he kept calling me and actually showed up my sister's house, which he'd only been to once before, and started to say things like that he had previously been in trouble for being violent in relationships and that he didn't know
what he was capable of. And obviously, from that point, because my sister could tell her was so upset, she encouraged me the next day to go to the local police to just ask for advice.
Oh my god.
And when you went to the police station the next day and you sat down and said, like, this has happened. I guess the thing that we hear so much when people say, oh, they went to the police to talk to them, like nothing has happened yet, you know, And there's often this feeling with going to the police. We're like, well, unless something's actually physically happened, we can't really do anything. So what was their advice And what did they say
to you? If you were sitting there and you're like, I'm scared and I need to make you aware of this situation. What do the police say, what do they do? What can they do?
Yeah?
So at the time, I mean, I just felt like I was really going crazy at that point because I didn't know what was really going on, and I felt like, you know, I was trying to get my like basically dig myself out of this hole because I felt like this was my own problem, my own fault, like I started dating this guy, and you know, I've obviously really led him on or done something wrong.
To make him act this way.
And I honestly would not have ever gone to police if my sister hadn't really encouraged me, because I was kind of like, well, what are they going to do? Like he hasn't like it's just like a bad breakup.
And I guess it probably was intensified by the fact that you probably had a little bit of guilt before because you went back and forth, and every time you go back and forth, it magnifies it a little bit more and a little bit more, and almost like you take a bit of responsibility because you're like, oh, well, I've made him behave like this, because I've given him a little bit of hope and then taken it away again, Yeah, and exacerbated the situation.
Yeah.
I think the thing with women too is we don't want to cause a fuss over nothing, and we think that like I'm not going to say he hasn't done anything because he has. But in your mind, I can see why you're like, well, he hasn't actually done anything yet. He hasn't actually come and said I'm going to hurt you. He hasn't actually, so I guess it's really easy to talk yourself out of the fact that, oh, they'll probably laugh.
What are they going to do? They're gonna laugh me out? Like, it's not like he's actually physically hurt me yet.
But yeah, absolutely, I felt like I felt Yeah, I just felt like really like I was going crazy, and I was. But I also was like, well, what are police going to do? Like he is, you know, this is a bad breakup. He sounds like he might have a bit of a trouble past or whatever. But at that point, the main reason I went to police was that because he was threatening to kill himself and I was going to be returning to port where I lived alone, I was just a.
Bit worried about, like, oh.
And like because he had mentioned things from his past, I was like, well, maybe I should just check that there's no kind of like huge red flags on the system about him and just get some advice as to what I should do if he does continue to say that he's going to kill himself.
So there are The police officer.
That I met with was actually really lovely and really validated my feelings and had to look on the system and said like, look, you know, it sounds like he's more danger to himself than anyone else. If he does call you and threatens to hurt himself, just call us, and then we have technology we can track mobiles and check in on him and stuff, so to kind of say like, look, he's he's not responsibility anymore, Like that's fine.
And he also recommended that I when I got back to Port, because I was worried about going home, that I kind of let my neighbors know that I was kind of going through a breakup, and like, at the time, I felt really reassured by it that I wasn't just laughed out because I thought I was like, like, what are they going to do, and like they have real problems to deal with, not just someone going through a bad breakup or a guy's acting a bit erratic. Yeah,
so I felt empowered by that. But then unfortunately, when I did get home to Port, he was already waiting for me there.
So what happened when you got back to Port and he was at your house.
Yeah, So I told him that he had to leave, and he said that he was there just to collect some of his things he had left at my house. So I, when I'd got god his things, said to never contact me again. And that's when he told me more that he couldn't control himself in that he had previously stocked women. And basically it was like kind of like he was trying to caution me that he didn't know what he would do, and so I kind of yelled at him to leave and.
Locked my doors.
And at that point, because when I had met with the officer earlier in the day, he kind of said, if you have any issues, just call your local police. So I called the police in Port and said, look, he shut up in my house. And unfortunately I didn't get quite a great response that time. When I called, the officer was like, well, what do you want me to do about it? And I was like, oh, I don't really know. I just guess I thought I wanted
to give you the heads up. Yeah, So then I tried to kind of just go on with my night, but then he started like calling and texting me saying that like I should call the police and that he was telling me at you that you're not safe in your house. So that obviously freaked me out. So then I ran to my neighbor's house and called police again, and then they came because then he had sent me like texts actually kind of you know, menacing texts and
threatening me. Then they took me to the station and helped me file for an av OH, And luckily I had a cousin in town that I got in contact with and stayed with for the next few days because I alwaysly didn't feel safe at my place anymore, and my mum came then and stayed with me for a few days as well.
At this point in time, did you actually think he was capable of hurting you? I don't know.
I think I was really afraid, But then I also was kind of telling myself that you're being paranoid like now, particularly because he had called my phone while I was at the police station, and they kind of said to him like, look, mate, he's were filing an av OH, like you need to just leave her alone. And they recommended that I block his number and block him from social media, which I did, so in my mind, I
was like kind of in two minds. On one mind, I was really unsettled and like really afraid, but then also thinking, oh, like come on, like he's gonna he'll get over it. He knows there's an av oh that I've contacted police, And because I had blocked him, I wasn't receiving anymore calls or anything from him. So I started to kind of later that week, start feeling a little bit more safe and kind of like, come on, Ange,
like you're not that great. He's not like, you know, crazy in love with you, Like just like get over yourself, and tried to kind of just like push that aside. And when my mum had to go back to work, so I head back home, and I was still staying at my cousin's place, but I wanted to duck home to feed my cat and get some like clean undies
and stuff. And it was after work and it was daylight outside, so I decided i'd just stuck home quickly, and that's when I went into my room and he had broken into my home and was waiting for me.
Was there anything in your house that let you know that someone was in there or any signs? Did you get a feeling or No. It was really weird.
Actually, I think because I was on call at the hospital the night before, so I hadn't actually slept very much because I'd been in and out of the hospital with berths and seeing patients. So I just then finished a clinic and it was daylight and I felt like strangely calm that day compared to how i'd been the week before. And I can't really explain it. And every time I'd been at my place prior to that.
That week, I had done a full sweep of the house.
I checked behind every door, like under my bed, checked like it was quite a big property.
Like I literally did like a full sweep of the house with like a.
Knife in my hand. But that day I just felt calm. I was like, uh, like it's okay, Like I feel like we're turning the corner. And I actually initially when I got home, I had dinner, I watched him Telly. I was just kind of like chilling out, and then it was starting to get towards like dusks. I was like, Okay, you should probably head over to your cousin's place. So I was like, all right, I'm just gonna go do a wee grab my things and go. And that's when I walked into my room.
And he was there, So I was not.
I was like basically just hanging out in my house. I did not expect that he was there the whole time.
He was waiting. From what I know, he jumped out of the cupboard where he was waiting. Yeah, what did you do? What happened in that moment?
He was in kind of a walk in linen closet when I started walking into my bedroom, and the first thing I thought was just like, oh my god, he's actually come for me.
Like I'm not crazy.
Yeah, like yeah, like this was what I was worried about, and here he is, and it was like, literally like he's come for me.
Was it like I'm just trying to I'm just trying to play it out. Did he just come out and present himself and sort of start to talk to you and be like plead's case or I love you? Or was it just like a jump straight into an attack like you didn't even have time to think about what was happening.
No, he jumped out and then I screamed, and then he wrapped his arm around me and put his hand over my mouth to like muffle, muffle me or muffle my scream and just said like you need to be quiet and if I take my hand away, like I won't hurry you if you re quiet, I obviously like nodded like okay, and he I could see he wasn't wearing a shirt. He was just wearing some shorts and looked very like I want to say craze, but that's
not the right word. He just looked very intense and he had a knife in his pocket.
So had you seen the knife at this point? Did you know he had a knife at this point.
Yeah, Like when he was when he was had his hand up against my mouth, I kind of was like looking at him and I saw it quite quickly because it was a big knife.
Were you trying to do this thing where you're like, I'm in this situation, let me look at my surroundings, let me assess what he is. Were you in a state of mind that you could actually acknowledge the situation and start to think of a way out or were you just panicking?
No, I think I don't know.
I think it's just flight or fight response that like it was only kind of very small moments that were passing, but like when I think back in it, like I'm actually surprised by like little details I remember how vividly.
Things are in my mind.
At that point, I was actually busting to use the loo, and I like the first thing I thought was like I need to I need to go to the toilet, which sounds really weird.
But it's one of these situations but like you never know what your mind is going to do, right, Like you never and like it's such like nobody listening to this unless they've experienced something similar, could even remotely relate to how they would react in this situation. Yeah, And when he said to you, I'm going to take my hand off your mouth, but you don't scream, don't make any noise, what did you do?
Did you make noise or did you obey him? No?
I did what he said, and he was just saying, like I just want to talk. And I can't remember exactly what I said to him, but I think, you know, I was saying, like you make me really worried, and that's when I said, like, well, can I go to the loo?
So then he followed me.
Into my bathroom and like watched me as I did aw and like I couldn't at that point like control my legs, like just everything was obviously trembling. And I was like, at that point, like it was kind of nice to have a moment just to even though he was watching me, to kind of think like like oh my gosh, like collect you, like how like what's happening?
Like how am I going to get out of this?
And then after that he told me to get on my bed and was like, I just want to talk, and he started kind of interrogating me about where I had been and who I'd been staying with and what was I staying with another man? And I was just trying to kind of answer his questions to the best I could, because obviously didn't want to upset.
Him at that point.
And earlier in the week, I'd actually put some a few knives in my bedside table because I was really worried, and I think he could see me, like I must have glanced at the bedside table, and yeah, so I think he saw me glance at the bedside table and said I've already taken the knives away.
Oh, which is like in your mind is like that was your safety net, wasn't it?
And I was kind of like thinking, well, okay, how do I get help? But obviously he's like there watching me. I can't like really scream or do anything because he's just gonna, you know, he's got a weapon and he's just gonna hurt me. And I think at some point I kind of like I knew that he wasn't just gonna we weren't just gonna like have a nice chat,
and then he was just gonna let me go. I like, I don't even know, like some people say, like I've basically made a decision to run, and I don't know whether it was like an active, brave decision or if it was just like my instincts. But I just made a run for it, and that's when he caught me straight away and started stabbing me.
Angela, you were stabbed eleven times, and then Paul then proceeded to pour petrol on you.
How the hell did you get away?
I still don't really know.
I think most of it is luck, because things could have gone very slightly differently, and obviously things would have ended.
Very badly.
But I think, honestly, the petrol was kind of my saving grace because it made me slippery and I managed to just get out of his grip for a moment and just made a run for it, and luckily he didn't catch me before I got out my front door.
And then you got to your neighbors. Yeah, did you This might sound like a strange question, but did you feel like were you aware that he was stabbing you over and over or was there just so much adrenaline and so much going on Because you hear a lot of things when people are in a situation like that that they say they're not even aware of what's happening or how severe their injuries are because the adrenaline and this fight off flight and this SAVI trying just just
trying to save yourself is so all consuming that you don't even know the damage has been done. Did you find that or were you aware of every single thing that was happening.
No, it was very much slow motion and I didn't really feel anything. It was kind of the best way I can describe it is when you movies and they have a slow mo scene and they've got some sort
of like music playing, like classical music playing. It was kind of like that things were just really slow and if anything, I was just kind of like, oh my gosh, he's actually stabbing me, and it would have just been happening very quickly, but in my mind, it was very slow, and I certainly didn't know that he had stabbed me eleven times until much later. Like I knew it was a couple of times, but I could only see a
few wounds that I noticed straight away. It wasn't until much later that I started to feel pain and actually started to notice some of my injuries.
And where did he stab you?
So he stabbed me a bunch of times in my legs and thighs, in my left forearm, in my he like almost chopped off one of my fingers, my left hand, one of my kind of back, kind of rib cage area, and yeah, the rest were basically affecting my legs and thighs.
It's crazy how you describe it as big, but when you actually think about it, like the physical action of trying to stab someone eleven times is not a quick process. So I feel like it does happen in slow motion, even if it's manic and rapid. But that's so much action that's happening that of course it would have felt like of this prolonged period.
Because it's like I just can't. I cannot even imagine.
I also the fact that you got away, like it's I mean, it's a fucking miracle. Really, yeah, it absolutely is a fucking miracle. And I mean I know that you then got out and your neighbors were there to help you. What happened then, so you're safe from the situation. I'm sure you didn't feel safe, but there were people there to help you.
What happened, Yeah, So, I mean I was just relieved when I opened my door and I saw my neighbor Steve there, and I was just like, help me, like.
I've been stabbed.
Who was at your door?
Yeah?
I think he had heard me screaming, so it was not far outside my door, and then there was He helped me up to his garage, and there was other neighbors around. And in my mind, I was still just so panicked, and I was just thinking, oh my gosh, I'm just going to bleed to death. And I was still convinced I was going to die. So I was very panicked. But luckily, I guess I'm quite used to I wouldn't say ordering around, but I guess directing.
The pressure on my leg here ambulance.
This is me used to having a leadership role.
Yeah, so I was just basically ordering everyone around to say, to put pressure on wounds. And I asked one of the guys to get some water to help wash petro off my face because it was burning my eyes. And I was asking people to, you know, call for an ambulance. And I remember even when, as as you can imagine, as protocol in those kind of situations, the police environment got there first to make sure it was safe for everyone. But I just remember feeling really annoy.
Yeah, I was like, where's the ambulance? And I remember even being a.
Little brat because I knew how long it took to the to get to the hospitals, Like it takes exactly, like, you know, eleven minutes to drive here to the hospital, because I was constantly driving to work and just.
Stop you there. I don't think that makes you a brat, like you are bleeding out. I think you are completely entitled to say I know how long it's gonna take me to get there.
That's what I remember mostly is being just really I think, just a bit crazy. Like I was panicked, so I was convinced I was going to die, and I was ordering people around. But then also once things were a bit calmer and like the head pressure on my wounds and we were just waiting for the ambulance. I remember just having some like really bizarre conversations with the neighbors. Like I remember saying to one of the guys like,
oh shit, I'm supposed to be working this weekend. I wonder like, oh maybe if they like stitch these up, I could work, And he's just like, like, what the f Like, don't worry about that.
Like I guess it's because as well, like this is something that's so far out of the world of normal, right, like your brain can't comprehend, it can't wrap its mind around what has just happened or what is happening to you that it's like, of course you're going to go back to a normal preset and kind of try and make rhyme and reason of what exists in your life.
That is your your baseline of normal. So for you to be talking about work, and obviously, like when you're a doctor and you work in such high pressure situations, like you don't get to take many sick days, you don't take many days off, so you're thinking like, oh, okay, I've got to figure out the rest of the week, but probably just your mind and your body trying to cope with actually, what's just happened.
You can't take on all that trauma in one go. Yeah, yeah, your body's stress response is you literally cannot put a finger on what how someone will react in a situation as stressful as that.
In retrospect, I think I was a bit like out of it from maybe the blood loss and the adrenaline and just and then eventually at the hospital because I eventually said yes to some pain killers. I was probably a bit off my face and saying weird things. But I think also I was kind of I guess anyone who works in healthcare, can you tend to have a
bit of a dark sense of humor. So I remember kind of like cracking jokes and things as well when I was in the recess bay and with the ambos, and I think that was just me trying to cope, but also just being a bit like, oh, what's just happened?
Well, also, I mean I told you and for everyone listening, Angela and I worked at the same hospital. I grew up in Port McCrory. I worked at that hospital for five six years. The people there are all so friendly and family, so everyone knows everyone like the back of the hand, and the way that the emergency is set up is like you couldn't have snuck in, like you were coming in and everyone that's in there wouldn't know that you were there.
Yeah, and I felt I mean.
I felt so safe because it was like my work family, and I knew they would take care of me. And yeah, it was even though like my actual family was far away, it was very comforting to know that once I was there.
That was I think the first time I like properly calmed down.
At this point in time, you didn't know what was happening with Paul. You didn't know where he was at, You didn't know how he had gotten away or what had happened. Yeah, can you tell everybody what happened into Paul and where the rest of this story goes.
Yeah.
So, I mean at that point, I was so fixated on my own survival and worried that I was going to die that I kind of like immediately put him out of my mind, like he was literally the last thing I thought about. But when I was in the recess bay, once the doctors and nurses were happy that
I was stable. They let the detectives come and speak to me, and I did it, went through a statement with them, and then at some point during that time, they got news, and I could tell they were a bit hesitant to tell me something.
I was like, I just tell me, like, what's up?
And they told me that he had been pursued and shot by police and that they had just confirmed that he was dead.
How did that make you feel finding that out? Was there a sense of I mean, it sounds horrible to say this, but was there a sense of relief?
Yeah? I mean I just literally burst into tears and was like, oh my gosh, thank goodness, like it was. I mean, at this point I hadn't even really thought
about the fact that he was still out there. But it wasn't until afterwards that I kind of actually like, I was just so lucky that that was kind of immediate, immediate closure, not complete closure, but that I didn't have to worry that he was still out there, and knowing how my recovery was thereafter if he was still around, like how much worse it.
Would have been for me.
So I was immediately relieved and continue to feel.
So, but I think on the flip side of that conversation is that there's so many women out there who have experienced horrendous violence and they do have to get on with life and try and move past the fact that this has happened to them. Knowing that the person who did this is still alive, and I can only imagine that there is this sense of relief that you have, but also it would aid in your ability to be able to heal that trauma knowing that that very real presence of danger is no longer around.
Yeah.
Absolutely so.
I mean for me not so much now, but particularly in the first few months, I did sometimes think, like I had thoughts like, oh, is he really dead? Like and it was kind of my conspiracy theorist in my mind was kind of thinking like, oh, maybe he's not actually dead. But after that, like it was more than
just like nightmares that I would have about him. Or even now, if I see someone that kind of looks like him in the street, I sometimes freeze and I can't look at them, and then I have to kind of tell myself, like Angela, he's dead, it's not him.
It's okay, you can look at that person.
So but then I think about people that their perpetrator is still out there, and I'm like, if I am so still affected by my perpetrator who's been dead for like four years, I'm like, how do people.
Continue on their lives?
And I think it's one of the things that even when I do find it difficult to talk about what's happened to me, or you know, find that my PTSD is flared afterwards, like, I still keep doing it because I know that I'm so privileged to be able to share my story so freely knowing that my perpetrator isn't out there.
Anymore, and how many women don't have that luxury.
How do you begin to heal from something like this? How do you put that trauma behind you?
If you even can?
With lots and lots of help and support. Obviously, I also had a psychologist who was specifically trained in trauma, so went through a lot of sessions with her and ended up doing something called rapid eye movement therapy as
part of that. I have a great gp that I saw during particularly the first couple of years as well, and am now feeling good on medication which I've gone off of and then back on, and now I'm just like you know what, it helps me feel good and I'm just going to keep on it and just having really fantastic family and friends who are really supportive, and it's an ongoing process. So for me, it's been a long journey of being gentle on myself and knowing that
things aren't going to just progressive. Things will get better better over time, but sometimes you'll be feeling good and then things will get bad again and you just have to allow yourself that time to heal, and knowing that certain parts of you may never be the same, but you know, maybe it's made change.
You know.
I think I tried to try to focus on the positives that, you know, while I struggle with my mental health, that it's hopefully made me more empathetic as a as a doctor and more understanding in.
Terms of you saying you got so much amazing help. Was that something that was presented to you and through the hospital system, Like when you have an incident like this, did they come to you and say this is what we can offer you, these are some roads you can go down. Or were you sort of left your own devices?
Yes or no?
So I had.
Initially I was really just suspicious of everyone, I think, because while I now I am very thankful for all that police did, at the time I did feel a bit let down by them. And because the media coverage was so intense and I had so many people from the media trying to contact me, I was really worried about my privacy and at the time I was just still really crippled by shame and embarrassment about what had happened,
so I really just didn't have trust. So I was told about Victim Services, which is a run by Department of Justice in Australia, and they can point you towards psychologists that are funded by Victim Services. But I actually didn't want to go down that road because I was worried that somehow they they as in I don't know, police or media would get hold of my records. So I actually instead got recommendations from colleagues about who I could.
Go to and port.
But it wasn't until I returned to the Central Coast where I went to high school and did a lot of my medical training that I actually clicked with a GP who was actually an ex colleague that I kind of contacted her. I was like, Hey, I know that we're kind of mates, but would you feel comfortable treating me as a patient.
One of the things that you just said, like this feeling of shame and embarras that you felt after this
had happened to you. And one of the reasons why I really wanted to get you on to speak to you is because I think it's so important for people to know that this isn't something that happens to other women, you know, to people who have less education, or who have less money, or who have made bad decisions in their dating, Like, this isn't somebody else's problem always, and that you know, you are a doctor, you are successful, you are very well educated, you know how to make
good decisions, and that this what has happened to you is not a reflection of that, and it really is something that can happen to anyone. And I think that that is just such a really important take home from this conversation.
Yeah.
Absolutely, I think it's so drilled into us that when you hear stories of violence and relationships that it's like, oh, that person was really silly, Like whether it's a man or a woman, it's like that person was really silly to you know, get into a relationship with them.
And oh, why don't they leave, And.
There's just all this onus, put on the victim and the survivor that it's like, well, it's their own fault. So I think initially for me it was like that's just how I felt that, I'm like, I brought this upon myself. I made a silly decision, I treated him
in some way that led to this behavior. And I think also there's a sense that when you're in a violent relationship, whether we're talking about coerceve control or emotional psychological abuse or physical violence, that the person on the receiving end is aware of it and then they can just walk out. But for one, as I found out firsthand, is a lot of these subtle manipulations and ways that they're kind of grinding down at your own self esteem. You don't recognize it at the time as you're a
victim of abuse or coerceive control. So for one, you may not even identify it at the time, let alone if you do want to leave.
It's not that simple.
And it's that metaphor as well, where it's like the frog and the boiling pot of water. You know, if you throw a frog into a boiling pot of water, it's going to jump out. But if you just turn the heat up really slowly and boil them over a period of time, people don't even know that that's what's happening to them. You know, you become people become accustomed to that level of manipulation, They become accustomed to the abuse, and they start to think it's normal. And that's what
we see all the time. And we have received I can't even tell you how many messages we've received from women who have listened to the episode that we did on being in a narcissistic relationship and they've listened to the episode and they've gone, holy shit, that's what happened to me.
That's what I was dealing with.
They knew at some point that they were going crazy, that there was something wrong, but couldn't really identify what those red flags were, basically because they were just too in it and too surrounded by it.
Well, I think because I mean, now we're getting too a place where we speak about it more openly, and that's half the reason Laura and I started this whole podcast was to speak about things that women don't speak about and to make it more okay to talk about and make people realize that they're not the only ones going through this and there is a way out and then people do survive. And another thing I did want to ask you, well, I mean there's still a few things, but.
Yeah, I'm not wrapping up.
I've got some questions that, like, I just genuinely really want to know. It did come out, correct me if I'm wrong. It did come out that he had, in fact, quite a few AVOs out against him in I think America as well as here, and this had been flagged. Was this made aware to you when you went in to make your initial complaint against Paul, Like, did they say, look, just so you know, four other people putting avoing or was it just completely left out?
The only inkling I had that he had a past was when he started telling me things himself. And I think some of the laws have now changed because a lot of his prior convictions, from what I understand, were in Queensland and they're still you know, in certain aspects. It is a you know, difficulty and sharing information between state borders. But I think but I think since that happened to me, I think in the last few years, the laws have changed slightly to hopefully allow more freedom
of information, but unfortunately there is there is. I mean, I don't really understand the privacy laws in Australia and I mean obviously don't have a law degree. But you know, at the time, because so much stuff was released to the media about me, I kind of was like, oh, like, I guess I talked to me about these privacy Yeah,
it's like, so apparently privacy doesn't really exist. But then they like kind of, you know, his past was kind of hidden from view because of privacy, Like, I don't really understand it.
Did you feel like that system failed you in a way then if you were like, well, if it's so fine for my privacy to put out and display when I'm the one who's the complete victim in this, but the perpetrator, who's not even here anymore, his privacy is more important than mine.
Yeah, I did feel a bit let down that he was still able to hurt me and that you know that he like I don't know. In my mind, I kind of think, you know, if people are violent or have some sort of I know that an av O isn't necessarily a criminal conviction if they follow the rules, but that there'll be some sort of limitations on your freedom if you break the law or don't treat others
with respect. So I think I was a bit surprised that he's just kind of out, you know, doing his thing and living his life, and here's me, unaware of his past. The statement I made for the AVIA was essentially released to the media, so I felt really violated that that was kind of a moment of my biggest fear that I opened up about what was going on. And then you know, it was just this whirlwind of like things escalated really quickly. He tried to kill me.
I'm still in hospital, and suddenly like my face is on the news and there's all these details about how he met on Tinder and stuff. Then I was like, how does how does the whole world know that?
Like I remember, I remember reading this, I remember where I was. I was driving on McLauchlin Avenue through Rushfurda's Bay when it came on the news on the radio, and I was like, holy fucking shit, because I mean I was online dating at the time, like this was you know, this is pre me meeting my partner, and and I guess I had never really thought about the
status of like being safe on online dating. Like I kind of just thought, well, it's the same as meeting someone in the bar, which I guess, in essence.
Maybe it is.
But I never once had I really ever thought my own safety. I'd never even told people I'm going on a Tinder date tonight. I just would go, you know,
And it really made me think. So as much as I think your personal story was put out there for everybody to hear, and I'm not saying, like by any means that that was like a good thing for you, but for me personally hearing that it really changed the way that I was online dating at that point in time, Like it made a difference to my life at that point in time.
And I think for me it was more in those initial stages because I was still i mean still just coming to terms with what had happened, but also you know, dealing with so much shame myself. It was just I think just added to the intensity of the situation that I was trying to recover physically, mentally come to terms
with what had happened. But also like the whole world kind of knew what had happened, and I mean obviously from that point then it has led me to I guess at some stage because I've been hassled by media for so long, and I found myself kind of in the months after feeling a bit lost, and that's when I started wanting. I signed up to do the Trek for Respect with White Ribbon and do some fundraising to
and raise awareness for family violence. And that's when I was like, well, you know what, like, if they're going to make all these assumptions and talk about me and our relationship and what happened, then I may as well actually get out there and tell my side of the story.
And that it was kind of a blessing in disguise, because while I felt really violated at first and upset, it then did give me a platform to reach so many others and did give me a voice, which not many are privileged enough to have.
But and like, I don't think that you'd be laying in bed being like, oh, well, I hope this helps another girl out there. I'm sure at that point in time, you're like, I don't really fucking care. This has happened to me, and I don't want my story out there, but I just remember it so vividly, and that's why when Britain and I were having this conversation about having
you on the podcast. I was like, you know, this conversation around online safety is so important, which is I mean, the next question I wanted to ask you was, is there anything about online dating that you think should change, could change to make it a safer space for people to date?
I mean, I think it's a difficult one because for any real changes to come into place, there usually needs to be some form of legislation, and we do know that the law often lags behind technology and science. But I think if the online dating platforms did, you know, just at least brainstorm about what they could do as a business and enterprise to make the platforms safer for their consumers would be a step in the right direction.
I've kind of suggested before, which I don't think anyone's keen to do, but even just a thing like when they're taking your basic details, like.
You know, have you ever had an AVO against you?
Or you know which, yes, people can lie, but it just is even kind of I think for me, like if I was signing up to a service and that was asked, I'd be like, oh gosh, like of course, like I think it just sends a message that it's like, well, if you do that, you're not welcome here, but also kind of I guess for me it was always you know, that would never happen to me, And I think having more awareness as to how you don't necessarily like, you know,
there's a fine line between romance and control, but there is still a sense that you'll if you meet an abuse apartment partner, you'll know because there'll be an asshole.
Which isn't the case.
So I think if you kind of had some sort of alert that it's like, oh, people with prior convictions could be online.
Look, we are big advocates here and we talk about it all the time, just the fact that you should never go on a date online without telling someone where you're going, or who you're with, or what time you're expecting to go back be home. I share my location with my sister now at all times. She knows where
I am all the time. That I haven't actually spoken about this on the podcast yet, and I won't go into depth now, but I'll touch on it, but just so the listeners know, not that long ago I went on an online date and was drugged on the date here in Bondi and Laura and I have been meaning to get to this and really delve into it, and I think this is probably a good time while we're talking about the safety of online dating and the fact
that it can happen to anyone. I am a veteran data like I've been dating for so long, all around the world, all walks of life, and I like to think I'm still relatively safe, Like I'm still very safe. This was in my home suburb of Bondi, only in the last six months, with someone that I thought was completely normal, completely okay, completely safe, and it was at
dinner and drinks after it. So I'll talk about it in depth on another episode, but just so you guys know this, like, it really can happen anywhere, at any time, under whatever precautions you want to take. So it's just something to be hyper aware of. But my point of this story is you can never ever be too careful. Always always tell someone what your plan is, who you're going on a date with, share their profile. I mean, what else can you think to do? Right?
The owners shouldn't be on someone to protect themselves from harm. But having said that, you know, cultural change will take time and so I think it's that fine line of you know, not being scared to go out and live your life, but then also just taking small steps to you know, keep things as safe as possible.
So I think, you know, educating.
Yourself and your loved ones on red flags for abusive or controlling relationships, which are only apparent to me now after my experience with things like you know, threatening to hurt yourself if you're wanting to leave, or you know, being really critical of who you can see, who you can talk to. Like a lot of these things I think we pass off as oh, they're being romantic and it's normal for guys to feel a bit jealous, or they're just you know, really passionate, but actually those can
be signs of a controlling and abusive relationship. So for one, being aware of those red flags, but then also just taking whatever little steps you can to keep yourself safe, whether it's sharing your location, telling others that you're going out on a date. I think for me, I was a bit embarrassed when I started dating again because it had been a while. But now if I was in that situation, I think I would be more forthright with my friends and be like, oh, what do you think
about this guy? Like, and kind of get others opinions on who I was dating as well, just because I've realized that maybe when you do have those new relationship butterflies, you do have your blinders on.
So I do that all the time. And Laura's always been knowing me.
She's like Brittany, red flag, red flag, red flad, red flag, I am the.
Voice of reason and this relationship. I often listen to them too, like you listen to your friend.
Yeah, but I.
Wasn't say you absolutely nailed it.
This idea that sometimes a toxic relationship and manipulating and controlling relationship can masquerade itself as care and love.
And I think that that is something that you know, we've spoken about loads.
We have both learned this from our experiences in our past relationships.
That you can feel this feeling.
Of like, oh, they love me so much and that's why they're behaving like this, and not realize that actually, that's not what love is like.
That's a very.
Different thing, and that's someone trying to take control of you and control of your agency and your ability to make choice. And that's such an important take home message from this for people who are in relationships where they are very dysfunctional, and you know that it's dysfunctional, but you can you put off that intensity because that chemistry, that intensity, that like toxicity, it's it's what you've become
addicted to and what you consider to be love. I think that that's when you need to step back from the relationship a little bit and realize, actually, this is really fucking something you might need.
To walk away from. Yeah. Absolutely, and just to like flip this for a minute and talk about something a little bit happier. You have gone on to find love again and you're in like a loving relationship. So that's amazing. Congrats, thank you tell me what it's like. No, but I guess, like I mean, it's really nice to see that you can go through something like this and you can't overcome it. Obviously, that's come with its challenges. Did you find it hard
when you met your now partner? Do you let someone in and trust them and move on and just be vulnerable again.
It's something that I really struggled with and for a while I was feeling lonely, and I guess because when I met Paul, I was starting to try to put myself out there and find a happy relationship.
So it was a big step back. I was lucky that I was kind of getting to the stage that.
I was like maybe going to try to take a leap of faith again and start dating, but was a bit busy with work. And then I just I met Ben when we were working together in Crofts Harbor. So it's just convenient that I met someone at work, but also working in a country town, like you do, tend to hang out with your colleagues from work a bit socially.
So he became a friend before we started dating, and also, you know, got to know some of my mutual friends that I had known prior, so I kind of got, you know, the.
Tick of approval.
Well, yeah, absolutely, and there may or may not have been some illegal checks by police.
Friends. Definitely was.
And if anything, I felt really bad for him, was like, oh my god, like poor thing, Like imagine being the first guy to date me after like this shit show that my life has been. So now he's he's very lovely, and you know, I feel very blessed that he's you know, been very gentle and kind and understanding of me. And certainly that was I mean, he at least kind of knew some of what had happened in my past through friends.
But also it was kind of like we touched on earlier that you don't want to, you know, reveal all of your baggage too soon, but that was kind of.
But also I was like, so, I'm so happy that you're happy, But you have gone on to become a vocal advocate for domestic violence awareness and women's safety, which you're doing so many amazing things for that. So good on you for sharing your story and being enough to share your story, and you, without doubt are helping so many women, and I know how many women you will help on this podcast. Where can people that might be going through something now listening to this saying I need help?
Where would they go?
First of all, it's really hard to open up to anyone, I guess if you're in a relationship that you don't feel quite right about. So even if it's as simple as opening up to a friend you trust, or you know your hairdresser, GP like anyone, if feel comfortable, just open up to If you're looking for more professional help in an emergency, anytime, please Cultriple zero and one of my particularly with my you know some good some bad
experiences with police. Since then, I have learned that if you cultriple zero, it's going to be recorded, So don't call your local police station directly culturpal zero because it'll be recorded and you will be more likely to get a response.
That you feel happy with.
Also, there's lots of really good organizations out there providing support. So in Australia we have one eight hundred Respect, which is a twenty four to seven hotline that you can call. They also have a website that offers support and counseling
for anyone going through family violence. For men who might be in crisis out there, Men's Line is a great resource, and for anyone who has a history of childhood abuse or trauma, The Blue Knot Foundation is a really great resource for both women and men who are recovering from trauma. And as always being a doctor myself, like you know, please feel free to also open up to your GP or a healthcare provider that you trust. And again, if you don't get a response that you're happy with, sometimes
you need to find the right person. But more and more we are being trained on how to appropriately deal with disclosures of violence and certainly help can be provided onto as to how to safely leave a relation share and also how to access appropriate mental health support for those recovering.
I did want to ask you one more question, which was just kind of touched on a tiny bit, but like, what advice do you have for someone who is at the end of that relationship where they're trying to leave but they just don't quite know how to do it.
It's a tough one and it's one thing that is drilled into us that you know, why didn't she just leave or why didn't he just leave, and that it's on you to get out of that situation. But we also know that it is the most dangerous time for a person leaving a violent relationship, so I would recommend that you seek professional help, particularly if there are serious violence concerns or children involved. On some of those websites I've touched on, there is advice on how to safety plan.
So that's what we call the process of putting everything into place of who am I going to call for advice, having a bag packed ready to go with important documents like your passport, driver's license, some cash.
There's also.
Information online about how to make technology safe. It's a process I'm sorry, I'm on night shift at the moment,
so my brain's a bit hazy. But there's basically checklists online going through the whole safety planning process, which does involve basically preparing yourself and knowing where am I going to go, who am I going to call, having things ready to go, and making sure that you get the appropriate support if needed from friends, family, police, social work, etc. And on my Facebook page, I've got various links on there as to other websites that can provide support with
safety planning and checking your technology safety as well.
Anybody wants to jump on there and actually see that, you can jump onto the episode notes and you'll be able to find that information there too. We will also put all the other places that you mentioned, like the way one hundred respect, We'll put other numbers that you guys. If you need help, you can just jump on our bio that will be there as well. And Angela, we just want to say thank you so much for coming and taking time out today and doing this episode with
us and sharing your story. It is by far the most harrowing story we've ever had shared on the podcast, but like we said, it's such an important one and yeah, we just you're You're absolute. It's a miracle, truly that you're still here to tell the story.
Thank you so much for having me and everyone listening. Thanks for listening, and please take a moment for some self care for yourself now and just have a look outside at the sunshine and have a cup of tea and know that they're still love in the world, because I know it can be a bit tough with listening to this kind of stuff.
You're a bloody legend. No, You're a legend. Hi got goosebums. I'm going to get my cup of tea and I'm getting outside.
Thank you.
Okay, guys, you know we never end an episode without our suck and our sweet our Highlightuight, now, lowlight the best and the worst of the week, and Laura, you're gonna kick this one off.
Okay, So I've had lots of highlights week, Like I really enjoyed having Matt's family in town.
I really needed to start with the lowlight. Oh shit, okay lowlight.
Well, we've only been doing this podcast for a year and a half. Like, I don't know how these things work. Maybe we want to mix it up a bit.
My lowlight for this week.
My low light is that I have been very, very emotional this week, and I don't think I'm a particularly emotionally fragile person. I also don't think that I'm someone who who often gets down by small things that happen around me. I definitely think that my hormones are wreaking havoc at the moment. But yeah, I just have had a couple of times in the last few days where I have ended up in tears over relatively nothing situations or over things that like would not normally make me
feel sad. We like, for example, the thing that I ended up getting upset about over the weekend was just that you know, when we had we had lots of family over, and that wasn't as attentive as he normally would be, right, Like, he wasn't as like holding my hand or like going and get just like purely out of being busy and having other people over, Like nothing has changed, but I would normally be able to rationalize that.
And then at the moment because I am feeling really I'm actually feeling really insecure about myself, and that comes from like the changes that happened during pregnancy. Like I said about the whole poor DHL guy who had to see everything that's a bit swollen.
But like, pregnancy is a hard period.
Like you know, there's differentely times where you feel like you're like this glowy goddess and you feel like, oh, you know, all these magical changes and I'm having a baby. And then there's also times where you feel like you have no control over your body. You don't feel as attractive as what you used to be, you feel tired all the time, you feel sensitive, like and the changes, the physical changes that happen to your body are pretty
hard to compartmentalize sometimes. So I think I've been feeling really down about that, and so then Matt not being as affectionate just is compounded by me feeling unattractive, and so that has been a real suck in this last week.
Just for me.
It's all in my own head and I'm dealing with it. But yeah, it's been probably one of the hardest parts of the pregnancy so far.
So yeah, but I mean, your hormones are going nuts and you are going to feel that, and you're tired. As the end of the year, you're stressed, like you have a lot going on, So I feel like, you know, give yourself a break too.
But I also don't want to blame it all on hormones either. I think it's an easy thing to say, Oh, like, you know, it's just my hormones. I'm being crazy.
I don't think it's necessarily hormones.
I think it is hard to kind of deal with the fact that your body changes so significantly and to think that, like, well, ten months ago, I could go for a run, I felt really good about myself, I felt really fit, I felt.
Like I was back in shape.
And then to feel now like I don't have that agency over my own body is something that is really hard to get your head around. And there are definitely days where it makes me feel down. And I don't want to just fob that off as being hormones, because I don't think it is. I think it's funny your body's changing, yeah, me dealing with the physical changes that
pregnancy has. And as much as I'm so excited to have another baby and I'm so excited for how our life is going to change, I definitely think that there are times when this pregnancy and dealing with the whole just being pregnant part of it has been a lot more difficult the last time.
So that's my suck my sweet for the week. Like I said, I've had a lot of sweets. We had it.
It was so beautiful having Matt's family over and being able to do something we'd had, Like the barbecue that we had was like a combined barbecue with my family and his.
So cute, super cute, so cute.
But my highlight for the week is that you guys know that we have talked about Benett Street Dairy the cookie dough so many times on this podcast. Isn't even a sponsored plug. I just am fucking obsessed. They sent me a box of cookie Yeah. Lord, I'm unimpressed by this story. They send me a box of cookie dough because they know how much I love it, and I you know what, sometimes there's perks of being someone who has the social media following you get cookie dough And I'm not even.
Ashamed of that. Yeah, but can we talk about what happened with the cookie dough?
Okay, So what actually happened was that they messaged me on Instagram and they were like, hey, Laura, did you get the cookie dough that we gave Brittany for you? And I was like, hah ha ha, No, I didn't get any cookie dough from Brittany because she's a bitch and she would have eaten it all. And then they were like, oh, that's so funny. Yeah, we gave her a cookie dough to give you, so we'll just send you some more. They're like it's irresistible. Who could blame her? She probably ate it raw.
So then I get a message from Laura being like babe, did you eat all the cookie dough? And I was like, I said what. I was like so perplagued, like out of the blue, and I.
Was like it was a little bit Accusa tree, but also like cute. I was like, yeah, cut echect nothing less of you.
It's definitely Accusa tree, but like you tried to put a cute emoji on the end.
And I was like, this bitch thinks I ate a cookie dough. And I was like, it's just like a break couple offense. The pcass was almost over guy.
Literally right back, and I was like, babe, I have no idea we talking about it. She's like, yes, you do. The cookie dough. Bennett std Dairy told me they gave it to you to give to me and you never gave it to me, so I'm assuming you ate it. And I was like, what the fuck? I was like, I on my life, Benetry Dairy. There has been a big mix up because they did not give me any cookie dough. So now you we're still trying to figure out who's lying. Is it Benetry Dairy, is it Brittany?
How are we ever going to know this? I can tell you how. It's one hundred pcent not me. Obviously, Benetry Dairy have got their wires cross, because you know they gave me some remember I told you about it. Yeah, some that was for me as well, it was not it was there was one for me to say, hey, this is our new flavor, give it a go. And I was like, thank you so much, and I reckon, they've just got their wires cross. They're thinking they've given
me some logs. They're thinking they're thinking they've thought they've given me some logs for you or one of them. I don't know. I cannot explain it. It's an X file, but they did not give me anything for you. I would be imagine if I ate all your logs and then pretended I didn't. I'm mortified.
I'm just gonna say that you are the girl that read gifts and mirror compact with your own name on it to your cousins, So like, I don't do anything past you right now, But I am.
The girl that will go out on a limb to save my sister by giving her something of my own so she can give it as a present that she fucked up. That is the girl that I am. How you're a superhero, You really are? Okay? Bringing what is your suck and what is your sweet? My suck was being accused of seeing I actually have heaps. Now do you want some of mine? Oh? Wow, no my suck? Yeah, actually I don't have a suck. That was probably it.
And my sweet was just spending the weekend with my family, cousins, annies and uncles that I literally haven't seen in a year. So it was really nice. And it's so easy just to be so busy and always have something on that you don't make time for the little things and the people that are important. And before I know it, I feel like this year, I know a lot of people, it was a crazy for everyone, and I know a lot of people. You did end up having a lot of time on your hands because we had all these
insane lockdowns. But I think, I guess for me is like I worked double time in the hospital, and I I didn't make enough effort with my family this year, and I realized that at the end of the year. Now. I didn't even think about it until now, and I saw my dad turn up and I was like, I've missed you so much. I haven't seen you in so long. We don't even haven't even facetimed because he gets up early. And their cousins and annies and brothers that I haven't seen in a year, and I was like, I just
can't let this happen again. So it was a really nice reminder for me to put in a bit more effort.
No, I think that that's going to be super relateable to people who are listening to this. I think as much as like there has been some downtime for a lot of people, the fact that the separation and you know that you haven't been able to physically see your families often does just mean that like the level of contact and the level of conversation isn't there. And so I think there'll be a lot of people who will be having that sort of reunion in the next couple of months and over Christmas.
Yeah, and it'd be so nice now the borders are open that all of you can actually go and see the family that matters to you that you haven't been able to see. Yeah, Like we had the same thing with Ellie.
Like, even though Matt is so close to his mum, you know, and I'm really close to her as well, I'm not very good on the phone.
I'm not very good on text.
And I know that that's such a cop out and easy thing to say, but like, I don't do my best work via social media or via my phone, so I need to see someone face to face to give them my full attention. And I know that there's a lot of people that are like that. So I think that's a very very relative suite and suck. I mean, you know what, everyone loves cookie dough.
Benetrate darre If you're listening, bring some more anyway, guys, that is it for us.
We really hope that you got something out of this episode today. We're really proud of bringing you this episode. It was I know it's probably a hard one to listen to at different points in time. It was definitely a challenging one for us to record, but I'm really really glad that we finally got to do it because it's been something that's been in the works for a long time. And guys, if you haven't followed the Instagram
page yet it's Life Uncut podcast, please go and do that. Also, the Facebook group is Life on Cut podcast as well. It's a great little community. We highly recommend. And if you have listened to this episode and you loved it, and you're one of those cheeky people who haven't gone and left us a review yet, then jump onto Apple and please leave us a review and tell us how much you love the podcast, because it helps us grow, it helps other people find us, it helps us spread the good Life on Cut.
Word hellelujah. Also keep that's not That's not the life on covered hell Hellujah, and no hang on, oh do keep the accidentally unfielters coming and keep the questions coming in for Asking Cut. Remembering that this week is going to be Matt and Laura. So if you've got a question that's a little bit more specific for Matt Mabe, maybe you.
Have like a very like specific relationship question. Maybe it's like sex after children. Maybe it's like, how do you keep the spice alive once you've had babies?
The person.
No, but like you know, Or maybe it's some pregnancy questions. Maybe you want to know what it's like from a man's perspective when their partner's pregnant. If you guys would ask us some very specific relationship questions or personal questions about our relationship, I should say, then yeah, hit us up. We will pick out some great ones and we will answer them for Thursday's episode.
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The cutting the body, the cutting the body, the cut of a bay