Before we get into the episode, we just want to say a big thank you to today's sponsor, and that is one I've been rapping for a very long time. It is New Balance. Now. New Balance is just released the twelfth version of their Fresh Frome X range of shoe and if you run, they are for you. If New Balance could only make one running shoe, it'd be the Fresh Frome ten eighty v twelve. It's like their golden child of running shoe.
Now, I'm certainly no runner, but I absolutely try buster and I get out well, We'll give me. We get out it several times a week because it is the one thing running that is good for my mental health. You can purchase the Fresh Foe XV twelve collection by visiting New Balance dot com dot a U. Now let's get into the episode.
Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander peoples today.
This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I've lost my voice. Brittany got scammed by some removal us.
It's a great week to be a life what a time.
Welcome to our Tuesday episode.
But you do sound really funny because your voice is just about to go and it doesn't. That doesn't bode well in an industry where our job is to speak radio and podcasting and you are you are hanging on for dear Life.
We actually we had an interview planned for this afternoon. We were going to interview Angie Kent this afternoon, but we had to push it back because I think I could hang out for this intro chat and then also managed to punch out another interview after this.
No, it would have been hard listening. It would have been like something from this seems like scratchy, you know, like March March Simpson.
Yes, so I'm very sorry that I sound like this at the start of this episode. However, I did not sound like this when we did the interview which is the middle of this episode. So it's not going to be like this forever, I promise. Yeah.
So sometimes, and it depending on when someone's available for an interview. We break this episode recording up, so if someone's available, we will do the interview, but then we might do this intro at another time. That's what has happened. So Laura's voice is going to sound don't let.
Them, don't let them behind the curtain, don't let them see what we do. How our level of disorganization.
Well, I think the voice is going to be to give way. You can't even you can't even laugh.
I can't.
There's no sound that comes out when I laugh. I just wheeze. And you know what, I'm just gonna put it out there. I know that anytime anybody has any sort of sickness, now we're like.
Me COVID, COVID.
I've done so many tests and this has been brewing for about a month, and I think that it's just finally, it's just finally here. It's like, Laura, you need to stop, and you need to have a sleep and you need to get over it. But anyway, enough about me.
Before we get any further into Laura's very very sexy voice or telling you what the episode's about, we do just want to say a big thank you to our sponsor today that made this episode possible, that is New Balance. Now. I wear you Balance to death if you follow me. Actually, I used to post about my favorite pair of shoes overseas and lots of people used to laugh at me. They were bright pink and they had chains on them. Do you know the ones?
Laura, I have no idea what you're talking about.
I wear them to death, then you Balance. But New Balance have just released the golden child of running shoes, the Fresh Foam ten eighty v. Twelve And let me tell you, I've been hitting the pavement with Delilah.
They are very, very comfortable, and even if you're not a runner, because like, let's face it, I'm not a very good runner, but I do walk places, so I have them as well, and they're very good if you don't run and you just walk. Say way, Brett, tell us about this whole removalist debacle.
Could you follow me on Instagram? You would have seen what went down with me this week. I just I feel like I've had one of those weeks that there's been a lot of tears shed from multitude reasons, Like.
I mean, you cried last week on the podcast, you can't cry this week on the podcast I.
Won't cry on the podcast, but I did cry in RL. In real life, I basically gave a lot of my furniture al miss the houseworth to my very very best friend when I moved out of my place because they needed some furniture. So I said, do you know what, I'm going to get some new stuff. Anyway, you can keep the stuff.
Well, they also moved into your old house, so it was kind of like it just worked. You moved out, you moved into this place, they moved into that place, and they kind of used your furniture while they were there.
Yeah, I was trying to do a good thing, and I was like, do you know what, just just use all my furniture. You don't have to worry then. Amazing, And in a year's time when you move out, I'll just deal with my furniture then and I'll take it back, either we sell it or whatever. Long story short, they had to move out urgently because there were some renovations happening in the building. They couldn't be there for work, so they've had to break their release after only like
two or three months. So we organized the move out and I thought, okay, great, I will just organize to get all my furniture picked up and shipped up the coast. I was waiting. It was supposed to come, yes on a Sunday, So I supposed to come on Sunday at nine o'clock. Now I was very silly and paid up front. So between nine and eleven, I was waiting, waiting, waiting. They didn't come. Waited a little bit longer, and there's nothing else in a house. I'm just hanging around. Kept waiting.
I thought, you know, remomvve us are pretty unreliable. They're always late from picking up all the jobs or doing other stuff. I'll keep waiting, keep waiting, keep waiting. It got to five pm, and I was like, Mama, it was like, they're not coming. I realized they weren't coming, and I started to panic because I thought, Okay, what am I going to do? Because you know, when you're leaving a lease, you have to be out. So we had to be out of that apartment on Monday morning,
which is this morning. We're recording this on a Monday, So this is this morning, it's five feel on a Sunday. How am I?
So?
What was I supposed to do? I was at such a loss that I was like, how do I have to get all of my house, this furniture out on a Sunday night with I don't have I don't have a I don't have a van, I don't have family here. It's Sunday night. I was so overwhelmed that I just sat in my car out the front and I just sat there and cried, and I was like, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't get out, couldn't get on my phone, couldn't do anything else. I was like, I just need
to bore my eyes out for a second. I just had so much frustration and stress. And I think that I don't want to sound like I'm being dramatic, but I think it was the icing on the cake from a big few weeks. You know, when this one little thing happens that tipps you over the edge.
And I feel like the big part of this as well, is that you pretty much got scammed by a removals company.
Do we think you've got scammed?
Well, so we think so it was hard to know. And the reason I didn't call. Everyone's like call the company out. But I don't ever want to do that. I don't like this online idea of online buying, I was like to docks them. But if somebody, if one hundred percent knew that a company was scamming, I would. But until I knew that, or until I know that, I don't want to out a company unless it was it could have been a mistake, and I, you know, optimistic Brittany is saying it's a mistake.
And it's a Sunday. Businesses aren't open to respond within you know, an eight hour working day on a Sunday. I feel like that was a very smart route. However, if it was Laura Man and maybe in a different story.
I put this on my Instagram and I sort of shared my story. I can't believe, Laura, you would be shook. How many people wrote to me saying that this exact thing happened them, that they have been scammed by a removalist specifically, and I was just gobsmacked. One person in particular, God, their whole house worth a property picked up, like a full bedroom, like a big house to move, and they were not moving locally, not in the same city. It
was like an interstate move. And so you know, like the removeless goes and you drive as well, you meet them there like a day later, or however long it takes. It never came to this day.
Imagine getting ghosted by your removal.
They have, they got their whole house is worth a furniture We've got ghosted. Imagine trying to move into state. And so I guess this is a scam. People taking all this furniture, and I guess that they just drive away and they must have like a dark web that they sell everything on.
I mean, it's the perfect crime, right You just put it in a car, you say yeah, I'll meet you at the other side, and you just never show up.
Oh, can't text you back.
It's so fucked.
You've all you all need to keep your wits about you when it comes to your dating ghosting and you're remov less ghosting.
Everyone ghosts you these days. Anyway, once I find out in a couple of days if it was a scam or not, because I'm like now they're in business hours, I'm going to try and keep trying to contact them. I still feel positive. I'm very optimistic that it was a missunderstanding.
You will know about it on Thursday's episode if it wasn't, because we will docks them.
We're coming for you.
I beg you the real estate to give me an extra day in the house. I was like, you don't have a choice. I was like, physically, the prop the fetisures in there and I can't get it out. Give me another day, and I spent an I started to move all night on my own. I've just got a little car, but I just loaded what I could up, drove it back, went back, drove back. There's another I've got someone from Air Tasker, this young lad helping me
this afternoon. Bless his soul. Bless Air Tasker. But I'll let you know on Thursday if I hear anything.
It's just reminds me of you UNI days, where you would just always do everything yourself. You just move, even if it was like the world's heaviest I was gonna say king there, but ain't.
No UNI students got a king bed like you.
Just kick just think or maybe you just do it.
You just figure it out, You get your friends, and you would do it all yourself. And that is where we're at again. Well, there was something else that we wanted to talk to you about before we get into today's episode. But today's episode so that you know what
it is, that we're talking about. We are talking to doctor Julie Smith, who is a TikTok sensation, but she's also a clinical psychologist, and this conversation today is all around motivation, procrastination, how we deal with anxiety, our moods. She covers so many different topics via her TikTok channels, all around creating better mental health.
Yeah, I am the ultimate Laura. I think you are as well, but I think you can attest to this. I am a huge procrastinator. I don't understand the psychology behind it, because it's not that I don't want to do something.
It's just that I want to spend four hours on Instagram scrolling.
For me, it's the motivation, Like I need a pressure cooker environment to perform really well. Like I can still get a job done, but when I know that there's an end date and there's something ticking and you've got hours left, like when you cram for a mass exam or something at school, that's where I get shit done. But when I've got all the time in the world, I'm like, now, I'll do it later, I'll do this.
I'll I better clean out the dust from my light shade, like I find anything else that there could possibly be to do before I do a job.
But I think that that was kind of partly what tied into this conversation is that we sometimes expect that motivation is going to hit us. We sometimes expect, oh, when I feel ready to do that task, I'll finally get myself to do it. And this is all around how you can't just wait for the feeling before you take action. I think there are so many people out there who would relate to that feeling that they procrastinate, procrastinate, procrastinate,
and then leave everything to the last hour. And Julie does go into the reasoning behind the psychology behind why we do that, what factors motivate us in those very last minutes, why it is that we kind of get that kick in the ass, But just also some tools that you can implement in order to not leave everything to the last fucking minute, a little.
Bit of like impulse control too, like when you want to do something like textrax, why you probably shouldn't.
And moderation.
But before we get into talking about all of that, there is something else that we wanted to cover.
Now.
This is a story that was discussed in December and January, and it was Kim Kardashian and a photo of her child, Chicago, and also of her niece. There was lots of speculation that she had taken the face of her niece True and photoshopped it onto a photo of her other niece, Stormy, so that you could post this photo of her daughter and Stormy together at Disneyland fucking weird, like it was
weird behavior then. But it has come back to life because Kim Kardashian has finally spoken about this elusive photo.
Well, yeah, so this is one little photo. If you haven't been following the saga for the last couple of months, I, in all honesty, I missed it when it happened, so in January, I missed it. I'm only catching wind of this saga now when Kim has come out and started to defend herself. But you will see the photo of Disneyland. You'll see the photo of True and Chicago. It's a very cute photo. It is very very beautiful, and she talked about how you know they had such a great
day at Disneyland. The reason has come to light now is Chloe Kardashian just took her daughter True, who was in this who was photoshopped into this photo. She just took her daughter True to Disneyland and she put it on her Instagram and she said, True's first time at Disneyland, and the whole world's gone, hang on, We've seen a photo months ago of True at Disneyland, and then they've caught on to the fact that it's been photo shopped. The world went up in arms and they couldn't And
it's actually funny. Once it all exploded, Klobe Kardashian was like, oh, oh, I just fucking fucked something up.
She literally said, well I fucked with this one up, didn't she?
Which is I think, I think this is really fucking funny. I know it's very problematic, and I know there are a lot of underlying issues that come with it, but as a whole you have to see back and laugh and the extreme lengths this family the Kardashians go to for their Instagram for content, for content, it's it's ludicrous.
So basically, if you look at this photo and like, I feel like you need to pull it up, like just google Kim Kardashian photoshop a disney Land, It'll come up. It's like the numb it's the number one thing. It's been talked about the last three days. You can see it.
Actually is a pretty bloody good photoshop.
Let me say, like I would not if I was scrolling Instagram, I would not have thought that another little girl's face was photoshopped onto her niece's body. I would not have thought that.
It's immaculate, it's beautiful photo.
However, people who are absolutely eagle eyed, because there's so many people who follow the Kardashians who are actually just a little bit crazy and a little bit obsessed and follow every single intrinsic thing about the photos trying to find fault. And if you look really closely, you can see that most of the photo is actually a little
bit blurry, like Chicago is blurry. The hand of the niece who the niece's body which is stormy, and the face that's True's True's face is like crystal clear, like it is perfectly in focus, whereas the hand and the body is a little bit out of focus like the rest of the photo. And that's where people started calling, Okay, maybe this there was something wrong here. But Kim Karashian has actually come out and she has admitted that she photoshop one niece's face onto another niece's body, and this
is what she had to say about it. She goes, oh, okay, so this one has some serious explaining. Now, you know, I am all about my esthetic and my Instagram grid is pink and blue lately.
Isn't it so cute and well planned out? Well?
The original picks were stormy, However, I asked at Kylie Jenna if I could post them, and she said no. She wasn't really feeling posting at that moment, and so I respect that, but it wasn't going to mess up my Instagram feed. Chicago was wearing pink and it matched perfectly, Chicago being Kim Kardashian's daughter. It wasn't the aesthetic I was going for, and I can own up to that. You know how much a good aesthetic means to my soul, and I will be damned if Kylie will ruin that
for me and mess up my Instagram grid. So thank you, True for taking one for the team on this one. I didn't think it would be that big a deal if her own mom questioned if I had snuck her away to Disneyland for the first time or not. So basically, even Chloe had responded and she was like, hold on
a second, did you take her to Disneyland. She didn't even know that the photoshopping was being done, which is kind of weird in the first place, Like she didn't even ask her sister if she could photoshop her sister's kid onto the photo that she was posting.
Well, it sort of contradicts what she did in the first place, because she asked one sister, Kylie if she could post store me. He said no, So instead of asking she could post true, she just went photoshopped her in. So it doesn't even make sense.
Well, the reason for this, actually it does make sense if you do a bit of digging around timelines, is because it was all happening at the same time that Travis Scott, who is Kylie's partner, was in the news and being called out for the huge tragedy that happened at Astro World. So Kylie was trying to lay low on social media, not to draw more attention, and that's the reason why Kim had asked her. But she obviously was like, sorry, any of my pink and blue.
I mean, it's so funny, but if I was going to like you would think the number one rule. Right, if you were trying to do a photoshop trickery, awesome now, But if you were going to pull the trickery on your Instagram, you don't have a thousand followers, right, you have three hundred million or something ludicrous between them, they have like a billion followers. If you were trying to trick your audience, you would at least make sure all
the parties involved know about it, because this is what happened. Like, wouldn't you just say, hey, Kloe, heads up, I'm just gonna put True's face like True went to Disneyland today, just so you know, like, just run with that story. Wouldn't you just make sure all the parties are involved?
You just take another fucking photo, Like if you're only post if you're only posting the photo because of aesthetics because it matches your grid, take take another photo.
Only just say just yeah, just be like yo, Chicago, go and stand over here next to this pink balloon, like because Pink's my jam.
Although when I did see this, there was a moment to me, and I feel like other moms might be able to relate to this. There are so many cute photos of my sister with my kids and every source, and I'm like, oh, I wish that photo was of me with my kids. So maybe I could just photoshop my face offto my sister's body and no one will know.
I think, no, But this is the thing, and this is why I'm laughing. Yes, it's problematic, and it's problematic because it has recently come out in the last week or so that not only did she photoshop, but she had to change the color of her skin, So she's photoshopped her skin darker because that's what would match. So a lot of people are up in arms saying, do you know how wrong it is to be altering your child's skin to match your aesthetic? Like you are fucked up?
And I agree that side of it is fucked up.
She also changed the pants from orange to pink as well, though, so that's a girl is dedicated.
And this is why it's funny. You have to sit back and laugh at the whole thing because it's so ridiculous.
I think it's not funny.
I think it is so incredibly sad that yes, it's funny sad, and I understand that they are a very special breed of people. Their entire careers, their entire income has been very carefully created and curated based on who they are as people, like they are their own products. But I think it is incredibly sad that their children are a part of that commodity, that their children become part of the esthetic. And it's not actually about posting a nice photo of your child, but it's about posting
a photo that suits a brand. And that's kind of where things feel a bit icky for me.
That is horrible, and that is really sad. And the saddest part is that these kids are never ever going to know differently, and they don't have a chance to know differently. Imagine growing up and looking back at your photos and not knowing what was real? Did I really do that?
Mum?
Was I really there? Was I on that plane? Did I go to the Palmas? Is that means that staw me? Is that Chicago? Is that like?
And then Kim's gonna say, shut up and look at your Porsche. You're fourteen, just go and enjoy it. And I'd be like, yes, okay, I can take that too.
But in terms of what you just said, like you wish that sometimes like you might get a nice photo with your sister, and you wish you could photoshop them in. This isn't the first time this family has done that, And but these things I think are funny, right, it can be more innocent. Kim Kardashian's been called out a few times for her family portraits where one of the
children having photoshops. They've got a really beautiful photo. Everyone like, I think the six of them for kids, everyone's looking really good. But there have been times where people have called them out for one of the children being photoshopped in, and she's like, well, I'm going to admit to this. They were screaming and crying, they couldn't get in the picture, so I just got a nice picture of them later and put it in so I had a family portrait.
No, one hundred percent, I have Okay, any mum will relate to this if you try and do family photos with your children, even normal photography. Like I've taken Lola and Mary and we've done family photos just for us, and the photographers will say, oh, don't worry if Lola's not smiling in this one, I'll just take her head from another photo and drop it in so she's so she's facing the right way. So it happens to normal people.
And you probably didn't bat an eyelid, right, You're probably like, oh cool, and I just put the smiling one in.
Please drop, please drop her better head on her body, and if you could put Kylie Jenner's face on mine too, that would be great.
Okay.
There have also been some other speculations that she's just so we're really down a rabbit hole of Kim Kardashian photoshopping photos. There have been some photos that have come out where people have been saying that she has photoshopped the jawline of Pete Davidson recently to make him look more masculine.
No one is safe, Brittany, no one.
It's so funny.
For like, if you want your partner to look like someone else, to date someone else.
Like, I love you, but I want you to look hotter if.
My partner imagine this, Laura, Imagine.
If Matt photoshop bigger titties on me.
Yes, put a photo of you are, but change your face, put some boobs on you, tucked you in here. Imagine if and you didn't know, and you just saw a photo of you.
And you're like, I swear to God, has not me i'd be like, damn, you see some potential that is not there.
But one last thing I want to add, I'm very proud to say. I don't know if I'm proud. I followed the Kardashians on like Instagram, and because their life is fascinating, you cannot It's like nothing else in the world that we have ever seen. But I have only just because I recently ran out of things to watch online. I only just have watched the first two episodes ever of any season of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I have never in all the years there's twenty season, I've
never watched anything, and I get it. I was two episodes in and I was hooked. I was like, I need to know what happens. Man.
I've seen it and I still don't know which ones which I get them wrong all the time.
Do not? Chloe is Courtney to me? And I don't know. The only one I know is Kim. But anyway, let's get into our.
Favorite part of every episode, which is accidentally unfiltered.
Okay, I just want to kick this one off with. I just thought this was really cute. It's this is absolutely there's nothing dirty about this. There's nothing through g rated accidentally unfiltered, don't we it's so g rated. But I just thought I was just like rooting for us. You can't make this shit up. I own a small massage studio and I was about to have my very first client of the day, so I started getting organized. I connected my phone to the speaker for some background music,
like I always do. My first client arrived and I showed her in. I told her to get ready, hop onto the table, and you know you come back in ten minutes. When I gently knocked on the door to see if she was ready, I opened up, walked in, and to my horror, I had cued an episode of Life Uncut, quite unprofessional on my behalf. Because let's be real, we all know what you guys talk about. I began apologizing profusely.
If it was last week's episode. It was all about do you stick? Do you have an enema before you have anal sex?
And I hope it was.
Imagine you're a professional and you've got someone on your massage table, and that's what starts playing. I started to apologize profusely, being quite aware of how much time had already gone past. She stopped me as I was just about to change it and said, I haven't heard this one yet.
Lets let's listen to it.
So I massaged this absolutely legend of a woman for an hour listening to Life Uncut.
We both absolutely loved it.
That is very cute.
I just thought it was. It's really really cute that she was like, oh my god, I'm about to get fired. I've just started playing anal sex to my client and she's like, no, I haven't heard this one yet.
And she took home a tip or two. That's what she did. Actually, do you know what?
We had so many people write in post the enema conversation, and apparently it is very much the way to go in same sex relationships. It's like heterosexual couples and not across the joys and the benefits of having an enema.
And this is what I was saying in out. We had like a behind the scenes commo about that, and I was like, yes, guys, everyone in same sex relationships this is standard and everyone he went four, are you like? Fuck that?
She was like, so much effort, so much effort to have an enema.
I'm just gonna have a surprise.
When could be a paddle popstick who knows.
Okay, I actually could have too, because I've got two funny ones.
But maybe we'll see another one. All right, this is very short.
This week I bumped into one of my managers outside of work who was walking his dog. I said hi, and I crouched down to pat the dog. My manager said, oh, sorry, he's a little bit of a liquor.
I looked up, looked.
Him dead in the eye, and instead of saying, oh, that's okay, my dog too, I just said that's okay, me too, to her boss.
That's so we're so innocent today.
This is so cute.
Okay, I've got one more than's not. I mean, this is also innocent, but can you imagine how uncomfortable'd be? Okay, guys, this is one for my fourteen year old daughters twenty first or maybe even her fiftieth. My daughter is super sporty and gets really tight calves. She always comes into our room right before bed, as do all of our four kids. She gives us a hug and she says good night. One night, when her calves must have been really sore, she came in and she reaches for what
she assumed was massage oil. Proceeds to loob up her calf muscle and then asks her dad to massage her legs on. At this point, the options weren't looking good. One we could either explain that it was lou which in turn we would have to have a very open conversation about what lube was. Four white was on our bedside table and mortify the shit out of us and our poor kid. Two we allow her to think it was massage oil have dad massage her leg with said lube.
We decided on the ladder, which sounds completely inappropriate, but his hand on heart, I swear on my laugh.
The most innocent of She's the.
Most innocent thing we could do. We weren't ready to have the chat, so we let this one slide. And I haven't yet told her. I'm sure one day she'll figure it out for herself, and I'm not ready for that moment. Could imagine the dad having to have a straight look in his face when she hands him lube from their bedside table and says, massage my calf muscle.
I mean it would be very effective, though I would be great, great, but also my.
Dad's never massage my calf muscles. I feel short chained with lube.
All right, guys, let's get into the chat with doctor Julie quickly interrupting the episode to say a very big thank you to today's sponsor.
And that is one I've been wearing holes in for a long time. It's a new Balance.
Now.
If you're a runner, which I do try to do, we have some great news for you.
I mean, you're a very good runner. You were doing like the cross marathon thing last year.
Oh I wouldn't say I'm good. I did it, but it was.
Hard, mate. I struggle, but I try. I'm that person that everyone looks at who runs down the street.
But I have Delilah. Now she's a working dog, so I have to run more than I have ever had to run. And this is where New Balance comes in handy because they have just released their twelfth version of their Fresh Foam X range of shoe and you're going to want to get these bad boys on your feet. The new styles are the ten eighty V twelve, the eight eighty V twelve, the eight sixty V twelve and these are the shoes that are for every kind of runner.
It doesn't matter if you're a great runner or not. The one thing that is so amazing for is for your mental health. And I like to get out there with Buster and actulutely gribb at a crack And if I'm not running, I'm walking. And these shoes are seriously just the most comfortable thing ever. If New Balance were to make only one running shoe ever again, it would be the Fresh Foam ten eighty v. Twelve because it is their most comfortable running shoe.
But in all seriousness, it is for levels. Maybe you're doing an ultra marathon or maybe you're just going for a walk with your dog. There is something for everyone, a.
Power walk with your praym.
You can purchase the Fresh Frome XV twelve collection by visiting New Balance dot com dot au. Now let's get back into the episode.
We're so excited to have doctor Julie Smith joining us today. Now that doctor Julie is a clinical psychologist, she is also a TikTok star who has recently released her new book Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? Doctor Julie now has three point one million followers on TikTok, six hundred and eighty eight thousand followers on Instagram, and her posts have already a massed more than twenty million likes. The book is a mental health toolbox for when we
need some help to take on different challenges. Welcome to life on cut.
Oh thanks for having me, guys.
Julie, you're a pretty famous TikTok superstar, aren't you. How did that happen?
It's got a bit wild in such a short time as well. I think it's like two and a bit years ago that we decided to put a few videos online and see what happened. And I did not expect this. I thought it was going to be one of those of temporary little projects that you do and then it sort of, you know, filters out, But it just took off like a rocket, and I feel like I'm just sort of holding on for dear life.
How did everything take off? How did you become this TikTok superstar sensation? Was it just one video that went viral or was it a series of videos?
And as Brittany, as you answer this question, Brittany's googling how to start a TikTok and she's just trying to get some hot chips on this song.
I don't know how to just tick tactalk me.
Yeah, you know what it was through a mistake. I did put a video on, and I'd only put on a few to be honest. It took off quite quickly, but the first video that got lots of views, I put music on, and I was such a novice at using it all. I didn't realize you could change the either sort of volume and stuff. So the music was too loud. So everybody was in the comment saying I had to listen to it three times because the music's too loud.
I can't hear what you said.
So obviously lots of kind of rewatch and stuff like that did well for.
It, So that's how I got so many views.
Yes, that was my first blow up, so you know, mistakes help, right, But also you know, it was about a month before the pandemic started and a couple months before the first lockdown and everything, so I think it's probably timing was a big issue, and you know, lots of people online expressing their distress, but no one was really on there as a professional saying here are some things you could do that would help. So yeah, I think swimming against the tide at the time probably, How.
I mean, we don't often see complex mental health issues like depression, like anxiety taken and discussed on a social media platform in a way that succinct and gets the point across. I mean, these are topics that normally are more conducive for talking about in long form content, like maybe on a podcast, but you managed to capture that
in these bite sized little bits of content. How is it that you're able to communicate this And what was it about TikTok that made you want to take clinical psychology onto a social media platform?
Yeah?
I mean it has felt like I've been definitely swimming against the tide. I couldn't find anyone else who was doing that kind of thing, certainly psychologists anyway, who were doing.
That kind of thing.
When we first started, initially started, we were going to put some videos on YouTube and things like that, and they were about the videos are about ten minutes long, and I would kind of explain this thing that I would explain in therapy and take my time over it. And then my husband discovered TikTok. I was like, oh, this could be a really great idea. You know, why
not make bite size kind of videos? And my initial thought was no way, I just there's no way, you can, you know, slim this stuff down that much without destroying the idea. And he said, well, you know, let's just give it a shot and see what happens, and if it doesn't work out, we'll just delete it, you know.
And so we.
Tried, and actually, it really gets you to the point where you know, you have to strip down all the jargon, anything that's sort of unnecessary to the message, all that kind of fluff around your language. Just take it out and see what you've got left. And actually sometimes it's even more powerful than including more and more words that.
You don't need.
So it became a bit of a kind of creative challenge if you like, as well, because often there are these subjects that they're not sexy, they're not really kind of grabbing your attention. But the two of us would work together on, okay, we'll this message that could be really useful to a bunch of people. How do we make it more engaging and more interesting, and how can we bring it alive with I don't know, music or you know, different kind of camera tricks or whatever we're doing.
And so we just, yeah, we just played around with it and learned through trial and error the kind of content that we wanted to do.
I guess I think it's really great that you are an early adopter in this space. You did see a space and you capitalized on it, and hats off to you. But I think the fact of the matter is a lot of people go on the Internet and they google things for themselves. I've been guilty of it. I know my mum and dad.
Do it a lot, just to google cancer.
But you go and say like, hey, what's wrong with me? How do I deal with this? What is the what are these symptoms? And there's so much complex terminology around it that sometimes the information we're receiving ads to our overwhelmed and people are like, fuck it, I'm not even going to go and get the help that I need because it's too much. I don't understand it, it's too complicated, it's too stressful. I'm going to leave it.
Yeah, hugely.
And it was one of the sort of big questions I got from like journalists stuff like that, when all this interest started to sort of appear and I was working with people one to one in my therapy room and I could only help one person at a time, and I wanted to share this education, and I think in order to reach a big audience. The most effective way to do that is to go where everybody's attention is.
You know, if you stand outside of an arena and bang your drum instead of going inside where everybody's you know, looking at you, then your message is not going to.
Be as effective.
So I kind of felt like I could either sit in my therapy room and complain about how damaging that stuff can be and how much misinformation is out there, or I could get stuck in, get involved, and put something out there that was evidence based and potentially helpful, so that if someone is scrolling, they had a chance then of either coming across you know, my material over something else that might.
Be misinformation for example.
And you know a lot of my videos have been around sort of reminding people that social media isn't real and what they see isn't often real, and you know, comparison and those things just to kind of highlight, you know, while you're on here, have think about how you feel when you spend time on a certain profile. So trying to sort of build people's awareness around Okay, if you're going to be on this platform, use it to your advantage. Don't let it use you.
You write something and I really loved this quote, and I would love for you to expand on this a little bit more for our listeners. What you said was, every time you choose a path that is not in your best interests, you confirm your belief that you do not deserve better.
So your actions influence your beliefs about yourself. So often we talk about sort of core beliefs and beliefs that you have that then impact on the choices you make, which is true, but it's circulus. So also the way that you behave will influence on how you feel about yourself.
So when we're talking about trying.
To change people's beliefs, so if someone believes they're no good or that they don't deserve good things, then we behave as if that's true. But the way to change that is not to sit in a therapy room and try and hash out those beliefs and try and change the beliefs. The way that we change beliefs is through action.
You know, your brain learns through evidence of experience. So if you start to behave and treat yourself in a way that is consistent with the new beliefs that you would like to hold about yourself, then you create this opportunity for those beliefs to begin to adjust and change. And it's not easy and it's not quick. It takes time, and it takes lots of effort because actually acting in a way that is not in line with what you believe is really hard and takes lots of conscious effort.
But yeah, if you feel.
Like you're being held back by negative beliefs about yourself, then essentially the way forward from that is action and starting to behave as if you're someone you really care about.
We have actually spoken about something similar to this on the podcast before, and it's this idea that sometimes actions actually precede feelings, Like often we don't want to do something because we don't feel a certain way, whether it be maybe you don't want to be intimate with your partner or you know, maybe you feel frustrated so you don't want to touch them and be loving towards them, But often the action of being loving and doing that
can then bring that feeling on. Sometimes we expect too much that our feelings are going to be the motivating actor when actually we need to take action and then those feelings follow.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, And a lot of people will wait for a feeling to arrive and sort of you know, this kind of idea of waiting until you feel like it that when I feel ready, I will do xoyl Z, or I will start chasing my dreams and those kind of things, or I will start making changes that I need know I need to make, And a lot of my work has been around you know, don't wait for that feeling because it's not coming to get you. It's
not coming to help you. That feeling of kind of motivation and drive and energy that's the feeling you get after you come out the gym, not when you're walking in. You know, when you kind of you do something that is so in line with who you want to be in the future and the kind of person you want to be that it gives you this real sort of high that says, yes, I should do this every day because it feels good, it feels right, and it feel
in line with the life I want to have. And so we have to be able to override that urge not to do it for whatever reason, fear or anything else, and start and be willing to do it imperfectly in the beginning, so that we get some momentum and build a routine and new habits, and then we get the benefits, the emotional benefits of that change.
Somewhere along the way on this.
Topic of you know, sometimes you might not feel like doing something, but if you go out there and action it, then maybe the feeling will come. We get a lot of questions about breakups and moving on and how do you know when you're ready? How do you know when it's time to get back into the dating world, online dating, physical dating, all of those things. How do you know
when you're ready to do it? Are we supposed to wait for this feeling to say, yes, well I'm ready, or are we supposed to say I don't really feel ready, but maybe if I just go throw myself out there, those feelings will come.
I guess it depends on what's happened to you in terms of how that previous relationship ended and whether that's something you need to spend time healing from. You know, if it was a relationship that wasn't especially life changing for that person, or you know, if that person didn't mean everything to you and you weren't together for years and years and years, or then it might be easier to get back out there.
And but for other people.
They might be in a situation where they are heartbroken, or there are things that have happened in that relationship that they then need to heal from and take time over to reflect on and learn from, partly to avoid getting into the same situation over and over again. So I think, you know, everyone's different, and it's you know, it's the kind of the answer no one really wants, is it that it's different for everyone, and you know, and that kind of thing.
Okay, give me the rule, give me an answer.
Yeah, give me a step like step. And I think maybe the rule is self awareness is looking at you know, how do I know when I'm not okay and I need time to heal and how do I know when when I'm ready for new adventure and to reconnect with people again. And so I think maybe that's the rule, is spending time with yourself and what that's taught you about what you want for your future and the sorts of relationships you want for the future.
And then if.
Everything feels raw and a bit heavy, then then maybe that's a chance to sort of take some time to look after yourself and then once you feel ready, you know, making that decision to move forward again. But I think maybe as well as asking yourself, am I making this decision out of fear?
So?
Is it that I want a relationship? But I'm not putting myself out there through fear, Because then I think it's always a really good thing to ask yourself, Am I making decisions based on my values and what I want for my life? Or because I'm scared? And so I think it's a good idea to try and make your decisions based on your values as opposed to the sort of what you're feeling right now or what you don't want to feel.
So I guess maybe just really listen to your own gun instinct, your own body, your own intuition. Yeah.
Absolutely doesn't need to be permanent, does it.
It's not like if I go out into the world, then I have to stay out there. I can test the water, see how I get on dipperter, and then and then pull back and see and reflect on that. And you know, because it might be that, you know, maybe I want to meet people in this way, I
don't want to meet people in that way. Maybe I'm just not okay with online dating, or maybe I'm just not okay with something, you know, whatever, it is it's okay to try things out in small ways, learn from it, and then redirect.
You talk a lot about this idea of motivation and procrastination, and this is something that you mentioned a little bit earlier, but I wanted to circle back on this because I do think that we can all feel very guilty for doing it, and I think that we all do do it from time to time, and that is procrastinate about something. I mean, for me, I've been procrastinating for the last year about getting back into exercise ever since I had
a child. Why do we as humans procrastinate or why do we feel like we need to have motivation before we actually start something.
I think that's probably a myth.
I think probably everybody has moments or situations where they'll avoid something. I mean, as humans, we are built to avoid discomfort. So whether that discomfort is boredom or stress or anxiety, if we know that a situation is going to create that emotional discomfort in us, then we're built to step back from that and avoid it if we can. So we're kind of going against our natural human urges when we put ourselves in situations that make us feel vulnerable.
For example, so you.
Know, that thing might be exercise, or it might be tackling the pile of bills or boring things that you know you've got to deal with, or you know, updating your insurance or all of those jobs that we all hate that we procrastinate over. But yeah, I think we're just built to avoid those difficult feedings.
I think, okay, firstly, just I'm going to probably busher this word, but just correct me and tell me how to pronounce it. You talk about something, is it anademia? Is that right?
Yes?
Yes?
So in the book, I kind of distinguish between procrastination and edonia. So anodenuous essentially a kind of symptom of depression. So it's when you kind of lose interest in the things that you used to enjoy. So if someone is experiencing depression, they'll stop doing the things that even kind of bring them pleasure because they just don't feel that
pleasure anymore. And often lots, you know, all of your emotions are kind of dulled down, and you kind of you just stop doing those things because you don't really feel like it anymore. And I think that's kind of then different to the procrastination, which is probably the avoidance of an uncomfortable feeling. So yeah, I sort of distinguish
between the two of those. So rather than we have that very human urge to kind of kick ourselves, well we're down and criticize yourself for being lazy and all that kind of thing, and actually, it's much more helpful to look at a behavior with curiosity. So Okay, I'm saying here, not tackling those bills, wishing that I was. What is it that is pulling me back from that? What is it that I'm avoiding or what am I?
You know, what's going on here? And that's much more helpful to look at it with curiosity rather than just label ourselves as a lazy person.
I don't think there is a correlation between procrastination, laziness, and motivation because personally, for me, I'm the biggest procrastinator. I know everything, everything possible. I wait to the last minute, even just to go out to dinner. It is the last minute possible that I'll go. I'll pack for a trip an hour before I need to go. I'll get my job done when I know it's due at eight am the next day.
I mean, I did get through an entire university degree by cramming.
So I'm going to say that it still works.
Absolutely, Like I'm just a real procrastinator, but that doesn't correlate for me for motivation, because I'm super motivated. I'll start new projects all the time. I'm always looking for that next thing, and I always finish it. I just finish it at the last minute. So what can people that suffer from this very very serious prevalent disease that I do called procrastination or last minute itis last minute itis? What can we do to be better? How do we be better?
Well, it's really interesting that one, isn't it. They're kind of leaving things till last minute, because I think a lot of people really benefit from that increase in stress in the last moments.
You know that it's much easier to.
Completely focus your mind if you've got that heightened sense of alertness from the increase in stress, like oh this is due tomorrow, now I'm stressed about it. So you get this sort of surge of energy and alertness that allows you to really focus on it and not be distracted because you've got the sense of verge. So some people really thrive with a sense of urgency. But then call themselves lazy or whatever for leaving it to last minute. So yeah, I mean, in that sense, it's really helpful
to kind of look at that with curiosity. But in terms of what we should do again, it depends on what the reason is for the procrastination or you know, leaving things till last minute. And once you work out the reason, it's easier to then decide what your strategy is. So there are things you can do to increase the chances of that motivation feeling being there more of the time, and those involved that's when I start to sound like people's mother, so I kind of those involved generally looking
after yourself. You know, you know that you're going to feel much more energized and motivated if you've had a good night's sleep, right, and if you've eaten good food, and if you've exercised fairly regularly for the last however long.
It's because it works.
And also things like setting goals that are yours and not anybody else's and based on your set of values and things that you really want for yourself, and so you're much more likely to kind of invite that sense of motivation more of the time. If that's the combination of stuff, but also there are times when we just don't feel like it, but we have to be able to override that urge not to do something. And in the book, I talk about skills like opposite action.
So in a.
Therapy called DBT Dialectical Behavior Therapy, we teach a skill to be able to and it's something that we all do at different points, but something we can practice and get better at is noticing that before we do anything, we'll have an urge to do it. So you'll you'll feel something, You'll have this sensation which is an urge to act, and we can go with that urge, and we often do right. So we'll often feel an urge and act almost in the same moment, so we don't
really notice the urge. But if we start to slow things down and separate it out, you notice that urge to act before you do it. And when you do that, you open up this sort of opportunity to either go
with the urge or go against it. And just a kind of silly example that I use in the book is when me and my we're kids, we used to play this game where we have like a packet of polos and you had to hold the polo in your mouth, and the first one to crunch it was the loser, right, So you had you had that urge to just bite
down on this mint and crunch it. But if you could go against that urge, I mean, and it's just a really silly way of and you can pick these kind of lighthearted things that you can do that just create this experience of noticing an urge and choosing not to go with it. And sometimes that's easy, and sometimes it's excruciating, you know, like not itching an itch, that kind of thing.
And like, don't pick up that pocke of chocolate again, Brittany, just fight it.
But are we talking about this purely from the perspective of a motivation perspective or are we talking about this in terms of self moderation, so as in like, don't do things that are necessarily desired driven if they're not going to make you happy long term. Do not tend your X Yeah, never text your eggs. They're just like the things that make you happy short term but actually long term are going to really impact your ability.
To be happy.
Yeah, And that's that's a lot of what happens in therapy, you know, is you get the chance to look back on your week and look at those sorts of behaviors. You know, I had this urge to do X y Z or text MAYX, and I did it, and this was the consequence, and then I went around this cycle again. And you get to kind of plot those cycles that you get stuck in, and by spending time reflecting on those things, you get to look at, well, next time that happens, at what point would be the best point
for me to break that cycle? And so you kind of you place that in your mind that I know, when that happens again, that X y Z would be a better alternative for me. And so you've already kind of set that up, that seed in your mind. And sometimes you'll go around the cycle again because you'll act on the feeling, and other times you'll do this different thing that you've set out for yourself that's based on what you want for your life and your values and who you want to be. And so I think the
idea is not to kind of do it perfectly. There's no one out there that's doing it perfectly, and you know, not responding to any feelings that they have. We're all human beings and we're built to do that, always sort of challenging ourselves to go back and try again, and you know, sometimes you'll break the cycle. Sometimes you won't.
That's okay. The idea is to get back on. Every time you go background a vicious cycle that you don't want to be doing, you go back to the books, you remember what it is you should be doing, and you try again.
What do you think some of the myths are around motivation.
I think one of the biggest myths is that some people are just motivated and others aren't, that it's some sort of personality trait, you know, and while you kind of have sort of conscientiousness as a personality trait, motivation is a feeling like any other, and so it comes and goes like any other. It can't be relied upon if it's not going to be there all of the time.
Something that you can do to improve that chances of it being there more of the time is be so clear not only on your goals, but on why you've set those goals in the first place, and have this sort of this vision for yourself and where you want things to be and how you want them to be, and what's necessary to get there, and then you break it down to such a degree that it doesn't feel difficult.
For example, if the aim is getting back to exercise, but the idea of going to a gym feels vulnerable or stressful in any way, then you take the gym out of the equation and you make it as easy as it as possible to do the thing, and you also try to make it as hard as possible not to do the thing, so you know, you might get family and friends involved so that it's hard to let them down if you don't feel like going that day, or you make the task so small that you can't
not do it, you know, if it's just walking or running to the end of your street or something, and so there are people often play around with those things. But we'll do that, you know, that practical stuff alongside constantly staying in touch with why do you want this? And we'll even do these kind of tasks around. Okay, what are the advantages and the disadvantages of doing it?
So the advantages, you know, maybe unprove my health and I'll feel good a la lah, or maybe the disadvantages are I'm going to feel vulnerable, I'm going to feel like an impostor in the gym, I'm going to you know, it's take a long time to see results, blah blah.
But then we'll also look.
At the advantages and the disadvantages of not doing it. So, if I don't do this thing, what's it going to cost me, not in terms of money, but in terms of the life that I want to have, or my well being or my longevity or feeling good. And then also the advantages of not doing it, So what am I gaining from holding myself back here?
What's the payoff?
But also I guess we can be very idealistic and that can turn into self criticism. Like you know, if you've just had a baby and you are not exercising, you can tell yourself that's because you're lazy, or you can recognize the fact that if you've only had five hours sleep last night, you're unlikely to muster up the energy to go and lift some weights in the gym. You know, we can kind of be really idealistic. You can do it all, and there's twenty.
Four hours in the day and all that kind of rubbish.
But actually it's important to look at everything that actually, at this stage in my life, it is more difficult than it has ever been to put those things in place. And because I'm always putting you know, this little human first, because that's my job to keep them alive and ensure they're well being, then that means I've kind of deprioritized some of my own things. And maybe I'm ready for a little shit, you know, reshift in the balance.
Maybe I'm not.
And so I think it's about being really honest with ourselves.
Doctor Julie.
You write a lot about failure, and it's something that we've spoken about on this podcast so many times, and we are so avoidant of failure. We're so fearful of it, rightly so, because it makes us feel terrible, but it's also such an intrinsic part of growth. You wrote a chapter in your book which was called You Are Not Your Mistakes and Inside into Failure. Can you tell us how is self doubt linked to our relationship with failure?
Well, I think our relationship with failure needs needs some mending, doesn't it kind of as a society, and in terms of just almost reframing our perspective on it.
So if you see failure as a.
Normal part of learning anything, getting better at something, then it becomes part of the process. And often, you know, talk to my kids about this, the idea that you know, I don't know when my little boy's playing football and he can't possibly miss a goal because all hell breaks loose, and you know, it's just no good at football, and you know, trying to kind of encourage them to look at Okay, well, you look at any top footballer. They miss more goals than they get and trying to look
at well, failure is part of success. And I guess it's so easy to sit and say, isn't it, But in some ways we have to just learn as we go. You kind of learn that, Okay, I can fail and then I can recover from it. Because often I think when people are really struggling with self doubt, it's often because they don't believe in their ability to cope with what happens after failure. It's the oh, what if I fail? Or you know, what if I get into relationship and
it doesn't work out? And implicit in that is this idea that I won't cope if things go wrong. Therefore I need to control and stop anything from going wrong. I need to prevent the worse from happening.
I guess it's this idea that the more that you're exposed to something, the less fearful you become of it, because it's the mystery is also gone. And you also kind of feel like once you have once you have done something and you fail and you don't die, the floor doesn't open up and swallow your whole. You then realize, oh, okay, well if that happens again, I'm gonna be okay. It builds this resilience.
Well, you realize that you can fall down and you can get back up, and then even if you trip over your shoelace again, you can get back up. Banan appeal, You can get back up, but you don't have to stay down.
Yeah, and I think it's about kind of learning from failure involves framing failure in a way that's not so devastating and shaming. You know, if we perceive failure to be saying something fundamental about who we are as a person, then it's so painful when it happens that it's hard
to look at it and learn from it. Whereas if we're able to separate our performance in something from our worthiness as a human being, then we're much more able to look at it and say, oh, this is where I went wrong and this is how I can do better, because it doesn't impact on your worthiness as a human being, and so it's not so painful that you can't bear to look at it and learn from it.
A topic of conversation that's really having a moment in the mental health space, and I mean more so on social media. It's something that we are seeing far more prevalent than ever before, and I think that we can attest to COVID had a real impact on this, and it's the conversations around anxiety, but also the conversations around depression for our listeners, Could you give a little bit of a rundown on what is the difference because sometimes
I think these words are used interchangeably. What is the difference between anxiety and what is the difference between having depression? So anxiety is essentially a feeling and that every human being can experience, and it's part of our threat response. So your brain is set up to keep you alive basically, and it will always be scanning your environment and any time that there is any sign that things might not be okay or that there was any danger, be that
a physical danger, or a psychological danger. So, for example, if you anticipate abandonment from the circle of people that you live with, then that is going to create a huge anxiety response because well, I say, back in the day, but even now, if the idea of being abandoned by
your social group is a threat to your survival. And so when you have that kind of threat response go off that you feel your heart starts pounding, your breathing gets very fast and shallow, you kind of sweat, you can feel super hot and flush, and your muscles all start to kind of tremble and shake. And that's essentially your physical reaction to your body is getting you ready
to respond to this threat, whatever it might be. So your body is geared up, ready to either fight that thing off or run away as quickly as you ever thought you could exactly. Yeah, So that would be anxiety, and I guess separate from the idea of an anxiety disorder. And I think that's often where the use of language gets kind of misused, as I say, online, where there's this assumption that you know, if you feel anxious, maybe
you have an anxiety disorder. And maybe you do, but also maybe you don't because Anxiety is a normal human feeling that we all get at times, and it's really excruciating.
It's supposed to be. It's supposed to get us to move, and when it becomes disordered or detrimental to your life is when it's constantly being triggered off and you don't necessarily have the skills to manage it and bring it back down again, or it's associated with some sort of trauma, and so that stress response is so intense that it's a struggle to even stay safe while you're experiencing that. So you know, those sorts of things are distinct, and
so feeling anxious doesn't necessarily mean you're unwell. It can mean that something in your environment isn't right, or your needs aren't being met, or that kind of thing, and that would be distinct from depression, which is associated with
low mood. Everyone experiences low mood at times. Everyone has days when their mood isn't as buoyant as they'd like it to be, but depression involves low mood is one of the symptoms of depression, but that low mood would be persistent over time and in conjunction with other things like not sleeping well or the downturn in relationships, or you know, physical symptoms in terms of lack of energy and those kind of things.
So yeah, they're quite kind of distinct.
I'd say, while we are talking about depression, what are some of the misconceptions around it?
Well, I think often when people are saying you've got no reason to be depressed, often the reasons they're looking for are reasons that they can see and understand clearly. And the way that depression works is I mean, I've never worked with anyone in my life.
I mean, I've worked with.
Lots of people who've pulled themselves through depression, and all of those people we've uncovered a narrative of understanding why they were vulnerable to that and working out what's contributed to that. And it always makes sense once you unravel it.
But it takes a lot of unraveling because often the reasons are not in the present and that's why you can be depressed when you have or your needs met right now, But there could be a history of lots of other things that are also in that picture that people can't see in the present day. So yes, people can think, oh, you must be so ungrateful, or you know, everything's okay, So why can't you just feel what we
want you to feel. I think that's the thing with depression is yes, there's always a way to understand it, and understanding it helps in helping you to address it and move forward. But the only way to do that is with curiosity rather than judgment.
Do you think in today's society that we live in a time where people are more overwhelmed than what they ever have been, or that there is more anxiety than what there ever has been? Or do you think that we're just more inclined to talk about it and that we have labels for things so we're more able to communicate this feeling that's always been there, or are we experiencing it at unprecedented levels.
I think maybe it's that we are aware of it and we are willing to have conversations about it, and often that can create the sense that there is more of it. But yeah, I mean, it's a human response, So it's always been there. It's just been conceptualized in different ways and responded to in different ways, and I think it's only in recent years it's become okay to talk about it.
I think there's this idea It's something that I think all societies experiencing. I know I experienced it, but we see it a lot with our friends and family. And it's this idea around this hustle culture that we always need to be doing more, working more, achieving more. Now I'm not sure if that is just from the growth of social media and comparison theory. We're seeing so many people do all of these things. Oh you only have
one business, you don't have five businesses. Oh you don't have a seventh business that you hustle on a Saturday. There's this idea that we need to constantly be achieving more. And I don't know if it's just from comparison theory, from social media, or if it's because of COVID. The last couple of years, so many people we need to lock down. Everyone lost their jobs and people needed to make money. People need to find a new way to
bring an income in. So all of these little businesses started opening, and then there's this obsession with working and doing more. What's your advice for people people that are just stuck in this cyclical hustle culture.
And I think it's really useful to be fully aware of how those expectations are influenced by the content you consume. That it's okay to move the bar, and it's okay to always have things to work towards, but it's always so important to set those bars and those goals by your own values and your own vision for your life. If you are constantly looking at other people and trying to be this or that or the other, and then often that can generate that kind of dissatisfaction with your life.
And actually, if you base your goals and your sense of purpose on what matters most to you, then it doesn't really matter how big or small those goals are or how they compare to anyone else's. They will create that sense of fulfillment for you in that sense of meaning and purpose in life. Some people do set a goal and they apply themselves to it so extremely that they can be the best in the world at that thing.
And that's okay, but there is a price to pay in terms of the rest of your life, because if you're going to compete with the whole world at one thing, then the only way to do that is to be on it all the time. But the cost of that is all the other parts of your life. You know, family and friends and potentially health. You can be just as successful in your life, but be more balanced with
that success. So not necessarily want to be the best at the world at this one thing, but you could be pretty reasonably good at half a dozen things in your life.
And this is something that Laura called me out on just actually like a week ago. She's like, Brittany, your bar keeps moving. Last year, your bar was here, you're here. Now your bar's up here. She's like, you keep chasing this bar. But I think for me, this is and that is true. Like a year ago, I would have been so stoked to be where I am right now. It's where I wanted to be, and I am stoked with where I am now. But if I don't move
my bar, that is my form of motivation. So my bar has to be moving otherwise I don't find the motivation to keep going. And that's something I'm trying to deal with.
I guess, yeah, And I think that like maybe that's the part of it. Like when we had this conversation, it was more around like the feeling of achieving something that you've always wanted and they're not being grateful when you get there, Like not being able to take the time to acknowledge like, actually, you are exactly where you wanted to be a year ago. But because the bar keeps moving exponentially in the opposite direction, you're never satisfied.
Like, you'll never be satisfied.
You'll never get to a place where you feel successful, you feel like you've achieved what it is that you want because it always keeps moving.
Well, there needs to be a level of just sitting in it for a hot second and having some appreciation for what you've achieved in your life.
Yeah, and I think.
Also having these like realistic expectations and standards on yourself, because if you keep on moving the bar constantly without being able to have some sort of moment to appreciate what you've achieved, it's like, you know, I think, sometimes okay, you have to stop and go, well, I'm not living in that one bedroom studio anymore eating cans of tuna.
No, I have two bedrooms and I order it breats now yeah, way too often.
Yeah, absolutely, as long as you recognize that getting to that next bar isn't the key to happiness. If you can develop a healthy process of finding meaning in what you're doing, then each goal can be passed, and then I think you don't. You don't get over excited by achieving a goal, but you also don't get completely flawed by not achieving one either, So you don't get flawed by the failures, and you don't become overwhelmed by achievements either.
So it becomes less about either of those things and becomes more about the purpose and the meaning to you in doing this thing.
Docdor Dula, your book is called Why has Nobody Told Me This Before? And I have a big question for you. When you were writing this book. What was like the number one thing that you thought of that you were like, why has nobody told me this before?
Probably through my own kind of journey in terms of my fear of heights and phobia and stuff like that, is the recognition that avoidance feeds anxiety. So when you feel anxious, it tells you to get the hell out of there and avoid it, course, because your brain's trying to keep you safe. But if you avoid that thing through your fear, the fear will grow over time that you know, the thing you do every day becomes your
comfort zone. So if there's something you want to master, but it makes you anxious, do it as much as you possibly can.
Doctor Julie, thank you so much for joining us today, for being a part of life on cut. For anybody who wants to find you to follow you to view all your social media content, can you please let us know your handles and where they can follow you.
Yeah.
So I'm just doctor Julie on Instagram and on on YouTube as well. I'm going to put some more sort of longer videos with a bit more detail on YouTube's TikTok is Doctor Julie Smith.
I think. Yeah, so nice to meet you guys. Thanks for having me.
You guys know, we don't finish an episode without our suck and our suite, our highlight and our low light from the week. Laura, do you want to kick it off? What's your suck for the week?
My suck is that I'm sick and it sucks, oh, Absoult. Yeah.
But also I think sometimes it's a bit it's a bit tricky when you got kids, because when you're sick, you just don't get to go to bed and you don't get to give your body what it needs and recover because your kids go. It's far Daddy way. Molly's new thing is that she lays in bed and just screams MoMA from her bedroom until I come and get into bed with her and give her a cuddle in her bed.
So that's what we do every morning.
Now it's you can younot just train her to come to you here boy with a coffee doesn't work yet.
Yeah, So look, I mean, being a bit sick and losing my voice is not the easiest or best or funnest thing when you're required to talk for a job. But anyway, my way sweet For the week, I've had such a good week. We had some huge things happening over at Tony May. We had a launch this week for our new collection. It is called Athena. It is
I've just been working. We've all been working so hard on it, and it's just this one thing that it's like this massive build up when you have a collection launch and then all of a sudden you just put it out into the world and you're like there you go.
You're like, please please come back.
I hope you like it. And so that has been happening. But then I also got to spend Sunday with Marley and we just hang out like we just like powered down like little besties.
Me and I saw you're doing some painting in the car.
What we did is we got potatoes, cut them in half and then use them as stemps.
Yeah, I remember doing that as a kid.
I got really back to my old school, like what I would learn from watching play school, but never actually did myself cute.
So that's what I did. That was my week.
Well, my suck. I've already told you the huge suck, but I'm going to tell you a little mini suck that accompanied the huge suck. They haven't spoken about yet. So I got scammed, right, I had to go and move my house, blah blah blah. When I was sitting in the car having the breakdown, crying because like, you couldn't script this. I was sitting there, I was boiling my eyds at and it was on dusk, like it was starting to get dark, because that was how late the day was.
You're like, because I sat there for so long.
I was in there for twenty five hours.
So why is it, though, that we always end up crying in a car, Like why is that the place?
Because it's a safe place where you think that though and can see you and you're not ready for me. How often do you like pull up your car and you don't get out of the Sometimes you want to sit in your car for hours. You scroll, you don't want to face whatever's in the house, or having.
A cocoon, isn't it.
It's like when you feel sad, I feel like the equivalent would be going and sitting in your cupboard, But no one's going.
To do that. So why the fuck do we sit in our car for so long?
I reckon some people do.
I'm really sad. I'm gonna go sit in my carpet for a little while.
Maybe you ever walk in wardrobe I was. I was having my little cry and I was on dust, so it wasn't very light. And then this family of surfers had come up from Boney Beach and they were going to put all their stuff. There were like two kids with surfers and the dad and they were going to put their surfboard in the car. They mustn't have been able to see me at the start, anyway, you could hear the dad say, just put your surfboard down and
I'll put it in the car in a minute. Then you hear him just smash the surfboard into my car. Smashed in my new cut smash into the side. Then I had this moment where the dad looked up at me. He looked at the car and looked and saw that I was in the car crying. I was crying. I was bawling my eyes out looking at him, and he looked at me and his face was so shock horror. Then he registered I was crying, and I looked at him and I just said, you know what, don't even worry.
I don't even care. I was like, just getting your car.
Oh.
I didn't even get out to look at it. I was like, just go. I was like today, I'm not dealing with anything else today. But that was my suck. But anyway, they say, come thing three is I gotta wait for one more thing?
I think, what is your sweet?
Yeah? I was about to wrap up the episode. I was like, that's me done. My sweet is that? I guess Laura and I and this is pretty shit because I'm teasing you a little bit. But Laura and I've been working really hard on something else, like a secret squirrel project that's really close to coming, and it's taken us a long time and it's almost time to tell you about it. Almost time to tell you about it means we've almost finished, no, but it means we've almost
finished the work on it. So, my sweet is that like the hard part is almost done and we almost get to you know, share it with you guys.
So it's about two weeks away, is like the timeline. But we have been working on a really awesome project which we are very excited to share with you. I love that you baited this and it is coming very very soon, just.
Not soon enough.
Yeah, so that's it. Two more weeks, sit tight, and that is it from us. Please keep your accidentally unfiltereds coming in your ask on cuts, anything, confessionals, any funny stories that you want to keep it coming into the Instagram Life Uncut podcast that is sliding into the DMS.
If you aren't already a member of the Facebook group, you can join Life Uncut Discussion Group, which is where all the juicy good stuff goes down. You can also send us a question for ask on Cut, which is every single Thursday.
And you know the drill.
Don't forget to tell your mom to dad, tell you dog to your friends, and share the love because we love blave. Oh my god, it's fucking gone.
Now guys, Hopefully we'll see you on Thursday.
Laura can speak