Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on Card. I'm producer Keisha and I hope that you are having such an unreal summer you've been able to kick the feed up, take some time off.
Perhaps you're listening from the other hemisphere, so it might be winter for you.
Britain Laura are taking some very well deserved time off over the summer, and so usually over the summer break we bring you what we call some walk down memory lanes, so they're flashback episodes to some of our favorite times in the past.
But for this year, we thought, hang on a second.
Do you know what I think they'd lack a lot more is some brand new content, some fresh content that they have never heard before.
So back in October.
We did seven incredible live shows all across the country. We had some of the most amazing people join us on stage, and that's what we are going to be dropping some of the interviews, some of the conversations that Britain Laura have with these guests at some of the live shows in their own little standalone episodes, and so
today's is the very first. It is a conversation that we had with someone who you might be familiar with because she joined the podcast initially back in February of twenty twenty two.
It is the incredible Eliti pullin Now.
If you'd like to listen to that episode, I will link it in the show notes so that you can go back and have a refresh. Because when Eldi first joined the podcast, her daughter Minni was a newborn baby. She was so small and so delicate and so tiny, and at the live show it was actually kind of coincidentally Minni's second birthday. Now, Mini was brought into the world in a very unusual way. It was through a process called sperm retrieval, and that was because Eldi's beautiful partner,
Chumpy passed away in July of twenty twenty. So this conversation is a bit of a catch up between Laura Britt and Eldi of where life has taken Elidi since they first spoke to her on the podcast. In this episode, they talk about it taking a village to raise a child, how grief evolves and can take different shapes, how trauma dumping can pull you backwards. Elidie really shared a lot of what her social presence has meant, you know, in the healing of other people, but also in how it
can kind of hinder her own healings. They also speak about how Chumpy is in Minnie's life and the story that they tell Minnie about her dad and about all of the other people that are involved in bringing her up, and whether dating could be on the cards again for Elitie. So, I hope you really love this conversation from the live show between Britt Laura and Elerdie Pullan.
Guys, we're up to our last guest of the evening. And she's a very very special person, a very special friend of the podcast. We've had her on before a couple of years ago. She is homegrown, she's a local here on the Gold Coast, and three years ago she lost her partner, Chumpy, and it was a story that really stops you in your tracks. And I know when we heard it, I just can't cannot imagine what that would be like. She is one of the hosts of
the amazing podcast Darling Shine. She hosts that with Chloe Fisher, who's here as well. Who so please give a huge, huge welcome.
Litie pull It.
Yeah, and you look okay, I'm gonna Rea you want me.
You're gonna sit on my lap.
Wow. I mean, the most uncomfortable dress ever. So alloy, I'm like, what were we thinking? We're like, oh, how do we see it? Wow, there's so many people scary.
Welcome, Welcome to talcome to the podcast.
We're going to kick off with an accidentally unfiltered.
Oh okay, okay, okay. So I was thinking about this before. I'm going to stick with the pooh scene.
Yep, great, right, we do love it?
Okay, So oh, I've got I don't really remember this story. I was like sixteen, Me and my friend were out one night. She was trying to hook up with a guy. I was like, I'm a great wingman, but I don't know about this guy.
So I'm gonna go home.
With like you guys and obviously like, yes, it's not like a threesome situation. I'm gonna I'm gonna sleep over here and you guys have fun over there. And then in the morning she had to pooh really badly and like clogged the toilet up.
She must use heaps of.
Toilet paper, and she was like, oh fuck, like get in here, and I was like, what's going on?
But this is classic heirl, Like she does this shit.
I'm like, bro, you know not to use that much toilet paper, like you fuck. She does this to lots of toilets and she's like no, seriously, like we're gonna have to pick it up and chuck it out the window. I'm like, like, she's done this before. And it was like quite a high ware in a unit, quite high. I was like, you're gonna hit someone like this is kind of you could.
Knock them out.
Yeah. So she.
Got the bag that was in the bin, put the poop in the bag, and then we put the poo in my hand But.
You are a good friend, just like.
Awkwardly like lingering around like his laundry with like a pool in my handbag carrying my friend's fucking pooh.
And then he comes and.
He's like, oh, yeah, oh, the toilet's like not working or something, because she must have left heaps of toilet paper still. And they were like oh, just like smelling this pool. And then I'm like we have to go. It was just so awkward. I was thinking the whole time home. I'm like, I just reckon, we should have chucked it out of the window.
How did you know what was in your bag? Pooing out.
It was I pick up my dog's pool all the time, and I cleaned my kids pool all the time, and I put her dirty nappies in my bags and shit like now, I don't even think when you're a.
Mum, You're like, it's fine, there's a shit in my bag. It's okay.
My friends poo, Like we're both sixteen, and I'm like, I don't need.
To carry you poo.
She owes she was solid, not in solid poo, but like she owes you a solid she owes me mone. Hey, yeah, can you for anyone who doesn't know your you're talking with stuff.
Sorry I didn't should cut them off.
Okay, for anyone who doesn't know your story, which I know most people here have heard parts of it or most of it, can you give us a little bit of an overview of what happened and how you came to have your beautiful little girl.
Yeah, okay, so weird story. I can't even believe it's still true. Like yeah, just every.
Day I'm like, what the fuck?
So my partner and me we were together for like eight yeah, like eight and a bit years. We're trying for a baby. We just got like our new house, dream house, got a dog, all that jazz like frothing to have a kid, like good way to fall pregnant. And then one day he went out spearfishing and didn't come home. Essentially, he just passed out under the ocean and he died. He had a shallow water blackout, which is like when you hold your breath for too long
and you just like, I don't know, I liked. I think he just went to sleep under the water and yeah, so he just like walked out the door that.
Day and never came home.
Anyway, My really amazing friend Laura, who's actually in the crowd here somewhere tonight, but like I'm gonna freak out if I see their faces, I'll get really nervous.
But she came up, Yes, Laura, where are you?
And actually we also met at her party too, so I feel like she just plays the most pivotal role in my life.
We bit where was I up to?
Laura?
She came up with like a light bulb moment. She was like, I know you can do this thing called sperm retrieval. I know someone that did it or something. I'm like, what the fuck does that even mean? But yeah, let's do that thing, you know, so weird. We're in such state of shock. We didn't even know what was going on. We were literally floating. Me and his family were just like what what is the world, Like, We've just found out that jumps passed away?
You know, like what is life?
How long after is this? Are we talking hours?
Or yeah so lately or yeah, like thirty five or six hours or something like that.
I think it can last up to a.
Few days, but like legally you have to get it in a certain amount of time, so there's like a procedure that they do and they harvest the sperm and then yeah, I guess on down the track, if you want to use it to have a baby, you can so with like his parents consent and all that, I had a little.
Bubby and yeah she's too today. Actually weird.
Happy birthday, Minni, if you're out there, Happy birthday Mini Moo.
When we first interviewed you on the podcast, Minnie was a newborn baby. She was so tiny, she was so tiny.
She was in there.
We were doing it in Brits in her lunge room. Minnie was being held by producer Key Sha and you were a brand new mum and you were navigating what that is but on your own. And the thing that I think has been so beautiful about watching from Afar and watching your parenting experience is that it hasn't been on its own because you've had and built such an
incredible community around you. Can you tell us a little bit about what that village has been like and how even though you're a single mum, you've been doing it with all of your closest people.
Yeah, Like that phrase it takes a village has just never been more profound, like or just like been more real to me. Like literally, I have the most amazing people around me. And I kind of knew that I would because Trump and I have really close friends and just just like family like friends.
But I don't think I realized how crazy it would be bringing up a child alone.
And I like power to amazing women that go through it, you know, with the sperm donor and have kids like on their own, just you know, And I obviously I did that. I made that choice to go and do that, but I felt like I'll have epic support, but I underestimated like just how epic. So I've got like my best friend Chloe that I do the podcast with like you just said, and her amazing partner Fisher, who literally
are woo. Some Fisher fans clothes here too, and they are like, literally, I like my poor kids definitely confused, Like she actually calls them both mom and dad as well. She like me, just has so many parents. Like all my friends literally act like her mum dad.
It's so cute, and.
My brother's superhands on and my mom's amazing, Like it's brought everyone sew together and like my yeah, like just yeah, my mum was so down and depressed and like Minni's just made her smile again and it's so cute.
Was there ever a time, just going back to the sperm retrieval, was there ever a moment because when you say, it happened so quickly and you have to make these decisions in life that are almost instantaneous. Was there ever a moment where you thought maybe I won't do that.
Were you wrestling with it at all?
Or when you found out that was an opportunity, were you like, I'm fucking doing this.
So the sperm retrieval like question when when we were like you know, when we just foun out he passed, that was like a no brain.
We were like that sounds.
So weird, but like okay, like all right, like our brains would just so vacant.
But I don't even know if you asked that. Actually.
But then later on when we I literally didn't think, like I was so numb. I literally it took me months to even form a tear. I didn't even know what was going on. Like I cry now more than ever, but back then, I was just like, well, like, you know, everyone else around me was crying, and I was like, cool, you're literally carrying me and you're crying for me. I felt nothing. It was actually an awful feeling because I was just like this shell and I wasn't thinking about
a baby at all. It actually really wasn't in my head. It happened like overnight. I reckon like five or six months later, I was like I kind of just woke up feeling super strong and like I was like, I've
got to explore this. I've got to book an appointment at least hear from the doctor and see what the possibilities are and how like vible the sperm is and if this is like if this thing could really work, like I actually don't think I thought it was real, or that it would actually could actually work.
You know.
I was like, fuck, I better try it out. If it happens, it happens like that's meant to be.
And it happened god pretty quickly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So then I started the IVF process and the first round didn't work. In the second round, I got minimum. So I'm so lucky because obviously.
Whoo, something you just said I think was really interesting to me. But I think it's going to intrigue a lot of people, and it's the idea around grief and what grief should look like. Because you said for six months you didn't even cry, you just got on with life.
Why do you think that that was a subconscious or a conscious thought or just a protection mechanism that you were like, if I cry and grief, it's real, and it's easier just to pretend, not pretend like it didn't happen, because obviously you can't do that, but just to motor on with life and then all of a sudden it just hits you like a snowball.
Yeah. I think I was so nervous.
I was like, why am I not feeling anything? Like it's about to hit me like a bus, and I feel like I seriously might die, like I'm so nervous for when this wave of grief happens. And thank god, it just started coming in like slowly, like like little waves of it would just come. Thank god, it wasn't like a bus. But it was the weirdest thing because I won't I wanted to cry because it feels good to cry right like you're letting it out. I just feels so good. But like, so yeah, i'd be out
with I just kept so busy. I was just like I'm quite a realistic, practical person, so I'd be like, cool, well, I still need to walk my dog every day, I still need to get my coffee, I still need to eat, I still need to do shit. Like I just kept going and I just stayed so busy, which yeah, is kind of weird, but I think that was my coping mechanism.
But then I'd be with like my.
Friends and I'd catch myself laughing and I'd feel so guilty and I'd be like, that's like, it's like, how can I be smiling. He's like literally like not breathing right now, like he's like you know, and I'm fucking laughing and.
It's we'll do the interview from over here now.
No, no, sweet, Wow, I didn't know I was gonna cry.
It's been an emotional day, I think because she's like to today and all that nice sweet but so.
That's that great.
Away.
We just felt a little baby wave.
Nah.
But yeah, I think I think you just feel there's like so many times you feel guilty. So laughing was scary and then I just I laugh all the time. Now if I can don't stop laughing, it's like annoying.
Go one of those No, it's great, like be hey, I mean I was about to say, how do you feel like your grief has changed over the three y period from then to now? But obviously, like you just saw now, you don't even expect it, so it still hits you in these unexpected moments.
Yeah, one hundred percent hits me probably more now that than ever like it did before.
I think maybe like I'm.
Over the whole newborn phase which kept me super busy, Like she's two now she's a real person. I'm kind of like back to normal just everything, and like I feel so grounded and like, I mean, I don't know, I don't know how to explain it.
But it's like the dust is settled and shit, and.
Like obviously everyone else's life goes on, which is like normal and and mine obviously has, but yet it's like weird. I just like find myself so much more grafy now, and you like, the main thing people tell you when you go through this shit is like it takes time, Like you'll be sweet in like two years and shit like that. And I'm like, fuck, it's been three years, and I'm like, I'm sweet, but sometimes I'm not sweet. And I definitely thought I don't know, so like I
thought it'd be way more sweet than I am. I actually get so emotional, but it's normal. We'll just be emotional forever. It's kind of it's good to let.
It out in front of the nine hundred people. Do you think do you feel like we have to go over there? I feel like we're on top of that. I actually get closer.
I think anyone who's I mean, any mums men knows how.
Much having color blocking.
Sorry, we're like a pack of skittles. We are skittles.
Sorry.
So I feel like anyone who has children experiences this like identity shift, and they experience such a change because I mean, becoming a mum is it's such a huge transformation that you go through. But when you're going through that alongside grief, I can only imagine how that changes you in unexpected ways as well. What has been do you find the biggest impact that having Minnia has had for you?
I think just keeping me so present and so busy, like I think lot, Like I have so many people that are like, you do too much, slow down, Like it's not normal how much you do, Like you need to fucking stop and be sad and fall into a heap and like that will be therapy for you and shit, And I sometimes feel guilty that I haven't really done that.
But yeah, I don't know. I always say I grieve on the go and I just stay busy.
I mean, Mini keeps me busy, like you can't just chill when you have a too well yeah, when you have a kid, but but no, I think just like keeping me present and I don't know, just like I honestly barely remember being a kid, Like you know.
When people like I remember my first memory, I was like till.
I remember, like you know, I'm like what, I don't remember anything before I was like fucking ten I sweat like dead said, I don't remember anything, like in general, but like I really don't have any memories. So I love that I'm kind of like experiencing her childhood and like I feel like I can remember bits from mine Weirdly, again, it's like deja Vou's happening or something, or Yeah, it's
just cute seeing the world through her eyes. You know how you share your beautiful podcast Darling Shine with Chloe, and the two of you have created something so incredibly special and it's something that we, I mean, we feel so proud of being a part of this podcasting world where we get to share stories and connect with all
of you. And that's exactly what you have created with Darling Shine and your community, and you've connected through your own unique stories and both of them have been centered
in their own unique way around grief. How do you deal with when you are experiencing your own grief, when you're going through your own big things that everybody wants to then share what they've experienced, because I feel like when you've got a big community like that, someone's connected with you because you've experienced it, and then they go, well, I want to share with you my story, So all day long, it's almost like this trauma dumping that happens.
Is that not hard for you?
Do you not have moments where you're like, I'm dealing with my own shit and I don't have time for yours right now?
Yes, one hundred percent. Okay.
So when Chump first died, I was that person that would reach out to widows and like, I'd say, you know this, we don't in the state and her partner states and her partner died, and like she kind of had to do it all in the public eye. And I felt like that too, and I was like really like onto her, messaging.
Her, and I was like, she's not giving me much, Like what a bitch, And.
Yeah, I was like I'm dying here and she's just brushing me. But then other widows would be amazing and we'd like form amazing such type relationships, and I don't know what I would do without those widows. I hate that word, like I hate it, but at the start, I used it a lot.
So that's why I'm remembering it.
But now I get that because I get so many messages every day and like just people come up in the streets and they tell me these horror stories and yeah, well especially the messages.
I'm like, oh, I just can't reply to all of you. I hate that, or I can't.
I can't, Like I almost feel worse if I reply and acknowledge what you said and not delve into it with you and like be your friend that you need right now and like fully form this relationship where we're gonna chat every night, because like you're gonna bring me the fuck back to square one.
I'm gonna feel weird and numb again and have to relive all that shit.
And I don't know, I'm just like I had this dream that I would start, like I don't know, this thing, this platform where I could just group all of them together so they could all find their little friends within each other, and like I would be free.
How do you protect yourself sets me free? How do you protect them so bad?
I know?
If that was so deep then but then you're like.
Bye, yeah, this is like it's like trauma where they made people up. No, but it's true because like, and I say this from from my personal experience in terms of like we've spoken about miscarriage on the podcast a lot. It's nothing in comparison, but when every day people are sharing their story, there comes a point where you're like, I care, but I can't care about this right now with you because.
I don't have the emotional cup left.
And I guess when your community it is so beautiful and what you guys have created is so incredibly special, but I wonder where and how.
You set those boundaries with people.
And I guess the fact that now you have that network where you can say go and do that between yourselves and we can share our stories. But this is where that sort of barrier sits is so important for your own self preservation as.
Well, one hundred percent.
And we were just actually having this story just back there with them about how it is when like as you do share so much and people think you're friends, so they come up to you and.
They're like ell, and I'm like who, Like where have we seen each other again?
Like you just forget like because they think your friends, and then they've got this story to tell you, and I'm like, shit, I'm just still trying to remember how we've met, and like you want to give them like everything, and I don't know, It's it's really hard. It's a weird situation. What do you tell I don't mean to sound.
Like situation no no, but it totally is.
But what do you tell Minnie? So she's two today, I feel like that's an age where they're starting to understand a lot more than people probably give them credit for. But from the outside, we see Fisher and Chloe like your two of your closest friends.
Yeah, Fish, we see them.
We see Fisher almost step in like a dad figure. And if you were watching his Instagram, it just seems like Chloe and Fisher they are a step in mum and a step in Dad. But then I saw a beautiful video just a few nights ago of you and Chloe encouraging Minnie to kiss a picture of Chumpy good night and say goodbye to good night to Dad. And it was the cutest, sweetest thing, most wholesome thing I've ever seen. But how do you explain these relationships to her?
I think she's confused for sure.
I need to get we need to get better at our storytelling.
I mean, like I have books where I'm like, you know, we have Dad in the sky, and I tell her every morning like who's in the sky, and she's kind of she's she'll be.
Like Daddy in the sky, but like.
She calls everyone dad. She calls heaps of people dad. She call like she calls me dad. She calls Choe dad. She's confused.
She's definitely a bit confused.
But what we Yeah, so I keep the narrative always like Chumpy is not here. He loves you, he's looking after you, he's in the sky, like he's always around.
Kind of think, oh, he's in the ocean and blah blah blah.
So we yeah, I try and I try and keep I try and keep it more Chumpy focused because I never want to take the opportunity for her to maybe call someone dad, and like my brother's name is Dave, and I sometimes think, oh, maybe that's cute because she could like I don't know, if he's picking her up from school. It's like, I don't know. I just think Dave and Dad are kind of similar and like maybe
they're kids. Won't tease her if she has like someone that's starting deek picking her up or something or something weird like that, Yeah, but then I don't know, like nah, that was yeah, something something like do you know what I mean?
Like if other kids are like dad and she's like Dan, you know, a bit of that. Ellen, we spoke about this life. I'm so weird. No, you are fucking amazing.
We spoke about this backstage and you mentioned that you're at this weird place in your life now where all your friends are saying like you should date, you should get on hinge, you should like they're trying to set you up with people. Where are you at in terms of your life, and like, could you see yourself dating again?
Have you shut that door for yourself?
Because normally, I guess when you think of someone who's been and I know you said you hate the word widowed, but like when you are someone who has lost their partner so young, it's you think, like, surely they're going to meet someone again in one day. Can you see that for yourself.
My friends in the crowd are so stoked that you asked that, because they just they asked us to ask him.
Every day they.
Stitched me up and just try and put me on like dating apps and things like that. I'm not that I'm I'm not a dating app girl. I don't like I reckon They're epic And I've cost so many friends that have have like you know, their marriages and stuff from at but I don't know.
I just want to like meet someone at Wooli's or yeah, I can see I will date. I don't know if I'm.
Like you literally just skyped my boyfriend Ben and she goes, do you have any friends?
No, Chloe said that. I did not say that.
Also, he's overseas. I was like, fuck that.
I don't need any difficulty.
Very little commitment though, So it's fine.
Yeah, that's actually really good.
Well that's the problem because my friends are like, you should start dating or like dating apps and blah blah blah. I feel so busy. I don't want to have anyone, like I'm not I'm not keen to have anyone.
I'm scared of Like I don't know, I don't want.
To I don't want to lead anyone or not think that I don't want anyone in my life.
I'm so sweet.
I want Minni and May like I'm I'm going to have fun and all that shit, but like I don't want like anyone.
I don't No one's moving in. No one's moving in.
Do you feel like there's a level of guilt attached to that at all, Like you feel like it's not it's not fair to move.
On, not anymore. I think at the start, I was.
Like, oh my god, no way, Like I thought, what the fuck, Like life's gone. Like I'm like I could never you know, be with someone properly, or like like in a relationship, or like marry anyone, or you.
Know, be like heaps with someone.
But now I'm like life is so short, Like I just want to have fun. I want to be with really cool people and just do whatever comes my way, like I will. Un I know I'll be with someone again, like in a relationship with someone again. I know that Mini will have a father figure, like you know that we all live together in all that jazz again. But I just don't want to I don't want that seriousness anytime soon.
I don't feel that for me anytime soon. I may be in a year or two.
And that's pretty soon.
No, maybe in like three years, maybe.
In twenty four years. Do you think that you would because we asked you this early on, which was a really bad question actually because you'd had a two month old, but we do you think that you would have another child with chumpy sperm so that your kids are a blood siblings.
I love how as soon as someone gives birth people like, so it's like, fuck, am I China.
Have a break.
I think I will not have another chumpy baby.
I think I'll have it.
I think I will have another baby one day, hopefully, but not like, yeah, not with him someone else. I do.
I do.
I do have chumpy sperms that I could use. But I think I've got my little chumpy miracle. She's epic. She looks like him.
She's just she does looking perfect, exactly like him.
Every time we see it instrem story, I'm like, it's him, that's to his face.
And I just I think, yeah, I just got my little miracle with her, and any other baby that I have is just like going to be, you know, a way of life.
And if it happens with someone else, that happens kind of thing.
That's that, lady.
The last thing I will really want to ask you is we I think sometimes in life we focus so much on our romantic relationships, like that seems to be the relationships that we hold up as the most important ones. And I think from the outset, looking at your life, it's your female friendships that have been so fundamental for you throughout this period, especially your friendships with Chloe what
does that meant for you? And now, in terms of how you prioritize the idea of having a romantic partner verse, where your friendships stand and what they mean to you, what does that look like?
Mate, friends are one hundred percent come first. They can get the fuck in line. Like my friends are everything that my family I do. Like, that's why I don't think I want or need anyone right now, because they're epic.
I got them, They're my sisters.
You are beyond incredible. Thank you so much for sharing your story. And it's one of those things that like, we feel horrible making you come and speak about it, but I think it helps so many people to hear you talk about grief and how that's changed and the process because it is a really unusual situation. I've never ever come across anyone that has been in that situation. And I don't envy you, but you're fucking incredible.
Yeah, your resilience is incredible.
I don't think that.
I think you don't know what you're capable of until shit happens to you and then you weirdly have to get through crazy things. And you guys would do the exact same thing, and you guys are amazing and thank you for having.
Me any poem.
Thank you.
I absolutely loved that conversation with Elkol and she's such a weapon. I think she's just such a laugh. She's one of those people that just has so much energy.
She brings that to the room.
Coming up next week, we are going to have another conversation from another one of our Lives shows for you to enjoy.
But in the meantime, you know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, to your friends, and share the love because we love love