Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on de rug Wallamuta Land. Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany, I'm Laura, and today I feel like.
It's a very special interview. Now, I feel like we do say that all the time, don't We're always like this is super special, We're super pumped about this, but it really is because we're interviewing a wonderful Australian woman named Megan Marx. Now, Meghan is actually a friend of mine because we did a TV show together the last year. We did The Challenge Australia, which you may or may not watch. Chances are you didn't watch it.
We're basically put.
In a house, Heather, how are the ratings on that one? For it?
I don't even know. I didn't watch it.
It was like a Big Brother kind of house where you like, you know, mix with survivor.
A little bit.
It was a weird thing.
But basically, for like a month, Meghan and I were together in this house with no connection to the outside world, you did know what was going on, very much like The Bachelor, So we really got to know each other on a deeper level there because you talk all day, you genuinely are present with people in your life, which was probably my favorite thing about it. No phones, no news,
no phone calls outside. But you also might know Megan from our TV screens on another TV show, because she was on Richie Strawn's season of The Bachelor, and she was probably actually know she was. She was the first
bisexual woman that we saw on our screens. And if you remember that time, if all of you at home, know what I'm talking about, Because Meghan left the show and she ended up being in a relationship with another female contestant afterwards, the scrutiny that she faced around that time and the public backlash was truly horrific.
Well, Megan ended up in a relationship with Tiffany, who was also a contestant on Richie's scene, and I think there was so much speculation as to whether it was a real relationship, as to whether it was just for publicity, Like people honestly couldn't fathom or get the head around the fact that these two women were together, and also it was just like the point of gossip within media for so long, and I think the way in which a bisexual relationship was viewed then is so vastly different
to how it is viewed now on reality TV. But I mean, I have to admit when brit said that she really wanted to interview Megan and her story, which it is incredible. Her story from the time that she was born and to where she's at now is an incredible life story. I had my own biases around it because I didn't know Megan apart from watching The Bachelor myself, and so I had this perceived idea around who she was.
I wasn't sure as to whether I wanted to do the interview, and Britt, you very much sort of said that, I mean, you had a personal relationship with her, but you really spoke about her experience, what she grew up in as a child. She grew up in a cult. It is fascinating, but also it really makes you question this idea of judging a book by its cover. And I am so grateful that I got the opportunity to
interview her. She's incredible, the things that she's been through and also her resilience is something that shines through in this episode and I'm so.
Glad that you listen to me on that aspect, Laura. But apart from just you know her truly incredible story, which does involve growing up in a cult, it does involve getting married at the age of eighteen and then getting divorced again.
Going on these TV shows.
She gives a really fascinating insight into what that life looks like. But there's another layer to her story and it was what really drove me to do this interview. So Megan has recently been diagnosed with a neurological condition called spino cerebella a taxia, and we are going to speak about it, so I'm not going to get too much into it, but it's basically a condition where she is going to deteriorate and she doesn't know how quickly. And this idea of knowing your mortality but not knowing
when and not knowing how fast it's coming. And I guess I felt like I had this little connection because she started to notice some symptoms when we're in the house together for this TV show, So she didn't have that diagnosis then, but there are a lot of little things that we would laugh about, and now it's horrible that we laughed about it, but you know, her balance would be off on a lot of activities and things like that, and different memory and she couldn't find a
word sometimes and it wasn't enough to be alarming at all, which is why we would laugh about it. And that turns out the start of this condition, and I really wanted to give Megan the space to talk about that and educate people on what.
She's going through.
Yeah, and I guess the other thing that we touched on, Like we said, there's so much, but Meghan also very generously donated her eggs to a couple to have a baby. And so when you found out that you have a genetic condition, and it is a terminal genetic condition in the long run, how do you then grasp with the fact that this generous, active kindness that you did where you gave your eggs to someone could also then have implications for them as well.
There's so much of this.
We hope that you enjoy the episode, and it truly was such a privilege to interview Megan.
Welcome officially to life on cut Nah.
Thank you for having me.
You have had so many pivotal and interesting things happening in your life over the last little bit, so many of them which we're gonna unpack and get into. But before we get into any of the serious stuff, we start every episode in the same way, and that is, without accidentally unfilled. The story is your most embarrassing story, which you just said, you have a good one. You're like, I have some money, but I picked up the one that is possibly the most humiliating.
I was actually thinking back recently to when I first started dating after my divorce, and I had come out of kind of like a semi cult at the time, and so I'd moved to the city, and like I was studying full time, working full time, I didn't know anyone because I had no social circle because I was sort of excommunicated from the church and I'm single. I start dating, and I started going to this yoga studio, which I wasn't allowed to do in the church either.
Yoga yoga was the devil. And this really hot guy comes up next to me and like, you know, he's doing yoga, doing all the moves next to me, and I'm like, oh, this is great, and he starts chatting to me, and he's like, hey, do you want to just like come to a work event with me? And I'm like, oh, I don't know anyone here. It's a bit weird, like going as a date to a work event. But yeah, like, oh yeah, sure, why not? I was
in my yes era. So I get dressed up, like I put makeup on, and I'm like feeling all nervous going going with this hot guy to this work event where I don't know anyone anyway. So I walk in and there's like people on stage clapping and I'm like, oh my gosh and singing and like all wearing suits, and I'm like, I've just entered into another you know, this is a church event? I think, is this what work is for? Is he a past daisy? A preacher?
And I walk in the first thing he does is introduce me to his girlfriend, and I'm like, what the fuck.
Is going on?
And I realized it's one of those multi level marketing schemes, like a pyramid. It's a pyramid scheme. So I've come along thinking that I'm going on a hot date and he's introduced me to his girlfriend and I'm like, how am I going to get out of this, and what do you know, another girl ends up coming thinking she's also his date, and we're standing there, me, this guy, his girlfriend, and me and the girl end up just
leaving on our own. But it was pretty kind of embarrassing for me thinking I was like, this is gonna be my first date after my divorce, and.
It was a pyramid shame he signed up to cannot possibly be an effective way of signing up people, because like, if everyone's arriving thinking that they're on a date, who is signing up to be part of this pyramid scheme?
Well, it was like him and his girlfriend knew what was going on too, Like his girlfriend was like, you know, like trying to get sign ups through a hot boyfriend.
Well you're more life you to get the sign ups. If you're a smoke show, for sure, whatever, I'll do it.
Nigan, you just mentioned, and we've only been speaking for like a couple of minutes, that you grew up as a kid and you came out of this olt like environment. Can you explain to us what that was, what your upbringing was like, and how you kind of slotted into this life.
Well, I was born into it, so my mom joined when she was pregnant with me, and she met a man who eventually adopted me and became my father. So it was more like, I don't know if i'd go so far as to call it a cult. I mean, sixty minutes recently did an episode about what I was brought up in. Actually, it was very much like, you're
sort of cut off from society a bit. So you're not allowed to watch movies, you're not low to listen to what they'd call secular music, you're not a low to dance, you know, all how to spend time with people that aren't part of the church. You know, you're not all travel unless it's for if you think of like the Westboro Baptist Church, if you've heard of them, they carry signs on the streets, you know, saying like
gays are going to Hell and things like that. So as a kid, that was me carrying signs on the street and like preaching on the street and door knocking, the whole thing. And so I got married when I was eighteen, you know, to a guy from the church, and it was just, I don't know, it was different to the way most people are brought up. And I left when I was twenty four, so me and my husband left together, but our relationship didn't really last six months.
I mean, I remember when you were talking a lot to me about this in the house, and when I say the house, it's the TV show The Challenge where it's like it's like The Bachelor or anything else. You don't have phones in there, you don't have anything, so you just talk to each other, which I think is incredible. But everything you told me from your life was like an oh my God moment to me because I'm so far removed from that world. I didn't grow up in
a church. I didn't up religious at all, so everything felt extreme. But I don't think it's just for me. It does sound like your upbringing the church was extreme compared to other people's experience in the church. Can you talk about some of the other things that were really kind of left field, Like, you know, you couldn't even do yoga, you couldn't watch TV. What was some other things that were real stand out to you.
Ah, it's funny because these things, you know, they've only really come up for me in the last couple of years because you're so used to you know, it was just my life, you know, it was felt so normal to me. But I was talking. When the sixty minutes episode came out, I reconnected with a lot of people from my church, you know, people I grew up with. And our church was kind of like half underground with
all these different rooms. And I remember when I was a kid, for Halloween, every year the church would hold a Halloween event, so all these different rooms they would have a different scene. So, for example, I remember my mum playing a car accident victim, so they had like the hood of a car and then she was like sprawled out on top with like blood all over her.
So they would invite people to come in and go into these different rooms and it would be more about this is how you're going to end up if you don't get saved by Jesus kind of thing. I remember my friend playing an aborted baby, and my husband as a kid, he had nightmares because he was sort of forced to participate, or maybe not forced. I mean we all wanted to be involved, you know. It was like you want to impress the elders and your parents and everyone,
but it was quite traumatic. So we weren't allowed to watch movies, but they did let us watch from you know, there was no age. It wasn't like you had to be a certain age to watch these films. But they had these films more about the rapture. And I don't know if you know what the rapture is, like the end of days? I don't, yeah, like the end of days. So we'd watch these movies about the end of days. And so the idea is that God comes at the end of days and takes the bodies of everyone that
Jesus has accepted, and everyone else is left behind. So for example, you would get home, say your parents wouldn't be there, or there'd be a parlor clothes on the floor because their bodies have been take up to heaven. And so it was always this big fear as kids that you would be left behind. If we used to prank each other, you leave piles of clothes and hide for your friends, you know, and your friend would get
back and be like, oh my god. I remember a few situations, you know, kids freaking out and absolutely losing it because they thought they'd be left behind. And if you get left behind, the only thing that you can do is be a martyr in order to get to heaven. So the films would be about heads being chopped off and women being pulled screaming through streets and and so you know, you're not really desensitized to film, but these are the kind of films that you're watching. So as
a kid, I had a lot of sleep issues. You know, there were exorcisms in the church, and they didn't call them exoricisms, but it was casting the demons out, so you know, we all had our chance to be exercised, that's what you call it. So, yeah, it's interesting. And I didn't think that I had, you know, issues from growing up in the church when I left, because you really just want to put it aside and distract yourself
and live your life. Finally, you know, I hadn't traveled, I hadn't dated, I hadn't you know, I lost my virginity or my wedding night. It was, yeah, it's a different world. And then it's not till you get outside of that you're like, wow, there's a whole life to be lived here.
When you got married at nineteen, eighteen eighteen, when you got married at eighteen.
Stupid, don't recommend it, no, I mean.
Like, I can't even relate to the environment in which you grew up in but I used to be part of an evangelical Christian church and they were very very strong in encouraging people to marry young so that they didn't sin, so that they didn't have sex out of wedlock. There was a huge encouragement. And I would have been fifteen sixteen at the time, and there were people who
were eighteen who were getting married. And did you feel as though that was the natural progression of your relationship with your husband at the time, or did you feel as though it was forced in an expectation of the church that you would get married so young.
It was definitely like I was in love. He was like, my fat He's an amazing person, Like he's great, he's you know, good looking, smart, surfer kind of guy. He's great. So it wasn't that it was like I was forced into marrying someone. It was like, you know, we fell in love. But it was very much like you can't have sex until you get married. It was kind of like, oh, well, I guess we have to get married, you know, because we're horny.
Yeah.
I mean we wouldn't have gotten married if if it wasn't expected of us. We would have dated like normal people and maybe in our twenties at some point got married or but yeah, it was I guess it was expected. And it was also if you wanted to be in ministry, which my husband wanted to be what they call sent out, so you become like a pastor and you become the pastor's wife, you have to be married. So it was just what was done. I remember I was a bridesmaid five times by the time I was nineteen.
Wow.
And the wedding was it wasn't your own. You got married in the middle of a church service, so it wasn't like you had your own day either. I remember hating my wedding day so much. I'd invited a few people from my work and it was basically the sermon was just about hell. It was about sinning and hell and this pastors screaming at all my work colleagues, and it was I remember feeling really embarrassed and also a bit like should I you know, is this the right idea?
My best friend at the time wasn't part of the church, and she was one of my bridesmaids, which wasn't looked upon well, and I remember her being like, come on, let's just fucking run.
Let's just go.
To being a little bit tempting, but I you know, I loved I loved who I was marrying, and that was the most important thing at the time.
In twenty sixteen, Australia met you on Richie Strawn's season of The Bachelor, So that was I think, I guess seven years ago. I can't do math quickly seven years ago. And what we did see, which I think is the first representation really that I can think of on TV of bisexuality, was you left that season with another female contestant. I do want to talk about what that time was like, but I want to take that back first to when you were a teenager or growing up and you were
still in the church. Did you know that you were bisexual at that time and it was something you had to hide because I guess you were going to hell? Or is that something that you didn't even let yourself explore.
My first few kisses were with girls in the church, and part of me is like, how did I get them to kiss me? It was like it was preached so much that, you know, homosexuality was a sin. So I definitely had that deep seated shame not just about liking girls, but about the facts that I'd followed through with some things, and it was very much hidden, like
no one knew. You didn't tell anyone. So I knew growing up that I was attracted to women, but when I married Chris, I was all about him, so it wasn't really in my mind until we split up and then I started dating women. But it was hard in the way of you know, I think one of the worst effects from being part of such a fundamentalist church, if you could call it that, is the sort of shame and guilt that carries on that has been about my sexuality and about other things too, Like someone will
cut me off in traffic. I mean, I'll cut someone off in traffic, and I'll think about it all week. I'm useless. I shouldn't have done that, And you know, just this shame and guilt that sort of stays with you and you try and attach it to things even if you've done nothing wrong. And I certainly felt that about my sexuality, but you know, it gets better with time.
How do you come to a decision to leave an institution like the church that you're involved in when so much of your life, your identity, your belief system is wrapped up in it. What changed for you and what was the catalyst that made you want to leave.
I had wanted to leave for a while. It was actually my wedding day. That was one of the first things that I was like, this doesn't feel right. It was so controlled, you know, it was like meant to be your one day, especially as part of the church, because you're not allowed to do much, so it's meant to be your one day where you can it's about you and you can enjoy yourself. And it just it wasn't like that at all, and there were just so
many rules, and I had a lot of questions. You know, I've always had a lot of questions, and you start to be seen as what they'd call a Jezebel for having questions, and you start to get socially excluded. There were a lot of things that didn't add up for me personally in the Bible. So I'd wanted to leave for a while, and I'd sort of brought these things up with my partner because I still wanted to be with him, and he was kind of like, no, you've got to pray about it. You've got to pray and fast.
What they'd say, you'd fast for three days and pray and then God would listen to you and give you the answers. And I was trying all these things, but nothing was happening. So I'd wanted to leave for a really long time. And then one day my husband said to me, hey, like, I've got to tell you something like, oh, okay, and he's like, I don't believe in any of this anymore. I want to leave, And I was like, sweet, that's it.
He struggled a lot because his sister had died of cancer, and so she'd been married like six weeks or something when she died. We're all part of this church, and he always believed that she would get healed, that God would heal her and she would be okay. And she had a severe liver cancer, which is pretty bad. She died, and he always I think he carried a little bit of guilt for not spending more time with her because she thought she would always be around, Like, you really believe this stuff.
You know, you've done everything right by the church do so why wouldn't she survive? From what them was saying.
Exactly, And so I think he carried a lot of you know, pain about that, and it was just a
slow progression. And maybe it's also like you're young and you're looking out of the church and seeing people do these amazing things, and you're so you know, you're spending your saturdays down the street preaching and door knocking, and like we literally he had events on every morning and every night, so before work and then like after work it'd be a Bible study or a concert, or you'd be door knocking or street preaching or whatever it was. And it was like your whole life is taken up
by it. And I think, I don't It's funny because I don't feel like I've really talked. We didn't really talk that much about it, about the reasons for leaving. It was just like he didn't believe anymore, and I'd wanted to leave for a long time, and it was just like we did. But a big problem that people have when they leave the church is a lot of people end up it sounds wild, but becoming drug addicts and alcoholics and really messing their lives up because you
have no sense of what morality is. You know, you have to redefine that, and it's very easy to leave the church and kind of go off the rails, and I'm sure a lot of people would think that about me.
You know.
I left and it was like, well, I've never drunk alcohol before, you know, and you don't know where the limits are, and you've had no one teach you the limits. You know, celibacy is taught not safe sex for example. Yeah, it was definitely hard. And Chris and I both dealt with being in the world differently. For me, I wanted to travel. I just got a promotion at work, which
meant I was able to move. And for him, I think he is not like that now, but at the time he was like, well, I want to party and I want to meet people and I want to you know, which is understandable. And I eventually got to that stage too. But it's yeah, it's hard. It's like, morally, where do I stand, Like, I don't have a God telling me what to do or a church telling me what to do. I have to make these decisions on my own.
How did the.
People around you respond when you decided to separate.
I didn't really have anyone around me. I know that sounds strange, but well, we had left the church and I didn't have any friends, and that was another thing.
That was really intimidating because it was like you're cut off from your friends in the church, and I would still be in contact with them occasionally, but they were only allowed to be in contact with me to witness to me, to like try and bring me back to the church, and so like I didn't have anyone, you know, so in terms of how people responded, like there was our families that were very upset, and you know, I had left him and it just wasn't where I wanted
to be anymore, you know. I wanted to have new experiences, and it was hard. It was hard for a couple of years. Like in many ways, he's the only person that really understands what it was like being brought up in that church that sort of essentially knows you as well.
Well. It almost is like a literal rebirth again, like you've never had to make a decision for yourself. Really, You've always been told what to do, where to go, when to do it, how to do it, And all of a sudden, you're in an adult body, but I'm imagining it like you're a child, because you've never had
your own autonomy in your entire life. And then all of a sudden You're trying to make these life decisions in a world that you've got no one to support you because they won't come along with you because you've left. I know now that you have a relationship with your family, but how long did that take to come back around until they sort of accepted you back again and you formed that relationship. Well.
I was actually one of the last to leave the church, which is crazy. My dad was the last to leave and he's still super religious. But I mean, my family's been okay. My mum left to church when I was about thirteen fourteen, and we were pretty much excommunicated from her at the time, which was tough not having your mum, and it was very hard for my mum as well. And there's a lot of things that could be could
have been done differently. But my sister, you know, she left when she was eighteen, just like I don't want anything to do with this, and just left home and left the church and lived her life. And my brother just slowly stopped going. So everyone had kind of left by that time anyway, so it wasn't really a huge issue. I was probably the biggest problem. I was the judgmental
church goer. Which is funny to look back on now, you know, I sort of complain a little bit about some of the people and the way that made me feel. But I used to be that person that would make people feel that type of way. And you know you're going to hell because you've done this and that, And it's funny. It makes you have a little bit more empathy when you you know you've been on both sides of it.
What about when it came to dating again. I mean, obviously, when you very first came onto the screens and became somewhat of a public figure, it was through the Bachelor.
How was that experience?
And how is dating when you've not had any one experience in dating, but you've had nothing to compare it to, you know, no idea of like what's normal, how to be treated in a relationship, how to put rules in.
Place or boundaries? Like how did you navigate that period?
I think I did pretty well, actually, like I was pretty excited to sort of start dating again. I think the biggest issue was as a woman, you're meant to be compliant to men, and so I struggled a lot with people pleasing and saying yes to things that I should have said no to. That was the biggest thing, and I think, you know, I look at some of the relationships I've had more recently where I've been treated terribly and have been way too forgiving and not judgmental
enough kind of thing. Just accepted that it's going to be it's my fault because I'm the woman, and that's been the hardest thing.
I don't even think that that is just something you know, that someone in your position would experience coming from such a strict upbringing. I think that women in general, that's what we want to do. Right.
We're brought up to please, no matter what family you're in.
You brought up to not make too much commotion, to accept things that we probably shouldn't have to accept. I don't know what it is. I think it's exactly that. I think it goes back way way before, like the church. I think it goes back to the fact that like women never used to have jobs. Our sole purpose was to keept married and make the man happy, be the
perfect housewife. Whatever he said goes is what it is, and for some reason it has seeped through generations and we're still experiencing it now.
It's crazy to me that it's still a thing. But I've got so many friends who just don't put up with bullshit, you know, and I really admire them the first red flag, they're like, no.
We did a really interesting episode with elist Loan all around the good girl mentality and how it's something that is almost like a social condition that's bread into us, this need and want to quote unquote behave in a certain way, and how the flow on effect that we can all think that we're above the patriarchy, but it's like how it has.
Affected us in so many ways.
But also I think in your case, you have dealt with all the things that every other female has dealt with, but with such an added layer of complexities with religion thrown on top. When you hear that story about your childhood and your upbringing, it's even more fascinating to me that you could put yourself into a position where you would go and do something like The Bachelor. You know, it's just so otherworldly in comparison to where you came from.
I think it's also, you know, like I was talking before, people they leave the church and they're so desperate to have real life experiences that they really dive in deep and sometimes dive too deep. And I think I was definitely one of those people. I did all the things that I wasn't meant to do, or I took a lot of drugs in my twenties because it was just like,
well I can, I can now. I drank a lot, I traveled a lot, I lived in different countries, I went on a reality TV dated a woman, was on the cover of a men's magazine, all these things that were so looked down upon, and I think I did a lot of them to try. And I don't know, I don't know what it was like remove the shame, trying to do as much extreme things as possible to sort of desensitize yourself to the shame.
It's also like what an ultimate stuff for you to the church. He's like, I'm going to date a woman publicly on natural television, Like fuck you exactly.
I think I became a lost cause then where no one wanted to, you know, preach to me anymore. They're like, she's too she's never coming back. We don't want to back.
Yeah, but what was that time like?
Because I do feel like you were the early days, and I remember I didn't know you from bar soap.
Obviously I knew on the.
TV, but I remember and correct me if I'm wrong, But I remember there see being this mental floating around where you and Tiffany, who was the woman that you left with, you were getting a lot of heat about faking the relationship, like there's no way these two women would have ever. You know, you've gone on a show to meet a man. As if two women are going to get together on the show and leave, they're doing it for publicity. I remember something nasty comments floating around.
What was it like for you to live that experience?
It was pretty shit, like I feel like, you know, And this was seven years ago, which I mean is a while ago, but also not that long ago. And I remember we were one of the first people on reality TV representing bisexual people, and I was actually pretty surprised by the amount of hate that we got in general, and not just of people accusing us of faking the relationship, but just the fact that we were queer. There was
so much hate. And again, like you know, coming from the church and then into the world, I had a sh wrongfully assumed that people would be accepting of who I actually was, and I was so wrong. You know, I remember us going to like a couple of festivals and just being absolutely mobbed and yelled at and I got spat on once. Like it was. Yeah, it wasn't a nice experience at all, and it almost put me off dating women all together. It was shit, and it was kind of like we were able to pave the
way for other people. But it's nice to be the person after the way it's been paved. But it didn't feel like that at the time that yeah, it felt like we were the first.
It's actually so interesting that you put it like that because even when you say seven years it's not that long ago. You think about how far we've come in the reality TV landscape, in the representation landscape. It's not rare now to have a bisexual personality represented on the screen. There have been so many people who have come from the Batch franchise that. I mean, we had Brooke Blurton
who was the Bachelorette and she was bisexual. So now it's some that we have been way more conditioned to and I think overarchingly people are like very accepting of it.
But to think that that was your experience seven years ago, and I don't think there's been very many discussions around the fact that as somebody who pioneered that space, the backlash that you received for it, it kind of was like somebody had to be on that first wave in order for everybody else to have it so much easier as they should have it.
And it's interesting because we received not most of the brunt, but a lot of brunt from the network saying that it was embarrassing that we were in embarrassment. And what's funny about that is the year after Tiffany and I broke up, they asked me if I'd be interested in being the bachelorette and being the first bisexual bachelorette, And that was the year that Sophie Monk did it, which I understand why they where they took her and not me,
but I mean it came down to public opinion. You know, we receiving so much hate from the Bachelor community, from even co stars. You know, like Brittany, you said you had this attitude about who I was before you met me, and I've done my best not to feel like I have to go online and explain myself constantly with a lot of things. It's like, oh, well, if people are going to feel that way, then they can. It's kind of nothing to do with me.
No, I would be embarrassed to say my attitude to you was you're so and I've told you this, you're so ridiculously good looking, and you're even better good looking in real life. And I say that because sometimes you think that when someone's online that everything's photoshopped, everything's their best face forward, you know.
And I just thought you were so.
Ridiculously good looking that I made a very naive and ignorant assumption that I probably wouldn't get along with you because I.
Just felt and this is a reflection of me.
Your persona online looks like you're really girly. Not now because I've done a week diet. No, not now, just because I didn't know you. I just looked at beautiful swim streets photos and modeling photos. You're an amazing model. But when I got to know you, you're a tom boy. You ride motorbikes and you scuba dive, and you with sharks all the time, and you surf and you do all this kind of stuff, and we got along like
a house on fire. So I had definitely had these preconceived ideas of like we probably just wouldn't get along.
I kind of felt that about you as well, britt You were like the big wig of the challenge coming in. We were like, we're always decing, Brittany, you're the draw card here up, but you do you have these preconceived ideas of people, and I certainly had it about you as well. Crazy times. Do you remember when that electrical pole went through the busy?
We don't talk about that.
We don't talk about the fact that a whole bus of us nearly died in reality TV.
Why don't we talk about it? We all almost died.
It was insane and we're not joking. An electrical pole fell through. Okay, let's just say it. It fell through as the bus was driving. It swung down, smashed through the window in front of missed Kira and Conrad by about two inches. Started to fight inside the bus. We couldn't get off, the busses wouldn't open, and they were like, let's never speak about this again.
We thought we're gonna die. We've never spoken about it.
Here we are talking about it. I know Kira and and Conrad. The only reason they didn't get killed is because they had leant forward at the exact time, you know, a few seconds earlier to be like what sorry, what did you say? And then they'd leant forward and this electrical pole this comes through. It was like and they wouldn't let us off the bus because of security and protocol. I think that's what it was.
And I had glass all in my hair over my face. Like literally, people think we're exaggerating in this story.
Were all almost died. It's insane anyway, Yeah, they're probably gonna see us. Now, let's keep me real.
They can't. Our contracts are over.
True, Megan's something that has happened in your life that is absolutely huge. In the last year, you were diagnosed with something called spino cerebella a taxia or.
Sc A six.
Can you tell us about what that is and how you came to find this diagnosis.
Yeah, So spino cerebellar or a taxia. How would I describe it? It's basically it affects you, sarahbellum and your spine, so Pickinge's cells, which are the sole output neurons to tell your body what to do, start to misfire and die. If I could draw a parallel, I would say Parkinson's is the most similar. To what it looks like. And one of the reasons I wanted to get tested for it. I mean, it's in my family, so my grandfather had it. But it was actually when we were on the challenge
that I realized that I should get tested. I was having a few issues on there. One of those, I mean, we made a joke about how uncoordinated I was and that my balance was off. I've always been pretty uncoordinated and lanky and kind of clumsy, but being on the show, I was like, there's something not right here, Like my
motor function skills were off. Even you know, if I was cold, I felt like my speech would be off, or if I was nervous, my speech would be off, and even like running when we would stay it would be fine once I got warmed up. But it was like I had to conscious sleep, be like okay, legs move, and things just weren't happening like they used to. The biggest issue was also neuropathy in my hands, my arms,
my legs, or I couldn't feel my hands. So there were a few challenges that we did, and I didn't tell anyone that this was happening at the time, but like I remembered you know one of the elimination challenges where Connor and I had to go into a room and blindly feel around, like I couldn't see anything, so I couldn't feel what was going on, and so I
sort of left. But I was also like, I, you know, I was going through a very stressful period of time in my life, if you remember Britt like kind of I'd lost a lot of weight and was just struggling. So I was like, maybe this is just stress related. Maybe I'm just really stressed. And you know, I wasn't sleeping if you remember, I didn't sleep the first four nights I was there. But I would take a sleeping pill that was meant to knock me out and I would still be wired. And it was like, okay, this
is pretty full on. So a couple of months after I got back from the challenge, I thought, okay, I need to get tested. But it was also it was confusing because my pop he didn't start getting symptoms until he was in his sixties. So for me, it was like, this is an old person's disease, you know, is what I had always thought, And if I have it, then I don't have to worry about it until I'm sixty, and if I stay healthy and active and that, which my pop wasn't, then you know, maybe I'm going to
be seventy when I start having symptoms. So it didn't feel like a possibility, that it didn't seem like an
issue even if I had the disease. But what we didn't realize is that, ah, yeah, So basically when I got tested, I found out that I had four more gene repeats than my pop, which is a lot, which means and they don't fully understand what it means because it's such a rare disease, But from what I can tell, and my sister's been diagnos with the same disease, is that we're having symptoms now in our thirties that my grandfather didn't have. It's been hard to come to terms with,
you know, Like I didn't plan on being disabled. I didn't plan on this. Like I got out of the church ten years ago, and I feel like I've had ten years to live my life and a lot of that ten years has been taken up with shitty relationships, you know, and I don't think I handled the news. Well, let's just say that, like I follow all these inspiring people online and I'm like, how are they dealing with
this so well? Because that wasn't my experience, Like I was devastated when I found out, And as time goes on, I feel like I've become more devastated because I'm having symptoms and it's scary, Like I've seen what it can look like. Like my grandfather, he couldn't talk, he couldn't eat, he was wheelchair bound. Basically every function that you had apart from your wits, Like you're still able to understand
everything and process information, you just can't communicate. So I've seen that head on in a person much older than me, but the fact that that's going to happen earlier is terrifying. And you know, I'm single and you know, wanting to date, and I'm like, I don't even know how how to deal with that in the dating world, Like do I have to tell someone like do I even want to date? Is someone going to have to look after me in ten years?
You know?
It doesn't There's so many things that I have to deal with that I didn't think i'd ever have to, And it's like I don't have enough super you know, there's these things that you don't think about have.
They been able to give you any indication in terms of the progression, the speed of which, like, is there any indication that they can give you or is it completely unknown?
It's so rare. It's like one in a hundred thousand people have spinocerebella or taxia and they've got no there's no research on it. It's not like MS, which you know, more people have, so a lot of obviously there's more studies on it and a lot of research, but they're only just doing the research into what I have kind of now, and there's barely any Basically, when I got diagnosed, the neurologists was kind of like, all right, there's no treatment.
There's no cure. It can't give me anything. And even with treatments that might be able to help my symptoms, treatments not approved for my disease, which I don't know when it, if it ever will be. So it's kind of like, all right, you know, wipe your hands clean, the neurologist, wipe your hands and just go live your life and do your best, stay active, be healthy, take your vitamins.
I mean, I can only imagine it's ten times worse knowing that there is nothing like. It's one thing to be diagnosed with something and know that there might be an option or there might it might not work, but I can put my energy into this. I can go down this channel. It might be a holistic approach, it might be science based. Whatever it is, it gives you, I guess, a form of hope, yeah, and something to work towards where I guess for you, it's just like cool, I just go and wait for this to happen.
Exactly, And that's exactly it. It's like in some other countries they've got, you know, a few different treatments more to manage symptoms. One of those is what they give people for altitude sickness when they're climbing everest or whatever, because vertigo can get pretty bad and you can be quite imbalance. I mean, that's what a tAxiom is. It's in balance. So there are treatments overseas and that that maybe I
could go over and get. I mean, I'm not having I feel like I'm not having enough symptoms now to warrant that. But the best thing that you can do is slow the progression of the disease, which is why I would be more interested in getting treatments earlier on rather than later. I would try anything, really, as long as it's not damaging me further. It's like, my sister's
been diagnosed. She's got three kids. I've got an egg downer baby, which was kind of rough funning out to have this disease and giving a you know, you think you're giving a gift to someone by here's and now you're like, well, shit, maybe this was a bit of a curse. I mean, a child is never a curse, but it was a tough phone call to make. But there's add on effects to it. It's not just about you,
you know, it's about all the people around you. So I would love to find treatment, but it's all experimental for the most part, especially with the type that I have. It's so so rare. A taxia is pretty broad compared to spino cerebella or taxia type six, you know. So it's like I worry that with these experimental treatments that it could make things worse. But I guess again, it's almost like the bisexuality on reality TV things. Someone has to go first. So yeah, I.
Would love to ask you about your decision. I mean, you just mentioned that you have an egg downer baby. When did this happen and what was your decision process around this? Was it someone who was a friend that was in need. You often hear about sperm doners, but I don't think you guys often hear about egg donors.
And what was it that led to your decision to do that.
I had wanted to donate eggs for a long time, since my early twenties. I thought it would be a cool thing to do. I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to have children, and I was fertile. And around the time I donated eggs, I had started dating someone that had had a vasectomy and they had already had kids. They didn't want any more kids. So I was like, oh, well, this is like a way to reproduce, you know, without
actually having to parents. Yeah. I mean you had to go through counseling and it's like a long process in order to do it. But it wasn't friends. It was I had spoken to someone that ran like an egg donation page, basically connecting potential egg donors with recipients, and it's kind of like Tinder, you know, it's Tinder for your eggs, And I, yeah, I met this couple who
I really liked, and we facetimed and chatted. And then there was a couple that I had talked to before them, and I just didn't feel it didn't feel right, and then this couple it felt right. So and they knew that my grandfather had spina cerebella or taxia, but it was again it was like, well he didn't start getting symptoms totally sixty. This is what it's like. I've only got a small chance of you know, having this disease. And they were like, yep, that's fine. And so we went through the process.
So do they not do genetic testing? Did they not do that? And if they did, would they not have picked this up? Or is this more of a specific test.
Yes, that's exactly it. Like they do genetic testing for sure. For embryos I had to in order to donate. I also had to do genetic testing, But they don't test
for spina cerebellerotaxia. It's too rare. It's like, who the fuck would have this, which looking back now, I'm like, maybe they should have because I disclosed that as a potential for me and it was the only thing in my medical history that could have been an issue like I've got no history of cancer in my family or diabetes or anything like my you know, biological family is really healthy. So it was the one thing. But they
decided not to test for it. The recipients weren't that worried about it, so we just ahead and they had a baby.
So what does that mean when you said it was a really hard phone call to make, because obviously you went ahead and let the family know what was their response and are they going to go and further test their child?
Are they just going to wait and see what happens.
Yeah, So they were one of the first people that I contacted before my own family, I think because it was the first thing on my mind, like, you know, the idea that it could affect, and at that time, I didn't realize that I had more gene rebeats as well. When I made the call, it was still something that I thought would be quite far down in the future for me. But I mean, they were amazing. They're amazing people, and I think at first I'll be like, oh, this
is this is not good. And I gave them the details of my neurologist and how to get tested because it took four months. I was waiting for four months to get the results as well. I've kind of left that in their hands and we haven't really talked about it since. They were just kind of like, I'm sorry to hear that, and yeah, we'll get per tested and that's pretty much outwent. I mean, what can you do. There's no treatment, there's no.
How do you feel like your life has changed or you're living life differently knowing that one day your speech will go and your mobility will go and it's almost going to be like that slow decline.
How has it changed for you?
Well, when I first got diagnosed, I thought that I was kind of like, all right, I just need to live life to the fullest, you know. I need to travel and ride motorbikes and scuba dive and do all the things that I'm eventually not going to be able to do. But and I would love to say that I have lived like that, And I mean I have. I have in a way this year, you know, I've definitely tried to eliminate stress factors in my life because they say that stress is one of the worst things
that you can do. The progression of the disease will happen quicker if you're stressed. So it's been getting rid of people in my life that aggravate my peace, you know, that have caused a lot of stress in my life over the last couple of years. Yeah, I've had to change a few things, and so, you know, I've stopped I used to drink, you know, quite a lot of wine, and now I've had to pull back and I'm not drinking during the week. I'm really careful. I don't have
any interest in doing drugs. I try and you know, exercise a lot, I eat really healthy, you know. So it's changed my life in that way, But I wouldn't say that I've just come out of it just kicking and again, I feel like I hear so many inspiring people that are advocates, you know, they're disability advocates, and I don't feel like I'm there yet. I feel like i'm I'm still struggling to accept my diagnosis and I've struggled a lot with you know, depression over the last year.
And I don't want to waste my time being depressed and not sleeping and being stressed about being stressed. But if there's anyone else that has felt the same way reach out to me, because it's not always easy, you know, and you want to be the person that defies all odds and just gets out there. And another thing that's been really hard is being single and dating again and
not really fully understanding what it might look like. Like I could have the same symptoms that I have now for the next twenty years and be completely fine and not have any more issues that I'm having now. But we don't know, and I think there's the unknowns in it that is scary as well, Like I don't know how much time I have, Like I love to read. I love to read, I love to paint. I love to write. And you know, my vision will will go my you know, everything that's important to me. Okay, I
like to do a lot of adventurous things. I'm not gonna be able to do those things. You know. My life is going to be cut short in a way, not by death, but by illness. And so I guess it does change your perspective, but I'm still sort of processing and yeah, we'll have to we'll have to see how things go.
I think it is so humanizing though, and I truly mean this because we've interviewed some incredibly aspirational people who have been through great traumas and have come out the other side with this intense positivity, sometimes almost unbelievable positivity where you think, wow, like you know, how do they manage to savor every day? But I also think it's so important to honor the journey towards getting to those places.
So often we talk to people who have already reached that destination, and then for those who are in the midst of trauma, in the midst of dealing with the big shit that life throws at you, you can feel like you're failing because you haven't reached that destination yet, or maybe for some people, you never reached that destination of full acceptance, and for every single person it looks
very different. So I think that there is something incredibly humanizing about having someone be honest about the fact that they have not yet completely accepted or even been able to reach this destination of positivity around something that's adversely affecting them.
That's exactly it. And I think there's part of it where you don't want to be a victim, Like you don't want people to see you as a victim. You don't want people to feel sorry, and so in that way on my Instagram. In talking about it, I try, and I mean I barely talk about it, but when I do, I try and be really positive and I am grateful. You know, I've had more opportunities than most, and I'm very, very lucky. But I predominantly only say things like that because I don't want people to look
at me. And isn't it funny these things that you don't think about that I've never had to think about before. But it's like, I don't want to be seen as a victim. I don't want to be seen as, oh, poor Megan. Someone I was with said to me, and I've told Britt this before, but a comment they made to me was, Megan, I could date a twenty year old without a brain disease, and I choose you. And this person had disrespected me in many ways, but this is the thing that like, I'm pretty sturdy, like I'm
not easily offended, but this hurt. It hurt my feelings so much to hear that, and it was a little glimpse into what people might see me as or see me like.
It's because it's been dressed up as a compliment it's like, I have the choice of anyone, but I'm choosing you. It's like they're trying to imply that it's because the person you are on the inside is so special, but then by implying that they're saying, well, the person on the outside that you are as defective exactly.
It was very offensive, and they had said this to me a few times over the night, and I'd kind of pushed it away, and it wasn't until a few days later that I brought it up with this person and told them. But it also it very much made me lose respect for this person as well, because it was like, who the fuck do you think you are? You know that I'm The idea that I should be grateful that someone has chosen me was horrible.
Yeah, And also in those moments, it makes you realize that sometimes, not even just sometimes often being on your own is better than being with people who don't and can't respect you, will love you in a way that you just to be like, it's so hard to get to a place in life where you're like, I would rather be on my own and have agency of my happiness, have agency over my choices than to be with someone who has control over that and has control over my
happiness because of their infidelity or their lying or however else they're showing up in the relationship.
Yeah, that's exactly it. And it's kind of a hard place to get to. Like I'm sure Britt understands what it's like when you're you know, you reached like Britt and I are about the same age, and it's kind of like, how many times do I have to do this?
Oh my god, I have to start again?
Yeah, I know, and it's kind of it's intimidating starting again. And I think that's one of the reasons I've put up with so much stuff, is because I mean, I love good company and sex and you know, all the things. But in the end, it's like, am I betraying myself to be in this position? And if the answer is yes, then you shouldn't be there.
I appreciate and can imagine the struggle that you feel about should I be dating somebody if in ten years or fifteen years that this is going to happen and they're going to have to look after me. I understand that, but I hope that doesn't stop you from dating and finding that person, because the right person is out there and the right person won't care.
Yeah, for sure. And again it's hard to know how the disease is going to progress. Like my mum's been diagnosed and she's fifty six and she's completely fine. You know, she's having very few symptoms. So it's like, who knows. Like I could be absolutely fine, they could die, you know, I could get married again and have kids, get the embryos genetically tested and have kids and live a really normal life, or it could be completely different. But yeah, we don't know, and I don't want to let it
stop me. I think my confidence has really been affected by some of the comments and things that have been said to me in the past. And it's also hard because you can google my name and one of the first thing that comes up is Megan Mark's diagnosed with you know, neurological disease. So I don't even really have the choice to start dating and decide when I want
to reveal that, because I mean, let's be honest. You google people you know you're going on a date with them, Yeah, you google them, you look them up on social media, and you see what's going on, and there's it's like, I don't have that choice. So it's difficult, and I think maybe I'd have more confidence if I was able to reveal that slowly to someone. And you also, you don't know how Yeah again, I was going to say, you don't want them to assume that you're a certain
way when you're not. And but you can't give someone answers either, Like, even if I was going to have that conversation with someone, it's like, well, I don't know what's going to happen to me, you know, I don't know what's going to happen.
I think that this has been a progression over the last few years. But you were very public facing for a while across social media, across public engagements, But it seems like over the years you have moved further away from that life. Was that a conscious decision. Was that a conscious decision around privacy or was it just simply the you know, how life is transpired and where you've moved to, Like, what does that look like for you now in terms of how public facing you are with life.
I think I went through a stage a few years ago where I've wanted to I mean, it sounds so sort of wanky and cliche, but I wanted to live a little bit more authentically. And I'm not saying that you can't do that and be on social media. Of course you can. And I'm still on socials, but now I only post what I want to post, and you know, I can be pretty real about suffering from a bit of depression lately, and that I've been going through a hard time and I've lost a lot of weight because
of stress. And I've been able to talk about those things. But it's more, I guess it didn't feel good anymore. It just didn't feel good anymore, and I just wanted to live a quieter life and not feel like I have to explain myself. I always felt like whenever I did get on social media and voice and opinion that I got so destroyed by the media or by various personalities, and I wasn't very good at handling it. You've got to have really thick skin, almost callous skin. I'm sure that you two do.
You know it's not think enough either.
You have to and I definitely I mean something in
which it was very public last year. It might have been the year before, but it was the conversation around ADHD that transpired in the media how do you deal with situations where you feel as though you've been misrepresented, misunderstood, miscommunicated, and then you don't have the ability because like when you're up against almost like a fight online where you've been misrepresented, how do you explain who you are and defend the person that you are when you've been misrepresented.
You have to get to the point where you understand that no amount of explaining yourself is going to make you win. Is the most important thing, And for me, you know, the first thing I try and do is take some accountability and have a look at myself, like if you're getting a whole lot of negative energy put towards you. Not all the time, but sometimes you're wrong. You're wrong, and you've got to accept that. You know, obviously people are going to take one line of what
you said and pull you through the colls. But for me, I mean, at the time when that ADHD conversation happened, I was waiting for the results of you know, the disease that I have right now, and so it was a very interesting time to be called ablest And when I was on the show, I was taking ADHD medication. I've been diagnosed for quite a while. I mean, I don't want to get into it and try and explain myself again because I feel like I'm about to do that.
But I think the thing is that sometimes you don't deal with it when you get that much vitriol and hate spat at you. Sometimes you just don't, you know, and it's like, oh, you know, the best thing to do is to not read the comments and to not engage and to not and for sure, but it still hurts. Again. It was another reason where it's like, Okay, I'm taking a step back from social media because it just wasn't easy. And at the same time, it's like, well is this
good for my mental health? And you want to sort of take a step back and work out what you value and why you're talking about the things you arehether you should or not, And yeah, I'm sure it's different for everyone how they deal with it.
I specifically saw a story set that you did a little while ago where you were genuinely really vulnerable and I know you said you don't like to go on to your socials and show a weakness, will be a victim, but there was a moment where you were trying to raise awareness for your disease because it is unknown, and watching your vulnerability in the fact that I get up, I think I'm going to cry talking about it, but watching how scared you were in that story set where
you were like, I don't know what my future is and no one's helping me.
No one is there to help me.
I messaged it to the girls and I said, like, I want to put her on a platform where she can talk about it and more people can understand, because I can't imagine how isolating and lonely that feeling must be.
Yeah, and you know, I'm part of a small cohort of people that has an incredibly rare disease. There isn't help, and part of me feels like I can't ask for help either, because it's like what I'm dealing with affects such a small cohort of people, So why why ask for it? There's more important things, there's more important disease, and so it's been incredibly isolating, really isolating, and it is. It is hard. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, but thank you for giving me the platform and thank you for
allowing me to talk about it. I really appreciate it.
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