Let's talk about SEX BABY!

Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany. Hi Brittany, how's your week? Bed? I don't know why, I swear to God every time we get in a room together, we just start laughing hysterically, and I'm not actually sure what we're laughing at. Nothing has happened. No, that's nothing in my week, nothing funny, And here we are yet again, like groundhog Day. I'm gonna be honest. I have had a really funny week? Is it a sad week? Actually? I did have someone

Oh? Git?

It's like, oh it's it's I forgot what the world was like. I forgot what the online dating world was like. But do you know what is funny? Actually, oh my god, I said I didn't have a funny week, but I did.

This is it.

I'm so happy that you're back. This is the old Brittany. Guys, if you've been listening to this podcast from the get go, then you will remember back when there was meat Raffle and sit on my face guy. Those are the golden days of life on Cut, when Brittany could bring her dating stories to the podcast. And she's back and I'm so happy. Actually, a really quick update on meat Raffle, not like an actual update, but that we had a mutual friend right, and I was with the mutual friend.

No.

But what was funny is so I jumped back online only like a few days ago and match with a few people like you know, in the first day. But all of them started to say the same thing did you match with? Like did you match with like a dating bot? All of them know, all of them started to say the same on the same sort of like wavelength, So things like ah, third time, lucky, maybe we're like meet this time. Another one, oh, you disappeared on me and I was like, I was like, hang on a minute.

No.

I got so defensive. I was just like, you know what, I don't have the energy for this. I was like, I was like, it's on trust. If you don't want to speak to me because don't think it's me, that's fine,

Oh?

Yeah? Sometimes two three times a day. I would have been like, you're a bloody animal. I like, she use at a breakfast and also at dinner time, and take it to work. It's so graty in the ki you can transport it everywhere. This reminds me. This reminds me of the time when I was I was working in an office many many moons ago, and a girlfriend of mine at the time, this is back when, you know, this is back when the days when you're in your early twenties and people are being a little bit naughty.

Oh.

So this just reminded me when I was young and I remember asking my mom why why does a guy have to have an erection in order to have sex? And my mom was like, well, Laura, just imagine trying to shove a marshmallow into a money box, and that visual has stuck with me my entire fucking life. It's like putting into a cheese crater. But then I mentioned putting it into a cheese grade just in terms of

I'm actually really excited to chat to you, lovely ladies today.

We're excited because you are a sexologist extraordinary. I've labeled you that. I think you're a was just extraordinair. So what makes you a sexologist? Like, what do you have to study? We had so many questions when we put out our questions to our listeners, and one of the biggest ones was what is a sexologist?

Good question?

Okay, I'll give you a brief background of how I got to where I am today.

What makes you qualified to be talking about sex other than you just love it?

Well, I was gonna say that aside from just loving sex, I studied psychology when I was a lot younger.

Straight out of school. I hated psychology.

I found it really difficult and I found it really clinical. So I studied psychology. I finished the degree, and then I traveled he and then I became a mom. Then I became a yoga teacher, and I was teaching yoga and for a couple of years, and I towards the end of teaching, I just got really bored of like number staying at the end of class and.

Number can't stay here forever.

It just felt Yeah, I was just like oh, no, another numbers, and I was working heaps of women, and women were always coming to me asking me about sex and talking about their sex lives, and it was I was always that person in my friendship circle who people always came to and disclosed stuff, and so I found it really easy to talk about And back to the yoga, I just felt like there was something more to my

Was like this, You're not addicted. It's just one day.

You're going to make a career out of this somehow, because it's really a really big part of you. And so I look back and you know, I had this therapy session so many years ago, and then I finally, you know, found that career.

So can I ask a few things? A how long is a sexology degree? And B how old were you when you started it? Like when you really were like, this is a career change. I'm not happy with what I'm doing. Because I think a lot of women also hit that point where they're like, is this me forever? Am I going to number? Stay here forever?

I'm thirty eight now, so I was about thirty when I decided to do the career change.

So I've been going for about eight years.

I love that because because like I just said, we get a lot of people right into saying that they're not happy with their life and how do you change your career in such a drastic direction? And I love that you were like, simple, I'm not happy. What do I love? I love sex? How can I do it? And then you went and did it. I think most of them who are like I love sex and aren't like I'm going to go read about sex. I'm going to go learn about sex. They're just more like I'm

Well, it was very practical for me too.

I had a really good excuse when I was studying to do multiple case studies, and I even would joke with friends and be like, this is a great case.

Study business market research.

Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of research gone on behind the scenes. Did you ever slide into anyone, like anyone famous or like just someone that's really really hot and be like, look, I'm doing an assignment for UNI, I need to have sex.

Kind of.

I guess I kind of took advantage of the fact I was studying sex. And you know, when when the conversation when people hear that I'm a sexologist, or when they heard I was studying it, it always opens up really interesting conversations with people. So it was a good doorway into you know, lots of case studies.

Like looking back now, because you've said you've got a partner, now, did you find it was more detrimental to you or more of an advantage when you were sort of dating and telling people. Were there more people that were like, Oh, I can't go there because this is too intimidating, or were there more guys that were like, hell's yeah.

I never saw it as a disadvantage.

I think it actually just I attracted in men and women because I was in a relationship with a woman when I started studying sexology, and then you know, I just just go back and forward.

But I'm more into guys.

But I think I just attracted in really quality lovers, to be honest, who like were prepared to step up and be like, Okay, she's a sexologist, just you know, this is what she does. And it's like it's the caliber went up because everyone who's too scared or doesn't have the confidence didn't want to approach.

We've been so excited to do this episode because we do so every week. We have a second episode that we do on Thursdays, which is our Ask Uncut. And I guess there's been like so many times where we've been asked questions around sex or very sexually specific questions where like we don't have the experience to be able to comment on it, or we haven't felt comfortable commenting on it. For fear of it ending up in the

Firstly, low libido is I feel like an epidemic in the world. So many people are suffering from a lo lobido.

I like that we're suffering from a pandemic. And you're like, but the real epidemic here is people aren't having at Yeah.

Yeah.

So firstly, for those who asked it, you know you're not alone. If you're if you don't have the confidence to talk to friends or family about it, just know if you're listening to this that you are not the only one who is experiencing lo lovito. Or who has a partner who experiences lo libido. So some of the main causes of lolobido are really basic things that we're not taught about.

We're not educated about what affects a.

Libido at all. So stress is a huge one that affects us. And that could be like work stress, so overworking.

Feeling tired. So you know, for new mums that can be really.

Challenged, guilty as charged.

Yeah, you know, like you probably relate to the feeling type thing, and so do as a mother. And so when we have lack of sleep, both for women and men, it can definitely affect albedo. If we're eating really bad food, you know, we're just eating takeaway all the time, our body isn't taking in good nutrients that create the hormones that make us want to have sex. And this goes for men and women. So what happens when our body's

So that's something.

That people really need to be aware of, and that's one of the biggest causes of low libido. And then another one would be in relationships, conflict and lack of communication, disrespect, all sorts of things, cheating, you know, death in the family, like life events, loss of a job. So at the moment, with what's going on in the world, there's like so many people who are experiencing really low libido because of the craziness that's unfolding around the globe.

So I've had a lot of people.

Come to me with libido challenges at the moment more than usual.

I love that you said straightaway, if you have low libido, you're not alone, because I can't tell you. For all the listeners, it was the number one question. We get it all the time, and each person that writes in sort of sort of says it like they feel like they're the only one. So I love that we can tell everyone that you are not alone. And it's nice to know that you've just said there are so many little things just like looking after your body that you can do to try and get back on track.

You know, we need to accept that throughout our lifetime, our libido is going to go up and down. So for people who are finding low libido or challenge, sometimes the best thing to do is just to accept right now, I don't feel like sex. This is like, I just need to accept this about myself. And so for clients of mine, when they just accept it, it's like they

I do have one more thing that I wonder if you can shed some light on. I don't know if it's a myth or if it's true, but generally speaking, do you think contraception like being on the pill? Do you think that affects people's libido.

I think it can definitely have that effect on some women.

In general, everyone's unique.

So for one woman, her libido may drop, she may put on weight, she may get you know, all these different side effects of the pill, and then for others, the libido can actually increase.

So it's not something that I.

Can say in general, and I haven't seen the latest stats around it as to what women are experiencing, but guaranteed, you know, it's a synthetic product that we're putting in our body to alter the hormones and trick the body, and it's going to have effects. So for me, I was on it when I was about twenty for only

So that's my personal experience of the pill. Everybody's different.

Also, just like taking back to what you were saying before about like this idea of how stress and how at different points in your life you're going to fluctuate in your libido. Like, I love that you've touched on that, and I think that that's so important because, like I mean, we talk pretty openly on the podcast about the fact that me having a one year old kid, Uh yeah,

I agree, definitely, there's that that's saying for new mums that you can feel like touched out or because you're always being touched. You know, you're holding your child, breastfeeding if you choose to breastfeed, and you just I know, by the end of the day, when my girl was the age of your child, I was just like.

Do not touch me, Like I'm done.

I have never heard anyone call it touched out before, but it's that's exactly what it is like when you have a kid hanging off your boob all day and then your partner comes along and they're like, hey, let me, this is not a flirtatious asset anymore. This is a very different purpose.

Now, yes, definitely, I totally relate.

And so with so many moms listening, so many moms, so yeah, we can touch on that later if you want, Like how do how do you navigate that as a mother?

All right, Juliette, I'm going to get into the big one. And by the big one, you know, I mean the big big. We had so many questions on all types of like subcategories of the orgasm, like clteral orgasms, vaginal orgasms, the different types, but also the fact that some people just can't orgasm. So we had a lot of people say, I've never had an orgasm. I don't think I've ever had an orgasm. Am I doing something wrong? What can I do to fix that?

So?

Yeah, can we just like jump on into that one?

Yeah?

I love this topic definitely. What do you want to know? Where should we start?

Well? I think yeah, I think like with the questions that came in, like there was a lot of guilt attached to it, and I think that meant there's maybe this misconception. Like one of the questions that I found really interesting is that a lot of listeners were asking they can't orgasm from like having sex, they can only orgasm from clatorial stimulation or from other ways. And there was almost like this feeling of is there something wrong with me that I can't orgasm from just having sex?

Yeah.

I think there's a lot of pressure put on us and there is a.

Misconception that we should just stick something inside us, whether it's a penis or a hand.

Or a dildo or whatever.

It is, and suddenly be having explosive orgasms.

And it in and I just shove it in. And I mean, let we have a lot.

Of porn to blame for that, because you know, women are just going for it and then suddenly have a fake orgasm in most porn, and then we get this idea of like, oh, you know, that's how it is. Nothing else really happened, and suddenly she's having an orgasm.

So stop putting the pressure on yourself.

A lot of women don't have orgasms just from internal stimulation from penetrative sex at all, and most women do enjoy having their clip touched. And you know, there was this big movement a few years ago of like click shaming, and even I even admit that a part of me did click shame a bit around like stop to your clit women. And I do think that if we stop touching our clit, we do have more of just for a bit, is to have more of a tendency to

You you know you will experience it.

Is it true that some people, I feel like I've read this probably Dolly Magazine when I was twelve. I feel like it's true that some people, some women physically will never be able to have an orgasm, like a small percentage of the population. Is that true? Do you think or do you think there's a way for everyone to get there?

In the end, I think there's a way for everyone, I really do.

I think that what can block us from experiencing pleasure in our body is trauma. Trauma from childhood, trauma from adulthood.

It doesn't necessarily have to be like sexual trauma.

It could just be that, I don't know, we were shamed by a parent for masturbating at a young age, and then from that moment onward, we just shut down everything to do with sex, and it's carried on into our twenties and thirties. So women who feel like they can't orgasm often come to me as a coach, and once we unpack what's happened in their childhood, what's happened as an adult, what happened with their first boyfriend or girlfriend, whatever.

What it is.

I think back to when I was in my early twenties and like, you know, when I had my first sexual experience, and then like sex was like for me in my twenties, verse what it's like for me now and now that I know what I like and now that I know my body. I used to think sex was all about the end goal for him, Like so long as he had come, then I had done a

Yeah, And that comes down to being able to have that knowledge and about yourself as a woman. Comes down to being able to self pleasure or masturbate, whatever you

I think it also comes down to when you just feel so comfortable with a partner. So when you finally get to someone that you trust and you're comfortable in your own skin and you're so open and comfortable with them, think I think that makes a huge difference in the bedroom. If you're self conscious or you think that your partner's judging you, maybe you're only new in the relationship, I think that can really really affect what happens in the bedroom.

I agree, and that's why it's so important that we choose to be with lovers, whether it's a one night stand or something that turns into a long term relationship. Lovers that we feel really comfortable with and who respect us and who we also respect them. And myral has been from a young age that I'll only sleep with people who would actually want to be so like, I put myself with the shoes of a potential lover, and I'm like, would I want.

To walk in their shoes? And like do they inspire me? Like do they.

Inspire me with what they're doing in the world, with how they listen to me with eye contact?

You know, are they on purpose or are they just floating?

There's nothing wrong with just floating through life, but like, do they inspire me in more than just are they hot? I mean, when I was early twenties, I was definitely going for the like he's hot, I want to f him, But you know, I soon realized that that was short lived and not that satisfying.

I actually love that explanation. I've never heard anyone say that, Like, look at a partner and say, what I want to be the person you are? What I want to live your life. I think that's really nice because I'm thinking about some people I've dated. I've definitely not ever wanted to walk in their shoes. But also I think about that as well, and I'm like, it's just so obvious, like how different it is for a man and for

Like there's just.

More steps and more layers to actually get to a point when you're having sex or when you're you know, feeling comfortable that leads into that big O moment.

Definitely, are we very different. Men and women are very different, And I'm glad you brought that up. Women need more so need their.

Heart opened before they and open their legs.

You love it, you come out with his brilliant white and then open your legs. Ladies. It's the one liners that you say so seriously. Then I'm trying not to giggle because I'm like, that was brilliant. I heard one before and it was conversation is a lubrication, and I was like, I love this.

That's actually great because it really is.

It really it's like a form of foreplay for women, like send us a few texts, you know, like tell us how amazing we are, how beautiful we are, how much you know you think we're amazing, and that's you're halfway there. But don't just expect to just come, you know, walk in and take your work clothes off and just bend us over, because you know, I mean, occasionally that's some fine, but yeah, let's be honest.

Let's be honest.

But you know, i'd say seventy percent of the time we want to, and especially in long term relationship, because once that initial spark, the honeymoon period subsides, we definitely can start to we need more to inspire us, I think, And so for a woman it's.

Opening her heart.

I mean, I know they say, well I think they say it. I say it that your brain is your biggest sexual organ in your body. And I know for me it may sound silly, like, yes, I want to cannetrate my mind. No, but I want you to be sexy and ripped and tanned and beautiful and everything. But there's nothing sexier to me than intelligence and having a really good conversation with somebody. If a man can carry a conversation, if you can teach me something, if you

I agree, intelligence is a big one for me.

That's what initially attracted me to my partner is his intelligence and his ability to, like, oh, I guess our ability to have really great conversations and alternative ways of thinking to about life like, that's really attractive to me.

I was with the hottest guy right years ago. I'll tell you who after Okay, great, he was like a famous model and he was beautiful full Yeah, Oh my god. I actually couldn't see him anymore because he couldn't shtring a sentence together. And I was like, you are I can't believe I'm going to say this because you're so good looking. But I'm like, I can't. I can't do

I have said that so many times.

Yeah, I just say, you know, like I've definitely gone had that and thought, you know, he's so hot, like he's amazing, and he's you know, a pro surf for all whoever he is, and I just want to basically just sit on his face. But then they open them, when they open their mouth, I'm just like, I need a paper bag and some gaffe tape. The amount of times I've said, if only I had to roll a gaffe tape and he shut up, then you know, then I'll sleep.

With it like this.

Juliett, what is your what is your opinion on faking an orgasm? I mean, we've all done it, britt Have you done it? Have we all known it, mate. Now we've all done it. We've done it. Come on, let's be honest. At one point or another, I can't have all faked an orgasm. I can't imagine there is a woman out there anywhere that hasn't done it at least once. Okay, Britt, why have you faked an orgasm? I'm pretty proud to

Well, yeah, I agree that most women would have done it.

I've only done it maybe one or two times in my life, so I must be a very small percentage of women because I haven't done it often lucky women.

Yeah, But the thing is you're leaving the men better than when you find them, that's for sure. No.

But the thing is that, yeah, I agree with you, I am, is that I don't necessarily always need to have a really big, explosive orgasm to really enjoy sex. In fact, sometimes I don't want to have let's go for the clitteral because clitteral orgasms are one of the most common ones that women are having, They're the most accessible in a way like that, it's probably the easiest way for a lot of women.

I sometimes choose not to.

Experience that type of orgasm because I want to feel I don't want to just be focusing on the end goal. And that's what I teach is like, if we can take out that end goal of orgasm and not have it be about the orgasm, then that's when we connect deeper, which is ultimately what we want to be doing when we're having sex, is like connecting as humans in a

More honest, and then you can.

Work on experiencing a really authentic orgasm.

Yeah.

I actually find it so interesting that you talk about how having platoral orgasm is the easiest and most successible, because I think that there would be a lot of girls out there who only have that. I mean, like, I'm pretty sure I only have that because, like you said, it's like I know exactly what to do to make that happen. That one way, that one road, it's tried, it's tested.

There's like a one spot, one spot, one millimeter spot, and one way to rub and that's it, and you just know that that's guaranteed.

I know it'll take me two minutes and thirty five seconds. That's all I need and I'm going to get there. But I think it's so interesting because when you said that there was like a movement a few years back about click shaming. I mean, obviously when not in your industry, this is not something that I would have ever heard of or even known that that was a thing that there was like a movement to try and encourage people

Yeah, definitely, And you know, for people who want to explore more, there's Tantra is another feel that I'm extensively trained in and I've actually weaved the teachings of Tantra into my study of sexology, so I'm way more holistic

So it's really possible.

It's I mean, that's a rarity, but it's really possible.

But yeah, so maybe I was referring more to that community.

I mean, fifty is amazed by that, and fifty percent of me feels so tired that I want to go have a nap.

Honestly, I was so tired.

Yes, it's like running a marathon. I give me ten minutes and I'm done and I'm ready to go to bed.

Time is money.

When you got a one year old, I didn't even know a three hour orgasm was a thing.

Neither did I. It's more like an energetic thing.

Juliet, This is a bit of a roague question, but it did come in quite a bit, and it's actually something that I genuinely don't know the answer to. So I was like, I'm gonna ask this, what is female ejaculation or squatting? Like, what is that? All Right?

It basically what it is, and I'm not actually an expert in this area, but I'm gonna tell you what I know and what I've observed. It's a big mystery, so that we don't know exactly what the fluid is.

But a lot of women do squirt. A lot of women don't.

I would say the high percentage would be not. But it is really normal and natural. So if women are listening and they're like, oh my gosh, that's what it is, it's I haven't squatted, so I don't know the feeling, but apparently it feels like you're winging yourself or it's just like for some women, it's like actually squirting out and it's like a warm liquid. Scientists have done the studies. They don't know what it is. They don't know what the liquid is or where it comes from.

So in the tantra.

World, it's like called like the sacred waters, and it's very mysterious and sacred and in tantra in the communities, it's thought to be like a sacred elixa you know that, and it's a blessing. It's thought to be a blessing if a woman squirts on you, So you.

Got is so wow? That is like so wild and not what I was expecting. It's like, you're welcome. You should be grateful that I squirted on you. That's an indication you're doing a good job.

How I've seen men line up to be squirted.

Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Life is so wild, it is so for It's not anymore.

This is like single life.

Now I'm just like nestled into relationship, which I actually love.

It's you know, probably a lot more rewarding these days.

Where does one see a square? Where's one line up to be squirted on?

Like?

Where would you even go for that? While what.

That was in like a temple, a temple evening, which is converts to a like kind of like an orgy.

Yeah, where right?

So there are like nights for this and there are workshops and things like that.

Yeah, there's there's actually beautiful communities all around the world who run workshops.

In this more the more alternative area of sex.

I've been in a squirting workshop where it was called the Sacred Squirting Workshop.

I was a.

Participant and there was a lady from Europe somewhere and that was her jam, just teaching women to squirt, and it was all it was just for women.

And I was about thirty women in this tiny little room, a bit too tiny. We're all clammed in, oh squirted on and she.

Did a demo and she actually squirted on the girl in the front row.

Glad it wasn't me.

Oh my gosh. Yeah, I just like blowing my mind today this.

Yeah, and then we.

All just got to it like and did what she said. Yeah, we had gloves, so like it was like, no, it was gloves if you were doing it to another woman in a non sexual way. So we first did it to ourselves to see if we could. Lots of women squatted for the first time. I couldn't get it. So I got one of my best friends who was with me, and I was like, hey, can you try, Like we're very close, and she was like sure.

So she's just like the.

Protocol was you had to wear a glove just for you know, hygiene like and all that, and she just had to go. But yeah, if you for women who do want to, you know, try and see. Basically, if you enter your fingers into your vagina, say you're lying down, so you're entering them in and up towards your g spot, there's a spongy area towards so up towards your tummy,

That's amazing. And I think one of the things like that I kind of take from that is literally sex is a learned thing, Like you get better at it the more you learn, the more that you expose yourself, the more that you kind of like as you've done research and learn about what your body can do and what you like, and if you're having bad sex or if you're having sex it's not what you want, like you can learn otherwise.

Definitely, there's so many ways to have sex and experience it, and it's just ending. Like I know, for me, I'll be exploring this till, you know, till I'm really old. Like it's I'm never going to stop learning in this era of my life, just like any other area.

So tell you what you are a surprise little package. Julianne. You I've just like every single thing that's come out of your mouth. I'm like, say what.

I forget about all these stories and experiences until I talked to you know, people like you, and then I'm like, oh, yeah, that happened.

This is a question that I think is really interesting and I think it really applies to probably younger listeners and people who don't have as much experience with sex

Lots of people will be their ears will pick up on this one. I think because we've all been in that situation. We're like, hmm, I wouldn't mind him like ramping things up a bit, but he's being way too nice to me.

So women fear that if they ask and they're going to.

Be perceived as like a quote unquote slut or you know, like that the man's going to be like scared off.

So how do you approach it? What I would do.

Would be say I really want to chat to you. I'd be really informal, but I'd be like, I really want to chat to you about something that's really like important to me and something I've been wanting to talk to you about for a while now, when it's a good time to chat to you. So I wouldn't just spring it on my partner or on a new lover. I would I'd more like wait for the right moment and don't wait for months, because you know, in those months you could be getting choked every day if you know,

Is like you give a shit sandwich compliment shit, and then follow up with a compliment, serve it on a piece of dry white bread.

Yeah, or like organic rye that would be more more.

Delicious, free gloom free, gluten metax.

Yeah.

I would say, you know, I really am enjoying our sex life, like I love love the connection that we have, and I love that we're having sex all the time, and you know, I feel like there's so much more to explore.

I was There's one thing I'd love to explore with you.

I'm not sure whether you're open to it, but I just want to be really open and honest with you about what I'm desiring, because I you know, I want to be transparent with you about like my desires, and you know, hopefully you get a good reception from your partner, and if you have a great partner, I feel like most most guys would be really open to this, or women if you're a woman in relationship with a woman listening, But and then just say like, I actually, as much

So is that something you're open to exploring?

So then just ask the question and wait and listen and see what happens, and let your partner talk.

So don't keep interrupting because you're nervous.

Just see what they say, and they might be instantly turned on and be like, oh my god, I was thinking the same thing, but I didn't know whether you think I was weird or you know, or they might be like, oh, I don't know, that sounds.

A bit strange.

And that's when you can be like, Okay, what's strange about it, So just keep asking questions.

But we always say every episode that the number one thing in a relationship is communication, just to be open. But for this specific question, would you not recommend? So, for example, Lauris lord Broke brought up choking, would you not recommend like maybe next time you're having sex to sort of just like try and improv and like maybe grab their hand and put on your throat and show them like would you not recommend that? Would you ever

It depends on what type of person you're with or what type of person.

You are, because if there's really great sexual energy there, I've personally found that these conversations don't even need to be had.

It's like you meet and somehow your energies just collide.

And you you're you're meant to be in this relationship somehow, and it all just unfolds in the bedroom without words.

It's like, you know, it's I think lots.

Of people test the waters in a way, like he may just put his hand, you know, near your throat, like just to see how you react, and someone would you know, will coil in So if the guy's really tuned in, he'll be like, oh, she's not into that. Other women will get the hand like I would get the hand and just really like shove it there and be like, go.

Let's do this. Yeah, come on, come happy. But it's also dependent on whether you feel safe and comfortable with that person as well. Like you know, obviously there'll probably be a few people who listen to this who are like, no, I really don't like that. It doesn't make me feel comfortable at all. And that's a totally a personal preference. But I guess like the one thing that you maybe run the risk of if you have these conversations in the heat of the moment, depending on how complex the

Communication is key, you know, it's key to anything, and it's really key to great sex. So yeah, I have the conversations but also sometimes things just reveal themselves in the bedroom and it all happens organically, and that's ultimately the way you w it to be, because you're if you're choosing to be with someone who you really trusts and you feel super comfortable with, then then I think it happens more organically.

We just got this. I'm trying not to first out the laughter because when when you just said, Laura, I just tried to hold that in that whole time, when you said for having a time on to yourself over there bread, when Laura was like, you know, you can't just spring role play on them, I just had this image of like the guy coming home and you'll dress up something and he's like, what the fuck what are you doing? And you're like just trying to improve role

I would recommend that you begin by perhaps doing some research, like by buying books that inspire you about sex, or finding like an online course or something a podcast, something that you can do for yourself, not for your partner, just for yourself to increase your sexual confidence. So begin learning about it more, begin doing some you know, per personal self inquiry into why you're not feeling confident.

And then taking it to the next level.

I'd recommend finding someone who you can work with, So whether it's like a sex therapist or just a regular therapist or a coach, whatever, someone who you resonate with, who you could do some one on one sessions with and just chat to about how you're feeling. And you know, where does that lack of confidence stem from? What role models did you have in your life as a child who were role modeling intimacy. And we've all had role models that role modeling intimacy, whether we like it or not.

It could be in a negative or positive way.

But once we begin to understand understand ourselves more deeply as an individual, then we can kind of unpack why we're feeling the way we are. You know, lots of us have been brought up in religious households that completely shame us and we.

Feel a lot of guilt.

Or I luckily wasn't brought up in a religious household, but I know a lot of people have been, and there's just so much guilt and shame surrounding sex. So once we're able to talk about it and get support and professional support, or just listen to like sometimes just

You're if you're perpetually having like with your partner, if you're not happy with the sex that you're having, that there is a personal responsibility there to change that like is then it doesn't just fall on the partner who's

Definitely, I think you've hit them on the head. I think it does fall on us and you know, if we can firstly pleasure ourselves and really like prioritize pleasure in our lives. And that doesn't mean we're masturbating all day, maybe just that we're enjoying a really nice bar.

I mean we are. We are kind of in lockdown in isolation. What else is there to do, guys, I mean, I still work. It's masturbating work here.

It's been a busy day.

I genuinely think there's been a masturbation frenzy going on in lockdown because sales of the pleasure woms that I sell, I sell like these crystal Pleasure ones have literally quadrupled since COVID hit, and I reckon it's because so many women are in isolation and they're either separated from their partner or they're just like I can't even get on Tinder anymore.

I may as well just you know, satisfy myself.

And I think this is amazing as well, because I do honestly think that like the perception around masturbation for women has changed because I know, like growing up and like when I was in my twenties and you knew that guys masturbated. It was something that you talked to about like all that was, you know, mentioned in school, like that was just seemed to be like a very normal thing and it was okay that men did it, but there was never a conversation around the fact that

Lack of education. And it's not even the guy's fault. It's because we, like.

You said, there's a really like there's a lack of holistic sex education in schools in Australia and globally, I could say mostly, and it's just not being prioritized at all, except for some lucky kids who have a really great

It's actually really high.

Like it's a normal, pretty normal now to have, but.

We're stigmatizing it. We're shaming them, we're scaring them.

And like you said, we're not talking to children about you know, the sex feels good. It's supposed to feel good, and we're not talking to them about consent. You know, like you don't have to have sex if you don't want to. It's okay to say no, or you know, before you do have sex with somebody, you need to ask them, or before you touch their breasts. It's important that you ask before you kiss. Someone asks them can I kiss you? You know, all these things kids aren't

My background is in youth work.

I was working with young at risk mums who are like thirteen and pregnant, and I was educating them around this too late because at a young age they were going through.

All sorts of stuff. And I also have a fourteen year old daughter, so this.

Is something I've always felt passionate about because I want her to receive really great sex ed so that she's not you know, it doesn't get to the age I did where I was just having sex because I thought that's what you do.

I think you completely hit the nail on the head with her. I still like, I still think about like my own experiences and the fact that like I don't actually think I really got to a point where I was enjoying having sex and actually having sex that I wanted to have sex until I was in my late twenties when I better understood this is what it's meant to be, like, like, it doesn't have to be like that.

That's really that's a really good point.

It's lots of women, I mean, and men aren't experiencing really great sex and you know, their full potential in the bedroom basically and so yeah, they don't really want to have it because they're just like, it's not even that fun. So that's where education comes into it. That's where reading books and doing courses and learning about sex can help, because then it opens our eyes to what

So, you know, there's so many young young people who have more.

Of an attraction to the same sex, you know, the same gender as them, and we're assuming as teachers or educators or parents that our kid is going to be with opposite gender, but a lot of the time it's not the case. And so I really think there's a need for us to be way more inclusive with our language and not just assume that boys and girls should be together, but be inclusive of the kids who are feeling confused perhaps about the sexuality or you know, their attraction to the same gender.

As them, absolutely so much room for a vision exactly what you said. I feel pretty pasionate about that too, because I know I have a lot of friends that I gay. I have a lot of homo sexual friends, and they've al said the same thing that they really felt like they were drowning at school because they knew who they were, but it wasn't spoken about and it was almost like you were doing the wrong thing for

There's a lot of stigma around STIs. Like you say, reality is STIs. It's a lot of them are a virus that just like we catch a virus at the supermarket from the person who coughs on us and suddenly we have the flu. Or like I had a head cold recently. You know, I'm sure I caught it off someone. It's like, it's just a head cold. It's the same with a lot of STIs.

You know this.

I'm not saying go out and don't protect yourself, but if you do end up contracting an SDI, it's.

Not the end of the world.

You're not weird, you're not strange, you're not a sicico whatever. You're just a human being who's having a human experience who's called a virus. And like you say, with CHLAMYTHEA, it's like you take the medication, it goes away. And with herpes it is something that you can live with and you don't.

Have to have outbreaks all the time.

There's so many different ways of managing sdis that, you know, you just you can be a normal human being and not be have all the stigma.

Want people to know that if that does happen to you, there's okay, it's manageable and you can deal with it. We still are very big on putting the message out

Definitely, Like I get so many people you know, in boxing me saying like what do I do? I've got herpees? And I feel so much shame, and I feel like I'm never going to be able to have sex again and no one's going to want me. And the advice I give, like, I give a lot of advice on it, but is like, the first step is just accepting this about yourself and loving, loving like yourself with herpes or with whatever you've got, and doing that self work so that you can come into this deep self acceptance.

And then when you have that.

You're naturally going to attract in people who are also going to accept you. And as you said, you can, Yeah, your friend lived with it and hasn't had outbreaks and you know, has a normal life.

And it's yeah, it's not a big deal. And I agree with you, Britt what you said.

You know, I do want to advocate for using con noms and protecting yourself, but also you can still get herpes while using condoms, so it's it's just not one hundred percent bullet proof and it's just.

Part of life.

I'm glad we covered that because I think that was an important topic. I'm going to quickly change the direction. Girlfriend, We're going to go Yeah, I know you get excited, and we're going to go into the world of three. I guess I want to know because we get a lot of these questions too. I guess I want to know do you think that a couple are in a

I think some couples can definitely do it successfully and others it isn't a success.

And really it's like the luck of the draw.

It's a bit of the risk you're taking because it's the unknown. So if you are a couple who are thinking, or maybe we could open it, or maybe we could just invite someone in just for one night, there's no guarantees what's going to happen when you do invite that person in.

But what you can do to.

Create a safe container that's a bit of a tantric word, but you know, create like a space where everyone feels understood and safe is to talk about what the expectations are like, what's what the boundaries are, so say a couple, a married couple want to invite another woman in. That's a really common one. So would say that it's like sitting down before you have sex and say, okay, like, what are the expectations.

Well, if if that's what.

I were to do personally, I'd want to invite someone into my relationship who has deep respect for my partner and I and who like is just a really amazing person number one and who yeah, respects us and respects the love that we share and knows that that's the

You or whatever.

So that you create like a space where everyone knows what they're allowed to touch, what they're not, you know, because then everyone can relax more. And when there's communication and you're having it with someone amazing, then they know what The third party also knows what they're in for. They're not just like suddenly they fall in love with your husband and you're Lutch.

They're like but i't know, and.

You're like, fuck, Like it's the back of a bitch. So you think that it's really important to just not have the conversation in your relationship, but have it with everyone present. So with the third.

Party, definitely, yes, definitely because they need to know too, Like if you have respect for that third person, you want them to understand. Hey, like, this is not about now us all having a relationship.

Well, for me, it wouldn't be. It'd be like, this is.

Just about we'd love to connect with you in this way, but we don't wish to suddenly have a polyamorous, open relationship. That's not our intentions. So it's like setting the intentions for the connection. And I think for some couples it can work really great and for others it's a disaster.

And you know, I've experienced both and it you know, you live and learn.

I guess you don't know how you're going to feel, do you Until you do it. You might say I'm going to be so fine with this. I love my partner, I trust them, But then you get in there and all of a sudden you're jealous. You can't get the image out of your head. I guess You're not actually going to know those feelings until you're in there, so

Until you see that penis going to another.

Woman's vada and you're just like, that was my penis.

Yeah, you're back.

Yeah, And that's why I reckon you've just got to choose really cool people, because what you can do in the moment is be like, actually, guys, I'm feeling really sick right now, Like I feel uncomfortable. Can we stop and just cuddle for a bit because I don't, like, I feel really upset, Like you want to be with someone.

You know who can hold space for that. And I understand that.

I love that you're the one asking the threesome questions. Brett. Yeah, I don't even have a one some to bring a threesome in one step at a time. Yeah, I said this. I said this to Laura before. I was like, you know, I'm going to ask about the threesome because we get that a lot. She's like, you want to know for yourself. I was like, we don't even get kept questions about threesomes. This is for you, Brett. She was like, I'm fing asking it anyway. I was like, Babe, the question is

Yeah.

I do think a lot of people have tried, or at LEAs thought of or fantasized about three sims. But I do think that there is a difference between having a fantasy and then actually putting something into real life application with a partner who you love. I think that, you know, maybe different if it's just like friends and you're all figuring stuff out and you have a threesome on a wild one night stand, But like, it is different to bring somebody into your solid relationship. It changes

People because boundaries weren't set, so there was nothing said about what you can and can't do, and so all of a sudden things were happening and I was like, WHOA, I did not give permission for that to happen, and I just stopped it. This was a this was a long time ago. Now, I'm not interested in having threeesomes

What's your thought on porn and like, do you think porn can be detrimental to someone's sex life.

I'm not pro or against porn.

I'm quite neutral with porn, So I think it can be detrimental if it's an addiction, so there's like a porn addiction happening, or if people are watching porn either by themselves or together and they're left feeling really guilty, They're left feeling like gross, they feel they're.

Hiding it from their partner.

I think that's when things can go a little skew with as my Mum would say, I think, you know, there's actually some great porn being produced now by female producers.

Erica Lust is one of them.

She's from Spain and she's producing really realistic, ethical porn. She's someone who I send people to if they're interested in watching porn. But then you know, it can be really detrimental, and I think for our young people often now it's the first exposure that.

They have to sex.

So that's really sad, and it's a conversation we need to have with our kids. Is like, porn is not real. Often it's just actors with makeup even on their vagina and their penis and they're having sex and it's not real and it's like out of the movies. And you know, like we need to have these conversations with our kids too.

Don't have those expectations because you will fail dramatically.

Well.

Also, I asked this as well because like my I had a long term partner of six years and we went through a period where he was watching so much porn and like very like very male orientated porn, like like not stuff like just just you know, you know what I'm talking about. It the pawny porn like you know, coming on people's faces, very graphic, not really stuff. Yeah, and that's stuff that like I would want to do in a bedroom, and that was then his benchmark for

That's really common and it can be really detrimental to relationships. So it just all comes back down to communication and talking about, like, you know, the fact that you are watching it or you'd like to watch it together, and negotiating what you both feel comfortable with and or having the boundary that it's like, no, I don't want this to be part.

Of our lives.

And if they continue to do it, then it's as an individual you have to ask yourself, like is this the right person for me?

When you're young, you and if you don't have a lot of experience, then you put up with stuff that you wouldn't put up with otherwise because you don't know any better.

I agree, Yeah, definitely. We kind of live and learn, don't we.

Absolutely well, Juliette, you have a school and it's called the Pleasure School. Can you tell us about it? Because it sounds like a brick to damn good school. I know, it sounds like the best school ever, like better than Harry Potter.

Yeah, I think I'd rather go to Pleasure School than Harry Potter School. But Harry Potter would be fun too.

I mean he's got a wand as well. Yeah, he's got his own one, that wizard.

That wizard's got some sub of magic forms that he could do things anyway. So Pleasure School I launched it

So it's like a whole twelve months.

Every two weeks, you get a new lesson that drops into school, and you get guided home study that accompanies the lessons, and you get guided meditations, and it's very holistic, and it's for men and women. It's for couples, singles, So I wanted to include everybody, and it's also LGBTQI inclusive because I'm always very you know, very aware of that community and wanting to include.

Who could come and do your school.

I'd say anybody who's interested in learning more about sex and having an even better sex life. So if you're a beginner and you're just like, oh my gosh, I've never even had sex, it would be perfect for you.

But also if you're in a relationship and you're having quite.

A good sex life, but as a couple or by yourself, you.

Want to learn more and.

Grow and expand in that era of your life, then it's for you. And so in the school there's different different parts of the school. There's like all lessons just for men, and then there's lessons just for women, and then there's lessons for couples, lessons for singles. So it's really it includes everybody at all different stages.

And it also.

Weaves in a lot of the teachings of Tantra which bring in like more of a sacred sexuality aspect to sex, not just like here's a position, do it, here's the

So it's like very holistic.

It's looking at life as you know, feeling turned on in life.

Yeah, I love that you've created a space, a safe space for people, because I feel like there is still it shouldn't be, but there's still some sort of this shame attached to a woman wanting to go out and seek lessons on things like this. But I love that you've created a space where anyone at all can sit at home and actually get really really good education in a place they feel comfortable.

It's a good point.

You know.

Lots of people want to learn more, but they're really scared to go to a workshop and like buy a ticket and travel there and come and have to meet me or.

Meet another teacher or whoever.

So this gives people access to something that you can just sit in your lounge room.

No one knows you're doing it. And it's not just me teaching.

There's other amazing like teachers from around the globe who are on their teaching.

It's like when I read when I read Fifty Shades of Gray, and I only read it on a kindle, so no one could see what the title of the book was g rated as well. No, but you know when it came out years ago, there was this but that like, no, you don't want anyone to know on the train that you're reading a sex book, so you'd like, I'd just put in the kindles and no on a note. It's the same thing. Some people just want to have that in private. They don't want to show the world.

The whole time, haven't you You're just like nah, I can't let this one go.

Ladies, if you're listening, take notes.

Without going into too much detail.

Actually out of respect for my current partner, because I don't really talk keats about publicly about like past.

You know, experiences, because I want to respect him.

But it was in a training that I was running, like a tantra training, and it was actually.

This is gonna you're gonna love this. It was a demo.

My god, stop, look I got among on. What do you mean my demo?

It was an in person workshop in Byron and and so one of the facilitators was demonstrating we're going to do a practice, so that there was a lot of like really physical practices where you partner up and do stuff. And so he was demonstrating how to have more of an energetic orgasm, So how to activate a woman's body and activate the sexual energy which resides at the base of our body.

So you may have heard it, like it's called Kundalini energy.

Activate that and move it up and instead of touching your clip, actually just feel the energy moving up through your body, up up out of your crown. So if you're familiar with the chakra system, it moves through the chakras and it's like it's very different to any other type of orgasm.

But it was a demo. There was thirty people in the room. I was in the middle.

But I'm a mind I mean, you were blown. I'm mind blown. I'm fucking blown. I'm blowing right now. That is out of control. Yeah, it's really like best storyhands down you Like, I'd like this to stop now. This is very public. People are like, is she finished? She's gonna go get a tea break. Can we get for lunch?

Oh my god.

The funny thing is that after it, I got up and I was exhausted, and then I just took I left the retreat.

I snuck out and I went off to like a.

Big basically orgy, and it was like a.

This gets better, better way to the end of the chat for this, give me it. I want to hear, and.

I just I got there and after about half an hour, I was like, I can't do this, go to bed, like I'm done for the day.

You have just made my week. Like this is hands down the best story we've had on this podcast. Yeah, and I think everyone wants to know, like what a what are the details of this man? How can someone find that this man? If you want to just put his number down, We'll put it in the details on

Yeah. I listened to one of your other podcasts and I loved those accidentally unfiltered and I thought, oh my god, I've got so many for them, but this is one that stood out and it was a friend. And it actually was a friend. It's not me just clarifying.

I'm that's what they all say, and I say this every week it's not me, But then I really shout myself, so.

I know, this actually is a friend and.

She was.

It's actually not that I rated she was in the bath.

I were in the bath together and her partner, and he was going down on her in the bath, and she farted and the bubbles just went straight up into his face.

And that's it.

Also, Actually, how do you go down on someone in the under Well, maybe you'd like I thought, because you could do two things with that. Well, I just got out of hand and I'm here for it, but you could.

I've got another one, but I'll tell you off because it might be a bit too I rated.

I'll tell you when we stopping.

Oh no, I rate, and I'll take it out. But I'm here for it, alrighty.

So this is another friend, and it actually is another friend.

I've got some wild friends seemed to attract in really funny friends who have these experiences.

Some crazy people at those orgies.

She wanted she had a lover, and he wanted her to put a bottle of full cream milk inside her and then.

Wait, are we talking one leader or two later?

I don't know, let's say two just for capacity full capacity full cream.

That's a lot. That's like giving birth to your baby.

Like siphon it into her.

And then he wanted to have sex and like so that it all splashed out onto him.

That's not even r rated. That's just hilarious, that is, And did she do it?

Yep?

Okay, he has some weird dairy fetish, maybe relying to the whole idea of like a milk bath, like if you heard of the clear patch of milk bath, it's meant to be very good for aging. He has the youngest looking dick around.

Totally.

Yeah, my god, I feel like we could talk to you for an hour about accidentally unfiltered. But also I love it, like I love the fact and maybe we should have touched all this earlier as well. But like, there is no normal when it comes to sex. So long as like you're okay with what's going down, as long as you're comfortable your partner's comfortable, you can do some weird and fucking wacky things. Tolerant, lacktosing, tolerant. Julie, you have been an absolute delight. Thank you so much

I wanted to mention I actually have a podcast myself called author Tick Sex, and there's like over one hundred episodes of like just playing sex, talk of me talking to all different people, heaps of Q and a's So for people listening who want to listen to more of you know, me talking about weird stuff, then they can listen to that alongside your lovely podcast.

Guys, you can get on that podcast and you can write it into the sunset. That's what we're here for. I have actually listened to a few. I really enjoyed it.

Yeah, well, I'll come back anytime. This has been so much fun. Maybe I can be like the resident uncut sex ologist who comes so down.

We'll definitely have you back, as long as you bring some more of these in milk pots. Yeah, I've got plenty of last sleep, all right, Juliette. We never finished an episode without doing Our Suck and Our Sweet, which is basically, if you don't know, it's got nothing to do with sex, or though it kind of sounds like it, it is our highlight and our low light of the week, and you get to kick it off because you're our guest. What was your suck?

Okay, the suck is that we just currently were traveling around Australia and my partner and I and my daughter and we just were in the Flinders Ranges in South Australia and it was really dry and really cold, but really beautiful. We only left a couple of days ago, and then on the news this morning, suddenly, overnight there's been this random snowfall.

In the middle of the desert exactly.

Where we were, and I reckon that sucks because it would have been so much fun to be in the snow in the middle of the desert.

So that sucks because we just left.

There, but also a bit of a sweet because you just went on holiday, so like, I mean that's a double edge saw with their girlfriend.

Yeah, true, true, that's true, and you're sweet. Oh, just that.

I've just been like spending heaps of time in bedding.

Sleeping, sexy and.

Yeah, I just like, I actually, how's this?

I've been watching Bachelor and Paradise reruns from your season, Britt.

So hey, how did I come off in the end? Did you have any words of advice for me?

Or don't get me started? You're actually my favorite.

But I've actually been guiltily and secretly watching Bachelor and Paradise in bed so that's kind of been really great for me because it's just been like there is to lay embedded with the heating on in the day, under the covers.

Just watching amazing people on TV, just watching watching the Kram Deer Cram of Australian TV. That's what it is, the production that goes into that high quality viewing amazing. Yeah, I love.

That about you guys.

All right, my sar could be. I moved into a house, a new unit in Bonday a couple of months ago, and it's this, It's beautiful, it's on the beach. But it's old, and every single window in the whole house none of them closed. Probably they've all got a few meals to move. And it's been really windy lately, and my whole house I can't sleep. The whole house shutters like constantly, like a volcano is eruping. It's just like all night. That's my suck. You need to get some

Yeah, sure, Well you can find me on Instagram and it's at Juliette j U l I E T Underscore Alan able l e N. And my website is www dot Juliette Hyphenalan dot com. And on my website you'll find Pleasure School. But everything's on Instagram. I'm quite active on Instagram, so jump on over and you'll find me there. And my podcast, yeah, it's called Authentic Sex with Juliet Allan and it's on all the podcast channels so it's easy to search authentic sex and you'll find me.

Juliet, thank you so much again. And guys, if you have enjoyed listening to this episode then you know the drill, go and leave us a cheeky review. And if you haven't already signed up to our Facebook group, it's Life Uncut Podcast. It's the same handle for Instagram as well. And tell your mom please dad, tell your friends or your dog, tell your grand tell everyone and shared a love because we love love. That's that's that's fine, off, ju we do every single fucking episode.

That's great. I love that