Are you start? Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany. Hi, Brittany, Hy Laura, you're bloody Bean. I'm good. Actually, I'm actually really great. Well that's actually so good. We're asking that. Yeah, you're welcome. What about you? Anything else to elaborate on? Okay, wait, I do have a question paid attention to the batch in Paradise ads. Oh yeah, was Kieran actually naked? Like full butt out? Did you see his pain? Kieren was
completely naked? Did you see his pain? I mean I didn't look at it. I'm asking study women of Australia because I feel like there's more people than me that want to know this. Well. I mean he didn't wave it around, he didn't do the windmill. He sort of kept it covered. I mean, if you looked closely, you could see it. Yeah, but I didn't go hunting through the grapes to find it. But he was actually pulling grapes off and like feeding them to people. Wow, that's
really confronting. Fuck, I can't wait for this to start, all right, So that's enough and batching Paradise, I know, I can't ask too many questions because I'm going to get you in trouble. Yeah, how's your week being?
Oh my week, Literally, I just did nine days straight at the hospital.
I'm it's huge. At the moment. Work is crazy. But something funny did happen to me at work.
Because I've been working so much. They're big days there and I'm trying. I still have so much work to do. I just have so much other work to do, like for the podcast, for contracts that I've got with other people, like on Instagram and things like that.
So what I've been trying to.
Do to survive is I take my laptop to work, and in my lunch break and in my tea break or any little moment that i have, I'm I'm working at work on the other job.
So anyway, I'm on my lunch break a few days ago, just hustling hard. I'm hustling. I'm on my lunch break and I'm up in the cafeteria.
Now I work in a huge hospital, very big hospital.
The caffeteria is packed.
So I'm sitting there and what I'm what I'm working on is as a sponsored Instagram post.
Basically, I'm working.
With gal and give them the plug. No, I'm not gonna name that, but I'm just all it was is I just had to send a.
Photo off for approval.
So I have this photo, and the photo is like I'm I'm dolled up, like I'm in this tight little dress and I've got my makeup in my head and I'm drinking, and it's like it's as like it's a sexy photo.
I'm so embarrassed for you. It's just so dumb.
So I'm doing a thousand emails at once, trying to send his photo off, knowing I've got ten minutes to get back to work. So I go, I'm trying to send the photo between my phone and my computer, so I try to air drop it. So I send it and then I look down and it says accept it, and I look, I've just sent it to some random in the cafeteria.
There's someone in a cafeteria that has a photo of.
Me that I've just sent, and of course they know that to accept an air drop. I'm close by. So then I look up and I felt like I felt so vulnerable because I was like, I know someone's looking at me right now, knowing that I've just air dropped on this saucy photo.
You live this double life as well, like you on Instagram. Is very different to you at the hospital, like you posted these first trapping bikini photos, versus you sitting in the hospital in a pair of scrubs with your hair pull back, and then some random like some random doctor or surgeon or something's just gotten. This is what I'm imagining. But it's not. No, it wasn't even like it wasn't even the cafeteria part that's just for staff. This was just a general public some and I don't know who
it was. But then I felt imagine looking up knowing I was looking around trying to see if anyone was looking at me. I was mortified.
I was like someone within a very very close ratio, he's looking at my phone now looking at me and laughing.
I'm like I was like being bullied in the school yard. I slapped my laptop with down and just like ran off. Anyway, So I thought that was really funny. I like, I'm actually mortified for you, and I know that. Yeah. Yeah, show me the photo so I can describe how nude were you. No, I'm not nude. I'm just in like a sexy black dress. Yeah, That's what I mean, Like how much skin is showing? Like what's the level of appropriateness for a hospital? This is? It's just like you
tell the listeners what you see. Oh look, guys, here's Brittany with her cocktail. She's just enjoying a pizza and a tiny little black skirt cut off just just below the vagina, plunging, plunging v neck. And doesn't that look like a delicious cocktail that you have. I'm sure old mate who received this was very happy and couldn't wait to get some tanker age in. Do you know what the funniest here is, Laura. The funniest thing is like you couldn't even play it off, like, oh, that looks
like that girl Brittany from The Bachelor. You know it is because my iPhone's labeled Brittany's iPhone. You're about to say, your iPhone's labeled Brittany from the Bachelor. Fuck, I'm going to unsubscribe from you and this podcast. My I phone is like Britney's iPhone. So it's not even like I could be like, oh, I get I get that I look like that girl. She I get that all the time.
Because sometimes I say that sometimes if I can't jump into the conversation, I don't have the energy to maybe a patience like oh my god, you're Brittany from a Bachelor, I actually say no, I say, oh, I get that a lot.
I look like.
Only only failed reality tod star with a real job. So that's that's what happened to me this week, and I love that for me. Nay, sucks to be you.
You did you do anything horrific? All right, Okay, I've been holding onto this story that I need to tell you, and I'm dying to hear because you have been getting really excited about it for the last two hours. No, I'm not excited, and like, okay, so I have this story, guys. I've been holding it back from Brittany because I like her genuine reactions. This is not a funny story, though.
This happened the other night, and when I go to tell people this, everyone thinks it's gonna be funny because usually I'm like, blah blah blah, dig pick, but really it's not that. So Okay, we had some friends over on Friday night, and we have two entrances to our house. We've got a back door, and we've got a front
door as most people do. Weird crazy, I know, but we usually only use our back gate entrance because we've got this like private courtyard entrance, and we never ever use the front door, so I never checked to see if it's locked or unlocked. Anyway, had these friends over for dinner. They left from the front door. Later on,
I put Molly to bed. We went to bed, and it was like three o'clock in the morning, and I woke up because I sleep really really lightly now, I woke up and I could hear footsteps in the house.
Oh, oh my god, I just got the sickest feeling in my stomach.
Yeah, wait for it. So there was footsteps in the house, and I was awaken. I frozen, and Matt was asleep next to me, and I was like, I'm imagining this, Like this is not real. And then so we sleep with our bedroom door open, and our bedroom door looks directly into the front entrance of our house, and so that's completely pitch black, and I can hear these footsteps and then I see the front door open and the light come in and there's someone standing in our house,
letting themselves out of our house. And I was like, oh, my god, Matt, look at my eyes watering, am petrified. I was like, oh my god, Matt, there's someone in our house. And he then woke up and he heard the door slam and I have never seen a man move so fast in my entire fucking life. Matt jumps out of bed in his Calvin quiets, run out the door, and there's a guy in our hallway. We live in a security block, but he's in the hallway wearing black pants,
black jumper, black beanie. And Matt runs him and pushes him into the stairwell like to have a full on beef with him, funny bit like in his undies. Anyway. Then this guy like cows into the corner. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I came from upstairs. I got lost. I got lost, and we don't even know Still, so this went on. I could hear them screaming outside. I got to hear him out, like what the fuck are you doing? And of course you have a child,
and that's what you think about it. And I ran in to check on Marley, and Mary was okay, but honestly, this was all unfolding, and I still don't know whether or not he accidentally stumbled into our house or whether this guy just let himself in because he was scoping the place out to rob Us, I don't know, but you do have I'm just trying to think of your building. I mean, I'm in it right now. But welcome. Come on, guys, let's flesh this out on the podcast.
Yeah, okay, so you do have to get into that entrance you're talking about, Like you said, it is a security building. So so he said he'd come from a party upstairs, but it Yeah, but to come from a party upstairs, he would have had to have walked straight past the glass the glass exit doors. Was he because we were downstairs so it was three in the morning, he had to have been drunk.
Matt was like, I don't know. I couldn't tell. Matt was enraged in his red undies. But anyway, this happened, and here is my word of advice. People lock your fucking front door. So did you call the police or anything. No, we didn't do anything. I did. I did go and see the neighbors to try and find out if anyone had a party, but no one, No one said that they had it. So no one had a party. Okay, well that's suspicious if no one had a party. I
like that. We're doing this detective work. Doom doom. Anyone's been watching NCA S No, that's law and order, isn't it. Oh? Wait, right, it not what I'm talking about. Should I tell you my breaking story? So what's breaking is d I was asleep? Wait so we're done with my story now? Well, I mean what sorry? Did you just did you want to add? Do you want to just like validate my trauma for one second, or do you want to go straight to you?
I had to use in my eyes, I was. I was traumatized because that is my fear. When you with you know that your house is empty and you hear the footsteps, it's like your ultimate nightmare.
Thank you, This is the validation I needed. Okay, we can go to your story now. Yeah, no, it is. But I guess to support you. I'm here if you need to talk, and I would have called the police and lock your dof Thank you. I know. It just reminded me of it was a few years ago, now, I was. I was with my boyfriend at the time, so it was a long time ago. This was going back a decade.
I was downstairs. We had a two story house, and I knew that we were the only one there, and I heard someone in the kitchen and I woke up and I said to my partner, someone's in the house. He's like, don't be ridiculous. I said, someone's in there. I heard someone. Someone is in the house. And we listened for a minute. We couldn't hear anything, and he's like, you are imagining it. And I was like, well, maybe I was rolled back, over heard it again and I
was like, someone's in the fucking kitchen. We're going to die.
I thought, they've got the knif block. What else is in kitchen? They're not go in the mop's making to sell a cap of tee, settling in for the night guard.
Anyway, I get a baseball bat. We got up together. We both have like an object. I think I had a lamp and he had a baseball bat. He got the good one. So going up the stairs really quietly and I could hear it. He looked at me and he's like, you're fucking right, someone's in here.
Oh my god.
And I was like, okay, do we I don't know why we didn't call the police. We just thought would fight them off on our own. We get up there, We get up there. We were creeping around the corner because I know this guy's in the kitchen. It's so obvious that someone's there now, I think, and he's in the sink. Now I heard, and I'm so I heard the sink and I was like, oh, he's finished his cup of tea, he's put that on the sea, washing up dish What he's doing the washing now he's unpacking the dishwasher.
The fuck out of my house. But take those dirty plots.
But we jump around the corner and we're like, yeah, yeah, we have the baseball bat and a lamp and we're like we.
Flick the light on and in the kitchen sink, he's a koala what I had broken through our doggy door because we had a dog and was making himself a home in the sink. And we're about to beat it to death because we thought someone's breaking in. Now that so didn't how you thought it was? Did it? No? It did it? That was good. That was a good day and switch I like that. But you know what the thing with Matt so I I was still lying in bed, so he got up. I've never seen someone
move so fast. He flew out the door, but because I could see the door open, and so sorry, I didn't see the door open, but I could see the light coming in from the door. But then the door closed again, so were in darkness. So I didn't know if the person was in the apartment or they were out of the apartment. And Matt ran out of the apartment so far, so you were like, dude, if he's in here. I didn't know if he was running after the car, running away, or if he was running. So
I was in bed, going, what the who am I dating? Anyway, it turns out, but did anyone run to Marley and itharns out he was being a hero and he wasn't running away from the robber. And you know what, guys, that was Friday night. It's now Monday that we're recording this because you know, we really liked to leave this to the last minute, and no one's come back. No one was scoping out the players. We've had no other problems.
I feel very safe, So if you've deeply concerned for me, I think we're gonna be okay.
It is it is a reminder, isn't it just to be a bit extra cautious. Yeah, and I really like, I know that this is something that everybody knows, and that's such a stupid thing to try and remind people.
But like, we live in a security building. We often leave our front door unlocked just because just because we don't check it, we don't use it very often, and we tell the nation that. Yeah, and we live in a building where we're like, oh, you got a buzz in, like there's CCTV cameras at the front. But now I'm like, no, you know what it's even though we have a big dog, My dog was useless. We didn't bark, No, he slept through the whole thing.
Dude, I have to almost fight to the death every time I come here with Buster, and then you get some burgle you and he doesn't even do anything.
Useless. He's up for adoption anyone. If anyone wants a free dog, free to good home, I'll take him all Alrighty, Well, anyway, that was a that was a big debrief. I actually that was a funny combo.
This is why I like not telling each other our stories until the podcast.
I just was on the edge of my seat that whole story. Also, I kind of like save all of my stories for when we sit down and record this podcast, and so does Brits, and when we see each other like any other time. Our chats are just really vanilla. So what did you do on the weekend? Don't tell me? Say it for the podcast, save it for the nation. That's sorry, isn't it. I was just about to tell you something else. Go on. Oh no, you know what I was gonna say. You do have other news? What about?
Oh guys? Is not exciting, But I'm going to tell you anyway. You might remember a few weeks back, like maybe eight weeks back, I lost my wallet. Well, don't worry, I canceled all my cards, got all of them resupplied. And then today this afternoon, Matt found it under the lounge because Marley had shoved it under the lounge. Do you know what I was gonna say?
You know what, The funniest thing about this is, that's not even the news I was talking about. I wasn't gonna embarrass you and throw you on in the bus with that. I'm an idiots. I don't even know what's going on in my life.
Marley took her first stance having that for my second swinge. Fuck Brittany, now you've ruined everything Christmas. Ah yeah, and my daughter can walk. I mean, but big deal. We almost got rubbed and I found my wallet. Guys, I mean, you can cut that out and put it back at the end. You do edit it.
You don't want to add that now, Nah, it's fine, keep it whatever. Well, Marley took a first steps. We're all excited. We're all like, I'm part of the family.
Now that we've gotten all that out of the way, we should probably tell you what this episode is going to be about. This episode is going to be a breakup boot camp for you all, because even though we've talked so much about breakups in like little bits and pieces all over the place in different episodes, we've never actually done an episode dedicated to breakups, how fucked they are, and how to get over them, which is what we're
gonna be talking about today. But before we get in to the episode, oh yeah, we are gonna do accidentally Unfiltered. And I'm sorry if my singing is very traumatic for you all.
So I already brought I guess that was my little version of an accidentally unfilled this week. Obviously, I sent my photo out to some strangers.
I really enjoyed that. Yeah, I love that.
But I'm going to read one today that I just thought it was really cute because I thought it was funny. It's not a gross one, because I'm just here for these cute ones.
You with me, I'm here, I'm here for this, okay. Girls.
So I was going on a first date with a guy and very naturally, my friend came around beforehand to help me get ready. She was looking at my bookshelf in my room and asked.
To borrow some books.
Obviously, I said yes and then continued to get ready. Later that night, the date was going pretty well, so we ended up back at my place. It was dark and was getting sexy. I threw him back on the bed and he was like, WHOA, what books are you reading? And I'm like, what do you mean? And he's like, well, there are like three books on your bed and I'm laying on them. I completely forgot that. My friend came around for the books, but she forgot.
To take them.
Turns out, the book she was meant to take with Zoe Foster Blake's Love and Textbook Romance and How to.
Find Your soul mate in the poork. I literally thought I was reading up on textbook how to Find Love before our first date. That is so innocent and very very cute read about love. You can just listen to it on the podcast. They dates have a paper trail. They dated for true, you can't be caught out as much. They dated for six months.
But imagine if you went back to a guy's house and when you went back on the first day and on his bed were like books on like how to do the sex good or something like that.
This is such a loser trying to make her love you.
Imagine if the book was like how to make her love you on the date, I'd be like.
I'm out. This reminds me of when I was sixteen. I put a like I don't know, did it all girls go through this when they were younger. I did. I went through this period where I was like really obsessed with spells and like witching and stuff like this. I think it was like during like the Charmed Years and anyway Bewitched. Who knows, I'm so old. Anyway, So I met this guy when I was like I would say sixteen. I'd like to say I was young company
you put a love spell on him. I like did this whole love spell thing, and because I was obsessed with him. His name was Brad. I ended up dating him for two years, mind you, but I was like obsessed. So we swam together. Yeah he did, Yes, he did so. So I had made this like love spell where I had to like write a letter out of like my affirmations or some sort of ridiculousness, and then I had
to get all these ointments and things. Anyway, I made this love spell, and the whole thing was I had to keep the piece of paper with me when I went on a date with him, and then his energy would get onto it. Anyway, things got a bit frisky, and he found the piece of paper from my booket and was like what is this and opened it up whilst I was like wow, trying to grab it out of his hands, and here it is my like undying confession of love and this spell that I put on him.
Hang on, was this a legitimate love spell or did you make it up? No? I found it on the internet. I was sixteen. What was I even doing? How did I win the Bachelor? What is wrong with Matthew Johnson? Maybe that's why I didn't win. I should have written a love spell. Do you know what? Even when we were actually when we were on the show, I'm a bit crazy, guys. You probably know that. Are you just coming to terms? When I was when we were filming the show, I watched The Secret. You know the book
The Secret. There's a documentary called The Secret. It's all about like affirmations and like the the power of what is it called the power of attraction, where you you manifest and you dream what it is that you want, and just by thinking of it, you're going to attract that into your life. And so I became obsessed and I was like, I'm gonna manifest Matt and I having this happy relationship. And I'm just gonna say I don't necessarily believe in it, but hey, look at me now.
I can't believe you actually did that. I'm so crazy. I love you.
I know, okay, hang on, it's a Lola Derby, But you're not crazy Because you know I'm crazy.
Somebody else made a whole documentary out of it, wrote a book and it's best seller. So there's a lot of us crazy bitches out there.
Guys, And I do believe in it. I do believe in the law of attraction and the power of the inner and positive afirmation. So like, I'm laughing sort of with you, a little bit at you, but like mainly with you.
I just think it's funny that you did it all through the batch chest. I was like, when we were filming, I became obsessed with this idea of manifesting that Matt Night were going to be together.
So were you jealous? Did you get jealous when he went on dates to other girls?
Nah, like, we're gonna be together forever. It's all right, you can have them now, because I'm gonna have you for the rest of my lad enjoy this time. No I, oh no, that's a lie. Yeah I did. I've just forgotten about it. No, No, I was hideously jealous. So enough about that. My weird spell making days that they're long gone. Anyway, dude, you said just said you did it two years ago. Anyway, So I have a really
good accidentally unfiltered as well. It wasn't a listener that this happened to, but the link to this was sent him by a listener, and it's something that's been surfing around on the internet. But it's just too fucking funny that I cannot let it go, so I have to share this with you. It sort of looks like it's come from around the time when we were in the depths of lockdown, so it's kind of just nice to reminisce we were all there at.
One point that time where you're at home spinning way too long with your partner, way too much time.
I imagine that's what people did anyway, and this also comes from it. Oh for this also comes from a guy's perspective, which we rarely get with acxlely unfilters, So enjoy. Okay, So my wife and I live alone in our apartment. We also have this really weird game of slapping each other with random things. Like the other day my wife slapped me in the face with a tampon, not a used one, just a tampon. Yes, it's a bit gross, but whatever, it's a game we like to play. So
today I decided it was time for revenge. I got out of the shower, I dried myself off, I looked for her, and I saw that she was sitting there on the computer with some headphones on. So I snuck up from the side and boom, deck slap square on the cheek. She never stood a chance. I stood there expectedly waiting for her to laugh or just some sort of reaction like she normally would. But then she just turned to me, white in the face, and said on a call. I thought she was joking and just whinding
me up. But then I looked at a screen and there were several gobsmat coworkers of my wives, only one of them I had met. I immediately ran out of the room. I'm now typing this from the bathroom. I'm scared that I'm going to be reported for some kind of domestic abuse, and I don't even know how to explain to them the situation, because it's so stupid that I just, on the daily slide my wife in the
face with my dick. Yes, there's something wrong with you, but you know, like all relationships had those weird things that you do like that that if you tried to explain it to anyone, they would be like, you are cooked. Like I'm pretty sure this is something that Matt would do. I mean, we've all been slapped at one point, aren't we consensually slapped in the face with the dick? Guys, It's fine that's pretty funny. I feel like there would be a whole thread of things that have happened on
zoom calls in lockdown that are like that. I can there would be so many funny things. It's so nice that we're in the clear now. I mean a lot of people are still working from home, and zoom calls are definitely a more permanent fixture than what they used to be. But wow, that was a lot. Yeah. Wow. We well we all right, should we jump in? Yeah, let's jump into the old breakup? Yeah? Mate, it's touffy all right.
So, like Laura said before, I know that we have spoken here and there about breakups in the past, and we do touch on them in almost every ep in some way, and we talk about them a lot in our Ask Gun cuts, and that's because you all go through them at some stage. So we did think that it was about time we put it all together in one hot little bundle and give you that go to episode for if you ever go through a breakup, or your friend ever goes through a breakup, you can point
them in this direction. Because the sad fact is, guys, that every single relationship that you have before you find your penguin is inevitably going to end in a breakup, right, that's science. You're gonna keep breaking up with people until you find your penguin.
That was so poignant, Brittany. Thank you.
Sometimes even the life you've planned with the person you thought was gonna be your penguin gets cut short and doesn't work out. Now, this does not mean that true love doesn't exist and it isn't worth looking, fighting and waiting for.
It just means.
Sometimes in life it's hard to make it last forever and you have to wait a little bit longer. It is not all bad news, though life is. Whilst society would have you believe that all marriage ends in divorce and that the romantic, happy.
Ending is all but impossible, that's not the case. Love does exist.
But until we find that happy ever after, we're going to go through some pretty shit fucked up breakups and it's not going to be easy.
Well, one of the things that we have spoken about so many times before, and I just want to reiterate this at the start of this episode while actually we're about three quarters away in but anyway, I'll tell you it now, that is that from some of the most turbulent heartbreaking, traumatic, just gut wrenching experience in life is where your most profound and incredible growth will happen. So I know that you can't see that when you're in
the depths of a breakup. You can't be like, oh, I'm going to be this beautiful flower at the end of this. It doesn't feel like that. But I even look back on some of my absolute worst breakups where at the time I didn't think I was going to survive and I didn't think I was going to make it through, and I am now in retrospect almost grateful that that happened, that I'm no longer with that person who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with that I went through that really
awful experience because it made me a better person. It made me more aware of what I want in a relationship. It made me more aware of what I'll put up with and what I won't put up with, and what my worth is. And so I know that it can be really hard to look at those things and to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And something that everyone always says as well is like, don't worry,
just give it time. But what we wanted to put together in this episode was some other things other than just saying time heals or wounds, to help you overcome it, to help you make sense of it, because they really really hurt, and they're supposed to really hurt. There's some of the most profound things that happen in our life.
And you know what, it is true. I'm on board with the old time heals all wounds, but time alone doesn't heal all wounds. There's a lot of things that you need to do in that time, a lot of things that need to accompany that time for you to get to a place where you're healed and you feel ready to jump back into the.
Wild and to face life again. So whilst it's easy to be like, yep, give it time, give it time, you've got to be putting some things into practice during that time. But also in you saying it's not time, it's like working on working on things and changing things. I think to like just expand on that a little bit as well. If you don't acknowledge or if you're not aware of, like the reason why a breakup has happened, or you're not you seem like you're having the same
behavior over and over. There are a lot of people, and we've spoken about this before as well, I know, but there are a lot of people who get into the same carbon copy relationship and go through heartbreak after heartbreak after heartbreak, and they think, well, why does this keep happening to me? And it's because there's this systemic and systematic behavior where you're doing the same thing and getting the same outcome. So I think that that's something
as well to just be mindful of. And we'll get into that a little bit more too. Yeah, for sure, jump into that. But something I really wanted to just touch on first, which I think helps to make sense a little bit of this, the really visceral feeling that comes with heartbreak, is this idea that when you're in a relationship with someone, the brain creates these neuropathways. So what happens is every time you experience a new experience in life, your brain creates a neuropathway in order for
you to like bond that memory. And so the more that you do something, the stronger those neuropathways actually become. So the more time that you spend with someone, the more shared experiences you spend with someone, the more that you really cement those neuropathways in your brain. Now, when you break up with that person, your brain is actually trying to one it's trying to protect you, but it's
also sometimes your worst enemy. So when you actually go through a breakup, what it triggers is your reward system. So what you get from your partner is you get this like this the love, you get this affirmation. It is literally a drug. The same part of your brain that affects drug addicts is lit up when you're in a relationship with someone because it's that dope. Mean, it's
the love that we receive from that person. So when you go through a breakup, you can get thrown into this craziness where you're wanting like your next hit, You're wanting to receive that affirmation from that person again, you're needing to have contact with them. And that is like a very like Sciance sea based way that we are
affected by a breakup. So what happens when we break up with someone is that these neural pathways they start to deteriorate and in order for you to slowly get over that relationship, Yes, time heals all wounds, but it's because these neural pathways are actually breaking down. But every time you look at a photo, every time you text him, every time you rock up for a booty call, every time you have to just get that little bit of
extra closure, that's reforming those neural pathways. You're not allowing your brain actual time to to break them down and for you to start creating your own identity that's separate from a relationship.
And I guess to compliment that, I just find it so interesting. I guess I'm a woman of science.
I love it. But I have a study that actually compliments that really well. And it's a study.
From twenty eleven, and it's published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Science in the United States of America. And basically, when your friend or when you say to someone like I am hurting so much, I'm in so much pain from this breakup, is actually true. Your body physically can feel pain. So in this study found that romantic rejection meant areas of the brain associated with feelings and pain are activated, so that heartbreak actually
activates real pain centers in your brain. So psychologist Edward Smith from Columbia University, New York recruited forty volunteers who had gone through an unwanted breakup, so they were the ones that were broken up with they'd gone through this breakup in the past six months. They all had MRI scans on their brain whilst in the machine. They were asked to look at photos of their ex partners.
So they were asked to look at photos of.
Their ex partners whilst in the MRI machine, and they were asked to think about that feeling when they were rejected, And the MRI scan actually showed that while the participants were thinking about this turmoil that they went through and thinking about the breakup, the areas of the brain that were associated with physical pain actually were like on fire. They were lighting up. And that is the same part of the brain that lights up when you kick your toe or you know, fall down a flight of stairs.
So physically, when somebody says like I am in pain from this breakup, it's not metaphorical, like your body actually physically feels it.
Well, I guess like anybody who has been through a bad breakup, but anybody who's come and found this episode because of a breakup, like you know, that pain is so visceral it's so real. Like I remember this one time when, like the guy who I speak about from time to time on this podcast, who I was with before Matt, he had cheated on me and I'd fat out about it and we were like had a very turbulent, like extremely all amazing, all terrible up and down roller
coaster of a relationship. It was just it was like very very volatile all the time. And I remember when we broke up and I had full on anxiety panic attacks, which is not something I would actually ever say that I normally suffer from. But I didn't even know how to cope with the instantness of that pain. The only thing that I thought I could do was go back to him, because I was like, I can't deal with feeling this bad, that even just going back will make
it better. And I think a lot of people do that as a very quick and instant reaction to a breakup. Instead of sitting in that pain, they run back to the person, even if that person is not good for them, even if that person has shown time and time again that they're not going to change. But it's because the physical pain of being broken up with is too hard. I absolutely agree. I've done this the exact same thing.
I'm not someone I have been in like some stressful, crazy situations in around the world, in all different levels, all different aspects. And the only time I have ever had panic attacks and not being able to breathe and thought I was gonna die.
Was like after a breakup. After I broke up with my partner of eight years, I felt those feelings and I've never felt.
Them again, and I was in a proper panic. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't and that's that was my body's reaction to not being able to deal with heartbreak. And I remember I remember calling him and saying, my heart is in so.
Much pain because it was an actual feeling, like I felt like I had a stitch in my heart. Like that was actually I guess that's why it's called heartbreak, because your heart is it's broken, and the pain of it almost like it's such a weird thing to describe, but it actually sits in your chest, like it's that feeling of heaviness that's inside you. Like it's not like yr nies don't hurt, your elbows don't hurt, your wrists,
don't hurt. It's like this feeling that's very centralized to your torso and that like compulsive thinking where you can't think about anything else and you can't really like imagine your life without them. And I guess like something that I think is really important that we need to kind of take the conversation into is this idea of identity that's tied up in a breakup, which is what makes it so difficult to overcome. You're not only breaking up with a person, which in and of itself is a
loss at is grief. You're also dealing with the loss of your own identity and that's something that you really need to be aware of because this concept that you have formed a life with someone, but it's also the future life that you have projected, that you have imagined and that you've put a lot of love and energy and thought into that you lose all of a sudden and so by losing that identity, you're kind of thrown into this whole world of like, I don't know who
I am anymore because I don't know who I am without that person. So one of the first steps I think to really starting to overcome a breakup is imagining your life not in a negative way, but trying to imagine your life in the most positive way possible without
that person in it. And every time you see yourself going back to like I can't live without them, or I can't you know, I can't imagine my life with a without them, you have to try and retrain your brain to start to look for the positives in what life could be now that you're on your own, of all the possibilities now that you're on your own.
It's very hard cycle to break because often, and I guess it's the older you get as well, you become more serious more quickly with people, and you do plan out your kids, where you're going to live, what you're going to call them, the how is she going to buy? And you don't envision one aspect of your life anymore without that person. So it's definitely all of a sudden a slap in the face to reassess that. And it's scary to face your future alone. We've all been there.
I've been there and I thought, I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know who I am without this person.
Like I literally went through that. I had been my whole adult.
Life with someone for eight years and I didn't know how to be someone without him, And I think that for a lot of people, it's not just the it's not just the loss of your partner that hurts. It's the fear and how scary the future looks going into it alone, back in the wild, alone, not knowing where you're going to end up, not knowing what your path is anymore. That's that's the scary thing, isn't it. So I think that together with the physical pain, it's just a culmination of things.
One of the things that you just touched on as well is like this idea that it gets worse as we get older. And I don't know if enough like time and energy has really been put into that conversation. But like when you're in your twenties, breakups are bad. They absolutely are, like you, they're still horrific. But I do think that like sometimes you think you're afforded a bit of time, like you know, there's still this prospect I'm going to meet someone else, or you know, I
think I will meet someone else. But I guess like that that becomes that becomes heavier for people when you get into your thirties. And that's even something when I went through my b breakup. I was thirty just that was like just pre going on the Bachelor, and I had this moment where I was like, that's it. I'm going to be on my own and I'm going to be alone forever. That was what made it so hard to be okay, was this feeling that I was going to be on my own, and of course that's not
the case. Like you know, breakups happen at all different ages in life. Sometimes you might even think you've found the one, You might even have kids with that person, and then hey, at like forty five, fifty sixty, shit goes wrong and you're not with that person anymore. Like life can throw you some absolute curve balls because you cannot control someone else. You cannot control their behavior, and you can't control whether or not they want to be
with you for the rest of their lives. But I think like an interesting thing to ask and tell me if I'm overstepping by asking you as well Britain, but like you know, I will, well, yeah, but like you're single still and at this point in your life, am I well? Fuck, I don't know, do you tell me? But let's pretend I am okay. But let's pretend you are like, how does a break up now in your thirties compare to a breakup in your twenties. Yeah, I was just thinking.
That actually, as you were just saying what you were saying about how it's easier in your twenties.
I think it's a catch.
Twenty two because when you're a teenager and your early twenties, even towards your late twenties, what happens is everything is extreme. Everything is more extreme. So I remember breaking up in my early twenties and I just was beside myself because you haven't felt that pain before, and it's your.
First real heartbreak.
It's your first heartbreak and you haven't felt it, and you don't know what you're going to do without that person. And I think because we're younger, without life experience, we think it's the worst thing that's ever going to happen to us. When I broke up with my boyfriend when I was sixteen, I remember saying to my mum, I will never be I'll never meet anyone again. I remember saying that, and I was sixteen. But that's because you haven't done life yet and you don't have the experience.
So I think for a lot of young people. We don't want to take away from that because you will feel like the worst you've ever felt. But like Laura said, there's this aspect of having some time on your side.
You've got so much.
More that you can go and do before you do have to go and tie yourself into a mortgage or you have kids.
Or anything like that.
So it's hard because you're not going to get over it as quickly because you think it's the worst thing that's going to happen to you.
But then you've got time to move on when you're in your thirties. Okay, let's just flip what I just said. When you're in your thirties, it is really really hard.
And we've had some listeners writing recently and I have just really resonated with them.
They say things like a girl a few nights ago, she said.
I am thirty two, I have spent ten years on my own. What's wrong with me? What is wrong with me? Why can't I'm never gonna meet anyone? I'm going to give up looking? And she had this, and I felt that because I have had that in my mind, I have thought to myself, Brittany, give up. No one likes you, and it's horrible. But this how you speak to yourself. No one likes you. You're doing something wrong. Love's not meant for you. That's such a horrible thing to say
to yourself. It is and it's not true. But I've yes, and this is what I've told this our listener. But there are moments where when you're in your thirties, you feel that because you're like, okay, I'm I'm in the next aspect of my life. There's a lot more pressure on people. Everyone around you iss settled down and had kids, and so breakups are definitely worse in that sense because you feel like time isn't on your side anymore. And I think we put too much stress on us.
And there's that comparison of like where you think you should be in life, but really like there's no timeline of where you should be, Like you are at exactly the point in your life where you're meant to be at, just because it's not the same point that someone else is at, Like they might not even be happy anyway. You can't compare yourself to other people and where their relationships are at. I think that that's like a really
important thing. But the reality is breakups are going to be hard, no matter when they happen in your life, and no matter how they happen, whether you're the one that does the breaking up, whether you're the one that's broken up with. Well, on the flip.
Side to what I was just saying, and this is something I do want to talk about, is the thing that does help when you're in your thirties and when you start to get a little bit older and you have some more life experiences that you can have those moments where you're at the bottom of the bottom. You are laying on the bottom of the ocean floor, you feel like you drown and you feel like you won't move on, But you flip that a lot quicker because you've got this life experience.
You can be in that position.
But I think that you can tell yourself, okay, you're being silly, like you let yourself feel it for a minute and then you say you've been silly. You know that's not true. Of course, loves meant for you. This just wasn't your turn, and you pull yourself yourself out of it a lot quicker than the twenty five year old does. So I think both aspects of a young
breakup and an older breakup. They both have their things that their positives and their negatives and get to a point where they feel the pain, but they can say, Okay, I'm gonna take something from this and just get to that point where I realize, this wasn't my penguin, this wasn't for me. I'm gonna take something I learned from it, and I'm gonna move forward.
Okay, So let's talk. Let's talk practically about what you can do. Like, if you're in the throes of a breakup and you're dealing with this intense feeling that you don't think you can control. Firstly, I just want to say, like, you can absolutely control it, because you are not your feelings. Your feelings go up and down and they change sporadically depending on what it is that you're thinking of that time.
So try and rewire your brain because you are probably thinking about him or her, but you're probably thinking about all the good times. You're probably thinking about like why are they not texting me back? You're probably looking at photos, you're probably rereading text me like we've all done that. You have to almost like put up a virtual stop sign in your brain. And just like interrupt that sort of obsessive thinking and that ruminating about him, because that
cycle is just going to send you into a spiral hole. Yeah, this is going to sound really silly about literally using something like the visual of a stop sign to try and break the habit of this obsessive thinking can be super useful in retraining your brain. Now, well, I completely agree with you, Laura, and let's talk about that some more. But I think at the very very beginning, if we're starting from day dot, it is allow yourself time to grieve.
So whether you are the break or opera or whether you have been broken up with, you have to deal with it. It hurts for both parties.
I don't think it's easier either way because the person that's inflicting the pain and breaking up, they're going through their own pain and they're dealing with that in their own way. So you need to sit in that and you need to whatever it takes, you have to actually process it and accept it. So don't go out the next day, don't go get drunk and be like I'm going to forget him, I'm going have a one night stand, because you're not.
You're going to feel a lot worse the next day. So also, don't just get drunk and then drunk text him, because that's going to turn out to be a bad idea as well. Okay, this is my next this is my next point. But I'm the leader's number. I'm just gonna like like argue with you a little bit on that. I don't think it's even you know, when people say like it doesn't matter whether you're the breaker up or
the one being broken up with, everyone feels pain. I agree, it is painful for both parties, but I think in a breakup it's very rarely equal pain. I think that I don't think it's equal. There is always somebody who who hurts more, And when you're the person who hurts more, it's really really hard because you kind of then the one that's like, well, why don't they want me? Or why can't I had them back? Or what did I
do wrong? And it's very easy to fall into this mental blaming of yourself or this what's wrong with me type thinking.
When I was saying before that I had like my panic attacks and I've hurt more than I've ever heard. After my relationship breakdown of eight years, I was the one that broke up with him.
Yeah, and I think like accepting that. I think if you try and pretend like you're not feeling the things that you're feeling, or trying to push that down, like that's just like putting pressure on a volcano, It's going to come up at some point in time. So like acknowledging it and allowing yourself to feel that hurt and allowing yourself to talk about it with your friends and verbalize it and like, you know, you don't have to
be okay, you don't have to be strong. I think that that is very therapeutic in and of itself, like talking to the people who you love. Don't talk to him about it though, Like one of the big things, which I know you're just about to say, delete his number, ye, Like we preach this on every episode. No freaking contact, which means deleting his number. It means not trying to get closure or like whatever excuse that you have under the sun. Get the closure once, yeah, but like not
ten times. Yeah, whatever excuse you have to contact him. Maybe he left something at your house. Maybe he don't need to pick up that tea towel. Yeah, maybe he's posted something that's made you angry and you feel like you need to tell him. Maybe he's on his stories looking like he's having good time and you want to be angry at him. Whatever it is. Maybe you're just drunk and you think you can just have a booty
call and the sex won't mean anything. Like whatever it is, whatever reasoning you're trying to tell yourself that's okay and makes it okay for you to call him or text him, it's not. Don't do it the end. If you have you his number still in your phone, within a few weeks, you're gonna be out drunk and think it's a brilliant idea to call him or text him, it's not. And you guys can be friends one day, but not anytime soon, like way down the track. And that's not even a guarantee.
But if there is ever going to be a friendship that comes out of a breakup, it's going to be down the track.
Yeah. And it comes back to this thing I was saying at the beginning about this whole like neural pathways. Every time you go back and you look at his Instagram, every time you watch his stories, every time, every time you send him a text message, you are redipping into that that you're rebuilding those neural pathways. You're re solidifying all the good work that you've done to try and distance yourself and reform a new identity. So every time
you do that, you're setting yourself back. It might not feel like it, you might even think you're weaning yourself off. It's a really dangerous and really like unhealthy way of going through a breakup because you can't win yourself off a person. You've got to just go cold turkey.
Coming with the deleting of the number comes with blocking them on Facebook and Instagram. You don't have to go crazy and delete their Instagram if you don't want, but you can mute them.
I have people on my.
Instagram that I've muted because I don't want to deal with unfollowing. Yeah, but it's a bit drastic, you know, to block them. I think that's drastic.
But if someone's broken up with you, I don't think it's that drastic to unfollow them. Like you might not want you and you might not be at that point, but you do definitely have to mute them. Yeah, mute them you can't see their shit. Yeah, But I think like if if a guy has broken up with you, and then you have unfollowed them, and then they're angry
that you unfollowed them. There's some sort of like weird ego shit going on there that they need to deal with, because you have every right to remove people from your life who don't make you feel good. And if you're going through a breakup, guess what, they're probably not making you feel good. Yeah, And if they're angry that you've unfollowed them after a breakup, they are underestimating the pain
they have caused you. Because yeah, most most normal people that have gone through a breakup, say, will be in a position where they say, Okay, I totally get you don't want to see what I'm doing at the moment, that's fair, talk to tune six months or whatever it is. Totally And I think when people say like, oh, like I want to break up, or like we shouldn't be together, but we can still be friends, not really like, yeah,
you can't. You can't go from having this like intense physical connection and love for someone to transitioning those feelings overnight to friends. And if you think that you're going to be able to do that, you're absolutely fooling yourself, because wait until he starts dating someone or you start dating someone, and I guarantee that that will show that you're not actually friends, that one of you is hurt by that situation. So like, minimize, minimize that exposure, minimize
the chance that you're having a good day. Maybe you haven't even thought of him that day, and then you see something on social media that he's done or that she's done, and it just brings it all back up to the surface. So I think you have the ability to control your environment. You have the ability to curate your social media feed. Do that in a way that it only brings happiness to the situation and it doesn't allow for anything to happen to throw you into the
depths of despair again. And the thing is, we.
All know what we post on social media. We all know what social media is, and it's essentially a highlight reel. So the things that your ex is going to be posting, especially after a breakup, are going to be things like out partying out with his friends, maybe without making it obvious, there might be girls in their photos, and it's going to drive you insane.
Laura.
We know the depths you have gone to in your stalking off your ex. You created fake accounts so you could follow girls that you saw in your ex's photo when he was on holiday, and that is what we're trying to avoid.
People. Have I told you how crazy I am, guys, But also, okay, we've all agniation said, we've all. But I'm sure a lot of people out there who are listening to their have been in the situation where when they're in a relationship, their partner didn't really post much on social media and they kind of were a bit dormant on social media. But now that they're single, all of a sudden, they're posting stories, they're putting up pictures,
and they're really really active on social media. And even if they're not active with girls, just the fact that they are active and showing so much more of their life now after the breakup than when they were with you, That in and of itself is going to make you mad. So I think just remove yourself from any possibility of seeing what they're doing. And I only say this because a good friend of mine, she was with her boyfriend
first sort of like seven years. I'm going to have a guess, and in those seven years, I reckon he posted maybe a handful of ten times to Instagram like nothing, And now that they're broken up, he's constantly he's doing stories, he's posting pictures of his food, he's like out having a good time with the boys. And that's because this day and age as well, I think we forget this. And I've said it a few times.
Social media, specifically Instagram, it's a dating app, whether you want to call it a dating app or not.
Look, it's not a dating app for the people who are in the religions, No, it's not. No, But I mean single people use it is literally your CV. It is putting your life out there. I mean we link we link our Instagrams to dating apps now, and we do that for a reason because it's your CV of who you are and what you do in your life.
So all of a sudden, someone that's out of a relationship, of course they're gonna start posting more because that's the first thing I tell my friends, if they're out of a relationship, you better pick your Instagram game up now.
Because that's what people look for. So that's why they're posting like a nut job.
And I mean, let's be real as well, like how many relationships start because someone slides into the other's DM mate. I was slippery McGhee, like last year, I was sliding left, right and center. Honestly, sorry, I slipped and fell into your DMS again.
I slipped in full all the time, Guys. I slipped and fell so many times into DMS. I slipped and fell more on Instagram than I did on dating apps. So I never ever did it because it's bigger now. Back a few years ago, it wasn't a thing, but everyone knows now. It's like, you know, if someone's single on their Instagram, you know, and then you just slide on in double tap, give them a follow slide. I like that this has just turned into a dating how
to instead of a breakup how to. Anyway, my next tip is to make a breakup playlist.
See I Okay, Britt put together the flow for today's conversation and she was like, I'm gonna tell people to make a playlist. Well, actually, psychologists send me against this, No hang on. Psychologists suggested that it helps a breakup playlist, so it must be true.
And then I thought back to my breakup and what they say is not a breakup playlist. To wallow in your emotions. It might help some people. It actually helps them move on if they sit in their feelings and they listen to sad songs. But that might not be the case for you, and you might be someone that needs to make a breakup playlist that isn't sad, but
it's a rock out playlist, it's an eminem playlist. I had a bad Bitch playlist when I went through my bad breakup and I still hear the songs, so like, this is okay, I'm down for this part of it.
I thought you meant like a sad put on your sad music and it's whatever. Yeah, it's whatever works for the individual. But I had had a couple of songs. It wasn't a playlist, but I had a couple of songs where when I would listen to them, I was like, yes, I'm going to be such a powerful single lady.
I'm going to tell you the evolution of Britney post breakup. Post breakup, I wallowed hard. I in my I would sit in my car and drive around for hours and have Adele on repeat. She just drops that like emotional album and I listened to repeat and I would scream in my car singing it, and I would cry in my car singing it, and I felt powerful for that
because it was my release of emotions. And I sat in that for like a month, and then I evolved, got rid of adell, and I jumped deep into eminem and I was like an angry rapper and that was my next level of healing.
It's so so out of control it was. And then I think I just went to like mainstream pop after that and gone on with my life.
But like, there's a lot to be said for music and the way it makes you feel and sitting in your emotions and moving through the emotions of what a breakup is. So whether that's you want to be sad and cry, whether you need to be angry and scream, or whether you just need to have a song that makes you feel good and he's happy. So science says
this is true. I can't I don't have the quote from where I've read this, but it takes about eight weeks for you to go through the process of like those really intense first visceral feelings to start to subside. So make sure that your whole no contact thing is minimum eight weeks. I mean, I recommend way longer than that. If you read Zoe Foster Blake's Breakup Boss, I think she recommends like fifty or something crazy, or fifty days, fifty weeks.
Who even knows it's so long. I don't know if there's an exact timeframe we can put on it, but I think eight weeks. I think if you have managed to get to the end of eight weeks without speaking to someone, without like having any sort of contact with them, without stalking their Instagram page over and over and over, you're really going to put some distance in your feelings and you're going to start to make some huge headways
in the way that you feel. Heading back to this idea of music and how it empowers you and how it can make you feel better or worse. I think, be mindful of the type of music that you're playing. And I myself, I know that if I go for really long drives and I'm on my own for too long, like that's not good for me. Like being on my own in the car without any other stimulation is actually
too much time for me to think about things. And usually it means that I will start thinking about negative things and I can put myself into a really negative thought pattern or process or wherever I'm going with it, just by spending too much time alone in my car by myself. So be mindful of things that trigger you to feel bad and stay away from those. That would be my biggest advice as well, definitely suited to the individual.
You have to just don't go and sit in there and listen to Eminem because we said listen to Eminem. Find what works for you. That's absolutely essential. If it's making you feel shit, stop it, try something new. I think the next thing that I recommend is to reevaluate your life and who you are and find out who you are again on your own, because a lot of people lose their identity in a relationship, especially a long
term relationship, and you make sacrifices. So maybe you really loved Mexican food and your partner didn't like Mexican food, and you really like hiking, but your partner wants to stay at home and read. Now is your time to go and get your burrito and go for your goddamn hike together at the same time simultaneously be crazy, but go and go and find the things you love again and start doing them. But also, it doesn't just have to be about like the things that you feel like
you couldn't do with your partner. It could also just be looking forward to things that you're gonna do that are completely new. Like it could be traveling on your own, it could be getting a new job, it could be just changing.
Living in a different city. You're now no longer tied to something that you were tied to. This is like your opportunity to do something completely crazy, to do something completely new, and to recreate the person that you thought you were going to be and the person that you are going to be now. Like there's so many people who go through these traumatic breakups and opens up a whole new world and a whole new life for them.
And like I said at the very beginning, this could be the very best fucking thing that ever happens to you if you let it. Put yourself into new experiences and say yes to things that you wouldn't normally say yes to, because that's going to open your world up.
People often say to me when I speak about my tumultuous relationship with my Psychoakes. They often say like, I'm sorry that happened to you, and I say I'm not I'm not sorry. I don't regret it because it in turn, it started off this domino effect that changed my life forever, and I have had the best experiences. I went on a three year around the World trip because I broke up because I went through that relationship, went on The Bachelor because I went through that relationship, moved to Sydney,
moved to new countries, so many things. And I think that is a really important thing to take from it is you go through something really really horrific, but it's what you make it. So you don't have to dwell in that, and you, like you said, you can go and do those things you've always thought you wanted to do, like travel, and you need to take take this time as I guess a form of education in life.
It's so it's so true, like I say the same thing, like I look back on that, like I've had two really really big and hard heartbreaks in my life, and I look back on both of them and I think at the time, I just didn't think I was even going to live through it. I never thought I was going to be happy again. And now I'm so grateful that they happened because I love my life so much. But if you had asked me at the time, I would be like, no fucking way, Like I've peaked and
I'm it's all downhill from here, sister. But I really do think that, like most people who go through shitty, shitty breakups speak to them in ten years time, and they're going to tell you that it was one of the most profoundly important pivots in their life. So it
is really what you make of it. I also think something that something that like I experienced and I know when I have had this conversation with other girlfriends and just people in general around breakups, is like once you go through that feeling of like you're never gonna get over it, and you actually start to come through the other side as much as you have been in like the lowest lows of feelings, there's almost this euphoria that
waits at the other end. Like I remember days when I started to come out of my really terrible heartbreak where I was like it was almost like I felt like I was high because I felt happy again for the first time in ages. And that feeling of happy that comes after a breakup, I promise you it comes everybody experiences that at some point after a breakup. You'll just be walking down the street and you'll go, oh my, oh my god, I'm not sad anymore. I'm okay, I'm okay.
And this feeling of happiness because you haven't had it in so long is no joke. It's so neuphoric. And I really remember, I remember walking through Rushcutter's Park this one day, and I also the relationship was bad, and I think it's probably more so if you've come from a relationship where the person has done the wrong thing over and over and you've actually been in something that
was quite an emotionally abusive relationship. When you come out the other side of it, this real feeling of like this is what it is to be happy and not have my happiness tied up in someone else is a very very real feeling, Like I get excited for people to feel that after a breakup.
I remember the first night that I went out with my friends and danced and had a great night, went home the next day, woke up, went to breakfast, and I remember sitting there at breakfast the next day realizing that I just went twenty four hours and went out with my friends and had fun without thinking of my ex. You know that first day where you like, he didn't consume me, and that was when I was like, Wow, I can live my life with that thinking about him.
Life is going to be okay. And life at the end of the tunnel happens without you realizing that. It happens slowly, but it does happen. Like you know, you think there's never gonna be a day where you're not going to look at their Instagram, and then all of a sudden you're like, oh, I've not even thought about him in six months. Like it absolutely happens. It just
happens at different rates for different people. But there are absolutely things that you can do that's gonna make the situations worse, and there's things you can do that's gonna make the situation better, and something that's gonna make the situation better.
This is my absolutely swear by step to getting over a breakup.
I feel so strongly about it. It helped me so many times.
Exercise, serotonin and endorphin releasing exercise. It is the absolute best thing you can do to make you feel better and help you heal inside and out. And I'm not talking you don't have to go CrossFit, you don't have to go and run a marathon. I'm just talking walking every day, going for a job, just anything that's going to get your blood going and release those endorphins.
And we should actually and we will.
We will get a health professional and nutritionists in one day to to talk about the effects of food and sugars and things like that have on your body. But once you do start to eat really well and take control of your life again and start exercising, there's a reason you feel better, and it's because you don't do things like have sugar highs and lows. You don't feel guilty about binge eating in bed for two weeks straight.
It literally it evens out everything in your body, all the physiological effects in your body, and you just start to feel like you're getting control of your life again. So there's just like a whole bunch of things that goes with getting back into control.
I have a bit of a bones peck with your Bret. You've written in this run sheet, do not get a break up hair cut, or immediately, or at least wait a second before getting banks. Do you know what I did in the throes of a bad breakup. I cut my own fair is why I put this step in Laura. I used to have hair down past my brass strapped, like down past my mid back, and I was going through a breakup and I was like, do you know what my hair's then I can cut it myself, and
I cut it into a bob. I kind of liked it, but it was very drastic. It was the markings of a Britney Spears nineteen ninety break down. That's what that was. So it was a hormer. I love that so much.
I literally wrote the next step, guys, I said, do not get a breakup haircut, or at least wait a hot second before getting the bangs for the first time, because there's a lot of there's a lot of emotion in a breakup, and there's a lot of things you want to really drastically do, like quit your job, cut your hair, get a tattoo.
All of these things. They could be the perfect thing and they could be what you need. Just don't do it. The next day. I also got a tattoo. I have a huge tattoo down my side, which I got after a breakup. I have what I've never seen that tattoo. Yeah, man, it's massive. I can see whole your whole boob is just out whatever. It's only a teddy between friends. I
don't think I've ever actually, like proper seen that. Yeah, it's like a foot I got a humps a hand tattooed on my side after a breakup because in so work, I found myself. You cut your bangs, you did everything that's on my list. This is why I've written the breakup list. I also didn't cope with breakups very well, so I think I can tell you the things not to do because I did everything wrong. I was the one who kept talking his Instagram. I was the one
that kept calling. I was the one that was like trying to make reasons to see him. I was the one that got back together, broke up, got back together, broke up. You made faces. It's the worst way of getting over someone. You cannot wean yourself off another person, like I said earlier, But yeah, look, tattoos are a bad idea, cutting your hair, cutting a bang, all of that bad idea, hang on, not bad ideas.
They're just bad ideas to do immediately without thinking about it. Just don't make that drastic decision the next day, because you might end up with a tattoo and cutting your hair in a few weeks time, and it might be brilliant because you really want it.
It's just like you shouldn't send a text when you're angry. You know. It's the same process. It's the same thought process speaking of like speaking of sending a text when you're angry. I have one other thing that I think is like, look, it's hard to do it because we all want to drink when we're feeling sad. Like you go through breakup, you want to go out with your friends. You want to get obliterated so you don't have to feel the pain, And a lot of people kind of
go down that path. I'm gonna say alcohol doesn't fix heartbreak. It actually makes it way worse. It also means that you do things that you'll end up regretting. As much as it might seem like a good idea to go out with your girlfriends and get blitzed, I guarantee you it's more to me. I absolutely go and gets with the girls. It's like blotted really anyway, you know what I'm saying. We pay tay blind not blindsided, okay, blind
getting blind with the girls, Okay. My My thing is like in doing that one, you could make it worse because like, if your friends are in relationships, you know that they're all going to go home to their partners, and that in itself makes you feel sad. But secondly, like, if you can't trust the things that your drunk self is gonna do, then don't let your sober self get drunk, Like like that's they're the rules, right, I don't trust
drunk Laura. She's an idiot, So I don't let drunk sober Laura doesn't let drunk Laura get drunk because they're the rules. That was such a convoluted sentence. You're really am I'm really trying to do learning, ladies, I need to drink after that. Ah, dear, here we go, Here we go with this Now, I feel like we've covered so much.
I mean, we're getting to the end of the steps, but don't jump back into dating too soon. Whilst we say, get back out there, get back into the wild, see have some fun, have some one night stands. That's all well and good, but you still have to be ready. And I'm not saying ready for a relationship. I'm just saying ready for the feelings that have come with You've just been with someone else. If you're not healed, it's going to be too soon and it's not going to
be good for you for your mental health. So I think you just need to go back to step one, which is accept what's happened, and sit in that and get yourself to a good place. Then get back in the game. And you don't need to go and find someone that you're going to marry, and you don't have to take it so seriously. But just don't go out and sleep with someone the next day because you think it's going to make you feel better, Because it's not going to make you feel better.
Yeah. I also think it's important this whole idea of monkey branching, so jumping from one relationship to another relationship. I am an absolute like I have done it so many times in my life, and I've talked about it on this podcast before. But I'm here to tell you it's a terrible thing to do because what happens when you monkey branch one relationship to another is that you're never actually really taking time to assess what type of
person you really want to be with. And it also means that you're just settling for the next best thing that comes along, so you're gonna one find that you're gonna have the same problems and the same issues that are going to arise. Or it might mean that you commit to someone because the fact that you have someone there means that you don't have to deal with the pain of the last person, like it kind of masks that.
But they're still not the best person for you. So you're still wasting time in a relationship that's only going to end badly because you didn't give yourself time to have any personal growth between relationships and actually make changes and be a better person and grow as a person and fucking like experience life as a single person, which is like, this is your opportunity to do that. Don't waste it by just jumping straight into a relationship with
someone new because you're scared of being alone. That's a terrible reason.
Put this emphasis on, like oh my god, what am I going to do now that I'm alone? Guys, being single can be the best time of your life.
We don't, I think we look at this like, oh, I've been broken up, I'm alone. What am I gonna do? What with me? Embrace your single life. It's not gonna be forever. You you can find out things.
You didn't even know about yourself. You can go and have the best time of your life. You don't owe anything to anyone at that time. It really is a time for you just to be on your own. And I cannot tell you how much fun I have had being single in the back loud for.
The people, for single ladies in the back. Own this time.
And I can't stress that enough. Own it, because one day you're gonna meet that person and that's it. You're done and you don't get to relive it this time of your life again. So don't think it's the worst thing that's going to happen to you. Flip your switch, flip the way you look on it, and be like, I'm gonna fucking own this and I am gonna have so much.
But I cannot drop. I'm like here, I'm here for that, like I'm I'm yes, good done. Only because now that I'm a mom and now that I'm in a relationship where I know that we're gonna be together forever, because we're disgusting. I look back on my single year years and I spent so much time in my single years.
I've said this before, but I spent so much time in my single years being sad, wishing I was with someone and feeling like I wasn't good enough, And I just wish so much more now that I had been able to really embrace it, enjoy it, and love the time that I got to spend with my girlfriends because
I wasted it. I really wasted it. Like, yeah, I have some great memories, and I had some great trips overseas and did all that sort of stuff, but I was never fully comfortable in being single and on my own. And I look back on my life now and I regret that I didn't fully embrace that, because what a fucking fun time it was to be alive.
Yeah, I've been having a pretty while, but that's.
Been Oh you guys don't know the half of It's been a while decade, all right, guys. That brings us to the end of our episode, which means it is time for suck and sweet Brittany, you already tell it everyone, my sweet what is your sack? My suck?
I got home last night from day nine of nine at the hospital and I had the worst migraine I have had. I do suffer migraines, but they've been coming less and less often, but last night hit me like a ton of brecks. I had to to the point that, like I had to put my phone on aeroplane mode and I passed out at six thirty.
It was it was hardcore, was hectic. I know. I sent you a message and you left me on scene like what is this, Brittany? Who are you? I'm sorry, but who are you out with? What do you know? Like? What are you doing if it's not me? I know? Right, guys do when they don't want you to know what they're doing, they just put their phone on helicopter mode and say and they're like, you happen out of the game aplane mode And then they're like, I'm sorry, my
phone ran out of battery. His phone never ran out of battery, FYI, No, mine actually was on helicopter mode. But shut up? All right, right, all right, okay? What's this? Sweet? Most sweet?
Was you might remember a few weeks ago, well I might remember you definitely will remember my dog Lily passed and I told you about how just one of those listeners sent me a DM off her own back and she had drawn my dog Lily and she had sketched it but I'm talking beautifully sketched I put on my stories.
It was really, really amazing. It was so beautiful.
She did it for no reason, and it really made an impact on my family, and I wanted to shout her out. But as a follow up, she knew how much it meant, so she actually sent the physical drawing to my house so that we could have it framed and we could have it forever.
And I.
Said to her, I would absolutely love that. It's amazing. Let me give me your account details. I'll at a minimum pay you for the postage. And she wouldn't even accept that. So she's this this girl I don't even know she's gone to this effort and I just watched her out.
Yeah, give us her instagram, give give us her Instagram handle.
Absolutely going to shout her out because she's obviously she's talented, but she's just a good human and she's a listener.
We love this ye.
Her instagram is Chelsea Rose Studio so c h E l s E A Rose like Bachelor studio and she just is an amazing, amazing sketch artist.
I'm going to put the picture back up on my stories and stuff. But that was my sweet she my dad cried again. She really made a difference, and that's my sweet. And I hope her sweet is the fact that she knows she made a really big impact on our family.
And yeah, I just wanted to shout out thank you. If you are listening right now, that was beautiful.
It's a great sweet. We both feel really trivial now, but they can be. That's the whole aim of the game. Okay, watch your suck, so it's not even bad. So my suck is that Matthew Johnson has decided to clipper his face and his chest hair very very short, which means he's extremely prickly all over, and I don't really like it him. If you're listen him, I'll tell him, hey,
mat so prickly. Does anyone else deal with this when their partners just like over clipper their face and then when their partners try to kiss them, it's like little needles sticking into your face. Yeah, it's awful anyway that's happened. So that's to suck. But also I can't tell him this because he'll get upset by it. So I'm just gonna tell it on a national podcast that he doesn't listen to. I don't think he'll get upset. No, I think he gets offended if I critique how closely he
shaves hispa. It's not like you're critiquing his personality. Just grow the hair out. And my sweet for the week, which Britt already shared, is the fact that Marley took four steps. It was very cute. My baby is walking before one because she is a genius. And she also said Hi Dada the other day and I like, literally, my ovaries just fell out my butt because it was the cutest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
Okay, first, physiologically, you're ovaries can't come at your butt. Secondly, i'll prove you wrong, brittany woman to bend over bend over in.
Coff I just got a visual.
Secondly, how did you feel, honestly that she's saying how dadda instead of before malm.
It's because I all say Hi dad da whenever Matt walks into the room. I'm more angry at Matt that he doesn't say Hi mama, so that she gets the same repetition and learning. Obviously Matt's fault. Absolutely that what a prick and that's it guy. So yeah, she said hi, data, and she took four steps. And next week is her birthday,
which is just wild. It's been a year. It's been a year since I pushed her out, and I'm gonna have a big old glass of wine because I know that it's her birthday, but it's also a celebration of the fact that I've kept her alive for a year.
People, I can't believe. I can't believe that either, because you know what it also means. That means we're one. It's our anniversary.
Yes, I didn't think of that till now. Guys, Guys, this also marks I mean, we missed our birthday because it was a couple of weeks back, but this podcast has been going for an entire year, so it's a group. It's a solid community anniversary. Thank if you're with us from the beginning, thanks for I'm sticking it through. My mind is blown. I can't believe that we miss so useless, that we missed our own birthday. We're pretty useless with that. We missed a million. Two we're coming up to the
two mil though, guys. We're gonna do something. We're gonna have some sort of celebration. Maybe we'll do a big, crazy ass giveaway on the Instagram page. Let's do a.
Giveaway to someone to win something epic, like crazy epic, like I don't know, maybe trips to Hawaii.
No, not that epic. We can't afford that, but we're gonna do something fucking cool. Guys.
We don't make that much money. You're not going to Hawaii, but you'll get something. There's gonna be something, all right.
Okay, guys, thank you so much for listening to another episode. We hope that this is just one that you keep in your back catalog. So if you're going through a hard time or you know somebody who's going through a breakup, you can be like, hey, those Life Uncut bitches know what they're talking about. They've been broken up with loads. Go talk to them because we'll be here for you and for them when the time comes. But also, if you have a question for Ask Guncut, please send that
through to our DM on Instagram. That's Life Uncut Podcasts. Just title it at the very start ask Uncut so that we can find it amongst all the messages that you send us. We will have our episode that will come out on Thursday. We love answering your questions. So, if there's anything that's happening in your life at the moment where you're like, you know what, I need some girlfriends on my side and I need some advice. We're here were your free therapy session. We will come with
the goods. So send us your ask gun cut questions.
If you are listening to this right now and you are in the midst of what you think is the worst time of your life and it is a breakup, we just want to say, hang in there, it's going.
To get better. Yes, that's exactly what we want to say. And that's it, I promise, No, that's not it. The other there's much more housekeeping to be done here, Brittany. Stop trying to rush these people away whilst we've got their undivided attention. We'll celebrate. I'm like, that's it. Bye, dinner time a birth day. Oh yeah, it's truly passed.
Dinner time Okay, famished. Also, if you haven't left a review yet, and you listen to every app and you love the episodes and you think that we're not half bad either, then we would really, really, really really love it if you would go over to Apple Podcast and leave us a review. And hit subscribe. If you're thinking about how who starts to leave us hit five. I highly recommend, and you know the drill. Share the love, guys, because we love love. I'm not gonna such losers like you,
and I can't say that without putting hands with me instantly. Alright, See you, guys,