From attitude to gratitude and resilience with Hugh van Cuylenburg

how to respond. Yeah, but I love it because this is like me living on the edge. What intro is She's gonna do what she gonna throw at me. Am I going to be able to roll with it? You're a real risk taker, baby, I am. I was born this way. I am coming to you from just outside of New York. I'm in a place called Greenwich, Connecticut, and it's on the outskirts of New York. I am here for the US Open. Jordan was playing in the

US Open last week. It sounds shit, babe. I'm just gonna tell you, New York sounds like a really shit place. Do you know what sounds great? Staying in your bedroom and your lounge room for nine weeks. That sounds better, But do you want to know, Okay, do you want to know something that might feel you like, it might make you feel a little better. I think you're gonna have a little bit of a laugh at my expense.

Something happened to me at the tennis and it's the first time in a while I've been slightly mortified or slightly embarrassed. Now, I want to pre empt this story with I know I shouldn't have been embarrassed, because I know it's normal. I know it's natural, but there was a bar to me that wanted to die just a little bit. At the US Open. It's the first time I've been, so I didn't know what to expect. But the security was high. I'm talking security everywhere, metal detectors,

you gotta line up forever. It was sardines. It was full capacity. They do all these bag checks. You pull everything out of your bag, I'll frisk you and then you do this multiple times. And they're doing this obviously because it's the US Open. For security. Now, there's people everywhere,

lines everywhere. Now, as I was running out the door that day, I got this feeling of like, you know that feeling that all women get when your period is coming, and you know that it's going to be on its way, but it could be in like two or three days. You know. You just get that early heavy feeling. But I ran back inside and I was like, oh, I don't want to go, because I actually was wearing white. I was like, oh, I don't want to go and get stuck with my period somewhere. So I ran back

inside quickly. I said to Jordan, just quickly, let me get something. He was like, we're late. So I ran back in and I was like, two seconds. Now, I use a moon cup? Do you use a moon cup? Laura? And you know what a moon cup is, right, surely? I mean I know what a moon cup is, yes, but I've never used one. I was going to use one now that I have my period again after having like the kids, but I've I've realized and I didn't

know this. They come in different sizes, so the one I have from before no longer is the one that's appropriate for after birth. And I was like, that makes me feel really self conscious, so I need a fucking bigger one. So I did, Laura, I did the reverse.

I didn't know they came in the sizes either. And when I first started to go, I went to the shop, the health shop, went in and bought one, and I was and my sister's been telling me to use them for years, right, She's like, they're so good, they're so comfortable, you don't know they're in there. I couldn't get this thing in. I was like, why can't I get this thing inside of me? When I finally got it in, it was in so much pain the whole day. Then I couldn't get it out. Turns out i'd bought one

that was like just after birth. Couldn't I couldn't get it in, and I was like, I called my sister. I called Sheridan, and I was like, I can't get this moon cup out. It is literally stuck inside me. She's like, just pull it and push it in, like squeeze it. And I was like, it is not fucking working. This is the biggest, most uncomfortable thing. Anyway, i'd bought a post birth moon cup. I learned my lesson quickly, but flashing back, well, I met the US open, so

I've run inside. I've got my moon cup. Now, if you guys use a moon caup or if you don't, I'm going to explain it. But it's like a little bowl of plastic and it has a little centimeter flappy thing at the end that you used to put in and out. But it also comes in a little like usually they come in a satin case, and that's what you keep them in, like a beautiful little case so you don't see them. I was in such a rush that I just grabbed the moon cup and put it

in my bag. I didn't have the case in it, so it was just this big plastic thing that I trust me, i'd use its scene better days. Well we know that it wasn't a big one because you haven't had kids, so it was the smaller size of the plastic. And just so everyone does know, they're like silicone, So they're kind of like they're obviously like they're like collapsible and soft. They're not like a it's not like top aware container that you're shoving off your vagina. It's not

a top. So I'm in the line and at the US Open there's people everywhere, and there this big burly security guard. He's got guns strapped to him. He's really intimidating. Anyway, I go through the security and he's like, open your bag for me, and I was like sure, people everywhere. He pulls out my bag. He starts to pull these

little things out of it. He pulls out the moon cup, holds it up in the air and he's like he's like looking at it in the light and he's twiddling it between his fingers and I'm like, I'm like, what are you doing? And he was like everyone was looking at me, and I was like, put that down. He goes, ma'am, what is Please explain what this is? And I was like, that goes in my vagina. But when I have my period.

You're like, it's not a shot glass. I haven't brought a little hip flask and smurt off black like what are you talking about. I was like he was like twirling it because it's so soft.

he nearly threw it back at me. He's like, man, you just go straight through on. I need to check anything else. Like I really care about the environment, and so that's what that is. But you know what, I'm glad that you've nawls and things. It's really important that men know about these things. And I feel like he's just had an educational lesson at the tennis one that he probably didn't want to hear. But why is it though, Like I it's kind of still got that stigma around it,

doesn't it? Like we shouldn't be embarrassed. You should be able to go to the chemist and buy your tampons or your pads or your whatever sanitary items you use and not feel like they need to be put into a paper bag, like it's this sinful thing that you're walking away from the chemists with a tampon how dare you menstruate? How dare you bleed once a month? So you know what you get out there at the tennis you cheer Jordan on with that moon coup of yours.

You just embrace it, wave the red flag for everyone to see. So that's why I was like, it's one of those things where you shouldn't be embarrassed. And I wasn't embarrassed because I was like, Oh, that's my period. I was more embarrassed because it wasn't that's what goes in my vagina and this man is holding it and didn't have a ca and just like seeing his look, seeing my look, seeing him hold it up to the light, to the sunlight to look through it, because it was

like a clean one. I was like, what are you doing with this thing? I could have gone home and told his daughters. For sure. We have such a great episode for you guys today, and it's something that we really wanted to bring you some content that was a little bit more uplifting and that would leave you feeling just like you have some tools in your toolkit to be able to deal with the current situation in the world at the moment, and you know a little bit

better about life. Yeah, you know what, we wanted to leave you better than we found you put it that way. So on today's podcast, we're interviewing Hugh Van Kylenberg, who is from the Resilience Project, and the Resilience Project is all around mindfulness, empathy and being able to like make

the best of these really difficult situations. And I think one thing that Britain and I have always advocated for on this podcast, one thing that we have spoken about since the very beginning, is this idea that through breakups, through some of life's like most challenging hurdles, some of the best and like most unique growth can come from it.

And you know, we've spoken a lot about the hardships of breakups and relationship breakdowns and how as much as it can be a really painful time in life, that you can come out of these experience as a better person.

And I also think with what we're all going through at the moment in the world and the current situation, it is really monotonous and it can be really challenging, but I do think that there may be some ability for growth, and there may be the possibility that will come out of this and be able to use some of these tools and this really challenging time that a lot of us are going through in a really positive way as well. This is what the interview is about.

I'm really excited to get into it because I think it's so perfectly timed with what is happening at the moment. But before we do, brit, I have a question for you. Is it personal or Look, it's not personal to your situation right now, but it's definitely very relatable and I think our single audience is going to appreciate this one. So I was having a conversation with one of my girlfriends just the other day who is single, and she's

been dating this guy on and off. They've been texting quite a bit, and the conversation came up around ghosting, which I know we've covered ghosting plenty of times in the past, but I don't think we've ever actually answered this question. So he has been taking progressively longer and longer to reply to her text messages, and you know the soft fade out, which I know everyone's heard of

that term. Instead of just doing like the cold hard ghost, the soft fade of like taking a little bit longer to reply to a message each day, or saying like I'm too busy to reply at the moment. How long on a normal spectrum, in a normal relationship, when you first started dating, how long is an acceptable time frame to not hear from a person and to not get a reply? I remember those days. There are so many variables to this question, like so many things. I want

to know. Were they talking a lot at the start and it's faded off? Has it always been as consistency? Do you know the answers to that? I think like the standard like texting all the time at the very beginning, and then now getting the oh, I'm sorry, I'm super busy with work, I'm like a little bit crazy at the moment, and then the messaging has gone from being like throughout the day to being once in the morning or once at nighttime, So like eight hours between text backs?

Is that okay? Is there a time and a point in a relationship, especially at the beginning of relationship where someone is genuinely too busy and if they are genuinely too busy, how long can they be too busy for? Like, like how long do we wait? How long do we accept tardy messages? I think it has to be I think like if I'm gone, because people are people are

really busy. Obviously it might be different now with the current climate, but people genuinely can be And you know this, Laura, like, you could be flat out from the second you wake up until the second you get home to bed. For me, I would say it has to be within the response has to be within that day. It has to be

within a twenty four hour period. If you're letting it roll over to the next day and she's getting a message back saying, hey, sorry, I couldn't get back to your sales flat out and they're not giving you much, i'd can it. Honestly, I would, because we all know and I really do believe this that if you want to contact someone, it doesn't matter how busy you are, you will within that day. So even if he has been flat out, he might be doing heart surgery all day,

who knows. You might be flat out all day. But when you get home to bed, you finally you've brushed your teeth, you've combed your hair back, you've put your moisturizer on, you've tucked yourself into bed. You're going to text the person that you're thinking about, and you're going to text the person you're in in you because you're gonna think, oh, I can finally get back to them. I can't believe I haven't gone back to them. I

want to get back to them. So I think if if it's going over the twenty four hours for me, that's a bit of a red flag. I'd be like, but I'm the kind of person that would probably call them out, not a bad way. I'd be like, hey, look, I'm getting the I would I'd beel like Fritz, like, fucking text me back, you bitch, unless you doing heart surgery. Text me back. No, I would just say, hey, getting him.

If she's actually feeling like he's not interested, I'm big on just saying that, and don't be I don't think you should be pedantic and over dramatic, like over dramatic, don't make something into something that's not there. But if you genuinely are getting a feeling that the whole situation has done a flip and it's changed, I'm the person that would say, hey, look in all honestly, I'm getting feeling that you're not that interested, which is cool, like

it is what it is kind of thing. And he's either gonna say I'm so sorry I've made you feel like that, Like I really just have been flat out or he's gonna say, yeah, I just don't think the timing is right. I just think life's too short. We all know, especially with what's going on. Life's too short to wonder what. Life's too short to not know. Life's too short to waste your time on someone that's not

interested in you. And I really think the big tech caring from this, And this was the conversation that we had. It's like life is too short to not be a priority, Like it's okay to have ebbs and flows around priority, like you don't always have to be the other person's main thing. And it's completely impractical to expect that someone's going to be texting you all day every day, like it's it's unsustainable for starters. But you still want to

feel like you're a priority to that person. And I know that there's variables to this, Like Rit said, maybe if he's doing heart surgery, there's some exception. Well let it slide, okay, write whatever, saving lives, you're too fucking busy, But no, it comes down to, like what does busy look like if he's studying if he's working like a normal nine to five job, if he's just been out exercising, Like there are breaks throughout the day where you can send a text message reply, or you can just touch

base in some capacity. It doesn't have to be like a big back and forth thing. But I also think sometimes we need to check ourselves because I know, like when I first start dating, I really love the constant back and forth messaging. And then if I don't get that, I'm not being satiated in that way, and so like

I sometimes have to turn at their house. I sometimes have to pull my own head in and be like this is not practical, Like it's not sustainable for everyone to do so, like I understand that as well, but no, I think the situation with her was that it had become the norm to not hear back for sort of eight hour days at a time, and that had happened for four or five days in a row, and I was like, I think you should call it. I think that this is like run its course. Now. Yeah, I'm

going to say call it too. I'm going to I'm not call it, but like just do what I said and just be like, yo, is this going anywhere or not because I've got data restrictions and I don't want to waste my text on you. And I also think sometimes we're so scared to ask that question. We're so scared to be like, hey, what is happening, like are you too busy or like and you don't have to ask it in like a passive aggressive kind of way,

but just asking the question. I think the reason why we sometimes are so hesitant to ask the question is because we're so scared of what the answer is going to be. You know, we don't want to hear that Actually maybe they're not that interested in us, and we're opening the platform to get the response that we don't want, so we kind of stay away from it and we stick clear of it. But I honestly think you would

rather know. You would rather know so you do not waste your fucking very precious and valuable time that you could be investing in someone or something else or just masturbating. There you go. I mean, you can still masturbate in text at the same time, could you I need to concentrate on what's happening, meditate and masturbate baby if it was sexting though you need them, What if you're getting no reply. That would be the most miserable sexting of

the world. Hey, I'm thinking of you, okay, eight hours later, thinking of you two. Okay, let's get into our favorite part of the episode, accidentally unfiltered Will. If we had sound effects, I'd put something in there. That's where this is where you write in your embarrassing moments and we read them out we love them. I am going to kick start, all right, hit me. This was just this

was just so cute and innocent. Hey, ladies. It was my first date in a really long time, the first since my divorce after being married for five years with two kids, so you can imagine I'm talking. It had been years and this mama had forgotten how to flirt. So I'm sitting there with this absolute dreamboat. We're hitting it off, and I've probably had one too many VOD castas. I decided to try and give him the eyes, you know,

the kind. It had been a really really long time since I'd had any actions, so I thought, why not give it a go. We were seeing each other straight in the eyes, so I thought, now's the time I go to seductively take a sip of my straw you know, maybe making him think that that straw could be something else in my mouth later Lolo Coaster, how awkward. Anyway, I go to sip it, but instead I leaned down and I shoved the straw straight up my nose as it was.

It's so funny. This reminds me of the time where I tried to flirt and I was like trying to apply lips too, but I was really applying a tamp onto my lips because it was so funny. That was the best story. Like you've ever told oh no, getting stuck in it? Oh no, actually you've told some bang us. Yeah, looks a guy having sex with back my knee. Like there's been a few, I've I've lived a well rounded and colorful life. Everybody the knee sex, unless you've got

any other secret stories. Nothing for me will ever trump the knee sex. But anyway, moving on what you're accidentally unfiltered? Did I ever tell you the time about how I broke my tooth in half after having like very very rough No? That, okay, I'm an acidently unfiltered for you. My husband and I before we were married, we were shopping in Westfields, browsing and JB high fight and for some strange reason, all of a sudden we got really really horny, so we headed to the parents' bathroom for

a sneaky shopping trip. Quickie knuck in the bathroom, people locked the door, and we started going for it. Who are these people who have such exciting sex life? I don't know. I'm so boring, like so boring. This makes me feel guilty that Matt doesn't get enough fun in his life. It also makes me think I need to start checking the mother's rooms at the min shops and people just going for it in there. Apparently so here we are no most people are just breastfeeding in there.

This makes me annoyed. Think of the breastfeeding mothers. Okay, we snuck into the bathroom and we locked the door and we started going for it. He was fully naked and I had just a bra on. All of a sudden, he had me up against the wall and my butt pressed against something. At the same time I heard doors opening. Please stand clean.

this could happen to you. There'll be know more of this because there will be two of them, So please get the hell out so I can breastfeed my ChIL Anyway, guys, we love your accidentally unfiltered stories. Please keep sending them in to Life Uncut podcast, and now we will get in because I'm sure you will be waiting for us about time we will get into the interview with you. Hugh Van kylean Berg is a co founder and speaker from the Resilience Project, as well as a published author

and podcast host of The Imperfects. For three years running, Hugh's national speaking tour has sold out. The Resilience Project works with schools, sports clubs and businesses to provide evidence based, positive mental health strategies to build resilience and happiness. He was a school teacher once upon a time until he had a bit of a life changing realization when he was volunteering in Northern India. Hugh, welcome to Lafe. One cut.

And so when it was my turn to do show and tell, and I was like, well, I think I better go last, because you should always say the best to last, and this is going to be the people won't believe this. I've got a football and the spinning top, so like, which is just anyway. Yeah, I was like, well, I love that I finished this session off here. So anyway, So I got to the I went I was like, you go first, to you go first. I've got something

pretty amazing. We'll finish with this. We'll finish with this. And so I go to the I go to the back right and go to the back and there's a long line and I'm about probably halfway through the session and I started to go, oh jeez, I think I need to do a wee. I really need to do a we here. And I was like, oh, well, there's nothing I can do here. I can't leave here because people. I had the football and the spinning top behind my back, and I was like, I can't leave here because people

will see it. I can't reveal what this is. Will ruin, like the whole the excitement of my show and TELP, I.

and she just kept going and going and going. And then I was like, I think I'm all right, but she kept going for a bit more, and then I went I think I think I could be okay here. And there was my turn, and I went, good afternoon, missus, Bully and grad too for Show and Tell today, and then I just went, oh no, and I just like closed my eyes and I just weed everywhere.

extremely funny. And I think I learned back then that like, not that I could articulate it at a jate, but embarrassing self deprecating stories are very connecting, like they're very bonding. And a year later, a guy called Douglas Smith were playing computer games. He wed his pants because he didn't want to give up his go He wed his pants, and I was like, oh, I know what to do here. I remember thinking I wish someone took me to the bathroom.

I'll take him myself. I was like, Doug, come with me and I'll twet him to the toilet, so I don't know, like in a weird way, I kind of learned a bit about empathy through that.

huge crush on my older brother's friends. Yeah, pretty much all of them. That wasn't just one, Like I just crushed on all of them. And I wet the bed one night. I'll never forget this moment either, much like yours. I wet the bed. You know, when you're a kid and you dream you're on the toilet, and it's so natural, like you're busting, so it just comes out. Anyway, I got told mom and dad, and then we went to

school for the day. And then they obviously did what parents do when they got the mattress off because it soaked through, and they hosed the mattress down and cleaned it,

and then they were drying it outside. And I'll never forget I came back from school and I walked out the back and all the boys were there that were my crushes, and they were all laughing about the fact that I wet the bed, and I remember being like, well, like I thought I was going to marry one of you, and my life is over, I can I will never anyway, I hooked up with all of them later on, like

five years. Style was I think things are only embarrassing when you think they're embarrassing, you know, like things are only a big deal when you think they're a big deal, and that's what you project. And I think that that's actually probably look at me. This is a great segue. It was. Also it also allows you to take a bit of control back. I mean, I know, and this is like just very much from a personal perspective. I talk about loads of embarrassing stuff on this podcast, and

then it goes and gets repurposed in daily mail. And I genuinely have gotten to a point in my life where they could write anything about me and it doesn't actually affect me. Or upset me anymore because I have control over my own narrative, like it allows me to Yeah, I can have a laugh at myself, and I know that there's something very bonding. Like you said, in being self deprecating, there's something very humanizing in the fact that we all have these experiences that we go through. Some

of them most widely embarrassing. Some of them are more traumatic than others. But it's relatable because nobody's life is perfect. Everybody does stuff that they're a bit ashamed about or a bit embarrassed about, and I think that it's just weirdly become one of the core things of this podcast is sharing embarrassing stories and it's all laughing together.

the stuff is ashamed of. He just owned.

So if it is triggering few it is raw. I mean, if it is a raw thing for you, this topic, this is a good place for you to be, right because I will be talking about so many of the evidence based stuff we can do to help people or help yourself if you're struggling. But it will be a

bit raw one of my best mates. His name's Al and he said to me the other day, I was talking about part of my talk where I talked about my sister, and I said, how do you find that he is the blokiest bloke manly man I've ever met him my entire life, whose nickname is Dolly. He's a sparky And he said yeah, I got a bit emotional. I said, oh, yeah, right, and he said yeah, I actually got sweaty eyes. Sweaty eyes, and I said, you what,

he goes my eyes got sweaty. I was, oh, you're crying rightch Like, I guess the point of sharing that sorry about our Dolly is that it's okay if you get sweaty eyes. Listen to me speak about all this stuff. But when I was sixteen, my sister was thirteen fourteen, she was diagnosed with anorexi and novosa. And this is back in the mid nineties, and I didn't late nineties, and we weren't really talking about mental health back then.

So I remember mom and dad saying that she doesn't eat food, and I was like, oh, okay, remember thinking that can't be that serious if she just needs to eat food. And then she'll get better, and a few year later she's admitted to hospital because she's dropped below crisis way. My sister was weighing in it around. My sister is about probably five foot seven, five foot up, so not an overly short person, but she was weighing in at thirty one kilogram. So it was horrific, right

like it was. It was really bad, and I remember extreme, Yeah, I remember that knife. We went home from the hospital, and I think for a lot of people you can kind of remember and count on one hand the amount of times you saw your parents in tears, like a certain For me, it wasn't much, but it's an awful feeling, right like, it's just the most heart wrenching when you see your parents in tears. And I remember Dad was standing over the dishes we got home from the hospital.

My sister wasn't there of us, so it's just my little brother Josh, who a lot of people know from our podcast, myself, Mum, and Dad, and I remember Dad was doing the dishes and he was crying, and I knew what was going on was upsetting, but I'd only seen Dad cry maybe once before in our life, and it really rattled me. But I just have this strong memory of just looking at Mum and then look at

my brother and thinking we're not a happy family. And that's new because we have been happy for well oversly. I remember we have the happiest memory of childhood. But when my sister got sick, it all changed for us, and I just remember thinking we're not happy anymore, and I wanted to know. I became fascinated at that point with the question what is it that makes people happy? I knew my sister's mental illness as well beyond me,

but I did feel this responsibility. I think maybe as the oldest that I could maybe cheer Um and Dad up, or I could cheer my brother up and we could be happy again. And I so desperately wanted to know what to do, but I really had no idea. So I think when I was seventeen eighteen, I became really fascinated with that question. And then it was n't for another ten years that I found myself living in India. I was over there with my ex partner, went to India because she wanted to go. I was very happy

in Melbourne and I loved living in Melbourne. I was very much a sheltered homebody, I suppose. And she said, now we've got to do something, and so she said, let's go to India. Then we're in India having a great time. And then she said we should volunt do some volunteer teaching because we both teachers, and I said, no, let's get backpacking. But we, thankfully, we went on her instinct and we found this community to volunteer. And it was a community that very poor, like no running water

and electricity. People sleep on the floor. Sorry there was electricity, they couldn't afford to have it switched on there. And I remember being there and on day two or three feeling very like homesick and massive culture shocked. But I remember thinking to myself sitting in this classroom of kids teaching and thinking, never in my life have I ever ever seen joy like this before. I'm sitting in the middle of the desert. There's no electricity, there's no running water.

I've never seen people smile like this before. And we're only going to better for a few weeks. It turned into about three and a half months in the end, I think it's about three and a half months. I can never remember exactly, but we lived there and the

whole time I'm thinking, what are these people do? I need to know what these people do because I want to learn off these people so I can talk to my sister and learned a huge amount of these people came back to Melbourne and pretty soon after that I started this program which was just meant to be about teaching primary school kids and things they could do to feel happier and improve their mental health and cope better in challenging times. And now ten years later, people say, oh,

it's really taken off. It hasn't taken off. It's been ridiculous amounts of blood, sweat and tears over ten years and a lot of rejections, a lot of knows a lot of this won't work, a lot of that won't work, and you probably need to go back to teaching. But now it's in this wonderful position where we teach this to people every single day and I feel very lucky I get to do this as a job. That is a very long answer to your question.

us pivot our life. So when people think, oh, like this is so successful now, but knowing that it's something that you have worked on, and sometimes these overnight successes have ten years behind them of work and of like changing what you're doing and kind of rethinking the program for it to actually get to a point where you're like, Okay, now we can cater for this huge audience, which you

obviously do. I think it's very valuable to hear that, because well, there's ten nos to every yes, and I think people just see that the one yes that you get, but I don't see the nose no no, no, no h. What do you think? So what are the pillars behind what makes the Resilience project? When you say you were in India and you saw this joy that these people who were very impoverished for experiencing, what was it that you were like, Okay, there's something about this community that's different.

There's something that sets this apart. Were you able to kind of extrapolate what those key things are.

the floor. There was a tiny pot where they'd do their cooking. But they were so good. I remember the kids said to me the first lunchtime Surge, you want to see our playground. I would love to see a playground. They took me to a broken swing set. It was just a chains hanging down. The swing wasn't properly attached, and they pointed over their shoulders of this massive smile. They were going, well, I didn't look at their faces.

They just said have a look. And because I didn't look at their faces, I thought they were saying to me, look how bad this is. Broken swings in the sea. Saw that's it for one hundred and eighty kids. But then I looked at their faces and I realized something. These kids are actually saying, Hey, sir, check this out. How good is this? How lucky we've got a playground. And some people go, yeah, but they don't know what they don't have, that's why they like it. That's not true.

The local high school has had amazing play agreement which these kids walk past every day to get to school. That didn't bother them. They just focused on what they had, and we struggle with that in Australia. I feel like, in fact, I felt the more privileged we are, the more we struggle with this concept of gratitude. So many of us live our lives off this model of happiness called the if and then model of happiness, which is like and I'll give you three examples, but I'll give

you four examples. But it's very possible that people go, no, that's not me, but there might be something that you can think about in your life. You do this with. So if I buy this car, that I feel happy, or if I get this promotion then I feel happy. Or if we could buy this house and live in this suburb, then we'll feel happy, or if I get this many followers on social media, then I feel happy.

There's nothing wrong with wanting all those things. They're perfectly healthy things to us by towards, but we attach happiness to it. We say, if it happens, then I'll feel happy. It never works, because you know that feeling of like you buy a nice new car feels good for like I don't know, a month, You're sitting there and you go, we'll keep this one clean. This car will keep clean.

And then four or five months out of this shit over all over your car and you pull up at the lights and you look at someone else's card and go, oh, gosh, I've had a car like that, they don't feel happy. Or we get a promotion in Australia feels good, and then you later a better job comes up and you think, oh, actually, if I got that job, they don't feel happy. Or we get a certain amount of followers on social media, then we go, oh, actually, if I get this many,

then that'll feel great, Then I'll feel happy. We constantly replace these things with things we don't have in order to be happy, and it just doesn't work well.

Like we live in a two bedroom apartment, we have two children. It's quite crammed for our standards of living, and I think, oh, like, it's this house that's making me stressed. I'll be happier once we move into a bigger space. We have more storage, and there's you know, everyone has their own rooms and people aren't waking each

other up. How would you recommend or like, what do you say to people that they can do on a day to day to be able to be more grateful for what they have or bring more of that happiness into their lives.

something in life, you have to practice it. There are many ways you can practice gratitude. I'll give you three different ways. Number one, at the end of the day, right down on a piece of paper or a journal, or on your phone, or on the shower screen door, whatever it is. What are three things that went well for me today? Not three things you're grateful for. Many people do that and they last about a week and

they stop. And the reason they stop after that question is because when you think what am I grateful for? You think? On day one, you say family, friends, my house, Day two you say job, food, water, Day three, I'll say family again. When you repeat yourself, gosh, that's boring. So what went well today? I had a nice coffee, I saw the sunrise, I went had a nice run.

Just what went well today. The second way to Pactice's gratitude could be you can do this once a month because the result of this when you do this, the impact it has on you literally last a month. It's so powerful. Write someone a gratitude letter, have a think about someone in your life. It may be someone that you see all the time. It could be someone in your family, could be your partner, might be someone from

your past. Maybe I could write to Greta Thraves, I still love here, and you thank them for the impact that they've had on you, positive impact I've had on your life, and then you hand deliver it to them. If you can't, you actually hand deliver it to them. I did this with the I do a lot of work. We put Adelaide Football Club now and we did this and the players actually read out their gratitude letter. A lot of sweaty eyes, a lot of very sweaty eyes.

Was a beautiful, beautiful session. But the research says you do that has a profound impact on you emotionally mental health point of view. And another way you can practice gratitude, which you can do any moment, anytime you cut yourself feeling a bit down or stressed, or worried or angry. Just stop and have a think about awful things that are happening to people around the world that are not happening to you. You know, I found myself the other night.

I was doing the Today Show or the equivalent of the Today Show over in New Zealand, which means you have to be in the studio at five in the morning to be New Zealand time. And the night before we got two young kids as well, Laura, and I was quite stressed about not getting good enough sleep. My daughter, Elsie, who's one and a half, woke up at nine at night and we can get her back to sleep till midnight, and then finally she went to sleep, and then my son,

who's four, walked into the bedroom. One I just fallen asleep, thinking right, I'll get about three and a half hours sleep. Here he walks into the bedroom and he said, oh daddy. I went the bed and I said, oh no, And I said, hey a minute, you're wearing a nappy and he said, he goes, I know my penis missed. I'm just so cute. Anyway, he was right, it had missed. And then I went I cleaned up his sheets, it's one.

Then when we realized we run out of nappies, we had no more nappies, I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm now driving down the street at two in the morning, I had to be up in two hours, having not slept yet, trying to find nappies. And I was I was really angry. I was really stressed. I was really worried. I was like, this is the worst. And then I did this thing right, You answered the question what is not happening to me right now that could be happening?

And that same day, India had had three hundred and fifty thousand new cases of COVID, and I'd seen photos of people queuing up, people dying, queuing up for the hospital. Three hundred and made a long queues and I'm thinking, oh gosh, I'm safe, Like my son's got in danger. I'm not gonna have to queue up here. I'm just gonna find nappies. Do you know what, I'll be really tired tomorrow. In the grand scheme of things. I am so like you, this is the biggest issue happening in

my life right now. And straight to why I felt better. So there again, long answ you did question but there are three different ways people could practice gratitude.

with you every day. So he would say, write down ten people in your life that have had an impact on your life, and then why. Then he wants you to go back and reflect on it. And it is so funny that once you're not really thinking about it, you're just thinking of the impact and why and why you admire those people. It was people like my parents, but because of the love that they have and that they're still together for forty two years. It wasn't because

they're rich. It wasn't because they have all these things, and it was all these little things. Was my friends because I admired the business that they started on their own, and it was just a really nice way to start to look back and be like, put things into perspective again. It's not the money that I need, It's not all these things that I want to chase. It stops the comparison culture because I think, well, everyone our generation is

so guilty of this toxic comparison culture. And I think, Laura, when you were talking about you know, you're living your two bedroom apartment, you wish you had more. If everyone around you lived in a two bedroom apartment, you wouldn't think about it, would you. You'd be like, cool, I'm happy everyone's in this situation. But that's what it is.

We compare ourselves to everyone else's life, and I think that contributes a lot to these mental health issues and feelings of negativity and not being worthy enough, and thinking that the life you have isn't making you happy. It's because we do live in a society that is very consumer is driven, where advertised to constantly, like we are told exactly what you said earlier. You like, you know, if you get the next newest, best thing, you will

be happier. I mean there's every time that Apple brings out a new phone, there's a line around the street. Every time, you know, added ass brings out new shoes, there's a line around the street. Like, we are very, very consumer driven in the society that we live in. But how do you think and I think just going on for something that you've just said, Britt, this idea

of comparison culture. It's something we talk about a lot on this podcast, and I think because we both work a lot in the social media world, we really do see how fake it is and how much people put on is so fake facade. But at the same time we even get sucked into it from time to time. What role do you think comparison culture plays into into the mental health battles that people are having in this day and age.

that amount of money. The way that Instagram or whatever it is, whatever you Instagram is probably the most common one. The way it's presented, packaged up. We just can't help it. Compare ourselves because we compare ourselves to everyone. So then we don't look at our friends and go, oh, my friends, your promotion great. We go, that's someone else's doing better than I am. But if that sat down and told us face to face the good news, we would feel

joy for them. So there's so much happening. A very good friend of mine, Ben Crow, was talking about about this the other day, and we were talking about three main places we get our information, consuming information from right now, social media, the news, and advertising. And if you just think about the three roles they play, what they do to us. So the news is skewed massively to the negative.

So I think it's something like there's an index that measures positive to negative language in the news, and I think at the moment in twenty twenty one, it's something like eighty eight percent of what we hear in the news is negative. I could be a bit off there, it's close to eighty eight percent. So we got a lot of negative news. Social media is predicated off shame, so whenever you jump off social media, you feel regret and shame. You feel like I'm not enough. Basically that's

what you feel like. And think about the amount of hours we spend on social media, that's the main feeling we get from it is I'm not enough. And then we have advertising, and the role of advertising is to make us feel like if we had this certain thing, our life would be better. Now. According to research done not too long ago, the average amount of advertising impressions we receive a day is five thousand, so we get five thousand reminders a day that our life could be better.

Plus we spend, however, many hours on social media feeling like I'm not enough because I'm not like this person. And then we had this negativity on the news. I think that all adds up to the amount of anxiety right now in the world is just it's off the charts, and I feel like these three things have are a big part. I'm not saying turn off the news. We need to engage in what's happening, but just be aware that that that's like a deliberate like there's a lot

of good news happening in the world as well. We got a tune into that as well.

I'm sure you know what I'm gonna say. But was Ryan really openly talking for an hour about his best friend Hamish Is in Hamish Blake Is in Hamish and Andy and the fact that for years and years and years he resented him as a best friend and he was insanely jealous of him. He couldn't be happy for him,

he could not as a best friend. Listen to one episode of Hamish and Handy because even though he loved him as a best friend, he was insanely jealous and he was comparing himself to him, and the way that he spoke about that, and then obviously he ended up coming out and talking to Hamish on your advice. I think a lot of people can learn from that. Our first response doesn't have to be and shouldn't be negative.

Why wasn't this me? Why aren't I good enough? When I was listening to him speak, I just thought, far out, you suffered for so long when if you just had a conversation with your best friend and you had this different outlook, it could have been a really, really beautif thing. But yeah, I really want people to go and have a listen to that.

They're extraordinary together. But how hard it was for him to watch that take off without him being a part when he was a part of it. But he thought he was only part of it because they felt sorry for him. He didn't actually feel like he was worth being and he's unbelievable. He's the funniest person I ever met, Like he's so worthy of that. Anyway, so he told me that story and it was very emotional. There was

quite a few tears. And then when we were leaving, he gave me a massive hug and said, oh gosh, I need to talk about that. Thank you so much. And then, as you said just then, Britt, I said, have you talked to ha much about this? And he said no, And I said, you need to, like, you need to tell him your story, because I reckon his side of the story will to bed all these anxieties and all these apprehensions you have about it. I'm sure

he doesn't have the same opinion as you. I'm sure I reckon you have just and we all do this. It's not a very generous interpretation of the situation. I think we're all harshest critics, and you have been so harsh on yourself. And then for the next year I kept saying whenever we chat, I'd say, have you chatted to Homish? No, have you chated to Homish? No, why not, it's too hard. We need to chat to Homish. And

then I said, right, we're doing an episode. You're going to talk about this, but you need to speak to Hamish about it first, because you can't come on the podcast.

next level and they just couldn't believe it. And it's all from a conversation that it's hard to have these conversations when you're unsure about something with your best friends, but it's almost always worth it, and there are two very special people. Obviously it's a lovely story, but that's

how the podcast started. That's how The Imperfect started from that situation with Ryan's life, because when he told me that, I went home and thought, gosh, I wish more people could have heard that, because everyone could benefit of that. And I told Ryan. He's like, ah, I don't know about that. I'm not sure. But took him a while to convince him, but about six months later he agreed that we should do a podcast.

I might interpret a situation in a certain way, and I might be upset about something that my partner Matt has done or said, or think he thinks something, but just because I think that that's what he thinks, doesn't make that fact totally and until we sit down and we unpack that together and he goes, yeah, actually, but this is my side of things, and this is what I was thinking, and this is how I was feeling that you sometimes then go oh, okay, I had that

a little bit wrong and I had created that situation in my head a little bit. So we control our immediate environment around us, but we can also fabricate a lot of what's happening as well. A lot of it doesn't necessarily mean that it's real.

for why I care so much about this. I had a friend many years ago who I used to play cricket, and he was the scorer at my creer club. And he's an autistic man, a beautiful person, like just the most beautiful person I'd ever met. He was in his mid forties and with his autism, he was a little bit awkward socially at times. He found social situations quite hard to navigate. The first day our cricket club, we're all wearing our training tops, and he came up to

me and said, where do I get one? Of those T shirts you guys are wearing, and I said, Luke, I'll get I said, I've got one in the car. I'll get it to give it to you after the game. Used the game, we're in the changing rooms, and I thought, oh, get Luke's T shirt, and I ran to the car. I came back and I did a presentation. I said, Luke, welcome to the club. We're so happy to have you here. And he realized what was happening as I was, so

he came. He just walked up the front himself and he just took his T shirt off and just stood there with no top on, just waiting with his massive smile, and he was just waiting to get his T shirt. Was so beautiful, and I gave him a T shirt. He put it on, massive smile on his face, hands on his hips in front of everyone. I said, and by the way, we're going to the pub tonight, Luke, if you want to join us, we'd love to have you. And he said I can't, and I said why not.

He said, I'm going to mum and Dad's house to show my new T shirt with this massive say and he said, you guys are my best friends and he went really read. He got so embarrassed and he just ran to the car. It's one of the nicest things I've ever seen. One of the things with Luke. He would call me all winter like, how long to cricket season? He just was so happy during cricket season because I had this purpose and he has our scorer. He really belonged.

And he'd call me on the first of June every year, how long to a cricket I'd say, Luke, it's four months. You'd go, that's a long time. Bye. He'd hang up first July without faul Hugh halland of cricket. Luke, it's three months. That's a long time, but yeah, and he

would just August first of August. Anyway. I got a call mid September, two weeks before cricket started, which was not he didn't use the call then, and he said, Hugh halend of cricket And I said, oh, mate, we're nearly there's two weeks round ones in two weeks time. There's a big pause. And he said that feels like a very long time to me right now. And he was very quiet, and I froze for a bit, and I was about to say you okay, And I thought, no, it's probably his autism. And I said, mate, i'll see

in two weeks. We'll have a good chat then. And he goes okay, and I said see mate, and I hung up, and I went and told my wife Penny, and she said, is he okay? And I said, I don't know. I think so I'll chat to him in two weeks. Penny said, just give hm a call back, just check you all right, And I said, here, be right, here be right. I'll see him in two weeks. Two days later, I got a phone call from the president of my creit club letting me know that Lukey took

his own life the day before. And I my job is mental health. My life is mental health. And I had the opportunity to check in, and I didn't do it because I thought, I think he's okay, and that it's probably a bit awkward with his autism. But if he is okay and I ask him, he might be a bit offended. I don't think I'll say anything. And I just left him him in two weeks and I

kind of have to live with that. And so the topic of depression and anxiety and men's mental health, I mean everyone's mental health, not just because I'm not just men, because I'm my sister and my wife struggles with OCD as well. It's everywhere, Like everyone listening right now will know. Anyone who was listening to that story and felt something, it's probably because you yourself have struggled or you love someone who'struggling right now. It's just mental health stuff is everywhere.

And to come back to your question, it presents so differently in so many people. For Luke, he almost put it out there to me, like he tried to put it out there to me. But then I know someone else who struggling in a depression, and for them, they're just so angry all the time. For them, they would rather look angry than sad.

for it. It presents so differently in everyone. I mean, I'm probably going down the path of what you want to talk about a bit later on about how we talk to men about this stuff. I don't know if you want to talk about that now or you.

health problems? What can I do or what can I say to be able to you know, I want to stay in this relationship, but I don't know how to support my partner. That is the biggest question we get asked in regards to mental health. And I think that's important to just note that that's like all men in your life too. How do you talk to your father or a male friend or you know your partner as well. I think it's just how do we approach any man in our life.

not socially acceptable, it's not manly. And then all of a sudden, when we're twenties, in our thirties, our forties and beyond, things happen to us in life, like we go through breakups, we lose loved ones, we have really or for we don't even know why, we're just feeling really down and really flatten and then all of a sudden, the way out of it is to talk about it. And we've never done it before. It's an incredibly hard thing to do. I've never done it. Incredibly hard. You know.

The day, the auok day, I think is an extraordinary initiative, and I have so much respect and admiration for the team who have brought that to life. I think a lot of us have got stuck in the thinking that we have to say are you okay to me? That question? If I'm not feeling good in my wife says a you okay, I'll get really defensive and go, yeah, I'm fine. I wouldn't answer that question, honestly. I think we need to have a think about the person that it is.

And it might be mendless in just thinking about mates of theirs, but have a think about the person. What do you do with that person? Like do you have a beer with them? Do you have a coffee with them? What is it if you're worried about them, if it's a friend or whatever suggests that activity, We'll go a beer, go a coffee, and then you chip it away. You chip it away. Then when you're sing down them like ah, how's your partner going, how's your girlfriend, how's your boyfriend?

Whatever it is, how's work going? And you keep chipping away different areas of their life and let them try and give you a window, like just something like an opportunity of just like, yeah, it works a bit tough at the my how come what's going on? And you just like just chip away in different areas. If it's your partner that you see all the time, it's a bit hard to say, you and grab a beer. I mean, it's be a weird thing to say to them, let's go over a beer when you see in the house.

kind of stuff. It's just small little steps chipping away because what they're wrestling is something in their mind that they feel ashamed of, and when they don't talk about it, the shame grows and grows.

being scared to ask big questions. You know, that doesn't mean that someone's necessarily ready to give you those answers straight away, or you can't push the subject if they're not ready for that, but allowing that space for when they are ready that they feel safe to have those conversations. But I think that this whole conversation that we're having right now really lends itself to a buzzword that's been

floating around in media. And also you'll see it a lot if you're kind of into reading about psychology, and that's toxic masculinity. I'm sure a lot of people listening to it would already know what that looks like, but you touched it on the head where you said, you know. It's this idea that we raise men and boys saying like, you can't cry, you don't show feelings, you don't show

emotions because they're typically feminine qualities. And by not allowing men to express their feelings or to be vulnerable, then they're prone to express it in other ways, whether it be through trying to take back power, or it be through violence, or it be through other ways of expressing

themselves which are not necessarily healthy ways. I was doing good of research on this recently, as a study that came out in twenty fifteen, which was because of our very traditional gender roles and the way that men have

been exposed to this idea of toxic masculinity. Men are less inclined to seek medical help or to go and speak to a counselor or speak to a psychologist about their mental health battles, purely because it's seen as a massive weakness, Whereas as women, we are more inclined to go and do so because we traditionally, when you think about our gender stereotypes, we traditionally like talking about our feelings a bit more so we're more willing to go

and sit down with someone and actually unpack and get help for the things that we need helpful.

someone is more likely to be vulnerable back. So by you just saying are you okay, I'm so worried about you or what's going on? I feel like you're really angry.

I feel like it's a pretty cold entry for them. Like, but if you to start the conversation by saying, oh, I'm struggling so much with this thing at work or I'm feeling really insecure about this, and really, if you really open up yourself, it's like you've warmed them up a bit and you've kind of give them a permission and you've demonstrated you've shown them how you do it, you show it, that's okay to do it. So modeling it is the most powerful way to influence someone's behavior.

and then continued to ask me questions. And then she asked me like five more questions, and I was like, I think it's just about being a little bit hyper aware and really present in a moment thinking about responses. And I was like, hang on, it's not really normal to say I'm okay. Yeah, I just didn't feel like it was great. And I was like, oh, hang on, like are you just okay? What's that about? And I

just ignored everything else she said. And then the floodgates just opened and she was you know, there was so much going on and she obviously needed to speak to someone but nobody wants to be the person that writes to you and says, hey, can I unload on you? Like, as humans, we don't want to come and put that

onto somebody. So I think as a friend or when you're talking to people in your life, I think it's just to be really hyper aware of small changes that might not seem like a lot, but like you said, with your friend with autism, there was a change there and you recognized it. And I think it's important now that we all know that if you know that it's a little bit different behavior for someone, then ask them about it, like you don't have to make a big

deal about it. But I think it's honing on those things. And also I think like on top of that, like the more that we have these sorts of conversations, the more that mental health problems are normalized, the more that we make space for having conversation with our friends and our family members, it breaks down that awkward feeling of like, oh, I don't want to ask them, I don't want to make them uncomfortable, Like it's because we feel uncomfortable. It's

not necessarily about making them feel uncomfortable. It's that we feel uncomfortable to ask the question. So therefore we can often avoid it altogether because we don't necessarily know how to deal with grief or to deal with mental health, and we don't necessarily have the tools, the correct tools to be able to support that person. Because it's one thing to open space for the conversation, but then once you've been handed that information, what do you do with it? Like,

where do you go from there? And how do you support that person?

can do. There was research I was reading the other

day that was saying that that's the most powerful. First step really doesn't have to be a psych or a counselor telling someone what you're going through and then them just listening to is huge but you know that feeling like anything you go through to the difficult when you eventually tell someone who a lot of tears involved, that feeling it afterwards like you have this like oh you can't take take like a deep breath that someone's like this enormous relief, Like you just feel a lot lighter

because of the conversation you've just had.

had started to become friends. It was just that we had core conversations and similar ideas on things that we

wanted to be able to have on it. Like we were like, you know, this is the stuff that we would love to be able to have a conversation about, and you know, we have different perspectives, We've have different life experiences, and then through us having these like really genuine conversations, like unpacking loads of different topics, attachment theory, love language is everything you know, and sharing so much time together, we've you know, become the best of friends

as well. Like that's grown as a result of the podcast. But when you touched on two points which are massive to the Resilient project and the whole thing that it's been built around. You've touched on empathy and you've touched on gratitude. But one of the other core beliefs that you have is this idea of mindfulness now, can you talk me through what that means to you and why it's so important for the Resilience project.

my gosh, what's a ridiculous waste of time. There's poor kids doing half an hour meditation every morning before school. But then I realized something. It was optional. No one had to be there. Every single child turned up and some parents as well, and all the teachers are there and I was the only one not doing it. So we kind of joined in. And I remember, I mean I had a profound, a profound impact on me. And I go back to Australia. Remember I was at footy training.

I was pleased to play football back then, and I told some of the guys at footy, I said, oh, you know, we should be doing meditation. And I'll never forget the look on their faces. And at that point I realized the way we talk about it in Australia needs to be different because all of us, not all of us, a lot of us, especially men, have this stereotypical thought that it's sitting there, legs cross hand the air, making weird noises like which it can be, but you

don't have to. There's many other ways and mindlous. This is how i'd explain it now, and I know if you are anyone listening, if you are deep into the experience of mindfulness, I apologize if you find this a bit of a basic or simple description of mind but here's what mandfulness is to me. It is the ability to be just be wherever you are, to just be present, and we are so bad at that. In twenty twenty one,

there's research. I was at a conference and a psychologist said this, and I didn't find out where she'd heard this from, but she said, we spend forty nine percent of our day thinking about the future, and we spend thirty four percent of our day thinking about the past, so we get around about fifteen percent of our day we were actually thinking about what's happening as it's happening, and we're not bad people, but you both know what

that feels like. That's like having a hectic day and you just think, I just want to be at home, maming dinner with my partner or family of kids, whatever it is, and you're sitting around the dinner table and you realize something five minutes later. You haven't listened to a word anyone said, because you're thinking about an email you send the next day, an issue that took place during the day, or what you read on social media somewhere else, or even worse, we're grabbing our phone and

checking stuff while we're having dinner with people. We just got to get better, and we're not bad people. We just got to get better at being wherever we are because we can't control the past, and we're spending a third of our day thinking about it. Worrying about thinking about something you cannot control is quite anxiety provoking, so its very nature not being present it makes us quite anxious.

The only thing we ever have control over in our lives, the only thing we ever have control over, is what is happening right now, in this moment, right now. That's all we've got control over. But we're not showing up for enough of that time, and I think our devices are largely to blame. I think the way we live our lives is so counter to being present, you know. But I think the more practice and the only way to become more mindfuless is to practice. And I know

a lot of people are probably practicing apps. There are some great apps out there. My favorite app waking up is terrific. Headspace Calm Insight Time is a beautiful free one. You can do that, but you can also do things like other people would say going for swim in the ocean or going for swim is my mandfulness. All I do is think about how the water feels on my skin. Or other people say running they just listen to their breathing.

You can walk a lap of the block. You can pay attention to what you can hear when you walking a lap of the block. And every time your mind goes somewhere else, bring it back to your breathing or to what you can hear, or what you can feel or what you can see in that moment. As long as you think about what's happening now, you are being mindful. And the more time we spend practicing that the better we get at it. And I think we all know instinctively.

I mean we all know when we're not present. You're chatting to someone and you get a buzz and you pogage someone's like you've got a notification, You're thinking, who is that to be this person? I need to check that or say it again. It's the only Thingay, we're control over what's happening in that moment, but we're not showing up for enough of that.

It's not something that's going to happen organically. You need to consciously make the decision and action it because nothing in your life is going to change unless you make

a change. And also that reminds me of bit of like when we had we did a really big episode with Osha Gunsberg around anxiety and One of the things he said, which I still remember, is this idea of like we go to the gym to take care of our bodies, like we work out, we have to put an effort if we want to have a six pack, but we don't really do that much conscious effort on our minds. And what effort and what work are we putting in to make sure that our minds stay healthy

and that our brains stay healthy. And the reality is, like so much of who we are as a person and what we stand for and what makes us us is our thoughts. It's our mind, and there needs to be work that's done there to ensure that we are able to be happy and grateful and mindful and all the other things. And I know that this is not a new concept and we've all heard of this before, but just being really conscious about carving out time in your day to be able to better yourself, just to.

I just want to grab my phone right now. But after you get through that awkward stage of like I just wanted to be checking my phone, you start to just relax a little bit more and you start to just enjoy the feeling of properly. But it's just too tempting. There's so much there is so much awesome stuff on our phones. It's just too tempting. You can say to yourself, I won't check it for as ten minutes, but oh no,

I am waiting that email. I needed to check that, And then twenty minutes later you'd like neck deep in Instagram and you leave it at home and just watch what happens.

The thh is too hard for him English as his third language, so instead he would say this. But whenever he saw something he was grateful for, it was shoes, Like he would go, so this this what he was saying was how lucky am I to have shoes on my feet? Some of the kids in the school down have shoes, but I do well. Lunchtime would come around and he would get some steamed rice because he couldn't

afford lunch, so the school would give him lunch. He'd walk past with his steam rice and go this this this what he was saying was how lucky am I to have lunch every day? Now that went violved for a while. People are calling it this moment. People were doing hashtag this moment on Instagram and it went berserk

for quite some time. A couple of scott Pendrobry did it on his social but AFL Football did it his so and then it went took off, and Billy Slater did it, and Caplin Baston did all these people did it and so it went off. And but what I noticed was I got tagged in all them. What I noticed was I would say ninety five percent of them the dis moments were people either out in nature or exercising. So I mean they did use their device to capture it.

and you know, she was struggling. And I said, if you told your teammates this and he said no, And I said why and he said, he's the biggest toughest amount I've ever seen in my life, and he was like, well, my job's to be the tough person. That's not really my I said, if a teammate of yours told you that they were struggling with depression, would that be tough or that'd be weak? And he said, to be unbelievably tough.

I said, why's it different for you? And about a few months later, it was a year later, he had the opportunity to talk to his teammates about what he was going through. I've never seen anything like it, Like he is getting hugged by every single one of his mates. They're all telling they're here for him, the support, they've all got his back, all that kind of stuff. If we view vulnerability as a strength not a weakness, we are going to break down so many barriers that are

currently holding us back. And I know it's a big step, and I know that's just like I'm giving you like a cliche, but it's true. Anything you're struggling with you you can find the strength. And I'm not saying to get up in front of a room full of forty three men like Charlie did, but find your person like you two are lucky, you've got each other. Most people in this world will have one or maybe two people that can turn to to be truly vulnerable. Have a

think who that person is for you? Like, have a think who is that person in your life who you know instantly when something goes wrong you think, I need to tell this person. Really, first of all, how lucky you to have that person in your life, and when you need to be vulnerable, when you're feally struggling with something, get in touch with that person and be vulnerable. I think that's probably if I could summarize everything you've talked

about today. I think for today it's like, Yeah, vulnerability is a strength, embrace it.

insightful than way are. So it's kind of become his podcast all of a sudden. But I think that's a nice place to start. But I yeah, I love that you guys are having you know, having you to in a sense advocate vulnerability, and you do it every single episode. Some of the stuff you talk about, I still can't believe you you do it, but it's it's.

some details in the show notes for this. And yeah, thank you so much for taking your time today.

The suck always goes first and you finished with the sweet. But I'm gonna flip it around this week because i made the rules so I can break the rules. The sweet of the week is I'm like I said at the start of the episode, i am in New York. I did get to watch you Jordan play the US Open, and that is definitely my sweet. I think just after being apart for so long, and I love nothing more than watching him play. He's just very good at what he does, and I think watching someone you love succeeded

anything in life. It's just it's a really feel good thing. So for me, that was my sweet. My suck was that while I was there, I got full on heat stroke. Like I was like pretty much passed out. I vomited. I was just like I just hadn't had any water. I was sitting in the sun for too long on this body and seeing the sun and wele so I got heat stroke and that was my suck. How did I not know this? How are you?

I had to lay down. I had some panatole and that was it. I don't stress yourself too much, law. Actually, heat stroke's not something you're gonna get, is it? Because you can't go outside? That's too soon. It's not Oh hey, Brittany, fuck you too, Okay, my sucking sweet, my suck is talking to you, Brittane, don't love you. I suck for the week. We all know. I'm not gonna keep on harboring on about the current situation. That the whole thing is still pretty sucky and the never endingness to it

is very sucky. But my suck for the week is not locked down. It is the fact that my top. The two year old does not eat like it doesn't matter what I do, doesn't matter what I cook. The only thing she will eat is snacks. And the only thing she wants to eat is like unhealthy snacks. So every single day it's a battle from the minute she wakes up until the moment she goes to bed. It's

like she wants jelly beans. She wants like just literal shit that we don't give her because obviously, like I'm not going to sustain her, like my two year old child on a diet of sugar. She can't say jelly beans, she says Joline's. So now every time she asks for a Joline, where like Joline, Joline, Joline jolly, and it gets her really angry. And it's quite funny to watch you two year old get angry whilst you're seeing Dolly partner. Can you just starve her out? No, you can't starve

them out. I just thing I just keep on making like a whole variety, like a plethora of different types of food, hoping that she'll eat. Like my kid has a smallest board a digus station every day and she just grazes from like a carrot, a piece of bread a little. It's so infuriating. It's so infuriating cooking actually nice food, which I don't even do for Matt or myself, and then watching her not eat any of it drives me crazy. So that's my suck. My sweet for the

week is that it was Father's Day. We had a cute day yesterday. And when I say we had a cute day, we went for a walk and everyone was happy, like Emali didn't have jelly beans for breakfast, and we just got to spend some really really sweet family time together. And it was actually a bit sucky because like at the moment, the postal systems here everything is really delayed

with delivery, so Matt's present didn't arrive. But we did get a really gorgeous big breakfast from a cafe and we kind of set it up and had like a little cafe experience at home. So that was really really nice and wholesome, and it's great to spend some really quality time with like Matt and the kids when we're not trying to kill each other. So that's my sweet. I did seem that your little picnic lunch it looked

very cute. Indeed, just like it's so crazy to us that like it's now I mean two years of being dad and mom, and I know that that sounds so weird because like to you guys, you all know us now is like having kids. But every so often we're like, when did this happen? How did this happen? That was that two minutes worth it? It was the best seven minutes of my life, but now I'm paying for it cumulative seven minutes. Anyway, guys, that is it from us. We hope you enjoyed. This episode will be back on

Thursday with Ask Uncut. If you have any accidentally unfiltered stories for us, slide on into our dms at Life on Cut podcast send us a DM with your Ask Uncut questions. You can send it through there as well. And if you have been one of those little naughty scaleywags who hasn't jumped onto Apple Podcasts yet and left us a review, please jump on there let us know what you thought of the episode. And you know the drill, Tell your mum, tell you Dan, tell you don tell

your friends, Share a love because we love love. Oh the Bomber