Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany.
Do you know what I saw today before we got started on this episode?
What I could I only imagine. I saw a meme, A memy. I love a memey.
So the meme said the kids these days when we talk about the nineties, it's like when we were kids and people would talk about the sixties.
And that makes me feel physically real.
And then it reminded me that I've got back pain and everything sucks.
Wait, do you want to know something funny? Jordan was born in nineteen ninety four. Fucking now, that makes me feel squeamish. Okay, So for anyone who's listening, you guys can kind of decide where you sit on the scale of years. I'm eighty six, what are you bred? Eighty five? Whoayoven eighty seven? Other way? Oh my goodness, excuse me, don't you age me. It was just a real eye open ert. You know, every so often I see these things. I'm like all those little whipper snappers out there talking
about us with our skinny leg jeans. I used to go into the waiting room when I'm working in the hospital to call patient out, and you're always walking out. We're looking at the referral as you're going to get the patient. You're looking at the name, you look at the date of birth. And I always used to be like, nineteen ninety, they're going to be a kid. And I would look around for the child, and then a thirty year older stand up and I was like whoa. I was like whoa, It's like, how old am I? Kids?
These days, we've got really great diets. Actually, speaking of that, my child does not have a great diet. I hope that everybody who has children survive Easter and the sugar cracked in That was those three days that we just got through.
Did your kids go crazy?
Well, not Lola, I mean she wasn't thrik chocolate milkshakes or anything. But we did a chocolate Easter egg hunt for Mali. The kid is still off her kids wild.
I live alone. I didn't do an East Ring hunt for myself.
I just say the chocolate and can we just like say, Brittany is still recovering. I know if you guys listen to las week's episode, like brit has been so sick and she's only.
Just on the way up. Now. I know that I've been doing stories and stuff on the grand because I'm so bored. I've been in isolation for about two weeks. But I sound better and I probably look a lot better, but inside and my soul is still crush. Like my soul is still recovering. There's been a long couple of weeks.
But I never I never know what day to eat chocolate on over East, So like there's this four day long weekend and I never know which is Yes, I do, so I just start, like to be fair and to make sure I've got it covered, I start on the Friday and I finish on the Monday.
Well, I think it's for as long as there's double demerit points. So whenever the double demerits points are going, that's when you eat chocolate. I like that, right, I think that means it ends on Tuesday. It's fine, let's stick with that.
Well, guys, because I have been so sick, I cannot tell you how much Netflix, Amazon, Stan Binge, I like, I have memberships for everything. Now is it a membership I have, pawn, I have subscribing fans. I'm coming at you with a recommendation to there's this really great video I watch. It's called two Girls, One Cup, and I am coming to you with the recommendation, but it is not from porn Hub or red Tips. Sorry to disappoint you, Laura.
Isn't that just what you do when you're sick, Just stay home masturbate all day.
I did not have energy to masturbate. I had. I didn't have the energy to roll over. The other thing with my sickness was I had chronic fatigue. I have been asleep longer than I have been awake. I would wake up for twenty minutes and I'll be like, well, time for my nap, and not go back to bed. I have discovered and this is a big call. I have discovered the best series I have ever watched in my existence. And I shook to the call that it's taken me this long because it's not a new series.
This is a really big call. And I don't know what you're gonna say. And if you say Bridgitton, no, okay.
In relation to this series, Bridgeton's a five, this is a twelve. Wow you. I cannot suggest this more to you, guys. It's on Amazon Prime, so I think that's why I've never seen it. I've never had Amazon. I was like, what even is that? Now?
Amazon Prime has got some good shows basically not sponsored either. Guys like, we're not getting a plug from Amazon for this if.
They want, Yeah, yeah, okay. The series is called This is Us Now. I don't know if i'd never even heard of him. Sherry has been telling me to watch this for about probably about the best part of six months. Her and Jay started watching it and we always like the same stuff. She came to me, She's like, you have to start watching this immediately. It's the best thing I've ever seen. And I was like, for some reason,
I just kept putting on the back burner. It is the most emotive, well written, best storyline out of any show on any channel that I have ever watched. I'm gonna give you, like.
You have to watch a bit of an explanation about what it actually is.
It's really hard to describe, and when you describe it, it's the best thing that's ever happened. But I can't tell you no because watch it. I remember when Sherry explained it to me. It's hard. It doesn't sell it,
it doesn't do it justice. I think the thing that sort of had me a little bit disinterested was when I found out that the lead actress is Mandy Moore, because the way that I think of Mandy Moore was brilliant singer that tried to transition into acting quite early, and I didn't feel like she nailed it.
Do you not remember A Walk to Remember? Yes, that's exactly I freaking love that movie. I've had plenty of time for ma anymore.
But she has nailed it. Her acting is brilliant. Every single actor and actress in this show is brilliant. But just to try and tell you what the show is, Mandy Morrill and her husband Jack. They are a couple that fall in love and they have children, They have triplets, and the whole show is set between flashing back to their childhood, the kid's childhood and growing up and all the problems that they have raising the kids, and flashing
forward to the present day when they're older. And the storyline that they have written has you on the edge of your seat and has your full attention from the opening scene of the first episode and forever. It's like six seasons. And this is the brilliant part because there are so many seasons. It is the most emotive show I've ever watched. Every episode, I'm crying, I'm laughing. I feel like they're my family. And I think any show that makes you feel like you never want that show
to end is worth watching. And I don't give you these recommendations lightly, but please do yourself a favor and start to watch this is because it is like life changing and the best part about it, I'm obsessed with the father Jack. He is what every husband and father should be. He's actually sort of ruined it for me forever because if I don't find my Jack, I'm like, well what am I doing in my life? Because I need this person in my life. He's the character that
you just are obsessed with. But anyway, not a genre is this like is it a drama? Is more a drama? Okay? One hundred percent? You will cry like I can't fault the series. And also one of the kids when he grows up, he's so fucking hot. Well actually both of them, they're really fucking hot. But that's it. That's my recommendation. Please do yourself a favor and start it.
Okay, I'm going to come with you with a recommendation, which this was not planned but since you are so passionate about what was the name of it again, I've.
Totally this is us. This is us.
Okay, I'm gonna watch it and then I'll come back and I'll tell you how I feel. Yea one hundredercent I have one for you. Okay, can you go and watch Sea Spiracy? Definitely no drama. You'll probably cry.
I can't watch it because I'm too scared to stop eating fish. I'm too scared of stop eating fish, and I know what it will do to me, but I really love my fish.
I think that there is a big conversation. Maybe we can do an episode on this. Actually there's a lot of information there. It's a lot to digest, and it's obviously like a bit of a sea spiracy conspiracy if you haven't seen it yet, it's of that sort of vein, and it's talking about all the damage that we're doing to our oceans, but also the damage that's caused by the fishing industry and by by cat It's just got some really crazy startling statistics.
And so Matt and I watched it the other night.
And I can't say that I love the narrator. I feel like the guy who was doing the journalism, like the main character of the whole documentary. I'm not sure if I really loved like his presentation of it, but the information in it is really really interesting and it does make you question whether or not you'd eat fish. However, it was easter and I ate some fish. Are you not going to eat fish now?
Ugh? You know what, I'm not there yet.
Look, we have meat, lots of meat free days, and we also have fish free days in our household as well. But it really brings to the forefront these issues around sustainability and it makes you, it does definitely make you question where things come from.
Make better choices about what you're purchasing. Yeah, but that's the problem, that's the thing. Right.
So there's this whole section on there about dolphins safe and how dolphin safe isn't actually dolphin safe. They can't guarantee it, and it's just the fishing company's paying off
the organization and the regulatory bodies. And it goes into how corrupt the fishing industry is, but also how corrupt where we purchase some fish from, so like nothing is guaranteed as being safe and the damage that's doing to the oceans is crazy, and how much of the pollution and plastics that are going to the ocean are not actually from us consuming but it's from the fishing industry. That's what it unpacks.
And it's us eating fish that's creating this deficit and creating this issue. And it makes me think, like, what do we eat If we can't eat meat, we can't eat fish? Do we just eat vegetables? Like? Do we Does the whole world turn vegan? Yes? I think that that's the solution. Do you think that's what David addenbros. Says? Don't have any more than two children eat vegan? I mean I could probably do the children part, but in all honesty, I reckon I would eat I'm actually really
good with meat. I eat meat maybe twice a month, big call, but I don't eat a lot of it. Most of my food is vegetarian and pescatarian. I will admit I eat fe but I always try and buy good fresh fish that I think has been sourced in an ethical way.
Okay, you need to watch c Spiritcy then, because that's that's probably point way, is that you don't know what's been so And I love salmon, but I think that the take home message from all of these is like, just reduce where you can. You don't have to stop and eliminate something completely. If you want to do that, and you can do that, then that's amazing. But if you can just make better choices, as in like you know, have meat free nights, have fish free nights, all that
is helpful. I don't think it's necessarily about changing every single aspect of your life overnight and going cold Turkey. But if you can make some better and more sustainable choices, then that's kind of the ethos I took from the Docku series. But it's on Netflix. It's really really interesting, and there have been a few things that have come out that have kind of defunct some statistics around it.
So I'm not going to go into like the nitty gritty of it, but I got a lot out of the show, and I think that, like, that's my recommendation for today. Anyway, something else that I have read which I wanted to touch on before we got into like the main core of this episode. Now, the main core part of this episode is actually pretty lighthearted. We're going
to talking about dating terminology in twenty twenty. Oh my God and I've we're twenty twenty two, twenty twenty one, twenty twenty one, I forgot what you I don't even know.
What, twenty to twenty twenty two, I am sold to you. Like in twenty twenty five, this is our dating technolo, you don't even know where. We're talking about dating terminology today in twenty twenty one, and this is a lot of terminology that I had never heard of. But it's a lot of things that you know and you can explain and you talk about with your friends. You talk about these situations that happened, but they never had a label. So we're going to go through some of those main ones.
So before we get into that, we do want to touch on something that's really important. It has just come out of Victoria. Now this is really really huge, and when I read this article in ABC News, I was like, I really want to discuss this in the podcast because it's consent is something that we have spoken about in a couple of past episodes, especially the one that we did with Ebony Saunders going back a few months ago.
She was the woman that was harassed by the Tinder guy in BONDI just for a little reference, for you guys.
Yeah, and we did a massive conversation in that around consent and how consent is fluid. Now, this conversation that we're about to have comes with a bit of a trigger warning because it does touch on sexual assault and it does touch on sexual harassment. But Victoria has just passed legislation where they're going to be making conversations around consent part of the school curriculum for public schools.
And this is such a huge thing.
The fact that this hasn't happened in schools earlier, or the fact that it's not compulsory in every school in every state is something that I think we should really be having conversation about. But this change in legislation came about because of a petition that was started by a former Kombala student named Shantell Contos because she was sick of constantly hearing about her friend's experiences of sexual abuse
within schools. So this conversation calls for a bigger focus on consent and sexual education and also focuses on single sex in private schools. So the petition that was started has now had over thirty eight thousand signatures by people who have been affected by sexual assault or sexual harassment in schools, and it has over three thousand counts of stories where students have actually shared what has happened to them.
And some of the stories on this ABC News article are so freaking harrowing that we're not going to repeat them on the podcast. We can put this article in the show notes as well, if you guys want to go and have a deep diataven a read. But to think that this is what's been experienced by school students
is just absolutely despicable. And there's this real conversation around we think that it's expected that people understand what consent is and that it should just be human knowledge, but there is such a gray area and the fact that like it's been missing from our education and that we do have sex ed but sex said, I mean, like my experience of sex said at school, and Britt, tell me what yours was, But that's a healthy herald totally. The sex said that we experienced was don't get pregnant,
pregnancy is bad, use a condom, put it on a banana. Yeah, And it was the functionality about how to actually have sex and like what the mechanics of it are. But there's no conversation around how to keep yourself safe. There's talk about STDs and like you'll get a crazy STD and lots of stigma around STDs, but nothing around like how two people should interact, how two people should respect
each other, and also what entails consent? And I think that is the bigger and broader conversation that needs to be brought to the table, and that's the changes that the Victorian government is starting to instill.
I was absolutely disgusted when I was reading the stories that all these young women wrote in and their experiences that they were having in their schools, And like Laura said, it's actually worth all of you going just even pull up the ABC article and just how to look for yourself and have a read for yourself. But one thing I did find really interesting when I started to research
this a bit more. I didn't actually know this, but the schools do have a course that they do teach that's called Respectful Relationships, So they have been on the right path for a little while, but that sort of touches more on sexuality and safety and respect I guess to a certain extent in a relationship, but they never covered things like consent. So what they're doing with the consent. The consent is going into the respect for a relationship's part.
But this is still only happening in Victoria. When you hear of the statistics in Sydney are alone, it is astounding. And the fact that a school girl started this petition and got all these signatures and she's put this movement forward because of something that has happened to her. I mean, she's wise beyond her years, and good on her.
But I think the thing that's scary though, is like, why is it that a child who has experienced this should be the one advocating for the change within schools Now. I just want to make the point as well, which I think is really important, and that is that you know, this is not the sole responsibility of the school, or of teachers, or of the curriculum. This is something that should be happening at home with parents, and this is
a conversation that parents should take main responsibility for. But I just don't think you can have an educational conversation around sex without having consent as an integral part of that conversation. We're talking about how to have sex, how to stay safe when having sex, the functionality of sex. Then consent needs to be a very big part of that conversation. So that way nobody can ever say I didn't know, I wasn't sure. I thought that it was okay. I thought she wanted it.
There's no ambiguity because we're all taught the same thing and we're all on the same page. One quote that summed this up perfectly, and it was written by a seventeen year old student from Newcastle Grammar School about the incidences that she faced in twenty nineteen, and she wrote, he didn't understand that my inability to say no did not mean yes, and that I didn't want it. I just thought this was so powerful and it's so important.
You know that we're teaching students that consent isn't just verbal, that consent is also non verbal cues, and that's something that's so important. I e.
If someone's passed out, that is giving no consent. If someone is crying but hasn't actually said no, that's saying no consent.
But this is the thing, isn't it? And it's this saying is so true. Ignorance is bliss. If people aren't talking about it, if your kids aren't coming home and saying to you that this has happened to me and I was violated or I felt uncomfortable. How are people supposed to know? And conversely to that, what kid is going to come home and be like, hey, mom and dad, I had sex with a girl when she was passed down. The conversations just weren't happening. So I don't think anyone
was aware. I definitely wasn't. I knew that it was prevalent, for sure, but I was gobsmacked at the level and how many school aged females have come forward and said that they have experienced this. So the ball is finally rolling because people feel that they are in an environment now that's safe enough to talk about their experiences.
But like, let's move this past school for a second and just like consent as a general conversation. I do not know, and this is pretty bold statement, but I do not have one friend who wouldn't say that they have experienced sexual harassment. Like every single female I know
that I have spoken to about sexual harassment. I'm sure there are some who haven't, but every single female that I have had these conversations with who I'm close enough to have these conversations with, have experienced sexual harassment of some form in their lifetime. So if we can all sit here and say, yeah, a majority of people I know have in some way experienced sexual harassment or sexual assault, there is a huge problem here. That problem has been
glaringly obvious. And the fact that it had to take a young student to actually start this petition is like, I mean, that in itself is just so traumatic. But I'm glad that there is some change of this happening, and the change needs to happen a hell of a lot faster, and it needs to be implemented not just in public schools, but in private schools and in all states.
The last thing that I just did want to touch on could because this really hit home with me, was there was a student from Manly and she said, I'm still furious that I was consistently told that I shouldn't have gone to an isolated location with a guy. He had been my best friend. If I'm not meant to spend time with just my best friend, what am I
meant to do now? The fact that this is happening is one thing, but the fact that when this happens, the blame is bypassing the person that has done it, the bypassing this boy, bypassing the perpetrator, and being put on the female because she should not have gone to that location with a male. This is a whole another core issue. You that a yes is happening. We need to deal with that, but we need to also deal
with the fact that we're blaming the victim constantly. It's just my blood is boiling and you guys like, I'm literally lost for words, and I've never lost for words. So this was a really important conversation and we could talk about it, and we will continue to talk about it because this conversation about consent is so important. And I think if there's one thing that you take away from this conversation, maybe you've heard about this and read
about it before, maybe you haven't. Either way, the conversation about consent and about this sexual harassment in schools, the education system. It needs to start happening. So go away and talk to your friends about it. Now, have the conversations, Talk to your parents and talk to your kids. Just make it so that this is what everyone is talking about.
We'll link some of these articles as well in the show notes, and we'll also try and link the petition
which you can sign to if you want to. The one quote that I wanted to leave you guys with, so Shintel Kontos was actually a former student at Kambala and now one of the quotes that she left when she actually started this petition was I have lived in three different countries and I have never spoken to anyone who's experienced rape culture the way me and my friends had growing up in Sydney amongst private schools, And that literally leaves chills. It's so heavy to think that this
conversation is not being had widely enough. And just like brit said, like conversations around consent need to be had at home, they need to be had with your friendship groups, and we will keep having them on this podcast because we think consent is such a hugely important topic. So if this has upset anyone or touched on something very sensitive to anybody, will also put some information in the show notes for help that you know you can reach
out to if this is something that's triggered you. And yeah, we just will keep having these conversations as well.
Okay, guys, it is time for our favorite segment and that is accidentally unfiltered. Essentially, we get you to write in your most embarrassing stories and we read them out. We have a good laugh at your expense, and everyone feels that a little bit less alone.
Look, we just laugh at you together as the supportive community that we are here at Life Uncut. But you always stay anonymous as well, so we will never shame you.
To go first, I have an awkward one. I actually had. I swopped last minute. I had mine that was a bit gross, but I was like, I don't think we're ready for that.
Okay, we have received I'm just going to say this before Brick gets into her received one that we have received so many condom stories about people who have accidentally lost a condom up inside them and then found it days later.
So gross, just so so. Actually, one girl wrote in on Easter. She was like, Hey, just so you know, I'm at the hospital now. My condom's fitting me for two hours. And I was like, I love that you're at the hospital getting condom fished out on Easter. She's like, I had a sneaky Easter bang. That sounds like a great Easter you had, girlfriend, I just had chocolate. You win. Okay.
We also had someone message us and say that they didn't realize that they had a condom get lost inside them and several days later they sneezed and it fell out. That was my favorite. I think she was doing. She was like washing raumatized people. I am absolutely traumatized. No, but we have in the last couple of weeks. I don't know what's going on. You guys have really stepped
up the game. We have received so many embarrassing stories, but stories that are so wildly gross, like just so gross and too gross to tell on the podcast thinks that some of you should take to the grave. Guys, some of them and like, surely you know when you're right there, Like we don't get me wrong, we still appreciate them. Don't ever not write them to us. But we were like, wow, like I would never.
Tell us all but that we live for this, and you know what we just I just want to say how greatful I am that you trust us with your Diva's darkest, most embarrassing stories. We will Some of them are so embarrassing that we would never share them, but we appreciate that you want to share them with us, because when you send it to us, you are not anonymous. Even though we don't tell anyone else. So maybe we can put all wild.
We can put all the crazy ones in one extra bonus episode and they can come with their own trick warning. Actually, that's such a good idea that you don't have to tune into if you don't want.
You guys are wild. I'm here for this. Thank you for making me feel more normal in all the shit that I have gone up to my life. Anyway, all right, hit me with number one.
Hey, this is something that I would do because I'm technologically challenged, So I feel whose girl. A few years back, I got an Apple Watch for Christmas, and when work returned for the year, my supervisor, Heidi, had also received one. We would constantly compare and chat about all the features that it could do. Anyhow, a week or two later, I was having a terrible day at work. I literally hated life. So I took myself to the bathroom and did what anyone would do. I sat on the toilet
and used the Apple Watch to text my best friend. Now, to text on an Apple Watch, you must use your finger to draw every single letter that you want to textpay time consuming. So well, that's what she said. I sat there for twenty minutes spelling out the text that read, I fucking hate my job. It is so soul sucking. I am literally hiding in the toilet for the last twenty minutes avoiding work, texting you from my Apple Watch
right now, just to avoid the drama. I hit send and realized that it had gone to Heidi, my boss that was sitting out in the office. I immediately got a response from Heidi that said, um okay, question mark. I went straight into damage control. I got off Alou I sprinted under her office and I laughed it off by saying, ha ha, how gross is that text? I just forwarded you. My friend just sent it to me, and I thought you might find it funny. She didn't.
Oh why but also like also the cover up of like I forwarded you that text from my friend, Like, I understand that you've tried to go into damage control, but Hi, I do know it's exactly what you've done, But what else would you do?
Like, I mean, that's just like you've got nowhere else to go either, you say, I just wasted twenty minutes of work company time pretending I was doing a pool telling job. I was just telling my friends how much you suck, Like where can you go with that?
You can't? You don't you go to Alaska? Okay.
I also have a work related one, which is not that one. I was worried that we were going to choose the same one again today, but here we go.
I work in.
Development and I was just on a zoom call. I like that this also just happened, and so she sent it through to us. I was just on a zoom call for a meeting to debate traffic numbers with the Department of Transport. I offered to share my screen to show the report that our traffic engineer was discussing with the state engineer. As the conversation got a bit heated and things got a bit more boring and time passed on,
I gradually lost interest in this zoom conference call. I decided I wanted to check out and see what the state engineer look like, because he sounded young, and he also sounded a bit hot, and he didn't have his video on. So I commenced googling him, looking at images, trying to figure out what he looked like. When my client interrupts me and says, excuse me, who is googling?
She's giggling. I had just.
Stalked the state engineer with my screen share on in the State engineer, my engineer, the boss, and the client and at least three other state officers could see it.
And now I need to die. Do you know what's so funny? Actually we had his writing about over zoom calls that they forget that they share their screen and they just start like looking down their searcher history like porn hum and stuff comes up and everyone can see that what was doing. I love that, But also imagine if he is hot and she's hot, and then that's such a great way to hook up and flirt. If
he sees it, she's googling him. So what if he's like a sixty seven year old man that she says young and I middle aged spread She said, he sounds young and hot. Yeah, but just because someone sounds young and hot doesn't mean they necessarily are. Yeah, we probably found holy covered that up as well.
You could be like, oh sorry, I like to put a face to the name of who I'm talking to.
Makes me feel more connected to the conversation. She's like Bobby Onto topless in Abitha. She's like in twenty seventeen on his Instagram just scrolling back through. At least she googled him and didn't go onto Graham. Imagine if she went to the Grammar started like, imagine if she went into him and then you know what you would do? You look at the exs and stuff. Imagine if she was like in his ex's profile on Instagram and he
was watching. This is a level of so deep that it really gets into the psyche of what Britney Hockley does. Oh my god, I love that yesterday. This has happened in my last two weeks. But like, sometimes I'm so deep, you're like, uh, sorry, Jordan, I was talking your ex girlfriend. I accidentally liked to photo. I'm not twenty seventeen. I often get so deep. This happened yesterday that I forgot how I got there. I was like, how did I
get to this person? I was like, because I went into another page, into another page, internet page, and I was like, I don't understand my trail. I should have left bread crumbs.
And all of a sudden, you're on like your boyfriend's trainers, sisters, mum's instrat I was like, tag, I don't even know where I'm going here.
I'm lost Okay, I have one more and.
Then I reckon, that's it for us and we can get into our very lighthearted episode for you all today. So I was back in my hometown swiping through Tinder just to suss out who I knew was on there. Really nothing serious, not even really looking to match anyone. I saw a guy I know, and he came up. But then I also know his wife, so I read his bio and it said that they were both looking for something casual, a third person to have in the bedroom. Now, this is the couple that owns the local gym and
they are personal trainers there. I know them both quite well. I was shocked and I turned to tell my sister and in my shop, I accidentally swiped right.
But not only did I accidentally swipe right, I also super liked them. Why don't you just send them a nude? Could you fucking imagine that?
Okay, Like we've all seen the couples on Tinder that are like, hey, this is me and my partner and we're looking for a thropple, like, no, nothing against it, great, per love that for them.
You do, you, but not when you have to go and sweat it out and work out with him at the gym every day.
I imagine, yeah, Like, I mean, it's one thing to run into like someone you know on Tinder, other thing to run into someone who is looking for a threason.
I would if they matched the probably did? I mean she's fit. She goes to the video don't live your best life, Live you true? Okay, so Laura's back from breastfeeding Lola. We decided to have a quick little break.
We took a metaphorical break with the break music, but then we also took a literal break whilst I went in breastbed Lola.
I'm sitting because the studio is in Laura's bedroom. As you know, Laura got up from the studio desk and shuffled down, calling at a studio like this professional. So she gets she shuffles the one foot from the studio desk to the bed, starts a breastfeed Lola, who I fumbly call Lola Debbie, and and she's on one boob the other boom. Because I've never really just sat there
and I don't like when my friend's breastfeit. I don't stare at them, but I was staring at Laura's nipple for some reason, and I was quite fascinated by it because we're very very close guys, that is why. And then we just started the other Niwporter side spurting out milk and I was like, whoa, you're floating out the other one, and She's like, man, that happens.
So if anyone who doesn't have children, you wouldn't know this. But when you feed from one side, the other side has what's called let down and it basically for.
Ten years in a different way.
It just lets down milk and the milk just squirts out of the other side, and some people catch it and put it in the freezer and keep it for a rainy day. I just like to black tat all over my shirt in my bedroom and be free. Anyway, we managed to get through the whole first half of this episode with Paul Lola making a real racket outside the bedroom door and Matt was doing outside the bed door.
Matt has her out. We don't park her outside the bedroom door on the ground, No, we don't. Then Matt was trying to console her, and then at the very end of that, I was like, Okay, I think we've stretched it long enough. I really need to go give her a feed. Look, we're just we're doing what we can. Hear people, We'll really make it a work, just trying to in two ends together to make a whole. But
speaking of letdown, that's actually a great segue. That is a good name for something that we don't know that it's a name for. Yeah, well I mean it should we let's start that name. Yeah, men are a letdown. But that brings us into what the chat is about, and that is literally, dating in twenty twenty at the best of times is pretty bloody hard. It's not easy, and I feel like as time goes on it's getting
more complicated. There's more apps, there's more terminology, there's more things that are right and wrong, there's more choice, and like we talked about in the main, no, there's more choice in terms of how you find the men, but the choice of men, I feel like starts to get really warned down. As someone that's been dating, I'm going
to tell you in terms of the pool. Before I met Jordan, I was at the age a really awkward dating age, and anyone that's in this realm of I would say I'd probably put it thirty one to thirty five. You're in a really awkward time because you're at the point where everyone's already married, but they're figuring out that that's not the person for them. So you've got just a few more years to wait until they all divorce.
So people are in their first marriage and the best part's going to come in a couple of years when I figure out they're in the wrong relationship. So you're in a limbo. You're in what I used to call dating limbo, where you're waiting for the first marriage to end. And that sounds horrible, but it's so true. You hit thirty five and everyone's free again. You're dating purgatory. So I just went ten years younger, well.
Like increases age, and now I'm dating a guy who's currently in the UK twenty five.
It's his birthday in two weeks it's twenty seven, Like okay, but Black Britt said this. I mean, like, we did talk about how this is going to be a really lighthearted episode and then we just got doom and gloom and you all, but we are talking about dating terminologies and now we know that you guys already are so aware of things like gas lading and love bombing and
maybe even bread crumbing. You've heard of that ghosting ghosting and not bread crumbing like making a snitzl yeah, like Hansel of Gretel, like leaving bread crumbs.
But so like, there are so many different types of terminologies for things that happen in the dating world. Now, I'm gonna go out and say that, like, some of these different types of experiences are new, and they've kind of brought on because of dating apps, and they're brought on because of the digital age, but there are so many of these things that are not new. Things like gas lighting. That is not a new thing that we experience.
It's been around for a very long time. But the terminology and giving it a label means that when somebody else that you are friends with or somebody else that you know has experienced gas lighting, the fact that we have a name for it and we have a label for it means that we have a collective experience that we're able to actually identify and share because it's really hard to kind of explain, oh, this guy did this to me, and then he also did this, and then
he was kind of manipulating me in this way, and then he made my feelings feel invalidated. You could talk about all these different things, but if you were like, yeah, I was dead in this guy and he was gaslighting me, we instantly know what that means. And then we're like ass wy, yeah, We're like, yeah, you need to just drop that guy or drop that girl. So basically, this is us giving you, guys a rundown on all the most common terms of all the new weird dating lingo
that's out there. And this came off the back of Brittany reading an article which had to do with I wrote an article at hit home, guys, I mean, like many articles do, but this hit home hard.
It's an article that was titled foster girlfriend. Now. I have experienced this for a long time, but I'd never heard it called a foster girlfriend, and I called it something different. So I'm just gonna quickly tell you. Urban Dictionary says that a foster girlfriend can be defined as a girl who dates a guy until they find their forever home. The man finds it very forever home. Now. I love that I can call it a foster girlfriend now, but I had a different name for it, which personally
I like more. I called myself the one before the one, and it's quite catchy. I think I might make a movie into it. The one before the one, there was a pierid there for like us solid five years. And I'm not exaggerating. Every single person that I would date, the next person that they dated was the one. The literal next person was like, oh happy ever after, got a dog and a pick of fence and we're getting married.
And I was exasperated. I was like, I created you, like I nurtured you to your marriage to I fixed your problems. I put your band aids on, and I set you free. For the next person, I didn't set them free. They left, usually of their own Screw you, foster puppy. You can go into this in so much depth. There are so many reasons, and most of the reasons come back to like reflecting on you as a person.
It's not necessarily a problem with the men, and it's not that you have an issue either, but there's usually some deep seated issues where you're probably not actually ready for the relationship and you're going out and finding these injured birds that you want to nurture back to health because you don't actually want to deal with a real relationship. In hindsight, that was me, but I was dating these people, and at the time, I thought that I wanted to
be with them. I thought I was like, oh my god, they're my penguin, They're a soulmate, like there's something in this. And then they would just leave and get married to someone else. And this happened to even people I dated for like a month, people that weren't even serious. They went and found them that the next person was it, And I was like, this is a sick joke. The universe is is like, why am I getting all their emotional baggage and damage and fixing them and teaching them
how a relationship should be. That's what I thought I was doing. I felt like I was teaching them how to treat a woman and what was okay and what wasn't okay, because I was always quite strict in that sense. Then they would go out and then some other woman got this perfect specimen that I helped create.
But I think, like you when you said that, you know, it's people who are not necessarily looking for a relationship or there's some junk there to kind of deal with. I don't always agree with that. I also think that someone who finds themself being a foster girlfriend it's because they're very caring and very nurturing. And I do think
that that's the case for you Brett as well. Like you, but you want to help people, like you see the best in people, and so like literally finding someone who you're like, ah, I can fix you.
It comes with so many good intentions. Right, do you worry about those police charges. We'll get past that.
We'll say with this together until they're being wiped and then you can go on and have a happy relationship in a family.
No.
No, I think that there are some really great attributes
to somebody who does this as well. You know, maybe if you are really wanting to be in a relationtionship and you are wanting to have a long term partner and you do find yourself being this foster girlfriend, like being aware that when you meet somebody who has so much junk to deal with and your role in the relationship is helping them overcome their junk to become a better person, or you can see the potential in who that person could be, but they're not actually being that person.
In real life.
Maybe that's when you should be aware that there are some red flags going on here, and you may be repeating that same behavior of like fixing and then setting free. Like I said, there's some good attributes to that, but also it can be very damaging to yourself long term.
There were a number of reasons and indications that you why you're a foster girlfriend or that you could be a foster girlfriend, and when I read them, I was like, I,
in hindsight, I was all of these things. And that's probably why things like you spend too much energy focusing on your career and things in your life and ticking off bucket lists and making sure you're dealing with every single thing in your life and achieving everything you want, and without you even knowing that, you're not ever put
in the relationship first. While you think that you're nurturing these people, if your main priority is like ticking off for your bucket lists and doing all the things that you want to do without even knowing subconsciously, you're probably neglecting the relationship a bit. And when I look back, I was like, you know, that was when I was like traveling the world for years and starting businesses and doing all these things on my own. And I think maybe I look back and I'm like, I was probably
fostering them because dip down. I wanted the company, and I wanted the affection, and I wanted to love, but I wasn't ready to give them my all. And I think that that is like the main reason women get stuck in this foster cycle one before the one relationships.
Yeah, And I also think it ties into this idea that like you can constantly be seeing someone. I think foster girlfriends and foster relationships they very rarely tick over into being something serious, right. They're always like a little bit superficial. Maybe the guy kind of keeping you at arm's length, he's benched you in case something better comes along.
But when you are the person that's constantly fixing someone else and constantly making someone aware of how they can be better or self improvement or all this sort of like time and energy that goes into who bettering a person, which sounds crazy because like you can't force someone to change, you can't force someone to be anything that they don't want to be. But it's an exhausting role in a relationship.
And I think that often you'll find that that the relationship that you have where you're the one that's constantly trying to prop that other person up, it has an expiration date because that is a fucking exhausting relationship. And then they have been propped up, they've worked through their issues, and then they go on to be great partners to their next person, and that's where that repetitive cycle kind of starts.
The thing that happens with foster relationships too is the women. If you are the person that feels like you are the foster girlfriend, you often feel like it's your fault and you get a bit heavy and hard on yourself. It's not your fault. You just haven't met the one yet, and it's easy to get down on yourself and be like, no one loves me, but they do. You just haven't met you one. Keep doing your thing, it will happen and totally.
And I think like whether you're looking for a husband, someone long term, or you're just looking for a casual fling, the way to kind of prevent yourself from becoming a foster girlfriend or a foster boyfriend. I think it's more foster girlfriends. I don't think I know too many guys who have like dated perpetually until it's like the one before the one.
I have a good friend that I spoke to him last week. He's the epitome of foster boyfriend. He literally he just got out of a marriage and he had a girlfriend a week later and I said to him, like, I have a relationships podcast, and I think I know what you're doing, your monkey branching. You just get to be alone. And he was like, you're like, we'll carry that in a second. He was like, bro, you're right. Like he's like, you're fucking right. He's like, I don't
know what it is. I've haven't been alone in ten years. So there are men that do it, but I think historically beeing we probably women are probably more prone to it. Well, I think the way to kind of if you find yourself or you have listened to this last little bit of the chat and gone, yeah, that's exactly what I am. Every single guy I date ends up in a long term relationship after me and leaves me for the one, then I think I'm trying to fix them.
Well, yes, stop trying to fix them, but also like make yourself the priority in the relationship. You know, I know that things have to be like even handed and you have to like make sacrifices and compromises in a relationship, but whether you're looking for a husband or whether you're looking for a casual fleeing. Put yourself first and make your intentions clear from the beginning, like tell them what you're after.
If you're after a.
Relationship, then mate that known so that you're not being walked all over and you're not compromising the things that you want to try and fit somebody else's mold.
You shouldn't be fixing someone from the start anyway. The fixing comes maybe when they break down halfway. Okay, let's get in to some of these. You can go the next one. It's a good one, and I know you've done it. Terminologies Okay, straight off the bat, Have I done it? What is the time? Fun? Okay? Hey being digmatized? I love this one. Such a great pun.
Now digmatize came up in a conversation the other day. This is like the foster girlfriend chat happened, and then digmatize happened. We were having lunch the other day with Keisha, who is our new editor of the podcast. You'll probably hear us talk about her very so often, and she used the word digmatize. Now, Britt and I are I would say, like we are pretty well versed in everything that happens across the relationship spectrum, and.
Both of us were like, what the fuck is that? It's because we've never heard a name, But when you explain what it is, we've both been there.
Oh yeah, and I'm gonna say that you've been there too, girlfriend. So digmatized is when you stay in a shitty relationship, or you put up with a shitty guy or a situationship or a situationship well long past its expiration date just because his dick is so good and the sex is so great.
So if you have found it, you all stay.
If you have stayed, then maybe you've been digmatized.
And guys, that's a put hypnotized with the dick lack a wand like expelling armis is dickie armis Okay, So I have definitely been digmatized. You guys know a lot about my really bad relationship that I stayed in with somebody who had displayed many traits of narcissistic personality disorder. We had amazing, amazing, amazing sex and that is why I stayed.
Without realizing at the time, I thought we had a deep, deep connection and really it.
Was a connection with dick that's a deep connection. That's about as deep as your connection with Yes. Anyway, there wasn't much else there.
Once I really broke it down, I actually sat down and unpacked my relationship, and I was like, why do I love this man so much? What is it about him that's so special? I was like, Oh, he's cheated on me. Oh he gaslights me, Oh oh he manipulates me, he's penis. He doesn't even put any time in with my family and friends.
I've never stayed in a relationship because of that. Like I can tell that you're like, because you're an idiot, Laura, but also like I stayed in a relationship with the social about this worse. But I have kept I guess I've had situationships. I guess that's a really good term for it. I have stayed like seeing people casually. There has been nothing. It is the most surface level thing you can imagine, purely because when we got together, it
was fantastic. The sex was great. That was it. I don't think we even would talk.
So you're like, the sex is so good that maybe something could come with this relationship, maybe we could fall in love.
Yeah, Like obviously they're you're penguin.
You're like, we just are so well connected when we don't have any clothes on. But when the clothes are on and we have to sit at a cafe and have a conversation, we're like, what are we gonna talk about?
We have all every single one of you, I can guarantee in your friend group you've gone out to learn you've talked about. So tell me about this guy. You're like, Oh, I don't actually really like him, but the sex is so good. Like how many times do you just say that you've been digmatized? Girls, you've been digmatized?
Okay, So this kind of leads us into our second terminology, which is called white clawing. Now I did not know the name of this one. I was like, cool, never heard of that in my entire life, theodoran or something. White clawing, However, I've definitely done it now. White clawing is when you date someone who is boring as batshit just.
Because they're good looking. I've been so.
Guilty this, so I have never caught it white clawing, but I used to call it white bread.
You know, when you meet a man who has absolutely no personality.
They're not funny, but they are so beautiful that you convince yourself that maybe maybe we could have a connection, and maybe I just need to give it a bit more of a shot for that relationship to really develop and bloom.
But had they been less.
Attractive, you never ever, ever would have given it a second chance or a second date. I once gave it a six month worth of dates.
I have been I'm like, straight up guilty of white chlorine. I always see this guy, like, obviously, this was a very very long time ago. He was quite a prominent person in the media, and he was a model. He's beautiful. I can't explain how boring and dumb he was, like there was nothing. The point that I would at dinner with him and I was just blank. I was like, I can't even believe we are having this conversation. It
was a dumber stuff was. He was constantly looking at his own Instagram when we're out at dinner, like just peruising his own page of shit he's posted. There was nothing there. I couldn't talk to him about one thing, but I was like you, You're like, ah, you are beautiful to look at, and I'm just gonna keep going because I can't not like it would be rude not to have gone there.
I remember so one of my really good girlfriends. She is incredibly intelligent, like sunny.
Smart. She it's yes, it's it's pretty.
But I didn't want to add her for that, so you know, you'll keep on keeping her anonymous. No, so this girl is like just bananas smart. Anyway, she hooked up with this guy. This is so many years ago, it's not funny that she hooked up with this guy. He was very, very good looking, and it was at a party. So yeah, she was like, you know what, I'll go out a date with you. We'll see what happens. This guy spent the entire dinner talking about his gym workouts and how he eats cans of tuna because he
needs to have lots of protein. And now he said, but don't worry, I don't have AIDS. And she was like what what what.
Do you mean? And he was like, well, you know, I don't have a's and she was like I okay. She's like I'm glad that you don't. I don't understand how eating cans of tuna would have helped that. And he was like, you know, from the mercury poisoning and she was like, I am so sorry. I need to go because I don't even think you have any idea what's up and down or left or rock.
I feel I have lots of brain cells at this sitting here having this conversation. He meant mercury poisoning. He didn't mean he got things very confused.
That's his soul. His intentions were there. Book looked very very confused.
She yeah, she kind of went on this day because she was like, this guy's super hot, maybe there could be something there.
It's not enough and we've always said that, like we're always going to do it, but it is not enough for me. Like looks you want someone to be hot, but human personality or everything. But if you do Whiteclaw, you're not alone. In twenty nineteen, plenty of Fish survey of about a thousand yearsers revealed that over a quarter of singles have done this and forty two percent of them know someone who have done this. And according to this clinical social worker called fran Green, she is the
author of the Secret Rules of Flirting. It's so common because apparently, if you're with someone that's really hot, you feel hotter. And I found that really interesting because if it's always like it elevates you, Like if you think they're that hot, you're like, oh, for them to be with me, like I must feel hot, And even if you're a tatting secure, it makes you feel better about yourself. And I must admit when I was like seeing this
really he was like the hottest guy. When I was seeing this hot model guy, I was like, damn, like I knew here date in the past. I was like, maybe I've got some snazz, you know, maybe I've still got something. I give you some snaz. I mean, yeah, I'm a nerd, especially when you use words like that, Hey, I'm a nerd bagger, I'm nerd. I get that. No, I love it. But I definitely had a feeling of like, well, if he's dating me the people that he's dated in
the past, there's got to be something about me. And it made me, for a hot second, feel better. But I also have a lot of friends that refuse to date really good looking people because it makes them feel worse. So I don't know about this survey, what do you think.
I think most people have been in a situation where they've dated someone and tried to convince themselves not necessarily convince themselves. But they've wanted to give it a shot because they've thought this guy's really attractive. But when you're sitting down and having those conversations and you're really trying to build a connection going, there is literally nothing here.
And I mean I did it for a long time this guy.
Don't get me wrong, he's a really nice guy. I have nothing against him, and to somebody else he would be a total package and a total catch. We just had nothing in common. We were really into different things and therefore, to me, the conversation that he brought to the table was really boring. I'm sure the conversation I brought to the table for him was really boring because we were like two ships in the night, were not on the same page whatsoever.
You just wanted to look and touch his face and body.
Just wanted to touch everything. Yeah, yes, anyway, let's not go into that into too much detail. But yeah, he was a beautiful man, and I think that, you know, had he not been as aesthetically pleasing, I wouldn't have let it go on for so long. But I kept on willing myself, being like, oh, you know, maybe he really.
Does like me.
Maybe this could be something. And if I was to think now that I could have spent like forty years of my life having conversations about journaling, now you would have bailed. I would need to spoon my own eyeballs out.
I think it changes with age too. The older, we get for sure, like we want to hook up with these people like once off because you just want to experience a night of pure magic. But I think the older you get your priority shift and you don't care for it anymore.
Like oh, one hundred per I will take a funny guy over a hot guy any day.
It make me laugh and my undies are off. Okay, The next one I want to talk about is something that I haven't heard about, and that is called flash panning. Now, I found this one quite interesting. It's that excitement when you get sort of I mean, this is a funny term, when you get steady when you start dating someone. But the first couple of weeks, you know when it's like really exciting and really special and really passionate. It's really steamy,
it's really intimate. But then you can't handle the commitment after so it's like everything's great and you're so excited about it. But you're like, ah, still don't really want to go here. I looked up the reason it was called flash panning, and it makes more sense. I'm going to explain it to you because I was like, well, I said to Laura, I was like, where do they pull these terms from. It's actually a term from the
gold mining days. So when the gold miners went down to look for their gold, they would see a flash that they're in the water, and that's the indication that there might be something there. So they would run and you'd get so excited to the gold in the water, being like I have struck gold. This is epic. Then they'd put it in their pan and they'd find out that it was just a rock that had a shimmer from the sun, so a little bit of quartz. Yeah.
So that's where the name flash panning came from, which I think is really great because it's that excitement that it but you don't get anything from it.
I'm really digging the level of research that you've done for this. That was really impressive. I'm all here for this.
So more sense does it make now? I guess flash.
Panning just really relates to people who are commitment phobic, who like jump in, all guns blazing, maybe a little bit of love bombing in there as well at the start, really making you feel special and wanted, like this relationship is heading somewhere, and then all of a sudden it starts to go real cold, real quick.
And it's a funny thing too, because often you don't know why. Often you're like, why don't I want it? Why don't I want this? Like why do I still want to be with other people? Why don't I want to commit to them when everything else is good? It's almost unexplainable, but you know what, some things can't be explained.
I love that you were describing this as in like why don't I want this? Because I feel like you're the.
Flash Pana gold Mine, are guilty, Like and I know this from like our like years of friendship now, Like you would run in full guns blazing, and I'd be like, hey, what happened to that frendchie And You're like, yeah, nah, so done now. Yeah, It's like, but you were in love with him last week and you're like, yeah, this shit wasn't real. It was actually a rock. It was a nugget. But whereas I was the opposite, I was like I was like, I'm the shiny goal. Why the
fuck have you disappeared? Because I have attachment issues. We all know that from past episodes.
I was like the monkey brancher who wanted to be straight into the next relationship. And I was like, so we're gonna get married on Tuesday. Loved commitment. I'm all about commitment. Really want to just have two kids and punch out a third totally, you would have.
Yeah, you were a bit crazy there for a little while.
Wait you make out that like it's changed, Like I'm not crazy now. Anyway, We're fine. Well, we just kind of touched a monkey branching. We've talked about monkey branching loads on this podcast.
I was guilty of it, and that's what.
Britt was talking about earlier with her friend doing. It's when you kind of moved from one relationship to another relationship. So the issue with monkey branching is like you never really sever a relationship and then have time to heal and learn the lessons that you know you have been bestowed from that relationship. All you're doing is filling the pain of one breakup with the excitement and the joy of a new hobby of a new person.
Of a new relationship, see just to be on your own.
Yeah, exactly. And so you monkey branch from one relationship to the other relationship. And I think that you know, if you're guilty of doing this, you would know exactly
who you are. Sometimes it takes a little bit of self awareness and self reflection, but I definitely monkey branched a lot in my past relationships, and prior to being with Matt, I had like some real time out and had some serious self reflection because I think the reason why you need to have that time out between relationships is because the lessons that you will learn and the things that you will gain from going through true heartbreak can only be learnt if you actually sit in that
junken process why it happened and what you want differently for your next relationship. So this is one that I now feel super passionate about. If you are somebody who's monkey branching, if you are somebody who feels the pain of a breakup with a new person, stop it, like, stop doing it, because you're only robbing yourself of that self development, and you're robbing yourself of being happy on your own.
Being on your own epic I reckon subconsciously. That's why I picked Jordan to date, because I knew who was going away here.
I was like, like, I'm going to pick a guy that requires zero commitment. Honey, I love you so much. I can't wait to see you in eight months, see in twenty twenty five.
But another like, I guess this is a sub segment to monkey branching, which I really like because I know a lot of people that do this. It's called cushioning, and I think that this it sort of goes into monkey branching. Cushioning a lot of people sort of classified as micro cheating. Cushioning is not cushioning the blow for
someone else, it's cushioning the blow for yourself. It is a backup for when you know as a person you never want to be alone, and when you know you want to end a relationship, you don't actually end it until you have someone on the go. Extreme cushionists, as I've just made up that term extreme cushionists, they will not it's a severe reflictionbetical treatment for this, take any biotics. Severe cushionists will actually not wait until they know their
relationship is over to find someone else. But they will constantly have someone on the back burner, whether that is someone in the past that periodically they'll send a flirty
text with, or they'll like their Instagram. It's all this really low key, like technically you're not doing anything wrong, and this is why people call it micro cheating, but it's literally I guess it goes into bread crumbing and these all these ideas of just keeping someone that little tiny bit interested so that when the time comes, you don't have to put the work in. You've got someone to literally jump to. So it's what sort of flows into monkey branching.
I mean, I think a lot of people listening to this, like this is probably something that's really relatable when you've dated someone and they've had a friend or they've had an ex, so they've had someone who they keep in their orbit, in their sphere, and you know that there's something about that relationship that's a bit off, that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable, but it's always like no, no, no, we're just friends, like you're being crazy, and then all
of a sudden, after you break up, they're fucking dating, like they're dating, or they're seeing each other or something's going on. There and you're like, oh, in case they're getting married, yeahs elfrid.
Am I crazy? No? I wasn't crazy. Of course there was something there.
I think if you know that there's messages that are happening that make you uncomfortable, if there is a level of connection between your partner and someone else that makes you feel really irked, and it's something that you can't shake, and you're not normally a suspicious person in past relationships, I think that's a big one. If you know that you're someone who's super suspicious all the time, then maybe
that that's on you. But if you feel like there's something about this that makes me uncomfortable about that friendship or that relationship, be wary of that because you maybe getting cushioned.
Yeah, your gut, Like I believe you are a fantastic furniture. You are being cushioned, your friend, You're getting cushioned. All right? What is another one? We've made a whole list of these. There's so many of them, guys. Another one is dating in twenty twenty two? Is fucking wild? Twenty one? Twenty two? Twenty one? Why do you keep forgetting the year? We're twenty twenty one?
Okay, it's concerning to me that you don't know what you were in.
I don't know what day we're in. All I know is that I get four hours sleep and it's twenty twenty four, and I'm pretty sure it's April. Yeah, that's right, Yeah, perfect, Okay, Happy birthday mom. It's my mum's birthday. And she listens to the podcasty Birthday Missus Hockley gone, don't that Nikki. So another one is stashing. So it's also known as pocketing, and this is something that I have experienced to the extreme. It's like, think when you have contraband, you stash it away.
It's hidden from you. You don't want anyone to know about it. You literally stash it out of sight. That's where stashing has come from. So it's when someone doesn't want you in their life. You might be in a relationship with them, but for some reason, you can't meet their friends. For some reason, they don't want to put you on their social media. They're stashing you. Now, I was stashed, guys, I was stashed, and I was stashed pretty extremely. You were stashed from the guy's wife. I
was in a cupboard for a year. No, I yeah. Literally two years of my relationship with my sociopathic X I was a secret and he is so good at brainwashing and digmatizing that I was okay with that. I thought he was His lies and manipulation was so good that I was like, yeah, like it would be the best thing for I. I want to know about me. First of all, he didn't have social media, which I mean he told me he didn't, but he did. But that was his out for like why he doesn't post
me because he didn't have it. So I was like, cool, couldn't care less. They're not meeting the friends or anything like that. I mean, and this is also manipulative behavior where they take you away from friends and family, so there's no other safety in net. But he just made me believe that our love was so special that he didn't want to share me in our limited time that we had together. Like he's like, I don't want to be out with my friends when I only get to
see you every second weekend. You know, it was good. He was so fucked. He's dashed hard. He did a lot of things hard actually.
But if you guys don't know what BRIT's referring to episode number three so I dated a sociopath. We always recommend go back listen to that. If you're new to lafe On Cut you haven't listened to it from the beginning.
You'll realize why I was so messed up for so long.
And every time we refer back to Britney's Psychopathic X, like that is where this comes from. So to give you guys contexts, go listen to that episode. It's such a good eat. Actually I can't say it's a good e because it's really traumatizing.
No it's not.
Now, it's super traumatizing, but it's very interesting to listen to it.
It explains a lot about who I am. And it's like when I met Jordan, I let him listen to one episode. He doesn't listen to the podcast. I've banned him. He also doesn't want to know half this stuff we talk about. But I just want to know that you were digmatized by your ex. I said to him, Hey, look like when we met, I was like, listen to one episode so I dated Social Bath because like I was, so I didn't want to tell you my whole story again,
I was like, you listen to it. If you've got questions, you can ask me otherwise, like, we never need to talk about it, but I feel like it explains a lot about me. And I left it at that and it was great. He had a few questions and he's like, I don't want to go back to your past, but anyway go back to that. But yeah, So stashing just this like keeping you out of you perpetually.
So stashing or pocketing for anybody who's experienced this, if you're dating someone who doesn't want to share you on social media, is really anti being in a relationship with you on Facebook, you've never met their family and friends, or when you do, they don't like outwardly introduce you as their girlfriend or their boyfriend. They're like, Wela, this
is my friend Sarah. We're just hanging out. Or if when you do meet their friends it seems like they don't really know who you are, or that the relationship's been downplayed to some extent.
Something's not right. You have been stashed, my friend. You have been kept in the cupboard, and it's time to burst out and believe and be your true self. But honestly, like, if that's happening, it's not right. There's a reason someone is keeping you a secret. There's absolutely no reason that someone cannot introduce you to anyone in their life or put you on any social media platform or as is not.
That's a big thing of it, is right. It means that they don't have to take responsibility for you. So when they do or if the relationship does break down, they just get to go back to their normal life and back to their life and back to their wife and back to exactly how things were beforehand, and they don't have to go through any of the breakup or the separation of or the talking about you to their friends. It's literally like you don't exist anymore. They slip back
into their normal life. So, yeah, if you feel like you're being stashed or you feel like you're being pocketed, that is a big conversation that you need to have with your partner because there does come a time where you should feel fully integrated and fully a part of your partner's life, and it's a real reflection that they want.
To be with you. And you know what, when I'm at Jordan and he was like, I don't I've never put anyone on my social media like a female. He's like, I'm not big on that whatever, and I said to him, and I said, look cool, but I am no, I'm not even I'm not huge on it. Well, I've never had the experience. But I also said to him, look, heads up, I dated someone that kept me a secret for two years and like, and it did it gave me.
When he's like, I probably won't post anything purely because like, I feel like we can keep this relationship between ourselves and not relationship. But he's like, he doesn't feel the need to be very public. He's not a public person. It was like, and it has never happened to me before. You're like public, podcast a buddy, social media friends. But it was wrong choice, buddy. It literally triggered me. It took me back to someone that kept me a secret for two years. And I said that and I would
never make him do anything. I started to get this anxiety, which I've never had. I've never suffered from that, and I was like, that makes me feel like you want to keep me a secret, and that's all I said, and without saying anything else, he knew that if he went and put a photo up, it would make me feel better. So he just went and did it on his own, and I felt really good. About that so well.
I think that there's a couple of things to consider with this idea, and like this kind of goes into a greater conversation around stashing, and that is, if your partner never posts on Instagram, they literally don't, they're not a social media person. They don't use Facebook, they don't
use Instagram. That is a much lesser offense if they're not sharing you publicly on those social media platforms than somebody who's super active, who does stories, who does posting, and who is making a conscious and concerted effort every time they're on social media to not put you on there. Because that is where I think you really need to be like red Flag, Red Flag met me one hundred percent, feel that whatever is happening in your loins and go with that feeling.
Because they're trying to maintain a status of being single totally.
And why would someone need to do that unless it's because they want to keep other people on the burn too, because.
They're pushing there. You go, all right, I reckon, We've got time for two more of these. Now.
This is one that I really like because it's something that I've done and I think it's something that we can be really guilty of when we have a low sense of self worth, and that is something called eclipsing. Now, eclipsing is when you start dating someone and you instantly absorb their hobbies, their interests, and you are almost mirroring what they like and they want to do because you want them to like you, so you mold yourself like
a little chameleon. There's so many terms they could have called this es separate eclipsing, that you mold yourself like a little chameleon, and you be the person that they want you to be in order for them to forward madly in law that.
You think they want you to be. It's like when you're like, oh my god, I love horse riding too, but you've got a horse allergy.
Well, climbing is my favorite thing ever, except I'm fucking petrified of heights.
It's exactly that, it's just changing who you are because you think that you're going to be more attractive and likable to a person.
We've all kind of like the time that I jumped out of an aeroplane with a parachute on on National TV, even though I'm petrified of heights, because maybe aggregate.
That was I mean, you were forced out of that plane.
I like hideous. I would say that that's eclipsing, right. So when I was on The Bachelor, one of the group dates was that we had to jump out of the plane with a parachuteon Do I want to go skydiving?
No?
I actually have no interest in skydiving. Like I'll put my hand up and say that that is not thing that I want to do. I wanted to do when I was in my twenties.
Now not too much. Can runge yeah too.
I really love my life now. I don't need to prove anything to anyone. I did not want to do that at all. And I found out after we did that that somebody had broken their legs the week prior. Like that, shit scares the absolute hell out of me.
And I realized this. So like when Matt and I after we'd been dating for quite a while, so we went to New Zealand and Matt wanted to go bungee jumping, And Matt had it in his head that I was someone who really likes doing skydiving and I really liked doing these eventure activities because I had said that I liked doing them when I was on the show, which I kind of lied about guys.
I didn't.
I think I fake. I don't even think I intentionally lied. I think I thought I wanted to do them like I do genuinely think I wanted to go skydiving. And then after I did it, I was like, that scared the absolute hell out of me. I'm never going to do something like that again.
So same thing.
We went to New Zealand and I was like, yeah, sure, I love bungee jumping, can't wait to get that a try. I got to the top of the bungee jump. I was the only person who didn't jump that day. I had a full blown pan attack. I bawled my eyes out.
There was like seventeen year old girls just flinging themselves off, and I was like, I'm not doing this. I can't.
I tried twice, so I fully got harnessed, would you make yourself, went to the edge, got unharnessed, got reharnessed up, went to the edge.
Still couldn't do it. Okay, So I went to that exact bungee jump and I'm scared of heights as well. And you did it all right, I'm brittany, but I did it. No, I'm such a psycho that I nearly made myself sick to do it. My sister we went together. She just literally went well threw herself off. She loves it. I had this full panic to work myself up to it. I finally just did it. I was like, fuck, I just threw myself off, which I actually melted off the side.
I did not throw myself off, but I did it seven times because the feeling I was petrified, but the adrenaline feeling, I was like, that is the best feeling. But every time I got to the top, I nearly had a milkdown again. But I still forced myself to do it. It's like this really weird adrenaline love. I couldn't do it, and I realized we realized you had him. Then you don't have to fake it exactly right. But
I even said this to Matt. I was like, if we had just started dating, I know I would have done that bungee jump because you wanted me to do it, so I would have done it for you to, like, I guess, impress you, which I like that sounds crazy, throwing yourself off a cliff to impress a guy who would do that. But because we were fully dating, and because I knew that we loved each other and like him being into me wasn't based on me doing adventure sports.
I was like, no, I don't want to do this because I don't feel like I have anything to prove now. So eclipsing is a big one. If you feel like your interest in your hobbies shift and you're very chameleon like whenever you get into a new relationship, you're not really being authentic to yourself. You're not being authentic to who you are, and at the end of the day, maybe that person isn't as perfectly matched to you as
what you think because you're not really being you. But also we're not saying don't go If you're dating a guy that's like I love to play golf, for sure, go play golf with him. Be like, oh, come play with you sometimes, but don't like I love golf, I played for ages. Then go buy some clubs and google how to play golf and get golf lessons. That's what
we're saying. Like, we're saying, go and do those things, but be honest, be like, well, I'm not good at this, this is not my thing, but I'll do it with you for sure. So we have a shared experience, but like don't fake it totally trying new things like put yourself out there, have experience, but like know where that boundary lies between like trying to absorb that person's personality versus just like putting yourself outside your comfort zone being's
a human. Yeah, okay, I want to talk about one that is called kitten fishing, and I love this. I just love the name. It's it's sort of like catfishing, but a step down. It's like catfishing with online dating. So essentially it is you're not being malicious, it's nothing because catfishing is ill intended. It is you are being malicious. It is premeditated. You're going out to completely lie to someone and ruin their life.
Well, catfishing is like you are pretending to be somebody who you're not, completely different name, different person, different photos, Like it's Sally's seventy.
Years old pretending to be Bob. That's hot, it's absent. But kitten fishing is like when you maybe curate your dating profile to be the best of the best. We've all done it. I was guilty of it for a long time. I put only the most immaculate photos on that were all perfect that I've probably taken five of each one to get the best one, because I thought that's what I meant five thousand. Sorry did I say five? I trailed off. Sorry I meant five thumb We've all
been there. Don't worry. I did that because I thought that that's what people want to do. I'm like, cool, it's a dating profile. I want people to date me. I'll put my hot photos up. I can't tell you, like this was in the beginning. I've really let it all out at the end. I can't tell you how many dates at the start I canceled and how much anxiety I had about going to meet people when I started online dating, because I was like, I know, in
real life, I'm just a normal average person. My profile was, oh, i'll call it, my profile was a ten. You am not a normal average person. You are an absolute smoking gun. You know what I will not have. I will not sit here and hear you talk ill of yourself. Ever. Again, I'm not talking. I'm not talking ill about it.
But you were like a Victoria's Secret model on your yeah, on my five thousand photos. No, I guess the thing is is like if you're going on a date and you're worried that you don't look like your photos, you're worried that you've put an inflated version of yourself, then you're probably kitten fishing. I think that, you know, if you're concerned about showing up and someone going oh wow, she looks hotter in a photos, then maybe that's not the most authentic profile you could put together.
And there has been actually a lot of research, and I ended up changing my profile after a while to just very like normal photos. And I say normal by I mean like more down to earth, more laid back, less perfectly curated photos. And the research says that men are actually more attracted to that. They're more attracted to things that are more real, and they feel like they can relate more to that. So and I think the
same thing. When I was looking at men's profiles, the ones that were all perfect and topless and curated, I was like, ill left and the post people that were like you could there were half laughing faces that were throwing themselves around in the ocean with their friends. They were the ones I was like, that guy looks awesome, So why wouldn't that being reversed and the men were
the same thing. And when you put forward like really modely photos and you look so perfect on like your dating profiles, it's intimidating, Like that is intimidate I used to And when you say about men like I remember
when I was on land dating. If I saw a guy who was like a full hunk like abs out looking absolutely ridiculously good looking, I felt super intimidated by that, and I was like, well, I don't think that they would like me in real life anyway, Like I'm not pretty enough or funny enough, or great enough or whatever it is where I'm like, shut your pie hole.
It instantly led into fed into my insecurities, and I was like, I'd much rather a guy who had a funny profile, who seemed down to dadboard with a bit of a dam. I'm here for a dad board even though matd has anything but a duty.
It's ribbed. It's ridiculous.
Actually, he's so ripped now after Dancing with the Stars. He's been training every day. He's got minus five percent body fat. It's like I've just had a child and I'm like the most unfit version of myself and he's just gone like fucking ten times.
The opposite direction. It's he is weirly fit at the moment. I remember coming Actually, I remember this conversation. I don't know if you were Laura. I showed you and Matt my dating profile one day. Because they were always living vicariously through me. I would come up to hear to hang out and I'd be like, show is he talking to blah blah blah blah. They both looked at my profile in the early days and they were like, you've got to change your profile. I remember Matt being like, girl,
no one's going to swipe you. And I was like, I put so much effort into making this perfect. He's like, yeah, it's too polished. He's like people, I can tell you now, men will be intimidated by the fact that you look it's too polished and too put together. And Matt was like, you're not like that, and you were like, yeah, just go and fucking put one of you at the beach having fun. That was candid and I was really shocked by that. Girl. I was like, wow, I thought that
that's what people wanted. So I changed that and I had way more success by like zero point zero five percent more success at least zero points zerifye like, but it was interesting. So you guys just think about that. Think about your profiles. If you're single and your dating, think about what you're putting up. Don't go to so much effort to make it perfectly curated, because it's not actually what people are looking for anyway, Stop getting fishing. I don't even like cats anyway, I'm related.
Okay, we're gonna do one more, which I always had tube, but now we're doing three because it's fun without a cause over here. The last one, and it's because we just kind of got onto like profiles and talking about tinders and whatever else. The last one is sanitizing. Now sanitizing figure tiz into COVID. It is how you should
everyone's social distance, take care of yourself. Were gloves sanitize No, So sanitizing has nothing to do with COVID, But it has everything to do with sanitizing your social media of your ex. So, for example, if you've had a long term relationship or you've dated someone and you have photos of your ex on your Instagram and then you go back and delete every trace of their existence, you have
just sanitized your Insta. And I think you know sometimes we sanitize because we've gone through really shitty breakups and really bad relationships and we don't want to remember them and we want to completely wipe that person from our hemisphere. Sometimes we just sanitize our Instagram because we're worried about what future or potential partners might think. They might think maybe we're still in a relationship because the relationship only
recently ended. Sanitizing is a questionable thing to do.
I don't think it's very related. It's an individual totally, and it's totally relative to the situation. Like we said, if a relationship ended badly, then that kind of lends itself more to sanitizing your social media. But if you had a good relationship, why would you delete all those photos? Their memories and you've lived that experience. It's contributed to who you are as a person, and somebody who comes in your future shouldn't be threatened by the fact that
you have photos of your X on your Instagram. But again, maybe you want to sanitize to an extent, like to sanitize like one hand, maybe you want to get rid of the photos that are too lovey and dovey ll remind you of something too much and maybe you just delete a few photos that like hit a saw point. I have a friend. I have these friends that are in the most toxic relationship I have ever seen. It
is disgraceful. I'm like, I don't know, and beyond anything, I don't know why they're constantly on and off and together. I'm like, just both of you leave. You know, it's horrific, But they sanitize. It's actually funny. I keep up with them by their Instagram. They sanitize on a weekly basis. You're like, I know when they've broken up because they've just deleted their last week of photos and then they're
back together again. Yeah, they sanitize it, but they obviously just archive it because when they're good again, they put the photos back on the profile. And I'm like, it's actually ridiculous, Like delete them and break up or keep them on and say together, or break up and keep them on. I don't care, but they're on and off every week. I'm like, you're not clean.
This is called and beautiful. I'm sick of this sitcom. I want to change the channel. Like, guys, we all know what you're doing and we don't care. We're not as investing in your relationship as what you are photos. All right, Well, guys, that is it from us on this topic. We have if you, I mean, if you have some other ones for us that we haven't covered. If you have heard of a great dating terminology that you want us to throw around with, chuck in the
Facebook group, glide into our dms. These are all very controversial terms, but you know what, there's things that we've all done in relationships. They're all experiences that we've had and now we have labels for them if you ever experience it again.
Also just a bit of fun, and I think it's going to continue to evolve with evolving technology. As all these new ways of dating come up, there's gonna be new terminology, there's gonna be new things to talk about.
So yeah, as we can come up with more fucked up ways to treat each other, we'll definitely come up with more terms for it.
We'll talk to you about it, all right, guys.
You know that we never finish an episode without our suck and our suite, our highlight and our low light of each and every week.
And Brittany, you can go first. What is your suck, baby, My suck that you haven't left the bedroom. Yeah and a half, guys, the same suck as last week. Sorry, it'll be a different suck next week. I still have been in my isolation. I haven't liked my house. It's like a cesspit. It's like a sick cess pit. I feel like I need someone just come in and sanitize the whole thing. Actually I probably will do that, but that's been my suck. I've I've just really been knocked
like I've never been knocked before. My sweet, I'm going to give to my sister Sherry this week. She lives up the road from me. In bonding like you're just giving out prizes this week, my prize goes to Sherry. My prize goes to Sherry. Sherry has undoubtedly been amazing. She looked after me so much this week. She was constantly bringing me soups to try and eat because I couldn't eat for a week, and she was forcing them in. She was going and getting my scripts filled and prescriptions.
She was bringing me anything I needed. She was like, she was incredible. So my sweet goes to Sherry for sure. And she is moving away. She's moving to Queensland, so that will be my suck soon. She hasn't got a set date. She's looking for a house. So a lot of you on our stories have seen that. Sometimes I'm posting like I'm gonna miss you kind of thing, and a lot of you ask about it. Her plan is to be moving up north to start fresh up there for no reason other than you know, there's time for
a sea change. So my suck for probably the rest of the year will be like me crime myself sleep because Jordan and Sheridan and everyone, I'm not going anywhere. If you do, go with you, yeah, like we can't leave. Like, don't worry, I'll follow you. So my suck for the week, my week's been really good. I fucking love that. It's like, also, weren't allowed to do this. My only suck is that you have been sick and you have been really really out for the count and I have felt very very
bad for you. Thank you, which is the worst.
Also, when you told me that your bed is just strewn with vomit bags, I was like, that is next the.
Guys, they're clean vomit bags there on hand. Also, my suck, I'm gonna tell you my suck is.
My suck is that Brits sent a photo of her throat to me. She sent me a photo of her throat when her throat was infected, and it still makes me feel like I'm going to vomit. I'm not good with like body stuff, like if someone's sick or like like bloody or there's like weeds, I can't handle it, whereas brit lives for this because she's like so hospitalized.
But you know, when normally you have a sore throat, it's like it's like, oh, I've got a sore throat, and you're like, oh, that sucks. But when you can physically see the necrosis at the back of your throat that he's like causing a blockage, that it's black. But yeah, guys, it was disgusting.
It's like visceral for me, Like I actually, like every single time she talks about it, I am reminded by the image that I'll never get out of my head. I'm traumatized. I thought I didn't have a suck. I have a suck.
That was it? Well, you know what it is. The doctor said to me, you know what's bad when we want to keep talking about just this one thing. He knows bad when you go to the doctor and he's like whoa. He's like, oh, my actual god, and he reiterated to the point that when I got home, he messaged me and he was like, please, don't hesitate to go to emergency, Like he was worried my throat was going to close over and I was gonna die. He was like, this is extreme. She had dead, rotting flesh
in the back of her Anyway, Okay, move on. Actually, I'm glad we cock you sweet.
My sweet for the week is just Easter with the family, Like my life has changed so much and it's so strange to me that now I do Easter egg hunts with babies.
And I had a really I don't know.
I like it was my birthday the other week and I didn't mention this, but like when I was thirty, I was miserable and then turning and I had a massive party. We went to Bali and I was just having this like last week and a half, I've been having this kind of like reminisce about the fact that now that I'm thirty five, my life is so vastly different, but I'm so much happier, and how much can change
in such a short period of time. Like I've had this real like self reflection over the last couple of weeks, just how quickly things that are shitty can change to being really great. And I'm really grateful for my family, and I love that we do weird little Easter egg hunts with babies now and.
I'm just so wholesome. So it's something uffy. Yeah, it's weird.
It's weird because I am the one who thought she would never have kids and now I have two kids and I'm talking about a third.
If you ever want to hide and chocolate for me, I'm down for that.
There's someone to the table anyway. Guys, that is it from us today. We hope you love the episode. We know that it was mostly a much more lighthearted episode than what we do, except for the first half of it. Like you know, we did have that very important conversation around consent. But guys, if you have listened to every single one of our episodes or even just a few of them and love them, and you are that cheeky scallywag who hasn't gotten onto Apple and left a review yet,
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For this week.
Also, this week's Ask gun Cut is going to be a very very special one because we have Maddie Jay joining us for a male's perspective. So if you have any questions that you want to ask for a guy, make sure you tune into this this episode of Asphalt.
And this will Actually we've had many day on a few times, but usually filter in when one of us is sick or away for an ask on card. This will be our first one where it's going to be the three of us. It's a menajatur and is a Pi bangerous theorem, is it. It's such a nerve burger. Let's just finish this.
Tell your mom, tell your dad, tell your friends, tell your cat, to your dog, and tell everyone and shed the love because we love that